Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Casual sex can have positive and negative effects on your mental health, but not everyone is affected in the same way. How you respond to casual sexual relationships depends on many factors, including your beliefs, relationships, sexuality, identity, religion, upbringing, and self-esteem.

Attitudes toward casual sex tend to shift as life circumstances—and relationship statuses—change. Depending on the context, it’s celebrated, relished, derided, envied, and stigmatized. Some people consider it seriously, evaluating all the possible emotional and physical ramifications, potential benefits, and drawbacks before having casual sex. Others take the idea a bit more…casually.

Whether you’re inclined to go with the flow or debate the nitty-gritty, take a look at the cultural context and potential mental health effects of casual sex when deciding if it’s right for you.

What Is Casual Sex?

Casual sex means different things to different people. Generally, though, the term refers to consensual sex outside of a romantic relationship or marriage, usually without any strings of attachment or expectation of commitment or exclusivity.

It might happen between partners just once or regularly, planned or spontaneous, It might involve a close friend, ex, casual acquaintance, uncommitted dating partner, colleague, or complete stranger.

Depending on the situation, a casual sex encounter or arrangement is also known as a hookup, one-night-stand, tryst, booty call, friends-with-benefits relationship, or any number of other euphemisms.

In essence, casual sex is a way of enjoying the physical intimacy of sex without the emotional, practical, or romantic components of love or a committed relationship.

Some people form casual sex relationships periodically. Others do so more frequently and may have one or many partners that they hook up with over time as a normal part of their lives.

Casual Sex in Context

Some people consider casual sex a healthy sexual outlet akin to regular exercise, or an enjoyable physical experience. Some enjoy casual sex because it lacks the expectations, accountability, and pressures of a traditional romantic relationship.

For others, casual sex has appeal, but managing the emotions gets complicated—and can result in hurt feelings or unrequited longing. Still others find the risks (such as sexually transmitted infections, sexual assault, and disappointment) are too great and/or feel sex should occur only in a committed or married relationship.

In movies, casual sex is often portrayed as fun, no-strings-attached romps resulting in a cheerful, exuberant glow—and sometimes, romance. Other portrayals end in disappointment, regret, and heartbreak.

For some, sex outside of commitment is considered immoral. Sometimes, these encounters may constitute cheating if one or both of the participants are in another relationship. Clearly, stereotypes, assumptions, ethics, experience, and personal beliefs are all at play. Additionally, a few bad (or good) casual sex encounters may drastically skew a person’s perspective on the activity.

Beliefs and Stereotypes About Casual Sex

There are historical, religious, and cultural prejudices against casual sex, especially for women, that promote marriage or committed relationships as the most (or only) acceptable venues for sex. In some traditions, sex is considered only appropriate for reproductive purposes, and/or sex for pleasure is taboo. Often, these “rules” have been flouted, with casual sex kept secret, particularly for men, with a variety of repercussions possible (like ruined reputations or ostracization) for those that get caught.

Women who engage in casual sex have historically (and in some communities, continue to be) demonized for the behavior, labeled as sluts, whores, trash, easy, or worse. Clearly, buying into these harmful, oppressive stereotypes is damaging whether or not you engage in casual sex—and serves to reinforce the sexist idea that it’s wrong for women to enjoy sexual pleasure and experiment sexually outside of romantic love or the bonds of marriage.

However, with the introduction of safe and effective birth control in the 1960s and the “free love” sexual revolution that followed, the power of these archetypes began to fall away. Still, more conservative notions about sexual freedom and experimentation—as well as traditional views on gender identity and sexual preference—still hold powerful sway among the hearts and minds of some.

Today, though, many have shaken off, rejected, or modified those traditional ideals to embrace a more expansive range of possible sexual or romantic relationships, including the LGBTQ+ community. Increasingly, noncommitted rendezvous are viewed as a rite of passage or simply as an enticing sexual outlet.

Potential Drawbacks and Benefits of Casual Sex

The pluses and minuses of casual sex are relative to the situation and people in question. Each person should consider any underlying shame or other negative emotions they might feel or be exposed to. How likely you are to feel good about the experience before, during, and after is important to think about, too.

Potential Drawbacks

Possible drawbacks, such as emotional distress and sexual regret, vary dramatically from person to person, essentially based on mindset, history, and expectations.

Anecdotally, many people enter into these encounters expecting it will all be in good fun, only to end up attached, deflated, upset, or feeling misguided.

Possible Benefits

On the flip side, many others end up pleasantly surprised by their experiences and their ability to enjoy a simply physical liaison.

Other frequently reported benefits include sexual satisfaction, feeling attractive, meeting a future long-term partner, and physical intimacy.

Mental Health Effects of Casual Sex

Some people are better than others at compartmentalizing romantic longings from sexual desires. For others, emotions and touch naturally entwine, making casual sex harder to keep casual, despite the intentions.

Some people jump in without really thinking about how they’ll feel afterward, only to be left with hurt, remorse, or emptiness. Despite telling yourself that it’s just sex, just for fun, you might eventually feel more. So, it’s vital to assess expectations honestly.

Other people have the opposite issue: They focus so intently on keeping the relationship strictly physical that they miss the potential for a lasting, deep relationship—and end up disappointed that they didn’t pursue one when they had the chance. Others relish the solely physical thrills of a booty call.

Sometimes, casual sex relationships have a lopsided power dynamic, with one partner longing for more (e.g., frequency, type of commitment) and the other keeping it casual. This is likely to take a toll on the former’s self-esteem, resulting in stress, anxiety, self-doubt, or even depression.

Additionally, studies show that post-hookup distress and misgivings are more likely with unprotected sex, as well as if an encounter goes further than intended or if either person felt pressured to perform sexual acts that they didn’t want to do.

What the Research Says

Research on the mental health effects of casual sex is mixed. Some studies have found a correlation between casual sex and a variety of negative mental health consequences such as anxiety, sadness, feeling bad about oneself, regret, depression, and poor self-esteem. However, many others have found positive impacts, such as a boost in self-esteem, relaxation, sexual pleasure, and self-awareness.

Tellingly, many studies have found a stronger positive correlation of negative emotional outcomes for women who engage in more frequent hookups, whereas men tend to experience the opposite: More casual sex created more positive feelings.

Ultimately, your personal experiences and beliefs on sexuality, gender roles, identity, romance, religion, morality, life purpose, and happiness will inform how you experience and think about casual sex. Essentially, it’s different for everyone, and only you can decide what’s right for you.

Who Is Having Casual Sex?

Studies show that the behavior is very common and increasingly socially accepted. Many teens and young adults favor casual hookups as precursors to romantic relationships over traditional dating practices—essentially, experiencing sex as a physical need and a way to vet potential romantic partners.

Casual sex is particularly common in adolescents/young adults and adults outside of committed relationships. In one study, 40% of respondents in their early 20s reported a recent casual sex encounter. Other research found that over 50% of 18-to-24-year-olds had engaged in the activity. Among sexually active teens, almost 40% reported hookups rather than exclusive relationships.

Other studies put the rates of young adults having casual sex at greater than 70%. The number of prior sexual partners, level of completed education, alcohol and drug use, and attitude affected the number of casual sex experiences. For example, those pursuing college degrees engaged in casual sex less often than those who didn’t finish high school.

Another review found that religious belief, high self-esteem, and having married parents decreased the likelihood of the behavior, but that factors such as race, socioeconomic status, depression, and being in a romantic relationship did not affect rates of casual sex.

Is Casual Sex Right for You?

Depending on the person, casual sex may feel like a gift, necessary pleasure, happy indulgence, minor regret, or a deep shame. Whether you pursue casual sex is a personal choice that is heavily dependent on your life experiences, beliefs, and relationship status as well as how you feel about casual sex itself—and your prospective partner.

Assess Your Feelings

You might discover how you feel about hookups through trial and error, but even better: Think about what you want and believe regarding your sexuality and sexual activities to really know on a deep level what is best for you.

A good indication that casual sex might be something you’d like is if you feel more excitement and empowerment rather than shame or guilt when thinking of it.

Consent Is Vital

Taking proper consent and safe sex precautions is also imperative.

The type of casual sex you are considering may also impact your enjoyment and comfort level with it as well. For example, anonymous sex might feel hot or lonely—or dirty, in a bad way. Hooking up with an ex or close friend might feel comfortable and safe or boring—or naughty, in a good way. It’s vital to think about consent, too.

Consider the Impact

Alternatively, sleeping with a platonic friend might get awkward, especially if one of you ends up with romantic feelings that the other doesn’t reciprocate, and sex with a former flame may open a can of worms you’d rather keep shut.

Also, if casual sex feels in opposition to your moral beliefs then you may have trouble enjoying it, although you might also discover that your beliefs on uncommitted sex bend as you evolve as a person and as a sexual being.

Think About What You Want

The key is honestly assessing how you really feel about the idea of casual sex and what you are truly hoping to get out of the experience. Casual sex might be right for those who want to experience an array of sexual behaviors and relationships before deciding to commit to a monogamous relationship.

You may want to explore your own sexuality and desires and might feel more comfortable doing so in a casual setting. If you simply enjoy hookups (or want to), then go ahead and enjoy.

Shame is a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises from the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper.

People who experience shame usually try to hide the thing they feel ashamed of. When shame is chronic, it can involve the feeling that you are fundamentally flawed. Shame can often be hard to identify in oneself.

While shame is a negative emotion, its origins play a part in our survival as a species. Without shame, we might not feel the need to adhere to cultural norms, follow laws, or behave in a way that allows us to exist as social beings.

When Does Shame Become Harmful?

Shame can be problematic when it becomes internalized and results in an overly harsh evaluation of oneself as a whole person. This inner critic might tell you that you are a bad person, worthless, or have no value. The truth is, how deeply you feel ashamed often has little to do with your worth or what you have done wrong.

Other common concepts that overlap with shame include embarrassment, humiliation, and guilt. However, these different terms have nuances in meaning that are important to know to better understand shame.

What Are the Symptoms of Shame?

Are you wondering whether you might be experiencing shame? Below is a list of self-defeating shame reactions according to psychiatrist Peter Breggin in his book Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety. 

• Feeling sensitive or being worried about what others think of you
• Feeling unappreciated, used, or like others take advantage of you
• Feeling rejected, regretful, inadequate, or like you have little impact
• Uncontrollable blushing, or being afraid to look inappropriate or stupid
• Worrying that you aren’t treated with respect, or wanting to have the last word
• Feeling that you can’t be your true self, losing your identity, or not sharing your thoughts or feelings because you are afraid to be embarrassed
• Being more worried about failure than doing something immoral or dishonorable, being a perfectionist
• Feeling like an outsider, that you are different or left out, or feeling suspicious and like you can’t trust others
• Being a wallflower or shrinking violet, wanting to shut people out or withdraw, trying to hide or be inconspicuous, or not wanting to be the center of attention

The behaviors below are examples of things that people do when they feel shame:

• Looking down instead of looking people in the eye
• Keeping their head hung low, or slumping their shoulders instead of standing up straight
• Feeling frozen or unable to move
• Not being able to act spontaneously
• Stuttering when trying to speak or talking in an overly soft voice
• Hiding their self from others
• Crying if they feel shame or embarrassment

Four Categories of Shame Behavior

In the academic book Shame, published by Oxford University Press, the authors identified four categories of shame behaviors:

1. The Hot Response
2. Behaviors to Cope With or Conceal Shame
3. Safety Behaviors to Avoid Shame or Being Discovered
4. Behaviors to Repair Shame

The Hot Response

These are things you do when you feel ashamed and defensive, such as lashing out in anger or attacking the other person to deflect attention from yourself. The hot response is usually an impulsive reaction.

Behaviors to Cope With or Conceal Shame

These behaviors include doing things to make yourself feel small, trying to avoid being the center of attention, or not sharing your thoughts or feelings. Concealing yourself is a method of self-protection.

Safety Behaviors to Avoid Shame or Being Discovered

This category of shame behaviors might be things like apologizing, crying, or avoiding conflict. People who have a tendency toward being emotional or avoiding conflict may be more likely to engage in safety behaviors.

Behaviors to Repair Shame

These might include things like doing things to soothe yourself or apologizing to others. For example, if you forgot an important anniversary, you might tell yourself that you had a lot on your mind or engage in gestures to show that you are sorry.

Types of Shame

In addition to the four broad categories of shame that have been identified, there are also many different types of shame. Below are some to consider.

Transient Shame

Transient shame refers to that fleeting feeling you get when you make a mistake, perhaps in a social setting. It usually passes quickly and doesn’t create problems in your life. In fact, transient shame may even be beneficial by causing you to pay more attention to feedback received from others.

Chronic Shame

Chronic shame is with you all the time and makes you feel as though you are not good enough. This type of shame can impair your functioning and mental health.

Humiliation

Humiliation is one of the most intense forms of shame and comes about when we are critically embarrassed about something. Often, this is felt when something happens in front of other people.

Defeat

We might feel shame when experiencing failure or defeat. If you lose a sporting match that you were expecting to win, for example, you may feel shame in the loss. Or you might feel shame when you didn’t get a promotion at work.

Shame Around Strangers

Shame around strangers reflects a feeling that they will discover that something is wrong with you. This type of shame is common with social anxiety, with some studies finding that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) reduces social anxiety symptoms by reducing one’s proneness to shame.

In Front of Others

Shame in front of others refers to the type of shame that is experienced when one feels embarrassed in front of other people. This form of shame is linked to the feeling of humiliation.

Performance Shame

Feeling self-conscious about one’s performance is another type of shame. This tends to show up when public speaking, as well as during musical and athletic performances. Some argue that performance shame serves as a transformational force, impacting both the “performer” and others at the event.

Shame About the Self

Feeling as though you are an inferior person can lead to shame about the self. This is a chronic type of shame with long-lasting effects.

Unrequited Love

Shame that results from unrequited love is another type of shame. This is a feeling of not being good enough for another person.

Unwanted Exposure

Public humiliation involves unwanted exposure and makes up another type of shame. An example would be making a mistake in public and having someone point it out.

Disappointment or Failure

If your expectations are not met or you fail at something, you may experience shame related to failure or disappointment. This is closely linked to shame about defeat.

Exclusion

If you feel as though you are being excluded from a group, not liked by the group, or that you don’t belong, you might experience shame about being left out. This type is also common in social anxiety.

Internalized Shame

Internalized shame refers to shame that has been turned inward. For example, those who experience childhood abuse may experience a feeling of being unworthy or feel shame related to their abuse.

Toxic Shame

Toxic shame is similar to internalized shame in that it involves the notion that there is something inherently wrong with you on the inside. Toxic shame is part of your core identity rather than a transient state. People who experience toxic shame may try to present a perfect outer self to hide how they feel on the inside.

Healthy Shame

Finally, healthy shame can also exist. Shame can be healthy when it causes you to have humility, allows you to laugh at yourself, makes you humble, or teaches you about boundaries. Without at least a little bit of shame, people would have trouble measuring the effects of their behaviors on other people.

Causes of Shame

Are you wondering about what causes shame? There are a variety of potential causes of the different types of shame, some that are transient and others that might have originated in childhood. In addition, sometimes mental health concerns can create shame in and of themselves.

Let’s take a look at some of the potential causes of shame:

• Childhood trauma or neglect
• Any mental health disorder that involves self-criticism or judgment (e.g., social anxiety disorder)
• Not living up to overly high standards that you set for yourself
• Feeling as though your flaws or inadequacy will be revealed
• Being the victim of bullying
• Expectations not being met or experiencing failure
• Rejection from others or the weakening of a relationship

It’s important to note that infants experience shame naturally without ever learning this feeling. In this way, the shame response is normal and natural. However, when it becomes extreme, it becomes a problem.

Impact of Shame

If you’ve experienced shame, you probably know that it can have a negative impact on your life. Below are some of the potential negative impacts you might experience because of shame:

• Makes you feel like you are flawed or there is something wrong with you
• Can lead to social withdrawal, especially when it is a result of public stigma
• Can lead to addictions (e.g., alcohol, drugs, spending, sex)
• May cause you to become defensive and shame others in return
• May lead you to bully others if you have been bullied yourself
• May cause you to inflate your ego to hide the belief that you don’t have value (narcissistic personality)
• May lead to physical health problems
• Can be related to depression and sadness
• May leave you feeling empty, lonely, or worn out
• May lead to lowered self-esteem
• May make it harder for you to trust other people
• May make it harder for you to be in therapy or to stop feeling as though you are being judged
• May lead to perfectionism or overachievement to try and counteract your feelings of shame
• May cause you to engage in people pleasing
• May cause you to avoid talking because you are afraid to say the wrong thing
• May cause compulsive or excessive behaviors like strict dieting, overworking, excessive cleaning, or having too high of standards in general

As you can see, most of the impacts of shame lead to behaviors that create a vicious cycle. You feel shame, which causes you to engage in behaviors that can lead to more feelings of shame. These behaviors can also be detrimental in and of themselves, creating potential physical or mental health problems on their own.

Shame and Mental Health

Research has repeatedly made a connection between “proneness to shame” and psychological issues. Mental health conditions associated with shame include:

Shame vs. Guilt

Before we discuss how to start feeling less shame, it’s important to consider the difference between shame and guilt. While shame is often confused with guilt, they are actually two separate things.

• Guilt: Guilt is generally about something that you have done. It refers to something you did wrong or a behavior that you feel bad about.
• Shame: Shame refers to something about your character or who you are as a person that you believe is unacceptable. Shame is not about doing something wrong. It is about a feeling that you have when you perceive that you are not good enough in some way.

In academic psychology, shame is associated with avoiding failure and its consequences while guilt is connected with forgiving and improving one’s self, along with making amends. Learning to separate your guilt from your shame is one of the first steps to feeling less shame in general.

Coping With Shame

Are you wondering how to feel less shame? There are three main steps to healing your shame. The first is exploring your shame instead of avoiding it. The second is embracing your shame, and the third is achieving acceptance. Below we examine each of these steps.

Explore Your Shame

The first step in moving on from your shame is to understand what it is all about. This is important because it will be impossible for you to heal from your shame if you haven’t identified it for what it is.

One way to recognize your shame is to start paying attention to your emotions in different situations. When are your feelings of shame triggered? And when you feel shame, how do you react or how do you feel differently?

If you aren’t sure, try writing in a journal about your feelings of shame. In particular, you could write about events from your past in which you felt shame or that influence you today in your feelings of shame. Write down any feelings or thoughts you have and how you reacted to that past situation.

Next, spend some time examining how past shame still influences you today in terms of current shame. What did past situations teach you about yourself? Bringing your shame into the light is a way to escape from having it cast a shadow on your current self.

Embrace Your Shame

Now that you have identified and acknowledged your shame, it’s time to work on embracing your shame. While this might feel counterintuitive, in order to heal from your feelings of shame, it is necessary to bring those feelings out from your internal world and into the light of day.

It’s natural to want to put up defenses and barriers when doing this work. Therefore, it’s important to show yourself love and acceptance and to surround yourself with people who will show you the same. You need a safe place to belong and a group that will shower you with unconditional love.

If you don’t already have that in your life, seek it out from friends, family, or even a support group. When doing this:

• Remember that your love for yourself must be unconditional (without any strings) when you feel shame.
• Be honest with yourself and with other people.
• Don’t avoid the shame that you are feeling. Rather, talk about your feelings and share them when in the safe space that you have created.
• Allow your suffering to be legitimized and normalized. This will help you gain some perspective on your shame.

If you feel uncomfortable doing these things on your own, consider speaking to a psychotherapist.

Aim for Acceptance

As you go through this process, it’s important to reexamine your beliefs and attitudes about yourself. This is the time to start rejecting the old beliefs that there is something inherently wrong with you. Instead, accept your new reality that you are acceptable and lovable just as you are.

You will also be accepting the fact that you may make mistakes and that is okay. During this time, you may want to find a mentor or accountability partner who can help you set priorities and make decisions.

Although your own healing process is highly personal, going on the journey with another person who understands could be highly beneficial.

Overcoming Shame in the Long-Term

Shame is a complex human emotion that can have multiple causes or triggers and that requires attention and acceptance in order to overcome.

Depending on your type of shame, you may find it easier to speak to a professional about your feelings rather than trying to overcome shame on your own. In addition, if you have other mental health concerns, a mental health professional can help you with those at the same time. 

Shame does not need to continue to be what determines how you view yourself. In fact, you can choose to identify and embrace your shame, then move on from it. For example, if you were abandoned as a child, you may feel shame that your parent did not want to stay. In that case, it is better for you to identify that shame and let it go than to hold on to it.

By the same token, if you feel shame about some particular aspect of your character or something that others have judged you for, you probably need a good dose of healthy self love. You don’t need to change yourself or your character to be a worthwhile person. Once you accept yourself, you will feel less shame and be able to move forward.

Procrastination, passive-aggressiveness, and rumination are examples of unhelpful coping mechanisms that we may consciously or unconsciously use to avoid tackling a tough issue or facing thoughts and feelings that are uncomfortable.

These behaviors are forms of avoidance coping. Here’s more about what that means as well as how you can learn to cope more effectively.

What Is Avoidance Coping?

Avoidance coping—also known as avoidant coping, avoidance behaviors, and escape coping—is a maladaptive form of coping in which a person changes their behavior to avoid thinking about, feeling, or doing difficult things.

Avoiding stress might seem like a great way to become less stressed, but this isn’t necessarily the case. More often than not, confronting a problem or dealing with a stressor is the only way to effectively reduce the stress it causes.

We strive for “stress management” rather than “stress avoidance” because we can’t always avoid stress, but we can manage it with effective coping techniques.

Other Types of Coping

The other broad category of coping is called “active coping” or “approach coping.” This type of coping addresses a problem directly as a means to alleviate stress.

For example, talking through problems that are causing stress in your relationship, reframing a situation to recognize the positives rather than only focusing on the negatives, or budgeting more carefully to minimize financial stress all demonstrate active coping.

When Do People Use Avoidance Coping?

People find themselves using avoidance coping instead of facing stress head-on for many reasons. Anxious people can be susceptible to avoidance coping because initially, it appears to be a way to avoid anxiety-provoking thoughts and situations.

People who are prone to anxiety might have learned avoidance techniques early on and therefore might find it more difficult to learn proactive strategies. If you learned to adopt these behaviors when you were growing up, they can become a habit by the time you are an adult. However, that does not mean that it needs to remain your main mode for handling stress.

Why Avoidance Coping Is Unhealthy

Avoidance coping is considered to be maladaptive (or unhealthy) because it often exacerbates stress without helping a person deal with the things that are causing them stress.

Procrastination is one example. If something that we have to do stressing us out, we might avoid doing it or even try to stop thinking about it. However, we typically don’t stop thinking about whatever it is that needs to be done. Rather, we continue to feel stressed about it until it gets done.

Ultimately, we don’t feel less stressed than we would have if we just tackled the task right away rather than putting it off. Instead, we stress about what needs to be done and become even more stressed as we inevitably rush to get it done.

The stress only piles on it we were ultimately unable to perform the task or job well because we had not left ourselves enough time. While some people work well with a deadline looming, it generally isn’t the least stressful way to tackle something.

The Link Between Avoidance Coping and Anxiety

If you’ve ever heard the phrase, “What you resist, persists,” you have been introduced to the basic reason that avoidance coping can increase anxiety. When people use this strategy to consciously or unconsciously avoid something that causes them anxiety, they usually create a situation where they need to face it more.

This outcome can be avoided through active coping but it can be difficult to do at first. For example, conflict might bring you anxiety. If you try to avoid conflict by sidestepping conversations that could contain elements of conflict, it might feel like you are steering clear of conflict and achieving low levels of stress.

If you avoid having the conversations that are necessary to resolve a conflict in the early stages, it can snowball and bring greater levels of stress to the relationship. In some cases, unresolved conflict might even end a relationship.

If this happens, you might develop anxiety over any type of conflict, as your experience might have made you believe that even a small conflict can end a relationship (which might be true if a conflict was not resolved).

If you find yourself ending relationships rather than working through conflicts, you will likely end up with many broken relationships and a sense that you’re not able to make relationships “work” in the long-term.

Trying to determine every single thing that could possibly go wrong or reviewing all the things that have gone wrong in the past that we want to avoid in the future can leave us trapped in rumination (which creates more stress and anxiety).

When Avoidance Coping Is Actually Healthy

Some forms of passive coping, however, are not maladaptive and are actually healthy. These healthier forms of coping do not necessarily approach the problem directly but they do affect our response to the problem. Remember that it is healthy to practice techniques that help you feel calmer as you face a difficult situation—even if the techniques don’t affect the situation directly.

However, just because something minimizes our stress in one particular moment does not mean that it is a healthy form of coping. For example, eating, shopping, or having an alcoholic drink might make us feel better in the moment but they have long-term consequences if they are overdone.

If we rely on these “strategies” for stress relief they can get out of control and create more stress. Instead, it’s more effective to create healthy habits that build resilience.

How to Avoid Avoidance Coping

If you find yourself using avoidance coping, look for opportunities to replace these behaviors with active coping strategies. If you’ve tended toward avoidance coping most of your life or at least are in the habit of using it, it can be hard to know how to stop. Here are some tips to keep in mind as you work on shedding the habit.

Understand Avoidance Coping

The first step is simply understanding what avoidance coping is and why it has become part of your life. Understanding why avoidance coping tends to be self-defeating will also help encourage you to take a more proactive and effective approach to stress management.

Recognize When You’re Doing It

Take a minute to think of situations when you tend to use avoidance coping. Do you procrastinate? Do you avoid discussing problems or facing issues? Make note of these and try to actively notice when you are avoiding something in the future.

Once you are able to catch yourself using avoidance behaviors, you will be able to start working on stopping yourself and replacing these unhelpful behaviors with more effective ones.

Take Small Steps

The idea of tackling a stressful situation can feel, at times, insurmountable. That said, taking the first step can make it seem more doable. Taking a small step toward making changes to your behavior will get you headed in the direction you want to go. If you take a bigger step each time, you’ll soon find yourself on a path toward active coping.

Identify Active Coping Options

The next time you are faced with a stressor, pause, and look at your options. Can you reframe your thoughts and identify resources that you didn’t realize you have? Can you recognize hidden benefits in the situation that you didn’t see at first? Can you approach the situation from a mental standpoint that doesn’t involve avoidance? Are there strategies you can actively use that involve doing something differently to positively affect your situation?

Find New Ways to Relieve Stress

One of the only passive coping strategies found to be helpful is the practice of stress relief techniques. If you learn to calm your body’s stress response when you are stressed, you’ll be less reactive and more empowered to be proactive when faced with conflict.

Stress relief techniques can also enhance your confidence and belief in your ability to handle any challenges that you face. Getting positive reinforcement and lowered stress will encourage you to let go of your unhealthy avoidance coping habit.

Use Emotional Coping Techniques

Journaling and meditation have been found to be highly effective for managing emotional stress. In addition to finding techniques that calm your physiology, look for strategies that soothe your emotions.

Using healthy and empowering emotional coping strategies can help you to feel less threatened by stress and more prepared to face it rather than feeling the need to escape from it.

Practice Communication Skills

If you tend to run from conflict, it could be because you do not know how to resolve a conflict in a proactive or peaceful way. If so, you’re not alone: many people were not taught assertiveness skills growing up. That said, it’s never too late to learn.

The first step is to become comfortable discussing issues and come up with a “win-win” solution whenever possible. When you can do this confidently, you’ll be less tempted to avoid conflict in the future and more empowered to resolve it in a way that strengthens your relationships.

Have Someone Hold You Accountable

The thought of having to explain avoidance behavior to someone motivates some people to take a different approach. You might want to ask a friend to help you as you work on getting rid of your avoidance coping strategies. For example, you might ask a friend to check in with you about a project you need to start or ask if you have had that difficult conversation with your coworker yet.

Learn to Tolerate Uncomfortable Feelings

When you become comfortable being uncomfortable, you will be better able to deal with your feelings and the stressors that cause them. When you can sit with these hard feelings, you’ll have more choices about how you want to face the problem because you won’t have a knee-jerk avoidance response.

Once you become more used to it, facing your problems head-on won’t bring you as much anxiety. Some people find that meditation helps them get into a place where they can be “comfortable with the uncomfortable.”

One technique taught in mindfulness-based stress reduction classes is to sit and meditate the next time you feel an itch instead of scratching it immediately. See what thoughts and feelings arise, and how long it takes for the feeling to pass.

Observing your feelings, breathing through them, and becoming better acquainted with the idea of sitting with discomfort can help you realize that, in most cases, nothing horrible comes from being uncomfortable. You can learn to handle the feelings, allow them to pass, and move on.

Ask for Help

If you are finding it hard to make changes or are not even sure where to start, a mental health professional might be able to help. Having the skills and support of a trusted therapist can make an immeasurable difference as you learn to replace your old ways of thinking about and responding to stress with more effective ones.

Celexa (citalopram) is a commonly prescribed antidepressant. It is part of a class of drugs known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Celexa is an FDA-approved treatment for the symptoms of major depression. It is also used off-label to treat other mental health conditions, including anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), panic disorders, and eating disorders.

Like other antidepressants, quitting Celexa can lead to withdrawal symptoms if you suddenly stop taking or lower the dose of your medication. Never change your dose or stop taking your medication without talking to your doctor first.

Understanding Celexa Withdrawal

All antidepressants have the potential to cause withdrawal symptoms. Although newer antidepressants like Celexa are less likely to lead to adverse reactions while you’re taking them, when you quit it’s a totally different story.

Overall, more than half (56%) of people quitting antidepressants experience withdrawal symptoms. Symptoms can range from mild to severe and can last for weeks or longer. Unfortunately, there is no way to predict how—or if—you will be affected.

Common symptoms of Celexa withdrawal include dizziness, irritability, sensory and flu-like symptoms. Occasionally, the dizziness can get so bad that it becomes hard to stand up.

When you quit Celexa, there is a possibility that you will relapse and begin experiencing symptoms of depression again. Discontinuing your dose can also lead to an increase in suicidal thinking and behavior.

Signs & Symptoms of Celexa Withdrawal

Celexa is an SSRI that works by increasing serotonin levels in your brain. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter (chemical messenger) that regulates mood and anxiety, among other functions. When you take SSRIs regularly for an extended period of time, your brain becomes accustomed to this level of serotonin.

Celexa has a half-life of about 35 hours, meaning it takes 35 hours for half of the drug to leave your system. It takes about one week for the drug to leave your system entirely. This is good, because it means withdrawal won’t hit hard and fast as soon as your dose is discontinued.

For most people, Celexa withdrawal begins within two to four days of your last dose. Symptoms may continue for anywhere from one to two weeks. Keep in mind that antidepressant withdrawal duration is a difficult thing for researchers to measure, which means that experiences can vary.

The severity of SSRI withdrawal symptoms also varies widely. Research has found that the severity is worse than what doctors once believed. Researchers estimate that nearly half (46%) of people going through SSRI withdrawal describe their symptoms as severe. People with severe symptoms may have difficulty fulfilling their responsibilities at home and at work. 

To better understand the range of symptoms and symptom severity, you may want to check out the Discontinuation-Emergent Signs and Symptoms Scale (DESS), which clinicians sometimes use. 

The following is the complete list of symptoms associated with SSRI withdrawal:

• Digestive: You may experience nausea, vomiting, cramps, diarrhea, or appetite loss.
• Balance: You may become dizzy or lightheaded, sometimes making walking difficult.
• Sleep problems: You may have nightmares, unusual dreams, excessive/vivid dreams, or insomnia.
• Overall: You may have flu-like symptoms, including headache, muscle pain, weakness, and tiredness.
• Mood: You may have anxiety, agitation, panic, suicidal ideation, depression, irritability, anger, or mood swings.
• Bizarre sensations: You may experience brain zaps (like an electrical shock or shiver in your brain), pins and needles, ringing in the ears, strange tastes, or hypersensitivity to sound.
• Heat tolerance: You may have excessive sweating, flushing, or intolerance to high temperatures.
• Motor control: You may have tremors, muscle tension, restless legs, unsteady gait, or difficulty controlling speech and chewing movements.

Coping & Relief for Celexa Withdrawal

If you are having trouble quitting Celexa, don’t worry, you have options. If you are quitting Celexa because your depression has abated and you have determined with your doctor that it makes sense to come off your antidepressant, you may want to consider a taper.

New research suggests that a very slow taper (lasting several months) that continues well beyond therapeutic levels may help successfully manage withdrawal symptoms. This means that by the end of your taper, you will be taking a much smaller dose than what you started on. Your taper may continue until you are taking almost nothing.

If tapering isn’t working or you are still experiencing breakthrough symptoms, there are other steps you can take. A good first step is to reach out for support from family, friends, and other people struggling with antidepressant withdrawal.

When you have social support, you are less likely to feel isolated, ashamed, or alone. When friends and family know what to expect, they can forgive you for being more anxious or agitated. You can also look online for groups of people going through the same thing as you. It’s a great place to trade tips and tricks you hadn’t thought of. Here are a few examples: 

• Psychotherapy: Therapy can improve mood, reduce anxiety, soothe irritability.
• OTC medications: You can treat aches and pains or flu-like symptoms with over-the-counter pain relievers and anti-nausea medications. 
• Exercise: Getting regular exercise can improve mood and reduce stress. Aim for about 45 minutes of moderate activity three times a week.
• Natural remedies: Vitamins, minerals, and herbal supplements can boost energy, reduce stress, and treat insomnia.

Celexa Withdrawal Warnings

Celexa, like other SSRIs, comes with a warning from the FDA about the potential increased risk of thoughts of suicide and suicidal behaviors in children and young adults. When you quit or change your dose, your risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors may increase. 

If you or someone you love is quitting or has quit Celexa, it is important to know what to look for. Contact a doctor or emergency services if any of the following symptoms arise:

• Planning how you would commit suicide if you were going to do it
• Talking or thinking about suicide more than normal, for example, “I wish I were dead”
• Gathering the means to commit suicide, such as bullets or pills
• Feeling hopeless or trapped
• Having intense mood swings
• Engaging in risky or self-destructive activities, such as driving drunk
• Becoming preoccupied with death, dying, or violence
• Getting affairs in order or giving away belongings
• Saying goodbye to people as if it were the last time 

Celexa and Pregnancy

If you become pregnant while taking Celexa, you have some decisions to make. Talk to your OB-GYN about the risks and benefits of continuing antidepressants during your pregnancy.

Unfortunately, women who choose to discontinue antidepressant therapy are five times more likely to have a depression relapse. Post-partum depression is harmful to both mother and baby.

Long-Term Treatment

Your treatment outlook will depend on a variety of factors, such as why you have decided to quit antidepressants and what symptoms you are currently experiencing. If you are quitting Celexa because it wasn’t working or because the side effects were too much, then you should continue to seek treatment from a qualified mental health professional.

Research has found that people who discontinue antidepressants when they are in remission from depressive episodes have a 40% to 50% risk of experiencing a relapse in depressive symptoms.

To reduce your chances of relapse, it is often important to continue on an antidepressant and participate in therapy. For example, remaining on antidepressants six to 12 months after remission lowers the risk of relapse between 13% and 20%.

Researchers at Harvard Medical School and other universities have found that people engaging in psychotherapy while discontinuing antidepressants are less likely to relapse than those who do not. 

Resources

If you or someone you love is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988). You will be connected with staff or volunteers at a nearby crisis center. The people on the other end of the line can listen and help you figure out what to do next. It is available 24/7, 365 days per year. If you are hesitant to call, you may prefer to chat with a counselor. The chat services are also open 24/7. 

If you are interested in finding a new psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist in your area, there are several ways to find one. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has a searchable directory of qualified providers. You can also call them at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and a knowledgeable operator will search for you.

If you have health insurance, you can also search the company’s list of local providers who accept your insurance. Most insurance companies have at least some mental health coverage, including state and federal plans.

Social pressure can sometimes lead us to change our behavior, a process known as conformity. This can sometimes be overt, like being pressured to behave in a certain way, or a more subtle influence that causes you go along with the rest of the group.

In some cases, this social influence might involve agreeing with or acting like the majority of people in a specific group, or it might involve behaving in a particular way in order to be perceived as “normal” by the group. Essentially, conformity involves giving in to group pressure.

Keep reading to learn more about how conformity works, how different types of conformity can influence your behavior, and what you can do to resist giving in to social pressure.

What Causes Conformity?

Each situation is different, but researchers suggest that there are many reasons why people conform. It isn’t always a bad thing. Consider this: in many cases, looking to the rest of the group for clues about how we should behave can be helpful.

In some instances, we conform to the group’s expectations to avoid looking foolish. This tendency can become particularly strong in situations where we are not quite sure how to act or where the expectations are ambiguous.

In 1955, Deutsch and Gerard identified two key reasons why people conform: informational influence and normative influence.

Informational Influence

Informational influence happens when people change their behavior to be correct. In situations where we are unsure of the correct response, we often look to others who are better informed and more knowledgeable and use their lead as a guide for our own behaviors.

In a classroom setting, for example, this might involve agreeing with the judgments of another classmate you perceive as highly intelligent.

Normative Influence

Normative influence stems from a desire to avoid punishments (such as going along with the rules in class even though you don’t agree with them) and gain rewards (such as behaving in a certain way in order to get people to like you).

Famous Experiments on Conformity

Conformity is something that happens regularly in our social worlds. Sometimes we are aware of our behavior, but in many cases, it happens without much thought or awareness on our parts.

Some of the best-known experiments on the psychology of conformity deal with people going along with the group, even when they know the group is wrong.

Jenness’s 1932 Experiment

In one of the earliest experiments on conformity, Jenness asked participants to estimate the number of beans in a bottle. They first estimated the number individually and then later as a group.

After being asked as a group, they were asked again individually. The experimenter found that their estimates shifted from their original guess to closer to what other group members had guessed.

Sherif’s Autokinetic Effect Experiments

In a series of experiments, Muzafer Sherif asked participants to estimate how far a dot of light in a dark room moved. In reality, the dot was static, but it appeared to move due to something known as the autokinetic effect. Essentially, tiny movements of the eyes make it appear that a small spot of light is moving in a dark room.

When asked individually, the participants’ answers varied considerably. When asked as part of a group, however, Sherif found that the responses converged toward a central mean.

Asch’s Conformity Experiments

In this series of famous experiments, conducted in the 1950s, psychologist Solomon Asch asked participants to complete what they believed was a simple perceptual task. They were asked to choose a line that matched the length of one of three different lines.

When asked individually, participants would choose the correct line. When asked in the presence of confederates who were in on the experiment and who intentionally selected the wrong line, around 75% of participants conformed to the group at least once.

This experiment is a good example of normative influence. Participants changed their answer and conformed to the group in order to fit in and avoid standing out.

Stanford Prison Experiment

In this controversial experiment, conducted in 1971, Philip Zimbardo simulated a prison setting to see how people’s behavior would change according to the role they were given (prisoner or prison guard). It showed that behavior was affected by the expectations of the role.

While this is one of the most famous psychology experiments on conformity, it is important to note that it has been criticized extensively, and its results have been questioned. In addition to the ethical issues with the study, recent examination of the research methods and procedures has cast serious doubts on the study’s findings, validity, and authenticity.

Types of Conformity

Normative and informational influences are two important types of conformity, but there are also a number of other reasons why we conform.

Normative Conformity

This type of conformity involves changing one’s behavior in order to fit in with a group. For example, a teenager might dress in a certain style because they want to look like their peers who are members of a particular group.

Informational Conformity

In this case, conformity is looking to the group for information and direction (this happens when a person lacks knowledge). Think of attending your first class at a new yoga studio. You would probably watch what others were doing to see where you should hang your coat, stow your shoes, unroll your mat, and so on.

Identification

Identification is conforming based on social roles. In other words, a person might change their behavior to fit with what might be expected of a person in that specific role. The Stanford Prison Experiment is an example of this type of conformity.

Compliance

Compliance is changing one’s behavior while still internally disagreeing with the group. For example, you might read a book for your book club and really enjoy it. But at your meeting, you learn that the other members all disliked the book. Rather than go against the group opinion, you might simply agree that the book was terrible.

Internalization

This type of conformity involves changing one’s behavior to be like another person. You might notice this in a friend who’s taste in music or movies shifts to match that of their romantic partner.

Factors That Can Influence Conformity

Conformity doesn’t happen in every situation. Some people might resist conformity while being more susceptible to these influences in others. It’s important to remember that human behavior and psychology are complex. People may conform in some situations and not in others, depending on factors including:

• The difficulty of the task: Difficult tasks can lead to increased and decreased conformity. Not knowing how to perform a difficult task makes people more likely to conform, but increased difficulty can also make people more accepting of different responses, leading to less conformity.
• Individual differences: Personal characteristics, such as motivation to achieve and strong leadership abilities, are linked with a decreased tendency to conform.
• Group size: People are more likely to conform in situations that involve between three and five other people.
• Situation: People are more likely to conform in ambiguous situations where they are unclear about how they should respond.
• Cultural differences: People from collectivist cultures are more likely to conform.

Potential Pitfalls of Conformity

While fitting in with a group is often beneficial, conformity can sometimes have undesirable consequences. For example:

• Feeling like you have to change your appearance or personality to be a member of a group might lower your self-esteem.
• Succumbing to peer pressure could lead to risky or illegal behavior, such as underage drinking.
• Conformity might also lead to a bystander effect, in which going along with the group means failing to act when someone is in need.
• The desire to conform might also limit your openness to new ideas or arguments.
• And conforming with a group could even result in feelings or acts of prejudice.