Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Paranoid ideation is a transient, stress-related type of paranoia in which the person baselessly feels threatened, persecuted, or conspired against. Someone experiencing paranoid ideation might feel a general suspicion regarding the motives or intentions of others.

Paranoid ideation frequently occurs in borderline personality disorder (BPD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia.

If you have BPD, you’ve probably experienced transient paranoid ideation under stress. It’s one of the possible diagnostic criteria, according to the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

Symptoms

The duration and severity of paranoid thinking vary. Some people have brief, mild paranoid ideations, whereas others have more severe, persistent thoughts. Common symptoms include:

• Anxiety and stress
• Difficulty with relationships
• Distrust
• Feeling exploited
• Feeling isolated
• Feeling like a victim
• Feeling persecuted by others
• Interpreting body language, words, and glances as hostile
• Thinking that they are being watched or spied on

Diagnosis

Paranoid ideation is one of the symptoms that might lead to a BPD diagnosis, which can be given only by a qualified mental health professional. Although there is no definitive test for the disorder, some signs and symptoms are common:

• Anger issues, such as becoming extremely angry in inappropriate situations, exploding in rage, or being unable to control your anger, perhaps followed by feeling guilty or ashamed
• A perception of yourself that changes often and affects your thoughts, behaviors, opinions, relationships, and moods
• Extreme efforts to avoid real or perceived rejection or abandonment by others
• Feelings of disconnection with your body and/or your mind and paranoid thoughts that are brought on by stress
• Intense and unstable love-hate relationships with others
• Perpetual feelings of being bored and/or empty
• Risky, impulsive behavior, such as going on shopping sprees, using illicit drugs, or engaging in risky sex
• Suicidal behavior and/or behavior that’s harmful to yourself
• Times of extreme emotion that last from a few hours to a few days and involve depression, anxiety, or irritability

Causes

No one knows what causes BPD or the paranoid ideation that may accompany it. Environmental factors, genetics, and brain abnormalities may all be involved.

• Changes in the brain: There may be abnormalities in the brain that can lead to developing BPD. This is particularly true of areas of the brain that control emotions and judgment.
• Childhood trauma: Specifically, people with a history of child abuse, neglect, or other childhood trauma are more likely to have BPD.
• Family history: If you have a parent or sibling with BPD, you are more likely to develop it yourself.
• Interruptions in reasoning: People are more likely to have paranoid thoughts when their ability to reason and interpret the world around them is compromised.
• Stress: Stressful and traumatic events often play a role in triggering paranoid ideation.

Treatment

If you are having paranoid ideation due to BPD, finding qualified, professional treatment is important. Your treatment plan will likely combine medications and psychotherapy.

Coping

Paranoid ideation in BPD is usually triggered by stress. Finding ways to manage stress levels can be an effective way to cope with paranoid thoughts. Some strategies you might try include:

• Deep breathing: This is a common stress management technique that involves taking slow, deep breaths. It can aid in relaxation and ease feelings of anxiety. This technique is particularly useful because it can be used anywhere at any time.
• Meditation: This ancient technique has a wide range of health benefits, including easing stress and anxiety. There are a wide variety of meditative techniques, but mindfulness meditation, a strategy that involves focusing on the present, might be particularly helpful.
• Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR): This technique involves tightening and then relaxing various muscle groups throughout the body. After some practice, people can use PMR to quickly induce feelings of relaxation.
• Regular exercise: Physical exercise can be a great way to cope with feelings of stress. Research has also shown that exercise can help manage the body’s reaction to anxiety. 
• Visualization: This technique involves using mental imagery to help induce a more relaxed state of mind. When you find yourself experiencing paranoid or panicked thoughts, for example, you might focus on an image that helps you feel calm and grounded.
• Yoga: This form of exercise can be a great way to combine physical activity with calming, meditative movements.

Labile affect is a condition that affects how a person expresses their emotions. A person with this condition might display or show inappropriate emotions in specific situations. For instance, you might find them laughing or smiling at a funeral or during a sad occasion. Labile affect is also characterized by sudden and noticeable mood swings.

Symptoms of a Labile Affect

A labile affect ranges in severity and symptoms. People who have this condition might exhibit it in the following ways: 

• Crying for seemingly no reason or for reasons people won’t typically cry
• Suddenly laughing or smiling during inappropriate occasions like a funeral or a job interview
• Displaying no emotion in situations you’d be expected to, like hearing some shocking news
• Being unable to control your emotions, for instance, you might keep laughing even though you no longer find a joke funny
• Displaying emotions unrelated to the feelings you are experiencing (e.g., laughing uncontrollably even though they are sad. 
• Experiencing a sudden and unexpected switch in emotions, for instance, a person who was laughing might suddenly become angry with seemingly no triggers
• Feeling no relief after expressing an emotion

People with labile affect might think they simply have mood swings, but they tend to have more intense emotional reactions to situations than the typical person. The condition is also called emotional lability, pseudobulbar affect (PBA), inappropriate affect, labile mood, or involuntary emotional expression disorder (IEED).

A person with labile affect might sometimes not even be aware of the emotions they are exhibiting or that the emotions are inappropriate. They will experience frequent and sudden mood swings and, sometimes, could even be aggressive. 

Causes of a Labile Affect 

A neurological or psychotic condition or a traumatic brain injury could cause a labile affect. When a neurological disorder causes it, there’s typically a disconnect in the brain that affects how communication signals are sent. With psychotic conditions, delusions and hallucinations could make a person express emotions inappropriately.

Labile affect has been linked to the following conditions:

A brain injury or an underlying condition does not always cause a labile affect. Other possible triggers for a labile affect include:  

• Fatigue
• Anxiety 
• Extreme stress

Labile affect can also occur as a side effect of some medications. These medications include some antidepressants and oral corticosteroids.

Identifying a Labile Affect 

No particular test can be used to diagnose a labile affect. If you’ve been experiencing frequent and sudden mood swings, however, it may be a sign of labile affect and may signify an underlying neurological or psychotic condition. It could also be caused by suffering a severe traumatic brain injury. To make a diagnosis, your doctor will order a set of routine tests.

When trying to diagnose labile affect, your doctor might ask you some of the following questions: 

• Do you feel like you have no control over your emotional responses? 
• Are you on any medications? 
• Have you been diagnosed with any neurological disorders? 
• Do you feel relief after expressing an emotion? 
• Are you distressed by your emotional responses to certain situations? 

Treatment for a Labile Affect 

Labile affect can create significant disruptions in a person’s ability to function in their everyday life. People experiencing this symptom are prone to sudden and extreme mood swings and could have violent tantrums. However, with the proper treatment, they can function relatively well in their day-to-day life.

Treatment for labile affect typically depends on what’s causing it. If an underlying condition triggers it, treating the disorder could cause labile effect symptoms to diminish.

In mild cases, this condition might not even need treatment. Many people express inappropriate emotions in certain situations from time to time.

Medication 

Medication is prescribed to treat labile affect per a person’s specific needs. Things like the severity of your conditions and other existing conditions you might have will be considered. The following medications are typically prescribed:

• Antidepressants: Antidepressants might be prescribed to help reduce the severity and frequency of labile moods. However, they won’t be prescribed in very high doses. Either tricyclic or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) may be prescribed. 
• Mood stabilizers: For people who have labile moods related to bipolar disorder, mood stabilizers can help.
• Nuedexta: Nuedexta (generic names: dextromethorphan, quinidine) is a medication typically used to treat heart arrhythmia (i.e., an irregular heartbeat). The FDA has also approved it to treat labile affect.

Psychotherapy

Therapy may also help people who have a mental health condition that causes labile affect. Types of therapy that may be effective include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). CBT can help people change negative thought patterns that have an effect on mood, while DBT can help improve emotional regulation and distress tolerance.

How to Cope With a Labile Affect 

Depending on its severity, a labile affect could go away with time. Paying closer attention to your emotional response to specific situations will help you cope with a labile affect.

If an underlying condition or brain injury doesn’t cause your mood affect, you might not need treatment, and it could go away with some coping strategies like these:

Practice Breathing Exercises

A great way to get a hold of your emotions is to practice breathing exercises. Taking slow and controlled breaths could decrease the severity of labile moods. 

Distract Yourself

When going through a labile mood, you could also attempt to distract yourself. If you are in a situation you think might be triggering, you should remove yourself from that situation. 

Seek Support

Tell your close friends and family about what you are going through. Whether your labile affect is caused by an underlying condition or just occurs from time to time, it’s essential to let the people around you be aware of your condition. This helps them understand what’s going on the next time you have a mood swing and learn how to help. 

Identify Your Triggers

With a labile affect, a switch in your mood might seem to come out of nowhere, but there are triggers in most cases. The next time you experience an uncharacteristic mood change, pay attention to what you are doing and the things around you. 

Even for people bursting with confidence, flirting can sometimes be a challenge. It’s hard to put yourself out there and risk rejection, especially when that rejection could occur right in front of you, by someone you like. Enter micro-flirting, a safer and lower-key way of showing another person that you have interest in them.

Micro-flirting is flirting, but on the down low. It’s cautious, more based on subtext and body language than overtness, and if someone doesn’t respond to it, you won’t actually be getting rejected. Were you even flirting? Who’s to say!

Micro-flirting can be used in a variety of settings, from social to workplace, and it errs on the side of caution. In turn, this can help you make sure you never cross any important boundaries or lines. We’ll show you everything you need to know about how to become a micro-flirting expert.

What Is Micro-Flirting, Exactly?

Micro-flirting is showing your interest in someone in a way that isn’t over the top. “In different scenarios, such as the workplace or social gatherings, micro-flirting manifests through really careful signs of attention and interest,” explains Tanya Dmitrieva, certified sex therapist and co-founder of the wellness platform Deep “It’s about making a connection without stepping over the line, creating a comfortable atmosphere for communication,” she adds.

What you say, and what you don’t, can be micro-flirting. Body language and non-verbal cues both play an important role; those can include anything from smiling to touching your hair to gently to standing close to someone while you’re talking together. Verbal context can include compliments on their clothing or a personality attribute, or asking them a variety of questions about themself.

In the workplace, micro-flirting may be asking someone about what they did during their time off from work, or complimenting them on their work on a recent project. In a social setting, it can present as choosing one person to converse with in a room full of friends, making eye contact with them throughout the conversation, or even just letting them know how happy you are to see them at the gathering.

Benefits and Advantages

By enabling you to be subtle, micro-flirting can keep a situation from turning bad. “The advantage of micro-flirting is that it lets you respect personal space and boundaries right from the start, preventing awkward situations,” says Dmitrieva. It can also enhance your connection with someone by creating an intentional environment in which you’re making sure they know you care for them.

“It’s a proactive stance that allows expressing sympathy and interest towards a person delicately, while maintaining ethical and eco-friendly communication standards,” says Dmitrieva. This is a stress reliever, because it keeps you from having to worry about rejection, as well as keeps your behavior aligned with someone else’s boundaries. You can gradually become more confident in your ability to engage with others, and it can lead to more confidence in more overt flirting, too.

Lastly, this techniques is great for adding fun to your life. “Micro-flirting also promotes a sense of lightness and playfulness in life, strengthens social connections, and can be the beginning of deeper relationships,” says Dmitrieva. Without having to worry or stress about the future, you can craft an easygoing beginning to what may become a bigger relationship.

Who is Micro-flirting for?

Anyone can be an effective micro-flirter. That said, this technique is particularly beneficial for shy people, less confident in their flirting, or fear rejection. It’s great for anyone anxious, or an overthinker who doesn’t want to worry later about how they behaved in a past interaction. It’s good for people who don’t have a lot of experience in relationships, such as young people.

It’s also a fit for introverts who may find it hard to engage with others or have a challenging time speaking with people they don’t know well. The subtleties of micro-flirting, such as eye contact or standing close to someone, can be employed even by people who get tongue-tied when communicating verbally.

Techniques and Strategies for Effective Micro-Flirting

The great news about micro-flirting is how hard it would be to do it wrong. It’s not all that different from the talking to people you’re probably used to, and it’s also not terribly different from regular flirting. It combines two techniques we already employ in life into one style of actions. Here are some ways to try it.

• Eye contact: Dmitrieva suggests you have a “direct gaze into the eyes and maintain eye contact when looked at.
• Subtle compliments: There’s no need to be dramatic. Simple compliments and and playful banter are perfect.
• Discuss feelings: Bringing up your feelings and asking about someone else’s can foster intimacy. Dmitrieva suggests that you discuss feelings to allow for a deeper level of understanding with one another.
• Body language: You’ll want to practice “unobtrusive gestures, such as a light touch on the shoulder or hand depending on the level of closeness with the person,” she recommends.
• Attentiveness: Make it clear that this person has your attention. In addition to eye contact and engaging in conversation, Dmitrieva says it can be helpful to show that you remember information you’ve learned about them in the past.

Misinterpretations and Challenges

The biggest challenge of micro-flirting is the same as its biggest benefit: By being subtle, it can also read as ambiguous.

You might think you’re micro-flirting, but the other person might have no idea! In turn, you could think they don’t like you because they didn’t respond to your engagement. Micro-flirting can be seen as simple friendly interest, as appropriate workplace behavior or team building, or even just as politeness. Any of these can thwart your attempts to make it clear to someone that you have feelings for them.

When micro-flirting is done clearly enough that someone is aware you like them, there is the potential that they won’t return the sentiment. You could then wind up feeling rejected, just like if you had flirted with them more conventionally. If you’re rejected, you’ll probably want to treat it similarly to any other rejection.

“To overcome difficulties and misunderstandings in micro-flirting, including rejection and interpreting mixed signals, it’s important to be able to adequately respond to feedback,” says Dmitrieva. This holds true for mixed signals as well. Because micro-flirting is focused on subtlety, you don’t need to be terribly overt with people, but you do always want to properly show you understand the signals you’re receiving when you do.

As with every interaction in life, you’ll want to avoid harassing others and always respect their boundaries. “If the attention is not positively received, you should step back and respect the person’s boundaries,” says Dmitrieva. She notes that “this requires flexibility and the ability to not take rejection personally, seeing it as an opportunity to adjust one’s approach or shift attention to other aspects of communication.”

It’s also important to keep in mind that people respond to others’ engagement with them based on the setting they’re in. Outward flirting should generally be avoided at work because it can quickly morph into harassment, so people likely have stronger and firmer boundaries around the behavior they accept in the workplace. Workplace harassment also has negative health incomes.

Always ensure that your behavior is consistent with the environment you are in, to avoid making others uncomfortable.

Be Ethical About It

Respecting the boundaries of others and obtaining their consent before any invasive moves is key to micro-flirting successfully, and to interacting with other people successfully at large. You never want to abuse your power, such as micro-flirting with a subordinate at work or a student you teach.

Never manipulate others through flirting, whether overt or subtle, and err on the side of too little rather than too much when it comes to invading anyone’s personal space. Remember that you always have to base your actions on what’s appropriate for the context you’re in.

“The boundaries between micro-flirting and explicit flirting are quite conditional and depend on the individual characteristics of the participants, the context of the interaction, and mutual responsiveness,” explains Dmitrieva.

Micro-flirting is a version of flirting—only less obvious. It takes the practices of flirting and minimizes them so that they are less invasive. In turn, this reduces your risk of being rejected, because you aren’t showing interest in someone in a way that’s as straightforward. Micro-flirting can be done through eye contact, proximity to another, or engagement in conversation. It has the downside of being less obvious, so there is a risk someone might not know you’re even doing it. But thanks to its subtlety, it’s a fit for anyone shy, inexperienced, or anxious.

She doesn’t eat salads, wear a lot of make-up or do girl drama. She eats burgers, drinks beer, loves sports, and always goes with the flow. She’s not like other girls. Yeah, right! She’s just pretending to be “one of the guys” for attention, she’s such a “pick me girl”. 

You’ve probably encountered this term before, and maybe even know a few women who fit the bill, but does slapping this label on women do more harm than good in a world that strives for gender equality?

Where Did the “Pick Me Girl” Originate?

In the early 2000s, there were a slew of movies and television shows where the main female characters were portrayed as “cool girls” who didn’t fit the female stereotype. Millennials who were teens at the time were heavily influenced by this representation.

For instance, there is a scene in A Cinderella Story where Austin asks Sam whether she prefers eating a rice cake or a hamburger. Sam responds with the latter and Austin is pleasantly surprised. Choosing the burger fits the “guys’ girl” category because it means she’s not obsessed with dieting like most girls. 

Another example is Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me.” The lyrics describe how she wears sneakers and sits on the bleachers; however, her crush’s girlfriend wears high heels and is the cheer captain. And those differences are why she’s more laidback and relatable and why he belongs with her.

Jump forward to recent years, Gen Z popularizes #PickMeGirl as an insult. It originates from the phrase “I’m not like other girls”. Labeling a woman as a “pick me girl” means she is being mocked for altering herself to win the approval of men. She’s desperate and willing to do anything to convince men that she is the better choice compared to other women.

Characteristics of a “Pick Me Girl”

The “pick me girl” is a topic that conceptualizes women whose behavior reflects their intense desire for male approval. 

Marvy Beckman LICSW, Co-Chief Executive Officer of Sunstar Virtual Behavioral Solutions shared that a “pick me girl” will find ways to enhance her speech, appearance, and/or personality that favor those she seeks connection with. She spends her time around certain crowds or seeks to elevate different areas of her life that may be uncomfortable to meet this need.

Negative Associations With Being a “Pick Me Girl”

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, clinical psychologist, professor, and writer in New York City shared that there are negative associations with being labeled a “pick me girl” because this girl tends to relinquish her power and predicates her value on being validated by a man. 

A “pick me girl” finds their identity and worth by being chosen. She often jumps through hoops and changes her values, who she is, and her personality in hopes of being picked. The problem with this is that their need to be picked or validated is more about their lack of self-worth, so the perspective of the person labeling them may be skewed. The pick me girl may come off as annoying to other women, but she deserves to be cut a little slack—she just needs to work on her self-esteem.

“When women view relationships as an opportunity to be picked — which for many is reinforced as the highest goal a woman can achieve in society (followed by marriage and babies) they miss out on valuable information about the other person — and often end up with partners who are not well suited to them in the long run,” explained Dr. Romanoff.

Are There Any Positive Aspects of “Pick Me Girls”?

Before the label became popular, it was socially acceptable and even encouraged through the media for a woman to change who they were to appease the desires of men. The label helps to identify these behaviors as detrimental and recognizes the negative cultural influences that shape how a woman views herself in society.

Tatiana Rivera Cruz MSW, LCSW shared that there are a couple of positive aspects that came out from the “pick me girl” label. 

“Positive aspects that we can analyze from the “pick me girl” label is the initiative to being exposed to others and confronting others’ opinions about the self,” explained Cruz.

Are There “Pick Me Boys”?

Yes, there is such a label as “pick me boys”. Beckman explained that a “pick me boy” seeks connection in whatever way seems viable. Everyone has a different comfort level when expressing their needs to others. A “pick me boy” may change his appearance, education, and/or personality to get the connection he desires.

Cruz explained that a “pick me boy” may use emotional manipulation by faking self-esteem and using self-pity and self-deprecation to seek approval and their desire to fulfill their needs. For instance, a “pick me boy” will give compliments to others not because they genuinely want to praise someone but as a way to receive them.

How To Avoid Being a “Pick Me Girl”

There are ways for women to avoid being labeled a “pick me girl”. This isn’t only about how to prevent being name-called. Dr. Romanoff shared that women can be more true to themselves and stop behaving with the primary goal of winning male approval. By de-centering men and instead centering themselves in the relationship process, women can work to reprogram this intense pressure and thrill of being picked. 

“Instead of feeling inferior because the guy isn’t texting back or flaked on your date because you don’t feel good enough — ask yourself how his actions make you feel. Is this feeling something you want to experience from your partner?,” advised Dr. Romanoff.

When women are more sure of themselves and what they bring to the table, they can become less reliant on external validation. Always try to ground yourself in how the other person’s actions made you feel — instead of trying to assume your value based on how they treat you.

Potentially Harmful Impact of the “Pick Me Girl” Label 

Gender stereotypes are associated with harassment, violence and sexism in men. In women, they are linked to body shame, eating disorders, reduced career-related ambitions, tolerance of abuse and sexist beliefs.

Therefore, some may justify the “pick me girl” label as our society’s way of battling gender stereotypes. However, labeling someone for their behaviors is a form of stereotyping. Labels set harmful expectations for people whether they meet them or not. 

For instance, just because a woman enjoys watching sports and hates doing her nails doesn’t mean she’s acting like a “pick me girl”. She may truly enjoy those things and there should be no shame in that. Labels make it difficult for anyone to behave authentically because they create a fear of being put in a box or not fitting in one.

In addition, for those who are intentionally acting like a “pick me girl”, it often stems from a lack of self-confidence, limited sense of identity, immaturity, the media and the cultural pressures to appeal to men and gain their validation. Therefore, instead of hating on someone for being a “pick me girl”, it’s more productive to put our efforts towards dismantling labels and supporting one another instead of pitting women against each other.

“Modern society has heavily influenced the ubiquitous experience of the desire to be picked. Many women can relate to this experience and we can help others break out of it by reminding them of their own value outside of the men they attach to. Women have equal power to be pickers — and it is important to empower the women in your orbit to make use of this skill,” advised Dr. Romanoff.