Masochist vs. Sadist: Types and Signs


Key Takeaways

  • A masochist enjoys receiving pain, while a sadist enjoys inflicting it.
  • Masochism can be part of a healthy sex life when practiced safely and consensually.
  • If masochistic tendencies lead to harm or distress, seeking help from a mental health professional is important.

While sadism and masochism are sometimes confused, they have different meanings. A masochist is someone who enjoys receiving pain, while a sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting it. 

A masochistic person gains pleasure from experiencing various forms of pain. This can involve gaining sexual pleasure from pain or humiliation, but it can also refer to situations where people seek out or enjoy activities that create distress, discomfort, or pain.

Masochism is associated with BDSM, an acronym for sexual practices that involve bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. A sexual masochist experiences sexual pleasure in response to pain, denial, or humiliation. A sexual sadist, on the other hand, derives sexual pleasure from inflicting pain, denial, or humiliation.

However, masochism can also apply to more general and often less healthy behaviors. In such cases, a masochist might engage in actions or accept treatment from others that are hurtful, degrading, or physically or emotionally painful, causing the individual to feel anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, or other distressing feelings. Sadism is problematic when it occurs outside of a consensual relationship and crosses the line into sexual aggression or violence.

Masochist vs. Sadist

While ‘sadist and ‘masochist are often linked, they have different meanings.

  • A sadist is a person who derives pleasure, including sexual gratification, from inflicting pain or humiliation on others. In the context of BDSM, this is practiced with consent and shared interest. The term may also be used to refer to those who enjoy being cruel and hurtful.
  • A masochist, on the other hand, finds pleasure in experiencing denial, degradation, or physical pain.

Types of Masochism

While sexual masochism often comes to mind when people hear the term, other non-sexual forms of masochism exist.

The psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud described three types of masochism:

  1. Erotic (sexual)
  2. Feminine (psychological)
  3. Moral

The first two would be described today as sexual masochism and psychological masochism. Other researchers have also suggested adding a fourth type known as adaptive masochism:

  • Sexual masochism: Freud referred to this type of masochism as erotic masochism. It involves finding sexual pleasure in experiencing pain.
  • Psychological masochism: This is a non-sexual type of masochism that involves deriving enjoyment from experiencing psychological pain. Such pain can be self-inflicted or caused by others.
  • Moral masochism: This is a form of masochism that involves invoking suffering to alleviate feelings of guilt. It can involve self-punishment and may represent a form of guilt complex, but it can also involve self-sacrificing, prosocial, or altruistic acts that benefit others.
  • Adaptive masochism: This type of masochism involves deriving pleasure from temporary periods of pain or discomfort that ultimately lead to some delayed gratification. For example, a person might save a favorite treat to enjoy later because they enjoy the agony of anticipation.

One 2018 systematic review found that masochism connected to gratification inhibition (i.e., adaptive masochism) was the healthiest type. What the study showed was that feeling conflicted about masochism, or experiencing guilt, shame, or sadness about finding pleasure in pain, was the least healthy and most distressing. Such conflicts were associated with characteristics of personality disorders and depression.

What Is Self-Defeating Personality Disorder?

During the 1980s, a condition known as self-defeating personality disorder, which was characterized by masochistic tendencies, was considered to be a potential addition to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. While sexual masochism disorder is categorized as a mental disorder, emotional masochism was ultimately not added to the DSM. 

Types of Sadism

Some experts suggest that there are four main subtypes of sadism:

  • Spineless sadism: People with this type tend to be insecure, so exploiting weaker people allows them to feel superior.
  • Tyrannical sadism: People with this type enjoy using power to harm others.
  • Enforcing sadism: This type of sadist harms others out of a sense of moral superiority and enjoys inflicting pain on those who they think deserve punishment.
  • Explosive sadism: This type is characterized by high reactivity that leads to outbursts of anger.

Some research has found associations between sadism and Dark Triad traits.

How to Tell If Someone Is a Masochist

The only way to truly tell that someone is a masochist is if they tell you directly that it is something they enjoy. You might pick up on certain cues if you are their sexual partner, but the only way to know is if that person chooses to tell you.

When it comes to more general masochistic behavior, you might be able to spot signs that you or someone you know is a masochist.

Some potential indicators include:

  • Seeking out situations that involve self-sacrifice: Masochistic people may put themselves in situations where they have to put other people’s needs above their own, often to the point that they experience suffering.
  • Refusing to ask for help when dealing with painful or difficult situations: When faced with a difficult or painful situation, a masochist may opt to endure the pain rather than ask others to help or provide relief.
  • Getting involved in relationships with domineering or narcissistic people: Masochists may find themselves in relationships with people who are dominant or only interested in themselves. Their partners may humiliate, shame, manipulate, or neglect them, with or without consent.
  • Lack of assertiveness: Some masochists are accommodating to the point that they are submissive. When taken advantage of, some masochists rarely fight back or stand up for themselves. Other masochists have a clearer understanding of how their desires and needs may be met, and may practice assertiveness to have them fulfilled in a consensual and mutually enjoyable way.
  • Perfectionism: Perfectionistic people often hold themselves and others to an impossible standard. When they fail to meet these self-imposed expectations, they might take some pleasure in punishing themselves for their perceived failures.
  • Lack of self-care, small pleasures, and everyday joys: Self-denial is often a sign of masochism. A masochist might neglect their needs to the point of pain or take pleasure in denying themselves the things they love. They enjoy creating their own discomfort.
  • Negative self-talk: Constant self-criticism and negative self-talk can sometimes signify masochism. A masochist makes no effort to change or refute this self-inflicted, hurtful self-talk.
  • Self-sabotage: Masochists also tend to sabotage their own chances for success. While this is sometimes linked to a fear of success, some people may derive pleasure from their own defeat. When things are going too well, a masochistic person might find a way to sabotage themselves so they can experience feelings of disappointment or misery.

What Causes People to Be Masochists?

The exact causes of masochism are not entirely clear. Different types of masochism may have differing causes and more research is needed.

One theory about the source of masochistic tendencies may be traced to childhood. The roots of a masochistic or “self-defeating personality” may be a result of an early struggle of will between a developing child and parents determined to maintain control of the child at any cost.

Parents who demand complete obedience and compliance do not allow room for a child to have their own needs, opinions, feelings, and desires. Love and acceptance are conditional, and when taken to an extreme, controlling parents may chastise, abuse, and humiliate the child, threatening abandonment or worse punishment if the child does not comply.

Raised in this environment, children may respond by holding onto their hurt and resentment, wishing to fight back against their parents but lacking the ability or power to do so. This desire for pain, punishment, or revenge may be redirected internally, with the child punishing themselves. A parent’s controlling or critical behavior may become an internalized voice of a bullying and self-defeating inner critic telling the child that they deserve the treatment they are receiving.

As an adult, this can continue in a self-defeating way, or these impulses may be sexualized and expressed in the context of a consensual, communicative, and mutually respectful BDSM relationship.

Nonsexual Masochism

While sadism and masochism are distinct, some research has found that people enjoy hurting themselves or being hurt are also more likely to take pleasure in causing other people pain or discomfort.

One 2020 study published in the Journal of Personality found a connection between non-sexual masochism and antisocial personality traits.

In this study, masochistic people enjoyed eating spicy food, receiving painful massages, and hearing disgusting jokes. Such individuals also exhibited high levels of antisocial traits, including what the researchers referred to as everyday sadism, subclinical psychopathy, and low levels of honesty and humility. 

Sexual Masochism

While participation and interest in sexual masochism and BDSM practices have historically been linked to factors such as childhood trauma or unhealthy sexual fixation, research indicates that this is not the case.

One 2020 study found no such connection. Instead, researchers suggest that such interests represent a broadening of sexual interests, not a fixation.

In a study published in The Journal of Sex Research, participants reported that they had an intrinsic interest in masochism and submission that they first experienced at an early age.

The study also found other factors that were associated with interest in masochism, which included:

  • Power exchange: Participants reported enjoying giving up power and being forced to be vulnerable.
  • Pain: Participants suggested that “good” pain could be pleasurable.
  • Altered consciousness: Some participants also reported that masochism allowed them to experience an altered state of meditative, relaxed consciousness, also referred to as “sub space.”

Research on Pain

Pain researchers have investigated how masochistic people process and experience pain, suggesting that these findings may prove useful for assessing and treating pain. Research suggests that motivation, context, and emotion can impact how masochists process and perceive painful stimuli.

Coping With Masochistic Traits

Being a masochist isn’t always a negative thing, and a healthy sex life can include elements of masochism and sadism. Enjoying certain types of pain in specific contexts isn’t uncommon (such as gaining enjoyment from watching sad movies), and it can even be healthy (such as incorporating sexual masochism into a consensual and sex-positive relationship). 

But if masochistic or sadistic tendencies are causing harm, distress, or leading to potentially risky behavior, it is important to reach out for help and find effective ways to cope.

Talk to a Professional

If being a masochist creates problems, talking to a mental health professional can be helpful. A therapist can help you understand why you might seek out pain.

Types of therapy that can be beneficial include dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), internal family systems therapy (IFS), and psychodynamic therapy. For sexual masochists or sadists, seeking out a kink-friendly therapist may be helpful.

Practice Relaxation Strategies

Look for ways to address any anxiety that might compel you to seek pleasure through masochism. Relaxation techniques that can be useful for managing stress and anxiety include:

Deal With Negative Emotions

Masochistic tendencies might more likely emerge when you struggle with negative feelings, such as feeling bad about yourself or helpless.

Finding ways to tolerate distress better and practicing emotional acceptance of negative emotions can be helpful.

Develop Health Coping Mechanisms

You might be more likely to turn to masochistic behaviors when you don’t know how else to cope. Learning some more healthy coping mechanisms can give you alternatives that can be healthier and more productive. 

Positive coping skills can include seeking social support, journaling, distracting yourself, exercising, meditating, listening to music, and cognitive reframing.

Frequently Asked Questions


  • Is a masochist someone who likes pain?

    Yes, masochism is a psychological tendency to find satisfaction and enjoyment in pain. This may lead people to actively or passively place themselves in situations where they are subjected to pain. This does not mean that they enjoy all pain, however.

    Consent, context, and motivational factors can all play a part in how and when people find enjoyment in physical, sexual, or emotional pain.

    For people who enjoy sexual masochism, this can be part of a healthy and fulfilling sex life when it occurs in the context of a safe and consenting relationship. In instances where it leads people to place themselves in emotionally, physically, or sexually risky situations, it can be destructive or even dangerous.


  • Is masochism a mental disorder?

    In some cases, sexual masochism can meet the diagnostic criteria for a paraphilic disorder if it causes significant distress and functional impairment. Sexual masochism disorder is a paraphilic disorder that involves urges, fantasies, or behaviors related to being abused, beaten, bound, humiliated, or otherwise harmed to gain sexual satisfaction. Such urges or behaviors lead to distress and potentially harm oneself or others.

    However, it is important to note that it is a common fantasy, and kinks can be a healthy and normal form of sexual expression. According to some research, up to 70% of people experience BDSM fantasies, while 20% participate in them.

    Sexual masochism is only considered a disorder if it is creating distress or harm. If not, then it is considered a type of sexual interest.


  • Is being a sadist a mental disorder?

    Just as being a masochist can sometimes represent a disorder, sexual sadism can also sometimes meet the diagnostic criteria for a mental health condition. Sexual sadism disorder is a paraphilic condition where inflicting pain or humiliation for sexual purposes creates distress, impairment, or is forced upon a nonconsenting person. The condition can also involve debilitating sexually sadistic fantasies that have not been acted on.



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Bidis: Understanding Bidi Cigarette Risks

Key Takeaways

  • Bidis contain more nicotine, tar, and carbon monoxide than regular cigarettes, making them very harmful.
  • Smoking bidis increases the risk of cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and chronic bronchitis.
  • You can quit smoking bidis by using nicotine replacement therapies and creating a plan to manage cravings.

Bidis (pronounced bee-dees and also known as beedis) are small hand-rolled cigarettes made of tobacco and wrapped in tendu or temburni leaf (Diospyros melanoxylon), a plant native to Asia. Bidis are manufactured in India and other southeast Asian countries and exported around the world.

In India, bidi cigarettes are less expensive and more heavily consumed than traditional commercial cigarettes. It is a common misconception that because these cigarettes are less expensive, they are also less harmful. That is untrue. Bidis are as harmful as other cigarettes and can cause death from lung and heart disease.

What Are Bidis?

Bidis are sometimes referred to as “cigarettes with training wheels” by health authorities. Like clove cigarettes, this product’s overall appearance and taste are especially appealing to young people.

They are typically tied on one or both ends with bits of colorful string and produced in various flavors that appeal to kids, including chocolate, mango, vanilla, lemon-lime, mint, pineapple, and cherry.

Bidi cigarettes gained popularity in the United States in the mid-1990s. Young American smokers were attracted to bidis because they were easier to obtain than traditional cigarettes, provided a rush of nicotine, and were small, flavored, and looked like marijuana joints.

Bidi cigarettes are not associated with the Bidi brand of disposable vape products.

How are bidis made?

Bidis are made in India and other countries in Southeast Asia. They are made by hand-rolling unprocessed tobacco in tendu or temburni leaves. They are then often tied using colorful strings.

Health Risks of Bidis

In some respects, bidis are actually more harmful than regular commercial cigarettes produced in the U.S.

  • Bidi cigarettes contain three to five times more nicotine than traditional cigarettes, which means that there is an increased risk of nicotine addiction.
  • Bidi cigarettes contain more tar and carbon monoxide than regular cigarettes.
  • People who smoke bidis breathe in higher levels of toxins because bidis don’t have chemicals added to help with combustion. People must draw on a bidi cigarette more often and with more force to keep it from going out.

People who smoke bidis have an increased risk of oral cancer, lung cancer, stomach cancer, and esophageal cancer. The risk of heart disease and heart attack is three times higher for bidi smokers than nonsmokers. Bidi smoking is also associated with emphysema and increases the risk of chronic bronchitis.

How much nicotine does a bidi contain?

Research has found that bidi cigarettes contain approximately 21.2 mg/g of nicotine, significantly more than the 16.3 mg/g of nicotine found in a regular filtered cigarette. Because of this increased amount of nicotine, it is also believed that people who smoke bidis are at a higher risk of becoming nicotine dependent.

Are Bidis Illegal in the U.S.?

By 1999, there was a call to action against bidis by state attorneys general. These officials urged Congress and federal authorities to stop their import to the U.S. 

Bidi consumption significantly declined in February of 2014 when the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) ordered four brands of bidis be removed from the market: Sutra Bidis, Sutra Bidis Red, Sutra Bidis Menthol, and Sutra Bidis Red Cone.

The manufacturer was unable (or unwilling) to provide documentation that proved the products do not raise new or different health concerns for the general public. 

This was the first tobacco ban put in place as a result of the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act, which gave the FDA the authority to regulate tobacco products in the United States. 

Bidis can still be purchased online, but have lost popularity in the United States since the ban.

Recap

You can still buy bidis online, but they have decreased in popularity since the FDA banned the sale or import of four bidi tobacco products. As of December 20, 2019, you must be 21 years old to purchase any tobacco products in the United States.

How to Quit Smoking Bidis

Bidis are hazardous to human health and should not be considered a safe alternative to traditional cigarettes. These products have been popular with young people, which is why parents should proactively teach their children early on about the dangers of bidi cigarettes and smoking.

If you want to stop smoking bidis or other tobacco products, there are a few things you can do that will help:

Talk to Your Doctor

Share your plans with your doctor. They can recommend a quitting approach that might work best for you. They may also be able to prescribe medications that might help with withdrawal symptoms and nicotine cravings.

Consider Nicotine Replacement Therapy

Nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) products can help you gradually lower your nicotine intake to help minimize cravings and withdrawal symptoms. Such products include gum, lozenges, sprays, and patches.

Make a Plan to Deal with Cravings

Cravings are normal (and expected), but having a plan for how to deal with them can improve your chances of quitting successfully. For example, when a craving strikes, you might go for a walk, listen to music, call a supportive friend, or work on a project around that house.

Be Patient and Take Care of Yourself

Quitting smoking isn’t easy, whether you are giving up bidis or another type of tobacco product. It’s important to be patient and celebrate your successes along the way.

Also, make sure that you are taking care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, try to be physically active each day, and eat a balanced diet.

Friends, family members, and support groups can also be a great source of encouragement as you quit smoking. If you need something to help you stay on track, consider trying a quit-smoking app.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Duong M, Rangarajan S, Zhang X, et al. Effects of bidi smoking on all-cause mortality and cardiorespiratory outcomes in men from South Asia: An observational community-based substudy of the Prospective Urban Rural Epidemiology Study (Pure). The Lancet Global Health. 2017;5(2):e168-e176. doi:10.1016/S2214-109X(17)30004-9

  2. Cision PR Newswire. Bidi Vapor receives FDA PMTA acceptance letter for all 11 Bidi Stick products.

  3. American Cancer Society. Is any type of tobacco product safe?.

  4. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Bidis and kreteks.

  5. Singh S, Soumya M, Saini A, Mittal V, Singh UV, Singh V. Breath carbon monoxide levels in different forms of smoking. Indian J Chest Dis Allied Sci. 2011 Jan-Mar;53(1):25-8. PMID:21446221

  6. Malson JL, Sims K, Murty R, Pickworth WB. Comparison of the nicotine content of tobacco used in bidis and conventional cigarettesTob Control. 2001;10(2):181-183. doi:10.1136/tc.10.2.181

  7. U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act – an overview.

  8. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Selling tobacco products in retail stores.

  9. American Cancer Society. Nicotine replacement therapy to help you quit tobacco.


By Terry Martin

Terry Martin quit smoking after 26 years and is now an advocate for those seeking freedom from nicotine addiction.


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Types, Signs, Impact, How to Move On


Key Takeaways

  • Unrequited love can hurt, but you can heal by focusing on personal interests and goals.
  • Spend time with supportive friends to help lessen the pain of unrequited love.
  • Understanding your attachment style can help you develop better relationships in the future.

It often goes something like this: you and a friend or acquaintance are getting close, hanging out a lot, having a great time together. One day you notice butterflies in your stomach and you realize you’re catching feelings for them. The feelings grow stronger and you finally work up the courage to tell them.

Devastatingly, they respond with, “Oh, that’s so sweet of you to say, but I really only see you as a friend, I hope that’s ok.” Ouch! Even though they still value you, the deep pangs of romantic rejection are very real—and now you’re expected to continue on being their friend as if nothing happened?

This is just one scenario in which unrequited love can occur. But no matter how it does, it can leave you feeling depressed, rejected, and sometimes even unloveable. Luckily, the pain of unrequited love does not have to last forever and there are many ways to move on in order to find the reciprocated love you deserve! Here are our tips and insights.

Unrequited Love Takes Many forms

There are a few different types of unrequited love, which can include:

  • Loving someone who does not return those feelings
  • Pining for someone who is not available
  • Mutual attraction between people who are both in other relationships
  • Desire for an ex after a relationship has ended

It is important to recognize that it is common for people to experience unrequited feelings at some point. Recognizing the signs of unrequited love may help you learn to deal with it more effectively and find ways to move on.

Unrequited love involves having strong romantic feelings toward another person who does not feel the same way. It is a one-sided experience that can leave people with feelings of pain, grief, and shame.

Signs of Unrequited Love

There are signs that can help you understand what is going on and if the love you are feeling for someone is being reciprocated. Some people describe feeling as if they are getting “mixed signals” from a love interest only to find that it is, in fact, unrequited love.

You’re Always The One Reaching Out

Are you the only person making effort to communicate? Are you the only one reaching out to check in with the other person to see how the day is going or find out what important things are happening in their life?

When you are the only one taking the time to reach out and connect with the other person, follow up with them about things, or inquire about their life, it can be a sign that this love is unrequited.

In healing dynamics, two partners who care about each other are motivated to connect with each other and share in the pattern of fluid, healthy communication. The exchange of energy between partners in a healthy relationship feels balanced and doesn’t leave one person bearing the responsibility of connecting.

Research has shown that people who reject other people’s affections often experience guilt. Rejectors tend to view would-be lovers as unreasonable, self-deceptive, and annoying; would-be lovers, on the other hand, tend to view their rejectors as mysterious and inconsistent.

You’re The Only One Who Desires Physical Touch

Do you desire to touch the other person, to hold hands, to kiss or hug? Longing for connection often includes the desire for physical contact, and when people are equally attracted and desire physical intimacy, both parties want to connect on a physical level.

If you find that you are always the one initiating any physical touch, or that when you attempt to physically connect, you are met with resistance or the other person pulling away, it can signal that this is a one-sided longing.

You Put the Person on a Pedestal

Many times, in situations of unrequited love, one person has the other on a pedestal. The love interest is perceived as near perfect and any imperfections are easily explained away. There are rarely healthy boundaries set in unrequited love.

When people build a healthy romantic bond, they can both still see one another’s faults, vulnerabilities, or imperfections. Healthy relationships allow for space for people to make mistakes and use those opportunities to help create closer bonds.

Each party can see and hear each other and their areas of vulnerability. In an unrequited love dynamic, only the emotionally invested person is able to see and hear the other party. There is not a mutual, healthy acknowledgment of each other in unrequited love.

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They Never Take Time to Get to Know You

Getting to know another person takes time. Over the course of time, partners in a healthy relationship go through experiences together, ask questions, and make an effort to understand and get to know each other. In an unrequited love dynamic, there is emotional investment on only one side.

You might find that you are always asking questions, initiating contact, and making efforts to invite the person into conversation or experiences. In turn, the other person may know nothing about you at all, never ask you questions, or never seem to invite you into any meaningful conversation about you, such as your desires, interests, goals, or hobbies.

You may long for the other person to know you but the opportunities for sharing with them never seem to come.

Possible Reasons for Unrequited Love

How the other person feels has more to do with them than with you—but how you respond to those feelings might be because of conflicts or challenges that you are dealing with.

Sometimes, you might love that person because you’ve idealized them in your mind. You are attached to that ideal version without really viewing them as a full, complex individual with flaws and even undesirable characteristics.

For some people, it might be a case of simply wanting someone they know they can’t have. The fact that there can never be a genuine connection is part of the appeal. For someone with an insecure attachment style, being in love with someone who won’t return those feelings means they can stay in a distant relationship without making other real connections.

Loving someone, and being loved in return, requires making yourself vulnerable and accepting that authentic, two-sided relationships involve both risk and reward. Staying stuck on unrequited love allows you to remain in the safety of a pseudo-relationship that can never be real and will never require you to become vulnerable, accept risk, and commit to another person.

Negative Impact of Unrequited Love

Unrequited love can be a source of stress and emotional turmoil. Some of the potential effects of experiencing unrequited love include:

  • Poor self-esteem: If you continue to have deep feelings of love for someone who does not return them, it can erode your self-esteem. You may feel rejected and worry that you are unworthy of their affections.
  • Isolation: When someone doesn’t return your feelings, it can leave you isolated and lonely. This can be particularly pronounced if you fail to pursue relationships with others.
  • Stress: Healthy relationships act as a protective buffer against the negative effects of stress. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back can be an unhealthy or potentially toxic situation that may increase your stress, create feelings of unhappiness, or even contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression.

How to Heal the Heartbreak

There are many things you can do to move forward after the heartbreak of unrequited love. It may feel impossible now, especially as you begin the healing process, but know that this takes time and healing can happen.

Although unrequited love can feel extremely painful, it can offer an opportunity to grow in unexpected ways.

Through the experience of unrequited love, you can gain a better understanding of your needs, your patterns in a relationship, and how to become a healthy, positive partner in the future.

Take Time to Grieve

Unrequited love usually results in deep heartbreak and feelings of rejection. When you are emotionally invested in someone and they don’t seem to feel the same way about you, you might question your worth or wonder if you will ever feel loved.

Taking time to grieve your loss is important. You are certainly not alone in your experience, as many people have been through situations in which their love for another person was not reciprocated.

Challenge the thoughts that might creep in telling you that there is something wrong with you or that you are not enough. There are a variety of reasons why love may not be reciprocated that have nothing to do with your worth or being “enough.”

Stay Busy

It’s hard to move past the pain of rejection if you are dwelling and ruminating on your heartbreak. This doesn’t mean that you should completely avoid thinking about what has happened, but rather that you should find ways to stay busy so that you are not dwelling on negative thoughts.

Spend time with friends who can offer support. Over time, you will find that the pain lessens and you are in a better place to look back at the experience with greater objectivity.

Understand Patterns

This may be your first experience with unrequited love or you may find that this seems to be a pattern for you. Much of the way people view and experience adult relationships has to do with what they learned growing up, what they observed, and what they were taught about love and relationships.

Attachment style can influence how you develop and maintain adult romantic relationships. Attachment, as described by famed psychologist John Bowlby, is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects people to each other. Primarily referenced within parent-child dynamics, more research is showing that attachment style has quite a bit to do with adult romantic relationships as well.

Understanding your attachment style can allow you to gain insight into your own patterns of relationship, your needs, and how to develop healthier connections.

Invest in Yourself

When you have experienced unrequited love, it is likely you have poured a lot of emotional energy into another person, and this may leave you feeling drained. To move forward in a healthy way, it is critical that you reinvest energy into yourself, your interests, your hobbies, and your personal goals.

Your sense of self can become lost when experiencing unrequited love since your sense of self may be strongly connected to your love interest and your continual longing for them to return that love. Instead:

  • Take inventory of your interests, things that bring you a sense of peace and joy, and the things that make you, you.
  • Evaluate your goals and your values, and become intentional about letting your decision-making and behavior reflect those parts of you.

When to Get Help

Dealing with unrequited love, a breakup, or another type of relationship distress can lead to complex feelings of sadness, anger, and sometimes depression. If you are struggling to cope because of unrequited love or some other relationship issue, consider getting help from a mental health professional.

A therapist can help if you:

  • Struggle to get back to your normal routine
  • Experience feelings of breakup depression
  • Ruminate on negative emotions
  • Have thoughts of suicide or self-harm
  • Explore patterns that contribute to poor romantic relationships

Tips If The Situation Is Flipped

It can also be challenging to cope if you are the person who doesn’t return someone else’s feelings of love. Rejecting another person isn’t easy, especially if you know how deeply they will be hurt. However, it is important to be clear to avoid future complications. 

  • Don’t avoid it: Just trying to avoid an uncomfortable conversation can make matters worse in the long run. If you don’t return their feelings, tell them directly.
  • Don’t be vague: It might seem like you are preventing hurt feelings, but not being direct might only add fuel to the other person’s feelings. Don’t leave them languishing in a state of hope or expectation. 
  • Be compassionate: Rejection can be painful, so be as kind and compassionate as you can be when turning them down. 

Keep in Mind

Unrequited love hurts, but it is possible to heal, grow, and move on from the experience. It’s important not to take the other person’s lack of feelings personally—it probably has more to do with them than with you. Once you can accept the reality of the situation, you can gain distance and perspective that will allow you to move on and start building a relationship that is reciprocated.


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What Can Help When You’re Feeling Hopeless

Information in this article might be triggering to some people. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Key Takeaways

  • Your brain might trick you into thinking things are worse than they really are.
  • Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help you find new perspectives.
  • Seek help from a mental health professional if feelings of hopelessness last more than two weeks.

Hopelessness, by definition, is the belief that things aren’t going to get better or that you can’t succeed.

Whether you feel hopeless about your ability to get out of debt or you feel hopeless about almost everything in life, it is an awful feeling.

Feeling stuck in a place of hopelessness makes life really tough. Fortunately, there are some things you can do when you’re feeling hopeless to make life a bit better—no matter how bad things might seem.

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Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how you can manage feelings of hopelessness. Click below to listen now.

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Consider That Your Brain Might Be Lying to You

Your brain might tell you that things are awful, horrible, and dreadful. It may try to convince you that you can’t succeed or tell you that there’s no chance things are going to get better.

But just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s true. Your thoughts may be distorted, inaccurate, or downright wrong.

Hopeless feelings fuel hopeless thoughts. And it’s easy to get caught up in a negative cycle that makes it hard to see that things can get better.

You might even think things like, “I’ve tried everything already and nothing works!” But that’s probably a cognitive distortion. You may have tried a few things—or even 10 things—but you likely haven’t tried everything.

At least be open to the idea that the way you’re thinking might not be accurate. There may be more hope than you imagine.

Argue the Opposite

When you feel hopeless, you’ll likely think about all the reasons why nothing will ever get better. So take a few minutes to argue the opposite.

What’s the evidence that things might work out better than you expect? Or how might things actually get better?

Thinking a bit about the potential positives can open you up to more possibilities. And while there’s a chance that things might not turn out great, there’s also a chance that they might not turn out as bad (or stay as bad) as you’re anticipating.

Arguing the opposite might just open your brain up to the idea that things may not be as gloomy as you’re anticipating.

Think About What You Gain From Feeling Hopeless

Thinking about what you gain from being hopeless sounds like a strange exercise on the surface. After all, you might be thinking, “I don’t gain anything. I don’t want to feel this way.”

But, upon a little more reflection you might discover that feeling hopeless protects you from being disappointed. If you don’t expect anything good to happen, you don’t have to worry about being disappointed if things go poorly.

Being hopeless also might help you feel all right about not taking action.

For example, if you’re hopeless that you’ll ever pay off your debt, you might not bother trying to increase your income (by getting another job) or you might not manage your spending (by creating a budget).

So consider whether you might be gaining something by remaining hopeless. You might find it somehow protects you from creating change or doing anything differently.

Consider What You Could Gain From Developing Hope

On the flipside, consider what you could gain if you became more hopeful. How might your life change? What would you be doing differently if you had hope?

Then, you might go ahead and start acting as if you were hopeful.

For example, you might realize that if you had hope, you’d be going out and meeting new people. Or, you’d be applying for a new job. Go do those things, even if you aren’t hopeful, they’ll work.

Sometimes, you have to change your behavior first and the feelings might follow. So if you act hopeful, you might start to eventually feel more hopeful.

Engage In Problem-Solving

There is always something you can do to solve a problem or to change how you feel about the problem. Spend some time thinking about potential solutions to the problem. Brainstorm ideas and keep them in mind, you don’t even necessarily need good ideas. Just see if you can come up with as many strategies as you can to address a problem.

If you can’t solve the problem (like in the case of a loved one’s illness), consider how to change how you feel about the problem. Could spending time with family members help you feel a little better? Might you feel a little more hopeful if you took a mental health day from the workplace?

Talk to a Trusted Friend or Family Member

When you’re struggling to identify possible solutions or you are having a hard time getting unstuck, reach out to a trusted friend or family member. Tell them what you’re experiencing.

They may be able to help you see things from a different perspective. Or, they may offer strategies that can help you feel better.

It can be hard to tell people what you’re going through. However, telling someone could be key to helping you gain a little more hope about your situation.

Develop a Plan

After you’ve developed ideas—by yourself and/or with someone else—create a plan. Decide what step you are going to take first.

Keep in mind that if plan A doesn’t work, you can always have a plan B. Think of your plan as an experiment and your job is to run as many experiments as you can until you discover what works.

Take Action

Once you have a plan in place, it’s important to take action.

After all, you likely won’t gain hope about your situation by sitting still. Instead, you’ll gain more hope when you start putting yourself out there and start seeing what you can do.

Seek Professional Help

Hopelessness can be a symptom of a mental health issue, like depression. So if your feelings of hopelessness last more than two weeks or you’re concerned about your mental health, talk to someone.

A mental health professional can assess your needs and discuss your treatment options, like talk therapy or medication. Most mental health issues are very treatable. Treatment can help you feel more hopeful about the future.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Haatainen K, Tanskanen A, Kylmä J, Honkalampi K, Koivumaa-Honkanen H, Hintikka J, Viinamäki H. Factors associated with hopelessness: a population study. Int J Soc Psychiatry. 2004 Jun;50(2):142-52. doi:10.1177/0020764004040961

  2. Starr LR, Davila J. Responding to anxiety with rumination and hopelessness: mechanism of anxiety-depression symptom co-occurrence? Cognit Ther Res. 2012;36(4):321-337. doi:10.1007/s10608-011-9363-1

  3. Larsson A, Hooper N, Osborne LA, Bennett P, McHugh L. Using brief cognitive restructuring and cognitive defusion techniques to cope with negative thoughts. Behav Modif. 2016;40(3):452-82. doi:10.1177/0145445515621488

  4. Griffiths KM, Crisp DA, Barney L, Reid R. Seeking help for depression from family and friends: a qualitative analysis of perceived advantages and disadvantagesBMC Psychiatry. 2011;11:196. doi:10.1186/1471-244X-11-196

  5. Assari S, Lankarani MM. Depressive symptoms are associated with more hopelessness among white than black older adultsFront Public Health. 2016;4:82. doi:10.3389/fpubh.2016.00082

Amy Morin

By Amy Morin, LCSW

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  “The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong,” is one of the most viewed talks of all time.


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5 Important Personality Theories


Key Takeaways

  • Personality theories help us understand how personality forms, changes, and affects behavior.
  • Five main personality theories are biological, behavioral, psychodynamic, humanist, and trait theories. 

Personality theories seek to explain how personality forms, changes, and impacts behavior. Five key personality theories focus on biological, behavioral, psychodynamic, humanistic, and trait approaches. While these theories offer different explanations for personality, each offers important insights that help us better understand ourselves.

Understanding some of the basics about personality is essential to understanding personality theories in psychology. What exactly is personality? Where does it come from? Does it change as we grow older? These sorts of questions have long fascinated psychologists and inspired many different theories of personality. 

At a Glance

Some of the best-known personality theories focus on how personality forms and influences behavior. Some focus on early childhood experiences, while others focus on the traits that make up personality. In other cases, personality theories are centered on how experiences and individual needs shape and influence personality. Keep reading to learn more about some of the major theories and how they have shaped our understanding of personality.

5 Major Personality Theories

Personality psychology is the focus of some of the best-known psychology theories by a number of famous thinkers including Sigmund Freud and Erik Erikson. Some of these theories attempt to tackle a specific area of personality while others attempt to explain personality much more broadly.

Five of the main theories of personality are biological theories, behavioral theories, psychodynamic theories, humanist theories, and trait theories.

Biological Personality Theories

Biological approaches suggest that genetics are primarily responsible for personality. In the classic nature versus nurture debate, the biological theories of personality side with nature.

Research on heritability suggests that there is a link between genetics and personality traits. Twin studies are often used to investigate which traits might be linked to genetics versus those that might be linked to environmental variables. For example, researchers might look at differences and similarities in the personalities of twins raised together versus those who are raised apart.

One of the best-known biological theorists was Hans Eysenck, who linked aspects of personality to biological processes.

Eysenck argued that personality is influenced by the stress hormone cortisol. According to his theory, introverts have high cortical arousal and avoid stimulation, while extroverts have low cortical arousal and crave stimulation.

Behavioral Personality Theories

Behavioral theorists include B. F. Skinner and John B. Watson. Behavioral personality theories suggest that personality is a result of interaction between the individual and the environment. Behavioral theorists study observable and measurable behaviors, rejecting theories that take internal thoughts, moods, and feelings play a part as these cannot be measured.

According to behavioral theorists, conditioning (predictable behavioral responses) occurs through interactions with our environment which ultimately shapes our personalities.

Psychodynamic Personality Theories

Psychodynamic theories of personality are heavily influenced by the work of Sigmund Freud and emphasize the influence of the unconscious mind and childhood experiences on personality. Psychodynamic theories include Sigmund Freud’s psychosexual stage theory and Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development.

Freud believed the three components of personality were the id, ego, and superego. The id is responsible for needs and urges, while the superego regulates ideals and morals. The ego, in turn, moderates the demands of the id, superego, and reality.

Freud suggested that children progress through a series of stages in which the id’s energy is focused on different erogenous zones.

Erikson also believed that personality progressed through a series of stages, with certain conflicts arising at each stage. Success in any stage depends on successfully overcoming these conflicts.

Humanist Personality Theories

Humanist theories emphasize the importance of free will and individual experience in personality development. Humanist theorists include Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow.

Humanist theorists promote the concept of self-actualization, which is the innate need for personal growth and how personal growth motivates behavior. According to this approach, people are inherently good and have a natural tendency to want to make themselves and the world better.

Trait Personality Theories

The trait theory approach is one of the most prominent areas in personality psychology. According to these theories, personality is made up of a number of broad traits.

A trait is a relatively stable characteristic that causes an individual to behave in certain ways. It is essentially the psychological “blueprint” that informs behavioral patterns.

Some of the best-known trait theories include Eysenck’s three-dimension theory and the five-factor theory of personality.

Eysenck utilized personality questionnaires to collect data from participants and then employed a statistical technique known as factor analysis to analyze the results. Eysenck concluded that there were three major dimensions of personality: extroversion, neuroticism, and psychoticism.

Eysenck believed that these dimensions then combine in different ways to form an individual’s unique personality. Later, Eysenck added the third dimension known as psychoticism, which related to things such as aggression, empathy, and sociability.

Later, researchers suggested that a person’s personality has five broad dimensions, often referred to as the Big 5 theory of personality.

The Big 5 theory suggests that all personalities can be characterized by five major personality dimensions: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism, collectively referred to by the acronym OCEAN.

Defining Personality

While personality is something that we talk about all the time (“He has such a great personality!” or “Her personality is perfect for this job!”), you might be surprised to learn that psychologists do not necessarily agree on a single definition of what exactly constitutes personality.

Personality is broadly described as the characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that make a person unique. In plain English, it is what makes you you.

Researchers have found while some external factors can influence how certain traits are expressed, personality originates within the individual. While a few aspects of personality may change as we grow older, personality also tends to remain fairly consistent throughout life.

Because personality plays such an important role in human behavior, an entire branch of psychology is devoted to studying this fascinating topic. Personality psychologists are interested in the unique characteristics of individuals and similarities among groups of people.

Characteristics of Personality

To understand the psychology of personality, it is important to learn some of the key characteristics of how personality works.

  • Personality is organized and consistent. We tend to express certain aspects of our personality in different situations, and our responses are generally stable. 
  • Although personality is generally stable, it can be influenced by the environment. For example, while your personality might make you shy in social situations, an emergency might lead you to take on a more outspoken and take-charge approach.
  • Personality causes behaviors to happen. You react to the people and objects in your environment based on your personality. From your personal preferences to your career choice, every aspect of your life is affected by your personality.

Investigating Personality Theories

Now that you know a bit more about the basics of personality, it’s time to take a closer look at how scientists actually study human personality. There are different techniques that are used in the study of personality. Each technique has its own strengths and weaknesses.

Experimental Methods

Experimental methods are those in which the researcher controls and manipulates the variables of interest and takes measures of the results. This is the most scientific form of research, but experimental research can be difficult when studying aspects of personality such as motivations, emotions, and drives.

These ideas are internal, abstract, and can be difficult to measure. The experimental method allows researchers to look at cause-and-effect relationships between different variables of interest.

Case Studies

Case studies and self-report methods involve the in-depth analysis of an individual as well as information provided by the individual. Case studies rely heavily on the interpretations of the observer, while self-report methods depend on the memory of the individual of interest.

Because of this, these methods tend to be highly subjective and it is difficult to generalize the findings to a larger population.

Clinical Research

Clinical research relies upon information gathered from clinical patients over the course of treatment. Many personality theories are based on this type of research, but because the research subjects are unique and exhibit abnormal behavior, this research tends to be highly subjective and difficult to generalize.

Key Terms to Know About Personality Theories

In addition to understanding some of the major theories of personality psychology, it is important to know more about some of the key terms and concepts that are central to these theories.

Classical Conditioning

Classical conditioning is a behavioral training technique that begins with a naturally occurring stimulus eliciting an automatic response. Then, a previously neutral stimulus is paired with the naturally occurring stimulus.

Eventually, the previously neutral stimulus comes to evoke the response without the presence of the naturally occurring stimulus. The two elements are then known as the conditioned stimulus and the conditioned response.

Operant Conditioning

Operant conditioning is a behavior training technique in which reinforcements or punishments are used to influence behavior. An association is made between a behavior and a consequence for that behavior.

Unconscious

In Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personality, the unconscious mind is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that are outside of our conscious awareness. Most of the contents of the unconscious are unacceptable or unpleasant, such as feelings of pain, anxiety, or conflict.

According to Freud, the unconscious mind continues to influence our behavior and experiences, even though we are unaware of these underlying influences.

Id

According to Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personality, the id is the personality component made up of unconscious psychic energy that works to satisfy basic urges, needs, and desires. The id operates based on the pleasure principle, which demands immediate gratification of needs.

Ego

According to Freud, the ego is the largely unconscious part of the personality that mediates the demands of the id, the superego, and reality. The ego prevents us from acting on our basic urges (created by the id) but also works to achieve a balance with our moral and idealistic standards (created by the superego).

Superego

The superego is the component of personality composed of our internalized ideals that we have acquired from our parents and from society. The superego works to suppress the urges of the id and tries to make the ego behave morally, rather than realistically.

Thinkers Behind Personality Theories

Some of the most famous figures in the history of psychology left a lasting mark on the field of personality. Learning more about the lives, theories, and contributions to the psychology of these eminent psychologists can help one better understand the different personality theories.

Sigmund Freud

Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) was the founder of psychoanalytic theory. His theories emphasized the importance of the unconscious mind, childhood experiences, dreams, and symbolism. His theory of psychosexual development suggested that children progress through a series of stages during which libidinal energy is focused on different regions of the body.

His ideas are known as grand theories because they seek to explain virtually every aspect of human behavior.

Although many of Freud’s ideas are considered outdated by modern psychologists, he had a major influence on the course of psychology, and some concepts, such as the usefulness of talk therapy and the importance of the unconscious, are enduring.

Erik Erikson

Erik Erikson (1902-1994) was an ego psychologist trained by Anna Freud. His theory of psychosocial stages describes how personality develops throughout the lifespan. Like Freud, some aspects of Erikson’s theory are considered outdated by contemporary researchers, but his eight-stage theory of development remains popular and influential.

B. F. Skinner

B. F. Skinner (1904-1990) was a behaviorist best known for his research on operant conditioning and the discovery of schedules of reinforcement. Schedules of reinforcement influence how quickly a behavior is acquired and the strength of response.

The schedules described by Skinner are fixed-ratio schedules, fixed-variable schedules, variable-ratio schedules, and variable-interval schedules.

Sandra Bem

Sandra Bem (1944-2014) had an important influence in psychology and on our understanding of sex roles, gender, and sexuality. She developed her gender schema theory to explain how society and culture transmit ideas about sex and gender. Gender schemas, Bem suggested, were formed by things such as parenting, school, mass media, and other cultural influences. 

Abraham Maslow

Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) was a humanist psychologist who developed the well-known hierarchy of needs. The hierarchy includes physiological needs, safety and security needs, love and affection needs, self-esteem needs, and self-actualizing needs.

Carl Rogers

Carl Rogers (1902-1987) was a humanist psychologist who believed that all people have an actualizing tendency—a drive to fulfill the individual potential that motivates behavior. Rogers called healthy individuals fully functioning, describing them as those who are open to experience, live in the moment, trust their own judgment, feel free, and are creative.


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What Happens If You Are Admitted?

Key Takeaways

  • Psych wards are designed to offer specialized, round-the-clock care to people who are dealing with serious mental illness.
  • Admission to a psych ward can be involuntary if someone is a danger to themselves or others.

Psychiatric hospitals are also commonly referred to as psychiatric wards or psych wards. The idea of being admitted to a psych ward can sound intimidating or even scary, but understanding more about what these facilities are and what they help with can ease these concerns.

Keep reading to learn more about what psych wards are, what they can help with, and what happens if you or someone you love is admitted as a patient at one of these psychiatric facilities.

What Exactly Is a Psych Ward?

A psych ward is dedicated solely to mental healthcare. These facilities often provide treatment for patients with serious conditions such as:

Psychiatric hospitals can offer a wide range of care, from inpatient to outpatient and day-treatment programs. The focus is on treating mental illness by providing psychiatric assessments, prescribing medications, and offering therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), supportive psychotherapy, and family therapy.

In addition, psychiatric hospitals may offer other treatments to promote the mental well-being of patients, including art therapy, music therapy, recreational therapy, and pet therapy.

Psychiatric hospitals are staffed by psychiatrists, psychologists, nurses, and other trained professionals who provide care for mentally ill patients 24 hours a day. Patients have access to their own rooms or suites and shared spaces to promote socialization and interaction.

What Are the Different Types of Psych Wards?

Psychiatric wards are also sometimes called mental health wards or behavioral health wards. Regardless of the name, they’re generally places designed to provide intense care for psychiatric patients whose needs cannot be adequately met in an outpatient setting. Although there are mental health facilities that focus on either children or adults, most psychiatric wards treat both groups.

In addition to psychiatric wards, there are also psych units or psych floors in many general hospitals that treat patients with psychiatric symptoms or mental disorders that require a shorter stay than what would be offered on a full-fledged psychiatric ward. These facilities typically provide around-the-clock observation and care by trained professionals who can also administer medications.

Psych Ward vs. Mental Health Clinic

Psychiatric wards are different from mental health clinics in that they’re generally institutions located in hospitals or medical centers for severely mentally ill patients. Most psychiatric wards provide 24-hour observation, care, and treatment that’s administered by psychiatrists, licensed therapists, and other trained professionals.

Psychiatric wards also offer a much more intense level of care than what’s provided in outpatient facilities.

In fact, many psychiatric wards require that patients be admitted involuntarily because they cannot care for themselves or others due to their mental state.

In this situation, a psychiatrist evaluates the patient and decides whether extended psychiatric treatment is necessary to stabilize the individual so that outpatient therapy can begin.

Why Would You Be Admitted to a Psych Ward?

Many psychiatric wards require that patients be admitted on an involuntary basis, meaning they may not leave the facility on their own. There are several reasons why a person might be admitted to a psych ward against their wishes, including:

  • Suicidal thoughts
  • Physical harm to self or others
  • Drug and/or alcohol abuse
  • Intense emotional distress or anxiety
  • Self-destructiveness or being unable to take care of oneself
  • Threatening the safety of others
  • Difficulty coping with one’s environment, whether in the home or community
  • Having a mental illness that can’t be managed in an outpatient setting

These can also be used as an alternative to jail time in the case of repeat offenders whose actions were the direct result of their psychiatric symptoms, such as untreated schizophrenia or acute depression.

What Happens Once You’re Admitted to a Psych Ward?

Once you’re admitted to a psychiatric ward, you’ll continue receiving treatment and care for your condition until you’re stable enough to go back into the community. Patients are usually required to remain on the ward for several days up to several weeks, depending on their symptoms and progress.

Treatment Is Individualized

While you’re in a psychiatric ward, you’ll receive an individualized treatment plan according to your condition. Because there are so many different types of psychiatric disorders, patients often receive treatments ranging from medication management to family therapy or group therapy sessions.

You might be wondering, “What happens if I’m admitted to a psychiatric ward?” After you’re admitted, you’ll be assessed by a treatment team of medical professionals who will determine the appropriate course of action for your condition and symptoms. You may also undergo physical examinations and lab tests to help identify any medical problems that may be causing your symptoms.

You’ll also meet with a psychiatrist who will discuss your psychiatric history and current symptoms in detail. After evaluating you, the doctor may prescribe medications to help ease your symptoms and make you more comfortable.

Can You Leave a Psych Ward?

In most cases, patients may leave psychiatric wards when they’re no longer a threat to themselves or others. In some cases, however, doctors may decide that patients need to remain hospitalized for further treatment and monitoring before they can be released.

Also, keep in mind that many psychiatric wards have strict visitation policies. Typically, you won’t be allowed to see anyone except immediate family members. Visits may also be restricted to certain time periods and supervised by a staff member.

Can You Be Restrained or Forced to Stay in a Psychiatric Ward?

Psychiatric wards can force patients to remain admitted for treatment if they’re considered dangerous to themselves, others, or the safety of their environment. This is known as being “committed” or “involuntarily committed.”

In most cases, a doctor must certify that you’re a threat to yourself or others before you can be involuntarily committed. In order to do this, they must have clear evidence of your mental state and behavior to make the commitment without your consent.

Depending on the severity of your condition and the type of facility, you may be restrained with wrist or ankle cuffs to keep you from harming yourself or others. Patients can also be given physical and chemical restraints if they pose a threat to themselves and others, but only under certain conditions.

Psych Ward vs. Psychiatric Hospital

Although they sound similar, psychiatric wards and psychiatric hospitals are two different types of facilities. Psychiatric hospitals (or sometimes called mental health hospitals) provide long-term care for patients with severe mental illnesses that need close observation and medical attention.

Psychiatric wards, on the other hand, provide short-term inpatient psychiatric services for patients who require immediate evaluation and treatment for their condition. They are usually found in general medical hospitals or psychiatric hospitals, depending on the type of psychiatric services they offer.

While being admitted to a hospital is always an emotional experience, you’ll likely feel even more scared when it happens in a psychiatric facility. This can be due to the stigma surrounding mental illness or because of your own fears about what might happen during your stay. Because of this, it’s important to find ways to relax and keep yourself comfortable during your hospital stay.

Some psychiatric facilities offer yoga and meditation as part of their therapy services, which might help you feel calmer and centered during your hospitalization. Your doctor may also prescribe sedatives or anti-anxiety medication.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Vermont Department of Mental Health. Psychiatric Hospitalization.

  2. Røtvold K, Wynn R. Involuntary psychiatric admission: how the patients are detected and the general practitioners’ expectations for hospitalization. An interview-based studyInt J Ment Health Syst. 2016;10:20. doi:10.1186/s13033-016-0048-8

  3. Arnold BD, Moeller J, Hochstrasser L, et al. Compulsory admission to psychiatric wards-Who is admitted, and who appeals against admission? Front Psychiatry. 2019;10:544. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00544

  4. Rozel JS, Toohey T, Amin P. Legal considerations in emergency psychiatryFocus (Am Psychiatr Publ). 2023;21(1):3-7. doi:10.1176/appi.focus.20220071

  5. Ye J, Wang C, Xiao A, et al. Physical restraint in mental health nursing: A concept analysisInt J Nurs Sci. 2019;6(3):343-348. doi:10.1016/j.ijnss.2019.04.002

Arlin Cuncic

By Arlin Cuncic, MA

Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master’s degree in clinical psychology.


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How to Be Vulnerable and Open Up


Key Takeaways

  • Vulnerability helps build stronger relationships by fostering intimacy and connection with others.
  • Embracing vulnerability involves sharing personal feelings, talking about mistakes, and being honest about your needs.
  • Accepting yourself fully, including your flaws and past mistakes, is key to becoming more vulnerable.

Vulnerability is a state of emotional exposure that comes with a degree of uncertainty. Learning how to be vulnerable involves a willingness to accept the emotional risk that comes from being open and willing to love and be loved.

A fear of vulnerability is a very common fear. But once you understand this central emotional challenge, you can develop a greater appreciation for why vulnerability is worth the effort. This makes it easier to take the next step: becoming more vulnerable with the people you care about most.

Why Vulnerability Is Important

Professor and author Brené Brown suggests that vulnerability is an important measure of courage and that it allows you to be seen and understood by the people who are important in your life. Brown adds that being vulnerable serves as a way to foster authenticity, belongingness, and love. 

When you can accept vulnerability, you may find that you experience important emotional benefits such as:

  • Greater strength: Putting yourself in situations where you feel vulnerable can boost your confidence and belief in your ability to handle challenging situations. This can make you more resilient in the face of life’s difficulties.
  • Stronger relationships: Being vulnerable with others can foster intimacy in your relationships. It helps deepen your compassion, empathy, and connection with others in your life.
  • Improved self-acceptance: Vulnerability allows you to accept and embrace different aspects of yourself. This can help you build greater confidence and authenticity.

So why do people often fear vulnerability if it’s a good thing? Vulnerability is associated with a number of challenging emotional states. For example, it can play a role in disappointment, shame, and grief. The fear of vulnerability is also related to a fear of rejection and a fear of abandonment.

Examples of Vulnerability

What does vulnerability look like? Here are some examples to consider:

  • Taking chances that might lead to rejection
  • Talking about mistakes you have made
  • Sharing personal details that you normally keep private
  • Feeling difficult emotions such as shame, grief, or fear
  • Reconnecting with someone you have fallen out with
  • Being honest about what you need in a relationship, including your boundaries and expectations

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Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares why vulnerability is important in healthy relationships. Click below to listen now.

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How People Become Closed Off

Small children are generally open and free, sharing all of themselves with others. As they grow and mature, however, they may learn that the world can be a painful place. Not everyone is on their side, and not all situations are going to go their way.

Self-Protection

Over time, then, they may also practice different defense mechanisms to protect themselves. This might mean that they’ve built walls around their heart, closing themselves off as they convince themselves they never really loved the person who hurt them anyway, maybe even mastering the art of denial.

Internalized Negative Thoughts

Even worse, they may have begun to believe and internalize negative thoughts and feelings about themself. As they search for answers to life’s hurts, they could have begun to believe that they are responsible for these hurts.

Although these steps are normal and natural, they are also self-defeating. It is important to learn from past mistakes and to strive for personal growth. It is equally important to learn to forgive your own lapses.

How often are you quick to forgive someone else’s mistakes or bad behaviors while continuing to beat yourself up for a mistake that you made or something that you’ve done?

Consequences of Not Being Vulnerable With Others

Although building walls creates a safe space into which you can quickly retreat, it also blocks the flow of energy and love. It’s easy to become trapped behind your own emotional defenses, unable to give or receive positive emotions as well as negative ones. This leaves many people feeling isolated and alone.

People with a fear of vulnerability often become “distancers,” using well-honed methods to keep others at arm’s length. Some become intentionally buried in work, school, or other activities. Or they disappear at the first sign that a relationship is becoming intimate.

Inability or unwillingness to be vulnerable in important relationships creates a limit on how much those relationships can evolve and deepen. Vulnerability requires a sense of emotional safety and trust in the other person; not being vulnerable hampers the development of intimacy in relationships.


DR. DANIEL B. BLOCK, MD, PSYCHIATRIST

Others perform an elaborate dance of push-and-pull. They draw in a potential partner, only to pull away emotionally when the other person gets too close. Then, once distance has been reestablished, they draw that person back in.

The fear of vulnerability can also lead people to inadvertently cause pain to others.

How to Be Vulnerable

Fortunately, there are many actions you can take to be more vulnerable. To be vulnerable, here are several strategies to consider:

Embrace Your Authentic Self

One way to reduce self-isolation and the fear of vulnerability is to embrace your authentic self. You’ve been hurt before, so you may want to minimize the risk of being hurt again. But building walls or trying to act according to some self-created checklist is not the best way to minimize potential damage.

To combat the fear of vulnerability, you must first learn to love and accept your whole, authentic self.

Loving yourself is one of the toughest lessons you will ever face. Everyone has flaws, imperfections, embarrassing stories, and past mistakes they wish they could forget. People are insecure, awkward, and desperately wishing they could change certain things. That’s human nature.

The trick is to realize that everyone feels this way. No matter how successful, how beautiful, or how perfect someone appears, we all experience the same awkwardness, insecurity, and self-doubt.

Aim for Excellence, Not Perfection

Think of the most dynamic, capable person you know. What if this person said something foolish? Would you hold a grudge? What if that person snapped at you? Would you find that unforgivable? Of course not.

You understand that others are imperfect, that they have good days and bad days, that they have flaws and blind spots and moments of weakness. That’s not what you remember them for. You remember their triumphs and shining moments and love and light.

Why treat yourself any differently? Why beat yourself up for the things that you easily and quickly forgive in others? Why automatically assume that others will judge you more harshly than you judge them?

To Be Vulnerable, Learn to Love Yourself

To learn to love yourself, begin by acknowledging yourself as a whole human being—flaws, imperfections, and all. Own and embrace your past mistakes, while also remembering that they don’t define your present or your future.

Apologize to anyone you feel you have significantly wronged, then move on. Forgive yourself. While this is often easier said than done, moving forward, try to live by a few simple truths.

Remember You Are Important

Like George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the simple fact that you exist has a ripple effect beyond your imagination. You may never truly know whose lives you have touched and what the repercussions were, but they are there.

Embrace Your Mistakes

Not only do your mistakes make you human, but they give you a wealth of experiences to draw on when helping others. Using your past for good is one of the strongest ways to connect with your entire self.

Stop Trying to Prove Your Value

Humans, especially those with a fear of vulnerability, are always trying to show how worthwhile we are. We worry that if we don’t somehow earn our keep, people will stop caring for us. Invariably, we get exactly what we are unconsciously asking for: a string of people interested in what we can give instead of who we are.

Avoid Being a People-Pleaser

Remember that you can’t be everything to everyone. Trying to be a people-pleaser only hurts you.

Offer the most precious gift of all—yourself—rather than trying to be all things to all people. That doesn’t mean you should stop performing kindnesses for others but, instead, make offerings based on love rather than fear or self-judgment.

How to Get Help

You can be more vulnerable with your partner by getting to know yourself, sharing important things in the moment, talking about your fears, and being honest about the things that you need. As you learn to accept and love yourself, you will find it easier and easier to show true vulnerability.

If your sense of self-worth is strong, you will no longer need others to define it or prop it up for you. You will be able to walk away from those who treat you with disrespect and attract those who treat you well.

However, getting from here to there isn’t always easy. Professional assistance may be helpful, particularly if your fear of vulnerability is deep-seated and long-lasting.

Many people seek the advice of a respected mental health professional, while others find solace in spiritual counseling. Whatever path you choose, finding freedom from the fear of vulnerability is a truly life-changing experience.


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