6 Signs of a Serial Cheater, According to a Psychiatrist

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • Serial cheaters often hide their devices and lie about intimacy.
  • Many serial cheaters have poor impulse control and may struggle with mental health issues.
  • If you discover your partner is a serial cheater, prioritize your well-being and consider therapy for both of you.

Learning you’ve been cheated on is such a terrible feeling. One of the only things that can feel worse than discovering your partner cheated on you, though, is finding out that it isn’t their first time being unfaithful. A person with a history of cheating is a serial cheater. They may cheat emotionally, physically, or both.

The cheating may have occurred once in a relationship but with multiple relationships, or numerous times with the same partner. Serial cheating simply means that someone has cheated on a partner more than once.

How can you be on the lookout for a serial cheater, and what can you do if you learn that your partner has been cheating on you repeatedly? With the help of a board-certified psychiatrist, we’ll parse out everything you need to know to handle this difficult situation.

Characteristics and Behaviors of Serial Cheaters

It’s worth noting that cheating is a form of expression, and can have many underlying causes. “Serial cheating should also be viewed as a behavioral form of communicating; a window into underlying emotions, impulses toward recreating past trauma, avoiding emotional intimacy, and low self-esteem,” explains co-founder of SohoMD Dr. Edward Ratush.

The following are signs that a person has a history of cheating on a partner.

  1. They lie, particularly in relation to intimacy. “Cheaters lie to their partners about their intimacy priorities, hiding the fact that sexual novelty and/or sexual compulsivity are at the root of their decision tree,” says Ratush.
  2. They’ve cheated before. People who have cheated on past partners are more likely to do it again. This might seem obvious, but for many of us, it’s natural to give partners the benefit of the doubt that they have changed since a past mistake. It’s important to know, however, that people who cheat during their first relationship are three times as likely to do it again in their next relationship, versus those who did not cheat in theirs.
  3. They hide their devices. It’s perfectly reasonable to want privacy in your communication with others, but a partner who hides their phone, laptop, or tablet from you may be doing so because they have a history of cheating or are cheating currently.
  4. They exhibit poor impulse control. “The characteristics seen in serial cheaters can vary widely,” says Ratush, who clarifies that “this behavior can be driven by poor impulse control, potentially as a symptom of various psychiatric conditions.”

  5. They haven’t dealt with their emotional health issues. “Underlying conditions may range from primary psychiatric conditions, like bipolar disorder or impulse-control disorders like ADHD or substance-induced behavioral disorders,” explains Ratush. “Sexual addiction or attachment issues may also be at play,” he adds.
  6. They act like cheating isn’t a big deal, or say that monogamy is overrated. If your partner doesn’t seem interested in committing to you, doesn’t think monogamy is the right relationship model for them, and/or doesn’t think that cheating on a partner is a deal breaker, you should take them at face value. This line of thinking is indicative of a person who has cheated on partners.

Impact of Serial Cheating on Relationships

Serial cheating impacts both the cheater and the person being cheated on, and, in short, it just isn’t healthy for anyone involved. Both the person cheating and the person being cheated on many quickly find themself worse for the wear of the experience.

Your own history in relationships can dictate how you respond to being cheated on. “For the person being cheated on, this behavior could feed into past trauma and actually keep the partner engaged in a negative loop,” warns Ratush.

On the other hand, a positive relationship history may help you get out of the situation more quickly. “If the partner who has been cheated on possesses, themselves, a healthy attachment process and high self-esteem, they will generally move on from the relationship and avoid the drama of further negative behavior,” he says.

Dr. Edward Ratush

For the person being cheated on, this behavior could feed into past trauma and actually keep the partner engaged in a negative loop.

— Dr. Edward Ratush

For the person cheating, doing it again after having done it in the past might reinforce negative self-beliefs. “For the cheater, it could be out of their control, with addiction or impulse issues negatively impacting their self-esteem,” says Ratush. In fact, he tells us that the situation might be so out of their control that “some serial cheaters, especially those prone to addiction, can be so emotionally possessed that they will put a loving relationship at risk just to fulfill their compulsive needs.”

How to Identify a Serial Cheater

Now that you know some characteristics and behaviors of a serial cheater, it should be easier to discern the warning signs. Here’s how to identify that someone has a history of cheating, or that in doing it now, it isn’t the first time.

Top signs of a serial cheater

  1. They have poor relationships with others. “One important place to look is their relationship with their parents, siblings, and friends,” says Ratush. That’s because “if they have long-term, healthy dynamic relationships with people in their lives, chances are they’ll have it with their partner.”
  2. They are resistant to addressing their mental health when you bring it up. “look for people who take care of their mental health,” suggests Ratush. “Cheaters, commonly, endure poor states of mental health,” he explains, noting that “identifying untreated mental health disorders and/or poor mental hygiene is critical to understanding the serial cheater.”
  3. They’ve cheated on you once already. Because of the studies showing that those who have cheated once are more likely to do it again, you might not want to accept an apology and move on with full trust.

Anyone can be a cheater, but some demographics are more prone to cheating than others. For instance, men are more statistically likely to cheat than women, and older people are more likely to cheat than younger ones.

How to Deal With a Serial Cheater

If you’ve discovered that your partner is a serial cheater, you shouldn’t wait to take action. You’ll want to begin taking your next steps as soon as possible.

First, you need to prioritize your physical health. “When cheating is discovered, the first concern should be personal health: stop sexual intimacy immediately to avoid any health risks,” recommends Ratush. If your partner claims to have taken precautions when cheating, that doesn’t mean it’s safe to engage with them. You’ll want to both get tested right away.

Next, therapy is in order. ” Work on a plan to engage in psychiatric treatment involving both a biological work-up and talk therapy,” says Ratush. Unless the situation is dealt with, your partner is likely to cheat again. And you should also take part in therapy, both to process the trauma of your partner cheating and to make sure you don’t get caught up in their cycle of it.

Lastly, you need to pause in the present. “Explore tangible steps to improve the state of mental health before talking seriously about the future of the relationship,” suggests Ratush. If you have future plans, it’s best to put them on pause until you can both be sure your partner won’t cheat on you again.

How to Move Forward

Whether you stay with your partner or decide to break up, chances are you’ve been exhausted emotionally by the process of someone cheating on you. Prioritize your own self-care, knowing you can’t fix anyone else.

Seeking out therapy for yourself will be key to making sure you don’t move straight from one person who cheats to another who does too. “A person moving on after a relationship with a serial cheater should have their own psychiatric evaluation done—to make sure they have the right support to manage any heartbreak and also to understand whether they’re somehow attracting this type of person into their lives,” suggests Ratush. He says that this work should be done for the sake of your mental health and self-esteem.

If you decide to stay with your partner, their own therapy will be needed to change their habits. The good news is, that’s actually possible! “With the proper psychiatric care, cheaters can find the path to healthier emotional living,” explains Ratush. “Sometimes, with the right support and treatment, the emotions and honesty that can be brought to light after a cheating episode can become the motivation that helps people commit to elevating their lives.”

Resources for Your Emotional Health

If you have been with a serial cheater, know that it isn’t your fault. You chose to love someone who is acting from a place of not being fully well emotionally, and that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Your focus should now be on how to improve your place emotional wellness so that you recover from this situation.

Infidelity Survivors Anonymous is a support group for people who have been the victims of cheating. They have meetings online and in person, as well as hosted events. If you are unsure how to get the support you need, this is the perfect place to start.

If you are going to stay with your partner, utilizing a structured form of recovery can keep your partner on track. The Infidelity Recovery Institute has a seven step program designed for couples who want to move forward together after someone in the relationship has cheated.

Your own personal network can also be relied on. Rather than keeping this situation to yourself, tell those you are close to about what you have been through. Allow yourself to lean on your loved ones as you recover from being with a serial cheater. They’ll help you take the time to care for yourself, and can remind you that it wasn’t your fault.

Being with a serial cheater is traumatic, so give yourself the grace to take time to get over it. Healing doesn’t happen immediately, but your future can still be full of love and honesty.


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4 Warning Signs Your Relationship Is Already Over

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • If there is a lack of physical and emotional intimacy, it might mean the relationship is over.
  • Constantly having the same unresolved arguments can show a relationship is ending.
  • Trust your gut feelings about the relationship—they might be right.

Being in love can be one of the best feelings in the world. The relationship can be filled with exhilaration and a soft gushiness that can propel you towards promises of forever. Yet, as time slips by, you may begin to experience uncertainty about your partner. 

It might’ve reached a point where you aren’t connected like how it was at the beginning. Even the little things about their personality may have started to bother you, and the same old arguments keep replaying on a loop. You’re not opening up to your partner as much as you used to, and if you’re being totally honest—you’re not sure if you can see them in your future anymore.

Perhaps the relationship is going through a tough moment that seems impossible to repair. Or everything seems “fine,” but you’re left with a persistent feeling of doubt you can’t seem to shake. Whatever the case may be, you’re now wondering if the relationship has run its course and it’s time to move on.  To help you feel confident moving forward, here are a few obvious (and not-so-obvious) clues that could hint your relationship is already over. 

At a Glance

When you’re at a crossroads in your relationship, it can be difficult to make a decision. On one hand, you know love requires hard work, so you want to salvage a good thing if you have it. On the other hand, you don’t want denial to push you further in a relationship that isn’t making you happy. Look for consistent incompatibilities that you can’t seem to overcome. no matter how much you try. Some key signs your relationship may be beyond repair include:

  • a lack of physical intimacy
  • issues with problem-solving
  • feeling lonely in the same room
  • that gut feeling

Simply put, trust your body—you’ll know when it’s time.

The Intimacy Just Isn’t There Anymore

If one of you reaches out for sexual intimacy, and the other consistently responds with excuses about being tired, irritated, stressed, disconnected, or not in the mood, it could indicate underlying issues in your relationship. There are no strict rules for sexual frequency, and experiencing occasional dry spells is normal.

However, if this pattern of physical distancing becomes a recurring theme, it’s worth addressing–especially if you feel like you’re forcing things, slowed down with physical touch, sharing secrets about your day, and engaging in revealing conversations together. 

In my work as a relationship coach, I’ve observed once you’ve stopped confiding in your partner, it’s likely you’ve also stopped craving physical and emotional intimacy with them, too.

This observation is backed up by a 2018 study that investigated how emotional closeness in long-term relationships can influence one’s desire for sex.  The researchers discovered that being emotionally close doesn’t directly lead to more sex, but it does lead to a stronger desire for it. The study emphasizes the importance of maintaining open lines of communication for increased relationship satisfaction.

When a couple tells me they’re not super open about the mundane and pivotal parts of their respective lives, it’s a huge sign that the relationship has probably been on the outs for some time. 

If you’re not actively seeking out these kinds of connected moments, it may mean that you no longer see them as someone who can bring you joy and fulfillment. Perhaps they are more like your best friend, family member, roommate, teammate, co-worker, or an obligation. Those are great aspects to have in your relationship, but viewing each other as a source and expression for your romantic pleasure is needed to keep the spark alive.

You Can’t Problem Solve Together

In long-term relationships, it’s common to have the same fight again and again. You know the fight I’m talking about. Even when you bicker about something different like the dishes, work, family, or money—somehow, somehow, the argument inevitably tumbles back to the same core issue. Not being able to get past this central fight can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and suppression. 

Sure, these fights can be frustrating. But they can also be incredibly satisfying once you finally tackle the unhidden issue that needs to be talked through to elevate the relationship. Addressing these emotionally charged issues requires effort. One must be thoughtful of triggers, understand the other’s perspective, discuss past grievances objectively, and strive to meet their partner’s needs.

While these fights may linger, you can break free of the cycle with warm, open, positive, and honest communication. Just know it’ll take as long as it needs to. Patience and perseverance are your allies. 

The problem is avoiding certain conversations out of fear of confrontation, which signals a massive loss of trust in your partner. This reluctance to discuss sensitive topics shows you’re uncomfortable disclosing private aspects of yourself or articulating the fullness of your needs. If you can’t tell them when you’re upset, how can you approach them with a vulnerable request about something else that matters to you? When it reaches this point, your partner may not be seen as a collaborator for effective problem-solving but instead as an adversary. You’re not on the same side anymore.

If you can’t tell them when you’re upset, how can you approach them with a vulnerable request about something else that matters to you?

When you’re disconnected and can’t move beyond entrenched, well-defended positions in the argument, it’s time to question whether your relationships allow for change at the necessary level. If not, you might need to consider whether something different is required for your own well-being. 

You Feel Alone When You’re Next To Them

If you find yourself longing to do things alone or fantasizing about moments they won’t be around so you can participate in the activities you enjoy, that’s an invitation to pause and reflect further. 

When you’re in a thriving relationship, you’ll want to do some of your alone things with your partner. When your relationship is surviving, you’ll feel lonely even when they’re next to you doing the same thing—as if there’s an emotional abyss in between. You may feel misunderstood, trapped, shut down, on edge, and uncomfortable being around them. Taken to an extreme, you may find yourself judging your partner and the things they value.

If you’re not putting in the time and energy to nurture a connection, you will grow apart. It’ll make sense to keep doing your own thing until you look up one day and realize you’re living completely separate lives. 

When you and your partner feel disconnected on a fundamental level, no longer prioritize the same values, and find it hard to get along, it becomes a challenge to co-create a shared future. Why commit to a future together when the present moment feels so dissatisfying to be in? 

Quick Exercise to Self-Reflect

A useful exercise to help you see things clearly:

  • Write down a simple list of all the activities you do on a regular basis.
  • Give each one a rough percentage of the time you spend on it.
  • What do you do alone or with your partner?
  • Which ones give you energy or take from you?
  • Which activities do you commit to out of obligation versus authentic desire?

The answers to these questions may reveal surprising truths. 

You Just Know It

Our subconscious mind controls 95% of our lives, meaning that a majority of our decisions, actions, emotions, and behaviors are influenced beyond our conscious awareness. These imperceptible signals are picked up by our mind-body connection, registering as a gut instinct that tells us something is not right. 

In my work as a relationship coach, I’ve observed once you’ve stopped confiding in your partner, it’s likely you’ve also stopped craving physical and emotional intimacy with them, too.

Gut feelings are easy to dismiss until we unpack the science. Emerging research notes the gut is linked to the enteric nervous system, which works alongside the brain to communicate in parallel, which ultimately plays a major instinctive part in our physical and emotional states. 

That’s why the gut is known as the second brain. So, when you simply “know” something to be true, even if you can’t put it into words or logically figure out how you know it, don’t dismiss what your gut is telling you. There’s a reason why they call it a “deep knowing” or an “inner truth.” Your intuition is intelligently designed.

Is It My Gut or Just My Anxiety Talking?

Many of my clients have told me it’s hard to tell the difference between their gut and anxiety. Let’s talk about the embodied difference:

  • When your instincts are fear-based, your thoughts will feel overly analytical, obsessive, uncertain, and full of rumination.
  • When your instincts are coming from your intuition (or your gut), your thoughts will feel clear, truthful, unhurried, and consistent. 

But I will say this: if you live an unhealthy lifestyle with factors such as stress, anxiety, inactivity, poor diet choices, and lack of sleep, it’ll contribute to an imbalanced gut microbiome. This means your mental health will be impacted, and your instincts will feel out of whack. For optimal cognitive functioning, it’s imperative to align your mind, body, and soul with nourishing self-care practices so you can trust your intuition.

If you’ve been contemplating ending your relationship, regardless of whether or not you can clearly say why, don’t over-intellectualize what’s happening. Pay attention to your body and what it’s telling you–which you can only know when you slow down through mindfulness. You don’t have to have a big reason to break up with your partner and read article after article if you’re meant to be together. You’ll just know it. 

What This Means For You

Relationships are always workable because love is a choice. But sometimes, there’s no amount of “work” that can make a wrong relationship right. While you can always try out new strategies, techniques, and tools to improve your relationship, constantly finding an angle back into a connection where you can’t communicate or grow together is the definition of sunk cost fallacy. You don’t need to wait for a vicious fight or a breach of trust to happen so you can feel confident about ending the relationship. If you’ve been wanting to leave, that’s the only reason you need to go.

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By Julie Nguyen

Julie Nguyen is a certified relationship coach and mental health and sexuality writer. Her writing explores themes around mental well-being, culture, psychology, trauma, and human intimacy.


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Signs, Causes, and Coping Strategies

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Recognize your triggers and challenge negative thoughts to overcome insecurity.
  • Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and celebrating your successes.
  • Build a supportive network and consider seeking professional help if necessary.

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? Do you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling like you’re coming up short? Do you hesitate to try new things because you’re sure you’ll be bad at them? Does your inner critic whisper in your ear while you’re at work, spending time with your friends, or even when you’re simply trying on clothes in the mirror?

We know this cycle of self-doubt and insecurity can be exhausting to live with. It doesn’t let you believe in yourself, holds you back from trying new things, and keeps you from living your best life.

Understanding Insecurity

According to the American Psychological Association, insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy and lack of confidence that makes us doubt our abilities and relationships with others.

Insecurity is usually a belief that you’re a failure as a person, says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Clarity Clinic, Chicago.

Insecurity is usually a belief that you’re a failure as a person.

Although insecurity can look and feel different to everyone, these are some common signs and symptoms:

  • Constant self-doubt: There’s a nagging voice in your head that makes you doubt your abilities, appearance, and worthiness.
  • Negative self-talk: Your inner critic is constantly focused on perceived flaws or shortcomings, berating you repeatedly for every little mistake you make.
  • Excessive comparison: You frequently compare yourself to others and feel inferior as a result.
  • Approval seeking: You feel like you need the validation and approval of others to feel worthy or accepted. This can lead to people-pleasing behavior or a fear of taking risks.
  • Fear of rejection: You have a strong fear of being judged, criticized, or rejected by others.
  • Sensitivity to criticism: Even minor criticism can feel devastating, confirming your inner doubts and insecurities.
  • Defensiveness: You may react defensively to constructive criticism or feedback, taking it personally and feeling attacked. 
  • Overconfidence: Conversely, insecurity can also manifest itself as overconfidence. People who are insecure have trouble taking feedback because they can’t be seen as being less than expert at anything, so they sometimes appear overconfident and put others down, says Dr. Daramus.

  • Social anxiety: You feel on edge in social situations, because you’re worried about being judged or rejected. As a result, you may struggle to make conversations or maintain eye contact with others.
  • Physical symptoms: When your insecurity is triggered, you may experience physical symptoms such as tense muscles, rapid heartbeat, sweating, or a stomach upset.

Factors Contributing to Insecurity

These are some of the factors that can contribute to insecurity:

  • Upbringing: A lack of love, support, or positive reinforcement from caregivers in your early years can leave you feeling insecure about your worth. If the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally don’t, you may not learn to love yourself.
  • Parental pressure: If you were put under too much pressure to perform as a child or were given tasks that were too difficult for you, you may end up feeling like a failure, says Dr. Daramus.
  • Abuse: Negative experiences such as childhood abuse, bullying, rejection, or criticism can leave lasting emotional scars and contribute to insecurity. If you grow up being told there’s something wrong with you, you might start to believe it, says Dr. Daramus.
  • Trauma: Traumatic experiences can leave you feeling unsafe and insecure in the world, impacting your sense of self-worth and trust in others.
  • Past failures: Experiencing rejection, failure, or criticism—in your professional or personal relationships—can chip away at your confidence and make you hesitant to take risks.

  • Perfectionism: Holding yourself to unreasonably high standards can lead to constant disappointment and feelings of inadequacy.
  • Lack of support: A lack of supportive relationships, encouragement, or positive feedback can undermine your confidence and contribute to insecurity.
  • Comparison: Constantly comparing yourself to others, especially in terms of achievements, appearance, or success, can fuel feelings of inferiority and insecurity.
  • Social pressures: Societal expectations around success, relationships, or appearances can also be a source of pressure and insecurity.
  • Social media: Social media, with its curated highlight reels, can create unrealistic beauty standards and fuel feelings of inadequacy.
  • Neurodivergence: Insecurity can also be a sign of undiagnosed neurodivergence, such as ADHD or autism, says Dr. Daramus.

Effects of Insecurity

Insecurity can take a toll on your mental health, relationships, career, and personal growth. These are some of the effects you may experience:

  • Low self-esteem: Insecurity often leads to low self-esteem, causing you to doubt your abilities, worth, and value.
  • Imposter syndrome: Insecurity may also manifest in the form of imposter syndrome. You may feel like you’re doing badly even when you’re doing well, because you believe so strongly that you could not have succeeded, says Dr. Daramus. For example, she says you could be an Olympic athlete or a Nobel prize winner and still feel small and stupid.
  • Mental health: Insecurity can be a breeding ground for stress, anxiety, and depression. The constant feeling of inadequacy and fear of rejection can take a toll on your mental well-being.
  • Relationships: Insecurity can make it difficult for you to form healthy relationships. You might become possessive or jealous in romantic relationships, or struggle to trust and open up to friends.
  • Indecisiveness: Constantly second-guessing and doubting yourself can make it difficult to make decisions, big or small. You might rely heavily on others’ opinions or miss opportunities due to indecisiveness.

  • Missed opportunities: Fear of judgment or failure can prevent you from taking risks, trying new things, or putting yourself out there. Due to your insecurity, you may not really try, says Dr. Daramus. This can limit your personal and professional growth.

Identifying Personal Insecurities

Becoming more self-aware and recognizing your insecurities can be the first step towards overcoming them. Here are some ways to identify and understand your insecurities:

  • Pay attention to your inner critic: What kind of thoughts pop into your head throughout the day? Are they encouraging and kind, or do they focus on your flaws and shortcomings? 
  • Notice your emotional reactions: Pay attention to your emotional reactions in different situations. When do you feel anxious, defensive, or inadequate? These emotions can point to areas of insecurity.
  • Watch for physical signs: Do you experience physical symptoms like anxiety, sweating, or blushing in situations that make you feel insecure?
  • Analyze your behavior: Do you shy away from taking risks or expressing your opinions for fear of rejection? Do you spend excessive time worrying about how you appear to others? Do you prioritize others’ approval over your own needs, in an effort to please them?
  • Keep a journal: If you’re trying to be more aware of your insecurities, it can be helpful to keep a journal where you note down the situations that trigger your self-doubt, negative self-talk, anxiety, or avoidance. Also note down your emotional, physical, and behavioral responses to each situation. This exercise will help you identify triggers and patterns of insecurity, so you can start to work on them.

Overcoming Insecurity

We asked the expert for some strategies that can help you overcome your insecurities:

  • Confront your beliefs: Instead of accepting negative self-talk, try to confront your beliefs about yourself and where they came from, says Dr. Daramus. She recommends asking yourself, who taught you this about yourself?
  • Practice self-compassion: Offer the same kindness and self-compassion to yourself that you would others, reminding yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Learn to forgive yourself and focus on learning and growing.
  • Embrace self-acceptance: You are worthy of love and belonging just as you are. Instead of striving for perfection, accept yourself as you are, with all your flaws and imperfections.
  • Celebrate your successes: Dr. Daramus recommends keeping a list of your successes, even if they’re imperfect. “You probably already have a mental list of your mistakes, but you need to balance that out by celebrating good work.”
  • Step out of your comfort zone: Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone and try new experiences. Celebrate your victories, big and small, to build confidence.

  • Limit social media consumption: Curated feeds and unrealistic portrayals on social media can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Consider taking breaks from these platforms, or limiting your daily usage.
  • Build a supportive network: Dr. Daramus says it’s important to spend time with people who like and respect you. “If possible, avoid spending time with people who focus on your mistakes, unless they’re giving you constructive feedback in a kind and supportive way.”
  • Seek professional help: If your insecurities are overwhelming and interfering with your ability to function, consider seeking help from a therapist. They can equip you with tools and strategies to manage negative thoughts and build self-esteem.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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  3. Lahousen T, Unterrainer HF, Kapfhammer HP. Psychobiology of attachment and trauma-some general remarks from a clinical perspective. Front Psychiatry. 2019 Dec 12;10:914. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00914

  4. Binder PE, Woodfin VI, Hjeltnes A. Perfection is a sad and lonely place: A study of existential vulnerability in the life stories of persons struggling with perfectionism. Int J Qual Stud Health Well-being. 2023 Dec;18(1):2219513. doi:10.1080/17482631.2023.2219513

  5. Väänänen JM, Marttunen M, Helminen M, Kaltiala-Heino R. Low perceived social support predicts later depression but not social phobia in middle adolescence. Health Psychol Behav Med. 2014 Jan 1;2(1):1023-1037. doi:10.1080/21642850.2014.966716

  6. Lanjekar PD, Joshi SH, Lanjekar PD, Wagh V. The effect of parenting and the parent-child relationship on a child’s cognitive development: A literature review. Cureus. 2022 Oct 22;14(10):e30574. doi:10.7759/cureus.30574

  7. Pantic I. Online social networking and mental health. Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2014 Oct;17(10):652-7. doi:10.1089/cyber.2014.0070

  8. Sawant NS, Kamath Y, Bajaj U, Ajmera K, Lalwani D. A study on impostor phenomenon, personality, and self-esteem of medical undergraduates and interns. Ind Psychiatry J. 2023 Jan-Jun;32(1):136-141. doi:10.4103/ipj.ipj_59_22

  9. Valikhani A, Abbasi Z, Radman E, Goodarzi MA, Moustafa AA. Insecure attachment and subclinical depression, anxiety, and stress: A three-dimensional model of personality self-regulation as a mediator. J Psychol. 2018;152(8):548-572. doi:10.1080/00223980.2018.1468727

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By Sanjana Gupta

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.


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What to Do When You’ve Been Sidelined

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • If you think you’re being benched, communicate honestly to find out where you stand in the relationship.
  • It’s important to remember your worth and set boundaries about what you’re looking for in a relationship.

If you watch or play sports, you know that benching means keeping a player off the field or court as a back-up option, in case your first or second choice of player is unable to play. This analogy has been extended to the dating world, to describe a dating trend where people keep potential partners as backup options.

“Benching means keeping a backup player on the sidelines, not letting them participate in the live action of one’s life, but letting them think they are a part of it because they get a better seat than those in the bleachers,” says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

Also sometimes known as cushioning and breadcrumbing, benching is basically the equivalent of stringing someone along. The person is not not interested, they’re just not interested enough to commit to anything and are playing the field, so to speak.

“Benching has become very common with the use of dating apps, as people tend to be overwhelmed with choice and are often juggling multiple partners,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University. 

This article discusses how to recognize whether you’re being benched by someone, what being benched feels like, and what to do if you realize you’re being benched.

How to Know If You’re Being Benched

These are some signs that can help you recognize someone is benching you:

  • Inconsistent communication: One of the classic signs of benching is that the person will be inconsistent in their contact, communication, and efforts to make plans with you, says Dr. Romanoff.
  • Uncertainty: If the person you are dating is vague about their next contact with you, their upcoming schedule, and their level of interest in seeing you again, then it’s possible you’re being benched, says de Llano. Their behavior can leave you feeling uncertain of their interest and motives.
  • Last-minute plans: When the person does reach out, they may try to make plans with you at the last minute, usually because something else has fallen through and they have a gap in their schedule they want to fill.
  • Casual sex: The person may engage in casual sex with you, either regularly or occasionally, without any hint of emotional commitment.
  • Emotional fallback: The person may use you as a source of emotional support when they’re going through something difficult and need comfort. Though being there for them can make you feel valued and needed, it’s important to note whether the support is reciprocated, or only one-way.
  • One-sidedness: Your interest, communication, and interactions with the person can feel one-sided.

Claudia de Llano, LMFT

If you feel like you’re on the outside of their life, looking in, you are probably being benched.

— Claudia de Llano, LMFT

Reasons Why People Bench Others

These are some of the potential reasons why someone may bench you, according to Dr. Romanoff.

Fear of Being Alone

Some people use dating to manage their fears of being alone, for validation and as a distraction. People who bench others are more likely to have a strong fear of being alone and use partners as a way to bolster their ego and sense of self. They’re not always honest with themselves or their partners about their motives.

Unrealistic Expectations

People may be unrealistic in their expectations around partners. The slightest inconvenience, turn off, or conflict might cause them to bench their partner.

Use of Online Dating Apps

A 2020 study notes that social media and dating apps enable benching because they make it easy for someone to be in touch with multiple partners simultaneously and give all of them breadcrumbs of affection with minimal effort. Sending an occasional text, meme, or post is an easy way to string someone along.

Changes in Dating Behavior

With the rise of online dating apps and the way the experience is gamified, people now shop for partners like they are shopping for clothes online.

Stress

The person may have a lot going on in their work and personal life, and may not be emotionally available enough to participate in a committed relationship.

Saturation

The person may feel overwhelmed by dating and may be incapable of focusing on a relationship, so they may bench the person in the meantime.

Mental Health Issues

The person may have a narcissistic personality, attachment disorder, egocentric personality, self-esteem issues, or other emotional issues.

Lack of Empathy

Some people might bench others out of a lack of awareness or empathy for another’s experience, says de Llano.

Is Benching the Same as Ghosting?

Benching is not quite the same as ghosting, because while benching means stringing someone along, ghosting someone means abruptly ending all communication and contact without any information or explanation.

Essentially, benching means coming and going from someone’s life at will; whereas, ghosting means disappearing from their life altogether, de Llano clarifies.

With benching, the person doing the benching likes the person they are putting aside and would be interested in potentially having a relationship with them; however, the person also has other options to choose from and is more interested in other potential partners, Dr. Sabrina explains. “They may circle back to someone they’ve benched if things don’t work out.

Is Benching Worse Than Ghosting?

While both tactics can be extremely confusing and hurtful, benching can be worse than ghosting because the person is giving you hope and stringing you along for longer periods of time, rather than cutting you loose and allowing you to move on, says Dr. Romanoff.

What Does Getting Benched Feel Like?

We asked the experts what getting benched can feel like and they said it can be a confusing and hurtful experience:

  • Confusion: The experience can feel like a confusing rollercoaster because sometimes you get a partner who is available and present and at other times they are absent, says Dr. Romanoff.
  • Self-doubt: Being benched can be a very hurtful experience for some, causing feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and questioning one’s self-worth and value, says de Llano. “It can impact your self-esteem as well as your ability to date confidently and find a partner worthy of your love.”
  • Self-blame: People may internalize the other person’s behavior and assume the way they are being treated is a reflection of their value as a person or something they’re doing wrong, says Dr. Romanoff. “​​Instead of identifying the other person as an unworthy partner who isn’t treating them as they deserve to be treated, they assume the blame and believe they are less worthy.”

A 2020 study notes that people who have been benched reported feelings of unhappiness, loneliness, and helplessness.

What to Do If Someone Is Benching You

These are some steps you can take if you think someone is benching you.

Communicate Honestly

If you think you’re being benched, you should communicate with the other person honestly to see if it’s worth continuing a relationship with them, says Dr. Romanoff.

De Llano says you can be direct and say: “Hey, I’m feeling like I’m on the sidelines at the moment, how do you feel about me and what are you looking for?”

Open communication will never scare away or ruin a relationship with someone who is interested in you—it will only clarify where each person stands and save you a lot of confusion, time, and effort of holding onto a relationship that will never give you what you want, says Dr. Romanoff. “Be brave and don’t be afraid to communicate, even if it means not getting the answer you want.”

Set Boundaries to Protect Yourself

In a situation like this, it’s important to remember your worth and stand up for it. “You need to speak up for yourself and assert your needs and wants,” says de Llano.

You can protect yourself by sharing and setting boundaries with the person. Let them know what you’re looking for and that you’re only interested in continuing your engagement if they’re also seeking and available for the same.

For instance you could say, “At this point in my life, I’m looking for an exclusive relationship/a relationship that has the potential to turn serious. If you’re looking for something similar, I’d love to see where this goes. Otherwise, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

However, if their benching behavior continues, you can let them know the relationship isn’t working for you anymore and then end it.

Will They Ever Commit to Me If They Benched Me?

There is no one-size-fits-all rule to dating, and anything can happen, says Dr. Romanoff. “However, being benched isn’t a strong foundation for a relationship and the person will likely continue to keep you as a backup until they find someone they think is ‘better.’”

If what you want is to be prioritized and put first, then know you deserve to be with and can find someone who is willing to put you first, rather than treating you like an option.

How to Date Around Without Hurting People’s Feelings

If you happen to be dating multiple partners, here are some steps you can take to avoid benching people or hurting their feelings:

  • Be honest: Let people know what you are looking for and what your intentions are, says de Llano. “You may not always be able to avoid hurting someone but you can avoid manipulating them and being dishonest.”
  • Avoid stringing someone along: If you notice yourself benching someone or not wanting to see them again, Dr. Romanoff recommends taking that as a sign that they’re not the person for you. “Get into the habit of ending relationships you don’t see going anywhere, instead of keeping people as backups so you don’t end up alone.”
  • Focus on your needs: In the long run, it’s better to focus on yourself and hold out for your ideal partner rather than keeping people that you don’t truly see a future with around as a distraction, says Dr. Romanoff. If your needs at this time are to date for reasons other than finding a serious partner such as dating for fun after a long relationship, to learn more about yourself and what you want and don’t want, or any other reason, then communicate this clearly so all parties involved can have the information they need to make a decision that feels right for them.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

People are not place cards and treating others this way creates more drama and hurt than accepting you might not be dating anyone you’re interested in at the moment.

— Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Rodríguez-García MC, Márquez-Hernández VV, Granados-Gámez G, Aguilera-Manrique G, Martínez-Puertas H, Gutiérrez-Puertas L. Development and validation of breadcrumbing in affective-sexual relationships: introducing a new online dating perpetration. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(24):9548. doi:10.3390/ijerph17249548

  2. Navarro R, Larrañaga E, Yubero S, Víllora B. Psychological correlates of ghosting and breadcrumbing experiences: a preliminary study among adults. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(3):1116. doi:10.3390/ijerph17031116

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By Sanjana Gupta

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.


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Techniques for Positive Behavior Change

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • Behavior modification uses positive and negative reinforcement to encourage or discourage certain behaviors.
  • Consistency in applying reinforcement and punishment is key for behavior modification to be effective.

Behavior modification uses various motivational techniques to eliminate behavior you don’t want to see or encourage behavior you do want to see. For example, you can use positive reinforcement, like praise, to encourage behavior you want. Alternatively, you can use negative reinforcement, like nagging, to eliminate behavior you don’t want.

Behavior modification is based on B.F. Skinner’s theory of “operant conditioning.” Skinner emphasized that the best way to understand an individual’s behavior is through the consequences of that behavior.

If the consequences of an action were favorable, the action would be repeated, while if the consequences were unfavorable, the action would not be repeated. This is the basis of behavior modification.

In the following, we’ll look at the principles and techniques of behavior modification, explore some examples of behavior modification, and look at the ethical considerations and criticisms of behavior modification.

Klaus Vedfelt / DigitalVision / Getty


Principles and Techniques of Behavior Modification

Behavior modification relies on ways to develop, strengthen, maintain, stop, or modify a behavior, according to Tara M. Lally, PhD, Supervising Psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry at Ocean University Medical Center. At the center of this is a stimulus, reinforcement, and punishment.

Stimulus and stimulus control

A stimulus is a catalyst that encourages a specific type of behavior. A stimulus control is “behavior that occurs more often in the presence of a stimulus than in its absence,” Lally explains. “For example, drivers stop in the presence of stop signs and we all act differently around someone we have a crush on.”

Consequences

Consequences occur after a behavior. “A consequence can be positive or negative,” Lally says. “Positive consequences could include praise or a reward and… negative consequence[s] could include the loss of something such as free time or attention.” In behavior modification, consequences take two forms reinforcement and punishment.

Reinforcement

“Skinner noted that a reinforcer is a consequence that increases the likelihood of behavior to recur,” said Lally. Reinforcement can be either positive or negative:

  • Positive reinforcement occurs when someone is encouraged to continue their behavior because they receive rewards. For instance, when a child completes their homework, they could be allowed extra time to play on their tablet.
  • Negative reinforcement occurs when someone is encouraged to change their behavior because something unpleasant will be taken away. For example, when a teenager does their laundry to get their parents to stop nagging them.

Punishment

Punishment can be positive or negative as well. Lally notes that “punishment is a consequence that decreases the chance” a behavior will recur:

  • Positive punishment presents a negative consequence in order to decrease the likelihood of a negative behavior. One example is corporal punishment, including spanking, but this is an unproductive form of behavior modification as it can increase aggression and other problems. A better example is something like having a child who hurt their sibling do the siblings’ chores.
  • Negative punishment takes away a positive consequence to decrease negative behavior. For instance, parents may take away a child’s cell phone when they break their curfew.

Extinction

Extinction “is the gradual weakening and eventual disappearance of a learned behavior,” according to Lally. “For example, a child that [has] tantrums for candy while checking out of the [grocery] store will begin to stop this behavior when ignored and not met with reward.”

Consistency is key when applying reinforcement and punishment. When consequences happen whenever you behave a particular way, eventually the choice will either become habit in the case of a positive behavior or go extinct in the case of an undesired behavior, as long as the consequences are applied consistently.

Applications of Behavior Modification

Behavior modification has been applied across all ages and settings where behavior change is necessary. Here are some examples.

Behavior modification in children and adolescents

Children and adolescents have already been covered here. Some additional examples include taking a child out for ice cream after they finish a challenging school assignment (positive reinforcement) and taking away a child’s toy when they fail to clean their room (negative punishment).

Behavior modification in adults

Behavior modification in adults is similar to children, and can result in similarly dramatic behavior modifications. For instance, an adult could use positive punishment to prevent themselves from biting their fingernails by putting a bad-tasting nail polish on.

Alternatively, a court could use negative reinforcement by dropping a fine so a person no longer has to go to jail. The consequence is good because the person doesn’t have to do the undesired behavior.

Adults can use behavior modification to exercise regularly, eat healthy, work more efficiently, and numerous other things that can be positively or negatively reinforced or punished.

Behavior modification in clinical settings

In clinical settings, treatment teams may use behavior modification to reinforce prosocial behavior. They can do this through positive reinforcement. For instance, a token economy uses tokens or points that have real value, such as stickers or coins, as rewards for positive behaviors.

Behavior modification in educational settings

Educational settings have been widely studied. To manage classroom behavior modification:

  1. Define the problem
  2. Figure out a way to change the behavior
  3. Determine an effective reinforcer
  4. Apply the reinforcer consistently to modify behavior

Reinforcement and punishment are both effective as reinforcers but, in the classroom, reinforcement is preferred in helping children develop better behaviors.

For example, in third grade, a teacher decided to stop Allen from tipping back his chair. Every time she looked over, he would get a tally mark as punishment if he was leaning back. But positive reinforcement, where Allen got a tally mark as a reward every time she looked over and all four legs of his chair were down, might have been better as it would reinforce the positive behavior.

Behavior modification in organizational settings

In recent years a wide variety of organizational settings have used behavior modification and most have claimed positive results. In organizational settings, behavioral modification is used as a technique for managers to motivate employees.

For example, in a field study by Luthans and Kreitner, they trained the experimental group of supervisors in the techniques of behavior modification. The trained supervisors were asked to use what they’d learned with their employees, and after 10 weeks it was found that the experimental group had reduced the frequency of complaints, increased quality indicators, and declined in individual performance problems.

Also, the group’s labor effectiveness improved significantly. The control group, whose supervisors weren’t exposed to behavior modification techniques, showed none of these improvements.

Ethical Considerations in Behavior Modification

While behavior modification has a lot of promise, there are numerous ethical considerations. The most important of these from the perspective of a therapist or counselor is informed consent. According to Lally, “behavior modification… should have clear informed consent with patient autonomy driving the behavior change.” This involves agreement between the therapist and the patient that a given behavior needs to change.

“If the individual does not want to change the behavior, they cannot be manipulated to do so,” explained Lally. “However, the rewards, punishments, and perceived benefits of this behavior engagement may shift to lessen the appeal of continued behavior.” In other words, it would be easy for an unethical therapist to manipulate the patient to change behavior.

In addition, some behavior modification can result in ethical questions, especially those involving punishment, which can result in harm or negative consequences for the individual.

Limitations and Criticisms of Behavior Modification

Behavior modification also has several limitations and criticisms. Chief among them are critiques of behaviorism, particularly that behavior modification addresses outward behavior instead of underlying psychological issues. This can lead to problems that may be suppressed and then resurface later.

In addition, Lally observes that behavior modification does not always use intrinsic motivation to get its results. For example, when using token economies, people do things for external rewards, leading to questionable long-term effectiveness, because external rewards are less reinforcing than internal rewards.

Also, Lally points out that individuals and individual differences vary, so the same intervention may have an outsized effect on one person but practically no effect on someone else.


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Can You Use Benadryl for Anxiety?

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • Taking Benadryl for anxiety might make you feel calm, but it’s not approved to treat anxiety.
  • Benadryl can cause you to feel tired or dizzy and is not meant for long-term use for anxiety.

Can you use Benadryl (diphenhydramine) for anxiety? If you are living with anxiety and don’t like traditional medications or have not yet visited your doctor, you might wonder whether over-the-counter (OTC) medications like Benadryl might help you manage your symptoms.

Benadryl is readily available and fast-acting, can have a calming effect, and can even help you sleep, so it may help you deal with feelings of anxiety. That said, there are potential downsides to off-label use medications like Benadryl for anxiety.

Before taking an OTC medication for anxiety, you should consider safety, efficacy, potential drug interactions, and more. This article considers each of these issues to help you sort through your options for treating anxiety with over-the-counter medication like Benadryl.

OTC Medications for Anxiety

First things first: You’re probably wondering if over-the-counter medications even work when it comes to treating anxiety. In order to answer this question, let’s first consider the different over-the-counter medications that you might use for anxiety because Benadryl is just one of many.

Antihistamines and Other Sedatives for Anxiety

Antihistamines such as diphenhydramine, the active ingredient in Benadryl, are used to manage allergic reactions, but they can also cause sedation as a side effect. Because of this, diphenhydramine is in a lot of over-the-counter sleep aids.

Some people take Benadryl for anxiety because of the calming side effects it can have. In fact, some doctors may even prescribe Benadryl for children and adolescents with anxiety disorders, according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP).

Benadryl takes about 15 to 30 minutes to start working and its peak effect occurs about 2 to 4 hours after taking it. An adult dose to obtain sedating effects is between 25 and 50 milligrams. However, these effects are less than you would experience with prescription sedatives such as benzodiazepines.

In addition to the sedating effects of antihistamines, other over-the-counter drugs can induce sedation and drowsiness, most notably those marketed as muscle relaxers or sleep medications.

Benadryl is not the only antihistamine that is sometimes used off-label for anxiety relief. Doctors may also sometimes prescribe Vistaril (hydroxyzine), an antihistamine that is similar to Benadryl, for the short-term treatment of anxiety.

Herbal Remedies

There are a number of herbal remedies that may provide some relief of symptoms of anxiety. Some of these include:

Herbal remedies can be found in the form of teas, sprays, pills, oils, or tinctures. Like other treatments for anxiety, herbal remedies can also have calming effects, but they are generally mild.

These herbal remedies are generally not strong enough to effectively treat acute anxiety symptoms. Herbal remedies are best used under a doctor’s guidance to complement other first-line treatments for significant anxiety.

Painkillers

Various painkillers may act on parts of the brain involved in the experience of emotional pain. In fact, one study from the University of British Columbia concluded that over-the-counter medication such as Tylenol (acetaminophen) had an impact on emotional distress and anxiety triggers.

Vitamins and Minerals

Most people know that vitamins and minerals are important for physical health, but can taking them reduce anxiety? Unfortunately, unless you have a deficiency in a particular vitamin or mineral, it’s unlikely that taking vitamin or mineral supplements will reduce anxiety symptoms. That being said, there is no harm in taking a daily multivitamin to support your overall health under the guidance of your doctor.

Safety of OTC Medications for Anxiety

The safety of using over-the-counter medication for anxiety generally depends on what you take and how you use it. Some of the safety concerns to consider include:

  • Drug interactions: Always tell your doctor what OTC medications and supplements you are taking, as there is always a risk of interaction among supplements or with other medicines you might be taking.
  • Intended use: Most over-the-counter medications that you might take for anxiety, such as antihistamines, while approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) as safe, have not been approved for alleviating symptoms of anxiety.
  • Long-term effects: Most OTC medications and supplements are intended to be taken only periodically, and there is little to no research on long-term use. As a result, they carry risks for side effects when taken regularly, and there is potential for misuse.
  • Regulation: Herbal supplements are not regulated in the same way as medications, and long-term studies on efficacy and safety are often lacking. However, most supplements are safe to use under the guidance of a physician.
  • Side effects: For some supplements, such as kava kava, there is concern about serious side effects such as liver damage. It is important to be aware of the potential side effects of any herbal supplements you take and to contact your doctor if you experience any.

  • Potential for overdose: Though rare, there is a potential to overdose on OTC medications if you take too much. Be sure to take only the recommended dose, and store your medications somewhere out of reach of children. Even in the case of OTC medications and supplements, taking too much can be dangerous and even deadly.

In the case that you take too much Benadryl and are at risk of overdose, seek emergency help. You can contact Poison Control Centers 24 hours a day at 1-800-222-1222. Overdose can lead to rapid heart rate, not being able to urinate, blurred vision, agitation, confusion, drowsiness, and unsteadiness among other symptoms. Those that require immediate help include trouble breathing, hallucinations, seizures, and unresponsiveness.

Pros and Cons of OTC Medicines for Anxiety

While there are some advantages to taking OTC remedies for anxiety, there are also a number of potential drawbacks to consider. Before you take any kind of OTC medication for your anxiety, be sure to talk to your doctor to help avoid adverse effects and harmful medication interactions.

Pros

  • Risk of dependence and withdrawal is less than for certain prescription sedatives

  • May aid sleep and relaxation

  • Easy and inexpensive to obtain

  • Potentially useful for short-term episodes of anxiety

  • Potentially useful if you are against taking traditional medications for anxiety

  • May be helpful to supplement other treatments such as psychotherapy

Cons

  • Potential to cause drowsiness during the day

  • Not effective for severe anxiety

  • Not approved by FDA for treating anxiety, or not regulated by FDA

  • Not meant for long-term use for anxiety

  • Potential side effects

Advantages

Benzodiazepines, a type of prescription medication that is commonly prescribed to manage symptoms of severe anxiety, can lead to dependence, tolerance, and withdrawal, particularly when they are taken regularly for a longer period of time, so OTC options can be an appealing choice for people who are worried about this potential with these anti-anxiety medications. OTC remedies are less likely to present this type of risk, although diphenhydramine does have some potential for misuse.

One of the biggest advantages of using an OTC medication such as Benadryl to treat anxiety is that it is fast-acting and convenient. These qualities can be helpful if you need to reduce symptoms of mild anxiety quickly. Because Benadryl causes many people to feel drowsy, it can also help with sleep.

Disadvantages

It is also important to remember, however, that antihistamines like Benadryl can also have unpleasant side effects. Some people may experience severe drowsiness, fatigue, and dizziness.

It’s also important to remember that these OTC remedies should not be used to treat severe anxiety or as a long-term solution. These medications and supplements are also not approved by the FDA for the treatment of anxiety. If you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety, talk to your doctor about your treatment options to ensure the best treatment plan for you.

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OTCs to Supplement Other Anxiety Treatments

Other types of treatments for anxiety might include talk therapy (such as cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and acceptance-based therapy) and prescription medications (such as benzodiazepines or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors).

You can theoretically use over-the-counter medications for anxiety while receiving other treatments. But first, ask yourself why. Some common reasons to continue to use over-the-counter remedies alongside other treatments include:

  • You are in therapy and need some additional relief from your acute symptoms but you are wary of taking a prescription medication.
  • You are taking a prescription medication, but are waiting for it to take effect and need short-term relief.
  • You are already using an alternative treatment and want to add over-the-counter medication to your treatment plan.

In all these cases, it’s likely that you will be better off consulting with your doctor. They can help you determine the best course of treatment for you. If you are only receiving talk therapy and want a short-term solution for mild anxiety that bothers you mostly at night, then an over-the-counter solution might be helpful, though it’s best to consult a physician first.

Never combine an over-the-counter medication with prescription medication for anxiety without the advice of your doctor, as there is the possibility of medication interaction and negative side effects.

Who Should Use Over-the-Counter Medications?

A study of 690 German pharmacists determined that people seeking over-the-counter treatments for anxiety and depression:

  • Were more likely to be younger
  • Had a shorter duration of illness
  • Had less severe symptoms
  • Were skeptical about psychopharmacology

However, the researchers questioned whether OTC treatments were a logical or cost-effective solution to these problems. Most people purchasing over-the-counter treatments for anxiety would likely benefit from professional help in the form of talk therapy or prescribed medication. The exception might be for cases of very mild anxiety that seem to be helped by herbal remedies that offer relaxation at bedtime.

Though some doctors may recommend OTC medications like Benadryl for children and adolescents, it’s especially important not to give a child Benadryl to treat anxiety without consulting their doctor first. Diphenhydramine can be potentially dangerous, and may not be the best course of treatment for your child’s symptoms.

While it may seem like a quick and easy solution to run to the drugstore and pick up an antihistamine to take the edge off when your anxiety symptoms worsen, there are risks associated with using OTC medications, particularly when using them off-label for symptoms they are not intended to treat.

Be sure to discuss your symptoms and any OTC treatment options you’re considering with your doctor or mental health professional. In fact, it’s even recommended that all adults under the age of 65 be regularly screened for anxiety. It’s always best to get guidance from your provider about using OTC medications and herbal supplements before starting a new treatment to ensure you get the right treatment for you.


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