100+ Positivity-Boosting Compliments

Key Takeaways

  • Positivity-boosting compliments can foster a better mood by recognizing someone’s good qualities and efforts.
  • Focus on giving specific compliments that highlight someone’s optimism, resilience, or kindness.
  • Giving personalized, detailed compliments can help make your words more memorable and meaningful.

Positivity-boosting compliments are genuine expressions of regard, admiration, praise, or respect that can improve someone’s mood and help you feel more connected to them. They tend to work best when they are personalized, specific, genuine, and highlight someone’s effort, character, or presence. Examples include “You always make every day brighter,” or “I really admire how you handle challenges.”

Verywell / Nusha Ashjaee

Why Positivity-Boosting Compliments Feel So Great

Receiving a compliment feels great. The health and happiness benefits of the compliment giver are also well-documented. One study also found that practicing kindness toward others can be beneficial for individuals at risk of mental health problems.

There’s emotional reciprocity involved with giving compliments. Seeing someone else happy, especially when you were the one who made them happy, in turn makes you happy. It’s one of the simplest ways to boost someone else’s mood as well as your own.

Compliments really are one of the easiest two-way streets available to spread happiness around you and increase your own. The more you compliment, the better you feel. We know it can feel awkward sometimes to dish out a compliment—and to receive one—but the more practice you get, the more natural it will feel.

Here are a hundred ready-made compliments to try out for yourself. Such compliments can work for almost any situation, whether you compliment a friend, colleague, or loved one.

Ways to Compliment Someone’s Positivity

These compliments focus on the joy, fun, and positive outlook a person brings. It’s not easy to stay positive all the time, so it’s important to let someone know when they have a positive impact on you and those around them:

  • Your smile is contagious.
  • I bet you can make even the crankiest babies smile.
  • You have the best laugh.
  • You light up the room.
  • You have a great sense of humor.
  • If you were a cartoon character, you’d be the one that gets bluebirds to sing on your shoulders.
  • You’re like sunshine on a rainy day.
  • You bring out the best in other people.
  • There’s just something about you that shines.
  • Colors seem brighter when you’re around.
  • You always know how to have fun.
  • Jokes are funnier when you tell them.
  • You’re the best at finding silver linings.
  • You always know what to say to make me feel better.
  • Being around you is like a happy little vacation.
  • You’re more fun than bubble wrap.
  • You’re like a breath of fresh air.
  • You’re someone’s reason to smile.
  • You’re the only person who can always make me laugh.

Compliments That Highlight Personal Traits

These compliments acknowledge different qualities a person exhibits. We are often very self-conscious about different aspects of our lives and worried about how others perceive us. Compliments along these lines can go a long way to making someone feel a bit more comfortable in their own skin:

  • You have impeccable manners.
  • I like your style.
  • You’re strong.
  • Is that your picture next to “charming” in the dictionary?
  • Your kindness is a balm to all who encounter it.
  • You are brave.
  • You are beautiful on the inside and outside.
  • You have the courage of your convictions.
  • You’re a great listener.
  • Hipsters are probably jealous of how cool you are.
  • There are so many different things that make you really interesting.
  • You’re inspiring.
  • You’re so thoughtful.
  • When you make up your mind, nothing stands in your way.
  • You seem to really know who you are.

Compliments for Intelligence, Creativity, and Resourcefulness

These compliments show that you appreciate a person’s abilities. When we work hard at something, it’s nice to be recognized for it, right? That doesn’t always have to come in the form of major accolades or tangible rewards—sometimes a pointed observation or compliment will do the trick:

  • You’re a smart cookie.
  • Your perspective is refreshing.
  • How do you know so much about everything?
  • When you say, “I meant to do that,” I actually believe you.
  • You have the best ideas.
  • You’re always learning new things and trying to better yourself. That’s awesome.
  • If someone based an Internet meme on you, it would have impeccable grammar.
  • You could survive a zombie apocalypse.
  • When you make a mistake, you fix it.
  • You’re great at figuring stuff out.
  • Your creative potential seems limitless.
  • I bet you do crossword puzzles in ink.
  • You have a good head on your shoulders.
  • Everyone gets knocked down sometimes; only people like you get back up again and keep going.

Compliments That Celebrate Accomplishments

It is often good to compliment a specific action or achievement, especially when you know someone has worked hard to get where they are. This kind of positive reinforcement can be hugely motivating:

  • I am so proud of you, and I hope you are too!
  • You are making a difference.
  • You deserve all the credit you’re getting.
  • You’re a great example to others.
  • Actions speak louder than words, and yours tell an incredible story.

Compliments That Strengthen Personal Relationships

How do you compliment a friend? Sometimes it can be tough to actually verbalize what someone means to you in a way that won’t sound too cheesy. Try using these compliments that focus on how your friend relates to others.

  • You’re an awesome friend.
  • You’re more helpful than you realize.
  • Hanging out with you is always a good time.
  • You always seem to know what others need.
  • Being around you makes everything better.
  • You should be thanked more often.
  • The world is better because you’re in it.
  • It’s great to know that you’ve got my back.
  • You always know just what to say.
  • Your friends are lucky to have you in their lives.
  • Any team should be grateful to have you on it.
  • There’s a reason people are drawn to you.
  • The way you treasure your loved ones is incredible.
  • You’re a gift to those around you.

Thoughtful Compliments About Appearance

These compliments can be problematic, as complimenting appearance can come across as flirting, and so they should be avoided in many business and social contexts.

Complimenting one’s appearance (body, shape, or weight) can also be harmful, especially to someone who is struggling with an eating disorder or body image issue.

If you do use appearance-based comments, know your audience. Make sure it is the right situation, appropriate for your relationship with the person, and not something that will make them feel uncomfortable:

  • You have been glowing lately.
  • You look great today.
  • Your eyes are breathtaking.
  • How is it that you can make any outfit work for you?
  • That color is perfect on you.
  • Is that a new perfume? It smells great.
  • Your smile lights up the room.
  • Your confidence is infectious.
  • Have you been working out?
  • Your hair looks stunning.
  • Your voice is magnificent.
  • I wish I had your nose.
  • You’re irresistible when you blush.
  • Has anyone ever told you that you have great posture?

Complimenting a Romantic Interest

If you want to compliment someone you are interested in romantically or sexually, be polite, recognize the contexts in which such compliments are appropriate, and pay attention to the tone of voice and body language. Respect the other person’s boundaries if your compliments seem unwelcome.

Rather than focusing on aspects of their physical body, consider complimenting something like their style, talents, or behaviors. For example, you might say something like:

  • I absolutely love that shirt. It really brings out the color of your eyes.
  • Your hair looks so great today.
  • You have such a great sense of style.
  • You have such a great personality.
  • I really enjoy talking to you.

If you want to compliment someone you are in a relationship with, you might mention how they make you feel, how much you enjoy seeing them each day, or how creative and talented they are.

Compliments That Recognize the Whole Person

These compliments may be a little too general. As with complimenting appearance, consider whether they are appropriate or may be bordering on flirtatious:

  • I appreciate you.
  • You are perfect just the way you are.
  • You are enough.
  • On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re an 11.
  • You’ve got all the right moves.
  • Everything would be better if more people were like you.
  • You are an incredible human.
  • You’re wonderful.
  • You’re one of a kind.
  • Whoever raised you deserves a medal for a job well done.
  • Time spent with you is always worth it.
  • In high school, I bet you were voted “Best, period.”
  • If you were a scented candle, you’d be the rare one that actually smells like what it’s supposed to.
  • There’s ordinary, and then there’s you.
  • You’re even better than a unicorn because you’re real.
  • You’re really something special.

How to Give a Positivity-Boosting Compliment

  • Practice: Start complimenting and find out for yourself how great it makes you feel.
  • Personalize it: If you pick any of these, be sure to personalize it so it truly reflects what you appreciate about the person you are complimenting.
  • Consider their response: If someone deflects your compliments or responds awkwardly, consider what their response might reveal about them. In some cases, they may feel uncomfortable with the attention, or they may simply not know how to accept a compliment.
  • Keep the conversation going: In either case, try not to take it too personally and move the conversation forward by talking about other subjects without dwelling on the awkwardness.

Research has found that we tend to underestimate the positive impact of giving compliments and overestimate how uncomfortable their words might make the recipient. This makes people less likely to engage in prosocial behaviors. So, don’t be afraid to let someone know you appreciate them!

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Nataly Kogan, CEO of Happier, Inc.

By Nataly Kogan

Nataly Kogan is the co-founder and CEO of Happier, a leading wellness company on a mission to make millions of people happier in their everyday lives.


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How Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Explains Human Motivation


Key Takeaways

  • Maslow’s hierarchy of needs explains how human motivation progresses from basic physiological needs to higher-level growth needs.
  • While the needs pyramid is widely used, newer research suggests that people don’t always meet these needs in a strict, progressive order.
  • Understanding these needs can help you understand behavior, support well-being, and the factors that influence motivation and growth.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory that explains how human needs build from basic to complex. It proposes that people must first meet essential physiological and safety needs before they can focus on higher-level needs like belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Often shown as a pyramid, the model helps explain why unmet basic needs can make it harder to pursue personal growth and fulfillment.

Joshua Seong / Verywell


Take the pop quiz at the end of the article to see how much you know about Maslow’s hierarchy.

Five Levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

1. Physiological Needs

The physiological needs include those that are vital to survival. Some examples of physiological needs include:

In addition to the basic requirements of nutrition, air, and temperature regulation, physiological needs also include shelter and clothing. Maslow included sexual reproduction in this level of the hierarchy as well, since it is essential to the survival and propagation of the species.

2. Security and Safety Needs

At the second level of Maslow’s hierarchy, the needs start to become a bit more complex. At this level, the needs for security and safety become primary.

People want control and order in their lives. Some of the basic security and safety needs include:

Finding a job, obtaining health insurance and health care, contributing money to a savings account, and moving to a safer neighborhood are all examples of actions motivated by security and safety needs.

Together, the safety and physiological levels of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs make up what is often referred to as “basic needs.”

3. Love and Belonging

The social needs in Maslow’s hierarchy include love, acceptance, and belonging. At this level, the need for emotional relationships drives human behavior. Some of the things that satisfy this need include:

  • Friendships
  • Romantic attachments
  • Family relationships
  • Social groups
  • Community groups
  • Churches and religious organizations

In order to avoid loneliness, depression, and anxiety, it is important for people to feel loved and accepted by others. Personal relationships with friends, family, and lovers play an important role, as does involvement in groups—such as religious groups, sports teams, book clubs, and other group activities.

4. Esteem Needs

At the fourth level in Maslow’s hierarchy is the need for appreciation and respect. Once the needs at the bottom three levels have been satisfied, esteem needs start to play a much larger role in motivating behavior.

At this stage, people want to feel respected, valued, and recognized for their contributions. This includes both internal feelings of competence as well as external validation for accomplishments. Key aspects of esteem include:

  • Feeling a sense of achievement and accomplishment
  • Receiving recognition, appreciation, or praise from others
  • Building self-esteem and confidence
  • Developing a sense of self-worth and value
  • Feeling respected in professional, academic, athletic, or social roles

People often meet these needs through accomplishments at work or school, participation in sports or teams, creative projects, or personal hobbies. When esteem needs are met, people tend to feel confident in their abilities. Conversely, those who lack self-esteem and the respect of others can develop feelings of inferiority.

Together, the esteem and social levels make up what is known as the “psychological needs” of the hierarchy.

5. Self-Actualization Needs

At the very peak of Maslow’s hierarchy are the self-actualization needs. Self-actualizing people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested in fulfilling their potential.

“What a man can be, he must be,” Maslow explained, referring to the need people have to achieve their full potential as human beings.

Maslow said of self-actualization: “It may be loosely described as the full use and exploitation of talents, capabilities, potentialities, etc. Such people seem to be fulfilling themselves and to be doing the best that they are capable of doing. They are people who have developed or are developing to the full stature of which they are capable.”

Understanding Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory

Abraham Maslow first introduced the concept of a hierarchy of needs in his 1943 paper, titled “A Theory of Human Motivation,” and again in his subsequent book, “Motivation and Personality.” This hierarchy suggests that people are motivated to fulfill basic needs before moving on to other, more advanced needs.

While some of the existing schools of thought at the time, such as psychoanalysis and behaviorism, tended to focus on problematic behaviors, Maslow was more interested in learning about what makes people happy and what they do to achieve that aim.

As a humanist, Maslow believed that people have an inborn desire to be self-actualized. In other words, people naturally desire to be all they can be. To achieve this ultimate goal, however, several more basic needs must be met. This includes the need for food, safety, love, and self-esteem.

Maslow believed that these needs are similar to instincts and play a significant role in motivating behavior.

Click Play to Learn More About Maslow’s Pyramid

What Are the Different Types of Needs?

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs can be separated into two types of needs: deficiency needs and growth needs.

  • Deficiency needs: Physiological, security, social, and esteem needs are deficiency needs, which arise due to deprivation. Satisfying these lower-level needs is important to avoid unpleasant feelings or consequences.
  • Growth needs: Maslow called the needs at the top of the pyramid growth needs. These needs don’t stem from a lack of something, but rather from a desire to grow as a person.

While the theory is generally portrayed as a fairly rigid hierarchy, Maslow noted that the order in which these needs are fulfilled does not always follow this standard progression.

For example, he noted that for some individuals, the need for self-esteem is more important than the need for love. For others, the need for creative fulfillment may supersede even the most basic needs.

How People Move Up the Pyramid

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is often displayed as a pyramid.

  • The lowest levels of the pyramid of needs are made up of the most basic needs, while the most complex needs are at the top.
  • Once lower-level needs have been met, individuals can progress to the next level of needs.
  • As people progress up the pyramid, needs become increasingly psychological and social.
  • At the top of the pyramid, the need for personal esteem and feelings of accomplishment take priority.

Like Carl Rogers, Maslow emphasized the importance of self-actualization, a process of personal growth and development that enables individuals to reach their full potential.

Self-actualization is at the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. This need refers to the desire to reach our full potential. According to Maslow, this need can only be met once all of the other needs are satisfied. Thus, it comes after physiological needs, safety needs, the need for love and belonging, and esteem needs.

Where Maslow’s Theory Falls Short

Maslow’s theory has gained widespread popularity both within and outside of psychology. The theory has had a particularly significant influence on the fields of education and business. But Maslow’s concept has not been without criticism. Chief among the long-held objections are:

  • Needs don’t follow a hierarchy: While some research has shown support for Maslow’s theories, most of the research has not been able to substantiate the idea of a needs hierarchy. Wahba and Bridwell (researchers from Baruch College) reported that there was little evidence for Maslow’s ranking of these needs and even less evidence that these needs are in a hierarchical order.
  • The theory is difficult to test: Maslow’s definition of self-actualization is difficult to test scientifically. His research on self-actualization was also based on a very limited sample of individuals, including people he knew as well as biographies of famous individuals whom Maslow believed to be self-actualized.

Some of the more recent critiques suggest that Maslow was inspired by the belief systems of the Blackfoot nation, but neglected to acknowledge this. Maslow studied the Northern Blackfoot tribe as an anthropologist. However, the popular views of the hierarchy are often seen as a misrepresentation of the Blackfoot worldview.

What Today’s Research Says About Maslow’s Hierarchy

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs marked an important shift in psychology. Instead of focusing on abnormal behavior and development, his humanistic approach emphasized how people can grow, thrive, and reach their potential.

Although research is limited, the hierarchy remains widely recognized and popular in fields such as psychology, business, education, mental health, and everyday life. Recent research suggests that:

  • Satisfying needs contributes to well-being. However, people don’t necessarily need to meet these needs in the order suggested by the pyramid.
  • Higher-level needs are still important in times of stress or crisis, even if lower-level basic needs are disrupted. This suggests that the needs hierarchy is more flexible than Maslow initially suggested.
  • Research suggests that human needs don’t follow a fixed sequence, which challenges the idea of a universal series of needs.
  • Needs shift over time, which means that the needs that influence our behavior are much more dynamic and fluid than the needs hierarchy suggests.

Such results suggest that while these needs can be powerful motivators of human behavior, they do not necessarily take the hierarchical form that Maslow described.

Why is Maslow’s hierarchy still important?

The basis of Maslow’s theory is that human beings are motivated by their needs. Additionally, if some of our most essential needs are unmet, we may be unable to progress and meet our other needs. This can help explain why we might feel “stuck” or unmotivated. It’s possible that our most critical needs aren’t being met, preventing us from being the best version of ourselves possible. Changing this requires examining what we need, then finding a way to obtain it.

How Maslow Expanded His Theory Over Time

In 1970, Maslow built upon his original hierarchy to include three additional needs at the top of his pyramid, for a total of eight:

  • Cognitive needs: This centers on knowledge. People generally want to learn and know things about their world and their places in it.
  • Aesthetic needs: This addresses the appreciation of beauty and form. People might fulfill this need through enjoying or creating music, art, literature, and other creative expressions.
  • Transcendence needs: Maslow believed that humans are driven to look beyond the physical self in search of meaning. Helping others, practicing spirituality, and connecting with nature are a few ways we might meet this need.

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50 First Date Questions for Engaging Conversations

Key Takeaways

  • Asking engaging, open-ended questions can help break the ice and keep first date conversations flowing.
  • Focus on curiosity and thoughtful responses to build a more genuine connection.
  • Take your time, stay present, and reflect on how the interaction made you feel to decide if you want a second date.

On a first date, the right questions can help you break the ice, spark a conversation, and get to know someone new. The best questions are open-ended and encourage your date to share more beyond a simple yes or no.

Good first date questions help you get to know the other person’s personality, values, and interests more. These questions also help keep the conversation flowing and leave the other person with a great first impression.

Michela Buttignol / Verywell Mind / Getty Images


Fun and Light-Hearted Questions

  1. What’s your favorite meal?
  2. What does your ideal weekend look like?
  3. What’s the most fun thing you’ve done recently?
  4. What’s your favorite way to unwind after a long day?
  5. Who’s your celebrity crush?
  6. What was your dream job when you were a kid?
  7. What kind of music do you like?
  8. What’s your favorite book/movie/show/podcast?
  9. Do you prefer the outdoors or indoors?
  10. What’s the best trip you’ve ever taken?
  11. What’s the most bizarre dream you’ve ever had?
  12. What’s one thing you can’t leave home without?
  13. Which is your favorite place in the world?
  14. What’s the most embarrassing nickname you’ve ever had?
  15. What’s the most adventurous thing you would like to do?
  16. What’s the most hilarious thing that’s ever happened to you on vacation?
  17. What’s your hidden talent?
  18. What’s the weirdest food combination you’ve ever tried that turned out to be surprisingly great?
  19. Do you have a favorite word that you think is just delightful to say or hear?
  20. What’s the most surprising fact you know that always blows people’s minds?

Deep and Meaningful Questions

  1. What’s your best quality?
  2. What’s your worst quality?
  3. What does “home” mean to you?
  4. What’s your favorite childhood memory?
  5. Who are your role models?
  6. What is your relationship with your family like?
  7. What is your idea of happiness?
  8. Where do you see yourself five years from now?
  9. What goal are you working toward right now?
  10. What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing right now?
  11. What does retirement look like to you?
  12. What’s a skill or quality you would like to develop in yourself?
  13. Have you ever experienced a life-altering moment that changed your perspective?
  14. What do you consider your biggest accomplishment so far?
  15. What’s the most difficult thing you’ve ever been through?
  16. How do you cope when you’re upset or stressed out?
  17. What are you most grateful for?
  18. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
  19. What’s your worst habit?
  20. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Asking these types of questions can help you get to know one another better and may even help spark feelings of connection. One study found that people tend to feel more connected to others when they engage in deep conversations compared to those that are more superficial.

Questions to Keep the Conversation Flowing

If there’s a lull in the conversation, you can ask your date a hypothetical question to spark the conversation and re-engage them. These are some questions that can help you fill an awkward silence:

  1. If you could have any superpower, what would you pick?
  2. If you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?
  3. If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be?
  4. If you had three wishes, what would you ask for?
  5. If you could go back in time and witness a historical event, which one would you choose?
  6. If you could have dinner with anyone (living or dead), who would you pick?
  7. If you could invent one thing right now, what would it be?
  8. If you could befriend any animal, which would it be?
  9. Which movie best represents your life?
  10. Which actor would you pick to play you in a sitcom about your life?

Researchers have found that while long gaps in conversations tend to feel awkward for strangers, these pauses in conversation aren’t a problem for people who are more familiar with one another. Asking the right questions on a first date can help you get to know one another and overcome that initial awkwardness, so these moments eventually feel more like natural moments of mutual reflection.

Other Helpful Questions

Of course, there are plenty of other questions you may want to ask. Some questions may arise as the conversation unfolds. In other cases, you might want to focus on questions about things that are important to you when it comes to compatibility. Other questions you might consider include:

  • What kind of things do you value most in friendship or a relationship?
  • Are there any causes or issues that are very important to you?
  • Have you ever been in a serious relationship?
  • What are you looking for in a relationship? Something casual? Serious? Long-term?
  • Do you prefer to call or text your partner?
  • How do you handle work-life balance?
  • What kinds of things do you like to do when you need to relax?

Tips for Making Conversation on a First Date

Going on a first date can be equal parts exciting and nerve-wracking. You may wonder how to introduce yourself, what questions to ask, and how to keep the conversation going.

If you’re in this situation, you’re not alone. “It’s completely normal to be nervous for a first date,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships.

Dr. Romanoff shares some tips that can help you prepare for a first date:

  • Keep a list of potential conversation topics: If you tend to feel nervous or anxious, it can be helpful to keep a list of potential conversation topics on your phone. The list could include questions to ask as well as funny anecdotes you can talk about. Knowing you have this list in case you get nervous and freeze up can help you relax on the date.
  • Ask open-ended questions: Open-ended questions invite people to talk about their feelings and share more information about themselves.
  • Listen actively: Pay close attention to what your date is saying. Ask follow-up questions to show them you’re interested. For example, if you ask them which magic power they want and they respond, you can ask them why.
  • Avoid conducting it like an interrogation: No one wants to feel like they’re being interviewed or sized up while they’re on a date. Avoid focusing on your date’s resume or the list of schools they’ve been to.
  • Focus on genuinely getting to know the person: The best way to get to know someone in a genuine way is to learn about the details of their life and what gets them excited. For example, you can ask about their morning routine, their favorite dessert, or how they spend their Sundays.
  • Look for common ground: Try to build a bond with the person by identifying shared interests and creating experiences together during the conversation. The best conversations involve talking about the things that enliven you both. 
  • Keep your expectations realistic: Some people are so focused on finding a life partner that they place unrealistic pressure on the first date by forcing a stranger into an imaginary archetype of their life partner. This puts way too much pressure on the date and can quash all spontaneity and fun. Instead, lower your expectations for the first meeting to simply determine whether you want to spend more time with this person.
  • Don’t feel pressured to prove your worth: It’s common for people to feel pressure to prove their value or worth to the other person on a first date. This skews the power dynamic and puts you at a disadvantage. Instead, a helpful phrase to remember is “You’re buying, not selling.”
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Kardas M, Kumar A, Epley N. Overly shallow?: Miscalibrated expectations create a barrier to deeper conversationJournal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2022;122(3):367-398. doi:10.1037/pspa0000281

  2. Templeton EM, Chang LJ, Reynolds EA, Cone LeBeaumont MD, Wheatley T. Long gaps between turns are awkward for strangers but not for friendsPhilos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2023;378(1875):20210471. doi:10.1098/rstb.2021.0471

  3. Kuhn R, Bradbury TN, Nussbeck FW, Bodenmann G. The power of listening: Lending an ear to the partner during dyadic coping conversationsJ Fam Psychol. 2018;32(6):762-772. doi:10.1037/fam0000421

Sanjana Gupta Bio Photo

By Sanjana Gupta

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.


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Tips for When and How to Get Back With Your Ex

Key Takeaways

  • Take your time before reaching out to your ex to think about what went wrong.

  • Talk to your ex about the relationship and see if they are open to getting back together.

  • Start with a trial period to see if being together again works for both of you.

It doesn’t matter how long or briefly a relationship may have lasted—meeting a person and learning about their likes, dislikes, and annoying little quirks often makes it hard to let go completely. So, the idea of getting back with an ex is a pretty normal thought for most people. Knowing when and how to get back with your ex isn’t always so easy.

You might need to start by considering how the relationship ended in the first place. You might have been the one who decided to bring an end to your relationship. Or may it was your partner’s “we need to talk” text got the ball rolling for a breakup. In some cases, a breakup may have only been temporary.

When to Get Back With an Ex

Beyond the fluttering butterflies in your stomach, how strongly you miss them after returning from a long day at work, or how amazing the sex was—there are stronger motivations to consider before deciding to pursue a former flame.

Before considering how to get back with your ex, you must be 100% certain that you’re doing so for all the right reasons.

Healthy Reasons for Wanting to Get an Ex Back

You may want to consider getting an ex back if:

  • The relationship is fixable
  • All parties have changed for the better
  • You can rebuild trust
  • You’re willing to work to get back together

The Relationship Is Fixable

Sometimes, there’s nothing like time apart to allow for a fresh look into a relationship. Taking a break and getting away from your partner can offer a chance to look at things more objectively. You might be asking yourself questions like:

  • Were we too hasty to call things off?
  • Would things have turned out differently if we had honest conversations?
  • Why did we throw things away when there was still so much love left in the relationship?

Realizing that patience, hard work, and some hard-to-let-go feelings can restore your relationship is often a good sign to try again with a former partner.

Both of You Have Changed for the Better 

Despite the hurt left over from ending things with a partner, the fact remains that breakups tend to happen for well-founded reasons.

While infidelity and a loss of interest are commonly to blame for ending things—sometimes, a clash of personalities could be responsible for the end of a relationship.

Being with a partner that is always unwilling to compromise, or one who has trouble opening up or showing affection may, among many other things, cause considerable friction within the relationship and could lead to a breakup.

In situations like this, there is sometimes a chance for love to remain regardless.  After enough time has passed and multiple signs are available to show positive growth within the partners, giving the relationship another shot may be wise.

  • Maybe your former flame is more comfortable being upfront about their emotions
  • Maybe they’re more responsible
  • Maybe they finally understand your needs and are willing and able to meet them
  • Maybe you’ve done internal healing, and certain factors, or even childhood wounds, are no longer holding you back

If you feel you and your partner have grown and made positive changes, you might consider revisiting the relationship.

Trust Can Be Rebuilt in the Relationship

Because trust is the foundation of most healthy relationships, having it broken by cheating, or persistent lies. It can be hard to continue with a partner that has hurt you deeply.

However, in cases where there is genuine remorse for the breach of trust and openings are available with your partner to have honest conversations about why the breach happened, there may be a chance to rekindle the relationship. This is, of course, following an agreement to be open and honest in the future.

Rebuilding trust can be incredibly difficult, but it is possible if you’re willing to do the work. Couples therapy might help you and your partner achieve a sense of newfound trust.

You’re Both Willing to Work to Get Back Together

A relationship requires more than one person’s participation. This is why even though you may be willing and excited at the chance to continue a relationship with an ex, they must be on the same page.

Once you and your former partner are OK with giving life together another shot, you can follow the necessary steps to get the relationship back on track.

Tips for How to Get Back With Your Ex

When you’ve decided to get back with an ex, the last thing you want to do is make the same mistakes that led to the end of the relationship the first time around.

To avoid this, a deliberate effort must be made to rekindle the love and feelings once shared. Here are some careful steps to get back with your ex.

Steps for Getting Back With an Ex

If you’re ready to try and get your ex back, here are some tips on doing so:

  1. Take your time before reaching out
  2. Think about what could have happened differently
  3. Reach out to your ex
  4. Discuss getting back together
  5. Have a trial period
  6. Ease back into the relationship

Take Your Time Before Reaching Out

When you’re itching to resume life with an ex, one of the last things you’ll want to hear is any advice suggesting a little space before taking the plunge to reach out.

What you should know, however, is that anyone that gives you this guidance is looking out for your best interest. Taking some time can help you look deep within for what you want from the relationship and can help with examining what love languages you can speak better with your partner.

It’ll also give you the distance necessary to consider any changes required to get back into healthy form with your ex.

Why This Is Helpful

Giving your partner a little space might also allow them to miss you, allowing them to recognize how preferable it is for you to be in their life.

Think About What Could Have Happened Differently

While taking time apart from your ex, you should dedicate some time to review the relationship, especially noting things that could have been handled better or differently.

Use this time to have honest conversations about where you may have contributed to the end of your relationship. It’s also a good time to look deeply into what worked and what didn’t with your partner.

Why This Is Helpful

Taking the time to think about what went wrong in the relationship can help you determine whether the relationship is salvageable.

Try writing down a list of all of the things that went right and what went wrong in your relationship. By laying out all of the positives and negatives of your past relationship, you’ll get a clearer picture of how to move forward.

If a second go remains appealing after considering things carefully, you can proceed with your efforts to reach out.

Reach Out to Your Ex to Talk About the Relationship

After taking a closer look and accepting responsibility for the role you may have had in ending your relationship—it’s time to take the step of reaching out!

This is the time when you’ll want to use the newfound clarity to speak honestly to your former partner.

Call them and ask if they’d be open to speaking honestly about your relationship. If they’re open to it, share your new insights about what caused the breakup and get their feedback to see if they share the same sentiments.

Listen to any alternate suggestions they might have, but always make sure you’re on the same page, or at least at a reasonable compromise when it comes to serious matters that caused difficulties in the relationship.

Now is not the time to consider who was right or wrong, but rather, it’s a time to review what could have been done differently for a happier outcome. You can also lighten the mood and discuss happier times in your relationship.

Why This Is Helpful

From your conversation, you should get a sense of where they stand when it comes to getting back together. If they seem interested in reconnecting, you’ll get the green light to move things along.

If they don’t seem interested or have already moved and are with someone new, you’ll know that it’s not possible to rekindle a relationship with them at this time. It’s better to know this information sooner rather than later so that you don’t waste your time.

Bring Up the Possibility of Getting Back Together

After discussing the past with your former partner, you can then bring up the possibility of a future with them.

How you go about this can be entirely up to you and how you interpret their response. However, it may be advisable to have a few conversations where you catch up and speak only as friends before bringing up any discussions that may lead to giving your relationship another chance.

Why This Is Helpful

Your ex must know why you’ve decided to reconnect with them. So you should make your intentions clear at this stage and see if they want to get back together with you too.

Have a Trial Period

When it comes to getting back with your ex, taking things slow is usually the name of the game. You can use a trial period to understand what it feels like to be together again. You can make your trial period last as long as you’d like. When you both feel ready to take the next step, then you can discuss your next move together.

Why This Is Helpful

A trial period will give you and your ex time to get back into the routine of things. During this time, you’ll start to see how each of you has changed since you were last together.

Things to keep an eye on include:

  • Watch how little arguments are resolved in this new phase
  • Examine how easily the changes you agreed on are implemented
  • Take the time to confirm that this isn’t merely a hasty, passionate decision
  • Consider what emotional and physical intimacy feel like this time around
  • Make sure that you’re not bringing up the past and if you do, think about how you navigate these conversations

During this trial period, it may be best to keep the status of your relationship private. This means taking things slowly by telling your friends and family you’re back together or posting about it on social media.

Ease Back Into the Relationship

After introspection, joint discussions, and a trial run, it may be time to ease back into the full, public swing of things. At this point, you might be ready to officially define your relationship to whatever feels accurate!

Remaining respectful of your partner’s feelings, agreeing to handle disagreements with love, and reaching healthy compromises to maintain the relationship should feature prominently in the second chapter of your relationship.

Why This Is Helpful

Taking your time and moving slowly is likely to work in your favor. There’s no reason to rush reaching big milestones like an engagement. Now is the time to relax and continue getting to know your partner again in a new light. You’ll also have the time to appreciate each other and reflect on how far you’ve come.

Elizabeth Plumptre

By Elizabeth Plumptre

Elizabeth is a freelance health and wellness writer. She helps brands craft factual, yet relatable content that resonates with diverse audiences.


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Is Your Relationship Worth Saving? How to Know

Key Takeaways

  • Ask yourself if both you and your partner are making sincere efforts to communicate and meet each other’s needs.

  • Sit down with your partner to discuss problems and consider if you’re willing to work together to save the relationship.

  • If you’re caring and still want to be with them, there’s hope for your relationship.

If your relationship has been faced with hardships, you might find yourself focused on a key question: Is your relationship worth saving? Relationships can be tricky. One moment you can be on the highest euphoria cloud, and the next second it can feel like you’re alone in the relationship.

However, when you’re in a relationship and questioning staying, there are some key things to consider before calling it quits. The questions you might ask yourself that will factor into your decision include:

  • Does this person add value to your life?
  • How long have you been together?
  • Have you been through hard times and made it out together?

In this article, you’ll learn what you should consider before breaking up with your current partner. It also provides some questions you should ask yourself during the decision-making process and urges you to reflect on how your actions may have affected the relationship. Additionally, you’ll learn what makes a relationship worth saving and ways to rekindle the spark that once was.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Before you decide to end your relationship completely, it’s a good idea to take a step back to reflect on what’s working and what is hindering the relationship. Here are some questions to ask yourself that will help determine if you’re going to stay on the boat or swim to shore.

  • Why did you get into the relationship to begin with?
  • How does this person make you feel? How did they make you feel in the past?
  • What’s changed to even make you question if the relationship is worth saving?
  • What are your deal breakers?
  • What aren’t you doing enough of?
  • Are you worth saving or fighting for?
  • Are both you and your partner making sincere and sustainable efforts to hear and understand the other’s needs and feelings, repair from disconnect and conflict, and do your best to meet each other’s needs?

You and your partner need to be able to honestly answer these questions separately. Though relationships are about being a pair, true fulfillment and happiness start with oneself. Therefore, taking a look at your own actions and facing your contribution to the relationship will help you both get closer to a final decision.

What’s Going Wrong in the Relationship?

All too often, it’s easy to point the finger at anyone but yourself, especially in relationships. However, if you think the relationship is headed to destruction, you’ll need to sit down and have a serious conversation with your partner.

Start by asking each other the following questions:

  • How did we get here?
  • Are you willing to work to save what we have?
  • What can we do differently?
  • Are we communicating enough? Effectively? Really hearing and understanding each other?
  • What are some things we can change?
  • Can we bring in professional assistance?
  • Do we bring out more of the best than the worst in each other?

Relationships can be hard to manage. When you think about it, since birth, you’ve been in countless relationships and juggling them to the best of your ability. You have your parents, grandparents, sibling, cousins, aunts and uncles, friends, teachers, and associates—that’s a lot of relationship building. And then you bring in a boyfriend or girlfriend to the mix, which only adds to your collection of people.

The key is never giving up. If you feel you’ve fallen short with communicating or being present in a family member’s life, you don’t just end that relationship.

If you have a quality person in your life that you love and care about, it’s best to try and figure out if there’s potential to salvage the relationship.

How Do You Know If Your Relationship Is Worth Saving?

It can be easy to walk away and avoid conflict because staying takes hard work. However, both parties have to be willing to do their part in any relationship, or it just won’t work. Here are some clues to know if staying is a real possibility.

Your Partner Won’t Give Up on You

No matter how tough things get, how estranged you all are, or if it seems the love is fading, they still are there to fight together. That’s when you know you have something priceless and ultimately have something worth fighting for.

Having a partner who won’t give up and is committed to continuing to try their best is wonderful. However, it is also important to acknowledge and be honest about whether the differences are too great to overcome such as major differences in values and life visions.

Also, if active, continual harm is happening, that makes the relationship too damaging to continue. For example, in the case of emotional or physical abuse, if the abuser is willing to keep trying but the partner being abused is continually hurt, sometimes trying isn’t good enough. If this is the case, it may be the most healing and helpful to end the relationship.

You Can Be Vulnerable With Them

It’s hard to open up to people and share your complete truth with someone; that’s the epitome of being completely naked. Sharing your fears, your flaws, and secrets are not something that should be taken lightly. Opening up in this way can be scarier than skydiving.

If you have someone you trust enough to know you from the inside, keep them close because they know your heart, and love you still.

You Both Understand That We’re All Just Human

If you’re mature enough to understand that we’re all just human, love is capable of lasting. Of course, humans will fail, make mistakes, and stumble. But if you have someone willing to take accountability and work on their downfalls, you have a gem worth keeping. Forgiveness will set you free; holding grudges will leave you stuck and bitter.

You Still Care

No matter how much that person gets on your nerves or makes you mad, you still care about their well-being. If you care, there’s still hope for the relationship. It’s when nothing they do phases you, and when you don’t complain or press an issue that you know the relationship isn’t worth saving.

You’re Still Best Friends

It’s been said that the best relationships start from friendship. Whether it begins as friends or gradually becomes a solid friendship, a relationship is worth saving with a friend. Losing a relationship and a friendship would be detrimental.

Sit down as friends and discuss the issues at hand, and settle them respectfully. If you’ve already found a lifelong friend in your partner, never take them for granted.

Oddly enough, this generation is wired to throw people away like yesterday’s trash. We are extremely eager to move on to the next new “thing” just as quickly as technology is produced. As a result, there is a lack of value and appreciation.

Signs That a Relationship Is Over

When should I stop trying to save my relationship? Some signs that it is time to end the relationship include:

  • You’ve both stopped trying
  • There is no emotional or physical connection or intimacy
  • You have differing goals in life
  • You no longer trust each other
  • You can’t imagine a future together
  • There is constant conflict or abuse in the relationship

Fun Ideas to Get the Spark Back

Just like a candle, when the spark goes out, it can be relit. Try out these suggestions to rekindle the old flames.

  • Go on spontaneous dates often
  • Handwrite a love letter
  • Run a bath for your partner
  • Recreate the first date
  • Plan a vacation to a place you both have wanted to go
  • Turn off technology, sit in the middle of the floor, and talk, but really listen
  • Get dressed up and cook at home, then help each other undress for dessert

Being fully present with another is one of the greatest gifts you can give and receive.

Keep in Mind

A relationship worth saving takes a lot of work from both people. There will be trying times, and you may want to give up, but that’s when you are tested the most.

If you have someone of quality then you’ll do anything to keep them around. The payoff will be worthwhile and appreciated because you’ll have gone through the fight together.

If you love someone unconditionally, it is worth it to put in the work it takes to keep the relationship. As long as you both stay connected and communicate through it all, the relationship can weather the challenges life brings.

Candis McDow

By Candis McDow

Candis has been a mental health advocate since 2014. She has written several articles about mental illness, and her memoir Half the Battle (available on Amazon and candisymcdow.com) encompasses her journey of living with bipolar disorder.


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How to Quit Smoking Weed (Marijuana)


Key Takeaways

  • You can quit smoking marijuana either by tapering use gradually or quitting cold turkey.

  • Be prepared for withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, cravings, and sleep difficulties.

  • Get help from a healthcare provider or therapist to increase your chances of quitting successfully.

While marijuana (also known as weed) is sometimes portrayed as relatively harmless, research has shown that it can have a number of negative effects on health. In addition to these health risks, there is also a potential for dependence and addiction. 

If you want to quit smoking marijuana, there are several things you can do to improve your chances of success like tapering your use, quitting cold turkey (if you’re prepared to handle withdrawal symptoms), and finding healthier distractions.

This article explores some of these tactics for how to stop smoking weed as well as information on the withdrawal symptoms you may experience.

Choose How You Will Stop Smoking Marijuana

Once you decide to stop smoking weed, your first decision is to pick which approach is right for you and your needs. While some people may find giving up marijuana easier than others, your own experience may depend on whether you have developed a dependence or addiction to the substance.

Cannabis use disorder is more likely to develop in individuals who began smoking weed at a younger age or use the drug heavily. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) suggests that around 30% of people who use marijuana have a cannabis use disorder.

There are two common approaches to choose from when you are trying to stop smoking marijuana: tapering your use or quitting cold turkey.

Tapering Your Use

Tapering is a process that involves gradually reducing drug use by lowering the dose used over a period of time. The goal is to slowly allow a person’s body to become used to lower levels of the substance while minimizing drug withdrawal symptoms. 

The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) generally favors a gradual tapering approach to help minimize severe withdrawal symptoms.

If you decide to try the gradual approach, there are some things you can do to help improve your chances of success.

  • Give yourself a deadline. Pick a date that you would like to stop smoking weed for good. Then figure out how much you’ll have to cut back to quit by that date.
  • Pick a tapering strategy. You might opt to cut back a certain amount each day or each week. You might also opt to switch to a lower-potency cannabis product.

Quitting Cold Turkey

This approach involves simply stopping the use of the drug. While quitting cold turkey isn’t easy and often leads to more intense withdrawal symptoms, there are some reasons people might choose this method.

For instance, it can be an effective way to stop your habit and get a fresh start. People who doubt their ability to reduce their marijuana use gradually may find this method more effective.

To quit smoking marijuana, you need to choose an approach that works for you. You can either gradually wean yourself off the drug or stop smoking cold turkey. 

Prepare for Withdrawal When You Stop Marijuana

Once you decide to stop smoking weed, it’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with the withdrawal symptoms you might experience as you give up the drug. By doing this, you’ll be better prepared mentally and can plan how you will deal with these symptoms.

Signs of Marijuana Withdrawal

Common signs of marijuana withdrawal include:

  • Aggression
  • Anxiety
  • Appetite changes
  • Cravings
  • Depression
  • Flu-like symptoms such as fever, sweating, and chills
  • Headaches
  • Irritability and mood swings
  • Sleep difficulties
  • Weight loss or gain

Research suggests that up to 90% of people who are dependent on marijuana will experience withdrawal symptoms. People who use tobacco or other substances are more likely to experience withdrawal when they stop smoking marijuana.

For most people discontinuing their marijuana use, withdrawal symptoms will usually last for around one to two weeks. However, some people may continue to experience these symptoms for several weeks or even months, a phenomenon known as post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS).

Symptoms of withdrawal can be unpleasant and can derail your efforts to stop smoking weed. When the physical and psychological symptoms get bad enough, you might return to using the drug to find relief. 

During this time, it can be helpful to have a plan that will help you stick to your recovery efforts. Look for ways to relieve your symptoms without turning to marijuana and consider reaching out to your healthcare provider for solutions that can help.

Reminding yourself that these feelings are temporary and that you will get better in a few days can help.

Understand Your Triggers

Whether you are tapering your use or quitting cold turkey, it is vital to be aware of the people, objects, or situations that can trigger drug cravings and use. Identifying these triggers and finding ways to avoid or cope with them can help you be more successful.

When you are trying to stop smoking marijuana, it is essential to get rid of any marijuana-related paraphernalia in your home. Getting rid of the drug itself is crucial, but you should also eliminate any pipes, bowls, bongs, vapes, and related products.

Having them readily available makes it easier and more tempting to give in to a drug craving.

It would help if you also spent some time thinking about the triggers that make you want to smoke marijuana. Are there certain times of day you’re more likely to smoke? Do you feel the urge to smoke more in specific settings, situations, or around certain people? 

Once you are more aware of the things that trigger your drug use, you can plan to deal with those triggers. Sometimes this might involve avoiding or eliminating things that create pressure on you to smoke marijuana. In other cases, you’ll need to explore healthy coping mechanisms to help you manage your urges.

Don’t be too hard on yourself if you do make a mistake and smoke again. Relapse is common for anyone who is trying to quit. Research has found that it usually takes people a few tries before they are successful.

A slip-up doesn’t mean that you’ve failed; it’s just a temporary setback. The key is to keep trying and find healthy ways to deal with triggers.

Healthier Ways to Cope

  • Find ways to relax such as meditation, mindfulness, or deep breathing.
  • Make time to engage in hobbies you enjoy.
  • Spend time with people who support your recovery.
  • Create boundaries with people who encourage drug use and make it hard to stick to your goals.
  • Take care of yourself and make sure you are eating a balanced diet, getting enough exercise, and getting plenty of sleep.
  • Consider getting peer support by joining a support group or a 12-step program.

Tips for Quitting Marijuana

No matter what strategy you decide to use to stop smoking marijuana, several techniques can help you stick to your goals. Some things you can try are listed below.

Find Distractions

Finding ways to stay busy can help distract you from some of the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. It can also keep your mind off of the drug cravings that you might be experiencing.  

Look for things that you can do that will help take your mind off smoking marijuana. If you usually smoke during specific periods, such as on the weekends, find activities that will help keep you occupied and distracted.

Creating a new routine can also be helpful when you are quitting a substance such as marijuana. Keeping a routine during stressful times can be important for your mental well-being, but sticking to old habits (those that featured regular drug use) can make recovery much more difficult.

Exercise

When you are quitting marijuana, you may find that getting regular exercise can be helpful for various reasons.

First, it can act as a valuable distraction when cravings hit. It can also help you feel better and more energized as you cope with symptoms of withdrawal.

Some research also suggests that exercise may help complement other treatments for cannabis use disorder. Researchers indicate that since marijuana use can affect the systems that regulate stress and rewards, exercise might help reduce withdrawal symptoms, aid in stress management, and reduce drug cravings.

One small study published in the journal PLoS ONE found that moderate exercise curbed marijuana use and cravings.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that adults engage in 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise each week, which amounts to about 30 minutes of brisk walking five days a week.

Care for Yourself

It can be challenging to deal with the symptoms of marijuana withdrawal, so caring for yourself is particularly important during this time. Make sure you are eating a healthy diet and getting plenty of rest.

When you find yourself struggling with stress or anxiety, try implementing some effective stress management techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.

Also, focus on finding a sense of balance in your life. Practicing mindfulness, in which you learn to focus on the present moment and build a stronger sense of self-awareness, can help you become more in tune with your needs.

Find Support

Your social support system can also play an important part in achieving your goals. 

You might notice that some people in your life may be less supportive—particularly if much of your social life centers around marijuana use. In these cases, you may need to consider reevaluating some of your relationships and places where you spend your time. 

Create boundaries with people who make it more challenging to quit. Talk to supportive friends about your goals. They can offer the encouragement and support that you need to be successful.

How to Get Help for Marijuana Addiction

If you want to stop smoking weed, it’s also important to remember that you don’t have to do it all on your own. Getting help from your healthcare provider or therapist can increase your chances of successfully quitting marijuana.

Start by talking to your doctor or mental health professional about your treatment options. 

Medications

There are currently no FDA-approved medications for the treatment of marijuana use disorders, but research in this area is ongoing. Clinical trials have shown that buspirone, an anti-anxiety medication, can reduce cravings and drug use and decrease symptoms of irritability.

Your healthcare provider may prescribe medications to treat co-occurring mental health disorders. For example, they might prescribe antidepressants to treat symptoms of anxiety or depression.

Therapy

Therapy is generally the recommended treatment for marijuana use disorder. Specific strategies that may be used include:

  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which addresses the underlying negative thought patterns that contribute to addictive behavior. Your therapist can also help you find coping mechanisms that will help you deal with the thoughts or emotions that often contribute to drug use.
  • Contingency management, which involves the use of rewards to reinforce and encourage drug abstinence. For example, you may be able to earn desired rewards by passing a drug test.
  • Motivational interviewing, which is an approach that helps people develop a strong motivation to make positive behavior changes in their lives. This type of therapy can be helpful for people who struggle to find the motivation to quit smoking marijuana. 

Self-help strategies are important, but sometimes you might need a helping hand. Reach out to your doctor or find a mental health professional who specializes in treating addictions.


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5 Signs Your Child’s Behavior Is Out of Control

Key Takeaways

  • Frequent and severe tantrums past age five can be a sign of behavior issues.

  • Establish clear household rules to help your child manage their own behavior.

  • If parenting strategies aren’t working and behavior poses risks, seek help from a professional.

It isn’t uncommon for parents to occasionally feel that their children’s behavior is out of control. After all, most kids experience temper tantrums, rule-breaking, or other behavioral challenges from time to time.

In many cases, such behavioral issues can signify that a child’s needs are not being met or that they are dealing with something stressful. Sometimes, however, these problems might indicate a more serious behavioral disorder or emotional problem.

This article discusses how to tell if your child’s behavior is out of control and what steps you can take to help your child. Recognizing that there might be a problem and taking steps to improve your child’s behavior can lead to better outcomes.

Frequent and Severe Outbursts

Temper tantrums are normal among younger children but decrease in frequency and severity as they age. If your child is still experiencing frequent and severe temper tantrums past the age of five, it may be a sign that they are experiencing a behavioral issue.

Behaviors that are sometimes viewed as out of control when they occur in older children include:

  • Crying, screaming, or yelling excessively
  • Kicking, punching, or hitting others
  • Holding their breath, going limp, or tensing their body
  • Flailing their arms or legs

Such tantrums are often in response to stress or unmet desire. Kids might engage in such behavior when they don’t get what they want or when they want attention from others. Outbursts can also occur in response to being tired, hungry, or frustrated.

These outbursts are usually relatively brief, and most kids gradually outgrow them once they start school. If your child experiences longer-lasting, violent outbursts or continue to have tantrums past age five, it may be a sign of a behavioral issue.

Difficulty With Interpersonal Relationships

Another sign that your child’s behavior might be out of control is having frequent interpersonal issues with other children and adults.

Common problems you might notice include the following: 

  • Your child might frequently be involved in arguments with other children that are never resolved. 
  • Your child blames others for these conflicts and cannot or will not acknowledge how their actions may have contributed to the problem.
  • They cannot get along with other children in school or other settings.
  • They struggle to maintain friendships.
  • They often alienate other adults due to their behavioral outbursts.
  • They are often excluded from social activities because others don’t want to deal with their behavior.

These social problems can leave kids feeling isolated and take a serious toll on self-esteem.

Problems Managing Emotions

Another problem associated with out-of-control behavior in children is difficulty managing emotions. While younger kids struggle more with emotional control, this is an ability that gradually improves as children get older.

On the other hand, kids who experience emotional dysregulation have a more challenging time understanding and controlling their own emotional responses.

Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional dysregulation is characterized by problems identifying and responding to emotions in age-appropriate ways.

Signs of emotional dysregulation in kids include:

  • Intense, out-of-control outbursts of anger
  • Severe feelings of frustration
  • Trouble dealing with disappointment
  • Frequent crying
  • Frequent negative moods

Poor Impulse Control

Kids with out-of-control behavior may struggle to manage their impulses effectively. They may engage in actions without considering the consequences, leading to social, academic, or disciplinary problems.

Examples of impulsive behaviors that can cause problems include:

  • Acting out to get attention
  • Overreacting when frustrated, angry, or disappointed
  • Engaging in risky behaviors such as smoking, drinking, or using drugs
  • Not thinking about the consequences of actions
  • Lashing out at others
  • Interrupting others frequently
  • Taking things without asking
  • Feeling very impatient

Impulsivity can lead to many problems in your child’s life. But when your child is out of control, impulsive behaviors can be dangerous. In such cases, it can be helpful to encourage your child to cool down, help them identify and name what they are feeling, and then talk about appropriate ways to deal with the problem.

Serious Behavioral Problems

Out-of-control behavior can often be more severe and lead to significant consequences. Examples of these behaviors can include:

  • Significant rule-breaking, such as skipping school, running away, or staying out at night
  • Bullying, fighting, cruelty toward others or animals, or other actions that may cause harm 
  • Stealing, lying, or damaging other people’s property
  • Refusing to comply with adults’ requests or rules 
  • Self-harm, thoughts of suicide, or suicidal behaviors

Such behavior patterns might indicate a behavioral disorder, such as oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder (CD). ODD is usually between around age eight and no later than age 12. Conduct disorder may begin before age 10, but it is often diagnosed during adolescence.

In addition to contributing to social and academic issues, these severe behavior problems can lead to disciplinary and legal issues. In some instances, such behavior can threaten the health and safety of the child or others around them. If your child exhibits such behaviors, it is essential to talk to a doctor and take steps to help them get the treatment they need.

What to Do If Your Child’s Behavior Is Out of Control

If you feel like your child’s behavior is out of control, there are steps that you can take to improve your child’s behavior. For many behavioral issues, effective parenting strategies can help caregivers get a handle on behavioral challenges. 

Some strategies that can help improve children’s behavior include:

  • Establish clear household rules: Parents and caregivers should establish household rules, write them down, and discuss them with the child. Having rules can help kids learn to regulate their own behavior more effectively.
  • Create structure: Kids benefit when there is structure in the home, particularly when dealing with behavioral issues. Make a schedule, so your child knows what to expect each day.
  • Establish consequences: In addition to creating rules, it is essential to create consistent consequences for violations of the household rules. Examples of effective consequences include time-outs, restitution, and loss of privileges. Logical consequences, such as cleaning up a mess they made, can also be helpful.
  • Offer reinforcement: Look for ways to help motivate your child to manage their behavior more effectively. Praise them when they engage in desired behaviors. Create a reward system, such as a sticker chart, where a child can earn a specific reward for a pattern of good behavior.

When to Seek Help

If disciplinary and parenting strategies don’t seem to be working or if your child’s behavior poses a risk to others or themselves, it is essential to talk to a professional. Talking to your child’s pediatrician is an excellent place to start. They can recommend treatments or refer you to other professionals for assessment, advice, and treatment. 

Treatment for behavioral issues may include psychotherapy, behavioral interventions, parent education, and medication. Joining a parent support group can also be a great source of information, advice, and encouragement.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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  2. American Academy of Pediatrics. Developmental milestones: 4 to 5 year olds.

  3. Bakhshani NM. Impulsivity: a predisposition toward risky behaviorsInt J High Risk Behav Addict. 2014;3(2):e20428. doi:10.5812/ijhrba.20428

  4. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Behavior or conduct problems in children.

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  7. National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine; Division of Behavioral and Social Sciences and Education; Board on Children, Youth, and Families; Committee on Supporting the Parents of Young Children; Breiner H, Ford M, Gadsden VL, editors. Parenting Knowledge, Attitudes, and Practices. In: Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8

  8. Bombi AS, Di Norcia A, Di Giunta L, Pastorelli C, Lansford JE. Parenting practices and child misbehavior: A mixed method study of Italian mothers and children. Parent Sci Pract. 2015;15(3):207–228.

  9. Coelho LF, Barbosa DL, Rizzutti S, Muszkat M, Bueno OF, Miranda MC. Use of cognitive behavioral therapy and token economy to alleviate dysfunctional behavior in children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Front Psychiatry. 2015;6:167. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2015.00167

Kendra Cherry

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the “Everything Psychology Book.”


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