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Agreeableness is a core personality trait that reflects and individual’s abilities to get along well with others and their concern for social harmony.

When it comes to personality traits, if you’re someone that has scored high in agreeableness, you’re likely popular and tend to make friends easily. You also may be seen as trustworthy, altruistic, honest, modest, empathetic, and cooperative.

Agreeableness is one of the Big Five personality traits, which theorizes that there are five major dimensions to personality. Each dimension is viewed on a continuum, which means while you may be dominant in one area—like agreeableness—you still have some level of the other four traits represented in your personality as well.

In addition to agreeableness, the other Big Five traits include openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, and neuroticism. OCEAN is the acronym commonly used by psychologists to help people remember all five traits. Overall, the Big Five is a useful tool for considering and learning more about personality traits. It’s also useful in identifying and predicting how people will respond in different situations.

Characteristics of Agreeableness

Some common characteristics of people who score high in agreeableness include the following:

• Get along well with others
• Are popular and well-liked
• Care for others in need
• Are helpful, kind, and considerate
• Display sensitivity
• Are socially and emotionally intelligent
• De-escalate conflict
• Refrain from judging people
• Give others the benefit of the doubt
• Like to collaborate
• Form friendships easily
• Tend to be altruistic and perceptive
• Are emotionally supportive

Overall, agreeableness describes a person’s ability to put other people’s needs above their own. For instance, people who are high in agreeableness naturally experience empathy and tend to get tremendous pleasure from serving others and taking care of them.

Agreeable people also are trusting and forgiving and would rather collaborate than compete with others. Clearly, scoring high in agreeableness can be advantageous in many situations because it’s a key trait in attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are generally well-liked and a joy to be around. Most people consider them good friends.

Meanwhile, people who score low in agreeableness tend to be more hostile, antagonistic, and competitive. They also tend to have more difficult relationships that are riddled with disagreements and breakups.

Prevalence of Agreeableness

Like the other four factors of personality, agreeableness is usually measured using self-report inventories. These questionnaires typically contain statements where the person taking the test decides if they agree with the statement, disagree with the statement, or fall somewhere in between.

Because agreeableness is measured with self-report questionnaires and is considered a dimension of personality and not a diagnosis, there is not a lot of information available on the prevalence of agreeableness among the general population.

Children tend to be lower in agreeableness since kids tend to have a harder time taking other people’s perspectives and tend to be more egocentric. This trait tends to increase gradually throughout life.

How Agreeableness Influences Behavior

When it comes to personality testing, measuring a person’s agreeableness determines their ability to be kind, empathetic, trusting, cooperative, and sympathetic. In other words, it shows how well the person meshes with society.

Within the trait of agreeableness, there are six facets or sub-traits that further illustrate what makes a person agreeable:

• Altruism
• Cooperation
• Modesty
• Straightforwardness
• Sympathy
• Trust

Here is an overview of these traits:

Altruistic

People who are agreeable feel good when they are helping others. What’s more, they get tremendous internal rewards for doing good deeds and do not view it as self-sacrificing. They get a sense of fulfillment from the act itself.

Meanwhile, those who score low in agreeableness feel like helping others is an imposition. And even though they may recognize it, they often have no desire to change their behavior.

Cooperative

When someone scores high in agreeableness, they will go to great lengths to avoid confrontations with other people. They like to be seen as peacemakers, but will often compromise their own needs and interests to get along with other people.

On the other hand, people who score low in agreeableness are prone to forcing their will on other people. They also will use intimidation and aggression to get their own way.

Honest

If someone scores high in agreeableness, they tend to be straightforward and sincere. They rarely feel the need to manipulate people to get what they want. Likewise, they are viewed as genuine, loving people who are easy to relate to.

But, if a person scores low in agreeableness, they may feel there is nothing wrong with being deceptive, especially when it’s more convenient. They also may be more secretive.

Modest

People who score high in agreeableness are very down-to-earth and rarely claim to be better than others. They also are usually humble—sometimes to the point that they may have lower self-esteem.

Meanwhile, someone who scores low in agreeableness might be more arrogant or not above taking advantage of other people. They also may try to do more to show that they are superior to others.

Sympathetic

When someone scores high in agreeableness, they are often very sympathetic and are easily moved to have care and concern for others. They also are emotionally intelligent and very empathetic, often relating to the pain and suffering of other people.

People who score low in agreeableness are not inclined to be merciful and may not feel empathy.

Trusting

If someone scores high in agreeableness, they are prone to assume that other people have good intentions and mean well. They can also be slow to make judgments about other people and often care for people unconditionally.

Overall, if you are an agreeable person, some common behaviors probably occur pretty consistently in your life. Here are some common ways that people who are high in agreeableness behave. Look for yourself in these scenarios:

• Put the interests of others before their own
• May engage in people-pleasing behavior
• Need affirmation from others
• Are kind, considerate, and helpful
• Tend to get involved in altruistic activities or community events
• Will compromise on their ideas and ideals if it reduces conflict
• Refrain from being abrasive or contradicting
• Try to be honest and sincere in words and deeds

How to Become More Agreeable

Agreeableness depends on a person’s underlying temperament and innate personality. However, there are also things that you can do to help cultivate greater agreeableness. Steps you can take include:

• Finding positive role models with high agreeableness: Spending more time with people with this personality trait can help you develop more cooperative behaviors.
• Collaborating with others: Working with others on projects requiring you to maintain social harmony can help improve your agreeableness abilities.
• Thinking of others: Make an effort to put yourself in other people’s shoes. Imagining how others are feeling can help you behave in more empathetic, kind, and helpful ways.

In general, people tend to become more agreeable as they grow older.

Remember, personality traits—like agreeableness—represent just one factor in determining who you are. Even if you score high in agreeableness, you still have some level of the other traits within your personality.

So, while understanding agreeableness can help you understand your tendencies, it’s not your only defining characteristic. Every person has some dimension of each of the Big Five traits.

Emotional intelligence, sometimes referred to as emotional quotient (EQ), refers to a person’s ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions. The term was coined by psychologists in the 1990s and spread quickly among psychologists and beyond.

Emotional intelligence is critical for interpersonal communication, not only in personal relationships but also in the business world. This article delves into what emotional intelligence is and how you can harness its power in the workplace.

Emotional Intelligence, Defined

According to psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, leading researchers on the topic, emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand emotions in oneself and others. In turn, this emotional understanding helps us make decisions, solve problems, and communicate with others.

Psychologists used to view emotions and intelligence as being in opposition to one another. In recent decades, however, researchers exploring emotion psychology have become increasingly interested in cognition and affect.

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Why EQ Is Important for Success

Emotion psychology and the concept of emotional intelligence gained interest with the 1995 publication of Daniel Goleman’s “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.” Goleman argues that emotional intelligence is a critical predictor of success in life. Emotional competencies, he argued, play a particularly important role in the workplace.

The concept quickly attracted the attention of human resource managers and business leaders. Researchers have suggested that emotional intelligence influences how well employees interact with their colleagues, manage stress, and navigate conflict. It also affects overall performance on the job. Other studies have linked emotional intelligence with job satisfaction.

Goleman suggested that, although traditional intelligence was associated with leadership success, it alone was not enough. People who are successful at work aren’t just smart; they also have a high EQ.

But emotional intelligence is not just for CEOs and senior managers. It’s important at every level of a person’s career, from college students looking for internships to seasoned employees hoping to take on leadership roles. If you want to succeed in the workplace and move up the career ladder, emotional intelligence is critical.

Why EQ Matters in the Workplace

Why is emotional intelligence such a valued workplace skill? In a survey of hiring managers, almost 75% of respondents suggested that they valued an employee’s EQ more than their IQ.

Emotional intelligence is widely recognized as a valuable skill that helps improve communication, management, problem-solving, and relationships within the workplace. It is also a skill that researchers believe can be improved with training and practice.

How to Become More Emotionally Intelligent

Although emotional skills come naturally to some people, anyone can improve their ability to understand and reason. This can be particularly helpful in the workplace, where relationships and business decisions often on interpersonal understanding, teamwork, and communication.

One 2011 study found that participants who trained in key emotional competencies showed lasting improvements in emotional intelligence. They also experienced improvements in physical and mental well-being, better social relationships, and lower cortisol (stress hormone) levels.

If you are interested in improving your emotional intelligence skills to benefit your workplace performance, take steps to improve your skills in the five categories of emotional intelligence: Self-awareness, self-regulation, social skills, empathy, and motivation.

Become More Self-Aware

One of the first steps toward using emotional intelligence skills in the workplace is to practice recognizing your own emotions. Self-awareness involves being aware of different aspects of yourself, including your emotions and feelings. It is one of the foundational components of emotional intelligence. To recognize your emotions and understand their causes, you need to first be self-aware.

• Pay attention to how you are feeling. How do these emotions influence how you respond? Do the things you are feeling have an impact on the decisions you make or how you interact with others? As you reflect on these questions, you may find that you become much more aware of your own emotions and the role that they play in your daily life.
• Take stock of emotional strengths and weaknesses. How well do you communicate with others? Do you find yourself experiencing impatience, anger, or annoyance often? What are some ways you can deal with these feelings effectively? Recognizing weaknesses allows you to look for ways to deal with them.
• Remember that emotions are fleeting. A co-worker might irritate you or your boss might give you a frustrating task to complete. Before you react, remember that these things are temporary. Making rash decisions based on intense emotions can be detrimental to your long-term goals and success.

Practice Self-Regulation

Goleman identified self-regulation as a critical part of emotional intelligence. Being aware of your emotions is an important first step, but you also need to be able to manage your feelings.

To improve your self-regulation skills in the workplace:

• Find techniques to release workplace stress. Having hobbies outside of work is a great place to start. Physical exercise is also a healthy way to release stress.
• Keep your cool. Accept the fact that you cannot control everything. Look for helpful ways to respond that don’t add fuel to the fire.
• Think before making decisions. Emotions can overwhelm you in the heat of the moment. You can make a calmer, more rational choice if you give yourself time to consider all of the possibilities.

Improve Social Skills

Research on emotion psychology suggests that people with high EQs also have strong social skills. Because they are adept at recognizing other people’s emotions, they are able to respond appropriately to the situation. Social skills are also highly valued in the workplace because they lead to better communication and a more positive company culture.

Employees and leaders with great social skills are able to build rapport with colleagues and communicate their ideas effectively. People with good social skills are not only great team players, but they are also able to take on leadership roles when needed. To boost your social skills:

• Listen to what others have to say. This doesn’t mean just passively listening to other people talk. Active listening involves showing attention, asking questions, and providing feedback. Whether you are a manager or a team member, active listening can show that you are passionate about work projects and willing to work with others to help the group reach its goals.
• Pay attention to nonverbal communication. The signals that people send through their body language can convey a lot about what they really think.
• Hone your persuasion skills. Being able to carry influence in the workplace and convince team members and supervisors to listen to your ideas can go a long way in advancing your career.
• Avoid office drama. Do your best to stay out of the petty office politics that sometimes take over the workplace, but be aware that conflicts are not always avoidable. Focus on listening to what others have to say and look for ways to solve problems and minimize tensions.

Become More Empathetic

Emotionally intelligent people are good at stepping into another person’s shoes and understanding how they feel. Empathy is more than just recognizing how others are feeling. It also involves how you respond to these emotions.

In the workplace, empathy allows you to understand the different dynamics between colleagues and supervisors. It also allows you to recognize who holds power and how it influences the behaviors, feelings, and interactions that flow from such relationships.

• See things from the other person’s point of view. It can be challenging at times, especially if you feel like the other person is wrong. But rather than let disagreements build up into major conflicts, spend time looking at the situation from another’s perspective. It can be a great first step toward finding a middle ground between two opposing points of view.
• Pay attention to how you respond to others. Do you let them have a chance to share their ideas? Do you acknowledge their input, even if you disagree? Letting others know that their efforts have merit often helps everyone feel more willing to compromise.

Work on Your Motivation

Another key component of emotional intelligence is intrinsic motivation. People who have strong EQ tend to be more motivated to achieve goals for their own sake. Rather than seeking external rewards, they want to do things because they find them fulfilling and they are passionate about what they do.

Money, status, and acclaim are great, but people who are highly successful in the workplace are usually motivated by something more than that. They are passionate about what they do. They have a commitment to their work, they love taking on new challenges, and their enthusiasm can seem contagious. They don’t give up in the face of obstacles and they are able to inspire others to work hard and persist in order to achieve goals.

• Focus on what you love about your work. There are probably things about your job that you love and things that you hate.Try focusing on the aspects of your job that you enjoy, such as the feeling of accomplishment you get when you complete a big project, or helping your clients progress toward their own goals. Identify those components of your job and take inspiration from them.
• Try to maintain a positive attitude. Notice how optimistic people in the workplace tend to inspire and motivate others. Adopting this kind of attitude can help you feel more positively about your work.

Blaming the victim is a phenomenon in which victims of crimes or tragedies are held accountable for what happened to them. Victim blaming allows people to believe that such events could never happen to them. Blaming the victim is known to occur in rape and sexual assault cases, where the victim of the crime is often accused of inviting the attack due to her clothing or behavior.

Examples of Blaming the Victim

Examples of victim-blaming comments include:

• “You must have known that was going to happen.” 
• “Why were you out at night?”
• “She must have provoked him.”
• “Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
• “You shouldn’t have been drinking.”

Why, after such a horrible crime, do so many people seem to “blame the victim” for their circumstances?

When news reports surfaced of a woman being raped, many questions center on what the victims were wearing or doing that might have “provoked” the attack. When people are mugged, others frequently wonder what victims were doing out so late at night or why they did not take extra measures to protect themselves from the crime.

What Causes Blaming the Victim?

Victim-blaming can be confusing. What is behind this tendency to blame the victim?

Our Attributions Contribute

One psychological phenomenon that contributes to this tendency to lay the blame on the victim is known as the fundamental attribution error.

When a classmate flunks a test, for example, you probably attribute their behavior to a variety of internal characteristics. You might believe that the other student didn’t study hard enough, isn’t smart enough, or is just plain lazy.

If you were to fail a test, however, what would you blame your poor performance on? In many cases, people blame their failings on external sources. You might protest that the room was too hot and you couldn’t concentrate, or that the teacher didn’t grade the test fairly or included too many trick questions.

Hindsight Is 20/20

Another issue that contributes to our tendency to blame the victim is known as the hindsight bias.

• When we look at an event that happened in the past, we have a tendency to believe that we should have been able to see the signs and predict the outcome.
• This hindsight makes it seem like the victims of a crime, accident, or another form of misfortune should have been able to predict and prevent whatever problem might have befallen them.

And this isn’t just something that happens when we are looking at things such as rape or assault. When someone becomes ill, people often seek to blame past behaviors for a person’s current state of health.

Cancer? They should have stopped smoking. Heart disease? Well, I guess they should have exercised more. Food poisoning? Should have known better than to have eaten at that new restaurant.

We Like to Believe Life Is Fair When It Isn’t

Our tendency to blame the victim also stems in part from our need to believe that the world is a fair and just place. When something bad happens to another person, we often believe that they must have done something to deserve such a fate. Social psychologists refer to this tendency as the just-world phenomenon.

Why do we feel this need to believe that the world is just and that people get what they deserve?

But by believing that the world is fair, by believing that people deserve what they get, and by blaming the victim, people are able to protect their illusion that such terrible things could never happen to them.

Lack of Empathy

Victim blaming can also stem from a lack of empathy for others. People who lack empathy are often extremely critical of others. They usually dislike coping with emotional situations and don’t think about other people’s experiences or perspectives when interpreting situations.

Because of this lack of empathy, they are more likely to blame people when bad things happen to them. They are also less likely to offer to help.

The Effects of Blaming the Victim

Victim blaming can be devastating to people who have been harmed by crime, disaster, assualt, or trauma. Blaming the victim:

• Contributes to stigma, shame, and self-blame
• Discourages people from seeking help
• Focuses on the victims’ behaviors instead of the assailants’ actions
• Make it difficult for victims to get the help and support that they need
• Silences survivors
• Contributes to mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and suicidal thinking
• Contributes to rape culture

How to Combat Blaming the Victim

The reality is that you’ve probably engaged in victim blaming at some point or another. You may have dismissed someone’s experience and believed that it was their own fault. However, there are things that you can do to help prevent it in the future:

The terms “counselor” and “psychotherapist” are often used interchangeably and have many similarities, but there are some important differences as well. In general, counseling is recommended for specific issues and situations, such as addiction or grief, and takes place over weeks to several months.

Psychotherapy, in contrast, tends to explore past issues that might be contributing to present day problems. It often takes place continually or intermittently over a period of years. In actual practice, however, there is a great deal of overlap between the two types of therapies.

Understanding some more of the differences between counseling and psychotherapy may be helpful in choosing the type of therapy that will be most effective for you as an individual.

Counseling vs. Psychotherapy

While the same therapist may provide both counseling and psychotherapy, psychotherapy generally requires more skill than simple counseling. It is conducted by professionals trained to practice psychotherapy such as a psychiatrist or psychologist, a trained counselor, or a social worker.

That said, a therapist may provide counseling with specific situations and a counselor may function in a psychotherapeutic manner.

Counseling

Technically speaking, “counselor” means “advisor.” It involves two people working together to solve a problem. It is a term that is used in conjunction with many types of advice giving. For example, financial planning and spiritual guidance are both types of counseling.

Just about anyone may claim to be a counselor if they are in the role of giving advice. The term counseling may also properly be used to refer to what occurs in a relationship with a psychotherapist.

In this setting, the counselor offers guidance and support as the individual figures out ways to better manage life and adjust to change or adversity.

There are many types of counselors, such as marriage and family therapists, grief counselors, addiction and substance abuse counselors, and more.

Psychotherapy

“Psychotherapy” on the other hand is generally a longer-term treatment that focuses more on gaining insight into chronic physical and emotional problems. Its focus is on the person’s thought processes, and how these may be influenced by past events such that they cause problems in the present.

There are several different types of therapy that fall under the general heading of psychotherapy, including approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, psychoanalytic psychotherapy, and much more.

Similarities

There are many similarities between counseling and psychotherapy, and even with the distinction, counseling often includes some psychotherapy and psychotherapy often includes some counseling. Similarities include:

• Development of a healing, safe, and therapeutic relationship between a therapist and an individual
• Effectiveness for a wide range of people, both adults and children
• Understanding a person’s feelings and behaviors, and addressing issues with the goal of improving a person’s life

Differences

While mental health professionals with more advanced degrees (eg. psychology PhD or PsyD) are more likely to provide psychotherapy, the same provider may do both types of therapy. There are some key differences between the providers, however.

How to Choose Between a Counselor and Psychotherapist

When choosing a therapist, it’s helpful to learn about the differences noted above, as well as the background of specific providers and the approaches they use. Sometimes the choice will come down to personal preferences, access, or insurance coverage.

You may actually need to talk with a provider or visit for a few appointments before you know which type of therapy is best for you. For example, with some situations it can be difficult to know if it is a short term, a limited problem you are facing (and thus, may fall under conditions best treated with counseling), or if instead there are events or situations in your past that are leading to the current problem.

When You May Wish to See a Counselor

Counseling may be a better option than psychotherapy if:

• You have specific issues or short term problems you wish to address
• You wish to learn coping skills to help better manage stress and improve relationships
• You are coping with life transitions and adjustments, such as divorce or grief
• You are coping with addiction issues
• You are looking for someone who is essentially a “coach” who can guide and support you as you learn to recognize problems and formulate healthy solutions yourself

When You May Wish to See a Psychotherapist

A psychotherapist may be a better option if:

• You have problems that are significantly impacting your life and relationships
• You are coping with past trauma, or if you believe situations in the past may be playing a role in your current issues
• Your present issues are chronic or recurring concerns
• You have a chronic medical condition (such as autoimmune disease, cancer, etc.) that is affecting your emotional well-being
• You have a diagnosed mental health condition such bipolar disorder or a major anxiety disorder
• You have seen a counselor and your issues aren’t improving even though you’ve been actively working on solutions

Counseling vs. Psychotherapy for Depression

Both counseling and psychotherapy are used in the treatment of depression, and the choice can depend on the severity of the depression, whether it is a new issue for you or rather an ongoing or recurrent problem and more.

As far as the effectiveness of the two approaches, a 2016 study found that counseling was just as effective for the treatment of previously untreated mild to moderate depression diagnosed in primary care.

Another 2016 study, however, found that interpersonal psychotherapy was somewhat more beneficial than counseling in adolescents with depression, with respect to both symptoms, and overall functioning over the short-term. That said, a 2018 study looking at the same group found that long term, the effects of counseling were more beneficial.

Preparing for a Visit With Counselor or Psychotherapist

Whether you choose to see a counselor or a psychotherapist, your initial appointment will likely be more rewarding if you do a little homework ahead of time. Doing so will not only help you clarify why you are seeking professional help but will help the provider you see know whether she believes she will be able to help you or not.

Before your appointment, make a list of:

• Any issues, concerns, or symptoms you are coping with, even if they seem to be unrelated or are not the reason why you are seeking therapy
• Key personal information, including any major stresses or recent life changes
• All medications, vitamins or other supplements that you’re taking, including doses
• Questions to ask your healthcare provider

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Whether you choose a counselor instead of a psychotherapist, the most important step is getting started. It can take some time to find a therapist you fully trust, and you may need to visit a few providers before you find the right fit. Remember that you are the consumer, and shopping around is OK. Personalities differ, and the best therapist for someone else may not be right for you.