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Conscientiousness is a core personality trait that involves being diligent, responsible, and careful.   When someone is conscientious, they are able to exercise self-discipline and self-control in order to pursue and ultimately achieve their goals.

People with high conscientiousness are also organized, determined, and able to postpone immediate gratification—all of which contribute to a more successful life.

Conscientiousness As a Big Five Personality Trait

Many psychologists believe that while there are thousands of different personality traits, they all fall into one of five basic categories. These are known as the Big Five personality traits:

If you score high in conscientiousness, that doesn’t mean that you won’t find other aspects of the Big Five within your personality. Each trait is viewed on a continuum. You can be high, low, or somewhere in the middle when it comes to each trait.

In other words, even though you may be dominant in conscientiousness, you will still have some level of the other four traits represented. The Big Five is a useful tool for understanding personality and is also helpful in identifying how people respond to different scenarios or stressors in their lives.

Common Characteristics of Conscientiousness

While some people are more likely to choose what feels good right now, conscientious people tend to work diligently to achieve goals they’ve set for their future. They are responsible, reliable, organized, and hard-working. They also pay attention to detail to make sure they deliver on their promises.

Someone who is conscientious will rarely make impulsive or careless decisions. Instead, their decision-making style tends to be more rational and dependent (requiring support or guidance from others) and less spontaneous.

Words often used to describe a conscientious person include:

Conversely, people who are low in conscientiousness tend to prioritize having fun in the moment. They are often described as casual, laid-back, and relaxed. They are less likely to follow schedules and aren’t prone to extensive planning.

Signs of Conscientiousness

If you are a conscientious person, there are some common behaviors that you are likely to witness in your life. You might say about yourself:

• I like for things to be neat and clean.
• I prefer order and organization.
• I try to always be prepared.
• I plan ahead and follow a schedule.
• I like to be precise and pay attention to details.
• I work hard and produce high-quality work.
• I get work done right away.

How Prevalent Is Conscientiousness?

When it comes to determining conscientiousness (and the other four traits in the Big Five), most people complete a self-report questionnaire. These inventories usually contain statements in which test-takers must decide to what extent they agree or disagree.

Because conscientiousness is measured through self-inventory, it’s difficult to determine its prevalence within the general public. It is not a diagnosis, but simply an aspect of personality that helps people better understand why they do the things they do.

So, people can be very high in conscientiousness, very low, or somewhere in between. This makes the act of measuring this personality trait and understanding its prevalence even more complex.

How Conscientiousness Influences Behavior

When someone tests high in conscientiousness, they are likely very dependable and organized. They also tend to be able to control their impulses. Within the trait of conscientiousness, there are six facets or sub-traits that further describe personality.

Achievement-Oriented

People who score high in conscientiousness tend to be high achievers—in school, at work, and even when playing sports. They are always striving for excellence in everything they do. Consequently, they are often extremely ambitious and tend to have lofty goals.

Meanwhile, those that score lower in conscientiousness may sometimes be viewed as lazy. They may be more content with doing minimal work or skimping on their responsibilities.

Cautious

If someone scores high in conscientiousness, they are likely to carefully consider all the facts before making decisions. They tend to think most things through and consider the consequences before finally acting.

Dutiful

When someone scores high in conscientiousness, they are typically a very reliable person with a strong sense of duty and moral obligation. They honor their commitments and follow through on their promises. Leaders with this trait have higher ratings in integrity and accountability.

People who score low in conscientiousness tend to view rules and regulations as restricting, limiting, and confining. They may not feel responsible for anyone other than themselves. Consequently, low scorers may be viewed as irresponsible and insubordinate.

Orderly

Typically, when someone is high in conscientiousness, they are highly organized and thrive with schedules and routines. They may enjoy list-making and are often punctual with their time.

Many times, people with this trait will describe themselves as self-starters who are both orderly and neat. Conversely, someone low in conscientiousness may appear more disorganized or feel scatterbrained.

Self-Disciplined

People scoring high in conscientiousness are often very self-disciplined. They tend to persevere even when things get difficult or unpleasant. Some refer to this as having grit, which is closely connected to conscientiousness and self-discipline.

Low conscientiousness, however, may lead to the failure to complete tasks, especially if they are perceived as being too difficult.

Prone to Self-Efficacy

When someone scores high in conscientiousness, they often have high self-efficacy. Self-efficacy means having complete confidence in their ability to reach their goals and be successful. They tend to believe in themselves and their abilities and have a great deal of ambition to see things through to the end.

Conversely, people who score low in conscientiousness tend to feel ineffective. They also often believe that they have no control over their lives.

What Causes Conscientiousness?

Like other personality traits, research suggests both genetic and environmental factors play a role in the development of conscientiousness.

Other factors that may impact how conscientiousness develops and is expressed include parenting styles, education, upbringing, life experiences, and age. 

Research has shown that some aspects of conscientiousness tend to change at different periods of development. Conscientiousness tends to be lower in younger people but increases during adulthood.

Pros and Cons of Conscientiousness

Like all personality traits, there are pros and cons to conscientiousness. It often depends on the context and how this trait interacts with other characteristics of the individual and the situation.

The Upsides of Conscientiousness

Multiple studies have shown that being conscientious is associated with better health. This may be because people who score high in conscientiousness tend to engage in lower-risk health behaviors. For example, studies indicate that the higher one’s level of conscientiousness, the lower their rate of substance use.

Other research-supported benefits of being conscientious include:

Potential Downsides of Conscientiousness

Even so, there are some potential downsides to scoring high in this personality trait. For instance, people who are conscientious can become too serious. Therefore, they may need some help lightening up and having fun.

A highly conscientious person can also become overly rigid or inflexible and struggle to be spontaneous. In extreme cases, they may struggle with perfectionism and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Ways to Increase Conscientiousness

Do you wish you had more of this personality trait? The good news is that you can change your level of conscientiousness—even if you’re struggling to do so motivationally. You might try these strategies:

Avoid Procrastination

Find strategies to help you deal with procrastination. Instead of putting things off until later, take care of them when they first arise. This keeps your to-do list from getting too long while also helping you work on your self-control.

Consider Decisions Carefully

You may be tempted to act on a decision quickly when faced with it. However, take the time to consider your options if you can. This can stop you from being impulsive, helping you act more cautiously.

Create a Weekly Schedule

Take time once a week to plan the following week. Put scheduled events on your calendar and note the tasks that you want to get done each day.

Get Organized

Look for ways that you can become more organized. File paperwork away, clean your closets, and organize your drawers. Come up with a place for all your things and get rid of the items you don’t need.

Set Goals

Conscientious people are goal-oriented. So, take the time to set goals for yourself. Next, develop a plan for meeting them.

Slow Down

If you are low in conscientiousness, you may have a tendency to skip the smaller details. Slow yourself down when you’re tempted to do this, paying closer attention to whatever it is you’re working on.

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The American Psychological Association (APA) defines sublimation as “a defense mechanism in which unacceptable sexual or aggressive drives are unconsciously channeled into socially acceptable modes of expression and redirected into new, learned behaviors, which indirectly provide some satisfaction for the original drives.”

We all experience unwanted impulses or urges from time to time. We want to yell and scream at someone who cuts in front of us at the store, for instance. Or we see an attractive person and feel an urge to flirt with them even though we are in a committed relationship.

How we deal with those feelings can influence whether we engage in acceptable or socially unacceptable behaviors. Acting on these urges in the wrong way can be inappropriate, so finding more suitable ways to deal with such desires is critical.

One way that people deal with these urges in an acceptable way is through a process known in psychology as sublimation. Through sublimation, people are able to transform unwanted impulses into something that is less harmful and often even helpful.

How Does Sublimation Work?

Sublimation can transform negative impulses into behaviors that are not only less damaging but sometimes productive in nature. For example, consider what might happen if you are overcome with anger.

An emotional blow-up is one way of dealing with this feeling, but this type of emotional response can be harmful. You might find yourself with damaged relationships, for example, or earn the reputation of being a hothead.

Rather than fly off in a fit of rage, what if you channeled your angry emotions into some type of physical activity, such as cleaning your house? After spending a few hours angrily scrubbing down your kitchen and bathrooms, your feelings eventually subside and you are left with a positive result—a sparkling clean home.

Sublimation in Psychoanalysis

Sublimation is a defense mechanism, which is an unconscious psychological defense that reduces the anxiety that may result from unacceptable urges or harmful stimuli. The concept of sublimation has a central role in Sigmund Freud‘s psychoanalytic theory.

According to Freud’s psychoanalytic theory, there are three components of personality: the id, the ego, and the superego.

• The id is the first to form and serves as the source of the libido or the energy that drives behavior. The id is primitive and basic, composed of all the urges and desires that are often socially unacceptable if we simply acted upon them whenever we pleased.
• The ego emerges later during childhood and is the part of the personality that reigns in the id, making it conform to the demands of reality. Rather than simply acting out on urges, the ego forces us to deal with these desires in ways that are more realistic.
• The superego is the component of personality that is made up of all the morals, rules, standards, and values that we have internalized from our parents and culture. This part of personality strives to make us behave in ways that are moral.

Sublimation is one way that the ego reduces the anxiety that can be created by unacceptable urges or feelings. It works by channeling negative and unacceptable impulses into behaviors that are positive and socially acceptable.

Freud and Sublimation

Freud’s idea of sublimation originated while he was reading the story of a man who tortured animals as a child and later went on to become a surgeon. Freud believed that the same energy that once drove the child’s sadism was eventually sublimated into positive and socially acceptable actions that benefited others.

Freud considered sublimation a sign of maturity that allows people to behave in civilized and acceptable ways. This process can lead people to pursue activities that are better for their health, for instance, or to engage in behaviors that are positive, productive, and creative.

Examples of Sublimation

Participation in sports and athletic competitions can sometimes be examples of sublimation in action. Rather than acting on an unacceptable urge to be physically aggressive with others, people may play competitive sports to satisfy their impulse to dominate and win.

In another example, imagine that you get into an argument with your next door neighbor. Your feelings of anger might create an urge to physically strike them. Because this action is inappropriate, you might deal with your feelings more appropriately by going for a jog.

Other real-world examples of sublimation include:

• You feel an urge to be unfaithful to your partner. Rather than act on this unacceptable urge, you channel your energy into projects around the yard.
• You become distraught at the end of a relationship. To deal with these negative emotions, you begin writing poetry. You are able to transfer your heartbreak and emotional upset into a creative activity.
• You are reprimanded by your manager at work. You are fearful that you might lose your job and decide to walk home from work in order to think and release your frustrations. This activity not only gives you time to calm down and reflect, but also benefits your physical health.
• You have an almost obsessive need to have control over even the smallest details in your life. So, you sublimate this energy into becoming a successful business owner and leader.

Research on Sublimation

Much of the research on sublimination is analytical, discussing how sublimination may exist in certain situations. For instance, in one article, the authors talk about how people just sentenced to life in prison for murder likely use sublimation to ‘defend against’ their new reality. Another article contends that religious experiences serve as sublimation in their role as selfobjects.

A 2013 study involved actual subjects. In it, researchers looked at whether Protestants were more likely to sublimate taboo feelings into creative endeavors. They found that individuals who experienced sexual problems related to anxieties over taboo desires were more likely to have greater creative accomplishments than those reporting no sexual problems or those with sexual problems unrelated to taboo feelings.

The researchers suggested that this study represented “possibly the first experimental evidence for sublimation.” They further proposed that their findings indicate a cultural psychological approach to our defense mechanisms.

Effectiveness of Sublimation

How effective is sublimation for channeling our inappropriate urges into more acceptable, and possibly even productive actions? To answer this question, some have compared it with other defense mechanisms to see how it stacks up.

A 2020 study looked at students under high stress during COVID-19 due to preparing for school entrance exams, looking for work, etc. In this case, sublimation was compared to regression. It was noted that while regression was effective for one in five students, sublimation enabled roughly one-half of the subjects to channel their stress constructively, leading to positive results.

Others stress that sublimation is a critical part of art therapy. In a chapter in Art Therapies in Psychiatric Rehabilitation, the author states that sublimation serves two purposes in this context. One is that it helps the patient transform themself through the therapeutic process. The second is that art is created which symbolizes the sublimation that exists.

How Sublimation Can Influence Your Life

So, what role might the process of sublimation have in your life? As Freud suggested, sublimation is usually considered a healthy and mature way of dealing with urges that may be undesirable or unacceptable.

Rather than act out in ways that could cause us or others harm, sublimation allows us to channel that energy into things that are beneficial. Thus, this defense mechanism can actually end up having a positive effect on your health and wellness.

While we sometimes might be able to see how our negative feelings can drive us to act in certain ways, we are often very much unaware of such things since sublimation operates at a subconscious level. There also may not be a direct correlation between the cause of the negative emotion and the behavior that results from sublimation.

While earlier examples showed anger being sublimated into physical action, such feelings can result in a variety of behaviors. For example, instead of angrily cleaning the house, experiencing this emotion could also lead a person to engage in a relaxing hobby such as fishing or painting.

The time you take your vitamins can sometimes determine their efficacy. While some vitamins are absorbed best when you take them first thing in the morning with water, others are absorbed or work better when you take them with a meal or just before bedtime.

Taking vitamins and multivitamins can be a great habit to develop at any age. A wealth of research shows that nutritional deficiencies can contribute to not just medical but mental health conditions. Vitamin and multivitamin supplements can improve your general health and well-being and help prevent nutritional deficiencies, which can affect your mental health.

So while that taking vitamins and multivitamins can benefit your health, you may not know when to take them to get the best out of their potential benefits. This article discusses the benefits of taking some of the most common vitamins and the ideal time to take them. 

Multivitamins

Multivitamins contain both fat- and water-soluble vitamins. Multivitamins contain an array of vitamins hence the name.

One study noted that in the United States, between 40% and 50% of men and women over 50 take multivitamins. However, the study concluded that contrary to common belief, there might not be many benefits in taking multivitamins for the general population.

However, the same review noted that in specific cases, vitamins and supplements are clearly beneficial, such as the prenatal use of iron and folate.

B Vitamins 

B vitamins include a range of vitamins with numbers from B1 to B12. B vitamins are essential for the optimal functioning of many processes in your body. They help your body to form healthy red blood cells and get energy from the food you eat. Certain B vitamin deficiencies have also been linked to poor mental health.

Vitamin C

Vitamin C, aka ascorbic acid, is a water-soluble vitamin. Vitamin C is essential for the repair of your tissues, skin, and bones. Vitamin C also helps your body absorb iron. Additionally, taking vitamin C can also help your body heal wounds more effectively.

Also, there’s some research to suggest a link between vitamin C and your mood and that antioxidants in vitamin C may be able to adjunctively reduce and prevent anxiety.

Vitamin D

Vitamin D, affectionately known as the “sunshine” vitamin because the sun is a major source of vitamin D, is necessary for several bodily functions.

Often, a vitamin D supplement is necessary for those who live in regions with very little sunlight or people with darker skin complexions. Melanin is a pigment in the skin and hair responsible for dark skin tones and hair. For people with higher amounts of melanin in the skin, it becomes more difficult for the body to synthesize vitamin D in the skin.

Aside from impacting your physical functioning, vitamin D sufficiency has been associated with aspects of your mental health. Scientists have observed that in colder climates, people who don’t get sufficient sun exposure are more prone to depression.

Aside from sunlight, other vitamin D sources include:

• Fish
• Mushrooms
• Orange juice
• Chocolate
• Eggs
• Cheese

Vitamin A

Vitamin A is one of the vitamins and micronutrients your body cannot produce. This means you must get it via food or supplements.

Vitamin A is vital for many processes in your body, including maintaining the health of your skin, eyes, and gut lining.

There are two forms of vitamin A form we consume through our diet and supplements, preformed vitamin A and provitamin A. Some research shows that including carotenoids in your diet, which are converted to vitamin A in your body may reduce your risk of developing depressive symptoms.

Vitamin E

Vitamin E, an antioxidant that aids in protecting your body’s cell membranes, can only be obtained from the foods you eat.

For example, you can add vitamin E to your diet via supplements or foods such as:

• Vegetable oils
• Sunflower seeds
• Peanut butter
• Spinach

Some research shows that low levels of vitamin E have been linked to depression and anxiety. While it’s unclear whether supplementation can help with managing symptoms of depression and anxiety, scientists are encouraging further research into the possibility.

Prenatal Vitamins 

These vitamins are designed for people who are pregnant or may become pregnant. Some of the most crucial vitamins for pregnant people are folic acid, calcium, vitamin D, iron, and vitamin A. Prenatal vitamins include a cocktail of vitamins necessary for you and your child’s well-being before, during, and after pregnancy.

Research shows that prenatal vitamins play a vital role in aiding the proper brain development of your child and reducing their risk of developing mental disorders.

Are All Vitamin Supplements Good for You?

There are a number of people who rely on vitamin supplements to fulfill their daily nutritional requirements. While taking the recommended doses of vitamin supplements can be helpful, taking high doses is not only ineffective but can be harmful to your health.

What About Chewable or Gummy Vitamins?

Chewable or gummy vitamins are an ideal option for people who either don’t like to swallow pills or don’t like the taste of vitamin supplements.

In a 2020 study, researchers compared the efficacy of vitamin C gummy sources with tablet sources. They found that there was no significant difference in the rate at which the body absorbed both forms, as such they are similarly effective.

Researchers also caution parents against using chewable or gummy vitamins to replace nutritional vitamin sources for their children, as a result of their appeal.

In one study, they observed a wide variation in the dosage of these types of vitamins depending on the supplement, which can be problematic. Many of these supplements also contain a higher dose of vitamins than the daily nutritional requirements for children. While taking your vitamins is beneficial, consuming it in excess could result in adverse effects.

How Can I Get My Child or Loved One to Take Their Vitamin Supplements?

It’s common for some people to have an aversion to vitamins. Some people may simply not enjoy the taste, and others could just be stubborn or forgetful.

It can be difficult to get your child to take their vitamins, so here are some ways you can help them do so:

• Mix it in with food: Some children are averse to taking vitamins because of the way they taste. Mixing in their vitamins with food is a great way to mask the taste. Foods like yogurt and pudding are great options.
• Help them understand: Children are capable of understanding a lot more than they are given credit for. If your child is resisting taking their vitamins, it might be helpful to sit them down and explain all the ways vitamins benefit their well-being.
• Make it fun: Your child is more likely to push back on taking their vitamins if they see it as a chore. Make the process fun by making a game out of it or taking it with them. You can also put in place a reward system, where your child gets to do something fun after taking their vitamins.

If you have a loved one or a partner(s) who does not take or forgets to take their supplements, here’s how you can help them:

• Help them make a schedule: For many adults don’t take their vitamins simply because they don’t remember to. Creating a schedule makes it easier to remember the exact days and times to take their vitamins.
• Explore different vitamin forms: If your partner is avoiding their vitamins because they don’t like swallowing pills, it can be useful to explore other forms of vitamins such as gummies or powders.
• Get organizational tools: It can be overwhelming going through numerous bottles when one wants to take vitamins. Organizational tools like pill boxes are labeled and split into sections that make it easy for your partner to identify their daily vitamins. They are also portable, making it easy to carry them around all through the day.

Words can cut deep and leave lingering damage that lasts long after the words have been spoken. Verbal abuse is an interaction in which a person is harmed by the words of another.

It can be overt or subtle and difficult to recognize. This type of abuse often hides under layers of sarcasm, dismissive comments, or veiled criticism. Examples of verbal abuse include put-downs and insults, intentionally unhelpful criticism, verbal threats, loud verbal assaults, and gaslighting.

Verbal abuse might not seem like as big a deal as physical abuse, but it can cause long-lasting harm and trauma to its victims. Verbal abuse can be perpetrated by anyone in your life, from a parent to a coworker to a friend. Unlike physical abuse, the scars are invisible, which is why it can be harder to recognize.

Verbal abuse can take a major toll on self-esteem, mental health, and well-being. Understanding how to recognize it is the first step toward getting help and healing from the harm it has caused.

Signs You’re Being Verbally Abused

If any of the above is occurring in one of your relationships, you are likely experiencing verbal abuse. Forms of verbal abuse that you might recognize include:

• Abusive anger
• Abuse disguised as a joke
• Condescending
• Ignoring
• Trivializing
• Accusing and blaming
• Discounting
• Judging and criticizing
• Threatening
• Sexual harassment

The easiest way to tell if you’re being verbally abused is based on how you feel after your interactions with someone.

If you’re engaging with another person in a healthy, affirming way, then chances are your relationship with them is a healthy one.

Understanding Intent Behind Verbal Abuse

It’s important to note that verbal abuse can occur unintentionally. The decision to behave harmfully does not need to be present in order for someone to be abusive.

For example, a person might think their words and insults are toughening you up or making you stronger.

They may like you and not know how to deal with those feelings or envy you. Or it may have nothing to do with you at all, and you happen to be a verbally abusive person. But, again, the intent is irrelevant to the outcome in this situation.

Whatever their intentions are, the effects are the same. Verbal abuse damages self-esteem. It destroys relationships and has lasting effects on well-being. Even if someone “doesn’t mean to hurt you,” they *are* hurting you. It’s not acceptable, which is why it’s so important to protect yourself and walk away from the relationship if necessary.

How to Handle Verbal Abuse

There’s no doubt about it: handling verbal abuse can seem overwhelming. It’s particularly hard when it comes from someone close to you. However, finding ways to protect yourself is crucial.

It’s important to call out the behavior and set boundaries, whether or not the harm is intentional. There are several ways to handle verbal abuse. It’s helpful to start with the first step and continue through the others as needed.

Handling verbal abuse isn’t about trying to change the other person. That’s not your job. Instead, the goal is to take control of how you respond and ensure you have the safety and support you need to safeguard your emotional well-being.

Call Out Abusive Behavior

The first and most important step to take when you are being verbally abused is to name it out loud. This should be done directly with the person if it is safe for you to do so. If the person verbally abusing you is in a position of power over you, such as your boss, it might not be safe to call it out to them directly.

In that case, you’ll want to discuss it with a neutral party who is safe, such as a supervisor or other superior who is not your boss.

You can say things such as:

• “When you say xx, it hurts my feelings.”
• “That statement about xx is hurtful”
• “That comment you just made doesn’t sit well with me”
• “When you say xx, I feel criticized unnecessarily.”
• “Comments like xx make me feel bad about myself.”
• “That comment makes me feel ashamed.”
• “I don’t like it when you talk to me like that.”

When calling out verbal abuse, you’ll want to be very clear with the person who has hurt you. Letting them know what they said, how it made you feel and why it wasn’t an acceptable exchange.

Use Clear Language to Demand That the Behavior Stop

It may be tempting to speak gently when asking for abuse to stop, especially if you are afraid of repercussions. Your best bet, though, is to be clear and firm in your request.

“I need you to stop saying xx because it makes me feel yy” is a good example of a clear way to communicate that you want the verbally abusive behavior to stop.

Calling it out could be an emotional or upsetting experience for them, making it all the more vital that you are in a safe situation and not at risk of bodily harm, losing your job, or anything else.

Don’t Engage With the Abuse

When someone is nasty to us, it’s natural to want to be mean back. This will only serve to escalate verbal abuse, and it will give your abuser a reason to accuse you of being the abusive one. Since you don’t want that, do your best to not engage directly with the abuse.

Remain Calm, If Possible

It’s tough when someone is provoking us to remain calm. But that’s the best way to deal with an abusive person since you being upset (or even emotional) can escalate the situation.

If you aren’t sure how to stay calm, you can take deep breaths when engaging with this person, to calm you down before you speak.

Set Firm Boundaries

Boundaries aren’t just a matter of telling someone they can’t behave a certain way towards you. In order for boundaries to be effective at changing behavior, whether your own or anyone else’s, there needs to be consequences attached to them.

Setting firm boundaries with clear, simple consequences is an important next step when you are dealing with verbal abuse. One example is, “If you speak to me like that again I will leave.” Another would be. “I don’t want to be called names. If you call me a name again, I won’t talk to you anymore.”

Enforce Those Boundaries

When setting boundaries, do not choose any consequences you aren’t fully prepared to stick to. Boundaries are meaningless if they aren’t enforced.

When your boundary is crossed, do your best to remain calm as you explain the situation. An example of how to do this is, “I told you that if you talked to me like that again I would leave. Since you just did what I asked you not to, I need to go now.”

What to Do If Verbal Abuse Doesn’t Stop

In a perfect world, the act of letting someone know their behavior is hurtful to you would be enough to make it stop for good. Unfortunately, this often isn’t the case.

Verbal abuse may continue even if you call it out, remain calm, request it not happen, and set and enforce boundaries around it. Here are your options for what to do in that case.

Walk Away

In the moment of the verbal abuse happening again despite your attempts to make it stop, if you have the option of physically leaving the situation, you should take it. You don’t need to drive off and go home if the circumstances don’t allow for it, but at the very least, you should remove yourself from the other person by taking a short walk.

You want to do all you can to remain calm and not engage. However, when you return to the situation, try not to engage with the person again.

End the Relationship If Possible

When boundaries and walking away have had no effect on verbal abuse, if possible, you can simply end the relationship.

It might be more difficult to end this if the person verbally abusing you is at your workplace or lives with you. But if it’s a partner, friend, acquaintance, or anyone else that your life or livelihood isn’t depending on, be clear that you are unable to move forward with the relationship due to the verbal abuse.

Seek Help

If you can’t end a relationship with a verbal abuser because of circumstances beyond your control, or if the abuser won’t leave you alone and proceeds to harass or stalk you after you end the relationship, you’ll want to involve outside help.

We use many adjectives to describe our personalities—bubbly, relaxed, fun, shy, etc. We also pay a lot of attention to these descriptors when describing what we want in a partner. Some people put a lot of thought into it, seeking out partners whose personalities either mirror or complement theirs.

Understanding your personality type and how it aligns with or differs from those closest to you will help you nurture more fulfilling relationships. When it comes to dating, personalities that complement each other tend to work through conflict successfully and build deeper connections.

A Quick Rundown of the Major Personality Tools

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the Enneagram are two of the most popular personality systems.

• The MBTI is based on Carl Jung’s Theory of Psychological Types and categorizes people into 16 distinct personality types, each represented by a four-letter code. These codes are combinations of traits like Extraversion vs. Introversion, Sensing vs. Intuition, Thinking vs. Feeling, and Judging vs. Perceiving.
• The Enneagram, however, digs deeper into why we behave as we do. It categorizes people into nine types, each with its core desires, fears, and growth paths. Unlike the MBTI, which focuses on external behaviors, the Enneagram explores our internal motivations and emotional patterns.
• The Big Five personality traits model is another useful framework, says Joshua Collins, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical coordinator at SOBA New Jersey. This assesses individuals based on Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. Research suggests that partners who score similarly on these traits often experience higher levels of satisfaction and stability in their relationships. For example, two people high in agreeableness will likely have a harmonious and cooperative relationship.

How Do You Know If a Relationship Is Compatible?

Compatibility is how well two people’s traits, behaviors, and emotional needs align and complement each other. While having similar interests or hobbies is one aspect of compatibility, the critical factors for successful relationships are how you interact, communicate, and support each other in small and big ways daily.

Collins adds that it’s essential to have open and honest conversations about your values, goals, and expectations when assessing compatibility with a partner. Using personality assessments, such as the MBTI or Big Five, can provide a structured way to explore compatibility. Additionally, spending time together in various situations can help you gauge how well you navigate challenges and enjoy each other’s company.

We’ve all heard the phrase, opposites attract. More often than not, this holds true. In many cases, two people with shared interests and similar outlooks can get along great. But someone who brings interest to our lives through different views can work well, too. Just because people look compatible on paper doesn’t necessarily mean they will be, says Ashley Murry, Chief Clinical Officer at Sana Lake Recovery.

Exploring Myers-Briggs Type Compatibility

For Alex, 27, and Emily, 25, taking an MBTI test helped them understand aspects of each other’s personalities they had previously found a little confusing. 

Alex describes himself as an INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging). INFJs are known for being empathetic, reflective, and organized. On the other hand, Emily is an ESTP (Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving) and is often more energetic, spontaneous, and adaptable than Alex.

On paper, an INFJ partnered with an ESTP might seem mismatched, but in reality, they couldn’t be any happier. Since Alex tends to be more cautious, he occasionally appreciates how adventurous Emily is. On the other hand, Emily admits to needing to be a little more introspective when making certain decisions, an area in which Alex comes to the rescue.

Analyzing Enneagram Type Compatibility

Unlike MBTI, which focuses on traits, Enneagram focuses on our motivations, fears, and desires. It categorizes personalities into nine distinct types and answers not just the whats but the whys about our personalities. Here’s a quick rundown of the nine types:

• Type 1 – The Reformer: Principled, purposeful, self-controlled
• Type 2 – The Helper: Generous, people-pleasing, possessive
• Type 3 – The Achiever: Success-oriented, pragmatic, adaptable
• Type 4 – The Individualist: Sensitive, expressive, dramatic
• Type 5 – The Investigator: Perceptive, innovative, secretive
• Type 6 – The Loyalist: Engaging, responsible, anxious
• Type 7 – The Enthusiast: Spontaneous, versatile, scattered
• Type 8 – The Challenger: Self-confident, decisive, confrontational
• Type 9 – The Peacemaker: Receptive, reassuring, complacent

If you’re a Type 2 (The Helper), one of the main ways you know how to and enjoy showing love is by helping others. However, if you have a partner who is Type 5 (The Investigator), you might find they are a bit resistant to your help, preferring to be independent and self-reliant.

Compatibility in the Enneagram is about balance and growth. It’s recognizing that while differences can be challenging, they help deepen our understanding and connections with people. A Type 1 (The Reformer) can learn to be more flexible from a Type 7 (The Enthusiast), while a Type 7 can benefit from the structure and discipline of a Type 1.

Which Factors Influence Compatibility?

Compatibility in a relationship, of course, goes beyond personality types. Several factors determine how compatible any two people are in a relationship.

Shared Values

Shared values are high on this list. When you and your partner have similar beliefs about what’s important in life—family, career ambitions, or social values—it creates a strong foundation for your relationship. Shared values make it easier to remember that you want the same things out of life whenever you go through a rocky patch.

Attraction

Another thing is attraction—whether it’s physical or intellectual, says Dr. Rostislav Ignatov, a board-certified psychiatrist and Chief Medical Officer at The Haven Detox. While it’s not the only thing that matters, having a strong attraction to your partner can create chemistry and deepen your emotional connection.

Communication

One of the biggest reasons many relationships fail is poor communication. Different personalities often have very distinct ways of expressing themselves and processing information. Some might be direct, while others prefer to be more nuanced. Understanding and adapting to each other’s communication styles can nip many fights in the bud.

Emotional Needs

Everyone also has emotional needs that can often be tied back to their personality type. Some people need frequent affirmations and physical affection. They usually want to see and feel how much you love them. For others, acts of service mean the world to them. It’s about learning what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated and consistently meeting those needs.

How to Tell If You and Your Partner Are Compatible

Figuring out how compatible you are with your partner isn’t difficult. 

• Begin by having very open conversations about your core values. What really matters to each of you? Do you want to get married, have kids, or move countries? Depending on what you determine is most important, you might find that you are even more aligned than you imagined or discover areas to work on together.
• Next, look at how you communicate. Do you feel heard and understood after talking to your partner? Do they feel heard? Any relationship is doomed to fail without effective and empathetic communication. In an argument, focus on what your partner is saying without planning your response. It can make a massive difference because we often plan rebuttals or comebacks in heated conversations, even before the other party has made their point.
• Observe how you and your partner handle conflicts, disagreements, and difficult conversations. Do you listen to each other’s perspectives? Are you both willing to compromise and find a solution together? Or are you constantly at odds and struggling to communicate effectively? These can be good indicators of how compatible you are in handling challenges as a team, adds Dr. Ignatov
• Pay attention to how they make you feel—do they uplift and inspire you or bring stress and negativity into your life? Being with the right partner should bring out the best in you and make you feel supported and loved. Our feelings towards someone can be a good and strong indicator of compatibility, says Dr. Ignatov.

What If My Partner and I Are Incompatible?

Having different personalities doesn’t have to be a problem; being aware that you do can be an excellent opportunity to improve your relationship. 

“I think couples should strive to appreciate each other’s strengths and recognize that differences can be opportunities for growth rather than sources of conflict. For instance, if one partner is naturally more introverted and the other extroverted, they can find a balance by scheduling social activities that both enjoy, as well as respecting each other’s need for alone time,” says Smith.

Active listening is a term you’ll hear a lot from us mental health professionals, and for good reason, says Dr. Ignatov. Active listening is a very effective communication tool, especially when navigating conflicts. It’s when we truly listen to understand rather than listening to respond. This can help bridge the gap between different personality types and create a deeper understanding and connection.

However, you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself and your well-being to make space for others. Set clear boundaries about the things that matter the most to you. Let your partner know if certain behaviors or habits make you want to pull your hair out, no matter how you try to compromise. Maybe you need quiet time after work, or your partner needs a heads-up before social events. Respecting each other’s needs helps reduce friction.

At what age is your brain the sharpest? Researchers have found that while some mental abilities tend to peak earlier in life, many don’t reach their highest point until around age 40 or later.

It can be helpful to learn more about when your brain might be at its best. While you might feel that you’re already past your prime, evidence suggests that there are actually many different pinnacles when it comes to your mental powers.

When Do Mental Powers Peak?

Research suggests that certain mental abilities reach their highest points at the following ages:

• 18-19: Information-processing speed peaks early, then immediately begins to decline.
• 25: Short-term memory gets better until around age 25. It remains fairly steady until it begins to decline around age 35.
• 30: Memory for faces peaks and then starts to gradually decline.
• 35: Your short-term memory begins to weaken and decline.
• 40s-50s: Emotional understanding peaks in middle to later adulthood.
• 60s: Vocabulary abilities continue to increase.
• 60s and 70s: Crystallized intelligence, or accumulated knowledge and facts about the world, peaks late in life.

Changes in the Adult Brain

Some of the earliest intelligence tests simply categorized all people over 16 as “adults.” Today, researchers recognize that the brain continues to develop and change throughout early adulthood and that there are significant changes in how the brain functions as people age.

Still, we often tend to think of the adult brain as a relatively stable and unchanging thing, suggesting that various mental abilities are simply static, or even on the decline, throughout most of adulthood.

There is also a tendency to believe that certain mental abilities, such as fluid intelligence, typically peak relatively early in adulthood. Crystallized intelligence, on the other hand, is often suggested to peak during late adulthood.

According to some experts, this long-held dichotomy might be far too simplistic. Researchers Joshua Hartshorne, PhD, and Laura Germine, PhD, utilized a large pool of online participants to gather information about which ages that specific mental abilities are the strongest.

What they found instead was that there was a surprising consistency to when particular abilities typically peak. Not only that, but many abilities don’t actually peak until later in adulthood, upending previous help views suggesting that brains peak early in life and decline with age.

Some Mental Abilities Peak Much Later in Life

According to the study published in the journal Psychological Science, different aspects of fluid intelligence peak at different ages, with some abilities hitting their apex as late as age 40.

According to Hartshorne, that’s because the brain is always changing. No matter what your age, you’re going to be getting stronger in some areas and worse in others.

Hartshorne had previously found that visual short-term memory peaks in the mid-30s before beginning to go down. In another study, Germine found that the ability to recognize faces also improves until people are in their early 30s and then begins to gradually decline.

Instead, different abilities seemed to peak at wildly different and sometimes surprising ages. These results helped inspire their further investigation into how mental abilities change with age.

How Researchers Looked at Mental Sharpness

How did researchers look at how mental abilities change with age? They drew a large online sample of participants who utilized brain training websites. Using the approach, the researchers gathered data from nearly 50,000 people across a wide range of ages.

Four different types of cognitive tasks were used, as well as one task that looked at the ability to detect the emotional states of other people. Hartshorne and Germine’s earlier research had shown that these tasks measured mental abilities that change as people age.

The results revealed what the researchers called “considerable heterogeneity in when cognitive abilities peak.”

Crystallized Intelligence and Other Abilities

While the results that crystallized intelligence peaks later in life are consistent with earlier findings, this study implies that this peak occurs much later in life than previously believed. What could explain this late peak in mental abilities?

The researchers suggest that their results might be due to the fact that people today have more education, greater access to information, and more mentally demanding jobs than did previous generations of adults.

The researchers are continuing their online research by introducing more cognitive tasks as well as tests designed to measure language abilities, executive function, and social and emotional intelligence. They also agree that further investigations are needed to determine exactly why mental powers peak at different ages.

The researchers note that while their study demonstrates that mental abilities peak at different ages in life, more research is needed to understand better how mental abilities change through life.