Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

When you’re anxious, unfocused, or sleep-deprived—and trust me, I know the feeling—you’ll do almost anything to soothe your brain and your body. For many people, whether it’s to calm down and settle in, or lock in and focus, music and sound are the way they get here. 

Fun, slightly related, fact: did you know that, when you add an artist’s song to your chaotically named public playlist, they can see that you did so. That’s how singer-songwriter Malinda—whose Irish-inspired music I find soothing when I’m in the midst of a panic attack—ends up on playlists called “Hello and Welcome to Your Soul Massage” and “Omg…Please go to therapy.”

Big mood.

However, being drawn to sound and music to whisk your worries away can lead to less obvious places or, as mental health practitioners call them, interventions. One area of ongoing research is into what are called binaural beats.

Binaural beats are an audio-based option where different frequencies are played at the same time. The thinking is that the resulting third frequency can help regulate your brain state. They’re found across the internet, including numerous collections on YouTube, but what are they and do they hold the possibility to help calm your anxiety or focus on your work? Let’s find out.

The History of Binaural Beats and How They Work

Binaural beats were first identified by Heinrich Wilhelm Dove, a meteorologist who primarily focused on weather and climate, in the mid-19th century. More than 100 years later, Dr. Gerald Oster published the first scientific paper on the subject in 1973. They involve what experts like Brian Taylor, AuD, senior director of audiology for Signia and an adjunct professor at the University of Wisconsin call “an auditory illusion.”

“When you present one tone to one ear and a second to the other ear, your brain perceives an additional tone,” says Taylor. “This is the essence of binaural beats, an auditory illusion in which each ear is transmitting one frequency to the central auditory pathway. The illusion of beats is thought to originate subcortically in the medial nucleus of the superior olivary complex (landmarks in the auditory brainstem).”

The thinking and accompanying research argue that different frequencies, measured in hertz, are more applicable to different applications. Those who have extensively researched binaural beats call the theoretical underpinnings of binaural beats the ‘brainwave entrainment hypothesis.’

When to Use Binaural Beats

A lot of the public narratives about binaural beats, including those we see on social media, look to apply the process to particular situations, particularly where some type of re-regulation might be useful. Some common use cases include focusing while studying, reducing anxiety or stress, and improving a person’s sleep.

Another possible time to use binaural beats is when you’re in pain. A 2020 study found that binaural beats reduced not just the amount of pain participants were feeling, but also decreased painkiller use.

How to Use Binaural Beats

Binaural beats have traditionally been split into two broad use cases:

• As a form of therapy to induce calmness or mindfulness, focus, or sleep
• As a so-called “digital drug” to induce a state of euphoria similar to what can be available via psychoactive drugs

While binaural beats are not used in clinical settings within audiology, Laura Bradley Pratesi, AuD, owner of Citrus Hearing Clinic, says that the practice holds similarities to other tests done to assess people’s hearing.

“We use all kinds of sound therapies in audiology. Whether it’s the bimodal neuromodulation that the Lenire device uses to treat tinnitus, or auditory training to manage central auditory processing disorders. Sound therapies have also been used to treat conditions such as hyperacusis and misophonia.”

However, Shawniqua Williams Roberson, MEng, MD, a neurologist at Vanderbilt University Medical Center who researches the applications of electroencephalography (EEG) says that the baseline assumptions made when it comes to how the brain processes frequencies when it comes to binaural beats may be overly simplistic.

“We often hear about trying to modulate the rhythms of the brain by generating a specific rhythm, but really…I can tell you that normal brainwaves of awake, healthy, calm people, actually don’t just show the alpha rhythms all over the brain. They actually show alpha rhythms towards the back of the brain.”

Are There Benefits for Mental Health?

We keep coming back to this hiccup with regards to effectiveness. Researchers in a 2023 systematic review wrote that part of the issue is how different studies have applied various methodologies. Of the 14 studies they evaluated, there was no consensus that binaural beats created the desired effect.

Jessica McCarthy, PsyD, founder and director of Elements Psychological Services, says that, while she leans heavier on better-defined approaches such as meditation and breathwork, she considers binaural beats as something she can suggest to clients as an “add-on” that has minimal risk. Still, she cautions patients against thinking that a tool like binaural beats will make an outsized change to their mental health. 

“While I can appreciate the fact that a lot of the strategies that are most strongly supported by research take time and consistent effort (two things people might be frustrated with if they want immediate alleviation from their symptoms) before substantial results are seen, a sole and passive strategy such as this one will not yield the results that people are looking for.”

Are Binaural Beats Safe?

Binaural beats are generally considered safe. However, those who choose to use them are urged—especially if they have a brain-based disability such as epilepsy—to check in with their primary care physician before use. You are also urged, just like when you’re listening to your favorite pop-punk band, not to listen too loudly and to stop listening if doing so is creating the opposite effect. The world is depressing enough, you don’t need to add to it with your playlist.

McCarthy says that there is a wide range of audio-based strategies that can support you if binaural beats aren’t doing the trick. 

“Guided meditation is one of the strategies I use in my practice the most, as well as in my professional life. I also may offer the strategy of listening to nature sounds as low background noise, provided that the noise itself is not too distracting or stimulating. I personally can’t listen to thunderstorms in the evening because it scares me a little bit! I also find some ocean wave sounds distracting, depending on how loud the waves are crashing.”

Where Can I Find Resources on Binaural Beats?

Given the mixed bag of results that researchers have discovered when diving deeper into binaural beats, it’s important to proceed with caution. There are multiple playlists on YouTube for binaural beats, though mileage may vary. There are also multiple phone apps on your app store of choice that can provide you access to binaural beats. Taylor says that this proliferation of digital options has helped binaural beats become a bit more mainstream.

“With the ubiquity of smartphones, apps and earbuds, everyone has access to trying binaural beats…Remember to get the full effects you need to listen with earbuds. This has some inherent limitations. That said, maybe worth a try to enhance concentration, reduce stress, fall asleep, or improve creativity.”

McCarthy says the most common way her clients are finding binaural beats is via social media platforms like TikTok. 

“TikTok or Instagram can be great places for patients to bring information that they may learn about on a topic like this to talk about in the office, and then I have an opportunity to provide education and clarification as to how to use them and their effectiveness, as well as to promote other strategies as a first-line defense.”

Bottom Line

It seems as if the worst case scenario, if you listen to binaural beats at a reasonable volume level, is that nothing will happen. It’s valuable to keep an eye on the ongoing research into this tool’s effectiveness—but if it’s helping you, great! If audio stimuli helps you regulate, then it may also be worth looking into strategies such as music therapy.

Or, you can return to your favorite playlists. Those never seem to let us down. 

You’d be correct if it feels like online scams are EVERYWHERE these days. And when the fraudsters manage to con you (it can happen to anyone) the emotional fallout can be devastating.

According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), one in four Americans reported losing money to scams last year, amounting to a staggering $10 billion. Those numbers will likely be much higher when you consider cases that have gone unreported. The risk is practically inescapable.

While the financial toll of scams gets the most attention, the damage goes beyond pinched wallets and broken pride. “Many people underestimate how much a scam can affect one’s mental health unless they have experienced it firsthand,” says Holly Schiff, PsyD. “It’s also harder to quantify emotional distress versus financial loss,” she notes.

It Can Happen to You

Take this story from Texas retiree Leonid Shteyn. It started as an innocuous call from a saleswoman. When Shteyn answered his phone the day before Thanksgiving, he had no idea his life was about to change forever. 

The caller offered an opportunity to invest in cryptocurrency trading. Shteyn, a savvy businessman who immigrated from the Soviet Union decades ago, did his due diligence. Everything looked legit and above board. One of his friends was also their client. Shortly after, Shteyn opened an account with the company and deposited $250.

What began as a small, carefully considered investment to pad his nest egg spiraled into a labyrinth of financial smokescreens. At one point, Shteyn was asked to wire money to a Bank of America account to buy bitcoins, which he then used to pay off a line of credit he took out on their advice. “I would never make such payments to any other bank less reputable than Bank of America,” says Shteyn. “Not in my wildest dream would I have thought Bank of America would allow scammers to open and keep fraudulent accounts active,” he adds. 

By the time he caught on, Shteyn had lost over $250,000, nearly all of his life savings. 

“There are no words I can use to describe my state of mind,” says Shteyn. “You do not expect to question your own sanity. It felt like life was over,” he shares.

How Scams Typically Work

In a case like Shteyn’s the attackers first connect with potential targets through fake social media profiles, texts, or calls. They often spend weeks or even months building the relationship until trust is established—thereby making you believe that the situation (whether a crisis, an opportunity, or a relationship) is genuine.

Another widespread way people are scammed is via fraudsters impersonating an authority that is calling to tell you something is amiss with one of your accounts. This could be someone pretending to be your bank, from the social security agency, from a hospital etc. They prey on your concerns about the security of your accounts and get you to provide them with important personal information that they then use to steal from you.

“In psychology, we call this ‘confirmation bias.’ The victim is trapped so deeply in the confidence scheme that they convince themselves it is true,” explains Eric O’Neill, former FBI operative and cybersecurity expert.

Some of the most common scam types worthy of further research include:

• Imposter scams
• Pig-butchering scams
• Romance scams
• Payment app scams
• Online shopping scams
• Delivery scams
• Lottery scams
• Charity scams
• Robocall scams

The Emotional Impact of Being Scammed

Scams operate by exploiting deeply vulnerable feelings like trust, fear, and hope. So when scam survivors realize what has happened, they experience a whirlwind of intense emotions. These include:

Shock

When you first realize you’ve been deceived, the profound shock can manifest as disbelief or denial of what has happened. The sudden realization can also make you feel disoriented, temporarily impairing your ability to think clearly. 

“My world shattered when I uncovered the truth,” says Debbie Fox, who lost $58,000 in a romance scam last fall. 

“He presented seemingly legitimate documents. A U.S. passport, banking information, letters from a well-known international bank with watermarked letterhead backing the loans he claimed to need, and a loan agreement prepared by his so-called attorney from a prominent international law firm. His business website appeared legitimate, and I even verified that his business name was a registered entity, which filled me with a false sense of security,” Fox recalls. 

“The realization of his betrayal struck like a physical blow,” she shares. 

Anger

After the initial shock of being betrayed and violated subsides, anger seeps in. “Anger is a common response, often aimed at both the scammers and oneself for falling for deception,” says Dr. Sanam Hafeez, NYC-based neuropsychologist.  

Shame

The anger frequently overlaps with feelings of shame and embarrassment, notes Dr. Hafeez. 

This misplaced shame goes hand-in-hand with self-blame, as most scam victims fault themselves for what happened to them. 

“I should have known something was wrong but was too hopeful,” says Alefiyah Johar, who lost nearly $150 in an online shopping scam while trying to buy shoes for her father, who suffers from foot pain. “It’s not a big scam but still, our hard-earned money was lost,” she adds.

Betrayal

Being deceived also upends a person’s sense of security at both personal and societal levels. “There can be a deep sense of betrayal and mistrust, not just toward the scam artists but also towards institutions or people who were expected to offer protection,” explains Dr. Hafeez.

For Fox, attempting to report the crime meant navigating layers of bureaucracy. “I faced roadblocks at every turn,” she says. In the end, “federal authorities claimed my loss, on its own, was not substantial enough for federal investigation unless it became part of a larger crime spree. The feeling of being dismissed and insignificant intensified my sense of injustice,” she shares. 

Hopelessness

“It’s common to feel like you’ve lost control over your life,” says Dr. Schiff. The possibility of not being able to recover your losses or bring the perpetrators to justice can add to the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.

“My wife and I felt defeated. There is no way to find these scammers,” says Shteyn, who has been waiting for an investigator to be assigned to his case for almost three months. Shteyn worries how he and his wife, who is also a retiree, will survive on a single social security income. “There is no worse thing that can happen to a person, especially someone my age,” he shares. 

Guilt

Another prevalent emotion is guilt, especially if the scam negatively impacted the victim’s family or friends as well, says Dr. Hafeez. 

‘Fraud shaming,’ the culture of blaming the victim instead of the criminal or crime, exacerbates this feeling. People may say things like “What were you thinking?”, “You should have known better” or “You should have been more careful” when a scam survivor tries to share their experience. This revictimization or fraud shaming adds insult to injury, compounding the shame, guilt, and humiliation.

“There is a stigma associated with being scammed, and [it] can make people hesitant to share their emotional struggles. This makes the emotional fallout become overlooked because it isn’t talked about,” says Dr. Schiff.

The Psychological Toll

Besides emotional distress, scam victims also experience several psychological repercussions. For example:

Stress And Anxiety 

“You don’t know who is holding your data and how it will be used, which may put you in a state of constant fear, panic, and anxiety,” says Dr. Schiff. It’s also natural to worry about being tricked again, which may lead to hypervigilance regarding finances and social interactions. 

Stress and anxiety may also manifest as physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension, or panic attacks. 

Low Self-Esteem

Getting scammed can also impact a person’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

“People usually blame themselves for falling for a scam, which makes them question their judgment, abilities, and intelligence. Once you start questioning that, your self-esteem can take a hit as well,” explains Dr. Schiff. “Feeling taken advantage of can also undermine one’s self-confidence in their ability to control what happens to them,” she adds. 

Social Withdrawal

The emotional distress coupled with the stigma associated with being scammed can make scam survivors withdraw from family, friends, and coworkers. You may also be less trusting of others, which can make forming new connections challenging, says Dr. Schiff. In the long run, this can contribute to other mental health concerns, such as loneliness and depression.

Cognitive Distortions

“Getting scammed can make a person question their own judgment,” says Galligher. This may lead to cognitive distortions—irrational, negative thinking patterns that can distort your perception of reality. 

Those deceived may experience cognitive distortions like paranoia, jumping to conclusions, blowing things out of proportion (magnification), or overgeneralization. For example, whenever you get an email notification, you may assume it’s a phishing attempt without verifying it. Or, it might make you adopt a sweeping belief that no one can be trusted, which is an example of overgeneralization. 

Long-Termer Consequences

For some, the aftereffects may manifest as symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). With every reminder and exposure you have to the scam, you may get retraumatized, explains Dr. Schiff. Common symptoms of PTSD include recurring nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and frequent emotional outbursts. 

“Persistent anxiety and depression are also typical as victims continue to struggle with the financial and emotional repercussions of the scam,” says Dr. Hafeez. In turn, depression and anxiety feed guilt and low self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle.

Many survivors also experience chronic sleep issues, such as insomnia, which can further intensify their stress levels, notes Dr. Hafeez. 

All of these challenges can impact a person’s overall quality of life.

Coping Strategies For Healing and Recovery

In order to cope, it’s important to first acknowledge and accept your feelings. “Denying or suppressing these emotions can make them worse,” notes Dr. Schiff.

Also, consider these self-care strategies to help heal and recover from the aftermath of a scam:

• Don’t blame yourself: No matter what anyone says, do not blame yourself for what happened. Scammers are highly manipulative and have been using increasingly sophisticated tactics to target people. It’s not just fugitive Nigerian princes asking to wire money anymore. Even if you think there’s something you could have done differently, go easy on yourself. “It’s important to forgive yourself for any mistakes you might have made along the way,” says Galligher. 
• Focus on what you can control: You can’t control the fact that you were deceived, but you can control how you respond to the situation. “Focusing on what you can control can help you feel more empowered and proactive while reducing your stress and anxiety,” says Dr. Schiff. You can also control how you can better protect yourself in the future. 
• Try cognitive restructuring: Cognitive restructuring techniques help you identify negative, illogical thoughts (cognitive distortions) and modify or replace them with more helpful ones to reduce stress and anxiety. These include Socratic questioning, guided imagery, thought records, etc.
• Install speed bumps: Galligher suggests putting up mental speed bumps or guardrails for more considered decision-making. For example, saying “no” to situations that require you to “act now.” She also suggests asking a loved one to discuss situations like this together before making financial decisions above a certain threshold. 
• Connect with others: “Establishing a strong support system is important,” says Dr. Hafeez. She suggests reaching out to a loved one or joining a support group where you can talk about your feelings openly and honestly with others who have similar lived experiences.
• Don’t rush to trust: To rebuild trust, Dr. Hafeez recommends taking small, incremental steps. For example, establish clear boundaries and take your time before re-engaging in social interactions.
• Prioritize self-care: Stress is as physical as it is emotional. Taking care of your body and mind, especially during challenging times, acts as a buffer against life’s stressors, making it easier to cope, Dr. Schiff explains. So get proper rest, go for walks, eat balanced meals, and stay hydrated. And if it all feels too overwhelming right now, just take slow, deep breaths. You’ve got this.  
• Be patient with yourself: Emotional healing is not a linear process. Instead, it’s an ongoing journey with highs and lows. There will be days when you make great progress, just like there will be days when you experience setbacks and slip-ups. So be patient and kind to yourself and embrace both.
• Seek professional support: If heightened feelings of anxiety, anger, guilt, or shame are making it difficult to function or make healthy decisions, consider speaking with a therapist, Galligher advises. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is especially useful for managing symptoms of anxiety and PTSD, reframing negative thoughts, and developing effective coping mechanisms, says Dr. Hafeez.

Lastly, remember it’s normal to feel what you are feeling after experiencing a scam. You’re not alone.