When Should You Trust Your Intuition?

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Intuition is the innate ability to know something without having to think about it consciously. It’s often referred to as a “gut feeling” when you “just know” something. It can be a helpful source of guidance when making decisions. In fact, one study found that people who trust their intuition are more likely to do the morally right thing.

While trusting your intuition is not a skill you learn, it is one that you can strengthen.

“Learning to trust your intuition begins with self-awareness. Being self-aware allows an individual to know and understand their mannerisms, thoughts, and emotions. Once you are self-aware, you can identify those ‘gut feelings’ clearly,” explains Keanne Owens, MSW, LCSW, a psychotherapist and provider partner with Grow Therapy.

Jump to Key Takeaways.

What Are the Signs of Intuition?

Many people have referred to intuition as a “sixth sense.” Like your other five senses, intuition can cause physical signs in your body as follows:

  • You may have tension in your body or have a gnawing thought that won’t go away.
  • You feel like you have a pit in your stomach.
  • The hairs on the back of your neck stand up just before a frightening experience.
  • You feel like you should avoid a certain area, not knowing why, only to discover you would have been in danger if you were there.

Experts say these instances show how intuitive guidance works.

The idea of intuition sounds great—having something to lead you down the right path. However, many people don’t hone in on the signals that their body gives to them.

“Trusting your intuition takes practice for most people as we are often taught to disregard it once we start primary school. Unfortunately, trauma experienced in life can also skew your intuitive delivery system, which can make people believe they can’t trust themselves or their intuitive guidance,” explains Teresa Lodato, CPCC, founder of Becoming Aware®.

Developing your intuitive skills is key because there are times when you don’t want to ignore them, and those times can be life-changing.

4 Times You Shouldn’t Ignore Your Intuition

You understand that intuition is innate. You understand that your body gives you signals that can be your intuition. But how do you know when to trust it? Feelings, after all, can be based on a lot of things and aren’t always the best indicator of what action you should take. So, when is it best to trust those “gut feelings”?

1. When It Comes to Your Safety

When things seem “off” or awry in a situation, you should not ignore what you are feeling. Even if the nudging seems minimal, it is important not to brush it off.

“Never ignore your intuition when it comes to safety. If you have a gut feeling that is specific to your safety in a location, situation, or even a disagreement, always listen to it. It may be that subtle voice that prevents you from danger,” Owens says.

If your gut is telling you to take a different route home, drive in a specific lane, stop at another gas station or store, be aware of what’s going on in your surroundings. Even if your gut is telling you that you should leave an event suddenly, you should listen.

2. When Your Body Sends You Signals About Your Health

“The main purpose of your intuition is to keep your body safe, and in ancient times, this would extend to ‘knowing’ what food or water source was safe to eat [or] drink. In modern times, this might also look like getting migraines, headaches, or digestive disturbances when you are around toxic personality types,” Lodato says. “Pay attention to the messages your body is sending you because it is highly calibrated to keep you safe!”

Furthermore, don’t discount sudden weight changes, nagging body pains, or unusual body sensations. They can also be signals that something is off internally.

3. When You Think Something Is Off in a Relationship

If your romantic partner is acting in a way that is questionable, or makes you uneasy or suspicious, it’s important to investigate those feelings. “If you feel there is something off with your relationship to your partner, don’t ignore that. Be curious instead and seek to understand what is going on that has you wondering if something is up,” notes Lodato.

Granted, not all situations end up negative. However, even if it’s not nefarious, looking into the source of the feelings can help sort out issues in the relationship.

4. Trust Intuition When You Doubt Your Abilities

When confronted with a task or request that takes you out of your comfort zone, it’s easy to feel insecure. Insecurity can lead to fear. However, experts caution against self-doubt and not having enough faith in yourself.

“Never ignore your intuition when you know that you are skilled in a certain area or task. That may be imposter syndrome. Don’t second-guess your abilities,” advises Owens. 

Stored memories, stress, and underlying trauma can contribute to the way your body responds when it comes to recognizing intuitive signals. However, training yourself to listen to your intuition can be valuable for you mentally, physically, and emotionally.

“To be clear, your intuition will never steer you wrong; however, your body in a hyperactive [or] stressed out state can overreact, causing your intuition to feel different,” Lodato says. “Just as it takes time and effort to unlearn habits, it takes practice to bring awareness to the kaleidoscope your intuition sometimes must travel through to communicate with you.”

How Do You Know If It’s Your Intuition or Overthinking?

You may be the classic worrier, who worries about every minute detail. You overanalyze situations. So, it’s hard to know whether what you’re feeling is simply you giving too much thought to a situation, or truly your intuition trying to direct you. But there are ways to tell the difference.

“Intuition will always come as neutral communication. It will never ‘tell’ you what to do. [Rather] it will suggest, unless there is a clear threat or danger to your physical body,” Lodato says. “

Listening to your intuition typically feels like ‘you might want to go this way’ versus ‘go this way or else.’

Overthinking generally refers to repetitive, unproductive thoughts where people ‘ruminate’ about the future or ‘worry’ about the past,” she offers.

While there’s no one correct way to learn how to follow your intuition, making the effort to listen to your body and focus on your mental signals is worth it.

“Most people don’t realize they shouldn’t ignore their intuition until after the fact. Some people think trust must be earned, but I think trust must be learned. It is a process to learn to trust yourself,” Lodato concludes. “[But] it can be one of the best gifts you give yourself, empowering you to live a full and purposeful life you love!”

How to Improve Your Intuition

The first step toward improving your intuition involves becoming more aware of your inner voice and emotions. Some strategies that can be helpful include:

  • Journaling: Self-reflection helps you become more attuned to what you are thinking and feeling.
  • Meditation and mindfulness: These practices are helpful because instead of focusing on changing things, you are working on building an awareness of how you are feeling in the present moment.
  • Therapy: Talk therapy can also be a great way to build a stronger awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and behavior patterns.

Key Takeaways

  • Intuition is something we all have, but whether we are tuned into these feelings plays a big part in how much we are able to listen to and trust those gut feelings.
  • Fortunately, there are things you can do to become more aware of your inner voice.
  • Strategies like journaling, mindfulness, and meditation can be good places to start.

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Wendy Rose Gould

How to Transition From the Honeymoon Phase to Lasting Love

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

The honeymoon phase marks the time in your relationship when sparks are flying and your stomach’s full of butterflies. You probably believe that the other person can do no wrong. You’re less apt to get into an argument or snap at each other, you might easily overlook some quirks or frustrations, and everything feels like it’s smooth sailing.

“The honeymoon phase is the very beginning of the relationship when two people are first getting to know each other and everything seems very carefree and happy,” explains Beth Gulotta, LMHC, founder of NYC Therapeutic Wellness.

She says it’s mostly present in securely attached relationships where both partners feel confident and sure about each other’s feelings and desire to pursue the relationship. In other words, there’s less second-guessing about what the other is thinking or feeling, and both parties are excited to get to know each other better.

Jump to Key Takeaways.

What Does the Honeymoon Phase Feel Like?

They don’t call it the honeymoon phase for nothing. Gulotta says, “This phase feels exciting and exhilarating. You talk often and feel like you want to be with this person all the time. You get excited when you see their name pop up on your phone and find little ways to bring them up in conversation to your friends.”

You might also miss them as soon as they leave, think about them often, and feel like your time spent together is carefree and easy.

Other signs you’re in the honeymoon phase include feeling hopeful about your future together and feeling very connected in terms of physical and emotional intimacy.

You May Miss Red Flags in the Honeymoon Phase

As wonderful as the honeymoon phase is, be mindful that the infectious and sometimes all-consuming “good” feelings are not blinding you to potential red flags.

“When we are in this phase and enamored with someone, it can be easier to overlook or disregard important characteristics about them,” notes Gulotta. “Stay clear about who the person is in front of you. Do not idealize them or overlook things because you are feeling all the feels.”

Does Every Relationship Have One?

While many relationships do enjoy that initial lovey-dovey honeymoon phase, not every couple may experience it. However, this isn’t necessarily a sign that something’s wrong.

It probably just indicates that your relationship didn’t start off with strong feelings of infatuation toward the other person, says Leanna Stockard, LMFT at LifeStance Health. Instead, your attraction and connection built slowly as you got to know each other better.

How Do You Know When It’s Over?

The honeymoon phase can last anywhere from six months to several years depending on the couple. When the realities of life start to creep in, and hard conversations start to bubble to the surface, you’ll naturally transition out of the honeymoon phase. This doesn’t mean the blissful feeling is completely gone, but rather that day-to-day life just starts to become the norm instead.

Over time, the intensely strong feelings and infatuation you have for your partner beings to naturally decrease. What you once found an adorable quirk might drive you batty, and you may find yourself being less intentional about spending quality time together or doing nice things for the other in the same way you might have done early on.

When the realities of life start to creep in, and hard conversations start to bubble to the surface, you’ll naturally transition out of the honeymoon phase.

“As the honeymoon phase dies down, you and your partner likely become more of your authentic ‘day-to-day’ selves, and we begin to recognize the flaws in one another,” says Stockard. “During this time, we need to assess how we are feeling in the relationship and make the decision if we can continue on in our relationship with our partner—flaws and all.”

She adds that it’s also important not to compare the other person to how you saw them during the honeymoon phase, given that you likely saw a more idealistic version of them. Rather, it’s a time to be reflective and to have conversations about what your future together looks like.

The Post-Honeymoon Phase

If you decide to move forward in a healthy relationship, what comes next can be just as—if not more—beautiful than the honeymoon stage.

Making a True Committment

Here’s where you commit wholly to each other and build an unwavering foundation that can withstand life’s greatest challenges.

“As you go deeper with your partner, you learn more about their ins and outs, and you can appreciate and value your partner in a way beyond the surface levels you may feel during the honeymoon phase,” Stockard says.

6 Ways to Thrive After the Honeymoon Phase Ends

A 2022 study explored why positive feelings in a relationship sometimes fade away after that initial intense honeymoon phase. It found that factors such as stress, boredom, and life’s demands start to impact the quality of your bond. As such, it’s important to work against these points of friction to nurture a fulfilling relationship.

Here are some ways to keep the spark alive:

1. Keep Dating

Just because you go from casually seeing one another to a committed relationship does not mean that the dating process needs to end. Continue “dating each other” to keep things exciting. “I recommend trying new experiences, taking risks, doing things you both enjoy and keeping an open mind,” says Stockard.

2. Ask Questions

Even if we’ve spent a lot of time together, there’s still plenty we may not know or understand about our partners. Keep asking questions and learning about each other.

3. Remain Transparent

An open line of communication will help keep the spark alive.

“This could be in terms of new things you are interested in, an interesting fact you learned that day, or just day-to-day thoughts and feelings,” Stockard says.

It seems pretty standard, but deep attachment and connection remain alive through the power of communication. A review published in the Global Journal of Health Science found that excellent communication skills can improve intimacy in relationships.

4. Have the Tough Convos

Don’t sidestep hard and important conversations, such as when to move in together, whether you want to get married, or how to deal with finances. Letting these topics bubble under the surface can create awkward tension. Be forthright with your desires and understand your partner’s desires. This equips you to make better decisions for each other and your relationship.

5. Mitigate Conflict

It is completely normal to have arguments with your partner. In fact, arguments are a sign you care about each other and want the other to see your perspective. However, make sure that you’re engaging in conflict in a healthy way, though, by viewing the issue as an “us versus the problem” instead of “me versus you.”

6. Prioritize Each Other

Continue prioritizing one another’s needs and wants throughout the course of your relationship. Your partner should often be first in line for your affection, time, and energy.

Key Takeaways

  • While the honeymoon phase might not last forever, you can still carry many of those feelings over to keep your relationship alive in the long term.
  • Lasting love is often best when infatuation and intimacy are combined.
  • Doing things like continuing to date, asking questions, and prioritizing each other can help keep that spark alive, even when you’ve been together a long time.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Weber DM, Baucom DH. When the loss of positives feels negative: Exploring the loss of positive experiences in committed couples. Current Opinion in Psychology. 2022;43:166-170. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2021.07.015

  2. Kardan-Souraki M, Hamzehgardeshi Z, Asadpour I, Mohammadpour RA, Khani S. A review of marital intimacy-enhancing interventions among married individuals. Glob J Health Sci. 2016;8(8):74-93. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v8n8p74

  3. Timmons AC, Arbel R, Margolin G. Daily patterns of stress and conflict in couples: Associations with marital aggression and family-of-origin aggression. J Fam Psychol. 2017;31(1):93-104. doi:10.1037/fam0000227

Wendy Rose Gould

By Wendy Rose Gould

Wendy Rose Gould is a lifestyle reporter with over a decade of experience covering health and wellness topics.


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How the Sinclair Method for Alcohol Addiction Recovery Works

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


What if there were a way to train your brain to drink less without having to quit cold turkey or take the path of total abstinence? The Sinclair Method is an increasingly popular option that takes a gentler approach to curbing drinking. It relies on medication to make drinking feel less pleasurable, reducing the urge to drink and making it easier for people to limit their consumption.

The Sinclair Method for Alcohol Use Disorders is a treatment approach that involves administering the opioid antagonist medication naltrexone as needed to reduce the pleasurable aspects of alcohol consumption.

This approach was introduced by John David Sinclair, a researcher who discovered that naltrexone could be used to block alcohol-reinforcing effects. It is sometimes described as targeting naltrexone to use only when needed. The Sinclair Method is an option if you want to reduce your drinking, but don’t necessarily want to abstain from alcohol altogether. 

Jump to Key Takeaways.

Overview of the Sinclair Method

Unlike many traditional approaches to alcohol recovery, the Sinclair Method is a medication-based approach. By administering naltrexone prior to consuming alcohol, the pleasurable feelings that drinking usually produces are blocked. 

Because people feel less pleasure when they drink, they often find it much easier to drink less. In some cases, they completely lose the urge to drink at all. While this approach is less common in the United States, it has become much more widely used in Europe. 

Naltrexone is a synthetic drug that blocks opiate receptors in the brain. It is used for treating opioid addiction as well as alcoholism. Nalmefene is similar drug that is available in Europe.

Other Medications to Stop Drinking

However, the Sinclair Method is not the only medication-based approach to alcohol recovery.

Campril ( Acamprosate) is another FDA-approved medication that helps people stop drinking by reducing the craving for alcohol. Antabuse (disulfiram) is a medication that has been used for many years, but it works very differently. Antabuse does not reduce craving, but by making people sick if they drink any alcohol, it can help them stay abstinent

While naltrexone is also taken before drinking alcohol, it does not cause illness. Instead, it simply makes it so drinking no longer produces an endorphin rush or “buzz”. Without those pleasant feelings, the brain eventually stops associating drinking with pleasure. 

This is known as pharmacological extinction. In operant conditioning, rewards increase the likelihood that a behavior will occur again. When it comes to addictions such as alcohol use disorder, consuming alcohol is the behavior and the release of endorphins is the reward. When the brain unlearns this association, pharmacological extinction occurs.

History of the Sinclair Method

Sinclair first observed the effects of naltrexone on drinking behavior in his animal research. In animals that had been trained to drink alcohol, they would press a lever repeatedly to obtain it. Sinclair found that if the longer they were deprived of alcohol, the more they would press the lever.

He termed this phenomenon the alcohol deprivation effect, likening it to the increased alcohol cravings that make it hard for people with AUD to stay abstinent and avoid a binge.

He also discovered that administering naltrexone before drinking would eventually extinguish the drinking behavior. Later research also demonstrated that naltrexone had a similar effect on humans with alcohol use disorder who wanted to drink less.  

Despite what some critics suggest, the Sinclair Method doesn’t encourage more drinking. Instead, it offers a way to help reduce the rewards of drinking so that it’s easier to gradually quit or reduce drinking over time.

How It Works

The Sinclair method works by reducing the reinforcement that people get when they drink alcohol. One of the reasons why alcohol addiction happens is that people experience a rush of endorphins when they drink. Because drinking makes them feel good, they form an association between alcohol and pleasure. 

Naltrexone is effective because it blocks the pleasurable feelings people have when consuming alcohol. Because drinking is less rewarding and reinforcing, it becomes easier for people to limit their alcohol consumption and reduce their alcohol cravings. If someone uses naltrexone consistently whenever they drink, over time, they can stop their excessive thoughts about alcohol and free themselves from the symptoms of their addiction.

The actual process for using the Sinclair Method includes the following steps:

  • Taking naltrexone one hour before consuming alcohol
  • Consuming alcohol as usual
  • While drinking, the naltrexone blocks pleasurable feelings, and you may feel like drinking less
  • Continuing to use naltrexone 100% of the time you consume alcohol
  • Eventually, as you take your drinks, you will notice that drinking is less rewarding, and you may drink less or stop altogether.

Researchers do not fully understand how naltrexone reduces alcohol cravings. It blocks certain opioid receptors in the brain and influences dopamine, a neurotransmitter, which is believed to help block alcohol’s reinforcing effects.

Pros and Cons

Like any other treatment method, the Sinclair Method has advantages and disadvantages that you should consider before you decide if this approach is right for you. Some people may find that it is a flexible and effective way to cut back on drinking. However, it’s not the right fit for everyone.

Pros

The Sinclair Method can help people reduce their drinking without quitting entirely. This can be an appealing option for people who want to drink socially on occasion but want to cut back and gain greater control over their alcohol consumption. By helping people drink less, it reduces the harm they experience from alcohol.

It can also serve as a step toward sobriety while minimizing the need for medically supervised detox in residential alcohol treatment. Unlike some other more expensive treatment options, the Sinclair Method is cost-effective and can be done at home.

Research also suggests that it can be very effective in helping people reduce their drinking. According to Sinclair’s own research, the use of naltrexone in the treatment of alcohol use disorder can have a 78% efficacy rate.

Other potential benefits of the Sinclair Method:

  • This approach can get people who are unwilling to completely give up alcohol to keep their drinking at a safer level.
  • Because it gradually reduces alcohol consumption, people are less likely to experience serious alcohol withdrawal symptoms, including delirium tremens (DT).
  • It is a more affordable treatment alternative compared to more intensive and costly inpatient or residential treatments.
  • Since people are actively involved in their treatment, it may help people feel more empowered and in control of their drinking and alcohol recovery.

Some people may find that this approach to recovery, without the pressure of perfect abstinence, makes quitting drinking more manageable.

Recap

The Sinclair Method is an affordable, realistic, and flexible treatment option that has a high rate of success.

Cons

Extinction takes time, and even occasional reinforcement can serve to maintain a behavior. In order for the Sinclair Method to be successful, it is important to always, without fail, take naltrexone before consuming any alcohol. 

That’s often easier said than done.

Some other possible downsides of the Sinclair Method:

  • People who drive while under the influence of alcohol may experience worsened coordination while taking naltrexone.
  • Treating alcohol use disorder with medication only may remove someone’s motivation for personal growth through other treatment methods, including 12-step programs.
  • In some cases, people may mistakenly believe that their doctor condones continued alcohol use. 
  • Some people may develop a false sense of confidence in their ability to drink safely without getting intoxicated.

As Verywell Review Board Member Dr. John Umhau notes in an article published in Advances in Addiction & Recovery, the Sinclair Method requires a lifetime commitment. While it minimizes cravings, it is essential to remember that people also drink for other purposes, including social reasons, boredom, habit, and as a way to dampen emotional pain.

Naltrexone is not simple or easy “cure” for alcohol use disorders. It needs to be used correctly and consistently in order for it to be effective.

People can also relapse after pharmacological extinction. If a person consumes excessive alcohol to the point that it bypasses the “naltrexone wall,” a point at which alcohol use becomes pleasurable again, they may experience a relapse to alcohol use.

Regular naltrexone use can also increase the sensitivity of opioid receptors, a process known as upregulation. As a result, drinking alcohol can feel much more rewarding if naltrexone use is suddenly stopped. This can cause excessive drinking, which is why consistently using naltrexone before every drink is critical for success.

Side Effects of Naltrexone

While naltrexone is usually tolerated well, it can have side effects that can range in severity. The most common side effects involve increased nervousness, muscle or joint pain, headache, nausea, and upset stomach. In most cases, these side effects are mild and lessen with time as people become more accustomed to the medication or can be minimized by taking the medication with food.

More rarely, severe side effects can include blurry vision, diarrhea, confusion, drowsiness, stomach pain, and vomiting. 

Liver toxicity is another serious risk of naltrexone. Symptoms include unusual bleeding or bruising, dark urine, yellowing of the skin or eyes, and pain in the upper right part of the abdomen. If you experience such symptoms after taking naltrexone, you should contact your doctor immediately.

Is the Sinclair Method Right for You?

If you are interested in trying the Sinclair Method, start by talking to your doctor. They can discuss your current drinking behavior, medical history, and treatment goals to better determine if the Sinclair Method might be a good fit.

The Sinclair Method might be a good option for you if you:

  • Are committed to making changes to your alcohol use behavior
  • Have adequate social support
  • Are willing to adhere to your doctor’s instructions and take your medication every time you plan to consume alcohol
  • Don’t have a seizure disorder
  • Don’t have liver disease

In some cases, the Sinclair Method can be a great start toward recovery. Because it engages people with alcohol-treatment professionals, it may help lead people to better recognize the extent of their problem while also giving them the hope and motivation to keep working toward giving up alcohol.

It’s important to note that the Sinclair Method requires medical supervision, since proper timing and dosing is the key to its effectiveness. 

The Sinclair Method is not the only medication-based treatment approach. Depending on your own situation, you may find that another type of medication might work better for your needs.

Key Takeaways

  • If you are trying to reduce your alcohol consumption or quit drinking altogether, the Sinclair Method is one approach you might want to consider.
  • It requires taking the medication naltrexone before every time you drink.
  • Talk to your doctor about whether taking naltrexone every time before you drink might be an option for you.

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9 Yellow Flags in a Relationship and How to Deal With Them

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


When it comes to relationships, most people know to watch for red flags, which are clear signs that something isn’t right. But what about yellow flags? A yellow flag is a subtle sign indicating that a problem might crop up later on down the road.

Yellow flags are subjective in nature—what may not make a difference to one person in a relationship can be very concerning to another individual. The issue may not mean that the relationship is over, but it may lead you to proceed cautiously.

“While [yellow flags] might not be deal breakers or major issues, they are generally warning signs that the behavior, tendency, pattern, or trait could turn into a larger issue, hint at something bigger, or at the very least be worth having a discussion about and exploring further,” explains Jillian Amodio. LMSW, founder of Moms for Mental Health.

Although yellow flags in your relationship may not be a problem to someone else, there are some general warning signs that you may want to look out for.

1. They Want to Spend All Their Time With You

Right from day one of the relationship, they want to be with you *all* the time. While this can seem endearing, it can also be concerning.

“If someone becomes too dependent on their partner, it can be a yellow flag, signaling an unhealthy dynamic that may lead to excessive pressure or an imbalance in the relationship,” says Laura Wasser, family law expert and chief of divorce evolution at Divorce.com.

2. They Have No Hobbies or Interests

Outside interests help to make a person more well-rounded. If your partner has no other things they enjoy outside of the relationship, you may want to look at whether they’re withdrawn, isolated, or dealing with depression or anxiety.

3. They Have No Other Friends

Some people naturally like to be alone. It’s also increasingly common for people to have few (or even no) friends. However, not having other friendships can raise concerns about your partner’s ability to nurture healthy relationships. 

4. They Are Unwilling to Compromise

If you are the one in the relationship who always relents to keep the peace, that is an issue. “If one partner is unwilling to compromise or meet the other halfway on important issues, it can be a yellow flag. A healthy relationship requires both partners to be willing to listen and work together to find solutions that work for both,” says Pia Johnson, LMSW.

5. They Carry a Lot of Debt

Having debt is very common. Not all debt is bad. But you should look at how your significant other acquired their debt. Do they have bad spending habits? Also, is there a plan to address the debt? What is their attitude towards money?

6. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

If your significant other is often late and keeps you waiting or has no respect for the personal rules you’ve put in place, it can show a lack of care and concern for your feelings.

7. They Have a History of Failed Relationships

“Sometimes people are just unlucky in love, and sometimes there is a pattern that can be clearly identified in understanding why so many relationships begin to come apart at the seams,” Amodio notes. “Is there a pattern that points to concerning behaviors such as rushing to commit, not being able to commit, controlling behaviors, lying or manipulation, cheating, substance abuse, etc.?”

8. They Hide Information From You

“If your partner is consistently hiding things or avoiding sharing details about their life, it could be a yellow flag, indicating trust or communication issues that need to be addressed,” Wasser notes.

9. They’re Not Close (or *Too* Close) to Their Parents or Family

If you value family, you might want to seek a partner who is also family-oriented. Not being close to family can sometimes be a yellow flag because you may not know why they aren’t close to their family members. There may be a legitimate reason as to why they’re estranged.

It can also be a concern if your partner lacks healthy boundaries (or is enmeshed) with their family. You may worry that they will not make enough time for you or that they will allow them to get involved in your relationship.

In both situations, it is important to dig deeper and ask your partner for clarity. You can share your concerns or fears and suggest ways to compromise.

Yellow Flags vs. Red Flags

While a yellow flag says proceed with caution, a red flag is a full-stop issue.

“A red flag is a more serious warning sign that indicates significant issues or behaviors that are damaging to the relationship and may be deal-breakers. Red flags often require immediate action or intervention to address,” says Johnson.

“Examples of red flags may include emotional or physical abuse, constant dishonesty or lying, lack of respect or contempt for one’s partner, unwillingness to compromise, or consistent cheating or infidelity.”

“It’s possible for a yellow flag to escalate into a red flag over time if it’s not addressed properly. When concerns are ignored or left unresolved, they can fester and become more significant problems that jeopardize the relationship,” states Wasser.

Yellow Flags vs. Orange Flags

While a yellow flag issue can warrant observation, orange flags elevate the gravity of the issue.

“The difference between a yellow flag and an orange flag in a relationship is the level of seriousness or urgency,” says Johnson.

“Orange flags are more serious warning signs that indicate there are significant issues in the relationship that require immediate attention,” she continues. “Orange flags may be behaviors or attitudes that are damaging to the relationship and have the potential to cause harm or lead to a breakup if not addressed.”

Both levels of issues are important. However, an orange flag moves it from observation to being more harmful to the relationship.

How to Determine Your Yellow Flags

Yellow flag issues differ from person to person. So, how do you figure out which issues will upset you?

Consider Your Own Values and Priorities

If you want someone who is reliable, stable, and honest, right away you know that a lack of those traits constitutes a yellow flag for you. Along those same lines, observe what is important to your mate. If their values don’t seem to align with yours, that could be a warning sign.

Think About Behaviors You Don’t Like in People You Already Know

A practical way to decide what your yellow flag issues are is to think about behaviors that you don’t like in the people around you. If a friend’s habitual lateness or inability to commit to plans annoys you, chances are that would be a yellow flag in a relationship.

Consider How You Feel When You’re With That Person

You can also figure out potential yellow flags by paying attention to how you feel when you’re with that person. Does something seem off in the relationship? Are you uneasy, or is there something making you uncomfortable?

Discuss Your Concerns With Loved Ones

Other people you trust can help you determine your yellow flags.

“Seek outside perspective. Talk to trusted friends or family members about your concerns and ask for their input. They may be able to offer a different perspective or help you identify potential yellow flags that you may have missed,” Johnson notes.

Are Yellow Flags Bad?

Yellow flags are not necessarily bad. Being able to identify a concern and bring it to the forefront can provide an opportunity for healthy communication.

The key to drawing a benefit from an issue of concern is figuring out what your concern is, why it’s bothering you, how your partner responds to it, and what actions you plan to take. If a concerning issue can help make your relationship healthier and stronger, then it’s a positive.

How to Deal With Yellow Flags in Your Partner

Once you’ve identified the traits in your partner that are yellow flag issues for you, you want to address them in a healthy way. Approaching your partner with understanding and even empathy is a good place to start. Perhaps looking at the behavior from their perspective will help you know how to deal with it.

“Talk it out. Use ‘I’ statements to avoid blame language. Understand the difference between a preference and a problem. Understand each other’s perspectives and see what changes can be made and what compromises can be agreed to decide if the relationships should continue,” Amodio advises.

Communicate and Enforce Your Boundaries

While giving your partner time and space to address the problem, you also want to make your own boundaries very clear. Let them know what is not appropriate in the relationship.

If the two of you are not able to reach a compromise, seeing a therapist or counselor can help. Couples counseling has been found to improve communication and intimacy.

The most important thing, however, is to find a solution that works for everyone in the relationship.

How Can I Make Sure I Don’t Miss Yellow Flags?

When it comes to recognizing potential yellow flags in your relationship, you have to pay attention to the person who can tell you the most about those issues—you. Listen to what’s going on inside of you. Practicing mindfulness is a good way to tap into your feelings. Above all, be honest with yourself.

It’s important to remember that dealing with yellow, orange, and red flags in a relationship can be challenging, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution—you have to do what’s best for you.


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A Name for Autism With Low Support Needs

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Language note: Although individual preferences exist, surveys of the autistic community consistently show that autistic people prefer identity-first language rather than person-first language (i.e., “autistic person” rather than “person with autism”). This article reflects that community language preference.

Mild autism is an unofficial term that may refer to the diagnosis of level 1 autism. Mild autism may also informally be referred to as “high-functioning autism,” although this term is considered inaccurate and inappropriate as it does not accurately reflect the challenges that autistic people deal with in their daily lives. 

The “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition, Text Revision” (DSM-5-TR), conceptualizes autism as a spectrum in which people with low support needs (level 1 autism) are considered to be “mildly” autistic and those with high support needs as “severe.” 

Jump to Key Takeaways.

Characteristics of Mild Autism

The DSM-5-TR details five diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder. Because the DSM-5-TR conceptualizes diagnoses as disorders and disabilities that cause functional problems, these symptoms are framed as deficits:

  • Social deficits: Autistic people might approach conversations and social interactions in an “abnormal” way and have difficulty expressing and interpreting nonverbal cues. This can cause trouble “developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships.”
  • Repetitive or fixated behaviors, interests, or activities: Autistic people often repeat movements or words as a way to self-regulate, a behavior often referred to as “stimming.” They may also adhere to specific routines and have specific and intense interests. Finally, autistic people often have atypical reactions to sensory experiences, including being either very sensitive to touch, smell, light, or sound, or seeming not to notice these sensations.
  • Early onset: Neurodivergence begins before birth. Although symptoms might not manifest until later in life (especially for those with low support needs), autistic people have been autistic their entire lives.
  • Symptoms cause functional deficits: A clinical diagnosis of autism requires a person to experience difficulty at school, at work, in social situations, or other settings. This is why many autistic people with low support needs might not be diagnosed until later in life.
  • Symptoms are not due to another diagnosis: Some genetic conditions or trauma can cause behaviors that can look like autism.

Before autism was considered a spectrum, the DSM-IV-TR differentiated autism from Asperger’s syndrome, which was considered “mild” autism. However, psychologists struggled with differentiating autism and Asperger’s Syndrome.

An individual was considered autistic if they did not acquire verbal language before three years of age, but other symptoms were the same. In addition, research showed that a diagnosis of autism versus Asperger’s depended on which provider performed the assessment rather than specific symptoms.

The International Classification of Diseases, 10th Revision (ICD-10) still recognizes Asperger’s syndrome as a diagnosis.

Although some still use the term Asperger’s syndrome, the term is considered dated and problematic by many because Hans Asperger was a eugenicist and a member of the Nazi party in Germany during World War II. His research on autism aimed to identify which children were “high functioning” enough to be “useful.”

What Makes Autism “Mild”?

According to the DSM-5-TR, a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder can be specified as Level 1, Level 2, or Level 3 based on “severity.”

Level 1 Autism

Level 1 is typically classified as “mild” autism, as autistic people at Level 1 have the lowest support needs.

For an autistic person to be considered Level 1, they must have low support needs for both communication and behaviors. Regarding communication, Level 1 autistic people might struggle with initiating conversations or relationships with other people, and they might not seem as interested in these relationships as their neurotypical peers.

Behaviorally, Level 1 autistic people may adhere to very specific routines that can interfere with functioning, struggle with transitions, and have difficulty with organization and planning. The DSM-5-TR does not specify how sensory issues impact Level 1 autistic individuals.

It is important to note that autistic people’s support needs can change, just like non-autistic people’s needs can change. During times of high stress, an autistic person might need more support than during low-stress times.

Autistic burnout refers to when an autistic person’s support needs increase due to exhaustion and long-term stress. Autistic people who had low support needs and were identified as “mild” might exhibit more “severe” symptoms during burnout due to higher needs.

How Is It Diagnosed?

Many psychological tests created to identify autism are specifically designed for children and teens. However, because “mild” autism is marked by fewer functional difficulties and lower support needs, many autistic people whose symptoms are considered “mild” are not identified as autistic until adulthood.

Psychological assessments used to identify autism include:

  • Diagnostic Interview. Any psychological evaluation will include a diagnostic interview during which the evaluator gathers information about your personal and family history as well as your symptoms. Since autism is a neurodevelopmental diagnosis, this interview will likely include information about early development.
  • Autism Spectrum Rating Scale (ASRS). The ASRS is an observational measure with parent and teacher forms that can be used to identify symptoms of autism in children from ages two to eighteen. The child’s scores are compared to those of other autistic children as well as the DSM-5-TR diagnostic criteria for autism.
  • Autism Diagnostic Interview-Revised (ADI-R). The ADI-R is a structured interview that assesses symptoms of autism from age four through adulthood.
  • Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule-2 (ADOS-2). The ADOS-2 evaluates social and communication skills. Some modules are only used to identify autistic children, but there is also a module that can assess adults.
  • Diagnostic Interview for Social and Communication Disorders (DISCO). The DISCO is a structured interview with questions about behavior and functioning, and it can be used with children and adults.

What Causes Mild Autism?

Although we do not fully understand why some people are autistic and others are not, research shows that various genes can impact whether or not someone is autistic.

Autistic people are born autistic and remain autistic for their entire lives.

What Support Is Available?

Autistic people might benefit from talk therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy.

Although Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is sometimes thought of as a “gold standard” of autism treatment, the autistic community has raised concerns that this treatment can be abusive and traumatic.

Autistic individuals with low support needs might be able to live independently and work, but they might attend individual therapy to cope with stress and any comorbid diagnoses they might have.

Many autistic individuals benefit from support from their autistic peers. Organizations exist to advocate for autistic people’s rights and provide accurate information about getting diagnosed, treatment options, and social support.

Key Takeaways

  • Mild autism is an unofficial term for autism with the lowest support needs. It has also been known as high-functioning autism or Asperger’s, though today the official name is level 1 autism.
  • People with this level of autism may have difficulties with social interactions, organization, and planning, but are often able to live and work independently.
  • Various therapies and support resources can help.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. American Psychiatric Association (APA). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.

  2. Barahona-Corrêa JB, Filipe CN. A concise history of Asperger syndrome: The short reign of a troublesome diagnosis. Front Psychol. 2016;6:2024. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.02024

  3. Mantzalas J, Richdale AL, Adikari A, Lowe J, Dissanayake C. What is autistic burnout? A thematic analysis of posts on two online platforms. Autism Adulthood. 2022;4(1):52-65. doi:10.1089/aut.2021.0021

  4. Hong JS, Perrin J, Singh V, et al. Psychometric evaluation of the Autism Spectrum Rating Scales (6-18 years parent report) in a clinical sample. J Autism Dev Disord. 2024;54(3):1024-1035. doi:10.1007/s10803-022-05871-x

  5. Zander E, Willfors C, Berggren S, et al. The interrater reliability of the Autism Diagnostic Interview-Revised (ADI-R) in clinical settings. Psychopathology. 2017;50(3):219-227. doi:10.1159/000474949

  6. Adamou M, Johnson M, Alty B. Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (Ados) scores in males and females diagnosed with autism: a naturalistic study. AIA. 2018;4(2):49-55. doi:10.1108/AIA-01-2018-0003

  7. Carrington SJ, Barrett SL, Sivagamasundari U, et al. Describing the profile of diagnostic features in autistic adults using an abbreviated version of the Diagnostic Interview for Social and Communication Disorders (DISCO-Abbreviated). J Autism Dev Disord. 2019;49(12):5036-5046. doi:10.1007/s10803-019-04214-7

  8. Kirkham P. ‘The line between intervention and abuse’ – autism and applied behaviour analysis. History of the Human Sciences. 2017;30(2):107-126. doi:10.1177/0952695117702571

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By Amy Marschall, PsyD

Dr. Amy Marschall is an autistic clinical psychologist with ADHD, working with children and adolescents who also identify with these neurotypes among others. She is certified in TF-CBT and telemental health.


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Signs and Causes of Attachment Issues

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Every relationship is different, but sometimes we tend to follow certain patterns that can affect how we interact with others in a variety of ways. If you’ve ever found yourself drawing back as soon as someone gets to close or clinging a little too tight because you’re afraid they might leave, you might wonder *why* such behaviors happen. They often trace back to attachment issues, or disruptions in our earliest relationships that led to insecure attachment styles.

The ways that we learned to connect with caregivers and others as part of our earliest relationships can play a big part in shaping how we approach relationships as adults. If those early bonds were marked by neglect, fear, or confusion, you might face challenges in future relationships as well.

Jump to Key Takeaways.

What Are Attachment Issues?

An attachment disorder is a condition that affects mood or behavior and makes it difficult for people to form and maintain relationships with others. These conditions usually start in early childhood, but the effects don’t stop there. In many cases, attachment issues carry over into adulthood…and can throw a wrench in your adult romantic relationships.

Attachment issues are not an official diagnosis, but people use the term to refer to an insecure attachment style in adults. Adults with insecure attachment styles may express avoidance or ambivalence in relationships or behave in disorganized or inconsistent ways.

Most infants develop secure emotional attachments to their caregivers at an early age. They show healthy anxiety when their caregiver is absent and relief when they’re reunited. Some infants develop attachment disorders because their caregivers do not meet their needs. These babies are unable to bond with their caregivers and struggle to develop any type of emotional attachment.

Secure vs. Insecure Attachments

There are two primary attachment styles that can result from early childhood experiences with parents and caregivers: secure and insecure attachments.

Secure Attachments

Repeated positive experiences with a caregiver help infants develop a secure attachment. When an adult responds to a baby’s cries with feeding, changing, or comfort, the baby learns they can trust the adult to keep them safe and care for their needs.

Children who are securely attached tend to form better relationships with others and solve problems more readily. They are willing to try new things and explore independently and have less extreme responses to stress.

Insecure Attachments

Infants who experience negative or unpredictable responses from a caregiver may develop an insecure attachment style. They may see adults as unreliable and they may not trust them easily. Children with insecure attachments may avoid people, exaggerate distress, and show anger, fear, and anxiety. They may refuse to engage with others.

Attachment disorders are treatable, but early intervention is important. Without treatment, children with attachment disorders may experience ongoing issues throughout the course of their lives.

Signs to Look For

Signs that a child may have an attachment disorder include:

  • Bullying or hurting others
  • Extreme clinginess
  • Failure to smile
  • Intense bursts of anger
  • Lack of eye contact
  • Lack of fear of strangers
  • Lack of affection for caregivers
  • Oppositional behaviors
  • Poor impulse control
  • Self-destructive behaviors
  • Watching others play but refusing to join in
  • Withdrawn or listless moods

Attachment disorders that emerge in childhood can continue to affect a person’s relationships in adulthood. However, the exact attachment styles people experience in childhood do not always directly correlate to attachment patterns in adulthood.

What Are Signs of Attachment Issues in Adults?

Signs of attachment issues in adults can include problems forming emotional bonds with others, difficulties with boundaries, or risky behaviors. While more research is needed, adults with attachment issues may struggle to form romantic relationships. They may struggle to trust others or express a great deal of anxiety in their relationships. They may need constant reassurance or push their partners away to avoid getting too attached.

How It’s Diagnosed

A pediatrician or psychologist will conduct an examination to diagnose an attachment disorder in children. This evaluation may include:

  • Interviews with caregivers about the child’s symptoms
  • Direct observations of the child’s interactions with caregivers
  • A history of home and family life since birth
  • An evaluation of parents and caregivers to assess parenting styles and practices

A doctor may also conduct a physical exam, run lab tests, and use other psychiatric assessments to rule out any medical or mental health conditions contributing to symptoms.

A doctor or psychiatrist will utilize the diagnostic criteria found in the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM-5-TR) to determine if a child has an attachment disorder.

The DSM-5-TR does not recognize attachment disorders in adults. However, if you believe that attachment issues are affecting your ability to form healthy relationships or if you are experiencing other mental health symptoms, talk to your doctor or mental health professional. They can provide an accurate diagnosis and recommend treatment options that can help.

What Causes Attachment Issues?

Attachment issues can develop for all sorts of reasons, but they usually start with things we went through as kids. Inconsistent or neglectful caregivers, for example, may play a part in attachment disorders in childhood as well as attachment issues in adulthood.

But these things don’t affect all kids in the same way. Some children develop attachment disorders while others living in the same environment don’t. But researchers agree there is a link between attachment disorders and significant neglect or deprivation, repeated changes in primary caretakers, or being reared in institutional settings. 

Some other possible risk factors for attachment disorders include:

  • Abuse (physical, emotional, or sexual)
  • Caregivers with poor parenting skills
  • Parental anger issues
  • Parental neglect
  • Parents with psychiatric conditions
  • Prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs

Most children with attachment disorders have experienced serious neglect, and often they have experienced trauma or frequent changes in caregivers.

Attachment disorders are fairly rare, affecting an estimated 1% to 2% of the general population. Children in foster care or children who have been institutionalized are at the greatest risk. Populations most at risk include:

  • Children who have had many different foster care providers
  • Children who have spent time in an orphanage
  • Children who have experienced multiple traumatic events
  • Children who were taken away from a primary caretaker after forming a healthy bond

Related Conditions

Children with attachment disorders are likely to struggle academically, socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. They are at a higher risk of developing legal issues during adolescence as well. Children with attachment disorders tend to have lower IQs, and they are at a higher risk of having language problems.

They’re also more likely to have comorbid psychiatric disorders. One older study that examined children with attachment disorders found that:

Overall, 85% of the children had another psychiatric condition in addition to having an attachment disorder.

Link to Personality Disorders in Adulthood

Children don’t grow out of attachment disorders on their own. Their symptoms may shift as they grow older, but if left untreated, they are likely to continue to have ongoing problems into adulthood, including difficulty regulating their emotions.

Attachment disorders may also be linked to psychopathic traits. A 2018 study found that children with attachment disorders were more likely to exhibit callous and unemotional traits. While there is evidence that the two are linked, there’s no proof that attachment disorders cause an individual to develop antisocial personality disorder.

Types of Attachment Disorders

The “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” recognizes two distinct attachment disorders: disinhibited social engagement disorder and reactive attachment disorder. These conditions are often recognized around a child’s first birthday. The earliest warning signs often include failure to thrive or disinterest in interacting.

Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder

A classic sign of disinhibited social engagement disorder (DSED) is overfriendliness with strangers. A child may seek comfort from a stranger, sit on a stranger’s lap, and not exhibit any distress when a caregiver isn’t present.

Children with DSED also show little interest or desire to check in with trusted adults before leaving a safe place and entering a situation that is strange or even threatening. Kids with this condition show little preference for trusted adults over strangers and may seek out affection from people they do not know.

Reactive Attachment Disorder

Reactive attachment disorder is a disorder of infancy or early childhood that involves a failure to seek comfort from a caregiver. A child with reactive attachment may resist physical comfort from a caregiver, avoid eye contact, and be hypervigilant.

Most children with reactive attachment disorder display a variety of behaviors. Such behaviors can include irritability, withdrawal, lack of comfort-seeking, not interacting with other children, and avoiding physical touch.

What Can Help?

The most important aspect of helping a child develop a secure attachment involves a stable, healthy environment. A child who continues to move from foster home to foster home or one who resides in an orphanage isn’t likely to develop a healthy bond with a caregiver.

Even when a child with an attachment disorder is placed in a loving home with a consistent caregiver, the symptoms won’t immediately resolve. They tend to push their caregivers away, and their behavior problems often repel those around them. They usually require intensive ongoing treatment.

Treatment typically involves:

  • Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy for attachment disorders focuses on identifying problem areas and reducing problematic behaviors. This can be done one-on-one with a therapist, but it may also involve caregivers as well.
  • Social skills training: Developing social skills can help children learn how to interact better with others in school and social settings. Kids may practice these skills with their therapist and caregivers to help gain confidence and experience.
  • Family therapy: Family therapy may help kids, caregivers, and other family members learn new ways of interacting and responding.

Mental health treatment that involves caregivers can help children learn to develop more secure attachments. Comorbid conditions should also be treated.

How to Cope

If your child or a child in your care has been diagnosed with an attachment disorder, there are things you can do to help them cope. In addition to seeking appropriate professional treatment, caregivers can help by being patient and having realistic expectations.

You can help a child cope by:

  • Establishing boundaries: It is essential to provide consistency and stability. Create boundaries to help a child’s world feel more predictable and trustworthy. Explain what is expected, and then be consistent about providing consequences. This can help kids regain trust and improve self-control.
  • Follow a schedule: You can help establish consistency by having a daily routine that kids can follow. This can help kids feel like their world is more consistent and trustworthy, even during transition periods.
  • Talk about emotions: Help kids learn to identify their emotions. Instead of judging emotions as “bad,” focus on simply labeling them and discussing what kids can do to manage and express those feelings. 

If you are an adult struggling with attachment issues, remind yourself that it takes time to develop new patterns and behaviors. Psychotherapy can help you explore some of these issues in greater depth.

If you notice signs that your child may have an attachment disorder, talk to your child’s doctor about an evaluation, diagnosis, or referral to a child mental health specialist. The earlier the intervention, the more likely a child is to experience a good outcome.

Another step you can take to help a child with an attachment problem is to take a parenting class. Children with attachment issues require special attention. Learning how to respond appropriately can help your child form a healthier, more secure bond with caregivers.

Key Takeaways

  • “Attachment issues” refers to an insecure attachment style that can interfere in forming healthy relationships.
  • They are linked to neglect or trauma in childhood, various mental health conditions, and personality disorders.
  • Treatments include psychotherapy, social skills training, and family therapy.

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What Emotional Dysregulation Looks Like and How to Deal With It

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We all experience strong emotions, but for some people, these feelings can seem overwhelming, unpredictable, and difficult to control. Dysregulation involves problems regulating emotional responses, which can result in reactions that seem intense, prolonged, or out of proportion to the situation.

The result? Sudden outbursts of anger, anxiety, or sadness that can have a detrimental effect on daily functioning, relationships, and a person’s overall well-being.

What Is Dysregulation?

Dysregulation, or emotional dysregulation, is an inability to control or regulate one’s emotional responses, which can lead to significant mood swings, significant changes in mood, or emotional lability. It can involve many emotions, including sadness, anger, irritability, and frustration.

While dysregulation is typically thought of as a childhood problem that usually resolves itself as a child learns proper emotional regulation skills and strategies, dysregulation may continue into adulthood.

For these individuals, emotional dysregulation can lead to a lifetime of struggles, including problems with interpersonal relationships, school performance, and the inability to function effectively in a job or at work.

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What Triggers It?

Why is it that some people have no trouble remaining calm, cool, and collected while others fall apart at the first instance of something going wrong in their life?

The answer is that there are likely multiple causes; however, there is one that has been consistently shown in the research literature. That cause is early psychological trauma resulting from abuse or neglect on the part of the caregiver. This results in something known as a reactive attachment disorder.

In addition, a parent who has emotional dysregulation will also struggle to teach their child how to regulate emotions. Since children are not naturally born with emotional regulation coping skills, having a parent who cannot model effective coping puts a child at risk for emotional dysregulation themselves.

Is Dysregulation a Mental Disorder?

While dysregulation isn’t necessarily a mental disorder (or a sign of one), we know that emotional dysregulation in childhood can be a risk factor for later mental disorders. Some disorders are also more likely to involve emotional dysregulation.

Disorders that are most commonly associated with emotional dysregulation include:

When emotional dysregulation appears as part of a diagnosed mental disorder, it typically involves a heightened sensitivity to emotional stimuli and a lessened ability to return to a normal emotional state within a reasonable amount of time.

How to Recognize It

In general, emotional dysregulation involves having emotions that are overly intense in comparison to the situation that triggered them. This can mean not being able to calm down, avoiding difficult emotions, or focusing your attention on the negative. Most people with emotional dysregulation also behave in an impulsive manner when their emotions (fear, sadness, or anger) are out of control.

Common symptoms include:

  • Intense mood swings
  • Impulsivity
  • Problems managing anger
  • Emotional reactions that are out of proportion to the situation
  • Problems with relationships
  • Perfectionism
  • Feelings of anxiety or depression

Emotional dysregulation can also mean that you have trouble recognizing the emotions you are experiencing when you become upset. It might mean that you feel confused by your emotions, guilty about your feelings, or overwhelmed by them to the point that you can’t make decisions or manage your behavior.

Examples of Dysregulation

Below are some examples of what it looks like when someone is experiencing emotional dysregulation.

  • Your romantic partner cancels plans and you decide they must not love you and you end up crying all night and binging on junk food.
  • The bank teller says they can’t help you with a particular transaction and you’ll need to come back the next day. You have an angry outburst, yell at the teller, and throw a pen across the counter at them.
  • You attend a company dinner and everyone seems to be talking and having fun while you feel like an outsider. After the event, you go home and overeat to numb your emotional pain. This is also an example of poor coping mechanisms and emotional eating.

Note that the behaviors of emotional dysregulation may show up differently in children, involving temper tantrums, outbursts, crying, refusing to make eye contact or speak, etc.

How It Impacts Your Life

Being unable to manage your emotions and their effects on your behavior can have a range of negative effects on your adult life. For instance:

  • You might have trouble sleeping.
  • You might struggle to let experiences go or hold grudges longer than you should.
  • You might get into minor arguments that you blow out of proportion to the point that you end up ruining relationships.
  • You might experience negative effects on your social, work, or school functioning.
  • You might develop a mental disorder later in life because of a poor ability to regulate your emotions (e.g., depression)
  • You might develop a substance abuse problem or addiction such as smoking, drinking, or drugs.
  • You might engage in self-harm or other disordered behavior such as restrictive eating habits or binge eating.
  • You might have trouble resolving conflict.

A child with emotional dysregulation may experience the following outcomes:

  • A tendency to be defiant
  • Problems complying with requests from teachers or parents
  • Problems making and keeping friends
  • Reduced ability to focus on tasks

What Can Help?

The two main options for treating emotion dysregulation are medication and therapy, depending on the individual situation. Oftentimes, a combination of both is the most effective solution.

Medication

Medication may be used to treat emotion dysregulation when it is part of a larger mental disorder. For example, ADHD will be treated with stimulants, depression will be treated with antidepressants, and other issues might be treated with antipsychotics.

Therapy

In terms of therapy for emotional dysregulation, the main treatment method has been what is known as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Marsha Linehan originally developed this form of therapy in the 1980s to treat individuals experiencing BPD.

In general, this type of therapy involves improving mindfulness, validating emotions, and engaging in healthy habits. It also teaches the skills needed to regulate emotions. Through DBT, you learn to focus on the present moment, become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and deal with stressful situations.

DBT argues that there are three “states of mind:”

  • Reasonable mind refers to being logical and rational.
  • Emotional mind refers to your moods and sensations.
  • Wise mind refers to the combination of your reasonable mind and your emotional mind.

DBT is about showing you that you can see situations as shades of grey rather than all black and white (in other words, combining your emotional mind and logic mind).

Journaling

If you’ve just experienced a stressful situation or crisis and want to try a little DBT at home, pull out a journal and answer these questions.

  • What was the event that caused you distress?
  • What did you think about in the situation? (Write down three main thoughts.)
  • How did these thoughts make you feel? (Write down any physical symptoms, things you did like crying, or feelings like being upset.)
  • What was the consequence of the thoughts you had?

The goal of DBT is to balance your emotions with logic to obtain more positive outcomes from the situations that you find stressful. The goal is also to teach you to become more aware of the connections between your thoughts, feelings, and actions. In this way, it’s expected that you will be able to better manage your emotions in your daily life.

Parenting a Child with Emotional Dysregulation

If you are a parent of a child who struggles with emotion dysregulation, you might be wondering what you can do to support your child. It is true that children learn emotion regulation skills from their parents. You have the ability to teach your child how to manage emotions rather than become overwhelmed by them. Here are some ways you can support them:

Your child also needs to know that they can reach out to you for help and comfort when needed. Having a supportive and reliable parent figure in their life will help to protect them against problems with emotional dysregulation.

  • Recognize your own limitations. Do you have a mental disorder or have you struggled with your own emotion regulation skills? If so, you and your child might benefit from you receiving treatment or therapy to build up your own resilience. When you are better able to manage your own distress, then you will be able to offer the most support to your child.
  • Lead by example. In addition, the best way to teach your child how to manage their emotions is not to demand that they behave in a certain way or punish them for acting out. Rather, the best option is to model the desired behavior yourself that you want them to adopt.
  • Adjust accordingly. It can be helpful to start to recognize triggers for your child’s behavior and have a back-up plan of effective ways to deal with acting out. For example, if your child always has a tantrum when you take them to buy shoes, try picking out a pair in their size and bringing them home for them to try on.
  • Maintain consistent routines. Children who struggle with emotion dysregulation benefit from predictability and consistency. Your child needs to know that you will be there for them when they need you and that they can rely on you to be the calming presence. When your own emotions are out of control, then it is much more likely that your child will be unable to manage their own emotions.

  • Seek accommodations or additional support. If your child is in school, it is also important that you talk to their teacher about their problems with emotion regulation. Talk about the strategies that you use at home and how your child might need extra help in the classroom or reminders on how to calm down. If your child has a diagnosed disorder, they may be on a special education plan that allows accommodations or gives them extra help. Be sure to take advantage of that.
  • Reward positive behavior. If you see your child acting in ways that are positive for emotion management, comment on those positive behaviors. Find ways to reward emotion management successes so that they will become more frequent.

Takeaway

Whether it’s you, your child, or someone you know who struggles with emotion dysregulation, it is important to know that this is something that can improve over time. In fact, 91% of those diagnosed with BPD are not predicted to meet criteria 10 years down the road. This goes to show that emotion regulation strategies can be learned and are very helpful for improving your situation and living the best life possible.

Regardless of your current circumstances, you can make changes that will result in improved social, school, and work functioning. You can learn to manage the stressful situations that cause you pain and work through past hurts or mistreatment that led you to where you are today.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Dunn EC, Nishimi K, Gomez SH, Powers A, Bradley B. Developmental timing of trauma exposure and emotion dysregulation in adulthood: Are there sensitive periods when trauma is most harmful? J Affect Disord. 2018;227:869-877. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2017.10.045

  2. Aslan IH, Dorey L, Grant JE, Chamberlain SR. Emotion regulation across psychiatric disorders. CNS Spectr. 2024;29(3):215-220. doi:10.1017/S1092852924000270

  3. Fassbinder E, Schweiger U, Martius D, Brand-de Wilde O, Arntz A. Emotion regulation in schema therapy and dialectical behavior therapy. Front Psychol. 2016;7:1373. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01373

  4. Mancini MA, Cooper-Sadlo S. Dialectical behavior therapy for the treatment of borderline personality disorder. In: Bolton KW, Hall JC, Lehmann P, eds. Theoretical Perspectives for Direct Social Work Practice. 4th ed. Springer Publishing Company; 2021. doi:10.1891/9780826165565.0010

  5. The National Institute of Mental Health. Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder: The basics.

  6. Biskin RS. The lifetime course of borderline personality disorder. Can J Psychiatry. 2015;60(7):303-308. doi:10.1177/070674371506000702

Arlin Cuncic

By Arlin Cuncic, MA

Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master’s degree in clinical psychology.


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