Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Research shows that between 0.5% to 5% of the general US population have narcissistic personality disorder in the U.S., with a greater prevalence in men than women. However, multitudes are affected by a controlling tactic that many narcissists use called DARVO.

“DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It describes a manipulative tactic often used by abusers to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and shift the blame onto their victims,” explains Avigail Lev, PsyD, founder of Bay Area CBT Center and CBTonline.

We’ll discuss what DARVO looks like, its impact on victims, and how to protect yourself if it’s being used against you.

What Does DARVO Look Like?

Knowing the definition of DARVO is one thing; understanding what signs to look for in your relationship is another. Experts say there are specific characteristics to look for to determine if someone is manipulating you in this way.

Denial

Someone adamantly denies being wrong and won’t acknowledge wrong behaviors. A person using this tactic will not only say they are not abusive but will minimize your feelings. If they tell you, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You’re making too much of this,” that’s another way to deny the wrong behavior and its impact on you.

Attack

The accused person becomes aggressive, arguing that they are not in the wrong. They also seek to cast doubt on you as the person who is questioning their behavior.

Instead of just refusing to accept responsibility for abusive behavior, this person is actively working to make it look like you are the one who is in the wrong. “Abusers attack the credibility, character, or motives of the victim. They may use insults, threats, gaslighting, or manipulation to discredit the victim’s account of the abuse,” notes Dr. Lev.

Reverse Victim and Offender

The abuser tries to switch roles, arguing that they are the real victim and making the victim look like the offender. The abuser may claim to be unfairly accused, then say that you are making accusations to cover up your own behavior. This attempt to shift blame helps the abuser be seen in a more positive light while inflicting mental and emotional pain on the person already experiencing abuse.

In addition, an abuser will gaslight the victim, making that person wonder if they are crazy or think that what they are experiencing is not actually abuse. An abuser will also likely deflect, trying to switch gears and remove attention from the problematic behavior.

“By denying their actions, attacking the person confronting them, and flipping the roles of victim and offender, the narcissist effectively redirects attention away from their own actions, often causing doubt in the victim’s claims,” notes Bayu Prihandito, founder of Life Architekture and certified psychology expert.

“The psychology behind DARVO is rooted in a strong need for self-preservation and control. They will often employ this strategy to protect their ego and maintain their desired self-image at all costs,” he adds.

Impact of DARVO

Abusers who use DARVO methods on their victims often achieve the intended results. Studies show that when people saw one person using DARVO tactics on another, the victim was viewed as “less believable,” while the perpetrator was seen as “less abusive and less responsible.” As you can imagine, dealing with that level of manipulation day in and day out takes a massive toll on its victims—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

“DARVO negatively impacts the victim’s mental health because they internalize the false narrative that they are the perpetrator and that the problems in the relationship or abuse are their fault. They convince themselves that they are the cause of their own mistreatment, leading to feelings of self-blame and self-doubt,” Dr. Lev says.

“Being subjected to repeated manipulation through DARVO can lead to … anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, a sense of powerlessness, and narcissistic abuse syndrome as well as pseudo identity/personality, where the victim develops a pseudo personality that echoes and repeats the narcissist’s false self- their grandiose narrative of themselves,” she states.

DARVO survivors also experience post-traumatic stress disorder. The abusive behavior can leave victims feeling isolated and unable to cope, especially when reversing the victim and offender leads to a continual cycle of abuse.

How to Protect Yourself Against DARVO

Once you learn more about DARVO and think you may be the victim of this manipulative tactic, you can take steps to help yourself.

• Educate yourself. Know what signs to look for. When you understand the pattern that DARVO abusers use, you can see it coming. You’ll be able to recognize their tactics and be able to better control and manage your emotions when it happens. “Once recognized, this pattern becomes more predictable and quickly loses some of its power and influence,” Prihandito notes.
• Stand up for yourself. Clearly name what it happening, what you will allow, and what you will not allow.
• Learn what healthy communication looks like in a relationship. Along with saying what you won’t put up with, make sure the abuser knows what you expect.
• Find a support group. Friends and family members can give you the encouragement that you need. “Having a strong support network can help you validate your experiences and counteract the effects of DARVO,” adds Dr. Lev.
• Document your experience. “Keep a record of the abusive incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions. This can also include recordings or videos if your state allows,” Dr. Lev states.
• Get professional help. Mental health professionals who are familiar with and understand narcissistic abuse can be pivotal in your healing journey. “There are a number of therapeutic resources for individuals dealing with DARVO, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and trauma-focused therapy. I would recommend victims to work directly with a licensed professional who can provide customized strategies to cope and heal from this trauma,” says Prihandito. 

Ultimately, what’s most important is that if you are a victim of DARVO, you realize it is not your fault. Confront the reality of what happened and your experience. Seek the help you need to end the cycle of manipulative behavior and heal physically, mentally, and emotionally.

“Victims find it incredibly difficult to come to terms with the fact that the abuse was intentional the entire time. They must accept this in order to break free,” Dr. Lev concludes.

Bill and Melinda Gates. Hugh Jackman and Debora-Lee Jackman. Rhea Perlman and Danny Devito. What do any of these couples have in common? They’re all divorced after decades-long marriages. See, there’s this growing trend of older couples calling it quits. And the research backs this up too—a 2021 report by the U.S. Census Bureau found that more and more couples over the age of 65 are divorcing, after being married for years, if not decades.

Why are older couples—after spending nearly half of their lives together—ending their relationships? This phenomenon, dubbed “gray divorce,” is one explanation for the growing number of single-person US households. 

What Is a Gray Divorce?

Why are so many older couples getting divorced? Whereas younger couples divorce because of incompatible parenting styles or difficult relatives, older divorcees are more likely to split due to empty nest syndrome, infidelity, and financial differences. Instead of fighting over custody of the kids, elderly couples are more likely to argue over pension plans and retirement savings. Divorce can take a massive financial toll, and older adults who are closer to retirement age—or already retired—have less time to recover.

How Common Is Gray Divorce?

One 2022 study looking at historical trends in gray divorce found that divorce rates among middle-aged and older adults have increased since 1970. Gray divorce was relatively uncommon in 1970 and grew only modestly until 1990. In 1990, 8.7% of marriages among people over age 50 ended in divorce. By 2019, that number had grown to 36%.

The researchers also noted that people over the age of 65 are the only age group with growing divorce rates. In contrast, the divorce rate among adults in their 20s and 30s has actually declined in recent years.

Other factors that increase the risk for gray divorce include the number of previous marriages and the number of years a person has been married. Remarriages are less likely to last, and people who have been married nine years or less are more likely to divorce.

While length of marriage is a risk factor for gray divorce, many couples who split after the age of 50 have been in marriages lasting decades. According to statistics by the Pew Research Center, 34% of gray divorces are between couples married for at least 30 years, and 12% are between couples married 40 years or longer.

Factors Contributing to Gray Divorce

So why are many couples opting to split after weathering many of the challenges they’ve faced earlier in their relationship? The reasons why a long-term couple opts for divorce vary from one situation to the next. Some common factors that appear to play a major role include:

Empty Nest Syndrome

Kids leaving the home can create a big shift in a relationship, sometimes resulting in what is commonly called “empty nest syndrome.” Couples may find that once their children no longer live at home, they have little in common outside of their roles as parents. This can make it hard to find closeness and connection, leading many adults to seek fulfillment outside their relationship.

“For many couples, the children have been the source of their connection,” says Kimberley Best, RN, MA, a dispute resolution expert and founder of Best Conflict Solutions. “When the children are gone, some couples realize they have drifted apart and no longer have shared interests or a strong connection.”

Financial Issues

Arguments over money can become more pronounced as couples near retirement age. It becomes harder to find common ground and maintain the peace, as people contemplate leaving the workforce. Financial infidelity—such as hiding bills, large purchases, debts, or secret bank accounts—can also affect the stability of a long-term marriage.

Infidelity

Cheating is one of the most common reasons for divorce at any age, including among older couples. Infidelity is a bitter betrayal. After spending a lifetime building shared memories with another person, watching it crumble down due to unfaithfulness can make it too difficult to repair the trust and intimacy a couple once shared.

Health Problems

Health challenges like a serious chronic condition can majorly strain a relationship. Some couples find that they’re unable to handle health issues that emerge as they age.

Growing Apart

One of the most significant causes of gray divorce is the changes people experience as they age. Growing apart is the most frequently cited reason for divorce at any age. For older adults specifically, aging represents a big change, and people’s priorities, interests, and needs may shift as they grow older.

Some couples might grow closer during this time, but others might find their values and priorities too different, leading some couples to choose separate paths.

Changing Expectations

Our expectations for what we consider a healthy, satisfying marriage have also changed over time. Today, couples are more likely to place a greater emphasis on how the relationship makes them feel, including whether it contributes to their overall happiness and fulfillment. When a relationship or a person’s needs shift, it may no longer meet these criteria, which is why some people may opt to end things.

Societal Changes

Societal changes have also influenced this relationship upheaval. Older adults were often raised with the expectation that they would marry, have children, and grow old together. Today, many now recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all path to a happy life, and women have more freedom and financial independence to past generations. 

“The majority of all divorces are initiated by women, and this is true for gray divorce as well,” explains Kate Engler, LMFT, CST, a licensed couples and sex therapist at Three Points Relationships. “In the last 50 years, women have gained greater economic independence and have held and maintained their own careers. This has created more options for women on many fronts, including deciding to divorce.”

As a result, people are less likely to stay in marriages that don’t meet their needs, even if it means calling it quits after spending decades together.  Engler notes that other factors such as increased life expectancy have also played a part. 

“With increased life expectancy, many people—particularly women—look down the road at what remains of their life and think, ‘Why would I want to spend these years in a bad marriage? I still have a life to live, and I want to be happy,'” she adds.

Financial Considerations in Gray Divorce

It’s important to note that divorce can have serious financial consequences for couples that end their marriages later in life.

“Gray divorce can be financially devastating to both parties,” Best explains. “Often people are saving for a joint retirement. This will likely be split with divorce, leaving people with far less income than they anticipated.”

While divorce has economic impacts at any age, some considerations that are particularly significant for middle-aged and older adults include:

• Dividing assets: This involves splitting up financial resources, possessions, and property that have been accumulated over the course of a marriage. This can include the shared home and any savings, investments, pensions, and other personal possessions. Laws about how these assets are divided vary by state, so they may become the source of considerable contention.
• Retirement savings: Splitting retirement savings can affect how much each person has available to support themselves during retirement. 
• Healthcare costs: Gray divorce can also affect healthcare expenses. One spouse may lose access to insurance benefits previously provided by their partner, which can be a significant concern for older adults with increased health concerns.
• Housing and legal expenses: Other costs associated with divorce, including housing expenses and legal fees, can add up quickly.

Gray Divorce Can Reduce Financial Security

Evidence indicates that a late-life divorce has a major effect on an individual’s financial situation and well-being. For example, research has shown that gray divorcees have less financial security than their married or widowed peers.

While both men and women take a significant financial hit, evidence indicates there is a gender disparity in these effects. This risk is particularly high for gray divorced women, as they receive lower Social Security benefits, and 25% of them experience poverty.

On the societal level, older couples who divorce can create challenges for an already strained housing market. Finding housing that is affordable, accessible, and safe for the needs of an aging population can be particularly difficult.

Emotional and Psychological Impact of Gray Divorce

Gray divorce also has profound emotional effects. It’s a significant life change at any age, but this transition can be especially difficult when it happens after a long-term marriage. Elderhood is often a point where many people feel settled but gray divorces can have their sense of security upended.

Grief and Loss

It’s normal for people to feel a sense of grief and loss when they let go of a shared connection and the dreams and hopes they once shared together. For some, the loss of what was one of the most significant relationships in their life can feel very much like experiencing the death of a loved one.

Engler explains that people often experience what is known as “ambiguous loss,” characterized by feelings of grief. This loss is considered ambiguous because while the person is still out there, they are no longer present in your life.

Stress, Anxiety, and Depression

The mental health effects of gray divorce are also important to consider. Some people experience a sense of renewal and freedom as they let go of a relationship that no longer serves them. Others, particularly those who didn’t initiate the divorce, may be left struggling with feelings of stress, anxiety, or depression.

“When a lifetime partnership ends, they must find a way to readjust and rethink what brings them meaning, purpose, and connection,” explains Michelle Feng, MD, Chief Clinical Officer at the behavioral healthcare team of Executive Mental Health. “Divorce can take away some of the built in structure of interacting with others that occurs as a couple and a family. Without it, we can feel aimless, not a part of the rest of society, and lonely.”

Loss of Identity

A loss of identity might also be a consequence of gray divorce. People are forced to grapple with changes to their sense of self and find ways to redefine themselves outside of their marriage. A person’s self-esteem and self-worth can also take a hit. They may be left struggling with feelings of inadequacy and rejection.

Loneliness and Isolation

Older adults are particularly at risk for experiencing loneliness as they grow older, and that risk can be heightened following a late-life divorce. One report found that one-third of people over age 45 and one-quarter of those over 65 are considered socially isolated.

Engler notes that loneliness is a problem she sees often in her own practice, particularly among men. “They typically focused their time and energy on work throughout their lives, often letting friendships lapse or they leaned heavily on their wives to maintain their social life,” she says. “Once divorced, they find themselves without the skills or confidence to do it on their own.”

Social isolation and loneliness are linked to a higher risk for health problems, including dementia, coronary artery disease, and stroke.

Health Effects

Gray divorce can also have a range of health effects. In general, marriage is associated with better health and greater longevity. Married people tend to be healthier and live longer than their unmarried counterparts.

In such instances, a low-quality marriage may actually lead to worse health outcomes. For people in unhealthy relationships, ending the marriage may ultimately have a positive impact on overall health and well-being.

Maintaining Health and Wellness During Gray Divorce

Gray divorce can be a major transition, but there are steps you can take to help maintain your health and well-being if you decide to split from your partner later in life.

Feng stresses that separation and divorce are highly personal. “Don’t let the statistics make you afraid or drive you in a way that is not in line with what you want to do,” she says. “It is easier now to get a divorce, although still difficult financially. But like any great lifestyle change, it will require a period of adjustment.”

The experts we spoke to suggest taking the following steps to protect your well-being and help you thrive following a divorce:

Find Support

Having the support of friends and family is pivotal. Loneliness is a common problem for older single adults, so maintaining social connections outside of your marriage can help mitigate this risk.

Give Yourself Time

While divorce is difficult at any age, ending a long-term relationship might be harder to process. Give yourself time and grace as you navigate these complex emotions. It’s normal to feel grief, sadness, anger, bitterness, and relief.

Set Boundaries

Create and maintain boundaries with your ex, as well as with kids and friends who may feel the need to express their opinions about the end of your relationship. 

Practice Self-Care

The sudden change in your routine, relationships, and living situation can throw a wrench into your normal self-care routine. That’s why it is important to make an effort to maintain routines and stick with your self-care goals.

Talk to a Financial Counselor

Because financial and economic changes are common after a gray divorce, consider talking to a financial professional. They can help you develop a budget appropriate for your new financial situation and help manage debt, so you’re better prepared for your financial future. 

Manage Stress

Divorce is stressful, and dealing with the changes you’re experiencing can sometimes make it hard to cope. Look for relaxation techniques that can help combat symptoms of stress. Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga, mindfulness, and meditation are just a few you might try.

Cultivate New Connections

The reality is that your relationships will likely change after a gray divorce. You may spend less time with many of your shared friends or even lose those relationships altogether. That’s why it’s so important to seek out new social connections as you rebuild your life as a single person. This can involve making new friends, or it might even include eventually dating again, whether that involves casual dating or seeking a new long-term partner.

Resources and Support for Gray Divorcees

While divorce signifies the end of one of the most significant and long-lasting relationships in your life, that doesn’t mean that you need to go it alone. There are a variety of resources and support networks that can help gray divorcees navigate the challenges that come from these later-in-life events.

“Finding support and community are critical during and after a divorce,” Engler says. “Find a therapist. Find a support group. Find other people who have experienced divorce, understand what you have been through, and don’t judge you.”

A few options include:

Family and Friends

Friends, family, and loved ones can be one of your most powerful forms of support. In addition to offering practical assistance and guidance (since they may have experience with their own divorces), trusted friends and family members can also be a source of companionship and emotional support.

Mental Health Professionals

For divorcees struggling with the aftereffects of a divorce, a licensed mental health professional can be a valuable source of insight and support. Talking to a therapist can help you process your emotions, develop new coping strategies, and make a plan for how to deal with some of the challenges you will face during and after a divorce.

Financial Advisors

Since gray divorce has significant financial implications, it’s important to work with a qualified financial planner or advisor. Look for someone with experience advising divorced clients, so you can receive the best possible guidance on how to budget, plan for retirement, and manage your debts.

Legal Experts

Talk to a divorce attorney to learn more about your legal rights and obligations as you navigate your divorce. Best also recommends seeking help from a mediator/conflict manager to resolve disputes that arise during a gray divorce. 

“Mediation is a confidential, blame-free, nonjudgmental way to be heard, to listen to the underlying needs, and to try to design a way forward that works for both parties and their circles of influence,” she explains. “If you decide being apart is best, you can work together with a mediator to decide how to do that.”

Support Groups

Look in your area or check online for a divorce support group. You might join a more general group or one that is specifically geared toward older adults. This can be a great way to learn from others, gain validation, and build a sense of community with people who have similar experiences.

Online Resources

You may also find it helpful to explore online articles, forums, and organizations that offer information and advice regarding gray divorce. Reading stories about other people’s experiences can be a helpful way to learn from the lived experiences of others who have been in the same place as you.

If you’re dating an introvert, you may be struggling to understand your partner and their preferences—especially if you’re an extrovert and in the early stages of the relationship. To non-introverted people, introvert dating can be a bit perplexing. After all, introverts are polar opposites of extroverts.

Where an extrovert enjoys large parties and going out, introverts might prefer a quiet evening with close friends. And while extroverts enjoy spending lots of time in social situations an introvert will become fatigued and need time to recharge after time spent in social settings. As a result, if you’re an extrovert, a lot of what an introvert does will not make sense to you.

Plus, it’s very easy to misinterpret their need for alone time as an indicator that they are just not that into you. To keep you from making false assumptions, it’s important that you know what makes an introvert tick when it comes to dating relationships. Here’s what you need to know if you’re dating an introvert.

What It’s Like Dating an Introvert

Before you can fully understand what dating an introvert means, you need to know what introversion is—and what it isn’t. Overall, introversion is a personality trait where the person focuses more on internal feelings rather than on external sources of stimulation.

Typically, people who are introverted have a small group of close friends, enjoy solitude, and find large groups or parties draining at times. They also are very self-aware, enjoy observing people and situations, and are drawn to careers that foster independence. Introverts like to be alone because they require a lower amount of social stimulation.

When it comes to introversion, there also are a number of different misconceptions despite the fact that introverts make up about one-third to one-half of the world’s population.

In fact, many introverts report being misunderstood. When they are quiet, people often assume that something must be wrong or that they are angry or depressed. Sometimes people may even feel that they are standoffish or aloof.

Instead, most introverts may be quiet, simply because they don’t feel the need to be the center of attention. They prefer to observe their environment and the people around them. And, they are usually more reserved in what they share about themselves with other people preferring to get to know someone before opening up.

What’s more, introversion is not an oddity or a weakness. Both introversion and extraversion have been identified in almost every species of the animal kingdom including even fruit flies.

For instance, there are fruit flies that will sit quietly in one place while others will roam around and explore their environment. Some researchers believe that each approach provides a unique survival strategy and is vital depending on the situation. The same is true for humans.

Sometimes it is beneficial to be an extrovert and sometimes it is beneficial to be an introvert. Both personality traits have value and importance.

Understanding this fact is essential because it keeps you from assuming that one personality trait is preferred over the other. Instead, just accept that extroverts and introverts are different.

Characteristics of Introvert Dating

In order to become more understanding when dating an introvert, it is important to first know more about the characteristics of introversion. These traits can have a significant impact on how introverts respond in dating relationships.

When it comes to identifying introversion, it’s important not to confuse shyness with introversion. While it is true that some introverted people might be shy, shyness is not a defining characteristic of an introverted person.

In fact, there are plenty of introverted people who are outgoing. If you want to know what an introverted person is like, it can be helpful to explore some of the key characteristics that introverted people often display:

• Tend to be very observant and process things at a deep level
• Embrace solitude and crave time alone
• Prefer processing their thoughts internally rather than by talking them out
• Choose to share personal information with only a select few
• Prefer writing, texting, and other forms of written communication over talking
• Display less demonstrative emotions than their extroverted counterparts
• Recharge their batteries by retreating and spending time alone
• Become exhausted and over-stimulated by large groups of people
• Feel most alive and invigorated in quiet environments
• Have a small circle of close friends rather than a large circle of friends
• Are great listeners and get to know people on a deep level
• Take extra time to understand ideas before moving on to new ones
• Desire meaningful interactions rather than small talk

Of course, if your partner is unsure, one way to learn more about one another is to take a personality test together or learn about your love languages.

You could try taking the Myers Briggs Personality Test, the Enneagram, or the Big Five. The key is that you both learn what you can about one another so that you can be sensitive to how your partner operates, their preferences, and their needs in a relationship.

Try Our Extrovert Introvert Quiz

For a fast and free quiz option, try our extrovert introvert test to see where you and your partner fall on the spectrum.

This quiz was reviewed by David Susman, PhD.

Tips for Dating an Introvert

If you discover that you are dating an introvert and you are an extrovert or an ambivert—or even if you also are an introvert—it can be helpful to know how to approach dating with an introvert.

From selecting the ideal date options to giving them their space, dating an introvert doesn’t have to be challenging if you know what your partner might prefer. Here are some tips to get you started.

Accept Them

Too many times, people try to change the person they are dating instead of accepting them for who they are. If you’re dating an introvert, try not to judge who they are or pressure them into being someone they are not. Instead, appreciate what your partner has to offer.

Introverts provide the opportunity for their dating partner to slow down, reflect on things, and become more introspective. Likewise, if you’re an extrovert, you can provide your partner with the opportunity to try new things and meet new people.

In fact, many introverts do very extroverted things. They also like hanging out with people. The difference is that the introvert will need time alone to recharge afterward and an extrovert will not.

Be a Safe Person

Your introverted partner is more likely to open up and share their innermost thoughts when they not only feel that they will be listened to but also that you are a safe person to share personal details with.

If they feel like they have to constantly compete with you when it comes to talking or if you do all the talking, they will simply listen and not share much.

Make sure you are communicating that they are valuable and important by taking some of the focus off yourself and truly listening to what they have to say. With time, you may discover that your introverted partner is altruistic and thoughtful with a quirky sense of humor.

Make an Authentic Connection

Instead of focusing on doing all the right things in a relationship like calling at the right time, texting consistently, and saying the right things, focus on making a meaningful connection with your partner.

In fact, most introverts desire thoughtful, interesting conversations about something of interest to them.

If you’re not sure what their interests are, ask them. Or if you would prefer, share your passions or your goals. Introverts want a mind-to-mind connection where you share your inner world with them including what makes you tick.You also could try asking your partner questions.

Many introverts will share their thoughts and feelings in response to questions rather than volunteering information. So, be patient and ask your partner.

Just be sure to actually listen to what they have to say and avoid pressuring them if they are uncomfortable answering or feel like they don’t have an answer yet.

Pick Appropriate Dates

Knowing that your introverted partner prefers more intimate gatherings or quiet evenings, make sure you choose your dates accordingly, especially in the beginning.

For instance, instead of dragging your partner to a work happy hour event where they will know no one, invite them to have coffee or dinner with you. Take them to a movie, go on a hike, or feed their intellectual side in some way.

After dating for awhile, your introverted partner will be more likely to attend parties with you. But in the beginning, you may want to suggest dates that won’t be overwhelming or impersonal.

After all, how much can you really get to know someone at a work happy hour when your attention will be divided any way?

Look for Compromises

Knowing that introverts get weary at big parties or events with lots of people, look for ways you can compromise in these situations. For instance, maybe you agree ahead of time how long you will stay or perhaps you drive separately so that your partner can leave early if they are feeling drained.

Although you may prefer that they ride out the entire event with you, it is unfair to put those demands on your introverted partner. Besides going and leaving early is better than not going at all.

Keep the lines of communication open too so that you can determine what works best for your relationship. Some couples agree that twice a month they will do something the extrovert enjoys and twice a month they will do something the introvert enjoys. Meanwhile, other couples come up with a code word to use when they are at crowded events.

This way, the introverted partner can signal to the other that they have reached their limit and they are ready to leave. Having this word allows them to bow out of the situation early without making a scene or drawing a lot of attention to themselves.

Get Comfortable With Silence

Try not to take it personally if your introverted partner needs time to decompress and be alone. In fact, it’s not uncommon for introverted dating partners to prefer not to spend every day together. This need for solitude is almost never about you personally and more about their need to manage the amount of stimulation they have going on in their lives.

Rest assured that once they feel refreshed and revitalized they will be open to spending more time together.

It’s also important to note that sometimes introverts would just rather keep things to themselves—especially if something is bothering them. Unlike extroverts who often process their feelings by talking about them, introverts prefer to process these things internally and make sense of how they are feeling and why before sharing it with another person.

If you find that your partner does this, be patient and give them the space they need. Eventually, they will share what’s on their mind.

Highlight Your Partner’s Strengths

Instead of focusing on what you don’t understand about introversion, focus on what you admire about your partner’s personality type. For instance, if you admire the fact that your partner is so comfortable being alone without feeling lonely, point that out to them.

Or, perhaps you like the fact that they are slow to speak but when they do they offer deep and insightful opinions. Make sure they know that.

Consequently, be sure you are regularly reminding your introverted partner what you love most about their personality. By nature, many introverts are loving, compassionate, and supportive. So, there’s a good chance that they also see many things in you that they admire as well.

Final Thoughts

Remember, introversion exists along a continuum. So, no two people are exactly the same—even two introverts won’t be exactly the same. For this reason, you need to avoid developing an either or view of your partner’s introversion because if you do, you will miss all the nuances that make your partner unique.

Instead, establish good communication habits in your relationship. By continuing to discuss what you both want and need in the relationship, appreciating your differences, honoring your needs, and striving to compromise, you will experience a healthier and more successful dating relationship.