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The Müller-Lyer illusion is an optical illusion where two lines of the same length appear to be of different lengths. 

A German psychologist named Franz Carl Müller-Lyer created the illusion in 1889. In the original version, he asked people to mark where they thought the midpoint of the line was to gauge if they perceived the lines as being different lengths.

What Do You See?

In the top half of the image above, which line looks like it’s the longest? 

For most people, the line with the fins of the arrow protruding outward (the center line) appears to be the longest. The line with the arrow fins pointing inward appears to be shorter. 

While your eyes might tell you that the line in the middle is the longest, the shafts of both lines are exactly the same length—which you can see in the bottom half of the image.

Like other optical illusions, the Müller-Lyer illusion has had psychological researchers scratching their heads to try to come up with an explanation. Here are a few theories they’ve come up with. 

How the Müller-Lyer Illusion Works

Optical illusions aren’t just fun, they also serve as an important tool for researchers. By looking at how we perceive illusions, we can learn more about how our brains and perceptual processes work. 

That said, experts do not always agree on what causes optical illusions—and the Müller-Lyer illusion is a great example.

The Size Constancy Explanation

According to psychologist Richard Gregory, the Müller-Lyer illusion happens because of a misapplication of size constancy scaling. 

In most cases, size constancy lets us perceive objects in a stable way by taking distance into account. In the three-dimensional world we live in, this principle allows us to perceive a tall person as being tall whether they are standing next to us or off in the distance. When we apply this same principle to two-dimensional objects, Gregory suggests that errors can crop up.

Other researchers say that Gregory’s explanation does not sufficiently explain the illusion. For example, other versions of the Müller-Lyer illusion use two circles at the end of the shaft. In this case, there are no depth cues but the illusion still occurs. It has also been shown that the illusion can occur when viewing three-dimensional objects.

The Depth Cue Explanation

Depth plays an important role in our ability to judge distance.  One explanation of the Müller-Lyer illusion is that our brains perceive the depths of the two shafts based on depth cues.

When the fins are pointing inward toward the shaft of the line, we see it as sloping away like the corner of a building. This depth cue leads us to see the line as being further away and therefore shorter.

When the fins are pointing outward away from the line, it looks more like the corner of a room sloping toward us. This depth cue leads us to believe that the line is closer and therefore longer.

The Conflicting Cues Explanation

An alternative explanation proposed by R. H. Day suggests that the Müller-Lyer illusion occurs because of conflicting cues.

Our ability to perceive the length of the lines depends on the actual length of the line and the overall length of the figure. Since the total length of one figure is longer than the length of the lines themselves, it causes us to see the line with the outward-facing fins as longer.

Researchers from the University of London suggest that the illusion demonstrates how the brain reflexively judges information about length and size before anything else.

Dr. Michael Proulx explained that “many visual illusions might be so effective because they tap into how the human brain reflexively processes information. If an illusion can capture attention in this way, then this suggests that the brain processes these visual clues rapidly and unconsciously. This also suggests that perhaps optical illusions represent what our brains like to see.”

Does Everyone See the Müller-Lyer Illusion?

One of the interesting things about optical illusions, including the Müller-Lyer illusion, is that not everyone sees them the same way. 

Research has shown that people from different cultures have different perceptions of the Müller-Lyer illusion—and some people don’t seem to “fall” for it at all.  For example, in the early 20^th century, researchers discovered that indigenous people from the Murray Islands in Australia were less likely to see the lines as being different lengths than Europeans.

In the 1960s, researchers looking at how culture influences perception used the Müller-Lyer to show that people who live in places with more rectangular structures might be more susceptible to the illusion than people living in places that have fewer edges and straight lines.

Later studies that looked at people living in rural vs. more urban areas supported the idea that seeing a lot of these rectangular structures might affect how they perceived the Müller-Lyer illusion.

Other researchers challenged these ideas and showed that people living in cultures of all shapes and sizes responded to the illusion the same way. Instead, they thought that how much pigment people have in their eyes might play a role in how they perceive illusions.

And another cool thing? In 2021, Professor Susan Goldin-Meadow from the University of Chicago did a study using the Müller-Lyer illusion. The participants included English speakers and American Sign Language users, and they were asked to consider the illusion in different contexts—by just looking at it, by planning to describe it to someone else, or by gesturing like they were going to pick up the lines.

They found that people were more likely to see the illusion when they were only looking at it and less likely to “fall for it” when they were thinking about how to describe it or gesturing. 

When describing the study in a press release for the university, Goldin-Meadow said “the Müller-Lyer illusion has always fascinated me. And using it struck me as an ideal way to ask this question about where gestures come from. I thought they were tied to language because gestures and speech are so well integrated. But now we have evidence that gestures may also stem from action.” 

So, not only was the study a fascinating look at the illusion itself but it’s also a great example of how these tricks played on our eyes can help us learn more about our brains. 

Illusions Like Müller-Lyer

There are a few other optical illusions psychologists have studied that are similar to the Müller-Lyer illusion:

• Vertical-horizontal illusion. This illusion has participants judge the lengths of horizontal (side to side) and vertical (up and down) lines. The vertical line and horizontal line are connected, with the vertical line going up from the center of the horizontal line. Participants usually over or underestimate the length of the bisecting line—even when they’ve been told that the lines are exactly the same length!
• Ponzo Illusion: This illusion has two lines placed over a drawing of a railroad track. Participants are asked which line is longer, but the truth? They’re the same length! How is that so? It’s all about perspective—in this case, linear perspective. The line that appears to be farther away on the track looks longer, while the one that’s closer looks shorter.

Unsurprisingly, statistics concerning intimate partner violence vary widely from study to study and year to year. And because abuse is not widely discussed by both victims and perpetrators, many speculate intimate partner violence is probably vastly under-reported.

Research suggests that while around 25% of the population experiences domestic violence, only about 2.5% to 15% report abuse. This is especially true among certain ethnic groups in the United States, as there are many cultures where violence against women is considered common and part of typical family life.

Domestic Violence and Identity

Even with low reporting, the number of women of color impacted by domestic violence is shockingly high. In fact, according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, approximately four out of 10 non-Hispanic Black women, American Indian, or Alaskan Native women, and one in two multi-racial non-Hispanic women have been a victim of physical violence, rape, and/or stalking by a partner in their lifetime.

Women of sexual minorities also experience higher rates of domestic violence, with 44% of lesbian women and 61% of bisexual women experiencing rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 

There is also an age pattern, where women between the ages of 18 and 24 are most likely to experience domestic violence, followed by teens between the ages of 11 and 17.

This age pattern was observed among Black women as well. One study found Black women under the age of 30 are three times more likely to experience domestic violence than Black women under the age of 40. The same study also noted that Black women living in impoverished areas are three times more likely to experience domestic violence than those living in other areas.

Understanding Domestic Violence

Domestic violence occurs when there is a power imbalance in a relationship. In these situations, one partner uses physical violence as well as tactics like emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and financial abuse to maintain control.

It’s important to remember the victim of the abuse did nothing to cause it. Abuse is always a choice made by the abuser.

The reasons behind the choice to abuse another person are complicated. For many, it is the result of jealousy, low self-esteem, or poor impulse control. Other people may have a personality disorder or a mental health issue that causes them to be violent and controlling. Others may be abusive and controlling because they witnessed these types of behaviors growing up.

Some life events and activities seem to increase the risk factor for violent behaviors. These include experiences with discrimination, economic insecurity, and pregnancy.

Additionally, cohabitation may increase the likelihood that a woman will be victimized by her partner. One study found that Black women who were living with their partner were six times more likely to experience severe domestic violence when compared to their dating and married counterparts. The researchers also noted Black women experienced more severe forms of domestic violence once they were separated or divorced.

Violence Among Non-White Groups

Although completely accurate numbers are not easily available, researchers generally agree that, among ethnic minority groups in the United States, Black people are the most likely to experience domestic violence—either male-to-female or female-to-male—followed by Hispanic people and White people. Asian people are the least likely to experience intimate partner violence.

The Women of Color Network reports economic insecurity, combined with isolation, racism, and discrimination, shape how women of color experience and respond to domestic violence. For instance, non-White women are often more afraid of what will happen if they report abuse than they are of the violence they are enduring.

There are also unique challenges women of color face when it comes to reporting domestic violence. Here are some of the reasons why women of color may not seek help when victimized by an intimate partner:

• Cultural or religious views that keep them in the relationship
• Strong ties and loyalty to their race, culture, and family
• Distrust in law enforcement, the justice system, and social services
• Lack of service providers they can relate to
• Racist and classist stereotypes
• Pressure to keep family matters private
• Fear about immigration status being affected or being deported if they seek help

Challenges for Black Women

Despite the fact Black women experience domestic violence at exceedingly high rates, they are disproportionately more likely to be criminalized by the system when seeking help. Not only must they deal with racism and stereotypes when contacting the police, but they are also routinely arrested when trying to defend themselves against an abusive partner.

Arrests and Convictions

The U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS) reports on intimate partner violence cases in which someone is arrested and convicted. Their report expresses numbers in terms of victims per 1,000 people.

In 1994, the bureau reported that 15.6 White people, 20.3 Black people, and 18.8 Hispanic people per 1,000 people were victims of domestic violence. But by the year 2010, those numbers had fallen to 6.2, 7.8, and 4.1 people, respectively.

This shows an overall decline of 64% in intimate partner violence victimizations per 1,000 from 1994 to 2010. But remember, the BJS figures reflect only cases in which someone has been arrested and convicted.

Prevention

Domestic violence is a significant public health issue with several negative consequences, including everything from broken bones and post-traumatic stress disorder to mental health issues and even death. What’s more, as many as 42.4 million women in the United States experience domestic violence by a partner at some point in their lifetime. And minority women are being disproportionately victimized.

For this reason, it’s important prevention, treatment, and intervention efforts be tailored to the special needs and circumstances of women of color. For instance, programs should empower women of color to seek help by providing services and advocates that demonstrate an understanding of a variety of races and cultures.

Likewise, these programs need to address issues like historical racism, immigration concerns, socioeconomic issues, language barriers, and an overall fear of the legal system. When these hurdles are addressed and adequate services are provided, the number of women of color suffering from abuse may decrease.

Bullying is the repeated infliction of harm or distress on another person with the intent to control, intimidate, or otherwise damage another. It comes in all forms—including verbal torment, social attacks, physical aggression, and taunting—and can happen both in person or through social media or the internet at large. Whether bullying is brief or ongoing, it can have hurtful and long-lasting consequences that manifest in psychological or physical damage.

Sadly, bullying is quite common. While pervasive in elementary through high school, it can also occur in other settings, including with siblings in childhood and far into adulthood among work colleagues, work supervisors, friend groups, and other social communities. 

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, approximately 20% of students report being bullied, citing issues like being name-called, being the subject of rumors, physical bullying, and being left out of social activities.

7 Common Reasons Why People Bully 

Given how damaging bullying is to others, it’s understandable to wonder why people bully in the first place. This article explores common reasons why people bully. 

They Have Emotional Trauma 

You might be familiar with the phrase, “hurt people hurt people.” While personal trauma doesn’t give anyone an excuse to hurt others, sometimes it can provide us with insight into how the other person works. 

“So often, people that intentionally seek to intimidate others are hurting due to their own difficult life experiences, and they lack the coping skills to manage their pain in a healthy way, so they externalize their hurt onto others,” explains Michelle Felder, LCSW, therapist, and founder of Parenting Pathfinders.

They’re Insecure 

Any community can have unspoken tiers of “social status,” which can prompt people with bullying tendencies to taunt others for social gain. They ultimately feel insecure and bully others as a means to fit in or make themselves feel superior. 

“Cliques and the desire for social status are often breeding grounds for bullying,” says  Limor Weinstein, MA, LMHC. The same is true in workplaces. Jealousy and a desire to get to the ‘top’ can lead to belittling others around you, which can happen especially in competitive work environments.”

They’ve Been Bullied

Sometimes, people bully because they themselves have been the victim of bullying. In a way, they may feel that bullying others can protect them from the familiar experience of being bullied. 

It Is Learned Behavior 

Other times, bullying is learned behavior. For instance, if a child witnesses an adult bullying others—or is the subject of abuse from their own parent or adult—then they may repeat that behavior. Among adults, bullying can become a toxic part of the culture at work or in other social communities and is ultimately accepted as the norm. 

They Have Poor Social Skills

It’s also possible that someone who chooses to bully has limited social skills, difficulty resolving conflict, or difficulty getting along with others in general.

Essentially, they lack appropriate coping skills to manage and respond to uncomfortable social situations in a healthy way.

For example, Felder says they may be resentful or jealous of the person they’re targeting or feel like they aren’t getting the attention they want from them.

They Feel Anonymous

Online bullying has been on the rise for years because that is where so many of us spend our time. The digital sphere has the additional allure of seeming more anonymous.

Weinstein says, “Online bullies are often somewhat detached from their cyber activity, hiding behind a screen and unleashing their inner bully.” This can empower them to be crueler than they’d ever be in person. 

They Lack Empathy 

Some bullies simply lack care, so they have no problem dominating, blaming, intimidating, or taking advantage of others. In that sense, they lack the ability to relate to another person’s experience and understand how their terrible behavior negatively impacts people.

“They target weaker people and refuse to acknowledge the repercussions of their behavior. They are driven by a desire for power and attention,” says Weinstein. “No matter what sort of bully they are, they have not learned to be kind, compassionate, or respectful.”

How to Deal With Bullies

No matter what type of bullying you or a loved one experiences, it’s painful. Here are some ways you can help deal with bullies now and move forward:

• Acknowledge that the behavior is unacceptable: The first and most important step is to be aware that the behavior is happening and is not acceptable. 
• Don’t bully back: It’s understandable to want to fight back, but bullying the bully in return isn’t the answer. Chimere G. Holmes, LPC, says, “There is no need to compromise your good standing. Fighting back will not solve anything, and sadly, it satisfies the bully and can become too dangerous.” In fact, studies show that fighting back can even make things worse.
• Tell someone: Whether that be a teacher, boss, colleague, parent, or friend, let others know about the situation. These figures can help intervene and advocate for you or the person being bullied. If you don’t get the help you need from your first attempt, try again with someone else.
• Hold them accountable: Be direct about the bully’s impact on you or a loved one. You can say something like, “The way you’re speaking to me isn’t OK. Please don’t do it again.” Be specific about what’s problematic, be clear that it’s unacceptable to you, and give the person who’s bullying an opportunity to make a change.  
• Discuss bullying with your child: Younger children know that being bullied hurts, but they may not recognize that it’s not normal or OK. Felder says it can be helpful for parents and caregivers to talk with children about how to identify bullying, how to react to it, and how to help others who are being bullied. Additionally, inform your child that they should not bully anyone else because research shows that bullying has negative mental/physical health outcomes for victims.
• Get a safety buddy: When dealing with an unrelenting bully, it can be helpful to stick close to others you trust. They cannot only help intervene and act as witnesses but also deter the bully in general. 
• Become an upstander: One of the most effective things a bystander can do is to become an “upstander.” This is someone who boldly speaks up to stop the bullying in its tracks. Simple ways to intervene are to question the bully’s behavior out loud, change the topic, or recruit an authority figure. 
• Recognize that the bullying isn’t about you: People who are bullied may feel like there is something wrong with them, and that’s why they are picked on. The problem is always the person who bullies, not the person who receives the abuse. 
• Avoid reacting and walk away when possible: People often bully to feel in control of others due to the reactions their abuse creates. By not responding to the bully’s obvious behaviors and walking away, you can deprive them of this sense of control. While behaviors may escalate in an attempt to force a response, they are likely to give up when they don’t get a response. If you are dealing with cyberbullying or hostile work behavior, practice only responding when it is necessary or essential to your work duties.
• Avoid/minimize the risk of crossing paths with the bully: Look for ways to minimize or avoid contact with the bully. This might entail avoiding places they hang out or changing your route to work. 
• Practice empowering body language: Research suggests that people feel more confident and empowered when they stand up straight, broaden their shoulders, stand with feet apart, puff out their chest, and point their chin up. Bullies tend to feel more intimidated by people they perceive as confident.
• Your safety comes first: If you have received threats concerning your safety or the safety of your loved ones, contact local authorities to take steps to ensure your safety.

Final Thoughts

Bullying is, unfortunately, a common part of the human social sphere, but it doesn’t mean it’s OK or that it should be ignored. By better understanding why someone might be bullying you or a loved one, you can address the issue head-on and help stop the bullying. And remember, another person’s choice to bully is about them and their internal trauma—not you.

People are more likely to experience depression if they have been bullied, particularly if the abuse occurs over a long period of time. If you have been bullied and are experiencing symptoms of depression, talking to a mental health professional can help.

If you’re a current psychology student or are interested in studying psychology, there’s a good chance you’ve spent some time thinking about which area of psychology is your favorite, and how that might translate to a career in the future.

The Psychology Careers Quiz: Which Path Is Right for You?

While only you can ultimately decide what psychology career path is right for you, this fast and free quiz can help give you a better idea of what you might like to do based on your personality, interests, and hobbies.

Who Is This Psychology Careers Quiz For?

This quiz isn’t just for psychology students. Maybe you are studying something else but are looking to make a change and have always had a side interest in how the human mind works. Or maybe you’re already in the workforce but think your talents may be better served in the field of psychology.

Whatever the case may be, this quiz is meant to be a fun way to help you think about your career path and the many different career options that the field of psychology can provide.

How Accurate Is This Quiz?

This quiz is meant for entertainment purposes, and to give you a bit more insight into how different interests may intersect with certain jobs in the field of psychology. While your result may be a signal pointing to a particular career, know that this is just one small piece of the career puzzle.

There are countless careers in the psychology field that span a vast spectrum of interests and abilities. On top of that, a psychology degree can prepare you for a career in any number of non-psychology fields, so there’s no need to limit yourself!

Finding Your Place in the World

Some people may know from day one exactly what career they want to pursue. If that’s you, consider yourself lucky, because many of us don’t have a clue well into our college years (and some of us never know).

In a field as large and varied as psychology, it can be even tougher because you may not always know the scope of what is available to you. There are plenty of jobs—take industrial-organizational psychologist, for example—that you may not have even known were a thing.

The good news is that if you’re interested in a psychology career, that variety means there is undoubtedly something out there for you that will make for a successful and fulfilling career.

Deciding What’s Important to You

Many things go into deciding what career you want to pursue, and this quiz is just one way to help you hone in on what’s important. It may even take a couple tries at a career before you fully come to terms with what you cherish the most in a career. For most of us, it will come down to some combination of the following:

• Stability
• Money
• Comfort
• Interests
• Personality fit
• Job availability

With so many people looking for great jobs out there, we may have compromise on some of the above in order to find something we can be happy with. That’s perfectly fine! Whether it’s taking this quiz or spending time thinking about what matters most to you, boosting your self-awareness will go a long way toward helping you make this decision when the time comes.

Quitting smoking is tough, there’s no doubt about that. That’s why it is important to find things to do instead of smoking. Research has found that when you can distract yourself—such as by finding substitutes or healthy alternatives to smoking—it can help you reduce your cigarette consumption and successfully kick the habit.

Here are 101 alternatives for smoking based on whether you’re having cravings, feeling deprived, and more. Turn to these every time you feel like lighting up a cigarette and it can help you break your nicotine addiction for good.

Healthy Alternatives to Smoking That Help Stop Cravings

Find a way to regulate your cravings and you can reduce your smoking behaviors while also lessening your likelihood of relapse. Cravings play such an important role in addiction that they are listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) as one of the criteria for addiction diagnosis.

It’s always good to have something quick and easy that you can do at a moment’s notice to stop cigarette cravings dead in their tracks. These alternatives for smoking don’t take a lot of effort or time, making them great activities whenever you feel the urge to smoke.

Five-minute craving busters to try include:

• Drink a glass of water.
• Eat a dill pickle.
• Suck on a piece of tart candy.
• Eat a popsicle (or wash and freeze grapes on a cookie sheet for a healthy frozen snack).
• Floss and brush your teeth.
• Chew gum.
• Eat a hot fudge sundae.
• Whistle or hum for five minutes.
• Practice smiling in the mirror. (Smiling releases endorphins, which are feel-good hormones.)
• Do three sets of ten jumping jacks.
• Run in place.
• Crank up the radio and sing at the top of your lungs (this is a good distraction when you’re driving).
• Turn on music and dance like no one is watching.
• Slather on hand lotion, using a scented version to remind you how much better your hands smell when you don’t smoke.

Things to Do Instead of Smoking When You Feel Deprived

When changing a habit, it can be easy to dwell on the things you’ll miss. Unfortunately, this only heightens your feelings of deprivation. Turn the tables on that way of thinking and concentrate on the things you will gain by not smoking instead.

Educating yourself about the good things you have to look forward to—or the bad things you might avoid—by not smoking is a great reminder of why you’ve made this decision. It’s also a strategy that has been linked to a reduction in smoking.

Substitutes for smoking that can help you feel not so deprived include:

• Learn what to expect when you quit smoking.
• Make a list of the pros and cons of smoking.
• Research the facts and statistics about smoking and tobacco use.
• Write a goodbye letter to your cigarettes, telling them all the benefits you will enjoy by letting them go.
• Create a budget and decide how you’ll spend the money you will save by not smoking
• Start planning a vacation that will be funded by the money saved by not smoking for a year.
• Make a list of treats—no matter how small—that you’ll give yourself for every day that you don’t smoke.
• Start a reward fund and use the amount you spend on cigarettes to help pay for your daily treats.
• Create a list of activities you will enjoy doing when cravings strike.
• Write a list of things you are grateful for.
• Make a to-do list for the week ahead, outlining all the things you will do instead of smoking.
• Do something nice for others, such as donating blood.

Healthy Alternatives to Smoking That Boost Social Support

It’s easy to isolate yourself when you’re trying to tackle a big change in your life like quitting smoking. However, social support is important to smoking cessation and can even buffer the effects of withdrawal symptoms while also reducing feelings of depression. You can maximize these benefits by making it a priority to interact with others.

Activities that can help you avoid isolating yourself include:

• Call a friend.
• Call your parent or grandparent.
• Give someone you love a huge hug and tell them how much they mean to you.
• Spend time with a child.
• Write a handwritten letter to someone you care about.
• Volunteer in your community.

Productive Things to Do Instead of Smoking

When you’re not spending so much time smoking, you will be amazed at what you can get done. In fact, studies have linked quitting smoking with improvements in productivity. That makes this the perfect time to work on your to-do list around the house.

Cleaning and decluttering your environment can also help you feel more in control and have greater peace of mind. Both of these effects can be incredibly helpful when you’re working to quit smoking.

Alternatives for smoking that capitalize on your newfound levels of productivity (and result in cleaner, more organized surroundings) include:

• Wash and wax your vehicle, inside and out.
• Do a checkup on your vehicle, such as by checking the oil and tire pressure.
• Clean the basement or garage.
• Scrub the floors in your house.
• Do the laundry—including bed sheets.
• Clean out a closet (or two).
• Organize your boxes of pictures.
• Alphabetize your bookshelves.
• Go through the junk drawer and toss what you don’t need.
• Paint a room.
• Go outside and do some gardening.
• Shred that pile of paper you’ve been meaning to get to.
• Wash the dog.

Healthy Alternatives to Smoking That Keep Your Hands Busy

Many ex-smokers find that they not only need a mental distraction, but they also need to find ways to keep their hands busy. This can be especially helpful when engaged in activities in which you used to smoke, such as when drinking your morning coffee.

Cigarettes are interactive, after all, so now may be a great time to take up a new hobby. There are plenty of options available and they don’t have to be anything too involved or long-term. You may even find that you’re really good at something you never thought of pursuing before.

Substitutes for smoking that keep your hands busy include:

• Get your camera out and take some pictures.
• Learn to knit or crochet.
• Learn a musical instrument.
• Start a sewing project.
• Write a poem.
• Write a short story.
• Draw pictures.
• Paint a picture.
• Grab crayons or colored pencils and color a picture.
• Make a greeting card.
• Spend some time scrapbooking.
• Digitize your family photos or print out your digital photos.
• Create a puzzle from a family photo.
• Create a family cookbook.
• Plan next week’s dinners and make a shopping list to match.
• Try a new recipe.
• Bake a cake.
• Build something with wood.
• Refinish or reupholster a piece of furniture.
• Make a terrarium.
• Make homemade candles or soap.
• Do a jigsaw puzzle (or find one online).
• Do a crossword puzzle.
• Play a game of internet scrabble.
• Play with your pet.
• Read a book.
• Watch a funny movie on TV and write down your favorite lines.
• Write out your to-do list for the day, week, or month.

Things to Do Instead of Smoking That Prevent Weight Gain

One thing that deters many people from quitting smoking is the fear of gaining weight. This is a fair fear since one study found that the mean weight gained when stopping smoking was around 4.1 kilograms, which equates to just over 9 pounds.

This doesn’t mean that gaining weight has to be an absolute as there are several alternatives for smoking that can help reduce this effect. Besides, if you’re going to pick up a new habit to replace the old, it might as well be a healthy one.

Options to consider that can help you keep your weight in check include:

• Start and maintain a vegetable garden.
• Chop veggies and keep them in the fridge for a stir-fry or a quick, healthy snack.
• Go for a walk through the woods or around the block.
• Go to the gym and work out.
• Try a new type of exercise, such as reverse running or hula hooping.
• Start lifting weights or do bodyweight exercises.
• Jump on the treadmill and work up a sweat.
• Ride a bike, indoors or out.

Healthy Alternatives to Smoking That Change Your Routine

Smoking is often something people do in relation to their other daily routines—which is one reason why many former smokers say that quitting is so difficult. Smoking every time you take a work break is an example of this, as is lighting up directly after a meal or whenever you’re on the phone.

Finding ways to change your routines can help make it easier to quit. When you feel the urge to reach for a cigarette out of habit, try these alternatives for smoking instead:

• Window shop at the mall. (It’s a great place to walk, too.)
• Grab your pole and tackle and head out to the pond for some fishing.
• Take a day trip.
• Go out to lunch or dinner.
• Go antique shopping.
• Get out into nature.
• Go play mini-golf.
• Go out to the movies.
• Watch the sunset.

Relaxing Things to Do Instead of Smoking

Many people smoke as a way to cope with stress or anxiety. Using alternatives for smoking that induce relaxation works by increasing your parasympathetic system’s response, helping you to feel less anxious and more calm while also improving your ability to focus.

Learning how to relax (and actually enjoy it) can also do wonders for your outlook during the transition from current smoker to former smoker. Take some time for yourself and enjoy the moment with these relaxation-based alternatives for smoking:

• Do a few breathing exercises.
• Stop and really smell the roses or other flowers.
• Turn your bathroom into a spa to relax and rejuvenate.
• Take a warm shower.
• Take a candle-lit bath.
• Download and use a relaxation app.
• Listen to soothing music.
• Take a nap.
• Treat yourself to a massage.
• Give yourself a manicure and pedicure.
• Let your partner cook supper for you.
• Practice meditation.

Are There Healthier Ways to Use Tobacco or Nicotine?

The healthiest thing you can do instead of smoking is to find habits that boost your well-being and support your smoking cessation efforts.

If you need extra support while you quit, nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) products, such as patches, gum, sprays, inhalers, and lozenges, can help you quit nicotine gradually without exposing yourself to the hazards of smoking.

Is There a Healthier Cigarette?

According to the American Cancer Society, there is no safe form of tobacco. The only way to avoid the dangers of tobacco is to avoid cigarettes altogether. If you need support while quitting nicotine, NRT products can help you gradually taper your nicotine use over time.

What About Vaping?

While vaping does not contain as many tobacco contaminants, it is not a safe alternative to cigarettes. Vaping products are addictive and may contain harmful substances. E-cigarettes have been linked to serious lung injuries, some of which have been fatal.

Have you ever felt like you had to walk on eggshells around a person who thinks the whole world revolves around them? Dealing with a narcissist, whether a romantic partner, roommate, or family member, can be challenging. It often feels like you’re struggling through an emotional obstacle course, and it’s easy to get tired of all that person’s self-centeredness, drama, and constant conflict.

Narcissists hold exaggerated opinions of themselves and don’t have much regard for how others feel. Narcissists make it all about them. Their constant need for attention and admiration is, frankly, exhausting. It’s important to understand how this might affect you—and how you can deal with it.

It can be confusing and painful to recognize that someone in your life is a narcissist, but there are things you can do to protect yourself. Try not to take it personally (although we know this isn’t always easy), and make sure that you establish (and enforce) clear boundaries. Watch for signs of gaslighting, don’t let them undermine your self-esteem, and know when it’s time to walk away.

Learning all you can about narcissistic traits and understanding some of the ways to deal with them can help you feel better able to cope.

What Is a Narcissist?

A narcissist is someone with an inflated image of themselves. A person with this quality often has such an excessive interest in their own image and appearance that they lack consideration or empathy for others.

Someone with narcissism is highly self-centered, to the point where it hurts the people around them. This makes it important to recognize the signs, enabling you to create a plan to better deal with the narcissist in your life.

Signs You Are Dealing With a Narcissist

Everyone puts themselves first or focuses on their own needs to a certain degree, but narcissists engage in self-centered behaviors much more often and hurtfully. This can be confusing, painful, and damaging to the people who deal with them. 

To deal with a narcissist, the first step is to recognize the signs. Some questions you might ask yourself:

• Do they lack empathy? People with narcissism are so focused on themselves that they struggle to empathize with other people.
• Do they self-aggrandize? Narcissists have an inflated sense of self and are preoccupied with their own importance. They often exaggerate their accomplishments and importance—often to cover up their insecurity and weak sense of self.
• Are they unapologetic? Narcissists have little regard for the feelings and needs of others. They won’t apologize for hurting others—unless it benefits them in some way. For example, they may use triangulation to secure their self-esteem and devalue others.
• Do they overreact to criticism? People who are narcissistic lash out against even the slightest criticism. Rather than accepting responsibility for their own mistakes, they will blame others.
• Are they manipulative? When you are living with a narcissistic, you might often feel like you are being lied to, manipulated, or mistreated. It often seems like they will say and do anything to get what they want and what they think they deserve.

Sometimes, narcissistic characteristics are easy to recognize, but covert narcissism is more difficult to detect. The covert narcissist also has a grandiose sense of importance, exploits others, and lacks empathy, but their narcissistic behaviors are more difficult to spot.

How to Deal With a Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be exhausting and stressful. It can make it difficult to be comfortable in your home or workplace and can be detrimental to your mental well-being.

Finding ways to cope is important. Understanding what makes narcissists tick and exploring some key coping strategies can help you manage your relationship with the narcissist while preserving your own mental health. Whether you must deal with a narcissist at home, at work, or in a social setting, these tips can help.

Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Understand that the person you are dealing with may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Experts don’t fully understand what causes NPD, but it is often linked to factors such as genetics, childhood abuse, trauma, personality, and upbringing.

People with NPD can’t change their behavior on their own and might not be able to recognize that there is a problem; they need professional help, but they rarely seek it. You might encourage them to talk to a therapist, but they likely will resist or respond negatively.

The problem is, even if you know that narcissistic behavior—such as manipulation and lack of regard—isn’t really about you, these behaviors tend to feel like personal attacks. Remind yourself that it’s not personal.

Establish (and Enforce) Boundaries

When you are dealing with a narcissist at home or at work, one of the most important things that you can do is to set firm boundaries.

For example, you might make it clear that you won’t accept behaviors such as rudeness or name-calling when you are communicating with one another. If they engage in this type of behavior, the conversation will end.

Creating boundaries isn’t an effort to change the other person. Instead, these limits clarify that certain behaviors will not be tolerated. Once you set a boundary, it is important to stick with it. If the other person violates it, immediately enact the consequences. 

In the example above, immediately end the conversation and walk away as soon as you can. Don’t argue or wait for them to respond. Simply end it.

Likewise, don’t make idle threats or create ultimatums that you won’t follow through on. Failing to enforce your boundaries means that the other person won’t take them seriously. If you enact the consequences, however, they’ll be more likely to believe you when you tell them you won’t accept a behavior. 

It is also important to be aware that setting and maintaining your boundaries is an ongoing process. Remind people what your boundaries are and keep enforcing them.

Watch for Gaslighting

In dealing with a narcissist, you may have noticed a behavior known as gaslighting. People who engage in this type of manipulation deny reality in a way that causes you to doubt yourself and your experiences.

For example:

• They might deny saying things or suggest that they were just joking and you are being too sensitive.
• They might undermine your confidence by suggesting that you don’t know what really happened or by accusing you of misinterpreting or overreacting to the situation.
• In other cases, they might simply deny the things they have done or said.

Dealing with gaslighting isn’t easy, particularly when it is your word against theirs. One way to cope is to keep records of events by writing them down, keeping paper documents that corroborate your experiences, or enlisting others to witness your conversations with the other person. This is particularly important in the workplace, where a competitive narcissist might accuse you of bad or incompetent behavior to curry favor with coworkers and bosses.

Boost Your Self-Esteem

A narcissistic person often undermines others to boost their sense of self. This can be particularly damaging when the person is always running you down in subtle and non-subtle ways. The workplace is especially vulnerable to this kind of behavior.

To help ensure that you have the mental strength to cope, make sure that your self-esteem remains healthy, even in the face of challenges. Keep an assertive attitude; narcissists gravitate toward people who enable their antics.

However, remember that people with low self-esteem, weak boundaries, or a shaky sense of self aren’t the only ones who end up in situations with narcissists. You understandably might be drawn to what seems like confidence and charisma at the beginning of a relationship, but later recognize these traits as narcissism the more you get to know the person.

Keeping your self-esteem high and keeping an assertive stance, even if the narcissist tries to manipulate and undercut you, can help you navigate the more interpersonally harmful behaviors.

Find Support

Dealing with a narcissist’s dysfunctional and sometimes abusive behavior can be exhausting. Maintaining healthy relationships with others who are caring and supportive is especially important when you have a relationship with a narcissist, whether they’re a roommate, family member, romantic partner, or coworker. 

Having other people you can turn to talk about what you are coping with can be a way to get emotional support and perspective. Look for healthy relationships with other people in which you listen to one another. You should feel free to be your real self around them, secure in the knowledge that they accept you for who you are.

At work, resist the urge to gossip and vent; remember, the narcissist is adept at turning your words against you. However, do keep your superior apprised of the narcissist’s behavior privately to help circumvent the narcissist’s efforts to undermine you.

When to Leave

Toxic relationships can have a seriously detrimental impact on your mental well-being. If being around the narcissist is causing you distress and making it difficult to function normally, consider ending the relationship. This might mean leaving the situation altogether.

If the situation has turned abusive or otherwise dangerous, seek help as soon as possible. Don’t expect the narcissist to change on their own; the cycle of abuse/love bombing is likely to continue until the narcissist gets the help they need.

Getting Help

Whether you are still living with a narcissist or have gotten out of the relationship, talking to a mental health professional can be helpful. Look for a therapist who has knowledge and experience in dealing with narcissism. Your therapist can offer insight and help you better understand your situation and experiences. 

They can also help you work on coping and communication skills that will help you effectively deal with a narcissist. For example, they might help you learn to recognize signs of gaslighting, work on establishing clear boundaries, and practice being assertive and standing up for yourself.

A therapist can also help you deal with the emotional aftermath of having lived with a narcissist once you are safely free of the situation. If you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), your therapist can recommend appropriate treatments that can help, which may include psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of both.