Why Do Opposites Attract in Relationships?

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • While opposites may attract, most lasting relationships are built on similarities.
  • Differences can be exciting at first, but they may lead to conflicts later on.
  • Similarities in values and interests are important for a long-term relationship.

Why do opposites attract? It’s a question you might ask yourself if you’ve ever found yourself drawn to someone completely different than you. The idea that we are drawn to our opposites is mostly a myth.

The reality is that while sometimes we are attracted to people who are significantly different from us, solid relationships tend to be built on shared connections and similarities. Opposities do sometimes attract, especially when in comes to initial sexual chemistry. You can learn from dating someone different from you, but there’s also a lot more potential for conflict.

This article discusses why people who are wildly different from one another find themselves attracted to each other, the pros and cons of dating your opposite, and what really makes a relationship last past that initial phase of attraction.

Why Do We Believe That Opposites Attract?

We’ve heard it again and again. But is there real psychology behind the popular phrase “opposites attract” in relationships?

The myth that opposites attract suggest that, much like magnets, we are attracted to our polar opposites.

In old romantic movies that we viewed, we might have seen the good girl attracted to the bad boy. Or we may have a friend, a shy, retiring sort, who is attracted to an outgoing and friendly person. It seems to make sense that they’d be a good match.

For example, if a college student studies day and night in his room and is academically driven, we might set that person up with a more social student who goes out on weekends and gets less than stellar grades. The rationale is clear. 

We reason that the student getting good grades will be a positive influence on the other’s study habits and the social butterfly will draw the other student out of their room for more fun times.

As a result, we erroneously conclude that complementary personalities make for better, stronger, healthier relationships. Scientific evidence has proven, however, that this is not true.

Why Do Opposite Attract in Relationships?

There are a few reasons why you might be drawn to someone different from you.

Excitement

Opposites may attract at first because the other person seems new and exciting. Maybe the object of your attention is a medal-winning professional snowboarder and you are an accountant.

Or perhaps that person who entered the conference room represents something forbidden. He might come from another class, race, or socio-economic background that is different than the kind of partner your family expects you to be with, for example.

Sexual Chemistry

Upon first meeting, the physical chemistry might be off the charts. This might be evidence of lust. Strong sexual desire in and of itself can be healthy. It can also keep the flames of passion stoked in a long-term relationship.

But lust without emotions, intimacy, and commonalities does not make for a healthy long-term relationship. According to scientific studies discussed below, neither does staying with our opposites.

Lack of Early Conflict

After the initial encounter and you’ve both decided to date, the ways you’re both diametrically opposed enhances the appeal of you two as a couple. In the beginning stages, the differences may still seem intriguing. That’s because differences haven’t proven to be obstacles in the relationship yet.

If your current flame or partner is your opposite, it will make for a more difficult road ahead.

What About Couples With Mismatched Sex Drives?

While sexual satisfaction and frequency contribute to healthy, long-term romantic relationships, partners having different or opposite sexual requirements is common. Past findings linked the mismatch to poorer sexual and relationship outcomes.

However, those who feel like they are opposites when it comes to sexual compatibility can rest assured. A new study sampling 366 couples found that higher desire rather than matching desire was most important. The idea is that couples won’t always have to be in the same mood or aligned about sex. And that’s OK.

But zeroing in on increasing and sustaining desire, and working through differences, was proven to be more important than matching your partner’s desires. Study participants had higher sexual and relationship satisfaction as a result.

Pros and Cons of Dating Your Opposite

Let’s take a look at some of the pros and cons of dating someone who is your opposite.

Pros

  • You may learn to compromise

  • You can learn how to be more patient and empathetic

  • There may be greater opportunity to learn new things

  • The excitement may be more intense

Cons

  • Might not be sustainable long term if excitement wears off

  • More potential for disagreements

  • Requires better and more frequent communication

  • You may find you both have widely differing lifestyles and goals

The Pros of Dating Your Opposite

To be sure, there are benefits of being in a relationship with somebody who is your opposite. For instance, people who have type A personalities might calm down and feel less pressured by coming home to type B personalities with more laid-back traits.

Other ways you may benefit for a while from being with your opposite include:

  • Their strengths complement your weaknesses and vice versa
  • You’ll get more comfortable with compromise
  • You’ll teach each other new things
  • You’ll stretch your understanding and empathy muscles
  • You’ll keep the passion alive more easily
  • You’ll find more balance
  • You’ll increase your tolerance level
  • You’ll gain more patience

The Cons of Dating Your Opposite

The drawbacks of opposites uniting date back to early research. In one older study, timid, verbally inhibited participants were paired with critical, assertive partners. The study showed that although they might have been attracted at first, the relationship quality suffered as it matured over time. The pairings became unsustainable.

The study consisted of timid, inhibited males alienated by strong critical females. At the time of the study, society’s reluctance to honor assertive females may have come into play (the study was published in 2003).

Further studies conducted by The Gottman Institute noted that adding criticism and contempt into the mix by any gender can prove destructive to any relationship. Nevertheless, the study revealed that opposite pairings were unsustainable.

We also know the limitations of pairing opposites through other studies. For example, if another’s face is similar to your own, you’re more likely to deem that person trustworthy, according to an article published in the journal Psychological Science.

That suggests that if someone looks like us, we are more likely to trust them, and if they don’t appear similar to us, we consider their character not as desirable.

Recently, psychologists analyzed the combined results of over 240 studies in one. They, too, found that similar partnerships scored the highest. Similarities fell into the areas of values, attitudes, personality traits, and interests.

Without similarities, it seems like partnerships fall apart. For example, suppose one person in the relationship is ambitious and has certain life goals and the other person is free-spirited and doesn’t have the same values. In that case, the relationship likely won’t work in the long run.

Similarities Foster Stronger Relationships

Michael Kosinki, assistant professor of organizational behavior at the Stanford Graduate School of Business coordinates a global collaboration between more than 100 universities studying Facebook digital footprints of 8 million people. He co-authored a study published in the journal Psychological Science.

By analyzing the digital footprints people left on Facebook—their likes and what they posted about—evidence showed birds of a feather do flock together.

Most people interact with others who are similar to them online. As humans, we tend to gravitate toward those more like us.

Partners who are opposite to you in certain aspects like in their taste in music or favorite foods can enhance a relationship for sure. And in the short term, opposites can work in relationships.

Just keep in mind that if partners aren’t in alignment regarding many important aspects of a relationship, it just might not last.

What This Means For You

Before entering a relationship, check to see if your core values, attitudes, personality traits, interests, and goals are in sync. Based on solid science, relationships are more likely to flourish if you’re engaged with someone similar.


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Anger: Characteristics, Complications, and Causes

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Meditation, like deep breathing exercises, can help control your anger.
  • Exercising is a productive way to channel emotions like anger.
  • Avoid triggers if you are quick to anger, and learn better control over your reactions.

Anger is an intense emotion you feel when something has gone wrong or someone has wronged you. It is typically characterized by feelings of stress, frustration, and irritation. Everyone feels anger from time to time. It’s a perfectly normal response to frustrating or difficult situations.

Anger only becomes a problem when it’s excessively displayed and begins to affect your daily functioning and the way you relate with people. Anger can range in intensity, from a slight annoyance to rage. It can sometimes be excessive or irrational. In these cases, it can be hard to keep the emotion in check and could cause you to behave in ways you wouldn’t otherwise behave. 

Characteristics 

When we are angry our body goes through certain biological and physiological changes. Examples of biological changes your body might go through include: 

  • Increased energy levels 
  • Raised blood pressure 
  • Spike in hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline 
  • Increase in body temperature  
  • Increased muscle tension 

Anger doesn’t look the same in everyone and we all express it in different ways. Some outward characteristics you might notice when you are angry include. 

  • Raised voices
  • Clenched fists 
  • Frowning or scowling 
  • A clenched jaw 
  • Physically trembling 
  • Rapid heartbeats 
  • Sweating excessively 
  • Pacing excessively 

Complications 

Anger is a completely normal and typically healthy emotion. However, it can be detrimental to both your emotional and physical health when you lose control of it. When you are angry your body goes through some physiological and biological changes.

Your heart rate quickens and your blood pressure spikes. Your body also releases hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline. Putting your body through these changes often, by repeatedly getting angry, can lead to medical conditions and complications such as:  

Identifying Anger 

Anger doesn’t look the same in everyone as we all express it differently. For some people, screaming might be an outlet for their anger while others might express it by physically hitting an object or even another person.

Anger is a normal human emotion, but it’s important to find healthy ways to express it so as not to alienate people around us. Expressing anger healthily is also important for your mental health. 

Causes 

Anger can be caused by either external or internal influences. A person or an event could make you angry. You could be angry because someone cut in line in front of you in line. You might feel angry when you are emotionally hurt, threatened, in pain, or in a confrontation.

Sometimes we use anger to replace other emotions we would rather not deal with, like emotional pain, fear, loneliness, or loss. In these cases, anger becomes a secondary emotion. Anger could be a reaction to physical pain, a response to feelings of fear, to protect yourself from a perceived attack, or in response to a frustrating situation.

Anger is often caused by a trigger this could be either rational or irrational. Some common triggers that cause anger include: 

  • Dealing with the loss of a loved one 
  • Losing a job 
  • Going through a breakup
  • Failing at a job or a task 
  • Being fatigued 
  • Getting in an accident or getting a condition that causes physical changes in your body (for example, losing your sight or your ability to walk)

Anger could also be a symptom or response to a medical condition. Anger could be a symptom of depression, substance abuse, ADHD, or bipolar disorder. 

Types of Anger

There are three main types of anger. 

  • Passive-Aggressive Anger: Here, a person tries to repress their anger to avoid dealing with it but typically ends up expressing it in unhealthy and undermining ways. 
  • Assertive Anger: This can be a healthy option for expressing anger. It involves handling anger in a controlled manner by using your words to calmly explain and try to diffuse the situation. Here, anger is expressed in a non-threatening way. 
  • Openly Aggressive Anger: This type of anger might be accompanied by physical or verbal aggression such as screaming or hitting things. The aim of this type of anger is typically to hurt the person the anger is directed at emotionally or physically.

Anger can also be expressed in either one of two ways: verbally or nonverbally.

  • Verbally: When a person expresses their anger verbally, you are likely to see them raise their voices. They might become insulting and say hurtful things if their anger is directed at another person. 
  • Nonverbally: You’ll notice some slight physical changes in a person who expresses their anger nonverbally. They might frown or scowl and clench their jaws and fist. They might also lash out at another person or object, sometimes causing physical damage to the person or object and in some cases even hurting themselves. 

The two ways people express their anger are not mutually exclusive and it’s possible to see a person expressing anger in both ways. 

Treatment 

Anger is a normal emotion we all feel, and for most people, they can find ways to express it in a healthy way. However, some people need treatment. The most common way to treat excessive anger is with therapy.

Therapy

For most people, it’s easy to identify the triggers and emotions behind their anger. But some people experience anger suddenly and intensely without being able to curb it or identify the triggers behind it.

If you are experiencing frequent and intense bursts of anger that are causing physical and emotional damage to you or the people around you then you might need professional help with dealing with your anger.

Anger management therapy is used to help you learn healthy ways to cope with the emotion.

Coping 

Finding ways to cope with anger is very important. When we allow anger to take control of our lives, it can affect everything we do. It can damage relationships with our loved ones and cause problems in our workplace. If you’ve been finding it difficult to keep your anger in check in certain situations, here are a couple of coping mechanisms that can help.

  • Identify the Cause: The first step to coping with anger is identifying the root cause of your anger. It could be another emotion—maybe one of fear or loneliness. It could be an altercation you had or an unpleasant thought that came to mind.
  • Meditate: Meditation is very beneficial in helping to control human emotions. You can start with simple meditation techniques like deep breathing exercises. When faced with a situation that makes you angry, take a second before reacting. You can take several deep breaths to calm yourself or try to count until you feel yourself become calmer. 
  • Work Out: Exercising isn’t just great for your physical health—it’s also beneficial for your mental health. It’s also a way to channel out emotions like anger in a useful and productive way. Going for a quick run or swim when you are angry could help defuse the emotion.
  • Let It Out: Don’t bottle your anger up. Expressing your anger when you feel it is the healthiest way to get through it. Bottling up the emotion is most likely to cause a sudden and intense outburst when you least expect it. 

  • Avoid Triggers: If you are quick to become angry, it’s useful to try to identify and avoid your triggers. If you are often triggered when having a conversation with a particular person or about a particular topic, avoid them or that topic until you’ve learned how to have better control over your anger.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Toketemu Ohwovoriole

By Toketemu Ohwovoriole

Toketemu has been multimedia storyteller for the last four years. Her expertise focuses primarily on mental wellness and women’s health topics.


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Sexual Repression: Signs, Causes, and Treatment

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • Sexual repression can cause embarrassment and anxiety during conversations about sex.
  • Repressed feelings about sex can lead to conflicted emotions and shame when thinking about or engaging in sexual activity.
  • Working with a therapist can help people overcome sexual repression and form healthier attitudes toward sex.

Sexual repression refers to when a person prevents themselves from feeling or experiencing their natural sexual urges and desires. Someone who is repressed sexually will often hold negative ideas toward sex, sometimes considering the act, and everything associated with it, wrong.

Here we take a deeper look into the history of sexual repression, its causes, and signs that may suggest a person is sexually repressed. We also examine how societal systems might contribute to this effect, as well as possible methods to overcome sexual repression.

History of Sexual Repression

Sigmund Freud was one of the earliest thought leaders for sexual repression. He proposed that children as young as six and seven to 10- and 11-year-olds can develop a mental model that causes them to classify sex as disgusting, shameful, and immoral. These feelings may then be concretized in adulthood, causing poor adjustment to sexual feelings and situations.

Because of Freud’s work, it was theorized that many mental illnesses were a result of involuntary sexual repression. Although this thought is considered somewhat out of date, it has helped shape modern psychological theories about sexuality and sexual behaviors.

By drawing links between suppression and mental illness, the negative consequences of repression have received some attention.

Causes of Sexual Repression

Sexual repression may be caused by several factors.

Society’s Treatment of Sex

Sex has long been painted as an immoral subject. In societies and communities where it is considered a taboo topic to discuss, sex may only be spoken of in condemnation. This is sometimes the case within religions that restrict sexual expression.  

In human beings, sexual interest may develop from a very young age. Similarly, repulsion to intimate encounters can also begin during adolescence or around the teenage years.

When a young person reaches puberty, their body goes through many changes that trigger curiosity about sex. If their environment treats sex as a taboo subject, they may not feel comfortable asking questions and begin to view sex and sexuality in a negative light. A persistent negative view may lead to sexual repression.

Past Traumatic Encounters

For people who’ve experienced sexual trauma, engaging in sex acts or even thoughts of sex may trigger past traumatic experiences. To keep from being triggered, they might repress their thoughts and desires toward sex, shutting them off.

Signs of Sexual Repression

A person may be sexually repressed without even knowing it. Here are some behaviors that may signal sexual repression.

Discomfort With Sex

One marker of repression is unease around sexual matters. A person may find that they are embarrassed or unable to maintain their composure during talks around sex. A repressed person may also feel anxious before or during sex for no identifiable reason.

Guilt or Shame Following Sex

Repression can take away the joy and pleasure commonly associated with sex. Instead, overwhelming grief may occur when a repressed person gives in to sex or thoughts of being intimate with other people. Tears, shame at submitting to desires, and self-repulsion are all traits associated with sexual repression.

Difficulty Finding Pleasure in Sex

When a person considers sex inappropriate, it can be difficult to appreciate the act. Sexually repressed people will often endure, rather than enjoy intercourse with partners. This can lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness between sexual partners. It can also form an unhealthy relationship with sex.

Discomfort With Nudity

While people may experience discomfort at looking at naked images for several reasons, this distress may be observed in sexually repressed individuals. Suppressed sexuality can cause a person to view the nude form as immoral or displeasing, also potentially spiking their own self-consciousness and general unhappiness with their appearance.

Consequences of Sexual Repression

When feelings of shame and despair are attached to this natural bodily function, it can produce negative sexual, emotional, and even physical effects. 

Conflicting Feelings Toward Sex

Looking at a partner or someone attractive can produce certain stirrings. Common reactions to these feelings include sexual fantasies or masturbation. Either response is healthy and expected. However, when these reactions are experienced by a person with sexual repression, it can cause confusing feelings.

Repression can cause them to feel shame at the body’s acknowledgment of sexual stimulation. Thoughts of masturbation or engaging in the act can lead to considerable distress. This may spark conflicting feelings toward intimate sexual sessions.

Moral Confusion

When sexual repression is stimulated by religious teachings, having positive responses to sexual scenarios can spur an internal debate that causes the person to question their morals. Because sexual thoughts and feelings are categorized as sin, they may worry about their moral standing.

Pain During Sex

Repression can cause both fear and tension during sex, which can lead to pain during intercourse. For example, for women, tension can manifest as vaginismus—a condition where the vaginal walls tighten in fear of penetration of any kind.

The fear and tension felt can be irrespective of the level of comfort with a sexual partner or the amount of ease during intercourse.

Sexual Performance Issues

Ideally, sex is a no-pressure exercise between willing partners. However, when repression-based guilt and shame rear their head, this can cause strain during intimate moments. Anxiety, embarrassment, or unhappiness at doing something that they consider “wrong” can affect a person’s performance and delight during sex.

Suppressed Sexual Orientation

Within certain religions or communities, the only acceptable form of intercourse is between two people of the opposite sex. Because of this, a person might learn to hate themselves and the feelings they hold for a person of the same gender. 

Being unable to express a natural attraction to others can lead to questions about sexuality. It can also cause disappointment during sexual encounters.

How to Cope With Sexual Repression

A person dealing with sexual repression can eventually find pleasure in sex. Here are a few strategies for coping with repression.

Recognize Repressed Traits

Developing a new attitude toward sex may require accepting previous ideas about sex as unhealthy and unrealistic. It calls for an understanding of how one’s environment can negatively shape the beliefs they hold.

By understanding and learning to accept the different ways that repression can develop, a person can avoid denying its effects. This can be an important first step toward creating healthier sexual beliefs, which can also contribute to a healthier sex life.

Keep Communication Open

Because sexual repression compels strong discomfort around sex, ease is required to undo these feelings. Keeping a partner updated about one’s thoughts and feelings can encourage greater comfort around the subject of sex.

Seek Professional Help

Working with an expert can help with identifying what’s behind a person’s sexual repression, their triggers, and any other factors that encourage its continued effects. In addition to targeting repressed feelings, therapists can share effective strategies for getting comfortable with and enjoying intimate moments. 

Sex therapy can assist individuals and couples as they navigate sexual difficulties. Through expert help, individuals and partners can learn to enjoy intimate moments.


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Dating Someone With OCD: What You Should Know

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • It’s important to understand OCD symptoms so you can support your partner and maintain a healthy relationship.
  • Communicate openly with your partner to build trust and navigate challenges together.
  • Remember to also take care of yourself and set boundaries in the relationship.

Although any intimate relationship has its ups and downs, dating someone affected by a chronic mental illness such as OCD can present additional challenges—and growth opportunities.

It is important to remember that an illness is what a person has, not who they are. Try these strategies for creating and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Press Play for Advice On Living With a Chronic Illness

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring psychologist Lori Gottlieb, MFT, shares how to live with a chronic illness. Click below to listen now.

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What to Expect When Dating Someone With OCD

Knowing what to expect if you are dating someone with OCD or if you think your partner might have the condition is essential. By understanding the symptoms, causes, and treatments of the condition, you’ll be better able to help your partner and maintain a successful relationship.

Obsessions and Compulsions

Obsessions and compulsions are the primary symptoms of OCD. People with the condition often engage in compulsions to deal with the distress created by obsessions.

  • Obsessions. Obsessions are unwanted, persistent thoughts, images, or urges that create feelings of distress and anxiety. 
  • Compulsions. Compulsions are repetitive behaviors that people feel compelled to engage in to minimize anxiety or prevent adverse events from occurring.

There are many variations of OCD, and it does not always involve a fear of contamination or orderliness, as is commonly believed. In some cases, your partner may worry excessively that something is missing or incomplete. Others may have unwanted, blasphemous, sinful, or sexual thoughts. Some experience an extreme fear that someone will be hurt if they don’t perform a certain behavior.

Common Symptoms of OCD

  • Obsessive, unwanted, intrusive thoughts
  • Fear of germs or contamination
  • Needing things to be symmetrical or in order
  • Believing things need to be “just right.”
  • Frightening thoughts centered on harming the self or others
  • Compulsive, repetitive actions to reduce anxiety caused by obsessions

Stress and Anxiety

In addition to dealing with stress caused by the symptoms of their condition, people with OCD may also experience added stress from worrying about how their condition might affect their relationships. If they have had past partners who were not understanding or rejecting, they may fear you will respond similarly.

Being empathetic and understanding can help your partner feel supported and understood. 

Anxiety can often be a symptom of OCD, creating additional challenges in your relationship. You can help by becoming aware of the situations that trigger your partner’s symptoms of anxiety and OCD and then helping them find ways to cope or manage those situations.

Sexual Functioning

OCD can also affect sexual functioning in several different ways.

  • For individuals with obsessions centered on contamination or hygiene, having sexual relationships can be complicated.
  • Some medications used to treat OCD can have sexual side effects, including symptoms that affect libido or performance. 

How to Keep Your Relationships Healthy

If you are dating someone with OCD, one of the best things you can do is learn more about the condition. Being more aware of what your partner may be experiencing can help you better recognize the signs of problems and allow you to offer support when you see they are struggling.

Remember that the condition affects each person differently. Not everyone will have the same symptoms or experience them the same way. 

Build Trust

It is not uncommon for people with OCD to hide the nature or severity of their symptoms from others—especially those they may be engaged with romantically—for fear of embarrassment and rejection. If you are committed to working on the relationship, make it clear to your partner that OCD is something you are willing to talk about and want to understand more about.

When your partner chooses to disclose particular obsessions or compulsions they are troubled with, make sure you acknowledge how hard it must have been to tell you about them. Empathy and acceptance can go a long way toward building trust and intimacy.

Respect Your Partner’s Privacy

While your partner might be comfortable disclosing the nature and severity of their symptoms to you, they may not be as comfortable discussing these issues with family, friends, or co-workers. Never assume that other people in your partner’s life know they have OCD.

A seemingly harmless comment to one of your partner’s friends or family members could be very hurtful or embarrassing. It could undermine trust in the relationship or have other unintended consequences.

Be Honest

While symptoms of chronic illness can often be managed quite effectively, they may never be cured. If you have concerns or are feeling overwhelmed by your partner’s symptoms, discuss this with your partner openly and honestly. This is especially important if you suspect or know that your partner’s obsessions and/or compulsions relate to you and/or matters of sexual intimacy.

A little communication can go a long way in avoiding misunderstandings that could ultimately lead to conflict or even break up the relationship. If you do not feel you can discuss such issues with your partner, bounce your thoughts off a trusted friend to try to get a different perspective. Remember, any relationship—not just with someone with OCD—is about balancing your personal needs with the relationship’s needs.

Ways You Can Support Your Partner

While having OCD can sometimes introduce challenges in a relationship, there are things you can do to help support your partner. People with OCD are sometimes reluctant to talk about their condition for fear of judgment or rejection, so it’s essential to be understanding and supportive. Listen to what they say and try to be as patient as possible.

Educate Yourself

Being in an intimate or even just a dating relationship with someone with any chronic illness, including OCD, means you must be up to speed on symptoms and treatments. On the surface, many of the obsessions and compulsions accompanying OCD can seem strange, illogical, or even scary.

Understanding what the symptoms of OCD are and where they come from can go a long way in helping you cope with them and bring down the overall stress level in your relationship. It is also important to realize that many people with OCD experience other comorbidities, such as anxiety disorders or depression, that can complicate the symptoms they experience.

Support Their Treatment

Partners can often be very helpful in pinpointing the true nature and severity of symptoms. They can also help reinforce compliance with medical and psychological treatment regimens.

If you and your partner are up for it, there are numerous opportunities to help with exposure exercises or stay on top of medication regimens. Becoming partners in treatment can help build a stronger bond.

Caring for Your Own Needs

It is also important to care for yourself. Chronic health conditions like OCD can take a toll on individuals and their partners, so it is vital to ensure that you care for your own needs. Schedule time for yourself, do things you enjoy, and reach out to your friends and family for support.

Practice Self-Care

Carve out time to attend to your needs. This can be difficult when taking care of someone else, but it is important to ensure that you care for yourself physically and emotionally. Consider scheduling regular appointments for yourself, such as a massage or a pedicure.

It can be easy to become isolated when you are in a relationship with someone with OCD. Schedule time for your friends and family, even if it is a quick coffee date or a regular girls’ or guys’ night out.

You might also want to consider joining a support group. It can be helpful to talk to others who are in similar situations. There are many online and in-person support groups available.

Establish Boundaries

While you are offering support, you must establish boundaries in your relationship. Boundaries are a way of identifying what you are willing to accept in your relationship with another person.

A boundary with a partner with OCD might involve telling them that you will not participate in their compulsions. For example, you would not wash your hands every time they wash their hands. Establishing boundaries early on can help prevent conflict later on.

Frequently Asked Questions


  • What’s it like dating someone with OCD?

    People with OCD often have very specific routines and rituals that they adhere to rigidly. This can make social situations and everyday activities more challenging at times. It can also contribute to feelings of shame and guilt. It’s important to remember that every person with OCD is unique. Understanding your partner’s symptoms, responding with kindness, and finding ways to support them and their treatment can help you weather the ups and downs that come with dating someone with OCD.


  • How do you handle dating someone with relationship OCD?

    Relationship OCD can be challenging because obsessions and compulsions are focused on the relationship itself. In this case, patience is key. It can be difficult to understand why your partner feels the need to perform certain rituals or behaviors, but communicating openly can help.


  • What should you do if you think your partner has OCD?

    If you think your partner may have OCD, the best thing to do is to talk to them about it. Recognize that they may be reluctant to open up at first. However, it’s essential to let them know you’re there for them. Offer to accompany them to the doctor or therapist for an evaluation. If they are diagnosed with OCD, there are several treatments available that can help.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Ghassemzadeh H, Raisi F, Firoozikhojastefar R, et al. A study on sexual function in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) patients with and without depressive symptoms. Perspect Psychiatr Care. 2017;53(3):208-213. doi:10.1111/ppc.12160

  2. Castle D, Bosanac P, Rossell S. Treating OCD: What to do when first-line therapies fail. Australas Psychiatry. 2015 Aug;23(4):350-353. doi:10.1177/1039856215590027

  3. National Institute of Mental Health. Obsessive-compulsive disorder.

  4. Brady CF. Obsessive-compulsive disorder and common comorbidities. J Clin Psychiatry. 2014;75(1):e02. doi:10.4088/JCP.13023tx1c 

  5. Hezel DM, Simpson HB. Exposure and response prevention for obsessive-compulsive disorder: A review and new direction. Indian J Psychiatry. 2019;61(Suppl 1):S85-S92. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_516_18 

By Owen Kelly, PhD

Owen Kelly, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, professor, and author in Ontario, ON, who specializes in anxiety and mood disorders.


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Deepa Burman

How Well Are You Sleeping?

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Key Takeaways

  • Over one-third of U.S. adults aren’t getting enough sleep and feel tired during the day for at least half the week.
  • Insomnia is when you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, making you feel tired during the day.
  • It’s important to keep electronics out of your sleep space and avoid using them close to bedtime to help you sleep better.

While we may know how important sleep is to our health and well-being, most of us hardly get enough. According to a National Sleep Foundation poll taken in 2020, more than one-third of U.S. adults aren’t getting the recommended amount of sleep and feel tired during the day for at least half the week.

The Sleep Quiz

Take this free quiz to help you learn more about your sleep and decide if you should get evaluated for a potential sleep disorder.

This quiz is not meant to be a diagnostic tool or replace the support of a credentialed healthcare professional. If you are struggling with sleep issues, reach out to your doctor who can help determine if you need treatment.

Who Is This Sleep Quiz For?

This sleep quiz is for anyone who has trouble sleeping or thinks they may have a sleep disorder. It can help you recognize signs of sleep deprivation and common sleep disorders, which could let you know it’s time to consult a medical professional about your sleep.

Sleep is the undisputed power that can help reset our body and our brains. A good night’s sleep can help restore immune function, improves athletic performance, and helps regulate body metabolism.

—
DEEPA BURMAN, MD, FAASM

Deepa Burman

About This Sleep Quiz

This sleep quiz is based on the symptoms of disrupted or disordered sleep. Each response corresponds to your potential for having a sleep disorder—low, moderate, or high.

A medical professional may ask you questions about your sleep and medical history and perform an exam to diagnose you with a sleep disorder.

How Much Sleep Do I Need?

Our minds and bodies need sleep each night to function. Here’s how much sleep we need a day at each age, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):

  • 1-2 years old: 11-14 hours
  • 3-5 years old: 10-13 hours
  • 6-12 years old: 9-12 hours
  • 13-18 years old: 8-10 hours
  • 18 and older: 7 or more hours per night

Common Types of Sleep Disorders

Regularly feeling tired during the day is a sign we’re not getting enough sleep—though it doesn’t automatically mean we have a sleep disorder. Some causes of sleep disturbance can be linked to modern life—longer work hours and more electronic devices—but others can be linked to sleep disorders. 

There are over 80 different sleep disorders, and some are more common than others. We might have a sleep disorder and not even know it, so it’s a good idea to talk with a medical professional. 

Insomnia 

Insomnia is marked by trouble falling asleep and/or staying asleep. It’s the most common sleep disorder, with about 1 in 3 people in the United States who say they have trouble sleeping weekly for at least one night.

People with insomnia usually can’t get enough sleep at night, making them feel tired throughout the day. Daytime sleepiness can also cause problems functioning or performing certain tasks.

Sleep Apnea

Sleep apnea is a sleep disorder that causes your breathing to stop and restart several times during sleep. When this happens, your blood oxygen levels drop, which triggers your body to pull you out of deep sleep to restart breathing. Interrupted sleep causes daytime sleepiness and, if left untreated, contributes to or worsens several medical conditions, including heart disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure.

There are two types of sleep apnea: obstructive sleep apnea and central sleep apnea. Obstructive sleep apnea occurs when the airway becomes blocked. This can happen due to obesity, large tonsils, or changes in hormone levels. Central sleep apnea is caused by the brain not sending signals to the body to breathe. 

Narcolepsy

Narcolepsy is a sleep disorder that causes a sudden need to sleep, even at inappropriate times. It usually happens multiple times in one day. The disorder is also marked by the sudden loss of muscle tone, which can cause involuntary head and jaw movements or falls.

Restless legs syndrome

Restless legs syndrome (RLS) is a neurological disorder that causes a strong desire to move the legs due to a tingling or unpleasant feeling. Since it usually happens when the person is still and trying to fall asleep, RLS can make it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep.

Circadian rhythm disorders

Circadian rhythm disorders are conditions that happen because your body’s circadian rhythm has been disrupted, making it hard for you to fall asleep and wake up on a regular schedule triggered by sunlight and darkness. People who work night shifts (shift work) or travel to different time zones (jet lag) may experience a disruption to their circadian rhythm. 

How Does Lack of Sleep Affect Health?

A few rough nights of sleep here and there are unlikely to cause issues, but an ongoing lack of sleep is tied to a variety of negative effects on mental and physical health. Conditions that can be triggered by or worsened by chronic sleep loss include: 

  • Type 2 diabetes
  • High blood pressure
  • Heart disease
  • Stroke 
  • Irregular heartbeats
  • Obesity
  • Depression 
  • Anxiety

Tips for Getting to Sleep

Sleep disorders require diagnosis and management by a medical professional, but there are also things you can do on your own to promote good sleep.

  • Create a regular sleep routine and try to go to bed and wake up around the same time daily. 
  • Avoid caffeine later in the day.
  • Get regular exercise or physical activity during the day.
  • Create a good sleep environment with a dark, quiet room that’s not too hot or too cold. 
  • Keep electronics out of the room where you sleep, and try to avoid using them too close to bedtime.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. National Sleep Foundation. Sleep by the Numbers.

  2. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. How Much Sleep Do I Need?

  3. National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. Sleep Disorders: In Depth.

  4. NAMI. Sleep Disorders.

Additional Reading

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By Rena Goldman

Rena Goldman is a health writer and editor with over a decade of experience. Her work has been featured Medical News Today, Healthline, and more.


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Antisocial vs. Borderline Personality Disorder: Symptoms, Causes, Treatment

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is more common in men and is characterized by a lack of emotions, while borderline personality disorder (BPD) affects men and women equally and involves intense emotions.
  • People with ASPD must be 18 or older to be diagnosed, but age is not a factor for BPD diagnosis.
  • Psychotherapy is usually effective for BPD but not for ASPD.

Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) share some common traits (they’re both personality disorders, after all). While there are some symptoms that overlap, it’s essential to remember that these are distinct conditions with some key differences.

The causes of these conditions and how they manifest can be strikingly different.

Symptoms of ASPD vs. BPD

Both ASPD and BPD are Cluster B personality disorders in the DSM-5. Cluster B disorders are characterized by overly emotional, dramatic, and unpredictable thinking and behavior. Both conditions are marked by disinhibition, hostility, and impulsivity. ASPD and BDP are also characterized by an increased suicide rate of between 5% and 9%.

However, the two conditions differ in important ways. Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by few emotions and affects more men than women. In contrast, borderline personality disorder consists of extreme emotions and affects both men and women equally. 

ASPD

  • Few emotions

  • Disregard for safety

  • Manipulates for money/power/pleasure

    Irresponsible

  • Lacks remorse

  • More common in men

  • A person must be 18+ to be diagnosed with ASPD

  • Psychotherapy is not effective

BPD

  • Intense, volatile emotions

  • Fear of abandonment

  • Idealizes/devalues others

  • Poor self-esteem

  • Shifting identity

  • Equally present in men and women

  • A person of any age can be diagnosed with BPD

  • Psychotherapy can be effective

ASPD Personality Traits

According to the DSM-5, people with antisocial personality disorder may exhibit the following behavioral characteristics:

  • Antagonism: Antagonism in ASPD is displayed through manipulation, such as using charming behavior to influence someone. People with ASPD often engage in vengeful behaviors over minor slights and may even resort to aggression, violence, and cruelty.
  • Disinhibition: Disinhibition in ASPD is characterized by a disregard for social conventions and reckless, risk-taking behaviors at the expense of others’ safety or feelings. It is not uncommon for people with ASPD to break promises, miss appointments, or drop activities out of boredom or spite.
  • Emotional detachment: People with ASPD exhibit greater egocentric behaviors, making it difficult to establish balanced and supportive relationships. This emotional detachment can complicate psychotherapy, the practice of which relies heavily on open interaction.

BPD Personality Traits

People with BPD may have the following personality traits:

  • Negative affectivity: Negative affectivity is characterized by unstable and unpredictable mood changes that are more dramatic than a situation warrants. This includes intense anxiety over social situations, persistent fear of rejection, or sudden swings into a deep depression, shame, or guilt. Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon.
  • Disinhibition: People with BPD may engage in impulsive, risky behaviors, often due to frantic efforts to avoid real or anticipated abandonment or to change intolerable emotional states. These actions are often turned inward, resulting in self-harm or self-destructiveness. Appointments, promises, and activities will be readily dropped more out of a sense of hopelessness or anger than out of boredom.
  • Antagonism: People with BPD are easily spurred to anger but are less likely to shut others out. Rather, they will seek out relationships that can alternate between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

What Causes ASPD and BDP?

The exact causes of ASPD and BPD are not clear, but the two conditions share some risk factors in common. The following are known to increase the risk of a person developing a Cluster B personality disorder:

  • Brain differences: Imaging studies suggest that people with ASPD and BPD have structural differences in areas of the brain that regulate emotions and impulse control.
  • Family history: Having a family member who has a Cluster B personality disorder increases the risk that a person will also develop ASPD or BPD.
  • Experiences: Stressful and traumatic life events such as attachment problems, neglect, and abuse increase the risk of developing these conditions.

According to some evidence, these conditions are influenced by a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

How are ASPD and BPD Diagnosed?

Because the two conditions share similarities, it is important to look for the key differences that differentiate them.  Both conditions involve severe problems with self-functioning and interpersonal functioning, but the way these symptoms manifest is somewhat different between ASPD and BPD.

Antisocial Personality Disorder

According to the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders”, 5th Edition, text revision (DSM-5-TR), a person with antisocial personality disorder must be at least 18 years old and have severe problems functioning in these two specific areas:

  • Self-functioning: ASPD is broadly defined as behaviors in which people think only of themselves and/or focus on personal goals and gratification without considering what is culturally acceptable or ethical. By definition, people with ASPD gain a sense of self-esteem from pursuing pleasure, power, or getting what they want.
  • Interpersonal functioning: People with ASPD cannot display concern or empathy for other people’s feelings or needs. They have difficulty forming any true sense of intimacy and instead use power to exert dominance in a relationship.

Borderline Personality Disorder

To be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, a person must have severe problems functioning in both of these areas:

  • Self-functioning: People with BPD typically struggle with identity and are prone to feelings of emptiness, self-loathing, and worthlessness. Because of this, they have difficulty establishing goals or pursuing long-term interests, often undermining themselves at every turn.
  • Interpersonal functioning: Feelings of low self-esteem typically manifest in hypersensitivity to anything construed as criticism or rejection. People with BPD tend to lash out irrationally at even minor slights (like interruptions in conversation). Unable to see beyond their own feelings, people with BPD tend to lack empathy and find themselves in unstable relationships prone to conflict.

People with borderline personality disorder may display symptoms similar to ASPD. However, with ASPD, manipulation occurs as a way to get what a person wants (such as power or money), whereas with BPD, it occurs as a way to gain nurturance from others.

Treatments for ASPD and BPD

Antisocial personality disorder and borderline personality disorder are both treated with therapy and medications, but they differ in terms of prognosis and outcomes. BPD can respond well to treatment, but ASPD can present more significant challenges.

Therapy for BPD and ASPD

Certain forms of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and mentalization-based therapy (MBT), have been extremely effective in treating BPD.

By contrast, ASPD is notoriously difficult to treat with psychotherapy.

People with the condition rarely seek treatment independently and may only come into contact with treatment due to arrest and incarceration. Some evidence suggests that long-term therapy with CBT may help people gain insight and improve their behavior.

Medications for BPD and ASPD

Medications such as antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiolytics, and mood stabilizers can also help manage symptoms associated with BPD or ASPD, such as depression, aggression, or co-occurring disorders.

Can You Prevent ASPD or BPD?

There is no way to prevent antisocial personality disorder or borderline personality disorder. If you know that you have a family history of BPD, watching for signs and getting an early diagnosis and treatment may help improve outcomes.

ASPD is sometimes preceded by conduct disorder during childhood. Getting an accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment of conduct disorder during childhood may help minimize the risk of developing ASPD during adulthood.

If you think you might have a personality disorder or you’re concerned about your mood and behavior, talk to your doctor. Only a trained mental health professional can diagnose you.

Frequently Asked Questions


  • What’s the difference between ASPD and BPD?

    There are just as many differences between ASPD and BPD as there are similarities, including:

    • Symptoms: ASPD consists of few emotions, while BPD consists of extreme emotions, mood swings, and an inability to regulate emotions.
    • Gender: Some research suggests that BPD is equally common in men and women, but men are less likely to seek treatment. By contrast, ASPD is around three to five times more common in men than women.
    • Age: There is no age requirement for BPD. However, you must be 18 or over to be diagnosed with ASPD.


  • Can you be BPD and ASPD?

    Yes, it is possible to have both conditions at the same time. Having both conditions is associated with an increased risk for psychopathy and violence. Estimates vary, but research suggests that around 20% of men with borderline personality disorder also have antisocial personality disorder.


  • Is BPD a form of psychopathy?

    While people with BPD may have some traits in common with ASPD, it is not a form of psychopathy. Antisocial personality disorder, on the other hand, is connected to psychopathy and sociopathy. Research indicates that around a third of people with ASPD can be considered psychopaths.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Ekselius L. Personality disorder: A disease in disguise. Ups J Med Sci. 2018;123(4):194-204. doi:10.1080/03009734.2018.1526235

  2. McClelland H, Cleare S, O’Connor RC. Suicide risk in personality disorders: A systematic review. Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2023;25(9):405-417. doi:10.1007/s11920-023-01440-w

  3. American Psychiatric Association (APA). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.

  4. National Alliance on Mental Illness. Borderline personality disorder.

  5. Cattane N, Rossi R, Lanfredi M, Cattaneo A. Borderline personality disorder and childhood trauma: Exploring the affected biological systems and mechanisms. BMC Psychiatry. 2017;17(1):221. doi:10.1186/s12888-017-1383-2

  6. Werner KB, Few LR, Bucholz KK. Epidemiology, comorbidity, and behavioral genetics of antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy. Psychiatr Ann. 2015;45(4):195‐199. doi:10.3928/00485713-20150401-08

  7. Brüne M. Borderline personality disorder: Why ‘fast and furious’?. Evol Med Public Health. 2016;2016(1):52-66. doi:10.1093/emph/eow002

  8. Zimmerman M. Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Merck Manual: Professional Version.

  9. Chapman J, Jamil RT, Fleisher C. Borderline personality disorder. In: StatPearls [Internet]. StatPearls Publishing.

  10. Black DW. The treatment of antisocial personality disorder. Curr Treat Options Psych. 2017;4(4):295-302. doi:10.1007/s40501-017-0123-z

  11. Pascual JC, Arias L, Soler J. Pharmacological management of borderline personality disorder and common comorbidities. CNS Drugs. 2023;37(6):489-497. doi:10.1007/s40263-023-01015-6

  12. Ekselius L. Personality disorder: A disease in disguise. Ups J Med Sci. 2018;123(4):194-204. doi:10.1080/03009734.2018.1526235

  13. Werner KB, Few LR, Bucholz KK. Epidemiology, comorbidity, and behavioral genetics of antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy. Psychiatr Ann. 2015;45(4):195-199. doi:10.3928/00485713-20150401-08

  14. American Psychiatric Association (APA). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.

  15. Robitaille MP, Checknita D, Vitaro F, Tremblay RE, Paris J, Hodgins S. A prospective, longitudinal, study of men with borderline personality disorder with and without comorbid antisocial personality disorder. Bord Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2017;4(1):25. doi:10.1186/s40479-017-0076-2

  16. Abdalla-Filho E, Völlm B. Does every psychopath have an antisocial personality disorder? Braz J Psychiatry. 2020;42(3):241-242. doi:10.1590/1516-4446-2019-0762

Additional Reading

By Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD

 Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University.


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ADHD Stimming: What to Know

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Stimming helps people with ADHD focus and manage stress or anxiety.
  • It is important to support and understand why someone with ADHD is stimming.
  • If stimming interferes with daily life, talk to a doctor about ways to manage it.

When it comes to ADHD, stimming is a common and often misunderstood behavior. But what is stimming, and why do people with ADHD do it? Stimming is essentially a self-stimulatory behavior that helps people focus or cope with stress or anxiety. It can involve anything from making repetitive movements to saying specific words or phrases over and over again.

For people with ADHD, stimming can serve as a way to focus their attention and control their impulses. It can also help them calm down when they’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out.

If you have a loved one with ADHD, it’s important to understand why they stim and how you can help support them. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

  • Stimming is not necessarily harmful and does not always need to be discouraged.
  • Try to understand why your loved one is stimming and what they are trying to achieve.
  • Be supportive and understanding. Let them know that you accept them for who they are.
  • If stimming is causing problems or interfering with daily life, talk to your loved one’s doctor about ways to help manage it.

Why Does Stimming Help ADHD?

There is some debate about why stimming helps ADHD, but most experts believe it has to do with the way the brain processes information. For people with ADHD, stimming may help them focus and pay attention to tasks at hand.

It’s also possible that stimming can boost mood and help reduce stress levels. This is particularly true for kids and teens who may not have many other ways to express their emotions.

ADHD Stimming vs. Autism Stimming

There is a common misconception that stimming is only present in people with autism. While it is more common in people with autism, stimming can occur in anyone.

ADHD and autism are both neurological issues, but they affect different parts of the brain. This means that the symptoms and behaviors will be different in each person.

For people with ADHD, stimming may help them focus and control their impulses. For people with autism, stimming may help relieve anxiety or sensory overload.

Types of Stimming

Below are some of the different types of stimming that might be engaged in by people with ADHD.

  • Visual: This type of stimming includes looking at specific objects or watching repetitive movements.
  • Auditory: This type of stimming includes making specific noises or repeating words or phrases.
  • Movement: This type of stimming includes making repetitive movements with the hands, feet, or other parts of the body.
  • Taste/Smell: This type of stimming includes tasting or smelling specific things over and over again.
  • Tactile: This type of stimming includes things like touching different textures, rubbing one’s hands together, or hugging oneself.
  • Oral: This type of stimming includes things like chewing on objects, licking one’s lips, or biting one’s nails.
  • Movement: This type of stimming includes things like walking in circles, bouncing up and down, or shaking one’s body.
  • Mental: This type of stimming involves repeating certain words or phrases in the mind. Common examples include counting down from 10, reciting the alphabet, or saying the same thing over and over again.

Examples of ADHD Stimming Behaviors

Below are some examples of common stimming behaviors in people with ADHD:

  • Fidgeting or tapping fingers
  • Spinning around
  • Walking or running in place
  • Making repetitive noises, such as clicking a pen or humming a song
  • Biting fingernails or lips
  • Picking at skin or clothes
  • Looking at objects or flipping through books over and over again
  • Drawing or writing in a specific pattern
  • Facing a specific direction for an extended period of time
  • Eating the same thing every day

What Is Happy Stimming?

There is a type of stimming called “happy stimming.” This is when people stim to express pleasure rather than to focus or calm down. Happy stimming can involve any type of self-stimulatory behavior, but it’s typically done to express enjoyment rather than to manage negative emotions.

People with ADHD may engage in happy stimming to relieve boredom or stress. It can also be a way to express creativity or feel more connected to the world around them.

If you see your loved one engaging in happy stimming, try not to discourage them. Instead, support and encourage their interests and activities. Let them know that you love and accept them for who they are.

How Do I Know if I Stim?

If you’re not sure if you stim, ask someone who knows you well. They may be able to spot behaviors that you’re not aware of.

If you do stim, try to keep track of when and why you do it. This can help you understand your own behavior and find ways to minimize or avoid stimming when it’s not necessary or might be disruptive.

How to Manage Stimming Behaviors

If you or someone you know stims to focus or calm down, there are some ways to manage the behavior:

  • Set aside a specific time and place for stimming. This can help reduce stress and anxiety.
  • Try to find activities that don’t involve stimming, such as socializing, listening to music, or playing sports.
  • Distract yourself with other activities when you feel the need to stim. This can help break the habit and improve focus.
  • Talk to a therapist or counselor about your stimming behaviors. They may be able to offer helpful tips and strategies.
  • Consider using a sensory tool or toy to help manage stimming. These can be found at most stores that sell special needs products.

How to Help Someone Who Stims

If you see someone stimming, there are some things you can do to help:

  • Don’t judge or criticize them. Stimming is a way for people with ADHD to manage their symptoms.
  • Try to understand why they are stimming and what it does for them.
  • Be supportive and accepting of their behavior.
  • Encourage them to participate in other activities, such as socializing or exercising.
  • Help them find ways to reduce stress and anxiety.
  • If applicable, work with them to create a plan for managing their stimming behaviors.
  • If the person stimming is a child, talk to their parents or caregivers about your observations and offer help.

Stimming is a common way for people with ADHD to manage their symptoms. It can help them focus and calm down. If you see someone stimming, try not to judge or criticize them. Instead, be supportive and understanding.

Arlin Cuncic

By Arlin Cuncic, MA

Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master’s degree in clinical psychology.


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