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The experimental method is a type of research procedure that involves manipulating variables to determine if there is a cause-and-effect relationship. The results obtained through the experimental method are useful but do not prove with 100% certainty that a singular cause always creates a specific effect. Instead, they show the probability that a cause will or will not lead to a particular effect.

What Is the Experimental Method in Psychology?

The experimental method involves manipulating one variable to determine if this causes changes in another variable. This method relies on controlled research methods and random assignment of study subjects to test a hypothesis.

For example, researchers may want to learn how different visual patterns may impact our perception. Or they might wonder whether certain actions can improve memory. Experiments are conducted on many behavioral topics, including:

Positivism is also important in the experimental method. It refers to factual knowledge that is obtained through observation, which is considered to be trustworthy.

When using the experimental method, researchers first identify and define key variables. Then they formulate a hypothesis, manipulate the variables, and collect data on the results. Unrelated or irrelevant variables are carefully controlled to minimize the potential impact on the experiment outcome.

History of the Experimental Method

The idea of using experiments to better understand human psychology began toward the end of the nineteenth century. Wilhelm Wundt established the first formal laboratory in 1879.

Wundt is often called the father of experimental psychology. He believed that experiments could help explain how psychology works, and used this approach to study consciousness.

Other early contributors to the development and evolution of experimental psychology as we know it today include:

• Gustav Fechner (1801-1887), who helped develop procedures for measuring sensations according to the size of the stimulus
• Hermann von Helmholtz (1821-1894), who analyzed philosophical assumptions through research in an attempt to arrive at scientific conclusions
• Franz Brentano (1838-1917), who called for a combination of first-person and third-person research methods when studying psychology
• Georg Elias Müller (1850-1934), who performed an early experiment on attitude which involved the sensory discrimination of weights and revealed how anticipation can affect this discrimination

Key Terms to Know

To understand how the experimental method works, it is important to know some key terms.

Dependent Variable

The dependent variable is the effect that the experimenter is measuring. If a researcher was investigating how sleep influences test scores, for example, the test scores would be the dependent variable.

Independent Variable

The independent variable is the variable that the experimenter manipulates. In the previous example, the amount of sleep an individual gets would be the independent variable.

Hypothesis

A hypothesis is a tentative statement or a guess about the possible relationship between two or more variables. In looking at how sleep influences test scores, the researcher might hypothesize that people who get more sleep will perform better on a math test the following day. The purpose of the experiment, then, is to either support or reject this hypothesis.

Extraneous Variables

Extraneous variables are other variables that may also affect the outcome of an experiment. Types of extraneous variables include participant variables, situational variables, demand characteristics, and experimenter effects. In some cases, researchers can take steps to control for extraneous variables.

Demand Characteristics

Demand characteristics are subtle hints that indicate what an experimenter is hoping to find in a psychology experiment. This can sometimes cause participants to alter their behavior, which can affect the results of the experiment.

Intervening Variables

Intervening variables are factors that can affect the relationship between two other variables. 

Confounding Variables

Confounding variables are variables that can affect the dependent variable, but that experimenters cannot control for. Confounding variables can make it difficult to determine if the effect was due to changes in the independent variable or if the confounding variable may have played a role.

The Experimental Process

Psychologists, like other scientists, use the scientific method when conducting an experiment. The scientific method is a set of procedures and principles that guide how scientists develop research questions, collect data, and come to conclusions.

The five basic steps of the experimental process are:

1. Identifying a problem to study
2. Devising the research protocol
3. Conducting the experiment
4. Analyzing the data collected
5. Sharing the findings (usually in writing or via presentation)

Most psychology students are expected to use the experimental method at some point in their academic careers. Learning how to conduct an experiment is important to understanding how psychologists prove and disprove theories in this field.

Types of Experiments

There are a few different types of experiments that researchers might use when studying psychology. Each has pros and cons depending on the participants being studied, the hypothesis, and the resources available to conduct the research.

Lab Experiments

Lab experiments are common in psychology because they allow experimenters more control over the variables. These experiments can also be easier for other researchers to replicate. The drawback of this research type is that what takes place in a lab is not always what takes place in the real world.

Field Experiments

Sometimes researchers opt to conduct their experiments in the field. For example, a social psychologist interested in researching prosocial behavior might have a person pretend to faint and observe how long it takes onlookers to respond.

This type of experiment can be a great way to see behavioral responses in realistic settings. But it is more difficult for researchers to control the many variables existing in these settings that could potentially influence the experiment’s results.

Quasi-Experiments

While lab experiments are known as true experiments, researchers can also utilize a quasi-experiment. Quasi-experiments are often referred to as natural experiments because the researchers do not have true control over the independent variable.

A researcher looking at personality differences and birth order, for example, is not able to manipulate the independent variable in the situation (personality traits). Participants also cannot be randomly assigned because they naturally fall into pre-existing groups based on their birth order.

So why would a researcher use a quasi-experiment? This is a good choice in situations where scientists are interested in studying phenomena in natural, real-world settings. It’s also beneficial if there are limits on research funds or time.

Examples of the Experimental Method in Use

The experimental method can provide insight into human thoughts and behaviors, Researchers use experiments to study many aspects of psychology.

Attention

A 2019 study investigated whether splitting attention between electronic devices and classroom lectures had an effect on college students’ learning abilities. It found that dividing attention between these two mediums did not affect lecture comprehension. However, it did impact long-term retention of the lecture information, which affected students’ exam performance.

Cognition

An experiment used participants’ eye movements and electroencephalogram (EEG) data to better understand cognitive processing differences between experts and novices. It found that experts had higher power in their theta brain waves than novices, suggesting that they also had a higher cognitive load.

Emotion

A study looked at whether chatting online with a computer via a chatbot changed the positive effects of emotional disclosure often received when talking with an actual human. It found that the effects were the same in both cases.

Memory

One experimental study evaluated whether exercise timing impacts information recall. It found that engaging in exercise prior to performing a memory task helped improve participants’ short-term memory abilities.

Perception

Sometimes researchers use the experimental method to get a bigger-picture view of psychological behaviors and impacts. For example, one 2018 study examined several lab experiments to learn more about the impact of various environmental factors on building occupant perceptions.

Sensation

A 2020 study set out to determine the role that sensation-seeking plays in political violence. This research found that sensation-seeking individuals have a higher propensity for engaging in political violence. It also found that providing access to a more peaceful, yet still exciting political group helps reduce this effect.

Potential Pitfalls of the Experimental Method

While the experimental method can be a valuable tool for learning more about psychology and its impacts, it also comes with a few pitfalls.

Experiments may produce artificial results, which are difficult to apply to real-world situations. Similarly, researcher bias can impact the data collected. Results may not be able to be reproduced, meaning the results have low reliability.

Since humans are unpredictable and their behavior can be subjective, it can be hard to measure responses in an experiment. In addition, political pressure may alter the results. The subjects may not be a good representation of the population, or groups used may not be comparable.

And finally, since researchers are human too, results may be degraded due to human error.

Thought stopping is a strategy that involves blocking and replacing unwanted, distressing thoughts. The technique is sometimes used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) as a way to halt or disrupt negative thoughts. Then, a more adaptive or helpful thought can then be substituted for the unhelpful one.

How Thought Stopping Works

The focus on thought stopping is to disrupt, dismiss, and replace the unwanted thought. Some of the different strategies that you might use to do this include:

• Saying “Stop!” inside your mind
• Holding a visualization in your mind whenever you have the thought
• Clapping your hands or snapping your finger whenever the thought enters your mind
• Making a checkmark on a piece of paper every time you have the thought

The idea behind this approach is that these actions help you notice how often you are having the thought and help distract you from it. Another purpose is to help you notice some of the triggers that might be present when you do have those unwanted or intrusive thoughts.

In the past, people were sometimes told to put a rubber band around their wrist and snap it every time they had an unwanted thought. This strategy is no longer recommended since it is both punishing and ineffective.

Research has also found that if you stop the thought without replacing it with a more positive one, negative thoughts tend to increase. Thought stopping is more about noticing these thoughts and then gently redirecting your mind to a more helpful, positive one.

When Is Thought Stopping Used?

Thought stopping has often utilized as a way to treat many different problems, including:

• Agoraphobia
• Anxiety
• Catastrophic thinking
• Intrusive thoughts
• Obsessive-compulsive behavior
• Rumination disorder
• Social anxiety

One way that thought stopping might be helpful is if you are in a situation where you cannot address an unwanted thought. If you need to avoid thinking about something during a critical moment, temporarily using thought stopping can allow you to redirect your mind until you are in a time and place where you can deal with it effectively.

Some research also suggests that thought stopping can be one component of a treatment plan that can help improve the quality of life for patients with adjustment disorders after cancer treatment. Adjustment disorders before, during, and after cancer treatment can be complex mental issues, which require professional guidance for successful treatment.

Is Thought Stopping Effective?

While some therapists and group therapy programs promote thought stopping as an effective technique, the results of a 2010 review of research by a group of Yale psychologists disagree.

The psychologists found an association between anxiety reduction and other strategies, including cognitive restructuring, acceptance, and problem-solving techniques.

Some experts suggest that thought stopping can be harmful when used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It can increase obsessive thoughts and become a difficult to overcome ritual.

Thought Stopping Techniques

While not all therapists recommend the use of thought stopping, learning to become more aware of your negative thoughts can be helpful. When used in this way, thought stopping can be a tool that helps you identify problematic thoughts and learn ways to replace those thoughts. Some thought stopping techniques that can be useful include:

1. Stop the thought: Tell yourself “stop” or try visualizing a stop sign in your mind. You might also envision yourself capturing the thought inside of a net where you can contain it in order to work through it later.
2. Notice the thought: Don’t try to suppress the thought. Acknowledge it exists without dwelling on it.
3. Replace the thought: Now that you have evidence that the thought is not a reflection of reality replace it with something more helpful. This might be a self-affirmation or mantra that helps keep you feeling optimistic and focused.

When you have more time to focus on the thought, work on actively interrogating and disputing it. What other alternatives are there? Is the thought realistic? What might disprove it? Are cognitive distortions such as all-or-nothing thinking or black-and-white thinking affecting how you view a situation?

Other techniques that might be helpful when you are trying to stop a thought include:

• Set a timer: Give yourself a set amount of time (just a minute or two) to have the thought. Once the alarm goes off, tell yourself, “Stop!” and redirect your mind to something else.
• Use relaxation techniques: If you find yourself having a negative thought, use a relaxation technique such as progressive muscle relaxation or deep breathing to refocus your attention elsewhere.
• Meditate: Halt the negative thought by trying a quick meditation to shift your focus to more positive thoughts.

Alternatives to Thought Stopping

Thought stopping can be a helpful cognitive skill, but only when it is used appropriately. Having a positive replacement thought prepared is essential. However, it is also important to recognize that this is not the only strategy that can help with negative thinking. Alternatives that can also be helpful include:

Distraction

Identify activities that can help take your mind off of whatever is causing negative thinking. This could include things like reading, listening to music, spending time with friends or family, going for a walk, or anything else that helps you relax and takes your focus away from the negative thought.

Problem-Solving

Oftentimes, negative thinking results from feeling like you can’t do anything to change a situation. If this is the case, problem-solving can be a helpful alternative to thought stopping. Trying to come up with realistic solutions to the problem at hand can help lessen the power of the negative thought and give you a sense of control.

Acceptance

In some cases, thought stopping may not be possible or effective because the thought is based on reality. In these situations, it can be helpful to practice acceptance instead. This means accepting the thought or situation for what it is without trying to change it or make it go away.

Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a technique that can help you change the way you think about a situation. This involves identifying and challenging the negative beliefs and thoughts that are causing you to feel bad. Once you identify these thoughts, you can start to question them and look at things from a different, more positive perspective.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a state of being present in the moment and accepting things as they are, without judgment. This can be helpful in reducing negative thinking because it allows you to step back from your thoughts and observe them without getting caught up in them. You can see them for what they are—just thoughts—and not let them have so much power over you.

Journaling

Writing down your thoughts can help you to get them out of your head and see them in a different light. It can also be helpful to write down what you’re grateful for each day, as this can help shift your focus to the positive things in your life

Think about the animated movies you’ve seen. Did any of them have an animation style that was realistic but, at the same time, ended up making you feel super uneasy? The uncanny valley is a term used to describe the relationship between the human-like appearance of a robotic object and the emotional response it evokes.

One of the most classic examples is the 2004 movie Polar Express. Video games are a major player in the uncanny valley department too, as are humanoid robots. In this phenomenon, people feel a sense of unease or even revulsion in response to humanoid robots that are highly realistic. 

The uncanny valley has implications within the field of robotics and artificial intelligence. Devices and online avatars that are made to mimic the human experience may actually end up alienating people who are using such tools. 

Origins of the Uncanny Valley

The phenomenon was first coined and described by the Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori in an article published in 1970. Mori identified the phenomenon as bukimi no tani genshō, meaning ‘valley of eeriness.’ In 1978, author Jasia Reichardt translated the term ‘uncanny valley’ in the book “Robots: Fact, Fiction, and Prediction.”

In his work, Mori noted that people found his robots more appealing if they looked more human. However, this only worked up to a certain point. Once the uncanny valley has been reached, people feel uneasy, disturbed, and also sometimes feel afraid. 

In his seminal paper on the topic, Mori explained:

Mori used several examples to clarify this idea. An industrial robot has little human likeness and therefore generates little affinity in observers. A toy robot, on the other hand, has a more human likeness and tends to be more appealing. A prosthetic hand, he noted, tends to lie in this uncanny valley—it can be highly lifelike yet generates feelings of unease. 

Uncanny Valley Examples

The uncanny valley has been observed in a variety of contexts, from highly realistic robots to video game characters. Some of the best-known examples of the uncanny valley can be seen in movies. These include:

The Polar Express

The 2004 children’s Christmas movie The Polar Express is an example of the uncanny valley effect. The film was made during an era of rapidly evolving computer-generated imagery (CGI) and animation technology but, unfortunately, the tools were yet to be refined. The computer-generated faces are close to lifelike in many ways, but their facial expressions are slightly off and inaccurate in an unsettling way.

Final Fantasy

The 2001 movie Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within showcased some of the most realistic CGI animation at that time. Despite efforts to make the animated characters appear super-realistic, the movie was a flop. Its commercial failure at the box office is often attributed to the uncanny valley. Simply put, people didn’t want to watch the movie because they found the animation disturbing.

Shrek

Early test screenings of the film Shrek elicited unexpected feelings of anxiety in children in response to the character Princess Fiona. She was simply too lifelike, causing kids to feel unnerved and even frightened, many crying whenever she appeared onscreen.

Based on the responses and feedback, the filmmakers edited Fiona’s appearance before the film’s theatrical release to give her a more cartoon-like appearance and prevent the uncanny valley effect.

Cats

The 2019 film adaptation of Cats featured humanoid felines that many people found unsettling. While some reportedly found the effect humorous, others reported feeling downright revolted. On social media, many viewers described the film as weird, creepy, and even induced nightmares. 

The fact that the film relies so heavily on movement may have also played a role in the audience’s reaction. Mori has proposed that the addition of motion can amplify the uncanny valley effect and, in this case, the film includes both human-like movements and cat-like motions that serve to further confuse the viewer.

What Causes the Uncanny Valley Effect?

There have been a number of proposed explanations for why people experience the uncanny valley effect, but no consensus has emerged. Some theories suggest that the phenomenon is biological, while others propose cultural explanations. Here are some factors that may play a role.

Ambiguity

Some suggest that the sensation of being “creeped out” is often caused by a sense of ambiguity. When we see things that are almost but not quite human, it creates a tension that feels unpleasant.

Such effects are sometimes exploited to heighten the horror or creepiness in movies. Horror films, for example, often infuse human characteristics into non-human entities including dolls (Annabelle) and clowns (It) to terrify audiences.

Mismatched Elements

Research has also shown that people tend to be disturbed when elements that normally don’t occur together are combined. For example, an article published in the journal i-Perception reports that while people are not disturbed by robots with “robot” voices or people with human voices, they do feel creeped out by robots with human voices. 

Inconsistency

Even in highly realistic depictions, people are adept at spotting the smallest inconsistencies in a robotic or animated humanoid. These relatively minor divergences can make a character go from lifelike to uncanny. In one of Mori’s original examples, a robotic character was seen as unlikeable and creepy when it smiled slightly too slowly.

Survival Response

Mori and others have suggested that the uncanny valley is an aversive, evolved response to the potential threats of death and disease. Because something is human-like but not quite lifelike, it may evoke the same response that people feel when they encounter something that is dead or dying.

Category Uncertainty 

Theories also suggest that the uncanny valley may exist due to the difficulty in determining what category an entity belongs to. Human and nonhuman represent two separate and mutually exclusive categories. So, when something approaches a point where it seems to transition from one to the other, it can trigger feelings of cognitive dissonance.

When people hold conflicting beliefs, they tend to experience feelings of psychological discomfort. In this case, there is a conflict between the belief that an entity is human and the belief that it is not human. Something that looked human might abruptly appear nonhuman, or it may even shift back and forth as the viewer observes it.

This mismatch between what you are seeing and your expectations may make you feel ambivalent or even threatened. In other words, it creeps you out.

Research on the Uncanny Valley

While Mori first proposed the theory in 1970, formal empirical investigations did not begin until the mid-2000s. Some research has supported the existence of the valley, although findings of how and why it happens are mixed.

Likeness and Eeriness

A 2013 study examined the relationship between human likeness and eeriness and found evidence supporting the existence of the uncanny valley. The researchers noted a linear relationship between likeness and eeriness when manipulating facial proportions and realism.

Children’s Responses

A 2014 study found that children between the ages of 9 and 11 were also prone to experiencing feelings of uncanniness in response to human-like virtual characters. Virtual human-like characters were seen as being more strange and less friendly. 

Interestingly, these feelings of unease were more pronounced in instances where the characters lacked upper facial expression. Startled facial expressions were also more likely to be perceived as uncanny.

Uncanny Valley vs. a Wall

While some research has supported Mori’s original hypothesis, others have characterized the phenomenon as more of a cliff or a wall than a valley. In other words, rather than ever rising to the other side of that valley, likeability may simply drop off once a robot reaches a certain degree of realism.

Can It Be Prevented?

Not everyone agrees that the valley itself truly exists. For example, one of the earliest scientific investigations on the phenomenon was conducted in 2005 and concluded that the eerie feeling people experience has more to do with poor design and aesthetics, something that can occur at any level of realism.

Implications of the Uncanny Valley

The uncanny valley has a number of implications in various fields. These include:

Robotics 

As people rely more and more on robotic technology, it is important to design devices that do not create uneasiness or distrust. This is particularly true in the development of assistive technologies designed to help people with limitations perform tasks and interact with their environments.

People are more likely to be receptive to designs that are both useful and appealing. Designs that fall into the uncanny valley are likely to be poorly received and utilized less frequently. 

Digital Avatars 

These representations are used in a number of areas, including online customer service and online therapy. In online therapy, digital representations are often utilized to facilitate virtual communication between therapists and clients, particularly in situations that involve online chat or email communication.

When effectively used, avatars may help promote the therapeutic relationship. However, overly realistic depictions may interfere with the process.

For example, one study found that robots that look too human-like were often rated as being not only less likable but also less trustworthy, which would pose considerable problems in a therapeutic context since trust is so important to the success of treatment.

Film

Blockbuster films increasingly rely on CGI effects. At the same time, filmmakers have continued to work toward developing realistic computer-generated animations that blend seamlessly and don’t provoke the uncanny valley.

Game Design

The uncanny valley can also have an impact on how players react to realistic characters in video games. In some cases, designers may take advantage of the uncanny valley to create a sense of dyspathy for villainous characters.

Criticisms of the Uncanny Valley

The uncanny valley concept has also been the subject of some criticism. 

Age May Play a Role

Some propose that the phenomenon is more common in older generations while younger people who grew up seeing robotics and CGI effects may be less likely to experience it. Yet research suggests the opposite, that older adults prefer more human-like robots than younger adults. Further research is needed to determine if age might have an effect.

The Effect Is Highly Varied

Other critics have noted that the uncanny valley effect happens in different situations and affects different senses. The heterogeneity suggests that each unique situation where it occurs may have different causes.

Avoiding the Uncanny Valley

As robots become increasingly important in everyday life, researchers and designers are interested in finding ways to create tools that will not fall into the uncanny valley. This may involve making robotic devices even more realistic so they move beyond the valley and appear more likable. 

Researchers have also proposed several design principles that may help animators and roboticists avoid uncanny effects. This includes:

• Matching human proportions with realistic textures
• Not mixing nonhuman and human elements
• Ensuring that behaviors, appearance, and abilities do not conflict

Another approach is to develop tools or devices that do not seek to mimic a human appearance. By relying on a non-human design, the device may be more appealing without running into the risk of alienating or even revolting those who interact with robotic devices.

In an interview with Wired, Mori stated that while it may be possible to bridge the uncanny valley, he sees no point in trying. Instead, he advocates designing things that stop before they reach the point of uncanniness.

Final Thoughts

More research into the phenomenon of the uncanny valley can provide more information about it, why it happens, and how to overcome it. In an interview with IEEE Spectrum, Mori stated that his original observation was intended to be more of a guideline for designers rather than a scientific statement. 

As technology continues to advance, it is possible that robots and digital animations could become so realistic that they blend with reality to the point where people don’t experience discomfort or anxiety. For now, robots, digital avatars, and online animations will continue to become an increasingly common part of everyday life, making it important for designers to consider the audience’s emotional response.

Imagine a part of your mind that operates purely on instinct and desire without any thought for the consequences. That primal part of our personality is the id. Freud called it “chaos, a cauldron full of seething excitation.”

Sigmund Freud suggested that the psyche is structured into three parts, one of which is the id. According to Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personality, the id is the personality component made up of unconscious psychic energy that works to satisfy basic urges, needs, and desires.

Overview of the Id

The id operates based on the pleasure principle, which demands immediate gratification of needs. Freud postulated that the id, ego, and superego are the three major components of personality.

Understanding Freud’s psychodynamic perspective is important in learning about the history of psychology. Popular culture and philosophy often refer to the id, ego, and superego. For example, people might suggest that someone’s ego has gotten too controlling or that their id is running the show.

When Does the Id Emerge?

Freud compared personality to an iceberg. What you see above the water is actually just a tiny piece of the entire iceberg, most of which is hidden under the water.

• The tip of the iceberg above the water represents conscious awareness.
• The bulk of the iceberg below the water symbolizes the unconscious mind where all of the hidden desires, thoughts, and memories exist.

According to Freud, the id is the only part of the personality that is present at birth. He also suggested that this primitive component of personality existed wholly within the unconscious. The id acts as the driving force of personality. It not only strives to fulfill the most basic urges that people have, many of which are tied directly to survival, but it also provides all of the energy necessary to drive personality.

As people grow older, it would obviously be quite problematic if they acted out to satisfy the needs of the id whenever they felt an urge, need, or desire. The id contains all of the life and death instincts, which Freud believed help compel behavior.

This aspect of personality does not change as people grow older. It continues to be infantile, instinctive, and primal. It isn’t in touch with reality or logic or social norms. It strives only to satisfy an individual’s most basic urges and needs.

The Id and Personality

Fortunately, the other components of personality develop as we age, allowing us to control the demands of the id and behave in socially acceptable ways.

The superego, or the aspect of personality that encompasses internalized values and morals, emerges to try to push the ego to act more virtuously. The ego must then cope with the competing demands presented by the id, the superego, and reality.

How the Id Operates

The id acts according to the pleasure principle, which is the idea that needs should be met immediately. When you are hungry, the pleasure principle directs you to eat. When you are thirsty, it motivates you to drink.

But of course, you can’t always satisfy your urges right away. Sometimes you need to wait until the right moment or until you have access to the things that will fulfill your needs.

When you are unable to satisfy a need immediately, tension results. The id relies on the primary process to temporarily relieve the tension. The primary process involves creating a mental image through daydreaming, fantasizing, hallucinating, or some other process.

For example, when you are thirsty, you might start fantasizing about a tall, cold glass of ice water. When you are hungry, you might start thinking about ordering your favorite dish from your favorite restaurant.

Observations About the Id

In his 1933 book New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis, Freud described the id as the “dark, inaccessible part of our personality.” The only real way to observe the id, he suggested, was to study the content of dreams and neurotic behavioral clues.

Freud also compared it to a “cauldron of seething excitations” and described the id as having no real organization. So, how do the id and ego interact?

Freud compared their relationship to that of a horse and rider. The horse provides the energy that drives them forward, but it is the rider to guides these powerful movements to determine direction. However, sometimes the rider may lose control and find himself simply along for the ride. In other words, sometimes the ego may simply have to direct the id in the direction it wants to go.

Living with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) means living with repetitive and unwanted intrusive thoughts—obsessions—that are terrifying to the person experiencing them.

The content of the obsessions varies widely. While some obsessions involve fears of contamination, concerns about contamination make up a small percentage of obsessional themes. Obsessions are often “taboo” in nature.

For example, someone with OCD may experience violent thoughts and images (i.e. killing oneself or others), sexually intrusive thoughts and images that are disturbing (i.e., sexual thoughts involving children, family members, animals, religious figures, etc.), or blasphemous thoughts that go against someone’s religion.

These compulsions are used to reduce anxiety or to prevent something bad from happening. The person dealing with OCD becomes locked in a vicious cycle that impacts all areas of one’s functioning, including sexual intimacy.

OCD’s Impact on Sex and Intimacy

OCD knows no bounds. Intrusive thoughts can and will show up anywhere. The bedroom, or wherever you decide to have sex, is not off limits.

Some ways in which OCD can negatively impact someone’s sex life and intimacy may include the following:

• Sex may trigger OCD and will become a part of that individual’s exposure and response prevention treatment (ERP).
• Sex may be used compulsively to solve, prove, or seek certainty about obsessions and must be prevented. 
• Decreased libido and an inability to orgasm can result as a side effect of medication used to treat OCD, or as a result of increased anxiety from the OCD, and may tamper with the person’s sex life.

When Intrusive Thoughts Pop Up During Sex

Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts, but for those dealing with OCD, the thoughts stick because of the way their brain is wired.

People with OCD have a hyperactive fear center in the brain that sends off false alarms when danger is not present. For example, think of the fear you feel when your fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and it’s a false alarm. This is what happens frequently for those with OCD.

The unwanted thoughts pop in and replay over and over and over again, attacking what the individual loves the most.

For some, it’s unwanted thoughts or images of having sex with children, family members, religious figures, etc. For others, it’s unwanted thoughts or images of harming a loved one. The thoughts are not only highly anxiety-provoking for the individual with OCD, but also a massive turn-off.  

Even if one is feeling aroused and in the mood, engaging in sexual activity can be triggering for those living with OCD because of the content of their thoughts. Many people who are in treatment for their OCD report the following fears and concerns:

• “I don’t want the thoughts to pop in while I’m having sex. It will terrify me and ruin sex.”
• “What if I reach orgasm and an intrusive thought pops in? Does that mean I like the thought?”  
• “What if I am not as aroused as I have been at other times and it proves that my obsessions are ‘true’?”
• “What if I snap and do something to my partner during sex?”

This is where mindfulness and ERP treatment come into play. The reality is that our thoughts are out of our control most of the time. We can’t press pause on intrusive thoughts and the harder we try to suppress them, the more unwanted thoughts we have.

Psychologist Daniel Wegner’s research on thought suppression is evidence of this. In his study, one group of participants was asked to think about a white bear for 5 minutes. Another group was told not to think about a white bear for 5 minutes.

The results of this study found that the participants who were asked not to think about a white bear ended up thinking about the white bear more than the participants who were instructed to think about a white bear.

Sex in ERP Treatment

ERP is a type of behavioral therapy that involves repeatedly exposing a person to their fears while cutting out compulsions. It is considered to be the gold standard treatment for OCD.

ERP may facilitate habituation, in which anxiety is reduced over time after repeated exposure to the feared stimuli. ERP also facilitates inhibitory learning, in which the patient learns that the feared outcome is not as likely to occur as their brain has led them to believe and that they can tolerate the discomfort and anxiety associated with the feared stimuli.

Sex as an Exposure

To re-wire the brain, a person with OCD must be exposed to the thing that they fear without engaging in compulsions. Enter: sex as an exposure.  

When a client values sex and wants to be having it, sex becomes a part of the exposure and response prevention treatment.

Exposure

When someone with OCD engages in sexual activity, their brain may become flooded with intrusive thoughts. This often terrifies them and leads them to avoid sex, despite how much they value it.

To combat this avoidance, aka a compulsion, a therapist may assign sex as an exposure. When the client does have sex, they are often exposed to the intrusive thoughts that they do not want to be thinking about during sex. 

The client would then repeatedly have sex in order to work on tolerating the anxiety and discomfort that comes from dealing with intrusive thoughts that pop up during sex.

In addition to exposure to mental stimuli (thoughts and images) while having sex, exposure to physical stimuli during sex is utilized for those with contamination obsessions surrounding semen, sweat, etc. The person will gradually and repeatedly expose themselves to bodily fluids and sexual activity without engaging in avoidance compulsions.

Response Prevention

The response prevention piece involves cutting out compulsions while having sex and is equally as important as exposures. For example, the person must not ruminate about thoughts that pop in, push thoughts away, or try to neutralize thoughts during sex. The goal is to tolerate discomfort and have sex mindfully.

Why Avoiding Triggers Doesn’t Work

Exposure is so clinically beneficial for those with OCD because the opposite of facing a fear is avoiding it. Avoidance of feared stimuli is what many people with OCD resort to, but avoidance is a compulsion and feeds the OCD. 

By avoiding sex because of intrusive thoughts, the individual is signaling to their hyperactive OCD brain that the false alarms their brain is sending out are real alarms that should be paid attention to. So, what does the brain do? It sends off more frequent and intense alarms because, after all, the brain is trying to keep you safe.

Compulsive Sexual Activity

While some avoid sex compulsively and must expose themselves to it throughout the course of treatment, others utilize sex as a checking compulsion to look for clarity and certainty about their obsessions. Response prevention is utilized in this situation to help treat the OCD.

Common examples of compulsive sex based on obsessional themes are listed below.

Sexual Obsessions

The person with pedophilic obsessions, or any other sexual obsession like unwanted sexual thoughts about family members or animals, may utilize sex with their partner or others as reassurance that they are aroused by their partner.

To the person dealing with OCD, this helps prove to themself that they are not a pedophile, have no desire to have sex with family members or animals, or engage in any other disturbing sexual act.

Sexual Orientation Obsessions

The person dealing with sexual orientation obsessions, intrusive thoughts that cause them to doubt their sexual orientation, may seek out sex with someone to “check” or prove their sexual orientation.

For example, a person who has identified as heterosexual for 30 years may suddenly get sexually intrusive thoughts about the same sex that cause them to relentlessly doubt their sexual orientation.

This applies to any sexual orientation. Someone who identifies as homosexual may relentlessly doubt whether or not they are truly gay because their OCD has latched onto sexual orientation.

The fear with sexual orientation obsessions is not that the person with OCD is gay or straight or anything in between, but that they do not have 100% certainty of their sexual orientation.

Relationship Obsessions 

Someone dealing with relationship obsessions (i.e., intrusive thoughts surrounding the “rightness” of their partner or relationship), may utilize sex to check whether or not they are aroused “enough” by their partner. This could look like checking physical arousal or mentally checking internal feelings during sex.

In these cases, the person must utilize response prevention to cut out compulsive sexual activity. Checking, whether it be physical checking or mental checking of feelings and arousal levels, is very common amongst those with OCD and it is compulsive. 

Mental and Physical Checking

Compulsive checking alerts the brain that the obsessions are meaningful and should be attended to. The checking not only fuels the OCD but often leaves the person further confused because checking can dilute their organic feelings. When people ruminate on something time and time again, like thoughts or feelings or memories, it gets cloudier over time.

Another harsh reality is that what you look for, you will often find. For example, when clients check their groinal area for signs of arousal, they are likely going to feel something because of the attention they are placing on a specific body part. 

OCD Seeks Certainty

Checking is also an attempt to seek certainty about obsessions. OCD is characterized by an inability to tolerate uncertainty. Hence, compulsions. 

The individual with OCD strives to obtain 100% certainty about their sexual orientation, relationship status, etc. when the reality is that certainty does not exist for anyone.  

The Effects of Medication

There is a reason that OCD was once ranked by the World Health Organization as one of the top 10 most debilitating illnesses, physical and mental included. It’s a torturous mental illness.

While ERP is the gold standard in OCD treatment and studies show its effectiveness in treating the disorder, many people with OCD are prescribed medication that can help manage brain chemistry and take the weight off of some of the obsessions. Medication can also help patients carry out their ERP work.

Contrary to what the stigma surrounding the use of medication to treat mental illness leads people to believe, taking medication is not the easy way out. It’s not a Band-Aid or quick fix. It is often a complex decision people make because they are deeply suffering.

Medication’s Impact on Sexual Functioning

The decision to take medication may come at the expense of other things, such as one’s sexual functioning.

For example, medications can have side effects that decrease one’s libido or make it difficult to achieve orgasm.

Those with OCD who are contemplating adding medication to their treatment plan might have to choose between their sanity and sexual satisfaction. This can be a difficult and painful decision to make.

Anxiety and Arousal

Those with OCD who are not taking medication may also experience decreased libido and difficulty achieving orgasm. Anxiety alone can impact arousal, which may be triggering to the person with OCD who interprets the lack of arousal as evidence that their obsessions are true.

Managing OCD Through Mindfulness

Mindfulness skills are a cornerstone of OCD management. Mindfulness, otherwise known as acceptance, is about non-judgmentally noticing thoughts, images, feelings, urges, and sensations.  

Mindfulness is about accepting the presence of whatever thoughts and feelings the brain has produced without judgment. This is tough for the person with OCD who despises their thoughts, but it’s a crucial part of recovery.

The reality is that the thoughts, images, and feelings are not the problem. It is the person’s way of responding to them, compulsively and with resistance, that is the problem. 

Thoughts are, quite simply, words in our mind. Those words are comprised of letters and those letters make up syllables. Thoughts are not necessarily facts and are never threats, which is difficult for the person with OCD to recognize. They automatically attribute meaning to the words and feelings, which keeps them stuck in the O-C cycle.

How Mindfuless Can Help During Sex

Mindfulness skills are helpful for someone with OCD who is engaging in sex as an exposure. The work is to notice and allow whatever pops in during sexual activity while bringing the attention back to the sexual experience.  

It is to co-exist with the thoughts during sex without responding to them compulsively. A mindfulness response during sex looks like: “Okay, that was a thought. It can be here while I re-engage with what is happening in the present moment.”

Handling Intrusive Thoughts During Sex

The goal is not to have sex without experiencing any intrusive thoughts, as that is out of your control. You do not get to choose what pops into your mind during sex or at any other time. Also, it’s highly likely that the intrusive thoughts will be there.  

Thoughts might pop in right before climax or all throughout the sexual experience. That is okay. You are not engaging with the thoughts compulsively or making meaning out of them. You are allowing them to co-exist with you, as uncomfortable as it may be.

Many are so tempted to resist uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, which only keeps them around longer. Mindfulness has a paradoxical effect on thoughts and feelings. 

Final Thoughts

While OCD can make sex more difficult, difficult does not mean impossible. Through Exposure & Response Prevention treatment along with the use of mindfulness skills, sex can become more manageable and even enjoyable.

People talk to themselves for various reasons, including problem-solving, reasoning, planning, motivation, and attention. Self-talk is common, and experts believe talking to yourself out loud can help you process your thoughts in a healthy, productive way.

Self-talk can also be related to problems like stress, anxiety, or trauma. If you’re experiencing other symptoms like difficulty sleeping or feelings of intense sadness, it’s best to see a mental health care professional.

This article discusses some of the reasons why people talk to themselves and some of the possible benefits of this behavior. It also covers what you can do if you’d like to stop talking to yourself and some of the signs that it might be a cause for concern.

Why Do People Talk to Themselves?

Most people have an inner monolouge, but many people also engage in external self-talk. Almost everyone talks outloud to themselves at least occasionally, but some do it more often than others.

While external self-talk is relatively common, there has not been a great deal of research into why some people talk to themselves out loud and others don’t. A 2019 article published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology explored a couple of different explanations. 

Social Isolation

One theory suggests that people who spend more time alone may be more likely to talk to themselves. Because they have fewer interactions with others, their self-talk may serve as a form of social communication. 

There is a fair amount of research supporting this theory. Studies have shown that adults who were an only-child are more likely to engage in external self-talk.

Another study found that people who are lonely and have a strong need to belong are also more likely to talk to themselves. Self-talk, in this case, serves to fill a need that isn’t being met by limited or unsatisfactory social relationships.

Cognitive Disruption

This theory suggests that people may talk to themselves out loud due to cognitively disruptive events that are often brought on by stress or other similar events. For example, feelings of anxiety or obsessive-compulsive tendencies can create cognitive disruptions linked to increases in self-talk.

For example, one study found that people tend to talk to themselves more when preparing to give a speech if they are anxious about public speaking.

Types of Self-Talk

There are a few different types of ways that you might talk to yourself. Self-talk tends to be either positive or negative, but it can also differ in terms of its intended purpose.

• Positive and negative self-talk: Talking to yourself in a positive way may involve delivering self-affirmations or statements designed to help you stay motivated and inspired. Talking to yourself in a negative way often centers on statements that are self-critical or blaming.
• Instructional self-talk: This form of self-directed speech is centered on talking through the steps that you will need to follow in order to solve a problem or perform a task.
• Motivational self-talk: This type of speech is focused on providing encouragement to perform a task. For example, you might congratulate yourself for your efforts or remind yourself that you are capable of succeeding.

Surprisingly, researchers have found that negative self-talk doesn’t always impair performance. On the contrary, sometimes it can provide helpful and realistic feedback that can help you improve how you do in the future. Too much negative self-talk, however, can undermine your confidence in the long run, so it is important to avoid making it a habit.

Benefits of Talking to Yourself

Talking to yourself can have a number of benefits. Some of these include:

Reflection

Talking to yourself can be a useful way to gain some distance from your own experiences. It allows you to reflect on the things that are happening in your life. By providing you some distance, it can be a great way to see things more objectively.

It can minimize the immediate emotion and knee-jerk feelings you might have in the moment so that you can see things in a clearer, more rational way.

Motivation

Talking to yourself can also be motivating. Consider the times you’ve hyped yourself up to face a challenge by telling yourself “I can do this” or “You’ve got this.” Such thoughts can be useful when you keep them inside, but externalizing such ideas can often be even more motivating.

One study in athletes found that self-talk not only helped them perform better, it also seemed related to how much fun they had playing the game.

Better Memory

If you’ve ever talked to yourself as you roam the aisles of the grocery store, don’t fret—research has shown it might actually help you better remember the items on your list. 

In one older study, participants had to search for items in a store without saying anything. During the second phase of the experiment, the participants were told to repeat the names of the items they were looking for as they searched. The results showed that those who talked to themselves found it easier to find what they were looking for. 

According to the researchers, by talking to themselves, the participants improved their memory and created a stronger association between the words they were saying and the visual targets they were seeking.

Problem-Solving

Talking to yourself can also be a way to work through problems you might be facing. This tactic, known as self-explaining, can help people monitor their progress and improve their performance as they work through a problem.

Getting the Most Out of Self-Talk

Talking to yourself can clearly have benefits, but there are also things that you can do to make sure you are getting the most out of your self-talk. Strategies that can help are listed below.

Keep It Positive

Negative self-talk, whether it’s in your mind or out loud, can have a seriously detrimental impact on your well-being. If you tend to dwell or ruminate on negativity, finding ways to reframe your words can be beneficial. 

This doesn’t mean saying things that are overly positive or unrealistic. For example, you don’t want to replace a negative statement such as “I’m terrible at this” with “I’m the best at this.”

Instead, focus on making positive but realistic statements that foster a more optimistic mindset. For example, you might say “This is hard but you are learning. You’re getting better every day.”

Ask Questions

Asking yourself questions about what you have learned or what something means can be a powerful tool for improving memory. Because you are essentially learning something and then teaching it to yourself, it helps reinforce the information and cement it in long-term memory more effectively.

Tune In to What You’re Saying

Talking to yourself is most beneficial when you actually pay attention and listen to what you are saying.

While you might sometimes simply narrate what’s happening in a more stream-of-consciousness manner without really paying attention to the content of your words, listening and thinking about your self-talk can be a helpful way to gain greater self-awareness. 

Use the Second or Third Person

Instead of talking to yourself in the first person, try switching to a second (“you”) or even third-person (“she/he/they”) perspective. 

Using the third person can help give you some distance from those feelings, which can help you evaluate them more objectively, almost as if you were observing someone else’s thoughts rather than your own.

How you talk to yourself can have an important impact on your self-esteem, learning, and self-awareness. Treating yourself with kindness, asking yourself questions, and paying attention to your words can help you make the most of your self-talk.

How to Control It

There’s usually nothing wrong with talking to yourself, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when you want to keep your thoughts to yourself instead of verbalizing them. For example, others might find your self-talk disruptive, particularly if you are sharing a workspace with other people.

So what can you do to manage your tendency to talk to yourself? Some strategies that can help include:

• Talk to other people: If you talk to yourself in order to think through a problem or motivate yourself, you might find it helpful to talk to those around you instead. You might pose questions or ask if they want to offer feedback on your ideas.
• Distract yourself: Finding other ways to stay occupied can help minimize your desire to talk out loud. For example, you might chew some gum, sip some water, or suck on a mint or piece of hard candy.
• Write it down: Journaling can be a helpful practice that may help you process emotions, explore solutions, and even relieve symptoms of stress. 

When to Be Concerned

Self-talk isn’t always a positive force. If you are engaging in negative self-talk, it can take a toll on your confidence, self-esteem, and mental well-being. 

Sometimes you might find yourself engaging in self-talk centered on rumination, or continuously talking about the same sad, negative, dark thoughts. This type of self-talk may be a sign of a mental health condition.

Mental Health Conditions Associated With Self-Talk

Certain mental health conditions can make you more likely to engage in negative self-talk. These include:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

Self-talk can also be a concern if it occurs as a result of hallucinations. In this case, a person would talk aloud to a non-existent external source rather than engaging in a conversation with themselves.

Hallucinations may be connected to a number of different conditions including:

Self-talk that is illogical, incoherent, and accompanied by disordered thoughts can be a sign of schizophrenia or a related condition.

As a clinical psychologist who specializes in couples, young adults, and relationships, I’ve worked with many people who have struggled with dating. When my patients open up about their difficulty finding the right person, they often reveal uncertainty about potential partners in the early stages of dating. 

In an ideal world, we would go on first dates and know right away if we are excited about going on a second date with that person or if we should pass, but so often we’re left feeling indecisive.

Certain aspects of the interaction may have been perfect (sparkling conversation, lots of things in common) and others were not quite what you expected (less attractive than their dating app profile, showed up late, had weird eating preferences) and you can’t decide if these are beige, yellow, or red flags. Maybe everything was perfect but you just didn’t not feel that initial spark!

Plenty of times, it can be worth going on a second date just to be sure…but how do you know if it is actually worth it or if you are just in denial about something, or wasting both your time? Lucky for you I have some thoughts on the matter.

Big Sparks Burn Out Fast

One of the first things I tell my patients when they start a dating journey is that it’s important to remember to stop waiting for the big spark, and not to attach too much significance to first date impressions.

Let me break this down. I have found people who ignite a strong ‘spark’ or chemistry tend to activate insecurities within our attachment system. They might possess qualities that resemble our caretakers and have the potential to reignite unhealthy relational patterns. The most common trope is that of an unavailable yet desirable individual who is charming in person but does not meet your needs for connection when apart.

As a psychologist, I’ve observed that while strong relationships do have chemistry and butterflies, the ‘spark’ should not serve as your sole compass when it comes to dating. It can be hard to disentangle genuine connections when our attachment wounds are triggered.

Attachment wounds tend to generate insecure attachment—as romantic partners can resemble inconsistent caregivers—causing you to live in peaks and valleys, vacillating between apprehension for when they might reach out again to elation when they are available and show up.

The relative distance between each peak and valley provides a rush and functions as an addictive drug, which can feel much more enticing than the slow and steady pace of a secure partner. 

The deepest connections I have seen in the couples I work with are typically less intense than an activated attachment wound in the beginning of a relationship. Deep connection feels more like steadily maintaining a stable pace as you trek up a mountain, whereas an activated attachment wound feels like being catapulted to the top of the summit.

I’ve learned it’s important to rewire your brain not to heed these elusive sparks of chemistry. All too often they’re leading you down a familiar neural pathway of relational dynamics to which you are emotionally accustomed, but are not intellectually interested in pursuing. I know it can be hard to believe, but it’s the more neutral and calm first dates that will likely lead to a deeper, more secure connection down the line. 

First Impressions Matter a Lot Less Than You Think

In my work, there’s an old dating assertion “date until you hate.” And while hate should not be the threshold for the second date barometer, if the person can’t be immediately ruled out it’s useful to push past initial feelings of neutrality or indifference.

It is more helpful to replace the ‘not sure’ gauge with specific reasons why you are not interested in them (see below for hard passes).

I urge my patients to remember that dating is a skill just like interviewing. Many people possess strong interview skills (charm, beauty, high emotional intelligence), that don’t translate to job success (poor work ethic, unreliable, low follow through). Most can master the art of the first date, but few hold the ability to back up their charm and words with action—that takes time to uncover.

As you become more practiced with dating you learn to value the words and ways people market themselves lower than the actual actions and associated emotional reactions you experience over time. This means first impressions stop being such a big deal.

Know What Your “Musts” Are

Consider your past relationships and first dates that went well. What are the details that ended up mattering most? Everyone has their own set of relationship values and deal breakers, and some of those things can show up on a first date.

For instance, if they talk about how they ended their last relationship because their ex wanted kids and they didn’t…and you definitely want children…that can be an indication that the relationship is not worth pursuing, even if it seems like the two of you are otherwise compatible.

Be compassionate and don’t judge too harshly

Getting to date number 2 with someone you like can sometimes feel like a competitive sport, but it is important to remember people are more vulnerable than usual on a first date.

Both parties are trying to make a good impression and show the best side of themself, but there is still much room for awkwardness and human error, so it’s good not to be too judgmental.

It is important to be compassionate and understanding in these instances. Did they stumble over their words because they were nervous? Did they show up a couple of minutes late because they couldn’t decide on an outfit? These are factors that might be a little odd or frustrating but should not necessarily be reasons to write them off.

Remember it takes time to build a genuine connection

We are conditioned to think we need to feel that lovestruck spark within the first hour or so of meeting someone, but oftentimes this trope can lead us astray.

There are many wonderful relationships that blossomed over a longer period of time.

Things that should indicate a hard pass…

Ok, now that we’ve gone over the reasons why you should give someone a second date, what about the reasons why you shouldn’t?

They engage in future faking

Future faking is a manipulation tactic I have seen many patients experience, which is commonly used to create a false sense of connection and intimacy.

If a person commonly makes statements such as: “we’ll travel there together” or “you’ll love my sister when you meet her” super early on in the dating process, they may be fostering hopefulness about your future relationship and illusory security. This is commonly used to speed up the relationship and to overshadow red flags. 

They don’t respect boundaries

These could be subtle ways in which they disregard your preferences or prioritize themselves at your expense.

For example, you state you have an early morning and need to end the night and they encourage you to stay out longer, you tell them you don’t want another drink but they push you to order another, or they initiate physical contact despite stating you are not comfortable yet. 

They talk excessively about themselves and don’t display reciprocal curiosity towards you

There should be mutual self-disclosure and interest in each other on the first date. In other words, you definitely shouldn’t feel like a therapist or like you’re stuck in a fixed listener role.

If you find yourself feeling exhausted from carrying the conversation—remember to pause and allow for silence to see how your date responds instead of assuming responsibility to fill it.

They don’t directly respond to questions or disparage you for asking them

The first date is largely a screener to see if two people are compatible. Straightforward questions like ‘what are you looking for’ when it comes to dating are important to gauge intent and mutual goals.

If the person becomes defensive or makes you feel like it is too soon to ask, the two of you probably aren’t on the same page, and this can be a key early indicator of incompatibility.

They are rude to the waitstaff

The way your date treats restaurant staff could reflect aspects of their personality and value system. For example, if they are impolite, they may have a situational value system, meaning their character changes depending on the perceived value they deem in those with whom they interact.

They are likely to dichotomize the waiter with a subordinate role, without having empathy for whatever challenges they might be facing as a fellow human being. 

They talk about their ex at length

This typically reveals that the relationship is still alive for them, and they may have started dating again too soon. Their ex may occupy space in their mind and they are still working through it—inadvertently with you.

Additionally, the way they talk about their ex is important. Overly negative and critical recounts of their partner are red flags. Relationships are co-constructed, so any breakup typically has two liable parties. If they condemn their ex without any hints of empathy it could reflect immaturity, lack of processing, or inability to take responsibility.

Relationships are not black and white and both people are usually accountable for the outcome.

When in doubt, give them a second chance

In general, I advise my patients to consider giving the person a second chance if they did not meet your initial expectations. It’s always possible they were just off their game, had a bad day, or the circumstances of the date itself were to blame.

Ultimately, more information is always better than being left with doubt about what could have been. When it comes to dating, it is best to give people a real chance and to have no regrets.