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Hypersexuality, also known as hypersexual disorder, or more commonly, sex addiction, is an obsessive fixation on sex, sexual acts, and sexual fantasies.

This fixation is typically so severe that it might disrupt a person’s daily functioning. Some research shows that up to 3% to 6% of people are living with some form of sexual addiction disorder or related disorder and that this condition predominantly affects men.

People with hypersexual disorder might exhibit a host of problematic sexual behaviors like consuming pornographic content excessively, excessive masturbation, or engaging in sexual activities with a large number of partners. The lack of recognition of hypersexuality as a mental disorder has resulted in many people living with the condition without an official diagnosis.

Read on to learn more about the signs of hypersexuality, its causes, and the potential treatment options available.

Characteristics of Hypersexuality

Hypersexuality looks different in every individual who has the condition. While one person might primarily struggle with controlling their sexual fantasies, another might struggle with controlling the urge to carry out certain sexual acts like masturbation, for instance.

Some of the most common characteristics of a hypersexual person include: 

• Compulsive sexual behavior 
• Recurring and uncontrollable sexual fantasies 
• Difficulty establishing and maintaining a relationship with other people, especially a romantic partner because of their preoccupation with sex
• Inability to get sexual urges under control 
• Continuing to engage in sexual behaviors and activities even after they’ve caused harm 

What Causes Hypersexuality?

It’s unclear as to what exactly causes hypersexuality. Research points out the following as possible causes for the condition: 

• Developing certain conditions: Conditions such as epilepsy are thought to cause damage to some parts of the brain, which in turn could trigger the condition.
• A chemical imbalance in the brain: The brain controls almost all of our daily functioning, including sexual behavior. A chemical imbalance could either cause a complete lack of interest in sexual urges or behaviors or hypersexuality. There’s some evidence to suggest that a dopamine imbalance could trigger the condition.
• Medication: According to some researchers, hypersexuality could develop as a side effect of certain medications. Dopamine replacement medications, typically used to treat Parkinson’s disease, have been found sometimes to cause hypersexuality.

In addition, certain risk factors could make some people more likely to develop the condition than others. These include substance use, a family history of mental health conditions, and sexual abuse. 

Diagnosing Hypersexuality

Identifying hypersexuality can be difficult, as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V-TR), which provides for the diagnosis of several mental health conditions, fails to provide criteria for diagnosing hypersexuality or compulsive sexual behavior.

Some mental health professionals use the diagnostic criteria for conditions such as behavioral addiction to help diagnose hypersexuality. This is because hypersexuality could be considered a form of behavioral addiction or an impulse control disorder. 

A lot more research needs to be done on the condition to provide exact criteria for diagnosing hypersexuality. However, when a doctor or mental health professional is assessing whether you’re experiencing hypersexuality, they often look for the following:

• Disruption of daily activities: A person’s symptoms must interfere with their daily life.
• Inability to stop: A person experiencing hypersexuality is unable to control their behavior, even despite their attempts. This remains the case even when there are negative consequences to their behavior.
• Developing a tolerance: A hypersexual person feels the need to engage in sexual behaviors in increasing amounts over time to fulfill their urges.
• Withdrawal symptoms: A person who is hypersexual will feel nervous and restless if they don’t engage in sexual behaviors.
• Loss of pleasure: Sexual acts may not necessarily bring a hypersexual person pleasure anymore—but they still have the uncontrollable urges to engage in them.

Complications of Hypersexuality

There are potential negative effects of hypersexuality that may impact your physical and emotional health. They include:

• Feelings of guilt or shame
• Increased risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection
• Increased risk of using drugs or alcohol
• Legal repercussions such as being arrested for a sexual offense
• Mental health conditions like depression or anxiety
• Strain on finances
• Strain on relationships
• Struggling at work
• Suicidal ideation

How Do You Treat Hypersexuality?

Like with many other mental health conditions, hypersexuality is most commonly treated with a combination of medications and psychotherapy. 

Medications 

One of the likely causes of hypersexuality is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Medications can help with this and help alleviate symptoms of the condition. Medications often prescribed to help with hypersexuality include: 

• Mood stabilizers: Mood stabilizers like Lithobid, Depakote, and Depakene are typically used to treat bipolar disorder. However, some research shows that they could help reduce sexual urges in people who have hypersexuality.
• Antidepressants: In certain cases, hypersexuality might be brought on by other mental health conditions like depression. Treating the condition triggering hypersexuality could also help control sexual urges and behaviors. SSRIs, in particular, have been prescribed and proven to help people with hypersexuality.
• Vivitrol: Vivitrol is typically used to treat alcohol and opiate dependence. It could also be used to treat conditions like hypersexuality which is considered to be a behavioral addiction

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy provides a person living with hypersexuality with the tools they need to manage their condition. The most common form of psychotherapy used in treating this condition include: 

• Psychodynamic psychotherapy: The focus of this form of therapy is to make you increasingly aware of your unconscious thoughts and behaviors and what triggers them. 
• Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): This is a common form of psychotherapy used in treating many mental health conditions. CBT focuses on helping you identify negative thoughts and behaviors and helps you replace them with positive ones.

How Do I Cope With Hypersexuality?

Many people with hypersexuality report feeling a deep sense of shame or embarrassment. Like with any other mental condition, the right treatment and coping strategies can help you live a healthy life and keep your urges under control.

Here are some tips to keep in mind besides the treatment plan a doctor or mental health professional has given you:

• Stick to your treatment plan strictly to see progress. Don’t suddenly stop treatment because you think you are starting to feel better. This might cause a more severe relapse. If you are on medication consult your doctor before changing or stopping your dose. If you are in therapy, continue going for therapy sessions consistently. 
• Don’t be ashamed to reach out for help. The sooner you seek help and treatment for your condition, the sooner you start your path to recovery. Keeping your condition from friends, family, and your doctor can be damaging and cause the condition to further interfere with your daily functioning.
• Join a support group. Joining a support group with other people with the condition helps you to remember that you are not alone. You also get to learn better coping strategies from people who might have struggled with the condition for longer than you have. 
• Remove yourself from triggering situations. On your path to recovery, it’s important to avoid activities and situations that could set you back. For instance, many mental health professionals heavily discourage people with hypersexuality from consuming any pornographic content. 

Industry versus inferiority is the fourth stage of Erik Erikson‘s theory of psychosocial development, which occurs after the third stage of initiative versus guilt. The fourth stage occurs during childhood between the ages of six and 11. It’s that period of a child’s life when they acquire new skills, build their confidence, and figure out what they are good at.

The industry vs. inferiority stage is all about building skills and confidence. It’s full of trial and error, but it’s an important part of growing up. It’s when kids begin to figure out that they can actually *do* things—whether it’s playing a sport, learning an instrument, or getting good grades. How kids manage this period of development helps set the stage for how they’ll deal with challenges and successes later in life.

When kids get the support and tools they need to work through this stage, they develop feelings of usefulness and a strong sense of self-worth. But what happens if kids don’t get the support they need? Without the ability to master skills and gain positive feedback, they may leave this stage with a sense of worthlessness or inferiority.

Understanding Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages

According to Erikson’s psychosocial theory, people progress through a series of stages as they develop and grow. His theory outlines a roadmap for how people grow socially and emotionally from childhood through adulthood.

Psychosocial theory focuses on social and emotional factors that influence an individual’s psychological growth. During each of the eight stages, a person faces a different psychosocial crisis.

In order to resolve the crisis, children and adults are tasked with mastering the developmental skills unique to that stage. Erikson theorized that mastering these skills contributes to lifelong well-being.

Failing to master these critical tasks, however, can result in social and emotional struggles that last a lifetime.

The following are all eight of Erikson’s psychosocial stages:

Why Industry vs. Inferiority Matters

Like other psychosocial stages, industry vs. inferiority leads to the development of important skills that set the tone for the future. How this stage plays out helps determine how people approach problems and cope with success or failure.

While many people think of economics or manufacturing when they hear the word industry, the term also applies to how an individual functions.

Industry refers to hard work. Someone who is industrious, for example, works at developing and mastering their skills to achieve something.

In order for a child to feel industrious, they need to feel that they are capable and competent. Without the opportunities to develop new skills, they may end up feeling inadequate or that they just don’t measure up.

Social World Expands

During the earlier stages, a child’s interactions centered primarily on caregivers, family members, and others in their immediate household. As the school years begin, the realm of social influence increases dramatically.

Kids are no longer hanging out primarily with parents and other family members. They’re increasingly involved in sports, friend groups, classrooms, teams, and other social events. They are also expected to cooperate, collaborate, listen, compete, and share.

Friends and classmates play a role in how children progress through the industry versus inferiority stage.

Their social interactions with peers also help kids see how they compare. They may note that they are better than their friends or classmates at some things. They might also discover that their talents are highly prized by others, which can lead to feelings of confidence.

In other cases, kids may perceive that they are not quite as capable as the other kids, which can result in feelings of inadequacy. Kids who struggle with friendships or feel that they are behind their peers may end up feeling like they don’t measure up.

Skills Are Evaluated

At earlier stages of development, children were largely able to engage in activities for fun and to receive praise and attention.

Once school begins, actual performance and skill are evaluated. Grades and feedback from educators encourage kids to pay more attention to the actual quality of their work.

Children who struggle to develop this sense of competence may emerge from this stage with feelings of failure and inferiority. This can set the stage for later problems in development.

People who don’t feel competent in their ability to succeed may be less likely to try new things and more likely to assume that their efforts will not measure up under scrutiny.

Examples of Industry vs. Inferiority

The following are examples of common occurrences during childhood that would build a child’s industriousness or confidence:

• Olivia finds science lessons difficult, but her parents are willing to help her each night with her homework. She also asks the teacher for help and starts to receive encouragement and praise for her efforts. In turn, she feels more confident in her ability to complete assignments.
• Derek doesn’t know anyone on his softball team, so he feels alone. But his parents encourage him, telling him it takes time to make new friends. The coach leads some “icebreaker” activities at the next practice. Derek makes friends, and he feels capable of making friends in the future.

The following scenarios illustrate how a child may be left with feelings of inferiority:

• Jack struggles with math, but his parents don’t help him with his homework. His teacher is critical of his work but does not offer any extra advice. Eventually, Jack just gives up, his grades become even worse, and he feels that he doesn’t measure up to his classmates.
• The girls in Sally’s class make fun of Sally for wearing “boy clothes” and not wearing makeup. Sally feels isolated because no one validates her appearance or her choices. She starts to criticize herself more and more, as feels inferior to her schoolmates.

How Industry vs. Inferiority Affects Self-Esteem

According to Erikson, this stage is vital in developing self-confidence. Kids who do well and are encouraged in school and other activities are more likely to develop a sense of competence and confidence.

When a child is supported during this stage, they develop a greater sense of self-esteem. Self-esteem is linked with many benefits, including:

• Better mental health and physical health
• Confidence in abilities
• Higher perception of success
• Positive self-image

Children who struggle in school and other activities and aren’t supported in developing their unique skills and abilities may be left with feelings of inadequacy and inferiority—both of which contribute to levels of low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is linked with difficulties such as:

Encouraging Confidence

At this stage, it is important for both parents and teachers to offer support and encouragement. However, adults should be careful not to equate achievement with acceptance and love.

Unconditional love and support from adults can help all children through this stage, but particularly those who may struggle with feelings of inferiority.

Even if children struggle in some areas of school, encouraging kids in areas in which they excel can help foster feelings of competence and achievement.

You may try the following:

• Encourage your child to try
• Let them know it’s normal to win and lose
• Be respectful of how your child expresses themselves
• Offer emotional support when they fail

Building Your Confidence

If you’ve had childhood experiences that left you with a greater sense of inferiority than industry, there’s no need to panic. There are plenty of ways to develop your self-esteem and feel more confident in your day to day life:

• Practice mindfulness: Whether it’s meditation, yoga, or even taking a walk in nature, mindfulness helps you tune into what you’re feeling and thinking without judgment. Mindfulness can bring to light any negative thoughts, beliefs, or self-talk you engage in. Once you are more aware of those negative thinking patterns, you can work on replacing them with more positive, realistic ones.
• Notice triggers: Are there specific people, situations, or places that make you feel particularly inferior? Being aware of triggers can help you uncover the stories you tell yourself about what you’re not capable of and why.
• Work on acceptance: It may be impossible to change your feelings of inadequacy all in one day. Understand that many people deal with these feelings.
• Challenge yourself: Try new things and reward yourself for putting in the effort (no matter the outcome). Challenge your old beliefs. Instead of telling yourself, “I should’ve done better,” or “I’m so stupid,” remind yourself, “I’m brave,” and “I’m proud of myself for trying.”

Respect is a cornerstone of any good romantic relationship. If you don’t feel respected, you probably don’t feel seen, heard, or understood by your significant other. Being in a mutually respectful partnership will foster the growth and longevity of your relationship.

Below we will explore the relationship between love and respect, the 10 common signs of disrespect, the impact of disrespect on a relationship and the steps you can take to remedy the situation. We’ll conclude with 8 ways couples can show respect to one other so that their relationship thrives.

Love and Respect Go Hand-in-Hand

Love and respect should be entwined. Love is affection and passion, intimacy and emotional commitment that one has for another. Respect is that deep admiration you have for your partner as a person and human being. Though you might not always agree on everything, it’s important to show respect through politeness, kindness, and consideration when you love someone.

In one study, scientists endeavored to create a novel framework that could be applied to love. The framework they worked with included respect as one of the crucial components that formed the basis and meaning of love. Other components included attraction, connection and trust.

What Are 10 Signs of Disrespect?

In healthy relationships, one partner is considerate of the other. After all, nobody wants to feel small, overlooked, embarrassed, or stupid.

If your partner ridicules something you say in front of your family at a reunion or doesn’t show up at your office dinner party, you might make excuses for their behavior by saying they’re kidding around or are just forgetful. Ask yourself: do you think they are actually being disrespectful?

Here are some common signs of lack of respect that you should look out for:

1. They don’t honor your space or time
2. They speak in a derogatory manner to you
3. They don’t listen when you’re talking
4. They interrupt or talk over you
5. They don’t make you feel valued
6. They ignore you
7. They lie to you
8. They flirt or cheat on you
9. They make important decisions without consulting you
10. They make you feel you are less important than they are

The Impact of Disrespect

Disrespect can spell trouble for relationships. The person who is harboring hurt feelings can become insecure and lose their self-esteem.  Or they might grow angrier at their treatment and resentful that they’re not being valued.

Disrespect can evolve from disregard to contempt, which is a feeling of superiority or disdain. John Gottman, a renowned marriage psychologist who investigated couples’ relationships for over fifty years, said contempt is the number one contributor to divorce and destroyed relationships.

What Should You Do If You Don’t Feel Respected?

If your partner doesn’t seem to appreciate you, here are two suggested strategies to use that might help improve the situation:

1.    Improve Your Communication As A Couple

The first step is to focus on how you’re both communicating with one another, especially during conflict. Dr. Amy Keller, PsyD and MFT, helps couples improve their communication through active listening, expressing their feelings and using their senses. She offers a cheat sheet that encourages the speaker to say how they feel when their partner does x and also what they want.

For example, you might say, “I feel disrespected when you mock my hair in front of my family and I’d like you to only say positive, nice things, especially when we’re out.”

Then the partner repeats what they hear and just takes it in, tries to understand the new perspective, and doesn’t react defensively. 

The discussion is conducted on a whisper level because Keller adds “it’s hard to actively listen if your partner is yelling!” She encourages both to make eye contact, and if it’s appropriate, the speaker can gently touch their partner’s arm while talking. Keller says, “The listener should also be making eye contact and responding that they understand or asking clarifying questions.”

2.    Be Clear on Your Boundaries

Focus on major boundaries with your partner. Did you set them and make them clear? One example: your partner agreed to clean up the shared desk each night because you work from home. You should not have to continually explain or justify why this is necessary; your partner should be respectful.

Misunderstandings about boundaries do pop up, but couples in healthy relationships address them. These wise couples don’t take their partners for granted and are eager to contribute to their relationships. One study that investigated the development of wisdom in close relationships concluded that mutual respect, appreciation for their partners and attention to the relationship were hallmarks of these wise couples.

8 Ways to Show Respect In A Relationship

Remember to tolerate and appreciate the differences. Both of you are two distinct individuals trying to make a relationship work. This is a handy list of ways, big and small, to show your significant other that you respect them.

1. Be polite and courteous.
2. Express your appreciation
3. Value your partner’s feelings
4. Support your partner’s interests
5. Give your partner time and space
6. Talk kindly about your partner to others
7. Practice compassion
8. Keep your word

You deserve to be in an intimate relationship with someone who shows you respect. Each relationship is different. If you’re not sure if you should give your partner another chance or quit the relationship, seek out guidance from a therapist or mental health professional in your area to best guide you on your path forward.

We know that interacting with a narcissist can be super challenging and draining. They repeatedly build you up and tear you down until you lose your confidence and start to question your self-worth. Eventually, you start to recognize how toxic the relationship is. You get fed up with their abuse and want out. This is the stage where hoovering typically comes in.

Hoovering, like the name suggests, is a type of behavior where the narcissist tries to suck you back into their life, much like a vacuum cleaner sucks up lint.

The Psychology Behind Narcissist Hoovering

We tapped Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Clarity Clinic, Chicago, to understand the psychology behind narcissistic hoovering.

When a narcissist senses that a relationship might be ending, they try to extend it by engaging in hoovering, says Dr. Daramus.

A lot of people will hoover a bit to put off a breakup, but with narcissists, they will go out of their way to find ways to keep you around so they can continue to get their emotional fix, Dr. Daramus explains. “If they’re getting sex, money, or hard work out of you, that’s added incentive to keep you around.”

Typical Behaviors of Narcissist Hoovering

Narcissistic hoovering involves many different types of manipulative behaviors, such as:

• Love bombing: The narcissist may suddenly love bomb you by showering you with affection, compliments, and gifts in an effort to reconnect with you.
• Apologies: The narcissist may apologize for past behavior, promise that things will be different, and present themselves as a totally changed person.
• Promises: The narcissist may make all sorts of false promises to try and get you to stay. For example, a narcissistic employer who wants to retain you might dangle promotions or raises that they don’t intend to follow through on, Dr. Daramus adds.
• Guilt trips: The narcissist may try to guilt trip you into staying in their life. For example, they may claim that you’re responsible for their happiness or that they can’t survive with you.
• Manipulation: They may use manipulation tactics to try to control you. For instance, Dr. Daramus says they might tell you no one else wants you, or they might borrow money from you just so you won’t cut ties with them until you’ve been paid off.
• Triangulation: The narcissist may involve a third party, such as a mutual friend or colleague, to convey their messages to you. Or, they may play the other person against you, to create a sense of competition for their attention.
• Threats: The narcissist may use threats to try to keep you from leaving them. For example, if you’re trying to divorce a narcissistic partner, they may threaten to ruin you financially or separate you from your children, says Dr. Daramus.

Why Narcissists Engage in Hoovering

These are some of thereasons why narcissists might engage in hoovering:

• Entitlement: Narcissists have an absurd sense of entitlement, to the extent that they even feel entitled to you, says Dr. Daramus. “They’re just defending what they feel is owed to them.”
• Need for control: Narcissists have a strong need for control and dominance in their relationships. Distancing yourself from them or ending a relationship with them threatens this sense of control. Hoovering is their attempt to regain control and bring you back under their influence.
• Fear of rejection: Narcissists often have an intense fear of rejection and abandonment. The idea of someone leaving them triggers deep feelings of inadequacy and insecurity in them. Hoovering is a way to prevent or reverse this rejection.
• Narcissistic supply: Narcissists feed on other’s attention and admiration. This is known as narcissistic supply. When you distance yourself from them, the narcissist may experience a shortage of this supply, so they may hoover in an attempt to restore it.
• Lack of accountability: If the narcissist has treated you badly, hoovering might be a strategy to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. By focusing on reconciliation, they divert attention away from the issues that led to the separation.
• Ego preservation: The narcissist’s fragile ego cannot easily tolerate rejection or the idea that you have moved on without them. Hoovering is an attempt to preserve their self-image.
• Lack of internal regulation: Narcissists often lack internal emotional regulation. They may feel a strong compulsion to fill an emotional void with external validation and hoovering is a way to temporarily alleviate their emotional distress.

Strategies to Resist or Respond to Narcissist Hoovering

There are many strategies that can help you resist or respond to narcissistic hoovering:

• Recognize the pattern: Remember that narcissistic abuse follows a cyclical pattern of repeated idealization and devaluation. The narcissist may shower you with praise, gifts, and apologies to suck you back into their life, but once you give in, they will eventually start to criticize you and pick on you. Though it can be tempting, stay strong and don’t give in to their persuasion.
• Establish boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and communicate them assertively. Make it known what behavior is acceptable to you and what is not.
• Protect your time and energy: You might feel the urge to try and mend the relationship by letting them know what your needs are, and while that’s fine, it’s important to set limits on your time and energy, says Dr. Daramus. For example, she says if you’ve told them twice what you need from them and they haven’t come through, accept that they’re not going to change.
• Detach yourself: The narcissist will try to control you emotionally. Try to remain emotionally detached so their words and actions don’t affect you. 
• Keep your distance: Keep your distance from the person, so you don’t get sucked into their hoovering attempts. A little space can give you room to heal and reduce the impact of their attempts to manipulate or control you.
• Don’t give them anything: Avoid giving the narcissist anything. Don’t do them any favors or lend them any money if they haven’t paid you back, says Dr. Daramus. Otherwise, they will continue to use you to meet their needs.
• Document their actions: Keep a record of their manipulative behavior. This documentation can be useful in case you need evidence to support legal or protective measures.
• Remember that it’s not your fault: People often think that they have something wrong with them that attracts narcissists and manipulators, says Dr. Daramus. She explains that narcissists approach everyone, looking for someone vulnerable. “It is never your fault or due to a flaw in you. It’s a flaw in the narcissist.”

Help and Support

The support of loved ones can be very helpful at this time. Reach out to friends and family members who can provide emotional and practical support. Staying close to people who actually have your best interests at heart can help you stay strong.

If you’re having trouble coping, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional. Dr. Daramus recommends looking for a coach or therapist with a specialty in narcissism.

Additionally, educating yourself about narcissism and its effects can help you understand the relationship dynamic and cope with it better.