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Maybe you quit smoking three months ago and you still feel bad. Will you ever stop craving cigarettes? First of all, it’s great that you’ve taken the step to quit—it’s not easy and that’s a fantastic achievement. If you’re feeling like you should be “over” cigarettes by now, try not to put that kind of pressure on yourself. 

Ask any former smoker if they’re still triggered by the time of day, places, activities, emotions, and other people who smoke. Chances are, they’ll tell you that they’ve had a craving for a cigarette even a year after they quit. 

We know that sounds discouraging but let’s talk about what drives those urges and some ways that you can cope with cigarette cravings during your recovery.

Will I Crave Cigarettes Forever?

Right after you quit smoking, you go into nicotine withdrawal. During this time, having cravings for cigarettes throughout the day—which can be really intense—is totally normal. Cravings and the other symptoms of withdrawal should start to get better three to four weeks after you stop smoking.

The longer you go without smoking, the less frequent and intense your cravings will be. That said, don’t be surprised if you still get a craving for a cigarette months later. One study found that people reported getting cigarette cravings six months after they quit.

But hang in there! Another study found that people who quit smoking were much less likely to get cigarette cravings after hitting the one-year mark.

Why Am I Craving Cigarettes?

There are a lot of things you’ll encounter in your daily life during your recovery that could trigger a craving for a cigarette. For example: 

• Alcohol use
• Being in a place where they used to smoke
• Depressed mood
• Seeing someone smoke

If you’re having cravings months after you quit smoking, you’re probably getting triggered by your environment—either the one inside you (your thoughts and feelings) or the one outside of you (your home, work, etc.). Your emotions—think happiness, sadness, and boredom—are strong drivers of cigarette cravings. When you’re having big feelings, you might notice you all of a sudden want to smoke. 

The world outside you can also make you want to smoke, and you might not make the connection right away. For example, if you always get a craving for a cigarette when you have a glass of wine with dinner it might be because you would smoke when drinking alcohol.

Can’t figure out why being in a car makes you want to smoke? Think back to your smoking days—did you always have a cigarette in hand when you were driving?

Your brain has associated certain activities with smoking, so when you do them after you quit, your body and mind are still expecting a cigarette. 

Being around certain people can also trigger cigarette cravings–for example, maybe you used to smoke with a friend or with a specific coworker on your break at work

Try not to get down on yourself about the fact that your body made these associations with smoking. Research has shown that your genes may also play a role in cigarette cravings—and that’s not something you have any control over. You might be more likely than someone else to have longer-lasting cravings after quitting because of your genetics.

Remind yourself that you’re working on changing how you respond to your smoking triggers. With time and practice, those thoughts—and the urges that come with them—will fade. 

How to Get Rid of Cigarette Cravings

Just like you did in the first days of smoking cessation, one of the first things you want to do to try to curb cravings is find a way to get your mind off smoking. Pretty much everyone who quits smoking goes through this phase of recovery.

Rest Up and Get Ready

As much as you can, you want to be rested and ready to start your smoking cessation journey. Coming from a prepared and supported place will make it a little easier to get through the challenges of quitting smoking and resisting cravings. 

Think about the activities that relax and rejuvenate you and make them a priority in your day. 

Make a Self-Care Plan 

Staying nourished and sleeping well can ease physical and emotional tension. Daily exercise, even a short walk, can lift your mood and energy levels, and will also support your body as it heals from years of smoking.

If you feel like your cravings are getting more intense, take it as a sign that you need to take time for more self-care. 

Focus on Why You Want to Quit

Think back to when you made the decision you made to stop smoking. 

Maybe there was a specific moment when you said, “That’s it, it’s time to quit!” Was a scary talk about your health with your doctor a wake-up call? 

Or were there a bunch of little things in life building up over the years? Were you embarrassed when you couldn’t stop coughing during an important meeting at work? Were you hurt when you went in for a hug and your child said your breath stinks? Was there a tough conversation with your partner about your budget where you realized just how much you spend on cigarettes every month?

When you get the urge for a cigarette, it can feel like that’s the only thing in the world that matters. In that moment, shifting your focus back to the reasons you don’t want to smoke anymore can give you some perspective. 

It’s also an opportunity to shift from the negative consequences of smoking to the positive opportunities you’ll have when you quit. So, instead of using these things to make yourself feel bad about smoking, use them to inspire and excite you about how good you’ll feel when you quit. 

Let’s say you get the urge to smoke. Instead of taking a look at your bank account and beating yourself up about all the money you’ve spent on cigarettes over the year, think about a savings goal you have. For example, you might say, “I might want to go buy a pack of cigarettes now but I’d much rather save the money so we can take the kids to Disney next year.” 

Another example? Instead of being hard on yourself about the harm cigarettes have done to your health, think about the health benefits of quitting smoking. It might even be something as simple as, “In a few months, I bet my skin will look so much better!” 

Change Your Habits

Think back to what triggers your cravings—driving to work? Seeing a certain friend for Sunday brunch? A fight with your partner? 

One of the most challenging—but potentially interesting—parts of quitting smoking is trying to change what your brain associates with cigarettes. If you think of it more like a game, it might even feel a little fun. 

Once you figure out that something is a smoking trigger for you, avoiding it altogether might be the first step. But you can’t avoid places and people forever. Instead, you’ll want to change your brain and body’s association with those triggers. 

You don’t have to upend your entire life all at once with these changes, though. Just make little changes, one at a time. For example, if you always want to smoke when you get in the car to drive to work, try taking a different route to get there. Not only does this “shake up” your brain’s exceptions, but it also gives you something to focus on—you don’t want to get lost and be late!

If there’s a person you always used to smoke with, you’ll want to find something else that you two can share that doesn’t have anything to do with cigarettes. So, instead of having a “smoke break” at work together, maybe you take a walk. 

If the person is still smoking and you’re not sure that you want to be around them when they do, you can still find a way to stay connected. Instead of taking a smoke break, maybe you can take a “meme break” and text them a funny gif or link at that time of day as a lighthearted way to check-in. 

If the urge to smoke catches you off guard, don’t panic. Your goal is to stay present in the moment without acting on the craving. If you’re finding this hard to do, tap into strategies like mindfulness meditation or breathing exercises.

Another strategy to keep in your back pocket for when you need to get through a cigarette craving? The five Ds of smoking cessation: delay, distract, drink water, deep breathing, and discuss.

Ask For Support

Before you quit, you want to make a plan for what you’ll do when the urge to smoke comes up. A key part of this will be making sure you’re not alone in your journey.  

Figure out who you can turn to—a trusted family member or friend. Who in your life can offer encouragement while you wait for the craving to pass?

You might also want to join a support group for quitting smoking, either in person or online. You might also find that a quit-smoking app on your phone is a helpful tool.

Talk to Your Doctor

Keep your doctor in the loop about your plan to quit smoking. They can be another layer in your support system and can step in if you find that your coping strategies for cravings aren’t working well enough. 

You may find that nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) helps you get through cigarette cravings. NRT gives your body small doses of nicotine without the toxic chemicals in cigarettes. It comes in lozenges, mouth sprays, gum, and patches. You and your doctor can talk about which one would be best for you.

There are also prescription medications to help you quit smoking such as Zyban (bupropion) and Chantix (varenicline tartrate). However, these tend to be most effective when taken before you quit smoking—so that’s why you want to tell your doctor about your plan before you stop. 

Face Your Fear

If you’re afraid to quit smoking—or afraid you won’t succeed—pause and take a deep breath. It’s normal to feel unsure and even anxious about making a huge change in your life—even if you know it’s a positive one. 

It sounds cliche, but it’s the truth: as with many other challenging times in our lives, we can only take it one day at a time.

Be Kind to Yourself

If you have a craving for a cigarette, it does not mean you’ve failed at quitting or that you’re doomed to fail. It also does not mean that you need to punish yourself if you get the urge to smoke.

Think about it—negative feelings are a pretty big trigger for a craving, right? Putting yourself down for having a craving can be counterproductive because it just makes you feel worse.

You also don’t want to punish yourself for having a craving by taking something positive away—for example, saying, “No latte for you today, you wanted to smoke this morning!”

You might feel like punishment is going to push you to “do better,” but when you take away something positive in your life that you have to look forward to, you’re just making another empty place in your life that you might end up feeling like a cigarette could fill.  

There are several theories about what causes depression. The condition most likely results from a complex interplay of individual factors, but one long-prevalent explanation suggested that abnormal brain chemistry plays a primary role.

More recent findings indicate that depression is likely not the result of chemical imbalances in the brain. However, the belief that chemical imbalances are responsible for causing depression is widely held by the American public. One survey found that nearly 85% of respondents believed that such imbalances were the likely cause of depression.

Sometimes, people with depression relate the condition to a specific factor, such as a traumatic event in their life. However, it’s not uncommon for people who are depressed to be confused about the cause. They may even feel they don’t have “a reason” to be depressed.

In these cases, learning about the theories of what causes depression can be helpful. Here’s an overview of what is known (and not yet known) about how the brain’s chemistry may influence depression.

Brain Chemicals and Depression

Previously, it was suggested that, for some people, having too little of certain substances in the brain (called neurotransmitters) could contribute to the onset or worsening of depression. According to this idea, restoring the balance of brain chemicals could help alleviate symptoms.

This is where the different classes of antidepressant medications may come in. Many antidepressants alter levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain.

The most commonly prescribed class of antidepressants, known as SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, block the reabsorption of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that can affect mood. The “serotonin hypothesis” suggested that low levels of this neurotransmitter were linked to depression. The idea was that increasing serotonin levels could help improve mood and relieve symptoms of depression.

Recent Evidence

The belief that depression is caused by chemical imbalances has been declining in the scientific and medical community for some time. A study published in a 2023 issue of the journal Molecular Psychiatry found further reason to doubt this explanation. The research indicated there is little evidence to suggest that depression is caused by chemical imbalances in the brain.

While such findings challenge the idea that a serotonin deficiency is responsible for causing depression, it doesn’t mean that mental health treatments are ineffective. More research is needed to fully understand what causes depression, how antidepressants affect the condition, and what other treatments may also be effective for managing symptoms of depression.

The 2023 study also found a strong connection between traumatic life events and the onset of depression. This suggests that depression is caused by complex factors, including environmental variables, and cannot be reduced to simply a chemical imbalance in the brain.

Depression Is Complex

Even with the help of medications that affect specific neurotransmitters in the brain, depression is a highly complex condition to treat. What proves to be an effective treatment for one person with depression may not work for someone else. Even something that has worked well for someone in the past may become less effective or even stop working for reasons researchers are still trying to understand.

Researchers continue to try to understand the mechanisms of depression, including brain chemicals, in hopes of finding explanations for these complexities and developing more effective treatments.

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What Are Neurotransmitters?

Put simply, neurotransmitters are chemical messengers in the brain. The nerve cells of the brain use neurotransmitters to communicate with each other, and the messages they send are believed to play a role in mood regulation.

The space between two nerve cells is called the synapse. When cells want to communicate, neurotransmitters can be packaged up and released from the end (axon) of a presynaptic cell. As a packet of neurotransmitters crosses the space, it can be taken up by receptors for a specific chemical on postsynaptic cells (dendrite). For example, serotonin receptors pick up serotonin molecules.

If there are any excess molecules in the space, the presynaptic cell will gather them back up (reuptake) and reprocess them to use in another communication. Each type of neurotransmitter can carry a different message and plays a unique role in creating an individual’s brain chemistry.

The chemical theory of depression suggested that imbalances in brain chemistry were a primary cause of depression. However, recent findings found no evidence to support this idea.

The Role of Key Neurotransmitters

The three neurotransmitters that are often implicated in depression are:

Other neurotransmitters, including glutamate, GABA, and acetylcholine, can send messages within the brain. Researchers are still learning about the role these brain chemicals play in depression and other conditions, such as Alzheimer’s, fibromyalgia, and sleep disorders.

Dopamine

Dopamine creates positive feelings associated with reward or reinforcement that motivate us to continue with a task or activity. Dopamine is believed to play an essential role in a variety of conditions affecting the brain, including Parkinson’s and schizophrenia.

There is also evidence that reduced dopamine levels can contribute to depression in some people. When other treatments have failed, medications that affect the dopamine system are often added and can be helpful for some people with depression.

Norepinephrine

Norepinephrine is both a neurotransmitter and a hormone. It plays a role in the “fight or flight response” along with adrenaline. It helps send messages from one nerve cell to the next.

Schildkraut proposed depression occurs when there is too little norepinephrine in specific brain circuits. Alternatively, mania results when too much of this neurotransmitter is in the brain.

There is evidence that supports the hypothesis; however, it has not gone unchallenged by researchers. For one, changes in norepinephrine levels do not affect mood in every person. Further, medications specifically targeting norepinephrine may alleviate depression in some people but not others.

Serotonin

Another neurotransmitter is serotonin or the “feel good” chemical. In addition to helping regulate your mood, serotonin has a number of different jobs throughout the body from your gut to blood clotting to sexual function.

In relation to its role in depression, serotonin has taken center stage in the past few decades thanks to the advent of antidepressant medications like Prozac (fluoxetine) and other selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). As their name implies, these medications specifically act on serotonin molecules.

Newer antidepressants called serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) like Effexor (venlafaxine) target both serotonin and norepinephrine. Tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs) also affect norepinephrine and serotonin, but they have the added effect of influencing histamine and acetylcholine. These substances produce side effects, such as dry mouth, blurry vision, constipation, and urinary hesitancy.

SSRIs, on the other hand, do not affect histamine and acetylcholine, don’t have the same side effects, and are safer from a cardiovascular standpoint. Therefore, doctors, psychiatrists, and people with depression tend to prefer them to older classes of antidepressants like TCAs.

Causes of Low Neurotransmitter Levels

While recent findings found no evidence to support the idea that chemical imbalances are responsible for causing depression, many people do find relief from taking antidepressants that impact neurotransmitter levels. An important question is what might cause the low levels of serotonin, norepinephrine, or dopamine in the first place?

Low levels of neurotransmitters can result when there is a breakdown anywhere in the process. Research has indicated several potential causes of chemical imbalances in the brain, including:

• Molecules that help make neurotransmitters (specific enzymes) are in short supply
• Not enough receptor sites to receive the neurotransmitter
• Presynaptic cells are taking the neurotransmitter back up before it has a chance to reach the receptor cell
• Too few of the molecules that build neurotransmitters (chemical precursors)
• Too little of a specific neurotransmitter (for example, serotonin) is being produced

Several emerging theories are concerned with the factors that promote lowered levels, such as cellular (specifically mitochondrial) stress. However, one of the main challenges for researchers and doctors hoping to connect depression to low levels of specific brain chemicals is that they don’t have a way to consistently and accurately measure them.

Current and Future Depression Treatments

Understanding the chemistry of depression may help people better understand the treatments available. Psychotherapy is helpful for some people with depression, but others also find greater relief when these treatments are used alongside medications.

To complicate treatment further, medication does not always work for people with depression. One study evaluating the effectiveness of currently available antidepressants found that these medications only work in about 60% of people with depression.

Whatever might be causing your symptoms, depression affects your internal and external life. Therefore, medication alone may not be sufficient to address all the ways in which depression can affect you.

Research suggests that neurotransmitter levels can be affected by factors other than medication and that psychotherapy can help a person learn about them. For example, stress may contribute to low levels of certain neurotransmitters.

While taking an antidepressant medication might help with the symptoms, it doesn’t necessarily address the other underlying causes of depression. In this situation, therapy to improve stress management, heal from emotional wounds, learn to regulate emotions, and improve thinking patterns could potentially be helpful.

Depression Treatments on the Horizon

Researchers are studying other molecular pathways in the brain (including the glutaminergic, cholinergic, and opioid systems) to see their role in depression. It may be that rather than a simple deficiency in one specific brain chemical being the causative factor, some depression symptoms could be related to the relative levels of each type of neurotransmitter in different brain regions.

Rather than being a simple equation of some unknown factor causing low levels of one or more neurotransmitters and these low levels creating the symptoms of depression, the actual basis of depression is much more complex.

While this complexity is often evident to people living with depression, medical professionals and researchers are still trying to understand the intricate nature of diagnosing and treating the condition.

For example, in addition to the role of neurotransmitters, we know there are multiple factors involved in causing depression, ranging from genetic factors and childhood experiences to our present day-to-day lives and relationships. Even inflammation is being explored as a potential contributing factor.

Combatting the Chemical Imbalance Stigma

Acknowledging the limitations of our current knowledge of depression and its treatment is important. In recent years, some researchers have expressed concerns that pharmaceutical companies marketing antidepressant medications may have misled consumers by oversimplifying or misrepresenting the research into the brain chemistry of depression.

Several studies have found that when told depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, people tend to feel less confident in their ability to manage the condition. Other studies have found that when depression is framed as a disease of the brain, people are more likely to feel the need to avoid a person with depression (usually out of fear that they are dangerous).

Not all the research has been negative, though. Several studies included in a 2012 meta-analysis indicated that one of the most effective ways to address and challenge social stigma around mental illness is to educate and discuss conditions and treatment—which includes being upfront and honest about what is still unknown or not well understood.

Future Directions

Accepting how little we truly know about the chemistry of depression can help us maintain perspective and expectations for the medications used to treat depression. For people who are trying to find the right treatment, understanding the complex chemistry can be reassuring when a particular drug doesn’t work for them or if they need to try more than one antidepressant.

Understanding the complexity of depression can also be helpful for those who have been offered hurtful advice, such as being told to “just snap out of it.” It is no easier for someone to forget they are depressed than it would be for someone with diabetes to lower their blood sugar by simply not thinking about it.

Being realistic about the limitations of our knowledge can help us remember that, for the time being, there is no one treatment that will work for everyone with depression. More often than not, an interdisciplinary approach is needed. At the very least, every person dealing with depression needs and deserves a support team.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a complex, multilayered condition that’s as difficult to diagnose as it is to treat. One of its paradoxes involves lying. People with BPD fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships. Nevertheless, they tend to lie, which ruins trust and intimacy, fosters resentment, and harms the very relationships they fear losing. Many family members and friends of those with BPD cite lying as a major problem in their relationships.

Is Lying a Symptom of BPD?

Despite its frequent occurrence with BPD, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) does not list lying as a diagnostic criterion of BPD. That’s partly because lying in BPD is generally not pathological; instead, it’s a misguided attempt to avoid abandonment.

Paradoxically, the consequences of lying are particularly tough for a person with BPD. Lying harms the very relationships they fear losing. They tend to sabotage the relationships they desperately fear losing.

The Connection Between BPD and Lying

Lying, like other signs and symptoms of the condition, tends to occur because the person with BPD is unable to regulate their feelings and impulses. It’s an act borne out of pain and fear. Often, people with BPD even believe their own lies.

Here are a few of the issues at the root of lying in BPD.

Intense Emotions

People with BPD experience intense emotions that they can’t regulate; this often distorts their perceptions. They tend to view things through a strictly emotional lens that characterizes people and situations as either good or bad, with no middle ground.

They look for details that confirm what they feel and ignore those that don’t. Either way, the result looks like deceit, and it can be very frustrating for friends and family members.

Impulsivity

BPD is also associated with impulsivity, the tendency to do things without thinking about the consequences. Sometimes, lying occurs when the person with BPD is just not thinking before responding.

Shame

People with BPD often experience deeply entrenched shame. Lying may be one way to conceal mistakes or weaknesses that involve feelings of shame and guilt.

Distorted Self-Perceptions

A person with BPD typically has an unstable self-identity. Sometimes, lies help them bridge the gap between their true identity and the one they’ve adopted for the time being.

Rejection Sensitivity

People with BPD are very sensitive to rejection. They may lie or exaggerate to cover mistakes or to maintain an overly positive image so that others will not reject them.

The Biology of Lying

Based on an imaging technique called functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that deception is linked to the activation of the prefrontal cortex, which sits at the very front of the brain. The prefrontal cortex plays an important part in determining personality, planning cognitive tasks, and regulating social and emotional behavior. 

Interestingly, the prefrontal cortex is activated whether the deception is related to emotional or neutral deception (for example, lying about something to avoid a negative reaction versus lying about what you ate for breakfast). However, the basis of lying, such as whether the lie is meant to help or harm the person who is lying, may affect whether other regions of the brain are involved. 

Lying and Relationships

Whatever the reason for lying, it can be extremely detrimental to relationships of any kind. Often, friends and family members come to distrust the person with BPD and withdraw from them—precisely what the person with BPD typically fears most. Lying jeopardizes an essential support system and harms everyone involved.

Romantic Relationships

People with borderline personality disorder have difficulty maintaining relationships and tend toward quantity rather than quality. Nevertheless, a healthy, fulfilling romantic relationship with someone who has BPD is possible; in fact, some people are attracted to the emotionality, intensity, and excitement of such a relationship.

The key is knowing all you can about the disorder. Symptoms that can affect your relationship include impulsivity, lying, fear of abandonment, and instability. Your loved one may go from obsessively loving you (idealization) to seemingly hating you (devaluation) in a phenomenon known as splitting; this reflects the tendency to see people as all good or all bad. Couples counseling can help you navigate these issues together.

How to Cope With BPD and Lying

BPD and its associated behaviors, such as lying, can cause a great deal of stress. The first line of defense is information. Read all you can about the condition. Resources, both online and in print, abound. Find support groups, blogs, articles, and books. For example, the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder offers a list of recommended books on BPD.

Try to address the root of the lying, not the lie itself. It likely stems from fear that you’ll walk away from the person or think negatively of them. Reassuring the person that you will not abandon them may help.

When talking to a person with BPD, stay as calm and unemotional as you can. Address the lie directly with facts, not emotion.

Most importantly, seek support. Your loved one’s lying, even though it’s probably not malicious, can take a toll on your own mental health. Speak with a counselor, find support groups, and chat with the person’s healthcare provider to find healthy ways to cope.

Is Treatment for BPD Effective?

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), a structured outpatient program developed by Marsha Linehan, PhD, and colleagues at the University of Washington, is considered the most effective treatment for BPD. Rather than making the person with BPD feel as though their emotions aren’t valid or important, DBT teaches skills to help the person cope with them in healthy, productive ways.

Typically, DBT involves both group and individual therapy, sometimes along with phone or video coaching, and supplemented with reading materials and workbooks. The person with BPD monitors their own symptoms and skills application, and their coach tracks their progress.

Dialectical behavior therapy is based on the philosophy of dialectics, which maintains that nothing is all bad or all good, and openness to ideas other than your own is important.

A cognitive bias is a systematic error in thinking that occurs when people process and interpret information in their surroundings, influencing their decisions and judgments.

The human brain is powerful but subject to limitations. Cognitive biases are often a result of your brain’s attempt to simplify information processing. Biases often work as rules of thumb that help you make sense of the world and reach decisions with relative speed.

• Some of these biases are related to memory. The way you remember an event may be biased for a number of reasons and that, in turn, can lead to biased thinking and decision-making.
• Other cognitive biases might be related to problems with attention. Since attention is a limited resource, people have to be selective about what they pay attention to in the world around them.

Because of this, subtle biases can creep in and influence the way you see and think about the world.

The concept of cognitive bias was first introduced by researchers Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman in 1972. Since then, researchers have described a number of different types of biases that affect decision-making in a wide range of areas including social behavior, cognition, behavioral economics, education, management, healthcare, business, and finance.

How Do You Know If You Have a Cognitive Bias?

Everyone exhibits cognitive bias. It might be easier to spot in others, but it is important to know that it is something that also affects your thinking. Some signs that you might be influenced by some type of cognitive bias include:

• Only paying attention to news stories that confirm your opinions
• Blaming outside factors when things don’t go your way
• Attributing other people’s success to luck, but taking personal credit for your own accomplishments
• Assuming that everyone else shares your opinions or beliefs
• Learning a little about a topic and then assuming you know all there is to know about it

When you are making judgments and decisions about the world around you, you like to think that you are objective, logical, and capable of taking in and evaluating all the information that is available to you. Unfortunately, these biases sometimes trip us up, leading to poor decisions and bad judgments.

“One of the biggest challenges regarding cognitive biases is that it’s often hard to recognize our own biases or those of others around us,” says licensed psychologist David Susman, PhD. “Also, while we may be able to eventually identify some of our own most common cognitive biases, it’s a much more difficult task to help others spot and change their biases.”

One of the biggest challenges regarding cognitive biases is that it’s often hard to recognize our own biases or those of others around us.

Types of Cognitive Bias

Learn more about a few of the most common types of cognitive biases that can distort your thinking.

• Actor-observer bias: This is the tendency to attribute your own actions to external causes while attributing other people’s behaviors to internal causes. For example, you attribute your high cholesterol level to genetics while you consider others to have a high level due to poor diet and lack of exercise.
• Anchoring bias: This is the tendency to rely too heavily on the very first piece of information you learn. For example, if you learn the average price for a car is a certain value, you will think any amount below that is a good deal, perhaps not searching for better deals. You can use this bias to set the expectations of others by putting the first information on the table for consideration.
• Attentional bias: This is the tendency to pay attention to some things while simultaneously ignoring others. For example, when making a decision on which car to buy, you may pay attention to the look and feel of the exterior and interior, but ignore the safety record and gas mileage.
• Availability heuristic: This is placing greater value on information that comes to your mind quickly. You give greater credence to this information and tend to overestimate the probability and likelihood of similar things happening in the future.
• Confirmation bias: This is favoring information that conforms to your existing beliefs and discounting evidence that does not conform.
• False consensus effect: This is the tendency to overestimate how much other people agree with you.
• Functional fixedness: This is the tendency to see objects as only working in a particular way. For example, if you don’t have a hammer, you never consider that a big wrench can also be used to drive a nail into the wall. You may think you don’t need thumbtacks because you have no corkboard on which to tack things, but not consider their other uses. This could extend to people’s functions, such as not realizing a personal assistant has skills to be in a leadership role.
• Halo effect: Your overall impression of a person influences how you feel and think about their character. This especially applies to physical attractiveness influencing how you rate their other qualities.
• Misinformation effect: This is the tendency for post-event information to interfere with the memory of the original event. It is easy to have your memory influenced by what you hear about the event from others. Knowledge of this effect has led to a mistrust of eyewitness information.
• Optimism bias: This bias leads you to believe that you are less likely to suffer from misfortune and more likely to attain success than your peers.
• Self-serving bias: This is the tendency to blame external forces when bad things happen and give yourself credit when good things happen. For example, when you win a poker hand it is due to your skill at reading the other players and knowing the odds, while when you lose it is due to getting dealt a poor hand.
• The Dunning-Kruger effect: This is when people believe that they are smarter and more capable than they really are. For example, when they can’t recognize their own incompetence.

At times, multiple biases may play a role in influencing your decisions and thinking. For example, you might misremember an event (the misinformation effect) and assume that everyone else shares that same memory of what happened (the false consensus effect).

What Causes Cognitive Bias?

If you had to think about every possible option when making a decision, it would take a lot of time to make even the simplest choice. Because of the sheer complexity of the world around you and the amount of information in the environment, it is necessary sometimes to rely on some mental shortcuts that allow you to act quickly.

Cognitive biases can be caused by a number of different things, but it is these mental shortcuts, known as heuristics, that often play a major contributing role. While they can often be surprisingly accurate, they can also lead to errors in thinking.

Other factors that can also contribute to these biases:

• Emotions
• Individual motivations
• Limits on the mind’s ability to process information
• Social pressures

Why Is Cognitive Bias Bad?

Cognitive biases can lead to distorted thinking. Conspiracy theory beliefs, for example, are often influenced by a variety of biases. But cognitive biases are not necessarily all bad. Psychologists believe that many of these biases serve an adaptive purpose: They allow us to reach decisions quickly. This can be vital if we are facing a dangerous or threatening situation.

Here’s an example of a helpful cognitive bias: Say you are walking down a dark alley and spot a dark shadow that seems to be following you. A cognitive bias might lead you to assume that it is a mugger and that you need to exit the alley as quickly as possible. The dark shadow may have simply been caused by a flag waving in the breeze, but relying on mental shortcuts can often get you away from danger in situations where decisions need to be made quickly.

How Do You Break Cognitive Bias?

Research suggests that cognitive training can help minimize cognitive biases in thinking. Some things that you can do to help overcome biases that might influence your thinking and decision-making include:

• Being aware of bias: Consider how biases might influence your thinking. In one study, researchers provided feedback and information that help participants understand these biases and how they influence decisions. The results of the study indicated that this type of training could effectively reduce the effects of cognitive bias by 29%.
• Considering the factors that influence your decisions: Are there factors such as overconfidence or self-interest at play? Thinking about the influences on your decisions may help you make better choices.
• Challenging your biases: If you notice that there are factors influencing your choices, focus on actively challenging your biases. What are some factors you have missed? Are you giving too much weight to certain factors? Are you ignoring relevant information because it doesn’t support your view? Thinking about these things and challenging your biases can make you a more critical thinker.
• Challenging others’ biases: Respectfully pointing out biases in others can also help others think more critically, especially if they’re unconsciously acting or speaking on their biases. “Even if we can’t change others’ biases, remember they may be at play when we find ourselves in a disagreement with someone who seems very entrenched in their own viewpoint,” Susman explains. “Rather than confronting them directly about how inaccurate or irrational we think they are, it’s often more productive to present facts and information in a nondirective way and ask them to consider an alternative point of view or some point of compromise.”

It can be tricky if you find yourself thinking, “I don’t like my girlfriend’s friends,” or “I hate my husband’s friends.” After all, our partners need to have a healthy social life. Unfortunately, no one said liking your partner’s friends would be easy.

Sometimes, it can seem downright impossible. But if you find yourself in a situation where you don’t see eye-to-eye with your partner’s friends, you’ll likely want to know what to do about it.

Try to Figure Out Why You Dislike Your Partners’ Friends

The first step is to try and see things from their perspective. It’s possible that you’re simply misunderstanding their friends or that you’re seeing them in a negative light because you’re feeling insecure about your relationship. If you can see things from a more objective perspective, it may help ease up on your dislike of them.

In that case, you’ll need to have a talk with your partner about it. Be honest about your feelings and explain why you don’t like their friends. If they’re worth keeping as friends, your partner should be willing to try to help you get along with them.

But it’s time to reevaluate things if your partner doesn’t seem to care about your feelings or they’re constantly choosing their friends over you. It may be time to end the relationship if your partner is unwilling to let you in and make a compromise.

Talk to Your Partner About Your Concerns

This is an important step because your partner needs to be aware of the issues you’re having. They may not even realize that their friends are a problem for you. Once they know, they can be more mindful of the situation and try to help you feel more comfortable.

Research has found that talking about your feelings with your partner and having difficult conversations can have benefits. In addition to improving communication and resolving problems, it can help people cope more effectively and help make relationships more successful.

Set Boundaries

If being around their friends is too much for you, it’s important to set some boundaries. Research suggests that boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships.

Talk to your partner about how often you want to see their friends and stick to that plan. This way, you won’t feel overwhelmed or like you’re constantly having to be around people you don’t like.

Get to Know Them Better

This one can be tricky, but it’s worth a shot. Try to engage in conversation with them and get to know their interests. You may not end up being best friends, but at least you’ll have a better understanding of who they are.

If you can find common ground with their friends, it will make the situation much easier. Maybe you have the same taste in music or movies. Or maybe you share a hobby. Whatever it is, try to connect with their friends on some level so that it’s not just an uncomfortable association.

Agree to Disagree

Your partner’s friends are likely important to them, and they’re not going to just drop them because you don’t like them.

It’s not worth ruining your relationship over something that isn’t going to change. What’s important is that you have a strong, healthy relationship with your partner.

Try to Not Let It Impact Your Relationship

It’s important to remember that your partner is separate from their friends. Just because you don’t like their friends doesn’t mean you have to dislike your partner.

Experts suggest that having good communication with your partner is one of the key predictors of how successful and satisfying your relationship will be. Keep the lines of communication open with your partner, and try not to let the situation come between the two of you.

Seek Out Your Own Friends

If all of this is too much for you and you’re struggling to deal with the situation, it’s important to find your own support system. Research shows that having quality friendships can increase life satisfaction.

Don’t Gossip

If you’re having a problem with one of your partner’s friends, talk to your partner and/or the friend about it directly. Don’t gossip or talk behind their back—this will only make the situation worse.

In fact, if you are looking for cooperation from your spouse or their friends, research has shown that gossip can actually make people less likely to cooperate. Instead, by communicating openly and honestly, you can try to resolve the issue and move on.

Keep an Open Mind

Your partner’s friends may not be your cup of tea right now, but that doesn’t mean they won’t change over time.

People grow and change all the time, so it’s possible that you could start to like their friends in the future. Keep an open mind and be willing to give them a chance.

Focus on the Positive

It’s important to focus on the positive, even if you don’t like your partner’s friends. Try to find one thing that you do like or appreciate about them. Maybe they’re really funny or they have a kind heart. Focusing on the good will make the situation more bearable and help you get through it.

Give Yourself Some Grace

Just because you don’t like your partner’s friends doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It’s normal to feel this way sometimes—after all, we’re not always compatible with everyone we meet.

One study identified five factors underlying friendships and showed that reciprocal candor was important, or the ability to talk easily with someone.

Don’t Hang Out With Their Friends

If you simply can’t get along with them, it’s probably best to avoid social gatherings where they’ll be in attendance.

You don’t need to put yourself in a situation where you’re uncomfortable or unhappy. If your partner wants to spend time with their friends, let them go without you. You can use the time to do something you enjoy or hang out with your friends or loved ones.

Talk to a Therapist

If you’ve tried everything and you’re still struggling to deal with the situation, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist can help you work through any issues you’re having and give you tools to deal with difficult situations. If your relationship is suffering because of the situation, they can also help you work on communication and conflict-resolution skills.