Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Do you feel like you need help and don’t know where to turn? If you’ve hit the point of wanting to ask for help or the thought “Please help me” keeps running through your mind, it’s likely that you’ve hit some sort of crisis point in your life and don’t know how to deal with your situation.

If this is the situation you are in, know that there are steps you can take to get the help you need and to start feeling better.

Figure Out What You Are Feeling 

The first step is to ask yourself exactly what you are experiencing in the moment. What feelings or thoughts are coming up that have left you feeling this way?

If you can get clear about the emotions you are experiencing, then it will be easier to explain to others what you are going through. In turn, this will make it easier for others to help you or give you direction. 

“No one is a mind-reader,” explains Hannah Owens, LMSW. “While it might be outwardly clear to others that you are struggling, they can’t really help you unless they understand what you are struggling with.”

Here are some possible painful and challenging emotions that you might be experiencing that have left you feeling as though you need help from someone:

Keep writing until you dig deep enough to get at the emotions that you are experiencing or how you have been feeling about what’s going on. Once you have a better idea of your emotions, you’ll be able to describe them to someone else when you ask for help.

Consider What’s Wrong 

Beyond being able to articulate the emotions that you are experiencing, it might also be helpful to describe to someone what has caused you to feel this way. While you might not always be aware of the reasons for how you are feeling, other times, there might be a clear trigger or situation that is causing your concern.

Some difficult situations that might cause you to feel like you need someone to help you include: 

These are just some examples of things that might be causing you to feel as though you need help. If you haven’t already, take a moment to write down everything that is creating this feeling in your life.

You could also rate each area of your life on a scale from 1 to 10 to see which are lowest for you and potentially causing you to feel as though you need help.

Where to Find Direction 

Once you’ve identified the emotions you are experiencing and the potential triggers or causes contributing to them, you might wonder how to get help, advice, or direction.

While Googling your problems might be a good first step to finding answers or finding others who have been through something similar, there are many more options for reaching out for help.

Friends and Family 

An obvious place to start is to tell a friend or family member about how you’ve been feeling. Just being able to vent your frustrations or get them out in the open might be enough for you to start feeling better.

Listening Services 

If you don’t have anyone close to you who will lend a listening ear, or you’re not ready to talk to anyone, you could consider using a listening service such as 7 Cups. While the listeners on the other end are not professionals, they are trained to listen and respond in a way that helps you to work through your frustrations and problems.  

Crisis Lines and Help Lines 

What if your situation is dire or urgent? In these cases, your first step should be to reach out to a crisis line or help line. In the United States, call 988 for free and confidential support if you are in distress or crisis. If you are experiencing a medical emergency then you should call 911 or your local emergency number. 

Support Groups 

Are you struggling with a problem for which there are support groups to help? If so, consider joining one of these groups to talk with others who have gone through the same things as you.

Professional Help 

In some situations, you may find that reaching out for professional help is appropriate. For example, if you are looking for help because of physical or psychological issues that aren’t related to an identifiable situational trigger, you might need the help of a professional to discern what is going on. 

If you do have a diagnosable physical or mental health condition, receiving treatment in the form of therapy or medication could be the one thing you need to turn your situation around. If this is your situation, reaching out to your family doctor is usually the best first step.

Community Groups 

If your need for help centers around a feeling of loneliness or not having anyone to talk to, joining a local community group could be helpful. For example, you could find a local club to join such as a book club or knitting club.

You could also attend a local church or volunteer with a non-profit organization. The key is to keep showing up and spending time around the same people; eventually, those people will start to feel more like friends. 

Mentors, Teachers, or Religious Leaders 

Another option for asking for help is to reach out to a religious leader, teacher, or other potential mentor whom you already know or with whom you already have a connection.

While it might feel awkward sharing your feelings, know that these individuals are in these positions because of their desire to help. At the very least, they can likely point you in the direction of where to receive more help for your specific concerns. 

Introspection or Meditation 

What if you are not ready to reach out for help? Or what if you feel as though you’d like to go it on your own a bit longer? This might mean practicing meditation, journaling about your feelings, or completing a self-help workbook.

How to Feel More at Ease 

In addition to reaching out for help from others, you may want to consider coping strategies that you can use on your own when you’re feeling out of control.

For example, if you react to anxious feelings, this often creates more anxiety than if you simply ride out the anxiety like a wave reaching shore. 

Below are some ideas of actions that you can take or self-care strategies you can put into place to help prevent that feeling of being overwhelmed.

Take Time for Relaxation 

If your need for help is combined with a feeling of anxiety and panic, then you’ll want to do things to help calm yourself down. Ideas include practicing deep breathing from your diaphragm, making yourself a cup of chamomile tea, and listening to a relaxation meditation recording.

Find Distraction & Enjoyment 

Sometimes, when your mind has run away with the worst-case scenario, it can be helpful to distract yourself or do something you enjoy, if only to get some perspective or distance from what is bothering you.

Below are some ideas of things you could do as a distraction or for enjoyment. Obviously, you’ll want to choose activities that are enjoyable to you or that will help you to take your mind off your current situation. 

• Watch an interesting television series or movie
• Read a fictional book set in a faraway place
• Meet up with friends at a new spot
• Play a game of badminton or another sport you enjoy
• Try your hand at a new form of painting
• Listen to some uplifting music
• Go for a walk to somewhere new
• Write a short story, poem, song, or novel
• Try your hand at drawing 

Prioritize Healthy Habits 

If you struggle with your mental health, one of the best things that you can do is to practice healthy habits. These are things that help both your physical and mental health, and help to regulate your brain chemistry to keep you feeling good. Below are some ideas for healthy habits that you could start to practice. 

• Take a multivitamin or supplement (see your doctor to assess whether you are deficient).
• Get outside in nature (e.g., go for a walk; sunlight helps to provide Vitamin D and reduce the risk of depression).
• Get regular exercise to raise your endorphins and feel better (e.g., 30 minutes, three to four times a week).
• Stick to a regular sleep schedule and practice good sleep hygiene (e.g., no screen time one hour before bed, no devices in the bedroom).
• Eat a nutrient-dense diet.

Keep a Regular Schedule 

If depression is causing you pain, then sticking to a regular schedule as much as possible will be helpful. This includes eating regular meals, showering regularly, being productive every day (whether that means going to work or some other task, no matter how small it may seem), and maintaining a sleep schedule.

Overcome Negative Self Talk 

It can be tricky to decipher whether your situation is causing you pain or if your thoughts about your situation are the culprit. Often, it’s a combination of the two, but in many cases, your thoughts are the only thing you have control over.

For example, you might have a pattern of believing that because you experience a particular emotion, it must mean that there is something wrong or that you should feel a certain way. This is particularly true if you live with a mental health condition like depression or anxiety that can cloud your judgment and make it hard to see beyond your anxious or depressive thoughts.  

This means doing a bit of work such as writing down your thoughts when you notice that you are having a negative emotional reaction, looking for distortions in your thoughts, and reframing the situation using more realistic thinking patterns.

While this can take some time to do, over time and with practice, it will become easier and feel more natural to catch your negative thoughts and replace them quickly. 

Express Your Feelings 

Another self-help strategy that can be helpful if you struggle with a lot of negative emotions is to find a way to express or release your negative emotions, such as sadness or anger. Creative pursuits such as playing an instrument, painting, or writing poetry can be one way to let out sadness. In the case of anger, more physical pursuits such as sports or exercise may be effective for releasing adrenaline and pent-up feelings. 

Practice Gratitude 

It can be easy to slip into the feeling of never having enough in your life, particularly if you are struggling with problems that are weighing you down. However, learning how to practice daily gratitude will go a long way toward making you more appreciative of what you do have that’s good. This type of practice will serve you well even when you no longer feel as though you are drowning.

How can you incorporate gratitude into your daily life? Here are a few ideas: 

• At the end of each day, write down three things that you are grateful for. Go into detail and write some of the reasons you are grateful for them. You can also write about three things that went well that day.
• Before bed each night, imagine waking up the next day with only the things that you were grateful for the night before. Watch how this causes you to quickly run through a “gratitude rampage” where you list everything that you would not want to live without.
• Each morning when you wake up, ask the universe (or whatever spiritual body you believe in), “Show me how it gets better.” Then, your job throughout the day is to be on the lookout for how things are getting better.

Choose Acceptance 

Another way to move beyond your problems is to accept them fully. This doesn’t mean that you accept your circumstances or that you don’t try to solve problems.

Rather, it means that you accept and acknowledge whatever problems you are facing, but understand that they do not define who you are or what you can accomplish. 

Be Mindful 

Are you struggling with staying in the moment or being mindful when you feel as though you need help? Practicing mindfulness exercises such as imagining your thoughts as leaves floating down the river can help.

Optimize Your Physical Environment 

Often, your physical environment will be a reflection of how you are feeling on the inside. However, you can also work backward and clean up your physical environment so that it starts to make you feel better.

This might be easier said than done if you are struggling with a mental health condition like depression. However, just doing a little bit each day can add up to bigger changes than you might expect.

Get a New Perspective 

Sometimes, the thing you need most is a change of scenery or a change of perspective. While this might not always be possible, if you can, try to change something in your life to give yourself a break or see things in a different light.

Below are some potential ideas on how to change things up or get some perspective.

• Ask for a leave of absence from work
• Take a class to learn something new
• Go somewhere you’ve never gone before
• Make new friends or expand your social circle
• Move to a new place or take a vacation
• Dress differently than you normally would

Make New Connections

Finally, if you are truly struggling and feeling like you need help, it’s likely that you are in need of more social connection. This could also mean that you need more physical connection. If you don’t have a significant other in your life, even having a pet like a dog or cat to keep you company and snuggle with at night could make a difference.

If you do have people in your life but haven’t connected with them in a while, a simple hug could go a long way to making you feel better. And if distance or other obstacles prevent this from happening, you can get the same effect by sending them a gift. 

When to Seek Help

Talk to your doctor or a mental health professional if you experience any of the following:

• Depression symptoms (including low mood, loss of interest, fatigue, and feelings of worthlessness) that last longer than two weeks
• Changes in your sleep, appetite, or activity levels
• Mental health symptoms that interfere with your ability to function normally in your daily life
• Psychological distress that makes it difficult to cope or function
• Reliance on unhealthy coping skills to manage stress
• Emotional symptoms or behaviors that disrupt healthy relationships
• Self-harming behaviors
• Suicidal thoughts or behaviors

Treatment Options

If you decide that you need professional help to manage your symptoms, there are a number of different options available. The right intervention depends on factors such as your specific diagnosis and the nature and severity of your symptoms. In many cases, your doctor or therapist may recommend psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of the two.

Psychotherapy

There are many different types of therapy, and the approach that is right for you may depend on the symptoms you are experiencing. Some types of therapy you might consider include:

Medication

Medications may also be prescribed to help you cope with specific symptoms, such as anxiety or depression. Some of the most commonly prescribed psychiatric medications include:

Takeaways

No matter how bad you are feeling right now, know that you are not alone and that millions of other people are feeling the same way. It’s not unusual to sometimes feel as though you need help. And, it’s important not to ignore that feeling in the hopes that it will go away.

For this reason, it’s your job to look for solutions. At the same time, those solutions often mean asking for help from others. Start with the smallest step, and see if you can’t find the help that you need once you get clear on what’s wrong, why you are feeling the way that you’re feeling, and what you are hoping to change. Once you take that first step, you’ll likely find that it’s easier to take the next steps after that toward feeling better.

There are many ways to show love to your partner through physical touch. You might hold their hand during a difficult moment, hug them after a long day, or squeeze their hand when they are feeling stressed.

Physical touch is just one of Gary Chapman’s five love languages, described in his book “The 5 Love Languages.” This love language involves showing affection through physical touch, including kissing, hugging, cuddling, or other gentle forms of physical contact. It can be a way to communicate love, comfort, and connection.

The others are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gift giving/receiving. All five are important, but since we all give and receive love differently, it’s important to know how you and your partner prefer to express your appreciation.

Take the Quiz to Identify Your Love Language

This fast, free quiz will help you determine your love language:

This love languages quiz was medically reviewed by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD.

Understand Physical Touch as a Love Language

Affectionate touch can powerfully impact relationships. One study found that people strongly associate affectionate touch behaviors with love. If your love language is physical touch, then that means you prefer physical expressions of love over all other expressions (such as verbal compliments or gifts).

Note that physical touch as a love language is not all about sex, although sex can be an important aspect of a romantic relationship. A hug, a shoulder squeeze, a handhold, even a pat on the back, can be an expression of love that is just as meaningful to your partner.

If you’re in a non-sexual relationship or if you’re unable to have sex with your partner for some reason (long-distance, postpartum, PTSD), don’t worry. We explore easy ways to give and receive physical touch, no matter where you are (physically or mentally) with your partner. This may seem self-explanatory, but both intimate and non-intimate touches can and should be used to show your partner love.

It’s important to note that while love languages are popular and resonate with many, there’s little research supporting the idea that people have a single preferred love language. Instead, evidence suggests that *all* of these ‘love languages’ are important components of relationships.

Show Love Through Intimate Touch

Sexual expressions of love are used in most romantic relationships, but what if you live 100+ miles away from your partner? What if you and your partner are waiting to have sex? What if you’re not a touchy person? What if sexual intimacy is mentally challenging for you?

Despite what you may have learned about romantic love, sex isn’t everything in a relationship. It’s important, yes, but it isn’t the only physical expression of love. 

“Physical touch, specifically cuddling, releases oxytocin, the feel-good hormone that makes you feel like nothing can hurt you,” says Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and relationship coach. “In addition to the bonding [cuddling] creates between the couple, it also helps boost your immune system.”

Here are different ways to show intimate love through physical touch:

Kissing

You may feel like kissing has to lead to sex, but it doesn’t. Kissing is one of the easiest, most effective ways to show physical love to your partner. You can kiss their lips, their neck, their cheek, their forehead, their hand.

In many cultures and throughout history, kissing is or has been shown as an act of respect, greeting, or affection. Kissing is used in all different types of relationships, romantic and non-romantic, and should be prioritized.

Holding Hands

Who doesn’t love seeing a couple walking hand-in-hand down the street? Holding hands with your partner, in public or in private, is an easy gesture that can immediately release mood-boosting endorphins.

Parents often hold their child’s hand for protective reasons, but also for physical connectedness. It is one of the best ways to show physical love to your partner.

Cuddling

Do you cuddle with your partner when you’re watching a movie? When you’re laying in bed? If you don’t, you should. Physically wrapping yourself around your partner can bring you closer together, physically and emotionally. Your partner may prefer being the “big” or “little” spoon, but try swapping roles or facing each other and seeing how that feels.

Skin-to-Skin Touching

Touching can be sexual, but it can also be non-sexual and still intimate. Dragging your fingertips across your partner’s back or neck can be an intimate expression of love. Touching your partner’s hair, holding the back of their neck, or even touching their bare leg can be an expressive way of telling your partner you’re there for them, you’re physically attracted to them, and/or you’re in love with them.

One of the benefits of being in a relationship with someone whose love language is physical touch is that you can express love without having to say a word or buy a gift. Physical touch is one of the easiest ways to be intimate with your partner, and even though it is physical, it can create emotional intimacy.

Show Love Through Non-Intimate Touch

Physically touching your partner is one of the best ways to build a bridge and increase feelings of connectedness. When your partner gets home from work, you might kiss them or hug them, which can immediately release some of that day’s tension. These are simple but meaningful gestures.

Some non-intimate touches can lead to intimacy, but can be a great alternative for couples who are looking for ways to express non-sexual love through physical touch:

Rubbing Your Partner’s Back

When a friend is dealing with a difficult or upsetting situation, touching them is a normal reaction, and this form of touch can be just as effective in a romantic partnership. Rubbing your partner’s back, or massaging them, can signal to them that you’re there for them and that you love them. You can also rub their arm, their hand, or another part of the body. Just make sure you’re communicating with your partner and making sure they are comfortable with it.

Sitting Side-by-Side

Sitting close enough to be touching your partner is an easy way to signal that you love them. Maybe you’re out to dinner or maybe you’re at an event and you want to show your partner love, but don’t feel comfortable kissing them or holding their hand. Sitting with your hips or feet touching is a non-verbal way of connecting with your partner.

Tickling

Some individuals may not like to be tickled, but tickling is a physical expression of love. Not sure if your partner likes this? All you have to do is ask. Communication is an integral aspect of any successful relationship, even if your love language is physical touch.

Physical Touch in Long-Distance Relationships

If you’re long distance, cuddling, kissing, and holding hands isn’t an option, but video chats have made it possible to be together when you’re not actually together. 

When you’re on video chat with your partner, make sure you’re giving them your undivided attention. Move to a quiet space. Turn off your TV. Make eye contact, and use inviting body language to show that you’re physically with them.

Silva recommends planning a video date. Set up a date and time as you would if you were in the same place, and do everything you would if you weren’t long-distance. This could mean getting dressed up, setting up candlelight, and preparing wine or champagne. Do what you would normally do, but with video instead.

Other ways to show physical touch from a distance

• Blow each other kisses
• Send them gifts that physically remind them of you (such as a sweatshirt of yours, a stuffed animal, or a sachet of your perfume or cologne)
• Talk about physically touching each other

It may not be the same as the real thing, but our imaginations can be a powerful tool that long-distance couples should utilize.

How to Know if Physical Touch Is Their Love Language

Research has shown that responding to your partner’s preferred love language has a positive impact on relationship satisfaction. Studies have also shown that how a person responds to physical touch depends on their perceptions. People who believe that touch is pleasant are more likely to prefer this type of attention. But how do you know what your partner’s love language is?

People tend to express affection in the way to which they themselves respond. If your partner consistently shows love through physical touch as described here, chances are good that this is their love language.

Given the importance of communication in your relationship, however, the best way to discover your partner’s love language is to talk about it. Explore the five love languages together and see if physical touch resonates with your partner.

Takeaways

Romantic relationships often require physical touch to thrive, but sex isn’t the only way to show your partner how much you love them. You can wrap your arms around their waist in the kitchen or hold their hand while watching a movie together or kiss their cheek in the morning before work. Sometimes the simplest acts of love are the most impactful, especially when it comes to physical touch.

The third eye (also known as the “Seat of the Soul”) refers to an energy center between your eyebrows in yoga, meditation, or other spiritual practices. Opening the third eye is sometimes suggested as a way to gain insight, deepen intuition, and support mental well-being.

Jump to Key Takeaways.

Does a ‘Third Eye’ Really Exist?

The concept of a third eye is not based on scientific evidence but one that has existed throughout history in spiritual and religious traditions, such as Taoism, Buddhism, and Hinduism, and is believed to tie to a person’s intuition.

In Hinduism, the third eye is often represented by a tilaka, a small mark at the center of a person’s lower forehead. It is considered to be your body’s sixth primary chakra.

Buddhists associate the third eye with mindfulness and being awakened. 

You Can Explore the Third Eye By ‘Opening’ It

You can explore the third eye chakra’s role by “opening” it.

“Through the activation of the third eye, you can tap into a deep sense of inner wisdom and connect with the divine energy that flows through all things,” says Raquel Rodriguez, an astrologer and founder of Your Zodiac. “This can lead to a profound sense of spiritual connection and a greater understanding of your place in the universe.”

You Can Activate the Third Eye Through the Pineal Gland

According to Rodriguez, the third eye opens when the pineal gland is activated. The pineal gland sits near the brain’s center, where it produces melatonin and regulates your sleep cycle.

This gland has a long history as part of spiritual and religious traditions. Holistic practitioners believe that activating the pineal gland can lead to a heightened sense of intuition, clarity of thought, and increased awareness of one’s surroundings.

Why Opening Your Third Can Benefit Your Mental Health

Opening your third eye can do more than just enhance your spiritual life: it can also deepen your sense of connection, boost self-awareness, and sharpen your intuition.

“The third eye is a crucial energy center that is vital to strengthening one’s intuition and general mental and emotional intelligence,” says Angel Dawn, an international psychic astrologer, evidential psychic medium, and spiritual teacher. “It is also tied to the subconscious and accessing the memories that lie therein.”

Opening the Third Eye May Reduce Anxiety

Activating your third eye might help your mental health. It not only increases spiritual insight, it can also promote emotional balance and clarity. People who explore third eye practices sometimes feel more connected to themselves and the world around them.

“Holistic practitioners believe that when the pineal gland is activated, it can lead to a heightened sense of intuition, clarity of thought, and an increased awareness of one’s surroundings,” says Rodriguez. “

As a result of the above benefits, Rodriguez notes that an activated pineal gland will lead to a decrease in anxiety and depression thus bringing about a sense of inner peace.

Opening the Third Eye May Improve Your Imagination

According to Griff Williams, founder of MindEasy and a qualified meditation teacher with the British School of Meditation, opening your third eye can also improve your creativity, imagination, focus, and understanding of yourself. 

Methods You Can Use to Open Your Third Eye 

Utilizing your third eye requires taking the time and care to unlock it gently. Here are a few techniques that might open your third eye. 

Yoga Poses

Yoga is a grounding practice that can calm your body, loosen your muscles, and allow you to come at daily life from a more welcoming, less frazzled place. It also can help with opening your third eye.

You can incorporate these into an existing practice or use them as an introduction to yoga. 

Breathing Practices

The breath is a lifeline, a grounding force, and a tool to center yourself within your body. Taking the time to practice mindful breathing can aid in activating your third eye, says Williams.

Potential breathing techniques include alternate nostril breathing and diaphragmatic breathing. 

Visualization

The mind is an incredibly powerful force, and simply picturing something can cause the sensation to occur. “Visualization techniques involve imagining your third eye opening and becoming more receptive to spiritual energies,” says Rodriguez.

This practice, in general, can be helpful in better understanding the potential positive effects of opening your third eye. 

Meditation

Few things can connect you with your body to the same extent as meditation. “Meditation is a powerful tool for quieting the mind and gaining a greater sense of awareness,” says Rodriguez.

“To open your third eye through meditation, find a quiet place to sit and focus your attention on your breath. As you inhale and exhale, imagine a bright light entering through the top of your head and filling your entire body,” says Rodriguez.

Williams recommends concentrating on the space between your eyebrows or adding that glowing light visualization in this space to unlock your third eye. 

Chanting

The act of chanting is a key aspect of practices like meditation and yoga, so it’s no surprise that it can also help open your third eye. “Reciting specific mantras, like ‘Om’ or ‘Aum,’ can resonate with the third eye’s vibrational frequency, helping to open and activate it,” says Williams.

How Do You Know If Your Third Eye Is Open?

The signs of your third eye being open can differ from person to person. Some people might experience sensations at the spot, such as vibrations or pressure. You might also start having more vivid dreams or feel more connected to your intuition. Each person’s body is unique, as is the experience of opening the third eye.

Key Takeaways

• The third eye is believed to be an energy center located between your eyebrows.
• It is a popular concept in religions like Hinduism and Taoism.
• Believers say it can be opened by activating the pineal gland through techniques like yoga and meditation.

CHADD, short for Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, is an organization dedicated to all things ADHD. To me, its most impressive feature is just how many educational resources it hosts on its site. In the “Understanding ADHD” tab, it offers materials specific to just about anyone who might need to learn more about ADHD: for adults with ADHD, for parents or caregivers of children with ADHD, for teens and children, for educators, and for mental health professionals. 

Its “Education” tab features information about publications related to ADHD, including a blog, a magazine, and up-to-date options like “ADHD in the News” and an “ADHD weekly” newsletter; resources including current research about ADHD, an ADHD informational library featuring both an actual physical library of ADHD-related books and a searchable online database, and ADHD “toolkits” for parents, caregivers, and educators; and training and events, such as an annual ADHD conference and educational programs specifically for adults, parents, educators, employers, and professionals. 

Not only does CHADD provide this true wealth of information about ADHD, but it is also active in ADHD advocacy and treatment. Through its site, you can learn about and get involved with its political advocacy measures, fighting to “shape the conversation on how society treats, accommodates, and views people affected by ADHD.” You can also search for an in-person CHADD chapter near you, which runs local support groups, and browse CHADD’s professional directory for an ADHD-informed mental health provider and its ADHD centers directory for ADHD organizations across the country.

CHADD does not itself offer mental health services to treat ADHD. In fact, it specifically states, “CHADD does not endorse products, services, publications, medications, or treatments, including those advertised in any CHADD publications, webinars or podcasts.” I appreciate this transparency.

Chronic job dissatisfaction has been linked to a weakened immune system, lower self-esteem, higher rates of depression and anxiety, and increased strain in workers’ home life and personal relationships.

So if you constantly find yourself saying “I hate my job,” you’re right to be looking for solutions. Even if you can’t get out right away, you can work on setting boundaries to limit the stress it’s causing you while also taking steps toward finding a job that allows you to thrive.

Signs of Hating Your Job

While sometimes it’s clear that you hate your job, sometimes it can be harder to tell when general dissatisfaction has shifted into something more serious. Some key signs that differentiate disliking your job and hating your job include:

• You dread going to work every day. If the Sunday Scaries are turning into the Monday Miseries (and Tuesday Tribulations, etc.), it might be time to reassess your relationship with your job.
• You spend your day watching the clock. Every minute might feel like an hour, and the seconds seem to drag by.
• You fantasize about quitting. You’ve imagined the moment a hundred times (often in great detail).
• You feel completely drained after your workday. You have little energy left to do anything you enjoy once you’re done working.
• It’s taking a toll on your physical and mental health. You’re starting to see the effects in terms of physical symptoms (headaches, stomach aches, pain, etc), as well as psychological symptoms like irritability, apathy, and lack of motivation.

Is It Normal to Absolutely Hate Your Job?

If you hate your job, you’re not alone. According to a 2022 Gallup report on the global workplace, just 21% of employees feel engaged at work, while the rest feel emotionally detached (60%) or downright miserable (19%). With the average person spending 81,396 hours of their life at work, that kind of dissatisfaction can have a ripple effect across the rest of a person’s life.

The same report noted that nearly half of employees worldwide feel stressed at work, while 40% feel worried and 23% feel angry. This shows that, unfortunately, a lot of people aren’t very happy with their job, and a sizable minority are deeply unhappy with where they work.

Is It OK to Quit a Job You Hate?

It absolutely is ok to quit a job you hate, no matter what your reasons are. With that said, your job is likely your main source of income and, as the widespread prevalence of job dissatisfaction shows, there are lots of bad jobs out there. You need to make sure you avoid quitting one bad job just to end up in another job you hate. So before you take the leap, answer the following two questions before you do:

1. How will you pay your bills without this job? Do you have savings to fall back on? Do you have another job lined up? Do you have family or friends who would support you while you’re in between jobs?
2. What specifically are your reasons for quitting? Whether it’s the workplace environment or the work itself, you want to understand why you hate your job as clearly as possible so that you know what red flags to look for while hunting for another job.

How Long Should I Stay at a Job if I Hate It?

This really depends on your circumstances. If you feel unsafe or that staying would harm your physical or mental health, quitting immediately is likely the right call. But if your dissatisfaction with the job isn’t an immediate threat to your wellbeing, it might make sense to keep working while you figure out your plans for the future.

Rather than putting a time limit on the job itself, make a plan for getting a better job, estimate how long that will take, and use that as your timeline. If you want to find a similar job, commit to a consistent job hunting schedule to try to get something better as soon as possible. If you’re considering a career change, for example, you might need months or more of education or training.

What to Do When You Hate Your Job but Can’t Quit

Most people aren’t really in a position to quit a job, no matter how much they hate it. As stressful as that can be, there are ways to cope and ways to work toward something better even while you feel stuck where you are. Here are some strategies to try:

Create Your Exit Strategy

You may not be able to quit right now, but that doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to spending the rest of your life at a job you hate. No matter how hopeless it might seem right now, it’s always worth planning your exit. Doing this will not only help you get a better job, it also helps you cope with the bad job you’re in now. Knowing that an end is in sight can give you the strength to endure.

Your plan might include steps like:

• Identify your target income by creating your ideal lifestyle budget. This is the hypothetical budget that allows you to pay your bills, get out of debt, and pay for anything else you might want like a new house, a family, or enough disposable income to travel the world.
• List the traits of your ideal job. Don’t think in terms of a “dream job.” Instead, think about the more practical qualities of the job like flexible scheduling, better work-life balance, or a collaborative work environment. Also, add the kind of work it would entail. Do you prefer digging into the details or managing the big picture? Do you prefer active or physical work over sitting behind a desk?
• List your strengths and weaknesses. What kind of work comes easily to you? And what kind feels especially difficult? Use this to guide you toward the kinds of jobs you should look for.
• Decide what you’re willing and able to do for a new job opportunity. Can you relocate? How far? Do you have the means to go back to school if necessary? Are you willing to accept a lower-level position than your current one for the chance to work your way up to the job you want?
• Pursue certifications, education, or training that can help you land a job that matches your criteria.
• Talk to people doing the job you’d like to do. Getting their perspective can help you make a more informed choice.
• Send out applications, even if you feel underqualified.

Break your plan down into daily or weekly milestones so that you’re always working toward that better future.

Stick to Your Job Description

There’s a lot of pressure in our work culture to go above and beyond your job description. That feeling like you have to take on extra responsibilities or stay late can be a major factor in job dissatisfaction, especially if your paycheck doesn’t match that extra effort you’re putting in.

If this sounds familiar, try to start setting boundaries at work to keep your workload and stress at more manageable levels. Here are some tips to actually enforce stricter boundaries around your job:

• Don’t answer work calls or emails outside of work hours.
• Don’t volunteer for tasks, even if you feel like it’s expected of you.
• Embrace being “good enough” at work. Don’t turn in bad work, but avoid perfectionism or the pressure to exceed expectations. Just get the job done and move on to the next task.
• Wear headphones or turn on your away message to signal to coworkers that you’re in deep work mode and unavailable to assist with other tasks.
• Take lunch and other breaks where you can’t be interrupted or asked to do work-related tasks.
• Use your time off, and don’t be reachable while you’re gone.

Make Time Outside of Work for Joy and Purpose

When you have to endure a job you hate, it’s more important than ever to make sure you’re finding ways to enjoy life outside of work. Even if you feel too exhausted to do anything but watch TV, try to incorporate some more rewarding activities into your free time.

Play with your dog. Go for a walk. Sit at a café and draw the people or things you see. Eat dinner in your backyard when it’s nice out. Do volunteer work on weekends. Take a cooking class.

Bad jobs can drain your energy and make you feel like your life lacks any joy or meaning. But you can use your free time to inject some of that joy and meaning back into your life.

Vent Your Feelings Regularly

You might feel like complaining about the same bad job day after day is a burden on your loved ones. But being able to just say the things out loud that you maybe had to hold in for the sake of keeping the peace at work can help you decompress.

Tell your friend or partner that you’re not looking for advice or solutions. You just need to complain for a bit to let it out. Make sure you’re offering to be the sympathetic listener when they need to vent, too. You might even turn it into a weekly ritual. Every weekend, go for a hike or head to your favorite bar with your friend and take turns venting whatever you need to vent from the week prior.

Takeaways

While hating your job isn’t uncommon, it’s not something you have to just live with. The first step is to consider why you hate your job and what you can do to make it better. That might involve making changes in your current role, applying to positions with a different company, or changing fields altogether.

Research has found that job dissatisfaction contributes to a range of mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, burnout, and a higher risk of health conditions. That’s why figuring out how to improve the situation is so important. While you might not love your job, there are steps you can take to make your work life (and work-life balance) more manageable.

Families can be a life-giving force when they are healthy and relatively stress-free. When they are healthy, these relationships can be one constant you can count on, so much so that they can positively impact your health and well-being. 

Strong family relationships also provide comfort, guidance, and strength that you can draw on in times of stress. Likewise, they give a sense of belonging and unconditional love that you are not likely to find anywhere else.

Benefits of Healthy Family Relationships

Strong, healthy family relationships provide a basis of love, support, guidance, and stability. When people have this, they can grow and explore with confidence. Such bonds play a fundamental role in personal development and overall wellness.

Strong family relationships can:

• Help individuals cope with stress
• Improve self-esteem
• Increase well-being
• Encourage people to engage in healthy behaviors
• Provide social support
• Create a foundation for healthy, trusting relationships with others
• Allows people to feel secure and loved
• Encourage the development of values and personal responsibility

Our earliest bonds with caregivers shape our attachment styles, the emotional bonds that support development and foster healthy connections with others. While adult attachment patterns aren’t always exactly the same as the ones we had in childhood, these early relationships set a pattern that affects how we interact in relationships throughout life.

What happens when these relationships are unhealthy or stress-filled? Unfortunately, it can be exhausting and emotionally draining. A highly-conflicted or toxic family relationship can cause a lot of damage. Not only do these unhealthy relationships deprive you of support, but they also can create additional stress, conflict, and even health issues.

Signs of Healthy Family Relationships

Generally, people depend on their families in times of crisis for emotional and practical support. Sometimes they even depend on them for support when they’re experiencing a financial crisis.

The family is a constant in a person’s life. Families also carry your history and share your future. Who better than siblings, parents, and other close relatives to reminisce with about your childhood?

According to researchers, strong families share six qualities. These qualities include appreciation/affection, commitment, positive communication, time together, strong coping skills, and spiritual well-being. Here’s a closer look at each.

Appreciation and Affection

Healthy families help one another when they need it. They also keep their promises, support one another, and show affection when they are together. A warm embrace, a squeeze of the hand, or a pat on the back are gestures that speak love and support to one another.

Commitment

Healthy families are loyal, supportive, and committed. They find it easy to trust one another with the details of their lives. They also share responsibilities and make decisions together and are there for you when you need them. No one has your back like your family.

Positive Communication

Healthy families often share regular meals together and enjoy talking about their lives and their experiences. What’s more, criticisms, putdowns, name-calling, and other types of emotional abuse are rare.

Time Together

Typically, healthy families have fun when they are together, smiling and laughing often. Whether their time is planned or spontaneous, strong families enjoy being around one another. They also share one another’s interests and passions.

Strong Coping Skills

Resilience is a hallmark of healthy families. While dealing with a challenge or a crisis is never easy, healthy families encourage one another to remain strong and hopeful. They often look for the good in a bad situation and accept the things they cannot change. Going through a crisis together makes their bonds even stronger.

Spiritual Well-Being

Healthy families usually have positive outlooks on life. They also are filled with thankfulness and gratitude. Typically, these families share common values and may even share the same spiritual or religious beliefs.

Coping With Common Family Issues

Unfortunately, family relationships are so complex that they’re not always easy to navigate. In fact, dealing with difficult family members is downright hard.

Even though it may be better for your stress level and your health to eliminate strained relationships in your life, it’s not always that simple when difficult people are related to you.

Here are a few tips that might help you keep conflict at bay and reduce stress when dealing with common family issues.

Focus on Healthy Communication

Conflict is virtually inevitable in any relationship, but there are healthy ways of dealing with it. For instance, if you know that you and your family member disagree over religion or politics, try to stick to more neutral topics. Likewise, if your family member has some negative traits that really rub you the wrong way, focus on the positives instead.

And, if the conversation is spiraling out of control, know when to take a timeout. With a little hard work, you may be able to have a respectful conversation with your family members, even when you don’t see eye to eye.

Be Authentic

When people get together with their families of origin, it is not uncommon to revert to old behavior patterns. But if you’ve grown beyond these old roles and they no longer reflect who you are, don’t be afraid to be who you are now. It may take some hard work to stay true to yourself, but in the end, you will be glad you did.

When family members mention how much you have changed or tell you they miss the old you, don’t feel obligated to be that person again, especially if you changed for a reason.

For instance, if you were once a heavy drinker and the life of the party, it might be hard for family members to adjust to seeing you without a drink in your hand. But they will get used to it.

Address Family Prejudices

Typically, prejudices arise from a misguided or learned belief that certain groups of people need to be treated differently or with less respect and consideration. Some common prejudices involve race, ethnicity, religion, gender, and sexual orientation.

When you witness prejudice in family members, finding the right way to address it can go along way. Sometimes family members don’t realize that what they are doing or saying is marginalizing and insulting.

If they are unwilling to be respectful, you may need to establish some boundaries with them. Being family doesn’t give them the right to disrespect you, a significant other, or anyone else.

Deal With Family Drama

Sometimes families are filled with gossiping, backstabbing, and other types of relational drama. When this happens, it is best to shut it down or stay out of it altogether. Nothing good comes from throwing shade, talking behind people’s backs, and pitting people against one another.

Even if you don’t participate in the drama, just listening to the mean words communicates that you might condone it. Instead, try redirecting the conversation or walking away. You also can be more direct and indicate that you are not comfortable with the conversation.

Address Adult Sibling Rivalry and Jealousy

Sibling relationships are complex, but even more so if sibling rivalry or jealousy exists. In fact, adult sibling rivalry can cause strained relationships, where siblings argue and struggle to get along.

If you feel your relationship with your family is strained because your parents favor another sibling, you may be surprised to find that you’re not alone. Birth order dynamics and other factors can influence how people relate to their parents and their siblings.

Try not to take perceived favoritism personally or allow it to impact your relationship with the family. While it may appear your parent is closer to your sibling, this does not mean that it is true or that your parent loves that sibling more than you. And whatever you do, do not perpetuate these feelings by competing with your sibling.

How to Get Help

Dysfunctional families can take a toll on individual health, but there are steps you can take to address serious problems in the family unit. Family therapy focuses on mending relationships, improving communication, and helping each family member understand their place and impact on the rest of the family.

There are also specific types of family therapy, such as:

In many cases, therapists may draw on various techniques and traditions to address a family’s specific needs. If you think your family would benefit from therapy, talk to your doctor for a referral. 

Takeaways

While you cannot control the types of relationships you have with your family members, you can create greater harmony in your relationships. Work toward strengthening and improving your family relationships. Be open, honest, and empathetic, but don’t be afraid to set boundaries with toxic or abusive family members. You are *not* required to endure abuse just because you’re related.