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An overachiever is someone who performs beyond expectations, usually at work or school. Individuals who overachieve tend to set extremely high standards for themselves, yet never feel satisfied with their accomplishments. Even if they do great things, they always strive to do more.

Overachieving is associated with greater success in life, but it can also take a toll on our physical and mental health, even affecting our relationships. Learn how to recognize signs of being an overachiever, how this is different from being a high performer, and ways that we can achieve our goals in healthy ways.

What Does It Mean to Be an Overachiever?

There is no scientific agreement as to how to define ‘overachiever.’ That said, this term is generally used to refer to someone who focuses on success but, regardless of how much they achieve, they don’t experience that sense of satisfaction that typically comes with hitting one’s goals.

Although achievement is generally a good thing, overachievement can lead to an imbalanced life. This imbalance stems from the sacrifices a person must make to reach and maintain a high level of accomplishment. Overachievers often neglect their health, happiness, and relationships in order to chase a target that is constantly moving.

Overachieving is common at school and work, with some people also setting high-reaching goals in other areas, such as at home or in sports.

School

In academic settings, overachievers are identified as students who perform above the standards expected for their age level. They are often contrasted with underachievers or students who perform less well than educators expect.

Both terms are commonly used in educational contexts, but not without controversy. Many believe that saddling students with labels influences how they are treated by their teachers and, as a result, impacts how well they perform in their classes.

Work

Overachievers tend to be very successful in their professional lives but are also often known as hard-driving “workaholics.” Their leadership style may be seen as overly demanding and coercive rather than supportive.

In work settings, overachievers hold themselves to an almost impossibly high standard, applying similar measures to those they supervise. Their high expectations can cause a reduction in morale and productivity. Even if team members respect an overachiever’s work ethic, they can also feel overburdened by the weight of expectations these leaders hold.

Research suggests that overachievers in the workplace may be less happy than people who are not classified as such. Chief Executive Officers (CEOs), for example, have depression at roughly twice the rate of the general population. Their tendency to take on too much work can also lead overachievers to burnout.

Trying to maintain a high level of output and performance can be exhausting if not impossible to keep up for a long period of time. When an overachiever does reach their breaking point, the admission of defeat or failure can be devastating.

Other Settings

School and work aren’t the only areas in which overachievement is common. People can engage in this type of behavior in a number of settings. Parenting, housework, and hobbies are a few additional areas in which overachievement can take place.

Sports is another. An overachiever who takes part in a community sports league might take their role much more seriously than other participants, for example, working endlessly to ensure that their performance is far better than anyone else’s on the team.

Signs of an Overachiever

Being labeled an overachiever isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It may simply mean that others consider us to be smart, successful, and hard-working.

It’s when our successes are overshadowed by anxiety or a crippling fear of failure that it might be time to reevaluate our relentless pursuit of achievement. How do we know if we may be an overachiever? Here are 11 signs.

The Outcome Is More Important Than the Journey

Overachievers tend to believe that the only thing that matters is reaching a certain outcome; it isn’t about the journey to get there. They judge themselves by their ability to reach a specific goal and believe that others do the same.

Failure is not part of the learning process for an overachiever. Poor outcomes can be devastating, so they will often do whatever it takes to avoid such failings.

A Perfectionist Mindset

Overachievers may be concerned with being perfect. To them, not being perfect is a sign of failure. So, they go to almost any length to maintain a perfect image.

Just as achievement is usually a good thing, being somewhat of a perfectionist isn’t always bad news. It means that good work is valued and there’s a commitment to doing one’s best. It’s when perfectionism becomes a source of stress and anxiety that it can start to take a toll on our physical and mental well-being.

Are You a Perfectionist? Take the Quiz

Our fast and free perfectionist quiz can help you determine if your behavior suggests that you are a perfectionist:

Excessive Self-Criticism

It’s normal to be a bit critical of our shortcomings. Overachievers, however, have a tendency to berate themselves for failing to live up to excessively high expectations. They often set goals that are impossible to achieve, and then blame themselves when they don’t live up to these unreachable standards.

Studies have found a connection between overachieving and higher levels of self-doubt and anxiety. Constantly striving to reach an almost impossible goal coupled with the ever-present fear of failure can be a major source of stress.

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Only Focused on the Future

Because they are so wrapped up in avoiding negative outcomes, overachievers are constantly worried about the future. This creates issues because they regularly neglect the here and now.

An overachiever doesn’t live in the present because they’re too busy worrying about things that may or may not happen down the road. They’re unable to enjoy things as they happen because they are concerned about what is yet to come.

Poor Work-Life Balance

Never taking a vacation, a day off, or even a short break during the day are all common overachieving behaviors. These patterns may occur from time to time for anyone, particularly during busy periods when there’s a lot to get done. It’s when they are chronic or consistent that overachieving is a concern.

Overachievers regularly stay late at work, dedicate more time to their careers than to their personal lives, and skip out of self-care activities and hobbies to “get the job done.” This leads to poor work-life balance, which is associated with lower life and job satisfaction levels, as well as increased rates of anxiety and depression.

Taking Dangerous Risks to Reach Goals

Overachievers have a tendency to set goals that are unrealistic. As a result, they may be willing to do almost anything to avoid failure. This can become dangerous when it leads to engaging in unethical or risky behaviors in an effort to reach their goals.

Unrealistic weight loss goals, for example, can lead to cutting too many calories to receive proper nutrition. Setting a goal to win a race can result in running too many miles each day to prepare, increasing one’s risk of an injury. At work, an overachiever may find themselves cutting corners or doing risky things to get ahead, putting their livelihood at risk.

Outbursts of Anger

The demand to achieve beyond the bounds of expectations can create a tremendous amount of stress. This stress can contribute to emotional outbursts when things don’t go according to plan.

A loss of temper once in a while is normal. But acting out inappropriately with little provocation can be a sign that we are putting too much pressure on ourselves to achieve the impossible.

Inability to Deal With Criticism

Critical evaluations of performance can be tough for anyone. For overachievers, they can be especially devastating.

To an overachiever, criticism implies failure, and failure is an overachiever’s greatest fear. If we find ourselves taking even the smallest critiques personally, it might be a sign that we need to step back.

Never Feeling Satisfied

Overachievers aren’t able to settle down and just enjoy the present. Even after accomplishing some important goal, they don’t take the time to really celebrate success. All that matters is what comes next.

Feeling Stretched Too Thin

In addition to working too hard in general, overachievers often become involved in many different projects. They aren’t satisfied with being skilled in just a few areas—they want to succeed at everything.

In school, an overachiever is likely to become involved in every club, organization, or activity that they possibly can. At work, they volunteer for as many projects or tasks as they can become involved with.

Rather than becoming the master of many skills, an overachiever may end up being proficient at none. Feeling burnt out is also a likely outcome.

Motivated by Fear

Many different sources of motivation can compel people to work toward their goals. Yet, overachievers are often motivated out of fear. They do what they do because they have a fear of failure, a fear of letting other people down, or a fear of looking weak or incompetent.

Ultimately, they are working hard to avoid a negative outcome (failure) rather than working to achieve a positive outcome (achieving a desired goal). This serves as a source of anxiety, often leading to distress, worry, and other negative feelings, all of which can have a detrimental impact on one’s self-worth and confidence.

High Achievement vs. Overachieving

While overachievers are often referred to as high performers, these two terms are actually different. Both are interested in the pursuit of success, but overachievers are never satisfied with their achievements. Their focus is on the goal, and not what it takes to reach the goal.

High performers are focused on their goals, but they care much more about how well they perform. Their success doesn’t just mean finishing on time or ticking certain tasks off a list. Instead, it’s about the journey, how well the project turns out, and how much they learn along the way.

For high performers, the act of performing something is not simply to reach the end so they can say that it is finished—it’s about the performance itself. It’s about doing something, doing it well, making something better, and learning something from the experience.

How to Overcome Overachieving

There are steps that overachievers can take to help keep their need for success from hindering their physical health, emotional well-being, or social relationships.

Take a Step Back

When beginning to pursue a goal, take a moment to consider why it is so important. What’s behind the drive to reach that goal? What if the goal isn’t achieved? How would that feel? Does the goal have a realistic outcome?

Even though taking a step back may not alter the decision to pursue the goal, it can lead to more perspective or clarity as to what the goal represents. It also serves as a checkpoint for making sure the goal is realistic and attainable.

Practice Self-Care

Even if we are working hard to reach our goals, it’s critical to take the time to care for ourselves. We mustn’t overlook our mental or physical well-being in the name of doing great things.

Self-care involves giving ourselves breaks, rewarding our efforts, and doing something each day that will benefit our health and wellness. Implementing these types of strategies can also make it easier to manage stress.

Connect With Others

Overachievers are known to let their relationships suffer in the pursuit of their goals. However, maintaining healthy social connections is actually more likely to support long-term success.

Take the time to connect with others. Reach out to them, devote time to loved ones, and be willing to let others provide support along the way.

If you’re like most people, you’ve probably heard the old adage, “silence is golden.” But when it comes to relationships, is that really the case? Most psychologists indicate that it depends on the situation.

When silence, or, rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation, is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship, then it becomes “the silent treatment,” which is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive. But, if being silent means simply taking a timeout to think things through and then address the issue again later, that is not at all the same thing.

Silence vs. Silent Treatment

There are times in relationships when being silent is acceptable and even productive. For instance, a couple, or even just one partner, may take a thoughtful timeout from a heated argument to cool off or gather their thoughts. What distinguishes this silence from the silent treatment is that the timeout is mindful and there is an assumption or agreement that they will revisit the topic again later.

There are also instances when a victim of abuse is silent as a way to stay safe and keep an already abusive situation from escalating. In these situations, the victim knows that saying something—even if their partner demands it—will only escalate the situation and lead to more abuse.

Staying silent during an abusive situation is not an example of the silent treatment. It may very well be self-preservation.

The key, then, is knowing how to differentiate between the silent treatment—a tactic used by abusive and controlling people—and other forms of silence in a partnership.

Identifying Silent Treatment

In general, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic that can leave important issues in a relationship unresolved. It also can leave the partner on the receiving end feeling worthless, unloved, hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, and unimportant.

When one or both partners sulk, pout, or refuse to talk, they are exerting a cruel type of power in the relationship that not only shuts out their partner but also communicates that they do not care enough to try to communicate or collaborate.

For instance, if you are upset that your partner comes home late most nights, you may start a conversation where you express your feelings and try to determine why your partner is habitually late.

A partner who doesn’t want to accept responsibility for hurting you, or simply doesn’t want to acknowledge or change their behavior, might respond by saying, “I’m not talking about this,” or they may simply say nothing at all and ignore you altogether.

This refusal to talk is different than asking to postpone the conversation and pick it up later, which indicates the issue will be discussed at a time that is more convenient for both partners and can be a healthy choice.

In other words, their silence deflects the conversation and communicates that the issue is off-limits. When this happens, the person on the receiving end of the silent treatment must continue to wrestle with their pain and disappointment alone. There is no opportunity to resolve the issue, to compromise, or to understand their partner’s position.

Consequently, they are often left feeling hurt, unloved, dissatisfied, and confused. What’s more, this issue will not go away simply because one partner refuses to discuss it. It will continue to fester and eat away at the relationship. Eventually, these festering issues can become too much and may even lead to divorce.

When Silence Is Abusive

If you have ever found yourself in a situation where someone is giving you the silent treatment, it can be a little unnerving. They may refuse to talk to you or even acknowledge your presence.

Sometimes remaining silent can be a positive thing, especially if it keeps people from saying things they might later regret. Other times, silence is an unhealthy reaction to something upsetting, but, with time, the silence subsides and the couple is able to work out some sort of resolution.

People who use the silent treatment as a way to gain power or exert control in a relationship will:

• Use the silent treatment to put you in your place
• Give you the cold shoulder for days or weeks at a time
• Refuse to talk, make eye contact, answer calls, or respond to texts
• Fall back on the silent treatment when things don’t go their way
• Use it as a way to avoid taking responsibility for bad behavior
• Punish you with the silent treatment when you upset them
• Require you to apologize or give in to demands just so they will talk to you
• Refuse to acknowledge you until you grovel and plead
• Use silence as a passive-aggressive way to control your behavior (e.g., you give in to demands or you avoid certain behaviors to avoid the silent treatment)
• Silence you when you attempt to assert yourself by refusing to talk
• Communicate disdain or contempt in order to maintain the silence
• Resort to anger and hostility to shut you up
• Use it as the primary means of dealing with conflict

When the person using the silent treatment takes away the ability to communicate and collaborate with one another, the person on the receiving end often will go to great lengths to restore the verbal aspect of the relationship. This allows the silent person to feel vindicated, powerful, and in control, while the person on the receiving end feels confused and maybe even afraid of losing the relationship.

What’s more, the silent person has successfully flipped the situation. The conversation is now about appeasing them and not about the issue at hand. The real issue is often lost in the struggle to regain equilibrium and communication in the relationship while the issues remain unresolved. And when this pattern of behavior happens on a regular basis, this is both toxic and abusive.

Research

Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner’s behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.

In fact, research shows that ignoring or excluding someone activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.

Meanwhile, in non-abusive relationships, the silent treatment is often referred to as demand-withdraw interactions. In these situations, one partner makes demands while the other partner withdraws or becomes silent. Although these interactions may appear similar to the silent treatment, the motives are different.

In demand-withdraw interactions, the demanding partner feels shut out and that their emotional needs are not being met while the withdrawing partner becomes silent due to hurt feelings and an unwillingness or inability to talk about them.

Additionally, research shows that couples engaged in demand-withdrawal patterns are more dissatisfied with their relationship. They also experience less intimacy and poorer communication. What’s more, there is more anxiety and aggression in a relationship when this pattern of behavior is present.

How to Respond

If your relationship experiences demand-withdrawal interactions, you need to become aware of what is really taking place. In most cases, the demanding partner feels abandoned and the silent partner feels afraid—their silence is a way to protect themselves from more pain.

Likewise, you both need to try to find more effective ways of dealing with difficult feelings and situations. Using “I” statements rather than saying “you” is usually more effective and less threatening. Starting a sentence with “you” almost immediately puts people on the defensive.

Couples counseling might be beneficial if you have trouble breaking this pattern of communication in your relationship. With the help of a neutral person, you both can learn more effective ways to communicate and manage conflict.

Avoid inventing ways to get your partner to talk with you or acknowledge you. If you can safely do so, walk away when your partner gives you the silent treatment and do something you enjoy.

If your partner is unwilling to change, it is important that you make your emotional and physical safety a priority. Emotional abuse is harmful and could escalate to physical violence—especially when the abusive partner feels like they are losing control. An experienced therapist can help you navigate the situation safely and make the decision that is right for you.

Gratitude is a positive emotion that involves being thankful and appreciative and is associated with several mental and physical health benefits. When you experience gratitude, you feel grateful for something or someone in your life and respond with feelings of kindness, warmth, and other forms of generosity.

The word gratitude can have many meanings depending on how others use it and in what context. Generally speaking, gratitude involves recognizing that something good has happened to you. It also consists of acknowledging that someone is responsible for it, whether it’s a specific person in your life, an impersonal source like nature, or a divine entity.

Feelings of gratitude often emerge spontaneously in the moment, but evidence suggests that consciously cultivating such thankfulness can have mental health benefits.

Signs of Gratitude

So what does gratitude look like? How do you know if you are experiencing a sense of gratitude? Expressing your appreciation and thanks for what you have can happen in a number of different ways. For example, it might entail:

• Spending a few moments thinking about the things in your life that you are grateful for
• Stopping to observe and acknowledge the beauty of wonder of something you encounter in your daily life
• Being thankful for your health
• Thanking someone for the positive influence they have in your life
• Doing something kind for another person to show that you are grateful
• Paying attention to the small things in your life that bring you joy and peace
• Meditation or prayer focused on giving thanks

How Often Do You Experience Gratitude?

You can evaluate your tendency to experience gratitude by asking yourself the following questions.

• Do you feel like you have a lot to be thankful for in your life?
• If you made a list of all the things you are grateful for, would that list be very long?
• When you look at the world, can you find many things to be grateful for?
• Do you feel like your appreciation for life and other people has grown stronger as you get older?
• Do you frequently experience moments where you appreciate someone or something?
• Do you appreciate a wide variety of people in your life?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, you probably have a strong sense of gratitude. If you answered no to many or all, you could take steps to bring more gratitude into your life.

Types of Gratitude

Gratitude is often categorized into one of three categories:

• As an affective trait, meaning that it is related to a person’s general disposition. Some people naturally experience gratitude more frequently than others. However, research has not demonstrated a clear connection to any of the Big Five personality traits such as conscientiousness, agreeableness, and extroversion.
• As a mood, which means it may fluctuate over time. People might experience periods where they feel more grateful in general, and at other times they may experience this less often.
• As an emotion, which is a briefer feeling that people experience in the moment. People might have a particular experience that inspires feelings of gratitude.

How to Practice Gratitude

Developing a sense of gratitude isn’t complex or challenging. It doesn’t require any special tools or training. And the more you practice it, the better you will become and put yourself into a grateful state of mind. Here’s how to do this:

Observe the Moment

Take a second to focus on your experience and how you are feeling. Take stock of your senses and think about what is helping you cope. Are there people who have done something for you, or are there particular things helping you manage your stress, feel good about your life, or accomplish what you need to do?

Write it Down

You might find it helpful to start a gratitude journal where you jot down a few things you are thankful for each day. Being able to look back on these observations can help when you are struggling to feel grateful.

Savor the Moment

Give yourself time to really enjoy the moment. Focus on the experience and allow yourself to absorb those good feelings. Concentrate on the sensations and emotions you are experiencing in a given moment and think about the things you appreciate.

Create Gratitude Rituals

Pausing for a moment to appreciate something and giving thanks for it can help you feel a greater sense of gratitude. A meditation, prayer, or mantra are examples of rituals that can inspire a greater sense of gratitude.

Give Thanks

Gratitude is all about recognizing and appreciating those people, things, moments, skills, or gifts that bring joy, peace, or comfort into our lives. Show your appreciation. You might thank a person to show you are thankful for them, or you might spend a moment simply mentally appreciating what you have.

Expressing your appreciation for others is an important component that can affect your interpersonal relationships, particularly those with your partner. People with high levels of gratitude experience sharp declines in marital satisfaction when their partner does not express gratitude in return.

Impact of Gratitude

The subject is something that has interested religious scholars and philosophers since ancient times. Research on gratitude didn’t take off until the 1950s, as psychologists and sociologists began to examine the impact that gratitude could have on individuals and groups. Since then, interest in the topic has grown considerably as the potential health benefits became increasingly apparent.

The practice of gratitude can have a significant positive impact on both physical and psychological health. Some of the benefits of gratitude that researchers have uncovered include:

• Better sleep
• Better immunity
• Higher self-esteem
• Decreased stress
• Lower blood pressure
• Less anxiety and depression
• Stronger relationships
• Higher levels of optimism
• Greater life satisfaction

Research also suggests that people who are more grateful are more likely to engage in other health-promoting behaviors, including exercising, following their doctor’s recommendations, and sticking to a healthier lifestyle.

According to psychologist Robert Emmons, gratitude can transform people’s lives for several reasons. Because it helps people focus on the present, it plays a role in magnifying positive emotions.

Focusing on gratitutde can also help improve self-worth. When you acknowledge that there are people in the world who care about you and are looking out for your interests, it can help you recognize your value.

Tips for Developing Gratitude

Many different exercises and interventions have been shown to help people cultivate a stronger sense of gratitude in their day-to-day life.

Start a Gratitude Journal

Keeping a gratitude journal can be a great way to develop this skill. Spend a few minutes each day writing about something you are grateful for. This doesn’t need to be a long or complex process.

In one study, healthcare workers who wrote down “three good things” each day experienced decreased emotional exhaustion and depression and improved their work-life balance and overall happiness.

Reframe Experiences

Reframe experiences to take a more positive, realistic, or neutral approach. Another way to increase gratitude is to compare current situations to negative experiences in the past. Doing this not only allows you to see how your strengths helped carry you through those events, but it also helps you focus on the things you can be grateful for in the here and now.

Focus on Your Senses

Taking moments to focus on what you see, hear, taste, touch, and feel can be helpful for building feelings of gratitude. This can help you gain a greater appreciation of the world around you and what it means to be alive.

Potential Pitfalls of Gratitude

While gratitude is generally viewed as having a host of wide-ranging benefits, there are situations where it may have some downsides. For example, if you view it as a situation that creates a debt, it may make you feel a sense of obligation that could potentially contribute to feelings of stress.

Sometimes putting all your energy into feeling grateful can cause you to neglect things that actually do require some criticism. For example, if you are so focused on feeling thankful for your partner, you might overlook or accept certain behaviors that are harmful to your well-being. This can contribute to problems with toxic positivity that actually undermine your well-being.