‘I Miss My Ex:’ What to Do When You Feel This Way


Key Takeaways

  • Limit contact with your ex to give yourself space to heal and move on.
  • Find new hobbies and spend time with loved ones to help distract yourself and boost your mood.
  • Accept the breakup and let yourself grieve to help start the healing process.

For many people, the most challenging part of a breakup is this feeling: reaching for your phone to call your favorite person before quickly realizing you’ve just gone your separate ways. The length of your relationship also doesn’t matter. Whether you were together for a few months or several years, a relationship coming to an end—even if it was on bad terms—leaves a human-shaped hole in your heart that can be tough to fill. So missing your ex isn’t just normal; it’s to be expected. 

While missing your ex isn’t a problem, handling it in a healthy and wholesome way that’ll let you heal and move on is crucial. It’s okay to look back on moments shared with them fondly; you might even find yourself wondering why you broke up. However, missing your ex isn’t necessarily a sign that you should get back together. It’s simply part of the grieving process when you lose a connection with someone who was a constant in your life. 

So what do you do when you miss your ex so much that you are tempted to reach out and try get back together?

Why You Might Be Missing Your Ex

If you find yourself consumed with thoughts of your ex after a breakup, the first thing to do is sit with those feelings and find the root. If your breakup is fresh, they’re probably still on your mind, and for good reason. Your daily existence has involved them for months; getting used to functioning without them or not thinking of them will take some time.

If you had broken up months or years ago and suddenly find yourself missing them, look out for triggers. Did you get a reminder on your phone of their birthday or your old anniversary? Did you run into someone who looked a lot like them? In these moments, the feeling of missing them may be particularly acute. Think about what you miss about them, or what you miss about yourself that you experienced when you were with them.

You Formed a Bond

When you spend significant time with someone, you form an emotional bond. According to Tyler J. Jensen, a licensed psychotherapist, missing an ex is one of the most normal components of a relationship that has ended.

There was at one time a relationship that you chose to commit to, and you felt love within. Who knows what other complicating variables? When we allow ourselves that kind of openness and vulnerability, a part of us will miss that openness, security, or just the familiarity/comfort.

You Miss the Routines/Habits You Shared

Another reason you might be missing your ex is habit. Relationships are made up of habits that become routine. Good morning texts, evening calls, or weekend dates quickly become ingrained in your life, and you don’t realize how much so until they suddenly end. When they’re gone, it’s natural to miss the comfort, closeness, and predictability they provided.

You Feel Empty Inside

Missing an ex can disrupt your emotional equilibrium, even when you understand that the breakup was ultimately for the best. Those intense, confusing pangs of longing and sadness just keep hitting, craving all those familiar routines and the intimacy that were once shared. “It’s like facing this empty void where someone so central to your daily life used to be,” adds Dr. Daniel Glazer, a clinical psychologist.

It’s like facing this empty void where someone so central to your daily life used to be.


DR. DANIEL GLAZER, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

You Need Closure

Sometimes, a breakup doesn’t provide the closure you need. If there are unresolved feelings or unanswered questions, it’s natural to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what went wrong and missing this person who was once a big part of your life. However, you should know that getting back in contact with your ex isn’t guaranteed to bring you the closure you seek.

You’re Only Remembering the Good Times

When you miss someone, it’s easy to romanticize your past with them. You are likely to hyperfocus on the good memories and gloss over the bad. Looking at your past relationship with rose-tinted glasses will make you long for your ex. Remember that no relationship or person is perfect, and the breakup happened for a reason.

Coping Strategies

After a breakup, longing for what you had and what could have been can be intense. If you’re confident in your decision to split up and want to focus on moving forward, here are some coping strategies to make those feelings more manageable.

Limit Contact

One of the most effective ways to move on is to limit contact with your ex. If this means unfollowing or blocking them on social media, deleting their number, or avoiding places you know they frequent, then do it. It’ll be difficult at first, but limiting contact can give you the space to heal and rediscover yourself outside the relationship without as many triggers.

Stay Busy and Focus on Self-care

Keeping yourself occupied can help take your mind off your ex. Find a new hobby, rediscover old ones, and spend time with friends and family. “You can try that class you’ve always wanted to take, travel somewhere on your bucket list, or get a makeover,” says Michelle Beaupre, PhD a licensed clinical social worker and the clinical director at Villa Oasis. Anything that makes you feel good about yourself will help boost your self-esteem and confidence, making it easier to move on. 

Talk to Someone

Talking through feelings you don’t wholly understand can be tricky, but it is a great way to untangle complex emotions. Confiding in a close friend, sibling, or therapist will provide clarity and new perspectives on your feelings of longing. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to makes you feel less lonely, filling the void left by your ex.

Set New Goals

You might have had certain goals with your ex, such as moving in together or getting a pet. Don’t let the loss of these goals get you down; instead, shift your focus toward new personal goals, whether career goals or others, such as maintaining good health.

These goals give you something to focus on and a sense of direction in your new life without your ex. “This shift in focus will help you to use yourself rather than being consumed with thoughts of what might have been,” says Heather Wilson, a certified trauma professional and the executive director at Epiphany Wellness.

Sometimes in relationships, the other person becomes a distraction who shifts you away from your goals. If you had goals that were important to you before you became distracted, can you reconnect with those things and reprioritize them and yourself again?

Try Not to Stew

Getting caught in a loop of negative thoughts and what-ifs is easy. When you find yourself stewing, try redirecting your thoughts to something more constructive. Journaling can be especially effective in breaking this cycle. 

This shift in focus will help you to use yourself rather than being consumed with thoughts of what might have been.


HEATHER WILSON, A CERTIFIED TRAUMA PROFESSIONAL

Journaling helps you process your emotions and monitor personal growth over time, says Wilson. Writing down how you feel lets you express yourself, providing insights into what has happened to you. Additionally, reading back on old entries can help you see how much progress you have made, strengthening your resolve to move forward.

Above all, you shouldn’t expect to get over your ex overnight. There will be days when you barely think of them and find yourself reaching for a phone to call them several times a day. Take each day as it comes, and be kind to yourself as you work toward detachment.

Dr. Glazer further recommends journaling as a great outlet for expressing all your emotions without judgment. Make time for mindfulness practices, dive into a hobby you love, and lean on your closest friends and family for quality distractions and venting sessions. These healthy outlets can provide a steadying foundation when triggered by memories or nostalgia.

Dealing With Triggers

Even after you’ve started to heal and are on track to moving on, certain triggers can have you feeling like you’re right back at day one. The first step to dealing with these triggers is to identify them. You could get triggered by anything from a song to a place, a specific date, or even a smell that reminds you of your ex. Identifying what sets off these feelings prevents them from catching you off-guard.

Now that you’ve identified your triggers, it’s time to take action and eliminate them to the best of your ability. Put away physical reminders of your ex, such as gifts, photos, or clothes. Store them in a place where they can be out of sight and mind, and if the memories associated with these items are just too painful to deal with, you could consider donating them.

If your current routine is primarily made up of activities you did together with your ex, it might be time to switch things up a little. For instance, if you went to a particular cafe together every Tuesday morning, try going on other days of the week or finding a new cafe altogether. The goal is to create new happy memories in new places.

Despite your best efforts, you may be unable to avoid triggers altogether. So when one does occur, try not to let it throw you off. You can do this by practicing mindfulness. If you find yourself getting emotional over an old song you both loved, try deep breathing exercises or guided meditation to help you stay grounded. You could also distract yourself by going for a run, calling a friend, or watching a favorite movie. 

Tip

Consider taking a break from social media or temporarily muting, unfollowing, or blocking your ex, especially if they are already dating someone else and sharing posts about them. Social media posts are easy triggers when trying to move on, and seeing your ex’s posts or pictures can bring back emotions.

A cycle of negative thoughts often follows a trigger. For example, you might think you’ll never be happy again or find a partner as good as your ex. Don’t let these thoughts take over; fact-check them with reality and whether it is a guaranteed truth or catastrophic thinking.

It may help to remind yourself what is true, that it is okay to feel bad now and to take all the time you need to heal. It may help to reminisce on happy memories with family and friends that didn’t involve your ex and remind yourself of what an amazing person you are, who is more than deserving of being loved by a great partner again.

Accepting It’s Over and Moving On

Realizing that your relationship is truly over can take some time. It likely won’t happen on the day you both call it quits. However, acceptance is what kickstarts the healing process. Here’s how to move forward with acceptance:

  • Acknowledge the relationship is over and remind yourself that it’s probably for the best. “The inability to acknowledge the grief process will lead to stuckness and can lead that person back to their ex,” says Ronald Hoang, a registered clinical counselor and psychotherapist. 
  • Allow yourself to grieve; a breakup is a type of loss.
  • As you grieve, free yourself of blame. It’s common to blame or shame yourself after a breakup. When you hold on to blame, you hold on to the relationship. You can make peace with yourself by accepting and acknowledging the situation as it is.
  • Shift your perspective and practice gratitude. You can be grateful for the relationship you got to have with your ex and the time you got together while acknowledging the need for it to come to an end. Both things can be true at the same time.
  • Practice forgiveness. Whether forgiving yourself for any mistakes you made in the relationship or forgiving your ex for their part in the relationship’s demise, forgiveness will free you of a heavy emotional burden you may not even realize you’re carrying. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to condone any hurtful actions, it’s instead freeing yourself from the negative emotions connected to those actions.
  • Finally, reshape your future without your ex. In a relationship, you typically plan for the future with your partner. However, now is an excellent opportunity to refocus on your personal goals, dreams, and the life you want to create for yourself. 

Acceptance is a crucial step in moving forward. You have to view your life as a book with different chapters; sometimes, a chapter has to end for a new one to begin. It’s important to accept that your relationship is over and that it was for the best.

“Trust in the process of life and have faith that better things are yet to come. My advice is to focus on yourself and your future rather than dwelling on the past,” says Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed psychologist at Crestone Wellness.

What If I Still Love Them?

The million-dollar question: does loving your ex mean you’re still in love with them? The love you have for a partner doesn’t dissipate as soon as the relationship comes to an end. So yes, it’s possible to still be in love with your ex after a breakup. However, this is perfectly normal and not peculiar to your situation. Emotions aren’t something that can be turned on and off when you want. If they were, life would be a lot simpler. 

“I don’t think love ever fully disappears, but it does change and evolve,” says Beaupre. “Instead of focusing on the romantic love you once had, try to appreciate the good memories and lessons learned from the relationship. Your relationship with your ex was meant to happen for a reason, and while they may no longer be in your life, they have played a significant role in shaping who you are today. So, embrace the love you once had, but also know that it’s okay to let go and move on.”

You also need to consider the possibility that you might simply miss your ex and still not necessarily love them. Missing how they made you feel, the comfort and familiarity of the relationship can easily be conflated with love. When you catch yourself reminiscing on the best parts of the relationship, carefully go through all the reasons you’ve gone your separate ways. It helps to make a list and keep it at hand. Don’t focus on the negatives or positives when writing the list. Try to be as factual as possible, plainly stating why your relationship ended.

If you’re sure you’re still in love with your ex romantically and truly believe it would be a good decision for both of you to try again, telling them might be worth it. Jensen advises communicating your emotions as clearly as possible and seeing if things can be done to repair and save the love you feel.

If you ask a straightforward question and bring it to them as such, you drastically increase your chances of a clear answer. If they are cagier, it may be the hardest decision you have to make, but that love may not be returned to you in turn, and in the long run, there will be someone who has the ability and wants to love you the way you need.

While you shouldn’t rush into a new relationship, opening yourself up to meeting new people when you’re ready can help shift your focus away from your ex. Even the mere prospect of a new relationship can help you realize that there are other potential partners out there who can bring you joy and be a better match for you.

Take as much time as you need during the healing process and give yourself permission to process the breakup and move at your own pace.


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What Is It and Why Does It Matter?

Key Takeaways

  • Media literacy helps us make better choices about the media we consume.
  • Learning media literacy can reduce the impact of harmful media messages.
  • Media literacy teaches us to evaluate media claims, like advertisements, critically.

We live in a world saturated with media of all kinds, from newspapers to radio to television to the internet. How do we understand and evaluate all of these media messages we encounter daily? Well, it’s this neat little skill called media literacy.

Media literacy is the ability to apply critical thinking skills to the messages, signs, and symbols transmitted through mass media. It empowers us to make better choices about what we choose to read, watch, and listen to, and helps us become smarter, more discerning members of society.

Media literacy is seen as an essential 21st-century skill by educators and scholars, including media psychologists. In fact, the mission statement of Division 46 of the American Psychological Association, the Society for Media Psychology and Technology, includes support for the development of media literacy.

Despite this, many people still dismiss media as harmless entertainment and claim they aren’t influenced by its messages. However, research findings consistently demonstrate that people are impacted by the media messages they consume.

Media literacy interventions and education help children and adults recognize the influence media has and give them the knowledge and tools to mitigate its impact.

History of Media Literacy

The earliest attempts at media literacy education are often traced back to the British Film Institute’s push in the late 1920s and early 1930s to teach analytical skills to media users. Around the same time in America, the Wisconsin Association for Better Broadcasters sought to teach citizens to be more critical consumers of media.

However, the goal of these initial media literacy efforts, which continued into the 1960s, was to protect students from media by warning them against its consumption. Despite this perspective, the dominance of media—and television in particular—continued to grow, even as interest in media literacy education waned.

Media Literacy and the Internet

More recently, the advent of the internet and portable technologies that enable us to consume media anywhere and anytime has led to a resurgence in the call for media literacy. Yet the goal is no longer to prevent people from using media, but to help them become more informed, thoughtful media consumers.

Although media literacy education has now become accepted and successful in English-speaking countries including Australia, Canada, and Britain, it has yet to become a standard part of the curriculum in the United States, where a lack of centralization has led to a scattershot approach to teaching practical media literacy skills.

Impact of Media Literacy

Despite America’s lack of a standardized media literacy curriculum, study after study has shown the value of teaching people of all ages media literacy skills.

For example, a review of the research on media literacy education and reduction in racial and ethnic stereotypes found that children as young as 12 can be trained to recognize bias in media depictions of race and ethnicity and understand the harm it can cause.

Though the authors note that this topic is still understudied, they observe that the evidence suggests media literacy education can help adolescents become sensitive to prejudice and learn to appreciate diversity.

Media Literacy Affects Your Sense of Self

Meanwhile, multiple studies have shown that media literacy interventions reduce body dissatisfaction that can be the result of the consumption of media messages.

In one investigation, adolescent girls were shown an intervention video by the Dove Self-Esteem Fund before being shown images of ultra-thin models. While a control group reported lower body satisfaction and body esteem after viewing the images of the models, the group that viewed the intervention first didn’t experience these negative effects.

Studies Show Having Media Literacy Prevents Body Image Issues

Similarly, another study showed college women (who were at high risk for eating disorders) reported less body dissatisfaction, a lower desire to be thin, and reduced internalization of societal beauty standards after participating in a media literacy intervention. The researchers concluded that media literacy training could help prevent eating disorders in high-risk individuals.

How Media Literacy Prevents Misinformation

Moreover, studies have shown that media literacy education can help people better discern the truth of media claims, enabling them to detect “fake news” and make more informed decisions.

For instance, research into young adults’ assessment of the accuracy of claims on controversial public issues was improved if the subjects had been exposed to media literacy education. In addition, another study showed that only people who underwent media literacy training engaged in critical social media posting practices that prevented them from posting false information about the COVID-19 pandemic.

How to Practice Media Literacy

The evidence for the benefits of media literacy suggests it is valuable for people of all ages to learn to be critical media consumers. Media scholar W. James Potter observes that all media messages include four dimensions:

  1. Cognitive: the information that is being conveyed
  2. Emotional: the underlying feelings that are being expressed
  3. Aesthetic: the overall precision and artistry of the message
  4. Moral: the values being conveyed through the message

Media psychologist Karen Dill-Shackleford suggests that we can use these four dimensions as a jumping off point to improve our media literacy skills.

Applying Media Literacy in Real-World Situations

Let’s say while streaming videos online we’re exposed to an advertisement for a miracle weight loss drug. In order to better evaluate what the ad is really trying to tell us, we can break it down as follows:

  1. On the cognitive dimension we can assess what information the ad is conveying to us by asking some of the following questions: What does the ad promise the drug will do? Does it seem likely the drug can deliver on those promises? Who would need this kind of drug?
  2. On the emotional dimension, we can evaluate the feelings the creator of the ad wants us to feel: Do they want us to feel insecure about our weight? Do they want us to imagine the positive ways this drug could change our lives? Do they want us to envision the satisfaction we would feel after the drug delivers its quick fix?
  3. On the aesthetic dimension, we can determine how the ad employs messages and images to make us believe the product will deliver on its promises: Does the ad show “before” and “after” images of someone who supposedly took the drug? Does the “before” image look sad and the “after” image happy? Does the ad offer testimonials from people that are identified as experts?
  4. On the moral dimension, we can examine what the ad makers wanted to say: Are they equating thinness with happiness? Are they sending the message that it’s a moral failing when someone is overweight? Are they saying that one has to be thin to be loved and respected?

This is one avenue for learning to practice media literacy in everyday life. Remember, the purpose of media literacy isn’t to enjoy media less, it’s to give people the tools to be active media consumers.

Why You Should Practice Media Literacy

Not only will media literacy enable you to detect, analyze, and evaluate negative or false media messages, it will actually enable you to enjoy media more because it puts control over the media back into your hands. And research shows this is likely to increase your health and happiness.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. About the Society for Media Psychology & Technology. Society for Media Psychology & Technology, Division 46 of the American Psychological Association. 2013.

  2. Dill-Shackleford KE. How Fantasy Becomes Reality. New York: Oxford University Press; 2009.

  3. Arke ET. Media Literacy: History, Progress, and Future Hopes. In: Dill-Shackleford KE, ed. The Oxford Handbook Of Media Psychology. 1st ed. New York: Oxford University Press; 2012. doi:10.1093/oxfordhb/9780195398809.013.0006

  4. Scharrer E, Ramasubramanian S. Intervening in the Media’s Influence on Stereotypes of Race and Ethnicity: The Role of Media Literacy EducationJournal of Social Issues. 2015;71(1):171-185. doi:10.1111/josi.12103

  5. Halliwell E, Easun A, Harcourt D. Body dissatisfaction: Can a short media literacy message reduce negative media exposure effects amongst adolescent girls? Br J Health Psychol. 2011;16(2):396-403. doi:10.1348/135910710×515714

  6. Coughlin JW, Kalodner C. Media literacy as a prevention intervention for college women at low- or high-risk for eating disordersBody Image. 2006;3(1):35-43. doi:10.1016/j.bodyim.2006.01.001

  7. Kahne J, Bowyer B. Educating for Democracy in a Partisan Age: Confronting the Challenges of Motivated Reasoning and MisinformationAm Educ Res J. 2016;54(1):3-34. doi:10.3102/0002831216679817

  8. Melki J, Tamim H, Hadid D, Makki M, El Amine J, Hitti E. Mitigating infodemics: The relationship between news exposure and trust and belief in COVID-19 fake news and social media spreadingPLoS One. 2021;16(6). doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0252830

  9. Potter WJ. Media Literacy. 4th ed. Los Angeles: SAGE; 2008.

cynthia vinney

By Cynthia Vinney, PhD

Cynthia Vinney, PhD is an expert in media psychology and a published scholar whose work has been published in peer-reviewed psychology journals.


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What Is It and How to Stop It

Key Takeaways

  • Regression is when someone acts younger as a way to handle stress or anxiety.
  • Adults sometimes regress during stressful situations, like a college freshman staying up late before a test.

Regression is a psychological defense mechanism in which an individual copes with stressful or anxiety-provoking relationships or situations by retreating to an earlier developmental stage. Regression may be seen at any stage of development in both adults and children when someone behaves in a way that’s immature or inappropriate for their age.

For example, an older adult who is hospitalized after being diagnosed with a medical issue may deal with their circumstances by curling up in a fetal position and clutching a stuffed animal. On the other hand, a young child whose parents just brought home their baby sibling may deal with the insecurity of no longer being an only child by reverting to behavior they’d outgrown, such as wetting the bed or sucking their thumb.

Learn the history of this concept and how regression manifests in children and adults. We also discuss how you can overcome regression if you tend to use this defense mechanism in your own life.

History of Regression

Regression and other defense mechanisms were proposed by Sigmund Freud in the 19th century as part of his psychoanalytic theory. His ideas about defense mechanisms, including regression, were later expanded on by his daughter Anna Freud.

Defense mechanisms are unconscious strategies used to protect the ego from stress, fear, or trauma. According to Anna Freud, regression is an immature defense mechanism because the individual who regresses cannot cope in a more constructive, age-appropriate way.

Fixation and Regression

In Freud’s conception, the defense mechanism of regression is closely tied to his stages of psychosexual development. Freud’s theory specifies several stages children go through from infancy through adolescence but especially focuses on development between birth and the age of six.

Stages during this time include the oral, anal, and phallic stages, and everyone goes through them. As a result, a person can become preoccupied with a particular stage regardless of how much they grow beyond it, which Freud called “fixation.”

Such fixations can manifest themselves in behavior that’s indicative of a given stage. For example, if a person is fixated in the oral stage, they may suck on a pen while they’re working or smoke, eat, or drink in excess. Similarly, fixation on the anal stage may manifest itself in a preoccupation with keeping things tidy.

Other people, however, may not show any signs of fixation until something happens in their lives that cause stress or trauma. It is only at this point when the defense mechanism of regression will be used to shield their ego, leading them to revert to an earlier stage.

For example, someone going through a tough breakup who typically isn’t fixated at the oral stage may suddenly find eating brings them comfort. In these cases, regression is based on the strength of the fixation. If the person’s fixation on an earlier stage is relatively weak, a major stressor would be needed to lead them to regress; on the other hand, if the person’s fixation is strong, even a minor stressor could result in regression.

Regression in Children

Young children develop new skills and abilities rapidly, however, regression is also a common part of their development. In particular, it is normal and even helpful for a child to regress slightly after mastering something new or adjusting to a new situation like attending daycare or preschool for the first time.

Regression is often a product of being overwhelmed by the new developmental milestone they’ve reached and the fact that it takes them out of a previously established comfort zone.

For instance, a child who has recently learned to feed himself may suddenly seem unable to do so and revert to relying on his caregivers to feed him. Or the first day a child is dropped off at pre-school they may cry and cling to her parent’s leg even though she hasn’t exhibited this kind of behavior in months.

While regression can happen at any point in childhood, toddlers and preschoolers are especially prone to it.

Parents and caregivers can help their children through periods of regression by being reassuring and supportive. Regression is a way for children to express their feelings about their development, so caregivers shouldn’t ignore their behavior. However, they should set limits by suggesting alternative ways of coping.

For example, if a child has a temper tantrum every time he’s dropped off at school, a caregiver might remind him of the fun he had last time he went and reassure him that they will be there to pick him up as soon as the school day is over.

While regression throughout childhood is normal and usually brief, if it lasts longer than a few weeks, there might be cause for concern. If a single instance of regression continues beyond two to three weeks, it could be worth checking in with the child’s doctor to make sure something else isn’t going on that’s holding back their developmental progress.

Regression in Adults

Like children, adults sometimes regress, often as a temporary response to a traumatic or anxiety-provoking situation. For example, a person stuck in traffic may experience road rage, the kind of tantrum they’d never have in their everyday life but helps them cope with the stress of driving.

Similarly, a college freshman who is about to take their first test may stay up all night video chatting with their best friend as they did in high school as a way to calm their nerves. In these instances, the individual is regressing to a stage in their development when they felt safer and more secure, or when a caregiver could rescue them from their insecurities.

Studies have shown that regression generally decreases throughout adulthood. A longitudinal study with European-Americans showed that between adolescence and the age of 65, use of the defense mechanism of regression decreased. However, after 65, regression increased, which the researchers attributed to the challenges of maintaining adaptive coping strategies in older adulthood.

Similarly, a cross-sectional study comparing younger, primarily White adults with the average age of about 20 years old and older, primarily White adults with the average age of about 71 years old found that the younger adults tended to use regression more than older adults. The researchers speculated that this difference may be the result of immature regressive behaviors being more acceptable for younger adults while seeming maladaptive and pathological in older adults.

How to Overcome Regression 

While regression is often a temporary response to stress that won’t lead to larger issues, in many cases the individual may be unaware their behavior is regressive, even though to the outside observer the immaturity of their actions may be quite obvious.

Often telling an adult that their behavior is uncharacteristically childish or age-inappropriate will enable them to recognize what they’re doing and determine how to respond to whatever is causing them distress in a more productive way.

On the other hand, regression can also be a sign of larger issues. A reliance on regression can be a sign of poor coping skills that may require the help of a counselor or therapist to work through. If you notice you have trouble dealing constructively with the stress of everyday life and tend to act helpless or immature in the face of problems, this may be a sign that you need to work with a professional to improve your coping skills.

Regression may also be a sign of major physical or psychological problems like catatonia, delirium, psychotic disorders, major depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder, dissociative disorders, dementia, or substance abuse disorders.

If there’s a concern that a person’s regression is the sign of a larger difficulty, a medical doctor or mental health professional should be consulted. They will diagnose the issue and work with the patient or their loved ones to come up with a plan to manage it. Regression is a symptom of these issues, so the goal would be to treat the underlying disorder, naturally leading to the individual exhibiting less or even completely overcoming regression.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Lokko HN, Stern TA. Regression: Diagnosis, Evaluation, and ManagementPrim Care Companion CNS Disord. 2015;17(3). doi:10.4088/pcc.14f01761

  2. Freud, A. The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense. New York, NY: Routledge; 1936/2018.

  3. Crain W. Theories Of Development: Concepts And Applications. 5th ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall; 2005.

  4. Rich M. Child regression: What it is and how you can support your little one. Unicef.org. https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-development/what-is-childhood-regression.

  5. Diehl M, Chui H, Hay EL, Lumley MA, Grühn D, Labouvie-Vief G. Change in coping and defense mechanisms across adulthood: Longitudinal findings in a European American sampleDev Psychol. 2014;50(2):634-648. doi:10.1037/a0033619

  6. Segal DL, Coolidge FL, Mizuno H. Defense mechanism differences between younger and older adults: A cross-sectional investigationAging Ment Health. 2007;11(4):415-422. doi:10.1080/13607860600963588

cynthia vinney

By Cynthia Vinney, PhD

Cynthia Vinney, PhD is an expert in media psychology and a published scholar whose work has been published in peer-reviewed psychology journals.


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Does My Girlfriend Hate Me?


Key Takeaways

  • Talk openly with your girlfriend about her behavior to work through issues together.
  • Consider seeking help from a relationship counselor to improve your connection.
  • If nothing works, it might be time to prioritize your well-being and end the relationship.

Do you ever wonder, “Why does my girlfriend hate me?” It can be confusing to doubt your partner’s feelings for you, especially when you might be head over heels in love with them.

When you’re in love with a person, the signs are hard to miss. You start to experience butterflies at the mention of their name, the thought of spending time together is enough to make your day, and even your brain goes through different chemical changes in response.  

But just as the feelings of love can be clear to see, unrequited love can be an obvious and painful thing to experience. While you’re in a relationship with a person you love, coming to the realization that they may not share the same feelings can be incredibly hard to deal with.

Relationships can be complicated. In this guide, we’ll be looking at changes that can signal your girlfriend’s changing feelings towards you. To help you possibly mend your relationship, we’ll also break down steps you can take to improve your connection with your partner.

Signs That Your Girlfriend Dislikes You

It’s hard to watch when your significant other switches from the person you once shared hopes, dinners, and bad jokes with—to a person that may have turned off all romantic feelings towards you.

There are different ways to determine if your girlfriend hates you. Possible reasons are discussed below.

Her Body Language Seems Off

If you’re questioning your girlfriend’s feelings towards you, your doubts may not be linked to anything she does or says. Instead, the way her body reacts around you could be a dead giveaway of her disinterest in you and the relationship.

Her true feelings may be revealed where she pulls away during attempts to enjoy the bonding benefits of a hug or cuddle at night.

These feelings can also manifest in smaller instances where she rolls her eyes during conversations, pulls away when you attempt to hold hands in public, or otherwise maintains a look of contempt around you.

You Notice You’re Spending Less Time Together

In the early stages of a relationship, it’s fairly normal to aspire to spend every waking moment and toilet break with your partner. While this eventually lessens over time, there is a level of distance between you and your partner that can set warning bells ringing.

If your girlfriend is constantly making up excuses for why she can’t meet up, or if her Instagram stories are filled with fun times you weren’t invited to (or even aware of), this could mean that she’s making an active decision to spend time apart from you.

Your Communication Feels Strained

This can play out in different ways. On one hand, you may speak frequently with your girlfriend throughout the day, engaging in surface conversations about the weather, what was had for lunch, and plans for after work.

These conversations—regardless of frequency—may start to feel routine, or like a duty shared between two people with history.

On the other hand, communication may become few and far between. For example, each day you might feel uncertain about whether you will hear from your girlfriend or if she will return your call.

There Is Less Physical Intimacy

If sex is no longer on the table in your relationship, or if intimate moments have started to feel distant, this can be a sign that your girlfriend isn’t interested in growing your relationship any further.

However, one partner losing interest in sex shouldn’t always be interpreted as a sign of trouble. It could simply mean that your partner is experiencing stress or other conditions that are affecting their desire for sex. It might also mean that your partner feels as though the quality of sex has declined.

You’re Always Fighting

When your girlfriend always finds a reason to get upset at something you did/didn’t do, if you’re constantly bickering, or if you can’t seem to do anything right in her eyes, this is never a good sign for a relationship.

A relationship under constant conflict, no matter the efforts made to fix things, could be a strong signal that your girlfriend resents you.

Reasons Your Girlfriend Might Hate You

There are different reasons why your girlfriend might appear to hate you. Her actions or distance could be in reaction to stress she’s facing at work, or in other areas of her life.

In other cases, your girlfriend’s changed behavior may reveal a struggle to communicate displeasure with something you may have done.

A few reasons you might consider include:

She’s Struggling With a Mental Health Problem

In some cases, it may have less to do with you and more about how she is feeling. Mental disorders like anxiety or depression can cause people to lose interest or feel disconnected from the things they used to love and enjoy.

Mental health problems can also interfere with relationships and communication, which might explain why you feel like your girlfriend hates you.

She’s Dealing With Stress

Your girlfriend might also be dealing with stress in other areas of her life, such as finances, work, family relationships, or health problems. This can lead to behaviors you might interpret as dislike, anger, or hate.

You’re Growing Apart

Sometimes, couples drift apart over time. This can happen when you get so busy with other things, such as work and family, that you don’t have time to really connect and communicate. 

You’re in a One-Sided Relationship

Sometimes, feeling like your partner doesn’t really care about you might be a sign of a one-sided relationship. In this type of relationship, you do the majority of the work, including reaching out to communicate, making plans, and other things that keep the relationship going.

In such cases, it might not mean that she hates you, but it may indicate that she’s just not invested in the relationship in the same way you are.

She’s Unhappy With the Relationship

Unresolved conflict and other issues can also cause your girlfriend to act as if she dislikes or hates you. For example, problems with mistrust caused by past infidelity might be an issue. It might also be a sign that she is bored in the relationship.

Or maybe she feels like you are not treating her right or carrying your own weight in the relationship. She might feel like you don’t prioritize the relationship, that you don’t listen, or that you are too controlling.

How to Fix Things With Your Girlfriend

Regardless of the source of your girlfriend’s behavior towards you, there are different approaches that may help improve the connection in the relationship. These tips are listed below.

Do Some Self-Reflection

When attempting to fix things in your relationship, a good place to begin is with yourself. Have you repeatedly ignored her complaints about a matter?

Perhaps your girlfriend misses some of the efforts you put in at the start of your relationship—whatever the case, a little introspection can reveal the reason behind your girlfriend’s annoyance with you, and may provide an easy guide to fixing things.

Speak to Your Girlfriend About the Changes You’ve Noticed

A problem shared is half-solved, especially when you’re uncertain about the cause of the changes. 

Speaking honestly to your girlfriend about how the shift in her behavior has affected you and the future of your relationship, can be an important step to resolve whatever might be the matter.

This honest conversation will also give room for her to share any grievances she might have towards you and will provide a healthy avenue to work toward fixing the issues at hand. By adopting a policy of honest communication, there is a chance to strengthen your relationship in the long run. 

Attend Counseling Together

To help with navigating the obvious, and not-so-obvious challenges in your relationship, it’s advisable to visit a relationship counselor for expert guidance.

Relationship counseling can help with addressing problems between couples. Even more, this form of therapy is also invaluable for improving communication, interaction, and even intimacy in your relationship. 

Focus on Yourself

While it is admirable to make every effort to improve your relationship, sometimes, knowing when to end a relationship might be the best thing for you and your partner.

If communication, expert guidance, and other measures aren’t enough to improve interactions between you and your girlfriend, it may be time to move on.

In such cases, it is important to prioritize your happiness and welfare to prepare for the next happier, healthier relationship.

Summary

Being at odds with someone you love is never enjoyable. Watching your girlfriend switch from affection to obvious dislike at everything you do can cause worry about her feelings, and the future of your relationship. While it is understandable to brood over the changes in your partner’s behavior, honesty, and proper communication are trusted ways to improve your relationship. 

If you find that you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work, it may be time to move on from the relationship. If you’re having a difficult time managing the stress that may arise from your relationship issues, reach out to a mental health professional.


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Types of Therapy for ADHD

Key Takeaways

  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy helps with daily challenges like procrastination and time management in ADHD.
  • Dialectical behavioral therapy teaches skills for emotion regulation and attention.
  • Supportive therapy helps improve existing coping skills to manage ADHD symptoms.

Medication is typically one of the go-to approaches for adults and children dealing with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. However, for those who want extra support or don’t want to take medication, ADHD therapies can help manage their condition.

Whether you’re looking for concrete steps to take and skills to learn or more insight-oriented therapy to learn how some of your habits affect your life and relationships, there is a type of therapy for you.

Types of ADHD

There are three main types of ADHD, though treatment for them all largely looks similar:

  • ADHD, combined type: This type, the most common, is a mixture of impulsive and hyperactive behaviors with inattention and distractibility.
  • ADHD, impulsive/hyperactive type: The least common form of ADHD, this type is characterized by impulsive and hyperactive behaviors with no inattention or distractibility.
  • ADHD, inattentive and distractible type: Symptoms of this type generally include inattention and distractibility, without hyperactivity. 

Types of Therapy for ADHD

There are many different kinds of therapy for ADHD, though some of the methods may vary between children and adults. Types of therapy used to treat ADHD range from dialectical behavioral therapy to mindfulness-based cognitive therapy.

Treatment for adults with ADHD will look a little different than treatment for children with ADHD. Children’s therapy for ADHD may involve teachers, parents, or both.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for ADHD

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is generally considered the gold standard for ADHD psychotherapy. While “regular” CBT can be helpful for ADHD, there are also specific types of CBT for ADHD.

This can help with improving daily life struggles such as procrastinating, time management struggles, and poor planning. CBT helps people find new coping strategies and the emotions and behaviors that interfere with implementing strategies. 

The CBT for ADHD model is organized around three core modules and two optional ones:

Optional:

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy

Research has shown that this type of therapy may be helpful because of how meditation and mindfulness affect the brain and neuropsychiatry.

Some benefits may include: 

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Dialectical behavioral therapy is another form of therapy often used for people with ADHD.This type of therapy is focused on teaching people skills to deal with their ADHD through the following modules:

Its efficacy is proven by the fact that the control patients on a waiting list tended to have worsening troubles with attention and hyperactivity while waiting for treatment. Those receiving the treatment fared better, as measured by the State-Trait Anger Expression Inventory (STAXI), which assesses emotional regulation and impulse control.

ADHD Coaching

While it is technically not psychotherapy, ADHD coaching is gaining popularity as a way of managing symptoms and quality of life for people with ADHD. Though there is no standardized protocol, this type of coaching usually includes goal-setting and homework, discussing successes and roadblocks, and problem-solving.

Coaches use text messages, emails, or phone call reminders to help clients meet their goals. People are often encouraged to use self-rewards or rewards from the coach or others.

Supportive Psychotherapy

Supportive therapy is a form of therapy that helps clients optimize the coping skills that they already have so that these strategies can be used to reduce distress and manage symptoms such as time management and organization.

This type of therapy is very much patient-driven, symptom-focused, and measurable—such as planning to control anxiety or manage coursework.

Interpersonal Therapy

Interpersonal therapy is typically employed to address issues that may have developed between a client and others due to misunderstandings from their ADHD symptoms, such as if their forgetfulness or procrastination are affecting those in their lives.

One key feature of this type of therapy is that the therapist may use it to help the client see the difference between their inner experience and how their behaviors affect others.

This type of therapy may also address personal issues, such as a sense of failure or low self esteem, that often stem from the challenges people with ADHD traits experiences trying to fit in to society’s neurotypical expectations.

Group Therapy 

Group therapy can be a helpful way for people with ADHD to learn from other people dealing with similar types of challenges and how they have dealt with or have overcome them.

A specific type of group therapy for ADHD-I (Inattentive Type) called CBT for ADHD-I teaches group members planning, how to start activities and end activities, lifestyle changes, and how to troubleshoot where they have issues in these areas.

It combines applying the techniques in the in-person sessions and homework outside of the groups. Mindfulness meditation is also practiced to help group members reduce stress and improve attention regulation. 

Narrative Therapy

Narrative therapy has been found to be helpful in people with ADHD to help reduce the self-stigma they may experience. Many people with ADHD tell themselves that they are lazy and underachieving, leading them to wonder what the purpose of trying is and thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Narrative therapy can help people with ADHD externalize their issues, so the lack of attention becomes the problem, rather than “I am the problem.”

This type of therapy can also help people identify the “sparkling moments” when things are different from the stories they tell themselves so that they can see their strengths rather than their challenges.

One study of school-aged girls who participated in narrative group therapy found improvement in their school performance following the therapy because they identified and replaced negative self-beliefs. Narrative therapy also increased their ability to see that they could find their own solutions to problems (as age-appropriate).

ADHD Therapy for Children

For children with ADHD, typically there are two major ways that therapy is delivered: by parents and by teachers; each for different reasons. Both methods are collaborative, with parents and teachers working together, regardless of which one is leading it.

In parent-delivered behavioral therapies, parents will be taught:

  • How to discipline their child consistently and appropriately for their condition
  • How to implement structure
  • How to introduce positive reinforcement
  • Positive ways to interact with their child 

In teacher-delivered behavioral therapies, teachers learn similar strategies: how to teach children with ADHD to address their challenges, how to help them with time management and organization, and how to help them overcome emotional and behavioral challenges. 

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Johns Hopkins Medicine. Attention-deficit / hyperactivity disorder (Adhd) in children.

  2. Sprich SE, Knouse LE, Cooper-Vince C, Burbridge J, Safren SA. Description and demonstration of cbt for adhd in adults. Cogn Behav Pract. 2012;17(1):10.1016/j.cbpra.2009.09.002. doi:10.1016/j.cbpra.2009.09.002

  3. Bachmann K, Lam AP, Philipsen A. Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and the adult adhd brain: a neuropsychotherapeutic perspective. Front Psychiatry. 2016;7:117. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2016.00117

  4. Narimani M, Bagiyan-Kulemarez MJ, Ahadi B, Abolghasemi A. The Study of Effectiveness of Group Training of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) on Reducing of Symptoms of Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Promoting Quality of Life of StudentsJournal of Clinical Psychology. 2014;(6(1)):39-51. doi: 10.22075/jcp.2017.2153

  5. Cole P, Weibel S, Nicastro R, et al. CBT/DBT skills training for adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)Psychiatr Danub. 2016;28(Suppl-1):103-107.

  6. Prevatt F, Yelland S. An empirical evaluation of adhd coaching in college students. J Atten Disord. 2015;19(8):666-677. doi:10.1177/1087054713480036

  7. Gentile JP, Atiq R. Psychotherapy for the patient with adult adhd. Psychiatry (Edgmont). 2006;3(8):31-35.

  8. Strålin EE, Thorell LB, Szybek K, Lundgren T, Bölte S, Bohman B. Cognitive-behavioral group therapy for ADHD predominantly inattentive presentation: A feasibility study of a new treatment protocol. Nordic Psychology. Published online January 2, 2022:1-15. doi:10.1080/19012276.2021.2020683

  9. Baldwin J. Narrative Therapy to Reduce Self-Stigma: Empowering Children to Reduce Self-Stigma: Empowering Children, Adolescents, and Their Families.

  10. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Parent training in Behavior Management for ADHD.

  11. CHADD. Teacher to Teacher – Helping teachers meet the needs of students with ADHD.

Theodora Blanchfield AMFT

By Theodora Blanchfield, AMFT

Theodora Blanchfield is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and mental health writer using her experiences to help others. She holds a master’s degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University and is a board member of Still I Run, a non-profit for runners raising mental health awareness. Theodora has been published on sites including Women’s Health, Bustle, Healthline, and more and quoted in sites including the New York Times, Shape, and Marie Claire.


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The Link Between OCD and Suicide


Key Takeaways

  • People with OCD are 10 times more likely to die by suicide than the general population.
  • Warning signs of possible suicide include talking about death, feeling hopeless, and giving away possessions.

Information presented in this article may be triggering to some people. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a chronic mental illness that can be associated with significant disability and suffering. People with OCD often report serious relationship difficulties and problems at work.

For some people, especially those with other mental health issues, living with OCD can become overwhelming, causing them to lose hope and contemplate or even attempt suicide. If you have a family member or friend with OCD who’s exhibiting potential warning signs of suicide, it’s important to know what to do.

OCD and Suicide

Although it has long been known that the risk of suicide is higher for people with mood disorders and schizophrenia, the relationship of suicide to anxiety disorders such as OCD is less clear. However, recent studies suggest that people with OCD are 10 times more likely to die by suicide than the general population. Actively thinking about suicide (suicidal ideation) also appears to be relatively common among people affected by OCD.

Factors that predict whether someone with OCD will attempt suicide include the severity of their OCD symptoms, the co-occurrence of depression, feelings of hopelessness, the presence of a personality disorder such as obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and a prior history of self-harm, such as cutting. The risk of suicide also goes up if the person with OCD is actively using drugs or alcohol, is unemployed, or is socially isolated.

Potential Suicide Warning Signs

It’s not always easy to know if someone is going to attempt suicide, but there are a number of warning signs, including:

  • Increased hopelessness: Your loved one may talk openly and at length about feeling hopeless, helpless, or that they “can’t take it anymore.”
  • Speaking of death or suicide: Out-of-character remarks about death, speaking openly about suicide, or an expressed desire to die by suicide should always be taken seriously. This may be their way of asking for help.
  • Increased depression: Your loved one may exhibit symptoms of depression, such as withdrawing from others, crying all the time, loss of interest in hobbies or activities, disrupted sleep, and lack of appetite.
  • Preparing for death: People actively contemplating suicide will sometimes take out an insurance policy, adjust and/or create a will, or advise someone close to them of their final wishes.
  • Changes in behavior: A normally cautious individual may engage in reckless or impulsive behavior and express little fear of the consequences of such behavior. Conversely, someone who is depressed may suddenly act cheerful for no apparent reason.
  • Giving away possessions: It’s not uncommon for individuals who are actively contemplating suicide to give away prized possessions to trusted friends or family members.

What You Can Do

If you know someone with OCD who’s exhibiting potential warning signs of suicide, you can help by talking with them and encouraging them to get help.

Keep Communicating

Talk openly and frankly about what your loved one is feeling; talking about suicide doesn’t make it more likely that they will harm themselves. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings as well. If you’re scared and worried about your loved one, say so.

Ask Questions

Although it can be uncomfortable, ask frank questions about whether your loved one is thinking of suicide or self-harm. Inquire about other details, too, such as how and when they’re considering doing it, whether they have access to a weapon, or if they have stockpiled large amounts of medications, for example. This can help ensure that suicide does not become an untouchable subject.

Empathize, Don’t Minimize

As you might imagine, admitting suicidal thoughts or a suicide plan can be extremely difficult, embarrassing, and painful. Simply telling your loved one to “stop thinking about it,” “think good thoughts,” or even to “get over it” may make them feel even more rejected, insecure, and depressed. Let your loved one know that you understand how difficult this experience must be.

Getting Help

Suicide and suicidal ideation are serious, often requiring hospitalization and the assistance of qualified professionals. Should you feel your loved one is in immediate danger, accompany them to the hospital emergency department or wait with them until help (e.g., police or ambulance) arrives. In less urgent cases, help them access resources such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a support group, or a mental health professional.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Singh H, Kashyap S, Sivakanthan A. An overview of obsessive compulsive disorder and suicidal behaviour. Open Journal of Psychiatry & Allied Sciences. 2018; 9. doi:10.5958/2394-2061.2018.00029.0. 

  2. Fernández de la cruz L, Rydell M, Runeson B, D’Onofrio B, Brander G, Rück C, Lichtenstein P, Larsson H, Mataix-Cols D. Suicide in obsessive-compulsive disorder: a population-based study of 36 788 Swedish patients. Mol Psychiatry. 2017;22(11):1626-1632. doi:10.1038/mp.2016.115

  3. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Risk Factors and Warning Signs.

Additional Reading

By Owen Kelly, PhD

Owen Kelly, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, professor, and author in Ontario, ON, who specializes in anxiety and mood disorders.


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