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One of the best ways to find happiness in your life is through close friendships. But if you have attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you may already know that finding and maintaining these friendships can be a lot harder than it sounds.

The first step in improving your friendships is understanding how your symptoms affect them. Fortunately, there are many ways you can address your challenges and support healthier relationships at the same time.

Learn why it can be difficult for adults with ADHD to have lasting friendships. We also share how to manage symptoms so that your relationships can improve, including getting treatment for ADHD.

How ADHD Affects Friendships

ADHD symptoms can make it hard for people living with the condition to make friends and have lasting relationships. For instance, problems with attention, hyperactivity, impulsiveness, and mood regulation often make it difficult for those with ADHD to develop social skills.

Others might misunderstand your behavior. Your peers might interpret your lack of attention as shyness or your impulsiveness as aggression, for example.

Cynthia Hammer, MSW and ADHD coach, says that in general, people get preoccupied with their own lives, and they often don’t prioritize friendships. Someone with ADHD who is also trying to manage their symptoms may find it even more challenging to find and maintain connections with others.

Challenges of ADHD and Friendships

Maintaining friendships can be a struggle for adults with ADHD. Hammer provides some insight into the challenges of ADHD as they relate to social relationships, along with tips to help you improve them.

Feeling Overwhelmed

Adults with ADHD often have trouble managing day-to-day tasks such as keeping appointments, making deadlines, and focusing on one task at a time.

You might feel overwhelmed by the friendships in your life. You might have a lot of other things going on, and you find it difficult to pay attention to your friends and keep the commitments you make to them at the same time.

Over time, your friends might become frustrated. They might think you don’t care or that they are simply unimportant to you.

Getting Bored

Some people with ADHD enjoy socializing with friends but often get bored with them, feeling the need for a break. They find it hard to be consistent in regularly enjoying their company and regularly paying them attention.

You might choose to learn to use a new video game over going to a movie with a friend, for instance, if the video game interests you more.

Being Inconsistent

Erratic, fickle behavior, such as acting like you want to be with someone one day but then not wanting to see them again for several months is not the way to handle friendships. The person on the receiving end of this kind of inconsistency might feel used and think you only contact them when you have nothing better to do.

Having a Poor Memory

An additional challenge for many with ADHD is a poor memory. What are the names of your best friend’s three children? Who is due to have a baby? Being told these kinds of personal details and then not referring to them in future conversations can present a huge stumbling block to creating long-term relationships.

People want to feel that they’re important—that their activities and successes and failures are shared and valued by their friends. Friends who consistently say, “I don’t remember that” or “I forgot you told me that” give the impression that they didn’t care enough to remember.

If you avoid certain topics because you don’t remember key information, you’re going to find it hard to build a long-term relationship. When you’re unable to share memories and details of your time together, you give the impression that you’re not truly interested in your friends and don’t value their friendship.

Low Self-Esteem

ADHD is linked with the development of low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can make it even more challenging to meet new people and make friends. You might not have the confidence to put yourself out there. Maybe you don’t think anyone would want to be your friend, which can hold you back from making connections.

Anxiety and Depression

Many people with ADHD also cope with anxiety disorders, such as social anxiety disorder (SAD). If you have SAD, social interactions may make you especially anxious, making you less likely to put yourself in situations with other people. People with SAD often worry about being rejected by their peers, which makes it even harder to make new friends.

These conditions can put added strain on your relationships, especially if people don’t understand what you’re going through.

How to Improve Friendships When You Have ADHD

According to Hammer, there are steps people with ADHD can take to improve their friendships.

Be Aware

The first step to improved social interactions is to become aware of what you’re doing that’s harmful or counterproductive. Monitor yourself. Are you actively listening or are you only waiting until you can put in your own two cents?

If so, make a commitment, that for the next month, you will focus completely on being a good listener—you will hyperfocus on this. If you say anything at all, it will be only to ask a simple, short question to clarify or expand on what the other person is saying.

Repeat It Back

If you’re listening to just one other person, occasionally ask them if you can say back what you heard them say, and then just do it, simply and concisely. Don’t add anything.

Give them a chance to tell you if you’ve correctly understood what they said and then let them proceed while you return to your role as a good listener. Practice these skills.

Don’t Interrupt

Are you interrupting others? Again, awareness is the key. Become aware of your behavior in your interactions. If you’re interrupting, take steps to stop it.

When you feel the urge coming on, take a sip of water, make a note, take a deep breath, and hold it for a second, or think, “relax.” Don’t interrupt, and if you do, immediately recognize it, apologize for interrupting, and encourage the person to go on.

Stick to the Topic at Hand

If you have a tendency to change the subject and go off on an unrelated tangent, become aware and stop yourself. People usually don’t appreciate this, especially if they are trying to tell you something that’s important to them.

Know What Your Friendships Mean to You 

For the bigger problems—not paying enough attention to your friends—reflect on how much you want to improve your relationships. How much do you value having good friendships and what are you willing to do to get and maintain them?

When you have the choice between learning about your new computer and going to a movie with a friend, will you put a higher value on going to the movie because of the long-term payoff? The choice is yours.

Nurture Your Relationships

When you’re talking with a friend, make your plans for the next time you’ll get together, commit to it, and put it on your calendar. Learn to use a computer-based program that will remind you of important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

Get all the contact information for each of your friends. Buy assorted cards and stamps to have on hand so you can easily let your friends know you’re thinking of them on birthdays and anniversaries.

When shopping, pick up some items you can use as unexpected gifts for your friends. Or buy tickets to some activity and ask them to go with you.

Tell Your Friends You Care

Purposely tell them how much you appreciate their friendship, how much you enjoy the time you spend together, and how much you look forward to getting together in the future. Don’t let too much time go by without being in touch with those you value the most.

Develop Ways to Deal With Poor Memory

Struggling with poor memory is one of the hardest challenges listed here, and unfortunately, it isn’t simply going to go away, says Hammer. Here are her strategies to minimize the impact:

• Make notes on your friends including their likes and dislikes, their interests, their important relationships, and activities, and review them before your next get-together.
• Subscribe to a service that will send cards on birthdays and other important events for you. You can set it up for the whole year at one time.
• Write down the names of anyone new you meet and review them occasionally.
• Prepare before meeting with someone you haven’t seen for a while. Ask about what you know is important to them and what’s going on in their lives. Demonstrate that you remember important details of things they have told you.

Ways to Maintain Friendships If You Have ADHD

Once you have made a friend, you may be wondering how to keep the relationship going.

Talk About Your Condition

People often use communication to create a sense of intimacy and trust between them. While you might be worried about the impact your ADHD will have on your long-term friendships, it’s OK to share your fears with a close friend.

While you aren’t obligated to share information about your ADHD with anyone, confiding in a trusted friend may actually serve to bring you two closer together.

Sharing with them might help them understand you better, too. They’ll know that your occasional lapses in memory or inattention are part of your ADHD, not a sign that you don’t care.

Follow Through on Commitments

An important part of keeping friends is following through on your commitments. If you set a time to meet, do your best to show up. If you tell a friend you’ll do something for them, do your best to keep your word.

Fulfilling commitments is a key action that shows your friend they can trust you. Likewise, if you asked them to meet you somewhere, you would want them to show up. This mutual respect helps keep the friendship going.

Set Boundaries

While you might become impatient, bored, or even annoyed with your friends, it’s important to think about the bigger picture. Everyone gets frustrated with their close friends sometimes. Taking a step back to acknowledge how you’re feeling will go a long way in making sure you’re not projecting your feelings onto them.

If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, try taking some time to yourself. You don’t need to see your friend every day or every weekend in order to maintain the relationship. Time apart is healthy and key to a successful relationship.

Likewise, if you invite your friend somewhere and they are unavailable, try not to take it personally. Everyone needs time and space to themselves. You can always wait a few days and ask them again, but you should respect their wishes for space when they ask for it.

Practice Self-Care

While you want to be considerate and thoughtful in your relationships, you should always be your first priority. One study found that physical health, mental health, and satisfaction with your own life have a connection with successful relationships.

Especially when you have ADHD, it’s important to check in with your doctor if you notice any medications or therapies in your treatment plan don’t seem to be working so they can adjust as needed.

ADHD is often treated using a combination of medication and therapy. A doctor may prescribe stimulants or non-stimulants to help manage impulsivity, attention, and concentration. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is commonly recommended for treating ADHD alongside medication. A therapist specializing in CBT can also help you cope with other mental health conditions that often occur alongside ADHD.

ADHD-tailored cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to build social skills around organization and time management as well as improve self-defeating patterns.

The Bottom Line in ADHD and Friendships

There are plenty of challenges people with ADHD experience that can interfere with forming lasting friendships—from feeling overwhelmed or bored to experiencing anxiety and depression.

Fortunately, you can improve your relationships by making time for your friends and being present when you’re with them. Take the time to let them know they’re important to you, and honor their boundaries.

Most importantly, taking care of yourself and receiving proper treatment for your ADHD will help you have healthier relationships.

Narcotics Anonymous (NA) is a global organization dedicated to helping people addicted to substances pursue and maintain a drug-free lifestyle via a 12-step program.

The 12-step philosophy was first introduced by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) as a way of life and a path to recovery from alcoholism. It has since been adopted by many other types of addiction recovery groups, including NA and Cocaine Anonymous (CA), among others.

If you are considering undertaking the 12 steps of NA, you’re not alone. According to a 2020 study, approximately 45% of Americans who have recovered from substance addiction have used 12-step programs to do so. Like AA, NA is a free, community-based resource that anyone can access.

The 12 Steps of Narcotics Anonymous

The 12 steps of NA are listed and explained below.

Step 1

It can be hard for people who are addicted to a substance to recognize their addiction. The first step is critical because it requires you to admit you have an addiction that needs to be treated. This can also make it easier for your friends and family members to accept and admit that you have a substance abuse problem.

Step 2

This step involves putting your faith in a higher power that can help you heal. The higher power can be God, or any other spiritual entity or concept you believe in. While you may struggle with this step if you’re not religious, it’s intended to be an opportunity to let go of the things beyond your control and start working on the things within your control.

Step 3

This step is a form of surrender that is intended to help you develop a more positive attitude. For instance, if you find yourself drinking to relieve feelings of anger, pain, frustration, or depression, you can turn those feelings over to a higher power. Doing so can help reduce the compulsion to drink or use drugs and help you feel more capable of dealing with life’s challenges.

Step 4

Substance abuse can have negative repercussions on your work, family, relationships, and community. This step involves being honest with yourself about the harm done to the various aspects of your life and taking responsibility for your actions.

Step 5

While the previous step requires you to recognize your wrongs, this step requires you to go one step further and confess them out loud. Admitting your faults to another person can be difficult, so the step helps you prepare by confessing to a higher power first.

Step 6

The focus of this step is accepting your faults and being prepared to let them go. As you confront your past, you may find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of your actions. This step helps you build the willingness to change your behavior.

Step 7

This step involves praying or employing other spiritual or mindfulness techniques. Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses and asking for assistance in dealing with your flaws can be both humbling and empowering. This step can help improve your self-awareness and spirituality.

Step 8

This step requires you to make a list of all those who were harmed by your substance abuse and prepare yourself to apologize and make amends to all of them. This can be difficult, but if you’ve found yourself feeling isolated lately, steps eight and nine can help you improve your relationships and rejoin your community.

Step 9

This step requires you to actually reach out to the people you’ve hurt and make amends with them. The only exception is when trying to make amends in situations that could do more harm than good, such as opening up old wounds or causing fresh pain, in which case it is better left alone.

Step 10

There may be times during the recovery process when you make mistakes or relapse. This step requires you to stay vigilant on a daily basis and admit to any faults you make along the way so you can maintain your spiritual progress. 

Step 11

This step encourages you to find a higher purpose. If you’re religious or spiritual, you can do this soul-searching through your prayers to God or a higher power. If not, you can do it through your community or the NA group you’re part of.

Step 12

This step asks you to apply these principles to every aspect of your life and carry them forward to help others struggling with addiction as well. 

NA and AA groups are peer-based models designed to help people share support, advice, experiences, and hope. The idea is that as you have benefitted from someone else’s help, you should pay it forward by helping others. Without people’s contributions, these mutual support groups will cease to exist.

Emotional dysregulation is one of the more overlooked symptoms of ADHD, and one of the reasons people with ADHD are still misdiagnosed. Strong symptoms of emotional dysregulation can mimic other disorders like depression, bipolar, borderline personality, and even posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

What Is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation is an impaired ability to control your emotional response, leading to extreme or overblown reactions that don’t really fit the situation. Some of the key signs and symptoms include:

• Emotional reactions that seem out of sync with their cause
• Difficulty calming down, even if you’re aware that you’re overreacting
• Low tolerance for frustration or annoyance
• Temperamental or prone to sudden outbursts
• Feeling completely overwhelmed by your emotions
• Difficulty refocusing your attention away from the emotion

It feels very “all or nothing” or “zero to 100” for me. Any negative trigger, ranging from finding out the grocery store is sold out of my preferred brand of bread to being turned down for a dream job, results in almost the same level of overwhelming disappointment.

It’s often hard to see past the emotion and get perspective: Is this thing really as important as I feel like it is? What’s a more rational response to this situation?

It’s even harder to move past it and convince my brain to focus on something else. The second my partner sets the salt shaker on the counter instead of putting it back by the spice rack, that’s all I can think about until it’s resolved.

Emotional Dysregulation Impacts Every Aspect of Life

For one of the least talked about aspects of ADHD, emotional dysregulation can also be the most disruptive.

At work, the ability to moderate your emotional response is a huge advantage in customer-facing positions as well as any role where you’re expected to work with a team. If you’re the “hypersensitive” or “temperamental” coworker, it can make your work life stressful and harm your ability to advance in your career.

In personal relationships, minor pet peeves (like the sound of chewing or the fact that your partner loads the dishwasher differently than you) can lead to explosive reactions that make your friends and loved ones feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you.

Psychologically, it can also lead to a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty surrounding your feelings. If your overreactions and impulses have burned you in the past, it can be hard to trust any of your emotions, even those more in line with the situation.

Why Is Emotional Dysregulation So Common in ADHD?

The science we have so far shows two main causes of emotional dysregulation in the ADHD brain: an overactive amygdala and an underactive frontal cortex.

The amygdala is the part of the brain that triggers emotional responses so an overactive one is liable to trigger emotions that are stronger than they should be. Meanwhile, the frontal cortex is responsible for filtering and inhibiting those emotions so that you can react to a situation in a more adaptive and beneficial manner—like learning to hide your frustration and remain polite with an annoying customer to avoid escalating the situation into one that’s potentially even more frustrating.

If that cortex is underactive, it’s not inhibiting those emotional reactions as well as it could be. When you combine that with an amygdala that’s already generating emotions that are stronger than they need to be, it’s a recipe for impulsive behavior, explosive tempers, and hypersensitivity.

While science has shed some light on the parts of the brain responsible for emotional dysregulation, researchers still aren’t quite sure what part of the process is disrupted.

A meta-analysis of 77 studies on emotional regulation in children with ADHD found that they had little problem recognizing emotions in themselves and others (the first two dimensions) and that those skills improved with age on par with children and young adults without ADHD.

Where people with ADHD struggled the most was in emotional reactivity, which makes sense when you consider that an overactive amygdala is generating intense feelings that might exceed their emotional threshold more often than a normally functioning amygdala.

They also struggled with the fourth and fifth dimensions of emotional regulation: calming themselves down and intentionally changing their mood.

How to Boost Your Emotional Regulation Skills

The neurological processes that seem to come naturally to those without ADHD may not work as well in an ADHD brain, but you can develop alternatives that function similarly and work with your brain with time and practice. Here are a few strategies you can try.

Step Back and Name Your Emotions

While people with ADHD don’t usually struggle with recognizing emotions, taking a break to acknowledge the feeling can be a first step toward regaining control. Before reacting or making any decision, do the following:

• Leave the situation. Go for a walk outside; go to the bathroom; get a glass of water, and stand in the backyard. If someone else is involved, say you need a few minutes to catch your breath and process.
• Identify all the bodily signs of your emotions. Is your heart racing? Is it hard to breathe? Are you sweating?
• Name the feeling. Anger? Shame? Sadness? Try to describe it as clearly and specifically as you can.

Because emotions can feel so overwhelming, and people with ADHD usually find challenges with calming down or talking themselves into a better mood, this exercise is a good compromise that can help dial down the intensity without relying on regulation skills you might not have.

It can help you detach a bit by putting you into the mode of analyzing the feeling rather than just being flooded by it.

Write It Out

For me, it often feels like the only way out is through. I can’t stop feeling an emotion, but I can see it through to the end without letting it do damage. To do that, I’ll usually write it out in a journal: explaining the situation, what triggered the emotion, what I’m feeling, and what my impulse or gut response is.

The process makes me feel like I’m expressing or acting on the feeling (which is what my brain wants to do) but in a way that won’t have long-term consequences. Then, once it feels less urgent, I can start thinking more clearly about an appropriate response.

Exercise Instead of React

The intensity of the emotion can give you this overwhelming urge to act, even if the rational part of your brain knows the emotion is wildly out of sync with the situation. Sometimes, you can channel that urge to take action into harmless exercise.

For me, high-intensity exercises work the best (usually running as fast as I can) because it feels like the intensity of the activity matches the intensity of the emotion. But any physical movement can help, even if it’s just going for a walk or shooting hoops at a nearby basketball court.

Listen to Music (or Play an Instrument)

Studies confirm that people with ADHD experience improved moods after listening to music just like people without ADHD.

You may struggle to intentionally change your mood on your own but music can help jumpstart the process. Make a playlist (or a few) with your favorite songs and listen to it whenever you’re struggling with an intense emotion.

Make a List of Your Coping Mechanisms

What works in one situation might not work for another. If you’re at work, for example, you might not be able to just clock out and go for a spontaneous run around the block when a customer is getting on your nerves.

Prepare yourself for different situations by writing down a list of healthy coping mechanisms for a range of scenarios so that you have a quick reference to choose from whenever you find yourself suddenly flooded with emotion. 

Antidepressant withdrawal, also called discontinuation syndrome, is when you experience withdrawal symptoms after abruptly stopping or greatly reducing the dosage of an antidepressant medication.

If you’re experiencing withdrawal from antidepressants, it can be helpful to learn more about what causes this to occur, common symptoms (and how long they last), as well as ways to cope.

Understanding Antidepressant Withdrawal

Antidepressants work by increasing the levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, some of which include serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. When these neurotransmitter levels suddenly drop, whether by quitting a medication abruptly or greatly lowering its dosage, withdrawal symptoms can emerge.

Two types of antidepressant medications that can lead to withdrawal are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs). Quickly quitting other types of antidepressants may lead to symptoms too.

Antidepressants are not considered addictive in the sense that people generally don’t take them in an attempt to get the “high” experienced with other drugs. However, it is possible to develop a physical dependence on these medications, particularly when they’ve been used for long periods of time.

Signs of Antidepressant Withdrawal

How do you know if you might be experiencing antidepressant withdrawal? Symptoms of antidepressant discontinuation syndrome can be easily remembered using the mnemonic FINISH:

• Flu-like symptoms such as headaches, achiness, sweating, fatigue, and lethargy
• Insomnia, but when you do sleep, you experience nightmares, and/or your dreams are more vivid
• Nausea, which may include vomiting
• Imbalance, such as feeling dizzy, lightheaded, or having vertigo
• Sensory disturbances, including feelings of burning, tingling, or “shock-like” sensations
• Hyperarousal, or feeling irritable, anxious, agitated, or aggressive

Antidepressant Withdrawal vs. Relapse

Antidepressant withdrawal symptoms can be similar to the ones that prompted the use of this type of drug in the first place. This can raise the question of whether you are experiencing withdrawal when coming off antidepressants or reducing their dosage, or if you’re having a depression relapse.

Ways to tell the difference include:

• How quickly symptoms appear: Withdrawal symptoms often appear within days or weeks, but relapse symptoms generally take longer to develop. Depression symptoms also typically appear more gradually.
• The appearance of certain physical symptoms: Feeling like you have the flu, experiencing dizziness, and having sensory disturbances aren’t usually associated with depression. So, if you have these symptoms, it’s likely due to antidepressant withdrawal versus depression relapse.
• Whether symptoms get better or worse with time: As the body adjusts to no longer having the antidepressant or having it in lower doses, withdrawal symptoms generally improve. If depression is reoccurring, symptoms may worsen instead of getting better.

Antidepressant Withdrawal Timeline

The experience of antidepressant withdrawal can vary greatly from one person to the next. Factors affecting withdrawal—including how long symptoms last—include the type of antidepressant taken, its dosage, and the length of time the drug has been used.

Antidepressant withdrawal symptoms are usually fairly mild in the first one to three days, potentially intensifying before beginning to subside. It can take several weeks for all symptoms to resolve completely, with some people experiencing effects for months.

Phases of SSRI Withdrawal

If you are withdrawing from an SSRI, symptoms often occur in stages. The two phases of SSRI withdrawal are acute and protracted withdrawal.

• Acute withdrawal: The acute withdrawal phase can last six to eight weeks. During this phase, you may begin to experience flu-like symptoms, have greater fatigue, and notice increased feelings of anxiety and depression.
• Protracted withdrawal: The protracted phase of SSRI withdrawal, sometimes referred to as post-acute withdrawal or PAWS, refers to symptoms lasting longer than six months. According to one study, the average person experiencing protracted antidepressant withdrawal had symptoms for 37 months (with some reporting symptoms for years).

Coping With Antidepressant Withdrawal

The best way to cope with antidepressant withdrawal is to prevent it in the first place by never abruptly stopping or adjusting the dosage of your medication without first talking to your healthcare provider or a mental healthcare professional. These individuals can help you devise a plan for discontinuing your medication while limiting or avoiding the negative effects of withdrawal.

Here are a few more ways to prevent or cope with antidepressant withdrawal.

Ask Yourself: Why Am I Quitting?

This question could be important if you need further treatment during withdrawal, or afterward. Why is it that you are discontinuing your antidepressant?

Are you quitting it because you feel that you are over your depression? Do you dislike the side effects of the medication or are you unable to maintain the cost? These are all very different reasons and each one has important implications for what your experience of withdrawal could be like.

Taper Off Slowly

Tapering off your antidepressant can help minimize some of the side effects of withdrawal. There are several ways to do this. Two of the most common include reducing your dosage by 25% each week or taking a slightly longer approach and tapering the medication over the course of six to eight weeks.

No single tapering schedule works for everyone—and this schedule may change depending on how you respond. Factors considered when determining how rapidly or slowly you should wean off an antidepressant include:

• Your symptoms
• The type of antidepressant you’re taking
• How long you’ve been taking the medication
• Your dosage
• The drug’s half-life (how long it takes for half of the medication to leave your body)

Explore an Alternative

There are several types of antidepressant medication. Each works differently in the brain, has different side effects, and may create different withdrawal experiences after being discontinued. It’s possible that your symptoms will respond more positively to a different medication from the one you were originally prescribed.

Responses to antidepressants are very individual, so talk to your healthcare provider about how your prescribed medication affects you. For example, you may feel better emotionally on antidepressants but dislike the side effects, or you may do better with psychotherapy or lifestyle changes.

You may also have trouble with your antidepressant due to alcohol use or other psychoactive drugs. These possibilities are best discussed with a family doctor, psychiatrist, or psychologist, who will help you figure out an alternative treatment plan.

Start Moving

A lack of energy and a depressed mood will likely make exercise the last thing you want to do. But it can be beneficial to give it a try. Exercise can help keep depression at bay by increasing the release of feel-good endorphins and providing a positive outlet for stress.

Warnings for Antidepressant Withdrawal

Although rare, some people have experienced severe reactions when discontinuing antidepressant medications. If you or someone you know has any of the following symptoms in response to reducing or discontinuing antidepressants, seek medical help immediately.

While these extreme reactions can be frightening to the person experiencing them and those around them, they can be treated.

• Delirium: A sudden disorientation in time and place, confusion, restlessness, agitation, and difficulties with working memory (remembering aspects of a current line of thought)
• Psychosis: Disconnection from reality, particularly involving delusions or hallucinations
• Suicidal feelings: While many people with depression report occasional or frequent suicidal feelings, it’s important to seek help immediately if these feelings occur during antidepressant withdrawal.

Beyond these rare but potentially serious side effects, there are several other dangers that can occur from abruptly stopping your antidepressant. For one, stopping your medication can set you back in your treatment, increasing the time it will take to start feeling like yourself again. Relapse is another danger to consider.

Relapse

Antidepressants sometimes help reduce anxiety and pain. Research shows that if these symptoms re-emerge when discontinuing an antidepressant, it can increase your risk of relapse.

Antidepressant Withdrawal Treatment

Tapering antidepressant doses over the course of several weeks (more than four) is often recommended to treat, if not prevent withdrawal symptoms. This requires working with your healthcare provider to reduce your dosage slowly versus stopping your medication abruptly.

It’s also important to know that antidepressant withdrawal can be misdiagnosed, potentially increasing the amount of time you take this type of drug or taking it at higher-than-necessary doses. Working with a healthcare provider knowledgeable about the potential for withdrawal can help reduce the likelihood of this being missed.

If concern over antidepressant withdrawal makes you not want to take these medications to begin with, this also has consequences. Untreated depression is a major risk factor for suicide. Not to mention, you don’t feel your best mentally or physically when living with depression.

Self-actualization is the realization of a person’s full potential. It is found at the peak of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and is considered the exception rather than the rule since most people are working to meet more pressing needs.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow developed a hierarchy of needs, representing all the various needs that motivate human behavior. The hierarchy is often displayed as a pyramid, with the lowest levels representing basic needs and more complex needs at the top.

At the peak of this hierarchy is self-actualization. Maslow’s hierarchy suggested that when the other needs at the pyramid’s base have been met, you can focus on this pinnacle need to achieve your full potential.

It is important to note that self-actualization isn’t about being perfect or achieving all your life goals. Instead, it is a state of mind that allows people to approach problems, relationships, and needs with acceptance and understanding.

Characteristics of Self-Actualized People

Self-actualized people tend to have a number of characteristics that allow them to achieve their fullest state of being. In addition to those that were originally proposed by Maslow, modern researchers have expanded on these traits and suggested other personality traits that are also connected to self-actualization.

Some of the key characteristics of self-actualization include:

Self-Actualized People Have Peak Experiences

One characterization of self-actualization is having frequent peak experiences. According to Maslow, a peak experience involves feelings of intense ecstasy, joy, and wonder. During such experiences, people often lose track of time and acutely feel that what they are experiencing is important, valuable, unique, and special.

These experiences can also be transformative. People may walk away feeling as if they have been fundamentally changed or gained insight into the world and themselves.

They Have a Continuous Sense of Appreciation

Self-actualization is also marked by the ability to maintain a fresh outlook on life. Instead of seeing everyday experiences as mundane or stale, for example, self-actualized people continue to feel a sense of awe, wonder, and joy. They maintain a sense of gratitude for the good things in life, no matter how often they experience those things.

Self-Actualization Involves Acceptance

Another key characteristic of self-actualization is the ability to accept themselves and others as they are. They tend to lack inhibition and can enjoy themselves and their lives free of guilt.

Not only do self-actualized people fully accept themselves, they also embrace others for who they are. Other individuals are treated equally regardless of background, current status, or other socio-economic and cultural factors.

Self-Actualized People Are Realistic

Another major characteristic of self-actualized people is a sense of realism. Rather than being fearful of things that are different or unknown, the self-actualized individual can view life as it unfolds logically and rationally.

They Are Problem-Centered

Self-actualized individuals are often motivated by a strong sense of personal ethics and responsibility. They enjoy applying their problem-solving skills to real-world situations and helping other people improve their own lives.

They Are Independent

Self-actualized people also tend to be very ​independent. They don’t conform to other people’s ideas of happiness or contentment. This original perspective allows the individual to live in the moment and appreciate the beauty of each experience.

People With Self-Actualization Value Privacy

Self-actualized individuals value their privacy and enjoy solitude. While they also love the company of others, taking time to themselves is essential for their personal discovery and cultivating their potential.

They Have a Philosophical Sense of Humor

Self-actualized individuals generally have a thoughtful sense of humor. They’re able to enjoy the humor in situations and laugh at themselves, but they don’t ridicule or joke at the expense of another person’s feelings.

Spontaneity Is a Sign of Self-Actualization

Another characteristic of self-actualized people is a tendency to be open, unconventional, and spontaneous. While these people are able to follow generally accepted social expectations, they don’t feel confined by these norms in their thoughts or behaviors.

They Have a Sense of Purpose

Self-actualization is also marked by a sense of purpose. Researchers have found that self-actualized people often feel they have a specific mission, duty, or responsibility in life. 

This purpose is often humanitarian in nature. They feel deeply connected to other people and experience tremendous empathy for the plight of others. This sense of empathy and purpose often drives them to work toward making the world better.

Self-Actualized People Focus on the Journey

While self-actualized people have concrete goals, they don’t see things as simply a means to an end. The journey toward achieving a goal is just as important and enjoyable as actually accomplishing the goal.

How to Achieve Self-Actualization

Fortunately, there are things that you can do to become more actualized, live more authentically, and bring a sense of purpose and meaning into your life.

• Be accepting: Working on becoming more accepting of yourself and the people around you. While getting annoyed with things you’d change or do differently is easy, try to look at each person and situation with kindness.
• Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is a practice that involves learning to focus on the present moment without judgment (or with acceptance). Mindfulness can help you become more aware of yourself and the world around you.
• Work on being empathetic: Showing others empathy and compassion is important to self-actualization. People who reach the peak of Maslow’s hierarchy care about others. You can work on building your empathy by imagining yourself in other people’s situations, volunteering for causes that help improve the world, and looking for ways to make your local community a better place to live.
• Practice openness: Self-actualized people can look at the world with fresh ideas, contemplate other perspectives, and approach the world with an open mind. Learning how to cultivate a sense of openness can help you learn things about the world and yourself that you might miss.
• Consider therapy: Psychotherapy can help you better understand yourself and have a greater sense of fulfillment. Humanistic therapy, client-centered therapy, Gestalt therapy, and existential therapy are a few treatment approaches that grew out of the humanistic perspective in psychology and may help build your self-actualization skills.

What is it that moves us or drives us to do the things we do on a daily basis? There are many theories of motivation, one of which focuses on arousal levels.

In simple terms, the arousal theory of motivation suggests that people are driven toward situations and activities that will maintain an optimum level of arousal, such as alertness, interest, and energy. If arousal levels are too high, people will seek to reduce tension and stress, and if arousal levels are too low, people will seek to increase energy and alertness.

In this article, you will learn more about what arousal theory is and how it works. We also explain factors that influence arousal, the effect of arousal on performance, and examples of how to change your arousal level so you can be in the optimal zone.

What Is Arousal Theory of Motivation?

Harvard professor Harry Murray first proposed the arousal theory of motivation in the 1930s, although it has evolved over time. Murray explained motivation in terms of patterns of “needs” and “press,” suggesting people are motivated by the push and pull from internal needs and external pressures. He believed people are often driven by emotional needs for love, achievement, power, and affiliation.

Optimal Arousal For Motivation

Arousal levels can be explained as a spectrum, ranging from low to high, with lower levels indicating tiredness, boredom, or sadness, and higher levels indicating excitement, aggression, or anxiety. Somewhere in between, there is an optimal arousal level for motivation, where you are essentially “in the zone,” operating in a flow state.

What exactly is the optimal level of arousal for motivation? Educators, coaches, and business managers have been trying to figure this out for decades. Come to find out, it varies from one individual to the next. According to the arousal theory of motivation, each person has a unique arousal level that is right for them.

Some people may require a higher level of arousal while others may do better with much lower arousal levels. You may be someone who becomes bored easily and needs more stimulation to hold your attention. Or you could be that person who prefers a calm environment and does not need high levels of stimulation to remain motivated.

You will know you are in the optimal range when your mental capacity, vigilance, attentiveness, processing speed, learning, and decision-making are at their best. Physiological markers such as endurance, speed, strength, and reaction time also have an optimal range of arousal for peak performance.

When arousal levels are within your ideal range, your motivation and performance on tasks, like taking a test or competing in sports, are optimized.

Three Types of Arousal

Arousal levels that affect motivation can be mental (cognitive), emotional, or physical—sometimes referred to as the three parts of arousal theory. All three are important, but individuals may require more or less of each type to feel motivated, depending on the situation.

1. Mental arousal: A state of mental alertness, and the desire to explore and learn new things. Arousal levels are stimulated by something that captures your interest, evokes curiosity, and presents new intellectual challenges. Mental arousal is dependent on the cerebral cortex, where perception and thinking take place. There also needs to be a healthy reticular activating system within the brain stem, which is responsible for maintaining wakefulness and alertness.
2. Emotional arousal: A state of feeling a strong emotional charge toward something, be it passion, excitement, fear, joy, sadness, or other emotional states. Emotional arousal is driven by the limbic system (the emotion center) in the brain.
3. Physical arousal: A state of heightened physiological arousal in the body, making you feel ready to engage in physical activity. High levels of arousal may reflect an activated sympathetic nervous system, where your body responds to stress with the release of cortisol which activates your muscles, increases your heart rate, dilates your pupils, and so on. On the other hand, after eating a heavy meal, you may experience low levels of physical arousal due to activation of your parasympathetic nervous system that allows you to “rest and digest.”

How Arousal Theory Works

The arousal theory of motivation shares some commonalities with the drive-reduction theory. Drives refer to some of our basic physiological needs such as hunger, thirst, avoidance of pain, and sex. Clark Hull (1943) explained in his theory, that humans strive for homeostasis, such that when we are hungry, we will seek out food, when we are tired, we seek out a nap, etc. Satisfying the need thereby reduces the tension for the time being.

Instead of focusing on reducing tension as a means of motivation, arousal theory suggests that we strive to maintain an ideal level of arousal that requires an increase or decrease in activities to keep us alert, energized, and motivated.

When we become overly aroused, we seek soothing activities that help calm and relax us. If we become under-aroused, we search for more invigorating activities that will stimulate and energize us. It’s all about striking the right balance, but that balance is unique to each individual.

Arousal Theory and Performance

One of the popular assertions of this theory of motivation is that our levels of arousal can influence our performance. This concept is commonly referred to as the Yerkes-Dodson Law of 1908. The law states that increased levels of arousal will improve performance, but only up until the optimum arousal level is reached. After that point, performance begins to suffer as arousal levels increase. On a graph, this will look like an inverted U-shaped curve.

Additionally, if you’re doing a complex task, high or low levels of arousal will affect you more than if you’re doing something simple.

Most students have experienced this phenomenon when taking final exams. Increased arousal can lead to better test performance by helping you stay alert, focused, and attentive. However excessive arousal can lead to test anxiety and leave you nervous and unable to concentrate. When arousal levels are very high or very low, performance tends to be worse.

Factors That Influence Arousal Levels

Your optimal arousal level may be specified by your genetic makeup, but environmental factors can also play a role in how you are feeling at any given moment. A few examples of factors that influence arousal:

• Workload
• Lighting, temperature, noise level, distractions
• Complexity of the task
• Familiarity and skill level with the task
• Degree of risk involved
• Quality and quantity of sleep
• Perceived stress
• Mental health
• Overall health
• Current mood
• Personality traits (introversion/extroversion)

How to Change Your Arousal and Motivation

A person with low arousal needs might be motivated to pursue simple activities such as crocheting, spending time alone, journaling, or watching a movie in order to maintain their arousal levels. An individual with high arousal needs, on the other hand, might be motivated to seek out loud, upbeat music, physical activity, social stimulation, and even risky or thrilling activities such as motorcycle racing or skydiving in order to maintain their ideal levels.

If you need to raise your arousal levels, you might seek stimulation with activities like:

• Go for a run
• Socialize with friends
• Try something new and exciting
• Watch an action-packed movie
• Drink coffee
• Listen to upbeat music

If you need to lower your arousal levels, you might select a more relaxing activity:

• Enjoy a stress-relieving hobby
• Read a book
• Watch a documentary
• Go for a walk
• Take a warm bubble bath
• Listen to relaxing music
• Take a nap

No matter what your arousal needs are, you will be motivated to act in order to maintain these levels. If you need more arousal, you will pursue actions designed to raise those levels. If you need less, you will seek out ways to calm down and relax.