Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

If you enjoy the spontaneity and light-heartedness of casual connections, dating apps are an excellent option. They are designed to help you easily connect with people who share your romantic interests. With these apps, you can clearly define the type of relationships and connections you’re interested in and find potential partners across the country and even the world who are looking for the same thing.

Whether you’re looking for someone to go on coffee dates with or have an exciting night out, there’s a dating app with pretty precise features that can help you do just that. Research suggests about half of American adults who are under 30 have used dating apps.  

This article will review some of the best dating apps for finding your next casual relationship and explain why more people are turning to these apps to find romantic connections. Whether you’re new to casual dating or looking for better prospects, these apps can help you find dating fun and flirty again.

Why Use Dating Apps for Casual Relationships?

For many people looking for casual connections, dating apps have become a go-to. While a meet-cute in a bookstore that mirrors a movie scene is an adorable way to meet someone new, dating apps make casual dating much less complex. 

When looking for a casual connection, dating apps allow you to be clear about what you want and find others looking for the same thing. With a dating app, you can often avoid the awkwardness of mismatched expectations. You can be as transparent as you want and find common ground with someone you like before even going on a first date.

Convenience is one of the biggest reasons people use dating apps. Life can get busy, and while meeting people the old-fashioned way is charming, dating apps allow you to find potential connections from wherever you are, letting you work your dating life around your schedule and not the other way around.

You also get to take charge of your boundaries, get to know people at your own pace, and share certain parts of your life only when trust has been established and you feel comfortable. It allows you to gauge whether you’re on the same page and want to take things further.

Diversity is another perk. Dating apps expose you to a broader range of people than you might meet in your everyday life, significantly increasing your chances of finding someone who clicks with you. Lastly, there’s no pressure to make things serious. If you’re clear about wanting casual connections, you’ll find others who respect and share this desire, allowing you to enjoy dating without looming commitment expectations.

Tinder

Tinder is the go-to destination for those looking to keep it casual. It’s one of the oldest and most recognizable dating apps where you’re just a swipe away from your next potential romantic interest. Tinder is ideal for anyone looking to mingle without getting caught up in a committed relationship.

According to Spencer Abel, a dating copywriter, Tinder is by far the most popular dating app in the US. It was originally used as a hookup app and is still used by a younger crowd that is more interested in short-term flings rather than serious relationships. I’d say most of its users are either not looking for any form of in-person relationship or want something transient and casual. Most users are in their early 20s and aren’t ready to settle down for various reasons.

Features

Tinder revolutionized online dating with its simple yet addictive swipe-right-for-yes and swipe-left-for-no features, making finding potential matches on a dating app fun and easy. With Tinder, you can sift through potential matches quickly. If the feeling’s mutual and you both swipe right, it’s a match, and you can start chatting. 

It’s all about first impressions here, with users posting photos of their Sunday best and crafting short, witty bios to attract potential matches. However, features like Super Like, which lets you show you’re really interested, and Boost, which pushes your profile to the top of people’s lists, allow you to stand out and increase your chances of making a connection.

Pros and Cons

On the upside, Tinder is incredibly popular, which means you get a vast pool of potential matches, increasing your odds of finding someone looking for a casual connection like you. It’s fun, fast-paced, and straightforward to use.

On the downside, the app forces you to make decisions that are mainly based on a person’s physical appearance on the fly, which can be a drawback for anyone looking for deeper connections, even in casual dating. While the basic app is free, getting the most out of Tinder, especially if you live in a densely populated city, often means investing in its premium model.

Grindr

Most people in the LGBTQIA+ community may already be familiar with Grindr. It’s direct, fast, and clear about who and what it’s meant for, which is to connect mostly gay, bi, trans, and queer men quickly and efficiently. 

Features

Grindr is well known for its geolocation feature, which makes spontaneous casual connections a lot easier and quicker than with other dating apps. It shows you who’s nearby and available to meet with just a few taps.

The app is straightforward. When you open it, you get a grid of potential matches, you can tap on a profile to view more, and if you’re interested, you simply start a conversation. It’s that easy. The app also has various filters to narrow your search and help you find exactly what you’re looking for, whether it’s someone with specific interests or someone within a certain distance.

Pros and Cons

Grindr’s biggest perk is its efficiency and simplicity. For those looking for casual connections, it lets you find people who are interested without any fluff. It’s a favorite for anyone who loves on-the-fly meetups.

However, its focus on proximity and quick connections can sometimes mean you’re only able to make fleeting connections, which can be a drawback for anyone looking for even a hint of emotional depth. 

Additionally, while Grindr is free, accessing premium features for an improved experience requires a subscription.

Adult Friend Finder

Adult Friend Finder (AFF) is a little different from your typical dating app. It’s designed for people looking for adult fun and casual flings. AFF is known to have a pretty open-minded community of people and couples looking to explore their desires without judgment.

Features

If you’re adventurous, AFF has various features you’ll enjoy. It has chat rooms, forums, live webcams, and more, providing multiple ways for its members to interact and connect.

The platform encourages its users to be upfront about their intentions and desires, creating an environment where you can find matches that share your specific interests and preference for casual dating.

People who use AFF like to keep things light and breezy. Members are there to enjoy themselves and explore within a community of people who know what they want and aren’t shy about it.

Pros and Cons

AFF has a wide and diverse user base, allowing you to meet like-minded people or couples looking for casual fun. The range of features surpasses many other platforms and will enable you to engage in different connection levels with potential matches.

However, if you’d prefer a more wholesome experience, AFF might not be for you. Users can often get graphic, and there’s a clear emphasis on casual and erotic meetings. Also, while free, the most valuable features require a paid membership.

Ashley Madison

On Ashley Madison, discretion is the name of the game. If you’re looking for a confident and casual relationship outside your usual social circles, this app is for you. The app’s slogan is “Life is short. Have an affair,” and it is designed specifically for people looking to step outside their existing relationships or those seeking no-strings-attached fun with like-minded people.

Features

The app offers features that prioritize user privacy and anonymity, like the ability to blur or mask your profile photos and discreet billing options. Users can explore and connect with others based on their preferences and desires, with features that help maintain privacy and confidentiality.

Ashley Madison also provides a travel feature to help people find connections in different cities, making it ideal for people who travel and seek out casual dates in new cities.

Pros and Cons

One of Ashley Madison’s most significant advantages is its commitment to user privacy, which makes it a safe space for people to explore their desires discreetly. The user base is large and diverse, catering to a wide range of interests and needs in casual dating.

On the downside, the platform is primarily geared toward extramarital relationships, which might not align with everyone’s values. Additionally, men have to purchase credits to initiate conversations, which can add up in terms of cost.

Pure

If Pure were a food service, it’d be a drive-through restaurant. It’s quick, to the point, and has no frills. It’s designed for people who want to cut to the chase and have a spontaneous and casual hookup. It does have a unique twist: Everything disappears after 24 hours.

Features

Pure simplifies the dating process. You post a request when you’re in the mood to meet someone, and it only stays visible for one hour. If someone’s interested, they’ll connect with you, and you both get to chat. But watch the clock – when time’s up, the chat and all its contents vanish, ensuring your privacy and encouraging you to live in the moment.

Pros and Cons

The great thing about Pure is its simplicity and focus on privacy. It’s perfect for those spur-of-the-moment days when you’re looking for quick and casual fun. You won’t find long winding profiles or slow-burn connections on Pure. It’s all about living in the moment, but its transient nature means you have to act fast, which can be a buzzkill if you’re not always on standby. And while it’s free for women, men need to subscribe.

Plenty of Fish (POF)

Ever heard the phrase; there is plenty of fish in the sea? These are words POF lives by. On the app, there are a whole lot of choices and potential connections. It’s one of the older dating platforms out there and has a wide user base and laid-back vibe. While it’s geared towards a range of more serious dating preferences, it has plenty of options for those interested in casual relationships.

Features

POF’s standout features are its detailed profiles and personality assessments, which are more in-depth than those of other dating apps on the market. It offers a mix of traditional dating app features with unique twists, like the “Ultra Match” feature, which shows you the top 50 most compatible members. The “Meet Me” option allows you to quickly browse through profiles and express interest, making finding a match simpler.

Pros and Cons

The benefit of using POF is its large and diverse user pool, giving you a wide net to cast for casual hookups or dates. The platform’s detailed profiles can help you gauge compatibility at a glance, making it easier to find someone who’s looking for the same thing you want. On the downside, the site’s free-to-use model means you might have to navigate through more profiles than the average dating app to find quality matches. And while it’s packed with features, the interface can feel cluttered compared to more modern, minimalist apps.

Her

Her is tailored for LGBTQ+ women and non-binary folks. It’s not just a dating app; it’s a community space that provides everything from romantic matches to friendship and social networking, all with a strong focus on a positive and welcoming LGBTQ+ experience.

Features

Her stands out by giving users more than just dating prospects; it includes LGBTQ+ news, events, and discussions that create a sense of community for its members. The app encourages deeper engagement right from the start. Users can like and comment on each other’s photos or responses, creating a more interactive and engaging experience.

Pros and Cons

One of Her’s most significant advantages is its dedication to creating a space that feels both inclusive and supportive for LGBTQ+ members. It provides a safe space for users to express themselves and connect with others with similar experiences and interests. It’s great for finding casual dates or even just new friends who understand the queer experience. On the downside, since it’s tailored to a specific audience, it might not offer the same breadth of options as more mainstream apps. Additionally, while the app is free, accessing some premium features requires a subscription.

Raw

Raw is perfect for those who dislike beating around the bush. With Raw, what you see is what you get, which is excellent for those looking for uncomplicated casual relationships. 

Features

Raw’s main draw is its no-nonsense model, which lets users get down to business quickly. The app is focused on helping you arrange meetups without long conversations or complicated matchmaking algorithms. The interface is user-friendly and allows for quick browsing and matching, getting you from an online interaction to a real-life encounter faster than some of its counterparts.

Pros and Cons

The advantage of using Raw is its efficiency and clarity. Raw delivers just that if you’re looking for casual fun without the bells and whistles. It’s great for those who prefer to be direct and don’t want to engage in small talk or browse through too many profiles. However, the straightforward nature of the app might not suit everyone. Some users might find it too blunt or miss other apps’ deeper engagement. Plus, depending on your location, the user base might be more limited than popular apps.

Our Final Review

Each dating app detailed above offers something different for those interested in casual connections. Tinder is widely recognized for its large user base and quick matching system, making it a go-to for people looking for casual dates or hookups. It’s straightforward and user-friendly, and it has a broad audience. Hinge pays a little more attention to detail, allowing users to showcase their personalities, making it a good choice for anyone who prefers a bit more depth or background on a person they are meeting up with. It’s also easy to use.

Grindr is specifically tailored to the LGBTQ+ community, focusing on immediate, location-based connections. It’s very effective for quick meetups, and its users appreciate its efficiency and directness. Adult Friend Finder is upfront about its focus on adult dating and casual experiences. It provides a platform where users can explore their desires openly and without judgment. It’s known for its more explicit approach to casual dating.

Her caters to LGBTQ+ women and non-binary individuals, offering not just dating options but also a community feel with its inclusive approach. It’s great for those who want a space that understands and respects their identity. And finally, Raw is all about immediacy and clarity, with a no-frills approach to arranging casual encounters. It’s the app for users who want to cut through the chatter and get straight to the point.

Consider Your Needs

There’s no blueprint to follow when it comes to casual dating. You have to choose the app that best caters to what you value, which could be deep conversations, community, or directness. Each app has its strengths, so the best one for you depends on your personal preferences and what kind of casual relationship you’re pursuing.

Casual dating means something different to everyone, says Abel. To some, it means hooking up; to some, it means friendship; and to others, it means grabbing dinner once a month. Understand what this person is looking for before investing in them. If your dating goals don’t align, it might be best to find your lovin’ elsewhere. Also, be sure to check in with the person you’re casually dating to understand if their feelings or desires have changed throughout the course of dating. Many a casual relationship has turned into something different. Be mindful that feelings may change and that you’ll have to adapt or move on.

We’ve all heard the phrase: “Money can’t buy happiness.” But how true is this, exactly? Growing up poor in rural Idaho, I often took comfort in this idea, reassuring myself that those with more money weren’t necessarily any happier than I was. But sometimes I wondered: Am I just fooling myself?

Of course, money can’t replace the deep joy and meaning we find in relationships and experiences. But there’s no denying that financial security feels pretty darn good.

“Money can bring about happiness or a sense of satisfaction that can feel like happiness because it allows security and reduces constant financial anxiety and fear,” explains Sarah Whitmire, LPC-S, ATR-BC, a licensed professional counselor and founder of Whitmire Counseling and Supervision.

Why We Think Money Might Buy Happiness

When you think of happiness, things like friends, family, and life’s simple pleasures often come to mind—not money. So, where does the idea that money can buy happiness come from?

According to Kanchi Wijesekera, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and clinical director of the Milika Center for Therapy & Resilience, the origin of this idea is multifaceted. She notes that poverty itself is associated with more stress and a higher risk for mental health issues. 

“There are some caveats, but it can be harder to feel happy when you’re living under the chronic stress of poverty and all it entails,” she says. “You may not have the same time and energy to invest into your well-being as if you were to be financially well-off.”

She stresses that this doesn’t mean people with less financial means aren’t happy or can’t be happy. But it can be more challenging to feel happy compared to someone well-off.

Kristin Anderson, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Madison Square Psychotherapy, notes that the idea that money can buy happiness is often deeply engrained in many societies.

“These societies often equate financial success with a good life, and it can be easy to get caught up in that idea,” she says. “It’s the idea that financial resources can provide security, comfort, and opportunities, which are all associated with happiness.”

While money certainly does allow people to afford necessities that can improve their quality of life, such as healthcare and education, Anderson says these are no guarantee of greater happiness. 

Whitmire explains that modern consumer culture has a role in creating this idea. By promoting the idea that buying goods and services can make us happier, we’re more likely to believe that having more equals being more fulfilled. 

Dr. Wijesekera notes that our own hard-wired tendencies help fuel these beliefs. Even when we are comfortable, we might think we’d be even happier if we just had a little bit more, whether it’s a new car, a better job, or a bigger house. (Hint: it doesn’t).

The Relationship Between Money and Happiness

Money alone doesn’t bring happiness, but researchers have found evidence supporting the connection between financial security and increased happiness and well-being.

According to a 2010 study, higher income does indeed help increase subjective life satisfaction as money can help alleviate emotional pain associated with challenging life events like divorce and poor health. Other research supports the link between financial security and happiness. In fact, studies show that security is particularly connected to happiness in societies where financial instability is more common.

A recent 2023 study has added another layer to this age-old debate by suggesting that higher income levels are connected to increased happiness.

That said, researchers do note that money isn’t the only factor contributing to happiness. But money undoubtedly plays a huge in creating security, access to resources, and growth opportunities, all of which impact your overall well-being. 

The Limitations of Money in Achieving Happiness

It’s tempting to think that earning a bigger paycheck will be the secret to a fulfilling life. But try not to hinge your happiness on your bank account. Having more money may help increase happiness, yes, but can also bring about diminishing returns if the pursuit of extra cash affects your quality of life.

We like to think that money solves all our problems, but the pursuit of financial rewards can be more harmful than good, especially if it costs us healthy relationships and social connections. Sure, having extra cash would be great, but if it means sacrificing meaningful connections with others, are the benefits even worth it?

Our emotional health and well-being thrive on strong relationships and social interactions. What good are financial rewards if they’re overshadowing your relationships and experiences?

I know money solves a lot of problems, but it can’t buy a sense of purpose and meaning. Think of it like this: if your job is financially rewarding but emotionally draining, burnout is inevitable. You can’t appreciate all your hard work and reap the financial benefits if you’re emotionally and mentally exhausted. And no amount of money can make your brain or body feel any less tired.

The Role of Money in Different Aspects of Life

The ability to afford what we want and need is often linked to a higher quality of life. Feeling financially secure can reduce anxiety since you’re less worried about how you’ll pay for life’s expected and unexpected expenses.

“We know financial stability also affords improved access to healthcare, leisure activities, and opportunities for personal growth, all of which contribute to better mental and emotional well-being,” Dr. Wijesekera says.

Financial stress can leave you in a constant state of fight or flight mode, she adds. Access to more money and resources shifts you from survivor mode into a space where you can focus on hobbies, friends, or things that make you happy.

In other words, not having to stress about money is what contributes to happiness the most.

“Imagine the difference between constantly feeling stressed about finances versus having peace of mind knowing your needs are met,” Anderson says. “While money itself is not a direct source of happiness, the security it provides can create a more stable environment for mental health to flourish.”

Strategies for Finding Happiness Beyond Money

There’s no question that financial security can offer comfort and ease stress, but it’s also true that the things that bring us happiness are immaterial.

Some research-backed ways to bring more happiness to your life (that, fortunately, don’t cost money):

Cultivate Positive Relationships

Research has consistently shown that having strong, supportive relationships is essential for mental health and life satisfaction. One 2023 study, in particular, found a significant positive relationship between social support and increased happiness.

Focus on cultivating stronger relationships with your family, friends, and community to gain greater emotional support and a sense of belonging. “Engaging in meaningful interactions and shared activities with loved ones can create lasting memories and strengthen bonds, leading to a sense of fulfillment and happiness that material possessions often cannot match,” Whitmire says.

Dr. Wijesekera suggests building a supportive social network by participating in free community events, joining support groups, or volunteering.

Find Meaning and Purpose

Pursuing a sense of purpose and meaning in your life can also play a pivotal role in your happiness and life satisfaction.

Interestingly, some research suggests that feeling a sense of purpose might be connected to financial success as well. In one study, people who felt a sense of purpose in their work earned more money than those who felt their work lacked meaning.  (Of course, earning more might also help make your work feel more meaningful, too). 

Some experiences like hobbies, volunteer work, and engaging activities can help you find purpose. Dr. Wijesekera suggests exploring inexpensive or free hobbies such as drawing, reading library books, and cooking new recipes. Being open to new experiences can bring a profound sense of fulfillment and meaning that will ultimately help you feel happier.

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude can be a powerful antidote to feelings of sadness and negativity. That’s because regularly reflecting on the things you love and appreciate can help shift your focus away from what might be lacking. Research has found that gratitude interventions such as gratitude journaling increase positive moods, subjective happiness, and life satisfaction.

“Taking time each day to appreciate the good things in your life, big or small, can shift your focus from what you lack to what you have,” Anderson says. “By acknowledging the positive aspects of your life, you can significantly boost your mood and overall well-being.”

Practice Mindfulness and Other Self-Care Strategies

Mindfulness and other self-care practices are powerful tools for fostering better emotional well-being. Mindfulness centers on being fully present and engaged in the present moment without worrying about the past or future.

One study found that mindfulness was associated with various positive outcomes including higher levels of happiness and decreased anxiety and depression. Other self-care activities like meditation, exercise, and adequate sleep are also low-cost or free ways to enhance happiness.

Dr. Wijesekera recommends trying free apps or online videos to learn meditation techniques. She also says that simple mindfulness exercises like deep breathing and mindful walking can be beneficial.

Spending Time in Nature

Dr. Wijesekera recommends spending time outdoors in nature to help alleviate some of the physiological effects of stress. She points to research on the Japanese practice of shinrin-yoku or “forest bathing.”  This report found that spending just 20 minutes walking outdoors can lower your heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels (a stress hormone).

Help Others

Anderson also recommends volunteering and finding ways to assist others in your life. “Volunteering your time or doing something kind for someone else can be incredibly rewarding,” she says. “It strengthens your sense of community and purpose, and seeing the positive impact you have on others can be a great source of happiness.”

If you’re someone who makes a point to be conscientious in your communication, it may be shocking to realize that you’re unknowingly using ableist language. We’re sometimes so used to hearing and seeing previous generations use ableist words that, without thought, we pick them up ourselves.

However, ableist language can be harmful to people with disabilities. Learn what this language entails so you can better recognize and avoid it in your own speech, as well as alternative words that are better to use instead.

What Is Ableist Language?

Ableism is centered around the notion that people with disabilities are imperfect and need fixing. It can show up on both personal and institutional levels and includes the many ways in which people with disabilities are considered “less than” people without impairments.

At its core, ableism is a form of discrimination. This discrimination can be intentional or unintentional and is based on the belief that people without disabilities are superior to people with these impairments.

Types of Ableist Language

Ableist language typically falls into one of the two categories: words or phrases based on physical disabilities and words or phrases based on neurodivergence.

Ableist Words and Phrases Based on Physical Disabilities

Ableist language involves the use of words that have some reference to a physical or visible disability. This type of disability may affect the entire body or a certain body part.

For example, some use the expression “the blind leading the blind” to refer to people who don’t know what they’re doing. This may seem harmless but it enforces an untrue idea that people with a vision disability can’t be in charge or take on leadership roles.

Here are some other common words people use that are ableist in a physical sense:

• Dumb: We use the word “dumb” to say that someone or something isn’t intelligent, but its true definition is a person who is unable to communicate verbally.
• Lame: We say “lame” when we mean something is boring or dull, but this word actually refers to body parts (especially limbs) that don’t function properly.
• Spastic: When someone is behaving in a chaotic or erratic manner, we call them “spastic.” However, this term refers to muscle control issues, such as those that occur with the condition cerebral palsy.

Ableist Words and Phrases Based on Neurodivergence

Ableist terminology can also be rooted in how different brains work. This type may be used to describe people who are neurodivergent. For example, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition involving obsessive thoughts and ritualistic behaviors. But we use this phrase colloquially about everyday things.

We might say that someone is “OCD about cleaning,” meaning they clean their house often and thoroughly. Or we say we are “so obsessed” with things like someone’s hair color or item of clothing, even if we have never seen them before and will never see that item again.

When we use these words about differences in mental health, we minimize the experiences of people with very real mental health conditions. And because many forms of neurodiversity are not visible to outsiders, we may be unknowingly using these words around people with the same conditions we’re mocking.

Alternatives to Ableist Words

Now that you have a greater understanding of what ableist language is and why it’s hurtful, you may be wondering what to do about it. The best place to start is to recognize which words in your vocabulary should be swapped out for words that are more sensitive.

In that vein, here is a handy list of words that are ableist and suggestions for what to say instead.

• Stupid, retarded, idiot(ic), cretin, or moron(ic): People say these words to imply that something or someone isn’t intelligent or worth their time, but they refer to people with intellectual disabilities. Instead, say that a situation or person is frustrating, ignorant, dense, unpleasant, cheesy, or awful.
• Dumb: This word refers to a person who cannot speak verbally, but people often use it to mean that something or someone isn’t intelligent or wise. It’s listed separately from stupid and its synonyms because it references a physical disability instead of an intellectual one. Words like irritating or uncool are better alternatives.
• Crazy, nuts, mad, psycho, or insane: “Wow, that’s crazy!” may not seem like a harmful statement, but if you think about someone with a mental health condition hearing that statement, it’s easy to realize that it is. Instead of using one of these words, try outrageous, bananas, bizarre, amazing, intense, extreme, overwhelming, or wild.
• OCD: This term is used in reference to things that people do in a way that’s jokingly considered obsessive or compulsive. Rather than saying you’re “so OCD about” something, say “I’m particular about how I keep my things.”
• Obsessed: We’re listing this separately from OCD because it’s used differently and is one of the only ableist words meant as a compliment. People say “I’m so obsessed with X” to imply they like it, but it’s ableist because it makes a joke about OCD. If you love something, you can say that you’re enamored, absorbed, enchanted, charmed, or delighted by it.
• ADD: “I’m ADD about my homework” means a person has a hard time focusing on it but not that they actually have attention deficit disorder (ADD). To avoid being unkind to people with this condition, other words to use include unfocused, short attention span, lacking focus, or uncontrolled.
• Lame: You’re probably just saying something isn’t exciting, but really you’re referencing injured or damaged extremities that don’t have full function. Instead of using the word lame, try boring, bland, unexciting, pathetic, or unoriginal.
• Blind: “I’m blind to my flaws” is said to imply a person can’t see their shortcomings, not that they are visually impaired. So rather than saying something negative about people with blindness (e.g., blind spot), use ignorant, not knowledgeable, or a gap in understanding.
• Deaf: If someone’s idea was not well accepted or listened to, you might say that it has “fallen on deaf ears.” You probably don’t mean that the people listening literally cannot hear. So, instead of saying that someone or something is deaf, try saying these words instead: ignored, disregarded, passed over, not noticed, etc.
• Barren: People who are assigned female at birth but cannot have children are called barren. However, this word, which is about a physical disability, is sometimes used to refer to any situation in which growth isn’t possible, such as land that is not producing crops. More respectful alternatives are to use the words desolate or unfruitful instead.
• Crippled: “Being yelled at so much crippled my ability to be productive at work” may sound like a good sentiment, but it’s hurtful to people with disabilities. Instead of saying a person or object is crippled, say disabled.
• Derp: This word is almost always meant as a joke and used to indicate something a person views as stupid or lame. It’s also used as a noun, as in calling someone a derp. Though it isn’t in reference to a specific disability, it is a play on intellectual disabilities at large, and that’s harmful. Use any of the synonyms for “stupid” or “lame” instead.

Tips for Changing Ableist Language

Change is challenging, but it is possible! Here are some tips to integrate more respectful words into your personal lexicon.

Get Support From Friends

Social support can help us cope with the adversities we face. But our relationships also help us thrive by encouraging us to actively pursue growth and development opportunities—such as changing to use more respectful language.

Tell your friends, colleagues, classmates, and loved ones that you are going to no longer use ableist words. Then, ask them to hold you accountable and point out when you slip up. If they’re up for the same, help them out by making it a two-way street.

Create a Challenge

Getting away from ableist language helps us communicate more inclusively. Post on your social, write an email, or send a group text about your decision and ask others to join you in stopping the use of ableist language.

Practice Makes Practiced

There’s no such thing as perfect when it comes to humans, and that’s okay. Don’t plan on succeeding at this immediately as these are words that we have often been conditioned to use every day.

Praise yourself and others for each time they use a non-ableist alternative word. If it takes you years to make the change, that’s totally acceptable. The point is that you’re making an effort to be a better person by speaking in less harmful ways, and that’s what matters most.

Prejudice is a negative preconception or attitude toward members of a certain group. Prejudices can strongly influence how people behave and interact with others, specifically those who are different from them in some regard. Prejudice is often subconscious and can affect people’s behavior without them realizing it.

Common features of prejudice include negative feelings and stereotyped beliefs about members of a group, as well as a tendency to discriminate against them. In society, we often see prejudices based on characteristics like race, sex, religion, culture, and more.

When people hold prejudicial attitudes toward others of a certain group, they tend to view everyone with the defining characteristic as the same. They paint every individual with the trait with a broad brush and fail to look at each person as a unique individual. Keep reading to learn more about prejudice and how to reduce prejudice.

Types of Prejudice

There are many types of prejudice. These include, but are not limited to:

• Ageism: The belief that someone is “too old” or “too young” for a particular role or activity.
• Classism: Negative beliefs about someone based on their income. This often manifests in people looking down on others because they are “poor” or members of the working class
• Homophobia: A sense of discomfort, fear, distrust, or hatred for people who are members of the LGBTQ+ community.
• Nationalism: The belief that the interests of your nation are more important than those of other nations.
• Racism: A sense of discomfort, fear, distrust, or hatred for people toward members of a certain racial or ethnic group. Racist beliefs have impacted many societal and governmental systems, making the oppression systemic.
• Religious prejudice: Negative feelings toward someone because of their religious beliefs, practices, and/or ideologies
• Sexism: Stereotypes and/or beliefs about someone based on their sex or gender.
• Xenophobia: The fear or general dislike of people considered “foreign” or “strange,” typically compared to people in their native country.

Causes of Prejudice

How is it we become prejudiced? There are a few potential causes to consider.

Stereotypes

In many cases, prejudices and stereotypes feed into one another. A stereotype is a simplified assumption about a group based on prior experiences or beliefs.

An example of a gendered stereotype is the belief that only girls can wear dresses, or only young boys can play with trucks. Examples of racial stereotypes include “Black people are good at basketball,” “White people can’t dance,” or “Asians are good at math.”

According to an article in Current Directions in Psychological Science, prejudice comes from people who aren’t comfortable with ambiguity and thus make generalizations about others. These generalizations reduce the ambiguity and ease processing, but often result in harmful judgements and actions.

Categorizing

We are inundated with too much information to sort through all of it in a methodical, and rational fashion, so we often depend upon our ability to place people, ideas, and objects into categories to make the world easier to understand.

Psychologist Gordon Allport believed sorting information into mental categories is important for making sense of the world around us. “The human mind must think with the aid of categories,” Allport explained in his book, The Nature of Prejudice. “Once formed, categories are the basis for normal prejudgment. We cannot possibly avoid this process. Orderly living depends upon it.”

Being able to quickly categorize information allows us to interact and react quickly, but it also leads to mistakes. For example, we tend to minimize the differences among people within certain groups and exaggerate the differences between groups. This is referred to as social categorization.

Prejudgments

In one classic experiment, participants were asked to judge the height of people shown in photographs. They were told that for every woman of a particular height, there was a man of the same height. Therefore, they were not to rely on the person’s sex to determine the height.

Despite being offered a $50 cash prize for whoever made the most accurate judgments, participants consistently rated the men as being a few inches taller than the women. Because of their prejudgment and existing categorical beliefs that men are taller, the participants were unable to judge the heights accurately.

Outgroup Homogeneity Bias

People tend to view members of outside groups as being more homogenous than members of their own group. This phenomenon is referred to as the outgroup homogeneity bias. This perception that all members of an outgroup are alike holds whether the group is based on race, nationality, religion, age, or another group affiliation.

Historical Events

Sometimes prejudice develops in response to historical events. An example of this is how many people developed negative beliefs against all Muslims after the attacks on September 11, 2001. This is known as Islamaphobia and still impacts Muslim Americans today.

Family, Friends, and Social Groups

A 2018 study involving children between the ages of 3 and 9 found that even the subtlest ethnic prejudice of the parents predicted whether their children would have an implicit prejudice, regardless of parenting style. This demonstrates how easily the beliefs of parental figures can influence the development of prejudice.

Another 2018 study found similar results but with friends rather than family. This one involved 1,009 teens who were either 13 or 16 years of age and found the attitude of their peers affected the participants’ level of individual prejudice.

Impact of Prejudice

Prejudice exists almost everywhere and can affect people and societies in different ways.

Poorer Health

Studies have shown a relationship between those who have experienced prejudice and poorer physical health, both directly and indirectly. Examples of direct impacts are how prejudice can lead to living in a less environment with limited access to health resources. Indirect impacts include prejudice-related stress and altered health behaviors.

Other research has linked perceived prejudice with poorer mental health as well, both in terms of ethnic identity and hopelessness. Being part of a group that experiences real or perceived prejudices can impact health both physically and mentally.

Increased Discrimination

Stereotypes not only lead to misguided beliefs but can also cause discrimination. Stereotypes can impact the ability of the person being discriminated against when trying to get a job, secure housing, and more. In some cases, discrimination may result in violence.

Studies indicate that discrimination can also negatively impact health. This is because someone who is discriminated against may lack access to nicer living conditions and quality healthcare, and may experience increased stress levels.

Research has even found that discrimination can affect the health of the person’s partner, increasing their risk of depression and putting greater strain on the relationship.

Reduced Multiculturalism and Segregation

According to one study, the level at which people identify with their native country impacts their level of prejudice against people wishing to immigrate to their country.

If there is a high level of prejudice against a certain immigrant group, immigration policy is likely to reflect those prejudices and make it harder for members of that group to immigrate. Prejudice and discrimination can also lead to segregation, whether it be personal or institutional.

How to Reduce Prejudice

In addition to looking at causes for prejudice, researchers have also explored different prejudice can be reduced and eventually even eliminated. Training people to have more empathy for members of other groups is one method that has shown considerable success.

Other techniques used to reduce prejudice include, but are not limited to:

• Gaining public support and awareness for anti-prejudice social norms
• Increasing contact with members of other social groups
• Making people aware of the inconsistencies in their own beliefs
• Passing laws and regulations that require fair and equal treatment for all people

We’ve all assumed that if our new crush hasn’t replied to us within the hour, it means they have ghosted us. Or that when our boss asks us to talk it’s because we’re about to get fired (even though we know we do great work). All of these are catastrophic thoughts.

Catastrophizing is when we view a situation as worse than it is, jump to the worst possible conclusion, or assume our worst fears will come true. We may catastrophize if we’ve had negative past experiences, particularly in a similar situation, or if we have low self-esteem or a mental health condition like depression or anxiety.

There Are Three Components of Catastrophizing

“Catastrophizing has 3 components,” says Amy Mezulis, PhD, the co-founder and chief clinical officer of Joon. “You’re focusing on what could happen in the future; you’re focusing on extremely negative potential outcomes; and you’re thinking about that future negative outcome over and over again. So when you find your mind locked in a loop anticipating negative events in the future, you might be catastrophizing.”

Smriti Joshi, lead psychologist at Wysa, brings up the famous children’s story about a rabbit who believed the sky was falling after a coconut fell from a tree onto its head. “Without examining what had happened, or that it was a coconut that had fallen on his head, he believed the worst-case scenario and panicked that it was the sky falling and the world was about to end,” she explains.

The Brain Comes Up With a Bunch of ‘What Ifs?’

We might catastrophize if we’re uncertain about something because the brain is adept at creating plenty of “What if?” scenarios. Meanwhile, negative emotions like fear and anxiety can “amplify our cognitive biases,” says Joshi, making us more pessimistic. This can make us more likely to catastrophize. 

How Catastrophizing Impacts Us

Catastrophizing can have a number of negative effects. It can be healthy to anticipate and prepare for bad outcomes, just so that we’re not caught off guard if something does go wrong, but we need to find a healthy balance.

We Become Hypervigilant and Super Stressed

When we start catastrophizing, we begin a cycle of anxiety and hypervigilance. When our stress levels go up, we can then even experience physical symptoms like sleep issues and headaches.

“Such forms of thinking can slowly erode your ability to cope effectively with challenges,” says Joshi. “It can make you feel helpless and not good enough or equipped well enough to manage the worst.” 

We Have a Hard Time Staying in the Present Moment

“Our current emotional and physical state is strongly impacted by our mental state,” adds Dr. Mezulis. “When our mind is stuck on negative future events, it tends to make us feel more anxious or down.

Catastrophizing also keeps us future-focused at the expense of being present-focused, making it difficult to be mindfully present in our real lives right now.”

Our Confidence Levels May Drop

When we’re stuck in a catastrophizing loop our self-esteem can be affected, and this can in turn lead to poorer decision-making or performance at school or work.

The fear of negative outcomes could cause us to self-isolate ourselves from social interactions or stop doing things we enjoy. This could then increase the chance of experiencing symptoms of depression. 

Signs You’re Catastrophizing

“If you find yourself experiencing intense emotional states like anxiety, fear, or panic, try and focus on the thoughts you’re having when you experience these negative emotions. It’s possible that you could be worried and experiencing catastrophizing thoughts,” says Joshi. 

Cycling Through Worst-Case Scenarios Is the Biggest Clue

If you catch yourself jumping to worst-case scenarios or using definitive language like “it will happen” or “nothing can help,” you may be catastrophizing. 

Real-Life Catastrophizing Situations We Can All Relate To

Let’s take a look at some common ways in which people may catastrophize:

• At school or work: If we get a disappointing grade on a test or our manager isn’t happy with how we approached a task, we might start thinking that we won’t graduate, or that we’ll lose our job. 
• In interpersonal relationships: If we notice that our friend or significant other is more grumpy than usual, we might worry that they’ll stop hanging out with us or break up with us. In reality, though, it just could have been tiredness the grumpiness could have had nothing to do with us.
• In health-related situations: If we notice an unusual pain in our bodies body, we might assume that it’s a sign of a serious illness. For example, worrying that a headache is a sign of a brain tumor, or that stomach pain is the sign of a ruptured appendix—we’re likely catastrophizing.

Different things can trigger catastrophizing in different people. For a lot of people, significant life changes can make them catastrophize—particularly if they’re stressful events or if there’s plenty at stake (like moving to a new state or starting a new job).

“Problems in relationships, whether personal or professional, can trigger fears of rejection or abandonment,” adds Joshi, who also explains that “past failures or perceived inadequacies can lead to a mindset of anticipating failure in future endeavors.” She brings up both health concerns and financial worries as potential triggers too. 

Is It Possible to Limit Catastrophic Thinking?

Joshi recommends identifying the thoughts when they occur, and “reminding yourself of the connection between feelings and thoughts.” This way, you can look at the thoughts and reframe them. Look at the wider situation in a more balanced way, and consider the hard evidence and the more likely outcome, rather than focusing on the unlikely extremes.

Write Down All of Your Thoughts—and Don’t Hold Back

“A simple technique to practice is to write down all your thoughts,” explains Joshi. You can then replace them with other thoughts.

For example, if you’re catastrophizing over a health complaint, write down your thoughts and then write down the facts—that it’s much more likely to be something minor, for example, or that your doctor isn’t too concerned. 

Try Some Mindfulness Practices

Mindfulness and similar practices can also help, letting you focus on what’s happening in the here and now rather than what may happen in the future. “It can help you take stock of your current resources, help you plan better to deal with any crisis, and problem-solve any real scenarios you’re trying to solve,” says Joshi. 

A Few Therapy Sessions May Help

Some people find therapy beneficial when it comes to working through catastrophic thoughts—it can be difficult to identify and reframe them on our own. 

“Certain forms of therapy specifically target catastrophic thinking,” says Dr. Mezulis. “Cognitive-behavioral therapy uses cognitive techniques to identify and challenge negative thoughts; it also uses emotion regulation techniques to reduce the depressed or anxious mood that might trigger catastrophizing. Mindfulness therapies can also be very effective in reducing repetitive negative thinking patterns such as catastrophizing.”

Catastrophic thinking can have a real effect on your quality of life, regardless of the underlying cause. But, there are things you can do to help—whether on your own or with a mental health professional. So, why not give them a try if you’re finding things difficult? Or, if you’re finding it tricky to manage on your own, reach out to a mental health professional to see how they can help you.

Marriage can offer wonderful benefits for well-being, life satisfaction, and stress management, but no relationship is without its challenges. The common problems of marriage can put a strain on a couple, but there’s a choice in how to handle these issues.

The following are some of the most common sources of marital stress and marriage problems, as well as insights on how to address them.

Money Problems

Disagreements about money are one of the most common marriage problems couples face. Almost a third of adults with partners in the United States reported money as a source of conflict in their relationships.

The following may become money problems in a marriage:

• Disagreements over financial decisions (i.e., investments, household spending, etc.)
• Having different beliefs about money (how much to spend vs. save)
• Not talking about finances before getting married
• One person in the marriage makes more money
• One person in the marriage spends more money

When one partner is extremely stressed about money, they may be less patient or more irritable; they may then pick fights with the other partner about unrelated things without even realizing it.

Finding a Solution

Try having an honest conversation with your partner. What are each of your expectations when it comes to spending and saving every month? Remember, it’s about reaching a compromise (within your financial means) so that both of you feel comfortable, but not restricted.

Try dividing the labor. Maybe one partner focuses on household spending and the other on saving money one month, and the next month, you switch.

You can even make it more fun by having a monthly “money date” where you pay bills and set up budgets. Remember to budget regular date nights with each other, too—that can help make the financial conversations lighter and less stressful.

Childcare Issues

Having children can be a wonderful experience that brings with it feelings of well-being and purpose. However, it can also be challenging and may put extra strain on a marriage.

Some marriage problems that can arise after having children include:

• Couples have less time (and less energy) to spend with each other
• Each parent has less alone time to de-stress or engage in self-care
• Financial strain as a result of supporting a child
• If one parent feels they’re doing more of “the work,” they may become resentful of their spouse
• Lack of support from family and friends

Finding a Solution

Though it may take time to adjust, especially for first-time parents, try to develop a support network. This may include family and friends, or if you’re financially able, a babysitter who can watch your child for an evening.

Even if it’s just for a couple of hours, try to take a break from your roles as “parents” to remember your roles as “spouses.” This will give you time to reconnect with each other.

In other words, happier parents often equals happier kids.

Delegating household tasks is important as well. You and your spouse can come up with a schedule where you both take on a fair amount of childcare duties, so they don’t all fall on one parent.

Daily Stress

Daily stressors don’t need to become marriage problems, but sometimes, they do.

We all deal with annoyances like getting stuck in traffic, being late to work, or getting nervous about a big deadline coming up. But in a marriage, these stressors can create a “spillover” effect, especially if one person comes home after a hard day and projects onto their partner, perhaps getting angry or being impatient.

When one partner has had a stressful day, they may have less emotional energy to devote to nurturing their relationship. When both partners have had a difficult day, this, of course, is only exacerbated.

Does your partner come home and vent about their problems—but that makes you feel stressed, too? Or do they shut down completely and emotionally withdraw?

Finding a Solution

This is all about knowing and respecting boundaries. Maybe you both set a rule that venting can only last 10 minutes so that it doesn’t increase the stress levels at home. Or, maybe you learn to respect each other’s alone time when either of you needs a chance to cool off.

It’s important that both of you have your own ways of de-stressing so you can bring your best selves to the relationship.

Busy Schedules

Marriage problems can result from overly busy schedules for a few reasons:

• Couples who are busy are often stressed, especially if they’re not taking care of themselves with quality sleep and good nutrition.
• Busy couples may feel less connected because they have less time to spend together and more separateness in their lives.
• Couples may not work together as a team and might find themselves fighting over who’s taking care of which household and social responsibilities.

Finding a Solution

Research shows that quality time often improves the well-being of a relationship. Regular activities—like watching a favorite TV show together or going out to dinner—can make you feel more bonded to one another.

It’s also helpful to try new things together. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a member of the Verywell Mind Review Board, says, “Embarking in novel experiences has many positive effects. The excitement causes us to rate the experience more favorably. You can also displace the familiar and worn-out roles you occupy with your partner.”

Dr. Romanoff also recommends exercising together, if possible. She says, “The rise in endorphin levels after exercise creates neural pathways that link these behaviors with positive emotions and each other.”

Poor Communication

Perhaps the biggest predictor of marriage problems is poor communication or negative communication that belies damaging attitudes and dynamics within the relationship.

Finding a Solution

So, how do you improve communication in your marriage? Try out the following:

• Make small talk: Simply asking, “How are you?” or “How was your day?” can be a friendly reminder that you both care about and support each other.
• Show signs of affection: Try exploring each other’s love languages. Maybe you show your partner affection by giving them hugs regularly or buying them a small gift on occasion to show you’re thinking about them.
• Use the speaker-listener technique: This method has one person speak at a time, and the other listen. The listener must engage in active listening, repeating back what they’ve heard.
• Use “I” statements: You might say, “I feel sad when we don’t spend time together,” instead of, “You never spend time with me.” This technique may help remove the blame and defensiveness from a conversation and, instead, shift the focus to feelings.

Harmful Behaviors

Some marriage problems could be solved if each partner pays more attention to their unproductive habits and works toward changing them.

People don’t always make a conscious decision to argue over petty things, nag and be critical, or leave messes for the other to clean, for example. They get busy, stress builds, and they go on autopilot. Then, they find themselves following the same patterns they hadn’t realized they were choosing in the first place.

Some habits you or your partner might’ve developed that actually take a toll on the relationship could be:

Changing Yourself to Please Your Partner

Of course, if your partner encourages you to quit smoking or take advantage of new opportunities, change can be good. But if you feel like you have to be an entirely different person for your partner, chances are you need to reevaluate the relationship.

Dr. Romanoff weighs in: “Making personal changes should always be a net positive. This means changes in one aspect of the self or relationship should ultimately create more positive collectively in the relationship and for each person.”

Disrespecting Your Partner

Married couples often get in the habit of nagging, criticizing, or even name-calling or yelling at each other. If this is the case, it’s time to set boundaries regarding how you communicate with each other.

Neglecting Your Own Life

Being in a marriage sometimes means we get complacent—but you should still be able to have your own sense of self—hobbies, friends, and routines—that will bring joy to your own life and allow you to be an even better partner.

“We need a little healthy insecurity in our relationships to revitalize them. That comes from investing in situations and experiences outside of your relationship. Cultivate your own passions, and bring that energy back into your relationship,” says Dr. Romanoff.

Projecting Your Emotions

Your partner shouldn’t be your punching bag. Though we might get used to yelling at them when we’re angry about something else entirely, behavior like this is often a sign we need to work on our own emotional regulation and develop healthy outlets instead.

Seeking Constant Reassurance

Though it’s OK to want reassurance from your partner from time to time, constantly needing them to tell you they love you or that you are great at your job could be a sign that you should address the deeper insecurities within yourself.

Snooping on Your Partner

Trust is one of the most important parts of marriage. Your marriage may have underlying problems if you find that you’re checking your partner’s texts or emails. If you are suspicious that they’re cheating, for instance, it’s best to address this directly with your partner or in therapy.

Getting Help

Fortunately, many marriage problems can be worked on—even if only one partner is consciously trying to change, any change can bring a shift in the dynamic of the relationship, which can bring positive results.

However, some relationship problems are more complex. For instance, it may help to address issues like substance use, loss of trust, violence, or simply growing apart in couples therapy or marriage counseling.

A therapist can help you and your partner navigate these problems; therapy can also help you decide whether or not to end a problematic relationship. Either way, the help of a mental health professional can give you the emotional support you need.