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The recovery model is a holistic, person-centered approach to mental health care. The model has quickly gained momentum and is becoming the standard model of mental health care. It is based on two simple premises:

1. It is possible to recover from a mental health condition.
2. The most effective recovery is patient-directed.

If you’re receiving mental health services or have a loved one with a mental health condition, knowing the basic tenets of this model can help you advocate for the best care.

The framework can give you language to use when describing gaps in service. Your input can be invaluable in helping mental health care providers shift toward the values outlined by this model.

The Recovery Model Suggests Recovery Is Possible

The hallmark principle of the recovery model of mental health is the belief that people can recover from mental illness to lead full, satisfying lives. Until the mid-1970s, many practitioners believed that patients with mental health conditions were doomed to live with their illness forever and would not be able to contribute to society.

This belief particularly affected people with schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and bipolar disorder, which are serious psychotic and mood disorders. However, several long-term studies from several countries, published in the mid-70s, demonstrated that this notion that people with these conditions could never recover was false.

The recovery model is also used in occupational therapy, a treatment type for both physical and mental health that focuses on the “client-provider partnership” and allows clients to choose what works best for their recovery.

You will also see elements of the recovery model in social work theory, where values such as client well-being and self-determination (the ability to make choices for themselves) are emphasized.

The Recovery Model Is Patient-Directed

Often, sound evidence is not enough to change systems. It took two decades for this basic belief to gain traction in the medical community. The change came about largely through patients advocating to be involved in their own treatment.

Patients also began showing, through lived experience, that given the proper supports, they could live active lives in their communities. The history of the movement reflects the second basic pillar of the recovery model: The most lasting change happens when the patient directs it.

When working in the recovery model, clinicians recognize and respect the fact that patients are the experts in their own lives, and they know what will be best for them and their success. Mental health professionals who use the recovery model listen to their patients and incorporate their wishes, needs, and beliefs into their care.

Characteristics of the Recovery Model

The recovery model of mental health takes a holistic view of a person’s life. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines recovery from mental disorders and/or substance use disorders as “a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential.”

SAMHSA outlines four dimensions that support recovery:

• Health: In order to manage or recover from mental illness, people must make choices that support both their physical and mental well-being.
• Home: People need a safe and stable place to live.
• Purpose: Meaningful daily routines such as school, work, family, and community participation are important during the recovery process and for maintaining wellness.
• Community: Supportive social relationships provide people with the love, emotional availability, and respect that they need to survive and thrive.

In particular, the recovery model of mental health stresses the importance of connectedness and social support. When people have supportive relationships that offer unconditional love, they are better able to cope with the symptoms of their illness and work toward recovery.

Psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors, and other health professionals can provide such support to a certain degree, but connections offered by friends, family, and other peers are also critical. Support groups and community organizations can help fulfill this need as well.

The National Push for Recovery

By 2003, individuals who had been advocating for recovery-based care found their work paying off. A mental health commission appointed by President George W. Bush gave the final report of its work and made recovery-based care a national priority. This final report was ambitious. It envisioned a future that focused on the prevention, early detection, and cure of mental illness.

Today, the concept of the recovery model is familiar to most mental health practitioners. But individuals are still working out how to design programs and treatments based on these principles.

For an in-depth look at the recovery model, the American Psychological Association has 15 learning modules that are accessible to the public. The topics range from a broad overview of the recovery model to ways it is being implemented in practice. 

The Recovery Model vs. the Medical Model

The recovery model of mental illness is often contrasted against what is known as the medical model. The medical model posits that mental disorders have physiological causes, so the focus is often on the use of medications for treatment.

The medical model ensures that biological causes are fully addressed and that people receive the medication-based treatments that they need, while the recovery model ensures that patients are able to be directly involved in their own treatment.

The medical model is rooted in using treatments that are based on empirical research. The recovery model offers the personal empowerment and peer support that people need to cope with their illness and work toward getting better. A number of programs, including the Wellness Recovery Action Plan and the NAMI Family-to-Family program, incorporate both models and have research to back their effectiveness.

Limitations of the Recovery Model

While there are benefits to creating a unique healing program based on someone’s subjective experience of their illness, there are potential drawbacks to using the recovery model.

In addition, some mental health conditions make it more difficult for a person to participate in guiding their own treatment plan. For instance, some people experiencing psychosis or mania may not view themselves as having a mental illness at all. Or, they might recognize that something needs to change, but are scared of doing so in case things become worse for them instead of better.

In other circumstances, a person’s symptoms might be so distressing that they require immediate medical attention. In this situation, the person experiencing mental illness cannot contribute to or make suggestions for their healthcare plan until their symptoms are addressed.

Our default question when we bump into someone—whether a new acquaintance, an old friend, or a steadfast partner—is, “How are you?” It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to ask and considered polite protocol, but it’s not exactly the best way to engage someone to open up on a deeper level. Not just because it’s a boring, expected question, but because it comes with a boring, expected answer: “I’m good.”

“We [often] resort to small talk because it’s socially safe, helps maintain norms, and avoids the vulnerability or discomfort that deeper conversations may bring,” says Charles Sweet, PsyD, a psychiatrist and advisor at Linear Health. So, how do we break out of this cycle? 

Questions for Someone You’ve Just Met

1. What’s your connection to [this event/the host/this location]?
2. What do you think about the music/vibe here?
3. Did you come with anyone, and who are you hoping to meet? (i.e. business contacts, new friends, etc.)
4. Have you been here before, and what inspired you to attend?
5. How’d you find yourself here today?
6. What did you think about [specific part of the event, such as a speech, performance, or activity]?
7. What do you usually order/do here?
8. How’d you find out about this [place/event]?
9. Have you met anyone here that you thought was especially unique or interesting?
10. Any big plans for later in the day/tomorrow?

What To Ask Someone You Already Know  

1. What’s been going on since the last time we met up?
2. Whatever happened with [XYZ thing they brought up last time]?
3. Have you experienced anything new that’s impacted who you are lately?
4. Anything exciting going on in your life?
5. Have you learned or discovered anything cool lately?
6. What are you most excited about in life right now?
7. Have any new goals or plans you’re working on?
8. Read/watched anything good since we last met up?
9. How is [person important to them] doing?
10. What’s a rose (good thing) and a thorn (bad thing) happening in your life right now?

Questions To Get Deeper With Someone You’ve Known a Long Time 

1. What’s been on your mind and heart lately?
2. How are you really doing? Is there anything I can do to support you right now?
3. How have you been doing with [challenge/goal]?
4. How have you been spending your time, and what have you been investing your energy into lately?
5. What are you looking forward to today/this week/this weekend?
6. How’s it going with [person important to them]?
7. Is there anything you’ve wanted to talk about with me lately?
8. What was your high and low today?
9. Any major life or work updates?
10. Is there anything you’d like to share that you’re proud of that I can celebrate with you?

Why Are Meaningful Conversations So Important?

Deeper conversations help us build intimacy, trust, and emotional validation. 

“By opening up about our own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, we create a bridge that invites the other person to do the same,” explains Rachel Marmor, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor based in South Florida. “It’s not about oversharing, but about offering glimpses of our true selves, which encourages others to lower their defenses and share what’s real for them.”

A 2018 study also found that being more connected with others comes with a slew of benefits, including improved self-esteem, better life satisfaction, and a sense of belonging.

“When we ask more personalized and specific questions, we can strengthen our connections by showing a genuine interest in getting to know each other,” adds Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, founder of Take Root Therapy. “Personalized questions also encourage authentic communication, where both parties can express their true thoughts and feelings.”

She adds that these deeper conversations provide opportunities to gain new perspectives, offering insights into different life experiences, values, and ideas.

Key Steps for Connecting With Others

It’s one thing to have a list of questions to ask someone besides “how are you.” It’s another to take that conversational stepping stone and truly connect with other people. Here are four steps you can take to have a more meaningful conversation.

1. Build Trust

Sharing about ourselves first is an effective way to naturally deepen relationships, build trust, and move us beyond superficial niceties.

“When we take the first step and are willing to share more about how we are actually feeling and what’s really on our minds, we allow the person we are speaking with to do the same,” notes Lurie. “It’s a way to signal that we want to have a more honest and in-depth conversation and can serve as an invitation for the other person to do the same.”

2. Actively Listen

All meaningful conversations require a good balance of listening and sharing. Nobody wants to hang with someone who talks at them or doesn’t really seem to care about what’s being discussed.

“Active listening is the cornerstone of meaningful engagement,” Marmor says. “It requires us to be fully present, setting aside distractions and tuning in not just to the words, but to the emotions, the pauses, and the unspoken messages.” This is where the magic of true connection happens—when both people feel understood and valued. 

3. Show Genuine Curiosity 

It’s one thing to listen and respond, but being sincerely curious about the other person is going to create an innate sense of trust and connectedness, says Kimberly Best, RN, a dispute resolution expert at Best Conflict Solutions. 

“This is where conversations can really come alive,” she says. “When someone shares a detail about their life, follow up on it. If they mention a new hobby, ask what drew them to it. If they talk about a challenge they’re facing, express interest in how they’re approaching it. Be open to learning something new from each interaction.”

4. Create a Safe Space

Finally, creating a safe and supportive environment is essential. “People open up when they feel safe, when they know their thoughts and feelings will be met with kindness and without judgment,” Marmor says. “In this space, even silence can be powerful. Reflective pauses allow for thought, for the conversation to breathe, and for both people to connect in a way that words alone cannot achieve.”

Do all these things and you’ll find yourself in a place where real connection lives and where relationships go deeper and feel more satisfying. 

Unconditional positive regard is a term coined by humanist psychologist Carl Rogers to describe a technique used in his non-directive, client-centered therapy.

According to Rogers, unconditional positive regard involves showing complete support and acceptance of a person, no matter what that person says or does.

The therapist accepts and supports the client, no matter what they say or do, placing no conditions on this acceptance. That means the therapist supports the client whether they are expressing and experiencing “good” behaviors and emotions or “bad” ones.

This article discusses what unconditional positive regard means, the effects it can have, and how it is utilized in therapy to bring about positive change.

What Is Unconditional Positive Regard?

Carl Rogers referred to an attitude of total acceptance toward another person as unconditional positive regard. He believed it was an essential part of the therapeutic process and that it could improve the lives of people experiencing psychological distress.

“It means caring for the client, but not in a possessive way or in such a way as simply to satisfy the therapist’s own needs,” explained in Rogers in a 1957 article published in the Journal of Consulting Psychology. “It means caring for the client as a separate person, with permission to have his own feelings, his own experiences.”

When people offer unconditional positive regard, whether it comes from a therapist or other people who are part of a person’s social support network, it plays a role in nurturing that individual’s growth. It conveys to people that they will be granted grace and acceptance, even in the face of their mistakes and failures.

The result, Rogers believed, was that people then become able to be their authentic selves and reveal their deepest fears or secrets, while being met with acceptance.

Unconditional positive regard is a hallmark of healthy relationships, including those between romantic partners, friends, and family members as well as a therapist and their client. It allows people the comfort and freedom to safely be themselves without fearing rejection or the loss of other people’s love.

Unconditional Positive Regard and Self-Worth

Rogers believed that people have a need for both self-worth and positive regard for other people. How people think about themselves and how they value themselves plays a major role in well-being.

During the early years, children hopefully learn that they are loved and accepted by their parents and other family members, which contributes to feelings of confidence and self-worth. Unconditional positive regard from caregivers during the early years of life can help contribute to feelings of self-worth as people grow older.

As people age, other people’s regard plays more of a role in shaping a person’s self-image. This includes regard from friends, family members, romantic partners, and other people who make up their social circle.

Impact of Lack of Unconditional Positive Regard

Rogers believed that when people experience conditional positive regard, where approval hinges solely on the individual’s actions, incongruence may occur. Incongruence happens when a person’s vision of their ideal self is out of step with what they experience in real life.

Congruent individuals will have a lot of overlap between their self-image and their notion of their ideal self. An incongruent individual will have little overlap between their self-image and ideal self.

Rogers also believed that receiving unconditional positive regard could help people become congruent once more. By providing unconditional positive regard to their clients, therapists can help people align their ideal selves with how they actually experience themselves in their lives, helping them recognize their good qualities and not judge themselves for mistakes or failings. This can therefore help them achieve better psychological well-being.

How Unconditional Positive Regard Works

Is it really possible for therapists to offer unconditional positive regard to each and every client? Many suggest that the answer is no. However, some experts suggest that it is possible for therapists to try to feel such regard toward their clients.

It is also important to note that such acceptance does not constitute permissiveness or an endorsement of all behaviors. Natalie Rogers, the daughter of Carl Rogers, later explained that her father believed that while any thoughts and feelings are okay, not all behaviors are acceptable.

Challenges of Showing Unconditional Positive Regard

While unconditional positive regard is a cornerstone of client-centered therapy, it isn’t always easy to put into practice. Imagine a situation in which a therapist is working with a sex offender. In their book, “Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice,” Sommers-Flanagan offers some advice to practitioners who encounter such difficult situations.

Rather than focusing on the behaviors themselves, the authors recommend seeking positive regard for the suffering and fears that such behaviors might represent.

“Rogers firmly believed every person was born with the potential to develop in positive, loving ways,” they suggest. “When doing person-centered therapy, you become their next chance, maybe their last chance, to be welcomed, understood, and accepted. Your acceptance may create the conditions needed for change.”

Traumatic events are scary, dangerous, or shocking experiences that affect us physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or socially. Examples of traumatic events include natural disasters, wars, terrorist attacks, mass shootings, serious illnesses, car accidents, workplace accidents, rape, abuse, and other experiences that affect our sense of well-being.

Trauma affects us in various ways. In the short term, it can cause emotional reactions such as terror, confusion, shock, isolation, and dissociation, whereas in the long run, it can affect our behavior, mental state, and ability to function.

Trauma can also put the body in a state of stress and causes physical symptoms such as a racing heartbeat, headaches, nausea, digestive difficulties, poor sleep quality, and a tendency to startle easily.

Unresolved trauma causes the person to experience disruptive physical and emotional reactions in the present as their body and mind continue to defend against a threat that belongs in the past, Dr. Zackson explains.

This article explores the symptoms, causes, diagnosis, and treatment of unresolved trauma.

Symptoms of Unresolved Trauma

These are some of the common symptoms of unresolved trauma, according to Dr. Zackson:

• Hypervigilance and inability to let one’s guard down
• Lack of trust and difficulty opening up to other people
• Dissociation and a persistent feeling of numbness
• Control issues, to overcompensate for feeling helpless during the traumatic incident
• Low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness
• Anger issues and difficulty regulating emotions
• High blood pressure and cortisol levels
• Sleep difficulties, including insomnia and nightmares
• Headaches, nausea, sweating, or digestive issues
• Tightness in the chest or a pit in the stomach
• Somatic preoccupation (excessive focus and extreme distress about physical symptoms)
• Bodily memories that cause physical flashbacks of the sensations, smell, taste, pain, and pressure of the traumatic experience
• Mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, substance use disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Causes of Unresolved Trauma

Unresolved trauma occurs when the person has experienced an overwhelming event—or series of events—outside their brain’s window of tolerance, Dr. Zackson explains. “The survivor protects themselves from the pain by repressing and avoiding the disturbing emotions and trying to get over the trauma by pushing it down.”

Impact of Unresolved Trauma

Unresolved trauma can cause the person to feel threatened long after the incident occurs, according to Dr. Zackson. “Every new experience is tainted by the past, as if the trauma is still happening.”

Even positive gestures from an intimate partner, family members, friends, colleagues, or passersby on the street may be interpreted as hostile or threatening because the brain perceives threats in benign circumstances as well, Dr. Zackson explains.

“Essentially, the survivor’s energy is geared toward remaining in control at the cost of living a spontaneous and enjoyable life. The impact can be broken relationships, stalled careers, substance use, and other physical and emotional symptoms,” says Dr. Zackson.

Diagnosing Unresolved Trauma

According to Dr. Zackson, diagnosing unresolved trauma requires an in-depth assessment by a skilled clinician who will evaluate the person’s:

• Symptoms
• Past experiences
• Medical history
• Coping skills
• Internal and external resources

A thorough assessment is essential as individuals with unresolved trauma could be misdiagnosed with depression, anxiety, or adjustment disorder when their symptoms may be better explained by the unresolved trauma, says Dr. Zackson.

Treating Unresolved Trauma

Treating unresolved trauma is important, because without treatment and healthy coping skills, it’s likely that it will never be fully resolved.

Below, Dr. Zackson outlines the therapeutic process of treating unresolved trauma and the different forms of therapy that may be helpful.

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Therapeutic Process

Treatment for unresolved trauma begins with creating a safe and nurturing environment where the survivor feels safe enough to process the trauma that has been repressed and pushed into the ‘black box’. 

The clinician carefully and safely opens this ‘box,’ allowing patients to become aware of their experiences. The clinician works with the patient to develop a perspective on and integrate their inner experiences into their life.

Types of Therapy

According to Dr. Zackson, these are some forms of therapy, ideally conducted by experienced trauma specialists, that can help treat unresolved trauma:

Listening to music isn’t just a fun hobby or enjoyable way to pass the time. Evidence suggests that it can help people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to improve focus and general well-being.

Music can improve emotional regulation, self-development, and relaxation, but that’s not all. Research has also shown that music can help decrease inattention, reduce negative mood, and promote reading comprehension for those with ADHD.

Many people with ADHD gravitate to instrumental music because it generally has a very structured rhythm that helps people focus. Because instrumental music doesn’t have worse, many find it less distracting. Other kinds of music with consistent and repetitive rhythm patterns, like electronic music, may also be helpful. 

Benefits of ADHD Music

Many people with ADHD typically have dopamine deficits. That means they need dopamine to get work done. Music can provide that much-needed hit of dopamine so they can focus their attention and get things done.

Music may also help improve mood in people with ADHD. Research shows that music significantly reduced sadness and hopelessness. (The good news: it also helped people who *don’t* have ADHD!)

It has also been found that keeping a stable rhythm and musical beat can be calming. This helps with a sense of security and stability that can lead to emotional well-being and regulation of stress hormones—something people with ADHD may have a hard time doing.

The Load Theory of Select Attention

A concept called the load theory of select attention states that maintaining attention in a given circumstance depends on the balance between late-stage attention and early-stage attention.

Early-selection attention involves deliberately concentrating your focus on something; late-selection attention involves being “directed involuntarily” (i.e., distracted) to something.

In people without ADHD, however, there is no need to redirect that late-selection attention. In fact, this may actually create a distraction for them, diverting resources from the earlier-selection stimuli.

Types of ADHD Music

Just as music in general can be such a personal preference, so can music for ADHD. While many people prefer to listen to music without words to focus, it may work for others. 

Similarly, “for some, it can come down to familiar music versus unfamiliar—which may also vary by person,” says Barkholtz. 

Here are some types of music you might want to check out to help you focus if you have ADHD, and why.

Binaural Beats

Binaural beats work by stimulating both sides of the brain, forcing them to work together to communicate with each other to create the singular wave that is sensed by your awareness.

If you are searching for binaural beat music on your own, you can usually just search something like “binaural beats for ADHD,” but if you are looking for something more specific, you’ll want to look at music in the Alpha frequency (9-13Hz).

Rock Music

Though it may be hard to believe, rock music has been proven to help people with ADHD improve their rates of task completion. Rock music can also help with hyperactivity because the repetitive beat reduces the muscle tension common in those with ADHD. 

Classical Music

One reason classical music may help those with ADHD is that it increases arousal and puts brains in the alpha state, which leads to improved cognitive performance. Mozart, in particular, has been proven to help.

Lo-Fi

With its predictability and steady rhythm, lo-fi music helps the frontal brain lobe focus by reducing outside distractions.

It has been shown to increase memory recall, and the quality of the music can almost be described as white noise. Many playlists exist specifically meant for studying or working. 

Listen to this music style on YouTube.

Or, You Can Listen to Whatever You Want

Ultimately, just because a study says that a certain type of music helps concentration doesn’t mean that it’s the only type of music that can feel helpful—or even enjoyable—to you. 

“Momma’s boy” is a term sometimes used to describe a man who lacks self-reliance and is overly dependent on his mother. While it has traditionally been used as an insult, shifting attitudes have led to changes in how the term is used today. For younger generations, the term is often used to describe men with a healthy respect and appreciation for their moms.

Being married to a momma’s boy isn’t always a bad thing. A man who is close to his mother is not a momma’s boy in a negative way.

Research has shown that boys and men with strong relationships with their mothers are mentally healthier, more empathetic, and have better relationships with women. However, a man who seems unhealthily attached to his mother might be more of a problem. This is particularly true if he can’t seem to function without her.

What Is a Momma’s Boy?

The term “momma’s boy” (sometimes written as “mama’s boy”) is often used as slang to describe a man who has an unhealthy dependence on his mother well into adulthood when he is expected to be independent and self-reliant. 

The term was first used in the early 1900s, and its popular use is rooted in the work of theorists and child development researchers such as Sigmund Freud and Benjamin Spock.

In the past, psychologists and child experts often believed that maternal warmth and coldness were connected to psychological issues in children, particularly in boys. Today, experts recognize that healthy attachment is essential for the mental well-being of boys and men.

Many men, from professional athletes to entrepreneurs, proudly claim to be momma’s boys. The term has been reclaimed in recent years to indicate a boy or man who appreciates, respects, admires, and/or is close with his mother.

Signs Someone Might Be a Momma’s Boy

In order to recognize the signs that someone might be a momma’s boy, it’s important first to be able to recognize some of the signs of unhealthy boundaries.

Such behaviors are often a sign of enmeshment. When enmeshment persists into adulthood, men may continue to rely on their mother to meet their practical, financial, emotional, and social needs. Examples might include having his mom balance his checkbook, clean his house, and provide money.

Researchers suggest that these interparental boundaries are important not only for the relationships between kids and their parents, they also establish the tone that helps determine the quality of other family relationships as well.

Effects of Being a Momma’s Boy

Being a momma’s boy may have some potentially negative psychological effects. For example, research has found that boys who fail to form secure, nurturing relationships with their mothers are more likely to be aggressive as children and emotionally distant as adults.

Healthy relationships between mothers and sons are important. Boys with good relationships with their moms are more likely to feel secure, confident, and emotionally strong. Research has also shown that boys who have difficult relationships with their moms are at a greater risk of delinquency during adolescence.

Some of these negative effects can include him being overly dependent on his mom and ignoring your needs and wishes. This can ultimately lead to feelings of resentment and difficulties with communication.

How to Handle Boundary Issues

If you are having relationship problems caused by your partner’s unhealthy boundaries, there are some things that you can do to improve the situation. Some things you should try include:

Establish Clear Boundaries

Your man might be used to his mother catering to his every need and want, but that does not mean that you need to as well. It is important that you set boundaries and let him know that you will not behave like his mother.

He can act like a boy with his mother all he wants, but when he is with you, he should act like an independent adult who can take care of himself.

He may use manipulation to get his way, so you need to be strong when he accuses you of not loving him and wanting what is best for him. Studies have shown that managing boundaries in marriage is important for a successful relationship, especially in couples where both partners are wage-earners.

Maintain Independent Space

Moving into her house is not a good idea if he’s a momma’s boy. Chances are, their relationship as mother and son will come before your relationship with him. He will most likely side with his mother on every subject to avoid upsetting her. He may even go to his mother when the two of you disagree.

While he can do these things even if you live outside her home, the distance will help some. You do not want to feel like the third wheel when living with your spouse.

If you are in financial straits and his parents have offered to help you by letting you move in, make sure there is an end date in mind. If you are doing it to save for your own home, realize that you risk damaging your marriage.

However, keep in mind that living apart from your in-laws does not guarantee a stress-free relationship with them. Many couples still report feeling pressure.

Avoid Confrontation

It’s not your place to go to your mother-in-law and ask her to back off. If you want to talk to anyone about the situation, it’s your husband you need to talk to. Do not come from a place of anger, though.

Remind him that you like his mother and don’t mind going to her house for dinner once a month, but she should not be coming on all of your activities and dates just because she is lonely or has poor boundaries.

Explain that you do not want her out of your lives, but you both need time to connect and grow as a couple.

Make Your Own Choices

It’s one thing for your mother-in-law to make his choices if that’s what he is comfortable with. She might pick out his clothes, his food, and even his career. If he is incapable of making these decisions without her input, however, that might be something to consider trying to iron out.

You don’t want his mother to become a decision-maker about choices you make as an individual or as a couple. Do not include your mother-in-law in your marital disagreements.