Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Have you ever wanted something so badly, and got so focused and motivated by the conviction that you could achieve it…that it actually happened? Well, you might have manifested without realizing it.

The idea behind manifesting is that by believing you can do something and focusing your thoughts and energy in that direction, you can make your dreams, goals, and aspirations a reality.

For instance, instead of thinking “This is my dream house but I’ll never be able to afford it,” changing your thought process to “This is my dream house and I will work hard so I can live in it someday,” can help make that dream happen.

You can apply this to any area of your life, whether it’s your career, family, friendships, relationships, finances, skills, travel, health, or home.

How Does Manifestation Work?

Manifestation is based on the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction.

Power of Positive Thinking

Our thoughts are incredibly powerful and can play a major role in determining the course of our lives. Having a positive attitude can help you overcome your worries and fears, so you can reach for what you want.

Strongly believing that you can achieve your goals can help you focus your energy and actions toward them. This belief can help you work toward your goals and overcome any fears or self-doubt that may hold you back, or worse, keep you from even trying.

Although there are no guarantees, you have a much greater chance at success if you believe you can do something and set your mind to accomplishing it.

Law of Attraction

The law of attraction states that what you focus on is what you will attract into your life. 

For instance, if you‘re genuinely interested in something, you will probably read or learn more about it. You may even join groups or societies related to it. People with similar interests will recognize your enthusiasm for it. You will build a network of connections around it.

Therefore, if there are any opportunities to be had in this space, you are more likely to discover them than someone who has no knowledge or interest in this space. You will be better positioned to take advantage of these opportunities. People may even reach out to offer you opportunities.

How to Manifest What You Want in Life

These are six manifestation techniques that can help you achieve what you want in life.

Practice Visualization

You can do this every morning when you wake up—knowing you’re working toward your goals can help motivate you to get through the day. Or, you can do it before you go to bed at night and reflect upon what you did that day to help you get closer to your goals.

Create a Vision Board

You can create a vision board where you pin up images and notes about your goal. It can be physical or digital. For example, if you’re working toward your dream home, you can start pinning up ideas for the location, rooms, decor, and landscaping.

Pinning things to your vision board can help make the goal feel more tangible. It can be a visual reminder of your goals, which can motivate you.

Maintain a Future Box

Also known as a vision box, wish box, manifestation box, or intention box, a future box is a place where you can store materials related to your goal. You can take an empty box, decorate it if you like, and start collecting things there.

For example, if you’re saving up for your dream holiday, you can buy small items that you would carry on your trip and store them in the box. Or, if you’re trying to conceive a child, you can write a letter to your future child and keep it in the box.

Try the 3-6-9 Method

The 3-6-9 method involves repeating or writing down your goals:

• 3 times in the morning
• 6 times in the afternoon
• 9 times in the evening

Repeating your goals multiple times a day can help you stay focused on them.

Practice the 777 Method

The 777 method involves writing down what you would like to manifest seven times in the morning and seven times at night, for seven days in a row.

Like the 3-6-9 method, this method also helps you focus on your goals every day. It may be more useful for short-term goals that you can achieve in a week or so, such as an assignment for work or a household project.

Make a 10-10-10 Worksheet

Take a piece of paper and list out:

• 10 things you desire
• 10 things you’re grateful for
• 10 things you enjoy doing

Making this worksheet can help you create a big picture view of your goals, assests, and interests. It can improve your self-awareness, help you understand how all the different pieces of your life interact, and promote positive thinking.

Keep a Journal

You can maintain a journal where you write down your dreams and goals. If you’re anxious about them, writing down your fears can help you identify your anxiety triggers so you can work on finding solutions. Update your journal regularly with notes of your progress.

How to Manifest What You Want Correctly

These are some strategies that can help you manifest your goals effectively:

Be Clear About What You Want

It’s important that you’re clear about what your goals are in order to manifest them. Articulating them clearly can help crystallize them.

Make Positive Statements

Make positive statements while you’re manifesting what you want. These are some examples of what you could say:

• I am capable of this job and deserving of this promotion.
• I trust that the universe is bringing a worthy partner into my life.
• I am grateful for the abundance of success I have already achieved in my business and hope to accomplish much more.
• I am confident that I will live in my dream home within five years.
• I am excited to experience parenthood and all the positive changes it will bring to my life.
• I will take care of my health and my body will support me on my journey through life.
• I am open to receiving happiness in new and unexpected ways.

Work Toward Your Goal

As you visualize your goal, start taking steps toward achieving it. You can allocate a little time every day or every week to work toward it. For example, if your goal is to find a new job, you can aim to do at least one job application every week. 

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Achieving your dreams often requires you to get out of your comfort zone. This can be scary, but you can start by taking small steps at a time. For example, if your goal is to be a singer, you can start by performing for your family, then work your way up to bigger performances, like a friend’s wedding or the office holiday party.

Build Your Confidence

It’s important to maintain your confidence during this process. You can start the day with affirmations like “You are strong and capable, you can do this!” to boost your confidence.

Practice Gratitude

While you plan for what you want, be thankful for what you have. An attitude of gratitude can help create a positive mindset.

Seek Support

The process of achieving your dreams may not be easy and you may face disappointments or setbacks. Share your goals and struggles with trusted loved ones.

If you need additional support, you can visit a mental healthcare provider. They can help you cope with disappointments and shore up your motivation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Whether you’ve just parted from a quick fling or are ending a years-long relationship, dealing with a breakup is downright heart-wrenching. Complicated feelings of grief, relief, anger, regret, and sadness swirl around in a messy sea, and no matter how right the decision was to part ways you may find yourself missing the other deeply. 

As difficult as it is to go “no contact” with someone you spent so much time with, many relationship experts believe that this is one of the best routes you can take to heal your heart, keep things uncomplicated, and move onward. Ahead, we’re explaining what “no contact” means, what its benefits are, and how you can resist that bubbling temptation to reach back out to your ex-partner.

What Is the “No Contact” Rule?

As the phrase implies, the “no contact” rule entail cutting off all communications with your ex following a breakup. This includes not engaging in phone calls, texting, direct messages and “likes” on social media, and in-person meetups. Some even argue that looking at their social media posts is considered off limits.

“In addition to no direct contact with your previous partner, it also means not following up with mutual friends to gather any form of information about their lives,” adds Leanna Stockard, LMFT at LifeStance Health.

While you inevitably will think of your ex-partner from time to time, eliminating contact and ceasing innocent “check-ins” can help reduce how much your mind wanders back to them and your relationship. It can also help prevent confusing feelings for both of you.

The Benefits of Going “No Contact”

It doesn’t matter how long you dated or how amicable the ending was; breakups are incredibly painful difficult and come with a slew of confusing emotions.

“It is normal to feel upset, sad, anxious, hopeless, helpless and confused following a breakup,” says Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, PhD. “You may also find yourself reminiscing about your relationship and going over the breakup.”

Going “no contact” allows you more time to healthily process the loss and grief of your relationship. Ultimately, it can help you mend your heart, accept that the relationship is over, and begin dating again once you’re ready.

Stockard adds that following the “no contact” rule also allows prevents you from sliding back into the relationship itself, which creates confusion and can prolong your pain. This clear boundary might be difficult to contend with, especially early on, but provides structure as you move forward with your life.

How To Resist the Temptation of Breaking No Contact

The feelings you have toward your ex might have waned—there’s a reason you broke up, after all—but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to stop communicating with them altogether. In fact, you might feel like there’s a missing hole in your life as you process the breakup, and there’s a very good chance you’ll feel tempted to cope with that grief by reaching out again.

For that reason, it’s important to resist the temptation of calling, texting, or even snooping on them via social media.

Here are some ways you can resist the urge:

• Keep a Journal: When you feel like reaching out to your ex, grab a journal instead. Write down what you’re thinking or feeling to help further process your emotions.
• Spend Time With Friends: “Talk with close friends and loved ones to see if they can hold space for you to talk about how you are feeling when you feel tempted to reach out to your ex,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa advises. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), connecting socially is a key way we can manage stress and find joy, particularly when dealing with life’s difficulties.
• Dive Into Hobbies: Now’s a great time to re-invest in yourself. Figure out what you love, find new passions, and throw yourself into healthy habits that build confidence and joy.
• Keep Your Phone Out of Reach: We tend to mindlessly scroll through our phones when bored, which is a recipe for reaching out to an ex or checking in on their social media accounts. When possible, keep your phone out of reach during these bouts of boredom.
• Figure Out the Source of Your Temptation: “Ask yourself where these urges are coming from and what you hope to gain from re-establishing that contact,” Stockard says. “You may find that there’s not a very good reason. If the answers to those questions still push you toward the desire to restore contact, some additional ways to resist are taking time for yourself and empathizing with the difficulty of resisting the temptation.”

If you do fall into the temptation and contact your ex, know that it’s not the end of the world. Go back to “no contact” again and push forward.

Is It OK To Re-Establish Contact Later?

Every breakup is different, and there’s no specific amount of time that needs to pass before contacting your ex again. And you may even realize that there’s no reason to re-establish contact at all. However, if you’re looking for a time frame, then Dr. Lira de la Rosa says to aim for about three to six months. A 2007 study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology also found that its 155 participants started feeling better right around that three-month mark.

“A good question to ask yourself is, ‘Do I still have feelings for them?’ If the answer is yes, it may be too soon to contact them,” Stockard adds. “In those instances, we may be looking to establish contact so you can get back together or vindictively show them how ‘good’ you are doing without them.”

However, if the answer is no then follow that question up with, “If I no longer feel connected to them romantically, what would be an underlying need to re-establish that connection again?”

If it’s to alleviate awkwardness in a friend group or at work, or to try to work on a friendship, do so slowly and after establishing clear boundaries for yourself and with each other.

“If the relationship in any way was abusive, toxic and the ‘no contact’ rule was established for safety reasons, I highly recommend never re-connecting with this partner,” adds Stockard. “Getting back into contact with this person can begin the cycle of abuse over again, whether it is the return of love-bombing or continuing to blame you for everything that you did wrong in the relationship to end the way that it did.”

Breakups are notoriously challenging, but the “no contact” rule can help you process the difficult mix of emotions. Try to resist the temptation of re-establishing contact, which will likely create emotional confusion and prolong pain for both you and your ex. This is a time to re-invest in yourself and create a pathway for moving onward and upward.

Bias refers to a tendency or preference towards a certain group, idea, or concept that influences our judgments and decisions.

Our experiences, culture, social norms, and personal beliefs often shape these beliefs. The way we act on these biases can be either conscious or unconscious and can lead to prejudiced or discriminatory behaviors.

“Bias can play a significant role in day-to-day interactions and relationships, often influencing our thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors toward others,” says David Yadush, LPC, a licensed professional counselor at BetterHelp. “This can result in misinterpreting or overlooking facts and can change how we perceive people or events in our lives.”

In this article, we’re outlining common types of biases, and discussing the signs of each type and ways to overcome them.

Why It’s Important to Assess Your Biases

In order to recognize and work through bias, it’s important for us to challenge our assumptions and the subconscious stereotypes we make on a daily basis. This can be done by seeking out diverse perspectives, enjoying new experiences, and advocating for equal opportunity and treatment for everyone.

Of course, it also helps to understand the types of biases we’re apt to fall prey to so we can recognize and correct them in real-time.

How to Work Through Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is the tendency to seek out information that reaffirms our existing beliefs. In doing so, we tend to ignore information that contradicts our beliefs, which can lead us toward untruths.

Signs of confirmation bias may include:

• Seeking information that confirms our beliefs
• Ignoring or dismissing information that contradicts our beliefs
• Failing to consider alternative opinions

“This bias can be harmful as it may prevent individuals from considering alternative viewpoints and may lead to closed-mindedness,” warns Yadush.

Attribution Bias

Attribution bias is a cognitive distortion where we view the behavior of others as impacted by internal motivation—such as morals and character—while considering your own behaviors as affected by external factors, such as circumstances and environment.

Signs of attribution bias may include:

• Consistently blaming others for problems or failures
• Being overly critical of others
• Excusing our own mistakes without reflection

“Simply speaking, one tends to give themselves a break for their own mistakes or shortcomings as unavoidable but will blame others for similar mistakes or shortcomings as intentional,” explains Karri Francisco, LMFT, director of family programming at APN.

She says that this is intellectually dangerous because it leads to unfair judgments of others. It can also make it harder to learn from our own mistakes since this bias prevents us from taking responsibility for our actions.

Conformity Bias

Conformity bias is when we simply agree—or conform—with the opinions and behaviors of others in a group setting even when it’s against our own personal beliefs or knowledge.

Signs of conformity bias may include:

• Vocally agreeing with others even when you inwardly disagree
• Not sharing your own thoughts and feelings out of fear of being “ousted” or judged in a group setting
• Going along with a group that’s acting irresponsibly or cruelly when you know inwardly the behavior is wrong

Yadush says, “This is typically an unconscious process that we go through in an attempt to avoid social rejection or gain status. This bias can be harmful as it may prevent individuals from expressing their true thoughts and opinions and may lead to groupthink, where the desire for consensus overrides critical thinking.”

Beauty Bias

Beauty bias is either a subconscious or known propensity to treat conventionally beautiful people better or worse than those who aren’t as attractive.

Signs of beauty bias include:

• You judge others on their appearance
• You make assumptions about a conventionally attractive person’s capabilities
• You treat others better or worse based on their appearance

For example, you might give favorable treatment to a beautiful person, or view them as more funny or interesting. This is referred to as The Halo Effect, and studies show that people have a tendency to do this without even thinking.

That said, you might also treat an unattractive person less favorably or make harsh judgments about them without getting to know them.

Gender Bias

Gender bias refers to the tendency we have to hold stereotypical or discriminatory attitudes towards people based solely on their gender. This not only affects our ability to socialize in meaningful ways, but it can also lead to unequal opportunities and treatment for others.

Signs of gender bias may include:

• Making assumptions or judgments based on gender
• Using gender-specific language
• Treating individuals differently based on their gender

Ageism

Similarly, ageism is the tendency we have to make judgments or assumptions about another person simply because of their age.

This tends to negatively impact people who are either young or old, as we subconsciously hold stereotypes about their capabilities or the “known characteristics” of their generation.

Signs of ageism may include:

• Judging an individual’s ability or intelligence based on age
• Not interacting with someone because they’re a different age
• Being rude or dismissive of others due to their age

Ageism and Its Impact on Mental Health

Yadush says that ageism has been shown to have serious effects on the mental health, physical health, and overall quality of life in the older adult population. It can hinder their ability to socialize, find employment, or make meaningful friendships.

For young people, it can also impact their ability to be taken seriously in professional settings. This is also referred to as “youngism.”

The Contrast Effect

The contrast effect tends to sneak up on us. It’s a cognitive bias where the comparison of two things influences your perception of both.

Other signs of the contrast effect include:

• Comparing one person to another
• Failing to focus on objective criteria when making decisions
• Not considering the context of your evaluations

How the Contrast Effect May Play Out in Everyday Life

Here are some examples of what the contrast effect may look like in the real world:

• If you see someone casually dressed and standing next to someone looking unkempt, the casual attire may appear more professional in comparison. This might not seem important, but it demonstrates an important effect.
• In another example, if someone is interviewed for a job immediately after a particularly impressive candidate, they may be judged more harshly than they would have been if someone had interviewed them alone. This creates space for perceptions to be distorted. 

“The contrast effect highlights how our perceptions are not solely based on objective measurements but can be influenced by the context in which we experience them,” explains Francisco. “This can lead to inaccurate perceptions and judgments of individuals being evaluated in comparison to another.”

In color psychology, red provokes the strongest emotions of any color. While cool colors like green and blue are generally considered peaceful and calming, the color red is considered the warmest and most contradictory of the colors.

In fact, this fiery hue has more opposing emotional associations than any other color: Red is linked to passion and love as well as power and anger. Here are some of the most common feelings and qualities that the color red can stimulate psychologically.

The Color Red Conveys Danger and Warning

Thanks to its long wavelength, red is one of the most visible colors in the color spectrum (second only to yellow). Its ability to instantly grab people’s attention is the reason why it’s often used to warn people of impending danger. Think: stop signs, sirens, fire engines, and red traffic lights.

Red is also used to convey danger in a non-literal way. Some examples include using the phrase “in the red” to describe financial loss or “red flag” to indicate when something is wrong with a person or situation.

The Color Red Stimulates Excitement and Energy

This stimulating color is also associated with excitement.

Studies show that being exposed to or wearing red can cause some of the following physical effects:

• Elevated blood pressure
• Enhanced metabolism
• Increased heart rate
• Increased respiration rate

All of these physiological changes naturally cause your energy levels to spike.

Red Color Psychology and Aggression

Across cultures, people intuitively associate red with the concept of anger. This relationship makes sense given that many people get red in the face from increased blood flow when they’re angry.

The Color Red Is Associated With Dominance

It’s not just mood and emotions that the color red can affect. In the arena of sports, wearing the color red can also increase your chances of winning.

In the 2004 Olympics in Athens, competitors in four sports—boxing, Greco-Roman wrestling, freestyle wrestling, and taekwondo—were randomly assigned red or blue clothing. In all four competitions, red-clad contestants won more fights.

Many think these results are due to the link between red and perceived dominance. For instance, donning a red uniform may cause an athlete to feel dominant and perform more aggressively. Alternatively, athletes in red may be seen as more aggressive, more dominant, and more likely to win a physical competition not only by their opponents but also by the referees.

Whatever the reason, it is clear that red-clad athletes tend to have a significant advantage over their opponents. (Maybe this is why so many athletes, including the great Tiger Woods, wear red clothing when they compete.)

The Color Red Symbolizes Passion and Desire

But red does not always signal danger and aggression. Perhaps not surprisingly, red also symbolizes passion, love, and desire. These associations could explain why people wearing red are consistently rated as more attractive by the opposite sex.

In a landmark study published in 2008, researchers showed men an image of a woman and asked them to rate her attractiveness. Some men saw a woman wearing a red shirt while others saw the same woman wearing a blue shirt. Results showed that men rated the woman in red as more sexually desirable than the same woman in blue.

Some researchers theorize that the reason the color red is associated with sexual arousal is that blood flow increases during arousal, leaving the skin—particularly the face—with a reddish tone.

Red Color Psychology and Power

Red can also represent power, a relationship that can be found all over modern-day society. The “power tie” worn by businessmen across the globe is, traditionally, red. And don’t forget the hallowed “red carpet” that is only rolled out for the most prestigious celebrities and dignitaries.

One potential explanation for the color red being associated with power is that this color is often used to draw attention. This increased attention signifies that something is important, and power and importance often go hand in hand.