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You may know someone who never seems to be able to control their emotions or understand the feelings of others. Perhaps they are constantly doing or saying the wrong things, at the wrong time. Or maybe they’re always judging others, but have a hard time accepting criticism. If this describes someone you know, chances are high that this person struggles with low emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence (sometimes referred to as “emotional quotient” or “EQ”) is essential to basically every aspect of life. In fact, many experts now believe that EQ may actually be more important than IQ in determining overall success in life. As such, having low EQ or low emotional intelligence can negatively impact not only your interpersonal relationships but also your mental and physical health.

When someone has a low EQ, it can present itself in many ways. Below are nine classic signs of people with low emotional intelligence.

They Always Have to Be ‘Right’

You probably know someone who always seems to get into arguments with others. Friends, family, co-workers, and even random strangers find themselves embroiled in disputes with these argumentative individuals.

People with low EQ will often argue a point to death while refusing to listen to what anyone else has to say. Even if you provide them with proof that they are wrong, they will argue that your facts are wrong.

They must win at all costs and find it impossible to simply “agree to disagree.” This is particularly true if others criticize the individual for not understanding what others are feeling.

They’re Oblivious to Other People’s Feelings

Many people with low EQ are seemingly oblivious to other’s feelings. They may be genuinely surprised that their partner is angry at them or that their co-workers don’t like them. 

Not only that, but they get annoyed when others expect them to know how they are feeling.

This can make social interactions confusing and frustrating. Understanding the emotional experiences of others is important when it comes to responding and interacting in meaningful ways. Empathy allows us to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and feel how they might be feeling. The inability to consider other people’s feelings can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings, and a lack of authentic connections with others.

They Behave Insensitively

For the most part, people with low EQ don’t know the right thing to say. They may also fail to comprehend appropriate versus inappropriate timing of saying things.

For example, they might say something insensitive at a funeral or make a joke right after a tragic event. If you react to their out-of-line response, they then act as if you’re being overly sensitive.

Because they have difficulty understanding the emotions of others, it’s no surprise that they are unable to interpret and appropriately respond to the emotional tone and atmosphere.

They Blame Others for Their Problems

People with low EQ have little insight into how their emotions might lead to problems. The one thing a person with low emotional intelligence won’t do is hold themselves accountable for their actions.

When something goes wrong, their first reaction is to find someone or something else to blame. They might suggest that they had no other choice for what they did and that others simply don’t understand their situation.

For example, if they read through your texts, it’s your fault for leaving your phone unlocked. If they fail an assignment, break a window, don’t get the job, or burn dinner, somehow, someway they will make it someone else’s fault.

They Have Poor Coping Skills

An inability to cope with emotionally-charged situations can be an indicator of low EQ. Strong emotions, whether their own or those of others, are difficult to comprehend for those with low emotional intelligence.

People with low EQ have poor coping skills because they:

• Struggle to identify emotions: Besides having difficulty understanding what others are feeling, people with low emotional intelligence also struggle to understand their own emotional experiences. Because they often don’t recognize what they are feeling, it is more difficult to develop effective ways to manage those feelings.
• Have poor emotional regulation skills: Emotional regulation refers to the ability to manage and control one’s emotions. When faced with strong feelings (that they may not understand), people may have a hard time managing these experiences. This can lead to strong emotional outbursts, impulsivity, and ineffective coping behaviors.
• Experience social isolation: Lower emotional intelligence can also contribute to poor relationships and social isolation. Social support is essential for coping with stress, so a lack of support can make it much harder to cope.

They Have Emotional Outbursts

The ability to regulate emotions is one of the components of emotional intelligence. People with low EQ often struggle to understand and control their emotions. They might lash out reactively without understanding what they are really feeling or why they are so upset.

A person who lacks EQ might also have unexpected emotional outbursts that seem overblown and uncontrollable. The smallest things set them off into a tirade that can last for minutes, even hours.

They Struggle With Relationships

People with low EQ often have very few close friends. Close friendships require a mutual give-and-take, sharing of emotions, compassion, and emotional support, all characteristics low-EQ individuals typically lack. Instead, people with low EQ often come off as abrasive and unfeeling.

This can have a reverberating effect on other areas of their lives. Because they struggle to maintain quality relationships, they are more likely to experience social isolation. Their weak social support networks mean they lack the support they need when facing stressful situations. Ultimately, this can have a devastating impact on a person’s psychological and physical well-being.

They Turn Conversations Toward Themselves

Emotionally unintelligent people tend to dominate the conversation. Even if they are asking questions and appear to be listening intently, they always find a way to shift everything back to them. Usually, they have to prove that whatever you’re experiencing, they’ve had it better or worse.

No matter what you say, they’ve been there and done that. You’ve been in a car accident? They have too…and their dog died. Going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro? They climbed Mount Everest four years ago. They can send you a list of tips if you want!

They are constantly trying to one-up you. It can be a frustrating and emotionally invalidating experience.

Try Our Emotional Intelligence Test

Our fast and free EQ test can help you determine whether or not your responses to certain situations in life indicate a high level of emotional intelligence:

This EQ test was reviewed by Steven Gans, MD.

Low emotional intelligence can cause problems in many areas of your life. Fortunately, there are things you can do to increase your emotional intelligence. Sharpening your skills can improve your personal and professional relationships.

Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is defined as when an individual goes to great lengths to evade or ignore “demands.” Although PDA is not a formal mental health diagnosis listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it can cause functional impairment and interfere with an individual’s quality of life.

Learn about the signs of PDA, how it develops, and how to support someone who experiences PDA.

When Does Demand Avoidance Become Pathological?

While everyone is sometimes faced with tasks we would rather not do, for some people, anything seen as a demand or request can be overwhelming. Elizabeth Newson coined the term pathological demand avoidance in 2003 and noted that individuals with pervasive developmental disorders (PDD) tended to exhibit these traits.

Since that time, PDD has been reconceptualized as part of the autism spectrum. Although some researchers have suggested that non-autistic people can experience PDA, it seems to be most common in autistic folks.

Since PDA manifests as ignoring or avoiding requested tasks, it is often misidentified as defiance or oppositionality.

Adam Lodestone shared his experience growing up with misunderstood PDA traits. He also shared that he was assigned female at birth, which likely impacted how his behavior was interpreted in childhood: “When I was a child, I was misdiagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder] and that framing made me view demand avoidance as a character flaw or some kind of failure on my part to be a ‘good kid.’” Since he preferred to focus on tasks surrounding his interests, Adam struggled with school avoidance and communicating his needs effectively.

Elizabeth shared her experience with PDA as well, including noting that although she has had challenges related to her PDA, she also sees it as an asset.

Signs of Pathological Demand Avoidance

Just like each autistic person is unique and looks different, PDA can manifest in a variety of ways. Traits associated with PDA include:

• Behavior that appears obsessive
• Strong need for control over their environment
• Mood swings
• Impulsive behavior
• Difficulty completing non-preferred tasks
• Avoidance of life demands

Some providers use questionnaires to identify signs of PDA and differentiate it from “defiance” or an impulse control disorder. However, since PDA is a set of traits and behaviors but not a formal diagnosis, limited information about diagnosing or identifying PDA is available.

People who experience PDA often do not respond to reward systems in a typical way, meaning that reinforcing or rewarding “preferred” behaviors and punishing non-preferred behaviors tend to be ineffective in changing behavior patterns.

For Elizabeth, PDA manifested as argumentativeness, including finding ways to push back that did not get her into trouble: “I can’t tell you if I ever had any good arguments, but I can tell you I was and am persistent when I want something and this led to me wearing down adults during conflict. I also learned early [that] keeping a calm demeanor meant I could be much more defiant without punishment.”

She additionally attributed some rule-breaking and rebellious behavior to PDA: “In high school, my antics got a little more out of hand. We broke into an abandoned building to play with the equipment left behind. We replaced the school office waiting room magazines with inappropriate materials. Things like that.”

The Impact of Pathological Demand Avoidance

PDA can create challenges that interfere with functioning. For children, demand avoidance that is misinterpreted as “defiant” behavior can lead to punishment or being labeled as a “problem.” When adults label children’s behavior as “bad” or “naughty,” children might internalize this message, impacting their mental health and self-esteem. For Adam, “I definitely grew up believing that I was ‘bad,’ ‘willful,’ ‘defiant,’ ‘lazy,’ and ‘a brat.’”

PDA can also impact learning. According to Elizabeth, “Despite being smart and able to perform very well on tests, I didn’t do any work I didn’t find important, regardless of how important my teacher or professor saw it or how much it mattered to my grade. I also attended school for the bare minimum of required instructional hours and missed a lot of educational time.”

In adulthood, Adam said that PDA traits have made employment challenging: “In my 20s, my demand avoidance impacted how I related to my co-workers and managers, and it would eventually cause me to abruptly quit jobs, often leaving me in a financial crisis.”

Living With Pathological Demand Avoidance

Since PDA presents differently for different people, approaches to cope with difficulties related to PDA vary. Working with supportive, neurodiversity-affirming professionals can help those who experience PDA determine accommodations and supports that help them live their best lives.

Supporting Someone With Pathological Demand Avoidance

It can be tempting to “take it personally” when a person exhibits PDA, but it is important to remember that they are not “refusing” a task because they want to be difficult or cause problems. Elizabeth shared, “Let me go. Let me fizzle out or amp up or do my own thing. And don’t take it personally; assume the best intentions, and I’ll often prove you right.”

In fact, shaming people with PDA and trying to force them to comply can often backfire. Many autistic scholars who study PDA have stated that “pathological demand avoidance is better understood as rational demand avoidance – an understandable and rational response to the circumstances that one finds oneself in.”

Finding healthy ways to identify and meet needs rather than emphasizing “correcting” behavior can help reduce the individual’s anxiety around their PDA symptoms. If you or someone you love has traits of PDA, these resources might help you understand the behavior:

Taking too much vitamin D can lead to an excess of calcium in the blood, resulting in physical symptoms such as frequent urination, weakness, nausea, and vomiting. Vitamin D toxicity also can lead to kidney or bone problems such as kidney stones.

Vitamin D is a key nutrient that helps your body absorb calcium to help build strong bones. It’s also important for your immune system, nervous system, and muscles. A deficiency in this vitamin has also been linked to mental illnesses such as depression and seasonal affective disorder (SAD).

About 40% of Americans may be deficient in vitamin D, with Black and Hispanic adults facing the highest risk of deficiency. Many people can benefit from increasing their vitamin D intake to sufficient levels through sun exposure, diet changes, or—if needed—supplementation as recommended by a physician.

While a deficiency of this nutrient is a very common problem, it’s also possible—but rare—to have too much vitamin D. Too much vitamin D, also known as vitamin D toxicity or hypervitaminosis D, can pose some serious health risks. This is why discussing any supplementation with your doctor is important to ensure you aren’t ingesting a potentially harmful mega dose.

Symptoms of Too Much Vitamin D

What happens if you take too much vitamin D? Some signs that you might be getting an excessive amount of vitamin D include:

• Appetite loss
• Constipation
• Dehydration
• Disorientation
• Dizziness
• Fatigue
• Frequent urination
• High blood pressure
• Irritability
• Muscle weakness
• Nausea
• Thirst
• Tinnitus
• Vomiting

If you are experiencing these symptoms, talk to your doctor. Be sure to tell them which supplements, medications, and substances you take, including their dosages. If your doctor suspects that your symptoms might be linked to too much vitamin D, they may administer lab tests to check your blood serum levels. 

Vitamin D toxicity can result in other consequences, including kidney and bone problems. Your doctor may also look for signs of the following problems caused by excess vitamin D.

Hypercalcemia

Taking too much vitamin D can lead to excessive calcium in the blood, which is known as hypercalcemia. Some signs of hypercalcemia include:

• Appetite loss
• Constipation
• Depression
• Headaches
• Memory problems
• Thirst
• Tiredness

Hypercalcemia is defined as having blood serum calcium levels that are two standard deviations above the mean. Normal calcium levels are between 8.5mg/dL and 10.2mg/dL.

Calcium serum levels between 10.5 to 13.9 mg/dL are classified as mild to moderate, but numbers between 14.0 and 16.0 mg/dL are considered a hypercalcemia crisis. 

Kidney Problems

Hypercalcemia caused by excess vitamin D can also lead to kidney problems or even kidney damage. Because having too much vitamin D increases the absorption of calcium, it can result in the formation of kidney stones.

However, evidence also suggests that more serious, long-term kidney damage can also take place. These calcium deposits in the kidneys can lead to a condition known as nephrocalcinosis, which can lead to permanent kidney damage or even kidney failure.

Research has found that when people took more than 3,600,000 international units (IU) of vitamin D3, they were more likely to experience kidney damage. Note that these levels are orders of magnitude beyond what you’d get from a little time in the sun or the average multivitamin.

Bone Problems

While getting enough vitamin D is essential for bone health, too much can actually have a detrimental effect. Some research has found that having too much vitamin D can interfere with the actions of vitamin K2, which is a nutrient that helps keep calcium in the bones.

Research has shown that people who take megadoses of vitamin D are more prone to bone fractures. In another study, participants took either 400 IU, 4,000 IU, or 10,000 IU of vitamin D over a three-year period. Bone density tests showed no improvement over a 400 IU dose and actually showed decreased density in the highest dose group. 

What Causes Vitamin D Toxicity?

Vitamin D toxicity is almost always the result of excess supplementation. Because your body regulates vitamin D production, you are unlikely to develop it as a result of sun exposure (although it has been linked to tanning bed exposure). Foods generally do not contain large amounts of vitamin D, so getting an excessive amount in your diet is unlikely.

People may begin taking vitamin D supplements in order to address a deficiency or to help relieve symptoms of things like seasonal affective disorder or depression. The problem is that they may go overboard or think that taking more will produce more beneficial effects.

Vitamin D Supplement Safety

When exposed to the sun, your body produces vitamin D, but many people may not get enough due to various factors. Because of this, people often turn to vitamin D supplements. Unfortunately, it isn’t uncommon for people to overdo it. 

A 2017 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) found that between 1999 and 2014, the number of American adults taking daily vitamin D supplements of 1,000 IU or more increased. Of these, 18% exceeded 1000 IU each day, and 3% took more than 4,000 IU per day, which may place them at a higher risk of experiencing some adverse effects related to excessive vitamin D.

In most cases, you can get all the vitamin D you need naturally without supplementation through sun exposure and diet. A 15-minute walk outside daily with your extremities exposed can boost vitamin D production. (Remember to wear sunscreen after 15 minutes of exposure, however). 

Eating foods naturally high in vitamin D or fortified with the nutrient can help. Foods you can eat to boost your vitamin D levels include:

• Egg yolks
• Fortified milk, yogurt, or juice
• Cheese
• Fatty fish, such as tuna or salmon
• Cod liver oil

If you take a vitamin D supplement to correct a deficiency or because you cannot get an adequate amount through sunlight and diet, always follow your doctor’s guidelines and do not take more than the recommended amount.

Depression and Vitamin D Deficiency

For most people, low vitamin D levels tend to be more of a problem. Deficiency can have a number of health effects, including poor bone health, but it can also impact brain development and functioning. Low levels of vitamin D have been associated with mental health conditions, including seasonal affective disorder, depression, and schizophrenia.

If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, whether or not it’s seasonal, talk to your doctor before you try to self-medicate with a supplement like vitamin D. Your doctor can assess your health and determine if vitamin D might help or if some other treatment would be more appropriate.

As is the case with all vitamins, if you are thinking about taking vitamin D supplements, talk to your doctor first about what is right for you.

There are many reasons we might want to forget a memory. Some memories can make us cringe with embarrassment while others may be more distressing or traumatic. Maybe we don’t want to be reminded of certain people or things from the past as we go about our day.

Luckily, some memories fade away with time. However, especially if you have an anxiety condition such as social anxiety disorder (SAD) or a trauma-related disorder such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it may feel like you’re constantly reliving moments from the past that you’d rather forget. For some, the sudden reappearance of certain memories can be deeply disturbing or even debilitating.

Keep reading for tips to forget a memory—or at the very least, lessen its impact.

But First, How Does Memory Work?

The basic functions of memory are encoding, storing, and retrieving.

• Encoding is the process of learning information.
• Then, our brain stores information, either in short-term memory or long-term memory. While short-term memories don’t last long in the brain, some are passed along to our long-term memory, where there is limitless space.
• Retrieval is the process of recalling our memories. Sights and sounds in our environment can trigger our brain to retrieve a long-term memory, even if we’d rather not remember it.

While we tend to forget mundane information, our brains are more likely to store information attached to strong emotions. For instance, a series of studies found that participants were more likely to recall information that was tied to either negative or positive emotions better than they were able to recall neutral information.

Shaheen Lakhan, MD, PhD, FAAN, board-certified neurologist and member of the Verywell Mind Review Board, explains that forgetting a memory has more to do with processing the emotions attached to the memory.

Many techniques to ‘forget a bad memory’ stem from gradually disassociating the memory from its negative emotional basis.

Researchers have long been seeking ways to help people intentionally forget. While it is not likely that you’ll be able to remove unwanted memories from your brain, you can employ strategies like identifying your memory, processing your emotions, and finding out your memory triggers to prevent the memory from disrupting your life.

Tips to Fade a Memory

There are steps you can take to lessen a memory’s emotional impact and make it less intrusive. Remember that it takes time and practice to fade a memory, so don’t become discouraged if it doesn’t happen as quickly as you’d like.

1. Identify your memory. It might sound counterintuitive, but if you want to forget something, it’s helpful to first remember it. What are the sights, sounds, and feelings attached to the memory?
2. Process your emotions. Instead of trying to avoid any unwanted feelings attached to the memory, let yourself feel them. You can also try working with a therapist to learn healthy ways to cope with difficult emotions.
3. Find out what triggers your memory. Maybe every time you see the type of car your ex-partner drove, your brain retrieves a memory of your breakup. Or, maybe it’s the smell of chicken soup that reminds you of your mom, and you become overwhelmed by memories of her funeral. Take note of the triggers that cause your memory to come back.
4. Try substituting the memory. Dr. Lakhan notes, “It is better to replace our attention with healthy alternatives than to try to actively push down those memories.” For instance, when you see the kind of car your ex-partner drove, try thinking of a time you drove to the beach in that car instead of focusing on the breakup memory. Eventually, you will train your brain to replace the undesirable memory with the new one.
5. Practice a healthy lifestyle. Stress and a lack of sleep can trigger unwanted memories. Be sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating a nutritious diet, and exercising. Maintain a healthy lifestyle that will boost your mental and emotional health. Practicing mindfulness can help keep your thoughts in the present moment.

Coping With Unwanted Memories

As you follow the steps to forget a memory, it’s helpful to delve deeper into the work behind forgetting. There are practical tips you can follow that make your unwanted memories feel less intimidating and much more manageable.

Address Memory Triggers

Does the unwanted memory tend to crop up in specific situations? Or are there certain things, people, or settings that remind you of this memory?

Once you understand when the memory comes up most often, you can start taking steps to address the issue. While it might be tempting to simply try to avoid those triggers, finding realistic ways to cope when you are faced with your triggers is often a more effective and realistic solution in the long run.

Use Cognitive Behavioral Strategies

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of therapy that works to change the negative thoughts that contribute to psychological problems. You can utilize some of the strategies used in CBT on your own to help change how your respond to your memories.

One form of CBT known as exposure therapy can be particularly effective when you are dealing with a memory. The idea behind exposure therapy is to gradually and progressively expose yourself to the thing that you fear.

For example, if you have a memory of being bitten by a dog as a child, you may have developed a fear of dogs. By gradually exposing yourself to dogs in a safe and controlled manner, the memory that triggered your fear will gradually become more bearable.

Utilize Relaxation Techniques

Using relaxation techniques can be another effective tactic that can help reduce the negative impact of memories. Such techniques may include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, and guided imagery.

Pairing these strategies with gradual exposure to your triggers can also help you learn new ways to calm yourself in response to those memories.

Practice Mindfulness

You could also try to practice mindfulness when memories come back to you. Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without worrying about the past or future.

Instead of allowing yourself to become engrossed in the memory, try bringing your attention to something in the present moment such as a sight or smell. Grounding yourself in the present moment can take your focus off of the memory and minimize its effects on your emotions.

Try Self-Acceptance

Perfectionism can sometimes make memories seem more distressing. If you have a need to always be seen as perfect, the memories of past mistakes can make it difficult to move forward.

If your memories center around times you have made mistakes, try making mistakes and doing things wrong on purpose. In time, if you are out there seeking to embarrass yourself, memories of those situations will have a different flavor.

Tell yourself that you deserve acceptance now, at the moment, rather than at some future time when you have become the “perfect” person. Practicing self-acceptance can help blunt the impact of those memories.

Develop Other Coping Strategies

When past experiences contribute to feelings of anxiety, it makes sense that the elimination of memories of these events would help to lessen your symptoms.

If you tend to have flashbacks or “cringe attacks” about shameful situations from the past, it may be helpful to keep a journal in which you record happy or positive events as well. Anytime you remember a negative memory, try to follow it up with a positive one.

In response to flashbacks, you could also have a few phrases that you repeat to yourself, such as “that event does not define me.” Reminding yourself that your bad memories don’t control or define who you are now can help reduce their power.

Why Are Emotional Memories Hard to Forget?

Emotional memories are often difficult to forget because of the involvement of an area of the brain that plays an important role in controlling behaviors that are important to your survival, including feelings of fear.

Emotional memories are more memorable because of a structure in the brain called the amygdala. The amygdala plays an important role in how emotions and memories are processed and encoded. Research suggests that different parts of the amygdala are responsible for positive and negative memories.

While being able to remember feelings of fear can be adaptive in some cases, it can become a problem when it leads to lingering memories that make it difficult to function in normal everyday life.

While letting go of old associations can be difficult, learning new ways to control these memories can help you feel less distressed when they come to mind.

Impact of a Negative Memory

Negative memories can impact behavior in a variety of ways. Sometimes you might go out of your way to avoid situations that might trigger a negative memory. In other cases, you might experience full-blown flashbacks where you feel as if you are re-living a traumatic event.

Some other ways that a bad memory might affect how your feel, think, or behave include:

• Physical responses: A memory might trigger physical symptoms of anxiety or fear. For example, you might experience sweating, trembling, shaking, increased heart rate, and rapid breathing.
• Emotional responses: A memory can also cause you to experience a wide range of emotions including sadness, anxiety, terror, or embarrassment.
• Cognitive responses: Memories can also affect how you think about yourself and your ability to cope. For example, stressing out over the memory of a negative social experience can make you doubt your abilities to succeed in social situations.

When to Get Help

While there are a number of things you can do to help forget a memory or lessen its impact, there are times when you should consider seeking professional help. If memories are contributing to other symptoms such as depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or feelings of panic, you should talk to your doctor.

A health professional can make a diagnosis based on your symptoms and recommend treatments that can help. They may recommend psychotherapy to help you learn new ways to cope with your memories. They may also prescribe medications that can help you manage associated symptoms of anxiety and depression, if appropriate.

New treatments for memory problems may also be on the horizon. Research has shown that a brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) gene variation is related to fear generation. BDNF gene therapy could be used in the future, by altering genes that contribute to fear and anxiety.

In the same way, the Tac2 gene pathway has been shown to reduce the storage of traumatic memories. As a result, a medication that blocks the activity of this pathway could prevent the storage of traumatic memories in the first place.

While this approach would be most useful for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), this type of research may also eventually inform negative memories in SAD.

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in social media use. According to the Pew Research Center, 72% of Americans in the U.S. use social media.

People use social networking tools to stay in touch with family and friends, get their news, and share their political views. This has some researchers wondering about the long-term effects of social media use.

Because social media use is still relatively new, there are no long-term studies documenting its effects. But several studies indicate that social media impacts mental health in a number of ways. The increasing reliance on and use of social media puts a large number of Americans at an increased risk for feeling anxious, depressed, lonely, envious, and even ill over social media use.

Why Social Media Is Growing in Popularity

Aside from the fact that social media allows people to reconnect with family and friends that live far away or that they have lost touch with, it became a vital communication tool during the pandemic.

Social Media Supports Connections

People used social media to share information and connect with others when stay-at-home orders kept them from meeting in person. It became a vehicle for social support and connectedness that they would not otherwise have had.

Social Media Makes People Feel Good

Social media has a tendency to reinforce use. People quickly become hooked on checking their statuses for comments and likes, as well as perusing other people’s posts.

Using social media sometimes activates the brain’s reward center by releasing dopamine, also known as the feel-good chemical. This dopamine release, in turn, keeps people coming back because they want to repeat those feel-good experiences.

Social Media Boosts Self-Esteem

Social media also can boost self-esteem, especially if a person is viewed favorably online or gets a number of likes or interactions on their content. And social media allows some people to share parts of their identity that may be challenging to communicate in person.

Social media can be particularly helpful for people with social anxiety who struggle to interact with people in person.

Social Media and Mental Health Concerns

Despite the above benefits, researchers are discovering that there are some downsides to social media, particularly with regard to mental health.

Social Media Use May Contribute to Depression

For a technology that’s supposed to bring people closer together, it can have the opposite effect—especially when disagreements erupt online. Social media has been linked to depression, anxiety, and loneliness. It can make people feel isolated and alone.

One 2017 study found that young people who use social media more than two hours per day are much more likely to categorize their mental health as fair or poor compared to occasional social media users.

Social Media May Hurt Your Self-Esteem

While social media can sometimes be a self-esteem booster, it can also cause you to experience feelings of inadequacy about your life and your appearance. Even if you know that the images you see online are manipulated or represent someone else’s highlight reel, they can still cause feelings of insecurity, envy, and dissatisfaction.

Fear of Missing Out

Another mental health phenomenon associated with social media is what is known as FOMO, or the “fear of missing out.” Social media sites like Facebook and Instagram exacerbate the fear that you’re missing something or that other people are living a better life than you are.

In extreme cases, FOMO can cause you to become tethered to your phone where you are constantly checking for updates or responding to every single alert.

Social Media Can Lead to Self-Absorption

Sharing endless selfies as well as your innermost thoughts on social media can create an unhealthy self-centeredness that causes you to focus on crafting your online image rather than making memories with your friends and family members in real life.

In fact, strenuous efforts to engage in impression management or get external validation can have psychological costs, especially if the approval you’re seeking is never received. Ultimately, the lack of positive feedback online can lead to self-doubt and self-hatred.

Impulse Control Issues

Excessive social media use can lead to impulse control issues, especially if you access your social networks using a smartphone. This means that you have round-the-clock access to your accounts, which not only makes it easy for you always to be connected, but can affect your concentration and focus. It can even disturb your sleep and compromise your in-person relationships.

Social Media May Be Used As an Unhealthy Coping Mechanism

Social media can become an unhealthy way of coping with uncomfortable feelings or emotions. For instance, if you turn to social media when you’re feeling down, lonely, or bored, you’re potentially using it as a way to distract you from unpleasant feelings.

Ultimately, social media is a poor way to self-soothe, especially because perusing social media can often make you feel worse instead of better.

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Signs Social Media Is Impacting Your Mental Health

Because everyone is different, there is no set amount of time spent on social media that is recommended. Instead, you need to evaluate how your social media use is impacting your life, including how you feel when you don’t use social media as well as how you feel after using it.

A 2018 University of Pennsylvania study suggests that self-monitoring can change one’s perception of social media. According to the lead researcher, psychologist Melissa G. Hunt, PhD, using social media less than you normally do, can lead to significant decreases in loneliness and depression. By using self-monitoring and making adjustments, people can significantly improve their overall well-being.

Social Media Distracts You

If you find that your social media use is impacting your relationships or is distracting you from work or school, it may be problematic. Additionally, if scrolling through social media leaves you feeling envious, depressed, anxious, or angry, then you need to re-evaluate your use.

It could be that you need to detox from social media and spend some time offline in order to safeguard your mental health.

You Use Social Media to Avoid Negative Emotions

Social media also could be an issue if you tend to use it to fight boredom or to deal with loneliness. Although these feelings are uncomfortable and it’s only natural to want to alleviate them, turning to social media for comfort or as a distraction is not a healthy way to cope with difficult feelings and emotions.

As a result, it may be time for you to reassess your social media habits. Here are some additional signs that social media may be having a negative impact on your life and your mental health:

• Your symptoms of anxiety, depression, and loneliness are increasing.
• You are spending more time on social media than with your real-world friends and family members.
• You tend to compare yourself unfavorably with others on social media or you find that are your frequently jealous of others.
• You are being trolled or cyberbullied by others online.
• You are engaging in risky behaviors or taking outrageous photos in order to gain likes.
• Your work obligations, family life, or school work is suffering because of the time you spend on social media.
• You have little time for self-care activities like mindfulness, self-reflection, exercise, and sleep.

If you’ve ever had an anxiety-producing dream that you’re back at school, you’re definitely not alone. Dreams about being back at school can happen for many years after you have left school, and take lots of different forms.

You might dream that you’re late to school, that you’ve got a test or project coming up, or even that you’ve skipped an entire semester. So, where do these dreams come from, and what do they mean?

Our dreams can often reflect our unconscious thoughts or feelings, or the emotions we’re experiencing in the day before we go to sleep, so there are lots of reasons why you might be dreaming that you’re back at school.

Interpreting Your Dreams About Being Back in School

According to Deborah Lee, MRCGP DRCOG, GP and sleep expert, it’s common to dream about being back at school—particularly among people who live with anxiety and stress. She explains, “You may revert to a time in your life in your dreams when you felt happy and secure and had positive aspirations for the future.”

Martin Seeley, sleep expert and CEO of MattressNextDay adds, “If you find yourself dreaming of being back at school, it can symbolize learning in your life, whether you are currently experiencing and learning something new in your everyday life e.g. taking a new course, starting a new job or learning a new skill.”

As school was a time when we had to adhere to rules and our life had plenty of structure, it might be that your brain wants a more stable, predictable life.

Physical and Emotional Significance

“If you keep dreaming of a specific situation, such as being at school, your subconscious mind may be trying to tell you something,” says Dr. Lee. She recommends noting down your dreams, and taking the time to think about their underlying meanings.

If your school-related dreams are more stressful, this might be because your sleep is being affected. Higher levels of stress can affect the rapid eye movement (REM) phase of the sleep cycle in particular, and this is where we dream the most.

Dreaming about school can be difficult for some people. If you didn’t have a good time at school, be it academically or in terms of your relationships with peers or teachers, you might not enjoy having these dreams bring back memories of your school days. 

Common Themes and Variations

When you dream about being back at school, there are lots of different potential themes. Some may be mostly innocuous, but several of them may have you waking up in a cold sweat from time to time. School may be in your past, but your dreams feel very present, and very real! These are among the most common variations of school dreams:

• Being in a classroom
• Seeing old high school classmates
• Being late to school or to class
• Not being able to find a classroom
• Taking a test
• Forgetting to study for a test or complete a big project
• Missing a class (sometimes you go to the first day of class then never again, for example) or a whole semester
• Not being able to graduate
• Having a crush on a classmate or teacher
• Showing up to school naked

Possible Explanations and Theories

Sigmund Freud believed that dreams were a way to gain insight into the unconscious mind,  while most modern researchers believe that, in contrast, dreams are a reflection of what we’re thinking about while we’re awake.

Carl Jung, meanwhile, viewed dreams as being a way for the unconscious mind to communicate with the conscious mind, with dreams being symbolic and potentially having more than one meaning. So, what could dreaming about being back in school indicate?

As mentioned, dreams about being back at school can often come about if you’re currently learning something new, perhaps as you’re back in a similar headspace. Perhaps you’ve started a new job, you’re a new parent or pet owner, or you’ve simply started a new class to learn a language, for example.

“Alongside this, if you are dreaming about starting a new school but you’re no longer in the studying era of your life, it could relate to anticipation or suggest it is time to start something new such as a career path or moving to a new city.”

Why Do I Keep Dreaming About School?

One potential explanation for dreaming about school is that it relates to impostor syndrome—particularly if your dreams relate to you failing an exam, for example, or being late to class. If you doubt yourself or your abilities, dreaming of failure at school may reflect the fears you have in the present.

And as school plays such a big part in our lives, guiding us through the transition from childhood to adulthood, it can sometimes represent symbols or figures of authority when it appears in our dreams.

Dreams about being late to school or to class could indicate that your priorities aren’t in order, or that you’re worried about a lack of planning. Have you been feeling disorganized, or felt guilty for procrastinating recently?

What if you’re dreaming about hanging out with friends at school? According to Dr. Lee, “If you have a current friendship or relationship issue, you may dream of the times spent with classmates and friends during your school days, and utilize these reserves to help you move things forward. Sometimes, school appears in our dreams if we feel nostalgic for the past.”

If you’re dreaming about taking a test in school, it might reflect the anxiety you feel while you’re awake, perhaps if you feel as though you’re a perfectionist or you have high expectations for yourself. Or, it might mean that you need to solve problems in your real life.

Another potential explanation might be that you recently watched a TV show or movie set in a school, you’ve been spending time with younger relatives or friends who are still in school, or you traveled past your old school. If you watched a movie set in high school in the evening before you went to sleep, it might have made you look back to your own school days, and in turn prompted you to dream about school.

Coping Strategies and Interpretation Techniques

“It can be helpful to keep a dream journal and write down what you can remember in the morning, every morning,” Dr. Lee says. “They are thought to act as messages from our higher self that can help/aid us through difficulties in life.”

If you live with a partner, friend, or relative, could you find a few minutes to discuss your dreams over your morning coffee, for example? 

There are a few things you might ask yourself when trying to interpret or make sense of your dreams. If school, or your school friends, are common symbols that occur often, try to remember what they looked like, and what they were doing—or what you were doing—in your dreams. How did you feel about them in your dream, and how do you feel about them now that you’re awake?