The Link Between Anger and BPD


Key Takeaways

  • People with BPD can have strong anger responses that last a long time.
  • There are therapies like DBT that help people with BPD manage their anger.
  • If you know someone with BPD, it helps to communicate clearly and set boundaries together.

Intense, inappropriate anger can be one of the most challenging symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). This anger in BPD is often referred to as “borderline rage.” It can lead to explosive episodes of anger that are difficult to manage and can have a significant effect on a person’s relationships.

Even so, while anger is a key feature of BPD, very little is known about why people with BPD experience anger differently than other people, or how their experience is different. New research, however, is shedding light on the nature of borderline rage.

What Is BPD Rage?

Borderline rage, or borderline anger, is more than just a standard emotional reaction. In the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), anger in BPD is described as “inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.”

The reason anger in BPD is called “inappropriate,” is because the level of anger seems to be more intense than is warranted by the situation or event that triggered it.

What is BPD rage like? A person with BPD may react to an event that may seem small or unimportant to someone else, such as a misunderstanding, with very strong and unhealthy expressions of anger, including:

  • Physical violence
  • Sarcasm
  • Yelling

Why BPD Rage Occurs

While borderline anger has long been a topic of debate and speculation among BPD specialists, it has only recently become a focus of careful research. Experts are now examining how borderline anger is different than normal anger and why it occurs.

More specifically, researchers are trying to understand whether people with BPD are more easily angered, have more intense anger responses, or have more prolonged anger responses than people without BPD (or whether it’s some combination of these factors).

What triggers borderline rage?

Common triggers of BPD rage can include:

  • Emotionally challenging situations that seem threatening
  • Situations where the person fears abandonment
  • BPD splitting, which is a type of black-and-white thinking where people see things as either all-good or all-bad
  • Ruminating on angry thoughts
  • Interpersonal conflicts

One study examined anger in people with BPD compared to those without BPD in response to an anger-producing story. This study found that people with BPD reported the same level of anger as the healthy controls (in response to the story). But, the healthy controls reported that their anger decreased more quickly over time than the people with BPD reported.

It may not be that people with BPD have a stronger anger reaction, but that their anger has a much longer duration than other people experience.

Furthermore, other research shows that anger in BPD may trigger rumination (when someone thinks over and over about their angry experience). This repetitive thinking creates a vicious emotional cycle that worsens the person’s anger and increases its duration (as supported by the study mentioned above).

Eventually, the prolonged and intense anger triggers aggressive behavior, which a person engages in to relieve their rage.

Research in this area is very preliminary, and more work is needed to fully understand how and why people with BPD experience borderline anger.

Treatment for BPD Rage

There are a number of therapies that can be used to treat borderline personality disorder, including the often debilitating symptom of anger.

Psychotherapy

Most psychotherapies for BPD target the strong anger responses that people with BPD report and exhibit. For example, in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), patients are taught skills to help them better manage their anger and decrease angry outbursts.

Other types of psychotherapy for BPD that target anger include:

Medications

While there are no medications for BPD that are currently FDA approved to treat the disorder, there are some that have been shown to reduce anger in BPD.

Some medications prescribed for people with BPD include: antidepressants (such as Prozac or Wellbutrin), antipsychotics (such as Abilify or Seroquel), or mood-stabilizing drugs (such as Depakote).

However, these medications are probably most effective when used in conjunction with psychotherapy. This is because while medications can alter the intensity of anger, they cannot fully prevent or erase a person’s anger when a life stressor or difficult situation arises.

Coping With BPD Rage

There is no one-size-fits-all for coping with borderline rage, but the following strategies may be helpful in diffusing anger or curbing it before it escalates.

Address Your Stress Levels

It may be helpful to find productive ways of coping with stress, since stress is a known precursor to borderline rage. Try identifying triggers of stress, asking for help from family or friends, exercising regularly, eating a balanced diet, and getting enough sleep.

Find a Distraction

BPD anger often increases the longer you’re exposed to a frustrating situation. When you feel yourself becoming angry, try to remove yourself from a situation, and take some deep breaths.

You can even do something else to distract yourself, such as watching a funny video or taking a brisk walk around your neighborhood.

Notice If You’re Ruminating

If you have BPD and you’re experiencing negative thoughts repeating on a loop—thoughts that only increase your anger—there are ways to help disrupt the cycle.

To disrupt rumination, it may help to talk to a friend about how you’re feeling, perform a relaxation exercise, or do something to boost your mood like dancing or listening to music.

How to Deal With BPD Rage

If your loved one has BPD, you may find it difficult or even distressing to witness or be on the receiving end of their anger. Fortunately, there are many ways to increase your knowledge of borderline rage so that you can support your loved one and protect your emotional well-being.

  • Attend a therapy session: It may be helpful for you to attend a therapy session (by yourself or with your loved one). A therapist can help you learn ways to deescalate a situation when your loved one is experiencing BPD rage.
  • Work on communication: Clear communication is key when in a relationship with someone who has BPD. For instance, it may help to reassure them, praise them, and encourage them so they remember that you’re on their side.
  • Validate their feelings: Try saying, “I understand you’re experiencing anger right now, but we can get through it together. How can I help support you?”
  • Set boundaries: If possible, come up with boundaries together. For instance, you and your loved one might decide that if a borderline rage episode turns into a screaming match, you both take 15 minutes apart to regroup and calm down.
  • Remember, BPD is a mental illness: Your loved one with BPD doesn’t choose to get so angry, so try not to blame them for the symptoms of their illness. However, it’s OK to hold them accountable for their actions, especially when they negatively affect you or other family members or friends.

How do you calm someone with BPD rage? Ultimately, it is up to the other person to control their anger. If someone is experiencing BPD rage, stay calm, let them express their feelings, and give them some space. If necessary, leave the situation until they can calm down. 

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Carl Jung: Biography, Archetypes, Theories, Beliefs

Key Takeaways

  • Carl Jung developed analytical psychology, focusing on the unconscious mind and its connection to the collective unconscious.
  • Jung’s ideas about extraversion and introversion were the basis for the MBTI personality test.
  • Jung believed in synchronicity, which are events that seem connected but aren’t logically related.

Carl Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist known for developing analytical psychology—also called Jungian analysis. His work is a cornerstone of modern-day psychology, with many therapists practicing psychoanalysis and his theories taught in academic programs.

While he is best known for his influence on the mental health field, Jung’s work is also influential within the liberal arts, including literature and religious studies. This article will explore the legacy of Carl Jung’s life, the Jungian archetypes he developed, his most influential theories, the controversial beliefs he held, and his relationship with Sigmund Freud.

Biography of Carl Jung

Carl Jung was born in 1875 in Switzerland to a religious family. Though he wasn’t explicitly religious himself, he found himself inspired by the symbolism and quest for greater meaning within religion. He also was a vivid dreamer, often using dream interpretation as a tool for self-exploration.

While his interests may have been somewhat unconventional at the time, he had multiple dreams that influenced him to study science and medicine. Along this journey, he found a way to combine his interests with psychology, leading him to study the relationship between the occult and psychology by the time he got to university.

He completed his medical studies in 1900 and went on to work at a mental hospital in Zurich. While there, he was mentored by Eugen Bleuler and paid special attention to schizophrenia and the causes of psychoses. These early experiences, both personally and professionally, formed the foundation of his contributions to the psychology field. 

What Was Carl Jung Most Famous For?

Carl Jung is most famous for the following:

  • Analytical psychology: His own discipline of psychology that is also called Jungian psychology. It focuses on the relationship between the individual’s unconscious mind and the greater collective’s unconscious understanding.
  • Jungian archetypes: Different roles each of us inhabit throughout our psychological experience.
  • Extraversion and Introversion: He developed the concept of two different types of people – extroverts and introverts. 

Jungian Archetypes

Jung developed the concept of Jungian archetypes. These archetypes are patterns that represent ancestral wisdom amongst humans. Each of these archetypes exists within every human, as they are part of the collective unconscious. However, how we each express these archetypes will vary:

  • The persona archetype is the part of ourselves that shows up in our daily interactions.
  • The shadow represents sexuality, primal instincts, and the darker parts of our life that we tend to avoid sharing with the world.
  • The anima and animus account for how gender roles show up in our lives, with the anima representing how the male psyche conceptualizes the feminine and the animus representing how the female psyche conceptualizes the masculine.
  • The self is our truest essence of being. It is who we are when we have integrated our subconscious with the conscious. 

Extraversion and Introversion

Jung is known for being the first to identify two separate personality types as extroverted and introverted. Extraversion refers to individuals who have a psyche that tends to be more outgoing, talkative, assertive, and bold. Introversion refers to individuals with a psyche that exists on the opposite side of the spectrum from extraversion. Those who are identified with introversion may be shy, quiet, and private. 

The Collective Unconscious

The collective unconscious is a major component of Carl Jung’s work. This concept focuses on how an individual’s unconscious mind is influenced by the collective unconscious, which is a type of consciousness that connects all humans, past and present, to each other. The collective unconscious accounts for patterns, beliefs, myths, and images that run across centuries and cultures, which acknowledges the belief that there is a knowing that all of humankind shares.

Jung’s Theory of Synchronicity

You’ve likely heard of synchronicity as a magical conglomeration of events that feel connected, yet there is no evidence of these random events having a relationship. Within Jung’s theories was the importance of synchronicity, it holds significance and relevance to our daily lives.

For example, he believed that when a synchronistic event occurs, there is a deeper meaning within it. We can use synchronistic events as a guide for our own self-development. 

Carl Jung’s Friendship With Sigmund Freud

During Jung’s time at the mental hospital in Zurich, he began researching the theories put forth by other popular psychiatrists. One of them was Freud. They ended up developing a close relationship and Jung even considered Freud his mentor. Yet, their relationship ended up becoming wrought with tension, with Freud becoming concerned that Jung was a threat to his success.

Beyond personal issues, theoretical differences began to place them at odds. Jung did not agree with Freud’s notion that sexuality is the core driving force in humans nor did he believe that one’s unconscious mind only accounts for material one is attempting to avoid. While these differences did create a rift, Jung did write Freud’s obituary in 1939 and sang his praises.

Jung’s Thoughts on Women and Homosexuality

Jung subscribed to a heteronormative and gendered approach to psychology. This is seen within his perspectives on the anima and animus, using terms like feminine and masculine. Jung has described the feminine as passive by nature, which in itself is not true and diminishes the personal power of those who identify as women.

This also speaks to how Jung’s antiquated views on gender are limited. Additionally, it was rumored that Jung slept with one of his patients, marking an egregious abuse of power.

Jung’s views on homosexuality are also oppressive. In his book Two Essays on Analytical Psychology, he spoke of a man who was longing for male guidance and thus developed same-sex attraction. He then proceeded to state that delayed development was to blame. The meaning behind Jung’s views has been greatly debated, with some stating that he is speaking more symbolically and isn’t intending his words to be homophobic while others can acknowledge that these views embody an inherently homophobic perspective that is limiting to those who are queer and gender expansive.

How Did Carl Jung’s Work Influence MBTI Personality Types?

Jung was highly influential in understanding personality archetypes, with his work strongly influencing the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Building on Jung’s concept of extraversion and introversion, Isabel Briggs Myers and her mother Katharine Cook Briggs included additional elements.

These elements were sensing and intuition, thinking and feeling, and judging and perceiving. Thus, these concepts were fused to create the MBTI, an assessment individuals can take to see which dimensions they score the highest on, which are then interpreted into different personality types. 

Controversies About Jung’s Work and Beliefs

While Jung’s work is still utilized today, there is ample controversy and criticism about his beliefs. In some of Jung’s writings, he referred to those of African descent as having a “primitive” mind, which harkens to deeply racist mythology. Though questions of Jung being racist have been highly debated, with analysts taking a pass at interpreting his work, it is indisputable that referring to Africans as having a primitive mind aligns with an oppressive and pathologizing thought process. 

Carl Jung rejected the notion that he perpetuated anti-semitism, however, his writings indicate otherwise. In one of his writings, he stated that the “Aryan unconscious has greater potential than the Jewish unconscious.” He also edited an anti-semitic publication, though he stated he did so with support from his Jewish colleagues with the goal of being in service to psychoanalysis as a science. 

Carl Jung’s Legacy

Jung’s legacy is complicated. His contributions to psychoanalysis serve as a foundation in modern-day psychology. He gave us concepts, like synchronicity, extraversion, and introversion, that are referenced in casual conversations daily. Yet, he also perpetuated oppressive views, which have left present-day Jungian analysts to reckon with his positive contributions and his oppressive ideologies. While his relevance today cannot be disputed, it is important to remain mindful that all he espoused does not hold up. 

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Darowski E, Darowski J. Carl jung’s historic place in psychology and continuing influence in narrative studies and american popular culture. Swiss American Historical Society Review. 2016;52(2).

  2. American Psychological Association. Archetype.

  3. American Psychological Association. Persona.

  4. American Psychological Association. Shadow.

  5. American Psychological Association. Anima.

  6. American Psychological Association. Collective Unconscious.

  7. American Psychological Association. Synchronicity.

  8. The Guardian. Carl Jung, Part 2: A Troubled Relationship with Freud — and the Nazis. 

  9. Wehr DS. Jung & Feminism: Liberating Archetypes. Boston, MA. Beacon Press; 1987.

  10. The Guardian. Carl Jung, part 1: Taking inner life seriously. 

  11. Jung C.G. Two Essays on Analytical Psychology. 2nd Edition. New York, NY. 1992.

  12. Discover. The Racism of Carl Jung. 

  13. Falk, A. Anti-Semitism: A history and psychoanalysis of contemporary hatred. Westport, CT. Praeger Publishers; 2008.

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By Julia Childs Heyl, MSW

Julia Childs Heyl, MSW, is a clinical social worker and writer. As a writer, she focuses on mental health disparities and uses critical race theory as her preferred theoretical framework. In her clinical work, she specializes in treating people of color experiencing anxiety, depression, and trauma through depth therapy and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) trauma therapy.


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Bowenian Family Therapy: Definition and Techniques

Key Takeaways

  • Bowenian family therapy helps families improve communication and break toxic patterns.
  • Therapists use tools like genograms and I-statements to guide treatment.
  • Bowenian family therapy encourages clients to differentiate their emotions and set boundaries.

What Is Bowenian Family Therapy?

Bowenian family therapy is an approach to treatment that was developed by the psychiatrist Murray Bowen. Bowen believed that patterns persist in families across generations, and problematic behaviors can be passed down and create similar ongoing conflicts.

Bowen created this approach to therapy aimed at fostering healthy communication between family members, breaking toxic or harmful patterns, and developing healthy differentiation and autonomy among each individual within the family unit. Bowenian family therapy uses an intergenerational lens to identify these patterns and communication techniques to promote healthy boundaries and relationships within the family.

Types of Bowenian Family Therapy

As the name implies, Bowenian family therapy typically involves multiple family members working together to address family conflicts and improve relationships within the family unit.

Family therapy can include couple’s work, parent and child relationship work, work with blended families, or work with multiple generations of a family.

However, a Bowenian therapist can also work with individuals. Individual talk therapy can include an emphasis on identifying intergenerational conflicts and patterns, setting appropriate boundaries and differentiation between the individual and their family members, and communication skills. If an individual wants to work on these issues and including additional family members is not possible, they can still benefit from techniques of Bowenian family therapy.

Techniques of Bowenian Family Therapy

Practitioners of Bowenian family therapy have several interventions that are specific to this approach to treatment, including: 

  • Genograms: A genogram is a visual graphic of a family that includes information about history, relationships, psychology, and patterns. It allows the therapist and client to explore these patterns and connections to guide treatment. Bowenian therapists will typically create a genogram at the start of therapy but continue to add information throughout the course of treatment.
  • Differentiating emotions and self-differentiation: Bowenian therapists will help clients identify the emotions occurring within the family unit and note when they are taking on the emotions of other family members. This technique involves helping each family member recognize their individual emotions and identities alongside their role in the family unit.
  • I-statements: An “I-statement” is a communication technique that emphasizes the emotions of the speaker rather than the attributes of the other person. It aims to communicate the emotion behind the statement rather than bringing up defensiveness or feelings of blame in the listener. For example, instead of, “You never help around the house,” the client would be encouraged to rephrase as, “I feel overwhelmed with chores and would like more help from you.”
  • Triangles: While triangulation in family therapy refers to a form of manipulation in which members are pitted against each other, Bowenian family therapy uses the concept of emotional triangles to symbolize stable relationship networks. In Bowenian family therapy, families work to create healthy balance and support in these emotional triangles.
  • Intergenerational patterns: Using the genogram, a Bowenian family therapist will work to identify patterns persisting between generations and help families identify which patterns benefit them and which patterns they want to challenge and break out of.
  • Normalizing challenges: Bowenian family therapists emphasize that challenges and conflicts will occur even after therapy terminates. They prepare clients to face future difficulties before they arise.

What Bowenian Family Therapy Can Help With

Bowenian family therapy can help families who are experiencing conflict or communication difficulties. It can also help individuals experiencing anxiety and stress. It is particularly helpful if you want to address the impact of previous generations and current family dynamics on your mental health and current symptoms.

Couples can also benefit from Bowenian family therapy when working to identify how each person’s family history informs their approach to communication and conflict resolution.

Benefits of Bowenian Family Therapy

Because Bowenian family therapy emphasizes healthy communication skills and conflict resolution, participating in this type of therapy can help foster healthy relationships and appropriate boundaries. Clients develop insight into their behaviors and develop a deeper understanding of why they make the choices they make, the impact of these choices on their relationships, and how to make healthy and lasting changes.

Families that engage in Bowenian family therapy together learn to identify the triangles within the unit and utilize these interconnected relationships to make relationships stronger. They are taught healthy and appropriate communication styles that foster productive conflict resolution rather than defensiveness and arguments. Members can also understand each other on a deeper level by identifying intergenerational patterns.

Finally, each family member learns a healthy balance between connectedness and personal identity within the family unit.

Effectiveness of Bowenian Family Therapy

There is limited empirical evidence for Bowenian family therapy at this time. However, the Bowenian technique of self-differentiation can be effective in alleviating anxiety symptoms. In addition, a meta-review of 295 primary studies showed that Bowenian family therapy’s emphasis on differentiation of self improved interpersonal and marital relationships. In couple’s therapy, Bowenian family therapy can improve feelings of happiness and empathy between partners due to improved communication skills and increased understanding of both the self and the other.

Additionally, research has shown that Bowenian family therapy can aid in family reunification when child protection has been involved, as parents can learn to identify abusive patterns in their family genogram and work to break these patterns.

Things to Consider

Because Bowenian family therapy can be used individually, with couples, or with a larger family unit, it is an option for many people seeking therapy support. Clients need to be prepared to put in the work to practice making changes to communication styles and boundaries, especially if other family members are not directly involved in treatment.

Disrupting long-standing patterns is stressful and challenging even if it is beneficial in the long run.

Additionally, this approach includes exploring transgenerational patterns and behaviors, and as such, it may bring up intergenerational trauma. Prior to starting treatment, clients should be prepared for this possibility and have coping skills in place to address difficult emotions that might come up over the course of treatment.

As with all forms of therapy, Bowenian family therapy is not a “magic pill” that will suddenly fix problems. It takes significant client engagement and willingness to make needed changes.

How to Get Started

If Bowenian family therapy seems to be a good fit for your therapy goals and mental health needs, you can begin looking for therapists who offer this approach. You could look into online therapy companies to see if anyone offers Bowenian family therapy, or you could use an online therapy directory to search for this modality specifically. Many therapists will note that they are trained in Bowenian family therapy on their directory profiles.

You can also contact your insurance company to get information about what services are covered. Although specific theoretical orientations typically are not excluded by insurance plans, the company can give you information about what your out-of-pocket cost might be as well as the names of in-network providers.

If you feel like current family dynamics and intergenerational patterns are impacting your mental health and family relationships, Bowenian family therapy might help you address these concerns in a healthy way.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Thomas R, Shelley-Tremblay J, Joanning H. Anxiety explains self-differentiation: implications for Bowenian approaches to marriage and family therapy. The American Journal of Family Therapy. 2021;49(5):534-549.

  2. Calatrava M, Martins MV, Schweer-Collins M, Duch-Ceballos C, Rodríguez-González M. Differentiation of self: A scoping review of Bowen Family Systems Theory’s core construct. Clin Psychol Rev. 2022 Feb;91:102101. doi: 10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102101. Epub 2021 Nov 13. PMID: 34823190.

  3. Amini, O., Naser Shariati, M. The Effectiveness of Bowen’s style Family Therapy on Increasing the Happiness and Empathy marital of Couples Referring to Isfahan Counseling Center. Journal of Human Relations Studies. 2021;1(3), 23-31.

  4. Thompson HM, Wojciak AS, Cooley ME. Family-based approach to the child welfare system: an integration of Bowen family theory concepts. Journal of Family Social Work. 2019;22(3):231-252.

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By Amy Marschall, PsyD

Dr. Amy Marschall is an autistic clinical psychologist with ADHD, working with children and adolescents who also identify with these neurotypes among others. She is certified in TF-CBT and telemental health.


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What It Is and How to Get Started


Key Takeaways

  • Find a quiet and comfortable spot where you won’t be disturbed for your meditation session.
  • Visualize each chakra as a different color and focus on it one by one.
  • Add affirmations or mudras to your practice to enhance your meditation experience.

As a yoga enthusiast, I love trying different types of meditation. Although it sounds super simple, most of us know that sitting still and paying attention is a lot harder than it sounds. That being said, guided meditations can be easier and more interesting because they tell us what to focus on and help us maintain our concentration.

One of my favorite types of guided meditation is chakra meditation. Chakra meditation is an ancient wellness practice that is designed to unlock the energy centers (chakras) in our bodies.

Chakra meditation helps us feel more grounded, centered, connected, and peaceful, says Karla Helbert, an internationally certified yoga therapist (C-IAYT) and author of “The Chakras in Grief and Trauma.”

If you’re curious about chakra meditation and how to get started with it, here’s everything you need to know.

Introduction to Chakra Meditation

Chakra meditation is an Eastern spiritual practice that dates back thousands of years. The earliest references to it are found in ancient Indian yogic texts dating back to around 1500–1200 BCE. It was later adopted by other spiritual systems, such as Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism.

“Chakra” is a Sanskrit word that means “circle,” “disc,” or “wheel,” says Helbert. There are seven chakras in total, positioned from the base of the spine to the top of the head. Although the chakras aren’t scientifically recognized, in the context of this belief system, they are invisible energy centers within the body that vibrate and spin with energy.

Each chakra influences the glands in its vicinity. Therefore, each chakra corresponds to different qualities and functions, Helbert explains. Imbalances or blockages in any of the chakras are linked to physical or mental health problems.

Chakra meditation helps us realign the chakras and bring our body back into balance. When the chakras are aligned and activated, they vibrate at a higher frequency, giving us energy and vitality.

The chakras regulate and generate functions that impact us physically, energetically, emotionally, mentally, sensorially, intuitively, and spiritually.

—
KARLA HELBERT, YOGA THERAPIST

The Seven Chakras

Before we go further, let’s take a quick tour of the seven chakras.

Root Chakra

Name: Muladhara

Location: Base of the spine

Color: Red

Associations: Health, safety, security, and stability

Imbalances: Fear, insecurity, anxiety, financial stress, and substance use

Sacral Chakra

Name: Svadhisthana

Location: Lower abdomen (a little below your belly button)

Color: Orange

Associations: Creativity, passion, pleasure, and emotional well-being

Imbalances: Creative blocks, emotional instability, dependency issues, and intimacy issues

Solar Plexus Chakra

Name: Manipura

Location: Upper abdomen (above your belly button)

Color: Yellow

Associations: Confidence, willpower, gut instincts, and inner strength

Imbalances: Low self-esteem, difficulty concentrating, control issues, stress, and digestive difficulties

Heart Chakra

Name: Anahata

Location: Center of the chest (near your heart)

Color: Pink or green

Associations: Love, compassion, forgiveness, and emotional balance

Imbalances: Lack of empathy, relationship difficulties, and heart problems

Throat Chakra

Name: Vishuddha

Location: Throat area

Color: Blue

Associations: Communication, truth, honesty, clarity, and inspiration

Imbalances: Fear of speaking, difficulty expressing oneself, nervousness, sore throat, clogged sinuses, and tooth, gum, or jaw pain

Third Eye Chakra

Name: Ajna

Location: Center of your forehead (between your brows)

Color: Indigo

Associations: Intuition, insight, imagination, and spiritual awareness

Imbalances: Lack of clarity, difficulty making decisions, eye problems, headaches, migraines, and sleep issues

Crown Chakra

Name: Sahasrara

Location: Top of the head

Color: Violet or white

Associations: Spirituality, divine connection, and enlightenment

Imbalances: Depression, loss of faith, and lack of purpose

Preparing for Chakra Meditation

If you’d like to give it a try, here’s how you can prepare and set the mood for a chakra meditation session:

  • Pick a quiet place: Find a quiet and comfortable spot where you won’t be disturbed. 
  • Dress comfortably: Wear something loose and comfy.
  • Bring your props: If you find them helpful, you can use props such as a cushion or bolster to help you be more comfortable during the session.
  • Set the mood: If you like, you could set the mood by dimming the lights or lighting a candle.
  • Play some music: Some people enjoy playing soft, instrumental music or nature sounds while they meditate. Choose music that relaxes you but doesn’t distract you.
  • Silence your devices: Power down your devices or put them on silent mode so they don’t disturb you.
  • Choose a meditation program: If you like, you can find a guided meditation program online that you can play. Or, you can follow the step-by-step guide described below.

Step-by-Step Guide to Chakra Meditation

Once you’ve set the mood and you’re ready to get started, here’s a step-by-step guide to chakra meditation:

  • Get comfortable: Lie down on your back or sit cross-legged with your back straight and your hands resting on your knees. Make any minor adjustments you need to get comfortable. Use any props you want.
  • Close your eyes: Gently close your eyes and turn your focus inward.
  • Take deep breaths: Start by taking a few deep breaths. Focus your attention on your breath as it comes and goes. 
  • Start at your root chakra: Bring your attention to the base of your spine. Picture roots growing from your body into the earth, connecting you and keeping you grounded. Visualize the color red as you take deep breaths in and out.
  • Move up to your sacral chakra: Move your attention upward to your sacral chakra, which is a little south of your belly button. Imagine an orange glow, symbolizing creativity and passion. Breathe into this area, allowing creativity to flow into you. 
  • Come to your solar plexus chakra: Shift your attention a little higher, to your solar plexus chakra. Envision a yellow light radiating from this area, representing personal power and confidence. With each breath, imagine that you’re inhaling strength and exhaling all your self-doubts.
  • Focus on your heart chakra: Next, bring your focus higher, to the heart chakra in the middle of your chest. Visualize a green or pink light in your chest that expands outward with each breath. Think thoughts of love, compassion, and forgiveness—toward others and yourself.
  • Bring your attention to the throat chakra: Direct your attention to your throat chakra. Picture a blue light in your throat that’s helping you to always speak clearly, truthfully, and assertively.
  • Shift to the third eye chakra: Slowly, shift your focus upward, to the middle of your forehead, where your third eye would be. Imagine an indigo light that’s taking over your mind, clearing it of clutter and leaving only clarity behind.
  • Go up to the crown chakra: Finally, bring your attention to the top of your head, to the crown chakra. Picture the color white, elevating you to a higher state of consciousness where you are one with the divine.
  • Picture all your chakras in alignment: Visualize all your chakras being in alignment, from base to tip. Picture the energy flowing upward through your body, healing you and giving you strength.
  • Scan your body: Do a quick body scan, starting from your toes and moving upward. If you sense any tension or discomfort anywhere, breathe deeply into that area and focus your healing energy there. 
  • Come back to the present: When you’re ready to finish, take a few deep breaths and gradually bring your focus to the present. Slowly open your eyes. Wiggle your fingers and toes. If you’re lying down, sit up gently.
  • Reflect: Take a few minutes to reflect on your meditation session. Note any sensations, thoughts, or insights that came up for you. You can write them down, if you like.

Potential Benefits of Chakra Meditation

These are some of the possible benefits of chakra meditation:

  • Reduces stress: Chakra meditation is a calming and relaxing practice that can help us reduce our stress and anxiety levels.
  • Promotes positivity: Chakra meditation incorporates elements like visualization and affirmations, which promote positivity.
  • Targets issues: Chakra meditation, because of the focus on specific chakras, can help us target any issues we’re experiencing, says Helbert. As a holistic practice, it can complement medical treatment.
  • Improves concentration: The practice of concentrating on each chakra can enhance our ability to focus and pay attention.
  • Enhances self-awareness: Chakra meditation involves introspection and self-reflection. We learn to observe our thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, which contributes to greater self-awareness.
  • Increases energy levels: I always feel refreshed and energized after a session of chakra meditation. Doing it after my workout gives me a boost of energy to take on my day.
  • Promotes spiritual growth: For those seeking spiritual growth, chakra meditation provides a framework for exploring higher states of consciousness and deepening our connection to divine energy.
  • Improves sleep: The relaxation induced by chakra meditation can help improve sleep.

Chakra meditation helps us feel more grounded, centered, connected, and peaceful.

—
KARLA HELBERT, YOGA THERAPIST

A 2019 study found that doing chakrayoga meditation twice a week for six weeks led to greater mindfulness, lower stress, better well-being, and fewer medical symptoms.

It’s important to note that while many people find chakra meditation beneficial, everyone’s experience is different. It’s always advisable to approach such practices with an open mind, and if you have specific health concerns, consult with a healthcare professional beforehand.

Tips for Deepening Your Chakra Meditation Practice

These are some tips that can help you deepen your chakra meditation practice.

Be Consistent

Consistency is key. Set aside dedicated time for chakra meditation each day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. 

You can do it early in the morning, for more energy during the day. Or, you can do it at night, to get better and more restful sleep. The best time to meditate is the one that works best for you!

Extend Your Sessions

You can start with shorter sessions that are just a few minutes long. As you get more comfortable with it, you can increase the length of your sessions.

You can work out a rhythm where you do shorter sessions on weekdays and explore deeper sessions on the weekends, when you have more time.

Add Affirmations

One of the most powerful ways to level up your chakra meditation practice is to add affirmations to it.

These are some chakra-specific affirmations to try:

  • Root chakra: “I am safe, secure, and grounded.”
  • Sacral chakra: “My creativity is flowing freely.”
  • Solar plexus chakra: “I am strong, powerful, and confident. I believe in myself and my abilities.”
  • Heart chakra: “I love myself and everyone around me. I am open to the beauty and joy that life offers.”
  • Throat chakra: “My thoughts and words are filled with truth and authenticity.”
  • Third eye chakra: “I trust my intuition and inner wisdom.”
  • Crown chakra: “I am divine and enlightened.”

If you like, you can also create your own affirmations for each chakra.

Incorporate Gestures

Mudras are hand symbols or gestures that are used in many yogic and meditation practices. There is a specific mudra linked to each of the seven chakras. 

Practicing the mudra during the meditation is supposed to help you unlock your energy. It also helps you feel more grounded in the present moment.

Keep a Journal

After you finish meditating, it’s important to take a moment to reflect on the experience and examine any thoughts and feelings you encountered.

If you like, you can write down your introspections in a journal and track your progress over time.

Recommended Resources for Chakra Meditation

These are some resources that can help you explore chakra meditation further.

Books

  • “Wheels of Life: A User’s Guide to the Chakra System” by Anodea Judith
  • “The Chakras in Grief and Trauma” by Karla Helbert
  • “The Book of Chakra Healing” by Liz Simpson

Guided Meditations

  • YouTube
  • Headspace app
  • Insight Timer app

Classes and Workshops

Helbert recommends attending a yoga class or workshop that focuses on chakras. “Working with a meditation teacher with experience and knowledge of the chakras is also a good place to start.”


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Should You Give a Cheating Partner a Second Chance?


Key Takeaways

  • Only you can decide if you should give a cheating partner a second chance.
  • Counseling may help you decide if your relationship can be saved.

One of the most difficult relationship decisions you hope to never have to make is whether or not to give a cheating partner a second chance. Infidelity is incredibly painful, and it might leave you wondering if you should break up or stay in the relationship.

If you discover that your partner lied to you, manipulated you, made a fool out of you, or tried to cover up the affair, ending the relationship might seem like the obvious answer. But what if your partner is usually reliable? What if they regret cheating and promise to be faithful? What if you’re convinced that the two of you do love one another?

Everyone has their line in the sand—the one thing that is a deal-breaker. Only you know what that line in the sand is for you.

How Cheating May Affect Your Relationship

Infidelity doesn’t always mean a relationship is over, especially if your partner is truly remorseful. In fact, true remorse is a big indicator that there is hope for the relationship, especially if you have been together a long time and have children together.

But, both of you have to realize that your relationship will never be the same. You can’t just pretend like nothing ever happened if you want anything to change. You both have a lot of hard work to do to make the relationship successful.

Questions to Consider After Your Partner Has Cheated

Before you give your partner a second chance, it’s important to really think about all that is involved in repairing your relationship like healing from the pain, rebuilding trust, learning to be intimate again, and improving communication. Here are some important questions to ask yourself.

  • Is this the first time your partner cheated on you?
  • Does your partner understand the hurt they caused?
  • Does your partner recognize the cheating as a problem?
  • Has your partner accepted responsibility for being unfaithful?
  • Regardless of the reasons for the infidelity, will your partner accept that changes are needed in their behavior?
  • Has your partner apologized?
  • Do you believe your partner is remorseful and truly regrets being unfaithful?
  • Will your partner attend both marital and individual counseling?
  • Have all ties with the affair partner been severed?
  • If the person is someone your partner works with, have you discussed how your partner can keep the relationship on a business-only basis?
  • Do you think you and your partner can have a successful, joyful, long-lasting relationship?
  • Do you think you can ever trust your partner again?
  • Do you think your relationship is worth saving?
  • Do you think your partner’s unfaithfulness will forever haunt your mind and heart?
  • Can you forgive your partner, or will you hold the infidelity over their head?
  • Are you considering retaliating or getting revenge?
  • Will your family and friends support efforts to reconcile, or will they impede the process?
  • Are you both willing to work on your relationship and learn how to resolve the underlying issues?

Answering these questions honestly can help you decide if you should give your partner a second chance. Look over your answers. Are they mostly positive? Or, are there areas that are cause for concern? You may want to discuss this list with a counselor or another neutral party who can help you evaluate your situation.

Conditions After Your Partner Has Cheated

If you do decide to give your partner a second chance, it might make sense to emphasize that this is a one-time opportunity. They need to understand that there will be no more chances if they cheat again.

It’s important to emphasize that your willingness to reconcile the relationship doesn’t mean you condone the cheating behavior.

Meanwhile, the partner who cheated must be willing to explain why they cheated. They also must be apologetic and honest, and they must keep their promises. They also need to recognize that there will be questions about their commitment. Consequently, they may need to agree to set healthy boundaries around their future behaviors.

Although these boundaries are best discussed with a relationship or marriage counselor, your partner may agree to allow you complete access to their phones, text messages, social media accounts, and emails. They also may agree to not have lunch or dinner alone with someone who may be a potential romantic partner.

For a long time, you may worry and wonder whether or not they will cheat again. So, these boundaries serve two purposes: They provide you with a sense of security while holding your partner accountable.

Red Flags for Further Infidelity

There are times in a relationship when you should reconsider giving your partner a second chance. Of course, the choice is still yours, but giving a second chance when these red flags are present may mean that true reconciliation is unlikely. Think twice about giving a second chance when:

  • Your partner had an affair with an ex-partner
  • The affair was full-fledged and long-term
  • Your partner shows no remorse or does not apologize
  • The cheating occurred early in the relationship
  • The cheating is serial or a pattern of behavior 
  • Your partner is abusive or controlling

Although it can be tough to accept, not every relationship can be reconciled. There are times when the cheating partner refuses to end an affair or has an established pattern of cheating. In these cases, drastic changes would need to occur before successful reconciliation.

If these red flags are apparent in your situation, consider seeking individual counseling before making any lasting decisions.

Your first priority should be to take care of yourself and then evaluate your relationship.

There are a lot of emotions that come with being cheated on including everything from hurt and anger to frustration, confusion, and even denial. Take your time processing what has happened to you. There’s no rush to make a decision about your relationship until you feel strong enough to make the best one for you.

How to Be Realistic

Most people who have been cheated on take it personally. They may blame themselves or believe that if they were somehow different or better their partner would not have cheated. But that is a far cry from the truth. Your self-worth should not be tied to your partner’s views of you.

What’s more, your partner is responsible for the cheating. You did not cause it. While it is true that counseling will require you to address your issues, your issues do not give your partner a license to cheat. Cheating was a choice your partner made alone and must accept responsibility for.

It is vital that you pay close attention to how your partner responds to getting caught.

Are they sorry they got caught? Or, are they sorry for the pain they caused you? There is a big difference.

Good Signs That Might Salvage the Relationship

Usually, an honest apology with no excuses or blaming is a good start. When your partner starts to point the finger at you or someone else as a reason for choosing to cheat, it’s is a sign that they have not accepted full responsibility for their actions.

Also, be sure your partner is truly remorseful before you agree to counseling and trying to reconcile the relationship. When a partner who cheats is unable to recognize the pain they have caused, they also will struggle to connect with you honestly and emotionally.

Healing can only begin when you are able to see that your partner truly understands the depth of your pain and that they caused it.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Rokach A, Chan SH. Love and infidelity: Causes and consequences. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2023;20(5):3904. doi:10.3390/ijerph20053904

  2. Mao A, Raguram A. Online infidelity: The new challenge to marriages. Indian J Psychiatry. 2009;51(4):302-4. doi:10.4103/0019-5545.58299

  3. Vowels LM, Vowels MJ, Mark KP. Is infidelity predictable? Using explainable machine learning to identify the most important predictors of infidelity. The Journal of Sex Research. 2022;59(2):224-237. doi:10.1080/00224499.2021.1967846

  4. Knopp K, Scott S, Ritchie L, Rhoades GK, Markman HJ, Stanley SM. Once a cheater, always a cheater? Serial infidelity across subsequent relationships. Arch Sex Behav. 2017;46(8):2301-2311. doi:10.1007/s10508-017-1018-1

  5. Mark KP, Janssen E, Milhausen RR. Infidelity in heterosexual couples: Demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex. Arch Sex Behav. 2011;40(5):971-82. doi:10.1007/s10508-011-9771-z

  6. Thornton V, Nagurney A. What is infidelity? Perceptions based on biological sex and personality. Psychol Res Behav Manag. 2011;4:51-8. doi:10.2147/PRBM.S16876

By Sheri Stritof

Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She’s the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. 


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Signs My Partner Is Not Sexually Attracted to Me Anymore


Key Takeaways

  • Talk to your partner openly and honestly about changes in their attraction to you.
  • Spend some time apart to give each other the chance to miss one another and to rediscover yourself.
  • Seek professional help through relationship therapy to improve intimacy and attraction issues.

Attraction is a key component of any healthy relationship, but what do you do if the attraction has faded? What are the signs that your wife, husband, or partner is not sexually attracted to you anymore?

For a relationship to thrive, a few things have to be in place:

  • Love, to maintain the connection, tenderness, and care that drew you and your partner together;
  • Trust, an important foundation every bond needs to promote a sense of security between significant others; and, of course,
  • Attraction, because passion combined with excitement keeps the fire burning in any successful relationship.

It’s hard to place any of these factors above the other, this is because they all work in sync to keep a relationship going. However, knowing that your partner experiences an electrifying thrill from mundane things like your smile, how clothes fit on your body, or perhaps even simply watching you work in your element, is a feeling that isn’t easily traded in a relationship. 

At a Glance

This article describes certain behaviors that may indicate a reduction in how attractive your partner finds you. Signs that your partner isn’t sexually attracted to you anymore can include having sex less often, spending more time apart, less intimacy and romance, and more arguments. If your partner exhibits these traits, learn tips to help reignite the flame in your relationship. 

Signs That Your Partner Doesn’t Find You Attractive

Let’s take a look at some signs that your partner may not be as attracted to you as they once were.

You’re Having Less Sex

One of the first ways to determine how your partner feels about your physical relationship is to examine your sex life.

Questions to Ask Yourself

  • Are you having less sex?
  • Do they seem less affectionate?
  • What does foreplay usually feel like, and has it changed dramatically?
  • Are you and your partner taking the time to speak and compare notes after sessions?

This may be specially noticed with married couples. There is a tendency for sex to slow down during marriage. For example, one population study found a considerable decrease in the number of times couples had sex weekly.

A sudden change in the frequency in which you have sex with your partner could indicate a change in how attractive your partner finds you.

Likewise, when the intimacy is missing from foreplay, or if this act is removed altogether when you have sex, it could be another warning sign.

In some cases, the frequency with which you have sex may not be affected, but what is considerably changed is how your partner goes about things. Sex may start to feel routine, almost like a checkbox to be ticked in your relationship—gone is the passion, conversation, and intimacy that usually would have followed your lovemaking. 

Your Partner Is Spending More Time Apart From You

Where your partner is starting to spend more moments away from the home you share, or away from you, this can understandably be worrying.

However, you and your partner spending less time together may not always be a cause for concern—they may simply want some time alone and may find it difficult to share without stirring your fears.

However, where they are repeatedly giving excuses as to why they can’t meet, or when you do spend time together, it’s typically brief and lacking real intimacy—this could signal a waning attraction towards you.

They Are Putting Less Effort Into the Relationship

A truly painful indicator that your partner no longer finds you attractive is how little effort they are putting into the relationship. Terms of endearments may be dropped, planning activities together may be a thing of the past, and even getting them to respond to your texts may become a worrying challenge.

This can be considerably painful, especially when your partner was diligent in making you feel special early in your relationship.

Intimacy Is Starting to Feel Familial

In other cases, you may find that your partner does all the right things: frequently calls you during the day to give updates, plans movie dates, or has a day set out where you eat somewhere fancy during the week.

The only issue is that it feels more like you’re dealing with a brother or sister than a person you would prefer to remain intimate with.

While the friendship and trust remain in the relationship, very noticeably missing is a spark that shows that your partner has eyes only for you, and will do all things possible to keep that flame alive.

Understandably, infatuation may not always be the most lasting reaction you produce from your partner. However, when your significant other begins to lose their attachment and desire for you, this may threaten the future of your relationship.

You’re Fighting More Often

If your partner is more irritable towards you, and never wastes an opportunity to quarrel about the big or small things in your relationship—not only is this a sign that they may be having a waning attraction towards your charm and appeal, but it could also signal something more trouble for the continuation of the relationship.

How to Rekindle Attraction in Your Relationship

Accepting the reality that your partner may no longer be attracted to you can be painful. However, this level of awareness may be the key that helps to turn your relationship back on track. 

Below are different ways to get your partner to fall back into being attracted to you:

Have an Open Conversation

In addition to love, trust, and attraction—communication is a bedrock of relationships that cannot be taken for granted.

Speak to your partner openly and honestly about the changes you have noticed in their attraction to you. Learn how they see you, or if your behavior has changed to an extent that may be causing them to pull away.

While this may be easier said than done, especially because communicating while resolving challenges is particularly difficult for couples—by hearing things directly from your partner, you may learn certain traits you may otherwise have been unaware of that could have affected your intimacy.

It’s important to note that finding the right way to communicate with your partner during this period could be critical to properly discussing your worries.

As much as you can, avoid accusatory statements, or speaking when tempers are high. An open, honest conversation should be the target when discussing things with your partner.

Spend Some Time Apart 

It might seem counterproductive to keep away from your partner at a time you want them to look more closely and feel something with you—but this change just may be what your relationship needs.

By taking the time to go on solo trips for yourself, and encouraging your partner to take a vacation with family and friends—you may give your partner the opportunity to miss you. This could also give you a chance to rediscover yourself.

Time apart doesn’t, however, mean staying completely away from your significant other. Check in from time to time to avoid alienating them.

You may use this period to spice up your relationship digitally through virtual or phone calls. This might offer a change from your usual relations and could help to improve their attraction for you.

Go Back to the Basics of Romance

With your partner’s indulgence, you can take your relationship back to the early days by doing all the things you and your lover engaged in while dating.

Take the time to go on dates, take extra care with your appearance, and write intimate love letters to each other. Going on movie dates, taking cooking classes together, or partaking in other intimate couple activities like a pottery class could help to offer a needed intimacy change.

Keeping in close proximity, and breaking from the routine of your relationship can help to improve your partner’s attraction to you.

Speak to a Therapist

In other cases, you may decide to get professional help to intervene in your relationship challenges. Therapy is a great way to explore and improve any intimacy or attraction challenges you may be experiencing with your partner.

Different forms of therapy are available to manage any challenges with your partner—cognitive existential couples therapy, couple-based cognitive-behavior therapy, and cognitive dialectical behavioral therapy are just some of the ways a professional can intervene in your relationship.

Beyond working on your partner’s attraction, a relationship therapist may also help to identify the strengths in your relationship, as well as other areas in which you and your partner can stand to improve.


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What are Defense Mechanisms?


Key Takeaways

  • Mature defense mechanisms like humor and sublimation can help you accept uncomfortable situations without denial.
  • Primitive defense mechanisms like denial or projection may keep you from dealing with reality.
  • Seeking therapy can help you identify and use more adaptive ways to handle stress and anxiety.

Defense mechanisms are methods people use to cope with feelings of stress or anxiety. These methods can vary widely in their degree of helping or potentially causing further harm. For most people, defense mechanisms are unconscious behaviors.

Identifying and recognizing adaptive and maladaptive defense mechanisms, as well as their root causes or triggers, can help you understand and care for yourself better.

Sigmund Freud, the renowned psychoanalyst, was the first person to propose the idea of defense mechanisms. Freud believed people unconsciously used defense mechanisms to help protect themselves from difficult or uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, or situations.

At a Glance

Defense mechanisms are ways to manage feelings of anxiety. These can be mature and adaptive, such as using humor or sublimation to cope. They can also be primitive, immature, or maladaptive, such as using projection or passive-aggressiveness.

This article discusses the most frequently used defense mechanisms and why people use them. It also looks at situations where you might need help and what kind of help would be available to you. 

Types of Defense Mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are sometimes broadly classified into either primitive defenses or mature defenses. Mature defense mechanisms are more adaptive, and primitive defenses are less adaptive.

Primitive Defense Mechanisms

Primitive defense mechanisms are the first to occur developmentally and include regression, denial, splitting, projection, fixation, fantasy, identification, passive aggression, rationalization, reaction formation, idealization, and acting out.

Primitive mechanisms are sometimes further broken down into either neurotic or immature defenses. Neurotic defenses include intellectualization, undoing, repression, dissociation, reaction formation, and displacement.

Examples of immature defense mechanisms include denial, rationalization, projection, splitting, and acting out.

Mature Defense Mechanisms

Mature defense mechanisms may be more helpful and inflict less harm upon yourself and others. The mature defenses involve accepting reality even if it is disliked. Uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and situations are interpreted and addressed in less threatening forms instead of being denied.

People can practice choosing to use mature defense mechanisms as they may not happen naturally. They often require intention, practice, and effort. Mature defense mechanisms include altruism, anticipation, humor, sublimation, and suppression.

Common Defense Mechanisms

In the early twentieth century, Anna Freud, the daughter of Sigmund Freud, highlighted ten of the most common defense mechanisms people use. Psychoanalysts are constantly expanding on this number. Here’s a breakdown of the most common types of defense mechanisms people use.

Avoidance 

Avoidance is a defense mechanism people use to avoid handling a problem at hand. With avoidance, you’ll dismiss any uncomfortable or negative thoughts or feelings without trying to understand them.

You might also avoid people or places that make you uncomfortable to the extent that it disrupts your personal life. 

In the long run, avoidance may not be a sustainable solution and can compound a stressful situation. If it is safe and possible to do so, addressing and resolving a stressful situation directly can be more helpful. Using drugs or alcohol to circumvent dealing with your feelings or a difficult situation is also a form of avoidance.

Denial 

Denial is used to avoid dealing with a stressful or overwhelming situation. When a person is in denial, they refuse to accept the reality of their situation.

For instance, if you are going through a rough divorce, you might stay in denial about the fact that your partner is about to leave you until it happens. The problem with denial is that it stops you from dealing with a situation when you should.

If you’ve just received shocking or life-changing news, denial can give you some time to come to terms with your new reality. However, if you remain in a state of denial, it could disrupt your life by keeping you disconnected from reality.

Projection

Projection is an unconscious act of taking unwanted emotions or traits you don’t like or refuse to accept about yourself and attributing them to someone else. For instance, a person who is cheating might suspect or accuse their partner of cheating.

Projection tends to be rooted in all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking, where people view things as either all-good or all-bad. 

Researchers have found that this type of defense mechanism tends to emerge during adolescence. In many cases, people use it less frequently as they begin to develop more mature defense mechanisms.

Distortion 

Distortion is the misinterpretation of your environment to see what you want to see, the way you want to see it. Your unconscious brain may seek out data that supports your beliefs and ignores evidence against it to protect your ego so you can perceive yourself as right or good instead of having made a mistake.

A delusion is a type of distortion. It may arise in response to feelings such as loneliness or inadequacy.

Delusions, like most defense mechanisms, show up in ways that range from adaptive to maladaptive. A person might have an adaptive delusion when they read and believe in horoscopes, picking out only what’s true for them, and being amazed that they are so accurate—while ignoring or dismissing anything from the horoscope that does not resonate with them.

An example of a maladaptive delusion could be a person denying COVID-19 exists and refusing to wear a mask to prevent the spread of the illness. They may find information to support their belief, and ignore all evidence that suggests otherwise—even to the detriment to their own or a loved one’s health.

Repression 

With repression, a person will block out painful or overwhelming feelings and emotions in situations where they experience them. You often have no control over the thoughts and emotions you repress. 

Repressed memories or feelings don’t just disappear, however. During therapy, or in certain unsuspecting moments, you might find yourself uncovering them. A person who was abused by their parents as a child, for instance, may repress the memories and be unaware of them as an adult, insisting their parents were wonderful and never hurt them.

Suppression, on the other hand, is a conscious and intentional form of repression where you choose not to interact with or talk about distressing thoughts, feelings, or situations. You are aware of them, but you may put off addressing them until a later time. The ways suppression may be used can range from maladaptive to adaptive.

Identification

Identification involves a person adopting the thoughts and behaviors of a person who has power over them. In many identification cases, the person using it as a coping mechanism is being abused.

A great example of identification is in people who have Stockholm Syndrome. In such cases, they form an emotional bond with their captor or abuser and adapt their negative traits and behaviors.

Intellectualization 

With intellectualization, people use reason, logic, and facts to avoid uncomfortable feelings or situations. Many times, people use intellectualization to avoid dealing with their emotions. For instance, they might justify cheating on a test because they needed the grade to graduate. 

Regression 

Regression involves an individual coping with a traumatic, stressful, or anxiety-provoking situation by returning to an earlier developmental stage, or going psychologically back to a period in time.

For instance, a child who was abused and has been potty trained might start bedwetting again. It’s possible for regression to occur at any stage of your life.

Sublimation 

Sublimation, in many cases, is a positive defense mechanism. People who use it as a defense mechanism will substitute their more aggressive or problematic impulses with healthier and more positive alternatives.

For instance, a person who has been feeling a lot of pent-up anger and frustration might start playing a contact sport like football to channel these emotions healthily.

Dissociation 

Dissociation involves disconnecting from yourself and your own thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity. It often happens in response to a traumatic situation, like when a person is being abused. Like all defense mechanisms, forms of dissociation can range from mild to extreme.

Symptoms of dissociation may include having an out-of-body experience (which may happen during extreme physical violence such as rape or assault), feeling like you’re a different person, feeling emotionally or physically numb or detached, and not feeling any pain. “Zoning out” is a very mild form of dissociation.

A person who frequently uses dissociation as a defense mechanism might develop a dissociative disorder. If you have a dissociative disorder, you’ll have no control over the situations and scenarios you dissociate from.  Dissociation often happens unconsciously.

Displacement 

Displacement involves taking out difficult feelings, frustrations, and impulses on a less threatening person or object. For example, someone who is yelled at by their boss and has a bad day at work might not say anything directly to their boss. However, they may come home and yell at or take their frustrations out on their child.

Why People Use Defense Mechanisms 

Many defense mechanisms happen unconsciously as attempts to protect your ego and to avoid uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, or impulses. They can range from mild to extreme and maladaptive to adaptive.

People who have been abused and have mental health conditions like anxiety and depression often use defense mechanisms to cope in their day-to-day lives. While using defense mechanisms in the short term might make you feel good, you should avoid them as often as you can. 

It can be helpful to work with a therapist to help identify and understand how defense mechanisms show up in your life, psyche, and reactions so you can deepen your awareness and expand your choice about how to react when stressful situations or feelings arise.

When You Might Need Help 

If you find that you are routinely falling back on defense mechanisms to cope even in the slightest of uncomfortable situations, you might need help.

Help for people who depend on defense mechanisms is often therapy. In therapy, you’ll be equipped with the means to develop adaptive ways to deal with stressful, uncomfortable, or overwhelming situations.

If your unconscious usage of defense mechanisms results in significant functional impairment, you may want to consult with a psychiatrist or physician to explore how medication may help.

What This Means For You

Defense mechanisms are common and expected. Using a defense mechanism to protect yourself in specific scenarios can be adaptive. For instance, intellectualizing a challenging situation can help you realize that maybe some positive change came from it.

However, it would be best not to rely on harmful defense mechanisms whenever you are in a difficult situation because it may cause you to disconnect from reality. If you need assistance, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional.


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