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Change is inevitable. As humans, we constantly grow throughout our lifespans, from conception to death (or ‘womb to tomb’). The field of developmental psychology explores the physical, cognitive, emotional, and social changes that happen as people age.

Psychologists strive to understand and explain how and why people change throughout life. While many of these changes are normal and expected, they can still pose challenges that people sometimes need extra assistance to manage.

The principles of normative development with specific milestones help professionals spot potential problems and provide early intervention for better outcomes. Developmental psychologists can work with people of all ages to address roadblocks and support growth. However, some choose to specialize in a specific age group, such as childhood, adulthood, or old age.

Lifespan Development: How We Grow and Change Over the Years

Those who specialize in this field are not just concerned with the physical changes that occur as people grow; they also look at the cognitive, emotional, and social development that occurs throughout life.

Some of the many issues developmental psychologists assist with include:

These professionals spend a great deal of time investigating and observing how these processes occur under normal circumstances. Still, they are also interested in learning about things that can disrupt developmental processes.

Developmental Psychology Theories

Developmental psychologists often consider a wide array of theories to consider different aspects of human development. A few examples are listed below:

Each approach tends to stress different aspects of development, such as mental, parental, social, or environmental influences on children’s growth and progress.

Developmental Psychology Stages

As you might imagine, developmental psychologists often break down development according to various phases of life. Each of these periods of development represents a time when different milestones are typically achieved.

People may face particular challenges at each point, and developmental psychologists can often help people who might be struggling with problems to get back on track.

Prenatal Development

Developmental psychologists are interested in the prenatal period, seeking to understand how the earliest influences on development can impact later growth during childhood. They may examine how primary reflexes emerge before birth, how fetuses respond to stimuli in the womb, and the sensations and perceptions that fetuses are capable of detecting prior to birth.

Developmental psychologists may also look at potential problems such as Down syndrome, maternal drug use, and inherited diseases that might have an impact on the course of future development.

Early Childhood Development

The period from infancy through early childhood is a time of remarkable growth and change. Developmental psychologists examine the physical, cognitive, and socio-emotional growth during this critical development period.

In addition to providing interventions for potential developmental problems at this point, psychologists are also focused on helping kids achieve their full potential. Parents and healthcare experts are often on the lookout to ensure that kids are growing properly, receiving adequate nutrition, and achieving cognitive milestones appropriate for their age.

Middle Childhood Development

This period of development is marked by both physical maturation and the increased importance of social influences as children make their way through elementary school.

Kids begin to make their mark on the world as they build their unique sense of self, form friendships, grasp principles of logic, and gain competency through schoolwork and personal interests. Parents may seek the assistance of a developmental psychologist to help kids deal with potential problems that might arise at this age, including academic, social, emotional, and mental health issues.

Adolescent Development

The teenage years are often the subject of considerable interest as children experience the psychological turmoil and transition that often accompanies this period of development. Psychologists such as Erik Erikson were especially interested in looking at how navigating this period leads to identity formation.

At this age, kids often test limits and explore new identities as they question who they are and who they want to be. Developmental psychologists can help support teens as they deal with some of the challenging issues unique to the adolescent period, including puberty, emotional turmoil, and social pressure.

Early Adult Development

This period of life is often marked by forming and maintaining relationships. Critical milestones during early adulthood may include forming bonds, intimacy, close friendships, and starting a family and career.

Those who can build and sustain such relationships tend to experience connectedness and social support, while those who struggle with such relationships may feel alienated and lonely.

Middle Adult Development

This stage of life tends to center on developing a sense of purpose and contributing to society. Erikson described this as the conflict between generativity and stagnation.

Those who engage in the world, contribute things that will outlast them, and leave a mark on the next generation emerge with a sense of purpose. Activities such as careers, families, group memberships, and community involvement are all things that can contribute to this feeling of generativity.

Older Adult Development

The senior years are often viewed as a period of poor health, yet many older adults can remain active and busy well into their 80s and 90s. Increased health concerns mark this period of development, and some individuals may experience mental declines related to dementia.

Theorist Erik Erikson also viewed the elder years as a time of reflecting back on life. Those who can look back and see a life well-lived emerge with a sense of wisdom and readiness to face the end of their lives, while those who look back with regret may be left with feelings of bitterness and despair.

When to See a Developmental Psychologist

While development tends to follow a fairly predictable pattern, there are times when things might go off course. Parents often focus on what are known as developmental milestones, which represent abilities that most children tend to display by a certain point in development. These typically focus on each of four main areas:

• Physical milestones
• Cognitive milestones, including language development
• Emotional milestones
• Social milestones

For example, walking is one physical milestone most children achieve between 9 and 15 months. If a child is not walking or attempting to walk by 16 to 18 months, parents might consider consulting with their family physician to determine if a developmental issue might be present.

By being aware of these milestones, parents can seek assistance, and healthcare professionals can offer interventions to help kids overcome developmental delays.

These professionals often evaluate children to determine if a developmental delay might be present, or they might work with elderly patients who are facing health concerns associated with old age, such as cognitive declines, physical struggles, emotional difficulties, or degenerative brain disorders.

Diagnosing Developmental Issues

To determine if a developmental problem is present, a psychologist or other highly trained professional may administer a developmental screening or evaluation.

For children, such an evaluation typically involves interviews with parents and other caregivers to learn about behaviors they may have observed, a review of a child’s medical history, and standardized testing to measure functioning in terms of physical and motor development, cognitive skills, language development and communication skills, and social/emotional skills.

If a problem is found, the patient may be referred to a specialist, such as a speech-language pathologist, physical therapist, or occupational therapist.

Coping With a Developmental Diagnosis

Receiving a diagnosis of a developmental issue can often feel both confusing and frightening, particularly when you, your own child, or an elderly parent is affected. Once you or your loved one has received a diagnosis of a developmental issue, spend some time learning as much as you can about the diagnosis and available treatments.

Prepare a list of questions and concerns you may have and discuss these issues with your doctor, developmental psychologist, and other healthcare professionals who may be part of the treatment team. By taking an active role in the process, you will feel better informed and equipped to tackle the next steps in the treatment process.

Because marijuana is linked to relaxation, there has been a growing interest in how it might benefit certain ADHD traits like restlessness and impulsivity. There is a growing number of individuals who sometimes use marijuana as a self-treatment option for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). They state that marijuana usage is therapeutic and particularly helpful in limiting distractions and helping with focus, anxiety, and ADHD medication side effects.

However, while it can be helpful for some individuals, much of the research online advises against its use as a primary treatment option. This is because the research into its utility as short-term relief has been mixed.

In addition, research is limited, and more clinical trials must be conducted before anything can be confirmed. Nevertheless, here is what we know so far.

What Is ADHD?

In order to understand how marijuana and ADHD are connected, it can be helpful to start by learning more about ADHD itself. ADHD is a common neurobehavioral condition that causes changing levels in hyperactivity and impulsive behaviors.

While many people experience changes in energy and attention, these tend to happen to a greater degree to those with this neurotype. For example, it can interfere with the daily functioning of that individual’s life or their achievements.

It is important to note that ADHD is commonly diagnosed in children; however, it also persists in adulthood. For example, it is estimated to affect 11% of school-aged children and an estimated 4.4% of adults.

It is also important to recognize that ADHD is a form of neurodiversity that reflects differences in how the brain works. It is classified as a neurobehavioral condition because the traits associated with it are poorly accommodated in a neurotypical society.

ADHD Symptoms

To understand how marijuana and ADHD may interact, it’s also important to recognize the different ways that ADHD traits tend to occur. Such patterns are diagnosed as one of three different forms of ADHD.

The “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM) is the handbook used by clinicians and psychiatrists in the United States to diagnose psychiatric illnesses. As it stands, the DSM-5 identifies 18 total symptoms of ADHD and three possible presentations for ADHD:

• Predominantly inattentive: This type is characterized by problems regulating attention. Symptoms of this subtype include: being easily distracted by noises and sights, chronic boredom, forgetfulness, trouble organizing tasks, issues staying on task, and regularly losing belongings.
• Predominantly hyperactive/impulsive: This type is characterized by impulsive and hyperactive behavior. When discussing ADHD, this is usually the subtype most people know of, and symptoms include: restlessness, loud and disruptive behaviors, excessive talking, difficulty staying still, and feelings of constantly being in motion.
• Combined type (ADHD-C): This type is diagnosed when symptoms of both inattention and hyperactivity/impulsivity are present.

People with hyperactive or impulsive traits may be more likely to utilize marijuana to self-medicate challenges with restlessness and impulsivity. Those with the inattentive type may self-treat with marijuana to help improve their ability to focus.

How Could Marijuana Help With ADHD Symptoms?

There are two components of cannabis that are important to know in order to understand how it might provide relief to those with ADHD:

• Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC): THC is the psychoactive component that causes people to feel high when they use marijuana. It works by attaching to the body’s cannabinoid receptors, which are found throughout the brain and nervous system.
• Cannabidiol (CBD): CBD is a nonpsychoactive component in cannabis and hemp. It acts on different areas of the brain and has been found to counteract the effects of THC. It also doesn’t produce a “high;” therefore, it is not addicting. This is one reason it has grown in popularity over recent years.

While most people commonly believe that different strains of cannabis produce different effects, research has shown these differences may not be completely accurate due to extensive cross-breeding.

Nevertheless, indica strains are thought to have a higher proportion of CBD, which research has found to be the most beneficial component for those with ADHD. Also, CBD alone is not addictive; therefore, choosing products without THC may be the better route.

Does Cannabis Effectively Treat ADHD Symptoms?

As mentioned above, the perception that marijuana is therapeutic for ADHD is growing in popularity. For example, a 2016 qualitative analysis of online discussions around cannabis use and ADHD confirmed this trend, finding that overall online discussions indicated that cannabis is considered therapeutic for ADHD.

In addition, a 2020 study on adults with ADHD who took medical cannabis found that those who took a higher dose of medical cannabis components, like CBD, reduced their ADHD medication intake. However, this study was very small; therefore, its results can’t be seen as generalizable to the entire population.

Still, while this view may be gaining popularity over the internet, there is little clinical support for these claims. Research has shown that marijuana use is connected to worse executive function and greater IQ deficits. In addition, a 2019 medical review of 83 studies on the matter found that there was insufficient evidence on the effectiveness of cannabis in treating mental health conditions, including ADHD.

So, where does this leave us?

According to Dr. Rebecca Siegel, a licensed psychiatrist, cannabis medical advisor, and author of “The Brain on Cannabis: What You Should Know About Recreational and Medical Marijuana,” caution is recommended.

She advises people to follow traditional ADHD treatment options until more clinical trials have been conducted on the issue. “Until then, I cannot draw any conclusions on the optimal ratio of CBD: THC,” she finishes. 

Can You Take ADHD Medication and Use Cannabis at the Same Time?

According to Dr. Siegel, the answer to this is complicated.

This is because it can lead to people running the risk of suffering from unwanted side effects from mixing cannabis with other medications. For example, a 2015 study of adults without ADHD found the mixture of Adderall and marijuana produced a unique effect on cardiovascular function — that was neither positive nor negative — when compared with either medication taken alone.

Can I Use Cannabis Instead of ADHD Medication?

Switching your ADHD treatment away from medication to cannabis is strongly unadvised.

However, should you be considering it, it is very important to reach out to your healthcare provider about your thoughts and concerns. Finding a healthcare provider with knowledge on the benefits and risks of using cannabis instead of ADHD medication could be very beneficial to your overall treatment plans.

Risks of Using Cannabis to Treat ADHD Symptoms

It has been estimated that around 30% of people who use marijuana may have some degree of marijuana use disorder.

Cannabis use disorder (CUD) — a diagnosis given to those with a problematic pattern of cannabis use linked to clinically significant impairment — is more likely to occur in those with ADHD. But why?

“Cannabis use for [the] treatment of ADHD symptoms can evolve into CUD if you stray from your initial intention of using cannabis to treat your ADHD symptoms and start to consume it more frequently for unrelated reasons,” says Dr. Siegel.

She states that this is likely due to frequent use evolving into a routine, which can lead to dependence. “Potentially, you may no longer see improvement in your ADHD symptoms if you are consuming it all day long,” she warns, which can lead to people using more cannabis to compensate. Or even an exacerbation of ADHD symptoms. 

Can Using Cannabis Make My ADHD Worse?

Cannabis works by activating the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine at higher levels than usual. People with ADHD tend to have low levels of dopamine, which is why THC can feel so rewarding. 

So, while using cannabis may make you feel better in the short term, it could lead to CUD and cannabis dependency. Therefore, it is best to stay away from cannabis (or THC products) to be safe, particularly if you are susceptible to substance abuse.

People with ADHD who misuse marijuana also experience higher levels of hostility, suspiciousness, and thought disturbances.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a condition marked by intense emotions and moods that are not easily contained.

Of the 1.4% of adults in the United States living with BPD, a common thread that runs through them is a special connection to a person in their lives. This individual is often described as their ‘favorite person,’ and may be anyone from a teacher to a best friend, or even a family member. 

However, because of the nature of this condition, the favorite person connection may sometimes swing between extreme love and attachment to a strong dislike. This switch may occur when the person with BPD perceives that their emotional needs aren’t being adequately met.

This article discusses what it means for someone with BPD to have a favorite person, including how to recognize if you have one or if you are one. It also covers what you should know about being a BPD favorite person and what you can do to establish healthy boundaries.

What Is a BPD Favorite Person?

While it’s normal to have a person that makes you happy with their presence and regular communication, a person with BPD views their favorite person (FP) as someone they cannot live without. 

Why do people with BPD have a favorite person? People with BPD experience a great deal of emotional upheaval, and having a favorite person to turn to can be a source of support, comfort, and security.

Licensed therapist and BPD specialist Lara Slimmer, LPC, NCC explains, “Individuals with borderline personality disorder metaphorically straddle a fence each day between normality and abnormality, tranquility and upheaval.” It is during these vulnerable periods that a person with BPD is most likely to reach out for support and stability from their favorite person.

The attachment to the favorite person is so strong that someone with BPD may consider extreme actions like moving cities or making threats to maintain their favorite person’s attention.

Therefore, while a favorite person may provide some validation and comfort to someone with BPD, it becomes important to draw boundaries in the relationship to avoid unhealthy interactions.

You do not have to have a favorite person to be diagnosed with BPD, and this type of relationship can also occur with other types of personality disorders.

Signs You Have A Favorite Person

A usual theme found in people living with BPD is a history of trauma. Dr. Roberts highlights the fact that this condition often, “results from not receiving validation of their emotional experiences by caregivers.”

In reaction to this, a person with BPD may conjure a close connection with a favorite person who becomes the object of their attention, adoration, and sometimes even indifference.

Counseling psychologist and psychotherapist, Shagoon Maurya, identifies signs that suggest a person with BPD has a favorite person:

You Experience Jealousy

A favorite person is the center of attention of an individual living with BPD. This means they consider this person as a trusted friend, confidant, and counselor all wrapped in one. Dr. Roberts notes that the person with BPD demonstrates an “anxious-preoccupied attachment style.”

Understandably, this can be demanding and isolating to a favorite person and is indicative of an unhealthy attachment.

You Need A lot of Attention

Maurya explains that a person with BPD can feel “an extreme need to seek constant supply of attention from the favorite person.”

In such cases, the favorite person is always expected to be available and attuned to the needs of the person with BPD. This means counting on the favorite person to:

• Receive calls
• Respond to messages
• Anticipate visits

You Create Fantasies Around Them

In the eye of the person with BPD, their favorite person is unable to do anything wrong. In certain cases, to support this view, a person with BPD may make up a scenario where their favorite person is connected to them in the way the former aspires to connect with them.

This made-up world also positions the favorite person as being properly responsive to the emotional needs of a person with BPD.

You’re Eager to Please Them

A person with BPD may be so invested in their favorite person that they idealize the stances and opinions they happen to hold.

A person with BPD may adopt the preferred preferences of their favorite person. They may change their opinion of a sports team if their favorite person happens to be in favor of or against them. These changes are made to match with, or perhaps forge a closer bond with the favorite person.

You Swing Between Hot and Cold

Despite a favorite person being the recipient of attention, praise, and near idolization by a person with BPD, these emotions can change very swiftly in reaction to supposed changes in the favorite person.

This change in the person with BPD is usually an emotional response. They may fear that abandonment by their favorite person is imminent and will choose to push them away instead.

Signs You Are a Favorite Person

It’s easy to consider the adoration and attention a favorite person receives, as signs of a harmless relationship, one that could be easily likened to having a best friend. However, the expectations placed on a favorite person, as well as downsides when these aren’t met can reveal the true nature of favorite person connection.

Maurya highlights signs that you might be someone’s favorite person below.

You’re Their First Point of Contact

Whether it’s in celebration of a work promotion, to complain about a headache, or to share thoughts about a new moisturizer—a favorite person is always updated, and the first to know about new developments in the person with BPD’s life.

You Feel Responsible for Their Mood Changes

A favorite person may feel a need to manage the fleeting moods of a person with BPD. At the first sign of annoyance, the favorite person may feel pressured to lighten their disposition. They may also find that they are relieved when the person with BPD reaches out in good spirits.

You Constantly Offer Reassurance

Because a person with BPD swivels between multiple emotions (i.e., emotional dysregulation) and constant fear of abandonment, it is usually up to the favorite person to provide them with calm and assurance of love and appreciation.

You Feel Admired and Needed 

A person with BPD considers their favorite person to be above wrong. They are never shy to express their feelings and will be sure to include their favorite person in daily decisions and activities.

You Think About Them When You Make Decisions

A favorite person is often on the receiving end of the strong emotions held by a person with BPD. This means observing their joy when the favorite person makes time to be with them, or shouldering mean words or a cold shoulder upon refusing the wishes of a person with BPD.

To avoid tantrums, and to ensure peace reigns with a person with BPD, a favorite person will find that they put the person with BPD into consideration when making decisions that might affect them.

What to Know About Being a BPD Favorite Person

Playing the role of confidant, chief assurer, and companion to a person with BPD can often blur the lines of what this type of relationship really is. Maurya straightens things out by explaining that, “it is an unhealthy form of attachment, and requires too much emotional effort to sustain.”

To avoid getting sucked too deeply into the whirlpool of this attachment, it is important that a favorite person draws healthy boundaries. This will prevent manipulation into a longstanding and unhealthy situation with a person with BPD.

How to Draw Healthy Boundaries as a Favorite Person

If you find that you’re someone’s designated favorite person, here are some ways that you can create healthy boundaries to protect your emotional health and theirs:

• Identify and communicate your boundaries: For example, clarify times of the day when you do not wish to be contacted. You can also discuss how often you’re comfortable with providing emotional support.
• Challenge boundary violations: It isn’t enough to wag a finger in disapproval when a person with BPD shows up at your home unannounced or throws a tantrum in response to a missed call. A favorite person has to make it clear that these actions violate the boundaries of the relationship and will not be tolerated.
• Make realistic promises: A favorite person may feel pressured to make promises that ease the worries of the person with BPD. These promises may, however, only worsen the unhealthy relationship with the person with BPD. Only offer what you can realistically give so that you don’t overextend yourself or consistently break promises to the person with BPD.

Cuckolding describes a dynamic in which one partner derives pleasure from their partner being intimate with another person. This fetish or kink is commonly believed to be enjoyed by only heterosexual men and their partners, but many others enjoy cuckolding.

Gay men often enjoy practicing it in relationships, as do some women and people of all orientations. In fact, the term “cuckquean” is used for women who enjoy seeing their partner be intimate with others.

“Cuckold” is traditionally used as a noun to describe someone whose partner is exploring intimate/sexual activity with someone else. As a verb, it references the act of non-monogamy in which a partner is exploring intimate/sexual activity with someone else.

Historically, the word was used to describe a man who raised children fathered by another man, supposedly because he could not sexually satisfy his partner—resulting in her straying to be satisfied elsewhere.

Here are a few facts about the practice, ways to approach it with an intimate partner. and what yto consider before introducing cuckolding to your relationship.

Who Might Be Interested in a Cuckold Relationship?

It’s possible that those who enjoy consensual non-monogamy might consider a cuckold relationship. Consensual non-monogamy describes any relationship in which participants clearly and explicitly agree to have multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships at the same time.

A cuckold relationship may sometimes involve one partner being present while sex happens. Other times, they might simply help their partner get ready for a date with another person, or listen as the event is relayed.

In other cases, a person may derive happiness from knowing their partner is experiencing sexual pleasure with another. They may enjoy the humiliation of another person pleasing their partner, and they may be aroused hearing insults about not being to adequately satisfy their partner.

This polyamory quiz was reviewed by Ivy Kwong, LMFT.

Why You Might Enjoy a Cuckold Relationship

The reasons people enjoy cuckolding are as individual as the people themselves. Here are the most common reasons you might like the practice.

You Find Pleasure in Someone Else Receiving Pleasure

If you have thoughts of your partner reaching joyous sexual fulfillment with another person, you may be chasing what is known as “compression,” the opposite of jealousy. Compersion refers to feelings of pleasure knowing that your partner is thoroughly enjoying themselves, even with someone else. Someone who enjoys compersion might find cuckolding attractive.

You Want to Engage in Something That Feels “Taboo”

People who add outside parties to their relationships are often judged for deviating from the so-called norm. You might find this attractive. Note, however, that this behavior might be just a sexual fantasy or preference on display.

You Want to Try Something New

Sex with an exclusive partner can be exciting and satisfying for most people. However, if you’re looking for a change, inviting another person into your intimate moments can add an extra spark to your sexual relationship.

You Want to Foster Communication in Your Relationship

When partners can openly discuss and engage in behavior that is not considered mainstream, some achieve a level of honesty that can spill into other areas of the relationship. Being able to enjoy a cuckold relationship can be a sign that no-holds-barred communication exists between you and your partner. 

Hotwifing, Candaulism, and Other Relationship Dynamics Similar to Cuckolding

Many people experience pleasure from the external attention their romantic partners receive, such as in the following arrangements.

Hotwifing

A heterosexual male partner who enjoys “hotwifing” derives pride and pleasure from having a desirable wife. He likely encourages his partner to have sexual adventures with other men, almost in confirmation of her desirability. He may even watch while his wife is in the act.

Although hotwifing centers on pride rather than the happiness or humiliation associated with cuckolding, many people use the terms interchangeably.

Candaulism

In this practice, a person shows their partner’s intimate images to others and enjoys the positive reaction. In some cases, this partner may be exposed directly to others for their sexual satisfaction. 

Candaulism leans more toward a voyeuristic interest, whereas cuckolding involves actual physical contact.

How to Try Cuckolding

Cuckolding can be an uncomfortable subject to bring up. Here are a few ways to ethically introduce the possibility of this practice with your partner.

Begin With Honesty

Broach the conversation gently, clarifying the reasons you want to try this. Although you can hope for the best, your partner might not be as enthusiastic as you. They might even feel insulted. So, a rejection of your proposal is also a real possibility. Then again, your partner might be very interested and show some curiosity. Honest communication is key; be prepared to answer questions and address worries.

Dip Into Things Slowly

If a partner agrees to explore this, wait a bit to find a third party if you haven’t already.

Maybe you start by talking about cuckolding during foreplay or while being intimate with each other. For instance, the cuckold may describe how much it would turn them on to see their partner being pleasured by another person.

See how your partner feels if you flirt with another person in front of them. You might try seeing how you feel about virtual or phone sex with a third party.

These small steps can help you both ease into the idea before your first cuckolding session.

Keep Communication Lines Open

At all times during a cuckolding relationship, regular feedback on the feelings and comfort levels of all involved parties is crucial.

Things to Consider

A cuckold relationship can involve complex emotions and exposure to factors that can affect well-being. When looking to set up this relationship with a partner, be sure to go over the following.

Safety Risks

Having multiple sexual partners can increase the chances of contracting and/or transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Practicing safe sex and complete openness about sexual history are important.

Changed Feelings

Anger, jealousy, and sadness commonly spring up in a multipartner arrangement. Everyone involved should accommodate these feelings and allow for the possibility that someone might become uninterested despite their earlier excitement.

Fake friends are people who pretend to care about you but don’t actually have your best interests at heart.

Also known as false friends or fair-weather friends, they tend to act like friends only when it benefits them, says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Clarity Clinic, Chicago.

Genuine friends can be a valuable source of emotional and practical support. In fact, research shows us that having good friends is linked to lower stress and better mental and physical health.

However, it can be tough to rely on a fake friend, because they may not show much support, empathy, or loyalty when you truly need it. “When you need something, they’re suddenly not that into it,” says Dr. Daramus.

In this article, we explore the signs, causes, impact, and types of fake friends. We also ask the expert for some tips on how to deal with a fake friend.

How Can You Tell Who’s a Fake Friend?

These are some of the signs of a fake friend:

• Inconsistency: Fake friends tend to be around when they need something, but not when you need something, says Dr. Daramus. They may disappear or make excuses during your time of need.
• One-sidedness: Your relationship with them may feel one-sided. For example, your conversations with them might revolve only around them, their life, and their opinions. They may not show much interest in what’s going on with you.
• Unreliability: They may be unreliable and rarely keep their promises to you, says Dr. Daramus. You may find it difficult to count on them for anything. For instance, they may make plans with you and stand you up. Or, they may promise to help you with something and flake out at the last minute, leaving you stranded.
• Betrayal: The person may not be loyal to you. They may share your confidences with others, talk badly about you behind your back, or even spread rumors about you.
• Disrespect: They may dismiss, belittle, ridicule, or humiliate you in front of other people.
• Hurtful behavior: They may negate you by saying or doing things that hurt you, but claim they were trying to help you, says Dr. Daramus. For instance, they may say: “You look bad in that outfit. I’m only being honest and trying to help you.”
• Jealousy: They may feel threatened by your successes and accomplishments. Instead of celebrating your achievements, they may try to downplay them or compete with you.
• Conditional friendship: Their friendship is often contingent on what they can gain from you, whether it’s social status, material possessions, monetary gain, or other types of benefits. Once they achieve their goal, their interest diminishes.
• Manipulation: They might use guilt, manipulation, or emotional blackmail to get what they want from you.
• Ignored boundaries: They may consistently overstep or disregard your boundaries, whether it’s your personal space, privacy, or emotional limits. 

What Causes Someone to Be a Fake Friend?

These are some of the factors that might cause someone to be a fake friend:

• Self-centeredness: A self-centered person who is primarily focused on their own needs and desires might use someone to fulfill their own goals without a thought for the other person’s well-being. Some people are brought up to think only of themselves, says Dr. Daramus.
• Insecurity: People who struggle with low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy might use fake friendships as a way to boost their own self-worth. They may seek attention and validation from others to feel better about themselves.
• Narcissism: Someone with narcissistic tendencies may be a fake friend, says Dr. Daramus. Narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of self, a marked lack of empathy for others, and a willingness to use others to achieve their goals.
• Psychopathy: People with psychopathic tendencies may also be fake friends, says Dr. Daramus. Psychopathy is characterized by a lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and a disregard for the rights and feelings of others.
• Childhood trauma: Difficult experiences in childhood can also play a role. The person could have had a rough time as a child and never outgrown a survival mindset, says Dr. Daramus.

Regardless of the reason why the person is the way they are, it’s not your job to let yourself be used, says Dr. Daramus.

These Are the Different Types of Fake Friends

These are some of the types of fake friends:

• The fair-weather friend: Fair-weather friends are there when times are good, but are nowhere to be found when things are tough.
• The opportunist: Opportunists are always looking for what they can get out of the relationship. They’ll be around when they need something from you, but they’ll disappear when you need help or support.
• The flatterer: Flatterers shower you with compliments and praise, but their intentions are not genuine. They use flattery to manipulate you into doing things for them.
• The competitor: Competitors view your accomplishments as a threat to themselves. They downplay your achievements, undermine your efforts, or try to one-up you to maintain a sense of superiority.
• The gossip: Gossips are people who thrive on drama and rumors. They might spread lies or personal business about you, which can harm your reputation and relationships.
• The user: Users exploit your kindness and generosity. They take advantage of your resources, whether it’s money, possessions, or favors, without genuine gratitude or reciprocation.
• The validation seeker: Validation seekers need your attention, validation, and praise to boost their self-esteem. They don’t care about your well-being.
• The energy vampire: Energy vampires prey on your energy, leaving you physically and emotionally drained.
• The drama magnet: Drama magnets thrive on chaos and conflict. They create unnecessary drama in your life or involve you in their issues for their own entertainment.
• The manipulator: Manipulators use guilt and manipulation to control you and get what they want.
• The gaslighter: Gaslighters lie, deny things, and confuse you until you don’t know what’s real anymore.

How Fake Friendships Can Take a Toll on Us

Deceptive relationships can develop through no fault of your own. However, having a fake friend can affect you emotionally.

These are some of the emotions you may experience as a result of having a fake friend:

• Disappointment: You may often find yourself feeling disappointed and let down when they don’t show up for you or do what they said they would, says Dr. Daramus.
• Betrayal: You may find yourself feeling upset and betrayed if you find out they’ve been talking behind your back, sharing your personal information with others, or spreading rumors about you.
• Anger and hurt: You may find yourself feeling angry and hurt by their comments and actions. 
• Self-doubt: Fake friends might gaslight you and make you doubt yourself until you can barely tell what’s real and what isn’t, says Dr. Daramus. 
• Low self-esteem: Fake friendships can cause you to question your worth and negatively impact your self-esteem.
• Cynicism: Experiencing a fake friendship can make you cynical about the authenticity of other relationships. You might become wary of getting close to people and have difficulty believing in the sincerity of their intentions. You might struggle to open up and let others in for fear of being hurt again.
• Trauma: Depending on how the relationship plays out, you might find yourself feeling traumatized. The emotional scars can linger long after the relationship has ended.

How to Deal With Fake Friends

Finding out someone is a fake or toxic friend is not easy. However, these are some strategies that can help you deal with them:

• Trust your instincts: Listen to your gut. If something feels off about the friendship, don’t dismiss your intuition.
• Let them know what you need: Dr. Daramus suggests letting them know what you need from them. Give them a chance to show up for you. Don’t get your hopes up but pay attention to their words and actions.
• Tell them what’s bothering you: If they fail to show up for you, Dr. Daramus recommends confronting them and telling them what’s bothering you about their behavior. Be prepared for defensiveness or denial.
• Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the person. Don’t help them or lend them anything unless things change, says Dr. Daramus.
• Limit contact: Be willing to let them go if they disrespect you again, says Dr. Daramus. Understand that it’s OK to prioritize your happiness and well-being.
• Seek support: Talk to trusted friends or family members about your feelings. If you’re having trouble coping with the impact of their actions, reach out to a mental healthcare provider for support.
• Practice self-care: Practice self-care and do things you enjoy. Focus on things that make you feel good about yourself and your life.
• Nurture supportive relationships: Nurture the relationships that bring you joy and happiness. Spend time with friends who genuinely care about you and show up for you.

How to Build Authentic Friendships

These are some strategies that can help you build authentic friendships:

• Be yourself: Authentic friendships are based on genuine connections. Be true to yourself and let people get to know the real you.
• Look for people with similar values: Connect with people who share your core values and beliefs. This forms a strong foundation for friendship.
• Give it time: Dr. Daramus recommends letting friendship build slowly. Don’t rush the process. Instead, allow the relationship to evolve naturally. Patterns of behavior usually emerge over time, says Dr. Daramus.
• Make sure it’s a two-way street: Genuine friendships involve give-and-take. Make sure you’re not the only one contributing to the relationship.
• Prioritize quality over quantity: Focus on building a few meaningful friendships based on trust and mutual support, rather than trying to amass a large number of acquaintances.
• Be mindful of red flags: Look out for red flags such as excessive flattery, gossiping, manipulation, or consistently taking advantage of your kindness.

The Dunning-Kruger effect is a type of cognitive bias in which people believe they are smarter and more capable than they are. Low-ability people do not possess the skills needed to recognize their own incompetence. The combination of poor self-awareness and low cognitive ability leads them to overestimate their capabilities.

The term lends a scientific name and explanation to a problem that many people immediately recognize—that fools are blind to their own foolishness. As Charles Darwin wrote in his book The Descent of Man, “Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”

Keep reading to learn more about how the Dunning-Kruger effects works, the history of research on this phenomenon, and why people may overestimate their skills. Also, explore some of the ways you can avoid overestimating how much you really know about a subject.

Understanding the Dunning-Kruger Effect

You’ve probably experienced this phenomenon in real life. An example of the Dunning-Kruger effect is a situation that many have perhaps experienced around the dinner table at a holiday family gathering.

Throughout the meal, a member of your extended family spouts off on a topic at length, boldly proclaiming that they are correct and that everyone else’s opinion is stupid, uninformed, and just plain wrong. While it may be evident that this person has no idea what they are talking about, they prattle on, blithely oblivious to their ignorance.

The effect is named after researchers David Dunning and Justin Kruger, the two social psychologists who first described it. In their original study, they performed four investigations into this psychological phenomenon.

The Research

In one experiment, for example, Dunning and Kruger asked their 65 participants to rate how funny different jokes were. Some participants were exceptionally poor at determining what other people would find funny—yet these subjects described themselves as excellent judges of humor.

Incompetent people, the researchers suggested, were not only poor performers but were also unable to accurately assess and recognize the quality of their work. This is perhaps why students who earn failing scores on exams sometimes feel they deserve a much higher score. They overestimate their knowledge and ability and cannot accurately assess their performance.

“In many cases, incompetence does not leave people disoriented, perplexed, or cautious,” wrote David Dunning in an article for Pacific Standard. “Instead, the incompetent are often blessed with an inappropriate confidence, buoyed by something that feels to them like knowledge.”

How It Affects Behavior and Decisions

Th Dunning-Kruger effect can have a profound impact on what people believe, the decisions they make, and the actions they take.

In one study, Dunning and Ehrlinger found that women performed equally to men on a science quiz—yet women underestimated their performance because they believed they had less scientific reasoning ability than men. The researchers also found that these women were more likely to refuse to enter a science competition due to this belief.

Dunning and his colleagues have also performed experiments in which they asked respondents if they were familiar with various terms related to subjects such as politics, biology, physics, and geography. Along with genuine subject-relevant concepts, they interjected completely made-up terms.

Why the Dunning-Kruger Effect Happens

So what explains this psychological effect? Are some people simply too dense to recognize their shortcomings? Dunning and Kruger suggest that this phenomenon stems from what they refer to as a “dual burden.” People are not only incompetent; their incompetence robs them of the mental ability to realize just how inept they are.

Incompetent people tend to:

• Overestimate their skill levels
• Fail to recognize the genuine skill and expertise of other people
• Fail to recognize their own mistakes and lack of skill

This effect has been attributed to a number of different explanations, including:

An Inability to Recognize Lack of Skill and Mistakes

Dunning suggests that deficits in skill and expertise create a two-pronged problem. First, these deficits cause people to perform poorly in the domain in which they are incompetent. Secondly, their erroneous and deficient knowledge makes them unable to recognize their mistakes.

A Lack of Metacognition

The Dunning-Kruger effect is also related to difficulties with metacognition.

People can often only evaluate themselves from their own limited and highly subjective point of view. From this limited perspective, they seem highly skilled, knowledgeable, and superior to others. Because of this, people sometimes struggle to have a more realistic view of their abilities.

A Little Knowledge Can Lead to Overconfidence

Another contributing factor is that sometimes a tiny bit of knowledge on a subject can lead people to mistakenly believe that they know all there is to know about it. As the old saying goes, a little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

This is why people who say that they’ve “done their research” arrive at erroneous and misinformed conclusions. Because they lack the requisite background knowledge and skill, they aren’t able to recognize their own gaps in knowledge.

Other Factors That Play a Role

Other factors that can contribute to the effect include:

• The use of heuristics, or mental shortcuts that allow people to make decisions quickly
• A tendency to seek out patterns even where none exist

Our minds are primed to try to make sense of the disparate array of information we deal with daily. As we try to cut through the confusion and interpret our abilities and performance within our worlds, it is perhaps not surprising that we sometimes fail so completely to judge how well we do accurately.

Are You Less Competent Than You Think?

So, who is affected by the Dunning-Kruger effect? According to the researchers, everyone is prone to this effect. This is because no matter how informed or experienced we are, we all have our areas of ignorance. You might be smart and skilled in many areas, but no one is an expert at everything.

Everyone is susceptible to this phenomenon, and most of us probably experience it with surprising regularity. Genuine experts in one area may mistakenly believe that their intelligence and knowledge carry over into other areas in which they are less familiar.

A brilliant scientist, for example, might be a very poor writer. For the scientist to recognize their lack of skill, they need to possess a good working knowledge of grammar, composition, and other elements of writing. Because those are lacking, the scientist in this example cannot recognize their poor performance.

Is the Dunning-Kruger Effect Real?

Not everyone agrees that the Dunning-Kruger effect actually exists, however. Instead, some critics have suggested that the effect is actually a data artifact. In mathematical studies, researchers were able to replicate the effect using computer-generated random data. Such studies found that experts and amateurs overestimate or underestimate their abilities at about the same rate. 

However, the research found that experts tend to be better at assessing their abilities and that women generally make more accurate self-assessments than men.

A 2022 study also suggested a statistical explanation for the effect that does not rely on a psychological explanation. According to the researchers, the effect exists, but it is not the result of human nature.

Dunning-Kruger Effect vs. Imposter Syndrome

So, if the incompetent tend to think they are experts, what do genuine experts think of their own abilities? Dunning and Kruger found that those at the high end of the competence spectrum did hold more realistic views of their own knowledge and capabilities. However, these experts actually tended to underestimate their own abilities relative to how others did.

This can sometimes lead to the opposite of the Dunning-Kruger effect—imposter syndrome. Since the Dunning-Kruger effect involves overconfidence in one’s abilities, the opposing tendency would involve underconfidence in one’s abilities. In imposter syndrome, competent people doubt their own abilities and fear that others will discover them to be frauds.

How to Overcome the Dunning-Kruger Effect

Is there anything that can minimize this phenomenon? Is there a point at which the incompetent actually recognize their own ineptitude?

According to Dunning, we are all what he calls “engines of misbelief.” While we are all prone to experiencing the Dunning-Kruger effect, learning more about how the mind works and the mistakes we are all susceptible to might be one step toward correcting such patterns.

What can you do to gain a more realistic assessment of your abilities in a particular area if you are unsure you can trust your self-assessment?

Keep Learning and Practicing

Instead of assuming you know all there is to know about a subject, keep digging deeper. Once you gain greater knowledge of a topic, you will likely recognize how much there is still to learn. This can combat the tendency to assume you’re an expert, even if you’re not.

Ask Other People How You’re Doing

Another effective strategy involves asking others for constructive criticism. While it can sometimes be difficult to hear, such feedback can provide valuable insights into how others perceive your abilities.

Question What You Know

Even as you learn more and get feedback, it can be easy to only pay attention to things that confirm what you think you already know. This is an example of another type of psychological bias known as the confirmation bias.

To minimize this tendency, keep challenging your beliefs and expectations. Seek out information that challenges your ideas.