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Inner child work is the process of connecting with and healing the younger part of your psyche that still influences how you think, feel, and react as an adult. Often used in psychotherapy and spiritual settings, inner child work helps people uncover and process unresolved childhood hardships, trauma, and even triumphs that continue to shape their present lives.

When we ignore our inner child and the ways our past shapes our present, we do ourselves a major disservice. We can overlook formative experiences that can help us understand our triggers and heal some of our maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Why Inner Child Work Matters

The renowned psychologist Carl Jung first introduced the concept of the inner child. Our inner child can drive many of our emotions in our daily lives, especially when we are unaware of it.

When you lose conscious awareness of your inner child, you lose conscious awareness of a part of yourself. In turn, you may experience difficulty regulating your emotions and act from a regressed state when upset.

For example:

• You could find yourself having an angry outburst akin to a temper tantrum.
• You might feel shameful and lonely, just as you did as a child.
• You may notice that when stressed, you switch moods swiftly, similar to how a child may navigate an unsettling situation.

Our inner child can be behind many of our emotions, and it can bring about great healing when properly nurtured. 

What Is an Inner Child Wound?

An inner child wound refers to an adverse childhood experience, which is a damaging experience a person lived through as a child.

In turn, this experience can result in unresolved trauma that manifests within adults. When you find yourself acting out of character or having uncontrollable emotions, you could be behaving from that younger part of yourself that was wounded. 

What Triggers Your Inner Child?

When the inner child is triggered, you will notice the aforementioned behavior that doesn’t feel like it is in line with your true character.

For example, being late to work could lead one to feel unreasonably concerned that they will be publicly shamed, chastised, or fired, despite having perfect attendance and flawless reviews. Yet, this person could have experienced an unstable home environment where they were continually shamed, yelled at, or even physically abused for the smallest mistake.

But it’s important to remember that the inner child isn’t a mere source of discontent. The inner child can present as free-spirited, excited, and light. Think back to a moment you felt genuinely excited and giddy. It could have been when doing something you enjoyed or when receiving excellent news. This is an example of a positive inner child trigger. Even if you’ve never had this experience, there are ways to access it by tapping into your inner child.

How to Connect With Your Inner Child

Inner child work can be emotionally arduous—especially if you have a trauma history. With that in mind, you’ll want to refrain from revisiting any traumatic events from your childhood by yourself. Having a psychotherapist by your side as you dive into painful memories can help avoid retraumatization and ensure your hard work is fruitful. 

What Healing Your Inner Child Looks Like

If you notice that your inner child feels triggered often, it may be time to consider some healing work. First, psychotherapy is a fantastic option. Some forms of talk therapy incorporate inner child work.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a form of therapy that focuses on the different parts of a human being. Each part has a role that it strives to play, even if it results in lackluster coping mechanisms.

Does this sound familiar? It should; everyone has a younger part working to protect the individual. However, in the same way a five-year-old isn’t going to be the most skilled in navigating safety concerns and troubleshooting major conflicts, the younger part of a person isn’t the best candidate to make decisions. Thus, IFS focuses on bringing all parts of a person’s psyche into harmony. 

Psychodynamic Therapy

Another modality of therapy that may be particularly helpful in healing your inner child is psychodynamic therapy. This form of therapy postulates our past shapes our present and focuses on helping you heal from past trauma.

Let’s say you find your inner child triggered by your therapist. A skilled and compassionate psychodynamic therapist will work with you to sort through what the therapeutic relationship might represent for you, drawing upon family dynamics and relational wounds. These parallels will be used as fodder for understanding your psyche further and deepening your healing journey. 

Why Reparenting Yourself Can Help

A clinician can help you learn how to reparent your inner child. However, there are steps you can take on your own. The goal of reparenting is to care for, give, and allow yourself to receive the validation, love, and nurturing that you may not have received in the way that you needed it as a child. Here are some ways to get started:

• Begin a dialogue with your inner child (you can choose any age – 5, 8, 10, 12, etc.), ask them how they are doing and if there is anything they would like to share with you, and engage in a mindful and intentional dialogue with them. Listen to what they may have to say to you in response.
• Write a letter to your inner child and allow them the opportunity to respond by writing back to you.
• Say nurturing things to your inner child (I love you, I appreciate you, I value you, I’m proud of you, I hear you, thank you, I’m sorry).
• Look at photos of yourself as a child and tell them everything they needed to hear then; allow them (and you) to receive it now.
• Think and write about what you loved doing when you were young, and make and protect time to do those things now.
• Engage in meditation and creative visualization with your inner child.

Where to Get Help

If therapy feels like a cost-prohibitive venture, don’t let that stop you from getting the healing you deserve. Open Path Collective is a directory with a wide variety of clinicians who have diverse identities and sessions range from $40 to $80.

If you’re someone with a marginalized identity seeking support, check out Inclusive Therapists to find a provider who can truly understand you. Finding peace is possible and you don’t have to go it alone.

The Holmes and Rahe stress scale lists 43 stressful life events that can contribute to illness. Health care professionals use it to help identify whether a person is experiencing a high amount of stress. This can help determine whether someone is at risk for developing an illness or if they may benefit from stress-reduction interventions.

Since its inception, the Holmes and Rahe stress scale has been widely used by healthcare professionals. It is one of the most well-known and researched tools for measuring stress.

Why the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale Is So Useful

The Holmes and Rahe stress scale is a widely used tool that can help identify people at an increased risk for developing an illness. It can also help design interventions to reduce stress levels. While the scale is not perfect, it can be useful for both health care professionals and individuals.

Ways it can help include:

• The scale can help healthcare professionals identify people at an increased risk for developing an illness.
• The scale may aid in identifying individuals at risk for suicide attempts.
• The scale can raise awareness about the importance of reducing stress.

Stressful Life Events on the Holmes and Rahe Scale

There are 43 items on the Holmes and Rahe stress scale. Each item is assigned a certain number of points, based on its perceived stressfulness. The total number of points a person scores can give an indication of their overall stress level. Some of the items on the scale include the following:

What Your Score on the Stress Scale Means

Overall, total scores can range from 0 to 430 points.

• A score of 300 or more on the Holmes and Rahe stress scale indicates high stress. This means that the person is at an increased risk of developing an illness.
• A score between 150 and 299 points indicates a moderate amount of stress.
• A score below 150 indicates a low amount of stress.

How to Take the Test

The Holmes and Rahe stress scale can be self-administered or it can be administered by a healthcare professional.

• If you are administering the scale yourself, you will need to recall the stressful events that have occurred in your life over the past year. For each event, you will need to note the date it occurred and find the number of points it is worth. Once you have all of this information, you can add up your total score to get an idea of your overall stress level.
• If a healthcare professional is administering the scale, they will likely ask you about stressful events that have occurred in your life over the past year. They will then record your answers and calculate your total score.

What Your Results Say About Your Stress Levels

If you have a high stress score on the Holmes and Rahe stress scale, it does not necessarily mean that you will develop an illness. However, it does indicate that you are at an increased risk. If you are experiencing a high amount of stress, it is important to take steps to reduce your stress level. This may include:

The Holmes and Rahe stress scale can be helpful for individuals and health care professionals. However, it is important to keep in mind that the scale has limitations. If you are using the scale, be sure to take into account all of the potential pitfalls.

How to Use This Tool to Understand and Manage Stress

If you are using the Holmes and Rahe stress scale, there are a few things to keep in mind:

• The scale should be used in conjunction with other information, such as a person’s medical history, to make a more accurate assessment.
• The scale should be used as a tool to help identify people who are at an increased risk for developing an illness. It should not be used to make a diagnosis.
• The scale can be used to help design interventions to reduce stress levels. However, it is important to remember that these interventions should be tailored to the individual.

Where the Scale Falls Short

Despite the potential benefits of the Holmes and Rahe stress scale, there are also some potential pitfalls to using the scale. These include:

The scale does not:

• Take into account all possible stressors
• Take into account how a person copes with stress
• Always accurately predict who will develop an illness

Friendship breakups are extremely common. Research shows that up to 70% of close friendships dissolve after seven years, and a 2023 YouGov poll found that over two-thirds of Americans have ended a friendship in their lifetime.

Even though breaking up with a friend is not a rare experience, that doesn’t mean losing a close friend doesn’t significantly affect one’s emotional health or even brain health. 

Jump to Key Takeaways.

What Happens in the Brain When You Lose a Close Friend?

1. Your Mind Feels Threatened

A friendship loss can cause the activation of the amygdala (an area of the brain primarily associated with emotional responses), neurologist and author of “Before and After Loss: A Neurologist’s Perspective on Loss, Grief, and Our Brain” Lisa Shulman, MD explains.

“The amygdala surveys the environment for threat. When emotional trauma reaches a threshold, the amygdala ‘sounds the alarm,’ triggering a cascade of neurotransmitters and hormones to prepare the body to defend itself.”

2. Your Hormones May Become Dysregulated

According to board-certified psychiatrist Sharon Batista, MD, some of the neurotransmitters that may be triggered include serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine—all responsible for mood regulation and emotional processing.

Batista says the dysregulation of serotonin, linked to feelings of well-being and happiness, can lead to mood disturbances, while the reduction of dopamine, associated with reward and pleasure, can lead to feelings of anhedonia or the loss of pleasure. Additionally, norepinephrine, involved in the body’s stress response, may be elevated, contributing to a surge of anxiety during the grieving process. 

3. Your Memory and Emotions Sync Up (and Can Work Against You)

Over time, the “emotional” brain can become sensitized and strengthened by environmental triggers, such as reminders of the loss, to the detriment of the “thinking” brain or cerebral cortex, says Dr. Shulman. “In this way, the emotional components of memory can overwhelm the cognitive components, resulting in increased anxiety, depression, and sleep disturbance.”

The Psychological Effects of Losing a Close Friend

1. Ambiguous Grief

Similar to the loss of a romantic partner, losing a close friend can trigger feelings of grief, says clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD. Stevie Blum, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York, agrees, adding, “Losing a close friend can feel a lot like grieving a death.” It often creates ambiguous grief, she says, “which is the pain of mourning the loss of someone who is still alive but no longer in your life in the way that you are used to.”

Ambiguous grief is especially challenging for the mind to grapple with as there’s often a lack of closure and thus confusion as to why the relationship ended, Blum adds.

2. Feelings of Rejection

As friendships often fulfill crucial needs for belonging and attachment, this loss can lead to feelings of rejection, self-doubt, and loneliness, says Dr. Romanoff. In addition to sadness, anger, and even symptoms of depression and anxiety, Dr. Batista adds. Over time, this can result in low self-esteem and issues with social identity.

3. Fear Response

“Depending on the nature of the breakup, it could create a fear response in which individuals are afraid to sabotage other relationships or open up to possible future hurt or disappointment,” says Blum. As a result, those experiencing a friendship loss may self-isolate as a self-protective mechanism to reduce vulnerability and avoid emotional overload, says Dr. Romanoff. 

Coping Strategies for Healing from a Friendship Loss

Experts recommend these strategies to heal from a friendship breakup:

1. Let Yourself Grieve

Just like you may mourn the end of a romantic relationship, the end of a close friendship deserves equal, if not more, acknowledgement. 

“Treat the loss like any significant emotional event,” advises Romanoff. “Allow yourself to grieve the shared memories, connection, and role this person played in your life.”

2. Avoid Blame

After a breakup, it’s easy to fall into a negative cycle of blame toward the other person and even yourself. But rather than focusing your attention on assigning blame, “acknowledge that the way the two of you interact with one another no longer works and the relationship has run its course,” says Blum. 

Friendship changes are a natural part of life, and so it’s best to focus on acceptance—even though it might be difficult at first. Blum recommends avoiding revisionist history, too, as just because a relationship ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t valuable. “You can connect with the positive memories while acknowledging the reasons why it ended at the same time,” she says. 

3. Get Curious

After the initial grieving process of a breakup, it can be beneficial to get curious about why the relationship ended from a non-judgmental place, affirms Blum. “Use the lens of relational patterns to identify what worked and what didn’t,” says Romanoff.

You might consider jotting down a list of the good, the bad, and where there’s room for improvement. “Understanding these dynamics can help you grow and set healthier boundaries in future friendships.”

4. Set Intentional Goals for New Friendships

After reflecting on what might have caused your friendship to end, take some time to clarify what you value in a friendship, says Romanoff. Take stock of your non-negotiables and expectations from a meaningful friendship and let these goals guide you toward forming more fulfilling relationships moving forward.

5. Rebuild Your Support System

“Don’t let the loss of one friendship prevent you from appreciating the other friendships you do have that are evolving with you,” advises Blum. To reduce feelings of loneliness and get support, focus on building new social connections as well as strengthening existing ones, says Dr. Batista.

In addition to reinforcing your sense of belonging, according to attachment theory, forming new bonds can help re-establish emotional security, says Romanoff. 

Key Takeaways

Emotional detachment refers to being disconnected or disengaged from other people’s feelings. It can involve an inability or unwillingness to get involved in other people’s emotional lives. While this detachment may protect people from stress, hurt, and anxiety, it can also interfere with a person’s psychological, social, and emotional well-being.

It may occur as a coping mechanism when people face stressful or difficult situations. In other cases, it can be a symptom of a mental health condition.

How to Tell If You’re Emotionally Detached

There are a number of signs and symptoms of emotional detachment. These may include:

• Ambivalence toward others
• Avoiding people, situations, or activities
• Difficulty empathizing with others
• Difficulty opening up to other people
• Feeling disconnected from other people
• Losing interest in people and activities
• Losing touch with people
• Not paying attention to other people
• Poor listening skills
• Preferring to be alone 
• Problems forming and maintaining relationships
• Problems expressing emotions
• Struggling to feel positive emotions

If you think you might be experiencing symptoms of emotional detachment, you should talk to a doctor or mental health professional. Such symptoms can be a response to an acute but temporary situation, or they may be a sign of a mental health condition. 

Your doctor can assess your symptoms, look at your health history, and evaluate your physical health to help rule out any medical conditions that might be contributing to the symptoms you are experiencing. They will ask whether you have experienced recent changes in these areas and will want to know more about the impact these symptoms are having on your life and how long they have lasted.

What Causes Emotional Detachment?

Emotional detachment can have many different causes. These can include past experiences and psychological conditions, but they can also be purposeful behavior that can be used to cope or set boundaries in overwhelming situations.

• Experiences: Past abuse, neglect, and trauma can contribute to emotional detachment. Children who grow up in abusive situations may use this detachment as a way to cope. Kids may also develop attachment problems as a result of their abuse, making it hard to become emotionally attached and involved in other people’s lives.
• Mental health conditions: Emotional detachment can also be a symptom of a number of psychological conditions. These can include bipolar disorder, depression, personality disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• Medications: Emotional detachment can also be a side effect related to certain medications, including antidepressants such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Talk to your doctor if you begin to experience emotional detachment while taking your antidepressant. Your doctor may need to adjust your dosage or switch you to a different medication.
• Substance use: Emotional detachment can also be a problem associated with a substance use disorder. If you have symptoms of a substance problem and are experiencing emotional detachment, discuss your treatment options with your doctor. 
• Voluntary behavior: In other cases, people detach emotionally to cope with stress, establish boundaries, and reduce feelings of anxiety. Sometimes, this can be a positive coping mechanism if you face a temporary problem. However, it can become problematic if it becomes an overused pattern of behavior that affects your ability to form healthy relationships with other people.
• Trauma: In some instances, emotionally detaching can help protect people from the effects of traumatic experiences.

Different Ways It Can Show Up

Emotional detachment may also be a symptom of an attachment disorder. These may include:

• Reactive attachment disorder: This condition may emerge due to childhood abuse and neglect. As a result, children are unable to form healthy emotional bonds with their caregivers. Symptoms can include problems controlling and expressing emotions.
• Disinhibited social engagement disorder: This condition may occur when kids fail to form meaningful attachments with caregivers. Symptoms include being overly friendly and affectionate with strangers and showing little to no preference for their primary caregivers.

What You Can Do to Feel More Connected

Addressing emotional detachment depends on what exactly is causing it. Your doctor will evaluate your symptoms and may make a diagnosis that can then help determine your treatment plan.

If your symptoms are related to a mental health condition such as depression, PTSD, or a personality disorder, your doctor will likely recommend treating the condition to help relieve your symptoms.

Treatments that your doctor may recommend include psychotherapy and medications. Psychotherapy approaches that might be utilized to treat emotional detachment include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT):

• CBT addresses negative beliefs and maladaptive behaviors that contribute to emotional detachment. It helps people learn new coping mechanisms that will allow them to develop stronger emotional skills without relying on detachment as a way to cope.
• ACT incorporates aspects of mindfulness to help people become more aware of and in control of their emotions.

How to Cope When You Feel Emotionally Detached

If you are experiencing emotional detachment that is causing problems in your life and relationships, there are things that you can do to help reintegrate your emotional connections in your life. These include:

• Practicing mindfulness: Mindfulness is a technique that helps people focus on the present moment, including the physical environment and emotional responses. Learning how to engage in mindfulness can help you learn to pay attention to your emotions and build self-awareness.
• Strengthening your relationships: As you begin to build greater awareness of your own emotions, it is important to find ways to connect with safe people who will support your growth. This is particularly true if your emotional detachment is a response to adversarial relationships in your life.
• Finding ways to be emotionally vulnerable: Emotionally detached people can certainly love, but learning how to open themselves up to the other person emotionally takes time. Surrounding yourself with safe people who understand your needs and are willing to give you the time you need can help you gradually work toward improving your emotional experiences and expressions.

A mood tracker is a tool for recording moods regularly so that you can identify patterns and better understand your mental health conditions. Whether you are managing a condition like depression or want to know more about recent mood changes, tracking can be a helpful way to spot trends and identify patterns. You can use anything from a paper handwritten journal to an online app, depending on your preference or goals.

How to Track Your Mood

To get the most out of a mood tracker, choose a tool that works for you and then use it regularly. Consistency, honesty, and timing can all affect how well your mood tracker helps you understand and regulate your emotional and mental states.

• Be honest. While it may be tempting to gloss over negative feelings and only record the positive ones, it is important to be as candid as possible. 
• Track happy moods, too. Sometimes, it’s easier to remember to track your moods when you’re feeling low and ignore your mood tracker when you’re feeling better. But it’s important to get an overall look at your mood patterns, both good and bad. Interestingly, one study found that many people actually prefer to record positive moods.
• Check at regular intervals. One way to ensure you’re capturing mood patterns is to note your mood at regular intervals throughout the day, including morning, midday, and evening. This can be useful for seeing how your feelings fluctuate over time. If multiple updates per day are too much, a simple daily check-in might be more useful.
• Add context when you can. Make sure that you note what you’re doing, when you are doing it, who you are with, and other factors that might give you insights into your moods. Over time, these clues can help you better recognize trends and triggers affecting your mood.
• Use reminders or prompts. Try setting daily alarms or using app notifications to remind you when it’s time to record your mood. This helps build the habit, especially when you are just getting started.

Why Tracking Your Mood Matters

Mood tracking can be useful for a number of different reasons. For example, it might help you:

• Identify external and internal triggers that cause mood changes or mood swings
• Learn more about how factors such as sleep, diet, and daily activities affect your moods
• Develop coping techniques to help deal with negative moods and unwanted behaviors
• Spot patterns and better understand shifts in mood
• Determine what is helping improve your mood

One study found that people are often motivated to try mood tracking apps following negative life events or changes in their mental health. For many, the goal is to increase self-awareness and understand what’s happening in their life.

What Kind Works Best for You?

The right mood tracker for you depends on your preferences. If you are working with a therapist, ask for their recommendations or consider the following:

• A daily journal: Tracking your mood can be as simple as writing in a daily planner or journal. You might try a DIY journal using a notebook, a calendar-style daily planner, or a bullet journal system. This type of system may also provide the added benefits of keeping a journal.
• A mood chart: A daily chart that involves checking your mood and noting any external factors that may be related to your mood can also be a quick and convenient way to look for patterns.
• A visual tracker: If you’d prefer a more visual tool, there are a number of graphic and illustrated options for keeping track of your mood. Mood mandalas, for example, allow you to color in areas of an image with colors that correspond to a mood. Over time, the colors of the image you create allow you to form a picture of your general mood and mood patterns.
• Mobile apps: Several different mood tracker tools are available for various mobile devices. Such apps can vary considerably in terms of complexity and price. Some options are free, while others require a subscription. Features often focus on recording mood, feelings of happiness, events related to moods, and daily activities such as sleep and diet.
• Online programs: There are also websites that feature tools that help people track their moods and emotions.

What Makes a Good Mood Tracker

Choosing the right mood tracker for your needs depends on a variety of factors including your preferences and budget. Here are some features to consider before you use a mood tracker.

• Convenience: Look for a mood tracker that is easy to update and maintain. You should be able to quickly access your tracker when you need it and make updates without dealing with a lot of hassle. If it’s too difficult to keep up with, you’re less likely to use it often, which can defeat the purpose of tracking your moods.
• Personalization: The ability to personalize your mood record can also be helpful. This might range from including notes about things that you think played an important part in causing a certain mood to noting mixed feelings at a certain moment.
• Price: Some mood trackers are available for free, but they may lack all of the features of the pricier options. However, you also don’t want to spend a lot of money on a mood tracker that you later find doesn’t work for you. Consider the price and look for a free trial version before you commit to buying the full-featured premium tool. 
• Tracking options: It’s essential to connect those moods to external factors that may be affecting your emotions. Look for a mood tracker that allows you to input information about things such as sleep, diet, exercise, medications, and therapy. Connecting moods to specific interventions can help you better understand what’s working and what isn’t. 

Why It Might Be Challenging

Of course, a mood tracker is only as useful as you make it. Like many mental health tools, adherence is perhaps the most pressing challenge for many people. Other factors that often make it more difficult include:

• Forgetting: It’s easy to skip entries, especially when you are stressed, tired, or dealing with a particularly intense mood.
• Inconsistency: Failing to accurately record moods can make spotting patterns more challenging.
• Lack of time or motivation: You might find it difficult to find time to write in your mood tracker when you are dealing with a busy schedule.
• Overcomplicating the process: Trying to track too many details can make it hard to see what’s most important.
• Discomfort: Self-reflection can sometimes be uncomfortable and create feelings of distress.
• Trouble identifying emotions: Not everyone has an easy time identifying or labeling what they are feeling, which can make recording moods more challenging.
• Technology problems: Mood tracking can be more difficult if you don’t understand the tools you’re using or if there are connection problems with the app or program.
• Privacy concerns: You might not be completely honest if you are worried about someone else accessing your records, whether it’s a handwritten journal or an app.

It’s not always easy to keep track of your moods regularly, although apps that allow you to set reminders and notifications can help overcome some of these challenges.

If you struggle to keep up with your mood tracker, consider setting a daily reminder or notification on your phone.

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