What TikTok Gets Wrong About The Butterfly Effect

Leave it to TikTok to take an abstract philosophy, spread it across the app, and use it as evidence for how they magically improved their life or met their partner. First, there was the invisible string theory and now everyone on the video-sharing platform is obsessing over the butterfly effect. This being the notion that small changes can have major, potentially life-altering effects down the line.

Most of the associated TikTok videos describe instances of fate, at best, and coincidence, at worst. Even more simply describe the natural occurrence of events when you take active steps toward changing your life, such as one user sharing: “the butterfly effect is crazy bc what if I never transferred to college in nyc.”

There’s nothing wrong with romanticizing your life, but when complex ideas are oversimplified to appeal to an online audience, it can sometimes do more harm than good. In the context of the butterfly effect, it may lead to anxiety around decision making or lead you to leave things up to fate rather than taking active steps to get what you want in life.

Can a meteorological theory popularized in the 1970s really be simplified to explain why you met the love of your life because you were so heartbroken you took an impromptu trip to Miami? The reality of the theory is much deeper than that, and may even be a helpful tool for taking control of your life rather than leaving everything up to chance. 

To get to the bottom of what the butterfly effect actually means and what the TikTok trend gets wrong, I spoke to three relationship therapists. Ahead, everything you need to know about the butterfly effect theory and how to implement it into your own life.

What the Butterfly Effect Actually Means

The butterfly effect, also known as chaos theory, was first introduced by American mathematician and meteorologist Edward Lorenz in 1972.

During the 139th meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, Lorenz posed the question: ‘Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas?’ With this inquiry, Lorenz was trying to illustrate the unpredictability of outcomes of complex, energetic systems. For example, how a gust of wind can completely change the direction or severity of a storm. 

To put it simply, small changes in the initial conditions can lead to vastly different results. “It’s a powerful reminder that seemingly minor choices or events can ripple out in ways we might never fully understand,” says Dr. Caroline Fenkel, DSW, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and co-founder of Charlie Health. 

What TikTok Gets Wrong About the Butterfly Effect

TikTok videos claiming to describe the butterfly effect—such as someone running into their now-partner on a drunken night, getting the guts to finally text their ex to get back together, or decentering romantic relationships enough to finally start doing things on their own set to Lorde’s “Ribs”—completely miss the depth of this complex theory. 

The TikTok trend often simplifies the butterfly effect to mean that every tiny decision one makes will lead to a specific outcome, says Fenkel. For example, by consistently putting yourself out there and walking up to strangers you find attractive in public, you’ll meet a match you would possibly consider dating. In reality, “it’s not about guaranteeing a specific outcome, but rather about recognizing the unpredictability of the journey.”

The butterfly effect is not the domino effect, or one event setting off a chain of consequent events inspired by the physics of a row of dominoes toppling over, as the outcomes of the former are unpredictable, adds Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a sex therapist and relationship expert for the dating app Hily. For example, “we would not be able to predict that by waking up and wearing a blue shirt, we will be elected class president,” she explains. In other words, the butterfly effect describes how there is no clear linear path from the initial starting point to the end result. 

TikTok’s interpretation of the theory is most often instances of what could be described as fate or serendipity. “Fate implies a fixed or preordained outcome, or something that will happen no matter what choices we make,” says Fenkel. In other words, meeting the person that would become your long-term partner was “written in the stars,” if you believe in that sort of thing. “Serendipity, similar to fate, usually has to do with chance encounters,” says Cohen. It describes unexpected good fortune or meaningful coincidences, adds Fenkel. For example, it was a lucky coincidence that you and your future partner were a part of the same run club.

While all three—the butterfly effect, fate, and serendipity—acknowledge that small moments can shape bigger ones, only the butterfly effect emphasizes the unpredictability of those outcomes, says Fenkel. “Fate is rigid, serendipity is lucky, and the butterfly effect is uncertain.”

Why It Matters

When it comes to online dating trends, it’s important not to take them at face value and instead unwrap the hidden meaning behind these theories. In terms of the butterfly effect, misinterpreting this complex mathematical theory can lead to magical thinking or even anxiety around decision-making. 

“When the butterfly effect is misunderstood as a guarantee that small choices always have monumental consequences, it can lead to hyper-responsibility or magical thinking, believing that forgetting your umbrella could somehow lead to missing out on your life’s purpose,” says Fenkel. Thinking this way can trigger anxiety, especially for those who are prone to overthinking, and places an unrealistic burden on everyday choices. It amplifies the fear or belief that we’re all just one decision away from disaster.

Magical thinking can turn every small decision into a high-stakes moment, says Los Angeles-based relationship therapist Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC. It creates pressure, and reinforces hypervigilance, which can lead to someone shutting down for fear of getting it “wrong.”

It Can Lead to Too Much “What-If” Thinking

Often, this type of hyper-responsibility and magical thinking can cause us to over-identify with “what if” thinking. What if I had texted him back? What if I went out last night instead of staying at home? When we get stuck in this type of thinking, “it’s easy to spiral into regret and self-blame,” says Fenkel.

We might replay our choices in our heads and wonder how different decisions might have altered the outcomes, and this can become paralyzing, especially if we believe that every choice we make creates irreversible change—which is simply untrue, life is far more fluid and adaptable, Fenkel adds. 

“What if’s” can also prevent someone from being fully present and realizing that some factors are beyond their control, says Cohen. Relationships, for example, are co-created, so while your actions matter, so do the person’s you’re romantically interested in, says Groskopf. If things don’t work out, it might be because either or both parties didn’t put in enough effort, not that the relationship was unexplainably doomed. 

The Butterfly Effect as a Tool for Mindfulness

While the butterfly effect purports that some things in life are outside of our control, that doesn’t mean that our actions don’t matter. Rather than leave things up to fate, being aware of the butterfly effect can help us live more intentional and mindful lives.

“The butterfly effect reminds us that even our smallest actions have the potential to create change,” says Fenkel. “It acknowledges that while we can’t predict every ripple, we can act with kindness, awareness, and purpose, trusting that those small acts matter—even if we never fully see how.”

The butterfly effect teaches us that actions do have consequences in the real world, even if we don’t see them, adds Cohen. “This can help us contemplate our positions or behaviors more carefully. We may be more likely to pause and reflect before acting.”

At the same time, the butterfly effect can allow us to relinquish a bit of control and hypervigilance, which can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. The theory teaches us to accept events outside of our control and to be flexible as well as resilient when things don’t go as planned. 

Keep in Mind

The TikTok-ification of a question of causation and effect that ultimately concluded that some weather changes are unpredictable has resulted in one key takeaway: that it’s okay to embrace the chaos, as long as you do so mindfully. 

You may not meet the love of your life by going to that event you didn’t want to go to but attended anyways because your friends pushed you to, and that song you wrote when you were 17 may not go viral on TikTok and lead you to sell out venues in the new year. But if you act with good intentions rather than from a place of fear, you can sit comfortably with the knowledge that some things are just not meant to be, and that’s fine, too.