Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

You love your partner. They tell you they care about you. They share their hopes, dreams, and goals with you. They say they want to take you on big vacations! Buy a house together! Support you in every way you’ll ever need! The list goes on. But if they’re a narcissist, when the time comes to carry out those plans, all they have are excuses. You may hear phrases like:

• Oh, it’s not the right time.
• Let’s wait until we have a bit more money saved up.
• We’ll do it later down the road so that we can take some pressure off of us.

Following these excuses, they may change topics or talk about even bigger dreams. What gives? Do they actually want to share their life with you or are they faking a future to get what they want? Sadly, the latter could totally be true. So, we want you to be on the lookout!

Future faking is basically love-bombing on a grander scale. Narcissists may lure people into a relationship by promising the sun, moon, and stars. The adage “if it’s too good to be true, it probably is” rings true here. Future-fake is about manipulation to get something from you in the now—they aren’t actually thinking about the future. Fortunately, there are ways for you to spot future faking so that you don’t get roped into a relationship with a narcissist.

Future Faking’s False Promises

Future faking is when a person makes false promises about the future you will share together. Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist, professor, and writer in New York City explains that a future faker has no intention of fulfilling these promises, but wants you to believe they do. 

They want to manipulate you so you believe they are more invested in the relationship than they actually are.

Specifically, the narcissist feeds the other person lies based on what they believe the other so desperately wants which is most commonly a committed relationship

How Future Faking Hurts People

The narcissist will often make promises that align with our desire for connection or a long-term partner. For instance, they will fake a future to create the illusion of high investment, strong interest, or deep emotional ties. When someone’s future faking us, our perception of reality is distorted. 

“[We] are faced with the reality of not knowing the narcissist very well in contrast with the promises and future we strongly desire,” explains Dr. Romanoff. 

We Believe Them Because They Make Us Vulnerable

It’s especially hard for us to not believe their lies because they create a fantasy that reflects our heartfelt needs and desires. Dr. Romanoff says that this makes us vulnerable and susceptible to being taken advantage of by the narcissist since we believe we have a much deeper connection than we actually do.

Ricki Romm, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York who helps individuals and couples strengthen relationships and celebrate imperfections says that future faking is associated with narcissism when it’s used as a tactic to prevent rejection or abandonment, without regard for the pain it causes. Essentially, it’s insecurity coupled with callousness.

Although the cause of narcissism is unknown, research has shown that early life experiences such as abuse, excessive praise, trauma, genetics, and culture are associated with this type of behavior.

Examples of Future Faking

Here are some examples of future faking in romantic and non-romantic relationships.

• In a romantic relationship: Your partner talks nonstop about creating a future together. They want to rush you into making decisions with them physically and/or financially. For instance, they mention planning a trip with you, decorating your future home together, meeting their family or getting married. However, those events never happen.
• At your job: At work, your boss promises to give you a raise and/or promotion to keep you motivated and driven. However, as months go by, your hard work does not pay off.
• In your family: You confront your sister about her gossiping. She tells you she will change her behavior but has no intention of doing it. The next month, she’s talking behind your back again.

Do Narcissists Even Know When They’re Future Faking Us?

Some narcissists know and some don’t. It’s hard to say whether someone is doing that to us on purpose. A person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may not recognize their problematic behavior; even when you point it out to them, they will most likely refuse to believe you and avoid getting professional help.

“Repeatedly broken promises will also impact a relationship, but they don’t necessarily indicate the lack of empathy or deliberate deception that is a part of future faking,” explains Romm.

How Can Future Faking Impact Relationships?

We know if our partner has this type of behavior, it’s not looking good for us. Romm shares that there are two most notable consequences of future faking in a relationship:

Erosion of Trust and Communication

When someone chronically lies to us, it becomes impossible to believe them whether or not they are telling the truth. 

“[Future faking] can limit the available tools to strengthen our relationship because communication is meaningless without trust,” advises Romm.

Insecurity

When we’ve been lied to, we may feel critical of ourselves for being so trusting, or tell ourselves it is shameful that we were taken advantage of. 

Interestingly, future faking can impact the future faker’s self-esteem as well; they’ll never know if they could have built or maintained the relationship authentically.

Red Flags That May Indicate Future Faking

Future faking can be especially difficult to resist when the lies depict your most heartfelt desires. However, here are red flags to watch for in your relationship:

• They want to rush things with you physically and/or financially
• They make you feel like you’re in a fairytale when you’re with them and speak in a grandiose manner
• They talk about things that seem too good to be true
• They constantly don’t do what they say they will do
• They don’t take accountability when you confront them about their empty promises and lack of action
• They rarely apologize to you

How to Deal With Being Future Faked

So you might be suspecting that your partner is faking a future with you. Here are some tips to help you deal with it.

Honor Your Own Boundaries 

Clarifying your own needs is the first step to setting boundaries. Romm says that common relational needs might include connection, autonomy, communication, affection, etc. 

“Don’t accept behavior or engage in situations that ask you to put your needs aside now, regardless of what may be in the future,” advises Romm.

Dr. Romanoff shares that if they are constantly promising things to you at the moment and you’re feeling uncomfortable, change the conversation or ask to hold off on these promises and ideas if you don’t feel ready for them yet.

Trust Your Body

A part of you might be eager to believe that your partner really has your deepest desires at heart and will do the things they promised to do. However, your body may be able to tell another story. 

Look for Consistency 

Notice how consistent and reliable they are in everyday interactions, in the relationship with you and in the way they interact with others. Romm says to ask ourselves, “Does this person generally do what they say they will do?”

Romm advises us to not rush into major commitments or decisions in the early stages of a relationship. Give yourself time to get to know your partner, and to get to know yourself within the relationship. 

Dr. Romanoff adds that if you notice your partner is trying to rush things or talk you into taking the next steps that you’re not ready for, make sure to set your standards in the relationship and go at a pace you are comfortable with.

Space Out Your Dates

Space out your dates so the other person has the opportunity to follow through on their promises. 

When life’s stresses are piling up and you need some relief, one solution might (literally) be right at your fingertips. Masturbation might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you’re feeling stressed, but it really can be an effective way to let go of some of the tension you are carrying around.

Masturbation refers to stimulating one’s genitals for sexual arousal or pleasure, often to reach orgasm. It’s common among individuals of all age groups and is considered a key player in healthy sexual development. The term “masturbation” can mean different things to different people. Some may choose to engage in it alone, while others may masturbate in the presence of a partner.

Regardless of how it’s practiced, masturbation can be an effective tool for improving mental health and relieving stress. However, it can come with unpleasant side effects like feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety. Some may also develop compulsive masturbation habits that impair their quality of life. 

How Masturbation Can Help Reduce Stress

Though masturbation can bring about mixed emotional feelings in some individuals, the scientific data suggests that it can be an effective tool for stress relief (when practiced in moderation) because the brain releases several hormones during masturbation that can help alleviate stress.

Hormones released during masturbation include:

• Oxytocin: Oxytocin, the “love hormone,” is a neurotransmitter released during orgasm, which has stress-relieving properties. One of oxytocin’s functions is bringing about feelings of greater connectivity and increasing pro-social behavior. Research has also found that oxytocin can alleviate stress and anxiety, and also helps individuals better process negative emotional stimuli.
• Serotonin: Another chemical released during masturbation is serotonin, a neurotransmitter that can help improve mood.
• Endocannabinoids: Masturbation can increase levels of endocannabinoids. These are hormones that bind to cannabinoid receptors just like the chemicals in cannabis do, and are responsible for maintaining homeostasis within the body. Research on endocannabinoids is still emerging, but these compounds have been found to play a role in reducing anxiety, regulating emotional behavior, and supporting cognition.  

It Can Also Help You Sleep Better

One study had 778 participants report their sleep quality, either after masturbation or after having sex with a partner.

Researchers found that, among both males and females, those who orgasmed via masturbation reported better sleep quality than when engaging in sexual activity with a partner. These individuals also reported that masturbation helped them fall asleep faster. 

It Might Even Help You Think More Clearly

Masturbation can be helpful in maintaining cognition, especially in older adults. One finding explored the relationship between sexual activity and cognitive function in over 6,800 adults between the ages of 50 and 89. Among both men and women, those who reported a higher frequency of sexual activity performed better on recall tasks.

However, this study does not examine masturbation specifically, so further research is required to determine masturbation’s effect on cognition. 

Masturbation Can Boost Self-Esteem

A little self-love isn’t just good for stress relief, it can also play a part in how good you feel about yourself. Masturbation can raise a person’s self-esteem and provide them with a sense of self-knowledge, control, and pleasure. All of these things are good for your self-image, well-being, and ability to withstand life’s stresses.

One study found that these feelings arose in a sample of 40 college-aged women who masturbated solo. The same study, however, also pointed out that masturbation led to guilt (when practiced solo) and awkwardness (both when practicing solo and with a partner). Several factors can impact how these individuals viewed masturbation, including race/ethnicity, current social norms, and underlying feelings about sex. 

Masturbation Can Sometimes Cause Stress

While masturbation has many benefits, it’s also important to recognize that it may result in feelings of guilt or shame for some people.

Though masturbation is practiced in societies around the world, many religions and cultures consider it an immoral act. Individuals in these prohibitive cultures can develop ‘masturbatory guilt,’ a phenomenon in which they become severely distressed and can develop depression and anxiety. 

Research has shown that while women often find that masturbation could help them reach orgasm, some report feelings of guilt and shame when they masturbate.

Moderation Is Key

Aside from potentially bringing about guilt, shame, or emotional distress, masturbation may also become addictive.  Self-pleasure is healthy, but too much can become a problem, particularly if it starts to interfere with your ability to function normally.

Though it’s not a diagnosable mental health condition listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, masturbation addiction can occur. This is usually when masturbation becomes excessive and compulsive, negatively impacting other areas of an individual’s life.

While it’s not a distinction condition, it does fall under the umbrella of behavioral addictions. Signs that a person might have a masturbation addiction include:

• Spending too much time masturbating
• Having problems at work, school, or home because of the behavior
• Choosing masturbation over other activities
• Engaging in the behavior in risky situations
• Being unable to stop
• Feeling distressed or guilty about the behavior
• Experiencing intrusive thoughts about masturbating

People with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may have a higher risk of experiencing dissociation, which involves feeling disconnected from yourself and your surroundings. This risk is higher for people with ADHD who have also experienced trauma.

While dissociation is not a symptom of ADHD, the two are closely related because they are often comorbid. People with dissociative disorders may also show symptoms of ADHD and vice versa.

What Is Dissociation?

Dissociation is a broad term that encompasses a wide range of disorders in which people cope with stress or trauma by mentally “escaping” reality. In media, you usually see it presented as dissociative identity disorder (formerly known as “split personalities”) or amnesia (extreme, isolated bouts of memory loss).

But it’s not always so extreme as that. For many, it takes the form of depersonalization or derealization, where your automatic survival/protective response kicks in, causing you to “detach” from the pain or stress you’re experiencing. You might feel like you’re on the outside of your own life, watching events unfold as a spectator rather than as the protagonist.

For some people, this can take the form of becoming so absorbed in a book, movie, or other imaginary world that you become less self-aware and oblivious to the outside world. This phenomenon is referred to as dissociative absorption.

When a person experiences something traumatic, one way to cope with that intense emotional pain is to make a clean mental break with yourself. If you can’t physically escape the situation or remove the memory, you can at least mentally escape it.

It’s your brain’s way of trying to keep you safe and happy. But the drawback is that you don’t just detach from the pain. You detach from everything. It can be hard to maintain healthy relationships or stay focused at work or school if you don’t feel like any of it is your life.

You might start feeling numb or emotionally unavailable. You might also begin to feel a sense of unreality, as if the world around you or even you aren’t real. Often, you’ll find yourself “checking out” involuntarily or “spacing out” in the middle of doing something.

Understanding Disassociation in ADHD

Dissociative disorders are most commonly linked to trauma, so how is it related to ADHD? The connection lies in the fact that trauma and ADHD are closely linked. Otherwise typically developing children who experience trauma can end up developing ADHD-like symptoms.

Conversely, people with ADHD may be more likely to experience trauma—either as the result of being targeted for bullying or abuse because of their ADHD symptoms or because of negative experiences related to those symptoms.

As a child, I had a vivid imagination and would often daydream or mind-wander during anything: class, family dinner, watching TV, playing sports. The number of goals other teams scored on me during soccer games because I was distracted by my brain is too high to count.

But the ability to hyperfocus when under pressure meant that I performed well on tests, so I usually managed to pass my classes. So, even when other symptoms like my impulsive behavior or emotional dysregulation became bad enough for my parents to seek treatment, I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD because my grades weren’t bad enough, and I wasn’t hyperactive.

By adulthood, I was struggling to hold down a steady job, barely scraping by in college classes, and wrestling with low self-esteem. I was also dealing with some traumatic experiences that resulted from past impulsive decisions.

The dissociative symptoms started to get really noticeable around high school. It was different than just having my mind wander like I was used to growing up. Regular daydreaming just felt like storytelling or entertainment, but I was always still myself and still emotionally invested in my life—just struggling to stay tuned into it all the time.

Dissociating, on the other hand, felt like completely leaving. I described it to a therapist once as floating somewhere above my body, watching things happen, and feeling like maybe I should help that person, but not like it really had anything to do with me.

How to Deal With Dissociative Symptoms

The “checking out” might happen involuntarily and you might have no idea what triggers it yet, but you can slowly regain control and prevent dissociative episodes with practice and treatment. Here are six strategies I find helpful.

Go to Therapy

Whether the ADHD or the trauma came first, therapy will be crucial for recovery and symptom management. Even if you can’t pinpoint any particular experience or event, dissociative symptoms are usually the result of your brain trying to protect you from emotional pain.

Difficulties in school or struggling to make friends, for example, may not seem as painful or severe as going to war or watching a loved one die, but the chronic stress they cause can be enough for your brain to kick into protection mode.

Practice Grounding Exercises

If you notice you’re dissociating, a grounding exercise—where you practice being present in the moment—can help you come back to yourself. All that really means is taking a few minutes to become aware of your senses and your surroundings.

For best results (in my opinion), take a walk outside while you do this so that you have plenty of sensory input to work with. And if you can’t think of enough things for any specific sense, just skip it.

I usually struggle with naming a taste unless I’m actively eating or drinking something, for example. So I just loop back around to things I can see and keep going until I feel more aware and in tune with my surroundings.

Engage Your Senses

Pet your cat, and focus on how soft the fur feels. Light a scented candle and take a few moments to inhale and enjoy the smell. Go to a park and walk barefoot on the grass, paying attention to the feeling of grass beneath your feet.

Really any positive physical sensation can help. Then, just do your best to focus on that sensation.

Get Some Exercise

I love going for a run when I need to ground myself or just get rid of some built-up restlessness. But even if you don’t want to break a sweat, going for a walk or dancing around to your favorite music will also get you moving without feeling like exercise.

Even if you’re at work, doing some lunges or squats can do the trick. Exercise can help because it’s another way of engaging your senses.

Keep a Journal

Dissociating comes with memory gaps and a poor ability to connect to your emotions. Journaling is an exercise that can help with both of those. Make it a daily habit to sit down and write about your day, focusing on how you felt and what you were thinking about throughout it.

Schedule Self-Care Activities

Whatever the cause, dissociation is your brain’s way of protecting you from negative experiences. If you’re stressed all the time or have a negative relationship with your body, that can make dissociative symptoms worse.

To counteract that, make a habit of doing kind, healthy things for yourself. Ending each workday with a bubble bath and a book or starting each morning with a 10-minute dance session to your favorite playlist can help build a more positive relationship with yourself.

Over time, those acts of kindness and nurturing will strengthen your connection to yourself, just like they would in a relationship with another person.

Extroverts draw energy from social interactions. People who are high in extroversion tend to feel excited about spending time with others, have a lot of social confidence, and often have high self-esteem. Others typically describe them as sociable, friendly, and talkative.

Understanding your personality type can help you improve your relationships, better understand your likes and dislikes, recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and discover new ways to approach problems.

So, keep reading to learn more about what it means to be an extrovert and some signs that you might have this type of personality. We also discuss the effects that being an extrovert may have on your life and what you can do to be more or less extroverted if you wish.

What Is an Extrovert?

The term extrovert describes one aspect of a personality dimension that is characterized by an expressive and outgoing pattern of behavior. Extroverts can be described as gregarious and unreserved, often seeking social interaction because it brings them enjoyment.

Do you love meeting new people? Does a big social event leave you feeling energized and renewed? If so, you might be an extrovert.

On the positive side, extroverts are often seen as talkative, sociable, action-oriented, enthusiastic, friendly, and outgoing. On the negative side, they are sometimes looked at as attention-seeking, easily distracted, and unable to spend time alone. Extroverts are also more likely to engage in risk-taking behaviors, including risky health behaviors.

Extraversion vs. Introversion

Introversion versus extroversion is one of the major personality dimensions that make up the five-factor model of personality. According to this theory, personality is made up of five broad dimensions, and each dimension exists on a continuum.

While some people might tend to be at the extreme end of either side, most are somewhere in the middle. So while you might have a lot of traits that make you an extrovert, you might also find yourself sometimes exhibiting traits that are more introverted in nature.

You can also be an introverted extrovert—a type of ambivert. An ambivert enjoys socializing and can draw energy from it if the mood, setting, and/or circumstances are comfortable for them. If you have traits of both extroverts and introverts, you’re a type of ambivert.

Common Traits of Extroverts

What are the signs you may be an extrovert? The following are five key traits common to this type of personality.

You Love to Talk

You don’t just enjoy talking to friends, family members, and co-workers; you love to strike up conversations with total strangers. You love to meet new people and learn about their lives. Unlike introverts who tend to think before they speak, extroverts tend to speak as a way to explore and organize their thoughts and ideas.

Extroverts also tend to have a wide circle of friends. Since they are good at meeting new people, striking up conversations, and genuinely enjoy the company of others, it probably is no surprise that making friends comes easily for an extrovert.

You’re Inspired by Socializing

Do you tend to feel charged up and inspired after you’ve spent some time with other people? Extroverts tend to find such social interactions refreshing and actually gain energy from such exchanges.

When extroverts have to spend a lot of time alone, they often begin to feel uninspired and listless. If given a choice between spending time alone and spending time with other people, an extrovert will almost always choose to spend time with a group.

You Discuss Your Problems

When you are facing a problem, you prefer to discuss the issues and various options with others. After a difficult day at work or school, for instance, talking about it with friends or family can help you feel less stressed. It also helps you explore the issue in-depth and figure out which solution might work the best.

Introverts, on the other hand, prefer to think about problems instead of talking about them. They also often want to spend time alone after a trying day versus spending time with others.

You’re Friendly and Approachable

Since people with this personality type love interacting with other people so much, others tend to find extroverts likable and easy to approach. At a party, an extrovert will probably be the first one to walk up to new guests and make introductions. Extroverts typically find it easy to meet new people and make new friends.

You Are Very Open

While introverts are sometimes perceived as closed-off and aloof, extroverts are typically very open and willing to share their thoughts and feelings. Because of this, other people generally find that extroverts are easier to get to know.

How Do You Know If You’re an Extrovert?

Understanding your personality type and your tendencies can help you learn more about yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses in different situations. There are a number of different ways to measure extroversion and determine if you tend to be more of an extrovert or introvert.

For many people, simply reading a description of this personality trait is enough to help them decide whether they are an extrovert. In other cases, taking a more formal personality assessment can offer further insight.

Take an Extrovert-Introvert Quiz

If you’re wondering where you fall on the scale of extroversion and introversion, our fast and free quiz can help you figure it out!

This quiz was reviewed by David Susman, PhD

The Big Five Personality Test is one of the best-known measures of extroversion and introversion. It is based on the five-factor model of personality and also measures other major personality traits including conscientiousness, neuroticism, agreeableness, and openness.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is another psychological test that includes extroversion as one of its main components.

Types of Extroverts

According to Carl Jung’s theory of personality, there are four different types of extroverts. The four types of extroverts are:

• Extroverted sensors, who are strongly inspired by the physical world.
• Extroverted feelers, who enjoy listening and talking to other people.
• Extroverted intuitives, who enjoy thinking abstractly and having deep conversations and friendly debates.
• Extroverted thinkers, who are goal-oriented, high-achieving, and decisive.

These four types are also incorporated into the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, which describes 16 different personality types based on Jungian personality dimensions.

Effects of Being an Extrovert

Having an extrovert personality has been associated with a number of positive outcomes. Extroverts tend to spend more time with other people, spend more time engaged in social activities, and have more friends. Research has also suggested that extroverts tend to be happier than introverts and are less prone to certain psychological disorders.

This doesn’t mean that being an extrovert is without its challenges. Studies suggest that extroverts also tend to experience more excitement-seeking, impulsivity, overconfidence, recklessness, and intolerance of boredom.

Having an extroverted personality is not objectively better than having a more introverted one. Each type of personality has its strengths and potential weaknesses, so being aware of the challenges you might face can be helpful.

Some experts suggest that ambiverts—or people who are in the middle of the extroversion/introversion continuum—may have the greatest advantage because they essentially get the best of both worlds.

How to Be More (or Less) Extroverted

There are times when you might want to act more like an extrovert, such as when you are meeting new people. In other cases, you might want to restrain some of your more extroverted tendencies, such as when you want to spend time being more reflective.

While genetics tends to play the greatest role in determining your overall personality, there are steps you can take to act more or less extroverted.

To Be More Extroverted

Research suggests that introverts who make an effort to act more extroverted may experience some benefits, including increased feelings of connectedness and more positive emotions.

If you are more on the introverted side of the continuum but want to try to experience extroversion, these strategies may help.

• Explore a hobby: Find clubs, meet-ups, and groups where you can interact more with people who share your interests.
• Practice: Increasing your social exposure can help you to feel more comfortable talking to others more often. 
• Try new things: While you might prefer to stay in your comfort zone, looking for new experiences can help you explore different sides of yourself.

To Be Less Extroverted

If you want to tone down your extroverted tendencies and seek more inner knowledge, try activities like these.

• Build your awareness: Contemplative activities such as practicing mindfulness or meditation can give you the chance to focus on what you are feeling and thinking in the present moment.
• Spend time alone: Solitary activities like walking in nature, reading a book, or dining alone can be good ways to reflect on your thoughts without distractions.
• Write in a journal: Expressive writing can give you the opportunity to dig deeper into your feelings and contemplate your inner life.

Client-centered therapy, also known as person-centered therapy or Rogerian therapy, is a non-directive form of talk therapy where you act as an equal partner in the therapy process while your therapist remains non-directive—they don’t pass judgment on your feelings or offer suggestions or solutions.

This approach was developed by humanist psychologist Carl Rogers during the 1940s and 1950s. Rogers is widely regarded as one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century. He believed that people are the best expert on their own lives and experiences.

Rogers also suggested that people have a self-actualizing tendency, or a desire to fulfill their potential and become the best that they can be. His form of therapy was intended to allow clients to fulfill that potential by relying on their own strength to change.

Initially, Rogers called his technique “non-directive therapy.” Much like psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, Rogers believed that the therapeutic relationship could lead to insights and lasting changes in clients.

What Are the Key Concepts of Client-Centered Therapy?

Mental health professionals who utilize this approach strive to create the conditions needed for their clients to change. Client-centered therapy involves a therapeutic environment that is conformable, non-judgmental, and empathetic, which is achieved through three features:

• Genuineness and congruence
• Unconditional positive regard
• Empathetic understanding

By using these three techniques, therapists can help clients grow psychologically, become more self-aware, and change their behavior via self-direction. In this type of environment, a client feels safe and free from judgment.

Genuineness and Congruence

Client-centered therapists display genuineness and congruence with their clients. This means they always act in accordance with their own thoughts and feelings, allowing themselves to share openly and honestly.

This requires self-awareness and a realistic understanding of how internal experiences, like thoughts and feelings, interact with external experiences. By modeling genuineness and congruence, your therapist can help teach you these important skills.

Displaying genuineness and congruence also helps create a secure, trusting relationship between you and your therapist. This trust contributes to a feeling of safety, which may help you engage with therapy more comfortably.

Unconditional Positive Regard

Your therapist will show unconditional positive regard by always accepting you for who you are and displaying support and care no matter what you are facing or experiencing. They may express positive feelings to you or offer reassurance, or they may practice active listening, responsive eye contact, and positive body language to let you know that they’re engaged in the session.

Empathetic Understanding

Your therapist will also practice empathy during sessions, acting as a mirror of your feelings and thoughts. They will seek to understand you and maintain an awareness and sensitivity to your experience and your point of view.

The goal is to help you build a rapport with your therapist and ensure that you feel fully understood. This may provide you with the environment you need to reflect on your own inner thoughts, perceptions, and emotions, which may offer unique insights you didn’t have access to previously.

What Client-Centered Therapy Can Help With

Client-centered therapy may help people who are experiencing:

Benefits of Client-Centered Therapy

Sometimes, self-concept is congruent with reality. In other cases, self-perceptions are unrealistic or not in tune with what exists in the real world. While most people distort reality to at least a small degree, when self-concept is in conflict with reality, incongruence can result.

For example, imagine a young woman who views herself as uninteresting and a poor conversationalist despite the fact that other people find her fascinating and quite engaging. Because her self-perceptions are not congruent with reality, she may experience poor self-esteem.

Effectiveness

Several studies have shown that the techniques used in client-centered therapy are beneficial.

• Genuineness and congruence appear to lead to better outcomes, especially when they are used in school counseling settings.
• Unconditional positive regard is also effective, particularly at improving overall well-being for people with mood or anxiety disorders.
• Empathetic understanding appears to promote positive outcomes, especially for people experiencing depression and anxiety.

It’s not clear if these factors alone are enough to promote lasting change in clients. Outcomes for clients may also depend on their perception of their therapist—if they don’t see their therapist as empathetic, for instance, they may not experience positive results from treatment.

Things to Consider

For client-centered therapy to be effective, you need to be willing to share your internal experiences with your therapist without their direct guidance or advice. You will act as an equal partner during therapy, often determining the course of your sessions (though your therapist may also ask questions or seek clarification).

While client-centered therapy can help you gain the self-efficacy needed to feel comfortable leading the conversation, this may not be the ideal approach for everyone. Some people may find they prefer therapists who are more directive.

The relationship you and your therapist establish is also an important part of this form of therapy. If you don’t feel understood by your therapist or don’t feel safe and supported enough to share your thoughts openly, it will be more difficult to make progress.

How to Get Started With Client-Centered Therapy

Client-centered therapy can be delivered individually or as part of group therapy in both outpatient and inpatient settings. If you’re looking for a therapist near you, you can ask your primary healthcare provider for recommendations.

During your first session, your therapist will ask about the problems you’re facing and your reasons for seeking treatment. They may also go over how the therapy process works and answer any questions you may have, including those about billing and health insurance.

Throughout treatment, your therapist will encourage you to step into an equal role. They may reflect what you say back to you to make sure they understand the thoughts and feelings you’re expressing. Overall, you’ll be encouraged to explore the issues that are important to you, with your therapist offering support along the way.

Panic attacks cause a variety of symptoms that may feel overwhelming, uncontrollable, and frightening. These can include heart palpitations, shaking, sweating, hyperventilation, chest pain, nausea, dizziness, depersonalization, numbness, and fear.

Panic attacks are the main symptom of panic disorder​, but they can occur with other mental health and medical conditions. It’s helpful to explore the most common symptoms of panic, what causes them, and management strategies for each.

Heart Palpitations or Accelerated Heart Rate

When experiencing a panic attack, many people feel as though their heart is pounding. Heart palpitations are often fearfully perceived, as many people who experience panic attacks believe that they are a sign of a medical emergency such as a heart attack.

However, an accelerated heart rate is normal when it comes to panic attacks (or even when you’re nervous or excited). It is associated with the fight-or-flight response you are experiencing. If you notice your heart racing, a strategy as simple as deep breathing can help you get it back in control.

Trembling or Shaking

When having a panic attack you may feel trembling sensations, especially in the arms, legs, hands, and feet. Similar to other panic attack symptoms, uncontrollable trembling and shaking are a result of the fight-or-flight reaction, which prepares the body to either fight off or flee from a real or imagined threat in the environment.

This response is triggered frequently in people with panic disorder and often without cause, but options like talk therapy, and in some cases medication, may help in the management of this. Meditation, deep breathing, and acknowledging that you’re having a panic attack may also help.

Excessive Sweating

As anxious feelings arise, it’s not uncommon to begin to sweat. Much like other anxiety-related symptoms, excessive sweating is part of the body’s innate stress response.

The type of sweating can vary. You may experience either a cold or hot sweat or both. You may sweat from your underarms, forehead, or multiple parts of your body. You may or may not experience chills or hot flashes along with the sweating.

While uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing to deal with, know that excessive sweating is not necessarily harmful. Finding strategies to calm yourself down can help decrease the stress response leading to the sweating. Once again, something as simple as relaxed breathing can go a long way in stopping the symptom.

As with all of these symptoms, psychotherapy and medications can help in the management of the underlying disorder.

Hyperventilation and Choking

Hyperventilation involves rapid breathing that may be brought on by panic and anxiety. During a panic attack, your normal breathing pattern may change in a way that doesn’t allow you to take full, complete breaths. Instead, you will take quick and short breaths.

Hyperventilation may be accompanied by taking loud gasps of air, but may also be evidenced more subtly through coughing and rapid breathing. At times it may cause you to feel like you are choking, which only further intensifies the panic.

Chest Pain

People who’ve experienced panic attacks report that chest pain is one of the most frightening symptoms. In cases of panic, the chest pain is caused by the anxiety itself.

Chest pain is one of the most common symptoms of panic attacks that leads people to seek immediate medical assistance. Even if it turns out to be unnecessary, it’s especially important for those with new onset chest pain to be initially evaluated medically in order to determine that this indeed is a symptom of panic and not a more serious cardiac problem.

Nausea or Abdominal Pain

Panic attacks can cause sensations of discomfort, nausea, or pain in the abdominal region.

Dizziness and Lightheadedness

When going through a panic attack, you may begin to feel dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint. This makes it hard to focus and can heighten anxiety.

Although uncommon, it’s possible for someone experiencing a panic attack to faint. If you experience these symptoms, go ahead and sit or lie down, preferably somewhere quiet. Close your eyes and focus on your breath to help you come out of the panic attack.

Derealization and Depersonalization

During a panic attack, you may feel disconnected from yourself and/or the surrounding environment. When experiencing these symptoms, you view surroundings as distorted, foggy, or unfamiliar and may feel as though you are robotic, outside the self, or just going through the motions.

Derealization and depersonalization tend to negatively impact the person experiencing it and often leads to increased fear, panic, and anxiety.

Once you acknowledge what’s happening, slow down your breathing and use your senses to bring yourself back to reality—touching something cold or lightly pinching your hand will work. And once the underlying panic disorder is treated, you’re less likely to experience this symptom.

Numbness and Tingling Sensations

Feelings of numbness and tingling can also occur during a panic attack. Areas of the body may have pins-and-needles sensations or feel completely frozen and numb. These symptoms can occur anywhere on the body but are most often felt in the hands, arms, legs, fingers, toes, and face.

Focused breathing can help here, too. Shaking your limbs and body may also help.

Fears of Dying or Losing Control

It’s not surprising that the experience of having a panic attack is often terrifying. As the attack escalates, you may worry about your own personal safety and experience a fear of dying. Additionally, panic attacks can make you feel as though you’re going to lose control or possibly “go insane.”

Such thoughts and fears often increase the intensity of the attack. Do your best to acknowledge that they are a result of panic, which often times is an effective first step to quelling the attack. The simplest strategy is deep, focused breathing, but working with a healthcare professional will help you identify personalized strategies to best manage your condition.

Emotional pain is pain or hurt that originates from non-physical sources. Sometimes this emotional distress is the result of the actions of others. Other times, it might be the result of regret, grief, or loss. In other cases, it might be the result of an underlying mental health condition such as depression or anxiety.

No matter what the cause, this psychological pain can be intense and significantly affect many different areas of your life.

Emotional pain is also sometimes referred to as psychic pain, spiritual pain, psychalgia, emotional suffering, psychological pain, algopsychalia, soul pain, or mental pain. While it is often dismissed as less serious than physical pain, it is important that emotional pain is taken seriously. A number of common feelings associated with emotional pain can impact physical and mental health. Keep reading to learn more about how to recognize the signs of emotional pain and the strategies that can help you cope.

Symptoms of Emotional Pain

Symptoms of emotional pain can include feelings of:

In some cases, feelings of emotional pain may lead to physical symptoms that do not have an identifiable physical cause. When these thoughts, feelings, or behaviors connected to somatic symptoms result in significant distress or interruption in a person’s ability to function, they may be diagnosed with a somatic symptom disorder. 

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What Causes Emotional Pain?

Emotional pain can stem from many sources, and each person’s situation and experiences are unique. Everyone may experience these feelings from time to time. However, when these feelings are intense and persistent, they can interfere with your ability to function and perform normal daily activities.

Sadness

Sadness is a natural emotion that is associated with loss and disappointment. However, if it doesn’t fade with time, it might point to a treatable condition, depression, that can impact your whole body.

You should consult with your doctor and be completely honest about any alcohol or drugs you have been using to cope and self-medicate.

Unexpressed Anger

Anger is a basic human emotion. It releases adrenaline, which increases muscle tension and speeds up breathing. This is the “fight” part of the “fight/flight/freeze” response. It can be mobilizing at times; however, if it’s not adequately managed, this response can lead to long-term physical consequences.

Anxiety

As with anger, anxiety and fear both also release adrenaline. This generally results in jumpiness, a tendency to startle easily, the inability to relax (the “flight” response), or a feeling of being immobilized or stuck (the “freeze” response).

Anxiety can also be induced by substance use, in which case, quitting alcohol and drugs can often improve the symptoms. Tell your doctor about any alcohol or drug use to ensure you are properly diagnosed and treated.

Shame and Guilt

Shame and guilt often result in a feeling of “butterflies” or weight in the stomach. Common among people with addictions, shame leads to and is worsened by the need for secrecy.

If not addressed, prolonged feelings of shame and guilt may lead to physical symptoms.

Emotional Pain Can Have Lingering Effects

Psychological pain can also contribute to or worsen physical pain in different areas of the body. Some common types of physical pain that may be connected to emotional distress include:

• Diarrhea
• Dizziness
• Headaches
• Muscle pain, particularly in the neck
• Nausea
• Pain in the arms and legs
• Stomachache or gastrointestinal upset

Emotional pain can also be accompanied by:

• Aggression and violence
• Alcohol or substance use
• Attempted suicide
• Compulsive behaviors including shopping, gambling, and sex addiction
• Eating disorders
• Risky behaviors
• Self-harm
• Suicidal thoughts

Such behaviors are often an attempt to diffuse or escape the intense dysphoria caused by emotional pain.

Physical vs. Emotional Pain

While physical pain and emotional pain are different, there is research that suggests that both types of pain may share some neurological similarities. Both emotional and physical pain are linked to changes in the prefrontal cortex and cingulate cortex.

Some researchers argue that rather than viewing emotional pain and physical pain as fundamentally different, they should be conceptualized as part of a broader pain continuum. Some types of pain are purely physical, while others are purely emotional; but many times, pain lies somewhere in the middle.

Treatments That Can Help Emotional Pain

Emotional pain is often complex, but there are treatments that can help bring people a sense of relief and comfort. Treatment for emotional pain often involves addressing the underlying source of the symptoms, so treatment often depends upon the individual diagnosis. Psychological conditions such as anxiety and depression may be treated with psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of the two.

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy to treat emotional may involve the use of talk therapy, including specific approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

Medications

Medications may sometimes be prescribed to address certain symptoms of emotional pain. Such medications may include:

Complementary and Alternative Medicine

Sometimes alternative treatments can help provide relief from emotional pain. Some alternative treatments that may help alleviate symptoms of emotional pain include:

How to Cope With Emotional Pain

Emotional pain can often feel as strong as physical pain and, at times, can even cause symptoms of pain throughout the body. It can also have a detrimental impact on both short-term and long-term mental well-being. That’s why getting appropriate help and treatment is important.

Some healthier ways to manage your symptoms of emotional pain can include:

Talking to Someone

Social support is critical for emotional well-being, and talking to a trusted person, whether its a good friend or a counselor, can help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who cares about you when you are going through an emotionally painful experience.

Exercising

Physical activity has been shown to be effective for improving mood, so it can be a good way to help deal with feelings of emotional pain. Blowing off feelings of anger with a run around the block is a better choice than acting out aggressively.

Practicing Mindfulness

Mindfulness, a mental practice that involves focusing on the present moment, can be useful when you are trying to cope with difficult emotions such as anxiety, grief, sadness, and anger. This process can help you to become more aware of your emotions.

Not only can you become more aware of what you are feeling, mindfulness also stresses learning to accept and let go of the need to control or eliminate these emotions.