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Managing Psychogenic Fever
We know that too much stress is never a good thing. It keeps us up at night, makes us feel drained and affects our relationships with friends and family. In fact, stress can actually lead to a fever. Here’s what you need to know about psychogenic fever.
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Understanding Psychogenic Fever
Psychogenic fever is a psychosomatic condition where a person experiences an increase in body temperature (fever) without any underlying medical cause. Instead, the fever is believed to be triggered by psychological factors, such as stress, anxiety, or emotional distress. This is just one of many ways that your mental and physical health can interact.
One study looked at the age distribution and gender differences of psychogenic fever in Japan. It showed that the highest number of cases occurred for 13-year-olds. The study found that psychogenic fever is more common among females. Although adolescents are more likely to experience psychogenic fever, it also occurs among adults.
Causes and Symptoms of Psychogenic Fever
Annie Miller, a licensed psychotherapist and the owner and founder of DC Metro Sleep and Psychotherapy with significant training in brain and psychologically-based symptoms explained that psychogenic fever stems from our complex mind-body connection.
Psychogenic symptoms are where psychological stressors manifest as physical symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia, nausea, headache, abdominal pain, and even as an unexplained fever. Anxiety, trauma, and emotional distress can all contribute to the onset of psychogenic fever episodes.
What’s the Difference Between Psychogenic Fever and Regular Fevers?
Liz Hughes, MEd, LPCC, founder and therapist of Mind Body Therapy shared key differences that distinguish a psychogenic fever as it relates to causes and symptoms.
Psychogenic fever is typically caused by emotional distress whereas more commonly fever is associated with an infection or other physical health condition. In addition, symptoms of a psychogenic fever generally do not occur with other typical symptoms of fever such as muscle aches, sweating and chills.
Dr. Julia Kogan, PsyD, a health psychologist with a background in neuropsychology and a specialty in chronic stress, sleep, and health behaviors explains that the key factor that distinguish a psychogenic fever is the absence of an infection or other organic or inflammatory cause of the elevated body temperature.
Fever usually is related to an inflammatory process in the body regulated by the immune system. This can be related to a viral or bacterial infection, certain medications, vaccines, specific inflammatory conditions, and other medical issues.
A psychogenic fever is one in which the general core body temperature is also higher than expected but there is no associated infection, virus, or illness to explain it and is thought to be related to stress.
“The main differentiator will be the presence of an inflammatory process in the body that is causing the fever. If testing has ruled out any condition, infection, medication or other common fever source, then it is more likely associated with a psychogenic fever,” explained Dr. Kogan.
Lastly, Dr. Kogan shared that common anti-inflammatory drugs will generally help to reduce most fevers. However, research has shown that these medications generally do not help to reduce psychogenic fevers, while psychotropic medications, therapy, and other forms of stress reduction can.
How Does Stress Cause a Fever?
Dr. Kogan explained that it isn’t fully understood how stress leads to psychogenic fever. More research is still needed on this topic in humans; however, animal studies suggest that in some individuals the stress response induces the sympathetic nervous system to activate brown adipose tissue. One of the functions of brown adipose tissue (a type of body fat) is to maintain our temperature in cold environments.
Psychological factors such as anxiety, fear, or emotional distress may contribute to the development of psychogenic fever
Miller says that mechanisms underlying psychogenic fever involve intricate interactions between the brain and the body.
“When under significant psychological stress, the brain activates the sympathetic nervous system, leading to the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones can then influence the hypothalamus, which regulates body temperature, leading to a rise in temperature characteristic of psychogenic fever,” explains Miller.
How Do You Get Rid of Psychogenic Fever?
It’s difficult to know how long a psychogenic fever will last. Some people will experience a high fever of up to 105.8°F (41°C) after a stressful event. Others who experience chronic stress may develop a persistent low-grade fever between 98.6°F and 100.4°F (37–38°C) that can last months or even years.
Address Underlying Factors
The best way to get rid of a psychogenic fever is to address the underlying cause.
A 2015 study discussed the case of a 15-year-old female who developed a high psychogenic fever of up to 105.8°F (41°C) only on school days. Upon returning home, her fever would disappear. She had no signs of inflammation. During an interview, the student revealed she was having a difficult time at school due to classmates who were bullying her friend. After she changed schools, her psychogenic fever went away.
Adopt Coping Strategies and Self-Care Practices
Miller shared it’s essential to address underlying psychological stressors and practice self-compassion. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, can help you tune into your body and calm the nervous system.
“You can train yourself to tune into your symptoms with a sense of calm, rather than fear or distress. For instance, reminding yourself that the fever isn’t dangerous, and you can relax, which reduces the stress around the symptoms themselves,” advised Miller.
Use a Holistic Approach
Our mind and body are intimately connected. Treating our minds well can create a positive impact on our bodies and vice versa. Dr. Kogan emphasized that a holistic and well-rounded approach to managing acute and chronic stress is not only important for reducing psychogenic fever in those susceptible to it, but also mitigating other negative impacts of stress on the body.
According to Dr. Kogen, a holistic approach includes practicing deep relaxation, addressing any unhelpful and anxious thoughts that contribute to high stress, and addressing lifestyle factors contributing to high stress, including quality sleep, balanced eating, exercising, and having stress outlets.
Seek Health Professional Support
It’s important for individuals experiencing recurrent or persistent unexplained fevers to consult with a healthcare professional for proper evaluation and management.
“If you are experiencing any type of fever, I would first recommend visiting your primary care doctor to rule out organic causes of the fever. Your doctor can support you in deciding which resources would be best once an organic cause is ruled out, such as relaxation techniques, CBT therapy, and stress management techniques,” advises Hughes.
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Can Trauma Lurking Help You Heal? What the Experts Say
Key Takeaways
- “Trauma lurking” is a term that comes from internet culture and describes the act of watching or reading others’ trauma stories online without actively engaging with them.
- Some people find comfort and validation in learning about other people’s traumatic experiences.
- Experts caution that trauma lurking can worsen trauma symptoms if the practice becomes compulsive or replaces active coping.
Do you often find yourself scrolling through candid confessions on #TraumaTok or reading Reddit threads about strangers spilling their emotional struggles? You may be “trauma lurking.” Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.
Trauma lurking is the act of quietly seeking out stories of other people’s traumatic experiences, typically on social media or online forums, without actively interacting with them. It’s like the version of eavesdropping on someone’s emotional outpouring from the next table in a café, while pretending to stare into your coffee mug.
So why do we feel drawn to it? And more importantly, can trauma lurking help us heal or make things worse? Here’s what the experts say.
Why Do We Trauma Lurk?
We may feel drawn to trauma stories because we hope to see parts of our own experience reflected in them. Finding commonality in those stories could bring comfort. Trauma lurking may feel like a helpful way to process your own experiences and learn coping skills vicariously. Seeing others openly share their experiences may also minimize any feelings of shame and guilt associated with your trauma.
“Reading about others’ experiences has majorly helped me process what happened to me,” says Grace from Wisconsin, who likes to read Reddit threads about other people’s experiences with emotional abuse.
“Emotional abuse can be so disorienting and reality-bending. Reading about others’ experiences made me feel validated for all the confusion, grief, and anger I felt and lifted a lot of the shame that I felt was keeping me stuck and afraid,” Grace explains. “I have screenshotted many conversations and look back at them to feel more sure of myself and my experience.”
From a clinical perspective, people may engage in trauma lurking when unresolved trauma is present in their own lives, says Allison Briggs, LPC, a licensed professional counselor specializing in trauma and PTSD.
Hearing similar storylines to our own can trigger traumatic memories. Briggs says trauma memories are stored not just in the brain but throughout the body, and can manifest in various emotional and physical reactions.
Signs You May Be Trauma Lurking
The behavior can take on many forms. You may be trauma lurking if you:
- Watch hours of reels or short videos about people’s traumatic experiences.
- Crave all the details when you hear someone discovered their partner was cheating.
- You love reading subreddits about breakups, family fallouts, toxic workplaces, and other personal struggles.
- You’re a reality TV superfan.
When Trauma Lurking Becomes Unhealthy
Trauma lurking is a common behavior, and it’s rooted in natural human instincts like survival and social comparison, says Yuki Shida, LMFT, a licensed therapist specializing in intergenerational and childhood trauma. However, it can sometimes spiral out of control and impair your ability to function.
According to Shida, trauma lurking can cause a phenomenon called “vicarious trauma.” You may experience it if you have a stressful response to hearing the details of a traumatic event that happened to someone else.
“If some of the elements hit too close to home, you may suddenly respond the same way you did when you were experiencing the trauma, which can include dissociation and emotional distress,” Shida explains.
If you catch yourself trauma lurking, check in on yourself to see if it’s negatively impacting your emotions, says Briggs. If the habit leads to intrusive thoughts or makes you feel anxious, withdrawn, irritable, or numb, it’s time to pause and redirect your attention toward more intentional coping strategies, she says.
What to Do Instead
If you catch yourself trauma lurking and it starts to feel unproductive, these steps can help shift your focus in the moment:
- Grounding techniques: Shida suggests bringing yourself to the present by counting nearby objects—like ceiling tiles or trees—or listing and categorizing items, perhaps by color or texture.
- Visualization: Visualize and mentally describe a familiar, safe place in as much detail as possible.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense a group of muscles tightly for a few seconds, then completely relax them. “Move through different muscle groups in your body like your legs, arms, and torso,” Shida recommends.
- Controlled breathing: Licensed clinical psychologist Katie Carhart, PhD, recommends calming the nervous system with mindful breathing exercises like box breathing, 4-7-8 breathing, and pursed lip breathing.
- Vagus nerve stimulation: Stimulating the vagus nerve can help relax your nervous system from a state of hyperarousal, reducing anxiety and overwhelm. Dr. Carhart recommends splashing cold water on your face, holding an ice cube, or humming a song.
Managing a counterproductive trauma-lurking habit may require more intentional healing,
- Social support: Connect with friends, loved ones, a therapist, or others who listen without judgment and make you feel safe to express yourself. “Simply having someone else acknowledge and validate you can help you feel less alone and more understood,” Shida says.
- Self-compassion: Create a safe internal environment for growth and healing. Go easy on yourself and hold space for your feelings without judgment.
- Self-education: Learn about your nervous system and trauma responses. Briggs says doing so can reduce fear and shame and help you respond to triggers more intentionally.
- Therapy: Work with a therapist who is trained in treating trauma. Certain therapy types, like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and somatic therapies, can be especially effective, says Briggs.
Remember that healing isn’t linear. If old symptoms resurface, try to meet them with curiosity rather than shame. “You’re not going backward, you may just be reaching a deeper layer of healing that wasn’t accessible before,” Shida assures.
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‘Why Is Life So Hard?’ How to Cope When You Feel This Way
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Key Takeaways
- Rest can help your mind become clear and creative, aiding your well-being.
- Seek therapy for support so you can better manage your hardships.
- Finding a community can prevent loneliness and support your health.
There’s no denying that life can feel truly overwhelming these days. If you’re feeling like the challenges you’re facing are too much, you’re certainly not alone.
As of 2020, 65% of adults in the United States stated they were stressed, specifically by the current circumstances in our country. That’s 2 in 3 adults, meaning the majority of folks are feeling pretty uncertain about their life and future.
In the 2023 version of that same survey, the majority of participants placed their stress levels between a 5 and a 10 on a scale of 1-10. Everyone seems to be a bit stressed out for one reason or another, largely due to the ongoing fallout from the COVID-19 pandemic and general anxiety about security and the future.
And, likely, your stressors aren’t even related to current societal issues, but they could be exacerbated by them. Life is inevitably hard at times and is full of ups and downs, but if you’re feeling like your life is consistently difficult, this article is for you.
We’ll explore the factors that contribute to personal hardship, societal issues that don’t help, strategies for overcoming life’s challenges, and how to find meaning amid chaos.
Why Is Everything So Much Harder For Me?
You might find yourself pondering why everything feels so hard. Perhaps you’re comparing yourself to your peers and are noticing that they don’t seem to be experiencing the same level of anguish. There can be many reasons for this.
First, everyone’s journey is different. Just because your peers don’t seem to be struggling right now, they may be facing challenges privately. Alternatively, they may simply be in a different season of life than you. The phrase comparison is the thief of joy holds some weight in this situation, so the best way to begin to get back on track is to keep your eyes on your own paper.
If anything, the fact that things are feeling hard in the face of change can be an indicator that you’re working to change your behavior and that is a process that, by design, isn’t easy.
There’s a myriad of factors that can contribute to life feeling singularly harder for us than for others. First, we may be in a developmental phase of our life that involves a big change—because change, even under the best of circumstances, is seldom easy. This could be going away to college, changing jobs, getting married, having children, getting divorced, or even having your adult children move out. Part of why change is so hard is because it involves us changing our behavior.
Research shows that changing our behavior isn’t a linear process. Instead, it is one full of clumsy starts and stops, leaps in progress only to regress to former behaviors quickly. Don’t let this discourage you. If anything, the fact that things are feeling hard in the face of change can be an indicator that you’re working to change your behavior and that is a process that, by design, isn’t easy. This all being said, let’s dig deeper into how there are how personal challenges and societal factors are adding to the difficulties of life.
Acknowledging the Impact of Personal Challenges
We’d be remiss to speak about this feeling of life being extraordinarily difficult without acknowledging how personal challenges impact hardship. We all have different circumstances that can increase the intensity of our hardships.
The first is familial dysfunction. If you’re a survivor of childhood trauma, knee-deep in navigating problematic relationships with family members, or are estranged from family, this can feel profoundly challenging. Not only can these factors lead to feelings of loneliness and shame—they can also spike jealousy if you notice those around you have strong familial support.
Another circumstance that can increase the intensity of life feeling hard is interpersonal issues. For example, you may be navigating a break-up or have lost someone you loved. Alternatively, you may find yourself gridlocked in conflict with your boss.
We need—and thrive—in community. Without community, we may suffer from social isolation or loneliness. Turns out, social isolation and loneliness can even contribute to adverse health outcomes. A recent study found loneliness in older adults to lead to poor sleep, and metabolic, neural, and hormonal issues.
Finally, you might be in crisis, suffering from addiction, abuse, poverty, or chronic illness. These factors cannot be overlooked and inevitably make life feel extraordinarily challenging. We have strategies to support you in this difficult season of life, but first, we need to acknowledge how society may be contributing to how you feel.
Exploring Societal and External Factors
We are coming off the heels of a pandemic into economic turmoil and ongoing oppressive policies that suppress the rights of BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ communities. For those living with chronic illness, the concept of the pandemic being finished may be infuriating, since COVID-19 is an ongoing threat to the immunocompromised.
Financial stressors have only been exacerbated by looming student loans, economic inflation, and whispers of a recession underway. The suppression of civil rights might have you fearing for the safety of yourself and your loved ones.
Alegria Louise Demeestere, LMFT
Our culture has a maddening habit of blaming problems on individuals instead of the larger systems those individuals operate in…For any problem we are trying to address, it’s important to look at the systemic causes
— Alegria Louise Demeestere, LMFT
Such societal factors can be traumatic and lead to life feeling exponentially more difficult. Do not internalize these factors as a personal failure. It is hard to avoid sickness when navigating chronic illness. It can feel impossible to get ahead financially when facing the effects of a recession. It isn’t reasonable to expect yourself to feel full of energy and ready to make big changes when you feel unsafe.
“Our culture has a maddening habit of blaming problems on individuals instead of the larger systems those individuals operate in,” explains licensed marriage and family therapist Alegria Louise Demeestere. She continues by expressing the importance of pointing the finger at the collective systems we’re in, not at yourself or fellow community members. “For any problem we are trying to address, it’s important to look at the systemic causes,” she asserts.
What to Do When Life Gets Hard
So, perhaps you know why life is feeling hard. Now it is time to consider what can help when feeling this way.
It’s common to feel full of rage when you’re in this headspace. In fact, it may even feel like you’ve hit your breaking point and are deeply angry. “Your anger is trying to tell you something,” muses Demeestere. “When you become curious about your anger, you are less likely to take it out on others or try to numb it through compulsions and addictions,” she explains.
When we can face our anger head on without any distractions, we can use the energy to propel ourselves forward, past difficulties and beyond.
Rest
While it may feel counterintuitive to some, Demeestere strongly encourages rest when navigating life’s hardships. Not only is rest a powerful antidote to our culture of constantly needing to perform, do, and take action—even in the midst of hardship—it also can do wonders for our well-being.
“When your mind is well-rested, it becomes more clear and creative,” shares Demeestere. With this clarity and creativity comes the ability to take action that benefits others, your community, and yourself.
Get Support
Additionally, consider seeking out extra support. While therapy won’t take away the hardships you’re up against, it will help you navigate them. You don’t have to go it alone.
If you’re a person of color seeking therapy, consider checking out Inclusive Therapists, Therapy for Black Girls, Therapy for Black Men, or Latinx Therapy.
Member of the LGBTQIA+ community? Check out the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network. If you’re concerned about affording therapy, Inclusive Therapists, the Loveland Foundation, and the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network all offer therapy funds. Open Path Collective is an online platform that offers sessions from $30 to $70 per session.
Do Your Own Investigating
Next up, get to reading. If you’re looking to dig into self-compassion, check out No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz. Want to do a deep dive into matters of the heart? All About Love by bell hooks may be the soothing balm you’re looking for.
Demeestere cites Tricia Hersey of the Nap Ministry’s Rest is Resistance and adrienne maree brown’s Pleasure Activism as two texts that strongly inform her thoughts regarding hardship, anger, and coping.
Digging into the ways of living a creative life can be profoundly supportive and some of the best art comes from heartbreak. Check out Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert to dive deeper into your creative muscle.
If you’re struggling to meet your basic needs, there may be support in your area. Check out your area’s social services offerings to see if there are provisions for food, clothing, and even vocational training. Should you be in a crisis and need support immediately, call 988 to get connected to mental health care in your area.
Things You Can Do in the Moment
All of these tools will be helpful when implemented as longer term strategies, but sometimes when you’re spiraling you just need something you can do right away. This could include calling a friend or loved one, spend some time outside, do something to move your body and get yourself out of your head, do some breathing exercises or yoga, or recite some self-supportive affirmations.
Finding Meaning and Moving Forward
It isn’t easy navigating the painful ups and downs of life. Yet, there can be meaning in the challenges you experience. In fact, some therapy modalities specifically look at how your past is shaping your present, making meaning out of the hardships you’ve overcome. No one should ever have to hurt as a way to gain wisdom and no one should be subject to abuse, poverty, and systemic oppression.
Consider how you can use your anger, frustration, and sadness to propel yourself forward. Make art that moves others, consider how you can be the helping hand you need to another person, and dig into the storytelling of your life. Imagine what story you want to tell with this current chapter and then write the ending you long for.
Why Panic Attacks and Anxiety Cause Shortness of Breath
Key Takeaways
- Shortness of breath during a panic attack is part of the body’s fight-or-flight response.
- Breathing slowly through your nose and exhaling can help manage shortness of breath.
- Practice relaxation techniques when calm to prepare for panic attacks.
During a panic attack or sudden anxiety episode, the fight-or-flight response is activated, which can lead to an intense cascade of uncomfortable symptoms, including shortness of breath and hyperventilation. Whether you have had a single panic attack or have been diagnosed with panic disorder, experiencing shortness of breath can feel incredibly unsettling and frightening.
A better understanding of shortness of breath and its link to panic attacks and anxiety may help you or a loved one find appropriate resources, support, and strategies that aim to reduce and/or eliminate symptoms.
Breathing Characteristics of a Panic Attack
Shortness of breath and hyperventilation are intimately connected. When you feel shortness of breath, you may breathe faster, which can lead to hyperventilation—and, in turn, hyperventilation can trigger or worsen shortness of breath. You may also experience other symptoms of a panic attack or panic disorder during this time.
Shortness of breath. When experiencing a change in your breathing pattern during a panic attack, you may experience dyspnea or shortness of breath. You may feel as if:
- You are gasping for air (known as “air hunger“)
- Your breathing feels shallow and restricted; you have to force yourself to take a deep breath
- You feel as if you are choking or being suffocated
- You may feel restriction or tightness in your chest
Hyperventilation. In addition to experiencing shortness of breath, you might experience over-breathing or hyperventilation, which can have the following effects:
- Your breathing pace is quicker than usual, and it is challenging to slow down
- Rapid breathing decreases the carbon dioxide in your blood
- You may feel confused and out of it
- You may experience symptoms of faintness, nausea, numbness or tingling, and dry mouth
What Causes Shortness of Breath
Breathing can be a good marker for an individual’s internal state, so it makes sense that if an individual is experiencing panic, anxiety, and/or high levels of stress, their breathing will reflect that.
According to research, changes in breathing patterns can increase anxiety, trigger a panic attack, and intensify a panic attack that has already begun. Scientific study has also made the following connections:
- Genetics and hormones. Shortness of breath in the context of panic attacks and panic disorder have a genetic and/or hormonal component.
- Survival response. Shortness of breath is linked to the body’s fight-or-flight response as the body attempts to take in more oxygen and prepares to defend itself.
Can Anxiety Cause Shortness of Breath?
Yes, anxiety can both cause and exacerbate shortness of breath. Symptoms of anxiety can include feeling short of breath, air hungry, and a smothering feeling. In turn, feeling short of breath can also increase your anxiety due to the uncomfortable and frightening symptoms. In terms of panic attacks, shortness of breath may occur before the onset of a panic attack or increase during one.
Treatment
If you or a loved one are experiencing panic attacks, know that there are many treatment options available. Because the root cause of panic attacks and panic disorder will vary from individual to individual, it’s best to be evaluated by your doctor or mental health professional to determine the underlying cause. You may have to try multiple treatment options or combinations to figure out which one is the best fit.
When to Talk to Your Doctor
Experiencing shortness of breath or hyperventilating during a panic attack can be terrifying. Because panic attacks and panic disorder can be associated with other underlying diseases or disorders, it’s important to speak with your doctor so they can identify what is causing your shortness of breath.
Medication
Medication may be effective for some individuals in treating panic attacks and panic disorder. Medication may help reduce overall anxiety, decrease the frequency and intensity of panic attacks, and reduce the anxiety associated with panic attacks. Medication options that have proven efficacy in treating panic attacks and panic disorder in some individuals include:
Psychotherapy
Anxiety-focused psychotherapy may be used in conjunction with medication or on its own. Which route someone opts to try in terms of treatment may depend on the intensity and frequency of their symptoms as well as their personal preferences. Psychotherapy may address triggers for anxiety as well as the impact panic attacks have had on your personal life.
Therapeutic styles used to treat panic attacks and panic disorder include:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy
- Dialectical behavior therapy
- Exposure therapy
- Rational emotive behavior therapy
- Psychodynamic psychoanalysis
Coping with Shortness of Breath
Experiencing shortness of breath during a panic attack can feel stressful, isolating, and scary. Because panic attacks can begin without a known trigger, it’s important to have a tool kit of techniques to stop or manage a panic attack. If you are having difficulty with daily activities or are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s important to connect with a professional immediately.
- During the start of a panic attack, recite a mantra to yourself that you can repeat (for example: “This will pass” or “I’m going to be okay”).
- Practice a relaxation technique when you are not having a panic attack. Practicing while you are in a more relaxed state may help you feel better prepared to use your strategy when you feel a panic attack beginning.
- Begin practicing mindfulness meditation to help you gain better insight into your thoughts in a non-judgmental way.
- Track your symptoms with a panic attack diary to better understand your unique panic attack experience.
- During a panic attack, try to reconnect to your body and surroundings by doing an exercise of threes. Count three things you see around you, three things you feel, three things you can hear, and three things you can smell.
- Try breathing in a paper bag. This re-breathing of your exhaled air brings balance back to the oxygen and carbon dioxide in your bloodstream, helping you feel normal again.
- After a panic attack, call a supportive friend or loved one to talk through your experience.
- Consider calling your therapist or doctor if this particular panic attack was especially intense or if the frequency of your panic attacks is increasing.
What Can You Do When You Feel Short of Breath?
Mindful breathing may help you return to your typical breathing pattern during a panic attack or ground yourself afterward. Follow these basic guidelines:
- Notice your breath. Visualize yourself beginning to slow your breathing down. You may picture your stomach rising and falling at a very slow pace.
- Place your hands on your rib cage. Now, inhale slowly through your nose, filling your rib cage with air. Slowly exhale through the nose, noting how the rib cage contracts.
- Repeat several breaths, counting to 10 as you inhale and 10 as you exhale. With each breath, try to notice any tension in your face, neck, and shoulders. Imagine your breath flowing through any tension within your body.
- Place your hands on your belly. Stay with your deep, smooth breathing. Take a deep breath in for 10 seconds and fill your belly with air. Notice how your belly rises into your hands as you inhale and how your navel pulls into the spine as you exhale for 10 seconds. Repeat for several more breaths.
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How to Spot a Spiritual Narcissist
Key Takeaways
- Spiritual narcissism is when someone uses their spirituality to feel superior to others.
- Spiritual narcissists may lack empathy and use their beliefs to control or shame others.
- Set firm boundaries when dealing with a spiritual narcissist to protect your well-being.
If you’ve ever seen a selfie taken by someone in a yoga class or meditation retreat and were confused by the idea of ego mixing with spirituality, you may have witnessed spiritual narcissism in practice. It’s the idea that even though spiritual practices like religion, meditation, or kindness are supposed to drive us away from a focus on our egos, sometimes we get fooled into thinking our practices make us better than others.
Examples of spiritual narcissism can range from the toxic positivity of “good vibes only” that leaves others feeling emotionally invalidated, to threats that you’re going to hell or that you will suffer and be punished for not believing in a specific religion.
It’s different from other types of narcissism by being particularly focused on how one’s daily practices make them more evolved than others, rather than encompassing all areas of a person’s life. And it’s more common than you might think: Studies have shown that spiritual practices are linked to “supernatural overconfidence.”
Read on to figure out how to identify the signs of spiritual narcissism, the psychology behind it, and how to deal with spiritual narcissists when you encounter them.
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Signs and Characteristics of Spiritual Narcissists
There are numerous signs and characteristics that a spiritual narcissist may display. “Spiritual narcissists are individuals who use their spirituality or religious beliefs as a means of gaining power, control, and admiration from others,” explains Dr. Sanam Hafeez, NYC Neuropsychologist and Director of Comprehend the Mind.
She says “they believe that they are more spiritually evolved than others and use this belief to justify their actions, even if it means hurting others.”
Hafeez mentions that not everyone who exhibits one of the following behaviors is necessarily a narcissist of any type. “It’s important to note that not everyone who uses spiritual language or expressions is a spiritual narcissist. These signs should be considered in the context of an individual’s overall behavior and patterns,” she explains.
Signs
The following signs are among the ways you might be able to identify a spiritual narcissist:
- They act superior: “Holier than thou” is a common term for how a spiritual narcissist presents. That’s because they believe they are more evolved than other people. “They may look down upon those who don’t share their beliefs or level of spiritual understanding,” says Hafeez.
- Lack of empathy: A spiritual narcissist may act outwardly nice, but their behavior shows they aren’t impacted by how others feel.
- The use of religion/spirituality as a manipulative tool: Rather than keep their spiritual practice to themselves, a spiritual narcissist weaponizes it to control or harm others. “They may shame, humiliate, or use their spiritual knowledge to exert power over others,” says Hafeez.
- Criticism through the veil of spirituality: “Spiritual narcissists may use their spiritual beliefs to criticize and tear down others who don’t share their level of spiritual understanding or beliefs,” Hafeez tells us.
- Validation seeking behavior: Like other types of narcissists, spiritual narcissists seek validation for their behavior. The difference is typically that they’re seeking validation for their spiritual or religious practices, or the acts they perform under the guise of those practices. This can also include seeking praise.
- Toxic positivity and lack of responsibility: A spiritual narcissist is happy to take credit for good actions, but likely won’t own up to negative ones. Additionally, they’ll encourage you to only focus on the positive elements of any situation, and may accuse you of being a “negative person” or “not a true believer” if you’re experiencing something terrible you can’t just shake off.
Everyday Examples
Chances are that you’ve encountered a spiritual narcissist at some point in your life. Hafeez says these are the varying ways in can present in daily life:
- Attention seeking behavior, such as someone who needs to be the center of attention even at a spiritual or religious gatherings: This could include someone who is constantly snap chatting during prayer circles or meditation classes or someone who establishes or leads cult-like groups where they exert control over their followers under the guise of spiritual authority. These individuals may demand absolute loyalty and obedience, exploiting their followers for personal gain or ego gratification.
- Superiority or a Holier-than-Thou Attitude: Individuals with spiritual narcissism may adopt an attitude of superiority or condescension towards others who they perceive as less spiritually evolved. This can involve judgment around your behaviors, judging or looking down upon those who don’t adhere to their spiritual beliefs or practices.
- Placing beliefs on you when you haven’t asked or even given permission for that to be done: Whether that means saying you’re going to hell if you don’t attend their church or proselytizing at you without your permission, a spiritual narcissist won’t have good boundaries around your lack of interest.
- Spiritual Materialism: This occurs when individuals use their spiritual beliefs or practices as a means of acquiring material wealth, status, or power. For instance, someone might flaunt their expensive spiritual retreats or possessions as a sign of their enlightenment or superiority.
- Using Spirituality for Validation: Some individuals may use their spiritual beliefs or practices to seek validation or attention from others. They may constantly talk about their spiritual experiences or insights in order to gain admiration or approval.
- Manipulating Others: Spiritual narcissists may manipulate others by using spiritual language or concepts to justify their actions or control those around them. They might employ guilt or shame to coerce others into conforming to their beliefs or desires.
- Spiritual Bypassing: This involves using spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid dealing with difficult emotions or personal issues. Instead of facing their own shortcomings or struggles, individuals may use spirituality as a shield to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or seeking necessary help.
- Grandiosity and Self-Importance: Spiritual narcissists often exhibit grandiose beliefs about their own spiritual superiority or enlightenment. They may see themselves as special or chosen individuals with a unique connection to the divine, while disregarding the perspectives and experiences of others.
- Lack of Empathy: Despite espousing spiritual values like compassion and empathy, spiritual narcissists may lack genuine empathy towards others. They may be dismissive of others’ struggles or hardships, focusing instead on their own spiritual achievements or aspirations.
The Psychology of Spiritual Narcissism
Spiritual narcissism is similar to other forms, such as covert or communal narcissism in that all are types of narcissism. That said, falling victim to spiritual narcissism does not mean that a person has narcissistic personality disorder.
“Becoming a spiritual narcissist can stem from various factors, and it is not limited to individuals prone to narcissism in general,” says Hafeez, who notes that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a clinically diagnosed personality disorder and that spiritual narcissism is not.
Spiritual narcissism can happen to anyone, and it may have perfectly innocent beginnings. We might take up meditation, or yoga, or join a religious movement, and begin to erroneously think that our new practice makes us more evolved or a deeper person than others we know.
This isn’t necessarily harmful until one begins to act on these ideas. It’s important to remember that people aren’t inherently “better” or “worse” than others, and that everyone is a being worthy of kindness and consideration.
It can be helpful to be mindful of your enthusiasm for a new practice as going to an extreme in it could result in your doing it more for your ego than your spiritual practice.
Spiritual Narcissism and Relationships
As you might expect, it can be tough to be emotionally close to a spiritual narcissist.
When someone exhibits spiritual narcissistic tendencies, they often prioritize their own needs, beliefs, and desires above those of others. This self-centered behavior can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding in relationships.
A spiritual narcissist also might not treat you well, as they weaponize their own misunderstanding of being better than others against people. “Spiritual narcissists may use their spiritual or religious beliefs as a means to control, manipulate, or shame others, causing emotional harm,” Hafeez says.
And because they innately seek validation and praise, she says that you may end up stuck in an unbalanced dynamic, in which your needs aren’t prioritized and those of the spiritual narcissist are.
Spiritual narcissism can lead to the downfall of close relationships, especially if it continues on for long a period of time. “These behaviors can erode trust, foster resentment, and ultimately lead to the breakdown of relationships and friendships,” Hafeez says.
If you’re feeling beaten down by your relationship with a spiritual narcissist, don’t blame yourself. “It can lead to feelings of frustration, emotional exhaustion, and a sense of being invalidated or dismissed,” says Hafeez. That’s because “the constant need for attention and validation can leave individuals feeling drained and unimportant in the relationship.”
Additionally, she says the narcissism “can also create a toxic environment where one’s own spiritual journey is overshadowed and manipulated by the narcissist’s agenda.”
How to Deal With Spiritual Narcissists
While ideally a spiritual narcissist would pause and reflect on their actions on their own, there’s a chance that won’t happen and you’ll have to deal with the situation directly. Hafeez says it’s paramount that you be firm in your boundaries and communicate in an assertive manner, in order to maintain your own self of self-worth and emotional wellness.
You may wish to find support from others as well. “Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or professionals who understand narcissistic dynamics can also provide guidance and validation,” suggests Hafeez. A professional can also help you educate yourself about spiritual narcissism, which can help you on your path
‘Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic behavior can help you navigate the relationship more effectively and protect your own well-being. Educating yourself about narcissism can also help you develop strategies for dealing with their manipulative tactics,” Hafeez suggests.
She warns that a spiritual narcissist might become emotionally abusive or toxic, so you should be on the lookout for those behaviors and in the habit of prioritizing your own self-care and personal growth aside from this person.
Engage in activities that bring you joy, reduce stress, and help you maintain a sense of self. This can include hobbies, exercise, meditation, therapy, or spending time with supportive people.
Additionally, you must remember that someone else’s behavior is not a reflection on you. “Recognize that the behavior of a spiritual narcissist is not a reflection of your worth or value,” says Hafeez.
“Their actions are driven by their own insecurities and need for validation. Try not to internalize their criticisms or manipulations,” she adds.
Lastly, Hafeez tells us that direct confrontation should be avoided. “Engaging in direct confrontation with a spiritual narcissist may escalate the situation and lead to further harm. Instead, focus on setting boundaries and assertively expressing your needs without engaging in power struggles or arguments,’ she suggests.
Healing and Recovery
It may take time, but it is completely possible to heal fully from your relationship with a spiritual narcissist. Whether or not that is done with them still in your life is your decision, and will be dictated by their role in your life; it’s harder to separate from a parent than an acquaintance, for example.
As with every major life issue, therapy can help you immensely in recovering from the abuse of a spiritual narcissist. Additionally, you’ll want to make sure you prioritize your own self-case and emotional wellness.
Spiritual narcissism is what happens when a person mistakenly lets their spiritual or religious practice go to their head and think it makes them superior to others. A spiritual narcissist may seek validation and praise for their actions, might lack empathy, and isn’t likely to take responsibility for their mistakes. It can be challenging to engage with one, and relationships with them can be problematic. If you are in relationship with someone like this, you’ll want to find support, whether through friends or a therapist. You may need to distance yourself from the person, if not end the relationship entirely. Spiritual narcissism isn’t a formal diagnosis, and it can be recovered from.
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Signs, Effects, and Ways to Cope
Key Takeaways
- Anxiety can make people overly dependent, controlling, or avoidant in relationships.
- Talking to a partner about anxiety can help manage its effects on relationships.
- Therapy and relaxation techniques are useful for managing anxiety in relationships.
Anxiety can negatively impact many aspects of your life, including your relationships. Not only can anxiety affect how you function in your daily life, but it can also interfere with your ability to communicate and connect with other people.
Having an anxiety disorder can impact relationships in different ways. Understanding the different ways feelings of anxiety might interfere with your relationships can help you find ways to cope.
This article explores a few specific ways in which your anxiety can lead to problems maintaining connections with others, as well as strategies you can implement (on your own or under the guidance of a mental health professional) to help you navigate these unhealthy attachment patterns.
Signs of Anxiety in Relationships
There are a number of behaviors that people might engage in when they are experiencing anxiety in relationships. Some of these signs include:
- Worrying that the other person is lying
- Fearing that the other person likes other people better
- Worrying about the other person cheating
- Worrying that their anxiety will negatively affect the relationship
- Overthinking every conversation, phone call, or text
- Pushing people away first in order to avoid rejection
- Feeling you need to control how your partner spends their time and who they talk to
- Feeling jealous when your partner spends time with others or wants some time alone
- Avoiding relationships altogether
People won’t necessarily experience or exhibit all of these symptoms to the same degree. The way that each person experiences anxiety in a relationship depends on the nature and severity of their anxiety condition.
People who have anxiety disorders are more likely to be single and have higher rates of divorce.
How Anxiety Affects Relationships
There are a few major ways that anxiety can impact a relationship. When you are experiencing feelings of anxiety, you may respond by being either too dependent or too avoidant. Both responses can take a toll on how you interact and communicate with others.
Dependence
Some people with anxiety have an intense desire for closeness to their partners (or friends), depending on them constantly for support and reassurance.
Along with being overly dependent, people with anxiety may find themselves prone to:
- Overthinking
- Planning for all worst-case scenarios
- Being indecisive
- Fearing rejection
- Seeking out constant communication (and getting anxious if a partner or friend does not respond quickly)
People with anxiety and overly dependent relationships may also struggle with anger toward those they feel dependent on, acting out in ways that are destructive to their relationships.
Controlling Behaviors
People who have anxiety need to control every detail of their environment in order to manage stress and find peace. Below are a few signs that you are engaged in controlling behaviors in your relationships and daily routines to minimize your anxiety:
Avoidance
On the other end of the spectrum, some people avoid relationships as a way of dealing with their anxiety. They may avoid negative emotions (for example, disappointment or frustration) by not revealing their feelings, opening up, or being vulnerable.
A person who avoids close relationships may be perceived as cold, emotionally unavailable, lacking empathy, or even standoffish, even though they may long for closeness.
One study found that people with social anxiety disorder were less likely to receive support from their romantic partners and that less support and more severe anxiety symptoms increased the likelihood of breaking up.
Treatment for Anxiety in Relationships
If anxiety is hurting your relationships, it is important to talk to a healthcare practitioner or mental health professional. There are treatments that can help you manage your anxiety, improve your communication, and develop healthier interpersonal relationships.
Medications
Medication is often an essential part of anxiety treatment. While the medications prescribed for anxiety, like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, are not curative, they can help decrease your symptoms and help you feel better as you rework your anxious thoughts and behaviors with your therapist.
Medications are often most effective when they are used in conjunction with psychotherapy.
Psychotherapy
Various types of therapy can help treat anxiety disorders, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and exposure therapy. Such therapies can also improve communication in relationships.
A therapist who specializes in one type of talk therapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you devise strategies to reassure yourself and take thoughtful action on your own instead of needing your partner for comfort each time you are anxious.
If you find yourself being overly distant in your relationships, cognitive behavioral therapy, along with other types of therapy, such as psychodynamic psychotherapy, may be helpful. A mental health professional can help one explore past and present relationships and the emotions surrounding those interpersonal connections.
A therapist will also help you understand how anxiety impacts your relationships. For instance, exploring your emotions more deeply may be a good strategy for someone who tends to be avoidant.
Coping With Anxiety in Relationships
In addition to professional help, there are also tactics and strategies that people can use to help manage feelings of anxiety when they are in a relationship.
If you find yourself developing overly dependent attachments, developing ways to cope with your anxiety and relying more on yourself to feel better can take the pressure off your partner or friend.
For instance, if you find yourself becoming angry or suspicious in these relationships, first remind yourself that your thoughts may be fueled by your anxiety. Then, take a few moments to think about any facts that support your worry and try to regain some perspective.
Other techniques that might be helpful include:
Frequently Asked Questions
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How do you deal with personal anxiety in relationships?The first step is to identify what is behind your personal anxiety and look for ways to soothe yourself. It can also be helpful to talk about your anxiety with your partner or other loved ones. Develop routines that help minimize your stress and anxiety while practicing self-care and relaxation strategies to ease feelings of anxiety.
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How do people with anxiety act in relationships?People with anxiety may sometimes respond by either seeking reassurance or avoiding rejection. Seeking excessive reassurance can lead to clinginess or dependence, while fear of rejection might contribute to avoidance and other symptoms that negatively affect relationships with others.
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How does anxiety create problems in relationships?Anxiety can lead to excessive worry, anger, or irritability. Constantly seeking reassurance can be stressful for both people in the relationship and contribute to arguments. On the other hand, anxiety can also contribute to being overly controlling or becoming avoidant and detached, which makes it hard to form a meaningful connection.
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