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The human brain is not only one of the most important organs in the human body; it is also the most complex. The brain is made up of billions of neurons and it also has a number of specialized parts that are each involved in important functions.

While there is still a great deal that researchers do not yet know about the brain, they have learned a great deal about the anatomy and function of the brain. Understanding these parts can help give people a better idea of how disease and damage may affect the brain and its ability to function.

The Cerebral Cortex

The cerebral cortex is the part of the brain that makes human beings unique. Functions that originate in the cerebral cortex include:

The cerebral cortex is what we see when we look at the brain. It is the outermost portion that can be divided into four lobes. Each bump on the surface of the brain is known as a gyrus, while each groove is known as a sulcus (gyri and sulci are the plural form).

The Four Lobes

The cerebral cortex can be divided into four sections, known as lobes. The frontal lobe, parietal lobe, occipital lobe, and temporal lobe have been associated with different functions ranging from reasoning and memory to auditory and visual perception.

Frontal Lobe

This lobe is located at the front of the brain and is associated with reasoning, motor skills, higher-level cognition, and expressive language.

• At the front of the frontal lobe is the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for most executive functions, like thinking, paying attention, and self-control. Damage to the frontal lobe can lead to changes in sexual habits, socialization, and attention, as well as increased risk-taking.
• The motor cortex, also known as the motor homunculus (meaning ‘little person’), lies at the back of the frontal lobe, near the central sulcus. It receives information from various lobes of the brain and uses it to carry out body movements like playing the piano, blowing a kiss, and skipping.

Parietal Lobe

The parietal lobe is located in the middle section of the brain, just behind the frontal lobe. It is associated with processing tactile sensory information such as pressure, touch, and pain.

A portion of the parietal lobe known as the somatosensory cortex is located just behind the central sulcus and is essential to the processing of the body’s senses. It is also known as the somatosensory homunculus.

Temporal Lobe

The temporal lobe is located on the bottom section of the brain next to the temples and ears.

• This lobe is also the location of the primary auditory cortex, which is important for interpreting sounds, tones, and frequencies. This cortex has a topographical map of the cochlea, a tiny organ in the inner ear.
• The secondary auditory cortex contains Wernicke’s area, which is responsible for understanding spoken or written human language.
• The hippocampus is also located in the temporal lobe, which is why this portion of the brain is also heavily associated with the formation of memories.

Damage to the temporal lobe can lead to problems with memory, sound discrimination, and speech comprehension.

Occipital Lobe

The occipital lobe is located at the back portion of the brain and is associated with interpreting visual stimuli and information. The primary visual cortex, which receives and interprets information from the retinas of the eyes, is located in the occipital lobe.

Damage to this lobe can cause visual problems such as difficulty recognizing objects, an inability to identify colors, and trouble recognizing words.

The Brain Stem

The brainstem is an area located at the base of the brain that contains structures vital for involuntary functions such as heartbeat and breathing. It is comprised of the midbrain, pons, and medulla.

Midbrain

The midbrain is often considered the smallest region of the brain. It acts as a relay station for auditory and visual information and controls many important functions, such as the visual and auditory systems, as well as eye movement.

Portions of the midbrain called the red nucleus and the substantia nigra are involved in the control of body movement. The darkly pigmented substantia nigra contains a large number of dopamine-producing neurons.

Medulla

The medulla is located directly above the spinal cord in the lower part of the brain stem and controls many vital autonomic functions such as heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure.

Pons

The pons, meaning “bridge,” connects the cerebral cortex to the medulla and to the cerebellum and serves a number of essential functions. It plays a role in several autonomic processes, such as stimulating breathing and controlling sleep cycles.

The Cerebellum

Sometimes referred to as the ​”little brain,” the cerebellum lies on top of the pons behind the brain stem. The cerebellum makes up approximately 10% of the brain’s total size, but it accounts for more than 50% of the total number of neurons located in the entire brain.

The cerebellum is comprised of small lobes and serves several functions.

• It receives information from the inner ear’s balance system, sensory nerves, and auditory and visual systems. It is involved in coordinating movements and motor learning.
• It helps control posture, balance, and the coordination of voluntary movements. This allows different muscle groups to act together and produce coordinated fluid movement.
• It is also important in certain cognitive functions, including speech.

The cerebellum is associated with motor movement and control, but this is not because the motor commands originate here. Instead, the cerebellum modifies these signals and makes motor movements accurate and useful.

The Limbic System

Although there is no totally agreed-upon list of the structures that make up the limbic system, four of the main regions include:

The Hypothalamus

The hypothalamus is a grouping of nuclei that lie along the base of the brain near the pituitary gland. It connects with many other regions of the brain and is responsible for controlling hunger, thirst, emotions, body temperature regulation, and circadian rhythms.

The hypothalamus also controls the pituitary gland by secreting hormones. This gives the hypothalamus a great deal of control over many body functions.

The Amygdala

The amygdala is a cluster of nuclei located close to the base of the brain. It is primarily involved in functions including memory, emotion, and the body’s fight-or-flight response. The structure processes external stimuli and then relays that information to the hippocampus, which can then prompt a response to deal with outside threats.

The Thalamus

Located above the brainstem, the thalamus processes and transmits movement and sensory information. It is essentially a relay station, taking in sensory information and then passing it on to the cerebral cortex. The cerebral cortex also sends information to the thalamus, which then sends this information to other systems.

The Hippocampus

The hippocampus is a structure located in the temporal lobe. It is important in memory and learning and is considered to be part of the limbic system because it plays an important part in emotional regulation or the control of emotional responses. It plays a role in the body’s fight-or-flight response and in the recall of emotional memories.

Other Parts of the Brain

Other important structures play an essential role in supporting the structure and function of the brain. Some of these parts of the brain include:

Meninges

The meninges are the layers that surround the brain and spinal cord and provide protection. There are three layers of meninges:

• The dura mater: This is the thick, outmost layer located directly under the skull and vertebral column.
• The arachnoid mater: This is a thin layer of web-like connective tissue. Under this layer is cerebrospinal fluid that helps cushion the brain and spinal cord.
• The pia mater: This layer contains veins and arteries and is found directly atop the brain and spinal cord.

Nerves

The brain also contains 12 cranial nerves. Each nerve plays a vital role in relaying essential information to the brain. These nerves include:

1. The olfactory nerve: Essential for the sense of smell
2. The optic nerve: Controls eyesight
3. The oculomotor nerve: Controls the motions of the eye and the response of the pupil
4. The trochlea nerve: Controls the muscles of the eye
5. The trigeminal nerve: Carries sensory and motor information to and from the face, jaw, teeth, and scalp
6. Abducens nerve: Associated with specific movements of the eye
7. Facial nerve: Responsible for sensory and motor functions controlling the face, tongue, tear glands, and parts of the ear
8. The vestibulocochlear nerve, which regulates hearing and balance
9. The glossopharyngeal nerve: Important for sensory information from parts of the tongue and stimulating specific throat muscles
10. The vagus nerve: Plays many important roles, including carrying sensory information from the ear, heart, intestines
11. The accessory nerve: Controls the muscles of the neck
12. The hypoglossal nerve: Responsible for the muscle movements of the tongue

Brain Conditions

The brain can also be affected by a number of conditions and damage. According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, there are more than 600 types of neurological diseases. Some conditions that can affect the brain and its function include:

• Brain tumors
• Cerebrovascular diseases such as stroke and vascular dementia
• Convulsive disorders such as epilepsy
• Degenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s disease and Parkinson’s disease
• Developmental disorders such as cerebral palsy
• Infectious diseases such as AIDS dementia
• Metabolic diseases such as Gaucher’s disease
• Neurogenetic diseases, including Huntington’s disease and muscular dystrophy
• Trauma such as head injury and spinal cord injury

By studying the brain and learning more about its anatomy and function, researchers are able to develop new treatments and preventative strategies for conditions that affect the brain.

Protecting Your Brain

You can’t change your genetics or some other risk factors. But it’s important to take steps to help protect the health of your brain.

Diet and Exercise

Research suggests that regular physical activity is essential for brain health. Exercise can help delay brain aging and degenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s, diabetes, and multiple sclerosis. It is also associated with improvements in cognitive abilities and memory.

Similarly, a nutritious, balanced diet that includes omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins, and antioxidants is important for brain function (as well as overall health).

Rest

Sleep can also play a pivotal role in brain health and mental well-being. Studies have found that sleep can actually play a role in the development and maintenance of some psychiatric conditions, including anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder.

Mental Activity

Evidence also suggests that staying mentally engaged can also play an important role in protecting your brain from some degenerative conditions. Activities that may help include learning new things and staying socially active.

Final Thoughts

The human brain is remarkably complex and researchers are still discovering many of the mysteries of how the mind works. By better understanding how different parts of the brain function, you can also better appreciate how disease or injury may impact it. If you think that you are experiencing symptoms of a brain condition, talk to your doctor for further evaluation.

Do you constantly feel as though you have no control over situations or that other people are out to get you? Or do you feel as though bad things keep happening to you no matter what you do? If you find yourself blaming other people for events or situations in your life, you may be struggling with what is known as a victim mentality. 

People with a victim mentality feel as though bad things keep happening and the world is against them. You may feel as though everyone else is against you, be that your partner, your coworkers, or even your family or friends. Even though there might be things that you can do to help fix the situation, you don’t take responsibility for anything and feel as though everything is out of your control.

In addition, you might take things personally even when they are not directed at you. You might think thoughts like, “What did I do to deserve this?” You might also feel resentful a lot of the time.

Most likely you went through a bad time in your life or experienced trauma, but you had no coping strategies at the time and developed this negative viewpoint or victim mindset. This led you to believe that life just happens to you and that you have no responsibility for what happens in your life.

You might even question why you continue to behave in this way. The truth is that there are probably some secondary benefits of refusing to change your victim mindset. You might be gaining sympathy or attention for your distress from what happened to you. You might feel relieved that others are offering you help or validation. You also probably don’t ever want to feel vulnerable again, and so it’s easier not to take risks.

This articles discusses what a victim mentality is, signs and symptoms of this mindset, and how you can learn to eliminate some negative thought patterns.

Understanding the Victim Mentality

Taking a step back, what exactly is a victim mentality? While a victim mentality is not a recognized diagnosable condition, it is a commonly accepted term and has some other alternate names such as victim syndrome and victim complex. 

For people who hold a victim mentality, it seems like sinking into negativity is easier than trying to save yourself, and you may even force this mindset onto other people.

At its core, a victim mindset is rooted in trauma, distress, and pain most of the time. When you experience a traumatic situation, typically at the hands of other people, you may learn that you are helpless and that nothing you do in the future is going to make any difference.

This leads you to feel vulnerable and afraid, and in turn, you choose not to take responsibility or place blame on other people and make excuses even when there are actions you could take.

Is a Victim Mindset Permanent?

While it’s understandable that you might feel this way after a traumatic series of events, the truth is that there are always multiple factors involved in any bad situation. While you may not have been able to control what happened to you in the past, it’s likely that you do have some degree of control over what happens to you going forward.

In addition, when other people try to help you, you might retreat into self-pity and argue that nothing will work. In other words, you really just want to feel sorry for yourself rather than work toward any meaningful change.

While it’s okay to feel bad about what has happened to you and make sure to work through difficult emotions, everyone with a victim mindset needs to find an end to self-pity and work toward change and healing. Otherwise, your feelings of being a victim and being powerless will follow you for the rest of your life.

The truth is that life will never stop giving you challenges, and if you feel as though nothing you do makes any differences, then you’ll be climbing an uphill battle the rest of your life.

A victim blames others for their current situation, even when others have nothing to do with it and they themselves are to blame (or at least partly to blame).

Yes, your rights were violated and you didn’t deserve what happened to you. You deserve empathy and compassion—and understanding. And you can give these things to yourself without waiting for anyone else to give them to you.

Signs of a Victim Mentality

What are some signs of a victim mentality? If you aren’t sure whether you are struggling with a victim mentality, here are some potential signs to watch for:

• You blame other people for how your life’s going
• You feel as though everything is stacked against you
• You have trouble coping with setbacks
• You have a negative attitude going into most situations
• When someone tries to help you, you lash out in anger
• When you feel sorry for yourself, it makes you feel a bit better
• You tend to hang out with other people who also like to complain and blame other people
• You find it hard to make changes in your life
• You feel like you lack support from other people
• You lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem
• You feel like others should recognize that you have been a victim
• You want the people who have done you wrong to recognize what they did
• You have a very black and white view of other people
• You lack empathy for other people’s problems
• You tend to ruminate about situations
• You are passive when you go about your days
• You think that the world is an unfair place
• You are hypervigilant to bad things that might happen
• You are not emotionally available to other people
• You feel as though failing is permanent
• You have a constant feeling of helplessness
• You have a tendency to catastrophize
• You always feel as though other people are better off in life than you

Victim Mentality Behaviors

What is victim mentality behavior? It refers to the types of actions that people with a victim mentality tend to engage in. What are the behaviors that people with a victim mentality tend to engage in? Below are some of the common ones that you might observe:

• A tendency to blame other people
• Not taking responsibility for your own life
• Being hypervigilant around other people and reacting to small things in a big way
• Being very aware of when people have bad intentions
• Feeling as though everyone else has it easier than you and so you don’t try
• Feelings of relief when you receive sympathy or pity and seeking this out as a result

Victim Mentality Attitudes

Additionally, what are the attitudes that go along with a victim mentality? Here are some of the attitudes to watch out for.

• Feeling overly pessimistic about your future
• Feelings of repressed anger
• Feeling as though you are entitled to sympathy from others
• Feeling defensive no matter what other people say
• Feeling as though there is no point in looking for solutions
• Seeing people as black and white or good and bad
• Being unwilling to take risks
• Exaggerating the risks of situations or how bad they could turn out
• Putting yourself down all the time
• A feeling of learned helplessness

Victim Mindset Beliefs

Finally, let’s consider the beliefs that are held by someone with a victim mindset. Below are the most common beliefs you might hold if you have this type of mindset. In a way, this is very much a mindset of learned helplessness.

• Bad things are always happening to me.
• There’s no point in trying to change because I can’t do anything about what is happening.
• I am deserving of the bad things that happen to me.
• Nobody cares about me or what has happened to me.
• I have no choice about what happens to me.
• I don’t know what to do to change things.
• I must accept what happens to me.
• I can’t make changes in my life.

Causes of a Victim Mentality

What causes someone to have a victim mentality? Common causes can include:

• Experiences of past trauma where this mindset was developed as a coping mechanism
• Multiple negative situations where you had no sense of control
• Ongoing emotional pain that makes you feel helpless or trapped so that you give up
• Having someone betray your trust in the past makes you feel like you can’t trust people going forward (especially a parent or partner)
• Secondary gain after the initial period (e.g., making others feel guilty so that you get attention)

Outcomes of a Victim Mentality

What are some of the outcomes of having a victim mentality? Below are some of the most common outcomes that may result if you persist in having this mentality:

• Feelings of guilt, shame, and depression
• Feeling frustrated with the world
• Feeling hurt and that people don’t care about you
• Feeling resentful of other people who are successful
• Feeling depressed, isolated, or lonely
• Having relationship issues or problems at work because others feel manipulated or blamed
• Feeling bad about yourself or engaging in self-destructive behavior
• Feeling as though you thrive on drama and refusing to make changes when you face setbacks
• Constant negative emotions such as fear, sadness, and anger
• It may take you a long time to trust therapists or authority figures

How to Stop a Victim Mentality

If you identify with all the signs and symptoms of having a victim mindset, you might be wondering how to get yourself into a better frame of mind.

If so, below are some tips to help you to cope better and move to a better mindset:

• Choose to either leave situations or accept them
• Speak out to reclaim your power to change a situation
• Read self-help books like Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”
• Forgive yourself or others who have harmed you (do not accept but rather forgive) to reduce hostility and trauma responses
• Find help from a therapist who can help you process past trauma
• Develop your emotional intelligence
• Take responsibility for what you can control in a life situation and how you react
• Take control over who you spend time with
• Engage in self-care to treat yourself compassionately and with kindness
• Engage in self-love and seeing yourself as a worthwhile person
• Engage in a journaling habit to release bad feelings 
• Start to say no to things that don’t align with your values or what you want for your life
• Make yourself a priority and take care of how much energy you expend
• Identify personal goals that you can work towards
• Figure out how to get the same benefits you have been getting with a victim mindset (e.g., self-care)
• Practice gratitude for what you already have in your life

How to Help Someone With a Victim Mentality

Are you wondering how to help someone with a victim mentality? It can be frustrating to try and help someone who has a victim mentality because they don’t take responsibility for their life and seem to blame everyone else. However, this is only because there is a lot going on beneath the surface. Below are some ways that you can help:

• Be empathetic and acknowledge that they have faced painful events in their past
• Don’t label them as a victim as this will just make the situation worse
• Identify specific unhelpful behaviors like shifting blame, complaining, and not taking responsibility
• Allow them to talk and share their feelings
• Don’t apologize if you don’t feel that you are solely to blame for a situation
• Set boundaries and don’t let them invade your personal space
• Offer help to find them solutions but don’t try to protect them from bad outcomes
• Help them to brainstorm goals or ways to change their lives
• Ask a lot of questions to probe and get them thinking (e.g., What are you good at? What have you done well at in the past?)
• Validate their feelings rather than brushing them off
• Encourage them to speak to a therapist if they have trauma that has not been processed from the past
• Prepare for your conversations and don’t allow yourself to get caught up in bad dynamics
• Don’t attack them and be gentle; allow them to grow through your encouragement

Things to Say to Someone With a Victim Mentality

Are you wondering what specifically you can say to someone with a victim mindset? Below are some phrases that you can use:

• “I’m sorry that you are going through this. I’m here to talk when you want to figure things out.”
• “I have about an hour to talk if you’d like to try and figure things out.”
• “I can’t solve this problem for you, but I’m here to help you through it.”
• “I care about you but we seem to be rehashing the same things over and over. Can we come back to this later?”

Reasons a Victim Mindset Continues

Why would a victim mindset continue if it is making you feel bad? The truth is that there can be a lot of secondary benefits that can result from a victim mindset. Below are some of the reasons why deep down you don’t want to change.

• It allows you not to take responsibility for your life
• People will try to help you and solve your problems for you
• You may be addicted to drama in your life
• You may prefer to avoid feeling angry and instead, it’s easier to feel upset or sad
• Being a continuing victim makes you feel like others value you
• It’s become a way of survival or a habit that you can’t unlearn
• You’re afraid to face the anger, shame, fear, or sadness that is underlying your victim mindset
• It helped you get through a really hard time and now it’s just a habit
• If people think you are struggling then they won’t criticize you
• It helps you to avoid conflict with others
• You are more likely to get what you want in situations
• There are fewer expectations of you if everyone knows you are struggling 
• People will not burden you with their problems if you already have a lot of your own
• You have an influence on people when you play the victim
• It forces other people to take care of you

Resilience involves the ability to recover and rebound from challenges and setbacks. It can be important for helping people deal with a variety of problems and recover from trauma.

It’s a lot more than just being “tough.” Resilience allows us to withstand life’s hardships and find the strength and resolve to get back up again.

Think about a time when you were dealing with a challenge—like a breakup or job loss—that left you stressed and questioning yourself. Trust me; I know how easy it is to fall into that trap of thinking that things will never change and that the whole world is against you. But these moments are *exactly* why resilience is so important.

When it feels like we are fighting an uphill battle (and we’re more than a little tempted just to give up), remember that everyone else is dealing with struggles we know nothing about. Resilience allows us to keep showing up and looking for new ways to face these challenges every day. We find ways to keep going, even when it feels impossible. That’s resilience.

If you want to become more resilient, start by learning about the characteristics of resilient people and when and how to ask for help.

What Does Resilience Mean?

Being resilient means facing difficulties head-on instead of falling into despair or using unhealthy coping strategies. Resilience is often defined as the mental reservoir of strength that helps people handle stress and hardship.

Resilient people are able to draw upon this strength to cope and recover from challenges. That’s true even when they face significant traumas, such as job loss, financial problems, serious illness, relationship challenges, or the death of a loved one.

Characteristics of Resilience

Some of the main characteristics of a person who has resilience are awareness, self-control, problem-solving skills, and social support. Resilient people are aware of situations, their emotional reactions, and the behavior of those around them.

While people vary dramatically in the coping skills they use when confronting a crisis, researchers have identified some key characteristics of resilience. Many of these skills can be developed and strengthened, which can improve your ability to deal with life’s setbacks.

The five basic characteristics of resilience are:

1. Problem-solving skills
2. Strong social connections
3. Survivor mentality
4. Emotional regulation
5. Self-compassion

Sense of Control

Do you perceive yourself as having control over your own life? Or do you blame outside sources for failures and problems?

Generally, resilient people tend to have what psychologists call an internal locus of control. They believe that the actions they take will affect the outcome of an event.

Of course, some factors are simply outside of our personal control, such as natural disasters. While we may be able to put some blame on external causes, it is important to feel as if we have the power to make choices that will affect our situation, our ability to cope, and our future.

Problem-Solving Skills

Problem-solving skills are essential for resilience. When a crisis emerges, resilient people are able to spot the solution that will lead to a safe outcome. In dangerous situations, less resilient people sometimes develop tunnel vision. They fail to note important details or take advantage of opportunities.

Strong Social Connections

Whenever you’re dealing with a problem, it is important to have people who can offer support. Talking about the challenges you are facing can be an excellent way to gain perspective, look for new solutions, or simply express your emotions.

People who possess a great deal of resilience have a network of friends, family members, co-workers, and online support groups to keep them socially connected.

Survivor Mentality

When dealing with any potential crisis, it is essential to view yourself as a survivor. Resilient people avoid thinking like a victim of circumstance and instead look for ways to resolve the problem. While the situation may be unavoidable, they stay focused on a positive outcome.

Emotional Regulation

Resilience is also characterized by an ability to regulate emotions effectively. The ability to recognize that they are having an emotional response and to understand what is causing the response can help them better handle emotions and cope with the situation at hand.

Emotional regulation is vital for resilience because it allows us to recognize what we are feeling and stay calm when we are under stress. When we feel like we’re in control, we’re a lot less likely to become overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety and frustration.

Self-Compassion

Resilient people are also compassionate toward themselves. They tend to notice when they need to take a break and can accept their emotions, which is important for resilience.

When facing hardships, it’s important to be gentle with ourselves. Treating ourselves with kindness can be the key to helping us find the resolve and strength to keep going.

Self-compassion can help boost overall health and resilience and ensure you’re ready to face life’s challenges.

Examples of Resilience

So what does resilience look like in action? Some examples of resilient behaviors and ways that you can show resilience include:

• Trying to take a positive perspective on situations
• Viewing challenges as learning opportunities
• Regulating emotions and expressing feelings in appropriate ways
• Focusing on the things you can control instead of dwelling on what you cannot change
• Recognizing that cognitive distortions are false
• Reframing negative thoughts to be more realistic and positive

For example, imagine that you get stuck in traffic on the way to work. A non-resilient person might get angry, stressed out, and worried about how being late will reflect on them at work.

How Do I Build Resilience?

Strategies that can help you become more resilient include:

• Developing a sense of optimism: A positive mindset can help you stay hopeful in the face of challenges.
• Finding meaning and purpose in your life: Working toward things you believe in ensures that you’ll stay motivated and committed even when times are tough.
• Maintaining good interpersonal relationships and a strong support system: Friends, family, and the community can lift you up and give you the support you need when your self-belief might be waning.
• Creating goals and working toward them: Goals give you something to work toward and help you stay focused and motivated in the face of obstacles.
• Working on your problem-solving skills: Resilience is greater when we have the resources we need to adapt and grow as the situation changes. When circumstances shift, problem-solving skills help us find new ways of moving forward rather than clinging to our rigid ideas about how things should be.

How to Ask for Help

While being resourceful is an important part of resilience, it is also essential to know when to ask for help. During a crisis, everyone can benefit from the help of psychologists and counselors specially trained to deal with crisis situations. Other potential sources of assistance include:

• Books: Reading about people who have experienced and overcome a similar problem can be motivating and suggest ideas on how to cope.
• Online message boards: Online communities can provide continual support and a place to talk about issues with people who have been in a similar situation.
• Psychotherapy: If you are having trouble coping with a crisis situation, consulting a qualified mental health professional can help you confront the problem, identify your strengths, and develop new coping skills.
• Support groups: Attending support group meetings is a great way to talk about the challenges you’re facing and to find a network of people who can provide compassion and support.

Assertive communication involves stating your feelings and needs clearly and directly while being respectful of others. Being assertive ensures that your feelings are clearly communicated, but it also avoids belittling or dismissing other people’s thoughts or opinions.

Communicating assertively can strengthen your relationships by reducing stress from conflict and providing social support when facing difficult times. Saying “no” (politely but assertively, of course!) can help you avoid getting overwhelmed.

What Kind of Communicator Are You?

Our fast and free communication styles quiz can help give you some insight into how you interact with others and what it could mean for your interpersonal relationships, both at work and at home.

This communication styles quiz was medically reviewed by Ivy Kwong, LMFT.

Characteristics of Assertive Communication

Communicating assertively involves both what you say with words as well as what you convey through nonverbal signals. Some key characteristics of assertive communication include:

• Good eye contact that shows you are paying attention
• Confident posture that shows you are comfortable and strong in your position
• Honest and open, conveying your opinion without manipulation or deceit
• Clear messages that accurately convey what you are trying to say
• Positive, non-threatening language that doesn’t try to blame or shame the other person
• Well-timed messages that are delivered in the right time and place
• Respectful words that acknowledge the feelings of others

Benefits of Assertive Communication

There are many benefits to assertive communication. When you are clear and direct with others, you’re more likely to:

• Feel confident
• Achieve your goals
• Have strong self-esteem
• Feel respected
• Create solid and positive relationships
• Reduce stress
• Protect your boundaries
• Develop trust
• Feel less anxious

An understanding of assertive communication can also help you handle difficult family, friends, and co-workers more easily, reducing drama and stress.

This helps you have what you need in relationships while allowing your loved ones to meet their needs. Although many people equate assertive communication with conflict and confrontation, assertiveness actually allows people to be closer.

Communicating assertively can also have important benefits in the workplace. It can be particularly important for healthcare professionals, for example, who need to be able to communicate assertively in order to minimize the risk for medical errors. It can also help health professionals convey their exptise to patients without causing them to feel belittled or dismissed.

Assertive vs. Aggressive vs. Passive Communication

While assertive communication might sound simple on the surface, it does take practice. Many people mistake assertiveness for aggressiveness, but assertiveness is actually the balanced middle ground between aggressiveness and passivity. 

Passivity leads to stress and resentment, and sometimes even lashing out in the end. Research has found that when people communicate in passive ways, they are more likely to feel helpless, depressed, and tense.

Perceptions of assertiveness vs. aggressiveness can vary, and unfortunately, there are often sexist double-standards at play. Assertive behavior in men is often viewed as decisive and leader-like. In women, assertiveness is more likely to be perceived as domineering or aggressive. 

How to Develop an Assertive Communication Style

Learning to speak assertively enables you to respect everyone’s needs and rights—including your own—and to maintain boundaries in relationships while helping others feel respected at the same time. These steps can help you to develop this healthy communication style (and relieve stress in your life in the process).

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1. Be Factual About What You Don’t Like

When approaching someone about a behavior you’d like to see changed, stick to factual descriptions of what they’ve done, rather than using negative labels or words that convey judgments. For example:

Situation: Your friend, who habitually runs late, has shown up 20 minutes late for a lunch date.
Inappropriate (aggressive) response: “You’re so rude! You’re always late.”
Assertive communication: “We were supposed to meet at 11:30, but now it’s 11:50.”

2. Don’t Judge or Exaggerate

Being factual about what you don’t like in someone’s behavior, without overdramatizing or judging, is an important start. The same is true for describing the effects of their behavior. Don’t exaggerate, label, or judge; just describe:

Inappropriate response: “Now, lunch is ruined.”
Assertive communication: “Now, I have less time to spend at lunch because I still need to be back to work by 1:00.”

3. Use “I” Messages

When you start a sentence with “You…,” it comes off as a judgment or an attack and puts people on the defensive. If you start with “I,” the focus is more on how you are feeling and how you are affected by their behavior.

Also, it shows more ownership of your reactions and less blame. This helps minimize defensiveness in the other person, model the act of taking responsibility, and move you both toward positive change. For example:

You Message: “You need to stop that!”
I Message: “I’d like it if you’d stop that.”

4. Put It All Together

Here’s a great formula that puts it all together:

“When you [their behavior], I feel [your feelings].”

When used with factual statements, rather than judgments or labels, this formula provides a direct, non-attacking, more responsible way of letting people know how their behavior affects you. For example: “When you yell, I feel attacked.”

5. List behavior, results, and feelings.

A more advanced variation of this formula includes the results of their behavior (again, put into factual terms), and looks like this:

“When you [their behavior], then [results of their behavior], and I feel [how you feel].”

For example: “When you arrive late, I have to wait, and I feel frustrated.”

Or, “When you tell the kids they can do something that I’ve already forbidden, some of my authority as a parent is taken away, and I feel undermined.”

In the case of the always-late friend, maybe a different meeting place would help them be on time. Or you can choose to make plans only at times when your schedule is more open and their lateness won’t cause you as much stress.

Generally speaking, cannabidiol (CBD) is considered a safe substance when applied topically or taken orally. There are, however, some potential side effects to keep in mind when using this substance, the majority of which are mild.

This article discusses the most common CBD side effects and other factors you should consider before taking CBD products. It also covers some of the potential benefits CBD may offer.

Common CBD Side Effects

The most comment side effects of CBD include drowsiness, gastrointestinal issues, dry mouth, reduced appetite, nausea, and interaction with other medications. Those are outlined in greater detail below.

Drowsiness

Drowsiness and sedation are among the most common CBD side effects. This is also considered a benefit for some people, but Jas Matharu-Daley, MD, a physician and chief medical officer for a CBD brand, notes that the effects might be too strong if you’re also taking CBD with other sedating medications.

Gastrointestinal Issues

Stomach upset or other gastrointestinal problems are another common side effect of CBD and CBD-derived products.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) warns that CBD may cause liver damage. In clinical trials on Epidiolex, a CBD-derived prescription medication used to treat seizures, was linked to an increased risk for high liver enzymes, a sign of liver damage.

Dry Mouth

Also known as “cotton mouth,” CBD can potentially cause your mouth and eyes to feel very dry. Though this side effect is more likely to occur with THC, it can happen with CBD as well.

Dry mouth, or xerostomia, is a common side effect of different medications and substances. The exact reasons why CBD causes this effect are not fully understood, but some research suggests that CBD’s impact on the endocannabinoid system might affect how saliva is produced.

Can Interact With Other Medications

CBD might interfere with the other medications you take. While research on CBD and drug interactions is ongoing, it has been found to interact with antidepressants, opioid pain relievers, anti-epileptic drugs, alcohol, and acetaminophen.

Nausea

In some cases, those who ingest CBD supplements might experience nausea, says Dr. Matharu-Daley. This depends on how sensitive the person is to CBD, as well as the amount they ingest.

Because CBD supplements come in so many different forms—such as oils, gummies, tinctures, and vapors—the amount that’s actually absorbed can vary drastically. This, combined with each person, will ultimately affect which (if any) CBD side effects you might experience.

What Is Cannabidiol (CBD)?

CBD—the abbreviation for cannabidiol, a substance that’s generally derived from the hemp plant—has skyrocketed in popularity over the last five years. In fact, according to research, “CBD” as a Google search term remained stable from 2004 to 2014 but has since ballooned by up to 605%.

CBD is one of the many chemical compounds that is found in the cannabis plant—referred to as cannabis sativa. There are two primary parts of the plant that humans use. One is THC, or Delta-9-Tetrahydrocannabinol, and the other is CBD. Though they’re from the same plant, THC and CBD are quite different from each other.

She adds, “[Another difference is that] CBD is derived from hemp and has been classified as a legal substance. Hemp has <0.3% THC. Conversely, cannabis plants such as marijuana are grown to have much higher levels of THC and are still illegal according to the FDA, although individual states vary as to their use.”

Are There Any Benefits Associated With Using CBD?

There are several reasons why someone might want to use CBD. The substance can be found in a multitude of products ranging from pain-relieving creams to edible tinctures to skincare. Research is still underway, but over the last few decades, scientists have become more aware of how CBD might be beneficial when applied topically or ingested.

“Since discovering the endocannabinoid system (ECS) in the body in the 1990s, CBD has been researched more extensively. The ECS is a central regulatory system restoring normal balance and homeostasis in a range of human physiologic systems throughout the body and brain and has cannabinoid receptors and chemicals in its function,” explains Dr. Matharu-Daley.

CBD benefits include the following:

• CBD can have a positive impact on the brain. Dr. Matharu-Daley says the substance is legally prescribed in a specific medication for certain severe forms of epilepsy in children.
• It has also been shown to have anti-inflammatory properties, which is why you often see CBD in topical products such as oils, creams, and lotions.
• Some research points to CBD’s ability to relieve stress and anxiety.
• It has been used as a nausea treatment in some countries.
• CBD may potentially reduce pain symptoms.
• It has antioxidant properties, which means it can help fight off free radical damage that leads to premature aging.
• Regarding skincare, CBD may help reduce excessive oil production in those with very oily skin types.

Ultimately, the primary reasons why people use CBD is because it tends to have calming, relaxing, pain-reducing effects. It has been used to alleviate joint pain and nerve pain, reduce anxiety and stress, treat insomnia, improve migraines, and address nausea.

CBD Is Still an Unregulated Substance

It’s important to point out that CBD is not regulated by the FDA and therefore dosages might not be accurate. It’s also difficult to know the appropriate dose the first time you try a new product.

She also notes that, “The CBD should be organically grown, free of pesticides and heavy metals, and not sourced in food which can affect absorption. Generally, CBD is safe and side effects are few at low doses.”

Important Considerations

CBD is technically an unregulated substance in the United States and therefore it ought to be used with caution. This is especially important for those taking additional medications and/or those with ongoing medical issues.

That said, preliminary research on CBD and its benefits are promising in relation to helping with mild to moderate health concerns and it is generally considered a safe substance. Health professionals do not consider CBD a cure-all for serious medical issues, including cancer.

People with ADHD face unique challenges as they go about their days. Some of this is because the world isn’t designed for our brains, and some because our brains are simply wired to overlook certain things.

As a psychologist who treats ADHD, my clients are often frustrated with standard tips, tricks, and “life hacks” for managing their executive dysfunction and other difficulties. So many of these hacks are written by people who do not have ADHD, and they don’t take into account how ADHD brains work.

As a psychologist who has ADHD, though, I have found several tools that make my life easier, and I am sharing my favorites with you today.

Some of the things I found helpful might not work for you, and something that helps you might not work for me–and that’s okay! You can try out different strategies and see what works best for you.

Practice Self-Compassion

When I sat down to write this article, I tapped my networks to see what my peers with ADHD find helpful. Several people shared some great ideas, but I noticed that many people said, “This is probably a bad tip, but…” or “You might think this is stupid, but…”

Many people with ADHD struggle with self-esteem, especially those who do not receive adequate treatment and support. This is due in part to the fact that our brains do not function in the way that neurotypical society expects. We often feel like we are not good enough, called “lazy” for having difficulties, and are forced to mask to conform to those neurotypical standards.

If something works for you, use it! If the people in your life do not respect your needs or tear you down when you are struggling, reconsider whether or not those people deserve access to you.

Self-compassion takes practice, and it can take a long time to silence your inner critic, but you are wonderful the way you are, and you deserve to be treated with kindness, including treating yourself with kindness.

It is difficult to feel good about yourself and have high self-esteem when your thoughts are being mean to you. Self-compassion leads to self-kindness, which boosts self-esteem.

You Don’t Have to Finish What You Start

Many people with ADHD struggle with starting tasks because the task feels too big even to bother trying.

For example, does the pile of dishes in the sink seem impossible to conquer? You don’t have to wash all of them; just clean one plate and then move on to something else.

When you approach a task with the intention of starting but not finishing it, one of two things will happen: You will do a small portion of that task and then stop, and the next time you encounter the task, it will be slightly smaller and more manageable; or you will find that, once you have started, you have the motivation to continue.

Maybe you wash one plate and walk away, and the next time you come into your kitchen, there is one less dish waiting for you to clean it. Or maybe you wash one plate and realize that you have the energy to also wash one mug, and maybe another mug, and maybe a few spoons. The next thing you know, you have done half of the task, or maybe even all of it!

Anything Worth Doing Is Worth Half-Assing

Sometimes, we don’t have the option to leave a task unfinished, but the task still needs to be done. Many people with ADHD also struggle with perfectionism and might avoid starting a task if we know we will fall short of our standards.

In cases where a poorly done task is preferable to an incomplete one, I tell myself that it is okay to produce an inferior result and get out of my own way. For example, you might not have the energy to neatly fold and put your laundry away, but you can put unfolded clothes in your dresser so they are out of your way and stay clean until you are ready to wear them. If you cannot muster the executive functioning to complete your entire hygiene routine, just brush your teeth.

It Goes Where You Put It

One of the ways my executive dysfunction manifests is in misplacing important items. If I had a dollar for every time I asked, “Where did I put that?” I would have a lot of dollars, all of which I would probably misplace.

Notice where you tend to find items that you lose a lot. Your brain may already have a pattern that you are not aware of. For example, I used to frequently find my lost keys on my kitchen table. Why did I put my keys on the kitchen table? It makes so much more sense to keep them on the hook by the door. For whatever reason, my brain would have me put them on the table instead. As soon as I simply decided that my keys go on the kitchen table, I stopped losing them.

Use Body Doubles and Accountability Buddies

Body doubling refers to having another person present while you complete a task. While research supporting the effectiveness of body doubling is limited, many people with ADHD report that simply having someone else around who knows what they are supposed to be doing increases motivation for the task.

Having another person come to where you are in person is not always feasible, but body doubling can also work virtually. I often tweet what I intend to work on, and knowing that my followers are aware that I have to finish a task helps keep me going. It even worked as I was writing this article!

You can simply message a friend and have them act as your virtual body double. If you know this is a resource you will use frequently, you can join a social media group and make a post whenever you need support with a task. Additionally, companies like Focusmate pair you with another individual while you both complete tasks.

Put It in Your Shoe

Since ADHD brains often forget about things that are not right in front of us (and sometimes they forget things that are right in front of us), I often realize halfway to my destination that I forgot The Thing I needed to bring with me. When I am getting ready, as soon as I think of The Thing I need, I put it on or in the shoes I plan to wear. That way, it is impossible for me to leave my house without encountering it.

Keep It Where You Can See It

Again, ADHD brains struggle to remember the things that are not right in front of our eyes. This concept references ADHD difficulty with object permanence.

We often forget where we put things or forget that we need to complete a task without a prominent reminder. If an item is important, I store it either on an open shelf or in a clear tub so that I always have a visual of its location.

Make It Searchable

There are so many important pieces of information to remember, and when you struggle with both memory and organization, it feels impossible to keep track of everything. I used to use Post Its and the Notes app on my phone, but I quickly became overwhelmed and could not keep track of all my notes to myself.

I keep a folder in my Google Drive and create a file with each piece of information. Some files include step-by-step instructions for a task, and others contain maybe a one-sentence reminder. When I need information, I search my drive for keywords. The appropriate file comes up with what I need.