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Cognitive milestones represent important steps forward in a child’s development. Cognitive development refers to how children think, learn, explore, remember, and solve problems.

Historically, babies were often thought of as simple, passive beings. Prior to the 20th century, children were often seen simply as miniature versions of adults.

It wasn’t until psychologists like Jean Piaget proposed that children think differently than adults that people began to view childhood and adolescence as unique periods of growth and development.

In the past, adults often dismissed the remarkable intellectual skills of infants and very young children, but modern thinkers and researchers have discovered that babies are, in fact, always learning, thinking, and exploring the world around them.

Even newborn infants are actively taking in information and learning new things. In addition to gathering new information about the people and the world around them, babies constantly discover new things about themselves.

This article discusses cognitive milestones that occur between the ages of birth and five years. It also explores what you can do to help encourage your child’s cognitive development.

From Birth to 3 Months

The first three months of a child’s life are a time of wonder. Major developmental milestones at this age focus on exploring the basic senses and learning more about the body and the environment.

During this period, most infants begin to:

• Demonstrate anticipatory behaviors, like rooting and sucking at the site of a nipple or bottle
• Detect sound differences in pitch and volume
• Discern objects more clearly within a distance of 13 inches
• Focus on moving objects, including the faces of caregivers
• See all colors of the human visual spectrum
• Tell between tastes, from sweet, salty, bitter, and sour
• Use facial expressions to respond to their environment

From 3 to 6 Months

In early infancy, perceptual abilities are still developing. From the age of 3–6 months, infants begin to develop a stronger sense of perception. At this age, most babies begin to:

• Imitate facial expressions
• React to familiar sounds
• Recognize familiar faces
• Respond to the facial expressions of other people

From 6 to 9 Months

Looking inside the mind of an infant is no easy task. After all, researchers cannot just ask a baby what he or she is thinking at any given moment. To learn more about the mental processes of infants, researchers have come up with many creative tasks that reveal the inner workings of the baby’s brain.

From the age of 6–9 months, researchers have found that most infants begin to:

• Gaze longer at “impossible” things, such as an object suspended in midair
• Tell the differences between pictures depicting different numbers of objects
• Understand the differences between animate and inanimate objects
• Utilize the relative size of an object to determine how far away it is

From 9 to 12 Months

As infants become more physically adept, they can explore the world around them in greater depth. Sitting up, crawling, and walking are just a few physical milestones that allow babies to gain a greater mental understanding of the world around them.

As they approach one year of age, most infants can:

• Enjoy looking at picture books
• Imitate gestures and some basic actions
• Manipulate objects by turning them over, trying to put one object into another, etc.
• Respond with gestures and sounds
• Understand the concept of object permanence, the idea that an object continues to exist even though it cannot be seen

From 1 to 2 Years

After reaching a year of age, children’s physical, social, and cognitive development seems to grow by leaps and bounds. Children at this age spend a tremendous amount of time observing the actions of adults, so it is important for parents and caregivers to set good examples of behavior.

Most one-year-olds begin to:

• Identify objects that are similar
• Imitate the actions and language of adults
• Learn through exploration
• Point out familiar objects and people in picture books
• Tell the difference between “Me” and “You”
• Understand and respond to words

From 2 to 3 Years

At two years of age, children are becoming increasingly independent. Since they are now able to explore the world more fully, a great deal of learning during this stage is the result of their own experiences.

Most two-year-olds are able to:

• Identify their own reflection in the mirror by name
• Imitate more complex adult actions (playing house, pretending to do laundry, etc.)
• Match objects with their uses
• Name objects in a picture book
• Respond to simple directions from parents and caregivers
• Sort objects by category (i.e., animals, flowers, trees, etc.)
• Stack rings on a peg from largest to smallest

From 3 to 4 Years

Children become increasingly capable of analyzing the world around them more complexly. As they observe their environment, they begin to sort and categorize objects and ideas into different categories, often referred to as schemas.

Since children are becoming much more active in the learning process, they also begin to pose questions about the world around them. “Why?” becomes a very common question around this age.

At the age of three, most kids are able to:

• Ask “why” questions to gain information
• Demonstrate awareness of the past and present
• Learn by observing and listening to instructions
• Maintain a longer attention span of around 5 to 15 minutes
• Organize objects by size and shape
• Seek answers to questions
• Understand how to group and match objects according to color

From 4 to 5 Years

As they near school age, children become better at using words, imitating adult actions, counting, and other basic activities that are important for school preparedness.

Most four-year-olds are able to:

• Create pictures that they often name and describe
• Count to five
• Draw the shape of a person
• Name and identify many colors
• Rhyme
• Tell you where they live

Help Kids Reach Cognitive Milestones

Finding ways to encourage children’s intellectual development is on the minds of most parents. Fortunately, children are eager to learn right from the very beginning.

• Cultivate learning experiences at home: While education will soon become an enormous part of a growing child’s life, those earliest years are influenced mainly by close family relationships, particularly those with parents and other caregivers. This means that parents are uniquely positioned to help shape how their children learn, think, and develop.
• Encourage children’s interest in the world: Parents can encourage their children’s intellectual abilities by helping them make sense of the world around them. When an infant shows interest in an object, parents can help the child touch and explore the object and say what the object is.
• Demonstrate information: For example, when a baby looks intently at a toy rattle, the parent might pick up the item and place it in the infant’s hand, saying, “Does Gracie want the rattle?” and then shake the rattle to demonstrate what it does.
• Encourage exploration: Parents should encourage their children to explore the world as they grow older. Try to be patient with young children who seem to have an endless array of questions about each and everything around them. Parents can also pose their own questions to help kids become more creative problem solvers.
• Ask questions: When facing a dilemma, ask questions such as “What do you think would happen if we…?” or “What might happen if we….?” By allowing kids to come up with original solutions to problems, parents can help encourage both intellectual development and self-confidence.

When most people think of domestic abuse, the first thing that comes to mind is likely verbal abuse and physical assault. Abuse is more than just physical violence. Research shows that other forms of abuse—including financial abuse—occur just as frequently in unhealthy relationships.

Older research has suggested that 99% of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. However, estimates about the prevalence of economic abuse vary. Some studies indicate that the prevalence rates in the U.S. range from 52% to 98%.

What Exactly Is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse involves controlling a victim’s ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. Those who are victimized financially may be prevented from working, or the abuser may attempt to control how they use the money they earn.

Research shows that victims often are too concerned about their ability to provide financially for themselves and their children to end the relationship. Financial insecurity is also one of the top reasons women return to an abusive partner.

Men can be victims of abuse as well. Because financial abuse is recognized as a form of domestic violence,approximately 1 in 7 men (18 years and older) will experience a form of domestic violence.

How to Spot the Signs of Financial Abuse

Overall, financial abuse is very isolating because victims often become financially dependent on their abusers. This financial dependence traps them in the relationship. Without resources, they are unable to see a way out of their situation.

Below is an overview of the way financial abuse is perpetrated. Some abusers may use all of these tactics while others may only use one or two. Regardless of whether the abusive person is using one tactic or 10, it’s still considered financial abuse. Here are some ways in which people are abused financially.

Exploiting Your Resources 

When a dating partner or spouse uses or controls the money you have earned or saved, they are exploiting your resources.

Here are some examples of this exploitation:

• Controlling or spending your money: This may involve trying to control your use of or access to money you have earned or saved. They may also use your assets for their personal benefit without asking, including taking money or using credit cards without permission.
• Ruining your credit history: They might do this by running up limits and then not paying bills or claiming to make payments or pay bills in your name but not following through.
• Feeling entitled to your money or assets: They might demand that you turn over your paycheck, passwords, and credit cards. They might also expect you to pay for their bills or their obligations or require you to bail them out of difficult financial situations​
• Interfering with your finances: This can involve using offers to help with your budget or financial decisions as a cover for gaining control over your finances. They might confiscate your paycheck or other sources of income, intercept or open your bank statements and other financial records, or threaten to lie to officials and claim you are “cheating or misusing benefits.”

​Interfering With Your Job 

When a dating partner or spouse attempts to control your ability to earn money or gain assets, they are interfering with your income potential. Here are some examples of job interference.

• Criticizing and minimizing your job or choice of career
• Pressuring you to quit your job—sometimes even using children as an excuse
• Telling you where you can and cannot work
• Sabotaging your work responsibilities
• Harassing you at work by calling, texting, or stopping by
• Preventing you from working by hiding your keys, unhooking your car battery, taking your car without permission, or offering to babysit and then not showing up
• Forcing you to work for a family business without compensation or benefits

​Controlling Shared Assets and Resources

When a dating partner or spouse has complete control over the money in the relationship and you have little or no access to what you need, this is controlling the family resources. Here are some examples of controlling shared resources and assets.

• Criticizing every financial decision you make and requiring you to account for every penny you spend (may even ask for receipts and change)
• Having a double standard when it comes to their spending (they may spend money on entertainment, dining out, and clothing but criticize you when you make similar purchases)
• Making significant financial decisions without your input, refusing to collaborate on finances, and limiting your access to the overall financial picture as a couple
• Limiting your access to money by not allowing you to have bank accounts or credit cards, or by withholding financial information such as account passwords, account numbers, and investment information
• Hiding or taking funds and putting them in a private account, insisting you share your income but refusing to share theirs, or refusing to work or contribute to the family income
• Controlling the ‘purse strings,’ forcing you to ask for money, or establishing unrealistic limits or allowances
• Demanding that you ask permission before spending money but not consulting you when they make purchases, and requiring that large, joint purchases be in their name only (such as car loans, mortgages, cell phones, or apartment leases)
• Becoming enraged over money and then engaging in other forms of abuse like name-calling or physical violence
• Evading or refusing to pay child support and dragging out divorce proceedings to cripple you financially

Devastating Effects of Financial Abuse

The effects of financial abuse are often devastating. It’s important to remember that financial abuse is often accompanied by emotional abuse. This can also undermine a person’s ability to deal with the situation. People also sometimes struggle to meet their basic needs, so they not be able to secure food and other necessities because they have no money.

In the short term, this financial abuse leaves victims vulnerable to physical abuse and violence. Without access to money, credit cards, and other financial assets, it’s extremely difficult to devise a plan to escape the situation safely.

For instance, if an abuser is particularly violent and the victim needs to leave to stay safe, this is difficult without money or a credit card. And if they need to leave the relationship permanently, finding safe and affordable housing is challenging. They also struggle to provide necessities like food, clothing, and transportation.

Financial abuse also has long-term effects. This abuse makes it hard to maintain a steady employment history, which can make finding work in the future more challenging. Because it often leads to ruined credit histories, outstanding debts, and mounting legal issues, the effects can last years and make it very hard to rebuild lasting financial security.

Consequently, it’s tough for them to establish independence and long-term security. In fact, many victims stay with or return to abusers due to concerns about financial stability. Financial abuse can also have other long-term effects, including problems with self-esteem and problems with trust in relationships.

How to Get Help

If you are experiencing financial abuse, there are steps that you can take to protect yourself. Leaving the relationship is often the best solution. Other strategies that you can use to protect yourself and get help:

Protect Your Personal Information

Contact your bank and credit card company and ask them to change your account information, including your PIN and access codes. Once you have changed these, do not share them with anyone else.

Access Your Credit Report

Find out more about your financial situation by requesting a free credit report from annualcreditreport.com. Doing this will allow you to see if your abuser has opened up other accounts or lines of credit in your name. 

Prepare for the Future

If you cannot leave your abuser immediately, you can take steps to prepare for the future. Open a new account and hide cash where your abuser cannot find it. 

Find Support

Talking to trusted loved ones can provide support, care, and encouragement. Loved ones may also offer resources, such as housing and financial support if you decide to end the relationship.

How to Help Someone Experiencing Financial Abuse

If you think that someone you know is experiencing financial abuse, there are things you can do to help. 

Some strategies that can be helpful include:

• Helping them document the abuse
• Holding money for them so they can save up
• Offering rides to or from work
• Letting them use your address to set up a personal bank account and to send and receive mail

Fear of intimacy, sometimes referred to as intimacy avoidance or avoidance anxiety, is characterized as the fear of sharing a close emotional or physical relationship. People who experience this fear don’t usually wish to avoid intimacy, and may even long for closeness, but frequently push others away or even sabotage relationships nonetheless.

Fear of intimacy can stem from several causes, including certain childhood experiences such as a history of abuse or neglect. The fear may involve one or more of these types of intimacy to different degrees:

• Intellectual: The ability to share your thoughts and ideas with another
• Emotional: The ability to share your innermost feelings with another
• Sexual: The ability to share yourself sexually
• Experiential: The ability to share experiences with another
• Spiritual intimacy: The ability to share your beliefs beyond yourself, in a higher power, or individual connection to others and the world

Overcoming this fear and anxiety can take time, both to explore and understand the contributing issues and to practice allowing greater vulnerability.

Fear of Intimacy vs. Fear of Vulnerability

The fear of intimacy is separate from the fear of vulnerability, though the two can be closely intertwined. A person living with a fear of intimacy may be comfortable becoming vulnerable and showing their true self to the world at first, but there are often limits to how vulnerable they’ll allow themselves to be.

What Causes Fear of Intimacy?

Fears of abandonment and engulfment and, ultimately, a fear of loss are at the heart of the fear of intimacy for many people, and these fears can coexist. Although the fears are different from one another, both cause behaviors that alternately pull the partner in and then push them away again.

These fears are generally rooted in past childhood experiences and triggered by the here-and-now of adult relationships. This leads to confusion if a person focuses on examining the relationship solely based on present-day circumstances.

Fear of intimacy can also be linked to anxiety disorders.

Fear of Abandonment

Those who are afraid of abandonment worry that their partner will leave them. This fear often results from the experience of a parent or other important adult figure abandoning the person emotionally or physically as a young child.

Fear of Engulfment

Those who have fear engulfment are afraid of being controlled, dominated, or “losing themselves” in a relationship, and this fear sometimes stems from growing up in an enmeshed family.

Anxiety Disorders

The fear of intimacy may also occur as part of a social phobia or social anxiety disorder. Some experts classify the fear of intimacy as a subset of these conditions.

People who are afraid of others’ judgment, evaluation, or rejection are naturally more likely to shy away from making intimate, personal connections. In addition, some specific phobias, such as the fear of touch, may occur as part of the fear of intimacy.

Other people, however, may be comfortable in superficial social situations, numbering their acquaintances and social media “friends” in the hundreds, but have no deeply personal relationships at all.

Risk Factors

Risk factors for a fear of intimacy often stem back to childhood and the inability to securely trust parental figures and caregivers, which can lead to attachment issues. Experiences that may increase the risk of fearing intimacy include:

• Enmeshed families: While enmeshed families may, on the surface, appear to be loving and supportive, boundaries and roles might be blurred and lead to issues with attachment, independence, and intimacy.
• Emotional neglect: Parents who are physically but not emotionally available send the message to children that they (and by extension, others) can’t be relied on.
• Loss of a parent: People who have lost a parent through death, divorce, or imprisonment may be left with feelings of abandonment and may have a harder time forming romantic attachments as adults. Research has found that a fear of abandonment is associated with mental health problems and later anxiety in romantic relationships.
• Parental illness: Illness in a parent can result in a feeling of not being able to rely on anyone but oneself, especially when it involves role reversal or the need to “play parent” and care for other siblings at a young age.
• Parental mental illness: Research suggests that parental mental illness, such as narcissistic personality disorder, can affect attachment formation in children, which may result in insecure attachment and poor coping strategies in adulthood.
• Parental substance use: Substance use issues can make it difficult for parents to provide consistent care, which can interfere with the formation of attachments.
• Physical or sexual abuse: Abuse in childhood can make it difficult to form both emotional and sexual intimacy as an adult. 
• Neglect: People who experienced neglect as children may find it difficult to trust and rely on others, including intimate partners, as adults.
• Verbal abuse: Children who are emotionally abused may grow into adults who fear being ridiculed or verbally abused if they share anything with others, which can lead to an inability to share and be vulnerable in relationships with other people.

A fear of intimacy is also more common in people who are taught not to trust strangers, in those who have a history of depression, and in those who have experienced rape.

While the focus is primarily on childhood, the experiences of relationships during adolescence and adulthood can continue to influence a person’s openness to intimacy.

Signs and Manifestations

The fear of intimacy can play out in a number of different ways in any type of relationship, whether romantic, platonic, or familial.

It’s important to note that the manifestations of an underlying fear of intimacy can often be interpreted as the opposite of what the person is trying to achieve in terms of connection. For instance, a person may strongly desire close relationships, but their fear prompts them to do things that cause problems forming and sustaining them.

For those who have been involved with a person living with a fear of intimacy, this paradox is particularly important to understand. The fear does not usually cause major difficulties unless a person truly longs for closeness. Here are some specific behaviors that are commonly seen.

Serial Dating and Fear of Commitment

A person who has a fear of intimacy is often able to interact with others, at least initially. It’s when the relationship grows closer and the value of the relationship grows that things begin to fall apart.

Instead of connecting on an intimate level, the relationship is ended in some way, and replaced by yet another, more superficial relationship. The pattern that emerges is many short-term relationships. There are a number of reasons why a person may appear to have a “commitment phobia” or be accused of being a serial dater; fear of intimacy may be one.

Perfectionism

The underlying fear of intimacy often lies a feeling that a person does not deserve to be loved and supported. This leads to the need to be “perfect” to prove oneself lovable.

Difficulty Expressing Needs

A person with a fear of intimacy may have great difficulty expressing needs and wishes. Again, this may stem from feeling undeserving of another’s support.

Because partners are unable to “mind read,” those needs go unfulfilled, essentially confirming the person’s feelings that they are unworthy. This pattern can translate into a vicious circle, one in which the lack of a partner understanding unexpressed needs leads to a further lack of trust in the relationship.

Sabotaging Relationships

People who have a fear of intimacy may sabotage their relationship in many ways. Act of sabotage may take the form of nitpicking and being very critical of a partner. It may also take the form of making themselves unlovable in some way, acting suspicious, and accusing a partner of something that hasn’t actually occurred.

Difficulties With Physical Contact

A fear of intimacy can also lead to extremes when it comes to physical contact. On one side, a person may avoid physical contact completely. On the other, they may seem to have a constant need for physical contact.

Diagnosis

There is a spectrum when it comes to fear of intimacy, with some people having only mild traits and others being unable to form any close relationships at all. Psychometric testing can help a psychologist or therapist better define where a person lies on the spectrum and also evaluate for other mental health conditions.

How to Know If You Have Intimacy Issues

Watch out for the following signs in yourself that may indicate a fear of intimacy:

• An inability to express what you need and want from those in your life
• Poor communication or avoidance of serious topics in your relationships
• Trouble trusting your partner with important matters or decisions
• An unwillingness to share your dreams and/or goals
• Purposely sabotaging relationships once you begin to get close to the other person
• Avoiding physical contact with your partner
• Refraining from being spontaneous or adventurous in the bedroom

Treatment for Fear of Intimacy

Professional guidance is often required to navigate a fear of intimacy, especially if the fear is rooted in complicated past events. Choose your therapist carefully, as therapeutic rapport, mutual respect, and trust are essential to the work of healing. You may find that you need to try several therapists before you find a match.

Your therapist can help you come to terms with any past or present events that are clouding the situation and help you design a series of small steps to gradually work through your fear.

Many people who have a fear of intimacy also experience problems with depression, substance use, and anxiety disorders that also need to be addressed. A therapist can assist with these individual concerns as well.

Coping With a Fear of Intimacy

Whether you consult with a therapist or not, there is some work that must be done in order to conquer a fear of intimacy that only you can do. This largely comes down to facing and challenging negative attitudes about yourself, which is critical if lasting change is to take place.

Accept Uncertainty

Those who fear intimacy ultimately fear the consequences of a relationship that turns sour. It’s important to accept the fact that there are no guarantees in life or in human relationships. Every connection with another person is ultimately a gamble. Despite that, social relationships are a basic driving goal of human existence.

Practicing courage can make a difference, and it’s been found that developing positive relationship experiences can decrease fear. A caveat is that it’s important to do this with someone who you believe you can trust. Try to focus more on living day to day, rather than focusing on (or needing) a particular outcome.

Express Self-Compassion

In order to successfully battle the fear of intimacy, you must first be comfortable with yourself. If you truly know and accept your own value and worth as a person, then you know that rejection is not as crushing as it may seem.

Practicing self-compassion may sound easy to some, but for others, it’s not always intuitive. There are several excellent books and workbooks available that may be helpful if you’re not certain where to begin.

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Look at Your Past

Most of us don’t want to think negatively about a parent or parental figure but try to honestly evaluate your childhood relationships in an effort to zero in on possible contributions to your fear of intimacy. Think about the messages you received in your family and compare these with the messages you should have received.

If you had a neglectful, abusive, or engulfing parent, recognizing that your relationship with your parent is not the only model for intimate relationships may help you realize what might be possible in terms of intimacy.

Tune Into Your Inner Dialogue

The inner dialogue that leads to the manifestations of a fear of intimacy is often deep-seated, and after living a lifetime as your own inner critic, it may seem normal to you.

Look at Your Goals

What do you really want in life? Do you want a long-term intimate relationship? If so, how have you pushed people away in the past? Take time to review what your wishes and goals were and are and how your actions either help or hinder them.

Give Yourself Time

Overcoming a fear of intimacy doesn’t happen overnight. Even when you feel like you have gained ground, you will inevitably have setbacks. Grant yourself forgiveness when this happens and speak kindly to your inner self.

Try not to view your fear as a character flaw. Instead, try to look at it as simply something that likely stems from your distant past that you can work through in order to have a better future.

Research has also shown that positive relationship experiences can be beneficial for those who have issues with intimacy. Having such positive experiences may improve your ability to form intimacy over time.

Advice for Loved Ones

If it is your loved one who is coping with a fear of intimacy, you will need to practice patience. Setbacks are perfectly normal and to be expected. Establishing safety and trust is of utmost importance so that your loved one can begin to open up.

Keep your partner’s fear of abandonment, rejection, or engulfment in mind as you think about their words and behaviors. Their upbringing may cause them to interpret an action in a completely different way than you would.

For example, if your partner is coping with a fear of engulfment due to growing up in an enmeshed family, surprising them by saying, “we are going on a trip” may not be a loving and pleasant surprise at all, and may reinforce their fear of being controlled. Instead, providing clear choices and making sure your partner is involved in all decisions might be interpreted as more loving.

Regular reminders of your love, through both words and actions, are important. Don’t assume your partner “feels” loved. Rather, create an environment that supports the fact that they are deserving of it.

Most importantly, let your partner know that overcoming the fear is a team effort. While you are likely curious, it’s not important for you to understand how this all started. Instead, what your loved one needs is support and a willingness to listen when they are ready to share.

Keep in Mind

Actions rooted in a fear of intimacy only perpetuate the concern. With effort, and especially with a good therapist, however, many people have overcome the fear and developed the understanding and tools needed to create long-term intimate relationships.

Many of us have had the thought, “I feel like I’m losing my mind” at one time or another. This thought may surface in times of heightened stress, but it can also be a manifestation of a mental health condition, such as anxiety, panic disorder, or depersonalization. Sometimes the thought itself can induce even more stress or anxiety. Feeling as though you are losing your mind is a very scary idea!

The good news is that if you are self-aware enough to have this thought, it’s not likely that you are actually losing your mind. That being said, dealing with this type of thought, and the feelings that go along with it, can be very challenging. If you are feeling like you are “losing your mind,” there are things you can do to cope, and to start feeling like yourself again.

I Feel Like I’m Losing My Mind

Saying to yourself, “I feel like I’m losing my mind” isn’t just a thought—it usually comes with a plethora of physical and emotional manifestations. Usually, people who have this thought are experiencing more stress than usual, are recovering from a trauma, or are experiencing an uptick in an anxiety disorder, panic disorder, or another mental health condition.

Symptoms

Everyone experiences the feeling of “losing my mind” in different ways. Many of the symptoms are related to your stress response (“fight or flight” response) being triggered.

Some of the ways that this may be experienced include:

Why Do I Feel Like I’m Losing My Mind?

Just as everyone experiences “I feel like I’m losing my mind” a little differently, there are several different reasons why you might be having this thought. Sometimes there is a combination of reasons why these thoughts and feelings are being triggered.

For example, you might be experiencing more stress than usual in your life and that, in turn, exacerbates your anxiety disorder. Sometimes increased anxiety can also trigger an episode of depersonalization or derealization that can also feel like “losing your mind.”

Stress

There are many types of situations that can trigger stress, including a difficult job situation, family or marital conflict, stress from a health crisis, parenting stress, or stress from hearing about troubling world events.

Stress triggers hormones in our body—cortisol and adrenaline—which puts our body in a state of “high alert.” This makes us feel as though our thoughts are spinning out of control. These hormones also make our heart beat rapidly, and our breathing shallow.

We react to stimuli differently when we are in a state of heightened stress, and may flinch at sudden noises and generally feel on edge. All of this can make us feel like we are “losing it.”

Anxiety

You can have increased anxiety because of a particularly stressful situation. People who have anxiety disorders may become anxious for seemingly no reason at all, which is why they might often think, “I feel like I’m losing my mind.” Either way, anxiety and anxiety disorders can make us feel out of control, and can make us feel as though we are “going crazy” or losing our minds.

Symptoms of anxiety disorders that are related to a feeling of losing one’s mind include:

• Obsessive thoughts about death
• Feeling detached
• Racing heart and rapid pulse
• Unable to stop worrying thoughts or unsettling thoughts and images
• Not being able to sit still or concentrate
• A feeling of dread, doom, losing control

Panic Attacks

Experiencing a panic attack can be a very scary experience. If it’s the first time you are experiencing one, you might not know what is even happening, and you may feel as though you are losing your mind.

One of the reasons panic attacks can make you feel that you are losing your mind is that you may experience the feeling of something terrifying happening when there isn’t anything like that happening at all.

So, your rational mind might know that everything is OK, but another part of your mind is convincing you that that is not the case. This disconnection can make you feel like your thoughts are out of your control and that something is wrong with you.

Panic attacks include physical symptoms like:

• Increased sweating
• Trouble breathing (even hyperventilation)
• Racing heartbeats
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Chest pain

Many people who experience panic attacks end up having several of them in a row, which can add to the feeling of feeling out of control, and like your mind is betraying you.

Depersonalization/Derealization

If you have experienced a trauma or a period of intense anxiety and/or panic attacks, you might start to experience depersonalization or depersonalization. Both depersonalization and derealization are dissociative disorders, which are characterized by a disconnection between one’s thoughts and one’s self or identity.

Many of the symptoms of depersonalization and derealization are apt to make someone think, “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

Symptoms may include:

• Feeling like you are detached from your body
• Feeling as though you are on the outside of your life, looking in
• Feeling numb, emotionless
• Feeling like you don’t know who you are
• Feeling a loss of your identity
• Feelings of anxiety or depression

Coping When I Feel Like I’m Losing My Mind

Probably the most important thing you can do if you are having thoughts like “I feel like I’m losing my mind” is to keep in mind that there are many completely rational reasons why you are thinking and feeling this way. Importantly, it’s highly unlikely that you are actually losing your mind. You are more likely simply having a rough time or are dealing with a mental health challenge.

Self-Care for Stress

If you are experiencing increased stress, your “stress response” has likely been triggered, and the goal now is to counter that stress with the “relaxation response.” In essence, you want to tell your body’s nervous system that there isn’t any impending danger ahead, and that your body’s systems can settle down and relax.

Some simple ways to do this include:

• Deep breathing exercises: You can concentrate on elongating your out-breath to calm down your nervous system
• Meditation: Get an app on your phone, plug in your headphones, and listen—even a few minutes will help. A study showed that mindfulness meditation helped to decrease stress in nurses.
• Exercise: Exercise floods your body with endorphins and other “feel good” hormones
• Talk it out: Simply sharing your feelings with someone you trust (including those “I feel like I’m losing my mind” thoughts) can provide a needed release for you, and help you feel less alone

Therapy and Medication

If you are dealing with symptoms of anxiety, panic, or depersonalization/derealization, it can be helpful to seek professional mental health help, particularly if your experience is intense, is interfering with your day-to-day life, or doesn’t seem to respond well enough to self-care and other forms of stress relief.

Anxiety disorders, including general anxiety and panic disorder, respond well to various types of therapy and medications, including:

Depersonalization/derealization symptoms also respond well to therapy and medication. Common treatments include:

Keep in Mind

Again, most instances of “I feel like I’m losing my mind” are simply a reaction to stress or an exacerbation of a mental health condition. Most can be solved with stress relief or help from a mental health professional.

However, there are some instances where racing thoughts and feeling out of control may indicate a more serious mental illness. If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm, suicide, are hearing voices, are unable to sleep or eat, you should seek emergency medical care.

Having obsessive thoughts about another person can feel all-consuming. It may start small. Maybe you can’t stop thinking about someone you’re interested in or admire. You might spend hours browsing their social media pages and keeping up with their lives.

At first, it seems harmless; you’re merely intrigued by this person, but before you know it, these thoughts start to take up more time and energy. It can get to a point where it’s all you think about, affecting your mood, work, and even your other relationships.

If this sounds familiar, it’s vital to get to the root of these obsessive thoughts and rid yourself of them before they significantly affect your mental health and well-being. Dismissing these thoughts as they pop into your head isn’t enough. You need to sit with yourself and address the obsession. Sometimes, you may need professional help to overcome your obsession.

With the proper support, you can learn to manage these thoughts and focus on more positive and fulfilling parts of your life.

What Does It Mean When You Can’t Stop Obsessing Over Someone?

Obsessing over someone means you are constantly preoccupied with thoughts about that person. So much so that you have room for little else in your mind. Thinking about someone occasionally or even frequently isn’t obsessive. However, when such thoughts become intrusive and overwhelming, you may have become obsessed with the person you’re thinking of.

Obsession with a person can manifest in different ways. For some people, it might involve constantly checking their social media, while for others, it might mean endlessly analyzing every interaction with that person.

In extreme cases, it can lead to behaving in ways that disrupt your life or invade the other person’s boundaries. For instance, going out of your way to show up at places you know they’d be, even when it’s inconvenient for you or uncomfortable for them.

Don’t mistake thinking about someone important to you often as an obsession. It’s only when such thoughts start to control and disrupt your life that you may need to take a step back and reassess your feelings and behaviors.

The Impact of Obsession on Mental Health

Any kind of obsession is unhealthy and can significantly affect your mental health. However, it’s particularly concerning when it’s over another person because you are not only potentially harming yourself, but you may also act in ways that make them feel uncomfortable or even frightened.

Ways in which obsession can affect your mental health include the following:

Inducing Anxiety and Stress

Obsessive thoughts often trigger intense anxiety. You might constantly worry about what the other person is doing, thinking, or feeling. This continuous worry can lead to stress, affecting your mental and physical health.

Obsession, including ruminating or repetitive thoughts, can increase symptoms of anxiety or depression. Suppose you’re already predisposed to these symptoms—in that case, it is very common to see a worsening of symptoms, including anger, frustration, sadness, or feelings of worry, says Tzvi Furer, MD, a board-certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist.

Impact Your Self-Esteem

Constantly obsessing over someone can also affect how you see yourself. You might start comparing yourself to them or others in their life. In many cases, you may see yourself in an unfavorable light compared to them and the people they hold dear, which can make you feel inadequate and lower your self-esteem.

Disrupt Your Daily Life

When you’re preoccupied with thoughts of another person, it can be hard to concentrate on yourself. You may begin neglecting your loved ones, work, studies, or even simple daily routines like exercise or hygiene as your focus shifts away from yourself and your responsibilities.

Impact Existing Relationships

Your relationships with friends, family, and colleagues can suffer due to your obsession. You might find yourself either withdrawing from these relationships or talking about your obsession incessantly, which can strain these connections.

Mood Swings 

When you’re obsessed with a person, you quickly find that they’re able to dictate your mood. You feel over the moon when they turn their attention to you and horrible when they don’t.

This unpredictability can be emotionally draining and affect those around you who are likely to bear the brunt of your volatile emotions.

Practical Techniques to Manage Obsessive Thoughts

It’s essential to recognize that obsessive thoughts are often just thoughts, and therapeutic work will help you focus on managing the immediate reaction and resulting behaviors or feelings that these thoughts may bring up, says Furer.

To manage obsessive thoughts, you have to make intentional and mindful behavioral changes. Here are some practical techniques that can help you gain control over these intrusive thoughts:

Acknowledge the Thoughts

The first step is to become more aware of when you’re having obsessive thoughts. Identifying and acknowledging obsessive thoughts can help you begin to figure out how to manage them.

Try not to judge yourself for these thoughts; instead, note them as they come and go, paying attention to any harmful patterns as they emerge. 

Distract Yourself and Refocus

Now that you can identify when you are overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts, a next step you can take is to engage in activities that keep your mind occupied and away from these thoughts.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries for yourself can be challenging but necessary when you have an obsession. If your obsession causes you to incessantly stalk their social media or message the person, set clear boundaries to prevent this. Limit the time you spend on social media, for instance, or take a complete break if necessary.

Journal

Journalling is a cathartic exercise that forces you to confront your thoughts and feelings. Writing them down isn’t just a therapeutic way to process them; it helps you understand your emotions better and gain perspective on why you might be having these obsessive thoughts.

Seek Support

Most people tend to be secretive about obsessive thoughts. Harboring them quietly until it takes over their lives. Once you recognize you’ve formed a pattern of obsessive thoughts about a person, talking to friends or family you trust can give you much-needed perspective to realize that such thoughts can be harmful. 

While these techniques can be helpful, they may not work immediately or in every situation. These strategies may not be enough if obsessive thinking interferes with your ability to enjoy other parts of life.

Then, it might be time to reach out to a therapist who’s an expert in helping adults deal with obsessions and overthinking, says Ivy Ellis, LCSW, a mental health therapist and owner at Empathic Counseling Center.

What Causes Obsession Over a Person?

According to Furer, obsession is caused by several factors—it could be that you feel lonely or are looking for a connection with someone. It could also be due to meeting somebody either very interesting, or who you’re romantically invested in.

It may start with admiration, wishing that your life mirrored what you perceive theirs to be. It could also be loneliness, feeling bad about yourself, or wanting others to like you. The person you can’t stop thinking about might seem to have everything you believe you’re missing, or they might make you feel wanted or special.

Fear can also play a role when you find yourself developing obsessive thoughts about a person. You might be afraid of being rejected or abandoned, and these fears can drive you to constantly think about the person as a way to feel closer or more secure in your relationship with them.

Living with unresolved trauma can sometimes manifest as an obsession. If you had a difficult childhood or problems with past relationships, you may develop an obsession with someone who makes you feel like they can “fix” you or who you feel like you can fix with your love, care, efforts, and attention.

What Are Signs of Being Obsessed With Someone?

How do you know when your thoughts about someone have crossed the line from interested and curious to obsessed? Here are some common signs to help you recognize if you might be obsessed with someone:

• Thinking of the person constantly: If you think about someone constantly and these thoughts are so frequent and intense that they distract you from your daily life, work, and other responsibilities, you may be obsessed.
• Stalking their social media: Occasionally, going through the social media pages of a person you’re fond of is typical. However, stalking their social media profiles, looking for updates, or trying to find out what they’re doing and who they’re with is obsessive.
• Extreme jealousy: Feeling jealous if the person spends time with others or talks about other people can be a sign of obsession. This jealousy is often irrational and can be all-consuming.
• Neglecting yourself: You might start neglecting your needs, interests, and responsibilities because you’re so focused on the person. This could include skipping meals, losing sleep, or quitting your hobbies.
• Ignoring other relationships: You may ignore or neglect relationships with friends and family because you’re so caught up with the person you’re obsessed with.
• Intrusive fantasies: Spending a lot of time daydreaming or fantasizing about a future with this person, even when these fantasies are unrealistic, is a common sign of obsession.
• Compulsive behavior: This could include behaviors like driving by the person’s house, constantly texting or calling them, spending hours re-reading old texts or e-mails, or other behaviors that might feel out of control.

Furer says that obsession may look different from person to person, but it would begin to be a clinical concern if it interferes with your daily habits and functioning. Any impact on your ability to eat, sleep, attend work or school, or generally take care of yourself would be a sure sign of being obsessed with somebody else.

If you notice these signs in yourself, it might be time to step back and evaluate your feelings. Remember, it’s okay to have strong feelings for someone, but when these feelings start taking over your life, it’s essential to address them.

The Role of Self-Care in Overcoming Obsession

When you think of self-care, you’re likely to picture a spa day or a leisurely walk in the park, however, self-care goes beyond this. It includes any activities that can promote your mental and physical well-being.

Many triggers of obsession begin with feelings of inadequacy about yourself. Prioritizing self-care can help you build your self-esteem. Pursue new hobbies, spend time connecting with others in friendship and community, or do things that make you feel confident and will significantly boost your self-esteem.

Additionally, self-care is a great way to reduce the stress and anxiety that obsessive thoughts may trigger. Activities like yoga, meditation, or even simpler pleasures like a relaxing bath or getting lost in a good book can help calm your mind and ease tension.

Seeking Professional Help

Suppose you’re struggling with obsessive thoughts and have tried self-care strategies with no reprieve. In that case, seeking professional help is the next step, especially if these thoughts have become overwhelming and negatively impact your life.

A mental health professional, like a therapist or counselor, can support you with expert strategies to overcome these thoughts. They’re trained to deal with mental health issues like obsession and can provide you with a different perspective on your thoughts and behaviors you might not have thought of. A mental health professional can also help you understand why you’ve developed obsessive thoughts if you’re struggling to find answers.

One of the key benefits of professional help is a safe and private environment where you won’t be judged or admonished for your thoughts. Sometimes, just talking about your thoughts and feelings in a safe space can be incredibly relieving.

Strategies to Foster Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Developing healthy coping mechanisms will help you manage obsessive thoughts about a person. Here are some strategies that can help:

• Stay physically active: Regular exercise is good for the body and works wonders for the mind. It releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters, and helps reduce stress and anxiety.
• Maintain a balanced diet: When you eat right, you feel right. Eating a balanced diet ensures your body gets the necessary nutrients, which can positively affect your mood and energy levels.
• Establish a routine: Daily activities that feed your body and mind can give you a sense of stability and normalcy. They also keep you engaged and lower your time to obsess over someone.
• Limit your social media use: If social media triggers your obsessive thoughts, try to limit your usage. Consider setting specific times for checking social media or taking a complete break.
• Connect with others: Spend time with friends and family. Social interactions can distract you from obsessive thoughts and provide emotional support.
• Engage in creative activities: Creative activities like painting, writing, or playing music can be therapeutic. They also give you an outlet for expressing your emotions and can be a great distraction.

These strategies are meant to help you manage your thoughts so they don’t take over your life, but don’t try to suppress those thoughts entirely. Confront and address them so you can focus on creating a healthier mental space for yourself.

While it’s normal to have intense feelings about a person when they start to control your life, it’s time to reassess why you feel these thoughts and if you need to do something about them. You can begin by using simple strategies such as mindfulness, setting personal boundaries, staying physically active, and engaging in fulfilling activities. All of this can significantly affect how you manage your thoughts and emotions.

However, if you try all of these strategies and find that the obsessive thoughts are still overwhelming or significantly impacting your daily life, please consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and support to help you navigate these feelings.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a modified type of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Its main goals are to teach people how to live in the moment, develop healthy ways to cope with stress, regulate their emotions, and improve their relationships with others.

DBT was originally intended to treat borderline personality disorder (BPD), but it has been adapted to treat other mental health conditions beyond BPD. It can help people who have difficulty with emotional regulation or are exhibiting self-destructive behaviors (such as eating disorders and substance use disorders). This type of therapy is also sometimes used to treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

DBT Techniques

DBT has evolved to become an evidence-based psychotherapy approach that is used to treat many conditions. Settings in which DBT are often used include:

• Group therapy where patients are taught behavioral skills in a group setting.
• Individual therapy with a trained professional where a patient’s learned behavioral skills are adapted to their personal life challenges.
• Phone coaching in which patients can call the therapist between sessions to receive guidance on coping with a difficult situation they are currently in.

Some of the strategies and techniques that are used in DBT include the following.

Core Mindfulness

One important benefit of DBT is the development of mindfulness skills. Mindfulness helps you focus on the present or “live in the moment.” This helps you pay attention to what is happening inside you (your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses) as well as using your senses to tune in to what’s happening around you (what you see, hear, smell, and touch) in nonjudgmental ways.

Mindfulness skills help you slow down and focus on using healthy coping skills when you are in the midst of emotional pain. The strategy can also help you stay calm and avoid engaging in automatic negative thought patterns and impulsive behavior.

Distress Tolerance

Distress tolerance skills help you accept yourself and your current situation. DBT teaches several techniques for handling a crisis, including:

• Distraction
• Improving the moment
• Self-soothing
• Thinking of the pros and cons of not tolerating distress

Distress tolerance techniques help prepare you for intense emotions and empower you to cope with them with a more positive long-term outlook.

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Interpersonal effectiveness helps you to become more assertive in a relationship (for example, expressing your needs and be able to say “no”) while still keeping a relationship positive and healthy. You will learn to listen and communicate more effectively, deal with challenging people, and respect yourself and others.

Emotion Regulation

Emotion regulation lets you navigate powerful feelings in a more effective way. The skills you learn will help you to identify, name, and change your emotions.

When you are able to recognize and cope with intense negative emotions (for example, anger), it reduces your emotional vulnerability and helps you have more positive emotional experiences.

What Are the 4 Stages of DBT?

Dialectical behavior therapy is also divided into four stages of treatment:

• Stage 1: During the beginning of treatment, the most serious and self-destructive behaviors are the first things addressed. This may include issues such as self-injury or suicidal behaviors.
• Stage 2: Next, treatment moves on to address issues that affect a person’s quality of life, such as their interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation skills, and ability to tolerate distress.
• Stage 3: The next step is to focus on issues related to self-esteem and interpersonal relationships.
• Stage 4: At this point, treatment is focused on helping people get the most out of their lives, including finding ways to experience greater happiness, strengthen their relationships, and pursue their life goals.

What Is DBT Used For?

DBT was developed in the late 1980s by Dr. Marsha Linehan and colleagues when they discovered that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) alone did not work as well as expected in patients with BPD. Dr. Linehan and her team added techniques and developed a treatment to meet the unique needs of these individuals.

Though developed with BPD in mind, DBT might also be an effective treatment for:

• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Bipolar disorder
• Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
• Eating disorders (such as anorexia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and bulimia nervosa)
• Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
• Major depressive disorder (including treatment-resistant major depression and chronic depression)
• Non-suicidal self-injury
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Substance use disorder
• Suicidal behavior

Benefits of DBT

In DBT, the patient and therapist work to resolve the apparent contradiction between self-acceptance and change to bring about positive changes in the individual in treatment. Part of this process involves offering validation, which helps people become more likely to cooperate and less likely to experience distress at the idea of change.

In practice, the therapist validates that an individual’s actions “make sense” within the context of their personal experiences without necessarily agreeing that the actions are the best approach to solving a problem.

Each therapeutic setting has its own structure and goals, but the characteristics of DBT can be found in group skills training, individual psychotherapy, and phone coaching. These are the six main points of DBT:

• Acceptance and change: You’ll learn strategies to accept and tolerate your life circumstances, emotions, and yourself. You will also develop skills that can help you make positive changes in your behaviors and interactions with others.
• Behavioral: You’ll learn to analyze problems or destructive behavior patterns and replace them with more healthy and effective ones.
• Cognitive: You’ll focus on changing thoughts and beliefs that are not effective or helpful.  
• Collaboration: You’ll learn to communicate effectively and work together as a team (therapist, group therapist, psychiatrist).
• Skill sets: You’ll learn new skills to enhance your capabilities.
• Support: You’ll be encouraged to recognize your positive strengths and attributes and develop and use them.

Effectiveness of DBT

Because this approach to therapy is able to help people successfully improve their coping skills, they are able to develop effective ways to manage and express strong emotions. Researchers have also found that DBT is effective regardless of a person’s age, sex, gender identity, sexual orientation, and race/ethnicity.

• For BPD: Studies have found that DBT is effective in the treatment of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and reducing suicide risk in individuals with BPD. One study found that after a year of treatment, more than 75% of people with BPD no longer met the diagnostic criteria for the condition.
• For suicidal behavior: Another study found that interventions that incorporated skills training as a treatment component appeared to be more effective in reducing suicidality than DBT without skills training.
• For other conditions: Most DBT research has focused on its effectiveness for people with borderline personality disorder who have thoughts of suicide and self-harm, but the method could also be a successful treatment for other mental health conditions. For example, research has found that this type of therapy also appears to be effective in the treatment of PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

Things to Consider About Dialectical Behavior Therapy

DBT requires a significant commitment of time. In addition to regular therapy sessions, people are also required to do “homework” to work on skills outside of the individual, group, and phone counseling sessions. This may pose a challenge for people who have difficulty keeping up with these assignments on a regular basis.

Practicing some of the skills may also be challenging for some people. At different stages of treatment, people explore traumatic experiences and emotional pain, which may be upsetting.

Can You Do Dialectical Behavior Therapy On Your Own?

DBT is complex, and it’s generally not something that people can do on their own without the guidance of a trained therapist. 

However, there are some things you can do on your own to help you develop new coping skills. For example, mindfulness, breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation are all skills you can utilize to improve your ability to tolerate distress.

It is important to remember that this should not be used in place of professional help. If you’re struggling with a mental health condition, it’s always best to seek out the help of a qualified mental health professional.

How to Get Started With Dialectical Behavior Therapy

The best way to find out if DBT is right for you is to talk with a professional who is trained in the method. They will evaluate your symptoms, treatment history, and therapy goals to see if DBT might be a good fit.

If you or a loved one might benefit from DBT, it’s important to talk with a healthcare provider or mental health professional who is trained in the approach. That said, it’s not always easy to find DBT therapists.

You can start your search with the Clinical Resource Directory, which is maintained by Behavioral Tech (an organization founded by Dr. Linehan to train mental health professionals in DBT). The directory lets you search by state for clinicians and programs with DBT training through Behavioral Tech, LLC, or the Behavioral Research and Therapy Clinics at the University of Washington.

You can also ask your provider, current therapist, or another trusted mental health professional to refer you to a colleague who specializes in DBT. You may also find online therapists who offer DBT therapy.