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Have you seen those friendship breakup TikToks? You know, the ones where a group of girls come to Miami as friends and leave as enemies? Yep, those videos have traumatized me from taking trips with my besties.

Everyone from TikTok to Reddit is trying to crack the code of these friendship breakups. Some point to the different travel preferences—getting to the airport four hours early; rigidly sticking to the itinerary and allowing zero flexibility—while others highlight the lack of conflict resolution skills among peers. I believe it’s a mixture of both.

Remember, conflict is a normal and natural part of life. Not knowing how to handle conflict is the problem. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to minimize fallouts or arguments with your friends—and this article has a few of them down below.

Planning Ahead

Communicate, communicate, communicate! Have conversations before you board the plane. Talk about things like what you’re hoping to get out of the trip, what you do and don’t want, and your non-negotiables. It’s best to get everything all out in the open sooner rather than later.

Also, be aware of everyone’s habits and preferences. For example, some friends might need alone each day, others might need to rest in bed before dinner. You might have friends who like to sleep in. Take all of this into account when arranging an itinerary, so you can meet everybody’s needs. Ideally, everyone will be involved in the planning—making decisions collectively is important!

And (!!) plan your budget beforehand. People’s financial situations can vary a lot, so important to be on the same page with finances before the trip. 

Assigning Roles and Responsibilities

Know who’s doing what and why. If you’re bad at organizing but your friend swears by their Google calendar, give them the itinerary. Similarly, if your bestie has an eye for photography, they’re the designated cameraman. Assign every person the role and responsibility tied to their strength. And make sure things are equal amongst the group, so nobody feels resentful about taking on too much.

These roles don’t have to be set in stone—you can decide who takes care of what throughout the trip (or leading up to it). The goal is to keep everyone happy with the tasks they’ve been delegated.

Among the roles you may allocate each other are:

• Organizer: The person who does the planning (e.g. printing things off, forwarding emails, downloading apps)
• Navigator: The person responsible for directions 
• Photographer: The person behind the camera
• Budget manager: The person who keeps track of the finances

Choosing Activities and Destinations

“Combining different interests and energies of friends may be a little challenging but still can be taken care of with a little planning,” says Niloufar Esmaeilpour, MSc RCC SE, a clinical therapist and the founder of Lotus Therapy. 

Planning ahead is best. But also try to remain flexible when it comes to creating your itinerary. Don’t forget that it’s fine if you don’t do everything together as a full group (you’re not attached to the hip all the time!). If some of you want to explore while others rest, why should that be a problem?

Esmaeilpour sums it up: “By inviting friends to express their needs and preferences, most people can be accommodated. Remember, the goal is for everyone to have a good time on the trip, so flexibility and understanding are paramount.”

However, it can be good to allow for some spontaneity, too, says Dr. Daniel Glazer, clinical psychologist and the co-founder of UK Therapy Rooms, “Have a loose outline yet build in ample room for detours and improvisations based on surprise local recommendations or hidden gems you organically discover,” he says. “It breeds collaborative problem-solving, agility, and an overall spirit of adventure—widely underrated bonding tools.”

Communication and Conflict Resolution

“I would recommend having a plan around what happens if there is a conflict before you go,” says Carolyne Keenan, PsychD. “It’s natural to want to assume that everything will be great and there won’t be arguments, but traveling can be intense and at times a bit stressful and that doesn’t always bring out the best in us.”

She recommends agreeing on communication rules beforehand. Like if you need space after an argument or how to talk to someone if they’re doing something that annoys you. (“I” statements, anyone?)

Keeping things in and not communicating can lead to more explosive arguments further down the line, particularly if people are drinking alcohol or are tired from traveling. “Managing it before it gets to that point by addressing the problem or taking the space you need to work through it will help to resolve it more quickly,” Keenan adds.

If the conversation seems to be getting heated, it might be a good idea to let it rest, give everyone time to calm down, and then pick it back up later on. “The key is to compromise and find out a middle path where you both feel heard and respected,” explains Esmaeilpour. “There are times in life when agreeing on the point of disagreement is appropriate for peace to prevail.”

Respect for Personal Space and Boundaries

“Even the closest of friends need some personal space and time to recharge, especially during a trip,” says Esmaeilpour. She recommends incorporating alone time into the itinerary, noting that “it can be as small as an hour in the morning and one afternoon where people can do their thing.”

By respecting everyone’s needs for personal space, feelings of suffocation can be avoided, which makes all the time you spend together even better! Reiterate to everyone that needing personal space isn’t a reflection on any of the relationships you share; it’s just that some people may need more alone time than others. 

Traveling With Couples

Something else to consider when traveling with a group of friends is whether there are any couples in the mix. You may vacation in a group of three or four couples or have a mix of couples and singles. Maybe there’s a person whose partner isn’t coming along. Regardless, couples may want some time to themselves as a two. This shouldn’t be a problem as long as it’s factored into the trip itinerary, Dr. Kennan notes.

“Couples can have a different way of communicating to groups of friends,” she says. “If a couple has a particularly volatile relationship or they have a tendency to bicker a lot, then that dynamic might not compliment a group trip too well.  Generally, though, I don’t think it will automatically cause problems. Keeping clear, open communication around everyone’s expectations should help to make sure the group dynamic is managed well.”

Handling Finances

Nobody wants to be a downer and talk about how to handle money. But these are conversations that need to be had. Not everyone handles finances the same way—and if you’ve never traveled with this group of friends before, you might not realize how your budgeting styles differ.

“I know groups who always do a whip when they travel and pool their money so everything comes from one account and makes things easier when paying for a group,” explains Dr. Keenan. If pooling all the money together isn’t an option, Dr. Keenan recommends apps like Split Wise that record everything you’ve bought and who’s bought it, so you know who’s spending what. 

Regardless of what you decide, it’s important that everyone can afford the events on the itinerary, plus have a contingency fund, just in case. Taking everyone’s financial situation into account will minimize the chances of some people feeling resentful or awkward that they’ve underbudgeted and have to bow out of exercursions because they can’t afford them.

Safety and Emergency Preparedness

Whether you’re traveling in a group, with family, as a couple, or solo, safety is paramount. 

You can never be a hundred percent safe when traveling, but you can minimize the risks of something going wrong. If somewhere unfamiliar, make sure you stay together with each other—particularly if it’s dark or people in your group have been drinking alcohol or taking recreational substances—and familiarize yourself with common scams in your destination.

Enjoying the Journey

Traveling with friends can certainly be stressful but it can be so much fun, too. Encourage your friends to enjoy the experience and make some unforgettable memories, even if everyone has to occasionally compromise.

If you’re going somewhere new, immerse yourselves in the local culture and try things you aren’t used to. If things don’t go entirely to plan, don’t fret. It’s unlikely to ruin the whole trip. You might just have to change one or two things on the itinerary. It’s best to be flexible and keep an open mind!

Keep In Mind

Put the work in before your trip by planning carefully, and it’ll pay off when you’re actually on vacation. “The friends who thrive together on the road aren’t simply the luckiest—they’re the ones who put in the work upfront,” says Dr. Glazer. “Long before any backpacks get shouldered or luggage stowed, the stage is set by proactively discussing travel styles, personal boundaries, and a commitment to flexible communication. With that foundational roadmap in place, even the most harrowing relationship detours have guideposts for realignment.”

Not everyone is a good travel buddy. They might not like traveling or they don’t enjoy the same types of trips as you. For example, you might have a friend who’s great company on a cruise but hates a vacation that involves a long flight. Or, you and your friend may be more suited to nights out and day trips rather than anything longer—and that’s okay!

When it comes to supporting someone with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), our intentions are usually in the right place, but sometimes what we say or do can unintentionally hurt or trigger them.

Sometimes, we put our foot in our mouth and say or do things that make a person with PTSD feel unsafe and uncomfortable. Sensitivity and awareness of both our words and actions are key. People with PTSD are at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, substance abuse, low self-esteem, and even self-harm, so saying or doing the wrong things may have damaging effects to them.

Naturally, you might not know what’s right or wrong to say or do. But experts do! Which is why we asked a few therapists to share some of the most common mistakes to avoid—words or actions that you might not realize are hurtful or unhelpful.

The Impact of Insensitive Actions and Statements

Saying or doing something insensitive to someone with PTSD can have a detrimental impact on them, which might include:

• Trauma symptoms: Certain words or actions can inadvertently trigger traumatic memories, leading to symptoms such as flashbacks, anxiety, or panic attacks, says Tatiana Rivera Cruz, MSW, LCSW, a therapist at ADHDAdvisor.
• Emotional distress: Harmful comments can cause feelings of hurt, sadness, anger, or anxiety and exacerbate the person’s emotional distress, adds Cruz.
• Self-blame: People with trauma histories often struggle with blaming themselves for some part of the trauma or for not being able to cope with it, says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Clarity Clinic, Chicago. “If you say something insensitive, you can play into that belief that they caused or deserved the trauma.”
• Low self-esteem: Insensitivity can exacerbate feelings of shame and guilt that the person may be experiencing, contributing to low self-esteem.
• Lack of trust: Inconsiderate remarks can damage the trust and safety the person feels around others, making it harder for them to open up or seek help, says Cruz.
• Isolation: People with PTSD often feel alone and misunderstood. Thoughtless comments can deepen these feelings. “The person may withdraw from social interactions to avoid further insensitive comments, leading to increased isolation and loneliness,” says Cruz.
• Mental health conditions: People with PTSD are at an increased risk of mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. Insensitivity can worsen their symptoms.
• Substance use: People with PTSD may resort to substance use to cope with distressing feelings and symptoms. A lack of understanding about their condition may increase their risk of choosing to use alcohol or drugs in unhealthy ways.
• Relapse: A supportive and understanding environment is crucial for healing. Insensitive remarks or actions may contribute to a relapse in PTSD symptoms, potentially setting them back in their recovery journey.
• Self-harm or suicide: People with PTSD are often at an increased risk of self-harm and suicide. In severe cases, the impact of insensitive treatment may contribute to suicidal ideation.

It’s important to recognize the impact words can have on someone with PTSD and approach conversations with sensitivity, understanding, and respect, Cruz explains. Compassion is the key to creating an environment where the person feels safe and supported.

The 10 Worst Things to Say to Someone with PTSD

Every person with PTSD is different. What might be acceptable to one person may be hurtful or harmful to another. Nevertheless, there are some common phrases to avoid, according to Cruz:

“Just get over it and move on.”

This comment dismisses their trauma and implies that their suffering is trivial or should be easily overcome. PTSD isn’t something one can simply move past—it takes time and people often need professional help.

“It could have been worse.”

Minimizing their experience invalidates their feelings and can make them feel guilty or ashamed for being affected by their trauma.

“You’re overreacting.”

This undermines their emotional responses and suggests their feelings are exaggerated or unwarranted.

“Aren’t you over that yet?”

This question implies that there is a timeline for recovery (there’s not) and that they are taking too long.

“Why can’t you just be normal?”

Suggesting that they are abnormal in some way can exacerbate their feelings of alienation and isolation.

“You’re too sensitive, you need to be stronger.”

Labeling them as overly sensitive can make the person feel weak or inadequate for experiencing PTSD.

“Others have been through worse and they’re fine.”

Comparing their experience to others’ traumas can invalidate their feelings and discourage them from seeking help.

“It happened a long time ago.”

Suggesting that time should have healed their wounds ignores the persistent nature of PTSD and the ongoing challenges they face.

“Stop dwelling on the past.”

This suggests they are choosing to focus on their trauma.

“I know how you feel.”

Unless you have experienced PTSD yourself, this can come off as insincere and dismissive of their unique experience.

The 10 Worst Things to Do to Someone with PTSD

While words can be hurtful, actions can be equally damaging. Here are some things to avoid:

• Startling them: Unexpected loud noises, sudden movements, or surprises can trigger fear or flashbacks in people with PTSD.
• Invading their personal space: Touching the person or getting too close to them without their permission can make them feel threatened and unsafe.
• Forcing them to talk about it: Do not force someone to talk about their trauma, particularly right after a traumatic event unless it’s necessary for safety reasons, says Dr. Daramus. “When they talk about it or think about it in the first day or two, it may increase the risk of PTSD in some individuals.”
• Exposing them to triggers: Deliberately or carelessly exposing them to situations, places, or people associated with their trauma may cause emotional distress.
• Being judgmental: Criticizing or judging their coping mechanisms or reactions can increase their feelings of shame and inadequacy.
• Blaming them for what happened: Implying that the person was responsible in some way, like asking why they were at a certain place, or why they didn’t run or fight back is never going to help, says Dr. Daramus. “In a traumatic situation, the brain’s survival functions will often cause people to freeze up. They may not be able to remember the things one would ordinarily think of.”
• Pressuring them: Forcing someone to do things they’re not ready for, such as socializing or participating in activities, can exacerbate their symptoms.
• Ignoring their boundaries: Disregarding their requests for space, quiet, or alone time can overwhelm them.
• Giving them unsolicited advice: Saying things like “You should try this…” or “Have you considered…” is often unhelpful and invalidating.
• Showing impatience: Displaying frustration, anger, or impatience with their recovery process can add to their feelings of anxiety and guilt, hindering their progress.

Understanding Triggers and Avoiding Them

These are some strategies that can help you understand the person’s triggers and avoid them:

• Encourage open dialogue: Create a safe space for the person to talk to you. Encourage them to share what situations, actions, or environments they find distressing. Offer a non-judgmental, empathetic ear and let them share their experiences and feelings at their own pace, says Cruz.
• Observe their behavior: Pay attention to their reactions in different situations. Non-verbal cues like body language, changes in mood, or sudden withdrawal can indicate discomfort. Look for patterns in situations that trigger distress.
• Help them feel safe: If the person is in distress, Dr. Daramus suggests helping them feel safe by taking them to a place or person that represents safety to them.
• Respect their boundaries: Once you know their triggers, make a conscious effort to respect their boundaries. Avoid discussing or exposing them to topics, places, or activities that might make them uncomfortable unless they initiate the effort.
• Give them notice: If a trigger is unavoidable, Cruz recommends giving them a gentle heads-up and preparing them in advance, so they’re not caught off guard.
• Divert their attention: When they’re feeling upset or triggered, help them shift their mind to something else, like a movie, a conversation, music, or a video game, says Dr. Daramus. “Be gentle with this. Refocusing can be difficult, but it does help.”
• Avoid passing judgment: Never judge or criticize their triggers or reactions. Remember that their responses are often involuntary and not something they can easily control. Let them know their experiences are valid and understood.
• Ask them for guidance: If you’re unsure about something, ask! Ask how you can help or if a particular action might be triggering.
• Offer reassurance: Offer emotional support and reassurance when they’re upset or if they encounter triggers. Let them know they’re not alone and you’re there to help.

Effective Ways to Support Someone with PTSD

These are some ways to support someone with PTSD, according to the experts:

• Learn about PTSD: Educate yourself about PTSD and common triggers. Books, articles, and conversations with mental health professionals can provide valuable insights. “Understanding the condition helps you provide informed support and reduces the likelihood of saying or doing something inadvertently harmful,” says Cruz.
• Encourage treatment: Encourage the person to get professional help from a trained mental healthcare provider. Professional guidance is crucial for managing PTSD, Cruz explains.
• Find support groups: Look for support groups either online or in your area. If the person is open to going, a support group can be a valuable source of resources, advice, and inspiration.
• Avoid harmful stereotypes: Avoid buying into harmful stereotypes and challenge misconceptions about PTSD.
• Be patient: Recovering from PTSD is a long and non-linear process, says Cruz. “Be patient with their progress and setbacks.”
• Offer practical help: If possible, Cruz suggests assisting the person with everyday tasks that may feel overwhelming like running errands, cooking, or managing appointments.
• Provide companionship: Spend quality time with the person. Hanging out together and participating in fun activities in a safe environment can be a major source of comfort and happiness for them.
• Stay in touch: Keep in regular contact with the person through calls, texts, or visits, says Cruz. “Social support is vital, even if they aren’t always able to engage.” 
• Take care of yourself: Supporting someone with PTSD can be emotionally taxing. Practice self-care and don’t neglect your own mental and physical health.
• Seek help for yourself: Consider going to therapy or joining a support group if you’re struggling or need advice.

Takeaways

Supporting someone with PTSD requires mindful words and actions that promote healing rather than harm. Remember, the key to effective support lies in respecting their boundaries and offering them patience and compassion. Your support can make a significant difference in their life.