Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Pseudodysphagia, or the fear of choking, isn’t a common phobia, but it can be serious. When people have this phobia, they are often so afraid of choking that it affects how they eat. This can lead to an unbalanced diet, unintended weight loss, and malnutrition.

One word of caution—there are medical conditions that can make swallowing difficult. People who have these conditions are also afraid of choking, but that’s because they are actually at an increased risk of choking due to their condition.

In other words, don’t try to diagnose yourself! Talk to your doctor so you can rule out physiological causes, which might include certain neurological issues and conditions of the esophagus.

Those conditions require different treatments. If your fear is due to pseudodysphagia, your care team will then be better prepared to recommend psychological treatments that can help.

What Is the Fear of Choking (Pseudodysphagia)?

Pseudo means ‘false’ while dysphagia refers to ‘problems swallowing.’ While people with this condition have no physical problem preventing swallowing, they experience extreme distress and anxiety about choking on food or liquid.

Pseudodysphagia is sometimes confused with phagophobia, or the fear of swallowing. Although both conditions involve the act of swallowing, the difference is in the precise nature of the fear. Those with phagophobia fear swallowing, while those with pseudodysphagia worry that swallowing might lead to choking.

Symptoms of the Fear of Choking

Common symptoms of pseudodysphagia include:

• Difficulty swallowing
• Feelings of panic when swallowing
• Avoiding certain foods
• Only consuming liquids
• Excessively examining food before eating it
• Hyperfixating on sensations in the throat
• Intrusive thoughts about choking
• Avoiding the dentist due to fears of choking on dental equipment

People with the condition experience anticipatory anxiety about meal times. Other behaviors may include eating very small bites, chewing excessively, drinking water frequently to aid in swallowing, and avoiding eating in social settings. Some case reports suggest that symptoms can worsen when a person is under stress.

What Causes the Fear of Choking?

Like other phobias, pseudodysphagia may have a number of different causes. Genetics, environmental factors, and individual characteristics can all play a role in the development of this type of fear.

The condition can affect anyone of any age, but some populations may be at a higher risk. Older adults are more likely to experience difficulty swallowing, which may lead to fears of choking. Past research has indicated that women have a somewhat higher risk of developing the condition.

Some research also suggests that people with other mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety may be more likely to develop pseudodysphagia.

Impact of the Fear of Choking

Like other specific phobias, the fear of choking can be extremely disruptive to a person’s life. Eating is a central part of a person’s life and health, so struggling to eat with this fear can be a serious ongoing source of distress. It may lead to:

• Social withdrawal: People with this condition often avoid going out to eat or sharing meals with others. They may withdraw from any social activity that might involve eating or drinking.
• Distress: The fear of choking can also contribute to constant anxiety and stress. It may interfere with sleep and make it hard for people to concentrate at work or school.
• Weight loss: It is not uncommon for this fear to cause highly restrictive eating, which may contribute to weight loss or malnutrition.

How Pseudodysphagia Affects Eating

People with pseudodysphagia often have difficulty eating solid foods. Anxiety and tension cause throat muscles to constrict, which (somewhat ironically) further increases the chance of choking.

In the era of food processors and high powered blenders, it’s not impossible to maintain optimal health on a liquid diet, but over time, those who are less knowledgeable about the various facets of nutrition may experience malnutrition. For this and many other reasons, it’s very important to treat pseudodysphagia as soon as possible.

Fear of Choking and the Dentist

Many people who do not otherwise suffer from pseudodysphagia are afraid of choking during or after a dental procedure. Those who have a more generalized fear of choking may find it difficult or impossible to visit the dentist at all. These fears often contribute to a more generalized fear of dentists.

Common dental choking fears include choking on saliva, choking on dental instruments, and choking on gauze. Some people are afraid that they will be unable to breathe or swallow while their mouths are numb. Many people find that their fears worsen when the chair is tipped all the way back.

In addition, set up a system for communicating your needs to the dentist during your procedure, such as raising your left hand to request suction. While dental procedures are never fun, honesty and open communication make the experience a bit easier for everyone.

Treatment for the Fear of Choking

If simply avoiding some foods is all that is needed to keep your pseudodysphagia at bay, then there’s probably no need for therapy. It is important to talk to a mental health professional if your phobia is causing distress or significantly interfering with your day-to-day life, relationships, and profession.

Like other phobias, there are effective treatments that can improve functioning and relieve symptoms of pseudodysphagia. Some potential treatments your doctor or therapist may recommend include:

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): This type of therapy is often used to treat different types of phobias. It helps people identify the negative thought patterns that contribute to their fear and then replace those thoughts with more helpful, positive ones.
• Exposure therapy: This form of CBT involves gradually exposing you to what you fear. Over time, the anxiety response begins to fade. It may begin with just imagining what you fear before slowly working your way up to facing it in the real world.
• Medication: Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications may be prescribed to help you cope with feelings of anxiety. These medications are often most effective when they are used alongside other strategies such as therapy and self-help techniques.

Coping With the Fear of Choking

If you are experiencing symptoms of pseudodysphagia, it is important to seek help from a qualified mental health professional. The condition can pose serious health risks and lead to disordered eating and malnutrition, so getting professional intervention is essential. 

In addition to therapy and medication, there are strategies you can use on your own to help manage your symptoms:

• Create an exposure or fear hierarchy: Make a list of foods that trigger your fear of choking. Rank these foods based on how challenging you would find them to eat, starting with the easier and continuing up to the most difficult. Talk to your therapist about your list and use this to guide graded exposure sessions.
• Use relaxation techniques: Exploring different ways to relieve stress and anxiety can also be helpful. Mindfulness practices, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation are a few that you might try.

Final Thoughts

Fear of choking can be scary. It can make eating and drinking challenging, which can take a toll on both physical and emotional health. The first step is to get the correct diagnosis—which means ruling out any physiological causes that might make swallowing difficult.

Once you understand what’s causing your symptoms, you can work with your doctor and therapist to find the right treatment for you. Like other phobias, gradual exposure to the source of your fear—in this case, swallowing—is an important way to progressively reduce feelings of fear. Targeting the negative thoughts that cause you to feel more anxious and utilizing tactics to calm your mind and body are also essential.

With the right approach, you can eventually overcome your fears and eat and drink without constant anxiety and stress.

When you’re struggling and feel like you’re drowning in stress, different types of support can help you deal. You might reach for the phone to call a friend when you’ve had a bad day at work. Or you might search online to find ideas for how to deal with your problem.

These different types of support can have different effects, however. A long talk with an empathic friend feels different from a talk with someone who has plenty of advice to offer, and those types of social support feel different from the type of support a coach or therapist might offer.

Is there a best type of social support? And how do the different types of social support affect us?

Four Types of Social Support

While there are many different ways that people can support one another, much research has been done on the effects of four distinct types of social support:

Emotional Support

This type of support often involves physical or emotional comfort such as hugs or pats on the back, as well as listening and empathizing. With emotional support, a friend or spouse might give you a big hug and listen to your problems, letting you know that they’ve felt the same way, too.

Examples of emotional support can include:

• Listening without judgment
• Acknowledging and validating someone’s emotions
• Providing words of comfort and reassurance
• Being physically present with someone
• Offering physical contact such as hugs
• Checking in with someone to show that you care

Sometimes, what you really need is a friendly, compassionate person to talk to and validate what you are feeling. They don’t need to offer advice or try to solve your problems—they just need to listen and let you know that they care.

Esteem Support

This type of social support is shown in expressions of confidence or encouragement. Someone offering esteem support might point out the strengths you’re forgetting or just let you know that they believe in you. Other examples of esteem support include:

• Providing affirmations to boost someone’s confidence
• Giving compliments
• Acknowledging and recognizing someone’s accomplishments
• Celebrating successes
• Encouragement
• Reminding people about their strengths
• Challenging negative self-talk
• Being someone’s cheerleader

Life coaches and many therapists offer this type of support to let their clients know that they believe in them; this often leads to clients believing in themselves more.

Informational Support

Those offering informational support do so in the form of advice-giving or in gathering and sharing information that can help people know of potential next steps that may work well. Examples of informational support include:

• Offering facts or other relevant information
• Providing guidance on how to solve a problem
• Teaching someone about a topic
• Directing someone to a resource that can help them
• Giving step-by-step instructions
• Giving financial, legal, health, or career advice
• Describing your lived-experience to help someone better understand your perspective

Such support can help us feel less anxious when dealing with a problem. It also helps us make better decisions.

Tangible Support

Tangible support, also known as instrumental support, includes taking on responsibilities for someone else so they can deal with a problem. It can also involve taking an active stance to help someone manage a problem they’re experiencing. Examples of tangible support include:

• Lending someone money
• Loaning someone your car or offering to drive them somewhere
• Doing chores or housework for another person who needs help
• Taking meals to someone when they are sick
• Providing childcare, such as babysitting or helping with school pick-ups and drop-offs
• Running errands or doing other tasks like mailing packages or picking up prescriptions
• Helping someone move

Someone who offers you tangible support may bring you dinner when you’re sick, help you brainstorm solutions (rather than telling you what you should do, as with informational support), or actively help in other ways to deal with the problem at hand.

Which Types of Support Work Best?

All of these types of social support ‘work,’ but not with everybody, and not in the same ways. Different people have preferences for a certain type or a combination of a few types of social support.

For example, giving someone information when what they really need is someone to just listen can feel invalidating and intrusive to many people. And solving someone’s problems for them can help them avoid stress, but may end up making their anxiety worse in the long run.

The Right and Wrong Social Support Can Affect Relationships

Getting more emotional support than you think you need isn’t a bad thing. People who get lots of emotional support are more satisfied with their relationships than those who get less. 

In one study, too little informational support was linked to worse mood among husbands in one study. While higher levels of informational support were associated with greater relationship satisfaction among wives, too much of this type of support was also linked to more symptoms of depression.

Generally speaking, research suggests that it’s vital to get the type of support you want when you want it. You can make this more likely by knowing how to ask for help when you need it (and being clear about the type of help you need). And don’t forget to pay attention to your partner’s signals so that you can better respond in the ways that they need. 

The Wrong Types of Support Can Create More Stress

Getting the wrong type of support, particularly when you haven’t asked for it, can actually make it more difficult to cope. For example, one 2019 study looked at how people with inflammatory bowel disease responded to social support. Having the support of others can be important for people who are facing chronic illness and can help create a sort of buffer against stress.

However, the study found that people were more likely to see support negatively if it was something that made them feel overwhelmed or if it came in the form of advice they hadn’t requested. 

This effect doesn’t just happen in face-to-face interactions, it can also happen online as well. For example, getting unsolicited advice from online commenters can make you feel worse than you did before.

Lack of Support Is a Common Problem for Many People

Unfortunately, too little support is more common than too much. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that many people report getting the support they need when they need it. In one national health survey, 77.5% of U.S. adults say they usually or always get the type of support they need.

However, lack of support is still a common problem for far too many people. Specific populations are also at a higher risk of not getting needed types of social support, including unpartnered, BIPOC, and disabled adults. 

How to Get More Social Support

While many people report getting support, there may be times when you feel like you need more (or maybe a different type) of support than what you are getting. So what can you do to help ensure that there are people who have your back when you need them?

• Ask for help: When you are struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone in your life. Think about what you need at the moment. Do you need someone to listen? Are you looking for advice? Or do you need someone who can lend a helping hand? Once you figure out what you’re looking for, consider the people you know who might best suit those roles. It might be a friend, teacher, mentor, or even a mental health professional.
• Be specific: When you ask, setting the stage by being specific about what type of support you are looking for can be helpful. If you call up a friend, for example, you might start the conversation by saying something like, “I just need to vent—do you have a little time to listen?”
• Expand your social circle: If you have support needs that aren’t being met, explore some different ways to branch out and build a more robust social network. This might involve getting involved in a hobby, joining a club or sports team, or volunteering for something you care about. Social media sites and online apps can also be a great way to meet like-minded people who are also looking for new friendships. Meetup and Blumble are two you might try, but building stronger bonds with your existing online friends can also be helpful.

It’s important to open up a discussion to see what types of social support are needed here. And be aware of what types of support feel the best for you, so you can communicate this to your loved ones as well. It’s not fair to expect people to read your mind when it comes to social support—and it’s not effective either. Just ask for what you need.

The Stroop effect is a phenomenon that occurs when the name of a color doesn’t match the color in which it’s printed (e.g., the word “red” appears in blue text rather than red). In such a color test (aka a Stroop test or task), you’d likely take longer to name the color (and be more likely to get it wrong) than if the color of the ink matched the word.

How the Stroop Effect Works

Although it might sound simple, the Stroop effect refers to the delayed reaction times when the color of the word doesn’t match the name of the word. It’s easier to say the color of a word if it matches the semantic meaning of the word.

For example, if someone asked you to say the color of the word “black” that was also printed in black ink, it would be much easier to say the correct color than if it were printed in green ink.

The task demonstrates the effect that interference can have when it comes to reaction time. It was first described during the 1930s by American psychologist John Ridley Stroop for whom the phenomenon is named. His original paper describing the effect has become one of the most famous, as well as one of the most frequently cited, in the history of psychology. The effect has been replicated hundreds of times by other researchers.

Theories of the Stroop Effect

Researchers don’t yet know why words interfere with naming a color in this way, but researchers have proposed several theories:

• Selective attention theory: According to this theory, naming the actual color of the words requires much more attention than simply reading the text.
• Speed of processing theory: This theory states that people can read words much faster than they can name colors. The speed at which we read makes it much more difficult to name the color of the word after we’ve read the word.
• Automaticity: This theory proposes that automatic reading doesn’t require focused attention. Instead, the brain simply engages in it automatically. Recognizing colors, on the other hand, may be less of an automated process. While the brain registers written meaning automatically, it does require a certain amount of attentional resources to process color, making it more difficult to process color information and therefore slowing down reaction times.
• Parallel Distributed Processing: Word recognition is an unconscious process that’s better described as “contextually controlled” rather than automatic.

Other Uses of the Stroop Test

Over time, researchers have altered the Stroop test to help study populations with brain damage and mental disorders such as dementia, depression, and attention-deficit/ hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

For example, in studying people with depression, researchers present negative words such as “grief” and pain” along with neutral words such as “paper” and “window.” Typically, these people speak the color of a negative word more slowly than they do a neutral word.

Performing Your Own Stroop Test

The original Stroop test included two parts. In the first, the written color name is printed in a different color of ink, and the participant is asked to speak the written word. In the second, the participant is asked to name the ink color.

There are a number of different approaches you could take in conducting your own Stroop effect experiment.

• Compare reaction times among different groups of participants. Have a control group say the colors of words that match their written meaning. Black would be written in black, blue written in blue, etc. Then, have another group say the colors of words that differ from their written meaning. Finally, ask a third group of participants to say the colors of random words that don’t relate to colors. Then, compare your results.
• Try the experiment with a young child who has not yet learned to read. How does the child’s reaction time compare to that of an older child who has learned to read?
• Try the experiment with uncommon color names, such as lavender or chartreuse. How do the results differ from those who were shown the standard color names?

Terms and Key Questions

Before you begin your experiment, you should understand these concepts:

• Selective attention: This is the way we focus on a particular item for a selected period of time.
• Control group: In an experiment, the control group doesn’t receive the experimental treatment. This group is extremely important when comparing it to the experimental group to see how or if they differ. 
• Independent variable: This is the part of an experiment that’s changed. In a Stroop effect experiment, this would be the colors of the words. 
• Dependent variable: The part of an experiment that’s measured. In a Stroop effect experiment, it would be reaction times.
• Other variables: Consider what other variables might impact reaction times and experiment with those.

According to the American Psychological Association, having self-respect means having a healthy regard for your character, values, and dignity. It is a measure of your self-worth.

Self-respect demands an appreciation of your identity as an individual, which in turn impacts your thoughts, values, emotions, commitments, and behaviors, says Judith Zackson, PhD, Founder and Clinical Director of Zackson Psychology Group.

This article explains the importance of respecting yourself and suggests some strategies to improve your sense of self-respect.

Benefits of Having Self-Respect

These are some of the benefits of having a healthy sense of self-respect, according to Dr. Zackson:

• Internal sense of happiness: People who respect themselves understand that they must first look inward to discover their worth, esteem, and happiness. As a result, their life is more stable and fulfilling than those who compare themselves to others or those who rely on external sources of validation.
• Commitment to upholding personal values: People with self-respect have a set of morals and values by which they evaluate their character and actions. They are often willing to bet all they have on upholding these norms of behavior, as their very worth and sense of self depend on it.
• Ability to establish boundaries: Self-respect requires people to have the fortitude to establish limits and fight for them when they are threatened. Respecting oneself enough to stand up for one’s beliefs and boundaries also helps command the respect of others.
• Strong sense of dignity: Respecting oneself means having a strong sense of dignity toward one’s person and position, and honoring it at all times.

Potential Pitfalls of Having Low Self-Respect

Below, Dr. Zackson outlines some of the potential pitfalls of having low self-respect:

• Relying on external validation: Individuals with low self-respect allow others to define them, rather than defining themselves. They are more concerned with how others perceive them than what actually matters to them, and often lead fake lives as a result. They have a constant need for external validation and tend to be people pleasers.
• Living a life that lacks meaning: People who lack self-respect are unconcerned with their intrinsic values and the meaning of their lives. They are often impulsive, irresponsible, reliant on others, and self-destructive.
• Having a negative self-view: Those with limited self-respect are more vulnerable to having a negative view of themselves, which can cause them to engage in self-defeating behaviors such as negative self-talk.
• Developing unhealthy relationships: A balanced, wholesome view of oneself and a healthy dose of self-respect are important ingredients in healthy relationships. Without it, people have trouble standing up for themselves and maintaining their boundaries. The lack of self-respect often gets reinforced over time, and people find themselves stuck in unhealthy situations, such as abusive or manipulative relationships.

Influences on Self-Respect

Below, Dr. Zackson describes some of the factors that can influence one’s sense of self-respect in childhood and adulthood.

Childhood Influences

Self-respect, like any other lasting quality, largely develops in childhood. Children learn that it’s all right for them to love themselves when their parent or caregiver loves and appreciates them for who they are.

Giving one’s full love and attention to a child is the foundation to help them value themselves. The knowledge that they do not have to do anything special to deserve love and respect will make them much less likely to place artificial limits on such feelings for themselves.

Parents who value themselves and are at peace with their sense of self are more likely to share these values with their children. It is not so much what parents do but rather who they already are that will shape a child’s sense of worth. The importance of self-respect is fostered at a young age and lasts a lifetime.

Adult Influences

While childhood factors often play a far greater role in influencing one’s sense of self-respect, the influences in adulthood also matter. Factors like relationships, work, and life experiences can contribute to a person’s sense of self-efficacy and self-confidence.

How to Improve Self-Respect

Dr. Zackson shares some strategies that can help you improve your sense of self-respect:

• Identify your values: Start by understanding yourself. Imagine suddenly losing everything you own and being left with nothing but yourself. Ask yourself: “What is important to me? What are my values? Why do I settle for less? What could remind me of my value?”
• Keep the focus on internal qualities: Be mindful that you may get caught up in thinking that your worth as a person is due to external factors like your net worth, position, looks, possessions, or the number of followers you have on social media. Self-respect however, is about internal qualities like your character, morals, values, and actions.
• Work on accepting yourself: Start to pay attention to your thought patterns without getting caught up in them. Concentrate on self-acceptance and let go of your harsh internal critic. Commit to forgiving yourself and accepting your flaws, bad habits, and all the things you don’t like about yourself.
• Challenge negative thoughts: Pay attention to how your negative thought patterns affect your actions. Identify your triggers for negative thoughts and rationalize them. For instance, if a negative experience or lack of specific skills causes you to automatically call yourself unworthy, it can be helpful to recognize this thought process and challenge it: “Even if I’m not great at singing, I am still worthy of love and respect.”
• Don’t give in to self-doubt: Focus on loosening the grip of self-doubt. Nobody can make you feel unworthy of respect unless you permit them to do so. Develop a kinship with yourself and understand your strengths and values. Remind yourself that just as we have a moral obligation to respect others, we also have a moral obligation to respect ourselves.

Self-respect is an important part of your identity because it reflects how you view yourself, which in turn impacts every area of your life, including your relationships, work, and social life. Respecting and loving yourself is the first step toward gaining the love and respect of others.

If you have low self-respect, there are steps you can take to work on it and improve it. It may also be helpful to see a mental healthcare provider, who can help you identify your values, correct negative thought patterns, set firm boundaries, and learn to love yourself.

Reciprocity is a process of exchanging things with other people to gain a mutual benefit. The norm of reciprocity (sometimes referred to as the rule of reciprocity) is a social norm where, if someone does something for you, you then feel obligated to return the favor.

If someone talks about something being a two-way street or give-and-take, these are other words and phrases for reciprocity. Learn how reciprocity develops, types of reciprocity, how it’s used, and more.

How Reciprocity Develops

The socialization process plays an important role in developing the need to reciprocate. Through experience, children learn to share with others, take turns, and engage in reciprocal actions. Reciprocity plays an important role in the development and continuation of relationships. It also plays an important role in persuading others to adopt certain beliefs or behaviors.

If you have ever felt obligated to do something for someone because they first did something for you, then you were likely responding to the norm of reciprocity. This is an example of just one type of social norm that can have a powerful influence on our behavior.

When your new neighbors bring over a plate of cookies to welcome you to the neighborhood, for instance, you might feel obligated to return the favor when they ask you to take care of their dog while they are on vacation.

Types of Reciprocity

There are three main types of reciprocity:

• Generalized reciprocity: This form often involves exchanges within families or friends. There is no expectation of a returned favor; instead, people simply do something for another person based on the assumption that the other person would do the same thing for them. This type of reciprocity is related to altruism.
• Balanced reciprocity: This type involves a calculation of the value of the exchange and an expectation that the favor will be returned within a specified time frame. For example, someone might exchange something they have, whether it is a skill or tangible item, for something of perceived equal value.
• Negative reciprocity: This form of reciprocity happens when one party involved in the exchange is trying to get more about it than the other person. Selling a much-needed item at an inflated price is one example of negative reciprocity.

Uses for Reciprocity

One area where this norm is commonly employed is in the field of marketing. Marketers utilize a broad range of strategies to convince consumers to make purchases. Some are straightforward such as sales, coupons, and special promotions. Others are far more subtle and make use of principles of human psychology of which many people are not even aware.

Charities also sometimes use reciprocity in an attempt to increase their donations. They might send you free greeting cards or an ink pen, for example, in the hopes that you will reciprocate by donating money to their organization.

Examples of Reciprocity

Examples of reciprocity in business include:

• A salesperson giving a freebie to a potential customer, hoping that it will lead them to return the favor by purchasing something
• A leader offering attention and mentorship to followers in exchange for loyalty
• Offering customers some valuable information in exchange for signing up for future marketing offers

In relationships, reciprocity often looks like supporting one another in different situations. For example, you might comfort your partner when something doesn’t go their way. In return, they will provide comfort and support when you are having a bad day.

Impact of Reciprocity

Reciprocity has a few obvious benefits. For one thing, taking care of others helps the survival of the species.

Reciprocity also allows people to get things done that they would not be able to do on their own. By working together or exchanging services, people can accomplish more than they would individually.

One seminal experiment showed how powerful reciprocity could be in the real world. In 1974, sociologist Phillip Kunz mailed out handwritten Christmas cards with a note and photograph of him and his family to approximately 600 randomly selected people. All of the recipients of the cards were complete strangers. Shortly after mailing the cards, responses began trickling in.

Kunz received nearly 200 replies. Why would so many people reply to a complete stranger? This is the rule of reciprocity at work. Since Kunz had done something for them (sent a thoughtful note during the holiday season), many recipients felt obligated to return the favor.

Reciprocity and Persuasion

There are also a number of persuasion techniques that employ the tactic of reciprocity. These strategies are used by people who are trying to persuade you to take action or conform with a request, such as salespeople or politicians.

One of these is known as the “that’s-not-all” technique. Let’s say you’re shopping for a new mobile phone. The salesperson shows your phone and tells you the price, but you’re still not quite sure. If the salesperson offers to add a phone case at no additional charge, you might feel like they’re doing you a favor, which in turn might make you feel obligated to buy the phone.

Reciprocity in Relationships

Reciprocity is a critical component of a healthy relationship. It involves a mutual exchange of support, emotional investment, care, and love. Reciprocity in a relationship is characterized by:

• Each partner feeling able to share their needs
• A willingness to meet the needs of the other person
• Open and honest communication
• Interdependence, in which partners support one another while maintaining a clear sense of self
• Emotional reciprocity, which involves showing empathy and support for another person and the return of that same empathy and support when you need it

It is not a transactional exchange where each person keeps score. Instead, relationship reciprocity focuses on a balanced give and take where people strive to communicate their needs, respond to their partner, and note when each person’s needs change.

Tips for Navigating Reciprocity

In many cases, the reciprocity norm is actually a good thing. It helps people behave in socially acceptable ways and allows them to engage in a social give-and-take with others. But what should you do if you are trying to overcome the urge to reciprocate, such as trying to avoid the need to purchase an item after receiving a freebie?

Some tips that can help:

• Give it some time. Experts suggest that the urge to reciprocate is strongest immediately after the initial exchange. If you can wait, you will probably feel less pressure to return the favor.
• Evaluate the exchange. Think about whether the favor measures up to the expected return. In many cases, the initial gift or favor is much smaller than the requested return favor.

Potential Pitfalls of Reciprocity

Reciprocity is not always an even exchange, which opens up the potential for imbalance or even abuse. Research has shown that people are often willing to perform a proportionately larger favor after someone has done something small for them.

Engaging in that first reciprocal exchange can make it more likely that you’ll respond to other, often bigger, requests in the future. In marketing, this is often called the “foot-in-the-door” technique. Someone starts off by making a small request, and once you agree to it, they then make a much bigger request.

Another approach known as the “door-in-the-face” technique can also take advantage of reciprocity. The persuaded starts by asking for a large favor they know you will reject. They then appear to concede by asking for a much smaller favor, which you might feel obligated to fulfill.

In reality, the small favor was the intent all along, but by appearing to do you a favor by making a smaller request, you feel compelled to return the favor by saying yes to the smaller request.

Have you ever done something you didn’t want to do simply because someone else asked? Buying something after being persuaded by a pushy salesperson or trying a particular brand of soda after seeing a commercial endorsement featuring your favorite celebrity are two examples of what is known as compliance.

What Is Compliance?

In psychology, compliance refers to changing one’s behavior at the request or direction of another person.

Compliance involves changing your behavior because someone asked you to do so. While you may have had the option to refuse the request, you chose to comply.

It is important to distinguish between compliance and acceptance. Compliance involves changing a behavior in public, but not necessarily in private. While you might modify your behavior, it does not mean that you necessarily agree with it.

There are many different situations where compliance comes into play. Some examples include:

• Buying something because a salesperson makes a pitch and then asks you to make a purchase
• Agreeing when a friend asks, “Can you do me a favor?”
• Seeing an ad on a website, clicking it, and then making a purchase

Sometimes compliance can involve a direct request. Someone asks you specifically to do something, and you do it. In other cases, the request may be more subtle and even insidious.

Examples of Compliance

It can be helpful to consider a few different examples of compliance to better understand how it works. Some examples of compliance include:

• A child cleaning up their room because their parent asked them to
• A student helping another student with their homework when asked
• Buying an item because a salesperson encourages you to do so
• Helping a friend because they ask you for a favor
• Assisting someone because they have helped you in the past
• Stopping at a stop sign because you know that failure to do so might result in a ticket
• Wearing a mask and socially distancing during the COVID-19 pandemic
• Following your doctor’s treatment recommendations for managing a health problem or mental illness, including attending therapy sessions and taking your medication

Techniques Used in Compliance

Compliance is a major topic of interest within the field of consumer psychology. This specialty area focuses on the psychology of consumer behavior, including how sellers can influence buyers and persuade them to purchase goods and services.

Marketers often rely on a number of different strategies to obtain compliance from consumers. The following are just a few common techniques they might use.

The “Door-in-the-Face” Technique

In this approach, marketers start by asking for a large commitment. When the other person refuses, they then make a smaller and more reasonable request.

For example, imagine that a business owner asks you to make a large investment in a new business opportunity. After you decline the request, the business owner asks if you could at least make a small product purchase to help them out.

The “Foot-in-the-Door” Technique

In this approach, marketers start by asking for and obtaining a small commitment. Once you have complied with the first request, you are more likely to also comply with a second, larger request.

For example, your coworker asks if you fill in for them for a day. After you say yes, they then ask if you could just continue to fill in for the rest of the week.

The “That’s-Not-All” Technique

Often on a television infomercial, once a product has been pitched, the seller then adds an additional offer before the potential purchaser has made a decision.

“That’s not all,” the salesperson might suggest, “If you buy a set of widgets now, we’ll throw in an extra widget for free!” The goal is to make the offer as appealing as possible.

The “Lowball” Technique

This strategy involves getting a person to make a commitment and then raising the terms or stakes of that commitment.

For example, a salesperson might get you to agree to buy a particular cell phone plan at a low price before adding on a number of hidden fees that then make the plan much more costly.

Ingratiation

This approach involves gaining approval from the target in order to gain compliance. Strategies such as flattering the target or presenting oneself in a way that appeals to the individual are often used in this approach.

Reciprocity

People are more likely to comply if they feel that the other person has already done something for them. We have been socialized to believe that if people extend kindness to us, we should return the favor.

Research on Compliance

There are a number of well-known studies that have explored issues related to compliance, conformity, and obedience.

The Asch Conformity Experiments

Psychologist Solomon Asch conducted a series of experiments to demonstrate how people conform in groups. Participants were shown three lines of different lengths, and then asked to select which line matched a fourth “standard” line.

When others in the group (who were planted) selected the wrong line, many participants would conform to group pressure and choose the wrong line length.

The Milgram Obedience Experiment

Stanley Milgram‘s famous and controversial obedience experiments revealed how the power of authority could get people to obey. In these experiments, participants were directed by the experimenter to deliver electrical shocks to another person.

Even though the shocks were not real, the participants genuinely believed that they shocked the other person.

The Stanford Prison Experiment

During the 1970s, psychologist Philip Zimbardo conducted an experiment in which participants played the roles of guards and prisoners in a mock prison set up in the basement of the psychology department at Stanford University.

Originally slated to last two weeks, the Stanford prison experiment had to be terminated after just six days after the guards began displaying abusive behavior and the prisoners became anxious and highly stressed. The experiment demonstrated how people would comply with the expectations that come from particular social roles.

Key Factors Affecting Compliance

Several essential factors influence compliance. The presence of these factors makes it more likely that people will comply.

• Affinity: People are more likely to comply when they believe they share something in common with the person making the request.
• Group influence: Being in the immediate presence of a group makes compliance more likely.
• Group size: The likelihood of compliance increases with the number of people present. If only one or two people are present, a person might buck the group opinion and refuse to comply.
• Group affiliation: When group affiliation is important to people, they are more likely to comply with social pressure. For example, if a college student places great importance on belonging to a college fraternity, they are more likely to go along with the group’s requests even if it goes against their own beliefs or wishes.