Holotropic Breathwork Benefits and Risks


Holotropic breathing, more commonly known as holotropic breathwork (HB), is a therapeutic and spiritual practice that uses accelerated breathing patterns to alter consciousness and explore inner experiences. It is often utilized to promote self-discovery, emotional healing, and insight into unresolved psychological issues.

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Verywell / Catherine Song


How Can Holotropic Breathwork Help?

Research on the therapeutic benefits of holotropic breathing for psychiatric conditions such as depression and anxiety is lacking. Given the associated risks and limited research evidence, there is little to suggest that holotropic breathwork should be used instead of traditional mental health treatments.

However, there is some research suggesting that breathwork interventions such as holotropic breathing may benefit mental well-being in these ways:

  • Reduced stress: Some evidence suggests that it might be helpful for relaxation, stress relief, personal growth, or self-awareness.
  • Improved mental health: Research has shown that breathwork interventions may help improve mental health and reduce stress. However, researchers caution that further research is needed to better understand the nuances and specific uses of different breathwork interventions.
  • Reduced anxiety: Another review found that a range of breathwork practices could help reduce symptoms of anxiety disorders. While there is a lack of specific research on holotropic breathing, the authors of the study suggest that it may also help people with anxiety better learn to control their breath, which may help manage anxiety.

Other potential benefits are harder to quantify but could still boost your well-being. These include:

  • Spending time in a trusting environment
  • Focusing on deeper life concerns
  • Learning how to support other people
  • Trusting in your ability to heal yourself
  • Developing compassion

It is recommended that holotropic breathwork be used alongside traditional therapy, rather than as a replacement for it.

What’s the Goal of Holotropic Breathwork?

The practice of holotropic breathwork involves using a controlled breathing process to access altered states of consciousness and increased enlightenment. Originating from the Greek words “holos” (whole) and “trepein” (to move toward), the word “holotropic” translates to “moving toward wholeness.” 

The primary principle of this technique is that healing comes from within the person practicing the breathwork. This premise is also intended to help the participant feel personally empowered.

During holotropic breathwork, participants breathe rapidly and evenly to induce an altered state from which it is believed that a deeper understanding of oneself can be derived. Some describe this experience as a more intense form of meditation.

In many countries, practitioners utilize this technique as a spiritual practice rather than a therapeutic one. In this way, some people participate in expanding their awareness rather than overcoming or managing a mental health condition. Many proponents of holotropic breathing propose that this technique moves you forward to higher consciousness.

In other words, it may shift you into another state, which can appeal to people who feel stuck and unable to advance using other means. Often, this feeling of awakening can happen through some form of catharsis.

A note of caution: Practitioners say that trauma may surface during a session, but only if it is necessary for healing. This can’t be predicted before the session. Rather, each person’s experience with holotropic breathwork is unique and self-directed and unfolds on its own as the practice progresses.

How It Works

The underlying tenet of holotropic breathwork is that each person has an inner radar that can determine the most important experience at a given moment, but we cannot be aware of this experience until it happens.

From this perspective, the facilitator does not need to tell those who are practicing what to focus on. Instead, participants are instructed to figure out what emerges for them as they do the work.

Official holotropic breathwork can only be lead by certified instructors that obtain a certification from the Grof Foundation after completion of a 600-hour training course.

People often experience an intense, “therapeutic” crisis that helps flush away negative energies and leads them to a healing place of greater understanding. This will always be specific to the person at that particular time in their life.

Holotropic Breathwork vs. Hyperventilation

Given the nature of this type of breathwork, you might wonder: Is holotropic breathwork just hyperventilating? The intended breathing pattern is designed to be even so that the participant avoids hyperventilating. However, some attribute the physical feelings of the experience to a person’s carbon dioxide (CO2)-oxygen (O2) balance getting out of whack, which is what happens with hyperventilation.

Hyperventilation (breathing out too much CO2, which causes respiratory alkalosis or alkalinizing of the blood) may lead to an altered state of consciousness and the physical sensations of tingling of the fingers and mouth, lightheadedness, and dizziness.

What to Expect in a Session

If you want to try holotropic breathing, consider signing up for an online course hosted by a trained instructor. You can also schedule private sessions, watch online videos, or utilize a breathwork app.

Let’s take a closer look at what a session of holotropic breathwork might look like.

  1. Holotropic breathwork is often practiced in a group led by a trained facilitator. It may also be offered in individual sessions or as part of a retreat. 
  2. People are paired off in a group setting. There is one “breather” and one “sitter.” 
  3. The sitter only helps the breather if needed. The breather is the person actively practicing and experiencing HB. The sitter ensures that the breather is safe and supported during the session.
  4. A facilitator guides the session. They say when to increase the speed and rhythm of breathing. The breather is told to breathe faster and deeper while keeping their eyes closed. While the speed of breathing increases, attention is paid to keep breathing even, which helps practitioners avoid complications from hyperventilating.
  5. A session might last from 2 to 3 hours in total.
  6. The breather lies on a mat for the duration of a session. Lying down grounds the breath and allows them to move freely in whatever pose their breath takes them.
  7. Repetitive music is played. The rhythmic music encourages the breather to enter an altered state of consciousness (similar to having a vivid dream). The music starts off with drumming, and eventually reaches a peak and switches to “heart music.” From there, it eventually changes to meditative music.
  8. The session is open-ended. This means that each person is able to derive their own meaning and attain self-discovery in whatever form that means for them. In addition to moving in any way that they want, breathers are encouraged to make any sounds that feel right to them.
  9. Afterward, participants draw mandalas about their experience and discuss what happened. This could be the re-experiencing of past trauma, feelings of joy, or the development of spiritual awareness. Essentially, the goal is for holotropic breathing to be a catalyst for bringing to the surface the most important issues a person needs to address.
  10. Breathers and sitters swap roles for future sessions.
  11. There is no specific guideline or expectation of what must occur or what issues are explored during a session. Participants are free to work on whatever comes up for them as they enter the altered state.

Proponents of this technique contend that this altered state allows people to access parts of the mind that are not usually accessible, such as memories of past events.

What Does Holotropic Breathwork Feel Like?

It might seem scary to breathe in this way, and you might worry about the effects that you will experience.

Rapid breathing can feel overwhelming or unsettling, but practitioners are always welcome to back off if the sensations feel like too much. However, breathers are encouraged to (safely) push through if they are able, as it is thought that this is the pathway to the enlightenment the practice seeks to reveal.

Some prefer to call it a “non-ordinary state of consciousness” rather than an altered state of consciousness, to reflect that it does not necessarily have the negative connotations of altered states. In general, the concept of having a dream might be a more useful metaphor.

Holotropic breathwork is an experience that is supposed to bring the person into a deeper dimension of the present moment and to see things in a more colorful, insightful way than reality might appear otherwise. 

Are There Any Risks?

There are some potential risks of participating in holotropic breathwork.

  • Increased distress: There is some concern that this technique causes distress in vulnerable individuals, such as those at risk for psychosis.
  • Hyperventilation: If not done carefully, holotropic breathing can cause reduced carbon dioxide and other alterations in blood chemistry that can lead to dizziness, fainting, weakness, spasms of the hands and feet, and even seizures.
  • Uncomfortable feelings: Since holotropic breathwork is aimed at a “deep experience,” uncomfortable feelings, also known as a “healing crisis, ” may arise. Indeed, this technique is controversial because it involves the possible amplification of symptoms in potentially problematic ways.

Is Holotropic Breathwork Safe for Everyone?

This technique can evoke intense physical and emotional changes. Therefore, the practice isn’t for everyone.

For anyone considering trying holotropic breathing, it is a good idea to discuss possible risks with your healthcare provider before embarking on this alternative practice, especially if you have any of the following conditions:

  • Cardiovascular disease
  • Heart attacks, high blood pressure, and angina
  • Glaucoma or retinal detachment
  • Recent injury or surgery
  • Any condition that requires you to take medication
  • Panic attacks or psychosis
  • Seizures
  • Severe mental illness
  • Aneurysms (or family history)
  • Pregnancy or breastfeeding

Can you do holotropic breathing by yourself?

There are safety concerns with practicing it on your own, including dizziness, fainting, hyperventilation, and psychological distress. Because holotropic breathing can be intense, it is recommended to only practice it with a trained expert while in the presence of others. If you are unable to work with a trained facilitator, an online course and other resources can help you do some breathwork to get an idea of what it is like.

History of Holotropic Breathing

This unconventional New Age practice was developed by psychiatrists Stanislav and Christina Grof in the 1970s to achieve altered states of consciousness (without using drugs) as a potential therapeutic tool.

After LSD became illegal in the late 1960s, the Grofs, who had been proponents of the therapeutic effects of LSD, developed holotropic breathwork. The technique was created to achieve psychedelic-like states without using psychedelic drugs. The Grofs were trained in Freudian psychoanalytic therapy and believed the process of deep, self-exploration brought on by these altered states can bring healing.

Stanislav Grof is known as the co-founder of transpersonal psychology (along with Abraham Maslow). Grof began his work at the Psychiatric Research Institute in Prague and eventually moved to Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. His work was conducted with patients experiencing psychiatric illness, cancer, and drug addiction.

Holotropic breathing was derived from a spiritual framework but is also a trademarked activity that has become increasingly popular among those seeking to explore a unique self-healing process to attain a state of wholeness.

Key Takeaways

  • Holotropic breathwork is a technique that uses fast, controlled breathing to experience an altered state of consciousness. It may be used as a tool for emotional release, self-exploration, and spiritual insight. 
  • It is typically practiced in group workshops, retreats, or individual sessions with the support of a facilitator. Guidance is essential to help people stay safe and get the most out of the experience.
  • Holotropic breathwork benefits may include reduced stress, increased self-awareness, and reduced anxiety, but it is not a replacement for evidence-based mental health treatment. Because of potential risks, it’s best used under professional supervision to augment other therapeutic interventions.

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6 Signs of a Soul Tie and How to Break Toxic Ones

A soul tie is a deep emotional or spiritual bond that forms between two people, often through close relationships or meaningful interactions. While some soul ties can create lasting and supportive connections, others may keep you attached to unhealthy or toxic relationships that you should break away from to heal and move forward in life.

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Getty / Tim Robberts


How to Recognize a Healthy Soul Tie

When two people have formed a healthy and positive soul-tie connection, it can be an incredibly rewarding experience. A healthy soul-tie relationship should enhance your life, not take away from it.

You may have found a positive soul-tie connection if you:

  1. Feel energized or inspired when you are around them. How do you feel after spending time with the other person? Do you feel rejuvenated and inspired, or do you find yourself feeling drained or exhausted? A positive soul-tie connection should leave you feeling energized and creative.
  2. Feel comfortable and secure in their presence. Do you feel safe with the other person? Do you trust them, and do they inspire confidence in you? Healthy soul ties should create a sense of safety and trust between two people.
  3. Don’t feel judged or criticized. Are you comfortable being authentic and vulnerable with the other person? A healthy soul-tie connection should provide an atmosphere where both parties can express themselves openly without fear of judgment or criticism.
  4. Respect and admire each other. Do you admire the other person, and do they show respect for you? Healthy soul ties are built on mutual respect and admiration between two people.
  5. Feel unconditionally loved and accepted. Do you feel accepted by the other person without condition? A positive soul-tie connection should provide a sense of unconditional love and acceptance from both sides.
  6. Understand and empathize with them. Do you feel that the other person truly understands and empathizes with you? A positive soul-tie connection should be one in which both parties can offer each other support, love, and understanding.

Why Do Soul Ties Form?

A soul tie is created when two people have an emotional connection. This connection can be intense or prolonged, such as a romantic relationship, close friendship, or even a strong bond with a mentor.

Four Types of Soul Ties

Soul ties can involve physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects. Such connections can vary in intensity depending on the type of connection and the bond that forms.

  1. Physical soul ties may involve physical contact, such as sexual intimacy. However, they can also form through other forms of physical connection, including non-intimate touch.
  2. Emotional soul ties involve intense feelings of attachment. These form when people share emotions, vulnerability, and emotional support. They often emerge in close friendships and romantic relationships.
  3. Mental soul ties involve close intellectual connections. These are rooted in psychological or intellectual connection and often form through exchanging ideas, stimulating conversations, or solving a shared problem.
  4. Spiritual soul ties involve a deep connection to one another’s spirituality or religious beliefs. These can be particularly powerful because they are often connected to a person’s sense of identity and core values.

Soul Tie or Twin Flame?

Though similar, soul ties and twin flames are not the same.

Soul Ties

  • A strong emotional or spiritual bond between two people

  • Rooted in New Age beliefs; adopted in some Christian teachings

  • Can be positive or negative; sometimes tied to toxic or unhealthy dynamics

  • Can form with romantic partners, friends, family, or others

  • Gained attention in the early 2000s as a way to identify toxic attachments

Twin Flames

  • A deep, intense connection believed to come from a shared soul source

  • Originates in metaphysical and spiritual teachings

  • Typically seen as positive, healing, and growth-oriented

  • Usually refers to one unique romantic or spiritual partner

  • Gained popularity through spiritual communities

Why Some Soul Ties Can Be Toxic

When a soul tie connection is unhealthy, it can be dangerous and destructive. People who are in an unhealthy soul-tie relationship may experience intense jealousy, possessiveness, and codependency.

They may become overly attached to the other person and struggle to define their identity without them.

In addition, they may feel a sense of emptiness when separated from the other person or find that their life lacks meaning without them.

Some signs that you may be in an unhealthy soul-tie relationship include:

  • Feeling anxious when away from the other person for too long
  • Becoming overly dependent on the other person for emotional support
  • Having difficulty making decisions without the other person’s input
  • Feeling jealous or possessive of the other person
  • Struggling to define your identity without them
  • Feeling drained or exhausted after interacting with them
  • Experiencing a sense of emptiness when away from them

How to Break a Soul Tie That’s Hurting You

If you find yourself in an unhealthy soul-tie connection, there are steps you can take to break the tie and restore balance in your life. It is important to remember that healing takes time, so don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen overnight.

  • Acknowledge the unhealthy soul-tie connection: Take some time to reflect on the relationship and identify what makes it unhealthy or destructive. Identify how this connection has impacted your life negatively and why it needs to be broken.
  • Cut off contact: While it may not be easy, one of the first steps in breaking an unhealthy soul-tie connection is cutting off contact with the other person as much as possible. This includes avoiding seeing them in person, removing them from social media, and blocking their number if possible.
  • Surround yourself with positive people: Spend time connecting with positive people to help restore your energy and lift your spirits. Seek out relationships that are healthy and supportive, both in person and online. Consider talking to a mental health professional for additional support.
  • Practice self-care: Take the time to practice self-care by engaging in activities such as yoga, journaling, or meditation that help you relax and restore balance in your life.
  • Rely on a higher power: Connecting with a higher power can help provide strength during difficult times and give you peace of mind knowing that you are not alone in this process of healing.
  • Forgive yourself and the other person: One of the most important steps in breaking an unhealthy soul-tie connection is forgiving yourself and the other person. This can be a difficult step, but it’s important to remember that forgiveness is not about condoning someone’s actions, but rather releasing your anger and resentment to move forward with peace and clarity.

Key Takeaways

  • A soul tie is a deep emotional, spiritual, or psychological bond between two people, often formed through close or intense relationships.
  • You may feel a strong sense of trust, emotional safety, understanding, and acceptance with this person. Positive soul ties often bring comfort, encouragement, and a feeling of being deeply seen or supported.
  • Unhealthy soul ties can leave you feeling anxious, codependent, and exhausted. In such cases, focus on setting firm boundaries, practicing emotional detachment, seeking support (such as therapy or spiritual guidance), and caring for yourself.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Stanton SC, Campbell L, Loving TJ. Energized by love: thinking about romantic relationships increases positive affect and blood glucose levels. Psychophysiology. 2014;51(10):990-995. doi:10.1111/psyp.12249

  2. Rowe AC, Gold ER, Carnelley KB. The effectiveness of attachment security priming in improving positive affect and reducing negative affect: A systematic review. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(3):968. doi:10.3390/ijerph17030968

  3. Willems YE, Finkenauer C, Kerkhof P. The role of disclosure in relationships. Curr Opin Psychol. 2020;31:33-37. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2019.07.032

  4. Auer-Spath I, Glück J. Respect, attentiveness, and growth: wisdom and beliefs about good relationships. Int Psychogeriatr. 2019;31(12):1809-1821. doi:10.1017/S104161021900022X

  5. Shih HC, Kuo ME, Wu CW, Chao YP, Huang HW, Huang CM. The neurobiological basis of love: A meta-analysis of human functional neuroimaging studies of maternal and passionate love. Brain Sci. 2022;12(7):830. doi:10.3390/brainsci12070830

  6. Ulloa EC, Hammett JF, Meda NA, Rubalcava SJ. Empathy and romantic relationship quality among cohabitating couples: An actor-partner interdependence model. Fam J Alex Va. 2017;25(3):208-214. doi:10.1177/1066480717710644

  7. Carswell KL, Impett EA. What fuels passion? An integrative review of competing theories of romantic passion. Social & Personality Psych. 2021;15(8):e12629. doi:10.1111/spc3.12629

Arlin Cuncic

By Arlin Cuncic, MA

Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master’s degree in clinical psychology.


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Wendy Rose Gould

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Parent

Children raised by a narcissistic parent often deal with a range of issues that can follow them through adulthood, including poor self-esteem, people pleasing, and codependency. Creating boundaries around a narcissistic parent is key to healing and moving forward.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition in which someone is extremely motivated by their own self-image and self-preservation. People with NPD often have a very high sense of self-importance, lack empathy, and will put themselves above the feelings of others, even their children.

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What to Do If You Have a Narcissistic Parent

The dynamic between child and parent can often be inherently challenging, and introducing a mental health condition such as NPD only compounds the issue. That said, there’s no “right” answer for how to deal with a narcissistic parent.

For some, this may mean completely eliminating or drastically limiting contact. For others, it may mean maintaining the relationship but stepping back emotionally. Here are some strategies to consider.

  • Ceasing all contact: One way to deal with a narcissistic parent is to remove yourself from the relationship entirely. It’s a helpful option if you’ve already made many attempts to salvage the relationship with zero improvement, and you need to protect yourself. “If you feel that [the relationship] is negatively impacting your mental health—you are becoming fearful, depressed, or panicked during interactions—stop contact at least until you seek professional support for yourself and can come up with a game plan,” says Rachel Ruiz, LCSW,
  • Limiting contact: Limited contact may mean getting together only on special occasions like a holiday or birthday, limiting the time you communicate via phone or text, or shortening visits. Having “buffer people” present when spending time with a narcissistic parent can help things go more smoothly, as can participating in an enjoyable activity. Planning self-care following a visit can also help you decompress.
  • Maintaining communication: It’s OK to maintain communication with a narcissistic parent if that’s something you feel comfortable with. That said, whether you decide to move to limited contact or continue engaging per usual, it’s important to create some clear boundaries and adjust your mindset with a narcissistic parent.

How to Set Boundaries If You Stay in Contact

Here are some techniques and strategies that can help your interactions go more smoothly: 

  • Reframe the relationship as different compared to others in your life. “You may not be able to share intimate thoughts and feelings, but you can still enjoy time together and appreciate the positive qualities of your parent,” says Ruiz.
  • Recognize their illness. It’s easier said than done, but try to avoid absorbing hurtful words or actions from a narcissistic parent. This is a reflection of them and their illness, and what they say to you or how they act toward you isn’t rooted in reality. 
  • Focus on what works in your interactions. Are they thoughtful with gifts? Do they appreciate getting a card in the mail? Do you have a shared interest? Focus on the parts of your relationship where you can connect in a meaningful way. 
  • Be cautious when delivering feedback. Delivering criticism to a narcissistic parent can trigger a fight or outburst of narcissistic rage. Be aware that this reaction is possible and prepare yourself in advance. 
  • Communicate clear boundaries. It’s OK to draw clearly defined boundaries around your relationship to create a sense of what’s acceptable and what’s not. For example, communicate that you retain the right to walk away or take a pause from the relationship when there’s an outburst, negative talk, character attacks, or other unhealthy behaviors. 
  • Avoid the “who’s right or wrong” fight. “Don’t spend time deciding who’s right or wrong,” Ruiz cautions. “For example, if a narcissistic parent reneges on an agreement, you can say something like ‘Let’s avoid this in the future by communicating by email.'” In other scenarios, it may be best just to drop the conversation entirely. Decide in advance what you will go to bat for and what you are OK with letting go.
  • Validate their feelings and quickly move on. It’s usually not worth getting into an argument with a narcissistic parent. For example, if they complain about someone after a family gathering, you can say something like, “That sounds upsetting. I want to hear more about what you liked about the event.”

How to Spot a Narcissistic Parent

It is sometimes hard to spot a narcissistic parent—especially narcissistic parents of young children who cannot express themselves—because they tend to control the image of their parenting very well. As the child gets older, though, signs often become more apparent. Ruiz says that in her experience, these are some of the most common behaviors of a narcissistic parent:

  • Talking exclusively about themselves and their accomplishments as a parent
  • Reminding you often about all the things they’ve done for you, especially in a way that’s manipulative or used as leverage in a situation
  • Having consistently low tolerance when your needs get in the way of their own, which may result in anger outbursts or temper tantrums
  • Dismissing when you communicate day-to-day struggles and redirecting the conversation back to themselves
  • Making expectations a “moving target” so that it becomes almost impossible to satisfy them or earn their approval. Once you meet an expectation, another one is set without recognition of the accomplishment
  • Taking the “spotlight” away from you when others give you attention or praise
  • Being inattentive or detached
  • Expecting you to adapt to their needs and schedule regardless of what’s going on in your life
  • Demonstrating an inability to receive constructive criticism or feedback, or later denying having the discussion
  • Being unable to apologize or take responsibility for their actions, even when you’ve brought up something that hurt or offended you
  • Complaining often that you or others are the problem, instead of taking responsibility for hurtful actions
  • Demonstrating a pattern of poor relationships with not just their children, but with others in their lives, including partners, colleagues, and friends

A Note About “Diagnosing” NPD in Others

Narcissism can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional following an assessment of someone’s biological, social, and psychological factors. That said, many people with narcissistic personality disorder won’t ever be formally diagnosed due to the nature of their condition.

“It can help to recognize when a parent may have NPD so you can understand how to interact with them,” says Ruiz. She adds, “The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) notes that NPD is a ‘pervasive pattern,’ so you would want to notice that these cues are ongoing and impact the overall quality of the relationship.”

How a Narcissistic Parent Might Affect You

Narcissistic parents consistently fail to engage in empathy or compassion with their children, which can have negative impacts that last into adulthood.

Fawn Response

Also referred to as “people pleasing,” fawning is one of the most common coping mechanisms people experience when raised by narcissistic parents. 

“Fawn response is when you appease the ‘threat’ by befriending them, so you can reduce the chance of becoming a target,” notes Ruiz. “Narcissistic parents are very difficult to please, and we all have a natural drive to gain approval from our parents.”

This can show up as an inability to say no without feeling guilt, being overly accommodating to the point your needs are neglected, and having poor boundaries.

Mimicking

It is also possible, while living with a narcissistic parent, to cope by mimicking the parent’s behavior. The child may attempt to make themselves just as important as the parent.

“This is completely understandable [because] it’s common to protect yourself with a ‘fight’ response, which can look like defensiveness or arguing,” says Ruiz. “Rest assured, it’s normal to get caught up in the narcissistic dynamic, and if you notice this happening, it may be a sign to take a break from interacting with the parent in order to get support for yourself.”

Poor Self-Esteem

A narcissistic parent’s behavior can greatly impact their child’s self-esteem. They may find it difficult to celebrate their achievements, experience “imposter syndrome,” have a difficult time making friends, and have negative thoughts about themselves. Some children of narcissistic parents also struggle with anxiety, sadness, and depression.

Key Takeaways

  • Dealing with a narcissistic parent is extremely challenging. It requires strong boundaries and may mean limiting contact, ending contact altogether, or finding ways to protect your well-being if you stay in touch.
  • Narcissistic parents often engage in pervasive patterns of control, manipulation, and lack of empathy that can affect self-esteem, self-worth, and emotional development.
  • Whether you decide to cease the relationship or maintain it, remember to take care of yourself first. Also, know that you can love this person and care about them without bending over backwards to create a strong relationship.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. National Institute of Mental Health. Personality disorders.

Wendy Rose Gould

By Wendy Rose Gould

Wendy Rose Gould is a lifestyle reporter with over a decade of experience covering health and wellness topics.


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8 Best Online Therapy Platforms That Take Insurance


There is nothing more important in therapy than establishing a rapport with your provider. This means developing a bond that includes trust and emotional intimacy, all while making you feel comfortable opening up and sharing parts of yourself that you might not have shared with anyone else in your life. Being able to choose your own therapist helps create such rapport before you even start. 

After signing up for Amwell’s services, you are able to view the bios of all the providers who are licensed in your area. You can filter the search results by details such as specialty (for example, one of my testers was looking specifically for postpartum services) and learn more about each therapist’s education, professional experience, and treatment approach before choosing the provider who’s best for you—and who is in-network with your insurance.

My eight Amwell testers were especially happy with being able to pick their own therapist, as this made them feel involved in their own therapy process and confident that the person they chose would be right for them. One tester in particular appreciated that she was able to find a BIPOC therapist—and not only that, she had five to choose from in her list of 16 options. Having this much of a say when deciding who to work with is especially important for people in marginalized communities, such as BIPOC and LGBTQIA+, because they can more easily find someone who makes them feel safe, which is necessary in therapy.

Fourteen percent of the 100 Amwell users I surveyed said that, when compared to other services they’d used, Amwell was the best for being able to choose their own therapist. Eighty-six percent rated Amwell’s value for the money as excellent or very good.

“Five out of the 16 available therapists were BIPOC providers. Though I didn’t find a BIPOC provider that matched my availability, I appreciated the variety. There was also an option to message the therapist, which I found great. It was nice to know that I could message the therapist to ask some questions before moving forward with scheduling an appointment.”

–Amwell tester who appreciated her choices when picking a provider

Although Amwell both accepts insurance and lets you choose your own therapist, you don’t have access to either a list of insurance plans it takes or a list of providers until you sign up for the company. It would be helpful to many therapy seekers if both of these important aspects of Amwell’s service were available up front.


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Is Public Display of Affection Good for Your Relationship?


A public display of affection (PDA) is any act of intimacy between a couple that is in view of others. Hugging, kissing, or holding your partner’s hand in public are some examples of PDA. Sharing a private, intimate moment in a public forum such as social media can also be a form of PDA.

PDA can be a controversial subject. While some people support it and think it’s romantic, others disapprove of it and find it inappropriate and unnecessary.

Examples of Public Displays of Affection

Public displays of affection can be expressed in many ways. Some may be more overt (think kissing or hugging in public) while others may be more subtle (like holding hands or touching someone on the back).

A few common examples of PDA include:

  • Holding hands with your partner
  • Kissing their lips, cheek, forehead, neck, or hand
  • Hugging, holding, or cuddling them
  • Touching or stroking them
  • Playing with their fingers or hair
  • Massaging their shoulders, back, hands, or feet
  • Putting your arms around their waist or shoulder
  • Feeding them a bite of food
  • Holding them close while dancing
  • Sitting on their lap
  • Whispering in their ear
  • Gazing into their eyes
  • Winking at them
  • Blowing them a kiss
  • Telling them you love them
  • Complimenting them

What Is the Psychology of Couples Who Show PDA?

There’s no single “type” of person or couple who more commonly engages in public displays of affection. Instead, there are several explanations for why couples may choose to show their affection publicly, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationships.

According to Dr. Romanoff, people may be more likely to engage in PDA when they are in certain stages or forms of relationships, such as:

  • Early stage relationship: PDA is often a sign that a couple is in the early phase of their relationship, and they are excited and eager to be together.
  • Secure relationship: PDA can also reflect a couple that is secure and confident in their relationship. It is a tangible representation of the connection partners feel for each other and provides a powerful and public sense of validation.
  • Insecure relationship: For some, the opposite could be true, as PDA could be a way to overcompensate for feelings of insecurity in the relationship or a way to signal to other people that they are more connected than they might actually be.
  • Intense relationship: People who engage in PDA might also be in intense relationships. They tend to describe the time spent with their partner as if they are living in a bubble. This effect often occurs early in relationships, where people develop tunnel vision for their partner and have an intense physical pull towards them.

Benefits of PDA in a Relationship

While public displays of affection can sometimes create mixed reactions, PDA can have many benefits in a relationship. There can be meaningful benefits for both partners, from reinforcing emotional bonds to improving feelings of security.

According to Dr. Romanoff, PDA:

  • Builds intimacy: Emphasizing your bond in public settings signals that you actively want your partner and that they are important and valuable to you. It helps build affection, intimacy, and closeness in the relationship.
  • Improves bonding: Human touch is a powerful medium for bonding with your partner. Being affectionate can cause you both to experience a spike of oxytocin, the bonding hormone.
  • Reduces stress: Touch can also improve stress levels. It can reassure your partner of your connection and even reduce their levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.
  • Breaks taboos: Choosing to display affection towards your partner publicly can send a powerful message about how you are uninhibited by conventional social norms. PDA is still taboo in many cultures, which further exacerbates the excitement of these moments.

Research shows that being in an affectionate relationship is associated with greater happiness and relationship satisfaction; whereas, being with a partner who is ambivalent or antagonistic is linked to stress, anxiety, and depression.

How PDA Might Negatively Impact Your Relationship

Although public displays of affection can strengthen some relationships and foster greater closeness, PDA isn’t always beneficial. For some people, it can lead to tension or discomfort. If PDA feels forced, inappropriate, or excessive, it can contribute to embarrassment, misunderstandings, and even arguments.

These are some ways that PDA could negatively impact your relationship, according to Dr. Romanoff.

Highlights Differences in Values

Some partners do not have compatible preferences when it comes to PDA. For example, while some people are comfortable being openly affectionate with their partners, many people are more private with their relationships and prefer not to be too “touchy-feely” in front of others. This can happen for many reasons, but it often has something to do with their upbringing, family culture, or social norms. 

Having different values or preferences around PDA can harm the relationship, particularly if one person is trying to be affectionate and the other person is rebuffing their advances, which could be compounded by the public aspect of the interaction.

Creates Reputational Hazards

Many people fear the consequences of damaging their reputation both socially and professionally, especially when public displays of affection could be easily photographed and shared.

This can affect the relationship because some people conflate their partner’s fears with the erroneous belief that their partner doesn’t want them or is not proud of their relationship.

What Level of PDA Is Acceptable?

What counts as an acceptable level of PDA can vary widely depending on the situation, the culture, and personal comfort levels. Understanding these boundaries is essential in order to show affection in ways that are respectful and appropriate, both for each partner but also for those around them.

Some things to consider that may affect how acceptable public displays of affection may be include:

  • Cultural factors: Some cultures tend to be conservative and discourage or even prohibit public displays of affection. On the other hand, some cultures may encourage affectionate behaviors.
  • Social context: PDA may be more acceptable in some spaces and social situations than others. For instance, kissing your partner in a bar may be socially acceptable, but not in your workplace.
  • Minority stress: Certain minority groups, such as LGBTQIA+ people, for example, may not feel safe and comfortable showing their affection for their partners publicly due to perceived or internalized stigma. Even though they may want to be affectionate, they may feel like they have to be more vigilant in public.
  • Family upbringing: Your parents’ values can also influence your views on PDA. For instance, having parents who are affectionate with each other can teach you to be more loving toward your partner.
  • Personal preferences: Your personal preferences can also play a role in determining whether or not you’re comfortable with PDA and what you find acceptable.

Misconceptions About PDA

Unfortunately, public displays of affection are also often the subject of assumptions and stereotypes. Some common misconceptions that surround PDA in relationships include the ideas that:

PDA Is Inappropriate

While it’s true that some cultures, societies, or individuals frown upon certain types of PDA, there is no universal rule that dictates what is acceptable or inappropriate. What is considered acceptable in one context may not be in another, and vice versa.

PDA Is a Sign of Insecurity

Some people assume that couples who engage in PDA are trying to prove something to others or show off their relationship. While this may be true in some cases, it’s not always the case. For some couples, PDA is simply a way to express their love and affection for each other, and it has nothing to do with other people’s opinions.

PDA Is Only for New Relationships

It’s common to see couples engaging in PDA during the early stages of their relationship when they are still feeling that new relationship energy, but this doesn’t mean that it has to stop once the relationship becomes more established. Many people are affectionate toward their partners even in long-term relationships.

PDA Is Always Sexual

While some forms of PDA, such as kissing or touching, may be sexual in nature, not all PDA is sexual. Holding hands, hugging, or simply standing close to each other is affectionate but not necessarily sexual.

Lack of PDA Means Something Is Wrong

Some people are more private and prefer not to show affection publicly. They may still have a healthy and strong relationship, but may choose to be intimate only when they’re alone.

How to Talk to Your Partner About PDA

If you and your partner are not on the same page about PDA, you may wonder how to talk to them about it. Dr. Romanoff shares some strategies that can come in handy while you have this conversation:

  • Discuss what it means to each of you: Find a neutral time to discuss what PDA means to each of you. People typically assign different meanings to these behaviors and it’s important to understand what they represent to your partner and how to get those underlying needs met in a way that feels comfortable to both of you.
  • Work on finding a middle ground: Productive conversations involve identifying a comfort zone for behaviors and situations that you both agree are acceptable. Remember that the goal of the conversation is not to assign a winner and loser, but instead to reach a compromise where both people feel they are being heard and are getting their needs met.
  • Be patient with your partner: It’s important to understand and accept where your partner is at with PDA and give them space to get more comfortable with it over time. Often, our feelings toward PDA are formed over our lifetime, and it could take some time for them to slowly change.

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How to Read, Remember, and Focus When You Have ADHD


ADHD is a form of neurodivergence that can sometimes make reading more difficult. For both children and adults with ADHD, staying focused while reading can be difficult. It can also be challenging to comprehend and retain the information that was read.

Reading tasks may feel like they take forever, especially if you are finding that you have to read and re-read (and re-read again) to process the information accurately.

Problems with reading can be frustrating and may lead people to worry that they will fail in school or struggle in the workplace. Fortunately, there are many tried-and-true strategies to help overcome reading problems.

Reading Issues in Children With ADHD

ADHD can contribute to reading comprehension issues in children with ADHD. Since reading plays such a pivotal role in a child’s life, particularly at school, these issues can also impact a child’s grades and self-esteem.

Characteristics of ADHD that can contribute to reading issues include:

Inattention

Kids who have difficulty focusing often struggle to sustain attention while reading. They might get distracted, skip text, miss important details, and struggle to stay on task. Such challenges may be more pronounced when kids are bored or tired.

Issues With Working Memory

ADHD can lead to differences in executive function, which involves cognitive skills needed to manage different behaviors. This includes working memory, which is a temporary storage that holds information people need when engaging in a task such as reading. To comprehend and mentally manipulate information a child has read, they need to be able to store, retrieve and apply the information they have read.

Hyperactivity and Impulsivity

Kids with ADHD may also struggle to sit still for long periods of time. They may fidget and seem to be constantly in motion, which can make it harder to focus on what they are reading.

Strategies That Improve Reading Comprehension

Treatment approaches that focus on helping kids manage their ADHD traits have been found to improve reading skills. Traditional treatments typically rely on stimulant or non-stimulant medications.

Some tactics that can help boost reading comprehension for kids and adults with ADHD include:

  • Try interest-based reading: People with ADHD sometimes hyperfocus on topics that they find particularly fascinating. Take advantage of this by looking for reading material aligned with those interests.
  • Preview the reading material: Another tactic that can boost comprehension is previewing what you will read before you do a more thorough read-through. Reading the title, headings, subheadings, bolded text, and summaries can help people form a mental map of the material, making understanding it a bit easier.
  • Engage with the text: Highlighters, sticky notes, and annotations can also help people with ADHD stay more focused on the material.

Other strategies that can help improve reading skills include:

  • Reading together
  • Minimizing outside distractions
  • Giving children books about topics they enjoy
  • Teaching techniques like underlining and highlighting
  • Asking questions while reading
  • Taking notes

There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Experimenting with different strategies and being supportive can help your child figure out what reading strategies work best for them.

Reading Issues for Adults With ADHD

Adults with ADHD also face some of the same issues with reading. While research on reading issues for adults with ADHD is limited, several issues could be at play.

It is not unusual to become derailed by internal thoughts or external distractions, particularly when reading something uninteresting or downright boring. You may frequently find that you are losing your place or skipping words in longer passages because you are visually distracted by all the words on the page.

You may have trouble identifying and remembering the main points of what you’ve just read. You may simply zone out and become bored or sleepy while reading.

How to Remember What You Read

Try one or more of these strategies to help you stay focused and attentive so that you can remember what you’ve read. Experiment to see what helps you.

Reading Strategies

  • Read aloud instead of silently. This may take longer, but it will help you to focus on each word.
  • Take brief breaks for movement. Research suggests that physical activity can help people manage ADHD traits and improve cognitive functions.
  • Talk about what you have just read. Discuss it with a friend, or just talk aloud to yourself.
  • Divide the material into smaller, more manageable chunks. Then take a break and reward yourself after each section.
  • Read it twice. Reading something a second time will not only help you better understand what you’ve read but also help you pick up any information you missed the first time around.
  • Make the content personal. Think about how it relates to your likes and dislikes and personal experiences.

Tools That Can Help

  • Use audiobooks or have someone read to you. This approach is especially helpful for people who learn through listening or are easily overwhelmed when faced with a page full of text.
  • Opt for a hard copy. Researchers have discovered that comprehension is better when reading a physical book versus an e-book.
  • Use highlighter pens to underscore main points. This will keep you focused and help you recall the main points.
  • Take notes while reading, then go back and summarize the main points.
  • Use a bookmark or ruler to slide down the page as you read each line, so you don’t lose your place.
  • Keep a pad of paper nearby. If you get distracted by internal thoughts, jot down the thought to remember it and get back to it at a later time. Once you have jotted the thought down, set it aside for later.

How to Create the Right Environment

  • Adapt your environment. Figure out what works best for you: a quiet reading area or one with some background noise.
  • Walk or pace around while you read. This strategy may help you avoid zoning out or focusing on internal distractions instead of the words on the page.
  • Eliminate distractions. Is your phone on silent? Is the door closed? Are you hungry? Are you too cold or too hot? Think about and eliminate any distractions that might interfere with your reading.
  • Read at the right time. If you’re feeling tired or fatigued, for example, it will be that much harder to focus and absorb what you read.

Frequently Asked Questions


  • How can I read a book faster if I have ADHD?

    The speed at which you read a book can differ for many reasons, including how interested you are in the book that you’re reading. Strategies like using a bookmark or ruler to keep your place can help you focus on each line of text and get through the book with less distraction.


  • How is reading different for adults with ADHD than from children with ADHD?

    Reading is a struggle for adults and children with ADHD alike. Many children with ADHD have difficulty with reading comprehension. At the same time, adults and kids with ADHD tend to lose interest, miss details and connections, lose track of where they are on the page, and become easily distracted.

    Having a co-occurring reading disability, such as dyslexia, which can make it difficult to learn to read, spell, decode, and recognize words, is also common for both adults and children with ADHD.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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  2. Kofler MJ, Spiegel JA, Soto EF, Irwin LN, Wells EL, Austin KE. Do working memory deficits underlie reading problems in Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?. J Abnorm Child Psychol. 2019;47(3):433–446. doi:10.1007/s10802-018-0447-1

  3. Denton CA, Tamm L, Schatschneider C, Epstein JN. The effects of ADHD treatment and reading intervention on the fluency and comprehension of children with ADHD and word reading difficulties: A randomized clinical trial. J Sci Stud Read. 2019:72-89. doi:10.1080/10888438.2019.1640704

  4. Hume LE, Allan DM, Lonigan CJ. Links between preschoolers’ literacy interest, inattention, and emergent literacy skills. Learn Individ Differ. 2016;47:88-95. doi:10.1016/j.lindif.2015.12.006

  5. Tamm L, Denton CA, Epstein JN, et al. Comparing treatments for children with ADHD and word reading difficulties: A randomized clinical trial. J Consult Clin Psychol. 2017;85(5):434-446. doi:10.1037/ccp0000170

  6. Mehren A, Reichert M, Coghill D, Müller HHO, Braun N, Philipsen A. Physical exercise in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder – evidence and implications for the treatment of borderline personality disorder. Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2020;7:1. doi:10.1186/s40479-019-0115-2

  7. Wood SG, Moxley JH, Tighe EL, Wagner RK. Does use of text-to-speech and related read-aloud tools improve reading comprehension for students with reading disabilities? A meta-analysis. J Learn Disabil. 2018;51(1):73-84. doi:10.1177/0022219416688170

  8. Clinton V. Reading from paper compared to screens: A systematic review and meta‐analysis. J Res Reading. 2019;42(2):288-325. doi:10.1111/1467-9817.12269

  9. Friedman LM, Rapport MD, Raiker JS, Orban SA, Eckrich SJ. Reading comprehension in boys with ADHD: The mediating roles of working memory and orthographic conversion. J Abnorm Child Psychol. 2017;45(2):273–287. doi:10.1007/s10802-016-0171-7

  10. Langer N, Benjamin C, Becker BLC, Gaab N. Comorbidity of reading disabilities and ADHD: Structural and functional brain characteristics. Hum Brain Mapp. 2019;40(9):2677–2698. doi:10.1002/hbm.24552

By Keath Low

 Keath Low, MA, is a therapist and clinical scientist with the Carolina Institute for Developmental Disabilities at the University of North Carolina. She specializes in treatment of ADD/ADHD.


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