Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Sometimes, you can tell a *lot* about what a person is thinking just by the look on their face. The ability to understand facial expressions is an important part of nonverbal communication. If you only listen to what a person says and ignore what their face tells you, you won’t get the whole story. Words don’t often match emotions, and the face betrays what a person is actually feeling.

Knowing how to read facial expressions is an important social skill. It can help us read a situation, understand what a person might be feeling, and allow us to respond more appropriately. If you struggle to read expressions, learning more about universal expressions and how to use that information to interpret signals can help you get a better read on social situations.

Researchers suggest that there are seven universal facial expressions linked to anger, contempt, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise. By looking at certain features (eyebrows, eyes, and mouth), you can start to develop a better knack for knowing what people are saying with their faces without ever speaking a word. 

Why Understanding Facial Expressions Is Important

If you have social anxiety disorder (SAD), you might have a hard time paying attention to facial expressions. You might have trouble with eye contact or read too much into negative expressions on other people’s faces. People with SAD often interpret facial expressions more negatively (even if they’re neutral), and they may even avoid looking at negative facial expressions altogether.

Although it is important to pay attention to facial expressions, remember that knowing the emotion doesn’t tell you the cause. If someone seems bored, upset, or disinterested, it could be for a number of reasons—and it could have nothing to do with you.

The value in understanding facial expressions is to gather information about how the other person is feeling and guide your interaction accordingly. For example, if someone appears disinterested, they might just be tired, and it might be time to end the conversation.

The 7 Universal Facial Expressions

Research by Dr. Paul Ekman tells us that there are seven universal facial expressions that we all use, even across cultural divides.

These expressions show:

1. Anger
2. Contempt
3. Disgust
4. Fear
5. Happiness
6. Sadness
7. Surprise

There Might Be 16 Universal Facial Expressions

Research from 2020 confirmed the existence of universal facial expressions and took the idea even further, suggesting we may share a total of 16 complex expressions:

1. Amusement
2. Anger
3. Awe
4. Concentration
5. Confusion
6. Contempt
7. Contentment
8. Desire
9. Disappointment
10. Doubt
11. Elation
12. Interest
13. Pain
14. Sadness
15. Surprise
16. Triumph

Micro-Expressions

Not all facial expressions stick around for a long time. Those that pass quickly are called micro-expressions, and they are almost indiscernible to the casual observer. Micro-expressions can come and go in less than half a second—but they convey the same emotions as a longer-lasting facial expression would.

Spotting and interpreting micro-expressions is often difficult, but it’s a skill that can be learned. If you have SAD, learning to notice micro-expressions could also help improve your overall understanding of other people’s emotions.

How to Identify Facial Expressions By Facial Feature

We convey a lot of nonverbal information in our faces, and we tend to focus on different areas of the face when we try to interpret what each expression might mean. We look at the eyes to determine if someone is sad or angry, for example, and at the mouth to check if someone is happy.

Eyebrows

Eyebrows can show distinctive emotional signals (and they’re potentially as important as the eyes for facial recognition).

Eyebrows can be:

• Raised and arched (showing surprise)
• Lowered and knit together (often meaning anger, sadness, or fear)
• Drawn up in the inner corners (which could convey sadness)

Eyes

The eyes are often described as “windows to the soul,” and we often look to them to determine what someone else may be feeling.

The eyes might be:

• Blinking quickly (meaning distress or discomfort) or blinking too little (which may mean that a person is trying to control their eyes)
• Dilated (showing interest or even arousal)
• Staring intensely (which could show attention or anger) or looking away (showing discomfort or distraction)

Mouth

The mouth can convey more than just a smile. People often use their mouths to mask other emotions their face is conveying—for example, a forced smile might cover up an eye micro-expression showing someone’s true feelings.

Look out for:

• A dropped jaw (which signals surprise)
• Open mouth (showing fear)
• One side of the mouth raised (which could indicate hate or contempt)
• Raised corners (meaning happiness)
• Corners that are drawn down (conveying sadness)

Other signals to look for are:

• Lip biting (which may be a sign of anxiety)
• Pursed lips (showing distaste)
• Covering the mouth (which could mean they are hiding something)

Acceptance and love are fundamental human needs. Abraham Maslow, a psychologist who studied motivation and need, identified “love and belonging” as one of the five essential human needs in order to live our lives to the fullest.

Many people worry that they lack the belonging and acceptance they require to meet this need. They feel unworthy or incapable of being loved by others—making them question, “Am I loveable?”

Learn reasons why you might feel unlovable and ways to cope with this feeling.

What It Means to Feel Unlovable

Unlovable simply means not lovable. So, someone who questions, “Am I unlovable?” has concerns about whether they are an unlovable person, or not able to be loved.

Feelings of being unlovable can be experienced in multiple ways:

• A person might feel that they are fundamentally bad in a way that makes it impossible for another person to love them.
• Someone who has made mistakes in their life might feel that they do not deserve to be loved, or that anyone who knows what they have done will not love them.
• A person who pushes people away or engages in self-sabotaging behavior might think that these choices mean they do not deserve love.

Causes of Feeling Unlovable

What makes you feel unlovable? A person might believe that they are unlovable for many different reasons, and many people experience this feeling at some point in their lives.

Reasons why someone might feel unlovable include:

• Depression. People experiencing depression often experience cognitive distortions or thoughts and beliefs that are not based on reality. When you have depression, your brain might tell you that you are unlovable.
• Borderline personality disorder. People with borderline personality disorder experience an unstable perception of themselves, which might cause them to feel unlovable. They also experience splitting, a type of all-or-nothing thinking which can cause them to see themselves in an extremely negative light.
• Attachment issues. People develop attachment styles early in life based on experiences with caregivers.Those who develop an insecure attachment style might feel that they do not deserve love from the people in their lives.
• Abuse. People in emotionally abusive relationships often feel unworthy of love. This is because abusers might tell their victims that they do not deserve better treatment, that they are unworthy of love, or that no one else will want them or treat them better. This is a form of gaslighting.
• Low self-esteem. If your self-esteem is low, you might believe that you do not deserve love or to be treated well by others.
• Trauma. Many trauma survivors feel unlovable because of the trauma they experienced. They might believe that they deserved what happened and that whatever made them deserve the trauma also makes them unworthy of love.

Consequences of Feeling Unlovable

Feeling unlovable can impact your life and relationships in many ways. People who feel unlovable might engage in people-pleasing behaviors and struggle with recognizing when someone is manipulating or taking advantage of them. This is because they believe that they need to earn love.

A person who feels unlovable might have difficulty setting healthy boundaries. Because humans have an inherent need to be loved and accepted, someone who feels unlovable might feel incapable of setting boundaries because they will sacrifice their other needs in order to make these connections. They might not realize that they deserve to be treated well by the people they care about.

Because people who feel unlovable struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries, and abusive people seek to exploit them. The abusive person will manipulate their victim’s need for love and then mistreat them. It is important to remember that no one deserves abuse, and this behavior is never appropriate or acceptable.

Coping with Feeling Unlovable

If you believe that you are unlovable, the first thing to remember is that feelings are not facts. Simply feeling unlovable does not mean that you are unlovable. People with depression, personality disorders, trauma history, and other issues that can cause someone to feel unlovable are not inherently unworthy of love or positive connections with others.

These feelings can lead to spirals of negative self-talk because you might get angry with yourself for having these negative thoughts. It can help to remember that thoughts are not always voluntary, and it is OK to have thoughts with which you disagree or thoughts that are not true.

Notice if you are comparing your experiences and feelings to those of other people. Remember that your emotions are valid even if someone else “has it worse” or seems “more deserving” than you do. Love is not a finite resource, and there is enough for everyone!

Overcoming Feelings of Being Unlovable

You can overcome feeling unlovable. People who feel this way can benefit from therapy services. Find a therapist whose training and expertise fit with your background and other symptoms. Specifically, cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you identify maladaptive or incorrect thoughts and learn to replace these thoughts.

Learning to identify inaccurate thoughts takes a lot of practice. It can be a long, uphill challenge to develop this skill, but it can be done with proper support.

A transactional relationship is one where each person does things for the other, expecting to get something in return. It’s give and take with a bit of quid pro quo. Each person is willing to help the other out—as long as the favor is returned immediately or sometime down the line.

“Transactional relationships are an inevitable and often necessary component of society,” explains Nicholas Forlenza, PhD, a licensed psychologist and owner of Psychological Wellness Partners.

“There is practicality and clear boundaries to this kind of relationship, which are needed in business and other professional contexts,” he says. “It is also not unusual for more casual social connections to have a transactional nature.”

Defining a Transactional Relationship

A transactional relationship can be defined as one where each person does things for the other because they anticipate getting something in return. This type of give-and-take arrangement is intended to benefit each person involved.

Such relationships are based on mutual reciprocity. People are naturally inclined to reciprocate in social relationships, but a transactional arrangement adds a layer of formality and expectation. Unlike other types of relationships where people do nice things for each other out of care, concern, or empathy, the primary motivation of a transactional relationship is to receive a reward.

Examples of Transactional Relationships

Transactional relationships are quite common in many areas of life, including work, politics, and even in your personal life.

In Business or At Work

In the workplace, you engage in work for your employer in exchange for money. The relationship between a customer and a service provider is also transactional. For example, if you pay a contractor to work on your home, you are engaging in a transactional relationship with that professional. They provide the work, and you pay them for it.

These are pretty straightforward examples of a transactional relationship.

In Politics

In politics, candidates exchange support from voters for their support for specific policies and promises they made during their campaign. Similarly, politicians in office may support their colleague’s policy plans in exchange for their support at a later time.

This also affects political relationships on a much larger scale. Internationally, countries often engage in agreements with one another that are based on give-and-take promises that are intended to benefit both nations.

In Your Love Life

Romantic relationships can also experience transactional elements, although this is based more on reciprocity and care rather than a pure ‘this-for-that’ exchange. On some level, most people expect that there will be some mutual back-and-forth with their partner. This is natural and healthy; otherwise, it might become a one-sided relationship. 

A romantic relationship that is highly transactional, however, involves only doing things for the other person if there is some type of exchange. This can undermine trust and intimacy, causing it to feel more like a business deal than a genuine, loving relationship.

In Your Friendships 

Friendships can often have some transactional elements, especially for more casual connections. While it might not be an exact one-to-one exchange, many people expect that there will be a trade-off of time, support, and other favors that come with friendship.

In most cases, people don’t help their friends just because they expect a return on the favor. You help because you care, and you know they will be there for you when you need it.

For most distant friendships and acquaintanceships, the relationship might be much more transactional in nature. In professional contexts, for example, you might help each other specifically because you expect some type of favor in terms of career opportunities or networking recommendations.

Pros and Cons of Transactional Relationships

Transactional relationships are an expected and necessary part of many areas of life. They are often portrayed negatively, but they are an important type of relationship that can have both pros and cons.

Understanding the strengths and limitations of this type of relationship can help you make the most of these connections—and watch out for any potential pitfalls.

Potential Advantages

On the plus side:

• There’s a mutual give and take: Each person gives something to the relationship, and each person gets something. Depending on the context, this is often a win-win for both people involved.
• Expectations tend to be clear: Instead of wondering if the other person will ever come through, these types of relationships tend to have clear expectations regarding who gets what and when.
• Such relationships can be efficient and productive: Because everyone is clear on their role and what’s expected of them, they can often work with greater efficiency. Instead of focusing on other distractions, they can concentrate on fulfilling their duties.
• They help support goal attainment: By their nature, transactional relationships are centered on achieving certain goals. Because the relationship helps each person get what they need, they are both more likely to achieve their goals.

Potential Disadvantages

On the downside, however:

• They can lead to shallow interactions: Because the relationship is rooted in giving something to get something, it can feel like the relationship lacks depth and substance. It may feel like there isn’t a genuine emotional connection that gives the relationship any deeper meaning.
• People might feel undervalued: If one person in the relationship feels like they aren’t appreciated or valued, they might be left feeling like they are being used. This can make it very hard for someone who feels slighted to trust the other person.
• Such relationships are often short-sighted: Transactional relationships sometimes tend to focus on immediate, short-term gains, which can have a negative impact on loyalty and commitment. Once each person has gotten what they want, they may be more motivated to move on to something else that might benefit them more.

“A successful close relationship requires a sense of security that is likely to diminish in the context of a quid pro quo dynamic; individuals are likely to not feel valued as individuals and may eventually feel used or unfairly treated,” Forlenza says.

Healthy relationships, whether or not they are romantic, involve giving things willingly without expecting something in return. When there are expectations, Forlenza explains, it can lead to resentment and other negative emotional experiences if those expectations are not met.

Psychological Perspectives on Transactional Relationships

There are a number of aspects of human psychology that can help explain why people engage in transactional relationships. According to social exchange theory, people choose whether or not to engage in relationships by weighing the pros and cons of making the exchange. 

Of course, other factors also play a role in determining whether people form and maintain these types of relationships. For most people, economic realities dictate such relationships. In the workplace, for example, we exchange our labor for the money we need to live. We then exchange our money for rent/mortgage, heat, food, power, and other goods and services that support our basic needs.

Past experiences can play a part in shaping expectations for different types of relationships. Social norms and roles can also influence how people engage in relationships and perceive different types of transactions.

Advice on Managing Transactional Relationships

Transactional relationships are a big part of life, so it’s important to learn how to manage them effectively. Some steps you can take to help ensure that transactional relationships are successful include: 

Communicate Expectations

Make sure to clearly express what you expect to give and receive from the relationship. This can help ensure that the exchange goes smoothly–plus, it minimizes the risks of misunderstandings and disappointments.

Learn to Negotiate

If you don’t want to be left feeling like you’re the one getting the short end of the stick, it’s important to know how to negotiate effectively. It’s vital to know what you want out of the relationship and anticipate what the other person might also need.

Show Empathy

While you want to make sure your needs are being met, a successful transactional relationship also requires you to take the time to understand the other person. If you’re only focused on your own needs, they are more likely to feel like their contributions are not fully appreciated. Be empathetic and try to understand their perspective and what they need.

Stay Flexible

Transactional relationships often work best when each person is willing to stay flexible and adapt to changing situations. If unexpected challenges pop up, you can adapt and find ways to cope with what’s happening. This flexibility is important for creating a trusting, long-lasting connection that stands the test of time.

Be Fair

Agreements should be transparent, open, and satisfactory to each person. Being fair in transactional relationships also involves periodically reviewing the terms of the relationship to ensure that the conditions are being met and each person is satisfied with the arrangement. If a relationship is balanced and equitable, it’s more likely to endure.

Follow Through

Make sure that you always follow through on the promises that you make in a transactional relationship. Failing to hold up your end of the deal can create problems and make it more likely that you don’t get the things that you need out of the relationship.

In the workplace, for example, it’s important for you to meet your deadlines and your employer to pay you on time. If you miss deadlines, your employer may feel they can’t trust you to manage important projects. If your employer fails to pay you on time, you might feel like you can’t invest your time in projects that won’t pay off.

What to Do If a Relationship Has Become Transactional

If it seems like a close relationship has been transactional, Forlenza recommends spending some time evaluating what might have led to this shift. Has what you’ve given up in order to create this dynamic been worth what you’ve gained? If this dynamic isn’t comfortable for you, it’s important to address the issue.

That means talking to the other person about the problem and how it makes you feel. In some cases, you might find that the other person has been feeling much the same way.

“However, even if this is not the case, it is important that a dialogue be opened about how the transactional nature of the relationship is making you feel and how it is adversely impacting the bond between you,” Forleza suggests.

Keep In Mind

Transactional relationships are important in many areas of life. While they can be negative in certain areas (like treating your romantic relationships or friendships as purely quid pro quo connections), they are vital in many professional and business settings.

Such relationships are founded on clear communication, mutual reciprocity, and trust. Be aware of what you both expect to get out of the relationship, and take steps to ensure that the exchange is fair. By building transactional relationships based on honesty and trust, you can ensure that everyone involved is getting the support, resources, and opportunities they need to achieve their goals.

And if you have a close relationship that has become transactional (and you don’t want it to be), talking about the problem with the other person can be an important first step. You might also consider discussing the issue with a couples therapist.

Adderall withdrawal can happen if you stop taking your ADHD medication. Dependence on the medication can happen to anyone who has been using it for an extended period of time, even people who take it exactly as directed.

If you suddenly stop taking Adderall, it may lead to what is often referred to as an Adderall “crash.” The Adderall crash is like an intense mini-withdrawal. It typically begins within several hours of your last dose and can continue for one or two days. Most people experience physical and mental exhaustion along with a markedly depressed mood.

Adderall misuse can also contribute to a risk for addiction, which can lead to withdrawal symptoms when people try to quit. This article discusses the risks and symptoms of Adderall withdrawal, as well as the treatments that can help.

Adderall Withdrawal Symptoms

Some of the most common symptoms of Adderall withdrawal can include:

• Adderall cravings 
• An unusually slow heart rate  
• Depressed mood
• Extreme fatigue
• Gastrointestinal problems
• Headaches
• Increased or decreased appetite
• Insomnia or hypersomnia
• Irritability
• Jitteriness
• Mood swings
• Problems thinking or concentration
• Slowed movements or reflexes
• Vivid or unpleasant dreams

It is important to remember that Adderall withdrawal is different for everyone. Some people are able to stop taking Adderall with mild symptoms or no symptoms.

Your withdrawal experience will depend on a number of factors, including the nature of your Adderall use. If you have a stimulant use disorder (Adderall addiction), then there will be additional issues to contend with in the weeks following your last dose.

The initial withdrawal syndrome can be severe. Withdrawal may affect your ability to function normally and fulfill your responsibilities at home, school, and work.

Example Timeline

• Days 1-3: Extreme fatigue and depressed mood
• Days 3-5: Symptoms intensify – fatigue, depression, irritability
• Days 5-7: Symptoms start to taper but may still feel moody, mildly depressed, and have difficulty socializing
• 3-4 weeks: Most, if not all, withdrawal symptoms should be gone

What Causes Adderall Withdrawal?

Adderall is a combination of the two stimulants amphetamine and dextroamphetamine. They work in combination to increase activity in the central nervous system, which results in a more alert state.

Adderall also increases the activity of two neurotransmitters (chemical messengers) in your brain: norepinephrine and dopamine. Dopamine is responsible for activating your brain’s reward system. Norepinephrine is responsible for boosting your alertness, focus, and cognitive functions. Both play a role in mood regulation.

During long-term Adderall use, your brain gets used to the increased activity of these neurotransmitters. Withdrawal symptoms occur because your brain is experiencing what it believes to be low levels of dopamine and norepinephrine.

Triggering Depression

A depressive episode can have long-lasting effects, such as bringing up painful or traumatic thoughts, feelings, and memories. You may also have to contend with the consequences of failing to meet your responsibilities during withdrawal. This may include problems at work, school, or home.

Severe depression is a lot different than just feeling sad. You may experience any of the following:

• Feelings of emptiness or hopelessness
• Loss of interest in activities that normally bring you pleasure, such as sex or exercise
• Extreme irritability or frustration
• A complete lack of energy or excessive tiredness
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Feelings of anxiety
• Feeling like you’re moving, thinking, or talking slower than usual
• Intense self-criticism or a sense of worthlessness 
• Feelings of guilt and regret
• Eating too much or too little
• Problems thinking, focusing, or making plans
• Unusual aches and pains
• Thoughts of death or suicide or suicide attempts

Because your brain is reacting to low levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, the withdrawal symptoms are not limited to depression.

One recent study found that changes in brain chemistry during amphetamine withdrawal might make people more sensitive to stress. This may explain why things that normally wouldn’t bother you feel extremely annoying or frustrating during withdrawal.

How Misuse Contributes to Adderall Withdrawal

Adderall misuse is most common among people ages 18 to 25. Adderall use can be daily or intermittent. Some people take Adderall under a doctor’s supervision to treat ADHD, while others acquire it illicitly or intentionally misuse it.

When it comes to withdrawal, the context actually doesn’t matter too much. Anyone who has been using amphetamines for an extended period of time can experience withdrawal symptoms.

Adderall withdrawal symptoms often appear within the first few days after the last dose and typically last from three days to several weeks, but you may have lingering psychological symptoms and cravings.

Treatment for ADHD Withdrawal

Unfortunately, there are no medications currently recommended for the treatment of amphetamine withdrawal, but there are some things you can do to reduce your discomfort. With the help of your doctor, you may want to consider the following medications:

• Anti-anxiety medications: Although these drugs are usually not recommended, especially not in the long term, they may provide some relief for the first few days of withdrawal. If you are experiencing intense irritation, aggravation, or aggression, talk to your doctor about getting a week’s worth of a long-acting benzodiazepine like clonazepam (Klonopin).
• OTC pain relievers: If you are experiencing bad headaches or body aches, consider an over-the-counter painkiller like aspirin, acetaminophen (Tylenol), ibuprofen (Advil), or Excedrin. 
• Sleep aids: If you are having trouble falling or staying asleep, you may want to talk to your doctor about a prescription sleep aid like Ambien or an OTC antihistamine like Benadryl. 
• Antidepressants: If you start taking them in advance, antidepressants might help prevent lingering, post-withdrawal depression, but they have not been shown to reduce acute symptoms of withdrawal. 

Coping and Relief for ADHD Withdrawal

Other things you can do to ensure a smooth and safe withdrawal experience include:

• Seeking social support: Asking someone you trust (like a sibling, parent, or friend) to check in on you from time to time to make sure you’re OK. 
• Taking time off to rest: Planning to take some time off of your daily responsibilities and obligations. Give yourself some time to rest and recuperate by taking a few days off from work, school, and studying. 
• Dealing with cravings: Look for ways to stay distracted if you find yourself experiencing cravings.
• Staying hydrated and nourished: Drinking plenty of fluids and eating healthy meals. You need to replenish your body with vitamins and electrolytes. 
• Seeking comfort: Preparing for a depressed mood by surrounding yourself with things that bring you joy or peace, even if those things are just ice cream and a good Netflix binge. 
• Staying active: Exercising to encourage the release of natural feel-good neurotransmitters.

Adderall Withdrawal Warnings

Adderall is generally considered to be safe for home withdrawal. Unlike other drugs with complicated withdrawal syndromes, such as alcohol and benzodiazepines, withdrawing from amphetamines is unlikely to trigger any serious medical problems.

The problem with Adderall withdrawal is that it can be a bit unpredictable. It’s hard to know in advance whether you will experience intense depression or extreme irritation.

It could be helpful to talk to a doctor about your plans to quit. Your doctor may be able to give you both short- and long-term support.

Long-Term Adderall Withdrawal Treatment

Long-term treatment for amphetamine withdrawal will depend in part on the nature of your amphetamine use. If you were taking Adderall for ADHD exactly as your doctor prescribed, then you probably won’t need any long-term treatment at all.

If you’ve been misusing Adderall for some time, you would benefit from a comprehensive, long-term addiction treatment plan.

All drugs of addiction affect dopamine in some indirect way. Stimulants have a direct effect on your dopamine receptors, which basically gives them VIP status in your brain’s reward system. This means that your brain is going to have a lot of trouble resisting cravings.

The leading treatment for amphetamine addiction is behavioral therapy. Two types have proven effective, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and contingency management (CM).

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy: During CBT, you work with a therapist or counselor to identify and manage your drug triggers. You learn to modify the negative thought patterns that have led you to misuse Adderall in the past, such as believing you can’t ace a test or write a paper without Adderall.
• Contingency management: CM is a type of therapy that capitalizes on your brain’s desire to stimulate its reward system. Basically, you work with a counselor to improve your behavior and your counselor rewards you for your successes. For example, when you study for a test without Adderall, your counselor might reward you with a gift card for coffee and donuts.

It is also important to understand that because your brain is craving stimulation of its reward system, you are at risk of developing other substance abuse problems or behavioral addictions. People use all sorts of things as a substitute for amphetamines, including other drugs, nicotine, gambling, shopping, and sex.

Working with a therapist or addiction counselor will help you maintain long-term abstinence from Adderall and a healthy balance in other areas of your life. 

Resources

There are many in-person and online resources you can seek out if you or a loved one are dealing with addiction or withdrawal.

Most colleges have excellent counseling and behavioral health services. Check out your school’s website for more information about the services they offer and how to make an appointment to speak with a counselor. 

Family constellation therapy is a short-term group intervention that helps clients discover and address patterns and conflicts within their family groups. In family constellation therapy, people unrelated to the client take on the roles of various family members and act out dynamics related to the client’s concerns. It’s a form of expressive therapy intended to help the client work through a concern or develop insight into a conflict.

Types of Family Constellations

Because a traditional family constellation is a group, family constellation therapy is usually done in a group setting, but therapists also provide it on a one-to-one basis when appropriate.

Family Constellation Therapy in a Group Setting

The therapist directs the family members’ posture, position, and words, although sometimes the activity involves minimal talking. The client might interact directly with their relatives in the constellation or stand aside and watch the interactions unfold.

Family Constellation Therapy With an Individual

In an individual setting, the client might use a sand tray and toys or figurines to represent their various family members. Similarly, art therapy techniques help clients draw their family groups and indicate the various dynamics within the family.

Individual family constellation therapy doesn’t involve the client in role play with other people. Instead, the therapist and client work together over time to map out relationships and uncover patterns.

Techniques in Family Constellation Therapy

In a group setting, therapists typically use drama therapy with the other people in the group to create the family constellation. The client can observe interactions between members in real time to gain insight, or they might role play interactions with group members to practice a confrontation or address a past trauma. This type of role play can be a form of psychodrama.

Individual family constellations can include drawing, painting, or using objects to represent family members. The therapist can point out their own observations and will encourage the client to look for patterns and relationships that the client had not previously considered.

How Family Constellation Therapy Can Help

Family constellation therapy helps clients clarify and work on many types of issues. For example,

• The client wants to break dysfunctional or harmful patterns in their relationships that might be related to dynamics that they learned from their family of origin.
• A couple wants to understand each other’s history and how their families of origin affect what they each bring to the relationship.
• The client wants to confront an abuser from childhood who is deceased, unreachable, or unsafe to contact.
• The client wants insight into patterns from childhood that continue to affect their mental health.

Family constellations are not limited to specific diagnoses. However, they can be particularly beneficial for those working through childhood trauma, the death of a relative, or various mental health diagnoses, including depression and anxiety.

Benefits of Family Constellation Therapy

Clients sometimes experience catharsis following this intervention because it allows them to work through conflict, trauma, and difficult experiences in a safe environment.

Focusing on patterns and dynamics they had not previously considered helps clients develop greater insight into their behaviors. This can lead to healthier communication and more fulfilling relationships.

Family constellations also create a powerful space for processing traumatic events from the client’s past.

Effectiveness

Psychological researchers have extensively studied family constellation therapy as an evidence-based treatment for various mental health concerns.

Although data about overall treatment outcomes are mixed, family constellation therapy has been found to help reduce feelings of stigma around mental health and neurodivergence; specifically, parents of autistic children can work through feelings of stigma using this approach.

Things to Consider

Family constellations can be intense, and participation might bring up strong feelings or memories related to traumatic or stressful events. Clients considering this treatment intervention should ensure that they feel comfortable with their therapist and ask any questions or present concerns they have about doing the family constellation.

Clients need to consider whether they feel comfortable doing a family constellation with a group of people whom they likely do not know. If they feel safer with an individual approach to the family constellation, the therapist can provide them with options for creating their family constellation with objects or toys.

Clients should also have a self-care plan in place to ensure that they can cope with any emotions brought up by the family constellation in a healthy way. Clients will often require ongoing therapy following the family constellation exercise to address traumas, memories, and upsetting dynamics that came up during this activity.

How to Get Started

If you are already in therapy, you can ask your therapist if they feel equipped to utilize the family constellation in your treatment. If they are not properly trained, you can ask them about referrals to groups that offer this intervention, or they can provide you with interventions that could offer the same benefit and fall under their scope of practice.

If you want to work through dysfunctional family experiences and develop insight into how patterns within your family have shaped you, or you hope to make positive changes in your relationships going forward, a family constellation can be a helpful part of your treatment plan.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is often underdiagnosed in girls, which is why many women learn that they have ADHD until they reach adulthood. Many women feel a huge sense of relief when they find out they have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

For years, they may have blamed themselves for their shortcomings, and their self-esteem has taken a hit. Constantly worrying about every detail of their lives may have led to emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion.

After being diagnosed with ADHD, they finally have an answer and know that their symptoms are not their fault. When they realize they have ADHD, feelings of inadequacy can begin to fade away, putting them in a better position to manage their symptoms.

Understand Why Your ADHD Went Unrecognized

Most people have a misperception that ADHD is a predominantly affects school-aged boys. Because ADHD characteristics manifest differently in women, they often don’t get diagnosed until adulthood.

A 2014 review of ADHD in women and girls found several obstacles to identifying ADHD in women, including:

Characteristics Presentation

Women tend to have internalizing traits much more than men. Specifically, girls’ veer more toward inattentiveness and disorganization.

Comorbid Psychiatric Disorders

Because ADHD traits are generally less disruptive in girls and women, mood disorders (like anxiety or depression) are commonly diagnosed long before they get evaluated for ADHD.

Coping Strategies

Women who develop better coping strategies than their male counterparts may be able to mask some of their ADHD characteristics. For example, many overcompensate with list-making to help them stay organized. Although doing this works, it also makes it very easy for doctors to miss the diagnosis.

For women, issues related to ADHD may worsen into adulthood. For example, after graduating from high school when the structure of school is no longer in place and the academic or workplace standard is higher, ADHD characteristics can start to cause more problems.

Women Can Also Experience Hyperactivity

Women can be diagnosed with hyperactivity-impulsivity ADHD, although less frequently than women with inattentive ADHD. Having hyperactivity poses its own challenges.

You might find you have more physical energy than your peers and be accused of talking constantly. Because you seemed different, you might have memories of feeling rejected, judged, and excluded by your peers. This experience can continue into adulthood.

Get an ADHD Diagnosis

If you think you may have ADHD but haven’t officially diagnosed yet, make this your priority. Getting diagnosed can have a positive effect on how you feel about yourself.

Research suggests that women could forgive themselves for past mistakes and felt more in control of their current lives once they were diagnosed with ADHD. Knowing they weren’t crazy and there was a name for what they were going through provided an enormous sense of relief.

Identify Coexisting Conditions

ADHD rarely travels alone, which means you might have one or more other conditions in addition to your ADHD. Try not to feel alarmed. Knowing what other conditions you have, if any, allows you to treat each one directly, which in turn means you can be your healthiest.

Sometimes symptoms of one condition can be masked by characteristics of ADHD or vice versa.

This is why it’s important to share all your symptoms and concerns with your doctor. Being honest about what you are experiencing doesn’t mean that you are complaining.

Your doctor needs to know how you feel and what you’re struggling with so they can provide you with the most appropriate support.

Drive Safely

Inattention and distractibility are the most common reasons for transport accidents. They are also the most common symptoms experienced by women with ADHD.

Drivers affected by ADHD can increase their safety on the road by doing the following:

• Drive with a manual transmission. Consider driving a car with a manual gearbox rather than automatic because it forces you to be more engaged in the moment and less likely to zone out.
• Reduce distractions. Before you start to drive, switch your phone off so that you aren’t distracted by incoming calls or texts. Don’t talk on the phone—even with a headset.
• Don’t drink and drive. Never drink and drive or take recreational drugs as these can further reduce your attention.

Let Go of Perfectionism

Let go of the need to be perfect. Spending too much time on small things that don’t have a big impact on your life to the detriment of more important tasks creates undue stress and anxiety.

For example, you might spend hours finding the perfect font for a report for work, while neglecting to start a presentation that is due tomorrow. Instead of putting pressure on yourself to meet impossibly high standards, work on putting things into perspective.

Manage Your Time

Difficulty with time management is common for adult women with ADHD. You may lose track of time, have difficulty following through on plans, or underestimate how much time is needed for a task. You may also spend so much time on a task—known as hyperfocus—that nothing else gets done.

These difficulties can leave you feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted. Below are some tips to help you manage your time better:

Get Organized

Whether you have to go to work, run errands, or tackle household chores, it can be helpful to write down your top priorities. Try creating a schedule the night before so that you can start your day strong. Having a “game plan” will help you feel calmer.

Identify Your Strengths and Needs

Many women with ADHD say that it takes them longer to do things that other people. Begin by recognizing what you seem to be able to do faster than other people and what takes you more time.

When you can take a balanced look at your ADHD strengths and weaknesses, it will help your confidence and self-esteem.

Allow Yourself Extra Time

Make sure you have plenty of time to finish a project by giving yourself some cushion. Get in the habit of giving yourself an extra 10 minutes for every 30 minutes you think it will take you to complete a task.

Use Timers

Allot yourself a limited amount of time for each task and use a timer to alert you when your time is up. The timer gives you an audible signal to stop what you are working on so you don’t lose track of time. (Tip: You might find that visual timers are the most helpful!)

Exercise

If you have hyperactivity, try incorporating physical activity into your daily routine. Not only will it help you feel focused and calm, but exercise is great for your physical and mental health.

Research suggests that physical activity may help people manage inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

You can channel your energy in many positive ways. Take this opportunity to become active in your community, help a loved one, or find a project that fulfills you. You may even discover a new hobby.

Find Supportive ADHD Resources

It’s important to recognize that ADHD is a form of neurodivergence. It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you or that you need to be “fixed.” It just means that your brain works differently than a neurotypical person’s brain.

There are online directories where you can find ND-affirming doctors and therapists. There are also support groups and other resources that provide valuable information and resources. For example, consider exploring How to ADHD, a YouTube channel that offers great insights on living well with ADHD.