Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Deep conversation starters help you move beyond small talk and open the doors to more meaningful, honest, and emotionally resonant connections. These conversation starters often focus on hypothetical situations, past experiences, emotions, fears, dreams, and values. For example, deep questions might focus on a favorite childhood memory or causes that a person is most passionate about.

Deep Conversation Starters to Get to Know Someone

These are some conversation starters that can help you get to know someone better:

1. What do you consider your best quality?
2. What’s one thing you can’t live without?
3. Who are your role models?
4. Which is your favorite movie and why?
5. Which song best represents your life?
6. What is your healthiest habit?
7. What is your worst habit?
8. What stresses you out?
9. What is your deepest fear?
10. When was the last time you cried?

Unfortunately, researchers have found that while people benefit from deep conversations, people often stick to small talk because they overestimate how awkward these conversations will be.

Deep Questions About Love and Relationships

These are some conversation starters that can help you have a meaningful conversation about love and relationships:

1. Have you ever been in love? What was your first experience with love?
2. What does love mean to you? How would you describe it?
3. What do you think about love at first sight?
4. What are your thoughts about the idea of soul mates?
5. What qualities do you value most in a partner? Why are they important to you?
6. What do you believe are the key ingredients for a successful relationship?
7. What do you consider a deal breaker in a relationship?
8. What is the worst date you’ve ever been on?
9. What would your ideal date involve?
10. What is your love language? How do you like to give and receive love?
11. What lessons have you learned about love from your upbringing? What are ideas about love that you are learning or unlearning?
12. Who are your relationship role models?
13. What are your long-term relationship goals? What does life and retirement look like with your loved one by your side?
14. Tell me about a time when you felt truly loved and understood in a relationship. What made it special?
15. Have you ever been deeply hurt or hurt someone badly in a relationship? What happened?
16. What is the worst disagreement or fight you’ve had in a relationship? How did you solve it?
17. What is your biggest regret from your past relationships?
18. What are your current relationships like with your ex-partners?
19. What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned in a relationship?
20. How do you maintain a healthy balance between independence and togetherness in a relationship?

Questions About Dreams, Wishes, and Values

These are some conversation starters that can help you have a meaningful conversation about wishes, dreams, and values:

1. What did you want to be when you were young? 
2. What is your dream job now?
3. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
4. If you could have three wishes granted to you right now, what would you ask for?
5. If money weren’t an issue and you could do anything in the world, what would you do?
6. Which skill do you want to learn/improve on?
7. What does happiness look like to you?
8. What are the things you are most grateful for?
9. What are your biggest challenges right now?
10. What legacy or impact would you like to leave behind in the world? How would you like to be remembered by others?

Conversations About Childhood and Upbringing

These are some conversation starters that can help you have a meaningful conversation about childhood and upbringing:

1. What is your most cherished memory of growing up?
2. What is your relationship with your parents/siblings like?
3. What are qualities about your parents/siblings that you like and admire, and what are characteristics they have that are more challenging?
4. What was it like being the oldest/youngest/middle/only child of the family?
5. What were holidays or vacations like in your family?
6. How does your family celebrate important occasions?
7. What does “home” mean to you?
8. Which meal or dish reminds you most of home?
9. What was growing up in your hometown like?
10. Who are the people who have made you who you are today?

Meaningful Conversations vs. Small Talk

While small talk, typically casual and lighthearted, can help break the ice, it may not necessarily help you form a deep, emotional bond with someone. These are some of the differences between meaningful conversations and small talk, according to Dr. Romanoff.

According to researchers, conversation is a useful source of learning and serves as a central part of society and culture. It allows people to:

• Communicate norms
• Convey morality
• Share knowledge
• Offer differing perspectives
• Create a shared understanding

At the same time, experts have found that people underestimate what they’ll learn from these conversations. This discourages them from participating in conversations and becomes an obstacle when it comes to learning from others.

How to Have a Meaningful Conversation

Dr. Romanoff shares some tips that can help you have a meaningful conversation with someone:

• Ask open-ended questions and invite the other person to describe what a situation was like for them or how they felt.
• Be vulnerable and share information about yourself. Consider sharing personal information first to gain the other person’s trust.
• Adopt an attitude of curiosity and genuine interest in what the person is saying.
• Be thoughtful and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to see things from their perspective.
• Listen actively and ask follow-up questions.
• Empathize with them and offer emotional validation, so they feel seen and heard.

You may feel nervous about trying to initiate deep conversations with a friend, loved one, or someone you don’t know very well just yet, but learning more about them—and allowing them to learn more about you—is a great way to deepen your connection and build the kind of intimacy that helps sustain relationships over the long term. The more you learn and the more you share about yourself, the easier it will be to have more intimate conversations in the future without feeling uncomfortable.

The INFJ personality is one of the 16 Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) types, defined by Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, and Judging. Also known as the Advocate or Idealist, people with this personality type sometimes feel misunderstood, partly because it’s so rare. INFJs are known for their seeming contradictions, since they can be easy-going and perfectionistic, logical yet emotional, and both creative and analytical.

Characteristics of an INFJ Personality

• Compassionate: With their strong sense of intuition and emotional understanding, INFJs can be soft-spoken and empathetic. This does not mean that they are pushovers, however. INFJs have deeply held beliefs and the ability to act decisively to get what they want.
• Helpful: While they are introverted by nature, people with an INFJ personality type can form strong, meaningful connections with other people. They enjoy helping others, but they also need time and space to recharge.
• Idealistic: What sets the INFJ apart is their ability to translate their idealism into action. They don’t just dream about changing the world—they make it happen.
• Organized: People with an INFJ personality type like to exert control by planning, organizing, and making decisions as early as possible.
• Emotional and logical: When making decisions, INFJs place a greater emphasis on their emotions than on objective facts. But this doesn’t mean they see the world through rose-colored glasses. INFJs understand the world, both the good and the bad, and hope to be able to make it better.

The INFJ personality type is considered the rarest of the MBTI types, making up only 1% to 3% of the U.S. population. One study found that around 5.43% of participants had an INFJ personality type.

Strengths of the INFJ Personality Type

• Sensitivity: INJFs are also sensitive and responsive to the needs of others.
• Highly creative and artistic: They are good at solving problems and are good at coming up with innovative solutions.
• Focused on the future: They are good at planning and can be “big picture” thinkers.
• Value close, deep relationships: While they are quiet and reserved, they tend to have a tight circle of meaningful friends and family.
• Idealistic and principled: They have a strong sense of right and wrong, want to make the world a better place, and enjoy thinking about the meaning of life.

Potential Weaknesses

• Sensitivity: They can sometimes be overly sensitive and are easily hurt by criticism or negative feedback
• Difficulty opening up: They may have a hard time being open, and people sometimes describe them as difficult to get to know.
• Perfectionism: INFJs can have overly high expectations, and the standards they set for themselves and others may be unrealistic.
• Stubbornness: They may have difficulty changing plans or adjusting their expectations, leading to excessive rigidity.
• Conflict avoidance: They dislike confrontation and may try to avoid it, which can lead to resentment and unresolved conflicts.

Types of INFJ Personalities

The INFJ personality type is also sometimes further subdivided into two different types:

• An INFJ-A is referred to as an “Assertive Advocate” and often displays confidence with a relaxed demeanor.
• An INFJ-T is known as a “Turbulent Advocate” and tends to be less confident and more easily stressed.

Cognitive Functions of the INFJ Personality

The MBTI was created in the 1940s by Isabel Myers and her mother, Katherine Briggs. It is based on the theories of Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung. Jung identified four key psychological functions:

1. Thinking
2. Feeling
3. Sensing
4. Intuition

Each of these functions tends to be either outwardly focused (extraverted) or inwardly focused (introverted).

Think of the different cognitive functions as ingredients that go into making up a personality type. The specific recipe for each type is controlled by how these ingredients combine and interact. The MBTI relies on two key factors that combine in different ways, yielding 16 types. First is the functions themselves, and second is the hierarchical order of those functions.

• Dominant function: Each type possesses a dominant function that is the core characteristic of that type.
• Auxiliary function: This is then supported by an auxiliary function, which is another well-developed aspect of personality.
• Tertiary and inferior functions: The tertiary and inferior functions are less conscious and not as well-formed, but can still have an impact on personality.

The dominant, auxiliary, tertiary, and inferior functions for INFJs are as follows.

Dominant: Introverted Intuition

People with an INFJ personality type are dominant in introverted intuition. This means:

• INFJs tend to be highly focused on their internal insights.
• Once they have formed an intuition about something, INFJs tend to stick to it very tightly, often to the point of being single-minded in their focus.
• INFJs are sometimes viewed as stubborn and unyielding.

Auxiliary: Extraverted Feeling

The auxiliary function for an INFJ is extraverted feeling. This means:

• INFJs are highly aware of what other people are feeling but are sometimes less aware of their own emotions.
• INFJs sometimes struggle to say no to other people’s requests. They are so attuned to what other people are feeling that they fear causing disappointment or hurt feelings.

Tertiary: Introverted Thinking

The tertiary function for INFJs is introverted thinking. This means:

• INFJs make decisions based on ideas and theories that they form based on their own insights.
• INFJs rely primarily on their introverted intuition and extroverted feeling when making decisions, particularly when they are around other people. When they are alone, however, people with this personality type may rely more on their introverted thinking.
• In stressful situations, an INFJ might try to rely on emotions when making decisions, especially if it means pleasing other people. Under less stressful conditions, an INFJ is more likely to rely more on their intuition.

Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

The inferior function for an INFJ is extraverted sensing. This means:

• While this is a less developed and largely unconscious aspect of the INFJ, it does have an impact on personality.
• This aspect of personality helps INFJs pay attention to the world around them and stay aware of their surroundings.
• Extroverted sensing also helps INFJs live in the present moment rather than simply worrying about the future.
• This aspect of personality also helps INFJs appreciate physical activities such as hiking and dancing.

What Are INFJs Like in Relationships?

• Expressive: INFJs also have a talent for language and are usually quite good at expressing themselves. They have a vivid inner life but are often hesitant to share this with others, except for those closest to them.
• Quiet leaders: While they are quiet and sensitive, INFJs can also be good leaders. Even when they don’t take on overt leadership roles, they often act as quiet influencers behind the scenes.
• Value-driven: They have strong values: INFJs are driven by their strong values and seek out meaning in all areas of their lives, including relationships and work. People with this type of personality are often described as deep and complex.
• Meaningful relationships: INFJs may not have a huge circle of acquaintances, but their close friendships tend to be remarkably close and long-lasting.
• Prosocial and caring: INFJs are interested in helping others and making the world a better place. They tend to be excellent listeners and are good at interacting with people with whom they are emotionally close and connected.

While they care deeply about others, INFJs tend to be introverted and only willing to share their “true selves” with a select few. After being in social situations, INFJs need time to themselves to “recharge.”

Which Careers Are Best for the INFJ Personality?

In the workplace, INFJs are known for being:

• Creative: They do well in careers where they can express their creativity.
• Principled: Because people with INFJ personalities have such deeply held convictions and values, they do exceptionally well in jobs that support these principles. INFJs often do best in careers that mix their need for creativity with their desire to make meaningful changes in the world.
• High-achieving: INFJs are usually high achievers and excel in academics and the workplace. They can be perfectionists at times and put a great deal of effort into their work.
• Easy to get along with: Co-workers tend to feel that INFJs are hardworking, positive, and easy to get along with. Because they are introverted, however, they may find that they need to retreat at times to recharge.

In managerial roles, INFJs can sometimes struggle to exert authority. They tend to lead with sensitivity and are good at helping subordinates feel appreciated in the workplace. Jobs that require a great deal of routine or adherence to strict rules can be difficult for INFJs.

Tips for Interacting With INFJs

If someone in your life is an INFJ, here are some tips for interacting with them based on the relationship you have.

• Friendships: Because they are reserved and private, INFJs can be difficult to get to know. They place a high value on close, deep relationships and can be hurt easily—although they often hide these feelings from others. Interacting with an INFJ friend involves understanding and supporting their need to retreat and recharge.
• Parenting: Because INFJs are so skilled at understanding feelings, they tend to be very close and connected to their children. They have high standards and can have very high behavioral expectations. INFJs are concerned with raising kind, caring, and compassionate children. They encourage their children to pursue their interests and reach their potential.
• Relationships: INFJs have an innate ability to understand others’ feelings and enjoy close, intimate relationships. They tend to flourish with romantic partners who share their core values. As a partner, it is important to provide the support and emotional intimacy that an INFJ craves. Sincerity, honesty, and authenticity are all traits that the INFJ appreciates in their partner.