Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Why do we associate the color pink with romance, kindness, and femininity? Short answer? Color psychology! Certain colors emit specific feelings—blue is sadness, red is anger, yellow is sunshine; the list goes on. Pink is generally paired with themes of love and seasons, rituals, and holidays such as Valentine’s Day. Some shades of pale pink feel relaxing, whereas bright pinks are stimulating or even aggravating. What the color pink means can vary with context, culture, and experiences.

The Color Psychology of Pink

People often form associations with colors during early childhood based on their family traditions, culture, and other influences. For example, many Western countries have traditionally associated pink with so-called feminine traits such as softness, kindness, nurturing, and compassion. Similarly, girls’ toys” traditionally tend toward pink and purple, whereas “boys’ toys” are often red, yellow, green, or blue.

Pink plays many other roles in Western culture, too. Demonstrated to have a calming effect, one shade known as “drunk-tank pink” is sometimes used in prisons to calm inmates. Another shade signifies breast cancer awareness. The “pink tax” describes the premium women often pay for products marketed specifically to them.

Sports teams sometimes paint the opposing team’s locker room pink to keep the players passive and less energetic. The Iowa Hawkeyes have a pink visiting team locker room at their Kinnick Stadium conceived by Iowa coach Hayden Fry, who had majored in psychology at Baylor University. He believed that the all-pink room would mess with the minds of the opposing teams. 

“Pinkwashing” describes the corporate practice of appearing to support causes such as LGBTQ+ rights and breast cancer awareness merely to enhance public perceptions and draw attention away from negative issues.

What Does the Color Pink Mean?

Remember: Color associations are heavily affected by individual experiences and cultural influences. Color preferences are often linked to memories.

Generally, pink symbolizes:

• Femininity
• Healing
• Innocence
• Peace
• Playfulness
• Romance
• Sweetness
• Tranquility
• Warmth

The specific shade of pink can affect associations and meanings. A light pink is often viewed as soft, healing, and peaceful, whereas a hot pink might be seen as bold, exciting, and alarming.

How Does Pink Make You Feel?

Do you associate pink with certain qualities or situations? Here are some impressions readers have shared of the rosy hue.

Joyful

Some readers have described pink as a color that evokes joy and happiness.

• “Although green used to be my favorite color, pink has the strongest and deepest emotional influence.”
• The color pink to me has a deeply joyful vibe, like being ‘home,’ A familiar friendly place deep within everyone’s heart where there are no worries, you are never lonely, you have everything in life that you ever wanted. You are loved and accepted by everyone.”

Creative

For other readers, pink gives off a creative, artistic vibe.

“I do not wear pink, but I am drawn to it for my study where I do not have to compromise with my husband. It is a happy color and it makes me feel creative. For the first time in my life, I am decorating with pink—hot pink.”

Feminine and Vibrant

Many readers have described the color as feminine, attractive, and vibrant.

Childish

Some people have a less positive view of the color.

“It really seems to represent every single little girl on the planet (according to television), which has a very profound effect on kids. That would also explain why every toy, doll, or dress my little sister has is..guess what? PINK! It’s almost like to little girls it’s ‘if you don’t love pink, you’re not really a girl.’ On the contrary, little boys hate pink.”

Refreshing

“Pink makes me think of springtime flowers and all things fresh and new. It seems like a really inspiring color. If I could, I would paint my room all pink so that I could always feel that sense of inspiration and renewal.”

Euphoric

Different shades of pink can evoke different moods.

“I didn’t really gravitate toward this color until my late teens; I was initially a lover of red. However, red comes across as harsh and overly bold, while pink comes across as gentle and feminine.”

“Another reason I love pink is that ​it is versatile. More muted pinks represent youth and innocence while loud forms of pink elude sexiness and boldness. Every time I come across anything in my favorite pink shade, I can’t help but stop and admire its inherent beauty. Pink is my euphoria.”

The Takeaway

Although people often respond to the colors similarly, remember that the meaning of any color depends on many factors, including experiences, cultural influences, and taste.

Relationships can be difficult at times, and it’s not uncommon for us to find ourselves losing romantic feelings and facing the decision of whether to remain with a partner or separate.

If you’re in this position right now and are unsure if you want to continue the relationship, it’s important to remember that relationships can go through many different phases and can change over time.

How Do I Know If I’m Losing Interest in My Relationship?

Below are red flags that may indicate your relationship might need to be re-evaluated:

• You stop having conversations. If you used to share details of your day with your partner and ask their opinion of things but have stopped, it could be a sign of a lost connection. 
• Your attitude has changed. If you feel like you’re treating others the same but your partner differently than usual, it may be a sign that your attitude toward them has changed.
• You make yourself less available. You feel like you’re withdrawing from your partner, or you’re not physically responsive to them. 
• You ignore your partner. If you used to ask about their schedule or check in during workdays but feel like you have lost interest, it could be a sign that things have changed. 
• You don’t argue anymore. Maybe you feel like it isn’t worth your time to argue. Or, you feel like you aren’t affected by the issues brought up. 

While these are just a few red flags to watch out for within yourself, they don’t always mean your relationship is over. If you’re willing to put in the work to reignite that spark, there are a few things you can do.

Why Have I Lost Feelings for My Partner?

Several factors may cause someone to lose feelings in a relationship. These include:

• Poor communication can erode the connection people have
• Initial feelings of lust fade with time, which can make feelings of love seem less intense
• We change over time, which may mean that people can grow apart
• Shifting priorities can mean that each person has separate, sometimes incompatible goals 

Every relationship is different, however. In reality, many different factors may play a role. Over time, poor communication and diminished intimacy can contribute to further conflicts and problems that worsen this loss of romantic feelings for your partner.

How Do You Restore Feelings in a Relationship?

If you are interested in trying to revive your relationship, there are ways to do so. The most important factor is that you and your partner want the same thing, whether it be relationship therapy or divorce.

If one of you isn’t interested in salvaging the marriage, it will not work out unless you have a very strong reason for staying together.

Take a Step Backward to Go Forward

Take some time to think about what that first phase of your relationship was like before you started losing feelings. Ask yourself what was different. Did you treat one another the way you do now? 

Try to relive those moments, whether it’s by going out on a date, ordering the same meals you would’ve eaten back then, or doing some of the old things you both used to do for fun with one another. These things may seem minor, but they can be essential in triggering your mind to remember how you felt about someone and why you felt the way you once felt. 

Remember the Things You Love About Your Partner

Take some time to reflect on the qualities you love and cherish about your partner. Pay attention to things they do that bring a smile, like their sense of humor or how spontaneous they are.

If those traits matter most, plan for more fun together by exploring new activities in an exciting way. If it’s not these qualities but rather friendship and affectionate gestures that make them great partners, then try connecting with them every day instead of letting other matters take priority.

Maintain and Support You and Your Partner’s Interests

In the early stages of a relationship, sometimes known as the honeymoon phase, both of you are still seeing yourself as separate, so you maintain the aspects of who you are that make you feel fulfilled. Often, it’s these same qualities that made you fall in love with your partner. Don’t forget what it felt like for them to be your person. 

Build a Culture of Appreciation and Respect

We all have our flaws. Rather than focusing on your partners’ shortcomings, learn to accept them. And whenever you can express the things you cherish about your partner make sure to do so.

According to Kyle Benson, relationship expert, “the idea is to catch your partner doing something right and say, ‘thanks for doing that. I noticed you unloaded the dishwasher, and I appreciate it.'”

Strengthen Your Emotional Intelligence

Erin Leonard, PhD, says, “Getting close is easy but staying close requires that two people possess certain emotional capabilities. A discrepancy in emotional intelligence may cause a division.”

Healthy relationships require both partners to work hard and empathize with each other to be successful. If one partner is not willing, it may cause an issue that needs to be resolved quickly before the relationship deteriorates.

Talk to Them

Although it may appear obvious, many couples forget how to sit down and talk to each other. You don’t need to be upfront and let them know how you’re feeling right away, but small conversations can help you open the doors to those meaningful discussions later on.

When it happens, be upfront and let your partner know how you’re feeling. Together, you’ll be able to decide on how to move forward. With honesty and trust, communicating can give you the push you need to rekindle a relationship. 

Date Your Partner Again

It’s easy to stop paying as much attention to your partner as you did initially, but if you want to rekindle the feelings you used to share, it could be as simple as paying more attention to the relationship. 

If you’re married, remember that this doesn’t mean you have to stop dating one another. Treat them the way you used to when you were trying to win them over. Think about what you used to do for each other and recreate those experiences, like where you went on your first date, things you used to do together, etc. 

Is It OK to Lose Feelings in a Relationship?

You might find yourself wondering if you can lose feelings for someone you love. You might wonder if you actually loved them in the first place.

It’s totally normal to have times when you feel more or less in love with your partner. At the same time, it’s painful to have stillnesses in a relationship that leave you feeling lost or doubting its future. 

The question then becomes should you stay in a relationship if you lose feelings? If you’re struggling in your relationship, at some point, you’ll need to decide whether you want to put the work in or you want something else. 

Only you can decide which path is right for you. Start by considering the pros and cons of staying together and what the future might look like if you decide to end the relationship.

Couples Counseling 

As long as both of you are ready to fight for your relationship, couples’ therapy can support you in making the changes and progress you need. An experienced therapist can help you recognize the areas that need improvement and help you learn different strategies to improve your relationship, such as active listening or communication skills.

Being transparent and honest will always be the most crucial step in strengthening the feelings and quality of your relationship. If you’re unwilling to put the work in, consider meeting with a counselor on your own. They can help you make a decision and help you process how you can move forward. 

Keep in Mind

At some point, if you still don’t have romantic feelings, it’s important to start accepting this reality and moving on. Your partner deserves a relationship partner with whom they can share love. Nothing short of that will do because they are worthy of a life filled with joy and affection.

Cognitive distortions are negative or irrational patterns of thinking. These negative thought patterns can play a role in diminishing your motivation, lowering your self-esteem, and contributing to problems like anxiety, depression, and substance use.

This article discusses different cognitive distortions and how they work. It also discusses hypothetical examples to show how this kind of thinking affects behavior and what you can do to help overcome these distortions.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

All-or-nothing thinking is also known as black-and-white thinking or polarized thinking. This type of thinking involves viewing things in absolute terms: Situations are always black or white, everything or nothing, good or bad, success or failure.

An example of all-or-nothing thinking is dwelling on mistakes and assuming you will never be able to do well, instead of acknowledging the error and trying to move past it.

One way to overtime this cognitive distortion is to recognize that success and progress are not all-or-nothing concepts. By addressing this type of thinking and replacing self-defeating thoughts, you can feel better about your progress and recognize your strengths.

Overgeneralization

Overgeneralization happens when you make a rule after a single event or a series of coincidences. The words “always” or “never” frequently appear in the sentence. Because you have experience with one event playing out a certain way, you assume that all future events will have the same outcome.

For example, imagine that you made a suggestion about a work project that wasn’t adopted in the final work. You might overgeneralize this and assume that no one at work ever listens to you or takes you seriously.

Mental Filters

A mental filter is the opposite of overgeneralization, but with the same negative outcome. Instead of taking one small event and generalizing it inappropriately, the mental filter takes one small event and focuses on it exclusively, filtering out anything else.

For example, Nathan focuses on all of the negative or hurtful things that his partner has said or done in their relationship, but he filters all the kind and thoughtful things his partner does. This thinking contributes to feelings of negativity about his partner and their relationship.

Journaling is one strategy that might help overcome mental filtering. Make an effort to intentionally shift your focus from the negative and look for more neutral or positive aspects of a situation. 

Discounting the Positive

Discounting the positive is a cognitive distortion that involves ignoring or invalidating good things that have happened to you. It is similar to mental filtering, but instead of simply ignoring the positives, you are actively rejecting them.

For example, Joel completes a project and receives an award for his outstanding work. Rather than feeling proud of his achievement, he attributes it to pure luck that has nothing to do with his talent and effort.

One way to overcome this cognitive distortion is to reframe how you attribute events. Instead of seeing positive outcomes as flukes, focus on noticing how your own strengths, skills, and efforts contributed to the outcome.

Jumping to Conclusions

There are two ways of jumping to conclusions:

• Mind reading: When you think someone is going to react in a particular way, or you believe someone is thinking things that they aren’t
• Fortune telling: When you predict events will unfold in a particular way, often to avoid trying something difficult

For example, Jamie believes that he cannot stand life without heroin. Such beliefs hold him back from getting the treatment and help that he needs to successfully recover from substance use.

To overcome this cognitive distortion, take a moment to consider the facts before you make a decisions. Ask questions and challenge your initial assumptions.

Magnification

Magnification is exaggerating the importance of shortcomings and problems while minimizing the importance of desirable qualities. Similar to mental filtering and discounting the positive, this cognitive distortion involves magnifying your negative qualities while minimizing your positive ones. 

For example, when something bad happens, you see this as “proof” of your own failures. But when good things happen, you minimize their importance. For example, a person addicted to pain medication might magnify the importance of eliminating all pain and exaggerate how unbearable their pain is.

Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is a way of judging yourself or your circumstances based on your emotions. This type of reasoning assumes that because you are experiencing a negative emotion, it must accurately reflect reality. If you feel experience feelings of guilt, for example, emotional reasoning would lead you to conclude that you are a bad person.

For instance, Jenna used emotional reasoning to conclude that she was a worthless person, which in turn led to binge eating.

While research has found that this distortion is common in people who have anxiety and depression, it is actually a very common way of thinking that many people engage in. Cognitive behavior therapy can help people recognize the signs of emotional reasoning and realize that feelings are not facts.

“Should” Statements

“Should” statements involve always thinking about things that you think you “should” or “must” do. These types of statements can make you feel worried or anxious. They can also cause you to experience guilt or a sense of failure. Because you always think you “should” be doing something, you end up feeling as if you are constantly failing.

An example: Cheryl thinks she should be able to play a song on her violin without making any mistakes. When she does make mistakes, she feels angry and upset with herself. As a result, she starts to avoid practicing her violin.

Labeling

Labeling is a cognitive distortion that involves making a judgment about yourself or someone else as a person, rather than seeing the behavior as something the person did that doesn’t define them as an individual.

For example, you might label yourself as a failure. You can also label other people as well. You might decide that someone is a jerk because of one interaction and continue to judge them in all future interactions through that lens with no room for redemption.

You can combat labeling by challenging the accuracy of your assumptions. Look for evidence that counters your negative thoughts. Remind yourself of the difference between opinions and facts.

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Personalization and Blame

Personalization and blame is a cognitive distortion whereby you entirely blame yourself, or someone else, for a situation that, in reality, involved many factors that were out of your control.

For example, Anna blamed herself for her daughter’s bad grade in school. Instead of trying to find out why her daughter is struggling and exploring ways to help, Anna assumes it is a sign that she is a bad mother.

When you find yourself engaging in this cognitive distortion, make a conscious effort to consider other factors that might have played a role in the situation. Instead of blaming yourself for something that happened, consider external factors or other people’s actions that might have also been contributing factors.

Coping With Cognitive Distortions

Once you recognize that you are experiencing cognitive distortions, there are steps you can take to change these ways of thinking. Getting help is important, because these distorted thought patterns can seriously affect mental health and well-being. To change cognitive distortions:

Become More Aware of Your Thoughts

Try to notice the thoughts that contribute to feelings of anxiety, negativity, or depression. Practices such as journaling and mindfulness may help you build better awareness of your own thoughts.

Recognize the Effect of Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive distortions can contribute to poor decisions making, but they can also play a significant role in the onset and maintenance of mental illness and other issues. Such distortions are associated with the following:

Challenge Your Thoughts

As you recognize that distorted thoughts cause problems, it is essential to work to change them actively. It may be uncomfortable, particularly at first, but work on challenging yourself. Is there evidence that contradicts your thoughts? Are there more helpful ways of thinking about a situation?

Talk to a Professional

If cognitive distortions are contributing to feelings of anxiety, depression, or other mental health problems, consider talking to a therapist.  A therapist can utilize cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and other strategies to help you change these distorted ways of thinking.

CBT is an approach that helps people recognize these cognitive distortions and replace them with more helpful, realistic thoughts. Techniques that your therapist may utilize include cognitive reframing and cognitive restructuring.

A Word From Verywell

Cognitive distortions are the mind’s way of playing tricks on us and convincing us of something that just isn’t true. While many cognitive distortions are common, there are some that can indicate a more serious condition and take a toll on mental health, leading to an increase in symptoms of stress, anxiety, or depression.

If you think that cognitive distortions may be altering your sense of reality and are concerned about how these thoughts may be negatively affecting your life, talk to your healthcare provider or therapist. Treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy are helpful and can help you learn to think in ways that are more accurate and helpful.

If you’re living with a spouse you hate, you may wonder if it’s possible to get back those romantic feelings you once had for each other.

It may help you to know that it’s common to be blinded to your partner’s imperfections during the romantic phase of a relationship, and then realize later that your spouse annoys and frustrates you. Or perhaps you find that you don’t really like your spouse at all.

Learn more about the reasons why you dislike your spouse, the effect it might have on your relationship, and what you can do to cope.

Reasons You Might Dislike Your Spouse

You think your mate will change, or that you can help bring out the best in them. You hope that in time, the difficult aspects of your spouse’s personality will go away. But in the vast majority of cases, this simply does not happen.

The result is that you may find yourself married to a person you don’t like. Comments from others, such as “You should have known better,” or “Didn’t you see it while dating” won’t help. Maybe you did miss some red flags or ignored warnings, but that doesn’t change the current situation.

Some of the reasons you might find you dislike your spouse include:

• They engage in bullying behavior
• They are overly critical
• They are too demanding
• You feel embarrassed by their behavior
• They have a cruel or unkind sense of humor
• They are a know-it-all
• They are a negative thinker
• They procrastinate and regularly let you down
• They have poor communication skills
• They are a self-centered and selfish person
• They are overly indecisive and won’t commit to anything

“Engage in introspection to identify the underlying thoughts contributing to your dissatisfaction with your spouse,” suggests Matthew Schubert, a mental health counselor and CEO of Gem State Wellness in Boise, Idaho. “Often, a couple of significant thoughts are responsible for this feeling. Once you recognize these thoughts, you can assess their validity and consider reframing them to alleviate the negative emotions you are experiencing,” he explains.

Smolarski notes that factors like the stresses of daily life often play a role. The physical and emotional closeness that couples once shared are lost to the daily grind of work, chores, child care, and other responsibilities. Losing that sense of closeness as a couple can lead to disconnection and resentment, and can even turn into dislike.

Impact of Not Liking Your Spouse

Disliking your spouse doesn’t just take a toll on your relationship with that person; it can also hurt your emotional and physical well-being.

• Increased distress: Disliking the person you share your life with can lead to profound resentment, loneliness, and sadness. If you feel like your spouse does not understand you or if you dislike spending time with them, it will eventually have a serious impact on your overall life satisfaction and happiness.
• Reduced support: If you don’t like or even hate your partner, you’re unlikely to have a supportive, loving, intimate relationship. This results in decreased connection, loss of contact, and lack of physical affection.
• Unhealthy coping strategies: If your marriage is unhappy and you dislike your spouse, you might be more likely to use unhealthy or unhelpful coping methods. This might involve avoidance, social withdrawal, substance use, or emotional eating.
• Health effects: Unhappy marriages can also take a toll on your physical well-being. Increased stress can lower immunity, increase your risk of mental health problems, and increase your risk of experiencing a variety of serious health problems.

Coping When You Don’t Like Your Spouse

Personality compatibility is an important characteristic of happy relationships. A spouse’s irritating habits and activities can drive you up the wall just like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet. If ignored, it only gets worse.

As soon as you realize you are in this predicament, take action immediately. Don’t let the resentment build until you explode. Some of the most important things you can do include:

1. Be honest with yourself
2. Decide if you want to preserve the relationship
3. Focus on what you can control
4. Focus on the positive
5. Reinforce positive behavior
6. Work on communication
7. Spend more time together
8. Don’t place blame
9. Talk to a third party

There is hope for this situation. However, it does take honest and caring communication.

Be Honest With Yourself

Relationship problems are rarely one-sided. Remember that you also have behaviors and traits that annoy your partner.

This is why it is important to not only ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are feeling but to also ask yourself if there’s anything you’re doing that is contributing to the problems in your marriage.

If you make a mistake, admit it. You can even ask your partner what changes you should make as well.

Decide if You Want to Preserve the Relationship

Some relationships aren’t worth saving. It isn’t healthy to stay in an unhappy marriage unless both spouses want to work on improving the relationship.

You might have truly fallen out of love, or the relationship could be unhealthy. If you’re constantly feeling bullied or put down, it may be time to admit that the best course of action is to divorce and move on.

Some people may need help from a therapist to make this big, important decision, and others may be able to arrive at this conclusion with self-reflection.

If you decide you do want to continue the relationship, it’s time to think about some of the healthy ways you can deal with conflict and restore that sense of romance you used to have in your relationship.

Focus on What You Can Control

Recognize that you can’t change your spouse. You can only change your reactions and responses.

The upside: If you change your behavior, your spouse may want to change theirs. Or you may see a different reaction than you are used to (with luck, a better one). 

Try to Focus on the Positive

Looking only at the negative behaviors in your spouse can be self-fulfilling. If you find yourself in this trap, spend one evening, one meal, or one hour looking for the positive in your mate. Then do it again. The next time, see if you can focus on the positive for twice as long.

“Often couples lose sight of each other because resentments have built up and because they feel unseen or under-appreciated,” Smolarski says. She suggests that couples practice telling each other what they appreciate about each other each day, including both qualities and actions that they value in each other.

Reinforce Positive Behavior

When your spouse does something you like, say so! Say it in a sincere, positive fashion. Speak to your spouse the way you would want to be spoken to, not with sarcasm or veiled criticism.

Work on Communication

Maintain eye contact when stating your opinions and feelings. If you are going to make a statement or request, prepare it ahead of time and look your spouse in the eye while speaking. This demonstrates your honesty and openness.

Be straightforward and clear in your communications. Avoid hints, veiled comments, and passive-aggressive statements. Don’t make your spouse guess what you need. Ask for it directly.

Spend More Time Together

It isn’t always possible to continue living in a loveless marriage, but you might be able to restore some of the affection and romance you and your partner once had. You can start by making time to be alone together. Walking together is one way to prompt a pleasant, natural conversation. Walking, especially in a natural setting, can also help you relieve stress.

Smolarski suggests reactivating your sense of play in orter to nurture bonding in your relationship. 

She recommends making a list of things you used to and still enjoy as a couple, whether it was playing sports, going dancing, or cooking together. But in addition to spending time on things you enjoy, look for ways to freshen up your relationship with new adventures. 

“You both have grown, so it’s normal and good to share new interests with each other,” she explains. Try making a list of things you’d both like to try, agree on things to add to your combined list, and then make it a goal to try one new experience each week.

Don’t Place Blame

Placing blame only creates defensiveness. Use “I” statements. Instead of, “You should,” begin your statement with, “I need,” “I want,” and “I feel.” Focus on the behavior you want to see changed and how it makes you feel. You are allowed to complain to your spouse. Just do so effectively to minimize the likelihood of the conversation escalating into an argument (or shutting down completely). 

Talk to a Third Party

Sometimes you need to reach out to a trusted friend or family member to get some perspective on what you are going through. They can serve either as a person to vent to or as someone who can give you practical advice.

Keep in mind, however, that friends and family members aren’t usually impartial, and you may not get the same advice you would if you consulted a marriage couselor. If you are hoping to preserve the relationship, sometimes it’s best to consider talking to a therapist, either alone or with your partner.

How to Get Help

If you are struggling with feeling like you dislike or hate your spouse, couples counseling can help you work on your relationship together. Marriage can be hard. People tend to bring their best selves to dating and then relax once married, sometimes into rude or mean behaviors. But with effort, you can turn in a more positive direction—together.

It is important to remember, however, that no one needs to remain in an unhappy marriage. If your marriage is not improving or if your spouse is not interested in changing, then it’s okay to consider other options like separation or divorce.