Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

It can be easy for couples to grow apart over time, particularly when each person has responsibilities and commitments that pull them in other directions. Without realizing it, these forces can start to put people on differing paths, often to the point where they feel disconnected from each other.

If you feel like you and your partner are growing apart or you’d just like to feel closer to them, there are steps that you can take to rebuild your connection.

Recognize the Signs You’re Growing Apart

Some evidence suggests that ‘growing apart’ is one of the most common reasons why relationships ultimately fail. According to one study looking at British couples who were married or cohabitating, 39% of men and 36% of women cited ‘growing apart’ as the reason why their relationship ended.

Some signs that you might be growing apart as a couple:

• Lack of attention: You don’t pay attention or listen to each other.
• Lack of intimacy: This can include a lack of both physical and emotional intimacy. You feel like you don’t know your partner anymore or that they don’t know you.
• Lack of connection: It seems like you’re never on the same page. This can make it difficult to make decisions as a couple and often contributes to conflict.
• Lack of trust: You feel like you can’t share your true feelings.
• Lack of empathy: You have a hard time understanding each other’s needs and emotions.

Sometimes these signs can be glaringly obvious, but they can also be subtle or develop slowly over time. Instead of brushing it aside, it is important to recognize that this is a problem that you can work together to resolve.

Share Your Concerns About Growing Apart

The first step toward overcoming the growing distance between you and your partner is to talk about your concerns. However, it’s important to make sure this is a conversation and not a confrontation.

You might start the conversation by talking about what you are feeling. Focus on using “I feel” statements. For example, you might say something like, “I feel like we aren’t as close as we used to be, and I’d like to find ways to spend more time together.”

Don’t go into the conversation with comments like, “You’re never around” or “You act like you don’t even care anymore.”

While you might feel those things to be true, starting a blame game will only put the other person on the defensive and make them less likely to want to work together on rebuilding your intimacy and connection.

Spend Time Together

Research suggests that couples who spend more time together tend to experience greater happiness and less stress. Shared time together, however, isn’t always easy to come by.

Studies looking at the intersecting demands of work and family suggest that both are high-demand and time-intensive institutions that require a great deal of devotion. It can be particularly challenging for couples who struggle with finding a healthy work-life balance.

This requires individuals to make choices about where they spend their time, which sometimes leads to relationships getting short-changed to make time for kids and work.

Benefits of Spending Time Together

Past research has suggested that marital well-being can have long-term effects on health, but one study found that simply spending time together can have a number of immediate benefits as well. The results of the study found that:

• People were almost twice as likely to report feeling happy when they were with their spouses than they were when they were apart.
• Individuals also reported finding activities done with their spouse more meaningful than those done alone.
• Simply having a spouse present also appears to decrease stress levels. Participants were 21% less likely to report stress during activities when their spouse was present.

“When men and women were with their spouses, they reported being happier, finding more meaning, and experiencing less stress. This suggests the relevance of shared time with a spouse for married individuals’ well-being,” University of Minnesota researchers Sarah Flood and Katie Genedek explain.

Support One Another

Sometimes it’s easier to feel a connection to someone when you feel like they are in your corner. Look for ways that you can show care and support for one another.

“When we believe we’re supported, we feel better about ourselves and can cope better with stressful events and situations,” explain Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera, PhD, in their book “Making Marriage Work: Avoiding the Pitfalls and Achieving Success.”

There are many different ways to support your spouse, including both words and deeds:

• Tell your partner you’re proud of them.
• Write a note to describe how you appreciate them.
• Or show your support through actions by doing a favor or act of kindness for your partner.

Have Fun Together

Any relationship can start to feel less exciting over time as the realities of maintaining a lasting partnership and the grind of day-to-day life take precedence over keeping the passion alive.

“People stop engaging in the very activities that brought them together in the first place,” explain therapists Robert Schwarz and Elaine Braff, authors of “We’re No Fun Anymore: Helping Couples Cultivate Joyful Marriages Through the Power of Play.”

Schwarz and Braff suggest that even after your relationship settles into a pattern, it’s essential to maintain a sense of fun in order to have a successful and lasting relationship.

One study of 1,187 couples throughout the United States found a strong correlation between those who engaged in activities they enjoyed doing together and happiness in their marriage.

Get Professional Help

If the distance seems to be growing despite your efforts, consider talking to a mental health professional. Couples counseling can help identify underlying problems, helping couples rebuild intimacy, and improving empathy and communication.

Emotionally-focused therapy (EFT) is one type of couples therapy that is effective in helping people address relationship issues. According to the American Psychological Association, this type of therapy has been shown to be effective in helping couples improve their emotional connection.

Other types of therapy that may be helpful include:

Showing curiosity and genuine interest in others is one of the quickest ways to build a connection. What’s more, science has told us that friendships, social connections, and meaningful partnerships can make us happier and improve our mental well-being.

Taking time to invest in our relationships is worth our while, and sometimes all it takes is a simple question. Whether you’re putting yourself out there in new social situations or hoping to nourish existing connections, here are 50 questions to get to know someone better and help strengthen your relationships.

10 Questions to Break the Ice

Maybe you’re new to the office, are on a first date, or are heading to a meetup for the first time. These scenarios can feel intimidating and some conversations can even turn a bit awkward. That’s perfectly normal.

Use these icebreaker questions to get to know someone new while also lightening things up and getting the conversation rolling:

• What’s your idea of a perfect vacation? 
• Have you watched any TV shows or movies recently that you’d recommend? 
• What’s one food you’ve tried but would never eat again? 
• What’s the ideal way you like to spend a wide-open weekend? 
• What’s a recent article or book that captured your interest? 
• Have you ever won an award or contest?
• If you could have dinner with anybody in the world from across history, who would it be and why?
• If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
• Alive or passed—and money no issue—which musician would you love to see perform live?
• What’s the cheesiest joke you’ve ever heard?

10 Questions to Spark Further Conversation

These questions are perfect in scenarios where you’re just getting to know someone or have chatted here and there and want to get to know them even better. They’re a bit deeper than icebreaker questions and can work in all kinds of scenarios:

• Where’s your favorite place you’ve ever traveled? 
• What’s the best advice you’ve ever received? 
• If you could give a 10-minute presentation on any subject, what would it be? 
• What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received from someone? 
• What’s the number one thing you wish more people knew about you?
• Has a random stranger ever made a big impact on you? 
• Do you have an evening or morning ritual? Why are these steps important to you? 
• What’s the most exciting thing you’ve done recently? 
• Do you speak any other language? If so, how did you learn it? If not, which would you pick to learn first? 
• Who has the biggest influence on you in your life right now? 

10 Questions About Hopes, Dreams, and Fears

These questions to get to know someone involve asking about their hopes, dreams, and fears. This taps into a part of them that they may seldom talk about with others. It even serves them, in a way, since it invites them to ponder themselves on a deeper level. Questions to ask include:

• What’s the number one priority for your lifetime? 
• What’s your best advice on how to deal with failure? 
• How do you motivate yourself when you’re feeling stuck?
• What’s a flaw you see in yourself that you’re currently working on?
• What’s something that scares you, but you do it anyway? 
• Do you see yourself living somewhere else in the future? Where and why this place? 
• What’s a mistake you made in the past that you’ve learned from? 
• What’s something you’ve accomplished that you’re extremely proud of? 
• What is something you fear the most in life? 
• How have your goals or dreams changed over time?

10 Questions to Strengthen Friendships

Even after a friendship is established, it’s important to remain curious about the other person and remain tapped into each other’s lives. This is true whether your friend lives in town or has moved across the country. These questions can help strengthen your friendship and keep dialogue pathways open:

• I love spending time with you; do you want to get together soon?
• How can I be a better friend to you? 
• When you’re sharing something hard that you’re going through, do you prefer that I just listen or offer advice?
• What was your first impression of me and how has it changed? 
• Do you feel like you can be your full self when we’re hanging out? 
• What do you value most about our friendship? 
• What’s a short or long-term goal you’re working toward right now? Can I help in any way? 
• Do you feel you can always trust me to be there for you? 
• Is there anything creating a lot of stress in your life right now? Do you want to talk about it? 
•  What do you think is the key to a meaningful, life-long friendship?

10 Questions to Foster a Deeper Romantic Connection

Romantic relationships tend to burn hot and then cool a bit as we get used to each other. This cooling is beautiful in that it shows that we’ve become comfortable with the other person. Still, it’s important to maintain open dialogue and make a consistent effort to spark romance. Here are some questions to get to know someone you’re involved with romantically:

• Is there anything I can do to better support you and help you grow?  
• What attracted you to me in the beginning? 
• What’s something I’ve done that has pushed you away or made you feel like creating distance between us? 
• What’s your favorite form of physical intimacy? Are you receiving enough of it? 
• When have you felt the most loved by me? 
• When we’re together, what makes you feel your sexiest? 
• When were you the most proud of me? 
• What romantic or sexual fantasies do you have? 
• Is there anything I do that upsets you, and what do you need from me instead? 
• If you could relive any moment from our past again, what would it be and why?

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ISTJ (introversion, sensing, thinking, judgment) is a four-letter code representing one of the 16 personality types found on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). People with an ISTJ personality type tend to be reserved, practical and quiet. They enjoy order and organization in all areas of their lives, including home, work, family, and projects.

ISTJs value loyalty in themselves and others, and they emphasize traditions. Although they have a reputation for being blunt, they are also known for being nice, loyal, and responsible.

Key ISTJ Characteristics

Some of the main ISTJ traits and characteristics include:

• Calm
• Concerned with rules
• Decisive
• Honest
• Independent
• Insensitive
• Level-headed
• Stubborn
• Straight-forward
• Reserved
• Responsible

ISTJ Strengths and Weaknesses

The ISTJ type has both strengths and weaknesses. These traits can be advantageous in some situations but more of a liability in others.

Strengths

• ISTJs are planners: They like to carefully plan things out well in advance. They enjoy an orderly life. They like things to be well-organized and pay great attention to detail. When things are in disarray, people with this personality type may find themselves unable to rest until they have set everything straight and the work has been completed.
• ISTJs are both responsible and realistic: They take a logical approach to achieving their goals and completing projects and can work steadily toward accomplishing these tasks. They can ignore distractions to focus on the task at hand and are often described as dependable and trustworthy.
• ISTJs also place a great deal of emphasis on traditions and laws: They prefer to follow rules and procedures that have previously been established. In some cases, ISTJs can seem rigid and unyielding in their desire to maintain structure.

Weaknesses

• ISTJs can be stubborn: Their love of order and rules means they can sometimes be stubborn and stuck in their ways. It also means that they resist trying new things or looking for alternative solutions to problems.
• ISTJs can seem insensitive: While ISTJs are loyal and protective, their tendency to be direct and honest sometimes leads to hurt feelings. Others may feel that they are insensitive or even cold.
• ISTJ tend to blame themselves: Because they are responsible and hardworking, they also tend to take on unwarranted self-blame when things go wrong. 

Cognitive Functions

The MBTI suggests that the four cognitive functions (thinking, feeling, intuition, and sensing) form a hierarchy. Each function is directed outwardly (extraverted) or inwardly (introverted) and the order of these functions determines an individual’s personality.

Dominant: Introverted Sensing

• Introverted sensors are focused on the present moment, taking in an abundance of information about their surroundings.
• They also have vivid memories of the past and rely on the memories of these experiences to form expectations for the future.

Auxiliary: Extraverted Thinking

• ISTJs are logical and efficient. They enjoy looking for rational explanations for events.
• They prefer to focus on the details rather than thinking about abstract information.
• Being efficient and productive is important for people with this personality type. They appreciate knowledge that has immediate, practical applications.
• ISTJs make decisions based on logic and objective data rather than personal feelings.

Tertiary: Introverted Feeling

• As they make judgments, ISTJs often make personal interpretations based on their internal set of values.
• This is often described as an “instinct” or “gut feeling” about a situation. ISTJ might make a decision based on logic, only to have this feeling kick in telling them to trust their feelings rather than just the facts.

Inferior: Extraverted Intuition

• This aspect of personality enjoys new ideas and experiences.
• This is the weakest part of the ISTJs personality, but developing this function can sometimes lead to more balance.

Personal Relationships

ISTJs prefer spending time alone or with small groups of close friends. People with this personality type are usually very loyal and devoted to family and friends but may struggle to understand their own emotions and the feelings of others. They can be quite reserved and sometimes fail to pick up on the emotional signals given by other people. However, once they are close to a person and develop an understanding of that person’s feelings and needs, they will expend a great deal of effort toward supporting those needs.

Ideal Career Paths

Because of this need for order, they tend to do better in learning and work environments with clearly defined schedules, clear-cut assignments, and a strong focus on a task When learning new things, ISTJs do best when the material is something they view as useful and having real-world applications. Concrete, factual information appeals to ISTJs, while theoretical and abstract information has little value unless they can see some ]practical use for it. While they may exert tremendous energy into projects they see as valuable, they will avoid wasting time and energy on things that they view as useless or unpractical.

ISTJs tend to do well in careers that require order, structure, and perseverance. Jobs that involve dealing with concrete facts and figures (accounting, library science, computer programming, etc.) are all good options. Jobs that require accuracy, respect for rules and stability often appeal to those with an ISTJ personality.

Tips for Interacting With ISTJs

Friendships

ISTJs tend to get along best with friends who are similar to themselves. While they tend to be a bit serious and by the book, they do like to have fun. They might not be willing to jump into new things, but you can be a great friend by helping them pursue hobbies and activities that they enjoy.

Parenting

ISTJ parents tend to be quite focused on tradition and are good at providing security and stability to their children. Children of ISTJ parents often find that their parents will treat them with care and respect and that they also expect the same treatment in return.

Parents of ISTJ children will find that providing consistency can help their children feel more secure. Sticking to routines, introducing change slowly, and giving them time to adjust to new situations are all ways to help an ISTJ child.

Relationships

Although the ISTJ can be compatible with people of any personality type, the ISTJ gets along best with people who share their interests and characteristics. Some other compatible types include ISTPs, ISFJs, ESTJs, and other ISTJs.

The ISTJ can experience deep feelings but often struggles to show that side in romantic relationships. They don’t bare their soul quickly and can seem insensitive. Facts and logical explanations can help them see the other side of an argument.

Lasting recovery requires lasting effort, but relapse is not failure or weakness; it takes more than willpower to maintain sobriety. This article discusses the meaning of sobriety and arms you with information and strategies to smooth—and stay on—your path to wellness.

Staying Sober: 13 Strategies

The more tools you have for identifying triggers, coping with stress, and managing your new sober life, the easier you’ll prevent relapse. Here are some tips that experts recommend often.

Identify Your Personal Triggers

A big part of preventing relapse is understanding your external triggers: the people, places, things, and situations that elicit thoughts or cravings associated with substance use, as well as internal triggers such as feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

Once you identify your biggest risks, you can create a plan to prepare for or avoid them. Some common triggers may include:

• Stress
• Emotional distress
• Environmental cues
• People who consume alcohol or drugs
• Relationship troubles
• Job or financial problems

Recognize Relapse Warning Signs

A relapse can sneak up on you, usually because you don’t recognize the warning signs. A relapse begins long before you actually pick up a drink or a drug and involves three phases: emotional relapse, mental relapse, and physical relapse.

Warning signs of relapse include:

• Returning to addictive thinking patterns
• Engaging in compulsive, self-defeating behaviors
• Seeking out situations involving people who use alcohol and drugs
• Thinking less rationally and behaving less responsibly
• Finding yourself in a situation in which drug or alcohol use seems like a logical escape from pain

Prepare for PAWS

Post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) involves withdrawal symptoms that persist past the detox period. Such symptoms are often related to mood and may include irritability, anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and fatigue.

Depending on the type of dependency, PAWS can last from six months to two years after you stop using drugs or alcohol.

The symptoms involved in PAWS can be a barrier to recovery if you’re not careful. In addition to being able to recognize them, it’s important to know when to seek help.

Avoid Old Routines and Habits

It stands to reason that if you quit your drug of choice but continue with your same routine, hanging around the same people and places, and not making any changes in your circumstances, it will be much easier to slip back into your old behaviors and habits.

Some of the immediate changes you will need to make will be obvious—like not hanging around the people that you used with or obtained drugs from. After all, you can’t hang around your drug dealer or old drinking buddies and expect to remain sober for very long.

You may also need to change your route to work or home in order to avoid any triggers, or people, places, or things that make you want to use drugs or drink again.

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Build Healthy Relationships

Now that you are sober, you may have discovered that some of your past relationships were not only unhealthy but downright toxic. It’s not just your drinking buddies and drug dealers who can get you into trouble—sometimes those who are closest to you can contribute to a relapse.

For example, you may have developed a co-dependent relationship, or a family member, friend, or employer may have been enabling you without even knowing it.

Research shows that if you maintain these types of toxic relationships, your chances of relapsing are greater. To avoid relapse and remain sober, it’s important to develop healthy relationships.

Get Support

If you find it difficult to make new, sober friends, try joining a support group. Spending more time with supportive loved ones and planning activities for the entire family can also help you develop a healthier lifestyle and avoid situations in which you would normally drink or use drugs.

A therapist can help you learn new coping skills, develop new thinking patterns, and address any co-occurring mental health conditions that may make recovery more difficult.

You may also experience what is commonly called sobriety fatigue, which refers to the overall exhaustion that may occur as a result of the emotional and physical stress of staying sober. So, it’s extra helpful to have a support network available to you when you need it.

Develop a Structured Schedule

Having a chaotic or disorganized lifestyle can also hinder your recovery. It’s important to develop a structured daily and weekly schedule and stick to it.

A structured routine will help you achieve other goals in your life, whether they are short-term (like being on time for work) or long-term (like going back to school and changing careers).

Staying sober is a high priority, but developing and pursuing other goals can help you maintain that sobriety.

Practice Healthy Living

Chronically misusing drugs and/or alcohol can take a major toll on your physical and emotional health, and now that you’re in recovery, you’ll want to prioritize self-care and ensure you have the fortitude to remain sober. Keys to a healthy lifestyle include:

• Exercising regularly
• Making time for recreational activities and hobbies
• Eating regular, well-balanced meals
• Getting ample, good-quality sleep
• Practicing relaxation strategies, like mindfulness meditation and yoga

Focus on Your Finances

People in recovery from a substance use disorder frequently have problems meeting work-related responsibilities, maintaining employment, and managing money. If you were active in your addiction for a period of time, you may have developed financial problems.

Financial troubles and problems finding and keeping employment are major triggers for relapse, but it is possible to take baby steps and get your finances in order. Just keep in mind that your improvements won’t happen overnight.

Once you do return to work, it’s important to create a budget and take steps to safeguard yourself as work stress can be a relapse trigger.

Stay Cool and Calm

Many people who misuse alcohol or drugs have trouble dealing with anger. If left unchecked, anger can have a negative impact on your health and your lasting sobriety.

For many people with a substance use disorder, it’s simply a matter of never having learned the appropriate way to manage anger. Talk to your therapist, other healthcare provider, or sponsor about how to deal with your anger in ways that won’t cause you to harm yourself or others or turn to alcohol or drugs.

Deal With Mistakes

Most people who make their way into recovery have left a lot of pain and suffering in their wake. Feeling guilty or ashamed of past behavior or actions during active addiction is natural and healthy.

Shame is having negative beliefs about yourself and your self-worth. Guilt is having negative feelings about your past behavior. People in recovery can experience a lot of shame simply for having become addicted in the first place.

Most who find recovery also find that they have emotionally damaged friends and loved ones and have many regrets about their past decisions.​ To avoid relapse and stay sober, it’s important that you take the necessary steps to learn from your past mistakes and begin to live life more responsibly.

Find Balance

One common mistake for those who are new to alcohol and drug recovery is substituting a new compulsive behavior for their old one. People new to recovery can find themselves approaching their new diet, exercise program, job, and even participation in support groups with a compulsion that echoes addiction.

Although these new activities are healthy and productive, they can be a stumbling block to lasting recovery if they become a transfer addiction to fill the void left by the original addiction. The secret is to find a healthy balance.

Celebrate Milestones

If you’re involved in a 12-step program, you likely already know the importance of milestones. In these programs, it’s customary to receive plastic chips as you progress to the one-year mark, at which time you receive a bronze coin.

Acknowledging and celebrating the hard work of recovery is helpful for keeping you motivated and reminding you why you took this brave step toward sobriety in the first place. Just be sure that your rewards don’t involve drugs or alcohol. Instead, focus on things, experiences, and activities that will support your new, healthy lifestyle.

What Is Sobriety, Anyway?

Strictly speaking, sobriety is the state of being sober—not being under the influence of alcohol or drugs. However, the word is often used in different ways in different contexts. Many 12-step programs suggest that sobriety means total abstinence, which means never using the substance again. Other definitions, however, focus on the process of recovery and coping habits that support health and wellness over the long term.

Trust is a critical part of any relationship. Without trust—especially trust between two romantic partners—it is difficult to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship. People who have experienced some type of betrayal, such as unfaithfulness in a relationship, may develop trust issues that can interfere with future relationships.

Trust issues can manifest in a variety of ways. For example, a person who finds it difficult to trust may not believe what other people say. They may feel suspicious of what others want from them and may question other people’s intentions and motivations. It makes it incredibly difficult to develop an intimate, close connection with another person.

This article discusses trust issues, including the signs that you might have problems with trust and what causes a lack of faith in other people. It also covers some of the steps that you can take to overcome problems with trust.

Why Trust Issues Are Harmful

Trust has a number of benefits that are important for the health of your relationships as well as your own emotional well-being. Trust allows you to:

• Be vulnerable
• Be yourself
• Feel safe and secure
• Focus on positivity
• Increase closeness and intimacy
• Minimize conflict

Trust is important in relationships because it allows you the opportunity to relax, be yourself, and depend on another person. It provides you with the safety and security you need to turn to another person for comfort, reassurance, assistance, and affection.

Signs of Trust Issues

Trust is the belief that another person is honest and reliable. It is a feeling that you can depend on that person because they offer safety and security. Trust has been described as a firm belief in the ability, strength, reliability, and truth of someone or something.

There are a number of different behaviors that might indicate that you or your partner have a problem with trusting others. Some of these include:

• Always assuming the worst: Your trust issues could lead you to assume the worst about people around you, even when they have proven themselves trustworthy in the past. For example, when someone offers to help you, you wonder if they are expecting something from you later on.
• Suspiciousness: Trust issues can make you feel suspicious about other people’s intentions, even if there is little to indicate that their actions are suspect. You might feel like others are trying to harm you or deceive you.
• Self-sabotage: Trust issues often lead to self-sabotage. For example, you might engage in behaviors that interfere with your relationship because you assume it’s better to end things now rather than be disappointed later.
• Unhealthy relationships: People with trust issues almost always struggle to build healthy, long-lasting relationships. It’s normal for trust to take a while to develop within romantic relationships, but people without trust may never experience this type of connection.
• Lack of forgiveness: When trust is an issue, it is difficult—if not impossible—to move on after a betrayal of trust has occurred. This inability to forgive and forget can affect your entire life; not just your interactions with others. It can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, bitterness, and regret.
• Distancing yourself: In many cases, a lack of trust can lead people to build a wall between themselves and other people. You avoid relationships altogether because you fear betrayal or disappointment.
• Focusing on the negative: No matter the situation, you always focus on what you expect will go wrong. You tend to notice other people’s flaws, weaknesses, or mistakes rather than focusing on their positive qualities.

When trust interferes with your ability to form healthy, stable relationships, it can also leave you feeling isolated, lonely, and misunderstood.

Types of Trust Issues

Trust problems don’t just affect your romantic relationships. They can create conflict and poor communication in any type of relationship, whether it is with your friends, co-workers, or other family members.

Some common types of relationships that can be affected by trust issues include:

• Romantic relationships: People with trust issues often struggle to rely on or believe in their romantic partners. This can lead to a range of problems in relationships, including trust-related infidelity, unwillingness to commit, and difficulty apologizing when trust has been broken.
• Friendships: Just as people have trust issues within romantic relationships, they might also struggle with trusting their friends. Difficulty trusting friends might stem from a fear of disappointment or betrayal. Being let down by people in the past can make it hard to open yourself up to trusting friends again in the future.
• Workplace relationships: There are many reasons why someone might not trust co-workers. They might be concerned that their co-workers are conspiring against them, for instance, or just assume that trusting co-workers is not that important.

Generalized trust refers to a belief in whether or not most other people can be trusted. It can affect a person’s ability to trust people, groups, organizations, and governments. Research suggests that this type of trust is influenced by a variety of forces, including culture, social interaction experiences throughout life, and media influences.

What Causes Trust Issues?

A 2017 study found that a tendency to trust is influenced by genetic factors. Distrust, on the other hand, is not linked to genetics and is primarily associated with socialization factors, including family dynamics and influences.

People often have trust issues because they have been betrayed in the past. Early childhood experiences, in particular, play a major role in shaping your ability to trust the people around you.

Psychologist Erik Erikson developed a theory of development that suggested that the earliest years of life are all about learning whether the people around you could be trusted with your care and safety. Whether you learn this trust or mistrust, he suggested, plays a foundational role in future development.

This means that trust issues could stem from any number of sources, including:

• Betrayal in a relationship: Infidelity is incredibly hurtful and can lead to trust issues in future relationships.
• Parental conflicts: If children witness trust problems within their family, they may fear that the same thing will happen to them in future romantic relationships in adulthood.
• Social rejection: Being rejected by peers during childhood or adolescence may also make it difficult to trust other people. This type of trust issue can be exacerbated when the person being rejected is unable to determine why they are being excluded. Repeated rejections can make trust issues that much more difficult to overcome.
• Negative life experiences: People who have experienced trauma—especially while growing up—are likely to develop trust issues in adulthood. These trust issues could manifest in many different ways, including difficulty trusting friends or romantic partners, fear of trust-related betrayal, or difficulty forgiving people for breaking their trust.
• Attachment styles: Experts also suggest that your attachment style, or your characteristic pattern of behavior in a relationship, also plays a role in how you respond to trust in relationships. People with a secure attachment style may be more likely to trust others and forgive mistakes. Those with insecure attachment styles, on the other hand, struggle more with trust and are more likely to experience jealousy and anxiety in relationships.

Having one or more of these types of trust problems does not necessarily mean that you have a problem with trust. But it may indicate that you need to address these issues if they are causing you pain or preventing you from forming or maintaining interpersonal relationships.

How to Overcome Trust Issues

While it can be a challenging emotional undertaking, it is possible to overcome problems with trust. Here are a few trust-building strategies you can use:

Build Trust Slowly

It is important to trust people enough to allow them into your life and, in some cases, to forgive them for their mistakes. Taking your time with it can sometimes help. If you find yourself trying to trust too quickly (and perhaps, too intensely), it may be time to pull back and work up to that level of trust again.

Talk About Your Trust Issues

While you don’t need to provide every detail about what happened to you in the past, being open about why you struggle with trust can help others understand you better. By communicating with your partner, they can be more aware of how their actions might be interpreted.

Distinguish Between Trust and Control

People with trust issues often feel a need for control. This can sometimes manifest as mistrusting behavior. You might feel like you are being betrayed or taken advantage of if you don’t have complete control over every situation.

However, this will only hurt your relationships in the long run. Learning how much control you should yield in a given situation is key to building trust with other people.

Make Trust a Priority

Trusting others can be difficult, but trust-building is an essential part of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Make trust a priority in your life—even if it’s challenging to do.  

Be Trustworthy

If you try to build trust with someone else, you have to be willing to trust them first. This means being open about your feelings, opinions, thoughts, and limits.

It also means being understanding when the person breaks that trust because everyone makes mistakes. Learning how to balance these two ideas will help establish healthy interpersonal relationships that are based on trust.

Consider Therapy

Therapy can also be helpful for overcoming trust issues. The therapeutic alliance that you form with your therapist can be a powerful tool for learning how to trust other people.

By working with an experienced mental health professional, you can learn more about why you struggle with trust and learn new coping skills that will help you start to rebuild trust in your relationships.

Learn to Trust Yourself

One of the best ways to practice trust is to trust yourself. This doesn’t mean you should never question yourself or your choices. It just means that you should build a stronger self-awareness that can help guide your judgments and interactions with others.

Practicing mindfulness is one strategy that can be helpful. When you utilize mindfulness, you are able to become more aware of how you are feeling in the present moment without worrying about the past and future.