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Hating your dad isn’t the kind of thing you might bring up in day-to-day conversation. It’s complicated, messy, and *really* hard to talk about. But if just the thought of your dad makes your stomach churn with anxiety, you’re not alone. Maybe it’s because he was never around. Or maybe he was a toxic source of anxiety or abuse in your home growing up. Whatever the reason, you should know you are not alone in your feelings. 

It’s possible to feel hatred toward your father. These feelings typically develop in childhood, depending on your father’s behavior and parenting style. 

Hatred can be difficult to cope with and painful to live with. It can also lead to arguments and fights between you and your father, as well as tension and conflict with other family members. Understanding your feelings and processing them can help you manage them in healthy ways. 

Reasons Why You Might Think “I Hate My Dad”

Why you hate your dad can be complex. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, outlines some of the reasons why you might hate your father. These reasons are listed below:

Lack of Emotional Connection

You may feel detached from your father if you grew up in a nuclear family where your father was busy pursuing his career and spent less time with you as a result. Alternatively, if your father abandoned you, you may have longed for a connection with him, which can eventually cause you to resent him.

Regardless of the circumstances, children need their parents to have a significant presence in their early life. When this need is not met, children can develop strong feelings of anger and hatred toward their parents.

Authoritarian Parenting Style 

Most children express some type of developmental rebellion during their formative years. While this is typically a normative process, parental reactions tend to vary from permissive to controlling.

Instead of helping their children actualize the independence and autonomy they are pursuing, some parents utilize an authoritative approach and actually cause their children to gravitate further toward rebellious behaviors. 

Child Abuse

Children are dependent on their parents for survival. When parents inflict either physical or psychological abuse on them, children tend to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety.

Family Violence

Children are perceptive and are acutely aware of relational dynamics among their primary caretakers. When their father is abusive toward their mother, children become protective and may view their father as a threat to their own well-being. 

When children witness the suffering of their mother at the hands of their father, it damages their relationship with him and pulls them into a parent-like role where they adopt an incongruous amount of responsibility to protect the vulnerable adults in their world.

Mental Health Impact of Hating Your Father

Romanoff explains how conflict in your relationship with your father can affect your mental health and your relationships with others.

Difficulty With Trust and Intimacy

Conflict in the relationship with their father in childhood creates deep-rooted feelings of mistrust. This can lead to hesitation in getting closer to others due to the anticipation of hurt associated with intimacy. 

Difficulty With Emotional Relationships

When parents act in unpredictable ways or abuse their children, their children grow up to have difficulty understanding their emotions and the feelings of others. This limits their ability to build stable and close relationships.

Ultimately, they may struggle to connect with others, avoid intimacy, or be highly anxious in relationships.

Coping Strategies If You Feel “I Hate My Dad”

Romanoff suggests some strategies that can help you cope with the hatred you’re feeling toward your father.

Break the Cycle

Recognize the ways in which your father impacted you and how that may alter your relationship with men or romantic partners.

Instead, pick partners out of inspiration–meaning people whose love you don’t have to constantly earn, who you don’t want to change, and who inspires you to be the best version of yourself.

Seek Therapy

It is important to recognize the enduring impact our relationships with caregivers have on current functioning. Therapy can be a great tool to not only recognize and identify this influence, but also interrupt the maladaptive patterns that are extensions from this primary relationship.

If your father is toxic and still in your life, a therapist can also help you learn how to deal with them while still protecting your mental health. A toxic father is one who is more damaging than nurturing or isn’t available to you in any meaningful way.

Work Toward Acceptance

Most of our pain comes from distorting the reality of people to fit our desires for who we need them to be.

Once you can separate fantasy from reality, you free yourself from perpetual disappointment and can live a more stable and consistent life without the ups and downs of intermittently viewing him through the lens of fantasy and reality. 

A platonic relationship is one in which two people share a close emotional bond but do not have a romantic or sexual relationship. They may even feel love for each other, referred to as platonic love. This concept originates in the ideas of the ancient philosopher Plato, from whose name the term is derived.

Plato believed that platonic love could bring people closer to a divine ideal. However, the modern use of ‘platonic relationship’ or ‘platonic love’ is focused on the idea of people being close friends without sexual desire. This term can apply to both opposite-sex and same-sex friendships. 

What Being in a Platonic Relationship Means

A platonic relationship is different from a romantic relationship. While both types of relationships often involve having a deep friendship and sometimes even love, people in a romantic relationship are typically physically intimate whereas there is no sex or physical intimacy in a platonic relationship.

It is possible to desire physical intimacy (such as hugging, kissing, or touching) or sex with the other person but not be engaged in these activities. If no physical intimacy or sex exists between you and the other person, it is a platonic relationship—even if the desire is there.

How to Tell If Yours Is Platonic

There are a number of characteristics that distinguish a platonic relationship from other relationship types. In addition to the lack of a sexual aspect, a platonic relationship also tends to be marked by:

• Closeness: Both people in the relationship feel a closeness to each other and feel that they share things in common. 
• Honesty: Both individuals feel that they can share what they really think and feel with the other person.
• Acceptance: These relationships tend to feel easy and comfortable. Both people feel that they are safe and free to be themselves. 
• Understanding: People who share a platonic relationship have a connection, but they also recognize and respect each other’s personal space. They don’t try to force the other person to do things they don’t want to do or be something that they are not.

Platonic relationships are often friendships. And while the lack of a sexual relationship is what characterizes this type of connection, it does not necessarily mean that the individuals in the relationship are not attracted to each other or could not start to feel attracted to one another.

Different Types of Platonic Relationships

• Bromance: This is a term used to describe a close, affectionate, non-sexual relationship between two men.
• Womance: This term is used to describe an emotional, non-sexual, non-romantic bond between two women.
• Work spouse: This phrase is sometimes used to describe a close but non-sexual connection between colleagues or co-workers that involves bonds and sometimes even roles similar to that of a marriage.

How to Form a Platonic Relationship

Platonic relationships can be important for psychological well-being. Research has found that having social support plays a vital role in mental health, so building a network that includes family, platonic friends, and other loved ones can be important for your overall wellness.

Some things that you can do to help foster platonic relationships include:

• Join social networking groups where you can meet people.
• Sign up for workshops or classes on topics that interest you.
• Participate in online communities.
• Volunteer for causes you care about in your community.

What Are the Benefits?

There are several reasons why having platonic relationships is important for your health and well-being. Some of the positive effects that these relationships may bring to your life include:

Improved Health

Research suggests that having love and support from people in your life can have important health benefits. Physically, this type of platonic love and support can lower your risk for disease, improve your immunity, and decrease your risk for depression and anxiety.

Your platonic support system can help provide emotional support as well. They do this by listening to what you have to say, providing validation, and helping you when you are in need.

Lower Stress

Stress can take a serious toll on both your physical and mental health. Chronic or prolonged stress can contribute to health problems such as cardiac disease, high blood pressure, digestive issues, and decreased immunity. It can also play a role in mood problems such as anxiety or depression. 

Having strong platonic relationships outside of immediate family and romantic partnerships has been found to help people better cope with sources of stress. Not only that, but having supportive platonic friendships also lowers the stress that people face.

Increased Resilience

Platonic relationships can play a role in helping you become more resilient in the face of life’s challenges. Whether you have troubles in your romantic relationships, problems in your family, work struggles, or health challenges, your platonic relationships can support you as you weather these storms. 

Tips for a Healthy Platonic Relationship

Platonic relationships are not always easy to find. When you do establish a strong platonic bond, it is important to continue to nurture and strengthen that connection. Some things that you can do to help keep these relationships healthy include:

• Don’t make the other person do all the work: Don’t rely on the other person to make all the plans or initiate all the contact. Reach out to them regularly to invite them to participate in activities.
• Stay in touch: Call, text, or email the other person from time to time just to keep the lines of communication open. Let them know you are thinking of them, reach out to share a funny joke you know they’ll enjoy, or just ask them how they are.
• Show up for them: Other people can be an important source of emotional support, but it’s just as important for you to reciprocate that support. Be there when they need you, even if it is just to lend an open and supportive ear.

It is also important to know when to let go of a platonic relationship. Unhealthy relationships can create stress, so don’t be afraid to end your association if the other person is unkind, manipulative, hurtful, or doesn’t support you the way you need.

When They Get Complicated

It is important to note that platonic relationships are not the same as unrequited love. An unrequited relationship is essentially a crush that involves one person being romantically or sexually interested in someone who does not return their feelings. True platonic relationships do not involve an unequal balance of emotions.

This does not mean that a platonic relationship can’t or won’t develop into something romantic or sexual. While such a relationship can potentially turn into a strong romantic relationship, you also run the risk of losing the friendship if you end up breaking up. 

If maintaining a platonic relationship is important to you, focus on establishing and maintaining clear boundaries. For example, set limits on things such as time spent together, amount of contact, and physical intimacy.

If You Want Something More

Platonic relationships don’t always stay that way. It isn’t uncommon for some relationships to shift into something more.

If you want to extend a platonic relationship or platonic love into a sexual or romantic relationship, it is important to be open and honest with the other person. Express your interest without pressuring them.

Discuss what it might mean to the relationship and how it might ultimately affect your friendship. Platonic relationships can serve as a great foundation for a romantic relationship, but it is important to be honest and communicate openly.

Stress can be defined as any type of change that causes physical, emotional, or mental strain. Stress is your body’s response to anything that requires attention or action. 

Everyone experiences stress to some degree. The way you respond to stress, however, makes a big difference to your overall mental and physical well-being.

Sometimes, the best way to manage your stress involves changing your situation. At other times, the best strategy involves changing the way you respond to the situation.

Clues that Indicate You Might Be Stressed

Stress is not always easy to recognize, but there are some ways to identify some signs that you might be experiencing too much pressure. Sometimes stress can come from an obvious source, but sometimes even small daily stresses from work, school, family, and friends can take a toll on your mind and body.

If you think stress might be affecting you, there are a few things you can watch for:

• Cognitive signs such as difficulty concentrating, worrying, anxiety, and trouble remembering
• Emotional signs such as being angry, irritated, fearful, or moody
• Physical signs such as high blood pressure, headaches, clammy/sweaty hands, muscle tension and neck pain, changes in weight, frequent colds or infections, teeth grinding, digestive problems, and changes in the menstrual cycle and sex drive
• Behavioral signs such as poor self-care, not having time for the things you enjoy, or relying on drugs and alcohol to cope

Stress vs. Anxiety: What’s the Difference?

Stress can sometimes be mistaken for anxiety, and experiencing a great deal of stress can contribute to feelings of anxiety. Stress and anxiety both contribute to nervousness, poor sleep, high blood pressure, muscle tension, and excess worry. Experiencing anxiety can make it more difficult to cope with stress and may contribute to other health issues, including increased depression, susceptibility to illness, and digestive problems.

The Usual Suspects: Main Causes of Stress

There are many different things in life that can cause stress. Some of the main sources of stress include work, finances, relationships, parenting, and day-to-day inconveniences.

The Four Types of Stress

Not all types of stress are harmful or even negative. Some of the different types of stress that you might experience include:

• Acute stress: Acute stress is a very short-term type of stress that can be upsetting or traumatic; this is the type of stress that is out of the ordinary, such as a car accident, assault, or natural disaster.
• Chronic stress: Chronic stress is what we most often encounter in day-to-day life and seems never-ending and inescapable, like the stress of a bad marriage or an extremely taxing job.
• Episodic acute stress: Episodic acute stress is acute stress that seems to run rampant and be a way of life, creating a life of ongoing distress; episodic stress can be recurring illness, ongoing domestic violence, child abuse, and living through conflict and war.
• Eustress: Eustress, on the other hand, is fun and exciting. It’s known as a positive type of stress that can keep you energized. It’s associated with surges of adrenaline, such as when you are skiing or racing to meet a deadline. 

The Inner-Workings of the Stress Response

Stress can trigger the body’s response to a perceived threat or danger, known as the fight-or-flight response. During this reaction, certain hormones like adrenaline and cortisol are released. This speeds the heart rate, slows digestion, shunts blood flow to major muscle groups, and changes various other autonomic nervous functions, giving the body a burst of energy and strength.

When the perceived threat is gone, systems are designed to return to normal function via the relaxation response. But in cases of chronic stress, the relaxation response doesn’t occur often enough, and being in a near-constant state of fight-or-flight can cause damage to the body.

Stress can also lead to some unhealthy habits that have a negative impact on your health. For example, many people cope with stress by eating too much or by smoking. These unhealthy habits damage the body and create bigger problems in the long term.

Brace For Impact: How Stress Affects Your Health

Stress can have several effects on your health and well-being. It can make it more challenging to deal with life’s daily hassles, affect your interpersonal relationships, and have detrimental effects on your health. The connection between your mind and body is apparent when you examine stress’s impact on your life.

Feeling stressed over a relationship, money, or living situation can create physical health issues. The inverse is also true. Health problems, whether you’re dealing with high blood pressure or diabetes, will also affect your stress level and mental health. When your brain experiences high degrees of stress, your body reacts accordingly.

Serious acute stress, like being involved in a natural disaster or getting into a verbal altercation, can trigger heart attacks, arrhythmias, and even sudden death. However, this happens mostly in individuals who already have heart disease.

Stress also takes an emotional toll. While some stress may produce feelings of mild anxiety or frustration, prolonged stress can also lead to burnout, anxiety disorders, and depression.

Chronic stress can have a serious impact on your health as well. If you experience chronic stress, your autonomic nervous system will be overactive, which is likely to damage your body.

What Can I Do When I Have Too Much Stress?

There are some treatment options for acute and chronic stress, as well as a variety of stress management strategies you can implement on your own. Stress may be inevitable; however, whenever possible, prevention is the best strategy.

Treatment Options

Stress is not a distinct medical diagnosis and there is no single, specific treatment for it. Treatment for stress focuses on changing the situation, developing stress-coping skills, implementing relaxation techniques, and treating symptoms or conditions that may have been caused by chronic stress.

Some interventions that may be helpful include therapy, medication, and complementary and alternative medicine (CAM).

Psychotherapy

Some forms of therapy that may be particularly helpful in addressing symptoms of stress including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR). CBT focuses on helping people identify and change negative thinking patterns, while MBSR utilizes meditation and mindfulness to help reduce stress levels.

Medication

Medication may sometimes be prescribed to address some specific symptoms that are related to stress. Such medications may include sleep aids, antacids, antidepressants, and anti-anxiety medications.

Complementary and Alternative Medicine

Some complementary approaches that may also be helpful for reducing stress include acupuncture, aromatherapy, massage, yoga, and meditation.

Ways to Cope With Stress

Although stress is inevitable, it can be manageable. When you understand the toll it takes on you and the steps to combat stress, you can take charge of your health and reduce the impact stress has on your life.

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Here are a few things to get you started:

• Learn to recognize the signs of burnout. High levels of stress may place you at a high risk of burnout. Burnout can leave you feeling exhausted and apathetic about your job. When you start to feel symptoms of emotional exhaustion, it’s a sign that you need to find a way to get a handle on your stress.
• Try to get regular exercise. Physical activity has a big impact on your brain and your body. Whether you enjoy a walk in the park, stretching, pilates, or you want to begin jogging, exercise reduces stress and improves many symptoms associated with mental illness.
• Take care of yourself. Incorporating regular self-care activities into your daily life is essential to stress management. Learn how to take care of your mind, body, and spirit and discover how to equip yourself to live your best life.
• Practice mindfulness in your life. Mindfulness isn’t just something you practice for 10 minutes each day. It can also be a way of life. Discover how to live more mindfully throughout your day so you can become more awake and conscious throughout your life.

Final Thoughts

Stress is a part of life and comes in all shapes and sizes. There are things we can do to minimize or even prevent much of the stress in our lives. But some stress is unavoidable.

If you find you are overwhelmed by an acute stressor, or the daily grind, there are ways to cope and recover. Whether you try some stress management strategies on your own or seek professional help… it is important to keep stress levels in check to avoid the negative impact on your cognitive, emotional, and physical well being.