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Attachment starts in the womb, so even for children relinquished at birth, this represents a significant trauma and attachment wound. Adoption can play a role in attachment issues, trauma, and behavioral issues that affect people from childhood into adulthood.

There are about seven million adoptees living in the United States, and approximately 140,000 are adopted each year. While many people look at adoption as something beautiful—and it can be—the truth is that adoptees may deal with significant mental health effects after being adopted.

Adoption is often forgotten when speaking about trauma, leading to a form of disenfranchised grief, which is grief that is not typically acknowledged or validated by society. Both the trauma and the unrecognized grief may contribute to significant mental health issues. Here are some ways this affects adoptees.

Adoptees at Higher Risk for Mental Health Issues

Adoptees are statistically known to be more at risk for mental health problems, both due to the initial trauma and genetics. Mental health issues may also be prevalent in biological parents, who have suffered their own traumas, which are then genetically passed on to the child.

A meta-analysis (review of studies) about adoptees’ mental health found higher levels of depression and anxiety than in non-adoptees, with bipolar disorder and major depressive disorder as the two disorders most associated with adoption. Additionally, adoptees are more likely to attempt suicide.

Why Adoptees are at Risk

Adoption is a trauma that is often overlooked. “It’s not natural for a baby anything to be separated immediately from its mother,” says Lesli Johnson, LMFT, a therapist who works with adoptees.

Attachment is the state of emotional connectedness with another human being, primarily parents. Research shows that children who have been adopted face higher levels of attachment insecurity than non-adoptees—and adoptees who enter their parents’ lives later than at one year old have deeper attachment issues than those adopted at birth or soon after.

Some of this may be due to intergenerational transmission of attachment issues—that is, the changes in one’s body/brain due to poor attachment being genetically passed on.

Additionally, Johnson says that some of the issues come from the messaging that adoptees receive—both societally and at home. “If they are told ‘your parent loved you so much, she wanted you to have a better life,’ kids might conflate love with loss. It’s not a great way for adoptive parents to explain it to kids.”

Mental Health Effects of Being Adopted

Adoptees are more likely to have a psychiatric diagnosis than non-adoptees, both due to the effects of trauma as well as the increased chance of heritability. Some common diagnoses among adoptees:

Common Issues Among Adoptees

While there are certain mental health conditions and diagnoses that adoptees are vulnerable to, there are also issues that arise that do not represent a clinical diagnosis, but nonetheless, affect adoptees’ lives.

Disenfranchised Grief

While things like death and divorce are typically recognized as grief, adoption is not often recognized. This is called disenfranchised grief—a type of grief that people feel uncomfortable acknowledging publicly. 

Johnson says that this type of grief is common among adoptees because of the societal messaging suggesting “you should be grateful” or “you were adopted into a good family.”

Hypervigilance

Often associated with PTSD, hypervigilance is a feeling of being constantly on guard for danger. In adoptees, Johnson says this is due to “the initial separation between mom and baby creating high levels of [the stress hormone] cortisol and a tendency for reactivity. That sense of danger for the baby is embedded in the nervous system.”

Trust

Often adults and young adults will experience difficulty with relationships, according to Johnson. “They wonder, ‘Who can I trust?'” Their major experiences with “love” have included loss, so they wonder who will stick around. 

Forming a Sense of Self

While most people will struggle at some point to figure out who they are in the world, adoptees have it even harder. If you don’t even know anything about the people responsible for your genetics, it can be hard to know who you are.

Issues in Children

Johnson says that younger kids, between ages three to five, often have a very literal understanding of adoption. “Adoption [to a kid] simply means ‘I was given to this family.’

“But as kids get older, they start putting things together. They might see a classmate’s pregnant mother and have questions their adoptive family may not be able to answer about their mother’s pregnancy.” 

Grief looks different in children, she says. Rather than tearfulness or sadness, it often looks like acting out or not behaving.

Suicide in Adoptees

Adoptees are at a four times higher rate of risk for suicide, according to one study. It is believed that some of the reasons for this may be early trauma, attachment issues, and a history of institutional care, such as in an orphanage.

Other reasons may include the possible inheritance of susceptibility to mental illness, substance use, or suicidal behavior.

How to Find Help

If you are an adoptee and these or any other issues have been impacting your life, there is support for you out there, from adoption-focused therapists to support groups. You don’t have to face this alone.

Therapy

The good news is that adoptees go to therapy at a higher rate than non-adoptees; they are represented twice as much as non-adoptees in therapy.

When looking for a therapist who specializes in adoption, Johnson suggests asking these three questions:

• Do you think separating a child from biological parents is trauma?
• What has your training been in working with adoption and foster care?
• What is your training in attachment?

You can also search therapy directories for therapists who have experience working with adoptees, or search lists specifically of therapists who have been touched by adoption themselves. 

Support Groups

Adoption can feel like a very unique and isolating experience that few understand. A support group of other adoptees may help you feel less alone. Such groups, whether in-person or online, help you connect with others who have had similar experiences. This can be a great source of encouragement, understanding, and valuable information.

Keep in Mind

You may be close to your adopted family and grateful for the life you have, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t affected by your adoption. If you are an adoptee who is feeling the mental health effects of being adopted, you’re not alone, and there are therapists who can and want to help you process your trauma.

Trypophobia is often described as “the fear of holes,” but it also can apply to bumps or other patterns clustered together. When people see trigger objects, they experience symptoms such as severe fear, nausea, itching, sweating, shaking, and even panic attacks.

Whether trypophobia is a genuine condition is the subject of debate. Trypophobia was first described in an online forum in 2005, but the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the American Psychiatric Association (DSM-V-TR) has not recognized it as a distinct diagnosis.

Signs and Symptoms of Trypophobia

Fear is one common symptom of trypophobia, but disgust tends to be the overwhelming emotion. Trypophobia also tends to be highly visual. Seeing images online or in print is enough to trigger feelings of revulsion or anxiety.

The symptoms of this condition are similar to those of other specific phobias. After seeing clusters of small holes or bumps, whether in reality or in an image, people often experience:

• Emotional distress
• Fear and anxiety
• Feelings of revulsion
• Goosebumps
• Itching
• Nausea
• Panic attacks
• Rapid breathing
• Shaking
• Sweating
• Vomiting

Symptoms are persistent, leading to functional impairments in daily living.One case report illustrates how trypophobia often presents. The patient, a 12-year-old girl, experienced feelings of discomfort when she encountered surfaces and objects covered with holes or dots. When asked to draw a picture of her fear, she filled a paper with a repetitive pattern of clustered, round dots.

Common Triggers of Trypophobia

Research on trypophobia is still relatively rare, but some of the trigger objects that have been observed include:

• Bubble wrap
• Bubbles
• Condensation
• Coral
• Fruit seeds
• Holes in diseased or decaying flesh
• Holes or bumps on flesh
• Honeycombs
• Insect eyes
• Lotus seed pods
• Pomegranates
• Sponges
• Strawberries

Man-made patterns, as well as animals that have spotted or patterned coats, can also cause a phobic reaction.

In addition to experiencing symptoms such as fear and disgust, people with trypophobia often experience behavioral changes as well. Avoidance of trigger objects is common. For example, a person might avoid eating certain foods (such as strawberries or aerated chocolate) or avoid going to certain places (such as a room with dotted wallpaper).

Causes of Trypophobia

Research on trypophobia is still quite limited, but there are some theories about why it happens.

Evolution

According to one of the most popular theories, trypophobia is an evolutionary response to things that are associated with disease or danger. Diseased skin, parasites, and other infectious conditions, for example, may be characterized by such holes or bumps.

This theory suggests that this phobia has an evolutionary basis. It is also consistent with the tendency for those with trypophobia to experience greater disgust than fear when they see a trigger object.

Associations With Dangerous Animals

Another theory suggests that clustered holes share a similar appearance to skin and coat patterns on some venomous animals. People may fear these patterns out of unconscious associations.

There is some research that supports this idea. A 2013 study looked at how people with trypophobia respond to certain stimuli in comparison to those without the condition. When viewing a honeycomb (a common trypophobic object), people who don’t have trypophobia immediately think of things such as honey or bees.

The researchers believe that those with trypophobia non-consciously associated the sight of a honeycomb with dangerous organisms that share the same basic visual characteristics, such as rattlesnakes. While they are not consciously aware of this association, it may be what causes them to feel feelings of disgust or fear.

Associations With Infectious Pathogens

A 2017 study found that participants tended to associate hole patterns with skin-transmitted pathogens. Study participants reported feelings of skin-itching and skin-crawling when viewing such patterns.

Disgust or fear of potential threats is an adaptive evolutionary response. In many cases, these feelings help keep us safe from danger. In the case of trypophobia, researchers believe it may be an overgeneralized and exaggerated form of this normally adaptive response,

A Response to Visual Characteristics

Some research suggests that the discomfort people feel has more to do with the visual characteristics of the patterns themselves.

One study published in Psychological Reports found that while people experience discomfort when viewing trypophobic patterns, these feelings were more related to the visual patterns themselves than to associations with dangerous animals. Such results call into question whether or not trypophobia is actually a phobia at all, or simply a natural response to certain types of visual stimuli.

Risk Factors for Trypophobia

Symptoms of trypophobia typically meet DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for specific phobias rather than other conditions such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). However, researchers have found that people with trypophobia were more likely to experience other conditions, too. These include:

• Depression
• Generalized
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
• Panic disorder
• Bipolar disorder

It’s more common in women and in people with close relatives who also have trypophobia.

Treatments for Trypophobia

No specific treatment has been demonstrated particularly effective in the treatment of this condition. However, many of the treatments used for specific phobias and mood disorders are also likely to be helpful in reducing symptoms.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) involves working with a therapist to change the underlying thoughts and behaviors that might contribute to trypophobia. This might involve discussing unrealistic thoughts, replacing these with more realistic ones, and then making changes in behaviors. CBT might also involve gradual exposure to feared things or situations to decrease one’s reactions to them.

One of the reasons people experience phobia symptoms is because they often believe there is something inherently dangerous or threatening about the fear object. This leads to negative automatic thoughts as soon as they encounter the source of their fear.

Exposure therapy, a type of CBT, involves progressively exposing a person to their fear object with the hope that fear symptoms will lessen over time. This process is usually done very gradually. A person may start by imagining what they fear, then looking at pictures of the fear object, and then finally being near or even touching the source of their anxiety.

In the case of trypophobia, a person with symptoms may start by simply closing his eyes and imagining something such as a honeycomb or seed pod. They will continue working on this activity until symptoms start to recede. Once he is able to imagine the object without a response, he will move onto the next step, which often involves looking at an image of an object that normally triggers symptoms.

Relaxation Techniques

Different relaxation strategies can also be useful for reducing feelings of disgust, fear, or anxiety. Visualization, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation are a few strategies that might be helpful.

Visualization involves picturing soothing images or situations. A person with trypophobia might try to envision a beautiful sunset or a field of flowers whenever they encounter something covered with tiny holes.

A simple distraction can also be a useful coping technique. If you see something that triggers a trypophobic response, you might simply look away and find something else to think about or look at until your symptoms ease. 

Medications

Anti-depressant or anti-anxiety drugs may sometimes be prescribed, particularly if the individual also experiences depression or anxiety. These may include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), benzodiazepines, or beta-blockers. These medications may be used alone, but they are often used in conjunction with another treatment approach such as CBT or other types of psychotherapy.

A psychological evaluation, or psychological testing, is a thorough process of assessment and screening administered by a psychologist. The methods used for the evaluation will depend on your or your loved one’s needs.

The role of the psychologist doing the evaluation is similar to a detective looking for clues to solve a mystery. The more clues that can be identified, the more information you’ll have to understand what’s going on and decide what options are best suited to help the person being evaluated.

Uses

A psychological evaluation, which is always performed by a licensed psychologist, can be used to diagnose a variety of mental health conditions or illnesses that impact memory, thought processes, and behaviors, including:

A psychological evaluation can help determine the following:

• The severity of symptoms of conditions like depression or anxiety
• The presence of a learning disability
• Academic strengths and weaknesses
• Root causes of emotional problems
• Positive and negative coping styles
• Reasons for aggressive behavior
• Information about how you view the world
• Issues or conflicts you may be struggling with
• Insight into your personality style

Types

There are four primary types of psychological evaluation, including:

• Assessment of Intellectual Functioning (IQ): An assessment of intellectual functioning, or an IQ test, measures a person’s cognitive abilities and provides a score that is intended to serve as a measure of an individual’s intellectual abilities and potential. There are two primary measures to test a person’s IQ: intelligence tests and neuropsychological assessment.
• Behavioral Assessment: A behavioral assessment is used to assess a wide variety of behaviors and emotions. It’s particularly useful when it is unclear what might be causing problematic behaviors or symptoms.
• Clinical Interview: A clinical interview is a tool that helps psychologists make an accurate diagnosis of a variety of mental illnesses. There are two common types: structured clinical interviews and clinical diagnostic interviews.
• Personality Assessment: A personality assessment will allow your psychologist to learn about the genetic, environmental, and social components of your personality so they can figure out the best way to treat you.

In addition, psychological testing may be part of assessments of aptitude or achievement in school, career or work counseling, development of management skills, and career planning.

How It Works

A psychological evaluation may consist of a series of formal or structured psychological or neuropsychological tests as well as clinical interviews designed to identify and describe emotional, behavioral, or learning problems.

Psychological assessments may be written or given orally, or administered via a computer. They may involve a series of questions to determine how often you or a loved one experience certain symptoms, or you may be prompted to choose statements that best describe how you think, feel, and behave.

Depending on the test, the process can take several hours to a full day, and may be completed during several different sessions.

Where to Get a Psychological Evaluation

While a psychological evaluation can provide valuable information, it can also be time-consuming and expensive. Since the number of tests needed often varies, it may be worthwhile to have an initial consultation with a psychologist to find out what tests are recommended and the overall cost and time involved.

Sometimes the best way to get this testing completed is through the school district for a student evaluation, or as part of the initial assessment process when a person is placed in a residential treatment program.

Other settings where a psychological evaluation may be done include:

• Emergency departments
• Home care services
• Inpatient units (following hospitalization)
• Nursing homes
• Long-term care facilities
• Outpatient facilities, such as office-based practices or intensive outpatient programs
• Prisons

An inferiority complex is when a person has feelings of inadequacy or inferiority, whether real or imagined. These feelings may result from a physical defect or surface in situations where we feel less intelligent than our peers. Other times, feelings of inferiority may be concocted from purely imagined shortcomings.

Feeling inferior goes beyond unhappiness that a colleague got a promotion over you, or even feeling sad after achieving a low score on a class-wide test. These are expected, even healthy reactions to disappointments, and are usually nothing to worry about. 

With an inferiority complex, however, it isn’t uncommon for a person to withdraw in the presence of people who make them feel insufficient. In some scenarios, such a person may attempt to overcompensate for a perceived deficiency by behaving in an excessively competitive manner or by acting aggressively toward others.

There are several things to look out for when trying to recognize an inferiority complex. Learn what these signs are, potential causes of inferiority, and ways to cope with your own feelings of inadequacy.

Signs of an Inferiority Complex

• Displaying signs of low self-esteem
• A tendency to over-analyze compliments and criticisms
• Persistently looking for validation and praise from others
• Pulling away from family, friends, and colleagues, especially in social situations
• Attempting to make others feel insecure to make up for feelings of inadequacy
• The refusal to participate in competitive events for fear of being compared to others

What Causes an Inferiority Complex?

If you are constantly worrying about measuring up to others or turning down invites to avoid interacting with people you believe are better than you, chances are, these feelings of inadequacy didn’t turn up overnight.

An inferiority complex is most likely the outcome of one or a combination of factors, some of which may have developed over time. Common causes of an inferiority complex are outlined below.

Childhood Experiences

While feelings of inadequacy tend to stick out in adulthood, these symptoms may result from negative events that took place at a much younger age.

Children that grow up surrounded by adults, especially those who tended to care for their every need, may grow up feeling weak and incapable of caring for themselves without supervision. This can be made worse in situations where children are deliberately made to feel small and helpless.

Likewise, where young ones are raised in an environment of cruelty, one that repeatedly makes them question their worth, they tend to grow up timid and unsure of their value where others are concerned.

Physical Characteristics

It’s understandable to be fussy about your appearance. However, there are times where a person may consider their weight, facial features, or other bodily traits to be real causes for concern. This can lead to extreme self-consciousness.

Other characteristics like living with a speech impediment (e.g., a stutter) can encourage feelings of inadequacy. 

Economic and Social Challenges

There are obvious implications of living with financial difficulties such as sacrificing important needs to pay for more pressing issues, residing in a poorer society, etc. However, one easy-to-miss connection is the toll that living under tight financial constraints often leaves on the mind.

In cases where a person is the least financially successful in their friend group or constantly has to reach out to peers and family members for assistance, this can negatively impact their estimation of self-worth. The same may occur where a person grew up under tough economic circumstances that constantly forced them to ask for help or money.

In addition to these challenges, an inferiority complex may also manifest in adulthood due to circumstances such as an inability to find employment, social setbacks such as difficulty finding a spouse, or public embarrassment that leads to destructive feelings of insufficiency.

Effects of Living With an Inferiority Complex

When you live your life assuming that everyone else is better than you, this can negatively affect your ability to carry out everyday activities. Living life with an inferiority complex is harmful for the reasons outlined below.

Increased Risk of Developing Dangerous Addictions

Constantly having to relate with people you’ve placed on a pedestal and dealing with the outcomes of such interactions can be taxing when you live with an inferiority complex. For an escape and to help manage these difficulties, studies have shown that people living with this complex tend to turn to dangerous drugs.

Likewise, it isn’t uncommon to become dependent on alcohol to get through the day when living with feelings of insufficiency. While these coping mechanisms may offer some comfort, their effectiveness is loudly pronounced at lowering feelings of self-worth. Moreover, these dependencies may even lead to health complications.

Depression

When you don’t feel strong or worthy enough to interact with your friends, family, and colleagues as equals, this can greatly impact your mental health and well-being. 

Constantly second-guessing and shrinking yourself can sometimes lead to feelings of depression and have been shown to encourage frustration in persons saddled with this complex.

Poorer Quality Social and Work-Life

If you’re too concerned about appearing incompetent compared to colleagues, this can take away from your focus on the job. Feeling inadequate may also affect the proper execution of your role.

Likewise, when all you can think about is fielding questions from peers and family alike about status in life and achievements, this can prompt you to avoid social interactions with loved ones.

On the flip side, overcompensating for perceived inadequacies by being cruel to others can affect how others perceive you.

Living with an inferiority complex may also increase the tendency of developing a sleeping disorder. The chances of experiencing feelings of suicidal ideation are also higher when you live with an inferiority complex.

Coping With an Inferiority Complex

Going through life with the belief that others are better than you, or consider you inadequate because of some deficiency or other, can be incredibly challenging.

But, it’s important to recognize that you are a unique individual, filled with different strengths and abilities that can make you a positive addition to any setting. 

It may not always be easy to achieve this mindset. To help manage your inferiority complex, let’s take a look at some things you do to cope with feelings of inferiority.

Attend Therapy

Telling a stranger about your struggles with self-worth might seem like a bad idea when dealing with an inferiority complex, but seeking professional help might be the guidance you need.

Through approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy, negative thoughts and ideas about your value can be identified and changed into a more positive outlook. In addition, therapy can provide a guiding hand as you challenge unfavorable ideas about yourself.

Keep a Journal

Writing down true feelings about yourself and triggers that spur these thoughts can help you keep an eye on your progress with valuing yourself more kindly.

By identifying the factors that cause you to think negatively about yourself, writing out the ways you are, in fact, worthy of respect and love can help with internalizing more positive ideas about yourself.

Practice Positive Affirmations

Making a habit of telling yourself how valuable, beautiful, and talented you are can jumpstart a powerful change in how you perceive yourself.

As a routine, this will not only offer a change to the way you think and speak about yourself; it can help to strengthen your belief in your abilities.

We’ve all heard the phrase “It’s OK to not be OK.” And sometimes, pretending like you’re OK just feels impossible. But what if someone greets you with an innocuous “How are you?”

You might not feel like responding with a simple “I’m fine,” but coming up with a response that is both appropriate for the situation and feels truthful to you can be difficult. 

Here’s what to say if you aren’t OK, with tips for a variety of situations.

What to Say to Friends or Family When You Don’t Want to Talk About It

Sometimes a friend or family member might ask you how you’re doing but it feels too difficult to discuss. It’s fair to assume that someone close to you asking you “How are you?” is genuinely interested in a response.

In this case, you can thank them for asking, but honestly and succinctly make it clear that you don’t want to talk. You could say something like:

• “I’m not doing great, but I don’t really feel like talking about it right now.”
• “Thanks for asking. Things are hard right now, but I don’t feel like getting into it.”
• “I know you care, but I don’t feel up to a serious discussion right now.”

You could also turn the conversation around to focus on them rather than you:

• “I’m not feeling too good, but I’d rather hear about how you’re doing right now.”
• “I’d feel better if we talked about you rather than me.”

What to Say to Friends or Family When You Do Want to Talk About It

Maybe you’ve been feeling bad lately but didn’t know how to bring it up to a friend or family member. In that case, a simple “How are you?” might open the door to a conversation that you feel ready for. Acknowledge how you’re feeling and ask if it’s alright to share what’s been going on with you. Chances are, your loved one would like to know.

You could say something like:

• “Thanks for asking. I’ve actually been having a tough time recently. Is it OK if I tell you about it?”
• “I don’t have a simple answer to that question. Are you up for a conversation?”
• “Things have been hard. I’d really like to talk about it, if you’re up for it.”

Your friends and family will be there for you in times of need, just as you would be there for them. Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability and allow a loved one to provide a much-needed shoulder to lean on.

What to Say to a Stranger

We’ve all been there—you’re having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day and the barista cheerfully asks “How are you?” Sometimes, it just feels too difficult or disingenuous to lie, but you don’t want to (or can’t, in the case of a busy coffee shop) have a discussion with this person. So how do you stay true to your feelings without gritting your teeth and saying “Fine”?

You could say something like:

• “I’m like the cat on those motivational posters—hanging in there.”
• “Oh, you know, life sucks and then you die.” (Dark humor is acceptable!)
• “Never been worse! But what can you do?”

Another option is to quickly acknowledge how you’re feeling but then put the spotlight on them. Here are a few coffee shop-inspired examples:

• “Not great, but how are you? Has it been busy in here today?”
• “I’m tired, but you must be tired too. When did your shift start?”
• “I’m having a rough time, but I appreciate that you always have a smile on your face.”

This may feel a little awkward if you’re used to brushing things off with that quick “fine, thanks,” but chances are that providing a true-to-you answer will feel more genuine and refreshing both for you and the person asking.

What to Do If You’re Not OK

If you’re going through a tough time, you don’t have to suffer alone. Having a support system is important—if you can, talk to a friend or family member about how you’re feeling. They might have suggestions for how to cope or be able to make plans with you to take your mind off of your troubles.

If things are really difficult—if you are having trouble functioning in your day-to-day life—consider talking to a mental health professional. A therapist can help you understand how you’re feeling, identify triggers and situations that make you feel worse, and learn how to manage moving forward. 

If you are in crisis—for example, if you are having suicidal thoughts—reach out to a crisis resource right away:

• Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: dial or text 988
• Crisis Text Line: text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room

Final Thoughts

It’s OK to acknowledge when you’re feeling bad, especially when pretending like you’re fine feels too difficult. Remember that you have options.

Friends and family are there for you to lean on for support, and interactions with strangers can feel honest and open, even when you don’t want to talk. So the next time someone asks “How are you?” you’ll be prepared no matter what.

Someone who has an aggressive communication style talks with a lot of emotion, not much empathy, and is totally focused on “winning” the argument at any cost. While it’s a style of communication that’s commonly used by narcissists and bullies, any person can be an aggressive communicator. You might hear aggressive communication from parents, friends, co-workers, or romantic partners. You might even have an aggressive communication style yourself. 

Let’s talk about who uses this style of communication and look at some examples of aggressive communication in everyday life. 

What Kind of Communicator Are You?

Our fast and free communication styles quiz can help give you some insight into how you interact with others and what it could mean for your interpersonal relationships, both at work and at home.

This communication styles quiz was medically reviewed by Ivy Kwong, LMFT.

Examples of Aggressive Communication

Aggressiveness is a way of acting and communicating where a person expresses their feelings, needs, and rights without any regard or respect for the needs, rights, and feelings of others. 

When a person uses aggressive communication, the other people involved may feel victimized. Relationships are often damaged by these conversations—which is bad for everyone, not just those on the receiving end of aggression. 

Examples of an aggressive communication style include saying things like:

• “This is all your fault.”
• “It’s my way or the highway.”
• “Do what I say.”
• “I don’t care what you have to say.”
• “You never do anything right.”
• “I don’t agree with you so I don’t have to listen to your opinion.”
• “Everyone has to agree with me.”
• “I’m right and you’re wrong.”
• “You owe me.”
• “I’m entitled to this.”
• “I’ll get my way no matter what.”

The overall tone and vibe of aggressive communication are intense and confrontational. A conversation that is dominated by aggression can be exhausting and frightening. It also does not tend to be a productive form of conversation—if everyone’s needs and goals are not discussed, they can’t be met. 

A person who is an aggressive communicator will interrupt or “trample” anyone else who is speaking. They’ll be insistent on making their point and making sure that everyone hears it. They may raise their voice or even yell if they feel like they’re not being heard, or that someone’s trying to “take the mic” from them. 

By focusing so much on making sure that they’re being listened to, aggressive communicators generally are not listening to what other people are saying. 

If aggressive communicators have other traits that affect their relationships, they may use tactics to manipulate the conversation and the people in it. They may say things like, “You make me like this” or “You always overreact.” These comments put the blame for the aggressive communicator’s behavior onto the other person. 

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How Aggressive Communication Damages Relationships 

Aggression and conflict can hurt our relationships. These stressful conversations can cause problems when we try to communicate with others, including: 

• Aggressive responses from others
• Barriers to communication
• Distrust
• Fear of sharing
• Feelings of disrespect
• Greater stress
• Lack of connection
• Increased conflict
• Negative interactions
• Poor goal achievement
• Secrecy

Assertive vs. Aggressive Communication

Sometimes, people confuse being assertive with being aggressive. Asserting yourself in a conversation is actually a powerful tool to use when you’re dealing with an aggressive communicator.

Assertiveness means expressing your own needs and rights while also respecting the needs and rights of others and maintaining everyone’s dignity. Unlike aggression, assertiveness can improve relationships and increase life satisfaction. 

Here are a few ways to tell the difference between being assertive and being aggressive when you’re talking with others.

Am I an Aggressive Communicator?

You can change how you communicate with others, but first, you need to get a deeper understanding of how you’re currently communicating with them. Here are some questions to ask yourself to figure out what your communication style is: 

• Am I upset if others don’t agree with me?
• Do I check in with people to see if they’re comfortable, or do I force my own agenda?
• Do I know how to disagree without being disagreeable?
• Do I know how to get my needs met without violating the needs of others?
• Do I know how to stand up for myself?
• Do I put people down?
• Do I seek out other people’s opinions, or just share my own?
• Do I talk over people or interrupt them frequently?

How to Be More Assertive

Are you comfortable standing up for yourself? A little too comfortable walking all over others? Are you somewhere in the comfortable middle ground? Research suggests that learning about your communication style and finding ways to replace aggressive responses with more assertive ones can help you communicate more effectively.

Here are some ways to be more assertive in your communication style rather than being aggressive or passive: 

• Ask for what you need instead of expecting others to guess
• Express your feelings calmly
• Explain your needs and let other people know that you recognize their needs
• Really listen to what other people have to say
• Respect the needs of others
• Look for “win-win” solutions rather than only focusing on what benefits you

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by trying to overhaul how you communicate. For example, maybe respect for others in conversation wasn’t the norm for you growing up, so you’re having a hard time getting the hang of assertive (rather than aggressive) communication as an adult. 

You might find that as you’re trying to change, you’re going back and forth between steamrolling over other’s needs and letting them trample yours. That’s part of working through the process. Once you find that balance, it will get easier to be assertive in all of your interactions. 

What to Do If You’re an Aggressive Communicator 

If you’re reading through the examples of aggressive communication and realize that you are an aggressive communicator, try not to be too hard on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing and acknowledging that the way you’re communicating may not be best for maintaining the important relationships in your life and could be a significant source of stress. 

Aggressive communication can wreak havoc on all areas of your life, including school, family, and work. But you can take steps to reduce aggression and stress and change how you communicate. 

You’ll want to think and be honest about how you talk to other people. Here are some questions to ask yourself: 

• Do you make common conflict resolution mistakes such as criticizing and shutting others down? 
• Do you know about healthy communication techniques like listening carefully and trying to see things from other people’s perspectives? Do you use these techniques when you talk to others? 
• Are you an all-or-nothing thinker who sees every situation as either “right” or “wrong” with no middle ground? 
• In the past, were your needs ignored or not heard, so you felt like you had to be very loud and demand what you wanted in order to get it? 
• Do you typically feel like you’re the smartest person in the room and everyone you have to interact with is “not on your level?”
• Do you use anger as a way to cover up your true feelings (like sadness or insecurity) because your emotions embarrass or overwhelm you? 
• Do you tend to pick fights with people or escalate even simple conversations by yelling, making threats, or being sarcastic? 

Once you’ve figured out that you are an aggressive communicator, think about how you can change your tact to become more assertive. This means making a point to listen to others and really hear them—not just pretending to until it’s your turn to speak. 

It also means watching yourself for signs that you’re heading toward aggression—are you raising your voice? Do you feel your pulse going up? Do you want to “call out” or “put down” the person you’re talking to?

Catching yourself in these moments will help you learn the warning signs that the conversation is not going in a helpful direction and may even be hurting the other person (and ultimately, you). 

When you’re still learning how to correct course, you might need to put up a stop sign in the middle of a conversation so you don’t let it go even deeper into aggressive territory. For example, you might need to say, “I need a minute because I feel myself starting to get upset.” 

Taking time to calm yourself down and think about how you want to approach the conversation with assertion and not aggression can help, but only if you do actually continue the conversation. 

Don’t use “I need a minute” to duck out on an important talk—and make sure that the other person knows that you aren’t leaving because you felt like you were “losing.” It’s important that they understand that you intend to finish the conversation when you can do so in a way that won’t be hurtful and that, hopefully, will lead to everyone’s needs being heard, respected, and addressed. 

Letting go of an aggressive communication style doesn’t mean you’re becoming passive. You’re just replacing unhelpful tendencies with strategies that are more helpful and less stressful. 

The experimental method is a type of research procedure that involves manipulating variables to determine if there is a cause-and-effect relationship. The results obtained through the experimental method are useful but do not prove with 100% certainty that a singular cause always creates a specific effect. Instead, they show the probability that a cause will or will not lead to a particular effect.

What Is the Experimental Method in Psychology?

The experimental method involves manipulating one variable to determine if this causes changes in another variable. This method relies on controlled research methods and random assignment of study subjects to test a hypothesis.

For example, researchers may want to learn how different visual patterns may impact our perception. Or they might wonder whether certain actions can improve memory. Experiments are conducted on many behavioral topics, including:

Positivism is also important in the experimental method. It refers to factual knowledge that is obtained through observation, which is considered to be trustworthy.

When using the experimental method, researchers first identify and define key variables. Then they formulate a hypothesis, manipulate the variables, and collect data on the results. Unrelated or irrelevant variables are carefully controlled to minimize the potential impact on the experiment outcome.

History of the Experimental Method

The idea of using experiments to better understand human psychology began toward the end of the nineteenth century. Wilhelm Wundt established the first formal laboratory in 1879.

Wundt is often called the father of experimental psychology. He believed that experiments could help explain how psychology works, and used this approach to study consciousness.

Other early contributors to the development and evolution of experimental psychology as we know it today include:

• Gustav Fechner (1801-1887), who helped develop procedures for measuring sensations according to the size of the stimulus
• Hermann von Helmholtz (1821-1894), who analyzed philosophical assumptions through research in an attempt to arrive at scientific conclusions
• Franz Brentano (1838-1917), who called for a combination of first-person and third-person research methods when studying psychology
• Georg Elias Müller (1850-1934), who performed an early experiment on attitude which involved the sensory discrimination of weights and revealed how anticipation can affect this discrimination

Key Terms to Know

To understand how the experimental method works, it is important to know some key terms.

Dependent Variable

The dependent variable is the effect that the experimenter is measuring. If a researcher was investigating how sleep influences test scores, for example, the test scores would be the dependent variable.

Independent Variable

The independent variable is the variable that the experimenter manipulates. In the previous example, the amount of sleep an individual gets would be the independent variable.

Hypothesis

A hypothesis is a tentative statement or a guess about the possible relationship between two or more variables. In looking at how sleep influences test scores, the researcher might hypothesize that people who get more sleep will perform better on a math test the following day. The purpose of the experiment, then, is to either support or reject this hypothesis.

Extraneous Variables

Extraneous variables are other variables that may also affect the outcome of an experiment. Types of extraneous variables include participant variables, situational variables, demand characteristics, and experimenter effects. In some cases, researchers can take steps to control for extraneous variables.

Demand Characteristics

Demand characteristics are subtle hints that indicate what an experimenter is hoping to find in a psychology experiment. This can sometimes cause participants to alter their behavior, which can affect the results of the experiment.

Intervening Variables

Intervening variables are factors that can affect the relationship between two other variables. 

Confounding Variables

Confounding variables are variables that can affect the dependent variable, but that experimenters cannot control for. Confounding variables can make it difficult to determine if the effect was due to changes in the independent variable or if the confounding variable may have played a role.

The Experimental Process

Psychologists, like other scientists, use the scientific method when conducting an experiment. The scientific method is a set of procedures and principles that guide how scientists develop research questions, collect data, and come to conclusions.

The five basic steps of the experimental process are:

1. Identifying a problem to study
2. Devising the research protocol
3. Conducting the experiment
4. Analyzing the data collected
5. Sharing the findings (usually in writing or via presentation)

Most psychology students are expected to use the experimental method at some point in their academic careers. Learning how to conduct an experiment is important to understanding how psychologists prove and disprove theories in this field.

Types of Experiments

There are a few different types of experiments that researchers might use when studying psychology. Each has pros and cons depending on the participants being studied, the hypothesis, and the resources available to conduct the research.

Lab Experiments

Lab experiments are common in psychology because they allow experimenters more control over the variables. These experiments can also be easier for other researchers to replicate. The drawback of this research type is that what takes place in a lab is not always what takes place in the real world.

Field Experiments

Sometimes researchers opt to conduct their experiments in the field. For example, a social psychologist interested in researching prosocial behavior might have a person pretend to faint and observe how long it takes onlookers to respond.

This type of experiment can be a great way to see behavioral responses in realistic settings. But it is more difficult for researchers to control the many variables existing in these settings that could potentially influence the experiment’s results.

Quasi-Experiments

While lab experiments are known as true experiments, researchers can also utilize a quasi-experiment. Quasi-experiments are often referred to as natural experiments because the researchers do not have true control over the independent variable.

A researcher looking at personality differences and birth order, for example, is not able to manipulate the independent variable in the situation (personality traits). Participants also cannot be randomly assigned because they naturally fall into pre-existing groups based on their birth order.

So why would a researcher use a quasi-experiment? This is a good choice in situations where scientists are interested in studying phenomena in natural, real-world settings. It’s also beneficial if there are limits on research funds or time.

Examples of the Experimental Method in Use

The experimental method can provide insight into human thoughts and behaviors, Researchers use experiments to study many aspects of psychology.

Attention

A 2019 study investigated whether splitting attention between electronic devices and classroom lectures had an effect on college students’ learning abilities. It found that dividing attention between these two mediums did not affect lecture comprehension. However, it did impact long-term retention of the lecture information, which affected students’ exam performance.

Cognition

An experiment used participants’ eye movements and electroencephalogram (EEG) data to better understand cognitive processing differences between experts and novices. It found that experts had higher power in their theta brain waves than novices, suggesting that they also had a higher cognitive load.

Emotion

A study looked at whether chatting online with a computer via a chatbot changed the positive effects of emotional disclosure often received when talking with an actual human. It found that the effects were the same in both cases.

Memory

One experimental study evaluated whether exercise timing impacts information recall. It found that engaging in exercise prior to performing a memory task helped improve participants’ short-term memory abilities.

Perception

Sometimes researchers use the experimental method to get a bigger-picture view of psychological behaviors and impacts. For example, one 2018 study examined several lab experiments to learn more about the impact of various environmental factors on building occupant perceptions.

Sensation

A 2020 study set out to determine the role that sensation-seeking plays in political violence. This research found that sensation-seeking individuals have a higher propensity for engaging in political violence. It also found that providing access to a more peaceful, yet still exciting political group helps reduce this effect.

Potential Pitfalls of the Experimental Method

While the experimental method can be a valuable tool for learning more about psychology and its impacts, it also comes with a few pitfalls.

Experiments may produce artificial results, which are difficult to apply to real-world situations. Similarly, researcher bias can impact the data collected. Results may not be able to be reproduced, meaning the results have low reliability.

Since humans are unpredictable and their behavior can be subjective, it can be hard to measure responses in an experiment. In addition, political pressure may alter the results. The subjects may not be a good representation of the population, or groups used may not be comparable.

And finally, since researchers are human too, results may be degraded due to human error.