Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

“Why don’t I care about anything?” is a question you might ask yourself if you are struggling with symptoms of depression, but it can also be a sign of other problems as well. Do you feel like you’ve lost interest in things you used to care about?

This feeling can strike anyone at any time, but it usually passes with time. Life is filled with challenges and changes, so naturally, there will be times when your energy levels, interest, and motivation fluctuate.

Let’s explore some signs that you’ve stopped caring and what feeling that way might mean. We’ll also suggest some great strategies to help you feel more interested and engaged in the world around you.

What Does It Mean Not to Care About Anything?

Feeling like you don’t care about anyone can be a frustrating, sad, and empty state. In some cases, this feeling can be a sign of clinical depression and other mental health conditions. 

Although it might seem like something you can handle on your own, the truth is that not caring about things can cause problems in relationships, make it difficult to achieve goals, and affect multiple areas of your life including work, school, and daily functioning.  

For example, if you feel like you don’t care about school or your future, you might not have the will to even both trying. If you don’t care about what the future brings, you might find yourself making choices that don’t line up with your values or goals.

While this feeling is a significant symptom of depression, the reality is that it can also be completely normal to feel this way from time to time. Life is full of ups and downs, and everyone experiences times when they don’t feel motivated to do things that they normally enjoy doing.

The key difference between feeling temporarily unmotivated and a more serious problem is how long it lasts and how severely the feeling affects your mood and behavior.

Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts

Signs of Not Caring About Anything

Sometimes, a loss of interest can creep up on you so slowly that you might not notice it right away. Not caring about things can affect your work, relationships, energy levels, emotional expression, and daily pursuits.

Some of the key signs that you are feeling that you don’t care about anything include:

• You don’t find pleasure or enjoyment in the things that you normally love doing
• You’ve lost interest in your friendships and other relationships and have withdrawn socially
• You’ve stopped engaging in hobbies and other interests
• Your libido has decreased, and you feel a lack of interest in sex and other forms of physical intimacy
• You have a difficult time expressing emotions
• You often feel that you’d prefer to just be alone
• You procrastinate and have a hard time getting started on tasks because you just don’t care
• You’ve dropped out of activities or events that you normally participate in because you have no motivation
• Things you used to be passionate about seem unimportant or trivial
• Your thoughts tend to be negative and pessimistic
• You neglect basic tasks like making phone calls or going to appointments

Why You Don’t Care About Anything

Feeling as if you don’t care about anything anymore may be related to anhedonia or apathy. 

• Anhedonia is a mental state in which people have an inability to feel pleasure. It is often a symptom of mental health conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, and substance use.
• Apathy is a feeling of indifference marked by a lack of concern, interest, or enthusiasm. It can be normal at times, but it can also be a sign of a mental health condition when it is excessive and affects a person’s ability to function normally in daily life.

While everyone experiences varying degrees of such feelings from time to time, excessive feelings of apathy and anhedonia are often a sign of a deeper problem. Some conditions that may cause people to experience persistent and disruptive feelings of not caring about anything include:

Anhedonia is one of the hallmark symptoms of depression. If you feel that you don’t care about anything and struggle to feel pleasure or interest, you should talk to your healthcare provider about what you are experiencing.

Chronic stress and traumatic events can also play a part in causing feelings of disinterest. Challenging world events in recent years such as the COVID-19 pandemic, economic disruptions, and political unrest, for example, may contribute to feelings of anhedonia and apathy in many people.

Research indicates that apathetic feelings tend to be quite common; estimates suggest that the prevalence in different conditions ranges from 31% to 60%.

Treatments That Can Help You Care More

If you find yourself questioning why you don’t care about anything, it is important to seek help. This is particularly true if your inability to feel interested and concerned is affecting your ability to deal with your daily life.

A healthcare professional can evaluate your symptoms and determine if there is an underlying medical or mental health condition that might be contributing to what you are experiencing. The treatment that they recommend will depend on your diagnosis but may involve medication, psychotherapy, or a combination of the two. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that focuses on helping people learn to identify underlying negative thought patterns that contribute to mental health problems. Once people learn to recognize these thoughts, they can work with a therapist to develop more positive ways of thinking.

How to Begin Caring Again

If you’re struggling with feelings of apathy, disinterest, and lack of pleasure, seeking professional treatment should be your first step. In addition to working with a doctor or therapist, you can also take steps on your own to improve your mood and take a greater interest in the world around you.

Consider the Causes

Think about recent events in your life that might be contributing to what you are feeling. Have you been coping with a great deal of stress lately? Did you experience some type of disappointment or setback in your personal or professional life?

Sometimes significant changes and life stresses can trigger symptoms of situational depression. While such feelings are often temporary, they can affect your well-being and should be addressed with treatment and lifestyle changes.

Vary Your Routine

Getting stuck in a rut can often lead to losing interest. When your daily routine and normal tasks start to feel like they are grinding you down, look for ways to switch things up. 

Strategies that might help include trying new things, talking to different people, or making plans with a friend. Practicing gratitude can also be a great way to notice, appreciate, and take an interest in the great things in your life.

Take Care of Yourself

Feeling like you don’t care about anything often extends to not caring about yourself either. But a poor diet, lack of sleep, limited exercise, and other unhealthy habits can make feelings of apathy and lethargy even worse. Prioritize self-care and spend time each day making sure that you have what you need to feel healthy and well. 

Try Small Steps

Big projects often feel overwhelming when you are struggling with a lack of motivation and interest. Focus on breaking up projects into smaller steps so that you can tackle them a little bit of time. 

Focusing on smaller, more manageable steps may help address this problem. You might not have the energy to take on the entire project all at once, but making a little progress each day can help you stay on track and may eventually help you feel more motivated and accomplished. 

Practice Mindfulness

Worrying about the past and the future can create stress and even a sense of hopelessness if you feel like nothing you do will make any difference in how things turn out. Mindfulness can help you focus more on the present. 

Instead of being consumed by thoughts about things you can’t change and a future you can’t predict, your energy is better spent focusing on the things you can do in the present moment to help yourself feel better.

Find Support

Talking to a friend or loved one may also be helpful. Social support is critical for mental well-being. You may find that having people who can offer validation and encouragement can help you feel more inspired and interested. 

Stress is a normal part of life—but some changes in relationships, finances, school, health, career, and family cause more anxiety than others. Here are the five top stressors in life, along with a few tips to deal with them.

Death of a Loved One

When someone you’re close to passes away, you’ll typically experience a range of sometimes surprising emotions. These might include confusion, shock, sadness, numbness, anger, and even guilt. All of these feelings are valid.

There’s no right or wrong way to feel about a loved one’s death and no standard way to grieve. Healing and its timetable differ from person to person, but these strategies can help.

• Let yourself feel the range of emotions: You may have heard of the five stages of grief; however, research has shown that identifying the phase you’re in is not helpful, especially when you haven’t experienced it before. Instead of worrying about going from one stage of grief to another, allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions and focus on reaching a mental state of peace.
• Take time to heal: Recovering from the loss can be a long journey. You might want to move on quickly to get back to feeling normal; however, it’s important to take all the time needed to properly care for yourself. Although you may feel isolated, sharing your grief and talking about your feelings with family and friends can be beneficial. 
• Remember that there’s no shame in getting professional help: The death of a loved one can cause overwhelming stress and significantly affect your life. Seeking support such as bereavement therapy can help you work through difficult emotions such as guilt and develop ways to adapt to a life without your loved one.

Divorce or Separation

Divorce or separation from a spouse can cause major stress. In addition to the emotional and mental stress, there are legal considerations such as child custody, finances, assets, and living situations. Even if the decision to end the relationship is mutual, both partners must deal with a host of issues while they move forward separately. here are a few tips to cope with a divorce or separation:

• Accept your emotions and learn to let go: Ending a relationship can generate many feelings that are difficult to manage. You might feel relief and then guilt about feeling that way. You might feel angry and hopeless. Instead of suppressing these feelings, embrace them and let them move through you like a wave. Accepting them has been shown to help people move forward from their divorces.
• Focus on loving yourself: You might feel like you’ve failed or that you didn’t try hard enough in your relationship; however, it’s important during this time to practice self-care and self-compassion. 
• Set personal goals: Life without a partner can seem scary, but this is an opportunity to reassess your goals. What have you always wanted to try or learn? What hobbies do you love but haven’t had time to explore? It’s time to rediscover these and start enjoying them.
• Join a support group: It can be helpful to connect with others who are divorced or are going through a divorce. A divorce support group can provide tools and camaraderie to help you cope and see you’re not alone.

Moving

Moving can be quite stressful, especially if the move is unexpected or is because of a fire, financial struggles, or a traumatic event. You might even feel anticipatory grief—anxiety at just the thought of such a huge change. Here are a few tips to cope with a move:

• Remember that stress is a normal part of moving: If you’re moving into a bigger place or with your partner, you might feel obligated to be excited and happy, but even moving for a positive reason can be stressful. Change is hard for everyone, and accepting stress as a normal part of it can help you manage the move.
• Plan and stay organized: Give yourself plenty of time to plan your move. It takes longer than you think to label, sort, and pack your belongings. You might dread the process and want to procrastinate, but the earlier you start, the less rushed and frantic you’ll be on moving day. 
• Ask for help from friends and family: Even if they don’t physically help during the move, they can provide emotional support.
• Hire professional movers: If you’re financially able, hire professional movers. This can reduce the work and stress related to packing, lifting, and transporting.

Long-Term Illness

Illness and stress have a symbiotic relationship: Chronic stress weakens your immune system, making you more susceptible to illness. Stress increases the risk of diabetes mellitus, peptic ulcers, ulcerative colitis, and atherosclerosis. Here are some tips to cope with illness.

• Learn about your illness: Talk to a healthcare professional about your illness and design a treatment plan together that meets your needs. Depending on the severity of your illness, it’s important to remain realistic about your expectations. 
• Take care of yourself: If you’re able, get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet, stay physically active, and explore self-care practices such as meditation and mindfulness. Ask for help with difficult tasks. Avoid using alcohol or substances as coping mechanisms.
• Seek counseling: Various counseling options can help you manage your long-term health condition. These include individual counseling, family and couples counseling, and support groups. 

Job Loss

Losing your job can cause shame, grief, disappointment, guilt, and self-defeating thoughts. In addition to the negative impact on your self-esteem, you have to worry about your finances and a new job. Your daily routine has changed abruptly, which can be difficult to adapt to—especially if you’ve been at your job for a long time. Here’s how to cope with job loss:

• Don’t ignore your feelings: For some people, losing a job feels like losing a loved one. You might feel shocked, sad, depressed, angry, or any combination thereof—all normal. Feel your feelings instead of bottling them up.
• Learn to accept your situation: Try to focus on the things you can control, such as your reaction, attitude, and forward movement. Losing your income and benefits could mean major lifestyle changes, so take charge of your finances: Make a budget and get help from a financial advisor.
• Reach out to your network: You might feel alone in this, but you aren’t, and you don’t have to deal with this by yourself. Connect with friends and family. Job loss is common; sharing your experiences can help you understand your situation better and learn from others.

Forgiveness is often defined as a deliberate decision to let go of feelings of anger, resentment, and retribution toward someone who you believe has wronged you. However, while you may be quite generous in your ability to forgive others, you may be much harder on yourself.

Everyone makes mistakes, but learning how to learn from these errors, let go, move on, and forgive yourself is important for mental health and well-being. Discovery why self-forgiveness can be beneficial and explore some steps that may help you learn how to forgive yourself.

Learning How to Forgive Yourself

Self-forgiveness is not about letting yourself off the hook, nor is it a sign of weakness. The act of forgiveness, whether you are forgiving yourself or someone who has wronged you, does not suggest that you are condoning the behavior. To forgive yourself, you should:

1. Understand your emotions
2. Accept responsibility for what happened
3. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion
4. Express remorse for your mistakes
5. Make amends and apologize (including apologizing to yourself)
6. Look for ways to learn from the experience
7. Focus on making better choices in the future

Forgiveness means that you accept the behavior, you accept what has happened, and you are willing to move past it and move on with your life without ruminating over past events that cannot be changed. One therapeutic approach to self-forgiveness suggests that four key actions can be helpful.

Understand Your Emotions

Becoming aware of the emotions you are experiencing is an important part of learning to forgive yourself. Research has found that identifying and labeling your emotion can help reduce the intensity of your feelings. This can help you better regulate emotions, including those linked to feelings of guilt and shame.

Accept Responsibility for Your Actions

Forgiving yourself is about more than just putting the past behind you and moving on. It is about accepting what has happened and showing compassion to yourself.

Facing what you have done or what has happened is the first step toward self-forgiveness. It’s also the hardest step. If you have been making excuses, rationalizing, or justifying your actions in order to make them seem acceptable, it is time to face up and accept what you have done.

Treat Yourself With Kindness and Compassion

Forgiving yourself requires confronting your actions and showing remorse for what happened, but it is important to approach this with self-compassion. The key is to treat yourself with the same kindness that you would show to another person. Try to avoid being self-critical and instead be compassionate while still acknowledging that you made a mistake and want to do better in the future.

Express Remorse for Your Mistakes

As a result of taking responsibility, you may experience a range of negative feelings, including guilt and shame. When you’ve done something wrong, it’s completely normal, even healthy, to feel guilty about it. These feelings of guilt and remorse can serve as a springboard to positive behavior change.

While guilt implies that you’re a good person who did something bad, shame makes you see yourself as a bad person. This can bring up feelings of worthlessness which, left unresolved, can lead to addiction, depression, and aggression. Understand that making mistakes that you feel guilty about does not make you a bad person or undermine your intrinsic value.

Make Amends and Apologize

Making amends is an important part of forgiveness, even when the person you are forgiving is yourself. Just as you might not forgive someone else until they’ve made it up to you in some way, forgiving yourself is more likely to stick when you feel like you’ve earned it.

One way to move past your guilt is to take action to rectify your mistakes. Apologize if it is called for and look for ways that you can make it up to whomever you have hurt.

It may seem as if this portion of the process benefits only the person you’ve harmed, but there’s something in it for you as well. Fixing your mistake means you’ll never have to wonder if you could have done more.

Learn From the Experience

Everyone makes mistakes and has things for which they feel sorry or regretful. Falling into the trap of rumination, self-hatred, or even pity can be damaging and make it difficult to maintain your self-esteem and motivation.

Forgiving yourself often requires finding a way to learn from the experience and grow as a person. To do this, you need to understand why you behaved the way you did and why you feel guilty. What steps can you take to prevent the same behaviors again in the future? Yes, you might have messed up, but it was a learning experience that can help you make better choices in the future.

Try to Do Better

Forgiving yourself also means making an active effort to do better in the future. As you approach similar situations, reflect on how you felt about your past mistakes. Rather than feeling guilty about those past errors, remind yourself about what you learned and how you can use that knowledge and experience to guide your actions going forward.

Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts

Limitations of Forgiving Yourself

While self-forgiveness is a powerful practice, it’s important to recognize that this model is not intended for people who unfairly blame themselves for something they aren’t responsible for.

People who have suffered abuse, trauma, or loss, for example, may feel shame and guilt even though they had no control. This can be particularly true when people feel they should have been able to predict, and therefore avoid, a negative outcome (an example of what is known as the hindsight bias).

Benefits of Forgiving Yourself

The standard axiom within psychology has been that forgiveness is a good thing and that it conveys a number of benefits, whether you have experienced a minor slight or have suffered a much more serious grievance. This includes both forgiving others as well as yourself.

Mental Health

Letting go and offering yourself forgiveness can help boost your feelings of wellness and improve your image of yourself. Numerous studies have demonstrated that when people practice self-forgiveness, they experience lower levels of depression and anxiety. Similarly, self-compassion is associated with higher levels of success, productivity, focus, and concentration.

Physical Health

The act of forgiveness can also positively impact your physical health. Research shows that forgiveness can improve cholesterol levels, reduce bodily pain, and blood pressure, and lower your risk of a heart attack.

Relationships

Having a compassionate and forgiving attitude toward yourself is also a critical component of successful relationships. Being able to forge close emotional bonds with other people is important, but so is the ability to repair those bonds when they become fraught or damaged.

Challenges in Forgiving Yourself

So what is it that makes self-forgiveness so difficult at times? Why do people often continue to punish and berate themselves over relatively minor mistakes? Engaging in actions that are not in line with our own values or self-beliefs can lead to feelings of guilt and regret—or worse, self-loathing.

Some people are just naturally more prone to rumination, which can make it easier to dwell on negative feelings. The fact that self-forgiveness involves acknowledging wrongdoing and admitting that you might need to change can make the process more challenging.

Lastly, people who are not yet ready to change may find it harder to truly forgive themselves. Instead, of admitting they might need to change, they might engage in a sort of pseudo-self-forgiveness by simply overlooking or excusing their behavior.

Potential Drawbacks of Forgiving Yourself

While self-forgiveness is generally thought of as a positive action that can help restore the sense of self, there is also research indicating that it can sometimes have a detrimental effect. The major pitfall of self-forgiveness is that it can sometimes reduce empathy for those who have been hurt by your actions.

Although self-forgiveness often relieves feelings of guilt, there are times this inward focus may make it more difficult to identify with others. You can avoid this by consciously practicing empathy with those who have been affected by your actions.

The narcissistic abuse cycle refers to an abusive pattern of behavior that characterizes the relationships of people with narcissistic traits. It involves first idealizing a person, then devaluing them, repeating the cycle, and eventually discarding them when they are of no further use.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), otherwise known as narcissists, have a grandiose sense of self, unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment, and a marked lack of empathy for others.

When people have narcissistic traits, they often have difficulty maintaining interpersonal relationships across all areas of life, including at home, at work, and in the community. Their relationships with others can sometimes be emotionally abusive.

While it’s common for people to have narcissistic traits, the severity of traits runs on a spectrum. Note that people can be in a narcissistic abuse cycle with someone who doesn’t meet the full criteria for NPD but may have NPD traits.

Stages of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Listed below are some of the characteristics of the narcissistic abuse cycle, according to Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist.

Idealization Stage

This stage is also known as the appreciation stage and it is typically characterized by love bombing. 

In a romantic relationship, the narcissist will dazzle you with gifts and compliments. They will make you feel special and appear to be overwhelmingly attracted to you. It will seem like they have fallen in love with you right away, and it will feel like it was destined to be.

Despite seemingly innocent or endearing, some controlling tactics may be present early on. For example, they may guilt or shame you for spending time with others outside of the relationship. They may also break the boundaries you’ve previously communicated.

In a friendship, the narcissist will praise you, spend a lot of time with you, and depend on you for all sorts of things.

With a narcissistic boss, you’ll get the feeling that you’re their dream employee and that no one else is as good at the job as you are. There will be hints of raises and promotions that don’t actually materialize.

Devaluation Stage

The devaluation stage, also known as the depreciation stage, comes next. It often starts slowly.

Some indicators include:

The narcissist will accuse you of things you didn’t do and keep pressuring you until you wonder whether you actually did it. This is known as gaslighting. You’ll start to question your memory and your sanity.

They may also engage in narcissistic projection, where they avoid accepting responsibility for their own behavior by projecting it onto someone else.

Emotionally abusive tactics, such as warnings, ultimatums, punishments, blackmail, and threats of self-harm, are also common ways to manipulate and undermine the victim.

Repetition Stage

The devaluation stage can leave you feeling depressed, anxious, confused, and scared of losing your relationship with the narcissist. You might either try harder to please them or pull away from them to protect yourself. The narcissist will feel hurt and enraged at your attempts to distance yourself from them.

Then, the cycle of idealization and devaluation will start all over again. They will suddenly behave extremely nicely toward you, shower you with compliments, and make you feel valued again. However, as soon as you start to feel secure in the relationship, they will start to devalue you once more.

Discard Stage

The discard stage can play out in a few different ways. The narcissist might decide that they’re done with you and that you have no further use for them. The rejection is typically swift and brutal.

Or, you might wake up and realize that this partner, friend, employer, or acquaintance isn’t healthy for you and try to leave the situation. The narcissist might start love bombing you again, and the cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard will repeat itself until you finally break free.

Who Is Targeted by the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle?

Narcissists may intentionally target people who they believe are easier to exploit or manipulate. This may include people who:

However, it is important to note that anyone can experience narcissistic abuse. Being aware of the signs of this cycle and knowing how to cope can help protect you from the damaging psychological effects.

Mental Health Impact of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

The narcissist will do things that leave you feeling—and often acting—unstable, then blame you and call you “crazy” for it, says Dr. Daramus.

According to Dr. Daramus, if narcissistic abuse goes on for long enough, a victim can end up with mental health conditions such as:

A 2019 study notes that narcissistic abuse can even be fatal in some cases. The study concluded that narcissistic abuse can be extremely debilitating, so recovery can be a long and complex journey. 

Coping With the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Dr. Daramus shares some steps that can help you prevent and cope with narcissistic abuse:

Give Your Relationships Time

The first step is to remember that real relationships, whether romantic, sexual, friendly, professional, or otherwise, usually start slowly. They develop over time, from mutual interest in each other to a stronger, more genuine connection. Be suspicious of instant love.

Be Clear About Your Boundaries

Know your boundaries and how you expect to be treated before you enter a new relationship. Be ready to set limits or walk away if someone develops a pattern of mistreating you.

Maintain a Record

If you suspect someone might be manipulating you, keep a record of your communication. Write things down. Find every excuse to do things by text or email. This can help if the other person tries to gaslight you and present an alternative version of events.

Keep Your Trusted Friends Close

The narcissist may try to drive a wedge between you and your loved ones. Try not to let it happen. When you start to wonder what’s real, they can help you figure it out. 

Maintain Your Financial Independence

Try not to be financially dependent on the narcissist if you can help it. Obviously, that may not be possible if they’re your employer. However, for other types of relationships, such as friendships or romantic relationships, having your own money is helpful when you’re getting ready to leave the relationship.

Keep in Mind

The narcissistic abuse cycle can be traumatic and emotionally scarring. It’s important to recognize this pattern of behavior and extricate yourself from it as soon as possible to protect your mental health and preserve your sense of self.

Sleep problems commonly occur among people with substance use disorders, but these issues can also occur during withdrawal and recovery. Problems with sleep can make recovery more complex.

Trouble sleeping is a common withdrawal symptom for people addicted to drugs and alcohol. This can be troubling and lead to increased anxiety and irritability.

Fortunately, research suggests that long-term recovery can help reverse sleep problems induced by substance use. While withdrawal insomnia is common, there are ways that you can deal with it and try to get a better night’s sleep.

How Addiction and Recovery Affect Sleep

Sleep problems can occur with any addiction. Sleep problems are also a common withdrawal symptom for people recovering from overuse of:

• Alcohol
• Anxiety medications
• Cannabis
• Opioids
• Sedatives
• Stimulants

Because every person and every addiction is different, the nature and degree of sleep problems vary.

Sleep problems during recovery happen because your body is out of its normal circadian rhythm. The time you spent in the past using drugs or drinking in excess has changed the way your body works, and this commonly includes sleeping patterns.

During recovery, your body is changing again and trying to get used to being free of the substance. It is only natural that your sleep will be disrupted again.

How to Ease Withdrawal Insomnia

The good news is that for most people, withdrawal insomnia is only temporary. It is one of the side effects of cleaning out your body and returning to a substance-free life. 

The more disciplined you are in following guidelines for good sleep hygiene, the quicker your withdrawal insomnia will disappear. Quite often, the simplest things you can do are the best.

Establish Sleep Rituals

Much of recovery is about replacing bad habits with healthy ones. When it comes to sleep, try to:

• Go to bed and wake up at the same times each day
• Wind down with quiet activities like reading before bed
• Create a restful sleep environment
• Avoid digital devices that can disrupt sleep before bedtime

Good sleep hygiene can play an essential role in sleep quality. Anything that calms and relaxes you before trying to sleep will help.

Re-Establish Your Circadian Rhythms

Addiction can be difficult on your natural sleep cycle, and your body may have become accustomed to staying up most of the night. One way to counteract that is to expose your eyes—without sunglasses—to outdoor daylight early in the day. Do not look directly at the sun. 

Try Natural Approaches First

Drink a warm cup of soothing, caffeine-free tea before bed, try meditation, and stay active during the day. These are just a few natural approaches to improving your sleep. You might also opt to try an herbal sleep aid such as:

• Melatonin: Melatonin is a natural sleep hormone that regulates the body’s sleep-wake cycle. It’s widely available as a supplement but also can be found in tart cherries and other foods.
• Valerian root: Valerian root is an herbal supplement sometimes used as a remedy for insomnia. One 2020 review found that it could be an effective treatment, although results may vary depending on the quality of the herbal extracts. While generally considered safe, it can have side effects. It may increase the sedative effects of other substances, including alcohol, narcotics, and other sleep aids.
• L-theanine: L-theanine is an amino acid that may help combat stress, promote relaxation, and reduce anxiety. It is found naturally in green and black tea, but it can also be found in supplement forms. Some research suggests that it may help improve sleep quality.

Before taking any herbal sleep remedy, talk to your doctor. While such supplements may be “natural,” they can still produce unwanted side effects, particularly when combined with substances.

Sleep Medication Precautions

Addictions can lead to other addictive behaviors. It is most important that you try and avoid things that have the potential to become a substitute for your drug of choice. This is particularly true in the early stages when you’re going through withdrawal and you’re most tempted to find fast relief.

Talk to your physician about whether short-term use of prescribed medications may help you sleep for the first few days. Some medicines may help ease other withdrawal symptoms. These are very specific to the drug you are withdrawing from and the drug you are prescribed.

Discuss potential side effects with your physician before taking these medications, and make sure to follow your physician’s instructions to the letter.

Under no circumstances should you take more than prescribed or longer than prescribed. You may become ill or develop a substitute addiction.

Why Good Sleep Is Key to Recovery

As difficult as it may be, establishing good sleep habits early in your recovery can increase your chances of avoiding a relapse. You will hear this advice from former addicts, recovering alcoholics, and, most likely, your doctors and counselors as well.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), sleep deprivation decreases the sensitivity of dopamine receptors. As a result, people are more prone to impulsive behavior, which can contribute to drug relapse.

Being extra mindful of protecting your sleep during recovery is a reasonable hypothesis because sleep is one of the primary keys to a healthy and balanced body. Better health is, after all, one of the goals for overcoming addiction. Whatever you can do to improve your sleep can help your long-term recovery and overall health.​

Final Thoughts

Sleep can play an essential role in the recovery process. Unfortunately, withdrawal and recovery can lead to problems with sleep, which may play a role in exacerbating drug cravings and increasing the risk of relapse. Taking steps to protect your sleep can help you feel better and cope more effectively as you work toward drug and alcohol recovery.

Negative self-talk refers to your inner voice making critical, negative, or punishing comments. These are the pessimistic, mean-spirited, or unfairly critical thoughts that go through your head when you are making judgements about yourself.

We all have an inner critic. At times this little voice can actually be helpful and keep us motivated toward goals—like when it reminds us that what we’re about to eat isn’t healthy or what we’re about to do may not be wise.

However, this voice can often be more harmful than helpful, particularly when it gets into excessive negativity. This negative self-talk can really bring us down.

What Is Negative Self-Talk?

Negative self-talk can take many forms. It can sound:

• Grounded (“I’m not good at this, so I should avoid attempting it for my own personal safety.”)
• Mean (“I can never do anything right!”)
• Hopeless (“I don’t deserve to be happy!”)
• Apathetic (“I’ll fail anyways, so what’s the point of trying.”)
• Defeated (“That looks really hard. Even if I tried, I’d never be able to do it.”

It may seem like a realistic appraisal of a situation (“I got a C on this test. I guess I’m not good at math.”), only to devolve into a fear-based fantasy (“I’ll never be able to go to a good college”).

Basically, negative self-talk is any inner dialogue you have with yourself that may be limiting your ability to believe in yourself and your own abilities and to reach your potential. It is any thought that diminishes your ability to make positive changes in your life or your confidence in yourself to do so.

Are You a Pessimist? Take the Quiz

Try our fast and free test to find out if you are more of an optimist, pessimist, or somewhere in between.

Consequences of Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk can affect us in some pretty damaging ways.

Higher Risk of Mental Health Problems

Research has found that excessive rumination is linked to an increased risk of mental health problems, including:

Increased Stress

Those who frequently engage in negative self-talk tend to be more stressed. This is in large part because their reality is altered to create an experience where they can’t reach the goals they’ve set for themselves.

Negative self-talk can lead to a lowered ability to see opportunities and a decreased tendency to capitalize on these opportunities. This means that the heightened sense of stress comes from both the perception and the changes in behavior that come from it.

Reduced Success

One of the most obvious drawbacks of negative self-talk is that it’s not positive. This sounds simplistic, but research has shown that positive self-talk is a great predictor of success.

People didn’t need to remind themselves how to do something as much as they needed to tell themselves that they were doing something great and that others noticed it as well. 

Other Damaging Effects

Other consequences of negative self-talk can include:

• Limited thinking: The more you tell yourself you can’t do something, the more you believe it.
• Perfectionism: You begin to really believe that “great” isn’t as good as “perfect,” and that perfection is actually attainable. In contrast, mere high achievers tend to do better than their perfectionistic counterparts because they are generally less stressed and are happy with a job well done. They don’t pick it apart and try to zero in on what could have been better.
• Feelings of depression: Some research has shown that negative self-talk can lead to an exacerbation of feelings of depression. If left unchecked, this could be quite damaging.
• Relationship challenges: Whether the constant self-criticism makes you seem needy and insecure or you turn your negative self-talk into more general negative habits that bother others, a lack of communication and even a “playful” amount of criticism can take a toll.

How to Minimize Negative Self-Talk 

There are many ways to reduce the self-talk in your daily life. Different strategies work better for different people, so try a few on and see which ones are most effective for you.

Catch Your Critic 

Learn to notice when you’re being self-critical so you can begin to stop. For example, notice when you say things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a good friend or a child. 

Remember That Thoughts Are Not Facts

Thinking negative things about yourself may feel like astute observations, but your thoughts and feelings about yourself can definitely not be considered accurate information. Your thoughts can be skewed like everyone else’s, subject to biases and the influence of your moods.

Give Your Inner Critic a Nickname

There was once a “Saturday Night Live” character known as Debbie Downer. She would find the negative in any situation. If your inner critic has this dubious skill as well, you can tell yourself, “Debbie Downer is doing her thing again.”

When you think of your inner critic as a force outside of yourself and even give it a goofy nickname, it’s not only more easy to realize that you don’t have to agree, but it becomes less threatening and more easy to see how ridiculous some of your critical thoughts can be.

Contain Your Negativity

If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk, it helps to contain the damage that a critical inner voice can cause by only allowing it to criticize certain things in your life, or be negative for only an hour in your day. This puts a limit on how much negativity can come from the situation.

Change Negativity to Neutrality

You may be able to catch yourself when engaging in negative self-talk. However, it can sometimes be difficult to force yourself to stop a train of thought in its tracks.

It’s often far easier to change the intensity of your language. “I can’t stand this” becomes, “This is challenging.” “I hate…” becomes, “I don’t like…” and even, “I don’t prefer…”

Cross-Examine Your Inner Critic

One of the damaging aspects of negative self-talk is that it often goes unchallenged. After all, if it’s going on in your head, others may not be aware of what you’re saying and thus can’t tell you how wrong you are.

It’s far better to catch your negative self-talk and ask yourself how true it is. The vast majority of negative self-talk is an exaggeration, and calling yourself on this can help to take away its damaging influence.

Think Like a Friend

When our inner critic is at its worst, it can sound like our worst enemy. Often we’ll say things to ourselves in our heads that we’d never say to a friend. Why not reverse this and—when you catch yourself speaking negatively in your head—make it a point to imagine yourself saying this to a treasured friend.

Shift Your Perspective

Sometimes looking at things in the long term can help you to realize that you may be placing too great an emphasis on something. For example, you may ask yourself if something you’re upset by will really matter in five years or even one.

Even thinking of the world as a globe and of yourself as a tiny, tiny person on this globe can remind you that most of your worries aren’t as big as they seem. This can often minimize the negativity, fear, and urgency in negative self-talk.

Say It Aloud

Sometimes when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts in your mind, simply saying them aloud can help. Telling a trusted friend what you’re thinking about can often lead to a good laugh and shine a light on how ridiculous some of our negative self-talk can be. Other times, it can at least bring support.

Giving a name to your feelings, known as affect labeling, can also help reduce the intensity of those emotions.

Even saying some negative self-talk phrases around under your breath can remind you how unreasonable and unrealistic they sound. This will remind you to give yourself a break.

Stop That Thought

For some, simply stopping negative thoughts in their tracks can be helpful. This is known as “thought-stopping” and can take the form of snapping a rubber band on your wrist, visualizing a stop sign, or simply changing to another thought when a negative one enters your mind.

Replace the Bad With Some Good

This is one of the best routes to combating negative self-talk: Replace it with something better. Take a negative thought and change it to something encouraging that’s also accurate.

Repeat until you find yourself needing to do it less and less often. This works well with most bad habits: replacing unhealthy food with healthy food, for example. It’s a great way to develop a more positive way of thinking about yourself and about life.

Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts