Does the Moon Actually Affect Our Behavior?

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Key Takeaways

  • Scientists have shown that the full moon does not cause changes in human behavior.
  • People might act differently during a full moon because they expect things to be unusual.

“It must be a full moon.”

How often do we use that phrase when we encounter careless drivers on the road, unruly subway riders or generally bizarre behavior? It’s a tradition that dates back to the first century when both Greek philosopher Aristotle and Roman historian Pliny the Elder hypothesized that a full moon induced madness across the land it illuminated. In fact, “lunatic” comes from the Latin lunaticus, for “of the moon” or “moonstruck”.

Despite centuries of blaming the moon for mischief, mood swings and mystical occurrences, scientific research on the subject continues to point toward mere correlation rather than causation. So, why do many of us hold onto this belief?

Realistically, any “effect” the moon has on us might be linked to our ancestors. But its incredible significance within certain spiritual practices and rituals both ancient and new-age, as well as its ties to folklore, myths, urban legends, and Halloween means that despite what the science shows us, some still choose to believe in the power of the moon.

Source of Superstition

In that centuries-old hypothesis, Aristotle and Pliny the Elder believed that because the brain is moist, it could therefore be affected in the same ways that the waters of Earth are affected by the moon. They believed a moon had the power to induce insanity, epilepsy, or bouts of madness.

Even some modern thinkers toyed with this idea. Psychiatrist Arnold Lieber, MD, dug deeper into this belief with his books, “The Lunar Effect: Biological Tides and Human Emotions”, written in 1978, and “How the Moon Affects You: A Compelling and Controversial Book on the Moon’s Awesome Power to Affect Your Emotions and the Way You Live.”

Lieber suggested that because the human body is about 70% water, humans experience tidal shifts caused by the moon’s phases, just like Earth’s oceans. He wrote that under a full moon, the occurrence of murder, suicide, aggravated assault, psychiatric emergencies, and fatal auto accidents increase dramatically.

While the theory seems reasonable at first glance, it was quickly dismissed by experts. One study took down Lieber’s theory specifically, arguing that the earth’s gravitational pull is 5,012 times stronger than the moon’s, whose pull is no more than the weight of a flea. The moon might regulate the tides of large, open bodies of water, but think about its effect on a glass of water or a bathtub, let alone the water that makes up the human body.

Astronomers, physicists, and psychologists have all come to the conclusion that human behavior is not related to the lunar phase.

In 1985, researchers conducted a meta-analysis of 37 studies comparing lunar cycles to instances of crisis center calls, suicides, crimes, and psychiatric issues. The results show no relation between the full moon and any increase in these occurrences.

Several modern studies echo these findings by establishing no connection between the full moon and psychiatric admissions, hospital admissions, or aggressive behavior. A study conducted in Finland even found that fewer homicides were committed during the full moon.

If the science tells us the connection doesn’t exist, why do superstitions persist?

Lunar-Conscious Behavior

If a belief sticks (for the most part) for thousands of years, there must be something there. An article in Discover magazine suggested that the lunar lunacy effect originates from the fact that a brighter moon was probably more likely to disrupt our ancestors’ sleep quality, causing sleep deprivation and sour moods.

Today, some evidence has been discovered that indicates sleep is impacted by the lunar cycle. So perhaps that provides some explanation for behavioral changes.

But many experts interpret strong beliefs about the moon’s effect as illusory correlation or confirmation bias, in which we pay greater attention to the events that support our beliefs versus the ones that don’t.

We’re more likely to take note of something strange happening when there’s a full moon, and that sticks in our memory.

Amy Morin, LCSW says, “It may be that the expectation that things get ‘a little weird’ around a full moon actually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People might start acting a little differently because they believe they are supposed to act out of the ordinary.”

Whether the moon has an invisible impact on human behavior or not, there’s something to be said for the conscious ways in which humans behave in alignment with the lunar cycle.

Spiritual Significance of the Moon

Among indigenous cultures around the world, the moon holds great significance. In the US, early Native Americans acknowledged that Grandmother Moon regulated the tides and watched over the waters of Earth, and full moons were important for tracking the passing year, which is why certain full moons have specific names that vary from tribe to tribe. Honoring the moon through ritual and dances of gratitude remain an important practice and connection to nature.

The moon holds spiritual significance for other groups, as well. As a major player in astrology, the lunar cycle is believed to heavily influence behaviors and moods.

The moon is often associated with the subconscious, and if you’ve ever investigated your birth chart, you’ll recognize that your “moon sign,” which correlates with the moon’s location in the sky at the exact moment you were born, is thought to tell you about your emotions and intuition.

Mindfully syncing with the moon’s phases is thought to be a powerful spiritual and self-care tool, as well. Every 29.5 days, the moon completes a full cycle, and each phase of that cycle corresponds with particular actions that vary among cultures. For example, it is believed that full moons are a time for self-reflection, while new moon are an opportunity to set intentions.

Although science has debunked many myths surrounding the moon, still people hold onto those facets of folklore that disregard a need for proof. You might not be able to blame the full moon for bad driving or awkward interactions, but being mindful of its presence can positively impact your conscious behaviors. There’s also nothing wrong with embracing the spooky vibes of a full moon in October—it’s those scary stories and mystery of the season that makes Halloween so much fun.


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Why You Feel the Zeigarnik Effect

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • The Zeigarnik effect explains why we remember tasks we haven’t finished better than those we have completed.
  • You can use the Zeigarnik effect by taking breaks when studying to help remember important details.
  • Advertisers use the Zeigarnik effect by creating cliffhangers to keep your attention.

Have you ever found yourself having intrusive thoughts about something you haven’t finished? Maybe a half-done work project is keeping you up at night or the suspenseful plot of a novel you’re reading keeps circling your thoughts. There is a reason why it’s so hard to stop thinking about uncompleted and interrupted tasks, and psychologists called it the Zeigarnik effect.

In this article, we’ll go over a simple explanation of the Zeigarnik effect in psychology and why you tend to better remember unfinished tasks than completed ones.

The Zeigarnik Effect

The Zeigarnik effect is something you probably experience more often than you realize. When you start working on a task but do not complete it, thoughts of the unfinished work will probably continue to pop into your mind even when you’ve moved on to other things. These thoughts urge you to go back and finish the task you started. The effect is also why you keep thinking about a page-turner novel you’re halfway through or a video game you haven’t yet beat.

In your day-to-day life, you have multiple tasks that command your attention. But you may find that these things you’ve left unfinished tend to creep into your mind even when you’ve started working on something else.

Soap operas and serialized dramas also take advantage of the Zeigarnik effect. For example, an episode may end, but the story is clearly not over. These “cliffhangers” leave viewers eager to see what happens next, and thanks to the Zeigarnik effect, they will be motivated to come back and watch the next episode to find out.

It’s also common to experience the Zeigarnik effect in school. Before an exam, you probably were able to remember quite a bit of the material you’d just been studying After an exam, however, you probably would have had a much harder time remembering all of the things that you’d studied. Since you no longer have immediate use for it, the information may feel like it got flushed out of your memory.

Zeigarnik Effect Examples

You probably experience the Zeigarnik effect often in your daily life. For example:

  • You went grocery shopping and took your kids to school, but you can’t stop thinking about the laundry you didn’t finish folding.
  • You replied to a bunch of emails but didn’t get to them all before the end of the workday on Friday. You think about the ones you have left all weekend.
  • You tune in to the season finale of your favorite TV show and it leaves with a major cliffhanger. You’re still thinking about what happened weeks later.
  • You have a notification that you haven’t checked, and even though you have to work, you’re distracted by the unread text.
  • You fill out a job application and get a message saying your profile is only 75% complete. You don’t feel like you can move on to another task until you finish setting it up (100%). 

History of the Zeigarnik Effect

The Ziegarnik effect was first observed and described by a Russian psychologist named Bluma Zeigarnik, a student of influential theorist Kurt Lewin. While sitting in a busy restaurant in Vienna, Ziegarnik noted that the waiters had better memories of unpaid orders. Once the bill was paid, however, the waiters had trouble remembering the exact details of the orders.

Zeigarnik’s Research

In a series of experiments, participants were asked to complete simple tasks such as placing beads on a string, putting together puzzles, or solving math problems. Half of the participants were interrupted partway through doing these tasks.

After an hour-long wait, Zeigarnik asked the participants to describe what they had been working on. She discovered that the people who had been interrupted in their work were twice as likely to remember what they had been doing as the people who had been able to complete the tasks. 

In another version of the experiment, Zeigarnik found that adults were able to remember the unfinished tasks 90% more often than they could finish tasks. Zeigarnik’s initial studies were described in a paper titled “On Finished and Unfinished Tasks” that was published in 1927.

Further Research Exploring the Effect

In the 1960s, memory researcher John Baddeley further explored Zeigarnik’s findings in an experiment. Participants were given a limited time to solve a set of anagrams. If they could not solve the anagram before the time was up, they were given the word answer.

Later, when the participants were asked to recall the anagrams, they were better able to remember the words that they had not solved than the ones they had. The findings supported Zeigarnik’s observations that people have a better memory for unfinished tasks or interrupted information.

Conflicting Research

Not all research has found support for the effect, however. Some studies have failed to show the same effect and other researchers have found that there are a variety of factors that can influence the strength of the effect. For example, studies have shown that motivation can play a major role in how well people remember information.

How Does It Work?

Short-term memory is limited in both capacity and duration. Typically, we can only retain so many things in our memory. Even then, we need to keep rehearsing information to hold on to it. This process requires quite a bit of mental effort. The harder you try to keep it in your memory for the short term, the harder you’ll have to work to get it to stay put.

Waiters, for example, have to remember a lot of details about the people at the tables they are serving. Information about what food and drinks patrons order needs to stay in their memory until the customers have finished their meals.

To deal with data overload, people often rely on mental tricks that help them remember a great deal of information. The Zeigarnik effect is one example. We hold on to information in the short term by constantly pulling it back into our awareness. By thinking of uncompleted tasks often, we’re more likely to keep remembering them until they get done.

The Zeigarnik effect does not just affect memory in the short term. Unfinished tasks, such as goals that we still want to reach, can also continue to intrude into our thoughts over longer stretches of time. For example, if you have not finished college, your unfinished degree may loom large in your memory for years.

The Zeigarnik effect tells us a lot about how memory works. Once information is perceived, it is often stored in sensory memory for a brief time. When we pay attention to information, it moves into short-term memory. Many short-term memories are quickly forgotten, but through the process of active rehearsal, some information can move into long-term memory.

Zeigarnik suggested that failing to complete a task creates underlying cognitive tension. This makes more mental effort and rehearsal necessary to keep the task at the forefront of our awareness. Once it’s done, however, our mind can let go of the extra effort.

How to Make the Zeigarnik Effect Work for You

More than just being an interesting observation about how the human brain works, you can use the Zeigarnik effect to your advantage. There are some real-world applications of the Zeigarnik effect that you can use today.

Common sense might tell you that finishing a task before you stop is the best way to approach a goal. However, the Zeigarnik effect suggests that being interrupted during a task may be an effective strategy for improving your ability to remember information.

Get More Out of Your Study Sessions

If you are studying for an exam, break up your study sessions rather than cramming the night before the test. By studying the information that you need to learn in increments, you will be more likely to remember it until test day.

If you are struggling to memorize something important, momentary interruptions might work to your advantage. Rather than simply repeating the information, review it a few times, and then take a break. While you are focusing on other things, you will find yourself mentally returning to the information that you were studying.

Overcome Procrastination

Procrastination is related to the Zeigarnik in some familiar ways. We often put off tasks until the last moment, only to finish them in a frenzied rush at the last possible moment to meet a deadline. Unfortunately, this habit leads to stress and poor performance.

One way to overcome procrastination is to put the Zeigarnik effect to work for you. Start by taking the first step, no matter how small. Once you’ve started—but not finished—your work, you will find yourself thinking about the task until you complete it. You may not finish it all at once, but each small step you take puts you closer to your goal.

This approach can motivate you to finish and lead to a sense of accomplishment once you finally complete a task and can put your mental energies elsewhere.

Generate Interest and Attention

Advertisers and marketers use the Zeigarnik effect to encourage consumers to buy their products. Creatives like filmmakers and TV writers also use the effect. For example, think about how movie trailers are designed to attract your attention by teasing you with some, but not all, info about the plot and characters. The trailer draws your attention but leaves you wanting more. To find out what happens, you’ll have to see the movie.

TV episodes often end with a moment of high action, a cliffhanger moment, which leaves the fate of characters or the outcome of the situation unresolved. To relieve the tension created by cliffhanger endings, viewers have to remember to watch the next episode when it comes out.

Promote Mental Well-Being

The Zeigarnik effect is not always beneficial. When you do not complete tasks, they may weigh heavily on your mind and create stress. The stressful, invasive thoughts can lead to anxiety and affect your sleep.

That said, the Zeigarnik effect has a way of getting you to resolve the stress. The repeated thoughts you’re having will motivate you to finish what you’ve started, and this can relieve stress and improve your self-esteem, and self-confidence.


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10 Cozy “Grandma Hobbies” Helping People Feel Less Anxious and More Grounded

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • Cozy, nostalgic hobbies are resurging as a counterbalance to stress, digital burnout, and hustle culture.
  • Hands-on hobbies like crafting, baking, and gardening support mental health by encouraging mindfulness, regulating the nervous system, and boosting confidence.
  • You don’t need to be artistic or productive—just curious. Start small, go slow, and enjoy the process.

In an era of screen fatigue, doomscrolling, and pressure to constantly “optimize,” a quiet trend has been stitching its way into the hearts (and nervous systems) of many. Cozy, analog hobbies—like knitting, baking, hand embroidery, and puzzle-making—are experiencing a full-blown renaissance.

Affectionately dubbed “grandma hobbies,” these slower, tactile activities offer a calming antidote to the always-on digital world. And they’re doing more than passing the time—they’re helping people feel emotionally grounded, mentally present, and creatively fulfilled.  

Why “Grandma Hobbies” Are Trending Again 

A couple of months ago, my housemate and I started crafting together in the evenings after work. It requires a little more effort than doomscrolling on TikTok, but it’s so much more peaceful. 

I spoke to Andie Reeves, a writer and fiber artist. As the founder of Cape Town Craft Club, a club that hosts in-person craft circles and workshops, Reeves has seen the resurgence of granny hobbies first-hand. 

“More people are starting to seek real, tactile experiences away from their screens,” she says. “The younger generation is very thoughtful about the art of living: they hate the hustle culture of capitalism, prioritize self-care, and are interested in sustainability. The slow, mindful nature of crafting speaks to this.”

It’s also become a way to define yourself in a very same-y world. “We’re in an era where uniqueness is valued, and what could be more one-off and exclusive than something you made?” Reeves says.

What Counts as a Grandma Hobby?

Let’s get one thing straight: “grandma hobby” is a term of endearment, not a diss. These are hobbies that have historically been associated with older generations—think low-tech, peaceful, and hands-on.

Some common examples include:

  • Knitting and crocheting
  • Cross-stitch and embroidery
  • Ceramics
  • Painting, drawing, and pastels
  • Gardening or growing herbs
  • Baking from scratch
  • Letter-writing
  • Puzzles and board games
  • Bird-watching
  • Quilting or patchwork

“These low-tech, tactile hobbies offer slowness, sensory engagement, and the freedom to create without pressure—things we’re starved for in modern life,” says Emily Sharp, an art therapist based in New York. “I often integrate these activities into my art therapy work and retreats because they support emotional regulation, reduce anxiety, and create micro-moments of joy.” 

The Mental Health Benefits—Backed by Psychology

Sure, they’re cozy. But grandma hobbies could also be hugely supportive for your mental health.

A 2025 systematic review, which looked at 19 studies, found some evidence that crafting can improve mental health.

Another study published in Frontiers in Public Health found that creative hobbies could provide a major boost to public mental health.

Here’s how. 

Mindfulness and Flow

Crafting, stitching, baking—these aren’t things you can do while doomscrolling or catastrophizing. They force you to slow down and be present.

“Crafting slows down the brain to shift into a more mindful state,” says counselor Kim Rippy, LPC, founder of Keystone Therapy Group and an avid crocheter. “Crafting is a tactile experience, increasing our brain’s ability to focus on the present-felt experiences of working with the materials, again, pulling our mind away from worrying.”

This kind of present-moment awareness is what psychologists refer to as a “flow state.” These gentle, immersive activities help us tap into that space of focused calm.

By engaging your senses, slow hobbies can help ground you in the here and now, Rippy says. “Granny hobbies directly tap into our five senses—especially sight, touch, and smell—which keep our brains more focused on our present experience rather than allowing our thoughts to pull us away towards external worlds,” she adds. 

Stress Reduction

Sharp explains that even the repetition of simple movements can calm the nervous system. “I love recommending these activities, as they can help clients slow racing thoughts, regulate breathing, and calm emotional overwhelm,” she says.

“Creative hobbies can help us activate the parasympathetic nervous system – the body’s calm state of rest and digest,” she says. “I’ve witnessed clients move from anxious overwhelm to grounded presence through developing a creative practice.” 

Interestingly, a 2019 study found that as little as 10 minutes of drawing per day can boost mood and reduce stress. The benefits increase if you draw daily for at least a month.

Letting Go of Perfectionism

If you wanted a perfect scarf or cake, you could buy one from a professional. We choose to make things not because we want a perfect end result, but because we enjoy the process. 

Rippy regularly encourages her clients to practice slow hobbies to help with stress—and in doing so, they learn to address their perfectionist tendencies. 

“I have witnessed clients give themselves permission for their hobby to not be ‘perfect,’ thus decreasing the daily pressure they put on themselves outside of their hobbies,” Rippy says.

It’s a Break from the Digital World

It’s tough to doomscroll while embroidering. Trust me, I’ve tried. 

Jokes aside, crafts offer an immersive experience that pulls us out of the (often addictive) digital world—a space that often overwhelms our nervous system, makes us compare ourselves to others, and drains our attention span. 

I love recommending these activities, as they can help clients slow racing thoughts, regulate breathing, and calm emotional overwhelm.

—
EMILY SHARP, LCAT, ATR-BC

“Picking up a crochet hook, a paint brush, or a recipe for bread reconnects you with simple, sensory pleasures,” Sharp says. “While you’re using your hands and letting your mind wander, you’re getting in touch with a part of yourself beyond the phone screen. That’s something we should all actively nurture.”

Community and Connection

Slow hobbies don’t have to be solitary. Crafting circles, letter-writing clubs, and baking swaps create low-pressure social spaces that nurture belonging and friendship.

Reeves says that Cape Town Craft Club meetups are “only half about the making, and the other half is the enjoyment that comes from being with other people.” She often hears members say, “Thanks for getting me out of the house,” or “I really needed this.”

Even the format encourages connection. “There’s a level of awkwardness that’s removed when everyone’s busy with their hands,” she adds. This means there’s no such thing as an awkward silence, and the ice-breaker is built in—you simply ask the person about their project or compliment their skills. 

How to Get Started (Without Getting Overwhelmed)

If you haven’t picked up a paintbrush since elementary school, don’t panic—there’s no one “right” way to start a grandma hobby. 

Here are a few tips:

  • Start with a “gateway hobby.” “Many people jump straight into punch needling or crochet and are put off when they don’t get it right immediately,” says Reeves. Rather try something more accessible. Reeves recommends cross-stitch, coloring books, or simple beading kits. 
  • Give yourself permission to be a beginner. You might not be great right away. That’s OK—nobody is. Our first attempt at amigurumi is not going to look like the impressive ones that go viral on Pinterest, and that’s OK. “We tend to see the best of the best online,” Reeves says. “I mean, I’m not uploading a photo of my first, very average attempt at knitting.”
  • Make it social, if you like. Join a craft club, swap recipes with a friend, or find a cozy online group. Another tip is to look for “paint-and-sip” events or gardening workshops in your area.

Remember, your crafts don’t have to be ‘good’ to be good for you. “It’s not about producing perfect results or making something to sell—it’s about creating just for the joy of it,” Sharp says. “It’s about stretching ourselves and taking creative risks in a safe way.”


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How to Recognize and Overcome Toxic Shame

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Toxic shame is a deep feeling of worthlessness and self-hatred often starting in childhood due to trauma or neglect.
  • Therapy, like CBT, DBT, and ACT, can help manage and overcome toxic shame by teaching new thought patterns.
  • Talking to trusted friends or family and joining support groups can help you feel less alone and build your self-esteem.

We all feel ashamed of ourselves now and again—maybe we turned in a project for work that we knew could have been better, or we were unkind to someone we should have treated with more patience. But these understandable and relatively short-lived feelings of shame are very different from toxic shame.

Toxic shame is the chronic feeling of worthlessness and self-hatred, often cultivated in childhood or adolescence in response to trauma, abuse, neglect, or other instances of poor treatment by those around you. Read on to learn more about toxic shame, its causes, and what to do about it.

Causes of Toxic Shame

Toxic shame usually develops in childhood or early adolescence, when our opinions and feelings about ourselves are still forming. It is often a trauma response—when something traumatic happens to you, like child abuse, neglect, or some kind of attack that makes you question your worth, you internalize the feelings of worthlessness that those around you are projecting onto you.

Repeated emotional and/or physical attacks teach you to absorb and accept the feeling that you are worthless and that you should be ashamed of yourself, whether or not you have actually done anything wrong. This is how toxic shame begins. Those around you teach you that you should hate yourself, and so you do.

What Toxic Shame Feels Like

Feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are at the core of toxic shame, but it can come with many other signs and symptoms as well. These include:

  • Constant self-criticism: You’ve internalized the criticism of others, and are therefore much harder on yourself than you realistically need to be.
  • Perfectionism: You feel as though nothing you do is good enough unless it’s perfect and therefore immune from negative reactions or criticism.
  • Low self-esteem: You’ve been taught that others don’t value you, so you don’t value yourself. 
  • Depression and anxiety: The trauma you’ve experienced makes you more prone to mental health challenges and mental illness.
  • Procrastination: You believe that nothing you do will be good enough, so you put off doing it to avoid the negative feelings you’ll inevitably feel.
  • Extreme sensitivity to the opinion of others: You’ve grown to expect that others’ criticism of yourself will be harsh and even abusive. This can rise to the level of rejection sensitivity, which means you are so sensitive to the idea of being rejected that it affects how you behave on a daily basis.
  • Sleep issues: You might sleep too much or not sleep enough.

  • Eating disorders: Your extreme feelings of worthlessness might translate into how you feel about your body; you might also be seeking a way to control things in your life because so much of your life feels out of your control, and food is one thing you can control.
  • Substance use: This could serve as an escape from your feelings.
  • Codependency: You feel as though you need to constantly please others, especially romantic partners, because otherwise they won’t value you or stay with you.
  • Somatic symptoms like stomach pain: Your internal issues might manifest into physical problems.

It’s important to note that toxic shame does not necessarily mean that you are feeling shame all the time, 24/7; rather, it’s more about how triggered you get when faced with something you feel you should be ashamed of. It is this dramatic and inordinate reaction that signifies toxic shame.

Coping Strategies for Overcoming Toxic Shame

Although toxic shame might feel impossible to overcome, there are coping strategies that you can use to attack your shame at its source.

The first step is identifying what is triggering about the situation and seeing what is in your control that you might change. For example, things like your their inner dialogue, boundaries, communication, and distress tolerance. Avoiding things that create shame can make someone with toxic shame isolate. It is important, however, to identify people who are shaming you or are highly critical and set boundaries or avoid them.

It’s also important to acknowledge your feelings and thoughts of shame and insecurity. If you pretend like they’re not there and like nothing’s happening to you, you’ll never be able to change those feelings and thoughts. Allow yourself to feel these things rather than trying to block them out or ignore them. Then, you can work on finding a way out.

Acknowledgment of your feelings goes hand in hand with self-compassion. Be patient and understanding with yourself—these feelings will not go away overnight. It’s ok to struggle, because toxic shame can be incredibly difficult to tackle. Don’t judge yourself for not overcoming it right away.

Therapy can be helpful when dealing with toxic shame because it can teach you how to recognize and reframe negative thoughts and feelings. Approaches like DBT and ACT can be helpful for toxic shame because they teach distress tolerance, while an approach like CBT is more focused on changing those behaviors and thoughts.

Building Resilience and Finding Support

First of all, if you have friends or family whom you can trust, talk to them about how you’re feeling. Chances are they do not feel the same way about you as you do about yourself. Hearing positive feedback from others and letting yourself experience their love for you can go a long way when you’re trying to build up your self-esteem and combat toxic shame.

Support groups can also be helpful. There are plenty of support groups out there for victims of trauma, abuse, and neglect, both online and in-person. Listening to how others in similar situations dealt with their shame can help you tackle your own, and getting support from others who have been where you are can make you feel less alone. 

Be compassionate with yourself. Change doesn’t happen overnight, especially not when you’re dealing with such difficult and intense feelings and internalized hatred and self-judgment. Be prepared to work hard as you face your issues and combat your toxic shame.

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By Hannah Owens, LMSW

Hannah Owens is the Mental Health/General Health Editor for Verywell Mind. She is a licensed social worker with clinical experience in community mental health.


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The Psychology of Cyberbullying

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • Cyberbullying uses technology to hurt others, often through social media.
  • Cyberbullying can cause stress, anxiety, and even depression in victims.
  • Ignoring cyberbullies and saving evidence are important steps to take when dealing with cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying refers to the use of digital technology to cause harm to other people. This typically involves the use of the Internet, but may also take place through mobile phones (e.g., text-based bullying). Social media is one of the primary channels through which cyberbullying takes place, including Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, and more.

Cyberbullying has been deemed a public health problem, with the prevalence of cyberbullying doubling from 2007 to 2019, and 59% of teens in the United States reporting that they have been bullied or harassed online.

In general, cyberbullying is a recent issue with increasing numbers of people using the Internet. Much of the focus of research is on how cyberbullying affects the victim, without a lot of focus on how to cope with cyberbullying, how to reduce cyberbullying, or what to do if you are a cyberbully yourself.

Cyberbullies can appear through social media, inside wellness apps, in public forums, during gaming, and more. However, more personal cyberbullies will operate through email, texting, or direct messaging.

It has been argued that cyberbullying is defined in light of five main criteria: intention to harm, repetition, power imbalance, anonymity, and publicity.

Intention to harm

Cyberbullies generally have the intention to cause harm when they engage in online bullying. However, bullying can still take place without intention if a victim reasonably perceives actions to be harmful.

Repetition

Repetition is a hallmark characteristic of cyberbullying. This refers to repeated actions on the part of the bully, but also the fact that material that is shared on the Internet could last much longer than the original post through sharing and re-posting by others. This is especially true in the case of sharing personal information or photos as a form of cyberbullying.

Power Imbalance

One of the other hallmark traits of bullying is that victims usually experience a power imbalance with their bully. The power differential can be due to the bully having more status, wealth, popularity, talent, etc. Cyberbullying can be severe and relentless, and the victim often has little control to stop the bullying.

Anonymity

Some cyberbullies make use of anonymity to hide behind their computer screen when they engage in bullying. In this case, there is no need for a power imbalance in the relationship between the bully and the victim, making it possible for anyone to be a bully. Anonymity allows the bully to engage in an increased degree of cruelty that would not occur if their identity was known.

Publicity

Finally, another trait of cyberbullying is that it sometimes involves the use of publicity. This is especially true for those who choose to publicly humiliate or shame someone which can be especially impactful if it takes place in a public forum with the potential to reach a large audience.

Forms of Cyberbullying

What are the various forms of cyberbullying? Below are the types of cyberbullying that exist.

  • Flaming: Flaming (or roasting) refers to using inflammatory language and hurling insults at someone or broadcasting offensive messages about them in the hopes of eliciting a reaction. One example would be Donald Trump’s use of the phrases “Crooked Hilary” or “Sleepy Joe Biden.”
  • Outing: Outing involves sharing personal or embarrassing information about someone on the Internet. This type of cyberbullying usually takes place on a larger scale rather than one-to-one or in a smaller group.
  • Trolling: Trolling refers to posting content or comments with the goal of causing chaos and division. In other words, a troll will say something derogatory or offensive about a person or group, with the sole intention of getting people riled up. This type of cyberbully enjoys creating chaos and then sitting back and watching what happens.
  • Name Calling: Name-calling involves using offensive language to refer to other people. Reports show that 42% of teens said they had been called offensive names through their mobile phone or on the Internet.

  • Spreading False Rumors: Cyberbullies who spread false rumors make up stories about individuals and then spread these false truths online. In the same report, 32% of teens said that someone had spread false rumors about them on the Internet.
  • Sending Explicit Images or Messages: Cyberbullies may also send explicit images or messages without the consent of the victim.
  • Cyber Stalking/Harassing/Physical Threats: Some cyberbullies will repeatedly target the same people through cyberstalking, cyber harassment, or physical threats. In that same report, 16% of teens reported having been the victim of physical threats on the Internet.

Why Do People Cyberbully?

Why do people engage in cyberbullying? There can be numerous different factors that lead to someone becoming a cyberbully.

Mental Health Issues

Cyberbullies may be living with mental health issues that relate to their bullying or make it worse. Examples include problems with behavioral issues such as aggression, hyperactivity, or impulsivity, as well as substance abuse.

In addition, those with personality features resembling the “dark tetrad” of psychopathy, Machiavellianism (deceptive, manipulative), sadism (deriving pleasure from harming others), and narcissism may be at risk for cyberbullying. These individuals tend to violate social norms, have a low level of empathy for other people, and may bully others as a way to increase their sense of power or worth.

Victims of Bullying

Cyberbullies sometimes become bullies after having experienced cyberbullying themselves. In this way, they may be looking to feel more in control or lash out after feeling victimized and being unable to retaliate to the original bully. It may feel like a dichotomous world of “bully or be bullied,” not having the insight that there is another pathway.

Result of Conflicts or Breakups

Cyberbullying that takes place between two people who were previously friends or in a relationship may be triggered by conflicts in the friendship or the breakdown of the relationship. In this way, this type of cyberbullying might be viewed as driven by anger, jealousy, or revenge.

Boredom or Trying Out a New Persona

It has been suggested that some people engage in cyberbullying due to boredom or the desire to try out a new persona on the Internet. This is more likely among young adults or teenagers who are still developing their sense of identity. This type of cyberbullying would typically be anonymous.

Loneliness or Isolation

Cyberbullies may also be people who struggle with feeling isolated or lonely in society. If they feel ignored by others, they may lash out as a way to get attention and feel better, or vent their rage at society.

Why People Become Cyberbullies

While some people are bullies both in real life and online, there are others who only become bullies in the digital space. Why is this the case? Why would someone bully others online when they would never do that in their everyday life? There are multiple possible explanations for this behavior.

Non-Confrontational & Anonymous

The first reason why people may become bullies online when they would not bully in their everyday life has to do with the nature of the Internet. A person can bully others online and remain completely anonymous. Clearly, this is not possible with traditional bullying.

In addition, online bullying can be done in a non-confrontational way, particularly if it is anonymous. This means that a cyberbully may skip about the Internet leaving nasty comments and not stick around to hear the replies.

No Need for Popularity or Physical Dominance

In order to be a bully in real life, you typically need to have some advantage over your victim. This might mean that you are physically larger than them. It might mean that you are more popular than them. Or, it might mean that you have some sort of power imbalance over them.

In contrast, anyone can be a cyberbully. There is no need to have physical dominance or popularity. This means that people who want to bully can easily do it on the Internet regardless of their status in their real life.

No Barrier to Entry

Similar to the concept of there being no need to be dominant or popular, there is also a very low barrier to entry to becoming a cyberbully. Anyone with access to the Internet can get started. Friends are defined loosely online, which creates a situation that makes it very easy to bully others.

No Feedback From Victim

Finally, the last reason why people who do not bully in real life may engage in cyberbullying has to do with a lack of feedback from their victim. Cyberbullies usually engage in bullying over an extended period of time, largely because there is generally less personal feedback from the victim and less retaliation compared to face-to-face interaction. Someone, who in real life would see the impact on their victim and back off, may not do the same in the case of cyberbullying.

How Cyberbullying Differs From In-Person Bullying

In the case of cyberbullying, the victim generally has no escape from the abuse and harassment. Unlike real life encounters, online bullying and the Internet never really shut down and bullying may be unrelenting.

This can make victims feel as though they have no escape, particularly if the bullying involves sharing of their personal information or when something posted about them goes viral. This type of bullying can go on for an extended period of time.

Effects of Cyberbullying

There are numerous effects that may be seen in those who are dealing with cyberbullying. It can be helpful to know what to expect to see in a victim, as this can be one way to identify when someone is being bullied online.

Some of these effects are even stronger than what is seen with traditional bullying, as the victim often cannot escape the abusive situation. They may include:

  • Feelings of distress and anxiety about the bullying
  • Increased feelings of depression and mood swings
  • Problems falling asleep or staying asleep (e.g., insomnia)
  • Increased feelings of fearfulness
  • Feelings of low self-esteem or self-worth
  • Social isolation, withdrawing from friend groups, or spending a lot of time alone
  • Avoiding doing things that they used to enjoy
  • Increased feelings of anger, irritability, or angry outbursts
  • Poor academic performance
  • Problems in relationships with family members and friends
  • Symptoms of post-traumatic stress
  • Self-harm (e.g., cutting, hitting yourself, headbanging)
  • Suicidal ideation or suicide attempt
  • Substance abuse

Characteristics of Victims

There are indeed some common aspects of the victim that tend to repeat themselves including the following characteristics:

  • Teens and young adults are the most at risk.
  • In the case of spreading false rumors and being the recipient of explicit images, girls are more likely to be victims.
  • People who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender may be victims more often.
  • Those who are shy, socially awkward, or don’t fit in easily may become victims.
  • People from lower-income households are more likely to be victims.
  • People who use the Internet constantly are more likely to be victims of online bullies.

Anyone can become a victim of cyberbullying, even people who are considered public figures. People who have large followings on social media often tend to become targets for cyberbullies.

How to Deal with a Cyber Bully

There are many ways to deal with a cyberbully as a child, an adult, or a parent of a child being bullied on the Internet. Let’s take a look at each of these issues separately.

As a Child or Teen

Cyberbullying can come from classmates, people in chatrooms, gamers, family members, or anonymous internet trolls. It can be mildly annoying to severely threatening. If you are being harassed, bullied, stalked, or threatened, here are a few things we recommend.

  • Talk to an adult that you trust for assistance (parents, a teacher, the principal, or another adult you can rely on). If the bully is making threats, the police may need to get involved.
  • Save every form of communication that the bully is sending to you (emails, pictures, texts, links, documents, etc.) and take screenshots if needed.
  • Do not feed the lions. Your response can be like “food” for the bully and makes them want to harass you even more.
  • Do not give any personal information, such as your address, birthday, phone number, social security number, bank account information, etc.
  • Even if you willingly participated in a conversation with someone online, you did not ask to be bullied. Don’t let guilt or embarrassment stop you from getting help. It is not your fault.

As a Parent

If your child is being bullied online, the best course of action is to instruct them not to respond to the Internet bully. In addition, tell them to document each instance of cyberbullying by saving text messages, emails, photos, and any other forms of communication. This can be done using screenshots if necessary. Ask your child to forward this information to you so that you have records of everything.

Next, if the bullying originates from a school contact, report the instances of cyberbullying to the teacher, principal, or administrative staff at your school. In the case of extreme bullying or threats, you should also report the bullying behavior to the police.

Finally, it’s important to reassure your child that they are not to blame for the bullying online. Some victims may feel that their behavior created the problem or that they are somehow to blame. For this reason, it’s important to make sure your child knows that what happened is not their fault.

As an Adult

Many of the same principles as above will apply to your situation as an adult dealing with a cyberbully.

First of all, be sure to keep records of all instances of bullying, whether they come through your text messages, messenger chats, in Facebook groups, Instagram DMs, or other online sources. Take screenshots and keep folders on your computer with evidence of the cyberbullying.

Next, if you know the source of the cyberbullying, determine whether there is a course of action you can take with regard to that person. For example, if it is a work colleague or supervisor, is there someone in HR at work that you can speak to? If it is a family member, is there a way to bring up this issue to other family members to ask for their support? Finally, if it is someone you only know online, can you block and delete them from all your social media?

The best course of action will be to ignore the cyberbullying as much as possible. However, if you are receiving threats, then you will want to report this to the police, along with the evidence that you have collected.

As a Community

It is not enough for victims of cyberbullying to deal with their bullies and try to find solutions. Oftentimes, these victims are emotionally distraught and unable to find help.

It is our job as a community to work toward establishing systems that prevent cyberbullying from taking place at all. Some potential ideas for initiatives are listed below.

Kids and teens who are cyberbullied are still learning how to regulate emotions and deal with social situations. Cyberbullying at this age could have lasting permanent effects. Mental health resources should be put in place to help victims of cyberbullying manage their mental health.

Cyberbullying thrives on status and approval. Cyberbullies will stop when social rejection of cyberbullying becomes so widespread and prevalent that they no longer have anything to gain. This means that every instance of online bullying that is witnessed (especially in the case of troll comments) should be ignored. In addition, there should be awareness campaigns that online bullying is not only not acceptable, but that it is a sign of weak social status.

Schools are the point of contact for parents trying to help their children who are being cyberbullied. For this reason, schools should have programs and protocols in place to immediately and swiftly deal with cyberbullying. Parents should not have to ask multiple times for help without receiving it.

What If You Are the Cyberbully?

What happens if you are the cyberbully yourself? If you are engaging in cyberbullying and want to stop, you’ll need to take stock of your reasons for engaging in the bullying, as this will inform your best course of action. Let’s consider each of these and what you could do.

You Are Struggling With a Mental Health Issue

If you feel as though your mental health is not in good shape and this might be contributing to your cyberbullying behavior, make an appointment with your doctor to discuss your options. For example, if you struggle with anger or aggression, you might benefit from an anger management program.

If you have low empathy for others or identify with the traits of psychopathy, then it may be harder for you to find insight and desire to change. However, you could try to channel your energy into different pursuits.

For example, if you are cyberbullying someone because it gives you a thrill, is there a hobby you could take up or business that you could start that would give you a thrill without consequences for another person?

You Were a Victim Yourself

If you were once a victim yourself of cyberbullying, and that is the reason why you are now engaging in cyberbullying yourself, it’s time to take a look at your options for change. It could be that you have unresolved anger that needs to be taken out in a different way.

You may also feel more powerful when you bully, which helps you to stop feeling like a victim. In that case, you may need to work on other ways to improve your sense of self so that you can stop feeling helpless and out of control. After all, you were once a victim yourself, and you know how that feels.

Rather than continue a cycle of bullying and victimhood, you have a chance to break the cycle and rise above your past. You’ll likely need help to do that, most likely in the form of professional assistance to work through your past.

You Had a Conflict or Breakup

If you are cyberstalking someone because of a conflict you had with them or a bad breakup, it’s time to re-evaluate your behavior. What do you hope to achieve from your cyberstalking? Again, you may need the help of a professional to work through your feelings that have led to this behavior.

You Are Lonely or Isolated

What if you are just lonely, and this is the reason you have resorted to cyberbullying? This type of bullying falls into the arena of people who may feel like the world has passed them by. Or that everyone else is out there enjoying life while you are alone.

In this case, find ways to start building up your in-person social connections. Join a club, volunteer somewhere, or take up a hobby to meet other people like yourself.

You Are Bored

If you are cyberbullying because you are bored (and you’re not a psychopath), then you’ll want to consider why you think it is acceptable to hurt someone else in exchange for making yourself less bored.

Certainly, lots of people are bored in the world but they never cyberbully. Take up a hobby, learn a second language, or find something to do.

Getting Help

If you are a victim of cyberbullying, know that you are not alone and there are options to help. If you are struggling, you can visit the following.

Finally, if you are a cyberbully yourself, it’s never too late to change. Examine your reasons for being a bully, and see if you can find some alternatives to stop the behavior.


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