Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Have you ever heard people say that they are more of a left-brained vs. a right-brained thinker? From books to TV shows, you’ve probably heard the phrase mentioned numerous times. Or perhaps you’ve even taken an online test to determine whether you are right-brained or left-brained.

Given the popularity of the idea of “left-brained” and “right-brained” thinkers, it might surprise you to learn that this idea is just one of many myths about the brain.

Left Brain vs Right Brain Traits

People described as left-brain thinkers are told they have strong math and logic skills. On the other hand, those who are described as right-brain thinkers are told that their talents are more on the creative side of things. Here are a few traits of each.

Traits of a Left-Brained Person

The left side of the brain is adept at certain tasks. Characteristics of the left brain include those related to:

• Language
• Logic
• Critical thinking
• Numbers
• Reasoning

What are “left-brained” people like? They are described as logical, analytical, and orderly. The theory suggests that people who are left-brain dominant do well in careers that involve linear thinking, math, and verbal information. This includes careers such as accountant, scientist, or computer programmer.

Traits of a Right-Brained Person

According to the left-brain, right-brain dominance theory, the right side of the brain is best at expressive and creative tasks. There are several abilities popularly associated with the right side of the brain. Based on these, a right-brained thinker is good at:

• Recognizing faces
• Expressing emotions
• Creating music
• Reading emotions
• Appreciating color
• Using imagination
• Being intuitive
• Being creative

So what are so-called “right-brained people” like? They are often described as being more emotional, intuitive, and creative. They are often described as doing well in careers that involve creative expression and free-thinking, such as becoming an artist, psychologist, or writer.

Theory of Left Brain vs Right Brain Dominance

According to the theory of left brain or right brain dominance, each side of the brain controls different types of thinking. Additionally, people are said to prefer one type of thinking over the other.

For example, a person who is “left-brained” is often said to be more logical, analytical, and objective. A person who is “right-brained” is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful, and subjective.

In psychology, the theory is based on the lateralization of brain function. The brain contains two hemispheres that each perform a number of roles. The two sides of the brain communicate with one another via the corpus callosum.

The left hemisphere controls the muscles on the right side of the body, while the right hemisphere controls those on the left. This is why damage to the left side of the brain, for example, might have an effect on the right side of the body.

History of Left Brain vs. Right Brain Theory

So does one side of the brain control specific functions? Are people either left-brained or right-brained? Like many popular psychology myths, this one grew out of observations of the human brain that were then dramatically distorted and exaggerated.

The left-brain-right-brain theory originated in the work of Roger W. Sperry, who was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1981. He studied brain functioning in patients who had their corpus callosum (the structure that connects the two hemispheres of the brain) surgically severed to treat refractory epilepsy.

However, these patients also experienced other symptoms after the communication pathway between the two sides of the brain was cut. For example, many split-brain patients found themselves unable to name objects that were processed by the right side of the brain but were able to name objects that were processed by the left side of the brain. Based on this information, Sperry suggested that language was controlled by the left side of the brain.

Generally speaking, the left side of the brain tends to control many aspects of language and logic, while the right side tends to handle spatial information and visual comprehension.

Left Brain vs. Right Brain Research

Later research has shown that the brain is not nearly as dichotomous as once thought. For example, research has shown that abilities in subjects such as math are strongest when both halves of the brain work together.

Today, neuroscientists know that the two sides of the brain collaborate to perform a broad variety of tasks and that the two hemispheres communicate through the corpus callosum. “No matter how lateralized the brain can get, though, the two sides still work together,” science writer Carl Zimmer explained in an article for Discover magazine.

“The pop psychology notion of a left brain and a right brain doesn’t capture their intimate working relationship. The left hemisphere specializes in picking out the sounds that form words and working out the syntax of the phrase, for example, but it does not have a monopoly on language processing. The right hemisphere is more sensitive to the emotional features of language, tuning in to the slow rhythms of speech that carry intonation and stress.”

In one study by researchers at the University of Utah, more than 1,000 participants had their brains analyzed in order to determine if they preferred using one side over the other.

“It’s absolutely true that some brain functions occur in one or the other side of the brain. Language tends to be on the left, attention more on the right. But people don’t tend to have a stronger left- or right-sided brain network. It seems to be determined more connection by connection,” explained the study’s lead author Dr. Jeff Anderson.

So while people are often described as being either right-brained or left-brained, the truth is that they are actually both. While the idea of left-brain vs. right-brain thinkers has been debunked, its popularity persists.

Persisting Myths of the Left Brain vs. Right Brain

Researchers have demonstrated that left-brain/right-brain theory is a myth, yet its popularity persists. Why? Unfortunately, many people are likely unaware that the theory is outdated. In fact, the idea seems to have taken on a mind of its own within popular culture.

Today, students might continue to learn about the theory as a point of historical interest—to understand how our ideas about how the brain works have evolved and changed over time as researchers have learned more about how the brain operates. 

While over-generalized and overstated by popular psychology and self-help texts, understanding your strengths and weaknesses in certain areas can help you develop better ways to learn and study. For example, students who have a difficult time following verbal instructions (often cited as a right-brain characteristic) might benefit from writing down directions and developing better organizational skills.

Clinical psychologist Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS recommends that we take time to think about our unique strengths and traits and think about what areas we may want to work on or improve. “We can all benefit from improving our brain health, but first we have to identify what may be working for us, or not, and what areas we may want to exercise in order to make them stronger,” she explains. “The great news is that we can improve our brain health, build on our strengths, and create new ways of thinking and doing—it just takes identifying it and then practicing it!”

The important thing to remember if you take one of the many left-brain/right-brain quizzes you will likely encounter online is that they are entirely for fun, and you shouldn’t place much stock in your results.

Improving Brain Health Whether You Feel Left-Brained or Right-Brained

Whether you feel like you tend to be more of a creative type or an analytical type, there are things that you can do to keep your mind sharp and your brain healthy. 

• Get regular exercise: Research has found that exercise has a protective effect on cognition and brain health as people age.
• Keep your mind active: Studies found that people who are mentally active and work in mentally challenging fields, such as academics, tend to have better brain health. 
• Socialize: Social support is important for psychological well-being, but it is also essential for the health of your brain, particularly as you age. 
• Eat a healthy diet: The foods you eat can also impact your brain’s health and function. Focus on eating a balanced diet focused primarily on fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, healthy fats, and complex carbs.
• Get enough rest: Sleep is essential to brain health and mental function, so focus on getting enough rest each night. Practice healthy sleep habits and stick to a regular sleep-wake schedule.

No matter what type of thinking you are doing, both sides of your brain are involved. The right-brain, left-brain theory might be inaccurate, but that doesn’t mean that understanding your strengths is not helpful. You can also take steps to protect the health of your brain by getting regular exercise, sleeping well, staying social, and putting your mind to use.

This short free 15-question quiz measures feelings associated with the four main attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. This quiz is not a formal medical or diagnostic test and should not be interpreted as clinical or medical advice.

The Attachment Style Quiz

The Four Attachment Styles

Early attachment styles may not be exactly the same as those in adult relationships, but they can be a good predictor of adult behavior patterns. 

Your attachment style consists of a variation of attachment strategies, which strategies show up the most depend on the overall safety you have felt in relationships.

Secure Attachment 

Those of us with a secure attachment style are able to build healthy long-term relationships. A secure attachment generally leads to good self-esteem and the ability to enjoy close relationships, seek social support, and share feelings with others.

Children who develop this attachment style had parents or primary caregivers who were more attentive to their needs. They felt safe, loved, and understood. Securely attached children sought comfort from the parent or caregiver when scared and preferred the comfort of this adult to strangers. 

Research suggests that securely attached children are more empathetic as they get older.

Anxious or Ambivalent Attachment 

Anxious attachment style, also called ambivalent attachment, is a type of insecure attachment. If you have this attachment style, you may tend to be wary of getting close to others and worry whether a romantic partner loves you or not.

Children who are ambivalently attached are typically suspicious of strangers and distressed when separated from a caregiver. But unlike securely attached children, those with anxious or ambivalent attachment don’t seem to be comforted by the parent or caregiver’s return, and they may even refuse comfort.

Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant attachment style is marked by challenges with intimacy and close relationships. If you are avoidant, you might not be willing or able to share thoughts and feelings with others, and may even have problems with intimacy.

Those of us with this attachment style may not invest as much emotion in relationships as others, and tend not to be as disappointed when relationships end. That last part may sound like a good way to protect ourselves from getting hurt (and it is!), but it’s also a good way to prevent ourselves from finding meaningful, long-lasting relationships.

Children with an avoidant attachment may have had caregivers who weren’t emotionally available. They may have been left to take care of themselves because they couldn’t rely on a parent or guardian. These children might avoid parents and caregivers and not have a preference between a caregiver and a stranger.

Disorganized Attachment

A disorganized attachment style includes a mix of behaviors. A person with this attachment style might be clingy at one time and emotionally distant at another time. It’s typically a response to parents or caregivers who may have been abusive or neglectful.

A child with a disorganized attachment style might feel both fear and comfort toward a caregiver, which can be confusing.

What Should I Know About Attachment?

Attachment describes the way people form relationships and how they interact and behave in those relationships. Our attachment style is formed during early childhood by the way we interact with our parents or primary caregivers. 

John Bowlby, a researcher credited as a creator of attachment theory, described attachment as “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” He believed that forming attachment was also part of human survival, and these early childhood experiences shape development and behavior later in life.

Psychologist Mary Ainsworth built on Bowlby’s work with her own study and concluded that there were three main attachment styles. Researchers then added a fourth style.

Who Is This Attachment Style Quiz For?

We all want to know why our relationships work—or don’t work, as the case may be. While a number of factors contribute to the success or failure of our long-term relationships, our attachment style represents a possible underlying explanation for our relationship behaviors that we didn’t previously understand.

This attachment style quiz is based on the four main attachment styles recognized by researchers and mental health providers. Each response corresponds to a different attachment style.

This quiz can be helpful if you want to learn more about attachment styles, what yours may be, and how attachment could impact your relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners. It can help you better understand your behaviors in relationships and determine if you could benefit from working with a mental health professional to discuss concerns about your attachment.

Is My Attachment Set in Stone?

Remember, it’s called attachment theory for a reason. How we act under certain circumstances doesn’t define the rest of our lives and all future relationships. So even if you think you have a fix on your attachment style after taking this quiz, know that it may only be one small piece of the puzzle that is your life.

Old behaviors can be unlearned and replaced with new ones, and even a string of unsuccessful relationships doesn’t mean you have an insecure attachment style. All it may take is the right person and the right relationship to overturn everything you think you knew about your connection and attachment to others.

Have you ever gotten the feeling that someone is manipulating you for their benefit? Or that they care more about what you can offer them than they do about you? In these situations, it’s possible that you’re being used. When someone is using you, it means they are manipulating or taking advantage of you for their own benefit.

“In some cases, the individual being used may not recognize the pattern until long after the behaviors first start. On other occasions, the individual is keenly aware they have been manipulated for another person’s gain right away,” says Marcum.

Keep reading to learn how to identify some signs that you’re being used and explore strategies to help you put a stop to it.

Signs You’re Being Used

Recognizing the signs of being used is important, but it isn’t always cut and dry. Sometimes, it’s easy to spot the signs that someone is using you, but in other cases, this behavior can be much more subtle.

While everyone’s circumstances are different, these are some signs that someone may be using you, according to Marcum:

• The person asks you for money, favors, or other items. For instance, they may ask you to lend them money or pay their bills.
• The person imposes on you without consideration for your availability or preferences. For instance, they may move in with you unexpectedly or want to borrow your car at a moment’s notice.
• The person expects you to take care of their needs. For instance, if you go out for dinner with them, they may not offer to pay and simply expect you to pick up the tab.
• The person appears disinterested in you after their needs have been met. For instance, they may use you to meet their needs but may not want to spend time with you otherwise.
• The person is only affectionate or intimate with you when it’s convenient for them. For instance, they may be affectionate toward you until they get what they want.
• The person doesn’t make an effort to be there for you when you need them. For instance, even though they borrow your car regularly, they may not agree to give you a ride to the airport.
• The relationship feels one-sided. They always expect things from you, but they never reciprocate.

Signs someone is using you may vary depending on the nature of the relationship. A friend who is using you may only want to do things together at their convenience. They may expect you to listen to them, but not be willing to hear what you have to say.

In a relationship, being used might involve selfishness and disinterest in your needs. It may also involve someone only being interested in a sexual relationship while refusing to make any other type of emotional commitment.

Commonly Used Tactics

People who are using you may also employ psychologically manipulative or abusive tactics to influence your actions and disguise their behavior. Examples of strategies they may use include:

• Gaslighting: This involves denying your reality to make you doubt yourself and the abuse.
• Love bombing: This behavior involves showering you with intense affection and attention to manipulate you.
• Future faking is an extreme form of love bombing in which a person makes grand promises for the future that they never follow up on.
• Passive aggression: This behavior uses passive, indirect expressions of negative feelings to avoid direct communication while still influencing your behavior.
• Criticism: The manipulator may criticize you to undermine your sense of self-worth and make you doubt yourself, making you easier to influence and manipulate.
• Isolation: They may isolate you from your friends and loved ones so that they have more control.

Reasons People Use Others

When someone uses you, it means they are taking advantage of you or manipulating you in some way for their own gain. It’s a painful experience, and sometimes recognizing why people engage in this type of behavior can be helpful.

Common reasons why people use others include:

• Selfishness: They have a desire to get what they want and will do anything, including hurting others, to get it.
• Greed: They may use others for financial gain.
• Retaliation: They might feel that someone used them in the past, so they use others as a way to get revenge.
• Sex: They may sexually exploit others for their own pleasure.
• Control: Using others helps them to feel more in control.
• Insecurity: People with poor self-esteem may use others as a way to boost their self-image
• Lack of empathy: People who don’t understand how their actions affect others may be more likely to exploit and manipulate.
• Beliefs about relationships: Those who see relationships as purely transactional often feel that they should be able to derive specific benefits with little concern for the other person’s feelings.

Sometimes, using others can be related to a mental health condition such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or substance use disorders.

The Effects of Someone Using You

It never feels good for someone to take advantage of you. It can make you feel poorly about yourself and take a negative toll on your relationships. It can also make it harder to trust other people in the future. According to Marcum, here are some of the ways that you might be affected if someone has been using you:

Impact on Mental Health

Being taken advantage of can lead to significant mental health problems, especially if you have been used or harmed in a previous relationship. It can manifest symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, and trauma. Over time, you may have difficulty trusting others and forming new relationships.

Impact on Relationships

It disrupts the power balance within the relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners would be responsible for providing support, trust, and emotional security to their partner.

Strategies to Avoid Being Used

Marcum lists some steps you can take to avoid being used:

• Set boundaries: Learning to identify violations to interpersonal boundaries and setting healthy boundaries is a great way to start protecting your mental health and ensuring you’re not being used.
• Work on your self-esteem: Working to build self-compassion and recognizing your value can also help limit the possibility of being taken advantage of in relationships. 
• Seek guidance: Seeking guidance from a mental health professional, mentor, or someone you look up to can also be helpful as you work toward creating healthy boundaries.

Wondering if your feelings for your partner could be love? This love test can help you measure the emotions people feel that are associated with love, such as attachment, passion, care, intimacy, trust, and commitment. 

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Honestly, a lot. Love is an important part of the human experience. There are tons of different ways to love people. For example, the way we would love a family member isn’t the same way we would feel love for a romantic partner. In the past, romantic love was mainly discussed by writers and centered in many well-known love stories. 

Research suggests that the hormone oxytocin, AKA “the hormone of love,” can have an effect on social behaviors. There’s also some evidence to suggest that the culture we grow up in can determine the way we view love and how we act in romantic relationships. Still, we’re all individuals who bring personal experiences into love and relationships. 

Who Is This Love Test For?

Whether you’re catching feelings for a certain someone or curious about whether it’s love or lust in your current situationship/relationship, this quiz is for you. It won’t tell us if we should stay in a relationship, but it can help us better understand our feelings. Each question relates to feelings associated with love. 

Being in love involves seeing the imperfections in your partner and still accepting them. Whereas non-romantic love is centered on the positive things you gain or aspects of them you enjoy.

—
SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYD

Is This Love Test Legit?

This love test is based on the feelings and experiences researchers and psychologists have identified as being associated with love. Each response corresponds to our feelings about love—a strong chance of being in love, likely not in romantic love, or not in love. To put it simply, yes!

How Do I Know I’m in Love?

Although researchers have identified common emotions associated with love, the feelings of love aren’t exactly one-size-fits-all. Here are some signs you may be falling in love with a romantic interest: 

• You don’t want to date anyone else! Chances are, you’d rather use your time and energy to focus on the person you have feelings for.
• You try to get through disagreements peacefully because you want to maintain the relationship and don’t want to hurt the other person. 
• You care about this person’s needs, interests, and desires as much as you care about your own.
• You feel grateful to have them in your life.
• Your feelings for them are consistent and just keep getting stronger.
• You’re interested in conversation and emotional connection—it’s not just about the physical.
• You see them in your future plans.
• You can have a disagreement, and your feelings toward them don’t change.
• You enjoy their company and look forward to doing the little things, even grocery shopping, with them.

Dreaming about snakes can have powerful and often symbolic meanings. In general, dreaming of a snake can indicate something unpredictable or untamed in your life.

Snakes can represent transformation, change, and the power to overcome obstacles in our lives. If the snake sheds its skin in your dream, it may symbolize new beginnings or letting go of old habits that no longer serve you.

In terms of prevalence, Tzivia Gover, a Certified Dreamwork Professional at Third House Moon, notes “Snakes are counted among the universal dream symbols that people experience across countries and cultures. When it comes to animals that appear in people’s dreams, snakes rank high: They are often counted among the top 3-5 animals that appear in dreams.”

What Is the Spiritual Meaning of a Snake in a Dream?

The spiritual meaning of dreaming about snakes is highly subjective according to various cultures and belief systems.

Generally, a snake in a dream can represent transformation, rebirth, or the shedding of outdated habits and beliefs.

It could also be a warning sign that something dangerous may soon enter your life, or it could symbolically represent an unknown force within you attempting to break free from its cocoon.

Is It Good to See Snakes in Dreams?

Whether dreaming about snakes is good or bad largely depends on how you interpret the dream.

What Do Two Snakes in a Dream Mean?

Dreaming about two snakes usually signifies a balance between the opposing forces in your life. It could also be an indication that you are coming to terms with the duality of who you are and what you want.

In some cases, dreaming about two snakes can represent temptation or conflicting desires, which could signify internal conflict or inner turmoil. This could be anything from anger, fear, confusion, or guilt. It may also represent a powerful energy that is both creative and destructive in nature.

Multiple Snakes in Your Dream May Indicate Toxicity in Your Life

Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, a certified dream analyst, notes that everything about your dream is important to think about. Where the snake is, what it’s doing, and even the type of snake are all important details to think about.

What Does It Mean When You Dream About a Snake Trying to Bite You?

If you’re being chased by a snake in a dream, it could symbolize something that is chasing you in waking life, such as an unresolved issue or an emotional burden.

Alternatively, it could represent a fear or insecurity that is preventing you from making a necessary decision or moving forward.

What If the Snake in the Dream Actually Bites Me?

If the snake actually bites you in your dream, it could symbolize a feeling of vulnerability or helplessness.

It might also point to feelings of betrayal, guilt, shame, or regret about something that happened in the past.

I Saw a Black Snake in My Dream—What Does That Mean?

A black snake in a dream can symbolize danger, fear, and the unknown. It could be a warning sign that something dangerous will soon enter your life or it could represent a suppressed emotion or hidden power within you.

Other color variations of snake dreams can symbolize different things, so it’s important to pay attention to the details of the dream. For example, a white snake can be interpreted as a sign of healing and transformation.

What Does It Mean If You Dream About a Snake Wrapping Itself Around You?

The behavior of the snake that appears in your dream can also reveal hidden messages from your subconscious.

For example, if the snake is aggressive or attacking you, it could be a sign of anxiety and fear. On the other hand, if the snake is peaceful and not confronting you, it can signify healing and renewal.

What Does It Mean If You Dream of a Snake Slithering Away From You?

Dreaming of a snake slithering away from you might mean that you are trying to avoid something or someone in your life.

It could also signify a fear of change or uncertainty surrounding an upcoming event. Additionally, it could represent suppressed emotions or past experiences resurfacing.

What Does It Mean If a Snake Appears in a Sensual Dream?

Snakes may represent temptation or desire, particularly if the dream includes a conflict between yourself and the snake. It could also signify a power struggle or the fear of intimacy.

A snake can also be a symbol of love, so if you’ve entered a new relationship or are feeling affection for someone, it’s possible the snake is representative of that connection.

What to Do If You Dream About a Snake

If you dream about a snake, take the time to reflect on your experiences and feelings during the dream. Consider how you felt in the dream and note any symbols or details that could help explain what the dream may be trying to tell you. It can also be helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings in order to gain clarity.

Our closest friends are a true lifeline—people who care about us, understand who we are at a core level, and who remain at our side through thick and thin. Cultivating genuine, fulfilling friendships takes real work, though, and often it starts by simply asking questions.

Beginning a relationship with lighthearted questions—usually focused around interests, hobbies, and their life—is the perfect place to start. But as you develop your friendship, it makes sense to start asking deep questions to engage on a whole new level.

If you lived in a college dorm, there’s a good chance you’ve engaged in your fair share of deep conversations with friends already, and those may be some of your most cherished memories.

Read on to discover the importance of deep questions over surface level conversation topics, check out a list of questions to get you started, and some tips on initiating deep conversations with friends so you can strengthen your relationships.

50 Deep Questions to Ask Your Friends

These questions cover a variety of topics including childhood, relationships, personal philosophies, and more. Many of them should spark natural follow up questions and conversation. You know your friends best, so choose the questions that you think may generate the best conversations and won’t make anyone too uncomfortable.

Some of these may seem lighthearted, but actually can lead to some of the most interesting insights into you and your friends’ psyche.

Deep Questions to Ask About Relationships

These questions can help generate some interesting insights into how your friends feel about the relationships in their lives, and perhaps yield some insights into why you are good friends with them in the first place:

• What is the most important relationship in your life?
• What was your childhood like, and how is your relationship with your parents? 
• What does it mean to be a good friend to you?
• If your exes were all stuck in a room together, what would they say about you?
• Do you think there is one person out there that each of us are meant to be with?
• What’s the most unconventional thing that can attract you to someone?
• What’s the most petty dealbreaker that will instantly turn you off of a potential love interest?
• If you could change one thing about me, what would it be and why?
• What’s your approach to handling disagreements and conflicts in your relationships?

Deep Questions to Ask About the World

Everyone has their own opinions about what is right and wrong with the world. These questions can help you and your friends dig in on how you really feel, and why you feel that way. These kinds of questions could provoke some intriguing and enlightening—but friendly—arguments.

• If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be and why?
• What’s something about the modern-day world that bothers you, and what’s something about it that brings you joy?
• What is your favorite place in the world to be?
• If you could choose any decade to live in, which one would you choose?
• What is one thing that society has lost that you wish we could get back?
• If you could erase one technological advancement from the world, what would it be?

Deep Questions to Ask About Life and Death

There are no bigger questions than those that address where we came from and where we’re going. These are some serious topics, so be prepared for things to get heavy. As long as you’re in a safe space, these questions will make for some fascinating conversation:

• What are your best and worst memories from childhood?
• What’s something that happened in grade school that really impacted who you are today?
• Do you believe in fate, or do you think we have control over our own destinies?
• If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why?
• Do spirituality or religion play any role in your life? Why or why not?
• Do you regret the path your life has taken to this point?
• If you could live a different life, what would it look like?
• If you could erase the bad memories from your mind, would you?
• If money were no object, what would you do with your life?
• How do you want to be remembered?
• Do you have any secrets that would change your whole life if they became public knowledge?
• Would you trade a long life for a short life full of distinction and success?
• If you could relive one day of your life, which day would it be and why?
• If you only had 24 hours left to live, how would you spend it?
• If you could know the day of your passing, would you want to know?

Deep Questions About Success and Failure

Sometimes, our friends may be the people we are most jealous of. But they probably feel the same about you! These questions about success and the various paths our lives can take will help you put things in perspective:

• Where do you want to be in 10 years? Are you currently on that path?
• Are you satisfied with your current career trajectory?
• What are your biggest fears, and how do you cope with them? 
• What’s a challenge you’ve recently overcome or are currently facing?
• How do you define happiness, and what do you do to cultivate it in your life?
• What are the core principles that guide your decision-making and actions in life?
• Do you ever feel like a failure?
• What’s your definition of success, and how are you working to achieve it?
• What is the most important lesson you’ve learned in the past year?
• What advice would you give to your younger self?

Deep Questions to Get Weirdly Philosophical

It’s time to have some fun! These questions are best asked later on in the evening when everyone has loosened up a bit and is ready to say some things that nobody expects. At first glance, some of these may not seem like serious questions, but you will be surprised by how much insight you can glean from the answers you’ll hear:

• Would you rather time travel to the past or future?
• What would your role be in the zombie apocalypse?
• What fictional world would you most want to live in?
• What skill is the closest thing you have to a superpower?
• If your inner monologue was a book, what genre would it be?
• If aliens came to Earth and you were the first person they saw, what would you do to communicate to them that you were friendly?
• If you could be famous, what would you most want to be famous for?
• What’s the most morally questionable thing you would do for a lot of money?
• Who’s your favorite Beatle and why? (Adjust as needed for your friends’ musical tastes)

The Importance of Asking Deep Questions 

The key difference between surface level conversations and deep questions is that the former has a quick and dry answer while the latter invites both parties to explore the topic more deeply. For example, lighthearted topics might be around today’s news or what happened at work today, while a deeper conversation goes beyond the surface. 

Patel says deep conversations fulfill the following criteria: 

What Topics Are Considered Deep? 

Deep conversation categories run the gamut, but include:

• personal values
• life philosophies
• family dynamics
• interpersonal relationships
• dreams and aspirations
• fears
• challenges
• self-reflection

“Engaging in deep conversations with people allows us to develop empathy, increases our own mental wellness, and creates connections,” Patel explains. “It also has benefits of intellectual stimulation and increased positive emotions.”

What’s more, research shows that going beyond small talk tends to make people feel happier, even though it’s challenging to initiate these deeper conversations. A 2021 study found that people felt more connected to others when having deep conversations versus shallow ones.

Another study from 2018 found that when we have these deep bonds, it promotes self-esteem, improves life satisfaction, fosters a sense of belonging, and boosts both our mental and physical health.

Advice on Initiating Deep Conversations with Friends 

The 2021 study we referenced above was interesting in that it noted people’s desire to connect deeply, but acknowledged just how difficult it can be to start these conversations. 

The truth is that asking deep questions requires vulnerability from both parties. You’ll find, though, that once you start talking about these topics the other person will open up slowly, which leads to a snowball effect of continued relationship growth. But how do you get there to begin with?

“Create a space where one feels safe to share, make time, validate and establish rapport,” Patel says. “Ask questions about their values and perspective and actively listen without judgment.”  

Remember, asking deep questions is a two-way street, meaning that there’s give and take from both sides. Remain open to your friends’ responses, be willing to share your own thoughts and experiences, and respect any desire to end the conversation or switch to a new topic.