How the 2-2-2 Rule Keeps Connection and Intimacy Alive

Ah, relationships. Whether you just started dating or just took a walk down the aisle, those beginning stages aka the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship are exciting and fresh. But life is still lifeing—kids, bills, in-laws, the list goes on. All of this will inevitably get in the way of your relationship.

“It is too easy to put your relationship on the back burner with all the other things in your life competing for time and energy,” says Lisa Brateman, LCSW. “Expectations from work and children and extended family can take over and leave very little left for your intimate relationship.”

So, how do you keep the spark alive without ditching your responsibilities? Enter: the 2-2-2-rule.

Sounds fine and dandy, but is it attainable? We take a look at the benefits of the 2-2-2 rule and how you can realistically make it work for you.

The Benefits of the 2-2-2 Rule

You might have heard of the 2-2-2 rule from Reddit, but mental health professionals have been praising this strategy for decades. Being intentional and carving out scheduled time for your relationships is *the* best way to keep a relationship going.

Research shows what we all know—spending time together helps strengthen a couple’s relationship. Applying the 2-2-2 rule can:

• Improve communication between you and your partner, as you spend time together doing activities and talking.
• Give your relationship structure. “While order and structure are great for most areas of a busy life, it can be quite un-sexy when you try to implement it into your relationship,” Reyes says. “The great thing about the 2-2-2 rule is that it adds some order and structure while keeping things exciting.”
• Provide greater security in your relationship. A secure relationship helps you mentally and emotionally because you feel confident in your couple—and thus, yourself.
• Enhance intimacy. “Refocusing on what is the most important aspect of your relationship with each other will help sustain your intimacy over time,” Brateman adds.

Implementing the 2-2-2 Rule

As you know, all goals take time and effort to achieve. So, the 2-2-2 rule won’t magically repair your dwindling connection. But taking it one step at a time and being intentional in the process can breathe new life into your relationship. Here’s how to start:

Go Back to the Basics and Plan a Date

A great first step is planning your first date together. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive—just intentional. Take turns planning, so the responsibility of the date and all that goes with it *cough* childcare *cough* doesn’t fall on one person. Make sure you mark it in your calendar, as a commitment that can’t be changed.

Arrange a Weekend Getaway

Next, start planning your weekend away. Discuss specifics like budget, potential activities you’re both interested in, and what logistics you need to resolve. If you want to leave on a Friday afternoon to beat traffic, do you need to take vacation time from work? Does that make a difference in your destination?

Use some alone time to choose where you want to go for your one-week vacation. And, remember to approach it from a realistic viewpoint. Is it feasible to go on vacations around tax season if your spouse is a CPA? Would the start of the school year be a challenging time to get away? Are rates cheaper to go during the week versus the weekend?

Be mindful of your personal situations and how that can impact your ability to get away. But don’t let these personal challenges stop you from implementing the 2-2-2 rule. Couples who’ve put in the find that the results are worth it. And don’t just take our word for it—the evidence shows for itself.

Potential Pitfalls

Failure to plan can lead to problems if you’re trying to follow the 2-2-2 rule. The more you smooth out the details in the beginning, the likely it is to be a stress-free time.

Becoming too rigid and unyielding is another potential pitfall. Life happens. Things come up. One of you may get sick. The other may have a true family emergency. Don’t be so rigid and focused on the 2-2-2 timeframe that you begin losing sight of the big picture.

“The biggest mistake I see with the 2-2-2 rule is allowing any part of it to become an argument or a problem in the relationship,” Reyes says. “I’ve seen couples implement this and end up arguing about who’s planning what or where they’re going. This rule is in place to positively affect your relationship; if it’s having the opposite effect, it may be time for some therapy.”

Keep in Mind

Ultimately, the 2-2-2 rule is about having a healthier, happier, fuller relationship. Keeping the end goal in mind will make the effort worthwhile.

“It’s important not to make this another item on your to-do list,” Brateman explains. “Use your calendars to plan activities together. It is important to use this as a guideline and not a rule otherwise it defeats the purpose of enjoyment over demands.”