Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Memory is the ability to store and retrieve information when people need it. The four general types of memories are sensory memory, short-term memory, working memory, and long-term memory. Long-term memory can be further categorized as either implicit (unconscious) or explicit (conscious).

Together, these types of memory make us who we are as individuals, yet we don’t put a lot of thought into how memory works. It’s a phenomenon that involves several processes and can be split into different types, each of which plays an important role in the retention and recall of information.

4 Main Types of Memories 

For years, researchers and experts have debated the classification of memories. Many agree that there are four main categories of memory, with all other types of memory tending to fall within these major categories. 

Memory is sometimes also classified into stages and processes. People who classify memory into only two distinctive types, implicit and explicit memory, believe that other types of memory—like sensory, short-term, and long-term memory—aren’t different types but more so stages of memory.

Sensory Memory 

Sensory memory allows you to remember sensory information after the stimulation has ended. Remembering the sensation of a person’s touch or a sound you heard in passing is sensory memory.

Researchers who classify memory more as stages than types believe that all other memories begin with the formation of sensory memories. Typically, sensory memory only holds onto information for brief periods.

There are three types of sensory memory:

Short-term Memory 

As the name implies, short-term memory allows you to recall specific information about something for a brief period. Short-term memory is not as fleeting as sensory memory, but it’s also not as permanent as long-term memory. Short-term memory is also known as primary or active memory.

You can keep information in your short-term memory by rehearsing the information. For example, if you need to recall a string of numbers, you might keep repeating them to yourself until you input them. However, if you are asked to recall those numbers about 10 minutes after inputting them, you’d most likely be unable to. 

Working Memory

Working memory is a type of memory that involves the immediate and small amount of information that a person actively uses as they perform cognitive tasks. While some view working memory as a fourth distinct type of memory, it can fall under the classification of short-term memory and, in many cases, is even used interchangeably. 

Long-term Memory

We store a vast majority of our memories in our long-term memory. Any memory we can still recall after 30 seconds could be classified as long-term memory. These memories range in significance, from recalling the name of a friendly face at your favorite coffee shop to important bits of information like a close friend’s birthday or your home address.

There is no limit to how much our long-term memory can hold and for how long. We can further split long-term memory into two main categories: explicit and implicit long-term memory.

Explicit Long-term Memory 

Explicit long-term memories are memories we consciously and deliberately take time to form and recall. Explicit memory holds information such as your best friend’s birthday or your phone number. It often includes major milestones in your life, such as childhood events, graduation dates, or academic work you learned in school.

In general, explicit memories can be episodic or semantic.

• Episodic memories are formed from particular episodes in your life. Examples of episodic memory include the first time you rode a bike or your first day at school.
• Semantic memories are general facts and bits of information you’ve absorbed over the years. For instance, when you recall a random fact while filling in a crossword puzzle, you pull it from your semantic memory.

Implicit Long-term Memory 

We are not as deliberate with forming implicit memories as we are with explicit ones. Implicit memories form unconsciously and might affect the way a person thinks and behaves.

Implicit memory often comes into play when we are learning motor skills like walking or riding a bike. If you learned how to ride a bike when you were 10 and don’t pick it up again until you are 20, implicit memory helps you remember how to ride it. 

Why Do We Have Different Types of Memory?

Each different type of memory we have is important, and they all have various functions. Your short-term memory allows you to process and understand the information in an instant. When you read a paragraph in a book and understand it, that’s your short-term memory at work. 

Your most treasured and important memories are held in your long-term memory. Your long-term memory facilitates how to walk, talk, ride a bike, and engage in daily activities. It also allows you to recall important dates and facts.

How These Types of Memories Are Formed

Memories are made in three distinct stages. It starts with encoding. Encoding is the way external stimuli and information make their way into your brain. This could occur through any of your five senses.

The next stage is storage, where the information we take in is stored. It is either stored briefly, like with sensory and short-term memory, or more permanently, like with long-term memory.

The final stage is recall. Recall is our ability to retrieve the memory we’ve made from where it is stored. This process also outlines how sensory memory might be turned into short-term memory or short-term memory into long-term memory. 

How to Improve Your Memory 

It’s commonplace to hear people complain about having poor memory. When we try to recall information and can’t, we feel that our memory has failed us.

The good news is that it is possible to improve your memory and make the process of encoding, storing, and recalling information more seamless. Here are a couple of tips to improve your memory: 

• Take care of your body. If you take care of your body by eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep, you improve your brain health, which helps you process and recall memories better. 
• Exercise your mind. There are several activities and puzzles you could do to give your mind a great workout. 
• Take advantage of calendars and planners. Clear up memory space in your brain by using calendars and planners to remember the little things like shopping lists and meeting times. 
• Stay mentally active. Reading, writing, and constantly learning help you remain mentally active, which can improve your memory.

When first starting antidepressants, you may not feel like yourself. Though your depression symptoms might have improved, feelings of extreme sadness can sometimes be replaced by an emotional numbness in which you are neither able to cry nor enjoy a real belly laugh.

If you feel this way, you are definitely not alone. There’s a term used to describe this feeling—called emotional blunting—which aptly captures the dulled emotional state many people experience when taking antidepressants.

While emotional blunting may make you want to stop your antidepressant medications, it’s important to know that there are things you can do to help overcome this effect and still continue your depression treatment. Learn more about why antidepressants can blunt emotions, as well as what actions you can take to start to feel like yourself again.

Symptoms of Emotional Blunting

Emotional blunting means that your feelings and emotions are so dulled that you neither feel up nor down. You simply feel “blah.” People who experience emotional blunting will often report:

• Being less able to laugh or cry, even when appropriate
• Feeling distant from the world around them
• Feeling less empathy for others
• Loss of motivation and drive
• Not being able to respond with the same level of enjoyment that they normally would

Prevalence of Emotional Blunting

A study from the University of Oxford found that 46% of antidepressant users experienced emotional blunting during treatment. According to the research, the antidepressants most commonly associated with emotional blunting are:

Though the percentage of people who experienced emotional blunting was similar between the three drug classes, there were variations. On the one end, 33% experienced emotional blunting while on Wellbutrin (bupropion) while, on the other end, 75% experienced the same effect on Cymbalta (duloxetine hydrochloride).

Wellbutrin is a different class of drug known as a dopamine and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. Unlike the others, it does not target a chemical transmitter in the brain—known as serotonin—that all of the other drugs do. This suggests that the inhibition of serotonin may be one of the prime causes of emotional blunting.

Other Study Findings

According to the Oxford study, men experienced blunting more than women at 54% vs. 44%, respectively. Moreover, the severity of depression before treatment directly corresponded to the severity of emotional blunting during treatment.

The study also found that not everyone viewed emotional blunting in the same way. Of the 819 people included, 38% regarded the blunting of their emotions as a positive outcome of treatment, while 37% viewed it negatively. Generally speaking, those with more severe blunting symptoms viewed it more negatively.

Supporting Evidence

Other research has found similar results. For example, an online survey of 1,431 antidepressant users from 38 countries aimed to identify the most common adverse side effects of treatment. “Feeling emotionally numb” was ranked number one, with 71% experiencing this symptom.

“Feeling foggy or detached” was a close second at 70% and “feeling not like myself” was third with 66%. The study didn’t specify which types of antidepressants resulted in these effects.

A smaller study from New Zealand involving 180 people on long-term antidepressant therapy found that 64.5% experienced emotional blunting. Related side effects included sexual difficulties (71.8%), not feeling like themselves (54.4%), and a reduction in positive feelings (45.6%).

Additionally, a Canadian study involving 896 participants, 49.9% of whom had major depressive disorder (MDD) and 50.1% of whom had bipolar disorder (BP), found that emotional blunting was one of the main reasons for the discontinuation of therapy. After weight gain and excessive sleepiness, emotional blunting ranked third in the reasons to stop treatment among people with MDD.

Causes of Emotional Blunting

Given that not everyone on antidepressants develops emotional blunting, it has been difficult for scientists to tease out a precise reason for this effect. Some experts have even questioned whether blunting is a side effect of antidepressant treatment or perhaps a partial failure of the drug itself.

While it would seem fair to assume that serotonin plays a role in the effect (given the lower incidence among Wellbutrin users), most scientists believe that a single hormone cannot be to blame.

Others still have suggested that emotional blunting is more of a symptom revealed, meaning that once the antidepressants are able to alleviate depression, the underlying symptoms of emotional blunting are revealed rather than caused. Much more research is needed before any conclusions can be drawn.

Treatment for Emotional Blunting

The good news is that emotional blunting can be treated. Some of the options to consider include:

• Live a healthy lifestyle. Engaging in exercise stimulates serotonin and elevates mood. Eating healthier and avoiding alcohol (a mood depressant) can also help.
• Ask about medication changes. If you experience emotional blunting, your healthcare provider may lower your dose or switch you to a different antidepressant (say, from an SSRI to an SNRI). They may also be able to add other medication to offset the emotional blunting.
• Work with your therapist to find ways to elevate your mood. There may be a psychological component to your condition as well as a pharmaceutical one.

We’ve all been there at one point in our lives—those awful days following the demise of a relationship when all you want to do is climb in bed, pull the covers over your head, and sob. After all, breakups suck regardless of who ended things.

“Breakups are so challenging. They can signify a change in roles and routine, and even cause one to question their values or who they are,” explains Evita Limon-Rocha, MD, a child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Riverside, California. “Acknowledging your feelings and normalizing the variety of emotions experienced in this process is key in allowing yourself to heal.”

If you’re like many people, however, you probably don’t deal with breakups in the healthiest of ways. Maybe you resort to drowning your sorrows with food or drinks. Or, maybe you can’t stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong. Whatever your current coping mechanisms, you’re probably wondering if there is a better way to get through this heartache.

To help you put the past behind you and move on, we made a list of eight things you can do right now to feel a little better and maybe help mend your broken heart.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

While it’s only natural to want to feel better, you don’t want to suppress your feelings or deny they even exist. Part of the healing process is acknowledging how you feel and allowing yourself to grieve.

“It’s important to acknowledge your feelings of distress and grief after a breakup because it is a significant loss,” explains Erin Pash LMFT, CEO of Ellie Mental Health. “We don’t talk enough about losses that aren’t death. Ambiguous loss, like a breakup, is a loss that can often leave us searching for answers if we don’t take the time to work through the complicated emotions of ending a relationship.” 

This process is essential if you are coming out of a long-term relationship. Even if the relationship was fraught with issues, you might still feel like a part of you is missing.

• Allow yourself the time and the space to cry: Believe it or not, crying provides a release that will actually improve your mood and help you feel better in the long run. “It’s also ok to just sit in your feelings and let yourself feel bad. Letting yourself have feelings is healthy even if other people might not see it that way. Crying, wallowing, and acknowledging pain is sometimes the best medicine,” Pash notes.
• Avoid getting stuck: Healing after a breakup takes time, but it is important not to get mired down in this stage of the healing process. You need to allow yourself some time to process what happened. Remember that this process looks different for each individual. “There is no linear path in the face of grief, such as in the loss of a relationship and this journey to healing can be highly variable,” Dr. Limon-Rocha explains.
• Talk to a professional: This is not to say that a pang of sadness will not surprise you here and there, but crying for days and days can be counterproductive to the healing process. If you find that you can’t stop crying or that you are crying for no apparent reason, you should talk to your doctor or a counselor.

Not taking the time to acknowledge your feelings and heal can create further problems. Sometimes, a traumatic breakup can trigger depression in some people or reignite a mental health issue.

Remove Reminders of Your Ex

When getting over a breakup, one of the first things you need to do is purge your house or apartment of all reminders of your ex.

“Sometimes people need to cut that person off for a period of time in order to heal. This might look like putting up firm boundaries, removing them from your social media, and making it clear to friends and family that you don’t want to talk about them until you’re ready to talk about it,” Pash notes.

Get Rid of Physical Memories

It is difficult to move on and heal from a breakup if you still have your ex’s picture on the nightstand or if you sleep in their old sweatshirt. It can be helpful to remove reminders of them from your home.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to burn their belongings, throw their stuff into the street, or sell everything they gave you, but you should at least box these items up.

But recognize that having reminders of your ex that are easily accessible is going to impede your progress. So, do yourself a favor and at the very least put it in storage.

Get Rid of Social Media and Digital Mementos

While you’re at it, you also should remove your ex from your social media accounts. Even though you may be curious about what they’re up to, receiving constant reminders through photos and posts will keep you stuck in the past. It also can be painful too if you see your ex with a new partner.

So, as hard as it may be to do, unfriend and unfollow your ex as soon as possible. You may even want to block them from seeing your posts and updates. The fewer connections you have to one another the easier it will be to move on.

Find Closure

Sometimes cutting off all contact is not enough to help you move on. Sometimes, you need what people often refer to as closure. The key is that you find closure for the relationship in a healthy way.

In other words, having coffee together with your ex to talk or getting together as friends, even under the guise of finding closure, is unhealthy. We’ve all tried it, and it only leaves you with open wounds, crying alone in your car once again.

“Closure can be anything from talking through your feelings with friends to working through grounding skills that can ease some of the pain and provide growth and comfort,” says Pash

One way to find closure is to write a letter to your ex saying everything you didn’t get a chance to say. Just don’t mail it or send it to them. It is the process of pouring out your feelings onto paper that helps you bring closure to the relationship—not sending it to them and hoping they will read it and feel a certain way.

Plus, if you end up sending an emotional letter, you may end up regretting it later. There also is the chance that you will spend too much time wondering if they read the letter, what they thought about it, and if they will respond. Instead, write the letter more for yourself.

According to Pamela Garber, LMHC, finding closure is sometimes about reminding yourself what you took away from the relationship, even though it didn’t ultimately didn’t work out. ” A relationship can still be a gain, an enrichment to one’s life, even if it had a shelf life. Healing may be helped by recognizing that time was not wasted,” she notes.

Make a List of Your Ex’s Faults

Too many times after a breakup, people dwell on all the things they will miss about their ex. Instead of remembering them as they truly were, they see only the good qualities—the things that they are really going to miss

Dwelling on what you’ll miss can be counterproductive to your healing. After all, if you want to move on, you need to remind yourself why the two of you are not a good fit. Take some time and write down everything that bothers you about your ex. Include big things and little things.

You can also include little pet peeves like having bad table manners or being a slob. This exercise will help you keep things in perspective as well as serve as a reminder as to why it’s better that you’re not together.

Take Care of Yourself

The key to feeling better after a breakup is rooted in caring for yourself. In other words, ensure you’re eating right, exercising regularly, showering consistently, and getting plenty of sleep.

“Redefining your own sense of self and focusing on your independence by reigniting things that are unique and important to you is also comforting,” Pash explains.

It also may help to pamper yourself a little bit, too. Consider getting a massage, a facial, or a manicure, especially if you think it will boost your spirits.

“I would usually recommend finding some rituals that help people feel in a state of safety and calm when they are emotionally overwhelmed. These are usually good habits like deep breathing, going for a run, calling friends, or journaling,” Pash recommends.

Some self-care strategies you may find helpful include:

• Taking a yoga class
• Journaling
• Practicing mindfulness
• Listing to music
• Redecorating a room in your house
• Aromatherapy
• Listening to a podcast

Even indulging a little can be a mood booster, like losing yourself in a good book and ordering takeout from your favorite restaurant. You could even treat yourself to a new outfit, a new pair of shoes, or the latest gadget. Think about things that bring you joy and try to incorporate them into your life.

Dr. Limon-Rocha also recommends focusing on gratitude practices. “Engaging in gratitude exercises can be a highly therapeutic reminder of what is going well. These gratitude exercises can help one live in the moment to help move past the breakup and focus on the present,” she explains.

Connect With Other People

While it may be tempting to hole up in your bedroom and wallow in self-pity, this is not a healthy response to a breakup. Instead, make a goal to connect with other people.

Take the time to call family and friends. Even reach out to spend time together. Never underestimate the power of laughing and doing something fun with people who love and support you. Not only is it a great way to heal, but it also helps keep your mind off your ex.

Likewise, talking to supportive people about the breakup can be somewhat cathartic. So, ideally you have a friend or family member you can talk to. If you don’t, then consider talking to a counselor instead. The idea is that talking about your feelings with regard to the breakup will help you process your feelings and come to terms with what happened.

Just be sensitive to the fact that friends and family members may become fatigued if that’s all you talk about. So try to be a good friend in the midst of your crisis.

Plan a Solo Adventure

After spending time as a couple, it can be hard learning to be single again. And while the thought of doing something solo may seem a little daunting at first, it also can be extremely liberating too. Of course, you don’t have to plan an entire experience, but you should plan to get used to the idea of spending time alone again.

Whether that means spending a relaxing evening alone, going on a hike in the mountains, or planning a short getaway, the key is that you get used to being alone with yourself. If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas consider choosing something your ex would never do that you really wanted to do.

Accept That It’s Over

While it’s tempting to hold onto the hope that you will reunite with your ex, the likelihood of that happening is slim in most cases. As a result, you need to accept that the relationship is over and that it’s time to move on.

If you don’t accept that things are over, you will be stuck in limbo, waiting and hoping your ex will realize the error of their ways and ask to get back together—most of the time, that does not happen.

Likewise, don’t spend much time over-analyzing what you did wrong or how you could change to keep your ex around. While it’s a good idea to learn from your mistakes, constantly thinking about what you could or should have done will likely keep you in circles.

“A lot of people think closure can only come from asking the person all these intense questions about them and their relationship. While feedback can be a useful tool, most breakups come down to people just not being the right fit for each other,” Pash suggests. “I think that people often judge themselves too harshly for all the things they could have done differently when there is likely nothing wrong with them in the first place.” 

Recognize that your mission now is to accept that the relationship is over. Be patient with yourself, though. Healing after a breakup is not a quick fix. It takes some time for your heart to catch up with the reality of the situation. But you will get there as long as you keep working on it.

Dr. Limon-Rocha notes that it is important to seek professional help if you’re struggling to move on after a breakup. “If one is having difficulty with low energy, low motivation, not finding enjoyment in things that once gave them joy or work performance is being impacted by mood, it may be time to seek more support and care,” she explains.

Narcissists can and do love, but their love tends to be superficial and fleeting. They can develop intense emotional attachments—even appearing to “fall in love”—and yet still maintain a complete lack of empathy for the object of their affection. Their relationships are often plagued by dramatic mood swings, tumultuous highs, and heartbreaking lows.

This means that their love often feels superficial and inauthentic because any meaningful connection or empathy doesn’t accompany it.

How to Tell If a Narcissist Loves You

It is important to remember that while a narcissist may appear to love you initially, this feeling is often short-lived and conditional.

Narcissists have difficulty maintaining meaningful connections, so their form of “love” is often shallow and fleeting.

Their Actions Will Tell You

Dr. Flora Sadri-Azarbayejani, DO, MPH, FAAFP, FASAM, Medical Director at Psyclarity Health, located in Boston, Massachusetts, notes that their actions are the only way to tell if a narcissist loves you. “Do they take your feelings and needs into consideration? Are they able to put your happiness first, even when it doesn’t directly benefit them? If the answer is ‘yes,’ then it’s possible that they may indeed love you.”

Dr. Flora notes, however, that this requires self-reflection on the narcissist’s part. “Unless they’re willing to work to change their behavior, any love or affection they show may remain conditional and one-sided.”

Megan Tangradi, MS, LPC, LCADC, CCS, CCTP, Clinical Director at Achieve Wellness & Recovery concurs. “If a narcissist claims to love you, it is important to look beyond words and focus on how they are actually treating you. Do they take the time to listen to your feelings? Do they respect your boundaries and take responsibility for their actions? Do they make you feel valued and appreciated? If the answer to these questions is “yes,” then it is likely that the narcissist does care for you in some capacity.”

The best way to know if a narcissist loves you is by looking at their behavior over time rather than just relying on words or expressions of affection.

If they are consistently putting your needs first, even when it doesn’t directly benefit them, then it may be possible that they truly care for you.

What Does a Narcissist Think Love Is?

Narcissists often have a skewed idea of love and what it should look like. Ketan Parmar, MD notes, “To a narcissist, love is an external source of validation used to boost their self-esteem. They do not understand that real love involves reciprocity. Instead, they believe that love is something they can obtain from a person or object and use to feel better about themselves.”

Ultimately, narcissists view love as something that is owed to them and will usually act with a sense of entitlement in their relationships. Their love depends on their partner’s unconditional admiration, often leading to toxic and one-sided dynamics.

Additionally, a narcissist’s idea of love is usually very superficial. They may be overly affectionate or quickly profess their undying love without having developed any meaningful connection with their partner. These kinds of declarations may feel exciting and special at first but soon become shallow and meaningless as the relationship progresses.

Can a Narcissist Ever Be Happy in a Relationship?

While it may be possible for a narcissist to develop feelings of love towards someone else, they struggle to maintain lasting relationships due to their lack of empathy and tendency towards selfishness.

However, it’s possible that asking someone with NPD to put themselves in someone else’s shoes can help them learn to build empathy.

But, without treatment, it is unlikely that a narcissist will find happiness in a relationship as they are typically unable to give or receive the emotional support necessary for any healthy connection.

With therapy and self-reflection, some narcissists can learn to become more compassionate and understanding toward their partners.

What Happens When a Narcissist Falls in Love?

When narcissists fall in love, they become obsessed with being adored and admired by their partners. They may shower them with compliments and gifts or attempt to manipulate them through grand gestures of affection.

Unfortunately, this emotionally charged relationship is often too intense and unstable, leading to a cycle of ups and downs that can be difficult to escape.

Results of a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggested that narcissists might succeed in short-term dating but fail in committed relationships.

The Bond Is Unlikely to Be Deep and Long-Lasting

Rather than forming a deep emotional bond, narcissists become attached to the idea of love and attempt to recreate the feeling of admiration they had at the beginning of their relationship. They may belittle their partner as self-protection if they don’t feel that admiration.  

Narcissistic Traits vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder

It is important to remember that not everyone who displays narcissistic traits has narcissistic personality disorder.

Dating Someone With Narcissistic Traits

In other words, someone can be selfish or manipulative without necessarily having the condition. Therefore, it is necessary to keep in mind that these types of behaviors are not always indicative of an underlying mental health disorder and should only be treated as such if they have been formally diagnosed by a professional.

Mental health counselor, Holly Keller, LMHC, states: “People with narcissistic tendencies tend to be the people in your life you think of as self-absorbed or emotionally immature. The depth of love may be on the shallower side or expressed immaturely. They may believe love looks like gift-giving, proximity, or physical intimacy.”

Dating Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder

On the other hand, if someone has been formally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, their relationships will likely suffer more significantly due to their lack of empathy and inability to self-reflect or take responsibility for their actions.

This type of individual may also use manipulation tactics such as gaslighting or stonewalling to gain control over their partner can lead to feelings of powerlessness and ultimately result in an unhealthy dynamic.

However, it is important to remember that although it can be difficult, it is still possible for a narcissist to learn how to love and maintain healthy relationships with others.

They can understand their limitations with therapy and self-reflection and become more empathetic toward their partners. In doing so, they may be able to create a meaningful connection that brings joy rather than suffering.

Women with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) often live undiagnosed. This diagnosis gap happens partly because it’s a condition that was traditionally thought to affect mostly men, but also because women tend to have less obvious or socially disruptive symptoms than men.

This article discusses how ADHD symptoms may differ in women and why these symptoms are often overlooked. It also covers the ways that these symptoms might impact daily life.

How Does ADHD Look Different in Women?

One of the reasons why ADHD frequently goes undiagnosed in women and girls is that their symptoms may present differently from those of men and boys. ADHD comes in three presentations: inattentive, hyperactive/impulsive, or a combination of the two.

Men and boys tend to have hyperactive/impulsive ADHD, which may cause them to be fidgety, always on the go, disruptive, restless, talkative, impulsive, impatient, and have mood swings.

On the other hand, women tend to exhibit inattentive ADHD, making it hard to focus, pay attention to details, stay organized, listen, and remember things.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that boys are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than girls (12.9% vs. 5.6%). However, research suggests that this disparity is not because boys are more susceptible but instead because girls are consistently underdiagnosed.

Studies generally show that while men and women with ADHD are more alike than different, there are a few small differences. During adolescence, girls tend to have fewer coping strategies and worse self-efficacy than boys. Girls and women also have fewer externalizing symptoms such as aggression than men, but higher levels of depression and anxiety.

Why ADHD in Women Is Often Misdiagnosed

ADHD symptoms in girls are often viewed as character traits rather than symptoms of a condition. For example, a girl might be described as spacey, forgetful, or chatty. Later in life, a woman might reach out for help for her symptoms, only to be diagnosed with depression or anxiety instead.

The good news is that there is an increasing awareness about ADHD symptoms in women, which means more women are able to get the help they need.

Psychological distress, feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and chronic stress are common. Often, women with ADHD feel that their lives are out of control or in chaos, and daily tasks may seem impossibly huge.

Our culture commonly expects women to fill the caretaker role. When things feel out of control and it’s difficult to organize and plan because of ADHD, taking care of others can feel nearly impossible. This societal pressure also may greatly increase a woman’s feelings of inadequacy.

What Are the Signs of ADHD in Women?

You may notice signs of ADHD in many different areas of your life. Some of these symptoms may be worse or more noticeable in certain contexts, such as at work or school. You may find that you spend a lot of time and effort to appear “normal.”

Relationships

You may wish you were able to be a better friend, partner, or mom, and that you could do the things that other people do. For example, you may wish you could remember birthdays, bake cookies, and arrive on time for a date.

Because you’re not able to do the things that society expects women to do, people may think you don’t care.

Social Life

Growing up, you may have been described as a tomboy because you had so much energy and liked to be busy. As an adult, friendships can be difficult to navigate because social rules seem complicated. People may say that you talk more than anyone else they know. 

While you may be talkative, you may dislike going to parties and other social gatherings because they make you feel overwhelmed and shy. Your mind drifts during conversations unless you’re the one talking or it’s a topic you find very interesting.

Work

Being at the office feels difficult. The noise and people make it hard to get work done. You may choose to stay late or come in early because the only time you can work effectively is when everyone else has left and it’s quiet.

Your desk at work is piled high with papers. Even when you make a big effort to tidy it, it only stays clear for a day or two.

School

In school, ADHD symptoms in girls may get overlooked because women are more likely to have inattentive ADHD, which doesn’t have the visible behavior problems that hyperactive/impulsive ADHD usually does. Girls with ADHD may also hyperfocus on things that interest them, leading teachers and parents to overlook the possibility of ADHD.

As an adult, you may feel frustrated that people you went to school with pass you by with their achievements, even though you know you’re just as smart.

Daily Life

With ADHD, it may feel like each day is spent responding to requests and limiting disasters rather than moving forward with your goals. You may feel crushing sadness and frustration that you haven’t met your potential. Other daily struggles may include:

• Paper clutter: It often feels like you’re drowning in paper. At work, home, in your car, and even in your purse. You have an uneasy feeling that unpaid bills and forgotten projects are hiding under all the paper. You don’t feel organized with money and are usually behind with bills. 
• Overspending: You often overspend to compensate for other problems. For example, when you don’t have a clean outfit to wear for an office party, you buy a new one. Or when you forget someone’s birthday, you buy an expensive present to make up for it. Shopping trips make you feel better in the moment, but you feel regretful later when the credit card bill arrives.
• Disorganization: You may spend a lot of time, money, and research on products to help you be more organized, but then you don’t use them. You may feel embarrassed to have guests visit your home because it’s so cluttered and disorganized.
• Indecision: Grocery stores overwhelm you, and you may find it hard to make decisions about what to buy. You often forget a key ingredient for a meal even though you take longer in the store than most people do.

Relaxing is often difficult for people with ADHD. Little things can push you over the top and you may become emotional.

Co-Occurring Conditions

If you have symptoms affecting your life, it’s normal to wonder if you might have ADHD or another condition such as anxiety. Other conditions can also be present along with ADHD. When you have more than one condition, they are called comorbid or coexisting conditions. Here are some conditions that women often have in addition to their ADHD:

It’s good to be aware of these coexisting conditions because they can cause symptoms that look similar to ADHD. This, in turn, can make diagnosing ADHD more complex. However, an experienced clinician will be aware of this challenge. 

Treatment for ADHD in Women

Effective treatment for ADHD in women often involves several different approaches. Recommended treatments depend on various factors, including the nature, severity, and impact of ADHD symptoms.

It is essential to start by getting an accurate diagnosis to find the appropriate treatment. ADHD is often missed well into adulthood, so getting a diagnosis can be an important step toward understanding things about yourself that you might have previously chalked up to other causes. 

Once you know that you have ADHD, you can feel more empowered to take steps to get help and make changes in your life that will help you to better manage the symptoms of the condition. It can also help you better appreciate some of your strengths, such as high energy levels and creativity, that you can leverage when coping with the challenges you face.

If you think you might have ADHD, it’s important to be diagnosed by a healthcare professional. An accurate diagnosis the resulting treatment plan will allow you to get relief from your symptoms and greatly improve the quality of your life. Talk to a mental health professional or your doctor about the symptoms you are experiencing for a more accurate evaluation.

Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) becomes unable to uphold their grandiose, confident image due to a perceived fatal blow to their reputation. This leads to a breakdown which manifests as angry outbursts, irritable or defensive behavior, and verbal or physical aggression. Internally the person with NPD feels a loss of sense of self along with perceived rejection and abandonment. It can result in harm to the person with NPD and those around them.

In the following we’ll explore the difference between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder and look at the signs of narcissistic collapse and its common triggers. Then we’ll look at the effects of narcissistic collapse on the narcissist and others and explore coping strategies for others dealing with a narcissist in a collapse and recovery strategies for narcissists after a collapse.

Understanding Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The term narcissism gets thrown around a lot in casual conversation, usually to denote a selfish, self-serving person who doesn’t care about others. However, according to Alexandra Cromer, a Licensed Professional Counselor with Thriveworks in Richmond, VA, unlike someone you may refer to as a narcissist but has no diagnosable condition, someone with narcissistic personality disorder has an unchangeable character trait that’s been observed, confirmed, and diagnosed.

People with NPD don’t have “a lot of insight into how [their] thoughts, behaviors, [and] actions impact other people” Cromer says, “and it tends to be an enduring character trait, that while symptoms can be managed, that’s something that’s always going to be present.” In addition, underneath their grandiose personalities people with NPD have very low self-esteem, and people with the diagnosed condition are most likely to suffer from narcissistic collapse.

Signs and Symptoms of Narcissistic Collapse

The signs of narcissistic collapse can vary depending on the individual but they’ll commonly include one or more of the following:

• Angry outbursts
• Irritability
• Increases in physical or verbal aggression
• Increases in perceived rejection
• Defensive behaviors
• Depression
• Vindictive behaviors
• Withdrawal from others

The person experiencing narcissistic collapse tends to feel alone and abandoned and may lash out at those closest to them during this time. Knowing the signs and symptoms of narcissistic collapse can help the person with NPD and their loved ones know what to look for.

Common Triggers of Narcissistic Collapse

Narcissistic collapse isn’t an official diagnosis and therefore hasn’t been studied a great deal, yet some psychologists argue that the collapse signals a crumbling of the self. Cromer says, the triggers that cause the collapse could be large or small, it just has to be big enough to signal a loss of ego. For example, she points to a person who has NPD and has an identity as a super-parent whose child suddenly doesn’t listen as someone who could have a narcissistic collapse.

In the case of the person laid off from their job, they may be irritable, increase defensive behaviors, and withdraw from others. In the case of the person who is going through the breakup of a relationship, they may become vindictive, have angry outbursts, and experience depression. Either way both situations can cause narcissistic collapse in the person with NPD.

The Effects of Narcissistic Collapse

Narcissistic collapse has consequences for both the person with NPD and the people that are close to them.

On the Narcissist

The narcissist will feel like their entire sense of self has been pulled out from under them, explains Cromer, because their sense of self-worth is based on the interpretation of others. This can cause a spiral that leads them to feel alone and empty and can result in depression and even suicide.

On Others

Others who are close to the person with NPD will often realize the narcissist isn’t exhibiting their usual predictable behaviors and, therefore, start to exhibit hypervigilance or anxiety because of the narcissist. They might also distance themselves from the person with NPD in order to shield themselves from the narcissist’s behavior.

Coping Strategies for Dealing With a Narcissistic Collapse

For the individuals dealing with a person with NPD’s narcissistic collapse, Cromer recommends remembering their own sense of self. The narcissist is going to have a deflated, disrupted sense of self and they’re going to lash out at you, so you need to have a well-developed sense of self in order to withstand their criticisms and recognize that it’s not your job to fix them.

Cromer also recommends having a good support system outside of the narcissist. Having that sense of support can help remind you that you aren’t to blame in the situation. Being able to take time away or time to clear your head are also legitimate ways of coping, according to Cromer.

Recovery Strategies for Narcissists after a Collapse

The person with NPD can recover from a narcissistic collapse but it can be difficult. The best course of action for the narcissist, according to Cromer, is for them to try to identify their sense of self outside of other people. Getting a narcissist to acknowledge that they don’t have to be grandiose or impressive to receive love can work but it depends on the narcissist, and this strategy may precipitate further irritability and outbursts.

The narcissist must be willing to work on themselves and admit they’re part of the problem. If they aren’t willing to do this and they continue to blame others, they’re going to have a lower chance of recovery. For someone with NPD—and not just traits of narcissism—be aware that this may not work at all.

Similarly, while narcissists can benefit from professional counseling, they’re often resistant to it. They, one, must be willing to go to therapy and, two, must be willing to be vulnerable in therapy in order for professional counseling to work. But those that find a good therapist who can form a trusting bond with the narcissist can help them feel accepted, even with their flaws.

Navigating narcissistic collapse can be stressful both for the person with NPD and the people who are close to them. However, with some good strategies that can help both parties, narcissistic collapse can be managed.