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Defense mechanisms are methods people use to cope with feelings of stress or anxiety. These methods can vary widely in their degree of helping or potentially causing further harm. For most people, defense mechanisms are unconscious behaviors.

Identifying and recognizing adaptive and maladaptive defense mechanisms, as well as their root causes or triggers, can help you understand and care for yourself better.

Sigmund Freud, the renowned psychoanalyst, was the first person to propose the idea of defense mechanisms. Freud believed people unconsciously used defense mechanisms to help protect themselves from difficult or uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, or situations.

Types of Defense Mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are sometimes broadly classified into either primitive defenses or mature defenses. Mature defense mechanisms are more adaptive, and primitive defenses are less adaptive.

Primitive Defense Mechanisms

Primitive defense mechanisms are the first to occur developmentally and include regression, denial, splitting, projection, fixation, fantasy, identification, passive aggression, rationalization, reaction formation, idealization, and acting out.

Primitive mechanisms are sometimes further broken down into either neurotic or immature defenses. Neurotic defenses include intellectualization, undoing, repression, dissociation, reaction formation, and displacement.

Examples of immature defense mechanisms include denial, rationalization, projection, splitting, and acting out.

Mature Defense Mechanisms

Mature defense mechanisms may be more helpful and inflict less harm upon yourself and others. The mature defenses involve accepting reality even if it is disliked. Uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and situations are interpreted and addressed in less threatening forms instead of being denied.

Common Defense Mechanisms

In the early twentieth century, Anna Freud, the daughter of Sigmund Freud, highlighted ten of the most common defense mechanisms people use. Psychoanalysts are constantly expanding on this number. Here’s a breakdown of the most common types of defense mechanisms people use.

Avoidance 

Avoidance is a defense mechanism people use to avoid handling a problem at hand. With avoidance, you’ll dismiss any uncomfortable or negative thoughts or feelings without trying to understand them.

You might also avoid people or places that make you uncomfortable to the extent that it disrupts your personal life. 

In the long run, avoidance may not be a sustainable solution and can compound a stressful situation. If it is safe and possible to do so, addressing and resolving a stressful situation directly can be more helpful. Using drugs or alcohol to circumvent dealing with your feelings or a difficult situation is also a form of avoidance.

Denial 

Denial is used to avoid dealing with a stressful or overwhelming situation. When a person is in denial, they refuse to accept the reality of their situation.

If you’ve just received shocking or life-changing news, denial can give you some time to come to terms with your new reality. However, if you remain in a state of denial, it could disrupt your life by keeping you disconnected from reality.

Projection

Projection is an unconscious act of taking unwanted emotions or traits you don’t like or refuse to accept about yourself and attributing them to someone else. For instance, a person who is cheating might suspect or accuse their partner of cheating.

Projection tends to be rooted in all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking, where people view things as either all-good or all-bad. 

Researchers have found that this type of defense mechanism tends to emerge during adolescence. In many cases, people use it less frequently as they begin to develop more mature defense mechanisms.

Distortion 

Distortion is the misinterpretation of your environment to see what you want to see, the way you want to see it. Your unconscious brain may seek out data that supports your beliefs and ignores evidence against it to protect your ego so you can perceive yourself as right or good instead of having made a mistake.

Delusions, like most defense mechanisms, show up in ways that range from adaptive to maladaptive. A person might have an adaptive delusion when they read and believe in horoscopes, picking out only what’s true for them, and being amazed that they are so accurate—while ignoring or dismissing anything from the horoscope that does not resonate with them.

An example of a maladaptive delusion could be a person denying COVID-19 exists and refusing to wear a mask to prevent the spread of the illness. They may find information to support their belief, and ignore all evidence that suggests otherwise—even to the detriment to their own or a loved one’s health.

Repression 

With repression, a person will block out painful or overwhelming feelings and emotions in situations where they experience them. You often have no control over the thoughts and emotions you repress. 

Repressed memories or feelings don’t just disappear, however. During therapy, or in certain unsuspecting moments, you might find yourself uncovering them. A person who was abused by their parents as a child, for instance, may repress the memories and be unaware of them as an adult, insisting their parents were wonderful and never hurt them.

Suppression, on the other hand, is a conscious and intentional form of repression where you choose not to interact with or talk about distressing thoughts, feelings, or situations. You are aware of them, but you may put off addressing them until a later time. The ways suppression may be used can range from maladaptive to adaptive.

Identification

Identification involves a person adopting the thoughts and behaviors of a person who has power over them. In many identification cases, the person using it as a coping mechanism is being abused.

A great example of identification is in people who have Stockholm Syndrome. In such cases, they form an emotional bond with their captor or abuser and adapt their negative traits and behaviors.

Intellectualization 

With intellectualization, people use reason, logic, and facts to avoid uncomfortable feelings or situations. Many times, people use intellectualization to avoid dealing with their emotions. For instance, they might justify cheating on a test because they needed the grade to graduate. 

Regression 

Regression involves an individual coping with a traumatic, stressful, or anxiety-provoking situation by returning to an earlier developmental stage, or going psychologically back to a period in time.

For instance, a child who was abused and has been potty trained might start bedwetting again. It’s possible for regression to occur at any stage of your life.

Sublimation 

Sublimation, in many cases, is a positive defense mechanism. People who use it as a defense mechanism will substitute their more aggressive or problematic impulses with healthier and more positive alternatives.

For instance, a person who has been feeling a lot of pent-up anger and frustration might start playing a contact sport like football to channel these emotions healthily.

Dissociation 

Dissociation involves disconnecting from yourself and your own thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity. It often happens in response to a traumatic situation, like when a person is being abused. Like all defense mechanisms, forms of dissociation can range from mild to extreme.

Symptoms of dissociation may include having an out-of-body experience (which may happen during extreme physical violence such as rape or assault), feeling like you’re a different person, feeling emotionally or physically numb or detached, and not feeling any pain. “Zoning out” is a very mild form of dissociation.

A person who frequently uses dissociation as a defense mechanism might develop a dissociative disorder. If you have a dissociative disorder, you’ll have no control over the situations and scenarios you dissociate from.  Dissociation often happens unconsciously.

Displacement 

Displacement involves taking out difficult feelings, frustrations, and impulses on a less threatening person or object. For example, someone who is yelled at by their boss and has a bad day at work might not say anything directly to their boss. However, they may come home and yell at or take their frustrations out on their child.

Why People Use Defense Mechanisms 

Many defense mechanisms happen unconsciously as attempts to protect your ego and to avoid uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, or impulses. They can range from mild to extreme and maladaptive to adaptive.

People who have been abused and have mental health conditions like anxiety and depression often use defense mechanisms to cope in their day-to-day lives. While using defense mechanisms in the short term might make you feel good, you should avoid them as often as you can. 

When You Might Need Help 

If you find that you are routinely falling back on defense mechanisms to cope even in the slightest of uncomfortable situations, you might need help.

Help for people who depend on defense mechanisms is often therapy. In therapy, you’ll be equipped with the means to develop adaptive ways to deal with stressful, uncomfortable, or overwhelming situations.

If your unconscious usage of defense mechanisms results in significant functional impairment, you may want to consult with a psychiatrist or physician to explore how medication may help.

The dependent variable is the variable that is being measured or tested in an experiment. This is different than the independent variable, which is a variable that stands on its own. For example, in a study looking at how tutoring impacts test scores, the dependent variable would be the participants’ test scores since that is what is being measured and the independent variable would be tutoring.

Learn how to tell the difference between dependent and independent variables. We also share how dependent variables are selected in research and a few examples to increase your understanding of how these variables are used in real-life studies.

Independent vs. Dependent Variable

In a psychology experiment, researchers study how changes in one variable (the independent variable) change another variable (the dependent variable). Manipulating independent variables and measuring the effect on dependent variables allows researchers to draw conclusions about cause-and-effect relationships.

These experiments can range from simple to quite complicated, so it can sometimes be a bit confusing to know how to identify the independent vs. dependent variables. Here are a couple of questions to ask to help you learn which is which.

Which Variable Is the Experimenter Measuring?

Keep in mind that the dependent variable is the one being measured. So, if the experiment is trying to see how one variable affects another, the variable that is being affected is the dependent variable.

In many psychology experiments and studies, the dependent variable is a measure of a certain aspect of a participant’s behavior. In an experiment looking at how sleep affects test performance, for instance, the dependent variable would be test performance.

Which Variable Does the Experimenter Manipulate?

The independent variable is “independent” because the experimenters are free to vary it as they need. This might mean changing the amount, duration, or type of variable that the participants in the study receive as a treatment or condition.

For example, it’s common for treatment-based studies to have some subjects receive a certain treatment while others receive no treatment at all (often called a sham or placebo treatment). In this case, the treatment is an independent variable because it is the one being manipulated or changed.

How to Choose a Dependent Variable

How do researchers determine what will be a good dependent variable? There are a few key features a scientist might consider.

Stability

Stability is often a good sign of a higher-quality dependent variable. If the experiment is repeated with the same participants, conditions, and experimental manipulations, the effects on the dependent variable should be very close to what they were the first time around.

Complexity

A researcher might also choose dependent variables based on the complexity of their study. While some studies only have one dependent variable and one independent variable, it is possible to have several of each type.

Researchers might also want to learn how changes in a single independent variable affect several dependent variables. For example, imagine an experiment where a researcher wants to learn how the messiness of a room influences people’s creativity levels.

This research might also want to see how the messiness of a room might influence a person’s mood. The messiness of a room would be the independent variable and the study would have two dependent variables: level of creativity and mood.

Ability to Operationalize

Operationalization is defined as “translating a construct into its manifestation.” In simple terms, it refers to how a variable will be measured. So, a good dependent variable is one that you are able to measure.

If measuring burnout, for instance, researchers might decide to use the Maslach Burnout Inventory. If measuring depression, they could use the Patient Health Questionnaire-9 (PHQ-9).

Dependent Variable Examples

When learning to identify the dependent variables in an experiment, it can be helpful to look at examples. Here are just a few dependent variable examples in psychology research.

• How does the amount of time spent studying influence test scores? The test scores would be the dependent variable and the amount of studying would be the independent variable. The researcher could also change the independent variable by instead evaluating how age or gender influences test scores.
• How does stress influence memory? The dependent variable might be scores on a memory test and the independent variable might be exposure to a stressful task.
• How does a specific therapeutic technique influence the symptoms of psychological disorders? In this case, the dependent variable might be defined as the severity of the symptoms a patient is experiencing, while the independent variable would be the use of a specific therapy method.
• Does listening to classical music help students perform better on a math exam? The scores on the math exams are the dependent variable and classical music is the independent variable.
• How long does it take people to respond to different sounds? The length of time it takes participants to respond to a sound is the dependent variable, while the sounds are the independent variable.
• Do first-born children learn to speak at a younger age than second-born children? In this example, the dependent variable is the age at which the child learns to speak and the independent variable is whether the child is first- or second-born.
• How does alcohol use influence reaction time while driving? The amount of alcohol a participant ingests is the independent variable, while their performance on the driving test is the dependent variable.

A person who is demisexual experiences sexual attraction only when they feel a true emotional bond with another person.

In other words, a demisexual person may not feel sexually attracted to a person they randomly see at a coffee shop, but if they were to start talking to that person and form an emotional connection, they might then become sexually attracted to them over time.

History of the Term ‘Demisexual’

The earliest instance of the term demisexual dates back to 2006, when it was coined in the Asexuality Visibility & Education Network forums.

By 2008, the word ‘demisexuality’ had become more mainstream in the modern lexicon, likely as a result of others closely identifying with the term. Even some dating websites allow users to select ‘demisexual’ as their sexual orientation.

“We are now learning that being open to fluidity with respect to lifestyle and preference is the best approach,” said Dr. Margaret Seide, a board-certified psychiatrist and faculty member at New York University.

When Does Someone Who Identifies as Demisexual Become Physically Attracted to Someone?

While it’s true that many people do want to experience an emotional connection to another person before engaging in any sort of sexual intimacy, this isn’t considered the same thing as being demisexual.

The difference is that those who identify as demisexual cannot feel attracted to people they don’t already have an emotional bond with or know on a deeper level. For example, a demisexual person wouldn’t find themselves attracted to a famously “sexy” celebrity or even a classically attractive person on the street—in other words, they tend not to feel that same intensity or longing the way others might.

Another way to look at it—a demisexual person doesn’t feel sexual attraction toward someone until they’ve bonded, whereas someone else might develop an emotional bond only after they’ve experienced that spark of sexual attraction.

Where Demisexuality Falls on the Sexuality Spectrum

Many demisexual people consider themselves to be on the asexual spectrum. While they may become attracted to another person over time, they don’t feel primary attraction, which is the initial attraction based on appearance, voice, or smell. However, other demisexuals feel that the term “asexuality” doesn’t fit their personal experience.

Demisexuality describes the circumstances in which a person experiences attraction. Who the person is attracted to can vary. Demisexuals may consider themselves heterosexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian, queer, polyamorous, or pansexual. Regarding gender, a demisexual person might identify as male, female, agender, or nonbinary.

Again, the primary difference that sets demisexuals apart from others is that they almost always (if not always) find themselves sexually attracted to a person only once they’ve bonded with them on a more intimate, emotional, or spiritual level.

It’s also worth pointing out that a person might consider themselves demisexual at one point in their lives and feel differently at another point. People are ever-evolving and fluid.

“If that seems confusing, it may be because human sexuality is not easily labeled, defined, and put into a neat category,” Seide said. “With something as complex and multi-layered as human sexuality, it makes sense that one word doesn’t capture someone’s full experience as a sexual being.”

The Difference Between Demisexual and Sapiosexual

The terms demisexual and sapiosexual are sometimes conflated. Though somewhat similar, they are actually two very different terms.

Intelligence is a characteristic that you can assume about a person without knowing them at all or only minimally. For example, a sapiosexual person can feel captivated by someone based only on finding out they are a Rhodes Scholar or a nuclear physicist. This wouldn’t be in line with a demisexual, who requires more emotional depth.

So, Why Are the Terms Often Confused?

“Intelligence is a quality that can be known from a distance by that person’s accomplishments, but intelligence is also potentially an endearing and alluring quality that can form the basis for warmth and bonding. So, being a sapiosexual and demisexual [are] not the same, but not entirely separate,” Dr. Seide says.

Common Misconceptions About Demisexuality

Confusion about demisexuality is common. Many assumptions about demisexual persons are false:

• “It’s not a thing.” Many people experience sexual attraction in this way—enough to make the term useful. Like other words that people use to describe themselves and others, it’s a kind of shorthand that helps clarify a person’s preference when communicating with others, especially when dating.
• “Demisexuality is the same as asexuality.” Asexual people don’t (or rarely) experience sexual attraction or desire. Demisexual people do—just not in the same way as many others.
• “Demisexuals are gay/bisexual/asexual etc.” The term doesn’t describe attraction to a particular sex; it’s about if and how a person is attracted to another, not to whom they are attracted.
• “Demisexuals fear, hate, or feel shame about sex.” Demisexuality is not a moral choice, nor does it reflect a person’s view of sex itself. Demisexuals simply don’t feel attracted to people they don’t know.
• “Demisexuals have to be in love to have sex.” People who are demisexual require an emotional connection to feel attraction, but this isn’t limited to love and is particular to the person. This connection might be a close friendship, for example.

How to Know If You’re Demisexual

“[This current-day approach to sex] is so standard that it creates the need to define behavior that differs from that with a term like demisexual,” Dr. Seide said. “If you are only drawn to someone after you get to know their personality, their life story, and trust that person, you may be demisexual.”

How to Be Supportive of Demisexual People

Maybe a friend casually mentioned that they identify as demisexual, or perhaps someone came to you in confidence to share this intimate detail about themselves. It could also be possible that someone you’re romantically interested in has told you that they’re demisexual.

Whatever the case, it’s important to be sensitive, accepting, and patient.

Anger can be a common emotion among people experiencing major depression. You may feel angry at the world, angry about events from your past, or even angry at yourself. This anger can be intense and difficult to control, to the point that it worsens your depression and affects your personal and professional relationships.

Depression vs. Anger

Major depressive disorder is more than just passing sadness. It is a diagnosable mental health disorder that involves feelings of low mood combined with other symptoms such as trouble concentrating and/or sleeping, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, diminished emotional expression, irritability, feelings of guilt, hopelessness, self-doubt, and more.

In contrast, anger on its own is not a diagnosable mental health condition. Rather, it is an unpleasant but common emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. Feeling angry when something upsets you is natural. However, feeling uncontrollable, maladaptive, or otherwise inappropriate anger can signal an underlying problem, particularly when you also have symptoms of depression.

Anger can be part of depression’s diagnostic picture, but not always.

Healthy expression of natural anger is not a problem. It becomes unhealthy when it is repressed, uncontrollable, or explosive, and interferes with daily life and relationships.

Types of Anger in Depression

Anger can take several different forms when it’s part of major depressive disorder. Below are some examples of the types of anger you might experience while depressed.

Irritability

Irritability is a feature of depression itself. If you have depression, anger may show up as snapping at others over trivial things or being unable to handle small disappointments without reacting negatively.

Hostility

Going a step beyond irritability, a person with depression who expresses anger outwardly may become hostile toward others.

Anger Attacks

Rapid, intense onset of anger (also sometimes called an anger attack) can also be a feature of depression. These rapid-onset attacks are often inappropriately triggered by trivial matters and can take others by surprise.

The Link Between Anger and Depression

Some evidence suggests that serotonergic dysfunction may be partly to blame for both maladaptive anger and major depression. In other words, the neurochemicals in your brain may be out of balance. For this reason, medications used to treat depression may also help relieve symptoms of anger.

Anger Turned Inward

Sigmund Freud believed that depression results from anger repressed and directed toward oneself, rather than being expressed externally. Indeed, anger turned inward (known as internalizing) is common in those who are depressed. This act of turning anger inward can worsen the severity of depression, setting up a vicious cycle.

Listening to your inner critic can worsen depression, making it difficult to do things that could help alleviate symptoms (e.g., doing activities you once enjoyed, spending time with other people, exercising, etc.). This leads you to feel more powerless and negative over time.

Anger Turned Outward

Those who are depressed sometimes turn their anger outward (known as externalizing) instead and lash out at those around them.

Depression can amplify negative emotions that can be hard to control, and afterward, you might feel bad about how you expressed yourself—setting up a situation that feeds on itself and that is difficult to escape.

Eventually, it may lead to problems in your personal and professional life. For example, if you are unable to deal with stress in the workplace, you might lash out at coworkers, managers, or even customers. If you struggle to control your anger around friends and family, this can strain relationships.

Treatment for Angry Depression

Treatment for depression that includes anger is similar to treatments for depression alone. In short, medication and therapy are both empirically validated treatments for depression that can help alleviate feelings of anger, hostility, and irritability.

Therapy

One specific type of therapy that might be helpful for angry depression is emotionally focused therapy. Developed by psychologist Les Greenberg, this type of therapy categorizes anger as either adaptive or non-adaptive.

• Adaptive anger helps motivate assertive (rather than aggressive) action. Imagine you have gained weight because of unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise. You might feel adaptive anger at yourself for letting the situation get out of hand, but you also might feel motivated to make and follow a healthy eating and fitness plan. In this way, adaptive anger is controlled and directed positively.
• Maladaptive anger in this example would instead lead to a downward spiral of self-pity and hopeless inaction. In essence, maladaptive anger involves giving away your power, making you feel helpless. This type of unhelpful anger is thought to be rooted in traumatic experiences.

Moving From Maladaptive Anger to Adaptive Emotions

Emotionally focused therapy transforms your maladaptive emotions by addressing their root cause. One way is by verbalizing your critical inner voice. For example, in the case of gaining weight, the critical inner voice might sound something like this:

The idea is to give the critical inner voice some words, as though someone else is speaking them. This involves expressing feelings behind thoughts and using “you” statements, allowing you to separate yourself from those thoughts.

The next step involves responding to the critical inner voice and answering back against the criticisms. In this way, you are essentially “taking your own side.” For example, in the case of the critical inner voice that talks about your weight gain, you might respond to that voice in the following ways.

Emotionally focused therapy has been shown to help relieve depression, raise self-esteem, and reduce distress in interpersonal relationships.

Medication

Medication can help you reduce feelings of anger and irritability. Although it’s not a direct treatment for anger, addressing your depression symptoms can have an indirect effect on feelings of anger.

Anger Management Techniques

Anger management techniques can help you manage depression-related anger. You might attend anger management classes, read an anger management self-help book, or find a support group,

Coping With Angry Depression

You can do a few things on your own to manage anger-related depression. Here are some ideas to get you started.

• Develop self-compassion, as mentioned earlier
• Manage triggers
• Stand up to your inner critic
• Respond to your inner critic in a journal
• Accept, rather than fight, your anger
• Express your anger in healthy ways
• Alleviate anger before it deepens by being more assertive or venting your emotions appropriately
• Exercise to release endorphins, your brain’s feel-good chemicals

Just Breathe

Another helpful approach is to learn mindful breathing, which can help calm you in an angry moment. There are a variety of breathing techniques including belly breathing, box breathing, pursed lip breathing, and the 4-7-8 approach.

Breathing helps bring your body into a state of relaxation and increases oxygen flow in your body. This helps you get control of the fight-or-flight reaction you might experience when your anger is triggered.

To practice box breathing, find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. Then, go through these steps. Each counts as one cycle.

• Exhale for a count of four
• With empty lungs, hold your breath for a count of four
• Inhale for a count of four
• With filled lungs, hold your breath for a count of four

Then, repeat this cycle four times.

With that said, when we are relaxed, we are able to think more clearly, use better judgment, and regulate our emotions. We can ease those angry flare-ups by bringing our body and mind into a more peaceful state.

Be Present, Be Mindful

If you tend to ruminate on negative thoughts that fuel your anger and sadness, try mindfulness meditation. Whenever you feel your mood shifting in the wrong direction, take a few minutes to focus on the present moment, being aware of everything going on within you and around you.

Try not to focus on the past, or worry about the future, just stay in the right now. Notice your thoughts and feelings as they come, but don’t hang on to them, and don’t judge them as wrong or inappropriate. Simply acknowledge them, say ‘hello’ if you like, and let them go.

Stretch for Relaxation

If you’re feeling motivated enough to try, the act of stretching itself can help reduce stress and improve your mood. We tend to hold a lot of tension in our muscles when we are upset, which contributes to irritable and angry emotions. We might feel our teeth clenched, our fists balled up, and our shoulders in knots. Stretching is a good way to release that tension to help you feel more at ease.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is another way to release muscle tension from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. You can do this anytime throughout the day, and it can be a nice way to wind down before drifting off to sleep.

Through a series of tensing and relaxing of muscles throughout your entire body, you begin to gain awareness of how much tension you are holding onto in different areas, and then you can consciously relax those muscles. As you release the tension in your muscles, you can imagine you are releasing your worry, your sadness, and your anger.

Develop a Support System

Sometimes you need to express your deepest, ugliest feelings with someone who can listen, and not try to fix you or judge you. Turning to someone you can rely on for support can be helpful.

If there is nobody in your personal life to fill this role, try joining a support group specifically for depression and/or anger. There, you’ll find others struggling with the same challenges, and there is no risk of feeling ashamed for expressing yourself honestly. You will be with people who can provide genuine support from a place of understanding.

In addition, if you join a group with a facilitator, you might discover helpful strategies to better manage your depression and anger. A support group that understands what you are going through is important, especially if you begin relapsing after treatment.

If you find yourself feeling irritable, moody, and even depressed after quitting smoking, you’re certainly not alone. Quitting smoking is difficult enough when you’re feeling happy. Unfortunately, it can become further challenging due to mood changes—a common complaint early in smoking cessation.

People who smoke are more likely to experience depression than non-smokers, and symptoms of depression often occur while quitting, often as part of nicotine withdrawal. While people may experience depression after quitting smoking, research has also shown that quitting smoking may decrease depression in the long term.

Why You Might Feel Depressed After Quitting Smoking

Nicotine withdrawal is the primary reason for the temporary depression you may experience after quitting smoking. When you use nicotine on a regular basis, your body and brain become dependent on it as the nicotine bonds with your brain receptors to trigger the release of dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter.

Lack of nicotine also means losing the “companion” that you thought helped you manage everything from anger to fatigue, which leaves most new ex-smokers feeling empty and adrift for a time. Luckily, for most, the condition is a byproduct of smoking cessation and is temporary.

Symptoms of Depression After Quitting Smoking

Some common symptoms of depression that you may experience when you stop smoking include:

• Anxiety or an “empty” feeling
• Changes in appetite (eating more or less)
• Difficulty concentrating
• Emotional irritability
• Fatigue
• Loss of interest in hobbies and activities
• Sadness
• Sleeplessness

You may experience one, some, or all of these at one point or another and to varying degrees.

Mood changes with quitting smoking are common, but persistent depressive symptoms that worsen or interfere with your functioning may reflect a clinical depression that requires treatment.

Coping With Depression When You’re Quitting Smoking

Quitting tobacco is a big change in lifestyle, and you should expect to react, to some degree, both emotionally and physically. You are also at an increased risk of suffering a smoking relapse during periods of the mood changes caused by smoking cessation. It is hard to stay focused and maintain the resolve to not smoke when you’re feeling low.

After years of smoking, it is possible that you began to bury your feelings behind a cloud of smoke. Cigarettes are used to deal with everything from anger to sadness to joy, causing smokers to often lean on tobacco to avoid difficult emotions.

It is healthy and productive to allow yourself to acknowledge those feelings and find constructive ways to deal with them, even if you feel a little raw from the experience. For mood changes that come with smoking cessation, try some of the following ideas to improve your mood:

Stay Active

Exercise can be a helpful distraction from the urge to smoke, and some research has shown that it can be helpful during the early stages of smoking cessation. Other research has found that exercise can be an effective intervention for preventing and treating symptoms of depression.

Create Realistic Goals

Set goals, but don’t bite off more than you can chew. Divide tasks related to your goals into small chunks you feel good about accomplishing.

Consider using the SMART goals technique. This involves setting goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. This approach can help you stick with your goals, maintain motivation, and achieve lasting results.

Stay Motivated

Find ways to stay motivated and inspired after you quit smoking. Your motivation levels are bound to fluctuate, so be sure to have ways to stay on track when you’re feeling low.

When negative/sad thoughts come up about smoking, remind yourself that you miss smoking mostly because it was an addiction, and once you’re healed, you won’t feel this way.

Find Distractions

Distractions can be one of the most effective tools in your quitting smoking arsenal. These are activities or tasks that can give you something to do and take your mind off of your cravings.

Create a list of things you can do at a moment’s notice when you’re feeling the urge to smoke, like do a crossword puzzle or call a supportive friend. Jolting ourselves out of a negative thought pattern is often as simple as changing our actions.

Get Social Support

Spend time with people who make you feel good. Friends and family can be a great source of support while you are quitting, and spending time with others can help combat feelings of loneliness and depression.

Join a support group. Meeting people who are going through the same struggle as you can help you know you’re not alone and offer some much-needed support. The American Lung Association’s Freedom From Smoking program has groups all over the country, or do some research to find other support programs in your local area.

Adjust Your Perspective

One of the greatest challenges new ex-smokers face is an important change in perspective. It is that shift in thinking from seeing smoking cessation as an exercise in deprivation to realizing that it is, in fact, one of the best gifts you’ll ever give yourself.

This is a crucial step in the process of healing from nicotine addiction, and it is with this transformation that many see their quitting-related symptoms of depression begin to lift.

Getting Help for Depression

If you have been diagnosed and treated for depression before quitting smoking, it is essential to let your doctor know ahead of time that you’re planning to quit. Smoking cessation could make you susceptible to additional mood disturbances. 

Smoking also causes some medications to be metabolized more quickly, so when you quit, prescriptions you’re already taking might need to be adjusted. Your doctor can monitor and correct dosages on any medications you might be on, if necessary.

Democratic leadership, also known as participative leadership or shared leadership, is a leadership style in which members of the group participate in the decision-making process. This type of leadership can apply to any organization, from private businesses to schools to the government.

With a democratic leadership style, everyone is given the opportunity to participate, ideas are exchanged freely, and discussion is encouraged. While this process tends to focus on group equality and the free flow of ideas, the democratic leader is still there to offer guidance and control.

The democratic leader is also charged with deciding who is in the group and who gets to contribute to the decisions being made. Research has found that the democratic leadership style is one of the most effective types and leads to higher productivity, better contributions from group members, and increased group morale.

Key Characteristics of Democratic Leadership

Some of the primary characteristics of democratic leadership include:

• Collaboration: Democratic leaders really encourage group members to share ideas and opinions. Even though the leader retains the final say over decisions, they do consider what members of the team have to offer.
• Engagement: This style of leadership really helps members of the group feel more engaged in the process.
• Creativity: This type of leadership also encourages and rewards creativity and innovation.

Leaders who effectively use the democratic style tend to have specific traits, such as being team players, willing to adapt, having a fair mind, and being engaged in the process. Strong democratic leaders inspire trust and respect among their followers.

These leaders are sincere and make decisions based on their morals and values. They also tend to seek diverse opinions and do not try to silence dissenting voices or those that offer a less popular point of view. As a result, followers feel inspired to take action and contribute to the group.

Examples of Democratic Leadership

More than half of the countries in the world with populations over 500,000 people use a democratic leadership style. The United States is one. Sweden, the Philippines, Indonesia, South Korea, and the Netherlands are a few others.

Some businesses also operate with a democratic management style, offering a participative leadership approach. Google is often cited as an example, with its founders likening their leadership style to being “proud parents—offering advice and love, but not daily nagging!” Jack Dorsey, the former Twitter CEO, was also often credited with having the characteristics of a democratic leader.

You can also find examples of democratic leadership within school clubs and 4-H organizations. Tommy Lasorda, former manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers who won two World Series championships, is credited with being a participative leader in the sport of baseball.

Benefits of Democratic Leadership

Because group members are encouraged to share their thoughts, democratic leadership can lead to better ideas and more creative solutions to problems. More input from more people leads to a greater variety of ideas and opinions.

Research suggest that democratic leaders can pay off for groups and organizations. Groups led by democratic bosses tend to be more productive, and this way of leading has also been connected to increases in group morale.

One study also found that democratic leadership was associated with a better working relationship between employees and bosses.

Potential Pitfalls of Democratic Leadership

Democratic leadership isn’t right for every group or situation. While it has been described as the most effective leadership style, it does have some potential downsides.

In some cases, group members may not have the necessary knowledge or expertise to make quality contributions to the decision-making process. Democratic leadership can also result in team members feeling like their opinions and ideas aren’t taken into account.

For a government or organization to be truly democratic requires the sharing of all the information. This can lead to potential security issues in some cases, making it another pitfall of using a democratic leadership style.

How to Use Democratic Leadership

Recognizing how and when to best use democratic leadership can make this style more effective. Some tips that can help you make the most of it include the following:

• Ensure people have skills to succeed: Democratic leadership works best in situations where group members are skilled and eager to share their knowledge.
• Make sure there is plenty of time: It is also important to have plenty of time to allow people to contribute, develop a plan, and then vote on the best course of action.
• Give everyone a chance to contribute: Because so many people are involved, setting deadlines can ensure you get everyone’s input in enough time to act on it.
• Make your expectations clear: Providing expectations upfront can also be helpful, making it clear when the group’s input will be sought and which decisions management will make on its own.

One study found that democratic leadership was more likely to inspire trust during transitional periods. In times of action, members were more likely to trust a more autocratic leader.

Are You a Democratic Leader?

Try our fast and free quiz to find if you tend towards democratic leadership or one of the other styles.

This leadership styles quiz was reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS.

If you are dating someone with anxiety, it’s understandable that you might have some concerns. Watching someone experience anxiety can be upsetting, and can even make you anxious or uneasy, whether or not you are prone to anxiety yourself.

You might also have concerns about the future of your relationship. How will your partner’s anxiety affect your day-to-day life together? What can you do for them if they begin to experience an anxiety spiral or a panic attack? Will you be able to cope with it all?

Take Some Time to Learn About Anxiety Disorders

One of the simplest, most supportive things you can do if you are dating someone with anxiety is to learn a bit about anxiety and about anxiety disorders.

Many of us have an idea of what it means to have anxiety that may not be in line with what it’s actually like, so it can be helpful to get some clarity. Understanding anxiety will also help make you more empathetic. 

Prevalence

First, it can be helpful to know that anxiety is quite common, and almost all of us will experience an anxiety disorder at one point or another in our lives.

Having an anxiety disorder is not a weakness, nor is it something caused by poor choices. Anxiety is not “all in your head,” either.

People who experience anxiety often have a genetic propensity toward the disorder, and anxiety disorders often run in families. Environmental factors and chemical imbalances may also play a role.

Symptoms of Anxiety

Anxiety manifests in different ways for different people. Not everyone who has anxiety comes across as a “nervous” person. Some people who experience anxiety may even appear calm on the outside but experience their symptoms more internally.

Although having anxiety can make it very difficult to function on a daily basis for some people, others may live with more high-functioning types of anxiety.

Symptoms of anxiety can be physical, mental, and emotional. Some of the most common symptoms of anxiety include:

• Rapid heartbeat
• Labored breathing
• Sweating
• Nausea
• Upset stomach
• Muscle tension
• Racing thoughts
• Feelings of panic or impending doom
• Flashbacks of a traumatic or difficult experience
• Insomnia
• Nightmares
• Inability to stay still
• Obsessive thoughts or behaviors

Types of Anxiety

It can also be helpful to understand that there are several different types of anxiety disorders. Not everyone with anxiety experiences panic attacks, for example. And while some people with anxiety have trouble socializing, others do not. It all depends on what anxiety disorder you have and how you experience it.

The most common anxiety disorders are:

How to Support Your Partner With Anxiety

When you are around someone with an anxiety disorder, you may feel at a loss for how to help them. Often, you know that what they are experiencing is irrational and that their perception of reality at the moment may not be entirely accurate. Do you tell them this? How do you make them feel better without minimizing their emotional experience?

There are some tangible things you can do to create a “safe space” for a person who is experiencing anxiety. Below are a few tips.

Realize They Are Not Their Disorder

In your own mind, and as you are interacting with your partner, try to think of their anxiety disorder as something separate from them. Yes, it’s something that colors their life, but it’s a disorder, not a state of being.

Drop the Blame Game

Remember, anxiety has genetic, biochemical, and environmental components, so your partner did not choose to feel this way. Anxiety also isn’t something that they are adopting to be manipulative or to ruin plans.

People who experience anxiety wish it to be gone as much as you do, but having an anxiety disorder is not something that is within someone’s control.

Understand That They Have Certain Triggers

Getting a handle on your partner’s anxiety means understanding their triggers. Usually, someone with anxiety knows the kind of things that set them off into an anxiety spiral.

It’s not your responsibility to shield them from every single trigger, but helping them navigate their lives more sensitively around those triggers can be helpful. It can also help you to understand why your partner’s anxiety is heightened at different times.

Keep in mind that avoidance can ultimately make anxiety worse in the long run. You should never force your partner to confront their fears, but gently encouraging them to practice facing their anxiety triggers in a safe and controlled way can sometimes be helpful.

Be an Open Minded Listener

One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone who experiences anxiety is a kind, open-minded, listening ear. Managing an anxiety disorder can be isolating and humiliating.

Having someone who you can talk to honestly about what you are experiencing and your feelings can be really positive and soothing, especially if that person can listen without judgment and with empathy.

As a listener, remember that it’s important simply to be there for them, and not to offer suggestions, advice, or try to “solve” or “fix” anything for them.

What to Say When Your Partner Is Having Anxiety

When you are in the moment, helping your partner manage an anxiety episode, you may be unsure of what to say. You don’t want to say anything that will make your partner more anxious, after all.

Here are some ideas of what to say in these moments:

• “I’m here and I’m listening.” 
• “I know you are feeling overwhelmed.”
• “It’s going to be OK.”
• “That’s a lot for you to deal with right now.”
• “I know how strong you are.”
• “Would you like me to sit with you?”
• “I am here, and you are not alone.”
• “Is there anything I can do to help?”

What Not to Say

At the same time, there are some things you might feel tempted to say that aren’t helpful at all and might even add to your partner’s anxiety.

Here are the types of things to avoid saying:

• “Don’t be so scared of everything.”
• “That makes no sense.”
• “Calm down!”
• “You’re freaking out for no reason.”
• “Here’s what I would do if I were you …”
• “What you’re feeling isn’t rational.”
• “This is all in your head.”

How to Cope

Research reveals a connection between anxiety disorders and heightened relationship stress. However, the research also shows that addressing anxiety with communication and support can help considerably.

It’s also important to understand that helping your partner manage their anxiety is not something you can do alone: getting mental health support for both your partner and yourself can be highly beneficial. 

Encourage Your Partner to Seek Help

If your partner’s anxiety is impacting their lives, as well as your relationship, you may want to consider encouraging them to get help. You want to frame this as kindly and empathetic as possible.

The two most effective treatments for anxiety are therapy and medication. Some people benefit from therapy alone; but often, therapy combined with medication is most helpful.

The most common types of therapy used to treat anxiety are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure therapy. Medications used to treat anxiety include anti-anxiety medications such as benzodiazepines, antidepressants (SSRIs), and beta-blockers.

Address Your Own Feelings About Your Partner’s Anxiety

Dating someone with an anxiety disorder can be difficult, and you may find yourself having intense reactions to what is going on with your partner. This is normal and understandable. Taking some moments to practice some self-care and empathy for yourself is vital.

Consider Group Therapy

Communication is key when you are in a relationship with someone who is struggling with an anxiety disorder. Sometimes you might need a little outside help to work out the kinks in your communication.

Group therapy or counseling is a great choice for this. It can help you and the person you are dating learn to be more open and understanding and learn more effective communication techniques.