Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

When is it love or when is it attraction? I’ve asked myself this question many times, and I’m sure you have too. When you meet someone new, it’s hard not to feel completely enamored by their presence and the prospect of a new romance.

Especially if they’re super attractive, schmoozing you in all the right ways, and have no upfront red flags. But are you really feeling them or just the idea of them (and the possible happily ever after you two could have)? Let’s find out.

The Importance of Understanding Your Feelings 

First step: identify your feelings. Look, we’ve all felt the instant giddiness and excitement over getting to know someone new. But take a step back—stop romanticizing!—and identify your feelings. Understanding how you feel is helpful in any context but is especially crucial in romantic relationships. After all, you’re talking about committing to someone who could, at the very least, influence your life.  

“Understanding how we feel in a relationship helps us know if the relationship is serving us,” explains couples psychotherapist Stephanie Holz, LMFT. “A relationship in which we are content will improve our sense of self-esteem, perhaps improving [quality of life], job performance, and achievement of goals.” 

Plus, having clarity on your feelings is kind of cool and empowering. It allows you to believe in yourself and make confident decisions.

What Does It Mean to Really Like Someone? 

Crushes are a dime a dozen. There’s that sweet barista at the local coffee shop, the cutie you’ve been on a few dates with already, the coworker who always makes you blush. But do you like any of them—or the image of them in your head?

It’s tricky to tell the difference because practically every budding relationship starts with some level of infatuation and (perhaps naive) adoration. In fact, studies go so far as to say that initial euphoric feelings are akin to the high you’d experience taking a drug like cocaine. But that attraction only goes so far, especially once you begin asking yourself the important questions. 

“When trying to discern whether you genuinely like someone or just the idea of them, introspection is key,” says Olivia Withers, LPC, LCPC. She recommends asking yourself the following six questions: 

1. What are my emotional needs, and are they meeting them? 
2. Do I feel good when I’m around this person? 
3. Am I intrigued by this person and genuinely want to learn more about them? 
4. What are my relationship expectations, and do they meet them?
5. What priorities and values are important to me in a partner, and does this person have them? 
6. Do both parties see a potential for a long-term relationship? 

“If we only like the idea of someone, we may find ourselves bored—or possibly annoyed—in their presence, or we may feel like we have to be something other than our authentic selves,” Holz says. “This indicates the relationship is built more on fantasy and projection than on two actual humans.” *mic drop*

Signs You Like Someone 

• They make you feel good
• You want to keep learning about them 
• You can be your authentic self around them 
• You make time for them 
• You find joy in doing nice things for them 
• You feel energized versus drained by them 
• You have shared interests 
• Your values are aligned 
• You remember small details about them 
• You may feel a little nervous in their presence (in the early stages)
• You may feel like you’re with someone you’ve known forever 
• You share similar goals 
• You feel safe and respected 
• You think about them even when they’re gone 
• You’re endeared by even their odd traits 

Signs You Just Like the Idea of Them 

• You only want to spend time with them when you’re bored or lonely 
• You find them physically attractive but aren’t quite sure about their personality  
• You feel drained after spending time with them 
• You are fixated more on whether they like you versus you liking each other 
• Your feelings fluctuate depending on your mood
• You’re hyped on their potential (or an idealized version of them) versus who they really are  
• Your interest in them is driven by how they make you look to others
• You don’t feel a strong emotional connection
• You don’t have shared values
• Outside pressures are making it feel like you need to stay together
• You don’t share similar life goals 
• There’s no spark 
• The relationship feels stagnant
• You don’t really see a long-term future with this person

The Role of Loneliness in Finding Love

Dating is hard, okay? It’s not for the weak! The loneliness you feel when a situationship falls apart or your crush is no longer interested…like, we’ve all been there before. And while loneliness is not inherently negative, it can make us delusional in romantic relationships. It’s a complicated emotion that takes away our clarity.

“We often struggle with separating loneliness from deeper emotions such as rejection, abandonment, shame, or worthlessness—what I refer to as the four horsemen of childhood trauma,” Withers says. “When my clients are struggling with loneliness, particularly after a breakup, they realize this feeling is a normal response to the situation. At other times, loneliness is heavier when connected to a childhood trigger.” 

Naturally, it’s hard to determine if loneliness or another difficult emotion influences your dating decisions. But that’s where introspection comes in. Withers recommends digging a bit deeper to understand what’s going on. Ask yourself what feelings come up when you think of singlehood, your primary motivations for dating, and if you truly feel ready to connect and build a securely attached relationship with someone. 

Do you have an urgency to partner up with someone? And, if so, why is that? What’s missing from your life that you need a partner to feel complete? Take time to do some self-work and get to the root. Only then, you’ll find success in a meaningful relationship.

What to Do If You’re Still Unsure 

Oprah once famously said, “I don’t know means no.” AKA, if you’re feeling eh about them, chances are you’re not interested.

“If you’re not sure if you’re into someone, you’re probably not,” Holz says. “Perhaps a cognitive part of you likes some of their qualities on paper, but you’re not attracted to them or excited by them when you’re together. This can lead to confusion as parts try to argue logically you should care for someone more than you actually do.” 

Being uncertain doesn’t mean you need to break off ties or plunge deeper into the relationship—there’s no rush to the finish line here. Keep exploring, but give yourself a date—say, two weeks or a month—to sift through your feelings. If things still feel uncertain, that’s your sign to move on and find your perfect match. 

Do you feel like you have so much going on that you’re struggling to cope with it all? Or, are you going through something stressful that’s making it difficult for you to function? These are some of the signs of being overwhelmed.

When overwhelmed, a person is flooded by thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations—often related to a specific problem—that can be difficult for them to manage, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.

Everyone feels overwhelmed from time to time and it is a completely normal response to everyday stressors, says Dr. Romanoff. Stress can sometimes be helpful, because it fires up your system and helps you be more productive. However, being chronically stressed out and constantly feeling overwhelmed can take a toll on your mental and physical health.

This article explores the symptoms and causes of feeling overwhelmed, as well as some coping strategies that may be helpful.

Signs and Symptoms of Being Overwhelmed

These are some of the signs that you’re overwhelmed, according to Dr. Romanoff:

• Irrational thoughts: You may struggle to think rationally, which can make the problem seem inflated and your perceived ability to deal with it feel deflated.
• Paralysis: You may experience a freeze response that can cause you to feel paralyzed and unable to function. Even simple tasks can feel impossible. You may find yourself postponing stressful tasks, or avoid them altogether.
• Disproportionate reactions: You may overreact to minor stressors. For instance, you may panic if you’re unable to find your keys.
• Withdrawal: You may find yourself withdrawing from friends and family. You may feel like they can’t help you or understand what you’re going through.
• Pessimism: You may feel helpless and hopeless about the situation. 
• Mood changes: You may feel angry, irritable, or anxious, and cry easily.
• Cognitive fatigue: You may feel confused and have difficulty concentrating, making decisions, and solving problems.
• Physical symptoms: You may experience physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, dizziness, fatigue, headaches, cramps, an upset stomach, or other aches and pains.

Reasons Why You May Feel Overwhelmed

A precipitating stressor, an unexpected event, or poor mental health can cause you to feel overwhelmed, says Dr. Romanoff. She explains that you may also feel overwhelmed if a series of stressors accumulate and pile up on you. A lack of coping skills can also exacerbate symptoms.

These are some of the common triggers that can cause you to feel overwhelmed, according to Dr. Romanoff:

Coping With Being Overwhelmed

Below, Dr. Romanoff shares some strategies that can help you cope, if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Change Your Perspective 

Take a step back from your thought processes. Recognize and accept how you are feeling and the situation you are in. Stop the vicious emotional cycle of rumination. 

Do what you can to get some perspective on the situation. You can try taking a break from the situation, going for a walk, changing your environment, speaking to a friend, or taking a few deep breaths.

Seek out resources to help you solve the problem. This could mean asking for help, doing something to recalibrate your perspective, or approaching the problem from a different angle.

Challenge Your Assumptions

When we’re overwhelmed, we tend to let irrational thoughts and fears guide us, instead of being logical. For instance, if you’re going through a break-up, you may worry about what people may think about you, or you may stress about being single and ending up alone.

It can be helpful to identify illogical assumptions and articulate them, so you can examine them in the light of day and see that they don’t necessarily hold true. You can try writing them down in a journal or voicing them out loud to someone you trust.

Seek Support

Reach out to your social support network. Your friends, family, and colleagues may be able to offer advice, support, and a different perspective.

Accept the help of your loved ones and let them be there for you. Even just talking to supportive people in your life can help you feel safer and more validated in the context of the stressor.

Try Mindfulness Exercises

Mindfulness can be very helpful when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Grounding techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise use your senses to connect you to your environment and help you get out of the chaos of your mind.

You can perform the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise by sitting in a quiet spot and noticing things around you. Try to list:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can touch or feel
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

This exercise can help you calm down and step away from the overwhelming thoughts and emotions you’re experiencing. You can use it to take a break and then reapproach the issue later from a fresh perspective.

See a Therapist

Therapy can help you develop the skills you need to manage feelings of being overwhelmed. It also can help you understand why you tend to have this strong response to stressors, particularly if you have a history of feeling overwhelmed.

Therapy can also help you find ways to increase confidence through competence, both of which positively reinforce each other—the more competent you are, the more confident you feel, and vice versa.

Piaget’s stages of cognitive development describe how children’s thinking abilities change as they develop and grow. His theory outlines four stages of cognitive development: the sensorimotor, preoperational, concrete operational, and formal operational stages. Through this process, kids move from basic reflexes to complex reasoning.

What Are Piaget’s Stages of Cognitive Development?

Jean Piaget’s theory of cognitive development suggests that children move through four different stages of learning. His theory focuses not only on understanding how children acquire knowledge, but also on understanding the nature of intelligence. Piaget’s stages are:

• Sensorimotor stage: Birth to 2 years
• Preoperational stage: Ages 2 to 7
• Concrete operational stage: Ages 7 to 11
• Formal operational stage: Ages 12 and up

Piaget believed that children take an active role in the learning process, acting much like little scientists as they perform experiments, make observations, and learn about the world. As kids interact with the world around them, they continually add new knowledge, build upon existing knowledge, and adapt previously held ideas to accommodate new information.

“I find myself opposed to the view of knowledge as a passive copy of reality,” Piaget wrote. “I believe that knowing an object means acting upon it, constructing systems of transformations that can be carried out on or with this object. Knowing reality means constructing systems of transformations that correspond, more or less adequately, to reality.”

History of Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development

Piaget was born in Switzerland in the late 1800s and was a precocious student, publishing his first scientific paper at the age of 11. His early exposure to the intellectual development of children came when he worked as an assistant to Alfred Binet and Théodore Simon as they standardized their famous IQ test.

Much of Piaget’s interest in the cognitive development of children was inspired by his observations of his own nephew and daughter. These observations reinforced his budding hypothesis that children’s minds were not merely smaller versions of adult minds.

Piaget proposed that intelligence grows and develops through a series of stages. Older children do not just think more quickly than younger children. Instead, there are both qualitative and quantitative differences between the thinking of young children versus older children.

Based on his observations, he concluded that children were not less intelligent than adults—they simply think differently. Albert Einstein called Piaget’s discovery “so simple only a genius could have thought of it.”

Piaget’s stage theory describes the cognitive development of children. Cognitive development involves changes in cognitive processes and abilities. In Piaget’s view, early cognitive development involves processes based upon actions and later progresses to changes in mental operations.

The Sensorimotor Stage of Cognitive Development

During this earliest stage of cognitive development, infants and toddlers acquire knowledge through sensory experiences and manipulating objects. A child’s entire experience at the earliest period of this stage occurs through basic reflexes, senses, and motor responses.

During the sensorimotor stage, children go through a period of dramatic growth and learning. As kids interact with their environment, they continually make new discoveries about how the world works.

The cognitive development that occurs during this period takes place over a relatively short time and involves a great deal of growth. Children not only learn how to perform physical actions such as crawling and walking, but they also learn a great deal about language from the people with whom they interact. Piaget also broke this stage down into substages. Early representational thought emerges during the final part of the sensorimotor stage.

By learning that objects are separate and distinct entities and that they have an existence of their own outside of individual perception, children are then able to begin to attach names and words to objects.

The Preoperational Stage of Cognitive Development

The foundations of language development may have been laid during the previous stage, but the emergence of language is one of the major hallmarks of the preoperational stage of development.

At this stage, kids learn through pretend play but still struggle with logic and taking the point of view of other people. They also often struggle with understanding the idea of constancy.

For example, a researcher might take a lump of clay, divide it into two equal pieces, and then give a child the choice between two pieces of clay to play with. One piece of clay is rolled into a compact ball while the other is smashed into a flat pancake shape. Because the flat shape looks larger, the preoperational child will likely choose that piece, even though the two pieces are exactly the same size.

The Concrete Operational Stage of Cognitive Development

While children are still very concrete and literal in their thinking at this point in development, they become much more adept at using logic. The egocentrism of the previous stage begins to disappear as kids become better at thinking about how other people might view a situation.

While thinking becomes much more logical during the concrete operational state, it can also be very rigid. Kids at this point in development tend to struggle with abstract and hypothetical concepts.

During this stage, children also become less egocentric and begin to think about how other people might think and feel. Kids in the concrete operational stage also begin to understand that their thoughts are unique to them and that not everyone else necessarily shares their thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

The Formal Operational Stage of Cognitive Development

The final stage of Piaget’s theory involves an increase in logic, the ability to use deductive reasoning, and an understanding of abstract ideas. At this point, adolescents and young adults become capable of seeing multiple potential solutions to problems and think more scientifically about the world around them.

The ability to think about abstract ideas and situations is the key hallmark of the formal operational stage of cognitive development. The ability to systematically plan for the future and reason about hypothetical situations is also a critical abilities that emerge during this stage. 

Important Cognitive Development Concepts

It is important to note that Piaget did not view children’s intellectual development as a quantitative process. That is, kids dont’ just add more information and knowledge to their existing knowledge as they get older.

Instead, Piaget suggested that there is a qualitative change in how children think as they gradually progress through these four stages.

At age 7, children don’t just have more information about the world than they did at age 2; there is a fundamental change in how they think about the world.

Piaget suggested several factors that influence how children learn and grow.

Schemas

A schema describes both the mental and physical actions involved in understanding and knowing. Schemas are categories of knowledge that help us to interpret and understand the world.

In Piaget’s view, a schema includes both a category of knowledge and the process of obtaining that knowledge. As experiences happen, this new information is used to modify, add to, or change previously existing schemas.

For example, a child may have a schema about a type of animal, such as a dog. If the child’s sole experience has been with small dogs, a child might believe that all dogs are small, furry, and have four legs. Suppose then that the child encounters an enormous dog. The child will absorb this new information, modifying the existing schema to incorporate these new observations.

Assimilation

The process of incorporating new information into our existing schemas is known as assimilation. The process is somewhat subjective because we tend to modify experiences and information slightly to fit in with our preexisting beliefs. In the example above, recognizing a dog and labeling it “dog” is an instance of assimilating the animal into the child’s dog schema.

Accommodation

Another part of adaptation is the ability to change existing schemas in light of new information; this process is known as accommodation. New schemas may also be developed during this process.

Equilibration

As children progress through the stages of cognitive development, it is important to maintain a balance between applying previous knowledge (assimilation) and changing behavior to account for new knowledge (accommodation).

Piaget believed that all children try to strike a balance between assimilation and accommodation using a mechanism he called equilibration. Equilibration helps explain how children can move from one stage of thought to the next.

Take the Pop Quiz

Stage 1: Trust vs. Mistrust

The first stage of Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development occurs between birth and 1 year of age and is the most fundamental stage in life. Because an infant is utterly dependent, developing trust is based on the dependability and quality of the child’s caregivers.

At this point in development, the child is utterly dependent upon adult caregivers for everything they need to survive, including food, love, warmth, safety, and nurturing. If a caregiver fails to provide adequate care and love, the child will come to feel that they cannot trust or depend upon the adults in their life.

Outcomes

• If a child successfully develops trust, the child will feel safe and secure in the world. Caregivers who are inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or rejecting contribute to feelings of mistrust in the children under their care.
• Failure to develop trust will result in fear and a belief that the world is inconsistent and unpredictable.

No child is going to develop a sense of 100% trust or 100% doubt. Erikson believed that successful development was all about striking a balance between the two opposing sides. When this happens, children acquire hope, which Erikson described as an openness to experience tempered by some wariness that danger may be present.

Subsequent work by researchers including John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth demonstrated the importance of trust in forming healthy attachments during childhood and adulthood.

Stage 2: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt

The second stage of Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development takes place during early childhood and is focused on children developing a greater sense of personal control.

The Role of Independence

At this point in development, children are just starting to gain a little independence. They are starting to perform basic actions on their own and making simple decisions about what they prefer. By allowing kids to make choices and gain control, parents and caregivers can help children develop a sense of autonomy.

Potty Training

The essential theme of this stage is that children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Potty training plays an important role in helping children develop this sense of autonomy.

Like Freud, Erikson believed that toilet training was a vital part of this process. However, Erikson’s reasoning was quite different than that of Freud’s. Erikson believed that learning to control one’s bodily functions leads to a feeling of control and a sense of independence. Other important events include gaining more control over food choices, toy preferences, and clothing selection.

Outcomes

Children who struggle and who are shamed for their accidents may be left without a sense of personal control.

• Success during this stage of psychosocial development leads to feelings of autonomy.
• Failure results in feelings of shame and doubt.

Stage 3: Initiative vs. Guilt

The third stage of psychosocial development takes place during the preschool years. At this point in psychosocial development, children begin to assert their power and control over the world through directing play and other social interactions.

Children who are successful at this stage feel capable and able to lead others. Those who fail to acquire these skills are left with a sense of guilt, self-doubt, and lack of initiative.

Outcomes

The major theme of the third stage of psychosocial development is that children need to begin asserting control and power over the environment.

• Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose.
• Children who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt.

Stage 4: Industry vs. Inferiority

The fourth psychosocial stage takes place during the early school years from approximately ages 5 to 11. Through social interactions, children begin to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments and abilities.

Children need to cope with new social and academic demands. Success leads to a sense of competence, while failure results in feelings of inferiority.

Outcomes

• Children who are encouraged and commended by parents and teachers develop a feeling of competence and belief in their skills.
• Those who receive little or no encouragement from parents, teachers, or peers will doubt their abilities to be successful.

Stage 5: Identity vs. Confusion

The fifth psychosocial stage takes place during the often turbulent teenage years. This stage plays an essential role in developing a sense of personal identity, which will continue to influence behavior and development for the rest of a person’s life. Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity.

• Success leads to the ability to stay true to yourself.
• Failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self.

During adolescence, children explore their independence and develop a sense of self. Those who receive proper encouragement and reinforcement through personal exploration will emerge from this stage with a strong sense of self and feelings of independence and control. Those who remain unsure of their beliefs and desires will feel insecure and confused about themselves and the future.

What Is Identity?

When psychologists talk about identity, they are referring to all of the beliefs, ideals, and values that help shape and guide a person’s behavior. Completing this stage successfully leads to fidelity, which Erikson described as the ability to live by society’s standards and expectations.

While Erikson believed that each stage of psychosocial development was important, he placed a particular emphasis on the development of ego identity. Ego identity is the conscious sense of self that we develop through social interaction and becomes a central focus during the identity versus confusion stage of psychosocial development.

According to Erikson, our ego identity constantly changes due to new experiences and information we acquire in our daily interactions with others. As we have new experiences, we also take on challenges that can help or hinder the development of identity.

Stage 6: Intimacy vs. Isolation

Young adults need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation. This stage covers the period of early adulthood when people are exploring personal relationships.

Erikson believed it was vital that people develop close, committed relationships with other people. Those who are successful at this step will form relationships that are enduring and secure.

Building On Earlier Stages

Remember that each step builds on skills learned in previous steps. Erikson believed that a strong sense of personal identity was important for developing intimate relationships. Studies have demonstrated that those with a poor sense of self tend to have less committed relationships and are more likely to struggle with emotional isolation, loneliness, and depression.

Stage 7: Generativity vs. Stagnation

Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive change that benefits other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world.

During adulthood, we continue to build our lives, focusing on our career and family.

• Those who are successful during this phase will feel that they are contributing to the world by being active in their home and community.
• Those who fail to attain this skill will feel unproductive and uninvolved in the world.

Stage 8: Integrity vs. Despair

The final psychosocial stage occurs during old age and is focused on reflecting back on life. At this point in development, people look back on the events of their lives and determine if they are happy with the life that they lived or if they regret the things they did or didn’t do.

Erikson’s theory differed from many others because it addressed development throughout the entire lifespan, including old age. Older adults need to look back on life and feel a sense of fulfillment.

• Success at this stage leads to feelings of wisdom.
• Failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair.

At this stage, people reflect on the events of their lives and take stock. Those who look back on a life they feel was well-lived will feel satisfied and ready to face the end of their lives with a sense of peace. Those who look back and only feel regret will instead feel fearful that their lives will end without accomplishing the things they feel they should have.​

Outcomes

• Those who take pride in their accomplishments will feel a sense of integrity. Completing this phase means looking back with few regrets and a general feeling of satisfaction. These individuals will attain wisdom, even in the face of death.
• Those who are unsuccessful during this stage may feel that their life has been wasted and experience numerous regrets. The person will be left with feelings of bitterness and despair.

Strengths and Criticisms of Erikson’s Theory

Erikson’s theory also has its limitations and attracts valid criticisms. What kinds of experiences are necessary to successfully complete each stage? How does a person move from one stage to the next?

Criticism

One major weakness of psychosocial theory is that the exact mechanisms for resolving conflicts and moving from one stage to the next are not well described or developed. The theory fails to detail exactly what type of experiences are necessary at each stage in order to successfully resolve the conflicts and move to the next stage.

Support

One of the strengths of psychosocial theory is that it provides a broad framework from which to view development throughout the entire lifespan. It also enables us to highlight the social nature of human beings and the significant impact that social relationships have on development.

• Researchers have found evidence supporting Erikson’s ideas about identity and have further identified different sub-stages of identity formation.
• Some research also suggests that people who form strong personal identities during adolescence are better equipped to form intimate relationships during early adulthood.
• Other research suggests, however, that identity formation and development continue well into adulthood.

Take the Pop Quiz

See how much you’ve learned (or maybe already knew!) about Erik Erikson’s stages of development with this quick, free pop quiz.

It is important to remember that the psychosocial stages are just one theory of personality development. Some research may support certain aspects of this theoretical framework, but that does not mean that every aspect of the theory is supported by evidence. The theory can, however, be a helpful way to think about some of the different conflicts and challenges that people may face as they go through life.

It is also easy to look at each stage of Erikson’s theory and consider how it can apply to your life. Learning about each stage can provide insight into what you might face as you age. It can also help you reflect on things that may have happened in the past and help you see ways you might be able to improve your coping skills to better deal with today’s challenges.

Personality is what makes us unique, but according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), our personalities tend to fall into one of 16 distinct “types.” Each of these types is identified by a four-letter acronym describing key personality traits. For the ENTJ personality type, these letters stand for extraverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging. People with this personality type are often described as assertive, confident, and outspoken.

Sometimes referred to as the “Commander,” ENTJs tend to be great with people. They have a knack for envisioning the future and place a lot of emphasis on abstract ideas when they are making decisions. You might recognize them as the natural leaders who love to plan ahead.

The MBTI is one of the most popular personality assessments. It was developed by Isabel Myers and her mother, Katherine Briggs, and is based on Carl Jung’s theory of personality types.

Characteristics of the ENTJ Personality Type

According to psychologist David Keirsey, the ENTJ type is quite rare, accounting for a mere 2% of the population. They typically share a number of different strengths and weaknesses.

ENTJs Have Many Strengths…

Like other personality types, ENTJs have a number of important strengths:

• Great with people: People with this personality type enjoy spending time with other people. They have strong verbal skills, and interacting with others helps them feel energized.
• Future-focused: ENTJ types prefer to think about the future, and they enjoy thinking about abstract ideas. When making decisions, ENTJs place a greater emphasis on objective and logical information.
• Great at planning: ENTJs are planners. Making decisions and having a schedule or course of action planned out gives them a sense of predictability and control.
• Highly rational: They are highly rational, good at spotting problems, and excel at taking charge. These tendencies make them natural leaders who are focused on efficiently solving problems.

…But They Also Have Some Weaknesses

Like other personality types, ENTJs also have traits that can be challenges at times:

• Trouble focusing on details: Because they are so focused on the future, they often lose sight of what’s happening in the here and now. While they love abstract concepts, they tend to feel bored if they have to focus on a lot of concrete, detailed information.
• Tend to ignore other people’s emotions: Personal feelings and the emotions of others tend not to factor much into their choices. ENTJs are not necessarily good with emotions, but that does not mean they are intentionally cruel.
• Tend to hide their own feelings: They are prone to hiding their own emotions and sentimentality, viewing it as a weakness that should not be made known to others.

Understanding the Cognitive Functions of ENTJs

Based upon the Jungian personality theory, the MBTI suggests that personality is composed of several different cognitive functions. These functions can be focused primarily outward (extraverted) or inward (introverted).

Each function relates to how people perceive the world and make decisions.:

• The dominant function is the most prominent aspect of personality, while the auxiliary function plays a supporting role.
• The tertiary function has a weaker influence but can become more apparent when a person is under stress.
• The inferior function is primarily unconscious and is often a point of weakness. Developing this aspect can help people form a more balanced personality.

Dominant: Extraverted Thinking (Te)

This is an ENTJ preferred function and is expressed through the way they make decisions and judgments.

ENTJs tend to speak first without listening, making snap judgments before really taking in all the information about a situation.

While they tend to make snap judgments, they are also very rational and objective. They are focused on imposing order and standards on the world around them. Setting measurable goals is important.

Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition (Ni)

The auxiliary function helps balance a person’s personality. Using the dominant function all the time would lead to a one-dimensional personality. The dominant function does act as the primary driver of personality, but the auxiliary function is there to offer support.

People with this personality type are future-focused and always consider the possibilities when approaching a decision.

Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing (Se)

The tertiary function in personality acts as a background support, although it is less prominent that the dominant and auxiliary functions.

This cognitive function gives ENTJs an appetite for adventure. They enjoy novel experiences and may sometimes engage in thrill-seeking behaviors.

Because of their outward sensory focus, they also have an appreciation for beautiful things in life. They often enjoy surrounding themselves with things that they find attractive or interesting.

Inferior: Introverted Feeling (Fi)

The inferior function is the weakest part of your personality. That means that it is frequently one of your biggest challenges. Introverted feeling is centered on internal feelings and values.

When this aspect of personality is weak, ENTJs may feel uncomfortable or awkward in settings where an emotional response is required.

Personal Relationships With ENTJs

Since ENTJs are extraverts, they gain energy from socializing (unlike introverts, who expend energy in social situations). They love having passionate and lively conversations and debates. In some cases, other people can feel intimidated by the ENTJs confidence and strong verbal skills. When they have a good idea, people with this personality type feel compelled to share their point of view with others.

Expressing emotions can be difficult for them at times, and their tendency to get into debates can make them seem aggressive, argumentative, and confrontational. People can overcome this problem by making a conscious effort to think about how other people might be feeling.

They may struggle to understand or get along with more sensitive personality types. While they are extroverts, they are not emotionally expressive and other people may see them as insensitive.

Career Paths for ENTJs

Thanks to their comfort in the spotlight, ability to communicate, and a tendency to make quick decisions, ENTJs tend to naturally fall into leadership roles.

These individuals sometimes find themselves taking control of a group without really knowing how they came to be in such a position. Because of their love for structure and order, the ENTJ is also good at supervising and directing others and helping groups complete tasks and achieve goals.

ENTJs do best in careers where there is a lot of structure, but plenty of room for variety. Jobs that allow them to meet and interact with lots of different people are ideal. People with this type bring a lot of desirable skills to the table, including excellent leadership and communication skills, a hard-working attitude, and an ability to plan for the future.

Tips for Interacting With ENTJs

Knowing more about how to interact with an ENTJ can help keep your relationships running smoothly with fewer conflicts. How you respond to an ENTJ can depend on the nature of your relationship. For example, you would communicate with them differently if they are your partner versus a co-worker. Here are some tips that can help you navigate different types of ENTJ relationships:

Friendships

ENTJ are social people and love engaging conversations. While they can seem argumentative and confrontational at times, just remember that this is part of their communication style. Try not to take it personally. They tend to have the easiest friendships with people who share their interests and views and may struggle to understand people who are very introverted, sensitive, or emotional.

Parenting

Parents of ENTJ children should recognize that their child is independent and intellectually curious. You can help your child by allowing them to pursue their curiosity. Understand that your child will often need your reasoning explained to understand why certain rules need to be followed.

You can also help your child develop their emotional understanding by talking openly about feelings. Point out how people might feel about different experiences so that your ENTJ child can learn to better interpret both their own emotions and those of others.

Relationships

An ENTJ partner can often seem quite dominating in a relationship. Because dealing with emotions does not come naturally to them, they may seem insensitive to their partner’s feelings. It is important to remember that this does not mean that ENTJ’s don’t have feelings—they just need to feel completely comfortable in order to show their emotions.

They are very committed to making relationships work and are always looking for ways that they can improve their relationships. If you have an issue with your partner, be upfront and honest. Your partner would rather hear the truth than try to guess your feelings.