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The Secret Every Lasting Friendship Shares

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Knowing that your friend respects you and your needs, and that you respect them and theirs, lays the foundation for a relationship that can last.
  • Always be open to ways you can improve your friendship, and if something happens where you feel your boundaries are being ignored, speak up—a true friend will understand and want to help.
  • Lasting friendships are built on mutual respect and trust, and building that respect and trust comes down to setting and observing boundaries.

What’s the secret to a long-lasting friendship? There are lots of things you can point to—common interests, similar personalities, shared experiences. But there’s one thing that no long-term friendship can ever be without.

The Real Secret to Long-Lasting Friendships

When it comes to lasting friendships, boundaries are key. When you set a boundary in a relationship, you are expressing to the other person what you need from them and how you need to be treated.

Setting a boundary might involve telling the person if a certain action of theirs makes you uncomfortable, or if a specific topic of conversation is off-limits. You might also need to explain how you’d like to be treated under certain circumstances, like if work is really busy or you’re not feeling well.

A boundary does not control what another person will do, but it communicates what you will do if the boundary is not respected.

“For example, ‘Please do not call me after 9 p.m.’ is not technically a boundary but a request. ‘If you call after 9 p.m. I will not answer, and you will get a response when I am available’ is a boundary. You choose how you will respond if the boundary is not kept, and know that if you do not respect people’s boundaries they might not allow ongoing access to them,” adds Dr. Marschall.

It’s also important to be aware and respectful of the other person’s boundaries yourself. If someone is taking the trouble to outline what they need from you in terms of your behavior towards them or the way you speak to them, listen.

What Boundaries Look Like in Action

I was having lunch with a friend a few months ago, and we were talking about a mutual acquaintance we had both (separately) spent time with recently. I told my friend I had repeated something she’d said about this acquaintance to him because I thought what she said was funny and knew he would appreciate the joke. My friend laughed when I told her this, and we moved on.

However, after lunch, I received a text from my friend. She told me that it had actually made her really uncomfortable to know that I had repeated something she’d said to this other person without her permission. She asked me very plainly to not do this in the future, and to always ask her first before telling others about anything she has said.

I was horrified. I immediately understood my mistake and assured her this would never happen again. I also apologized and told her that she deserved to have a friend she could trust and that I recognized that I had violated her trust. 

This is a prime example of how boundaries should work in a friendship. My friend (of nearly 15 years, by the way) was able to speak up for herself and express to me what she needed from me, and I was able to acknowledge how I had not respected those boundaries and the importance of doing so in the future. 

If this exchange had not occurred, this most certainly would have affected our friendship. My friend would have continued to feel as though I had hurt her, and I would have had no idea what I had done wrong, and therefore would not have been able to adjust my behavior in the future. Speaking up and reinforcing those boundaries was the best thing she could have done in this situation.

What It Looks Like When Boundaries Are Not Respected

My friend, who had a surgery scheduled, asked me a few weeks in advance if I would pick her up from the hospital afterward, and I agreed. However, a few days before the surgery, I had to make a difficult decision regarding my own health, which meant telling my friend that I might not be able to pick her up after all—I didn’t want to commit to helping her when I wasn’t absolutely sure that I would be up to it on the day, therefore leaving her in the lurch. 

I felt terrible for letting her down, but I had hoped that my friend, who had similar health issues, would understand that I needed to take care of myself during this time; but she didn’t.

Instead, she launched an assault. 

She said I was selfish, told me I was a horrible person, and said that she would never forgive me, even though I apologized and tried to explain how hard this decision was for me. She called me multiple times to scream at me, to the point where I stopped taking her calls; after that came a barrage of vitriolic text messages until I eventually had to block her. 

I would have understood if she had told me she was disappointed in me, and that I had made things more difficult for her because both of those things were true. But the fact that there was no consideration for my situation and the way I was feeling made it very clear that this friendship was not going to continue much further—and it didn’t. 

I asked her to understand my position and what I needed at the time, even though it inconvenienced her, and she couldn’t. Knowing that someone cannot respect your boundaries, especially when health is on the line, makes it difficult to continue being friends with that person.

How to Respect Your Friends’ Boundaries and Have Them Respect Yours

If you want your friendships to last, get used to setting boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others.

The easiest way to figure out your friend’s boundaries is by asking questions. You can start with the basics, like:

  • “What do you need from me right now?”
  • “What can I do to help you?”
  • “What are you expecting of me?”

If they have already brought up a certain specific need or request, you can ask questions to make sure you understand what they would like you to do. You can say:

  • “I want to make sure I get this right. You need…”
  • “When you say X, is this what you mean?…”
  • “I definitely want to protect our friendship, so let me make sure I understand…”

When talking to your friends about your own boundaries, “I statements” are useful. You could say:

  • “When you did X, this is how it made me feel.”
  • “The next time this happens, I would prefer it if you would do X.”
  • “X is what I need right now, and I am counting on you to help me.”

What’s the best way to establish and maintain boundaries? “Communicate them!” says Dr. Marschall.

“If you feel comfortable, you might decide to give a reason for the boundary. In the previous example, that might look like, ‘I go to bed early, and that is why I am not available for calls in the evening.’ That can help the recipient understand and remember the importance of the boundary, but you also have the right to keep that information private.” 

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By Hannah Owens, LMSW

Hannah Owens is the Mental Health/General Health Editor for Verywell Mind. She is a licensed social worker with clinical experience in community mental health.


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50 Questions to Ask When You Don’t Know What to Say

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Questions are useful tools that help us understand people and their priorities.
  • Forced social interactions don’t have to be awkward or exhausting. With the right questions, you can break the ice and have a lively discussion.
  • Remember, the key is to be genuine, listen actively, and have fun.

We’ve all found ourselves stuck in those super awkward situations where conversation feels like a chore. Maybe we’re standing next to a coworker in the elevator, waiting in the buffet line with a distant cousin at a family wedding, or making small talk with a friend’s plus-one at a party. It’s not that we don’t want to connect—it’s just that it feels so…forced.

But don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Having a few go-to questions up your sleeve can help break the ice and make a forced social interaction less painful.

Event-Related Questions

These are some questions about the event or location that can help break the ice:

  1. Have you been to an event like this before?
  2. How do you know [the host]?
  3. What brings you here today?
  4. Have you tried the [food/drinks/activities] yet?
  5. Isn’t this location amazing? What’s your favorite thing about the venue?
  6. Did you come here with someone, or are you here by yourself?
  7. Have you met anyone interesting here so far?
  8. Are you from around here, or did you travel in for this?
  9. Have you explored this area before? Any recommendations for what to check out nearby?
  10. What’s been the most memorable moment for you today?

Personal Questions

These are some personal questions that can help you get to know the person better:

  1. What’s your favorite way to relax and unwind?
  2. What do your weekends look like?
  3. Do you have any travel plans coming up?
  4. Do you prefer to stay busy or take things slow?
  5. What are you reading/watching at the moment?
  6. What’s a song that’s been on repeat for you lately?
  7. Do you believe in astrology? If so, what’s your sign?
  8. What’s a guilty pleasure you’ll happily admit to?
  9. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
  10. What’s something you’re most grateful for today?

Work-Related Questions

These are some questions about work that can help you get to know the person professionally:

  1. What do you do for work?
  2. Which department do you work in?
  3. What does your role involve?
  4. What’s something about your job you really enjoy?
  5. What’s your favorite part about working at [company]?
  6. What’s the most interesting project you’ve worked on recently?
  7. What’s the biggest challenge you’re dealing with right now?
  8. What does work-life balance look like for you?
  9. What was your dream job as a child?
  10. What keeps you going when things get tough?

Family-Related Questions

These are some questions that can help you bond with the person over their family background and upbringing:

  1. How’s [your partner/child/parent/relative] doing?
  2. What’s one of your favorite memories with [shared relative]?
  3. What’s your favorite thing about being a [parent/grandparent/uncle/aunt]?
  4. What was it like growing up in [place]?
  5. Do you get to see your family often?
  6. What’s the funniest family story you can remember?
  7. What’s your favorite family tradition?
  8. What’s a phrase that’s used often in your family?
  9. How do you usually spend the holidays?
  10. What’s your favorite meal at home?

Hypothetical Questions

These are some lighthearted questions that can help you have a little fun together:

  1. If you could have any job in the world, what would you pick?
  2. If you could eat only one type of cuisine for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
  3. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?
  4. If you could do anything in the world without worrying about time or money, what would you do?
  5. If you could switch lives with someone, who would you change places with?
  6. If you could have the birthday party of your dreams, what would it involve?
  7. If you could cast a spell on the whole world, what would it be?
  8. If you could have three wishes, what would you ask for?
  9. If you could spend a day with anyone, alive or dead, who would you choose?
  10. If you could go on a date with any celebrity, who would you like it to be?

Why Asking the Right Questions Matters

The right questions can transform a forced interaction into a meaningful conversation by creating opportunities for deeper engagement, says Tatiana Rivera Cruz, MSW, LCSW, a therapist at ADHDAdvisor.

But, how do you choose the right questions? “Think about what you’d enjoy talking about. What do you want people to ask you? Try to use those insights to figure out what the other person might like to talk about,” says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Clarity Clinic, Chicago.

Another helpful strategy is to ask open-ended questions, says Cruz, because they invite others to share their thoughts, experiences, and feelings in more detail. With luck, you may even be able to turn it into a fun conversation or a genuine connection.

Sanjana Gupta Bio Photo

By Sanjana Gupta

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.


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18 Effective Stress Relief Strategies

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Verywell / Joshua Seong

Key Takeaways

  • Stress relief strategies can include physical approaches, mindfulness, and other relaxation techniques.
  • Other strategies include eating a balanced diet, using positive self-talk, expressing gratitude, and eliminating stressors when possible.
  • Talk to a mental health professional if your stress is overwhelming or unmanageable.

From minor challenges to major crises, stress is part of life. And while you can’t always control your circumstances, you can control how you respond to them. When stress becomes overwhelming or chronic, it can affect your well-being. That’s why it’s essential to have effective stress relievers that can calm your mind and body. 

No single stress relief strategy works for everyone in every situation. What helps at home might not be realistic in public, so it’s best to use various tools depending on where you are.

Highly Effective Tips for Relieving Stress

1. Taking a Walk

Exercise is a fantastic stress reliever that can work in minutes. Taking a walk allows you to enjoy a change of scenery, which can get you into a different frame of mind, and brings the benefits of exercise as well.

So whether you just need to take a stroll around the office to get a break from a frustrating task or you decide to go for a long walk in the park after work, walking is a simple but effective way to rejuvenate your mind and body.

One study found that combining walking and relaxation could be a particularly effective way to reduce stress.

2. Physical Touch

Physical touch can do a lot to relieve your stress. Hugging a loved one can be especially beneficial.

When you hug someone, oxytocin (also known as the “cuddle hormone”) is released. Oxytocin is associated with higher levels of happiness and lower levels of stress.

Oxytocin also causes a reduction in blood pressure. It reduces the stress hormone norepinephrine and can produce a sense of relaxation. 

So don’t be afraid to ask a loved one for a hug if you need it. It’s good for both of you, and it can be one of the simplest forms of stress relief available.

3. Leisure Activities

Leisure activities can be a wonderful way to relieve stress. Yet many people feel that their lives are too busy for hobbies, games, or extra fun.

But building time for leisure into your schedule could be key to helping you feel your best. And when you feel better, you’ll perform better, which means leisure time may make your work more efficient.

Whether you find joy in caring for a garden or you like making quilts, hobbies and leisure are key to living your best life.

4. Exercise

Physical activity is key to managing stress and improving mental health. And the best news is, there are many different kinds of activities that can reduce your stress.

Join a gym, take a class, or exercise outside. There are many different ways to get more physical activity in your day, too.

Walking, strength training, kayaking, hiking, and spin class are just a few different ways to relieve stress.

5. Yoga

Yoga combines physical movement, meditation, light exercise, and controlled breathing—all of which provide excellent stress relief.

And while you’re likely to reap immediate benefits from a single yoga session, you’re likely to receive long-term benefits if you incorporate it into your life in a consistent way. 

Yoga offers a variety of physical, psychological, and spiritual benefits. To get started, you might take a class, enroll in an online program, or use an app to help you begin practicing.

6. Guided Imagery

Guided imagery is like taking a short vacation in your mind. It can involve imagining yourself being in your “happy place”—maybe picturing yourself sitting on a beach, listening to the waves, smelling the ocean, and feeling the warm sand underneath you.

Research suggests that guided imagery has the potential to positively affect attentional control and reduce stress levels.

Guided imagery can be done with a recording where you listen to someone walk you through a peaceful scene. Or, once you know how to do it yourself, you can practice guided imagery on your own. 

Simply close your eyes for a minute and walk yourself through a peaceful scene. Think about all your sensory experiences and allow yourself to feel like you’re there. After a few minutes, open your eyes and return to the present moment.

7. Meditation

Meditation can provide short-term stress relief and lasting stress management benefits. There are many different forms of meditation to try, each unique and appealing.

You might develop a mantra that you repeat in your mind as you take slow, deep breaths. Or, you might take a few minutes to practice mindfulness, which involves being in the moment. Simply pay attention to what you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell.

When you’re focused on the here-and-now, you won’t be able to ruminate about something that already happened, and you can’t worry about something in the future. Meditation and mindfulness take practice, but they can make a big difference in your overall stress level as they bring you back to the present.

8. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation involves relaxing all the muscles in your body, group by group. To practice, you can start with a few deep breaths.

Then, practice tightening and relaxing each muscle group, starting with your forehead and moving down to your toes. 

With practice, you’ll learn to recognize tension and tightness in your muscles, and you’ll be able to relax more easily. Each time you practice, however, you should experience a feeling of relaxation sweeping through your body. 

9. Breathing Exercises

Focusing on or changing the way you breathe can make a big difference to your overall stress level. Breathing techniques can calm your body and your brain in just a few minutes.

The best news is that no one around you will know you’re doing them. So whether you’re in a stressful meeting or sitting in a crowded theater, breathing exercises could be key to reducing your stress. 

While there are many different breathing exercises, like karate breathing, a few simple ones include:

  1. Breathe in through your nose and watch your belly fill with air. Count slowly to three as you inhale. Hold for one second, and then slowly breathe out through your nose as you count to three again.
  2. Breathe in through your nose and imagine that you’re inhaling peaceful, calm air. Imagine that air spreading throughout your body. As you exhale, imagine that you’re breathing out stress and tension. 

10. Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy has real benefits for stress relief—it can help you to feel energized, more relaxed, or more present in the moment.

Emerging research suggests certain scents can alter brain wave activity and decrease stress hormones in the body.

So whether you enjoy candles, diffusers, or body products, consider incorporating some aromatherapy into your day. 

11. Create Art

Getting in touch with your creative side may have been easy for you during childhood, but it’s not too late to pick it up again if you’ve lost touch with your penchant for artwork.

Consider coloring in a coloring book if you aren’t into drawing or painting. Adult coloring books have risen in popularity, and for good reason—coloring can be a great stress reliever.

Research consistently shows that coloring can have a meditative effect. One study found that coloring helped reduce feelings of anxiety, depression and negative feelings when combined with medication and physical therapy.

12. Eat a Balanced Diet

A poor diet can increase your stress reactivity. Emotional eating and reaching for high-fat, high-sugar foods can provide a temporary sense of relief that adds to your long-term stress.

Refined carbs, like cookies and potato chips, can cause a spike in blood sugar. When your blood sugar crashes, you might experience more stress and anxiety.

Consuming a healthy diet can help you combat stress over the long haul. Foods like eggs, avocado, and walnuts support mood regulation and energy balance. 

13. Stress Relief Supplements

Some vitamins and supplements may have benefits for stress relief. What vitamins help with stress? A daily multivitamin may help address nutritional deficits and ensure you get the necessary vitamins and minerals to feel your best. Other supplements that may help relieve stress include:

  • Melatonin: This natural hormone can help regulate your body’s circadian rhythm. Improving sleep can help you feel less stressed.
  • Ashwagandha: This adaptogenic herb is thought to help improve the body’s resilience to mental and physical stress.
  • L-theanine: This amino acid has been shown to help reduce stress, promote relaxation, and improve sleep quality.
  • B vitamins: Some research indicates that B vitamins may help lower homocysteine levels, reduce stress, and improve mood.

14. Positive Self-Talk

The way you talk to yourself matters. Harsh self-criticism, self-doubt, and catastrophic predictions aren’t helpful. If you’re constantly thinking things like, “I don’t have time for this,” and “I can’t stand this,” you’ll stress yourself out.

It’s important to learn to talk to yourself in a more realistic, compassionate manner. When you call yourself names or doubt your ability to succeed, reply with a kinder inner dialogue.

Positive self-talk can help you develop a healthier outlook. An optimistic and compassionate conversation can help you manage your emotions and take positive action. 

15. Gratitude

Gratitude helps you recognize all the things you have to be thankful for. Whether you’re grateful for a sunny day or thankful you arrived at work safely, think about all the good things you have in life.

Gratitude also reminds you of all of the resources you have to cope with stress, which can be quite empowering. 

Research has also shown that grateful people enjoy better mental health, lower stress, and a better quality of life.

So whether you decide to make it a habit to identify what you’re grateful for as you sit around the dinner table or you decide to write down three things you’re grateful for in a gratitude journal every day, make gratitude a regular habit. 

Problem-Focused Coping Stress Relief

Most stress relievers focus on changing your emotions. But sometimes, you won’t necessarily get relief until you change the environment. 

This is referred to as problem-focused coping (as opposed to emotion-focused coping). Problem-focused coping involves taking steps to remove the stressor from your life (as opposed to changing how you feel about the stressor).

16. Reassess Your To-Do Lists

If you’re trying to squeeze 20 hours’ worth of work into 16 hours, you’re going to feel stressed. Reducing your workload could be key to helping you get through the day feeling better.

That could mean stepping away from a committee you joined or hiring someone to complete some of your household chores for you, 

Honing your time management skills can allow you to minimize the stressors that you experience and better manage the ones you can’t avoid.

When you are able to complete everything on your “to do” list without the stress of rushing or forgetting, your whole life feels easier.

17. Obtain Social Support

Having supportive people in your life is the key to stress management. If you lack emotional support and friendship, it’s important to get it.

That may mean reaching out to your existing network. Perhaps confiding in a family member or distant friend can help you become closer, and it may give you the social support you need.

You may also need to expand your network. Join an organization, attend a support group, or get professional help if you lack supportive people in your life. 

18. Cut Out Things That Add to Your Stress

Sometimes, the best way to reduce your stress is to cut something out of your life. Get rid of the things that are adding to your stress so you can experience more peace. 

Watching the news, being constantly connected to your digital devices, drinking alcohol, and consuming too much caffeine are just a few of the things that may add more stress to your life. Making some changes to your daily habits could be instrumental in helping you feel better.

Short-Term vs. Long-Term Stress Relief Strategies

Some stress relief strategies work fast (deep breathing), while others take time to be effective (eating a healthy diet). A number of helpful techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, are fast-acting tools that you can do anywhere, anytime.

Whether you’re about to be interviewed for a job or you’re feeling overwhelmed by your child’s behavior at the playground, it’s important to have some stress reduction tools that can lower your stress right now.

The best short-term strategies:

  • Can be performed anywhere
  • Take very little practice to master
  • Are free
  • Provide immediate relief

But it’s also important to find ways to calm mental stress over the long term. Certain habits can promote resilience to stress and increase overall wellness. For example, those who exercise or meditate regularly tend to become less stressed in the face of a difficult challenge.

So it’s essential to create a lifestyle that will help you ward off stress and deal with challenges in a healthy way. 


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