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Insecurity involves feeling inadequate, due to a lack of self-confidence. It can cause you to doubt your abilities, instincts, and relationships, making it difficult for you to believe in yourself and trust others.

Insecurity can be a painful and difficult emotion to experience. It can take a toll on your mental health as well as your relationships.

This article explores the signs, causes, and consequences of insecurity in relationships and suggests strategies to help you cope.

Signs of Insecurity in Relationships

In romantic relationships, insecurity can drive you to unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, which can include:

• Incessantly checking up on your partner if you’re not with them to determine their whereabouts
• Not trusting your partner to stay faithful to you and constantly worrying that they’re cheating on you
• Feeling jealous of all the other people in their life and resenting the other people they are close to
• Not taking your partner at their word and wanting to verify everything they tell you
• Feeling like your partner may break up with you at any time
• Fishing for compliments and validation to try and feel more secure

Causes of Insecurity in Relationships

These are some of the potential causes of insecurity in relationships, according to Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University in New York City.

An Unpleasant Previous Relationship

People who have experienced this often project their unresolved trauma or emotional baggage onto their new partner without adequate justification.

Low Self-Confidence

People with low self-confidence may experience insecurity in their relationships because they may not believe they are worthy of the love or support of their partner. 

Low self-confidence can often be traced back to experiences like being bullied, teased, or abused in childhood. These experiences can send the message that the person is not good enough, which can affect their confidence and take a toll on their relationships.

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Neglect or Mistreatment

People who have experienced chronic neglect or mistreatment tend to have insecurities in their relationships because they have had few occasions where their needs have been adequately met. 

When they do find fulfilling and healthy relationships, this might spark their fear of loss, because love was never guaranteed or freely given in the past.

Social Anxiety

While many people experience some degree of social anxiety in situations like meetings, parties, dates, and large gatherings, some people have more severe forms that can affect their self-confidence in relationships.

Social anxiety can cause you to be overly critical of yourself and make it difficult for you to trust your partner’s actions and intentions.

Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection can cause people to experience insecurity in a relationship. Having low self-confidence can make some people more sensitive to rejection. Even minor setbacks or perceived slights can trigger their worst fears and insecurities.

Impact of Insecurity in Relationships

Below, Dr. Romanoff explains how insecurity can affect your mental health as well as your relationship with your partner. 

Impact on Mental Health

Insecurity impacts your mental health because, at the core, you believe you are not worthy or deserving of love and care. This will affect your romantic relationships as well as your relationships with your friends, co-workers, children, and family members. 

Because you are constantly questioning your self-worth, you might accept poor or abusive treatment from others, which reinforces your belief that you are unworthy based on your relationships.

Impact on Relationships

Insecurity impacts your relationship by creating an imbalance. You become more preoccupied with what your partner is not providing and instead demand reassurance or validation for your insecurities. 

How to Reduce Insecurity in Relationships

So what can you do to stop feeling insecure in your relationships? Dr. Romanoff suggests some strategies that can help you cope and feel more secure:

• Identify your triggers: Become more self-aware about situations that trigger your insecurity. Track topics or areas that prompt feelings of insecurity so you can begin to identify the problems you need to work on.
• Communicate with your partner: Engage in more open communication about your insecurities, how they arise in your relationship, and ways you can begin to work on them.
• Express how you feel: Aim to share your feelings with your partner without blaming them. For instance, instead of saying “You stress me out because…” say “I sometimes get stressed because…”
• Listen to your partner: Make an effort to listen to your partner with an open mind, so you can understand their perspective as well.
• Try journaling: It can be helpful to maintain a journal where you write down your thoughts when you feel insecure. The exercise can help you identify situations that trigger your insecurity. You could even undertake a couples journaling exercise, to help build trust between you and your partner.
• Consider going to a therapist: While insight and open communication are essential, sometimes you need perspective from a trained outside source to fully grasp how your insecurity is linked to more complex dynamics. In turn, your therapist can work with you to cope with your insecurity.

It’s common to think, “I’m not good at anything,” at one point or another. This thought may come to you when you are young and still trying to figure out what career you want to pursue or what your greater life purpose might be. It can come later in life, too, as you are changing career paths or feel like you aren’t living as meaningful or accomplished life as some of your peers.

Thinking “I’m not good at anything” often indicates that you are experiencing low self-esteem or self-doubt.

Some people can shake these thoughts off and move on, but it’s common to get bogged down in this thinking. If this type of thinking becomes dominant, it can be challenging to move past it. The truth is, though, that everyone is good at something, and usually, negative self-talk and low self-esteem hold people back from figuring out what that something is.

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What “I’m Not Good at Anything” Feels Like

Feeling like you are not good at anything indicates that you are experiencing low self-esteem and a poor self-image. Often, feelings of low self-esteem are correlated with feelings of anxiety and depression. Negative self-thoughts can impact your performance and experience at school and work and can even negatively impact your interpersonal relationships.

Let’s take a look at how these negative thoughts are typically experienced:

Playing the Comparison Game

You may be grappling with your purpose in life and feel like you lack talents or gifts. This thought often comes when you compare yourself to others. You may look at social media, TV, magazines, and the news and feel like all you see are successful, self-confident people who seem to have found their purpose in life.

Harping on Past Failures

You may also be going through a list of ways you perceive yourself as unsuccessful. You may think back on a time that you tried to pursue an interest or applied for a job, and failed in some way. You may be thinking of times you received low grades in school, times that you were put down by others, or times that you felt unappreciated.

An Inability to Try New Things

You may consider trying something new or pursuing a hobby you might enjoy, but your negative thoughts are likely stopping you from doing so. You might imagine yourself being good at something momentarily but then immediately think of how you could fail.

Besides “I’m not good at anything,” some of the other thoughts you may be having at this time may include:

• “I have no talents.”
• “I am not interesting, and no one is interested in me.”
• “There is no point in me trying to be good at anything.”
• “Everyone else but me is happy and successful.”
• “I’ll never be good at school or work.”
• “There’s no reason for me to try something because I won’t be good at it.”
• “I’m a failure.”

It’s important to understand that these types of thoughts are simply thoughts. They don’t necessarily express the reality of your life. They are examples of negative self-talk and usually perpetuate a cycle of more negative thoughts, piled one upon the other.

Identifying the Causes

There are several different dynamics that might be at play that are contributing to your feeling of not being good at anything. Often, the reason someone has these thoughts is because of a combination of personality traits, upbringing, and life experiences.

Understanding what may be causing these thoughts will help you figure out how to move past them.

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is probably the most common trigger of thinking you are not good at anything. As the American Psychological Association (APA) describes, low self-esteem has to do with how you perceive yourself.

Your self-esteem encompasses your self-image and how you view your achievements and abilities. It also reflects how you think that others perceive and respond to you.

Studies have shown that higher self-esteem and self-image can have positive impacts on life experiences.

Negative Self-Talk

It may not feel like it, but we are constantly telling stories about ourselves in our minds. Thoughts like, “I’m not good at anything” are an example of negative self-talk, and can have real impacts on how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and what we can pursue in life.

Studies have found that repeatedly engaging in negative self-talk can have strong effects on our mental health and can increase anxiety and depression.

For example, people who adopt more optimistic attitudes about life tend to experience greater physical and mental well-being and quality of life.

Relationships

The company we keep can significantly impact how we see ourselves and what we perceive to be our strengths and weaknesses. Being in a close relationship with someone quick to put you down, who believes you are untalented or worthless somehow, can negatively affect your self-esteem.

Conversely, research has found that relationships with supportive, encouraging, and accepting people can boost self-esteem. The effects of this may be cumulative, too.

Childhood Traumas

Unfortunately, experiencing adverse childhood experiences or traumas can have lifelong impacts on self-esteem and self-image. Studies have found this to be particularly true when it comes to household dysfunction and abuse.

Children who lived in homes with high levels of dysfunction or who experienced abuse were more likely to have lower self-esteem as grownups.

How to Cope

Fortunately, there are several things you can do to break the cycle of negative thinking and the idea that you are not good at anything. Here are some ideas.

Take a Social Media Break

Most people rely on social media to connect with others, get news, and keep up with current trends. But there’s a dark side to social media, and that’s that it can negatively impact self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.

Taking a break from social media can give you a chance to stop engaging in the comparison game that social media seems to encourage, and to focus on improving your own self-image, mental health, and well-being.

Learn to Accept Compliments

People who think they are not good at anything often won’t believe others when they point out what they are good at. Simply put, people with low self-esteem aren’t very good at accepting compliments.

If this is true of you, you might consider a little exercise. Note each time someone attempts to compliment you and see what happens if you accept it. Yes, you might initially feel that you are faking it to some extent. But if you continue accepting compliments, you might change your thinking about how others perceive you and your ability to perceive yourself in the same light.

Try Journaling

Writing down your thoughts can be a powerful way to sort out your feelings and understand them. First, write down your thoughts and feelings to help identify them. Understanding what’s going on with you is the first step to starting to feel better.

If you notice that your thoughts seem to be dominated by negative thinking and low self-confidence, you might want to try something different: a gratitude journal. One of the best ways to turn negative thinking around is to start a gratitude journal, and studies have found a relationship between gratitude and self-esteem.

Try Therapy

Therapy is a great way to work on your self-esteem and self-image. Therapy can help you better understand what is causing you to feel this way, but even more importantly, it can help you practice ways of managing your negative thoughts.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy focuses on identifying negative thoughts, learning techniques for retraining thought patterns and adopting a more positive mindset.

Identify the Gifts That Come From Within

An impactful way to combat the thought “I’m not good at anything” is to reframe what being good at something really means. When most of us think of being good at something, we think of things like getting a high-powered job, getting into a good college, having some admired talents, or having a happy relationship or marriage.

Your gifts may be less obvious or “showy” but are still just as meaningful. Being a good friend, a good listener, or someone who is kind and patient, are special gifts. Similarly, having lived through difficult circumstances and learning to persevere despite challenges is most definitely a gift and something to be proud of.

See what happens when you sit down and list the talents that are more inward and have to do with personality qualities that make you a good person and positive contributor to making the world a better place.

Keep in Mind

“I’m not good at anything” is a very powerful statement, and if you say it often enough, you will start to believe it. But a statement like this is just a thought you are telling yourself. It comes from a place of low self-esteem and is not your reality.

Everyone on earth has something that they are good at—simply getting up in the morning and starting your day is an accomplishment in and of itself. Identifying your talents and strengths might take a while, but they are there. You owe it to yourself to do a little digging and change your mindset to think more positively about your self-worth.

If you’re frequently the person who is literally tripping over themselves or sticking their foot in their mouth saying things they don’t mean to say, you might feel as though you’re socially awkward. And often you’ll make things even more awkward by drawing attention to how awkward you are. Social awkwardness can be a vicious cycle.

But, what does it actually mean to be socially awkward?

One study looked at narratives of socially awkward situations to find the common thread. In most of the situations, the awkwardness involved some sort of perceived moral or social transgression that intensified the social situation and directed perceptions of the social behaviors.

The awkwardness was sometimes sudden, but often it is from something latent—some kind of tension that has been building. Those behaviors displayed awkwardness through anxious, hesitant or avoidant actions or body language cues.

Now that you have an idea of what social awkwardness may be defined as, here’s some tips to help you overcome your fear of it.

How to Overcome Social Awkwardness

Social awkwardness may come and go, but the following tips will help you deal with it. However, if you feel like your perceived social awkwardness is profoundly affecting your life, you may want to talk to a therapist.

Stay Present With the Discomfort

Your urge may be to check in with yourself, says Joel Minden, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist. “Accept that—and then redirect your attention and behavior to the other person. Socially effective people show interest in others and their interactions.”

Often in these situations, people want to resolve them immediately because they are so uncomfortable. However, all feelings—comfortable or uncomfortable—end, and ruminating on it will only extend the feeling longer than sitting with it would. 

Decide How to Respond

There are two major ways to respond to social awkwardness. One way is to just play it off like it never happened. The other is to laugh at yourself. Might this draw more attention to it? Maybe, but so what if it does?

Science shows that people who can poke a little bit of fun at themselves are generally more resilient and that, in awkward situations, addressing it can often restore the relative level of comfort that was present before.

Don’t Let It Define You

So you tripped over your own feet and fell while you were on a date with someone you were really interested in. OK, it happens.

Find the Source of Shame

Often, feelings of social awkwardness come from a source of shame—that one is not handling themselves as they “should.”

Consider yourself an investigator—where is this feeling of “should” coming from? Does it go back to your childhood? Is there a certain teacher or boss’ voice you’re hearing in your heard? 

Examine Your Perfectionism

Your (perceived) social awkwardness may stem from a deep-seated feeling of perfectionism, where you feel like you should be able to handle yourself in any social situation.

Look At It as a Learning Opportunity

You can look at it as a learning experience, says Minden. “Is it driven by how you think or feel about a situation? Or does it have more to do with the way you conduct yourself?” He suggests thinking about what a more comfortable social experience might feel like. 

For example, maybe cocktail parties with people you haven’t seen in a long time make you feel anxious. Some things you might be able to do to prepare yourself are to think of a few topics to bring up in conversation, such as how you know the host or your involvement with the organization.

“A person might also sense that an interaction is awkward if there’s a clear disconnect between their own and others’ styles of interaction,” says Minden, so if you often find yourself in these types of situations, you might want to examine if your interpersonal communication style is effective or if there are some skills you can work on to get your thoughts across clearer.

Take Into Account Cultural Differences

There may be cultural differences at play. If you’re speaking with someone from another country, their social cues and behaviors may differ from yours and vice versa and it’s possible that each of you just naturally communicate differently.

Embrace the Awkwardness

Because of social media, we see more curated photos than ever—and some people aren’t afraid to embrace their awkwardness. In fact, the hashtag #sociallyawkward has been used more than 115,000 times on Instagram!

And plenty of celebrities have owned their awkwardness, from Jennifer Lawrence’s infamous fall up the stairs at the 2013 Oscars to Mindy Kaling’s book “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?” which pokes fun at herself.

Celebrate the Wins

Whether you feel as though you were socially awkward in a given situation or not—celebrate yourself. You’ll either celebrate yourself for feeling confident or celebrate yourself for reminding yourself that you got through it. Sure, it felt awkward, but the world didn’t end.

Whether you feel like you’ve had a particularly socially awkward situation or you believe yourself to be a socially awkward person, try to have self compassion for yourself. You are a human, and humans aren’t always perfect—what fun would that be? 

Many people experience regret, even when making everyday decisions. Making mistakes is part of life, but sometimes these regrets can leave you wondering if you are a bad person.

The good news is that examining your actions often means that you care about treating other people in positive ways. It also indicates that you have the self-reflection, insight, and awareness to make a change if you aren’t satisfied with who you are or who you’ve been in the past.

However, for some people, wondering, “Am I a bad person?” isn’t a fleeting thought or existential question—in some cases, it can be a sign of a mental health condition such as depression. This makes it important to be aware of the symptoms to watch for so you can seek help.

Here we share what you should do if you find yourself thinking, “I’m a bad person.” We also provide some signs that suggest you might have a deeper issue, along with actions you can take to get over your regrets and start to feel better again.

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What Does “Bad Person” Mean?

There is no single, simple definition for what it means to be a “bad person.” One person might define it as someone who engages in harmful or destructive behaviors. Another person might define a bad person as an individual who doesn’t care about others, regardless of the type of actions they engage in.

Labeling yourself as ‘bad’ is often a judgment that stems from your value system. These values arise from beliefs you’ve formed through your upbringing and experiences but are also heavily influenced by culture. In other words, the expectations for what it means to be ‘good’ can vary depending on the society in which you live.

The Dark Factor of Personality

According to some researchers, there is a certain pattern of traits that make up what is referred to as the “dark factor of personality” or D-factor. People who exhibit these characteristics often engage in actions that are harmful to others and include traits such as:

• Entitlement
• Immorality
• Neuroticism
• Psychopathy
• Sadism
• Self-centeredness
• Self-interest
• Spitefulness

These traits are all focused on pursuing one’s interest at the cost of other people’s happiness, health, and well-being. People with these traits often do whatever it takes to fulfill their desires and wants, even at the expense of others.

Signs of a Deeper Issue

Again, feeling like a bad person may be due to regret over something small that you did or didn’t do. But it can also be an indicator that something bigger may be going on, causing you to consider how you treat others. Here are a few signs that you might need to evaluate your actions further.

Lack of an Apology or Remorse

When we feel angry, our natural tendency is to respond aggressively. This can cause us to lash out, act thoughtlessly, or say things in the heat of the moment, leading the other person to feel hurt or experience emotional pain. How you respond afterward can say a lot about who you are as a person.

If you have feelings of remorse when you hurt someone and can apologize for the pain you have caused, it indicates that you care about the feelings of the people around you. It also means that you are willing to reflect on your actions and make amends when needed.

Conversely, if you are not willing to do these things or struggle to admit that you’ve harmed others, it may be a sign of a deeper issue.

Self-Centered Behaviors

There is nothing wrong with putting your own needs and interests first at times. Taking care of yourself is crucial as neglecting your personal needs can lead to unhappiness and poor well-being.

That said, if you’re always thinking about yourself and your own needs, never considering the feelings or welfare of others, it may indicate an issue that needs to be addressed. Self-centeredness can be particularly damaging if you neglect the needs of the people you are closest to, such as your partner, children, other family members, and friends. 

Manipulation, Exploitation, and Dishonesty

Putting other people down and engaging in gaslighting is a form of manipulation and exploitation. People who engage in exploitive or manipulative behaviors typically have no problem lying to get what they want.

If you lie regularly, it may indicate that you need to evaluate your behavior and make a change. While almost everyone tells little white lies from time to time, it can signal a more serious issue when lie-telling is chronic, pervasive, and does not lead to feelings of remorse or regret.

Why You May Feel Like a Bad Person

If you sometimes feel like a bad person, it can be helpful to consider some of the factors that might be contributing to these feelings. Possible influences might include your personality, experiences, and mental health.

Personality

Certain personality traits can affect how you feel about yourself. For example, neuroticism is one of the core dimensions of personality. People with high levels of this trait tend to feel negatively about themselves, others, and the world in general. 

Individuals with a D-factor personality also often have traits that can make them feel like a bad person. Traits that research has associated with this personality type include narcissism, spitefulness, egoism, psychopathy, and sadism.

Experiences 

Our upbringing and life experiences also play an important role in how we perceive our own actions. Our earliest experiences in life involve watching our caregivers and other adults. Their behaviors and the value systems they raised us with serve as a model for how we feel and act today.

Other experiences and influences also play a role. Peers, social pressures, culture, media influences, and our individual experiences shape how we relate to other people in our life. Adverse experiences can contribute to an overall negative outlook, ultimately impacting how we engage with others. 

Mental Health Conditions

Some mental health conditions can lead to problems with empathy, relationships, behaviors, and self-perceptions. They include:

Feeling like a bad person may also be an indicator of depression or anxiety. Symptoms of depression include feelings of guilt and lack of self-worth. In some cases, people with this condition feel fundamentally bad or that the world would be better off without them.

Sometimes this feeling is accompanied by other symptoms such as low mood, decreased interest in activities, loss of pleasure, fatigue, irritability, social withdrawal, and a lack of motivation. In that case, it is crucial to seek help. 

If this is how you feel, talk to your healthcare provider or a mental health professional about what you are experiencing. These experts can assess your symptoms, make a diagnosis, and recommend treatments to help relieve your symptoms.

How to Get Help If You Feel Like a Bad Person

If you’ve been struggling with feeling like you are a bad person, there are a few steps you can take to get help and make a change in your life. Start by talking to your healthcare provider or mental health professional.

This type of professional can evaluate your symptoms and help determine if there may be an underlying problem, such as a personality disorder, which may be contributing to behaviors that make you feel bad about yourself and your interactions with others. 

If feeling like you are a bad person is accompanied by other mental health symptoms related to depression or anxiety, it is vital to get help. A mental health professional can recommend treatments, such as psychotherapy and medications, that can relieve your symptoms and improve your beliefs in yourself.

Additional Steps You Can Take to Feel Better

Feeling like you are a bad person can be distressing. In addition to talking to a mental health professional, there are steps that you can take to begin to feel better about who you are and how you relate to others.

• Treat others with respect: Work on showing kindness and respect to others. Being nice to people can be a great place to start. Approaching others with kindness can also lead to more positive interactions, which can be helpful for forming new social relationships.
• Find ways to help others: Research has found that helping others helps people feel better about themselves. You can start by doing good deeds in your daily life or volunteering to support an organization that you care about.
• Practice forgiveness: Being able to forgive isn’t always easy, but research has found that people who can forgive experience more positive emotions, less stress, better relationships with others, and feel a greater sense of purpose in life. Don’t forget to show yourself compassion by learning how to forgive yourself too. This can be a positive first step toward improving how you feel about who you are as a person.
• Think positively: Maintaining a more optimistic mindset may help you interact more positively with others and feel better about yourself. Pay attention to the types of negative thinking that contribute to feeling like you are a bad person and look for ways to replace those thought patterns with more positive ones.

It is important to know that labeling yourself and others can have negative consequences. Additionally, if you believe that these self-labeled qualities are innate and unchangeable, it can limit your ability and motivation to make positive changes in your life.

Even if you have moments where you feel negatively about yourself, avoid labeling yourself as a “bad person.” Everyone makes mistakes, has bad days, and has things they’d like to change. Show yourself compassion.

Thinking about getting back together with an ex-flame? Let’s pump the brakes before making any big decisions. That partner who dumped you could still be the same person. The reasons you broke up with them may still hold true. Or we may simply be thinking about reconciling for the wrong reasons.

Why We May Feel This Way

After we experience a relationship breakup, we probably feel disappointed, sad, and in emotional pain. We might even become depressed.

As time passes, we likely find ways to get over that person and finally accept it wasn’t working. Or we realize both people need to want the relationship.

Despite those reasons, you may be second-guessing yourself. It’s possible you think you’re still in love with your ex and are ruminating over the breakup. Maybe you were reminded of the happy times you spent together and reminisced by scrolling through photos on your phone. You saw your ex, remembered the fun times, and now see the relationship through rose-colored glasses.

Also, If you still find your ex very attractive and believe they’re looking better than ever, that could play into your desire to be with that person.

4 Reasons Why Reuniting Might Be a Mistake

Couples split up for a reason. Some people confuse missing someone with wanting to get back together. Here are four red flags that tell us rekindling our romance could be a bad idea.

Loss of Trust

Let’s say your ex cheated and you forgave them. Forgiveness allows the person forgiving to move forward. But because you remained suspicious even after the incident and never trusted your ex again, you grew apart. You couldn’t share your own worries or fears; you couldn’t open up and be vulnerable with them.

While couples can rebuild trust in their relationships, true intimacy needs trust as its foundation. You want to be with a partner who is empathetic, someone you trust who also trusts you.

Problems With Communication

Communication fosters connection. If your ex brushed things under the rug, avoided difficult conversations or became aggressive and yelled, recognize that you deserve a partner who cares about you and communicates respectfully.

If you or your ex-partner have not become better communicators, these problems can just as easily impact a rekindled relationship.

Confusion Between Lust and Love

If it’s hard to distinguish the difference between lust and love, just think back a moment: Do your memories of your times together revolve around amazing sex?

• Sexual chemistry is about physical attraction and not necessarily about a close emotional connection.
• Intimate sex, however, does combine sexual desire and sexual experiences with a deep, enduring bond.

While it might seem impossible to define love, it is possible. Love can be characterized as a caring, devoted, and deep emotional attachment. Scientists have gone one step further.

Conducting a substantially large intercultural survey in a recent study across 25 countries, scientific analysis evidence showed that three key components of love characterize romantic relationships: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Lack of Friendship

A good friend accepts us for who we are. They offer affection and trust. Friends enjoy being together. If you didn’t have a friendship with your ex, something important was missing.

According to The Gottman Institute, friendship is key to the vitality of a long-term relationship. Though the movies usually depict strangers falling in love, according to scientific research revealed in a 2022 study, most couples begin as friends.

Research published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, comprised of four different studies on relationship initiation, found that two-thirds of people began romantic relationships first as long-term friends. LGBTQ+ participants had even higher rates of friends-first beginnings than those in heterosexual relationships. However, the sample of LGBTQ+ participants was also smaller in these studies.

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

For those who grew up in dysfunctional families or with domestic abuse, being with someone who doesn’t treat you right might feel familiar.

Gaslighting, stalking, bullying, not respecting your personal space, and even talking about their previous relationships in a derogatory manner can be warning signs that a partner is abusive.

Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself about your previous relationship. Take a moment to sit down and answer each question truthfully.

You deserve to be in a healthy relationship that consists of trust, affection, good communication, and intimacy. If you’re not dating anyone or feeling nostalgic for the good times with your ex, take some time for yourself. You might not actually want to get back with your ex. Maybe you’re just feeling lonely.

There are ways to stay inspired after heartbreak. Give yourself compassion, remember ways you can make yourself happy, return to your hobbies and passions, and look ahead to a wonderful future.

Everyone wants to feel like their significant other appreciates them. When your partner doesn’t acknowledge your efforts or makes you feel taken for granted, feeling undervalued is upsetting. But the relationship can still thrive, and you can work things out with your partner if you’re both committed to it.

One expectation in a relationship is to feel supported. That’s a valid and reasonable expectation. You want to feel that in any circumstance, your partner has your back. When your partner ignores your needs and doesn’t give you the respect you deserve, you want to question if you’re in an unhealthy relationship.

Signs of Feeling Unappreciated

If you’re feeling like your partner doesn’t appreciate you, put away the social media. That pair you consider “couple goals” might look happy barbecuing in their backyard, but you don’t know their true story.

Rather than feeling sad or rejected, see if you are experiencing the following as part of your romantic relationship.

Common signs of being unappreciated include:

• Your partner is acting emotionally unavailable or doesn’t consider your feelings at all.
• When you bring up what you’re upset about, your partner dismisses you, stonewalls, or gaslights you.
• Your partner doesn’t ask your opinion or for your advice. Maybe they’re good at waxing the car and want to take care of it for you. But if they decide to relocate to a different city, they need to discuss their decision-making with you.
• Your partner doesn’t consult you about plans. For example, your partner arranges a weekend trip to visit college friends and you learn about it that morning.
• Your partner doesn’t acknowledge birthdays and anniversaries. If you explain the situation and your partner then makes too big of a deal the next time with overly-grand gestures, they could be love-bombing you. 
• Your partner doesn’t do their fair share of the household chores.

Dangers of Not Feeling Appreciated

While your partner can’t meet every need, there has to be a give and take. Appreciation is critical in a relationship so you feel comfortable and safe. Otherwise, lack of appreciation could cause these outcomes.

Mental and Physical Health Concerns

Healthy, nurturing relationships foster good mental health. Furthermore, social strain and stressful interpersonal relationships can lead to chronic diseases like heart disease.

Blame

If you’re hurt and don’t feel like your partner cares, you might blame your partner and choose to pull away. You can put the relationship into a downward spiral. Or you pull away and you blame yourself for the problems in the relationship.

Resentment

Before long, you might hold a grudge. Because he didn’t tell you he was going away for the weekend, you’re not going to answer his question about where his basketball is. If you’re filled with bitterness, you’re still ruminating about the negative situation.

Emotional Damage

You don’t want to be in a one-sided relationship where your significant other doesn’t appreciate you. But if you withdraw emotionally and isolate yourself, you might develop a sense of worthlessness. The emotional damage has negatively impacted you and compromised the relationship.

What You Can Do If You Don’t Feel Appreciated

Rather than have these negative outcomes, there are steps you can take with your partner to get the relationship back on track. Here are some things you can do:

Open the doors of communication

Maybe your partner is dealing with a problem at work. Bring up your feelings of being unappreciated and actively listen to their response. Maybe there is something going on that you didn’t know about. Don’t forget to pay attention to the nonverbal communication. Are you responding by rolling your eyes and shrugging your shoulders?

Talk about the problem with your partner calmly and honestly. Ideally, you can work together towards resolving the issue and figuring out ways your partner can make you feel appreciated. They could be very small actions like kissing you good morning or thanking you for doing the dishes.

Model appreciation

Maybe neither one of you is appreciating the other. Re-focus on the positive things your partner is doing. By giving more energy to what your partner is doing right, like sharing the story of how he helped carry groceries for the elderly neighbor or brought home your favorite flavor of ice cream, you can focus on ways to make your relationship better.

Express gratitude

Gratitude strengthens and enhances our relationships. Also, gratitude makes you happier. When you appreciate, you acknowledge or recognize something. When you show gratitude, you’re in affective mode and you feel thankful.

In a recent study, scientists asked 120 newlywed couples to report their feelings and expressions of gratitude for their partner every year for 2 years and their marital satisfaction every 4 months for 3 years. Results suggested that low gratitude in one partner acts as a weak link that is capable of disrupting both partners’ relationship satisfaction.

Look objectively and evaluate

Maybe your partner shows you his appreciation in actions not in words. You’re wanting to hear that he noticed you woke early to clean the kitchen, but your partner’s love language is touch. So, he touches your shoulder and smiles at you without saying the words of acknowledgment

You might ask yourself how you show appreciation to your partner? What is your own motivation for giving? Is it for recognition or because you feel like you owe your partner? Once you objectively evaluate the situation, you might realize that you haven’t been very appreciative either.

Make yourself a priority

You might have noticed you’re more upset with your partner when you yourself are overwhelmed. Get into the right mindset and give yourself self-care. You might choose to establish some new boundaries and prioritize yourself a little more.

Seek out professional intervention

If you two cannot find a resolution by yourselves, consider going to couples counseling. Online therapy is another way to benefit from counseling in the comfort of your own home. Being counseled virtually can save you time in driving to appointments and also save you money.

Couples counseling can help you reclaim your relationship. This type of counseling can strengthen your emotional bond and give you the tools that will help you both cooperate and communicate better.