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Sex and meditation are not two things we tend to think of as a pairing. One is typically quiet, relaxing, peaceful, and still. The other is, well…sex.

But meditation is not just about sitting crossed legged on the floor and trying to empty your mind. Meditation is simply being mindful. That can happen during a formal meditation practice, while taking a walk, washing the dishes, as well as including “body-centered techniques”, such as focusing on sensory perceptions.

So what happens when you combine sensory-focused meditation and mindfulness with sex? Well, you get something called sexual meditation. “Sexual meditation is the practice of combining meditation techniques with sexual activity or intimate connection to deepen physical and emotional awareness,” says Sophie Cress, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist at SexualAlpha. “Its purpose is to enhance the sexual experience by fostering a state of mindfulness, where both partners are fully present and attuned to each other.” Research shows that combining mindfulness with sex can increase sexual health and satisfaction.

Ready to take a deep dive into meditation and sexuality, including how to practice more meditative sex, either alone or with a partner? We’ve got you covered.

Understanding Sexual Meditation

The concept of sexual meditation is fairly open-ended. It’s simply when you combine sex or sexuality with ideas of mindfulness and meditation. That can look different for different folks.

Shamyra Howard, LCSW, AASECT, certified sex therapist and sexologist at Lovehoney Group, defines sexual mediation like this: “Sexual meditation involves focusing on the present moment and being fully aware of sensations, emotions, and thoughts during sexual activity, whether solo or with a partner.”

Sexual meditation combines the practice of mindfulness and the concept of body awareness by focusing on breath and sensation without judgment. “It’s all about allowing yourself to exist and feel all the feels,” Howard says.

Brian Tierney, PhD, licensed psychologist at The Somatic Doctor, describes sexual meditation as a “presence practice,” or a type of body awareness discipline that enables a person to develop the capacity to perceive more and more pleasure. “The purpose is to take more delight in life, to experience the expansive pleasure of having a body-in-relationship,” he says.

“Sexual meditation can delightfully combine the benefits of a mindfulness practice—the training of the mind to remain present, usually by noticing how much it escapes to the past and future—with an expansion of body awareness so that every nook and cranny of the body can tingle with a maximum amount of pleasure from moment to moment,” Dr. Tierney adds.

Exploring the Connection Between Meditation and Sexuality

Meditation and sexuality are more connected than many of us realize, says Howard. That’s because sexuality is not just about sexual pleasure or gratification. “Sexuality includes emotional, psychological, and social dimensions,” she says. “It’s a fluid aspect of human identity that incorporates our sexual preferences, desires, behaviors, and expressions.” and is influenced by not only biology but psychological and social factors as well.

In other words, sex already has some aspects of mindfulness in it, because you can’t experience sexual pleasure without being attuned to your senses. What adding mindfulness does to the equation is that it can make sex all the more pleasurable. “The benefits of sexual meditation include enhanced arousal, desire, orgasm, and overall sexual well-being,” Howard describes.

Techniques for Sexual Meditation

Alright, let’s get down to business. How exactly can you integrate sexual meditation practices into your sex life?

First, it’s important to note that many people have complicated relationships with their bodies, which may be related to pain, past traumas, disability or body image concerns. For that reason, when practicing sexual meditation, it is important to move at a pace that feels comfortable to you. Second, sexual meditation and mindful body awareness is something you can do solo, or with a partner. It’s really up to you, and the techniques described below work in both instances. However you are doing it, Cress recommends starting by setting the mood. “To practice sexual meditation, one can begin by setting a calm, intentional environment free from distractions,” she advises.

Howard shared her top tips for getting started with your sexual meditation practice:

Breathe

Howard suggests breathing slowly with your eyes closed, in through your mouth and out through your nose. “Place one hand on your belly and the other on your genital area, and as you breathe in and out, think of what would feel good, no judgment,” she explains. “It’s okay if you get a genital response, and it’s OK if you don’t.” You’re just here to feel and explore.

If you are with a partner, you can breathe together this way. “Then, you and your partner can place a hand on each other’s genitals while breathing together,” Howard suggests. Again, keep it a no judgment zone, just letting each other feel whatever you feel.

Take it Slow

Mediative sex is usually by its nature, very slow—slow and intentional. This can be great for many people, but also has challenges. “This slow sensory experience can bring up different emotions and feelings,” Howard shares. “Some people laugh, some cry, some have the best orgasm they’ve ever had. Remember, this isn’t a time to judge yourself. This is a time to allow yourself to feel.”

Feel the Feels

Mindful sex is all about letting yourself lean into whatever sensation you are feeling, and just really feel them. Howard suggests paying attention to textures, temperature, and pressure.

Ask yourself questions like, “What does it feel like when you breathe in and out?” or “How does your or your partner’s genital area feel under or in your hand?”

Howard suggests slowly rubbing your hands over different body parts, placing your attention on skin texture and temperature. If you are with a partner, you can “use your mouth to tell your partner where to touch you,” Howard says. “Or use your hand to guide your partner to where you’d like them to touch you.”

Practice Delaying Orgasm

Howard recommends sinking into each moment during sex, feeling each sensation deliberately. “During partnered sex, go slow and continue to focus on sensations,” Howard says. “Pay attention to sounds, smells, and tastes to keep you grounded in the moment.”

Often, this slowness means not rushing to “get off” or orgasm. “Practice edging or delaying orgasm at least three times and focus on the sensations only,” she suggests. Sometimes you may not end up orgasming at all, but often you will, and you may find that these orgasms are super intense and pleasurable.

Benefits of Integrating Meditation and Sexuality

Sexual mediation has numerous benefits—just take it from Dr. Tierney, a huge proponent of sexual meditation, both personally, and for his clients. For him, sexual meditation is about taking sex slowly, so that you can focus on each sensory moment.

“The simple story for me is that when I finally learned how to engage in slow sex, to truly divest from chasing orgasms, it felt like I lost my virginity again (seriously),” he shares.

Dr. Tierney also shared some client stories, which illustrate some of the benefits of integrating mediation and sexuality:

• “One couple felt like they were starting their marriage over again after 26 years of being together.”
• “Another couple laughed so hard while they were practicing slow sex that they had to take a pause, not because they were reaching 8.88 on the orgasm scale, but because their ribs started cramping up.”
• “Another couple realized that they had been avoiding looking at each other during sex for decades and decided to make more eye contact: it completely transformed their love live and radically diminished their highly-entrenched conflicts which were basically a result of them not seeing eye-to-eye.”

The research on the benefits of meditative sex mostly focuses on women, with several studies finding that women who meditate experience increase sexual function. The experts we spoke to say that sexual meditation isn’t just beneficial for women, and it doesn’t just make you have better sex or orgasms.

According to Cress, the benefits of sexual meditation include:

• Enhanced emotional intimacy
• Improved sexual satisfaction
• Reduced performance anxiety
• Better communication between partners
• Helping people overcome sexual blocks or inhibition by promoting self-awareness and relaxation
• More meaningful and pleasurable sexual experiences

Addressing Common Questions and Concerns

While sexual meditation may sound awesome on paper, but that doesn’t mean people won’t experience doubts or concerns.

“This is a hang-up that should be left behind if you want to meet your pleasure and bliss potential together,” he says. If your goal is mind-blowing, sensual sex, you should know that it often takes practice and discipline, Dr. Tierney says.

Another question people have about sexual meditation is: “Am I doing it right?” Howard says that any suggestions about sexual meditations are just that—suggestions. You get to decide what feels right for your body, and what meditative sex means to you. “Explore to find out what works best for you,” Howard recommends.

Finally, people often feel concern that sexual meditation will take out the mystery behind sex or make it less spontaneous or romantic. But Cress says you don’t need to worry about that. “With guidance and practice, individuals often find that sexual meditation enhances rather than detracts from the natural flow of intimacy, helping them to become more present and connected,” she assures.

Conclusion

If you are looking to have more sensational sex—sex where all of your senses are awakened and on fire—sexual meditation might be just what you need. Sexual meditation is just what it sounds like: it means practicing mindfulness, intentionality, and bodily/emotional awareness during sexual acts. It’s not for everyone, but people who practice it often experience increased pleasure, deeper connection, and more meaningful sex.

Please contact a licensed mental health professional or a sex educator if you would like more information about sexual meditation or if you have general questions about sex and sexuality.

We use many adjectives to describe our personalities—bubbly, relaxed, fun, shy, etc. We also pay a lot of attention to these descriptors when describing what we want in a partner. Some people put a lot of thought into it, seeking out partners whose personalities either mirror or complement theirs.

Personality types are fascinating; they are a sum of all the quirks and behaviors that make you, well, you. They also influence how you form connections with people more than you may realize. Consider your closest friends or past and present romantic partners; it may not be surprising to notice a common thread of personality types emerge amongst them.

Understanding your personality type and how it aligns or differs from those closest to you will help you nurture more fulfilling relationships. And when it comes to dating, personalities that complement each other tend to work through conflict successfully and build deeper connections.

A Quick Rundown of the Major Personality Tools

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the Enneagram are two of the most popular personality systems. It’s based on Carl Jung’s Theory of Psychological Types and categorizes people into 16 distinct personality types, each represented by a four-letter code. These codes are combinations of traits like Extraversion vs. Introversion, Sensing vs. Intuition, Thinking vs. Feeling, and Judging vs. Perceiving.

The Enneagram, however, digs deeper into why we behave as we do. It categorizes people into nine types, each with its core desires, fears, and growth paths. Unlike the MBTI, which focuses on external behaviors, the Enneagram explores our internal motivations and emotional patterns. Both the MBTI and the Enneagram work great in helping you understand why you click with some people and don’t get along with others.

Joshua Collins, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical coordinator at SOBA New Jersey, says another useful framework is the Big Five personality traits, which assess individuals based on Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. Research suggests that partners who score similarly on these traits often experience higher levels of satisfaction and stability in their relationships. For example, two people high in agreeableness will likely have a harmonious and cooperative relationship.

Collins adds that it’s essential to have open and honest conversations about your values, goals, and expectations when assessing compatibility with a partner. Using personality assessments, such as the MBTI or Big Five, can provide a structured way to explore compatibility. Additionally, spending time together in various situations can help you gauge how well you navigate challenges and enjoy each other’s company.

Understanding Compatibility in Relationships

Compatibility can make or break a relationship. It’s one of the best-kept secrets to some of the healthiest long-term relationships you know. Compatibility is how well two people’s traits, behaviors, and emotional needs align and complement each other. While having similar interests or hobbies is one aspect of compatibility, the critical factors for successful relationships are how you interact, communicate, and support each other in small and big ways daily.

We’ve all heard the phrase, opposites attract. More often than not, this holds true. In many cases, two people who share many common interests and have very similar outlooks can get along great. But, when we are with someone who brings interest to our lives with different views or interests, that can work out well, too. Just because people look compatible on paper doesn’t necessarily mean they will be, says Ashley Murry, Chief Clinical Officer at Sana Lake Recovery.

The key to a successful relationship is two capable partners who can maintain it. This means both are willing to work out conflicts and are open to hearing and understanding the other’s point of view. Good communicators are more likely to succeed in a relationship, even if they seem to have personality types that wouldn’t be a good fit. Understanding and respecting each other’s communication preferences will help prevent small fights from becoming blown out of proportion. For instance, while you might need time to process your thoughts after a fight, your partner might prefer to hash out any issues immediately until you’re back on the same page.

Exploring Myers-Briggs Type Compatibility

The MBTI divides personalities into 16 types based on four key traits: Extraversion (E) vs. Introversion(I), Sensing(S) vs. Intuition(N), Thinking(T) vs. Feeling(F), and Judging(J) vs. Perceiving(P). For Alex, 27, and Emily, 25, taking an MBTI test helped them understand aspects of each other’s personalities they had previously found a little confusing. 

Alex describes himself as an INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging). INFJs are known for being empathetic, reflective, and organized. On the other hand, Emily is an ESTP (Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving) and is often more energetic, spontaneous, and adaptable than Alex.

On paper, an INFJ partnered with an ESTP might seem mismatched, but in reality, they couldn’t be any happier. Since Alex tends to be more cautious, he occasionally appreciates how adventurous Emily is. On the other hand, Emily admits to needing to be a little more introspective when making certain decisions, an area in which Alex comes to the rescue.

Analyzing Enneagram Type Compatibility

Unlike MBTI, which focuses on traits, Enneagram focuses on our motivations, fears, and desires. It categorizes personalities into nine distinct types and answers not just the whats but the whys about our personalities. Here’s a quick rundown of the nine types:

• Type 1 – The Reformer: Principled, purposeful, self-controlled
• Type 2 – The Helper: Generous, people-pleasing, possessive
• Type 3 – The Achiever: Success-oriented, pragmatic, adaptable
• Type 4 – The Individualist: Sensitive, expressive, dramatic
• Type 5 – The Investigator: Perceptive, innovative, secretive
• Type 6 – The Loyalist: Engaging, responsible, anxious
• Type 7 – The Enthusiast: Spontaneous, versatile, scattered
• Type 8 – The Challenger: Self-confident, decisive, confrontational
• Type 9 – The Peacemaker: Receptive, reassuring, complacent

If you’re a Type 2 (The Helper), one of the main ways you know how to and enjoy showing love is by helping others. However, if you have a partner who is Type 5 (The Investigator), you might find they are a bit resistant to your help, preferring to be independent and self-reliant.

Compatibility in the Enneagram is about balance and growth. It’s recognizing that while differences can be challenging, they help deepen our understanding and connections with people. A Type 1 (The Reformer) can learn to be more flexible from a Type 7 (The Enthusiast), while a Type 7 can benefit from the structure and discipline of a Type 1.

Factors Influencing Compatibility

Compatibility in a relationship, of course, goes beyond personality types. Several factors determine how compatible any two people are in a relationship.

Shared Values

Shared values are high on this list. When you and your partner have similar beliefs about what’s important in life—family, career ambitions, or social values—it creates a strong foundation for your relationship. Shared values make it easier to remember that you want the same things out of life whenever you go through a rocky patch. You don’t always have to agree with everything; you just have to understand and respect what matters most to each other.

Attraction

Another thing is attraction—whether it’s physical or intellectual, says Dr. Rostislav Ignatov, a board-certified psychiatrist and Chief Medical Officer at The Haven Detox. While it’s not the only thing that matters, having a strong attraction to your partner can create chemistry and deepen your emotional connection. Similarly, intellectual compatibility can lead to stimulating conversations and a shared interest in learning from each other.

Communication

One of the biggest reasons many relationships fail is because of poor communication. Different personalities often have very distinct ways of expressing themselves and processing information. Some might be direct, while others prefer to be more nuanced. Understanding and adapting to each other’s communication styles can nip many fights in the bud. It’s much easier to navigate issues with someone who communicates similarly to you and is willing to work through conflicts together. 

Emotional Needs

Everyone also has emotional needs that can often be tied back to their personality type. Some people need frequent affirmations and physical affection. They usually want to see and feel how much you love them. For others, while affirmations may go unnoticed, acts of service mean the world to them. It’s about learning what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated and consistently meeting those needs.

Assessing Compatibility in Relationships

Figuring out how compatible you are with your partner isn’t difficult. Begin by having very open conversations about your core values. What really matters to each of you? Do you want to get married, have kids, or move countries? Depending on what you determine is most important, you might find that you are even more aligned than you imagined or discover areas to work on together.

Next, look at how you communicate. Do you feel heard and understood after talking to your partner? Do they feel heard? Any relationship is doomed to fail without effective and empathetic communication. In an argument, focus on what your partner is saying without planning your response. It can make a massive difference because we often plan rebuttals or comebacks in heated conversations, even before the other party has made their point.

It’s important to observe how you and your partner handle conflicts, disagreements, and difficult conversations. Do you listen to each other’s perspectives? Are you both willing to compromise and find a solution together? Or are you constantly at odds and struggling to communicate effectively? These can be good indicators of how compatible you are in handling challenges as a team, adds Dr. Ignatov.

Finally, consider your lifestyle and emotional needs. Are you both morning people, or does one of you love late nights? Do you show love through words, touch, or actions? Talk about your preferences exhaustively to find a balance that works for both of you.

Being with the right partner should bring out the best in you and make you feel supported and loved. Pay attention to how they make you feel—do they uplift and inspire you or bring stress and negativity into your life? Our feelings towards someone can be a good and strong indicator of compatibility, says Dr. Ignatov.

Navigating Challenges in Incompatible Relationships

Having different personalities doesn’t have to be a problem; being aware that you do can, instead, be an excellent opportunity to improve your relationship. 

“I think couples should strive to appreciate each other’s strengths and recognize that differences can be opportunities for growth rather than sources of conflict. For instance, if one partner is naturally more introverted and the other extroverted, they can find a balance by scheduling social activities that both enjoy, as well as respecting each other’s need for alone time,” says Smith.

Active listening is a term you’ll hear a lot from us mental health professionals, and for good reason, says Dr. Ignatov. Active listening is a very effective communication tool, especially when navigating conflicts. It’s when we truly listen to understand rather than listening to respond. You really make the effort to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see things from their perspective. This can help bridge the gap between different personality types and create a deeper understanding and connection.

However, you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself and your well-being to make space for others. Set clear boundaries about the things that matter the most to you. Let your partner know if certain behaviors or habits make you want to pull your hair out, no matter how you try to compromise. Maybe you need quiet time after work, or your partner needs a heads-up before social events. Respecting each other’s needs helps reduce friction.