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Do you ever find yourself “keeping score” in your relationships, weighing the costs and benefits, and tallying what you’ve done for them vs. what they’ve done for you? Or maybe you’ve noticed how the quality of a relationship seems to dwindle when the give-and-take starts to feel a little too one-sided. This kind of relationship math refers to a phenomenon psychologists call social exchange theory.

It’s a sort of emotional economy that we apply to our relationships, where we constantly weigh the costs and benefits of staying connected to someone. Whether it’s our friendships or our romantic relationships, we tend to (consciously or not) keep a mental tally: “Is what I’m getting out of this relationship worth what I’m putting in?”

What Is Social Exchange Theory, Exactly?

Social exchange theory is a concept based on the idea that social behavior is the result of an exchange process. According to this theory, people weigh the potential benefits and risks of their social relationships. When the risks outweigh the rewards, they will terminate or abandon the relationship. The purpose of this exchange is to maximize benefits and minimize costs.

Most relationships involve some give-and-take, but that doesn’t mean they are always equal. Social exchange suggests that the valuing of the ​benefits and costs of each relationship determines whether or not we choose to continue a social association.

One of the most basic examples of social exchange theory is being asked on a date. If you feel that the benefits of going on the date outweigh the costs (there are more pros than cons), you will say yes. Conversely, if the costs outweigh the benefits (more cons than pros), you’ll likely say no.

History of the Theory

The notion of “social behavior as exchange” was first identified by American sociologist George C. Homans in 1958. Homans was a pioneer in behavioral sociology and held several distinguished roles in his career, including president of the American Sociological Association (1963 to 1964) and chairman of Harvard’s Department of Sociology (1970 to 1975).

Homans is known for being rather matter-of-fact. For example, although a sociologist himself, if asked, he would respond that “most sociological theorists are idiots.”

Other figures that contributed to the development of Homans’ social exchange theory, albeit in different ways, were John Thibaut, Harold Kelley, and Peter Blau. Thibaut and Kelley were both social psychologists, and Blau was a sociologist and theorist.

While Homans approached the study of social exchange by starting with groups, then working down to individuals, Thibaut and Kelley started with individuals and worked up to groups. Blau subscribed to neither of these approaches, instead, warning that the aspects of social exchange shouldn’t be blinded by psychology.

What Are the Key Concepts?

To truly understand social exchange theory requires recognizing the aspects on which it is based.

Costs vs. Benefits

Social exchange theory suggests that we essentially take the benefits of a relationship and subtract the costs in order to determine how much it is worth.

• Costs involve things that you see as negatives, such as having to put money, time, and effort into a relationship. For example, if you have a friend who always borrows money from you and does not repay it, this might be seen as a high cost.
• Benefits are things that you get out of the relationship, such as fun, friendship, companionship, and social support. Your friend might be a bit of a freeloader, but bring a lot of fun and excitement to your life. As you are determining the value of the friendship, you might decide that the benefits outweigh the potential costs.

Positive relationships exist when the benefits outweigh the costs. Negative relationships occur when the costs are greater than the benefits. In such cases, they are often one-sided relationships.

Expectations and Comparison Levels

Cost-benefit analysis plays a major role in the social exchange process, but so do expectations. As people weigh benefits against the costs, they do so by establishing a comparison level that is often influenced by past experiences.

For example, if your previous romantic partner showered you with displays of affection, your comparison level for your next relationship is going to be quite high when it comes to affection. If your next romantic partner tends to be more reserved and less emotional, that person might not measure up to your expectations.

Expectations can also appear within work relationships. Research indicates that there is an “expectation of reciprocity” between management and staff in workplace settings. If an employee doesn’t feel that higher-ups are reciprocating their effort, this can affect their work.

How Social Exchange Theory Influences Relationships

The idea that relationships are based on an exchange can affect how we relate with others.

The Honeymoon Phase

The length of a friendship or romance can play a role in the social exchange process. During the early weeks or months of a relationship, often referred to as the “honeymoon phase,” people are more likely to ignore the social exchange balance.

Things that would typically be viewed as high cost are dismissed, ignored, or minimized, while potential benefits are often exaggerated. When this honeymoon period finally comes to an end, there will often be a gradual evaluation of the exchange balance.

At this point, downsides become more apparent and benefits start to be seen more realistically. This recalibration of the exchange balance might lead to the termination of the relationship if the balance is tipped too far toward the negative side.

Evaluating the Alternatives

Another aspect of the social exchange process involves looking at possible alternatives. After analyzing the costs and benefits and contrasting these against your comparison levels, you might start to look at other options.

The relationship might not measure up to your comparison levels, but as you survey the potential alternatives, you might determine it is still better than anything else available. As a result, you might reassess the relationship in terms of what may now be a somewhat lower comparison level.

Equity Determines Health

Since social exchange theory is based on give and take, if this back and forth exchange is not considered equitable, it can affect the health of the relationship. The primary giver may feel resentful while the primary receiver may be riddled with guilt.

If this type of exchange happens only once or twice, it likely won’t impact the relationship. However, if it becomes a pattern, feelings of resentment and guilt can start to build, creating a point of contention between the two.

Takeaways

Whether conscious of it or not, we spend a lot of time weighing the costs and benefits of our relationships. If we give more than we get, we’ll likely eventually decide that the relationship isn’t worth the effort we put in.

We might not be consciously keeping score, but social exchange theory shows that we want our relationships to *feel* fair. Being undervalued can lead to resentment, but, on the flip side, feeling valued and appreciated can strengthen our connections.

So, whether it’s a relationship with a friend, a co-worker, or your partner, it’s worth asking yourself: Is this relationship adding value to my life, and am I doing the same in return?

Have you ever woken up from a dream that felt so real that it’s hard to shake it off? Vivid dreams are those that feel incredibly detailed, clear, and realistic. They tend to involve intense imagery, strong emotions, and memorable events that can stick with you for a long time. They can be happy or sad, based on your real life, or completely fabricated.

Jump to Key Takeaways.

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What Causes Vivid Dreams?

Vivid dreams can be surprising, unsettling, and emotional, but scientists aren’t exactly clear on what causes them. We all dream (even if we don’t always remember them), but certain factors may increase the likelihood of experiencing a vivid dream.

Medications

Some medications have been shown to cause vivid dreams. Anti-depressants are medications that can help relieve the symptoms of depression. One of their side effects is that they can cause vivid dreams due to the effect they have on REM sleep. Beta-blockers are medications that treat high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease. They have also been shown to impact sleep and contribute to nightmares.

Sleep Disorders

Waking up often during the night means you are interrupting your sleep cycles and are more likely to remember what you were dreaming. Certain sleep disorders can cause this to occur such as insomnia, narcolepsy, restless leg syndrome, and sleep apnea.

Major Changes To Your Sleep Schedule

Changing when you sleep and how much you sleep can increase the risk of vivid dreams. Some examples include transitioning to a job that requires night shift work, travelling across different time zones and pulling all-nighters frequently for an extended period of time.

Anxiety and Stress

Ruminating over stressful situations such as issues at work, struggles at school, relationship problems, and financial strain can cause most people to lose sleep. Major life events take a toll on your emotional and mental well-being.

Experiences such as the death of a loved one, job loss, moving to a new city, getting married, and the birth of a child can trigger vivid dreams. It’s been shown that people with anxiety are more likely to have nightmares.

Substance Abuse

Vivid dreams and nightmares can be triggered by alcohol misuse and substance abuse. A study showed that individuals who are in recovery often have vivid dreams that involve drinking and drug use.

Mental Health Conditions

People with certain mental health conditions are more likely to have nightmares. Some conditions include post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and depression.

Pregnancy

The physical body changes and increased hormone production that occur during pregnancy can affect sleep patterns and contribute to vivid dreams. 

Harmful Side Effects

Generally speaking, having a vivid dream once in a while isn’t a cause for concern. However, if you have vivid dreams frequently and they interfere with your day-to-day life, they can have harmful effects on your overall health and well-being.

Some of these include:

Fatigue

When you’re not getting sufficient quality sleep, you have a reduced ability to focus and retain information, which can cause issues at work, school, and at home. Having trouble staying awake and feeling sleepy during the day can be dangerous, especially if:

• Your job requires you to operate machinery or do manual labor
• You drive to work
• You are responsible for the safety of children

You may not be able to react as quickly and can be easily distracted. Your judgment may be altered, putting yourself and others at risk. 

Mood Issues

Recurring vivid dreams that are distressing can negatively affect your mood. If the dream is especially traumatic, it can trigger depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. You are more irritable and easily aggravated, which can drain your energy, making you feel awful and affecting your ability to function throughout the day. 

Avoiding Sleep

Having a persistent vivid dream that makes you feel anxious or overwhelmed may cause you to consciously or subconsciously resist sleep. Bedtime becomes something you dread because you’re worried you will have another nightmare. However, resisting sleep will contribute to poorer sleep and exacerbate negative health consequences.

How to Avoid Them

Identifying and treating the underlying cause of your vivid dream can help reduce them. Contact your doctor and/or mental health professional and they can provide appropriate advice, treatment options, and effective lifestyle changes. 

However, sometimes, it can be challenging to determine the specific cause of your vivid dreams. But even if you don’t know exactly what’s causing them, there are steps you can take to make them happen less frequently.

• Practice good sleep hygiene: Good sleep habits can help improve sleep. Some include going to bed and waking up at the same time, limiting caffeine, large meals, and alcohol before bedtime, shutting down screens once in bed, and ensuring your bedroom is optimal for sleep (dark, quiet, and comfortable). 
• Develop healthy habits: Being physically active, having a sensible diet, staying hydrated, and maintaining a healthy weight can help improve brain function, regulate your mood, and reduce sleep disturbances and vivid dreams.
• Try stress reduction strategies: Everyone experiences and manages stress differently. However, there are some ways to help reduce and cope with stress. Some examples include breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, yoga, tai chi, and guided imagery.
• Seek therapy: Working with a therapist or mental health care professional can help you understand your emotional triggers, identify ways to improve your mood, treat underlying mental health conditions, and make you feel more in control of your life to help improve the quality of your sleep.

Key Takeaways

• Vivid dreams can affect your quality of life if they are persistent and distressing.
• Potential causes include stress, medications, substance abuse, and changes to your sleep schedule.
• Changing your lifestyle and following the advice and guidance of your healthcare provider can help reduce these dreams and allow you to get a better night’s rest.

Discrimination is defined as prejudiced, unfair, or unequal treatment of people based on their personal characteristics such as race, ethnicity, religion, disability, age, nation of origin, or gender (gender identity, sexual orientation, pregnancy).

Discrimination is a reality that many people face in different areas of their lives every day. In 2017, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) reported more than 80,000 workplace discrimination complaints. Of these complaints, 30% were based on sex, 34% on race, and 22% on age.

This unfair and unequal treatment can impact people’s access to equitable education, employment, compensation, housing, and healthcare. Discrimination is considered a social determinant of health; it is part of a person’s social environment that can affect other factors, including housing, education, and employment, that affect health and well-being.

While there are laws in place that protect people from discrimination in employment and housing, prejudice and unfair treatment still frequently occur. Knowing how to recognize discrimination and understanding your rights can help you decide how to handle it if you experience discriminatory treatment.

1. Age Discrimination

Age discrimination, sometimes referred to as ageism, involves being treated unfairly based on your age. For example, age discrimination may originate from the idea that older adults are less willing to accept change or learn new skills, which can lead to an unwillingness to train, hire and promote older workers.

Examples of ageism include being fired, not being hired, not getting promoted, not receiving equitable training, or not getting job assignments because of your age. This might involve being fired in favor of hiring a younger candidate or not being promoted because an employer believes you are too young.

How to Handle It

Age-based discrimination is illegal in some instances. The Age Discrimination in Employment Act (ADEA) protects job applicants and employees over the age of 40 from being discriminated against based on their age. It protects workers against discrimination in hiring, promotion, termination, compensation, job training, or other conditions and privileges of employment. Unfortunately, workers under the age of 40 are not protected by ADEA.

The Age Discrimination Act of 1975 forbids age-based discrimination in programs and activities that receive financial assistance from the federal government, such as housing programs and educational institutions. It covers discrimination against people of all ages and is enforced by the Civil Rights Center.

2. Disability Discrimination

Disability discrimination involves unfair or biased treatment of individuals due to their disability. Title I and V of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) protect against disability discrimination in employment, public accommodations, access to programs and services, and communications. 

Disabilities that qualify for ADA protection include depression, cancer, schizophrenia, intellectual disability, epilepsy, diabetes, and a host of other conditions. However, people may still be protected even if they don’t have a formal diagnosis if their condition limits one or more major life areas or activities.

Discrimination can be direct, such as not hiring someone because of a chronic illness, or indirect, such as having job requirements that exclude people with disabilities. It can also involve harassment, victimization, and failing to provide reasonable accommodations.

How to Handle It

If you have experienced disability discrimination, you can file an ADA complaint with the Civil Rights Division of the Department of Justice. Your complaint may be referred to the ADA Mediation Program or to a federal agency that will handle specific issues related to your complaint. In some cases, you may be contacted for further information, or the Department of Justice may open an investigation into your complaint.

3. Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation discrimination refers to discriminatory treatment based on a person’s sexual orientation. This discrimination may involve the denial of rights and services related to employment and housing. It can also involve verbal or physical harassment and other displays of prejudice.

Examples of this type of discrimination include refusing to hire someone because they are gay or refusing to rent to someone based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. It can also involve harassment based on sexual orientation or gender identity that creates a hostile work environment.

How to Handle It

Sexual orientation is covered under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which provides employment protections against discrimination based on a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. It prohibits discrimination that affects any aspect of employment, including hiring, job assignments, pay, training, promotions, layoffs, and any other benefit or condition of employment.

4. Status as a Parent

Discrimination can also occur based on a parental status, or whether or not someone is a parent. It includes having children, but it also applies to not having children. For those who are parents, it includes biological parents, step-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, custodians of a legal ward, or in loco parentitis.

Examples of discrimination based on status as a parent might include:

• Firing someone for being pregnant
• Reducing someone’s hours because they are a parent
• Expecting childless employees to work longer hours
• Denying promotions to people because they have children
• Excluding people from activities based on their parental status
• Transferring someone to a different job because they had a baby
• Making disparaging comments about someone’s status as a parent

How to Handle It

An executive order prohibiting discrimination based on parental status in federal employment was signed in 2000.

If you have experienced such discrimination, keep a record of when the event occurred and notify the EEOC. You may then be asked to participate in dispute resolution with the employer or provide more information if the EEO opens a formal investigation.

Unfortunately, there is no federal law protecting people against parental status discrimination in the private sector. Some states, such as New York, provide protections for parents in the workplace. Some aspects of parental status may also be protected by the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 and the Family and Medical Leave Act.

5. Religious Discrimination

Religious discrimination is treating someone differently or unfairly based on their religious beliefs and practices. It can involve unfavorable attitudes or behaviors directed at people who belong to major world religions such as Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, or Buddhism. It can also involve discrimination against people with other deeply held religious, moral, and ethical beliefs, including those who do not have religious beliefs.

How to Handle It

Religious discrimination in hiring, firing, and other aspects of employment is prohibited by the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Employers must provide reasonable accommodations for religious practices unless it presents an undue burden. This also protects people who are part of non-traditional religions and atheists.

If you have experienced religious discrimination in the workplace, you can file a charge online with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. In the private sector, you must file a claim within 180 days of the incident. If you work for the federal government, you must contact an EEO counselor within 45 days.

6. National Origin

Discrimination based on national origin involves prejudiced treatment due to a person’s place of birth, culture, ancestry, or linguistic characteristics.

Examples of this type of discrimination include denying someone employment because of their accent or harassing them because of their nationality.

How to Handle It

National origin discrimination in the workplace is prohibited by Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. You can file a report with the EEOC if you have experienced workplace discrimination because of your national origin.

7. Pregnancy

Pregnancy discrimination involves unfair treatment of pregnant people in the workplace. It can involve treating people unfavorably because of pregnancy, childbirth, or a related medical condition.

Examples can include:

• Not hiring people because they are pregnant
• Firing people for being pregnant
• Denying promotions to pregnant people
• Not providing training, benefits, assignments, or other conditions of employment to pregnant individuals

While there are legal protections against this type of discrimination, many workers still experience denied accommodations, forced leave, or job loss during or after a pregnancy.

How to Handle It

Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 protects employees against discrimination based on pregnancy, childbirth, and medical conditions related to pregnancy and childbirth.

Such protections apply to current pregnancy, past pregnancy, potential pregnancy, conditions related to pregnancy, lactation/breastfeeding, abortion, and birth control.

If you have experienced employment discrimination as a result of pregnancy or a pregnancy-related disability, you can file a charge with the EEOC.

8. Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment involves unwanted sexual advances. Examples can include comments, touches, gestures, written communications, or other unwanted advances. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes two kinds of sexual harassment: quid pro quo and hostile work environment.

Quid pro quo harassment involves a person in a position of power offering employment rewards, such as promotions or raises, in exchange for sexual favors. A hostile work environment involves sexual harassment, making it difficult and uncomfortable for employees to perform.

How to Handle It

Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 also prohibits sexual discrimination, and you can file a charge with the EEOC office.

9. Race, Color, and Sex

Discrimination can also occur based on a person’s race, color, or sex. The Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 also prohibits such discrimination.

Examples can include:

• Treating people differently in the workplace due to their sex
• Refusing to hire someone because of their race
• Harassing or mistreating people because of the pigment of their skin

People may face unfair treatment in housing, hiring, education, and other areas based on their race or skin tone. It demonstrates how systemic biases continue to affect opportunities for people of color.

Sex-based discrimination limits people’s potential and reinforces outdated gender stereotypes. Wage gaps and unequal access to leadership positions are two examples of how sex discrimination holds people back.

How to Handle It

If you have experienced discrimination due to your race, color, or sex, you can file a complaint with the EEOC office.

10. Reprisal / Retaliation

People can also face additional discrimination after reporting discrimination or participating in an investigation. Retaliation and reprisal often take the form of hostile treatment, demotions, and dismissals.

Employment laws protect workers from discrimination for filing a complaint or participating in the equal employment opportunity process. Examples of reprisal and retaliation include:

• Firing or demoting workers who have participated in an EEOC investigation
• Denying promotions, benefits, or other conditions of employment to workers who have filed complaints
• Bullying, threatening, harassing, or reprimanding employees who have opposed unfair employment practices

How to Handle It

If you have been subjected to retaliation or reprisal for filing a complaint, participating in the EEO process, or opposing discrimination in the workplace, you must file a charge with the EEOC within 180 days if you are working in the private sector or contact an EEOC counselor if you are a federal employee.

How to Cope With Discrimination

There are laws intended to combat discrimination in the workplace and in housing, but discrimination often takes more subtle and insidious forms in everyday interactions. Examples can include microaggressions (making rude or invalidating comments), being treated with disrespect, being ignored, or getting poorer service.

Moreover, the stigma associated with various mental health conditions (using insensitive terms or labels or denying someone educational/housing/employment opportunities on the basis of a mental illness) can also be forms of discrimination.

Outside of federal, state, and local laws that prohibit discrimination based on an individual’s personal characteristics, there are other things steps you can take.

Explore Workplace Options

Learn more about the options for reporting and addressing discrimination in your workplace. This might include reporting the discrimination to human resources and having discussions with trusted supervisors.

Seek Support

Discrimination can harm self-esteem, particularly when people start to internalize the negative attitudes they encounter. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can help alleviate some of the detrimental effects of discrimination, validate your experiences, and remind you of your value.

You might also consider joining advocacy groups that help raise awareness of discrimination and support people who have experienced it. It can be a great way to talk to other people who have had similar experiences and connect with a supportive network that can offer advice and information.

Manage Stress Levels

Encountering discrimination is stressful and can trigger anger, sadness, and anxiety. Stress leads to a range of physical, emotional, and behavioral responses, including negative emotions and increased blood pressure.

Experiment with different stress management techniques to determine what works best for you. Some that you might find helpful include deep breathing, yoga, meditation, exercise, aromatherapy, or guided imagery. 

Talk to a Professional

Facing discrimination can also increase your risk of mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. Talking to a mental health professional can also help you cope with the effects of discrimination.

You can use the American Psychological Association (APA) Psychologist Locator tool to find licensed psychologists in your area who can help you cope with discrimination-related issues. You might also consider the Inclusive Therapists Directory to find BIPOC and LGBTQ+ mental health providers.

Everyone experiences anxiety about their relationships from time to time, but for people with an anxious preoccupied attachment style, these feelings are often intense and persistent. Anxious preoccupied attachment, also sometimes known simply as preoccupied attachment or anxious attachment, manifests as high anxiety about the relationships and connections in our lives.

Characteristics of an anxious preoccupied attachment include poor self-worth, a constant need for reassurance, excessive dependence on relationships, fear of rejection and abandonment, problems trusting partners, and hypersensitivity to the moods of others.

Jump to Key Takeaways.

Signs to Watch For

Individuals with an anxious preoccupied attachment style tend to have low self-esteem and a negative view of themselves. They tend to see others as superior to them, and as such, they may tend to be reliant and dependent in relationships.

It is important to remember that, if you have a preoccupied attachment style, this does not mean that you are inferior to others. Instead, it means that you feel that you are inferior.

If a child has an anxious preoccupied attachment style, they will likely cling to their parent or caregiver and can exhibit symptoms of separation anxiety. They may become very upset when the parent leaves them with another caretaker and might express fear that the parent will not return. Upon the parent’s return, they may immediately run to the parent for comfort.

Related Conditions

Although anxious preoccupied attachment is not an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it can manifest as a symptom of some diagnoses, including:

• Borderline personality disorder (BPD): Individuals with BPD experience frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, which is a component of the anxious preoccupied attachment style.
• Social anxiety disorder (social phobia): People diagnosed with social anxiety disorder have intense anxiety that others are judging them or think negatively of them and may experience preoccupied attachment.
• Substance use disorders (SUDs): Research has shown that some individuals with SUDs can display a preoccupied attachment style.

It’s important to remember that attachment styles don’t definitively predict that an individual will develop a specific diagnosis. However, identifying your attachment style can provide valuable insights about how you approach relationships and can aid in developing an appropriate treatment plan.

What Causes Anxious Preoccupied Attachment?

People don’t come into the world anxious about love; it’s something they learn based on experiences as children and adults. That doesn’t mean that genetics doesn’t also play a role in shaping these attachment styles. While anxious preoccupied attachment often traces back to our earliest relationships with our caregivers, genes and family history can shape personality and interactions with caregivers.

Anxious preoccupied attachment is often influenced by a number of different factors. Some causes that can play a role include:

Genetics

As with most aspects of our mental health, attachment styles can be influenced by genetics. However, early childhood experiences and interactions with caregivers play a major role in how attachment styles develop.

One study found that 45% of the variability in anxious attachment styles may be linked to genetic causes. However, the exact mechanisms for this are not clear.

Stress and Trauma

Stressful or traumatic events can cause a child to develop an anxious preoccupied attachment style. If an infant experiences inconsistent responses from the caregiver, they will develop uncertainty and anxiety about whether their needs will be met.

If a parent is available and nurturing at times but unavailable at other times, this can bring about feelings of insecurity in the child because the child cannot understand or predict the parent’s behavior.

Parenting Behaviors

A child can also develop a preoccupied attachment style if parents are overprotective. The child can pick up on the parent’s anxiety and can become fearful that they are unsafe and need strong protection to avoid being harmed.

Adult Relationships

In adulthood, a person can develop traits of this attachment style if they experience this inconsistency from a romantic partner or friend. Partners who display inconsistent affection or emotionally abusive behaviors can cause insecurity and anxiety around attachment.

For instance, if you are consistently told that you are unintelligent, incompetent, and incapable by your partner, you may start to believe these things about yourself. These beliefs can cause you to cling to your partner and rely on them for protection and care that you do not feel you can provide yourself.

Can It Be Treated?

It’s common for people with an anxious preoccupied attachment style to struggle with relationships, emotions, and mental health as a result of their attachment style. However, research has shown that our attachment style can change throughout our lives in response to experiences and treatment.

Since attachment styles impact relationships, someone with a preoccupied attachment style who is in a long-term relationship can benefit from couples therapy to work on identifying their emotions and communicating with their partner in healthy ways.

Children and teens can benefit from family therapy to create a healthier attachment to caregivers and other family members. Parent-child interaction therapy is a specific type of family therapy that promotes healthy attachment.

How to Cope

Living with an anxious preoccupied attachment style can feel like you are always bracing for impact. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, fearing that the next text or phone call might be the one that means the end of your relationship.

The good news is that you don’t have to live this way. This attachment style might be deeply rooted, but identifying your preoccupied attachment style is an important step in understanding the behaviors and emotions in your relationships. You can then use this knowledge to seek appropriate treatment and make changes.

• Learn healthy communication skills and share your needs with your loved ones in a healthy way, and practice using your voice when you are struggling.
• Develop friendships and connections with multiple people so that you have a strong support system and have multiple people you can turn to when you are having difficulties.
• Engage in self-esteem building to become more confident and competent in your abilities.
• Maintain healthy self-care techniques that you can rely on when you are having trouble.

Healing a preoccupied anxious attachment style doesn’t mean burying your emotions or not depending on your partner for support. Instead, it’s all about finding ways to meet your needs in ways that feel safe and steady while also fostering a healthy relationship with your partner.

Key Takeaways

• People with anxious preoccupied attachment tend to have low self-esteem and high anxiety about their relationships.
• Potential causes include stress, previous experiences in relationships, and genetics.
• Working to build health attachments, including with friends, family, and romantic partners, can help people heal.