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The terms “counselor” and “psychotherapist” are often used interchangeably and have many similarities, but there are some important differences as well. In general, counseling is recommended for specific issues and situations, such as addiction or grief, and takes place over weeks to several months.

Psychotherapy, in contrast, tends to explore past issues that might be contributing to present day problems. It often takes place continually or intermittently over a period of years. In actual practice, however, there is a great deal of overlap between the two types of therapies.

Understanding some more of the differences between counseling and psychotherapy may be helpful in choosing the type of therapy that will be most effective for you as an individual.

Counseling vs. Psychotherapy

While the same therapist may provide both counseling and psychotherapy, psychotherapy generally requires more skill than simple counseling. It is conducted by professionals trained to practice psychotherapy such as a psychiatrist or psychologist, a trained counselor, or a social worker.

That said, a therapist may provide counseling with specific situations and a counselor may function in a psychotherapeutic manner.

Counseling

Technically speaking, “counselor” means “advisor.” It involves two people working together to solve a problem. It is a term that is used in conjunction with many types of advice giving. For example, financial planning and spiritual guidance are both types of counseling.

Just about anyone may claim to be a counselor if they are in the role of giving advice. The term counseling may also properly be used to refer to what occurs in a relationship with a psychotherapist.

In this setting, the counselor offers guidance and support as the individual figures out ways to better manage life and adjust to change or adversity.

There are many types of counselors, such as marriage and family therapists, grief counselors, addiction and substance abuse counselors, and more.

Psychotherapy

“Psychotherapy” on the other hand is generally a longer-term treatment that focuses more on gaining insight into chronic physical and emotional problems. Its focus is on the person’s thought processes, and how these may be influenced by past events such that they cause problems in the present.

There are several different types of therapy that fall under the general heading of psychotherapy, including approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, psychoanalytic psychotherapy, and much more.

Similarities

There are many similarities between counseling and psychotherapy, and even with the distinction, counseling often includes some psychotherapy and psychotherapy often includes some counseling. Similarities include:

• Development of a healing, safe, and therapeutic relationship between a therapist and an individual
• Effectiveness for a wide range of people, both adults and children
• Understanding a person’s feelings and behaviors, and addressing issues with the goal of improving a person’s life

Differences

While mental health professionals with more advanced degrees (eg. psychology PhD or PsyD) are more likely to provide psychotherapy, the same provider may do both types of therapy. There are some key differences between the providers, however.

How to Choose Between a Counselor and Psychotherapist

When choosing a therapist, it’s helpful to learn about the differences noted above, as well as the background of specific providers and the approaches they use. Sometimes the choice will come down to personal preferences, access, or insurance coverage.

You may actually need to talk with a provider or visit for a few appointments before you know which type of therapy is best for you. For example, with some situations it can be difficult to know if it is a short term, a limited problem you are facing (and thus, may fall under conditions best treated with counseling), or if instead there are events or situations in your past that are leading to the current problem.

When You May Wish to See a Counselor

Counseling may be a better option than psychotherapy if:

• You have specific issues or short term problems you wish to address
• You wish to learn coping skills to help better manage stress and improve relationships
• You are coping with life transitions and adjustments, such as divorce or grief
• You are coping with addiction issues
• You are looking for someone who is essentially a “coach” who can guide and support you as you learn to recognize problems and formulate healthy solutions yourself

When You May Wish to See a Psychotherapist

A psychotherapist may be a better option if:

• You have problems that are significantly impacting your life and relationships
• You are coping with past trauma, or if you believe situations in the past may be playing a role in your current issues
• Your present issues are chronic or recurring concerns
• You have a chronic medical condition (such as autoimmune disease, cancer, etc.) that is affecting your emotional well-being
• You have a diagnosed mental health condition such bipolar disorder or a major anxiety disorder
• You have seen a counselor and your issues aren’t improving even though you’ve been actively working on solutions

Counseling vs. Psychotherapy for Depression

Both counseling and psychotherapy are used in the treatment of depression, and the choice can depend on the severity of the depression, whether it is a new issue for you or rather an ongoing or recurrent problem and more.

As far as the effectiveness of the two approaches, a 2016 study found that counseling was just as effective for the treatment of previously untreated mild to moderate depression diagnosed in primary care.

Another 2016 study, however, found that interpersonal psychotherapy was somewhat more beneficial than counseling in adolescents with depression, with respect to both symptoms, and overall functioning over the short-term. That said, a 2018 study looking at the same group found that long term, the effects of counseling were more beneficial.

Preparing for a Visit With Counselor or Psychotherapist

Whether you choose to see a counselor or a psychotherapist, your initial appointment will likely be more rewarding if you do a little homework ahead of time. Doing so will not only help you clarify why you are seeking professional help but will help the provider you see know whether she believes she will be able to help you or not.

Before your appointment, make a list of:

• Any issues, concerns, or symptoms you are coping with, even if they seem to be unrelated or are not the reason why you are seeking therapy
• Key personal information, including any major stresses or recent life changes
• All medications, vitamins or other supplements that you’re taking, including doses
• Questions to ask your healthcare provider

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Whether you choose a counselor instead of a psychotherapist, the most important step is getting started. It can take some time to find a therapist you fully trust, and you may need to visit a few providers before you find the right fit. Remember that you are the consumer, and shopping around is OK. Personalities differ, and the best therapist for someone else may not be right for you.

Anxiety can create stress, but there’s also a silver lining to feeling a little bit nervous. Not only can it help you perform your best, but it can also trigger the release of brain chemicals that help motivate you to go after your goals.

We often hear about the negative aspects of anxiety, so it might be a bit surprising to hear that feeling anxious or nervous can be beneficial at times. After all, anxiety is a feeling that is often characterized by intense fear, worry, and apprehension.

Many individuals with anxiety describe it as a feeling of nervousness and dread that can be distracting at best and all-consuming at worst. Anxiety is typically experienced on many levels, affecting one’s emotions, leading to uncomfortable physical sensations, and contributing to negative thoughts.

Why Anxiety Is (Sometimes) Good for You

When you start to feel anxious or nervous, it’s normal to want to pull back, find an escape, or do something to make those feelings go away. After all, anxiety doesn’t feel good—your stomach churns, you sweat, you tremble, and your breath becomes rapid and shallow. Your body is telling you that something is wrong, and you need to either fight or flee.

Here’s a closer look at some of the ways that anxiety can actually have a positive impact:

Anxiety Can Be a Type of “Good Stress”

These symptoms of anxiety are a common problem for people who have been diagnosed with any type of anxiety disorder, including panic disorder. However, have you ever considered some of the possible positive effects that may come with having anxiety?

Good stress, also referred to as eustress, keeps us motivated and excited about life. It appears that some degree of anxiety may have similar “silver linings.” Let’s take a look at what they’ve been learning.

Anxiety Can Be Informative

Anxiety may be just the warning sign you need to bring awareness to your current situation and make some necessary changes in your life. Recurrent worry and nervousness can be an indication that some areas of your life are off track and need adjusting.

For example, you may find that you have a relationship that is no longer working, perhaps your job is causing a great deal of stress, or maybe financial issues have you losing sleep and feeling anxious.

The next time anxiety strikes, consider what message it has for you and the possible adjustments you may need to make in your life.

Anxiety Can Help Motivate You

Rather than always being considered a hindrance, anxiety may actually help you feel more motivated and prepared when faced with challenges. Anxiety can help trigger the release of dopamine, a brain chemical that can help people feel more motivated to pursue their goals. Feeling slightly anxious about something can help you study harder, practice more, and get more prepared to deal with the situation.

According to Yerkes-Dodson law, anxiety can help improve performance up to a certain point. That might be why moderate amounts of anxiety help athletes feel more motivated, while excessive anxiety can then impair both motivation and performance. Research has also shown that people who have good working memory may actually perform better on cognitive tests when they are moderately anxious.

Anxiety Can Be a Built-In Warning System

Even though it may seem useless at times, there is a purpose for anxiety. These feelings and symptoms are a part of our innate way of dealing with stress. Known as the fight-or-flight response, anxiety is meant to protect us from danger and allow us to react faster to emergencies.

When it came to our ancestors, the fight-or-flight stress response prepared humans to either attack back or flee from a life-threatening risk in the environment, such as a dangerous animal or climate condition.

One study found in the U.K. found that adolescents who suffered from anxiety had fewer accidents and accidental deaths in early adulthood than those who did not have anxiety. In this sense, anxiety may be a sign to help keep you safe.

Anxiety Can Foster Greater Empathy

People who have dealt with anxiety may be more empathetic and understanding of the issues that others face. Having gone through personal struggles, you may be more sensitive, loving, and accepting when friends and family members deal with personal challenges.

Anxiety Can Make You a Better Leader

People with anxiety may also be skilled in leadership roles since they tend to carefully consider the possibility of multiple outcomes. For instance, many individuals with anxiety describe it as being highly aware of what can potentially go wrong, making them more cautious thinkers, careful decision-makers, and great problem-solvers.

How to Experience the Benefits of Anxiety

Consider ways that your anxiety incentivizes you to succeed in some areas of your life. For instance, perhaps your anxiety assists you in putting extra effort into work or personal tasks, making a good impression, or moving towards your goals.

When considering your own anxiety, try to think of ways that you can use it to inspire your growth and self-improvement. Some strategies that can help include:

• Reframe anxiety as excitement: Sometimes, changing how you think about these feelings can help. Instead of thinking of it as “anxiety,” tell yourself that you are feeling a sense of excitement or anticipation.
• Use relaxation techniques: How you manage your anxiety can also play a role in the effect it has. To avoid feeling overwhelmed by it, try different relaxation methods to help calm your mind and body. Deep breathing can be particularly effective, since it helps to trigger the body’s relaxation response.
• Don’t try to avoid it: Avoiding the things that make you anxious can actually make anxiety worse in the long run. Instead, focus on doing things even if they make you feel anxious or nervous. Utilize the relaxation techniques you’ve practiced and remind yourself that feelings of anxiety are only temporary.

Signs of Too Much Anxiety

Of course, anxiety isn’t always helpful. It can be distressing and even debilitating when it is too severe. In such cases, these feelings aren’t providing valuable information, and the symptoms of anxiety can impair your performance. Instead of helping you do your best, such symptoms make it very difficult to perform at all.

Some signs that these feelings have moved beyond normal, helpful anxiety and into something more serious that requires attention include:

• Experiencing anxiety symptoms that are out of proportion to the situation
• An inability to control your feelings of anxiety, nervousness, and worry
• Physical symptoms that interfere with your ability to function
• Avoidance of situations that trigger anxiety that impairs your ability to function normally
• Feelings of distress
• An inability to focus on concentrate
• Feelings of impending doom
• Sleep disturbances
• Panic attacks

If you are experiencing such symptoms, talking to your doctor or a mental health professional is important.

What to Do When Anxiety Isn’t Helpful

Even though there can be some potential benefits to experiencing anxiety, and it is worthwhile to point these out to yourself, it can also become a real hindrance to many aspects of your life. Your career, relationships, and personal aspirations may be negatively affected by your struggle with anxiety.

It’s important to evaluate your feelings to determine if your anxiety levels are normal or if they are interfering with your life. If too much anxiety is holding you back, talk to a mental health professional and look for ways to manage your anxiety levels, including using strategies like deep breathing, yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation.

Your doctor or therapist will be able to determine if your symptoms meet the criteria of an anxiety disorder, such as panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or social anxiety disorder (SAD). Additionally, she will be able to assist in creating a treatment plan that can help you better cope with your anxiety.

Nobody’s perfect, right? No matter how many times we hear this in our daily lives, it can be a difficult message to truly internalize. Whether we are trying to excel at our favorite sport or hobby, achieve high marks in school or at work, or striving to be the best friend, family member, or romantic partner that we can be, it’s hard to accept that we’ll get things wrong along the way.

The Perfectionism Quiz

If you find yourself frustrated when people tell you it’s OK to make mistakes, or feel like you are holding yourself and those around you to impossibly high standards, this fast and free quiz can help you determine just how much of a perfectionist you may be:

Who Is This Perfectionism Quiz For?

This quiz can be useful for anyone who may be feeling overwhelmed and stressed as a result of their own high standards. It’s perfectly fine to want the best for and from ourselves, but not when that success comes at the expense of our physical and mental health.

Perfectionism can lead to stress and burnout, which can affect your sleep, your mood, your energy, and your overall health and happiness. Is perfection worth all that? No, we don’t think so either.

Spotting Perfectionism In Yourself

Recognizing our own potential flaws is one of the biggest challenges we face in our lives. You may not even be able to identify your own perfectionism, for example. If you were raised to be a very high achiever, that may simply be how you have always viewed the world. Changing that may require a wholesale shift in your mindset.

Here are some of the things to watch out for if you are coming to terms with your own perfectionism for the first time. These may be things you spot in your own behavior, or things that others have called out to you:

• Setting unrealistic standards
• Being overly critical of yourself and others
• Procrastination
• Not trying new things in the fear that you won’t excel at them
• Low self-esteem
• Anxiety and depression from unmet goals

Perfectionism can also be a behavior connected to certain mental health conditions such as OCD and ADHD.

Learning to Let Go

Perfectionism isn’t all bad, of course. High achievement is something many of us aspire to in our lives. The difference is that a perfectionist may never actually be satisfied by such achievement, whether it’s because of the little mistakes made along the way or the idea that there’s always another goal to aim for.

Because total perfection is unattainable, perfectionism is a commitment to never being satisfied. Fortunately, there are many strategies to overcome these feelings:

• Try positive self-talk
• Avoid comparing yourself to other people
• Engage those around you in your quest to be less of a stickler—your friends and loved ones can be trusted to let you know when you’re going too hard
• Practice mindfulness. This can help you appreciate the journey as much as the destination.

If perfectionism is having a significant impact on your mental health, it may also be worth talking to a therapist. Strategies like CBT can help you reorient your thought processes and replace your negative thoughts with more positive ones.

Your efforts to be a high achiever are perfectly normal. With a little bit of self-care, you can continue to meet your personal and professional goals while going a little easier on yourself. At the end of the day, you will not only hit your goals, but feel more fulfilled in doing so.

Pucker up! Few and far between is the person who doesn’t like to kiss or be kissed (when it’s consensual)…but when you really think about it, it’s kind of a funny behavior! Even as a person who considers kissing one of her favorite pastimes, I admit I’ve never thought too long or deeply about why putting my mouth on another person brings me such joy.

I think we all know what kissing is, but just in case: kissing is the act of placing your mouth on someone or something, usually gently, sometimes repeatedly, or for an extended period. Usually, this is two people placing their lips together.

But when most other species of animals don’t perform the same behavior, it begs the question, how did humans begin doing this, and why do we continue?

Evolutionary Perspective—Where did kissing come from?

It would be easy to assume that everyone kisses, but that’s actually not true. Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for Biird and AASECT-certified sex educator, tells us that “romantic kissing is actually not universal within the human species.” She notes a recent study of 168 cultures, which found romantic or sexual kissing only took place in 46 percent, and explains that “romantic and sexual kissing were more common in places with more complex cultures with multiple social classes.”

Records of people kissing date back about 4500 years, to early human cuneiform writings, but scientists suspect kissing may have begun as far back as 100,000 years ago. It may have been a biological tool to suss out the immune system of a potential partner; Weiss says, “saliva contains hormones as well as information about the person’s genes that indicates how compatible your immune systems are.”

She explains that “there’s also been research showing that societies where people wear more clothes are more likely to practice kissing. This may be because the face is the only part of the body that is exposed when the rest of the body is covered in clothes, and people are craving skin-to-skin contact.”

Kissing also may have begun through our primate ancestors, as a method of transporting pre-chewed food from mother to baby. This is a habit used across many species. Babies naturally use their mouths for breastfeeding, so giving food to an infant by mouth-to-mouth could have been a natural next step as a baby moved from breast milk to food.

The act of kissing may play an important role in who we choose as partners. In addition to providing us with biological info, Weiss says that “the lips are one of the most sensitive parts of the body, so kissing someone is a way to get to know them better.” Because humans have a less strong sense of smell than many other species, kissing is also a way to get close to another person and find out how your body reacts to their pheromones.

Psychological and Emotional Aspects

Known as the love hormone, oxytocin is key to helping us feel bonded to one another. Kissing may make our bodies create it, but that hasn’t been proven true across all genders.

Weiss explains, “one study found that kissing increased oxytocin—a hormone involved in bonding—in men but not women.” She add that “oxytocin is usually released during activities like cuddling and sex, so if kissing were combined with these activities, it would probably release oxytocin.”

Even if it hasn’t been proven to trigger the release of oxytocin, kissing still has psychological and emotional benefits. “It’s a physically intimate activity, so it lets someone know that you have some kind of attraction or affection for them,” notes Weiss.

Kissing is a way to get to know someone better, and it can be a good indicator of whether you’ll be a fit for further intimacy. And even if things don’t go further, kissing can be fun. It may release other happy hormones, like serotonin and dopamine, as well as lower your stress levels.

Social and Cultural Influences

Since not every culture kisses, it makes sense that not all cultures have the same habits and practices around kissing. Weiss notes that kissing rules aren’t even consistent throughout the country, saying that “Even within the US, the social norms around kissing vary based on subculture.”

She explains, “In religious communities, for instance, it may be expected that someone go on several dates and be committed to someone before kissing them. At places like nightclubs, raves, and bars, kissing may be a fun activity that doesn’t have to lead to anything after the night is over. For some sex workers, kissing is off-limits because it is considered too emotionally intimate.”

Health Benefits and Risks

Kissing is a two way street when it comes to our health, both having benefits and creating risks. Let’s look at the different impacts it can have on our bodies.

On the plus side, kissing the same person over a period of time can boost both of your immune systems. “One study found that partners who frequently kissed had similar oral microbiomes, meaning that bacteria were transferred between the two mouths,” says Weiss, who adds that “while this might sound like a bad thing, this includes good bacteria that help to fight off infections.”

On the other hand, kissing can open us up to a host of negative bacteria and viruses, too. You can transmit germs for everything from cold sores to a cold to COVID. Illnesses such as Mononucleosis, known as the “kissing disease,” can leave you incapacitated for month.

Kissing tends to be more common in societies with stronger oral hygiene. Because illnesses such as gum disease can be transferred via kissing, good oral hygiene is important so that your kissing doesn’t cause anyone harm.

Personal and Intimate Relationships

Can a couple be happy together without kissing? Such a thing may be possible, but kissing certainly doesn’t hurt, and it may be an indicator of relationship satisfaction. “Couples who kiss more frequently are more satisfied in their relationships,” says Weiss. “In fact, kissing appears to have more of an impact on relationship satisfaction than intercourse. Couples who kiss frequently also have better sex lives,” she adds.

There are many types of kisses, and they aren’t all sexual. Parents kiss their children goodnight, we kiss our pets, and friends often kiss on the cheek in greeting. A kiss is a way of expressing affection, just like a hug.

And for our romantic relationships, they may be one of the keys to longevity. “If you want your relationship to last, don’t forget to kiss your partner on the way out the door, when you come home, when you say goodnight or any time when it’s convenient,” suggests Weiss. “If you can get into the habit, you’ll get to enjoy the benefits on a daily basis,” she adds.