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Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapeutic treatment that helps people learn how to identify and change the destructive or disturbing thought patterns that have a negative influence on their behavior and emotions.

Cognitive behavioral therapy combines cognitive therapy with behavior therapy by identifying maladaptive patterns of thinking, emotional responses, or behaviors and replacing them with more desirable or helpful patterns.

Cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on changing the automatic negative thoughts that can contribute to and worsen our emotional difficulties, depression, and anxiety. These spontaneous negative thoughts also have a detrimental influence on our mood.

Through CBT, faulty thoughts are identified, challenged, and replaced with more objective, realistic thoughts.

Types of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

CBT encompasses a range of techniques and approaches that address our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. These can range from structured psychotherapies to self-help practices. Some of the specific types of therapeutic approaches that involve cognitive behavioral therapy include:

• Cognitive therapy: Centers on identifying and changing inaccurate or distorted thought patterns, emotional responses, and behaviors.
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): Addresses destructive or disturbing thoughts and behaviors while incorporating treatment strategies such as emotional regulation and mindfulness.
• Multimodal therapy: Suggests that psychological issues must be treated by addressing seven different but interconnected modalities: behavior, affect, sensation, imagery, cognition, interpersonal factors, and drug/biological considerations.
• Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT): Involves identifying irrational beliefs, actively challenging these beliefs, and finally learning to recognize and change these thought patterns.

While each type of cognitive behavioral therapy takes a different approach, all work to address the underlying thought patterns that contribute to psychological distress.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Techniques

CBT is about more than identifying thought patterns. It uses a wide range of strategies to help people overcome these patterns. Here are just a few examples of techniques used in cognitive behavioral therapy. 

Identifying Negative Thoughts

It is important to learn what thoughts, feelings, and situations are contributing to maladaptive, unhelpful, or harmful behaviors. This process can be difficult, however, especially for people who struggle with introspection. But taking the time to identify these thoughts can lead to self-discovery and provide insights that are essential to the treatment process.

Practicing New Skills

In cognitive behavioral therapy, people are often taught new skills that can be used in real-world situations. For example, someone with a substance use disorder might practice new coping skills and rehearse ways to avoid or deal with social situations that could potentially trigger a relapse.

Goal-Setting

Goal setting can be an important step in recovery from mental illness, helping you to make changes to improve your health and life. During cognitive behavioral therapy, a therapist can help you build and strengthen your goal-setting skills.

This might involve teaching you how to identify your goal or how to distinguish between short- and long-term goals. It may also include helping you set SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-based), with a focus on the process as much as the end outcome.

Problem-Solving

Learning problem-solving skills during cognitive behavioral therapy can help you learn how to identify and solve problems that may arise from life stressors, both big and small. It can also help reduce the negative impact of psychological and physical illness.

Problem-solving in CBT often involves five steps:

1. Identify the problem
2. Generate a list of potential solutions
3. Evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of each potential solution
4. Choose a solution to implement
5. Implement the solution

Self-Monitoring

Also known as diary work, self-monitoring is an important cognitive behavioral therapy technique. It involves tracking behaviors, symptoms, or experiences over time and sharing them with your therapist.

Self-monitoring can provide your therapist with the information they need to give you the best treatment. For example, for people with eating disorders, self-monitoring may involve keeping track of eating habits, as well as any thoughts or feelings that went along with consuming a meal or snack.

What Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Can Help With

Cognitive behavioral therapy can be used as a short-term treatment to help individuals learn to focus on present thoughts and beliefs.

CBT is used to treat a wide range of conditions, including:

In addition to mental health conditions, cognitive behavioral therapy has also been found to help people cope with:

Benefits of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

The underlying concept behind CBT is that thoughts and feelings play a fundamental role in behavior. For example, a person who spends a lot of time thinking about plane crashes, runway accidents, and other air disasters may avoid air travel as a result.

The goal of cognitive behavioral therapy is to teach people that while they cannot control every aspect of the world around them, they can take control of how they interpret and deal with things in their environment.

CBT is known for providing the following key benefits:

• It helps you develop healthier thought patterns by becoming aware of the negative and often unrealistic thoughts that dampen your feelings and moods.
• It is an effective short-term treatment option as improvements can often be seen in five to 20 sessions.
• It is effective for a wide variety of maladaptive behaviors.
• It is often more affordable than some other types of therapy.
• It is effective whether therapy occurs online or face-to-face.
• It can be used for those who don’t require psychotropic medication.

Effectiveness of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

CBT emerged during the 1960s and originated in the work of psychiatrist Aaron Beck, who noted that certain types of thinking contributed to emotional problems. Beck labeled these “automatic negative thoughts” and developed the process of cognitive therapy. 

Where earlier behavior therapies had focused almost exclusively on associations, reinforcements, and punishments to modify behavior, the cognitive approach addresses how thoughts and feelings affect behaviors.

Today, cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the most well-studied forms of treatment. It has been shown to be effective in the treatment of a range of mental conditions, including anxiety, depression, eating disorders, insomnia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and substance use disorder.

• Research indicates that cognitive behavioral therapy is the leading evidence-based treatment for eating disorders.
• CBT has been proven helpful in those with insomnia, as well as those who have a medical condition that interferes with sleep, including those with pain or mood disorders such as depression.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy has been scientifically proven to be effective in treating symptoms of depression and anxiety in children and adolescents.
• A 2018 meta-analysis of 41 studies found that CBT helped improve symptoms in people with anxiety and anxiety-related disorders, including obsessive-compulsive disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy has a high level of empirical support for the treatment of substance use disorders, helping people with these disorders improve self-control, avoid triggers, and develop coping mechanisms for daily stressors.

CBT is one of the most researched types of therapy, in part, because treatment is focused on very specific goals and results can be measured relatively easily.

Things to Consider With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

There are several challenges that people may face when engaging in cognitive behavioral therapy. Here are a few to consider.

Change Can Be Difficult

Initially, some patients suggest that while they recognize that certain thoughts are not rational or healthy, simply becoming aware of these thoughts does not make it easy to alter them.

CBT Is Very Structured

Cognitive behavioral therapy doesn’t focus on underlying, unconscious resistance to change as much as other approaches, such as psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Instead, it tends to be more structured, so it may not be suitable for people who may find structure difficult or who want to more freely explore their past and their emotions.

You Must Be Willing to Change

For cognitive behavioral therapy to be effective, you must be ready and willing to spend time and effort analyzing your thoughts and feelings. This self-analysis can be difficult, but it is a great way to learn more about how your internal states impact your outward behavior.

Progress Is Often Gradual

In most cases, CBT is a gradual process that helps you take incremental steps toward behavior change. For example, someone with social anxiety might start by simply imagining anxiety-provoking social situations. Next, they may practice conversations with friends, family, and acquaintances. By progressively working toward a larger goal, the process seems less daunting and the goals easier to achieve.

There is no magic therapy bullet – all therapy, including CBT, takes time and effort.

How to Get Started With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy can be an effective treatment choice for a range of psychological issues. If you or someone you love might benefit from this form of therapy, consider the following steps:

• Consult with your physician and/or check out the directory of certified therapists offered by the National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists to locate a licensed professional in your area. You can also do a search for “cognitive behavioral therapy near me” to find local therapists who specialize in this type of therapy.
• Consider your personal preferences, including whether face-to-face or online therapy will work best for you.
• Contact your health insurance to see if it covers cognitive behavioral therapy and, if so, how many sessions are covered per year.
• Make an appointment with the therapist you’ve chosen, noting it on your calendar so you don’t forget it or accidentally schedule something else during that time.
• Show up to your first session with an open mind and positive attitude. Be ready to begin to identify the thoughts and behaviors that may be holding you back, and commit to learning the strategies that can propel you forward instead.

What to Expect With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

If you’re new to cognitive behavioral therapy, you may have uncertainties or fears of what to expect. In many ways, the first session begins much like your first appointment with any new healthcare provider.

During the first session, you’ll likely spend some time filling out paperwork such as HIPAA forms (privacy forms), insurance information, medical history, current medications, and a therapist-patient service agreement. If you’re participating in online therapy, you’ll likely fill out these forms online.

Once the therapist has a better idea of who you are, the challenges you face, and your goals for cognitive behavioral therapy, they can help you increase your awareness of the thoughts and beliefs you have that are unhelpful or unrealistic. Next, strategies are implemented to help you develop healthier thoughts and behavior patterns.

During later sessions, you will discuss how your strategies are working and change the ones that aren’t. Your therapist may also suggest cognitive behavioral therapy techniques you can do yourself between sessions, such as journaling to identify negative thoughts or practicing new skills to overcome your anxiety.

For many people, sex is a very emotional act. When having sex, you might find that you experience many emotions, from pleasure to joy. Some people might even become so overwhelmed by feelings that they start to cry.

The first thing you should know if you’ve ever found yourself in that situation is that, while it could feel moderately embarrassing, crying during sex is typically nothing to worry about. That said, it can help to understand why this happens and how to prevent it from happening again if that’s what you want. Here’s what you need to know.

Reasons for Crying During Sex

If you’ve ever cried during sex or had a partner cry, the immediate question you might ask yourself is “Why?”—especially if it seems like the tears have come out of nowhere. These are a few potential reasons to consider.

You Are in Unwanted Pain 

If you experience unwanted pain and discomfort during sex, you may begin to cry. Sex should never be painful in an undesired, uncomfortable way. Pain during sex, also known as dyspareunia, can be the result of an infection, an injury, or because there’s a lack of lubrication.

Women with a condition called vaginismus also often feel pain during sex. Vaginismus is a condition that causes vaginal muscles to tighten involuntarily, making it difficult for women to have penetrative sex. It can be treated with various types of therapy, including cognitive behavioral therapy and sex therapy.  

To address crying during sex due to pain, inform your partner immediately that you are in pain and either stop completely or slow things down significantly. Only proceed with consent, care, and clear communication.

You Are Sad or Depressed

If you’ve been feeling sad or depressed, these emotions don’t go away during sex, even though sex is meant to be a pleasurable activity. So, you might find yourself suddenly crying during random moments in your day, which could include when you’re having sex.

Seeking treatment can help you start to feel better. Depression treatment can involve medication, therapy, or a combination of both. Talking to your healthcare provider or a mental health professional is a good first step to getting help.

You Are Happy 

Believe it or not, you might cry during sex simply because you are overwhelmingly happy. This might be because you are having sex with a partner you love deeply or really enjoy sex with them. So, don’t hold back and let the tears flow if you find yourself crying because you are so ecstatic.

This can be an intimate bonding moment between you and your partner. It’s essential to communicate that you are crying because you are just so happy so that you don’t alarm your partner. 

You Are Ashamed of Having Sex 

Some people have reservations about sex, causing them to cry during the act. This occurs mainly when the sex is outside of a committed partnership or marriage. Some people cry because they view sex as a dirty act.

If you think of sex as a shameful act, unlearning these sentiments can help you have and enjoy sex comfortably. And if you have any reservations about having sex with a particular person or in a specific situation, hold off until these feelings have been resolved so you can feel more comfortable during sex. 

You’ve Just Had an Orgasm 

Some people find that every time they orgasm, they cry a little. Orgasm is an intense bodily reaction to pleasure when having sex.

In a 2017 study, researchers found that people experience a wide range of emotions after orgasm, from crying to sneezing to having panic attacks. It’s known as a “peri-orgasmic phenomena” and is rare.

You Feel Overwhelmed

If work, life, or any other personal issues overwhelm you, this could affect you during sex. When having sex, your body is steadily releasing a cocktail of hormones. If you combine the surge of hormones with stress or anxiety, you might cry.

Some people also have a condition called sexual performance anxiety that could cause them to cry during sex. Research shows that the disorder affects 9% to 25% of men and 6% to 16% of women.

You Are Dealing With Unresolved Trauma

If you’ve been sexually or emotionally abused in the past, this could cause trauma. Having lived through sexual trauma can make having and enjoying sex after the incident complicated, especially if you have yet to heal from your trauma.

If crying during sex is due to unresolved trauma, you can start to heal by attending therapy or support groups. Also, choose a partner who can support your healing through compassionate, understanding, and respectful emotional and sexual connection.

You Have Postcoital Dysphoria 

Postcoital dysphoria is a condition that causes intense feelings of sadness in women after having sex. In a 2015 study, researchers found that about 46% of participants had experienced postcoital dysphoria at least once in their lives.

If you have this condition, you might suddenly cry after having sex or during sex, even if you enjoyed it. In some cases, you might even get into a fight with your partner for no apparent reason during sex.

You Are Unhappy With Your Partner 

Crying during sex could be a sign of issues in your relationship. If you’ve been going through emotional issues with your partner or harboring thoughts of splitting up, it can all come to a head during sex.

If this is the case, it’s important to discuss this with your partner. This enables you both to decide whether to work on repairing the relationship or going your separate ways. 

You’re Experiencing Hormonal Changes

Certain hormones are released during sex, like oxytocin and dopamine. This can produce feelings of relaxation and happiness. However, you might react to the rush of these hormonal changes—along with the physical and emotional intensity of sex—by tearing up or crying.

If you are experiencing other conditions like premenstrual syndrome (PMS), pregnancy, menopause, or if you are undergoing fertility treatment, your body is going through hormonal changes that may cause you to cry during sex as well.

You Are Fully Present

You might cry during sex when you are completely present and in the moment. Sometimes, being in the moment creates space for other feelings to arise, especially feelings we may have avoided, numbed, or repressed. Sex can trigger the release of all kinds of emotions.

So You Cried During Sex, What Now? 

If you’ve just cried during sex, you might feel a little embarrassed by it. It might help to know that you are not alone, and most times, it’s perfectly normal.

What you do next typically depends on the reason you are crying. For instance, if you are in pain, you should immediately stop having sex and figure out why. If you can’t identify what’s causing your pain, a healthcare provider can help you determine the cause.

If you are crying for any other reason, communicate with your partner so you can find the root of it together. Seeking a therapist can also help.

How to Respond to a Partner Crying During Sex 

Having a partner suddenly burst into tears during or after sex can be surprising. It could also cause you to either feel guilty, worried, or anxious about the well-being of your partner.

The most important thing to do is to have a conversation about it. Don’t move past it as if nothing happened. Sometimes, your partner crying during sex could hint at emotional issues or reservations they might have about your relationship.

Clarify that you understand and empathize with their feelings and ask them how you can help. It’s essential not to hurry into resuming sex or any sexual activity until you feel you’ve both come to a complete resolution about the matter. 

In addition to having a conversation about why the crying is happening:

• Ask your partner if they’d like to stop.
• Slow down and observe your partner’s non-verbal cues.
• Stop sexual activity and hold your partner close until they are ready to speak/communicate.

If you or someone you love has borderline personality disorder (BPD) you know this mental health condition can make relationships difficult. People with BPD experience unstable moods, emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, impulsive behaviors, and more. Symptoms of BPD also may include risk-taking behavior as well as self-harm or suicidal behaviors. As a result, they commonly experience relationships that are chaotic, intense, and conflict-laden. This can be especially true for romantic relationships.

If you are considering starting a relationship with someone who has BPD (or are in one now), it’s important to educate yourself about the disorder and what to expect. Likewise, if you have been diagnosed with BPD, it can be helpful to think about how your symptoms have affected your dating life and romantic relationships.

What BPD Looks Like in a Relationship

Everyone faces relationship problems at some point. For people with BPD, these problems are so prevalent that they are considered a core symptom of the condition.

For example, one study demonstrated that women with BPD symptoms reported greater chronic relationship stress and more frequent conflicts. Also, the more severe a person’s BPD symptoms are the less relationship satisfaction their partner reports.

All of this conflict and turmoil means that people with borderline personality disorder have trouble maintaining relationships. Research has also shown that BPD symptoms are associated with a greater number of romantic relationships over time.

BPD can affect relationships in a variety of ways. Some problems that can come up throughout a relationship with a person with BPD include:

Instability

People with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.

Fear of Abandonment

Another BPD symptom that particularly impacts relationships is a deep fear of abandonment. They are always on high alert, looking for any possible sign that someone will leave them. This means that they often misinterpret even minor events as signs of imminent abandonment.

Lying

Another common complaint of people in relationships with someone with BPD is lying. People with this condition often lie in order to try to avoid being abandoned. Intense emotions, impulsivity, shame, and distorted perceptions also play a role in this tendency to lie.

While lying and deception are not behaviors included in the formal diagnostic criteria for BPD, many loved ones report that lying is one of their biggest concerns. The constant deception undermines trust in relationships.

Impulsive Sexuality

Impulsive sexuality is another classic symptom of BPD, and many people with BPD struggle with issues of sexuality. Also, a large percentage of people with BPD experienced childhood sexual abuse, which can make sex very complicated.

Finally, research has also shown BPD symptoms are associated with a higher incidence of unplanned pregnancies in women.

Symptoms with an Indirect Effect

Other symptoms of BPD, including impulsivity, self-harm, and dissociative symptoms, can have an indirect impact on relationships. For example, if a loved one with BPD is engaging in impulsive behaviors like going on spending sprees, it can cause major stress within the family.

Suicidal gestures and ideation can be scary for romantic partners and can introduce lots of stress into the relationship.

Starting a Romantic Relationship When Someone Has BPD

Despite the intense and disruptive symptoms people with BPD and their loved ones must cope with, people with BPD often have many positive qualities that can make them great romantic partners some of the time. Furthermore, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD describe their partner as fun, exciting, and passionate.

Will the Relationship Last?

Most relationships go through a honeymoon period at the start. Relationships with people who have BPD are no exception. In fact, the experience may be magnified.

This honeymoon period can be very exciting for the new partner, too. After all, it’s really nice to have someone feel so strongly about you and to feel needed.

Problems start to arise, however, when reality sets in. When a person with BPD realizes that their new partner is not faultless, that image of the perfect, idealized soulmate can come crashing down. Because people with BPD struggle with dichotomous thinking, or seeing things only in black and white, they can have trouble recognizing the fact that most people make mistakes even when they mean well.

The key to maintaining a relationship with someone with BPD is to find ways to cope with these cycles and to encourage your partner to get professional help to cope with the disruptive symptoms and reduce problematic thinking. In addition to individual therapy, couples therapy can be helpful for both partners in the relationship.

Managing a Romantic Relationship With BPD

In addition to couples therapy, there are therapies that have been shown to be effective for a person with BPD, in terms of helping with relationships:

Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Dialectal behavior therapy (DBT) is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy that relates a person’s thinking to their behavior. There are four main skills taught in DBT, one of which is managing interpersonal skills.

Mentalization-Based Therapy

Mentalization-based therapy (MBT) is a therapy that focuses on helping someone make sense of what is going on in their mind and the minds of others.

Medications

There are currently no medications specifically approved to treat BPD, but doctors may prescribe medication to help improve certain symptoms of borderline personality disorder. Research suggests that some medications can help a person manage their anger, impulsivity, and depression.

If Your Partner Has BPD

Being in a relationship with someone who has BPD can sometimes feel like being on an emotional roller coaster. While your relationship is bound to face some challenges, there are steps you can take to bring more stability to your connection.

• Learn about BPD: Start by educating yourself about the symptoms and characteristics of borderline personality disorder. Knowing how to recognize the symptoms can help you respond more effectively.
• Support your partner: Even if you don’t understand exactly what your partner is going through, be supportive and try to let them know that you hear and see them.
• Be patient: It takes time for therapy and medications to work. Try to be patient with your partner and recognize that setbacks are bound to happen.
• Set boundaries: Establish healthy limits on behavior, then be firm about maintaining those boundaries.
• Encourage treatment: Help your partner learn more about their treatment options and encourage them to adhere to their therapist’s recommendations.
• Care for yourself: Supporting your partner is important, but it’s also vital to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. 

While there will be bumps along the way, showing compassion and support can help set your relationship on a smoother path.

How BPD Affects Breakups 

Many issues may arise when a relationship in which one partner has BPD ends. Because people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, a breakup can leave them feeling desperate and devastated.

Even if a relationship is unhealthy, a person with BPD can have trouble letting the relationship go. This is particularly true of long-term partnerships or marriages.

This is why it’s a good idea to have a support network for you and partner, especially if a breakup may occur. This network often includes a mental health professional.

Keep in Mind

It’s important to remember that while borderline personality disorder can create challenges in relationships, it is treatable. This means that while most people with BPD do experience residual symptoms even after time and treatment, in the long term, recovery and healthy relationships are possible.

If you have BPD, getting treatment for your condition is the first step. You can learn to manage your symptoms and develop healthier, happier relationships with therapy and support. If your partner has BPD, you can help by learning more about their condition, offering support, and maintaining good boundaries in the relationship.

The death of one’s mother is one of the hardest things most people will go through in life. Whether you two had a great relationship, a strained relationship, or something in between, this event will likely have a significant impact on your life.

In one survey, between 20% to 30% of participants stated that losing a loved one was the most traumatic event in their lives—even among those who had reported 11 or more traumatic events over the course of their life. For that group, 22% still ranked the loss of a loved one as their most traumatic event.

Why the Death of One’s Mother Is So Hard

Whether you are grieving the death of a mother who birthed you or a mother (or mother figure) who raised you, you are either grieving the bond you had or the bond you wish you had.

John Bowlby, a British psychologist, believed that children are born with a drive to seek attachment with their caregivers. While others before him believed that attachment was food-motivated, he believed that attachment formed based on nurturing and responsiveness.

Therefore, it makes sense that grieving that attachment—or lack thereof—would be incredibly difficult.

A mother is such an integral part of our lives in our society, in part because we are not raised in communities with a variety of caretakers,” says Liz Schmitz-Binnall, PsyD, who has done research on mother loss and resilience.

Her research specifically focused on adult women who had lost their mothers as children and found that they scored lower on resilience than those who had not lost mothers as children.

She says she sees many people who didn’t have a good relationship with their mother but are surprised at the strength of their grief reaction following their mother’s death.

How a Mother’s Death Can Affect Someone

While mother loss differs from other losses in some key ways, some of the same effects that come from any kind of loss or bereavement are present. Some thoughts and feelings typical of grief:

• Shock
• Numbness
• Sadness
• Disbelief
• Confusion
• Difficulty concentrating
• Anger 

Less known is that grief can show up physically, in addition to the more-known mental or spiritual indications. In your body, grief may look like:

• Digestive problems
• Energy loss
• Nervousness
• Sleep disturbances
• Weight changes 
• Nervousness

Risk of Psychiatric Disorders

In others, however, a loss of a loved one may activate mental health disorders even in those with no history of mental illness. One study found an increased risk for the following disorders, in addition to discovering a new link between mania and loss:

• Major depressive disorder
• Panic disorder
• Posttraumatic disorder

Specifically in adults over the age of 70: 

• Manic episodes
• Phobias
• Alcohol use disorders
• Generalized anxiety disorder 

What Is Complex Bereavement?

All grief is complex, but upon losing someone, many people are able to slowly readjust to their daily routines (or create new routines). Mental health professionals may call it complicated or complex bereavement if it has been at least a year and your daily function is still significantly impacted. 

(Note: the current clinical name is Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder, but the American Psychiatric Association recently approved a change of name to Prolonged Grief Disorder.)

Some of the signs of prolonged grief are the following symptoms still significantly impacting your daily functioning after 12 months:

In one study, 65% of participants with complicated grief had thought about wanting to die themselves after losing a loved one. So if you, or someone you know who is grieving, is having suicidal thoughts, know that you aren’t alone and this is not uncommon for what you are going through.

How to Heal from the Death of a Mother

When loss is fresh, it feels like you will feel that way forever—but you won’t.

“If you allow yourself to grieve, and if others allow you to grieve,” says Schmitz-Binnall, “you will probably notice that the really intense feelings will lessen during the first few months after the death of your mother.”

She says that while most people intuitively realize it can be hard to lose a mother, they don’t realize quite how hard it can be—or how long it can take. “People in our society often think we can move through grief in a month and be done with it.”

And even if we don’t acknowledge those feelings, that doesn’t mean they aren’t existing and impacting our lives anyway.

Some of her tips:

• Feel the feelings
• Or let yourself feel nothing
• Talk about your feelings
• Spend time by yourself
• Spend time with others
• Talk to her (in whatever way that means for you and your beliefs—it may also include writing letters to her.)

Talk to a Professional

Therapy can be helpful after a major loss like this. While most therapists will have worked with grief, as it’s one of the most universal life experiences, there are also therapists who specialize in working with clients with grief. To find one, search for grief therapist or grief counselor in your area.

Find a Community

Since grief can feel like such an isolating experience, many find comfort in support groups, whether they be in-person or an online support group. If you are a woman who has lost a mother, you may be interested in the Motherless Daughters community, which is both virtual and has offline meetups.

INTP—introverted, intuitive, thinking, and perceiving—is one of the 16 personality types described by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). People who score as an INTP personality type are often described as quiet and analytical. They enjoy spending time alone, thinking about how things work, and coming up with solutions to problems.

INTPs have a rich inner world and would rather focus their attention on their internal thoughts rather than the external world. They typically do not have a wide social circle, but they do tend to be close to a select group of people. 

The INTP personality type is known as the logician because their thoughts and behaviors are based on logic. There are two INTP subtypes:

• INTP-A: The “assertive logician” tends to be more comfortable with themselves and more confident than an INTP-T. They are also more satisfied with their circumstances.
• INTP-T: The “turbulent logician” feels less confidence, comfort with themselves, and satisfaction than an INTP-A.

Key INTP Characteristics

What is someone with an INTP personality type like? Here are a few key characteristics:

• INTPs are quiet, reserved, and thoughtful. As introverts, they prefer to socialize with a small group of close friends with whom they share common interests and connections.
• An INTP enjoys thinking about theoretical concepts and tends to value intellect over emotion. They are logical and base decisions on objective information rather than subjective feelings.
• When analyzing data and making decisions, an INTP is highly logical and objective.
• INTPs tend to be flexible and good at thinking “outside of the box.”
• People with the INTP personality type think about the big picture rather than focusing on every tiny detail.
• INTPs like to keep their options open and feel limited by structure and planning.

INTP Cognitive Functions

The MBTI is based on psychoanalyst Carl Jung’s theory, which suggests that personality comprises several cognitive functions. The hierarchy of these functions establishes personality and behavioral patterns.

The dominant function is the one that plays the largest role in personality, although it is also supported by the auxiliary. The tertiary function is less developed, but still exerts some influence and becomes more pronounced as a person strengthens this area. The inferior function is largely unconscious and represents an area of weakness.

Here are the four levels of cognitive functions for an INTP.

Dominant: Introverted Thinking

This function focuses on how people take in information about the world. INTPs try to understand how things work. typically deconstructing things or ideas to see how things fit and function together.

INTPs tend to be highly logical and efficient thinkers. They like to have a complete understanding of something before they share an opinion or take action.

Auxiliary: Extraverted Intuition

INTPs explore what-ifs and possibilities, using insight, imagination, and experiences to form ideas. INTPs often go over what they know, seeking patterns until they can achieve a flash of inspiration or insight into a problem. They tend to spend a great deal of time thinking about the future and imagining all the possibilities.

Tertiary: Introverted Sensing

INTPs tend to be very detail-oriented, carefully categorizing all of the many facts and experiences they take in. As they collect new information, INTPs compare and contrast it with what they already know in order to make predictions about what they believe will happen next.

Inferior: Extraverted Feeling

INTPs tend to seek harmony in groups. While they are introverted, INTPs can be quite outgoing when they are around people with whom they are familiar and comfortable. In situations where they feel stress, however, INTPs shut down their feelings and struggle to connect with others. Under stress, they tend to rely on logic rather than feelings.

Personal Relationships With INTPs

As introverts, INTPs prefer spending time alone for the most part. Unlike extroverts, who gain energy from interacting with a wide group of people, introverts must expend energy in social situations.

After being around a lot of people, INTPs might feel like they need to be by themselves to recharge and find balance. While they may be shy around people they do not know well, INTPs tend to be warm and friendly with their close group of family and friends.

Because INTPs enjoy solitude and deep thinking, they sometimes strike others as aloof and detached. At times, people with this personality type can get lost in their own thoughts and lose track of the outside world. INTPs love ideas and place a high value on intelligence and knowledge.

In social situations, INTPs tend to be quite easy-going and tolerant. However, they can become unyielding when their beliefs or convictions are challenged. Their high emphasis on logic can make it difficult for INTPs to not correct others when their arguments aren’t rational or logical. Because they rely on their own minds, INTPs can also be very difficult to persuade.

Career Paths for the INTP

Because they enjoy theoretical and abstract concepts, INTPs often do particularly well in science-related careers. They are logical and have strong reasoning skills, but are also excellent at thinking creatively.

INTPs can be very independent and place a great deal of emphasis on personal freedom and autonomy. In some cases, they can be aggravated by authority figures, particularly those that they feel are trying to suppress their ability to think and act for themselves. Because of this, INTPs typically do best in careers that have a great deal of flexibility and independence.

Tips for Interacting With INTPs

If you have an INTP in your life, here are a few tips for interacting with them based on the nature of your relationship.

Friendships With INTPs

Shared interests are one of the best paths to forming a friendship with an INTP. They tend to value intellect over all else and can be very slow to form friendships. While this often leads to fewer friendships, the ones that an INTP does gain tend to be very close. Remember that your INTP friends may not be the best at dealing with excess emotions, but they love to bond over deep conversations and shared passions.

Parenting INTPs

If your child is an INTP, remember that they may respond better to reason and logic rather than emotion. Encourage your child to develop their intellectual interests and look for situations that may help them foster friendships. This can be an area where a child struggles, but putting them in contact with other kids with the same interests can be helpful.

Relationships

INTPs tend to live inside their minds, so they can be quite difficult to get to know. Even in romance, they often hold back until they feel that the other person has proven themselves worthy of hearing their innermost thoughts and feelings.

Although INTPs enjoy romance in the context of deeply committed relationships, they do not play games. So, if you are in a romantic relationship with an INTP, be honest and forthright.

Because INTPs are not good at understanding the emotional needs of others, you may need to be very direct about what you need and expect in that regard. INTPs also struggle to share their feelings, so you may need to pay attention to subtle signals that your partner is sending.

Collectivist cultures prioritize the needs and goals of the group as a whole over the needs and desires of each individual. In such societies, relationships with other members of the group and the interconnectedness among its people play a central role in each person’s identity.

Collectivism contrasts with individualism, in which personal needs take precedence.

Traits of Collectivist Cultures

In collectivistic cultures, people are considered “good” if they are generous, helpful, dependable, and attentive to the needs of others. This contrasts with individualistic cultures, which often place a greater emphasis on assertiveness and independence.

Collectivist cultures generally share these characteristics:

• Individuals define themselves in relation to others (for example, “I am a member of…”).
• Communication is often indirect to avoid potential conflict or embarrassment.
• Group loyalty is encouraged.
• Decisions are based on what is best for the group.
• Compromise is favored when a decision must be made to achieve greater levels of peace.
• Working as part of a group and supporting others are essential.
• Common goals are more important than individual pursuits.
• The rights of families and communities come before those of the individual.

Individualism vs. Collectivism

Collectivism stresses the importance of the community and places great value on unity, selflessness, and altruism. Individualism focuses on individual rights and concerns, independence, and personal identity.

These pervasive cultural differences can influence many aspects of society, from the way people shop, dress, and learn to how they conduct business.

For example, workers in a collectivist culture tend to sacrifice their own happiness for the greater good of the group. Those from individualistic cultures, on the other hand, may feel that their own well-being and goals carry greater weight.

The Impact of Collectivism

Collective cultures affect the people within them a few different ways.

Self-Perception

Culture influences self-concept. Although members of individualistic cultures might describe themselves in terms of personality traits and characteristics (e.g., “I am smart, funny, athletic, and kind”), those from collectivist cultures are more likely to describe themselves in terms of their social relationships and roles (e.g., “I am a good parent, sibling, and friend”).

Strong Relationships

Collectivist cultures are associated with low relational mobility, a term that describes the opportunities that individuals in a society have to form relationships with people of their choosing.

Low relational mobility means that relationships are stable, strong, and long-lasting. These relationships are usually formed due to factors such as family and geographical area, rather than personal choice.

In a collectivist culture, building relationships with new people can be difficult, partly because meeting them is, too. Strangers are more likely to remain strangers in a collectivistic culture than in an individualistic culture.

Paradoxically, this means that people in individualistic cultures devote more effort and energy toward actively maintaining close relationships, often through increased self-disclosure and greater intimacy.

Unlike collectivist cultures where stable relationships are expected, relationships in individualistic cultures tend to be more fraught and fragile. People must make a greater effort to maintain these relationships.

Conformity

Cultural differences also influence the motivation to either stand out or fit in with the rest of the group. For instance, one study found that, in a collectivist culture, people submitting an online review are less likely to go against the average rating or express emotions in their review.

Conformity also appears within certain industries. According to research published in the Journal of Economic Growth, descendants of pre-industrial agricultural groups tend to favor collectivist cultures, working in more routine occupations as opposed to driving innovation.

Potential Pitfalls of Collectivism

There are some potential drawbacks of collective cultures.

Social Anxiety

Research shows that collectivistic cultures may foster socially reticent and withdrawn behaviors. In one study, students from Asian cultures (collectivist) displayed higher levels of social anxiety than students from European cultures (individualist).

However, it may not be collectivist values alone that contributed to this. After analyzing the data, the researchers suggested that some of the increase in anxiety could be attributed to Asian American students having greater difficulty in being able to recognize and read emotion.

Less Social Support

People in collectivist cultures tend to be more cautious about sharing their personal problems with their friends. Research shows that they are also cautious when sharing their knowledge within the workplace (even when working in teams), often only doing so if incentivized or if they are highly altruistic.

Instead, people often seek out what is known as implicit social support. This involves spending time with supportive people without actually opening up about or addressing the source of the stress.